The stranger I love
by delirious-girl
Summary: AH. VA fanfic. A spy. Secrets. Lies. Hidden interests. A badass, full of issues Russian. Life-threatening situations. Deceptions. Distrust. Ghosts from the past. Love. Death. Will Rose be able to face them all when she learns that she has been living in a complete lie for the past months and the peaceful life she knew starts falling apart? See the first chapter for a full summary
1. Fuck Prince Charming

**Summary**: Five months ago, a shy and innocent Rose met the perfect guy and she thought that after so many disappointments in her love life, he would finally be the one. But as the time passes, things in her life start going down bit by bit and she sees herself obliged to finally choose what is best for her and get out of that toxic place her life has become. But to make things even worse, one day she meets a harsh, cold, full of issues Russian whose intentions are hard to understand and that pushes all of her buttons. He comes strolling in her life when she at least needed it and turns it upside down completely, changing everything she has even known about the supposedly perfect guy and the life she was living with him. What will happen when, as she needs to stay alive, Rose has to go with this stranger? And if things weren't hard enough for her already, she feels an incredible attraction towards him from the first second they meet. And for him, things are no different, but will he be able to finally confront his past and respond to Rose's feelings?

* * *

**Fuck Prince Charming**

You know how in some stories they present this situation in which, there is a girl, living her basic uneventful life and on a usual day, a guy comes when she at least expects it, but when, in fact, she needs him the most, and he changes everything in her life, turning it upside down, but in the best way possible, this guy being the best thing that could ever have happened to her, making everything in her life feel one hundred times better, and he sweeps her off her feet from the moment they meet and they end up helplessly falling in love for each other and they have a wonderful life together with a hundred kids and blah, blah, blah? You know the basics of the story, right? It is always the same, no matter the circumstances, either if he is the bad boy that has just moved in town and she is the good, nerdy girl that goes bad only for him, or he is her annoying boss and she his secretary and they make each other's life a living hell until they realize it's in fact love they feel or… come on. What is the purpose of me ranting about it? You have heard the same thing in different forms a thousand times before.

But let me tell you one thing. It is not always like that. Sometimes, when the guy that is only for you comes in your life he seems to be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You just meet him one day and everything in your life goes south. Nothing is good when he is around. He comes and awakens things inside you that you didn't know existed until you met him and you don't know what is happening and how to handle that situation and he just makes you question your whole life before you met him. And you hate him for that and you just want to get away from him because you know he is no good for you and that you don't want all that in your life, that you want to go back to who you used to be before meeting him, to that simplicity, to that painless lie you were living, but he is still there, keeping you on the reality's ground, and the more you try to run away from it, from him, the more something gets you coming his way every single day. Until one day when you just realize that you have fallen for him in a way that hasn't happened before, not even with your so-called Prince Charming and that everything that has happened ever since you met him only brought the two of you closer and that he has seen the worst of you throughout the situations you have both been thorough, but he never judged you for that. And that even though you have seen the worst of him too, you don't want to leave anymore. And you realize that that is, in fact, true love. That he loves you, just as you love him, for who you are, without any conditions. You realize that he is, in fact, the one you needed all along, not that perfect lie, but the raw truth that made you face who you are and embrace it because he likes you for you and that he wouldn't change a thing about you.

All those books and movies we have watched and read telling us the same thing over and over again, making lots of little girls believe the same thing. That someday, the perfect guy will come and they will fall in love and it will all be easy and perfect, that everything will change for the better and it will all be beds and roses and their lives will be pink till the end. All just a big lie. Fuck Prince Charming. He is not the real deal. And I am not trying to crush anyone's dreams here. But still, let me tell how that story is not true at all. Let me tell you how real life works. In reality, when the guy you thought was perfect comes waltzing in your life, with his perfect smile and all that charm, that is the same moment when trouble gets in the equation too. At least this is what happened in my case, even though I had no idea at first. I was too blinded by all the good stuff he has shown me, by the way he made me feel special when, in fact, he didn't believe that at all. By all that fairytale he was promising me. And so, he just came in my life and made me think that I would get to live that fairytale that my father used to read to me before going to bed when I was a little girl and that everything would be great until the end of times. Well, newsflash. It didn't. Because later on, long after I met him, things went for the worst. And he wasn't the one who was there for me. He was the one making things bad in the first place. But that didn't matter anymore. Because I had someone else who stood by my side when I went through my worst. And it wasn't always nice. Because sometimes, when you fall in love with someone, it is the worst before it gets to be great. You have to get through so much it sometimes feels impossible to deal with. But at the end of the day, it is all worth it. It is not always easy. And that is good too. Because the fight for each other is what makes things worth it more in the end.

But let me tell you how my life was and about how it turned out to be after that so-called special encounter with that guy that I thought was my one and only back then. My dear, beloved complete douchebag, liar and deceiver ex-boyfriend that almost got me killed and dragged my ass into the biggest mess I have ever seen just so that he could get away unpunished for a shit he did.

And either you believe it or not, it all started with a shopping session with my best friend, about five months ago. Who would have thought that that day would lead to the disaster that has changed my life completely?

* * *

**Soooo, guys, I am back with a new story! I am trying to have another approach, change things a little, and so, I wanted to construct another Rose, different from the one we all know so well, and to make her evolve somehow. Plus, I wanted to create some story with a little mystery in it, including spies and shit like that, and I hope that I will manage to get to the end of it, and I already have some ideas for the chapters that will follow, I just have to actually write them down, and if you get a little confused at first, don't you worry, it will all make sense later, I promise :)**

**But, I cannot promise you any regular posting, even though I will do my best to upload at least once a week**

**And besides that, I am looking for a beta, as I know that my last story had some slips and I want to work on that too. And as soon as I will find one willing to work with me, I will start the collab and upload some more**

**Until my next upload, lots of love!**


	2. I'll become Rose, the crazy cat lady

**I'll become Rose, the crazy cat lady**

**About five months ago**

**RPOV**

"Hey, are you there?" I whisper close to the cloth that is keeping my body away from the public view, praying that he won't respond, praying that he didn't follow me here, because if he isn't around, I might be free to be looking for a way out of this dressing room that he has sent me to minutes ago. But to my complete unluck, he doesn't take much to respond. So this means bye-bye escape plan, welcome getting my clothes off.

"Yeah, of course, I am here. What did you think? That I will be letting you get away unsupervised? I know how you function, Rose. You won't get to lie to me that the dress doesn't fit or any shit like that. I know it fits because I have been with you shopping a thousand times before and I can proudly say that I know all your sizes. So I will be here until you get dressed and parade out of there for me to see you in that glorious dress. And hurry up young lady. This guy right here doesn't have much time to waste and neither do you. We still have so much to do today and the clock is ticking."

Well, I am screwed. Now I have to put this thing on. I roll my eyes grateful that he can't see me because he doesn't like it at all when I do this, and I do what I have been told to. But first, I need to get undressed. I slip out of my comfy clothes as I keep the conversation going.

"Please remind me again. _Why _am I doing this? Because I can't seem to find a good reason yet."

"Oh, come on Rose. We are so not going back to this subject. You _promised_. Remember that? And we _always _stick to our promises, don't we? We have done so since we were six, without any single exception in how many years can I ask? Wait, let me do the math." he stops for a couple of seconds just for the dramatic effect, because he already knows how many years have passed ever since we are best friends. "Oh, yeah! For _seventeen_ years. That is _a lot._ A damn lifetime. Do you want to break our cycle?" he asks threateningly.

Puffing and rolling my eyes once more at his dramatic acting, I pull the long zipper of the dress up on my spine and I instantly miss all the air that was filling my lungs seconds ago, then I push the straps of my bra down and off my shoulders and stuff them into the dress so that they won't be visible and spoil the harmony of this strapless dress that just makes me feel so naked.

"I know I promised. _Buuuut _you just took advantage of the fact that I got drunk for the first time in my life." I feel the need to argue him, even though I might seem whiny right now. "_You_ got me drunk in fact. You know what? I am beginning to think that you did it on purpose, buddy. You know that on a usual day, when I am sober I mean, I wouldn't agree with a thing like this. So I think that my promise doesn't count this time. I wasn't quite myself when I made it. Talk with the other Rose. The one who promised you. I bet she would be in for doing it."

"Nope." he says making a little pop with his lips as he pronounces the p. "It doesn't work this way. If you remember it, then it counts. That's one of the drinking rules. I didn't make it up. Everybody knows it."

I puff and lean over the wall of the dressing room with my arms crossed, feeling the stupid need to cover my chest even though there is no one in here to see me except myself.

"Yeah, of course you didn't make it up. In fact, there's an entire book of rules on what happens when you get drunk, no?"

"Exactly!" he says excitedly.

"And where can you find it? Is there one at the library? Because I would gladly-"

"_So_," he cuts me short. "by remembering everything that happened, this means that you weren't _that_ drunk. It doesn't count if you regret doing it. That's a whole other thing we'll get to talk about later when you will gain enough experience in getting drunk."

"Yeah? There's a book of rules on that subject too?" I ask sarcastically but he decides to ignore my comment.

"Oh, come on. Don't make it sound so terrible. Nothing bad happened that night, I made sure of that. You just drank a couple of shots and loosened up a bit. And by _a couple,_ I totally mean three because not a single droplet more of alcohol entered your system. So don't argue with me about that because I counted and you know I am the best at maths." Now he is just fooling around. He totally sucks at maths. He always did. In all these seventeen years that I have known him, I have always helped him with the math homework. "And I don't see anything wrong with that. You felt good, no?" yeah, I admit that I did. Until I started feeling bad. But I will come to that subject later. "If you would have gotten a blackout, or even got sick, puked or made a fool of yourself in any way, or even hurt yourself, I would have been more understanding. But you didn't. None of that happened. So you have to do what you have promised to do. Because you were like, practically sober when you promised. No other complaints, comprende?"

"Fine, fine. Whatever you say." it's not like I have a chance of getting away anyway. He is like, the master of stubbornness.

"And from what I remember, _you_ were the one who asked me to find you a boyfriend. Am I right or… _am I right_?" he asks and in my mind, I can see that smug smile on his face.

Yeah, as stupid and as desperate as it may sound for, let me quote my mother here, "a young, full of life, gorgeous woman" like me to ask her friend to help her find herself a boyfriend, I have an excuse. A pretty lame one, but still. But let's blame the pretty drunken Rose for that event, shall we? Just this time. I'll take the responsibility next time, I promise.

But here we are, back to the moment I told you I would come back to. The thing is that I was having a good time with him, until one specific point when I started observing the things around us. The bar we were into was stacked up with couples being so in love and they were all mushy and stuff (not that I would be looking for someone to be drooling all over me and be gooey all the time because that is not something that I really want, I like keeping things a little more private) but they were all dancing into each other's embrace and kissing and hugging and they were so happy together and- ugh! And I began feeling lonely, okay? Like, _really _lonely.

So, fine. Blame the sober me for wanting someone to have that with. Because except for some really, really short and second-rate relationships (if I can even call them like that) with a couple of guys, I have been single for as long I remember. And it kinda sucks when you see all the people around you feeling sorry for you when they ask you why "such a good girl like you is still single?" and to always feel like a castaway at events just because you have brought again your best friend as a date.

And here I am again, getting angry just by thinking about what others think about me. But has anyone ever stopped to think that I _enjoy_ being on my own? (at least most of the times) No. They all hurry to think there is something wrong with me. Well, newsflash. Rose is not broken.

I don't respond to him because I don't want to pour my bitterness on him. He is just trying to help after all. I just bang the back of my head lightly on the wall and roll my eyes once more.

"So?" he asks expectantly.

"Fine, yeah. In a moment of weakness, I asked you to find me a boyfriend. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you feeling better now that I confessed to you one of my deepest secrets?"

"Oh, are there deeper, darker secrets that you are hiding under that sweet, _little_ girl disguise?" I growl his name at this and he stops his little joke. I don't like it when people call me sweet. Or a girl. Or little. And worst of all, all three of them at the same time. It annoys me so much and he knows it so damn well. "Should I get you drunk again to find out the other things you're hiding?"

"I swear to God that…" I punch the thick material that is separating us, managing to hit him into the shoulder I guess, not as hard as he deserves, and he chuckles in response. Like he wouldn't already know all my secrets.

"Fine, yeah. I am happy that you have finally said it out loud. And should I remind you that after that confession of yours, you agreed to do _everything _I tell you to? You decided to trust me with this. One of the best decisions you have ever made, I might say." yeah, for me it doesn't seem like that now. "And you'll see. You won't regret it." yeah, but I have the feeling I will. But I guess I can't find a way out of this. He's too stubborn for me to handle at times. He is the master and I am the apprentice when it comes to stubbornness. "And you know? If you want, you can get drunk tonight too. It may help with your-" he makes a little pause, probably wiggling his hand around, just as usual when it comes to this subject. "You _know_, your _little _anxiety." he says it like it would be a forbidden word.

But hey, that's me. I don't really suffer from anything, but sometimes, I get more anxious than I probably should in normal situations and I panic and end up messing things up. It's a usual thing for me. I have always been like this and what can I say? I like my comfort zone and I am not always willing to leave that place.

"Or just enough to loosen up a little. It's totally up to you." he now tries to sound reasonable.

"Yeah, but I don't think so. I think I'll say pass this time. As much as I would like to be more not so awkward around people, I think that if I _really _have to do it, I am going to do this sober. Who knows what I might do this time if I drink? Maybe I will promise you something else that I am going to regret later." he chuckles and I smile too. "Or worse: I'll promise something shady to some stranger around the club. And I don't want to put any alcohol in my mouth for a while. Those shots we drank last week were more than enough for me even though you say they weren't such a big deal. The headache I got the morning after didn't do me any good. Ugh. I couldn't function properly all day long and my boss was so close to yelling at me. So thanks, but no thanks."

"Fine, do as you wish. But enough stalling. Are you ready or not? You should be. We have been talking like this for an eternity already."

I unglue myself from the wall, knowing that now I have to unravel myself. Speaking with him, I forgot why I was in here in the first place.

"Maybe." I respond playfully. Honestly, I don't want to get out of this little room and it brings me some pleasure to play like this with him.

"Rose, don't make me wait out here. I want to see that damn thing on you."

"But do I _really_ have to wear this? It's short. _Too _short."

I turn to one side and look at myself into the big bright mirror of the dressing room once again, paying more attention to details this time. I don't usually wear clothes like this. I am more of a casual-baggy-comfortable-not-showing-too-much clothes kind of girl. But hell, I agreed for him to pick my dress too. I agreed with everything he said, goddamnit!

And the dress he chose is tight, so tight that I can barely breathe in it, and the more time I spend dressed in it, the harder it gets to breathe and I start thinking that if I will wear it for too long I might pass out. Plus, it is short, covering just a half of my thighs or maybe less when you walk because I am sure that this material is so ready to lift at the slightest move. It has a heart-shaped neck with no straps and it shows more of my chest than I am used to, and its bloody red velvety material has some even darker accents that are visible when you move around or pass your palm across it, which is the only thing I like about this dress.

Okay, but let's be real now. I look nice in it, I won't deny it. I would be a hypocrite if I would. But it's just not my style. I am not used to wearing this and I don't feel comfortable being dressed in this. And he just doesn't want to understand this. He is just pushing me to wear it. And this just makes me be so out of my comfort zone.

"Yeah, Rose, it's part of the deal and you have to wear it. And come on, it's not _that_ short, you know? You are just being paranoid. Plus, its length is exactly why I picked it. For the color too, if I am completely honest. It would look amazing on you, I know that for sure. But only if you would get out of there and let me see it on you!" he pushes me to get out.

"But it seems like it's showing too much."

"No, it's not. It's showing just enough to keep you guessing, to keep you interested. And that's the whole point. For guys to observe you and to be intrigued. And then to want a piece of you."

"I am not sure about this. I mean, don't want just to be wanted in _that_ way. I want someone to like me for who I am. For _me._ For what's in my head, not for what I can show or offer them, physically speaking. All the women have an ass and some boobs. What makes me different than them?"

"Yeah, the other women do have what you mentioned, Rose, but not like _yours_."

And I can already see that roguish grin spreading across his lips, that one he always pulls when he's teasing me. He enjoys this thing way too much. I take another shot at the curtain keeping us apart, but this time I don't hit anything.

"Hey! Stop that or I am so not coming out of here any time soon. In fact, I am getting out of this dress right now." It's annoying when he's doing these things. He knows I don't like it when guys objectify women. And I especially hate it when it happens to me.

"Okay, okay, sorry for that, I was being a jerk." he hurries to speak. "I'm sorry about that. But it is true, you know? Not all girls look like you. You're different in your own way. And besides the fact that you look amazing, you have that… _thing _that guys dig. That quelque chose."

That quelque chose my ass. Guys don't dig a single thing about me. If they would, I wouldn't be in this situation now, wouldn't I? I don't respond, trying to transmit to him that I am still upset by his previous words.

"And yeah, I know that you want more from a man than someone to look at your ass. That is totally understandable. But the first impression counts. That's the way it works out there. Then, after you'll get his attention, you'll fascinate him with your amazing mind and personality. Trust me. The second you'll start speaking, the poor guy won't be able to get his mind off you." yeah, this only if I will manage to really say something to anyone. "But first, you have to lure him, to make him want to know more about you. _This _is why I am making you wear that dress. Trust me, I am a man. I know how our brains work. Most of the times anyway."

But I decide to tease him a little more, just to get a little revenge on him. _"Meh_, I don't know. Maybe I should get some other-"

"_Meh… I don't know… " _he impersonates me with a high-pitched voice that is so not me. "Maybe you should get your nice ass out of that dressing room. And I suggest you do it right now or I am coming for you myself because you have made me wait for far too long with all this verbal stalling that you are so goddamn good at. And you are _not_ going to like it if you will keep on stalling. Three. Two."

I know what's coming next. It's always the same when he starts counting. This is how it goes. This guy right here has a thing for playing mercy. And yeah, I surely won't like it. I am not that good at this game. Almost always, he wins. No, not almost. He _always_ wins lately. And by lately I mean the last ten years or so. I never seem to get a good hold of him when it comes to this game, he's that powerful. I don't even know why I accepted continuing to play this game with him in the first place. It started as some silly game we played when we were little, a time when I could compete with him and even win sometimes, but as the years passed, it became one of his things to torture me while playing this in the hopes to make me do something and he succeeds. And he so likes torturing me into doing things I don't want to when I try to fight him.

_"Fine_, _fine_. Just _stop counting_, please. I don't want another twisted finger. My pinkie still hurts from last time. I am getting out _now_." I hurry to pull my dress up, trying to cover my chest some more and prepare myself mentally to get out of this little space.

"That right there is an excellent choice, Hathaway. One of the best ones you have made this week."

He says pleased with himself. He sometimes annoys the hell out of me and I want to smack him so bad. But I guess that this is why I love him so much. Without him, my only friend after high school, my days would be more boring than they already are. I am really glad I have him in my life. That he has always stayed by my side.

In a swift, angry movement I pull to one side the curtain and get out of the dressing room, letting the strong sunlight out there wash over me. As his eyes land on me, a wide smile appears on his boyish freckled face and he inspects me up and down. He lifts his glasses up on his head to see me better, as he is only wearing them to look at something closer to him, and whistles as loud and as long as he can.

"Good job right there buddy, I think the whole shop heard you." Let's just hope that no one will want to see me too because my cheeks are already starting to turn red.

But he decides to ignore my comment, of course he does. "Damn, Rose. _Now_ we're talking." he gets up from the chair he seems to have taken a seat on and comes closer. "Turn around." I do as I am said and make a pirouette, impersonating a silly ballerina, trying to get comfortable just by fooling around a little.

"Ta-daa! So? How do I look?"

"Do you even have to ask? You are _so damn_ hot! You'll see. All the guys in the club will make a queue to speak to you. Hell, they might start a fight over you too. I know I would." He inspects me for some more seconds and nods. "Yup. We are so buying this dress." he says moving around me just like a little kid around his present on Christmas day.

"_Oh_ _no_. I surely hope they won't. Do you want me to get a panic attack again? Do you need me to remind you of that soccer game of yours that you made me go to back in high school?" how can he forget it? I always remind him of that unpleasant experience but just because I don't want for the history to repeat itself. "And should I bring into the discussion that tight short T-shirt you advised me to wear? _Not_ a great idea, just as I think this dress is either. That event didn't end well for any of us, remember?"

Especially for him. At halftime I got to the locker rooms, waiting outside to congratulate him on his amazing goal, and well, he got himself a black eye as he got into a fight with one of his teammates that got a little too touchy around me and didn't get my message when I was trying to suggest him to leave me alone because I wasn't interested in him.

He has always had this brotherly attitude when he's around me, ever since we were little, maybe because we actually grew up together and neither of us has any other siblings, and somehow we ended up having this sibling relationship. And to be honest, I appreciate this attitude towards me. I can't say that my encounters with men usually end well and for most of the times, he is there to take care of the messes I get myself into.

In fact, if I think better about it, none of my encounters with men ended well until now, except the one with him, of course, but this one doesn't really count because we are not romantically involved. But what can I say? I have a talent at picking the worst men ever. I just can't wait to see what a terrible choice I am going to make tonight. Maybe he will be the worst of them all. Maybe he is waiting just around the corner to ruin my life. Stay tuned and you will shortly find out.

"Oh, _hell_ _no_. You are right. We surely _don't_ want that. I don't want to get into a fight any time soon. I am trying the pacifist way for some time now and it's kinda working. I haven't even gotten into an argument with anyone lately. Not even a fight. Can you believe that?" he asks surprised himself.

And well, that is quite hard to believe because he has always got a short temper, but I am proud of him and I don't want to be the reason he gets into a fight. Again, just because he felt responsible to defend my honor.

"But I still do hope some of them will notice you and come speak to you. You have been single for far too long and people are missing you out, Rose."

"That's _not_ true." I say trying not to feel offended and at the same to defend the little pride I have left. I have had relationships lately. They haven't been long, as I have mentioned, but I have had some recent ones. "Did you forget about Anton?"

He puffs at my question. "Anton? No, Rose, no. He is a no-no. Anton doesn't even _qualify_ as a boyfriend and you know it all too well. He may have been an acquaintance on his best day. But admit it. You barely got out with that selfish bastard. You dated for like, a week, didn't you?"

"No, it wasn't _just a week_. It was about ten days. You cut off three days."

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, like that would really matter. You can't work miracles in _three days_. Neither in ten. You don't fall in love with someone in such a short time. Hell, with that guy you wouldn't even had a chance in a million years. Because he didn't even deserve you. You were way out of his league. And on how many dates have you been with him? Three, from what I know. And those were pretty crappy, no? Or were there more that I don't know about, Miss deeper, darker secrets? If you have something to share, something more that happened, now it's the moment, Rose. I'm waiting."

He says that playing with his eyebrows, moving them up and down, trying to imply that I did something with this Anton guy. Like he wouldn't know if I did. I tell him everything ever since we met on a sidewalk when we were kids. And how could I jump in bed with a man I barely know?

"Did you even kiss?" he teases.

I squint my eyes at him and his smile diminishes a little, but not completely. "Yeah, there were only _three _dates. And no, we didn't _kiss_."

But it's not like I really felt the urge to kiss that guy. From the first second we met, there was something about him that stopped me from doing it later, even though only God knows how much he tried. Oh, and all those attempts of him to touch me all the time and almost all over. I still get shivers when I think about it. And he's right after all. What I had with Anton doesn't count as anything.

But to my defense, it wasn't my fault. Not this time anyway. I wasn't the one who picked him. One of my coworkers thought that we would make a nice couple, me and this single friend of her sister's husband, but it turned out that this guy was a douchebag with a diploma, despite the fact that he was a good-looking guy. Maybe just because of that. But why have the looks if you don't have a nice personality too?

And I don't know why I even agreed to go on a date with him because I usually don't like it when people poke their nose into my private life and want me to go to dates with "other poor, single souls just like me", but she just kept on insisting and I couldn't say no to her, just like I always have a hard time saying no to people, and so, two days later I got out with him at one of the lamest restaurants in town, his choice, of course. And it's safe to say that the dinner wasn't that enjoyable either. His superior attitude about anything was a constant bothering presence that I couldn't ignore.

And then I just kept going out with him because I didn't want to tell my coworker that they guy sucked so bad and I didn't have the courage to tell him I didn't like him. Until my savior friend stepped in and kinda ended it for me. And this is just one of my numerous bad encounters with men. I don't even know why I am bothering anymore. Maybe I am not made for it.

"And from what I remember, none of the guys before him were way luckier than him, no?"

I shrug and pout a little. Well, let me confess completely now that I started speaking about my love life. I don't have a good history when it comes to maintaining a relationship either. I am a complete disaster, even if I like the guy. I never seem to do the right thing, and even when I have found a pretty decent guy, the longest relationship I had was for about a month. Nothing more. And that almost counts as nothing. Because nothing much happened. We barely had some time to know each other before things have gotten further, it ended.

So you may get why I am this nervous about what comes tonight. About relationships in general. I want to find a guy that would finally stay. That I would somehow make him stay. That would just like…. me, for me.

"Hey." he places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly, a warm smile appearing on his lips. "You know I am not saying all these things to make you feel bad, do you?" I nod. Yeah, he's just trying to make a point. A point that I suck. But after all, he is right. "So, maybe it's time to try something new. Let _me_ give you a hand this time."

"I don't know… Maybe I am just not made for-"

"_No_, Rose. I am not taking a no for an answer this time and I am not letting you put yourself down again. Stop doing that to yourself. There is _absolutely_ _nothing_ wrong with you. Plus, you promised and that's it." he gets back to that damned promise I made. "And you know what else? This guy right here is _not_ getting any younger. And I want to see _babies_. Everywhere." He says gesturing with his hands around the room. "At least a dozen, if not some more. And I want them all to be yours with the man of your dreams."

At this, I laugh and he starts laughing too. He can always make me feel better about anything, no matter how bad the situation is. He can always repair the messes he makes out of too much sincerity with some stupid jokes just like this one. I know that he is not trying to be mean to me. He would never do a thing like this on purpose. That's just the way he is; he is always saying the things as they are, bluntly to your face. Sometimes I wish I would be like him, but well, I am too much of a people pleaser. And this only brings some more trouble to my life.

"Oh, you fool. You're being silly again. And you need to stop doing this I-am-getting-too-old thing. You are not sixty and you're surely not my grandma. You are just two months older than me. You aren't going to die for at least another eighty years. And just because things between you and Maddy didn't work out, this doesn't mean that you can't have kids of your own one day so stop obsessing over my nonexistent ones. I know you will find your special one and with her, you can have as many kids as you wish. And if you would like, we could start our own football team together."

We laugh, but, his expression still shifts a little, some sadness filling his features and he scratches the back of his head with obvious unease.

"Yeah, right, I will. Someday."

I change the subject as I see that he doesn't want to go that way. Hell, who would want to be reminded by his little cheating ex-girlfriend, right? He's such a good guy and she didn't deserve him. And I am just the stupid one who has brought this up. _Way to go, Rose. _

_"Plus_, I am only twenty-three. I don't think that I am ready to take that step yet. And I mean, I don't have a someone with who to do that in the first place. Let's follow some logical order here, okay? So this means you'll just have to wait some more buddy because that might take some time."

In the heat of the moment, trying to make things right, I take his backpack off the ground and put it in front of me, mimicking a pregnant woman, placing my hands on my hips and pushing them forward, bringing my fake belly forward, getting the proper pregnant position.

"And now, _really_. Can you imagine me like this anytime soon?" and we both laugh our asses out for two minutes straight, with me walking around with that backpack on me.

"I know, I get it. You want to do things the old fashion way and I will be waiting." he says after we both cool down. "But anyway, your babies will look so much better than mine and I must say that I am some kind of jealous, you know? With your dad's contribution, your genes are like the best ones I have ever seen. You are just so damn beautiful Rose."

I look down at my sneakers and rub their toe caps together, shying away.

"Hey, stop that."

He chuckles. "We need to work on this too. You can't just shy away like this at every compliment someone is paying to you. You should say them something in response. Learn how to take them, because you deserve them. And trust me; tonight, men are going to drown you in compliments. They are going to be all over you."

"No, they _won't_."

I kind of hope they won't. I can't deal with more than one man at a time. And sometimes, even one is hard to deal with. So no thanks. I don't need an army of men trying to get my attention. I wouldn't even know what to do in that situation. Oh, yeah, I know. I would panic.

"Oh, but they will. Especially if you do this."

He reaches for the back of my head, takes off the hair clip holding my hair up and it falls down on my shoulders, tickling my half bare back. He ruffles it a little and brings some strands in front, then takes a step back to analyze me some more.

"Yeah, this is definitely better." he says proud of his masterpiece. "I am not letting you keep it up tonight, no matter what you have to say about that. You need to stop acting like an old lady and we're starting it tonight. Or better. Right in this very moment." he says and goes to the first trash can he finds and lets my favorite hair clip fall in it.

"But-"

"Nope. No more arguing. This time, we are doing things _my_ way and _my way_ only." I frown at him, not agreeing with what he is saying. "Just this time Rose. Let's see how this works out. Isn't it worth a shot?"

"Fine, let's do this crazy thing too. How bad can it end?"

His face lights up by a smile. "That's my girl!" he says hugging me.

After I give up on trying to get out of this thing that I have gotten myself in, we continue our shopping spree and we get some high heels to match my dress and then we have a well-deserved meal. After that, we head to my place and get myself ready for my following public embarrassment session. Stay tuned, everybody. I bet it will be completely horrible!

* * *

I get out of my room, all prepared to go clubbing and as I pass the kitchen's door, my mother lays her gaze on me, and in a split of a second, I can see the hope igniting in her eyes, along with the little smile that appears on her lips at my sight. She always does this when she sees me going out or doing things outside my room in general.

It bothers her that I am "wasting my youth'' and that I don't go out as often as someone my age should and that there are so many things out there that I am missing and instead of doing all of what I am supposed to do, I prefer to stay inside all day long when I have some free time and read my books or do my "boring stuff'' as one of the guys I recently dated used to say (yeah, it's Anton; he's the one I am talking about, that little jerk), but she doesn't want to understand that this is what makes me happy, that I prefer doing that instead of going to some loud places and getting myself drunk or something that doesn't bring me any pleasure, but on the contrary, make me feel uncomfortable.

I know she has the best intentions, just wanting for me to enjoy my life, but no matter how supportive she is or how much she encourages me to go out and do all these supposedly amazing things, I can't be like she was when she was my age; or even how she is now. I am more inhibited when it comes to everything that involves socialization and it comes hard for me to get out of my comfort zone.

What can you do about that? It's the way I am and I don't see a way out of this. I don't even want to, to be completely honest. I have already made peace with my fate. I like who I am in my loneliness. But the others around me haven't accepted my lonely character and they keep on trying to change that situation for me. Keeping on trying to help me. And this is the story of how I keep on getting dragged out of the house to go out by the best intentions that the people I love have. Just like tonight.

And I know that somehow, she feels sorry for me for not having someone by now. I mean, I am her kid and she wants me to have a happy future and all that. But what can I do about this? Everybody goes at their own pace, don't they? At least, this is what I like to lie myself with to make my situation suck a little less. It's not my fault that she has this amazing long lasting love story with my father. She is one of the lucky ones, who found the love of her life fast. She didn't even have to search much. It came to her unexpectedly. But we, the other peasants, have to go through weird endless dates and embarrassing encounters until we find someone at least decent.

She met my father as she went to Turkey into a school exchange experience as she was a last year student and they helplessly fell in love when no one would have thought it would be possible. They always share this funny love story of theirs at family gatherings, and we all listen to it just like it would be the first time we hear it. I know I always do. I am completely in love with this story ever since I was a little kid and it only made me have higher expectations when it comes to love.

But anyway. I have a short story to share now, not to deplore my crappy love life. They met there, at the university my father was studying at, and at first, they didn't like each other at all, as their first encounter was, in fact, a huge fight, as they both have fiery characters that I obviously didn't inherit. Okay, maybe I am not that unlike my parents. I get fiery. But only when someone pisses me off really, really bad. Which happens quite rarely.

Oh, I am again starting to talk shit. The thing is that my mother managed to make all her classmates get late to some class the group she was part of was attending because she took too much time to put on her makeup and the whole group had to wait for her because they were all supposed to go there together, and my father, the one responsible for the whole group, was the one most upset about that and they had a huge fight.

And since that day, they tried to make each other's lives hard, just to get some stupid revenge on the other, and it was all just a continuous payback game at first between them. But, in fact, that mutual hate was nothing more than the fatal attraction they had for each other. And after some long months of teasing the hell out of each other and getting into trouble because of the other, they realized that it would be a good thing if they would finally stop and try to make peace. And they did, eventually. And so, they found out that they were so much alike and they got to spend the rest of her staying there together.

And well, one year later, my father already moved into the States, they were already married and three months after that, I was already on my way. They didn't waste any time, didn't they? But again, here I am wasting time with stories and all. You all want to know how I will be making a fool of myself tonight, right? So let's not make you wait.

"Hey, guys! Are you leaving already?" she asks as she's wiping her hands on a towel and comes our way. Oh, I can hear all that excitement filling her voice.

"Yup." my partner in crime tonight says excitedly as he's putting his shoes on. "We're going out." he throws my mother a cheeky smile and she responds to him.

It seems that I am the only one who is _not_ excited about this around the house. If my father would have come back from work, I could bet all my money that he would have gotten his camera out and he would have acted just like he did on my prom night, turning himself into a pro photographer. I think I have about a hundred photos with me putting my shoes on only, not to speak about the moment when none other than my best friend sacrificed himself to come and pick me up, being my date so that I wouldn't be alone that night. I never really counted them, but there are a lot of photos. That's how excited my father got that night. But he's a good guy and I love him for all the support he's showing me. They're all good people and I don't know what I would do without them.

Then, my mother turns her attention in my direction, and as I meet her eyes, I know what's coming next. And she's doing it on purpose, as she knows it annoys me. This is the thing when you are like me. People like teasing you a lot.

"You are so beautiful tonight, my little ray of sunshine. Of course, you are gorgeous on any other day, but now you look simply lovely. You're so sweet that I could-"

She says that coming closer to me and tries to pinch my cheeks, but I dodge her just in time, and I already hear chuckles around me. Oh, he is enjoying this way too much. Just because it is not happening to him. I roll my eyes and the smile on her face only gets bigger and it gets contagious, but I try my best to hide it.

"_Moooom_, stop it. You are embarrassing me." I say pointing to the wide smiling guy next to the door, but it's not like he hasn't seen this happening a lot ever since he knows me. "I am not a kid anymore, you know?"

She throws me a playful glance and then brings her hand to her mouth, pretending to be surprised.

"_Me_, _embarrassing_ you? Nah, this can't be. Never, my ray of sunshine. You know I am one of the cool moms." She says proud of herself and comes closer to me once again and puts a strand of hair behind my ear. "I like what you did to your hair, Rose sweetie. It suits you well."

And I see this proud grin appearing on his face, as he is the one who convinced me to make some light waves with my hair, besides letting it free.

"Thanks, Ma'am. That's my pulling." He responds cockily and he gets an approving look from her.

It seems like the two of them are some kind of accomplices right now, trying to make get me out of the house faster. And well, it's working because I am so close to getting out the door.

"You know, mom, I was wondering…"

"What?"

"Is there something that I may do like, now, that would get me punished right away?"

She knits her brows. "You, ever being punished, Rose? In _this house_? Like how? What could you possibly do that bad to get you punished?"

"Don't know. You tell me. Would telling you that I am doing drugs do the trick?"

"Yeah, like you would ever touch that."

"What if I tell you I did?"

She chuckles. "I know you didn't. And more important, why would you want to get punished? And how would you even want to get punished?"

"Well, it doesn't matter the punishment." She knits her brows. "Okay. Let's say that I would prefer a, you are not allowed to get out of the house for the next month kind of punishment. Or for the rest of my life. That works for me too." And at this she and my friend chuckle.

"You have never got any punishment in this house and you never will, Rose. You know that your father and I don't believe in such things."

I pout. "Yeah, but...can't you make an exception? Just for this time?"

Smiling, she places her hands on my shoulders.

"I know what is going here and you are not getting out of it." She turns me to face the door of our house, where he is already waiting for me, leaning over the wall, then she gives me a light push in that direction, not before she kisses my cheek. "No exceptions and no punishments. Just go, Rose. It will do you good to get out of the house from time to time. And have fun, kids." She says as she makes her way back to where she came from.

"Oh, we surely will." he speaks before I have the occasion to protest some more, and then takes me by my hand, pulling me out the door. Yeah, let's hope we'll have some fun.

But I see my mother rushing to us and a little hope grows in me that something happened, something that requires me not to leave the house tonight. But it didn't. She just forgot to give us the usual Kinder chocolates. It seems that some little things get turned into traditions and it doesn't matter that you are now a fully grown up. You are still your mother's child and if she wants to give you chocolate when you go out, you take it.

"And take care of my daughter, Red!" she yells out from the kitchen as I close the door behind me.

* * *

"Fuck off, dude. Can't you understand basic English? She already told you twice that she is not interested."

My little bodyguard tonight, who is two chairs away from me, dismisses the guy that just offered himself to buy me a drink three times already. It's a miracle that he can still speak clearly, that drunk he is. He doesn't look that bad, but he seems too full of himself and the alcohol he just ingested is only emphasizing his cockiness. Plus, he just reminds me of Anton and I don't want to repeat that experience ever again.

"And where do you know that from?"

"I just know. It's obvious from a distance and even an idiot like you could see it if he would make a little effort to fucking listen instead of speaking all the damn time and trying to make yourself look great. You didn't impress her at all. And she was quite explicit when she told you she didn't want anything from you. You just didn't want to hear it. Now go find another girl. Or better. Just go home and take a nap. You seem to need one right now."

Arrogance on legs doesn't move, just sits there and watches his possible opponent, an upset expression on his face. God, please don't let this situation end up with a fight.

"Now buddy, _get moving_ before I make you do so." He says and lifts from his chair, making a little scratching noise in the process, taking an imposing pose and fisting his palms. Yup, protective brother attitude kicks in again. Where did his pacifist approach go all of a sudden?

But the guy doesn't get the message and turns his attention to me again.

"So it's a no?" he tries to get the confirmation.

Curling my mouth into something that I hope resembles a nice smile, I nod. Maybe this will help him understand because words didn't seem to work on him. He lifts his shoulders full of indifference and pouts his lips a little, not in sadness, but mostly in displease.

"Well, it's _your_ loss, baby girl. You have no idea what you're missing." he responds full of arrogance and turns his back on us. Yeah, I highly doubt I am going to regret saying no to him. But thank God, he finally let me be.

The second I see that guy getting lost into the crowd, I look at the one who has taken a seat just next to me. "_See_? I to-"

He squints his eyes at me and points a finger in my direction. "_Don't_ _you dare say it_."

A devilish smile gets to my lips. "Say what? That I told-"

"Rose..."

"But it is true and you know it too! It's not going to work, all this strategy you have made, and honestly, I am totally fine with that. Can't we just get out of here? For the past two hours, nothing happened. And as you just saw, the guy that just came by is like the worst choice possible. The only guy who observed me was drowned in alcohol and this must say something, right? And the other guys around here are either taken or old enough to be my uncles."

"Yeah, but you must admit that they are some _hot _uncles. And hey, they have some experience, if you know what I mean." he says lifting his eyebrows playfully and we both laugh.

"Sure. Of course. I was, in fact, looking for a sugar daddy and didn't even realize it. Thanks for making things clearer for me. Which one of them should I pick then?"

"Hey, some girls see no shame in that." I put down my alcohol-free cocktail and throw him an upset glance. "But not you, of course. I know you wouldn't lower your standards to _that_ level." yeah, I am still not that desperate, right? "But really now. Older guys might be your type. They would probably match your mind."

"You know I don't have _a type._"

He chuckles. "Yeah. You don't even know what you like. That is what makes things so hard."

"Hey, I know what I like."

"And what do you like?"

"Nice guys. I mean, kind. Good." I feel the need to explain more than needed.

"Good, what else?"

I shrug. "Don't know. I am just thinking that when I will meet him I'll know. I don't want to look for something specific in someone. That only brings the expectations higher. I don't want to be that kind of person that likes blue eyes and only dates guys with blue eyes. That is stupid. Plus, no one is perfect and I am not searching for that."

"And until then, you'll just keep on dealing with jackasses, no?"

"Okay, let's get over that subject. I don't know what I am looking for and I am okay with that. I'll just know when I find it." he gives me an amused look. I must sound quite crazy for him right now. "No offense here buddy, but your plan with "luring them" is working just fine. Sitting here on my ass has been wonderful so far." I try to switch the attention from myself and it works.

"Well, it did work, at least for one man." he says shrugging.

"Sure, of course. I wonder how things would have worked out if you weren't here, close enough from me. I surely wouldn't have been able to get rid of him all by myself. He was so damn insistent!"

"Oh, Rose. Don't you worry about that. I would always be here for you. Or at least until you learn to say no the proper way."

"Thanks, buddy. But will you still be around if I get to fifty and turn into one of those single ladies with their house full of cats? Because considering how well things are going right now, that's the direction I am heading to. I just need to get some ugly sweaters, to get a little wider around my waist and that's the whole package there. I'll become Rose, the crazy cat lady."

Smiling warmly he takes my hand into his. "Always, Rose. And no matter what."

"Hey, I might get crazy too, didn't I already mention that? You know, spending all that time alone only with cats can't be helpful for someone's sanity. I might even start speaking to them and all."

"It won't matter to me. We'll be friends forever, no matter how crazy you get. Plus, you're a little crazy now too, and I still see no problem in that. It only makes things interesting." I smile back at him and for a second we don't speak. He's such a good friend. "Hey, I've got an idea." He says, his whole face lighting up all of a sudden.

"Why do I get the feeling that I am not going to like it?"

"Oh no, you will _love_ it." He says and scoots closer to me, just like he would have a secret to share.

"I highly doubt it, but tell me anyway." I am almost always down to do silly things with him, unless, of course, they involve someone else.

"If no one is going to come to you, _we_ are going to pick a guy for you." and this is where the word almost comes from when it comes to doing silly things. I already don't like how that sounds.

"I thought that you already gave up on that." I whine.

"Not at all. I am not giving up that easily. So, we are going to do what I said. You'll approach them now."

"What? Are we going shopping again but only this time for men? Is that what you plan we do?"

"Yeah, kind of. You can say that if you like it. And then, when we have found the perfect one, you are going to stare at him until he approaches you. We're gonna play some reverse psychology here." yeah, the weirdest form of reverse psychology.

"Really? This is the best you've got? This is like the worst idea you had ever since you picked these shoes this morning." I say pointing to my too high high heels.

I begged him not to buy these because I am not that good at keeping my balance, but did he want to hear me? No, of course he didn't, and I am the one who has to deal with the consequences. I just hope I would get home in one piece. My feet are so swollen right now.

"Are you going to go to them _yourself_? Like, approaching one guy, go to him and say: hey there" he gets a girly, trying to be sexy kind of voice that brings a stupid smile on my lips. "I am Rose and I was wondering…" he pauses for a second to bat his eyelashes and pretend he is playing with some nonexistent long strand of hair. "Do you have a napkin? Why you would ask. Because you're making me _so wet_." he says seductively and we both burst out laughing. Oh, he's s so good at making these stupid jokes.

"_Hell no_." I say still chuckling. "I am so not going to do that."

"So then, let's try this."

"_No_. It's weird. I don't want to seem some kind of a creepy stalker. Isn't this thing going to scare them instead of making them come here? Since when is staring at people considered attractive?"

"Oh, come on. Please me this very time. And you won't really have to _stare_ at him. It was just a way of speaking. Just throw some glances in his direction, bat your eyelashes a little, you know how to do it better than me; I am not the one with a vagina here. Let him know that you are interested in him. Oh! Act a little hard to get too, that will definitely intrigue him."

"And please do tell me: how do you pretend to be hard to get when you're throwing glances at someone? It makes no sense. It's either one or another, right?"

"I don't know. I am a man, you are the woman. You should know all the seducing techniques." I throw him a glance.

"Would I be asking you how to do it if I would already know how?"

He puffs. "I don't really know either. I just know it works. I mean for me it works. So I suppose it goes for some other men too. But here, try this: pretend you're in fact looking past him, then, when you notice he's looking at you, look at him too, but not for too long, then again, look away and pretend he doesn't exist. It will surely make him want to get your attention. Then, he'll come to you. Simple. Now let's find a guinea pig to test that. You got what you have to do?" He explains to me once more as he inspects his surroundings, already looking for some suitor. "Oh, what about that guy over there, at the end of the bar?"

I lean forward and take a look at the man at the end of the bar, who is probably drowning his sorrows in alcohol, that sad his face looks. And I so don't want to hear about his long bad day. I had one myself.

"Naaaah. Definitely no. He looks like a weirder and older version of that singer I don't like. What was his name again? I can't seem to remember it."

"The one who sings "Baby, love me from behind"?" he asks very amused by the song's title. Yeah, very imaginative, what can I say?

"Yeah, that one. I can't suffer his face nor his music. So, this guy is a no thanks."

"O-kay then. Let's move on to someone else. There is plenty of fish we can pick from anyway. We just need to search a little more and I am sure we'll find your Prince Charming."

He looks around some more and so do I. It's not like I am really going to try this glancing I-am-interested-but-not-interested thing as I am too shy to even look at someone more than a few seconds, but a little checking people out didn't hurt anyone ever.

"Oh! What about _that_ one?" and he points his finger towards a spot behind me. I turn slowly and see for myself.

* * *

**Hey there again!**

**Here I come with my update, hope you'll enjoy the beginning of the story**

**In the next chapter I have started writing, "Oh, Hathaway. We need to get you laid", someone will be making his entrance ;) but it won't be who you are hoping. He will too, soon enough**

**But I have a teeny tiny problem. I may still be having some errors because I didn't find a beta yet, but I wanted to update and get going with the story. Do you guys think you could help me somehow? Do you know someone? Can any of you PM me the name of someone who would be able to help me with my grammar problems? It would help me a lot and I would be grateful to you all my life :)**

**Love you a lot guys!**


	3. Oh, Hathaway We need to get you laid

**Oh, Hathaway. We need to get you laid**

**RPOV**

And holy mother of God, what a man over there. And the funny thing is that I know this guy so damn well. I mean, at least his appearance because I have never actually talked to him. But for the past month or so, I have been seeing him on the train that I take to get to work in the mornings. I don't know where he is going because when I get on the train he is already there and when I get off he remains, but he just appeared one day and ever since, we have been sitting in the same compartment, in the same places, just on the chairs facing each other, three days a week for the past month, and he is always a delight to watch, of course, sneakily. And tonight it is no different.

Even sitting down he looks tall and handsome as always. I suppose he is about six foot or maybe a little taller, his figure is slender but you can see all the muscles under his light blue fitted shirt as he is leaning over the table, and I can't help myself but imagine him without that piece of cloth on him. Yeah, he must have a six pack and everything hidden there.

I shake my head a little just to stop my little reverie and I continue to analyze him. He has sand-like short towards medium hair, which is wavy and messily arranged into that I-woke-up-like-this controlled mess, a thing that goes perfectly with his sharp jaw and thin nose. Well, what can I say? My friend here was kinda right with his Prince Charming assumption. So what if this guy is blonde? It works that way too.

He is sitting alone at one of the tables next to the dance floor and close to us too, and he's looking around the place, like he would be looking for someone (probably his date because how could a man like that get out the house unaccompanied?), lazily sipping from his beverage and then spinning the liquid into the glass, and for a second I get distracted by the movement of his hand but I shortly get my attention back to his face, which is a more pleasant view.

But as I analyze him some more, just to make sure he's real, to be sure that he is the one guy I have seen on the train so many times but I never had the courage to speak to, his eyes lift and they meet mine. I know for sure that his eyes are not brown as I have sneakily analyzed them on so many occasions while he was reading his newspaper, but from this distance and in this light, they seem darker, maybe brown, which is weird. Not that he would be looking bad like that. But in fact, I can't precisely say if his eyes are blue or green. In reality, they are a wonderful mix between the two of them. And the thing is that I don't do anything to get my eyes off him, I just fix him with my gaze, stupidly thinking about the color of his damned eyes and how nice he looks!

Then, a smile that makes my knees go weak for a second spreads across his lips, a smile that I haven't seen quite much, but when it happened, that was making my boring mornings more enjoyable, and on an instant, I blush and turn back to looking down at my beverage. Shit, I got busted! What if he thinks now that I am a weirdo? I was shamelessly staring at him for God's sake! And what if he has seen me doing it on the train too?

"So, he's _good_, no?" he asks lifting his eyebrows and I nod smiling.

Yeah, he's more than good. He is like Adonis, but you know, the human version. And he is less than ten feet away! I am surprised I haven't seen him earlier. Maybe he has just arrived or something like that. But who cares about that now? He is here now and I don't know how to act!

"Hey, it's _him_." I whisper, getting closer to my friend into some stupid attempt to take cover. It's not like Adonis-guy has already caught me staring at him, but I feel the need to do it anyway.

"Him who?"

He shamelessly turns to face the guy that has gotten back to doing his thing and studies him thoroughly, just like the poor guy would be a museum exhibit, and I punch him in the arm and make him turn his attention back to me. One stalker is more than enough for tonight.

"Don't be so obvious, stupid. He might see you staring."

It's our luck that he wasn't looking our way again or he might start thinking we want to kill him or something, that weird looking we are in this moment as we look at him and whispering to each other.

"Okay, fine. But tell me who he is. I have never seen the guy before. Should I know him?"

I puff. You would think that because I have mentioned about this guy to him at least a thousand times now, he would have known immediately who I was talking about. But no.

"He's _the guy _on_ the train_."

His face fills with excitement. "_Oooh_, he's Blondie-guy? The one who was reading your favorite book that day you saw him first?" I nod.

Yeah, can you imagine there are people out there who still read for fun? I thought that was a dying breed, especially men, but it seems I was wrong. Well, besides the fact that he looks so damn good, he's a reader too. What more could you wish from a man?

"Oh, but this is perfect. _More _than perfect. He is your one. This right here, the fact that he is here now, is a sign from the gods. You need to go talk to him. _Now, _Rose. Hurry." and he gestures to me to leave.

"_What_? Are you insane? _No_. I can't."

"Yes, you _can_. This is like, the perfect occasion! You can't miss it. And he's the perfect one. This is why we came here right? To find you someone. And this man right here is the universe telling you that we found him. You like him. You wouldn't have mentioned him to me every single day for the past month if you didn't."

"I didn't talk about him every single day." I argue. "I just mentioned him _some times."_

"Yeah, sure. Just _some times._ Oh, he is so handsome!" he again mimics a girly voice. "You should have seen how nice he was with that old lady. He gave her his seat! And oh! Today he smiled to me when I entered the com-"

"Okay, stop it. I get it. I have talked about him quite a lot."

"Quite a lot doesn't even begin to describe it, but anyway. You wanted to talk to him for so long, but you didn't do it on the train, so this right here is your chance, Rose. Don't waste it. You need to find the courage in you to do this one day and why not today? He is like, _right there, _waiting. It's not that complicated. He won't bite, don't worry." I shake my head no, keeping up to my decision. "_Please_? For me?"

"No. I did everything you told me tonight. But sorry, this won't happen. I mean, look at him. He's some kind of Adonis and he's probably already taken and his girlfriend might show up any second now and if I go there it would get _so weird_ if she will come, and anyway, I-" I stop and sigh.

"You _what_?"

"Well, you _know_." I pull a little face. I really don't like talking about this.

"Rose, you need to _stop doing that_. It's not doing you any good to think like that. Plus, it is _not true_."

"Yeah, sure." he pinches my upper arm and I pull it back fast. "Hey! That hurt."

"Good. Because that was my intention." And he does it again, harder this time.

"Hey! Why did you do that?"

"To make you stop talking shit. Do you remember what you said before we left the house?"

"Do you mean what _you_ made me say before we left the house? Right there, in the hallway, next to my room, in front of the mirror? Yeah, how can I forget it? It was weird as hell. It would have been a lot weirder if my mother would have heard it, trust me. She already thinks I am crazy sometimes for speaking to myself when I am alone and this would only have given her the confirmation she needed."

"No, Rose. It wasn't weird. It was a little self pep talk. You need to do this more often. Trust me, it helps."

"Really? Do _you _do it?"

"Of course I do it. All the time."

"Tell me the last time you did it." I don't believe a thing he says to me. He is just messing with me, making me try all these confidence booster exercises he read about on the internet, thinking he can be a self-taught psychologist or whatever.

"Oh, that's simple. This morning, when I motivated myself to get out of bed after a white night. And here I am. It worked, no? I am not lying in bed anymore even though only God knows how much I am in need of a good night's sleep right now."

"That's not the same."

"Yes, it is. And now, I want you to do it again."

"Like, here? In public? With all these people around us that might hear me and think I am nuts?"

"Exactly, Rose. You're quick to understand, that's what I like about you. Now do it." he pushes me. I puff as I know that I don't have any chance to get away. But first, I need to show my disagreement and I roll my eyes. "Do you want me to pinch you again?"

I pull my arms away from him. "No, I definitely do not. You know I get bruised easily."

"Then do it already."

"Fine, fine." I wait for a second longer and he already reaches to pinch me again and I dodge him, chuckling. "I am doing it. Just be patient. Okay. Here we go. I am smart. I am hot."

He smiles, proud of himself. "Good, go on."

"I don't want to say that."

"Come on, it's not _such_ a bad word. You need to learn to express yourself more Rose. And bad words are just the way."

"Let's agree to disagree, buddy."

"_Say it_."

"I am totally fuckable. Okay? Here, I said it."

"Ah, I am so proud of you! It always makes my heart grow when I hear you talk bad words. Now say the rest of it."

I roll my eyes again. "Fine. Any guy that won't speak to me tonight is a complete moron and a dumbass and it's totally his loss because I am such a catch and they don't have the slightest idea what they're losing. Satisfied?"

"Totally. But next time you say it, say it like you mean it, okay? Because it is _true_. So stop thinking so badly about yourself. You're beautiful. Period. You know it, I know it, and everybody can see it, okay? And you are amazing. Inside out. You are smart and funny and all these great things. And anyone who says anything else is a _fucking idiot_."

"Fine, fine." I just want to be done with this subject. I don't feel comfortable with him praising me like this. "I'll do my best next time. And now that I said my little encouragement speech, can we please go? I think we wasted enough time here and it is beginning to get boring after so much time of doing nothing. And I am tired of looking around for men that are never going to come. I have already accepted my fate. I have made peace with whatever is this thing not happening to me in this very moment. I am totally fine with it and to be honest, I am not in the mood for anything anymore. I got bored, and it's anyway pointless."

I am going to die alone, I omit to add. Or with a bunch of cats that will happily feats on me when I die. Whatever. All I want now is to go home and eat some chocolate. Like, tons of it.

"You know what you need?"

"What? A bunch of cats? I know. I might go buy some soon."

"Oh, Hathaway." He says shaking his head. "No, not that. We need to get you laid."

"Hey!" I punch him in the arm. "Don't say that."

"Why? Maybe that will help you untense a little. Be more easygoing. And some sex might do the work, you kno-"

"Can you please stop talking about that?"

"Why?"

"_Because_…"

"Because what?"

"Because I am not in for a nightstand and obviously no one here wants me, no one anywhere wants me, so can we just forget it?"

"Why do you have to be such a fatalist, Rose? Things are not always that dark, you know? Maybe you are not looking in the right place."

I totally ignore his questions and his suggestion. I kinda looked everywhere and well, nothing worked.

"What _if_ instead of remaining here we just go to my place and watch a movie while we fill our bellies with junk food? I promise I'll let you take all the green gummy bears. I have a gigantic bag of them, bought specially for a situation of emergency like this. _Plus_, my mother was making lasagna when we left and I know you want a piece of it."

He surely won't resist my offer. He is completely obsessed with my mother's cooking. I swear that if he wouldn't do any sports, he would get obese from how many things made by my mother he eats. Both of us would be because I am addicted to it too.

"Hmmm." he takes a second to consider things and I can already feel that he is going to give in. He always does when it comes to food, just like me. We are so easy to corrupt. "As tempting as that sounds, I find myself obliged to say no. We're not leaving." wow, I am surprised. And terrified of what he might want to make me do now. "At least not yet, Rose. I still want that lasagna."

"No matter how much time we will spend here, I am not going to do it. You will get old and die on this chair waiting." I warn him.

"Fine, I got that and I respect your decision. At least we can say that we tried. But this is not the reason I don't want to leave."

"Then?"

"You and me, Rose, we have to dance."

"Nope. I didn't agree with that. I was drunk, but I didn't say anything about dancing."

"Yeah, you didn't. But this doesn't mean that we can't go and enjoy ourselves a little. It's the first time in a pretty long while when you get into a club twice in such a short period of time, and I am _not _going to let you get away without dancing a little. Come on, Rose, just this time. Everybody is dancing. They won't sit and analyze you. You need to stop worrying about what everybody is thinking. _Fuck them_." He says and lifts me up from my chair. "Let's go. Let's have some fun together."

"Why are you always making me do uncomfortable things?"

"You call it being uncomfortable, I call it growing. You need to do new things in order to grow. Live a little more. Try new shit. Break some rules. Do something weird. Say something bad. Hurt some jackass's feelings. Be uncomfortable. We all are sometimes. More than you even think, but we're dealing with it. Kick some jackass too. Throw some punches just because someone has pissed you off. Stop always being the nice guy. You are allowed to do things your way and people should learn to accept that. Dress weirdly. Yell at someone. Get up on the table and dance like you don't care. Shock some people if it is what it takes, but get out of this cocoon that you are hiding in and _live_. How would you know if you like it like that or not unless you _try it_?"

And with that motivational speech of his, I give in and I let him take me to the dance floor and we dance for some time and I actually get to forget about everything around me as I am having fun with my best friend. I am so grateful for having him. Without him, I guess I wouldn't get to live at all. I would just sit into my room and wait for things to miraculously happen and be disappointed when nothing would happen. He is right. Things don't just happen to you. Sometimes you need to go and make them happen by yourself. Let's say I am going to try my best. I will be making baby steps. And a little dancing never hurt anybody, no?

About four songs later on which we fooled around at maximum, without giving a shit about anything, my companion announces me that he has to go to the bathroom. And as I don't want to remain alone on the dance floor with all these men looking to grind on you if you are single and all the other women that are pushing you away trying to get a man to grind on them, I get back to my seat at the bar.

And not long after I sit and get too cool off a little, someone next to me asks: "Is this seat taken?"

This is a voice I recognize and for a second, my brain gets a lag and my body fails to cooperate, and I simply freeze in place, staring back at the dance floor I have left minutes ago, watching a guy shove his tongue down some chick's throat and I am surprised of how shamelessly he is eating her face, right there, in plain sight.

And I ignore what is happening just behind me, trying to find in my stupid brain what it is considered normal to do in a pretty normal situation like this, until I can't anymore because I feel a hand on the skin of my shoulder and that question gets asked again, by the same voice, and I realize that there was something else I should have been paying attention to and that I finally need to react or I would be considered disabled or something.

This time I turn my head around into the speaker's direction and I get the confirmation that the one who is speaking to me is none other than that guy I checked out earlier. Nothing new under the sun for now. His voice is already familiar to me as I have heard him speaking on the phone on that damned train.

Smiling a little, I shake my head no because words are already not willing to get out of my mouth. And next, I turn myself to face the bar and get my attention down to the purse that is resting on my thighs, as I have no idea what else to do and I pretend to look in it for a thing (some more brain or courage would be really helpful to find in there now) that surely isn't in there, just to get myself busy. What do I do now? _Just act normal, Rose. _Okay, I guess I can do that. It shouldn't be hard.

After my response, he sits on the chair just next to me and orders himself a whiskey. Fancy. It might burn, but it's fancy.

"Anything else Sir?"

"Yes. Anything that the beautiful lady next to me wishes. I am paying."

Is he talking about me? I lift my head out of my purse and look past him and see that the chair next to him is empty and then I move my gaze on him and his gaze is on me too, and oh, from this distance I can finally figure out his eyes as I am staring straight into them. At least for now because I am completely sure that tomorrow they will look different, just like they do each day I see them. But in essence, his eyes have this deep blue color and a lighter, greener circle around the pupil, that made me love them in a second. I can't help it and I examine his face some more, and moving down, there is a smile on his lips and I realize that I have been again caught staring. I guess that my cheeks already match my dress.

"Miss?" the bartender asks and I snap out of my bewilderment and change the image of Adonis-guy with the one of the bartender.

"Oh, yeah. Thank you." I say looking back at Blondie, smiling. With that face of his, I don't think I would be able to refuse anything he is offering so I don't even think about doing it. "I would like a-" _come on Rose, now think_. _Don't make it look like it would be the second time you get into a club in a veeeery long time. Act like you know something about drinks._ Oh, I know! "I want a B-54 shot please."

I order one of the things that I have drunken the last time and that I actually liked. And I know I said that I don't need any alcohol tonight, but let's be honest. I didn't need it until _now_. But with a guy looking this good next to me and willing to make a conversation with me, I really need something to help me loosen up my tongue a little or else, I am going to end up not speaking at all and make a fool of myself. Let's hope that not worse.

The bartender goes to do his job and we remain into an awkward silence. Okay, this is not good. Should I say something? Yeah, I might say something. But what?

"Thank you." I say once more trying to fill the air beginning to thicken between us and he nods in response.

Then, he turns my way, coming even closer to me, scooting in his chair, his knees close to my thighs now, so close to me, but not touching even though I kinda wish he did touch me, and he is slowly leaning over to the bar, placing his right elbow on it and propping his chin on his palm, getting a relaxed pose, so unlike mine, and then turning his gaze fully in my direction, looking just like some girl ready for some serious gossiping.

"So, is that guy your boyfriend?"

I frown and almost laugh. Do we look like a couple? Really? Maybe this is the reason no guy except the drunk one approached me tonight. But he stood chairs away from me, making sure that he gives me "enough space". Whatever. It doesn't matter anymore.

"The red-headed guy that you were sitting here with some time ago?" he explains to me, as I probably seem confused to him.

"Oh, yeah." His face seems very disappointed now and he nods as he is starting to pull away. "_No_." I say way too hastily and almost reach my hands to stop him, but I stop myself just before touching him and get a hold of myself. "I mean no. We are just best friends."

He smiles and lunges back on the bar, just like a cat, getting closer to me this time.

"Good. I am glad to hear that." really? He is?

The bartender comes back with the drinks we ordered and I take my shot glass and I concentrate on turning it around on the wooden table, just to do something with my hands, still trying to ignore the closeness between us and the smell of cigarettes around him mixed with the scent of a strong expensive cologne coming from him that is now filling my nostrils. I have never been fond of guys smoking, but for this one, I might be able to make an exception. The combination kinda suits him.

And if I am supposed to say something else, I have no idea what that should be.

"I know you." he does? Does this mean that he has observed me too? "You take the train each morning, no?" I nod. And what can I respond to him? Ugh, I don't like seeming incompetent. "I saw you dancing." he decides to speak some more, changing the subject and ending the search in my brain for a proper response.

I turn his way. "You did?" he nods, still smiling, but I somehow still need a full confirmation. "You like, watched me?" and as the question leaves my lips I want to slap myself for it. It sounded so stupid. What normal person would ask that? If I keep on going like this, he is going to leave very soon.

But instead of calling me crazy or leaving, he chuckles and nods once more. "Yeah, I did. It's hard not to, in fact. The way you move…" he says and smiles wider.

"Oh, God. Does it look that bad?"

I look down at my hands and starts kneading my fingers. Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have fooled around earlier. How many other people saw that? Probably everybody. Did it look _that_ bad? I take a second to think about our silly dancing and come to a conclusion. Yeah, it probably looked bad.

He chuckles again and to catch my attention, he puts one hand over mine, getting his fingers in between my palms, stopping my movement, and well, it feels good. His skin feels cold on mine, but I kinda like it, and I can feel that he has some strong palms and that his skin is flawlessly soft.

"No. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I was trying to say that- um…" he puffs a little, still amused. "It got out wrong the first time. Here. Let me do this one more time, okay? Forget the shit I was speaking before. It didn't express what I really wanted to say. So, take number two. I wanted to say that I like the way you move. You dance like no one's watching. You seem so full of life."

"Oh." _Duh Rose. The man was trying to be nice and pay you a compliment_. _You are once again paranoid._ "Thanks then." I look at him, smiling, remembering my friend's teachings on how to take a compliment.

And he is still comfortably spread on the bar, his hand still in between mine, and he is watching me for a second too long, enough for me to feel the need to look away once more, a thing that makes him chuckles once more_. Shit Rose, stop being so shy_, _just for this time._

"Would you?" he asks walking his fingers on my palm and I look at him once more and he tilts his head towards the dance floor.

Oh, good God. I don't think that I am prepared for this. Dancing earlier was one thing because I know my friend wouldn't have let me make a fool of myself, but now I don't feel as confident as before on my balance by wearing these heels around Blondie. I don't feel confident on my balance even sitting down so close to him.

But I nod anyway. It's better to do something rather than sit here and stare at each other in this awkward silence. And who knows? Maybe things will work out just fine and I am just worrying pointlessly, just like always.

But before we get the chance to move, my MIA friend decides to come back, (I haven't even realized how much he has been missing) but he doesn't realize that I am somehow very busy with not making a bad impression in front of this guy.

"Hey there. I am bac- _oh_. Hi!" he says examining my companion with a wide, stupid smile on his face and then gives me a proud smile. "I'll let the two of you talk." He says, throwing me a full of meaning look. Thanks, buddy. I think that the whole club saw it, not to talk about Blondie. And this only makes me feel more embarrassed.

The guy next to me chuckles and for a split of a second, this sound makes me want to slap someone. Am I that funny? _No, Rose. Don't you get nervous, okay? Keep your shit together._ Fine, I'll do my best. I take a deep breath trying to keep myself steady, but I am just so stressed!

"Why are you so nervous? I am not going to bite, you know?" yeah, I have already been assured by that. But that is not one of my main concerns right now. "I promise I'll behave." He slowly walks his fingers on the palm that I am resting on the table, sending tingly feelings in my whole body.

"No, of course. I know that. But it's just that I am more of a shy person and well, I don't- um…"

"That is cute." the hell it is.

"No, trust me it's not. Like, at all. This is my constant color." I say pointing to my cheeks that because of his previous touches are again flushing, and his warm smile widens.

"Well, _I_ like it. You shying away like this…" He says getting some strands of hair out of my face. "…it gives you a mysterious air. And I like mysteries." He says into a sexy tone. "Maybe you'll give me the chance to figure you out."

I look at him with widened eyes at the openly flirt and I am completely sure that my cheeks got even redder if possible. A pause comes, as I have no idea what to respond to him. I am the most disastrous person when it comes to flirting; on a usual, my brain goes blank and now it's no different. Should I thank him for what he said earlier? Would that be weird? Was that even a compliment?

"So, shall we?" he didn't give up on the dancing thing it seems, but I am happy that he changed the subject so that I won't end up saying something stupid.

"Yeah, sure." And before I get up I gulp down my shot as I feel that I am going to need it. Maybe I should have ordered two. Or even more. That might have helped me better. But well, there's no going back now.

As we make our way to the dance floor, from the corner of my eye, I see someone very excited that is watching us sneakily from a group of mutual friends (mostly his, but anyway, I know them too) that I haven't noticed until now, and when our gazes meet he gives me a thumbs up and a wink. Ah, his face looks so proud. I just hope I won't mess up everything. He put too much work in this and I would be sad if it would be for nothing, now that Perfection on legs approached me and that things seem to be working fine until now.

**XPOV**

I get Rose towards the dance floor and all the way there I keep an eye on her, ready to catch her if she loses her balance because she doesn't seem to be doing a great job on those heels, but hell, I must appreciate her effort of wearing them because these heels make her ass looks great, not that on a usual day it would be looking bad, but tonight this is an obvious improvement considering her day to day clothes.

And deep down, I hope she loses her balance because that means that I would be here to catch her and that would only make her see me as her hero and she would like me more, I am sure of it. This is how women like her function. But to my disappointment, the way to the dance floor is eventless.

Then, when we reach an empty spot, I place my hands on her waist and feel her flesh burning under that tight, tight dress, and she is not even breathing, I can see it on her eager face, from the way she is looking at me, and I like what I see, that she is already way too into me to ever say no to me, and in a swift movement I pull her towards me, getting a small gasp in surprise from her, but not the slightest hint of a protest which is just what I expected, and after she gently places her palms on my shoulders, we begin to move our bodies on the rhythm of the crappy music into this club.

Couldn't they have picked a more sophisticated club, rather than this little dump? But well, this isn't important now. What matters is that I have finally got my hands on her in the most opportune moment, and from now on, she won't be getting anywhere away from me.

And being now so close to her, I must admit one thing. This woman has a hell of a body and I must admit too that I feel the urge to touch her all over, to feel all of her, to explore what might hide under this dress, but I don't want to scare her somehow, so I keep my hands in one place, on a safe spot, just on her hips, but just daring enough for me to walk my fingers on her lower spine, close enough to her ass. I resume to that, at least for now, I hope, and it is working as she is relaxing more and more as we dance.

But who knows? Maybe I will be getting more from later the night. But with her, you never seem to know. Because all in all, it's weird to see someone looking this good being so shy and clumsy and well, _weird_ and well behaved. If it would have been any other woman in her place, with the advantages she has, she would have had about all the men in this club at her feet without much effort. But what can you do? You can't have them all. At least, what she lacks in confidence, she compensates in looks. And I cannot complain at all. The way she behaves is giving me the upper hand and makes everything way easier for me.

And who would have thought that I will get this lucky? I mean, as always, I was just looking for an easy prey, for someone easy to fool, and as always, I thought I will get someone as unconfident as Rose already is, but plain-looking because this is how things usually work. But no. Not this time. Instead of that, as a little bonus from the universe for all the effort that I have been making lately, I got someone with a body as hot and as enjoyable as hers.

In rest, the pattern was simple to follow. I had to pick up someone single and easy to manipulate, someone who would help me get whatever I wish from her. And from all the female employees that that company has, it was either her or one of her co-workers, a divorced thirty-something years old woman, that doesn't look even half as good as the woman in front of me.

And I thought, why not take advantage of what I have right here? She is an obviously catch; there is no arguing with that. And why miss the chance? I always like to get something pleasurable from my assignments. And anyway, if this thing I am doing now works, until they move me I have no idea for how long this undercover thing will last this time, and for how long I might have to be around, and I might as well get to enjoy it as much as I can. I am allowed to have some fun from time to time, no? I just hope that she is not that shy in bed too. It would be such a pity and a big waste of time for me.

As we dance, that guy she is with, I didn't really bother to remember his name, let's call him Annoying-as-fuck, is still watching us from time to time, thinking that I am not aware of it. Well, friend, I see _everything_. He seems way too protective over her for my taste and he is almost always with her, following her around just like a needy puppy, which is annoying as fuck, therefore the name I have given him suits him perfectly.

After following Rose around for the past month, learning what she likes and not, and slowly making my face familiar and friendly to her by taking that stupid train and sitting into the same compartment as her instead of going by first class and doing nice things around her, trying to present myself as a good guy instead of using my time in a more profitable way, I am not going to let him ruin all my efforts. I have waited for far too long to find the perfect opportunity to approach her while she's a little vulnerable and without him or anyone around, and now that I managed to do that, I am not going to let it slip.

And now that I have caught her attention, I just need to get her out of here alone, so I can work my charm on her and make her want me even more, and then the deal will be done. She will be so into me that she won't get away and she will soon do whatever I wish. It's so easy to do this with women like her. They always fall for the right words coming from the "perfect guy". And I always have my words with me, so from now on, my job is a much simpler one. The only thing I need now is a good reason to leave this place with her. But we'll get to that later. For now, I am going to enjoy this dancing thing some more.

About three songs later, when I start getting bored, I get things moving. Who knows, maybe her dear annoying bodyguard that is always watching us will decide I am not worthy of his little friend and will try to get her home or something like that and mess with my efforts. And I so don't want to get into an argument or even a fight right now, even though it would bring me much pleasure to fight this guy. For no particular reason, I can't seem to like him at all, no matter how I try to ignore his existence. All I can hope for is that he won't grow to be an even bigger annoyance for me in the future.

"What would you say about another drink?" I take the chance and lean closer to her ear because the music is too loud.

If I get her drunk enough she might let me take her home and will leave Mister Annoying-as-fuck behind. She seems the type who doesn't drink much and getting her drunk might be simple. Just another drink or two might do the trick. And from there, all I'll have to do is to play the nice guy card again, and things will flow smoothly. No girl can resist my charms and with her, things will be no different.

"Yeah. That would be nice." She answers and we get back to the bar.

Okay, Rose. Let's get you drunker and easier to fool.

**RPOV**

Another two very sweet and new shots poured down on my throat, I get a little looser and chattier, the more sociable Rose coming out, her presence making things get better and easier to unfold. Which makes things head into a direction I like more.

And as we speak about the many countries he has visited and as he is telling me a story from when he visited Italy that involves some pasta and someone supposedly from the mafia, some wasted guy passes next to us and, as he can't keep himself on his feet very well, out of all the places it could have fallen on, his glass gets over my head as he drops it, and ends up exactly on my dress.

I get up fast and wipe with some napkins that the nice bartender offers me as much as I can of the liquid, as the cutie next to me picks up on the drunken guy for his lack of attention and the possibility of hurting me (so sweet of him, right?). But there is no point. I have no idea what that guy was drinking, but my dress has some kind of oily stain on it now and it is ruined. And just when I began to like it. I even started to feel like I could breathe normal in it, and now I will have to get rid of it. Such a pity.

"Aw, boy. This is disastrous. I can't stay like this."

The glass was full, I am sure of it, and the beverage is spread all over my thighs. And I really want to spend some more time here with this guy, but I am so not going to do it while being this wet. Things weren't going that bad after all, and as he seemed to be interested in me too, I began to think that I have a chance with him. But well, things don't always work as you hope they will. What will happen now?

"Here, take this." He says as he takes his coat off the chair's back and puts it over my shoulders, that strong minty flavor of his cigarettes wrapping around my senses. "Let me take you home. Is that fine with you?"

"Yeah, that's totally fine, thanks."

And after I convince my previous companion that I will be alright, that the guy I am going home with is not a serial killer, and if he would be, I have my pepper spray with me, and that he shouldn't stop his fun just because I am leaving, so he should remain in the club for longer (who knows, maybe I won't be the only one finding someone to go home with tonight), the two of us get outside and head to my parents' place.


	4. She is confusing to me in so many ways

**Hey guys! Here it is! The meeting between Rose and Dimitri. **

**There might be some things that will seem confusing, but hang with me, I will bring some light over them in the next chapters :)**

**Hope you'll enjoy and lots of love!**

* * *

**She is confusing to me in so many ways**

**NOW**

**DPOV**

I am beginning to get impatient. And patience is one of my strong points, so this only means that I have had enough of this situation. I am tired of this and all I want is for it to be done already. This man is testing me really bad right now and I just can't wait to meet him again. It has been a month ever since I am on his trail, and at least, all this waiting will be worth it when we will meet again. He played me for too many times already and I just can't wait for my turn to play to come. I haven't come this far only to get this far and I would do everything to get my hands on him.

I have been sitting at this bar for the past twenty minutes, ever since she arrived, stirring on my now cold coffee, not even having the presence of spirit to enjoy it, and he hasn't shown up yet. Maybe punctuality is not one of his strong points, but I don't think is nice to let a lady wait for you for so long. And especially when she has been waiting to see you for the past month and vice versa. I thought he would be more of a gentleman, at least with the woman he has been involved with for these past months, but it seems that he's not. One more reason for me not to like him.

I am not a big fan of this coffee shop either. Considering that it is the beginning of December, you see cheap Christmas decorations anywhere you lay your eyes, and it looks like they have been trying too much to bring that "Christmas spirit" in this little crappy two-by-four café. I wonder if there is someone in here who is enjoying this décor.

And where I am sitting, the air is thick with a moldy smell, probably coming from under the sink at the bar, which is combined with the smell of coffee and some sour milk and oh, how can I forget it, the too strong artificial pine spray scent and it is making me want to puke.

This place is too small and all kind of shady dressed people get in and out through that squeaking door and it's quite hard to keep a track of who is who with so many things around here distracting me, but I keep my senses sharp, trying to pick on to him when he will finally arrive. But I'll give it to him. This is a low key place after all and it's indeed a good place to come and go unobserved by many people who might be looking for you, and well, besides me, there are plenty of them on his trail.

But mainly, I am making myself busy with sitting here and watching her sipping from her tea, her eyes traveling fast left and right over the pages of the book she has been reading for the past few days, and I swear that nothing that has been happening in here for the past minutes seemed to spoil her focus. That book must be a really interesting one. The only thing that makes her stop reading is that, from time to time, she lifts her gaze and looks around the coffee shop, not to see what is happening, but mostly towards the door, waiting for him to finally come. Yeah, there are two of us doing that.

Both of us are quite restless. Under the table, the tips of her feet are pounding lightly on the floor, and she keeps on pushing her glasses up on her nose with her index, a twitch of hers, seeming rather nervous than excited I might say.

And if I wouldn't know her well enough by now, I would think that something is going to happen, maybe an ambush the two lovers have planned or something else trying to get me, and she is only the decoy, but it is surely not. He has not the slightest idea that I found her and neither does she. She has no idea who I am, in fact, and after chasing him for a while, I was extremely careful with my coming to the States, so this time I am the one with the upper hand.

This is just the way she is acting. It's so easy to observe it. She is easy to read, her emotions getting shown all over her face and even from her gestures you can see it, and I swear, that every situation she finds herself in, she gets anxious, from my opinion, without any good reason. She is acting like a pathologically shy person and she is taking her undercover personality to the extreme, a thing that kinda gives her away.

This time, as she is looking around the place, searching for her lover, her head turns my way too and as I catch her eye I smile a little, just to see how she is going to react, if she is going to keep on to her cover. And she does, just like last time I met her. No matter the situation she is in, she keeps on to her role and that is quite admirable.

Now, her eyes widen and she bows her head fast, starting to nervously bite on her bottom lip, looking at the mug in front of her and she gets a hold of it, turning it around in place. It's some kind of funny to see how sheepish she is acting. I wonder if there is a person who acts like that in its day to day life, without pretending. Maybe not. No one is _that _shy.

But let me tell you who I am talking about here.

Rosemarie Mazur-Hathaway.

Twenty-three years old, born on the 21st of March.

Obvious, attractive Turkish features, inherited from her father, Abe Mazur. It's easy to observe what got Haynes into her. She has dark long wavy hair that when is unclasped reaches her lower back, skin that is lightly tanned, just like the inside of an almond, giving her some kind of an exotic air.

5'7'', nice, small body, thin waist, some round curves exactly where needed. Full lips, big brown wide and alert eyes, deep collarbones, and when she smiles, little dimples form on her cheeks.

But because of her role, she dresses like someone twice her age, not taking advantage of what Mother Nature gave her. Now she's wearing an above the knee straight black skirt, a dark blue oversized turtleneck with the sleeves pulled over her palms just like she would be cold, a pair of black boots, her hair is made into a low messy bun with some shorter strands of hair escaping that clasp and she wears glasses with thick black frames (that she keeps on pushing up on her nose with anything she finds around, probably still being unfamiliar with them).

She made it seem like her new job got a hold of her wardrobe too, as she works as a kindergarten teacher for almost the past month, after she conveniently quit her previous job as soon as Haynes was done.

Parents, Janine Hathaway and Ibrahim Mazur. A nice loving couple, living into the suburbs, still together after so many years of marriage. She doesn't speak with them too often, maybe once at three days or so, but from their conversations, you get that they care deeply for each other, and it makes me wonder if she ever thought about the dangers she is putting them into by extent when she decided to help Haynes. But anyway. Who am I to question their reasons?

Besides them, she has no other siblings, not a big family either. She doesn't have many friends back home either. She didn't keep in touch with anybody from her hometown and that was a wise choice too. The fewer people you care about, the fewer chances people have to get to you. Who would know that better than me, huh?

She mostly keeps to herself. And she doesn't know much people in town anyway; maybe she didn't have the time to make any friends here and why would she even want that? She only came here for a particular reason and she thinks that soon enough she and her lover will be gone somewhere where they will be spending all those money Haynes is thinking he is going to get out of this.

But well, I am here to make sure that doesn't happen. I have a client to make happy after all.

Here, she spends most of her time with one colleague from the kindergarten, Anna Maynard, but they don't hang out together that much, except when they are at work. Oh, and there is Tasha, of course. She has just ''got a job'' at the kindergarten just after I have found Rosemarie and she has been supervising her there, trying to befriend her and find out more about her and her boyfriend and where he might be, but this woman is surely very private when it comes to her private life and didn't let anything about him slip.

She never lived alone before, but moved into the center of the town four months ago, to be ''closer'' to him as some of her chatty neighbors have told me, but we all know that she did it just because of that personal assistant job.

She stays mostly alone in that apartment, because he's not around for the most of the time, probably being busy all this time with backstabbing his own people. It seems that he is not that patriotic after all. For him, it all changes when it comes to money and somehow, he got her involved in this too.

She runs in the mornings no matter the weather, goes to yoga twice a week, volunteers at a local library on weekends and spends a lot of time working extra hours with the kids whose parents don't care enough about them and I must admit that she is taking very serious this good girl cover she has taken.

If I wouldn't know better, I would let myself fooled. I can only ask myself how is the real her. I would bet all my money that she is a feisty one.

But I have anyway seen little bits of the real Rosemarie, the one she is when no one is looking.

She eats lots of junk food and drinks a lot of tea, more than four cups a day.

Reads a ton of books, buying them in stacks. Along with mugs. She has a thing for them too. And it's a miracle that she still has space in her apartment. Trust me, I have seen it a couple of times and I don't know how she managed to fit so many things in there.

She's a bad singer, but this doesn't stop her from enjoying the music. And she doesn't have a bad taste in music either and she surely knows how to fool around on it. As I was supervising the outside of her building, I often saw her shadow dancing on the window, while she's giving shows to no one around the house. Maybe to her dog.

She watches movies until she falls asleep every single night and always complains to her dog about not getting to see the end of those movies. But the funny thing is that she never looks at them a second time to see how they end. Oh, and she always cries on happy endings on TV. Who would have thought that a person so calculated would get so emotional over something so silly?

She owns a little dog called Ash that keeps her company when he is not around. She always speaks with herself or with her dog, about the littlest of things. At first, this bonding of theirs was weird for me, but maybe she just feels a little lonely without seeing much of Haynes.

And the speaking by herself? She sometimes seems to have a little ritual before getting out of the house, another thing that I found weird, but I got used to her little pep talks, made just before leaving the house.

I swear I have never seen someone like her before. She is confusing to me in so many ways and I cannot separate the real Rosemarie from the pretending one, that deceiving this woman is. On a usual, she doesn't do anything out of the ordinary, resuming to doing her thing in peace, but when she's not around people, she seems to allow herself to be who she really is and well, that is something you want to see and it only makes you want to discover more.

But in essence, there's nothing too impressive or exciting going on in her life, in Rosemarie's, the kindergarten teacher life. She is not famous or much known around here. In one word, she's normal. Always blending into the crowd. Just the perfect cover. For both of them, until things would settle some more. But they will never settle now that I have found them and well, later than me, some more people did and will continue to.

For the past month, since he stole from my client, he has been on the run, as everyone seems to want what he has. He has been keeping a low profile, probably waiting for things to settle, and I couldn't find where he is at first. And he would have managed to get away with it, but well, love got in the way.

Let me tell you one thing. The thing is that people like us don't usually stay around anybody for so long. It's not practical to get attached. And him risking his life to try seeing her these days means that he really loves her. I first thought that he would have dumped her after he would have gotten what he wished, but he didn't. So this only means that he feels something for her, he didn't just use her for his selfish reasons. This must be the motive he is still with her and still tries to reach her, even though, after what happened, after the mess he started, he should have just lay low some more time and not attract any attention toward him. In my opinion, he didn't wait long enough. But hell, his mistakes only make my job easier. And him coming to the surface just to meet his lover is giving me a better advantage over this situation.

Plus, patterns appear, no matter how much attention you pay at erasing them and if you know what to look for, you surely find what you need. And, for the past five months, about once a month he would travel back to the States under false names, but he was always coming to this town, no matter the route, where the other half of the project was, coming to probably supervise how things are going and to know when to act and steal the other half.

I first thought that this is why Rosemarie was in the company in the first place, but it seems that he couldn't stay away from her for too long. Which just gave me the proper way to find him because it was not hard to track down all the workers from that company and listen to their phone calls and from his constant calls to her in the past month, no matter how hard he tried to cover his tracks, I was able to know what he plans to do next. Love seems to have made him sloppy. And I can surely use his weakness in my advantage.

And ever since I found her, about three weeks ago, I have watched her every move outside the apartment and listened to everything that happens in there, getting to learn every detail of her.

And after finding her, well, things have gone pretty smoothly for me. From what I found, for the past five months, she has been, well, as you have already guessed, the girlfriend of Xavier Haynes.

And you might wonder who this man is. He's my last assignment before they let me go. Well, not willingly, but _I_ am going away, no matter what they are going to say or do to make me stay. This Haynes thing is more of a thing I have to take care of, in fact. A debt to pay. Something a little more personal than usual. I would have left sooner, but I don't like to leave my business unfinished and therefore, a client unhappy from whom only bad things can derive.

And the sooner this thing ends, the sooner I can go and live my life in peace. I need a break from all of this. No. I want this chapter ended for goods. I want out and I am not going to look back after I am done with this. I am sick of this way of living and I want more from my life.

For the past twenty years, I have done anything they told me to do, not muttering any word against them, obeying them blindly, thinking that I have a way out of this the nice way. But no. There is no nice way with them. The debt I have to pay them back is way too big and not even doing this my entire life would get me rid of it. And I want a life of my own, a simpler one, away from everything. I don't care what it takes. I am willing to do anything so that I would get rid of them.

So, here I am, waiting to finish my last assignment. Haynes has stolen some important piece of information that my client had and I have to retrieve it. At first glance, this might seem a simple job, right? But with a pain in the ass like Haynes, trust me, it wasn't so far. This bastard has fantastic luck at getting away unharmed and out of tricky situations like there would be some greater force telling him what to expect and how to always be one step ahead. Nobody could catch him until now, not many managing to get close enough because well, as I have heard, he is one of the best ones. I was one of the few who ever got close to catching him and I just can't wait to meet him again.

He may be good, but I am surely better. And I like a good challenge too. I already found him once, how hard can it be to do it again? And as I am here now, it seems that after all, he's not good as his reputation says. Maybe in his hurry to get rich with his beloved Rosemarie, he got way too sloppy and I can't be happier about his slippings.

And today she is finally going to meet him here. This if he bothers to even come. Last time, about three days ago, he didn't show up, out of some paranoia I guess, because he was very inexplicit on the phone with her later that day, but considering what happened three days ago, he had serious reasons not to come. I know that I am not the only one looking for him, as some other people want what he has and some of them even went as far as I did and found her too, later than me, of course, and I mostly took care of them because I can't afford to lose my leverage.

But I don't think that this situation can remain like this for longer. People tend to get impatient after so much waiting, and if he doesn't come tonight, I must take action even though this means losing my cover. Now it might be my only chance to get my hands on him again, as the time passing is not in the advantage of either of us. I am pressed by my superiors to get the job done, and he is pressed by the need to get rid of that thing as fast as he can and well, the need to get rich.

The first time I got close to him, it happened into a small city at the outskirts of Helsinki, at about two days after he has stolen that memory card. Earlier, I've found that he had some inside help, from someone in our very agency, and we found his accomplice quite easily, being a guy who was technically managing my client's business, making it seem legal in the eyes of the authorities, but it seems that for him too, the urge to get rich won. Despite his talents, we had to eliminate him as he didn't want to say anything about his partner; he kept on insisting that he had no connection with all of this and that he has never communicated with Haynes, but the pieces of evidence we found on his devices told us otherwise.

With Haynes, things went a little harder, but I found him too. The whole thing between us, our first encounter, took place at the airport there and as I was on his track, so close to finally getting him, that bastard got the security in there to check on me for gun possession before I got the chance to catch him. And I was so close. I can't forget his smug face as the four men I fought finally managed to cuff me. This only delayed my following as I had to wait for someone to make some calls and get me out of there because I was told that I was not supposed to make my way out like I always do, fighting. That would have only meant some attention pointed in my direction, and I surely didn't need all that if I wanted to continue my search for him unobserved.

And this happened ever since. I have followed the breadcrumbs, found Rosemarie and I have been watching her, waiting for him to finally do something.

And now she rises from her spot again and heads towards the restroom. And I decide that I am done with waiting. It is quite obvious that he won't show up, just like last time. The first time he didn't show up, it might have been a coincidence or let's call it, a stroke of luck because he avoided being caught in that mess. But now, even if I don't like to admit it, I am beginning to think that he somehow found out about me, otherwise, what other reason would he have not to show up again? The place is clean, but he still hasn't come. And this only means that I need to take matters in my own hands. I wait for a couple of minutes then get up and follow her.

**RPOV**

God, this is the third time I have come to the bathroom into the past twenty minutes. Maybe the people in this coffee shop who have bothered a little with my existence might think that my bladder is weak as hell, but this is surely not the reason for my visits into this little room.

First, I do it because the place is a little too crowded for my taste right now, too many people getting in and out of here and I just can't help it than to want to walk away, but I resumed to hiding my face in my book. Plus, I am so, so nervous just by thinking about what might come, and I feel the constant need to move, to do something because sitting there on that chair with all those people moving around me into that too small place is making my anxiety reach higher and higher limits.

I don't even know why I let him pick this place and why I agreed to come here, because I don't like at all these kind of places, and he knows it. It seems that he doesn't care about my opinions anymore. Well, from a while now, I didn't care about his either, or about him in general. But still, here I am, trying to meet him. For what reason, I have no idea. He has always had a way of convincing me to do stuff.

And speaking of him, the fact that he hasn't shown up yet doesn't seem to help me either. I don't like being late and I expect people to come on time too. I hate when people are late on me simply because that means that I have to sit somewhere on my own and wait for them. And this coming late thing of his didn't stop being a habit for his, not even now when he is kind of trying to make amends with me. The last time I tried to meet him, three days ago, before the catastrophe I have been a witness to, I had to wait for him for half an hour and I had to keep on telling the waitress that I didn't want to order anything for five times and every single time I did, she threw an ugly glare at me.

Thank God that from now on, I won't have to wait for him. This will be the last time, I swear.

But what brings me the most anxiety is the fact that I have never done this thing that I want to do now with anyone like him and I don't want to seem like a bad person, even though I know he kinda deserves it.

The thing is that it's easy to cut someone off when you barely know them, when there is nothing that happened between the two of you, when there is no history, nothing to make you want to hold on to that person. But what happens when you still have some teeny tiny feelings, not of love, but just some remnants of something, for someone and you don't want to hurt them badly, but at the same time you know you need to do this because it's for the best? I don't like playing the bad guy, but I can't keep on going on like this either. Until now, this relationship has brought me more sorrow than happiness and I just want it to be done.

And it needs to happen today. Right now. No more waiting and no more feeling miserable for me. I have been so well for the past month, without him, and I don't want to let him treat me like shit again.

I wash my face once more and lean over the cold sink, holding its chipped ceramic edges, watching the drops of water falling from the loosened tap. I take a deep breath and look at my reflection into the mirror.

"Okay Rose, you need to do this. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is always going to be next to you, not just once a month. Someone who _cares _about you. Someone who doesn't treat you like shit." The last words come out bitter as I remember the last time he left and I need to shake off the memory of that night. "You can't keep on going on like this. You _won't _go back to that. This is _not_ normal. Nothing about that relationship was right. Something needs to change and it needs to change _today_. And you are the only one who can do it. Don't just sit around and let him come back in your life. Don't be his doormat, ever again."

It's a good thing that there is no one else in here to hear my lame encouragement speech. They would think that I am completely crazy for speaking with myself in public. But Mason was right. Every time I do it, it does help a little and I get a little more confidence. And this is something I need today.

Okay, let's do this. He must arrive any second now, at least I hope so, and I need to put an end to all of this. I wipe my face with the low-quality napkins, look into the mirror for a second time to arrange my bun, put my glasses back on, and then I grab my purse and head for the door.

As I reach for the door handle, my phone dings. I got a text. And of course, it's from Alexander.

''I won't make it this time either. I got caught up in something with the investor I am with now and I didn't catch my ride. I'll take one of the later flights. Go home, don't wait for me, I won't come anytime soon. And I am very busy right now so don't try to reach me. I'll call you when I finish and we'll meet then. -A''

Reading it, I roll my eyes so hard it hurts and I want to punch the wall next to me as anger washes through every piece of my body.

_Of course_ he missed his flight. This thing happened so often I should have seen it coming. It's so typical of him to do so now! And it is driving me insane to get these kinds of texts from him. Ever since I am with him, this is like, the thousandth time he stands me up like this, not to speak about the other times he simply left without giving me any notice, having something urgent to take care of.

He did this thing with missing his flight three days ago too. I don't even know why he tries so bad to reach me if he keeps on doing this. And why am I still letting him do this to me? I should have said something the first time it happened but I thought that it was a singular event and I let it pass. But to my surprise, it wasn't.

And he doesn't even have the decency to give me a call; he just sends me these flat texts. And there is not even a single sign of remorse in them, just like always. Not even an ''I am sorry.'' or an ''I'll make it up for this''. Not even a sign of where he was or where he was heading to either. Who knows where in the world he is now? But why do I even bother? It's not like it will help me much; it never did and never will.

So, the best thing I can do now is to go home and wait for a time when he will be available, no? Just like I always did, like the nice girl I am. But not today. I am just going to text him and inform him about my decision. If he is not here for me to tell it to him in person, I am going to pay him back with a flat text. I get my phone and start writing furiously. Because I am so done with his behaviour and I am not going to deal with it ever again. I am giving up on him completely. I wanted to give him a chance to at least explain himself, but he didn't even try to show me he is willing to put some effort into this, so why should I even bother? I won't anymore.

"You know what, Alex? I am done. I have broken up with you then and this is my final decision. I am not going to give up on that. I don't care for how many times you said you were sorry for that night, but I can't be with you like this, not when you keep on showing me that you are still the same douchebag you were a month ago. I hope you have a nice life. And don't call me because I am _very _busy right now with putting my _boring _collection of books in alphabetical order. I'll call you like, never. And I hope I will never see you again. Bye, and I hope you go to hell.''

I watch the phone's screen and see all those words I've written. What am I doing? I can't be that kind of person who breaks up with someone via text or who even sends these mean things. It doesn't seem right. Ugh, even when I should treat someone bad I still don't do it. I just sit there and take all their shit, all the time. I really wish I wouldn't be like this.

But hey, I have promised myself I won't be like this anymore. That I will try. And maybe today is just the day to start. I read his text once more and I make my mind and I am not going to even reconsider things. I decide I don't care anymore if he would be hurt. I am completely done with everything.

With my hand trembling from all the anger I feel towards him, I press send on my text. Let's see what he will do now. Maybe he will finally pay me some attention. But guess what? It's too late and I am so not going to listen to him ever again. This Alexander chapter is done for me.

As he would be away, I used to want him close to me. But now, to be completely honest, with him being away all the time, my feelings for him have begun to fade away slowly even though I was kinda trying to convince myself I still love him, but what he did last time we saw each other made me see a different part of him, one I never thought I would see. And that only made me realize that he is not the man for me and that I should do something about it until things don't get worse. Because one gesture like that will only lead to more if I don't say stop. And so, here I am, finally doing something.

Why, from all people I know (which are not that many but still), I had to fall in love exactly with him? I mean, couldn't I find someone else in that bar that night? There were so many other men in there. Why exactly him? _Because you know that on a normal day, a guy like him won't even look at you because of the way you are and when he approached you, you wanted to see how it feels like to be with a guy like him, that's why. Because he seemed so sweet and perfect and you were tired of all those openly douchebags and instead, you only managed to find one worse than everyone and that was able to hide it from you long enough to get you hooked. _My mind gladly reminds me and I shake this thought out of my mind. And yeah, now I know how that feels like to be with a guy like that and I don't like it at all. Maybe that wasted guy would have been a better choice. Maybe some any other guy would have been a better choice.

But the damage is already done. And I can only work with what I have from now on.

I reach towards the door once more, but I don't get to push it, not even to get a hold of the doorknob, because someone from the other side swings it my way, a thing that catches me unprepared and the door ends up hitting me exactly into my forehead, shaking my brains.

I take a step back and growl in frustration. Can't anything go right today? Just one thing, please. I have had a long day and I can't put up with things going badly for much longer. I am one step closer to snapping at someone. I don't usually do this and I really wish I wouldn't do it today either. It's either that or ending up crying, and I don't want either of them to happen. I need to keep my shit together.

And I don't even get this coffee shop! Didn't they have enough money to set up things right around here? First, why on earth someone thought that it would be a good idea to make a bathroom both for men and for women? I knew this place was shady from the first second I entered it, but this thing I didn't expect. It's absurd! And in addition to that, who has made the brilliant decision to put a door that swings both ways too? Is this some kind of restaurant kitchen's door and I am not aware of it? I surely don't see any people preparing food in here or even waiters, so why did they do it? Oh, I know. Maybe that brilliant someone wanted for things like this to happen! And especially to me today.

"Oh, shit. I am sorry, did I hit you hard? I didn't mean to. I didn't know there was someone in here." some male accented voice says and he places a heavy hand on my shoulder, steadying me as I was still moving and ready to stumble after the impact and I end up with my body pressed on his, and his other's hand warm fingers brush on my cheek, getting a light hold of it.

I lift my eyes from his black T-shirt up to his face to see who might be the poor guy who is going to endure my anger and it's _that_ guy. The god-like looking guy from the bar. The one who gave me that magnificent smile minutes ago. And my anger just washes away for now because _wow_.

I guessed right that he must be really tall, but looking at him now, he's way taller than I expected him to be, one of the tallest men I have ever seen, Hunter not even comparing to him. He must be at least one foot taller than me and I have to tilt my head quite much to see his face. And I swear that I just want to sit here and look at him for hours, but I am afraid that I might get a neck ache. But in this position, I get the time to actually look at him, to take in completely each feature of his, and I don't want to miss my chance.

I get my eyes back down oh him, feeling the need to study him fully, but I don't pull away, my body still being a little supported by his, sharing his heat through our front bodies. He is dressed in jeans and a black cotton T-shirt perfectly fitted on his chest, everything completed by a long brown leather duster. He is slightly tanned, just enough to bring him some exotic air. He is a mixture of genes I have never seen before, but he surely took all the good bits from both his parents. He looks like a god! And I am not referring only to his body.

Because oh, his face too, guys. It's just like a masterpiece appeared in front of me all of a sudden and it's all I can see now. All I want to see now. I never thought that there are people in this world who look this good; until this very moment, I thought that everyone is just way too photoshopped on magazines covers or other photos and that real men don't really look like that but _God_, he is just so perfect. And I'm not trying to be mean right now or something, but I may add that he looks even better than Alexander ever did and even him is somewhere at the top of the good-looking guy's scale so yeah, you might get how good this guy in here looks. He has a whole scale of hotness only for himself. He has strong features, a sharp jawline, impeccably shaved, thick chocolate shoulder-long hair that falls over the collar of his duster and intense, deep brown eyes with earthy hues survey my face too, moving slowly before coming back to meet my hungry eyes.

Electricity sizzles the air between me and him as our eyes make contact and I realize how close I am to him in fact, how much we are touching, how well my body feels nestled against his and everything else around me fades as his strong scent is invading my senses and I must say that he smells heavenly. It's some kind of woody flavor, maybe cedar or something stronger, mixed with light lime or lemony accents, I can't pinpoint exactly. And I can pick on something else too, some faint salty mixture I think, that reminds me of the beach, coming probably from his aftershave, and gosh, all I can think of is burying my nose into the crook of his neck and take in all of his sensual aroma. This combination certainly suits him. It's manly and so, so powerful.

The guy himself emanates power, strength, and he's so incredibly male that my breath catches at the sight of him speaking, this little gesture making him even more real to me. Not that I was paying any attention to what he was saying, my body, each cell in my body being too preoccupied to respond to his presence in ways it never did before with anyone else. My heart starts racing and my mouth goes dry, and something starts heating up in between my legs just at the thought that he is near me. _What the hell, Rose?_

His warm palms have both gotten on my shoulders and he looks at me expectantly, probably waiting for me to respond to anything that he has just told me. Look. I don't usually make a good job around people looking good. Hell, I was still having a hard time picking my words around Alexander sometimes, after all this time we were together. But it simply intimidates me and words just block at the back of my throat. And this time it's no different. No, in fact, this time it's worse because he looks way better than anyone I have ever met and I wasn't even listening to him and I don't want to seem stupid. _But gosh, Rose, just say something!_ _The man is waiting._ _Don't make a fool of yourself. Can't you just act normal for once? Say something. Anything!_


	5. I deserve better than you, you bastard!

**Hiiiii! Unexpected update is here. Today I felt like writing and anyway I woke up with this chapter in my head and I wrote it and so, here is it! A little more background story before I get back to Rose and Dimitri's meeting from last Wednesday, ****so that some things will make sense later**

**Hope you'll enjoy :)**

**Have a great Sunday night guys!**

**Lots of Looooove**

* * *

**I deserve better than you, you bastard!**

**About five months ago**

**RPOV**

The way back home with him is not that cringe as I feared it will be. In fact, I guess that leaving the club was the best thing that could have happened tonight. Without the too loud music to nag us, I discovered, as we walked the almost empty streets to my house and talked some more, that he is such a nice and fine guy on the inside too, just as I expected from the little bits of him that I have seen on train.

There is so much about him besides the attractive exterior. And he's so funny. I swear he can make me laugh from scratch and each second of silence between us gets filled with one of his jokes and the conversation flows without me to have to worry about finding a subject to talk about with him. The thing is that I have never laughed this much before with a complete stranger. He pulls all these jokes out of nowhere (they are not as good as the ones of my crazy friend, I must admit that nothing compares to his stupid jokes, but still, Blondie is funny).

And along the way, I realize that I like him quite much. It's hard not to. Everything about him seems to be what anyone would ever wish in their significant other and I even feel like I have found someone who is worth the trouble of dating and all the other stuff.

Plus, we have so many things in common that it's hard to believe we are so much alike. He's like the male version of me. We like the same books, the same music, the same sappy movies, his parents are a pleasant pain in the as just as mine, we have a thing for languages, something that he picked from all his travelling, he likes dogs as much as I do, he enjoys running and, gosh, he even has a thing for making up the most incredible and weird food combinations.

He's so damn perfect! Who would have thought? The books, the music, the places, the movies we like, and _everything._ He's way too good to be real. But still, he exists. And I met him and actually touched and talked to him and he seems to enjoy my presence too. If this isn't a miracle, I don't know how else to call it.

Unfortunately, in spite of all the things we have talked about and discovered about the other on our way, it was a short walk, as my parents' house is not that far from the club. I feared that he may think I am such a loser for still living with my parents at my age, but he didn't ask anything about it and neither pointed it out. And yes, maybe I should try to be more independent, but why would I want to live alone anyway? I like their company; they are wonderful folks. Plus, my friend still lives here, so why would I want to move somewhere he is not?

When we get in front of the little house my parents love so much, I thank God in my head that my parents are long sleeping by now because otherwise I would have been in for another session of embarrassment in front of a guy that takes me home.

But even without my parents' help, things begin to get weird for me again. What am I supposed to do next? Sitting in front of the house and facing him, looking down at my feet, focusing on an oily little droplet present on my right shoe, I keep on shifting my weight from one leg to another, thinking about my possibilities.

Considering the number of first dates I had along the years, if this right here can be called a first date, you would think that I should know what to do or what to say, but well, I don't. I never did. Plus, each one of them was pretty weird, and I don't want to repeat any of that experience with Blondie. So I decide to end things rapidly, before it gets weirder. I want to make it short and pleasant. Anything besides weird.

"Um, thanks for taking me home. It was nice of you to make this detour for me." I say and try to take off the coat he has given to me, but he smiles and places his palm on my shoulder, some of his cold fingers making contact with my skin and stopping me from getting the coat off me.

"Keep it. It's still cold outside. You can give it back to me some other time. And it was my complete pleasure, Rose."

Wait a second. Did I tell him my name? I am almost sure I didn't because I would have remembered it. Well, maybe that chatty friend of mine said it when he got around us. But that isn't important.

"Um… thanks. So, goodnight then."

I smile and want to turn around, but before he lets me go inside, he stops me, turning me back to face him and leans over to kiss my cheek, not even giving me time to process what he's doing. My breath comes to a halt and I freeze in place.

"Goodnight, Rose."

I don't get to react because I am still bewildered. Did he just...? I must say that I appreciate his boldness, but well… okay, I have nothing to protest. I liked it. Can he do that again, please? Because I was too shocked the first time. God, the sensation of his cold chapped lips on my cheek felt weirdly good! And after this, he turns around and leaves me there, unable to do anything, that much his gesture startled me.

"Hey!" I say regaining my voice and control over myself, and he turns my way, a smile on his face. "I didn't get your name." we have been talking about so many things and it slipped off my mind.

And he knows mine, so it's not fair. I want a name for that handsome face. I guess that from now on, I should stop calling him Blondie or Adonis or any other nickname I have found for him.

"It starts with an A." he says with a playful tone.

"That's all I get?" I ask, obvious botherness filling my voice.

"If you want to know more, go on a date with me someday."

And for the first time in my life, I decide to just act and not think much. The thing is that I like the idea of going out with him and not only once. And it doesn't take me an eternity to make a decision; I don't sit and consider things until my head hurts from thinking about all the possibilities and endings. I don't want to miss my chance with him.

After so much time of being disappointed when it comes to men, he comes around out of nowhere and he is like, everything I have ever seemed to be attracted to in men and I didn't even realize. He seems to be the textbook description of the perfect man, even though I haven't built that pattern and I wasn't looking for that, but he is just so perfect! Blue sky-like eyes with some greenish hues, short blonde hair, cheeky smile, funny as hell, a reader, nice on the inside as well as on the outside. What more could you possibly wish for?

So I decide to go with the flow, as everyone around me has often advise me, and I guess I'll see where this takes me.

"Yeah, sure. Call me and we'll make that happen."

From my purse I get out a pen, one of my occupational hazards, and I write my number on his palm as he's watching me with a cheeky smile on his lips, and I am hoping that he is not one of those guys that make a collection of girls' numbers he has picked up in bars and that he never bothered to call. It would be such a disappointment for him to be just another player.

* * *

And well, moving on from the night we met, things have worked out well for us. I was happy with him. He was indeed the perfect guy I was so long waiting for.

For a while, at least. Because months later, after I moved out of my parents' house, a big thing has happened in my life and he wasn't there for me when I needed him the most because, well, his _job _intervened just like always, and to be completely honest, he didn't even seem to _try_ to be supportive, always being way too preoccupied with something else, never having the time to talk to me, and even when he did, the best encouragement he had was to tell me that I will eventually get over it and that I shouldn't be making such a fuss over what happened.

And even though I didn't realize it back then, that that was the time when things started to go south for us. I mean, I had to deal with everything that was happening on my own and it was so, so hard, and at that time, I even started to get used to the feeling of being without him, of having no one to support me besides myself because I didn't want to burden my family either, and even later on, if I take a second to consider things now, we weren't quite acting like a couple ever since that thing happened.

I have no idea what we were anymore these past four months, but only one thing was clear for me back then. Something has changed and I have always struggled to understand what.

And now, let's get to the last time I have seen him. That was, in essence, a summary of the last encounters we had so I won't have to tell you about the other times we fought or of how bad things were sometimes. But with the only exception that this last time, things haven't ended up with us trying to mend things or even, I don't know, spend some quality time together to make it up for all the time we have been apart.

No, not at all. It ended up with him leaving angry and with me in tears and with that little rip in our relationship that has started forming a while ago becoming an abyss that not even the best intentions could have repaired, even though he tried. But well, that was too bad. Because I have given up on trying a little while before he started caring.

* * *

**One month ago**

**RPOV**

It takes me a second to snap out of my bewilderment. Or a little more, in fact, because the time seems to be expanding, making this horrible second last forever. And the fact that I haven't been sleeping at all these two past nights, worrying sick because I had no idea where he was and going mad about the fact that he hasn't been answering my phone, doesn't help me understand what just happened.

My brain is a little slow now, so I continue to look at him with my jaw dropped to the floor for a reason I don't completely understand, blinking stupidly, until I finally get it. And then, a wave of heated anger washes over me at his sight. And my heart breaks. Oh, so many things break in me in this very second.

I mechanically bring my fingers up to my cheek and feel my skin beginning to get hotter. Probably redder too. My eyes fill with tears and I blink them away. _No_. He doesn't deserve my tears. I will not drop a single more tear for this man, ever again, I promise. And I still can't believe that he did what he just did. But he did. He has demonstrated me that he is nothing close to the man I thought he is.

And this is it. This action of his was the last drop. It is everything I ever needed to know that between us it's over for goods, if there were any other proofs I needed, even though there were plenty of them before this, that I only decided to ignore. But not anymore. And I won't give him the chance to do this ever again.

The look on his face changes and worry fills his features, the anger in his eyes rapidly fading away. And all that anger of his fills me now. It is pulsing inside me. Oh, so _now_ he is worried? Now he realizes what he has done? He should have thought about it before he acted like shit, not be sorry afterward. You don't get to be sorry after you do something like this and maybe expect for me not to do anything about it.

He lifts his hand reaching it for my face once more, slower and seemingly gentler this time, but I pull away, not letting him lay even a single finger on me. He won't do this ever again. I won't let him touch me ever again. And now, at my reaction, his expression fills with anguish.

"Rose, I didn't-"

"_Get out_! I want you to get out _right now_! Get your things and go in this very fucking second! I don't want to see you ever again!"

And with each sentence that I yell, my throat starts to hurt but I don't care because I am so angry and I pound my fists hard onto his chest, trying to pay him back for what he has just done.

"You don't get to come in here after _all this time_, after you did what you did at that damned party, after I can't reach you for _two days _and act like this! Instead of giving me some explanations, you have the guts to do this? You have _no right_! And now_, get out_!"

And even though I am pushing him away, moving him towards the exit, he decides to come closer, dodging my fists and trying once more to touch me, trying to calm me, but oh, I have gathered so many things inside me for so long and today I am letting it all out.

"I am sorry, honey, I didn't mean to hu-"

I freeze in place when he gets a light hold of my shoulder, a thing that was probably meant to be a soothing gesture in his point of view, but it only manages to make me even angrier on him. Does he even care about me in this very second? About what I said? Did he _ever_ care? Probably not.

"_Don't_! Don't you dare touch me ever again! Just get the hell out of here! I deserve better than you, you bastard! I am not going to take anything from you ever again, do you hear me? I am done! I am done with you treating me like shit, with your moods, with me always being the bad guy, with you always leaving me hanging, with _everything_! I am done with compromising and trying to do the right thing because you never seem to want that! I am done with trying to please you! I am done with being your doormat! _Get the fuck out_! I don't want to see you ever again!"

I continue to yell fueled by pure anger. I swear I have never been this mad in my entire life, but after everything I have gone through with him and because of him, it feels good to finally let it all out.

His face harshens as I slap his hand off near me the next time he tries to touch me, even though I have been explicit enough. And how dare he get mad at me for this? He is the one who started this shit. He is the one who started acting like this. He is the one to blame, I am done with torturing myself about not doing the right thing. I am the one who has been hurt, not the other way around.

So he can just go to hell. I don't care about his feelings anymore. He never seemed to care about mine anyway.

"Fine!" he says, his voice coming out cold all of a sudden and he gets a hold of my hand, the one I have thrown his hand off me with earlier and his grip is tight and he shakes me a little, making me stop my resistance to him. His worry for me washed away, just like that.

Oh, wow, mister worrying about me left the building. I don't think he has ever been in the building.

"But first, I need to take something from here."

"No!"

"You won't stop me, Rosie." He says and he comes hovering above me, dragging me by my hand under his gaze, trying to impose himself on me with his height advantage, and he even squeezes my wrist, harder than earlier, trying to subdue me to his will.

God, he is so shameless and so many other bad things. How couldn't I see for all this time that he is such a controlling jerk?

Well, good thing that that slap was a wakeup call, otherwise I don't know how far things would have gotten between us.

But to hell if I am letting him or anyone else, ever again to make me feel this little, this stupid, this worthless, this insignificant. To treat me like this. I am not his object. And I am not going to let myself be intimidated by him ever again. I am done with being afraid of his reactions or trying to please him. I jerk my hand out of his grasp, taking him by surprise once more tonight.

"No, you don't need to take anything from here. Just get out. _Now_, Alex." I say so coldly and so calm now that I don't even recognize myself. I fear him now. But the anger in me takes over everything.

"This is my apartment too, Rose." He snarls at me.

I simply laugh to his face.

"Um, I beg your pardon? _Your _apartment? You must be dreaming because I don't think you're seeing things right. Just because you _found_ it for me and asked me to move here _for you_, doesn't make it yours too, okay? _I_ am the one paying the rent and ever since I moved here, you came around for like, what? _Three times_ maybe? This would have been your fourth, but too bad that you are leaving _right now_. And yeah, the fact that you come visiting once in a while doesn't qualify as anything. We're so not living together. How could we? Because anyway, all your belongings are already waiting for you in the hallway, close to this door so that you could get the hell out of here faster. There's nothing of yours left in here because you never _left_ anything behind, so just take them and get the hell out of here, out of _my _apartment. I am not going to ask you once more. I don't want to see you around me ever again, so have a safe flight to wherever you are going next and don't you ever bother to come back because I am done with you." I cross my hands over my chest and watch him, waiting for him to finally leave me alone. But he doesn't move. "Goodbye, Alex. I mean it. Get out."

"No. I am _not_ going away without what I need. It's in your room and it won't take me much to take it."

And he tries to get past me, heading toward the living room. I put my hands on his chest and want to stop him, trying to resist his body strength as best as I can. He is not getting any further than this hallway; I'll make sure of it. I might be little comparing to him, but my immense anger is driving me to do so many things. God knows for how long, but I am not giving up that easily.

"You don't need anything! Just go already, Alexander!"

No matter how angry I am and much or how bad I try to stop him, I can't keep him in one place for too long and he eventually overpowers me and gets past me, getting inside the living room.

But he doesn't manage to get way too far because he stops in place, close to the doorway, as someone knocks at the door. This is just perfect. What happened now? We both try to calm our angers, trying to get back to being normal people as I open the door. And it's the landlord.

"Hello, Rose. How are you? I have heard you yelling..."

And he bends down a little, trying to get his 6'4 feet through my, well, _his _shorter than him apartment door, and he takes a look around the hallway, carefully searching for the source of my distress and his eyes shortly stop their search as they land on my boyfriend. Or whatever he might be right now for me because I am one hundred percent sure that I don't want him around me anymore after what he has done to me so far.

"Is everything alright around here?" he asks suspiciously, probably already knowing what was happening in here because well, I am not proud of making a fool of myself or making my love life problems heard by everyone, but probably the whole building heard my yelling from earlier and everybody knows what was happening in here. I swear, this building has the thinnest walls ever; it's like they are made entirely from cardboard. And of course, they are perfect if you want to hear some Sunday night love drama.

But that doesn't matter anymore. What does is that this man over here might be useful to me right now. He is the biggest, height and muscle related, and the most intimidating man I have known so far, being the perfect definition of a bouncer, and I am aware that I don't have a chance to drag Alexander out of my apartment all by myself, as I have recently found out that I can't fight him for too long and well, I might use some manly help now.

And, despite his apparent scaring appearance (I swear, he looks like he would be able to kill someone on spot; I think he was in the army or something like that; he doesn't like talking about that thing too much and I never pushed it because well, I don't want to push his buttons or something, but he has a big scar on his full of tattoos left arm and all and he was quite scary for me the first time I saw him), he has always been so good to me, always offering himself to help me with the littlest of things like carrying my bags when I come from the supermarket or repairing stuff around the apartment for free, always greeting me with a wide smile on his face and allowing me to keep my dog.

He has always been nice to me, and ever since I have moved in here, I think I can say that we have become some kind of friends because we have spent some time drinking tea and eating cookies that I baked on Saturdays and chatting because I didn't know any other way to repay him for his kindness, so I might try to get some help from him this time too.

"No. Not really. I am sorry for all the noise, Hunter (see? even his name works with his killer appearance), but I was just trying to make _this man_ leave."

I throw the ugliest glare into the direction of my... _something _as I still can't find a proper description for him right now, maybe just controlling professional douchebag, and he looks back at me, displease filling his expression and he crosses his arms over his chest into a "come on" gesture, and he is one second away from rolling his eyes.

This attitude of his only annoys me some more. How can he be like this even though _he _is the one who was wrong? I bet that he even wants to tell me again that I am overreacting and seeing things as they are not. But hell, he didn't even come with an explanation when I asked for it, so I will resume to my conclusion about him.

Hunter nods, then looks once more at Alexander and he crosses his arms over his chest, taking a more imposing stance and then lifts his eyebrows.

"And he doesn't want to leave?"

He seems ready to kick ass already, just from the way he pronounced that question, with a smile on his lips. Oh, Hunter, I am so going to bake you a cake after you kick his ass out here. It's the least I can do for the trouble he is saving me of. I will be forever grateful to him.

"Does he need any _impulse_?" he asks getting completely inside the apartment, approaching the other man slowly and I can already feel the room starting to fill with testosterone as Alex pins his eyes on Hunter, and well, his body tenses too, and I can feel that this thing is going to end with a big fight and who knows, maybe with someone's visit to the hospital. And so you know, I am putting my money on Hunter's victory.

But to my luck and his, Alexander doesn't look for any trouble, probably not having the courage to mess with a man having Hunter's size and he just grabs the luggage he is always carrying around with him while traveling, pinning me with his hateful stare the whole time, trying to probably make me feel bad for what is happening, but I am far from feeling that so I just watch him with disgust filling me, praying that he would only leave faster, and he starts walking towards the exit, the man close to the door frame already making space for him to get out.

But he stops in front of me, probably feeling the need to have the last word, just as usual.

"I'll let you put your thoughts in order for now and let you realize what mistake you are making, _sweetheart_. We'll talk later about this."

I am so not going to talk to him later. I will not talk to him ever again. I don't even want to be near him ever again.

"No, thank you." I take a defying stance in front of him. "And you leaving? The best sight in my life. I regret nothing. Just go already."

He watches me, even more anger filling his eyes.

"I won't leave things like this, Rose. You will soon pay me for this." he says just for me to hear, with a knows-it-all grin on his face at the last statement, then turns his back to me and gets out of my apartment, walking angrily.

What a jerk. All I can be now is happy that he is out of here and out of my life.

The landlord assures himself that I am alright, both physically and mentally, and after I thank him from the bottom of my heart and I tell him that I will be fine for about a hundred times, he gives me a bear hug and tells me that whatever problem I have, he is going to help me with it and with that he leaves.

I close the door behind him and glue myself to the wall next to me, finally allowing myself to feel everything that has happened, finally allowing myself to break and the tears that I was trying so hard to hold start falling down my cheeks and I can't stop them now.

And soon enough, as I am shaking from my sobs, crumbled to the floor, I hear some light tapings on the wooden floor as a little creature that I love so much gets out of my room and approaches me slowly. On his way, he stops for some times to assess his surroundings, searching, and when his eyes lay on me, his little tail starts wiggling fast and he rushes to me. When he reaches me, he starts nuzzling his wet nose on my knee and whining. Oh, he's so sweet, coming to comfort me.

"Oh, did you get scared from all that yelling, puppy? Did I scare you? Come here."

I wipe my tears and pick him up and he snuggles into the crook of my neck, still letting out a faint wail as he's trying to lick my cheek.

"I am sorry, Ash, I was just so mad."

I hold him tighter and soothe his fluffy light brown and white fur and feeling his little heart's beats on my shoulder, and I let this little pupper help me calm the hurting in my chest, just like always.

This was horrible. I don't have any other words to describe it. I never thought that he would... I can't even think about it. What happened with him all of a sudden? Why did he react like that? Maybe I shouldn't have reacted like that in the first place either. Maybe I shouldn't have hurried to come to such a conclusion and be so pushy with demanding an explanation from him, but gosh, the way he acted at the party made me think about this stuff. Maybe it was my fault?

No. You know what? I didn't do anything wrong. He gave me all these reasons to doubt him and he didn't even come with a good explanation for his missing, so I had all the reasons to react the way I did. Him, on the other side, I didn't expect to react like that. Not even in my darkest dreams, I never thought that he would be like this. To treat me like this. But it seems that you can never completely know someone. And it seems that I have never known him after all this time.

After a while in which I have finally stopped crying, my little friend moves and I let go of him, letting him go and do anything that puppies enjoy doing in their free time, and, as I don't feel capable of moving too far, I hardly move my ass on the sofa and lie there, just to feel a little physical comfort.

And by not being able to get my mind off what happened earlier, I start crying again. God, I just wish that this evening never happened. That all these two days wouldn't have happened. All these past months. I wish I could forget them. But of course, this is not an option. I will have to live with it and maybe learn something from it. Learn so many from it. I think I am done with men.

After a little while, Ash, the only manly presence I need in my life right now, comes back and hops his little body on the sofa and comes on top of me, climbing up on my body with his small paws pressing on my skin, and he lays on my chest his smiling carrot chewing toy, pushing it towards me with his paw.

He's the cutest thing ever! He knows that playing with him makes me happy and it's so sweet that he is trying to make me happy now, so I play with him for a little while, trying to get Alexander off my mind, but eventually, even with his best intentions, the pupper loses all his energy and soon, he falls asleep on my belly, and I need to face reality once more.

So I spend the rest of the night lying on the sofa, with him lightly snoring on my abdomen, and as I walk my fingers into his thick fur, my stingy eyes are analyzing the ceiling for any possible imperfection as I am unable to fall asleep.

Now, what's next? What should I do? I can't stop feeling hollow. I can't stop the torment in my head. All I want is to simply disappear. To get away and be alone to put my thoughts- no. _My life_ in order. Because everything is a complete mess right now. And I need to change this. I can't continue to live like this, and I should have realized it sooner.

And as the night passes and the sun starts to pierce through the veil of darkness outside and through my window and reaching my face, making my dry eyes hurt, I realize how much time has passed. And I realize that I have survived it, that horrible, horrible night that seemed to have been lasting forever.

To my surprise, I have made it till the morning and I am not, I don't know, dead or something. At least not on the outside. But I still feel unable to move. So I just lie there some more, my whole body heavy and cold because the window has been open all night long and I didn't bother to close it, and my insides are feeling dry from all the crying. It's like I have exhausted all my water savings and it feels like I have a little desert in my mouth.

But soon, I get tired of vegetating, of feeling stupid, useless, horrible and all the other things I think about myself at this hour, so, careful not to wake Ash, I get up to my feet, driven by a burning wish to get away from here. After a night of constant thinking, I know what I want. A break. From everyone and everything that is part of my life in this town.

The next thing I do is head to my room and start packing some of my stuff. I put in there all kind of things, not even knowing for how long I am planning to be away, but all I know is that I have to leave this place as fast as possible. I can't be in here any longer.

I move fast and methodical and as soon as I finish, my dog gets inside the room, waking up too, and he is happily crewing on his carrot and hopping excitedly around me, curious about what I do. It's amazing to see how much he enjoys my company even when I am such in a low mood, thing that has happened quite often ever since I have him.

But somehow, he keeps on finding reasons to be happy and by extent, make me happy. I mean, how can you be sad with this little bundle of joy hopping and barking and playing all day long? Without him, these past months would have been so much worse for me and he has been helping me so much, unlike other people in my life. He has been my little fluffy support.

I head to the kitchen and he follows me, not leaving me unsupervised not even for a second, and as soon as we enter, he forgets about his toy and rushes to the cupboard I am keeping his food in and he starts scratching the door, trying to open it. I swear that from how determined he is, one day he will manage to get in there and I have no idea how he will get out if the door closes behind him. Too good that I am not leaving him alone for way too long or else this little frolicsome would turn my apartment upside down if he would get bored enough.

After I give him his treats, I get to the living room and look for my phone. And I realize it has been on silent all this time. Because I have some missed calls. Do you want to guess from who? None other than the jerk I used to love once. He really had the insolence to call, and not once. Not that I would have answered because I don't appreciate the gesture, but if I did, I know that I would have ended up being even more hurt.

I get past the missed calls and do what I intended to do in the first place. I call my boss. It's way too early in the morning for him to even be at the office, but hey, let him know for at least once how it feels to be woken up by someone at this hour just because something happened at the office and there is no boss to take care of it. It happened to me a hundred times, so if it happens to him once, it won't kill him.

And the phone rings. And rings. I even have the time to get to my room and out the little balcony I have, into the cold, cold air of this November morning, and I take deep breaths of air, enjoying how my lungs fill with all this fresh air. And finally, just when the phone has been ringing for about a whole minute, he answers.

"Yeah? Who's there?" oh, I can bet all my money he is hangover.

"It's Rose."

"Rose? What Rose?"

I wanted to do things the nice way. I wanted to tell him that I need some time off. But when I hear that question, I change my mind. He doesn't even know who I am?

"It's Rose, your goddamn personal assistant. Oh, excuse me. Your _ex_ personal assistant. Because I quit."

"Wait, what? You can't do that."

"I can. And I will. I am, right now, and there is nothing you can do about it."

"But-"

"I will come to take my stuff sometime this month."

Not that I would really have anything important there. Maybe I won't even go. I don't want to see his face ever again either.

"You can't do that. You are supposed to give me a notice before-"

"I am giving you one. Right now. I am quitting."

"Hathaway, what's the matter with you? What happened?" he seems to be fully aware now and I may add, for once, concerned.

"I am sorr-"

Just like always, I feel the need to apologize for the inconvenience, for the short notice, for the early hour, but this time, I decide not to. He has been quite a jerk to me ever since I got that job and he doesn't deserve for me to be nice to him anymore. And it seems that this morning he is not different.

"Did something happen with you, Hathaway? Why are you acting like this? Do you need a free day or something to get back to your senses? Just know that it will not be paid and-"

"No. In fact, you know what? I am not sorry. Not at all. Have fun with dealing with everything by yourself. See how that feels you little jerk. Have a great day." because I know I am already having one.

I don't give him any chance at a response, I end the call, just like he has done to me countless times before. And the second I get the phone off my ear, I can't help it and I simply smile. It feels so liberating to get rid of things that did you no good. A shitty uncaring boyfriend, a shitty job that I have never liked, it feels great to get rid of them. And the more of them you get rid of, the better it feels.

Everybody was right. Sometimes you have to do something reckless to feel good, to tell people to go to hell, cut them off, to just do what feels right for you even if you sometimes hurt someone. And I do feel good now. So, so good.

And you know what? This thing that just happened last night maybe isn't such a big deal, in a bad way, I mean. Maybe it was supposed to happen and it was supposed to be so bad just because it was meant to be a wakeup call for me. And neither what happened now. There are plenty of other jobs for me out there and plenty of other men I could be with.

But later. Because now I have something else to do. For myself. For my peace of mind.

I take one last deep breath of this cold air and head back inside, my heart feeling lighter. And after I close the balcony door behind me, I start yelling "Fuck!". And gosh, don't these seconds feel liberating? I yell my frustration, my anger, all my bad feelings and get rid of them, just by yelling this bad word I usually avoid using, but which, in this situation, seems to be suitable enough to express myself.

And eventually, when my throat starts hurting, I stop. And instead of yelling, I start laughing. It might seem that I am having a mental breakdown right now, but no. I feel so goddamn good!

My pupper comes fast in my room to check what is happening. He might think I am going insane, but I swear I haven't felt so good in a very long time. I stop my idiotic laughter and chuckle mostly for myself as I get a hold of my luggage, putting it on my shoulder.

"Come on, Ash. We're going to make a little trip." He is now all ears, looking at me with his big black eyes and tilting his head. Isn't he a curious one? "We're going to see mum and dad." and he starts wiggling his little tail faster and he lets out two joyful barks.

I crouch and pick him up and he starts to lick my face.

"Yeah, I knew you would like that. You just can't wait for my mother to fill your belly with all kind of treats, don't you? She will turn you into a fattie. When we will come back, you will be a chubby little fella."

I put him down as I search for his collar that he has a big antipathy for and after I find it, I keep on talking to him, distracting him as I am putting the collar on.

"And what if I take you to meet Mase, huh? What would you say about that, puppy?" he looks at me curiously, probably wondering who is this Mase I am talking about. "Yeah, I am taking you to him. I bet he would have loved you, little one. And the two of you would have only been a couple of troublemakers together. The perfect team." I ruffle his fur and kiss the tip of his head, rewarding him for his good behavior. "Now, let's go pup."

I get up and head out of the apartment, my heart never feeling this easy in months.

* * *

**XPOV**

Of course, I couldn't leave things like that.

Rose, the innocent shy little bitch that has finally decided she needs to speak for herself still has something that belongs to me and I desperately need it back, or else I am a dead man.

I left last night not because I was afraid of that guy because I have been dealing with buff guys like that my entire life and I could have killed him in less than five moves, but I thought it wasn't worth the trouble of Rose seeing that and to have to kill my little scapegoat too. Plus, I thought that I would be able to talk Rose back into letting me upstairs along the night, but she just decided to ignore all my calls.

So, I just needed to delay everything and wait for her to leave her apartment and go to work. And as soon as I knew that the apartment was empty, well, except that little annoying dog I have gotten her just so that she would think I care about her dramatic loss, I made my way inside to get what is mine.

But I have been turning her apartment upside down for the past fifteen minutes and found absolutely no purse. And without that goddamn purse, there is no goddamn memory card. And without the card, I cannot get my money.

But besides that, so many people from my agency will want my head on a plate if they find out about this. And I don't have much time until someone will find out about what I have done. I am totally fucked! And just because of this little bitch! What the hell have you done, Rose?


	6. Then what are you? Cheap Russian labor?

**Then what _are_ you? Cheap Russian labor?**

**NOW**

**RPOV**

I gulp, feeling very thirsty all of a sudden. Gosh, what is this guy doing to me? I have been close to him just for a couple of seconds and all that my senses can perceive is him, nothing else around me. And I need to get back to reality, to get a hold of myself, of my rationality. Fast.

I take a step back, breaking contact with him, and my body weirdly feels like an important part of it is now missing, but I do my best to ignore that. It's not like I am going to jump in his arms anytime soon, even though my body seems to desperately want that.

And I decide it's finally time to speak. I have been out for too long already.

"Huh? What did you, um, say? I didn't-" pay any attention to any of his words, only to his fatal hotness.

"I asked you if it hurts." he says pointing to my head.

"No..." I say in a weird voice._ Rose! Stop it already. You'll make a fool of yourself if you continue like this. Speak like a normal human being_.

I clear my throat, and as I take my hand up and rub on my forehead, inspecting things, I shake my head. Everything is fine. I don't even feel any bump beginning to form, so the hit wasn't that bad. I wasn't too shaken by the impact. I was rather shaken up by his presence. I still am.

"No, not really. It's- it's okay. Don't worry. I'm fine. You didn't really hit me. You barely touched me."

The concerned expression disappears from his face and his so good to kiss lips turn into a smile, just like the earlier one, and it's cheeky and flirty and well, it makes my knees go weak for a second, until I mentally slap myself for my stupid reactions._ Goddamnit, he's just a guy._

But with him still being close to me now, that smile looks a hundred times better than back into the cafe. This here guys is such a nice view. I don't think I could get bored with this. Like ever. _Rose, stop it, you don't even know this man. He's just being polite._ _Don't start planning your wedding with him yet, will you? Plus, you said you were done with guys. _Right. Very right. Thank you, brain. I don't need another Alexander in my life. Guys looking this good only bring trouble in your life. I am talking from experience.

"I'm glad." he responds and the more he speaks to me, I realize that even his voice is sexy.

There is something about his accent that makes everything he says sound so good. In my head I am already picturing how my name would sound into his voice and God, I wish he would just say it. Like now if possible. Would it be weird if I would ask him to say it? _Yeah, Rose. It would be beyond weird._

"Then, we can say that I hit _on_ you." And he throws me a flirty glare.

Waaait a second. Is this supposed to be a pun-pick up line or something? If you think about it, it is some kind of funny. I'll give him some points for pulling this up because not that many guys can turn a situation like this into something funny; they would only make hitting on someone be cringe, and they don't usually have good comebacks with them. I like funny guys.

And coming from someone looking like him, it just makes my cheeks burn in an instant. Is he trying to pick me up? Why the hell is he even flirting with me? And why the hell do I even _care_? Why am I reacting to it? I shouldn't. I am _not_. I won't fall for some shit like this again. I have learned my lesson and I won't do the same mistake twice.

I gasp lightly as one of his hands travels down on my arm, getting to my elbow, and even though I am wearing a quite thick blouse, it feels like I am in fact not wearing anything at all, that my skin is completely bare under his touch, the line that he just traced with his fingers leaving on my skin some kind of a tingling-burning sensation. This is new. I have never felt anything comparing to this from anyone who has ever touched me. And I must admit that I like it. Very much. My body starts getting again that heating sensation in between my legs and I wish he would touch me some more. _Earth to Rose, he's a total stranger!_

"Maybe you could let me make it up to you for the possible bump you are going to get?" he lifts his hand and touches the spot I previously rubbed, so gentle it makes me completely relax and gosh I wish his touches on my skin to never stop and oh, his fingertips feel so soft on my skin.

My blood heats some more and I look down, breaking eye contact, what's happening being way too intense for me to handle. And I swear that my mouth wants to ask him how he wants to make it up for that, because how can you ignore someone looking like this guy? But I bite on my tongue before I do so. I promised myself something and I am keeping on to that no matter the level of sex-appeal this guy has.

Okay, this is way too weird for me. I would usually just get jackasses or full-on-nerds to hit on me, and this on my best days. That's just my bad luck following me everywhere. And until now, throughout my existence, no hot guy that seemed nice ever hit on me, and all of a sudden, two of them manifest their interest for me into the period of almost half a year? I am the same Rose, so what changed?

This happening right now is some kind of a miracle. And how this alignment happened? I have just broken up with Alexander a month ago and now this guy shows up? Okay, don't get me wrong; I am not going to jump into another relationship right now, not with this guy, but still. How is the universe working, huh?

But the real question is what should I do now? How do I deny his offer nicely? Not that I would really want to do it and I want to punch myself for it, but I know it's the right thing to do for me.

"What would you say if we go somewhere else? Somewhere more… private? What about _your_ place?" he asks into a sexy voice, a smirk spread on his lips, but as I hear him, the magic and electricity I was feeling two seconds ago go to trash in an instant.

_Really_? He doesn't waste any second and goes straight to the subject. I admit that my cloudy brain kind of wanted to go with him to grab a drink or something like that because he seemed kind of cute at first, starting with that pun and all, and that manly aura around him that made me think of stuff I haven't before, but I am so not going to go with him to my place. Or anywhere else, now that I have my feet back on the ground.

What, do I look like easy prey to him? Just like I did for Alex? They play in the same league, I see. Well, I might be awkward about all the time and not know much stuff about things like these, but at least I am not stupid enough to fall for it twice.

Plus, I am not easy. I am not going to have sex with the first guy I meet into a shady bathroom. I have some standards, okay? And I am not desperate, even though my body seems to be wanting his in a way I cannot understand.

Ugh! I hate it when guys think they can get everything they want just because they look like that and they expect for girls to fall on their knees at their feet in an instant. There are way too many guys with this God complex and they all need to stop. He may be handsome as hell and he might be making my knees feel weak, but he has no right to act like this. Not with me. And not today, as I am already pissed off just because of a guy just like this one.

Now I know exactly what I should do. I am going to send him away with a flea in his ear. I take one more step back, completely breaking the physical contact I enjoyed a second ago.

"Look, um…" I gesture my hand in his direction hoping that he would help me with his name, but he doesn't and I just go with the flow. "…_comrade_. I am not-"

He frowns, but he's looking at me some kind of amused.

"What did you just call me?" he asks with what I percept as a threatening tone and there goes my courage.

Maybe two gestures of courage in the same day are too much for me. And instead of flipping him off as I should do, as he deserves, I tame myself and even get ashamed and avert my eyes as his gaze falls on me.

"Oh, I am sorry.' I say almost with a panicky tone. "But you see, I don't know your name and I thought that since you seem Russian, you know, from your _accent_… I am very good with accents and I usually guess them right and I thought that…" I stop to take a deep breath in. "Sorry, I am babbling. I should have not done that. It's not nice. I can't just make assumptions about you. Can you tell me what your name is so that I won't use that again?"

_Good job Rose. At least you tried._

"Sebastian." He says without any expression on his face and with a flat tone.

Now, _my_ eyebrows knit. Really? This is like the most American name that a Russian guy can have. My opinion, don't judge. But hey, if his parents wanted to name him like that, then so be it.

"Okay, _Sebastian_. You need to know that I am _not_ interested. At all." Even though I hoped that you would be a nice guy. My bad. Again. I should stop making assumptions about people's character and be more skeptical from now on. "You just bumped into me and it is okay, really. You didn't even hit me that hard. You barely touched me. It's not such a big deal. There is no need for you to do anything to mend things. There is nothing to mend. And now, if you'll excuse me please, I have somewhere to be."

I want to get out of here and end this shitty night as fast as possible. I take two steps to the right as I want to get around him, but he wraps his fingers on my elbow quite tight now and drags me back to face him again, making me gasp once more, but this time fear fills me, not some kind of a thrill at this touch.

Oh-oh. God, it's such a bad idea to be into this room with him alone right now. What if he is some kind of a psychopath and wants to drown me in one of these sinks? What if he wanted to take me home and kill me there and then rob my place? Or worse. Shit, there are so many possibilities.

I can only hope that someone will enter the bathroom before something bad happens to me because this guy doesn't seem willing to let go of me as I try to get my arm back from his grip. How am I getting out of here?

My heart is beating so fast that I feel it in my whole body, but I try to keep myself rational. Or at least I am trying not to lose my mind.

"Hey, let me-" I want to pull away again, but he shakes me a little and I simply freeze.

"Look, _love_ maybe-" he starts with a smile.

"Hey. Don't call me like that. I am _not_ your love creepo."

It's a wonder I had the courage to speak to him with this tone and these words, considering the bad situation I am into. I try to regain a hold of myself as best as I can, wanting not to snap at him some more. I don't like getting into conflicts with people and on most days, I'd rather keep to myself, so that I won't make the situation worse than it already is, but today, on the worst occasion ever, my mouth just spoke without consulting my brain first. And I don't stop!

"Look, _comrade_, get your damned hands off me in this very moment." I slap his hand off mine with all my force and speak with a harsher tone. "And don't you _dare_ touch me again. I am walking out that door right now and if you even _think_ about stopping me, I'll start screaming. So move out of my way. Now."

And I already reach my hand for my purse, trying to find fast the pepper spray I am carrying with me but I have no chance because this guy is so much faster than me. He again catches my hand, stopping my hand from moving and when I look again at him, his expression changes, the smile disappearing completely from his face and his voice turns cold.

"Okay, it was fun while it lasted. Let's stop playing now."

"_Fun_?" and yeah, I would love for him to stop playing and let me get out of here. "Okay, you need-"

"Listen to me, Rosemarie."

Oh, look, my wish came true; he said my name and it sounded way better than I imagined. But even though, this is so wrong. Where does he even know my name from? Is he some kind of a crazy stalker? I haven't noticed him following me around. Well, not that I have been looking for someone following me, but still.

I try to reach my other hand into the purse, but he shakes me again.

"Don't you even try. You won't get the chance to do a single thing, I promise." And his threat makes me freeze in place. He seems pleased with my reaction. "And maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. But first, let's drop the acting."

He watches me expectantly. "What acting?" I ask unsure. I don't even know if I am supposed to speak.

He puffs. "Can you not pretend anymore to be this shy nerdy girl and stuff? It's quite exaggerated and I already know who you are and what you have done so let's cut the crap."

"What? What have I done?" I ask startled. What is he talking about? "I am not pretending with anything. That's-" just how I am in general I want to say but don't get the chance to.

"Fine. Whatever. Do what you want, but know I am not here to play any game so don't you test my patience because I almost ran out of it while waiting. And now, I am going to say this one more time and you'll better listen well to what I have to say."

He reaches his hand behind him and from under his jacket, he reveals a gun. _A_ _gun_. Well, this is all way too good to be true, right? My day keeps on getting better and better with each passing second. I think I preferred him hitting on me rather than this. With that, I have dealt before. With guns too, but neither of my encounters with them was pleasant and it has always ended badly.

"You and I are going somewhere else. Understood?" gosh, I should have stayed in bed today.

My heart begins to race and I take in deep breaths in, as not so good memories involving a gun come pouring into my head. Can you believe that such a reserved person like me has already been in two situations involving guns and I am just 23?

But mainly, flashes from a horrible night from months ago unroll fast in front of my eyes and I start feeling that thick and sweet coppery smell invading my nostrils and it is all over my tongue and even my palms heat up at the thought of his blood covering them slowly, getting through my fingers and I try to get rid of that sensation by rubbing my free palm on the material of my skirt but that thing doesn't help me at all.

My intestines twist and I think that I am going to have a panic attack soon. That if I am not already having one. _Rose, try to be calm. Remember, just breathe. Everything is fine now. _The words of the therapist come into my mind but I can't follow them. Because everything is surely _not_ fine now and as I take in the gravity of things, I panic even more. I instinctively want to take a step back but he doesn't allow me to.

"Oh, my God." My voice comes out as a whine. "_Please_ don't-"

"Hey. You knew what you were getting yourself into from the first second, so just _drop the acting_." What? What did I get myself into? I have no idea what he is talking about! "Now, let's go." He interrupts my inner questioning. "This if you don't want things to go bad. You don't want that, right?" I shake my head no. "Good. You're a good girl. Now, did you understand what I want from you?"

He is speaking with me like I would be some kid that needs special explanations but at this moment I think that I kind of do because my brain is not functioning well from all this panic in me. I nod. This is all I can do, to agree with him because what else can I do anyway?

"Fine. Now, let's go. And I suggest you not to attract any attention."

I nod fast and lightly. He puts the gun back into the belt of his jeans, covering it with his duster, and takes me by my forearm.

"You first." He says full of politeness, his state going back to the leisured one as he takes me out the door. Oh, he's such a gentleman. And I am so screwed.

We get out of the bathroom and end up on the empty hallway. Like really? Some minutes ago it was full of people talking about some shady painting on the wall and now it's deserted? Great! Just my luck. No one can see what the hell is happening and how I am being held hostage.

I stop and turn in place to face him.

"Look, I'll…I'll give you anything you want. You can take all my money. I don't have much on me but I can give you my phone too. But please don't hurt me. I don't-"

He lifts a hand, stopping me.

"You know I don't want your money. Or anything else like that from you. Come on, Rosemarie. We both know what is happening here."

We do? Oh my God, does this mean that he wants to…no, no, no. _No_. Is he some kind of a serial killer or something? Is he taking me away and do unimaginable things to me and then kill me? Why do all the too good looking guys have to be fuckboys, taken, gay or crazy?! Can't at least one of them be a nice guy, period?

No, this _cannot_ be happening to me. _Please_. Anyone who might hear me, please do something to stop this guy because I have no idea what I could do.

And where is Alexander when you need him the most? Couldn't he have been here like he promised? God, the first thing I am surely going to do if I ever see him again is to punch him. Hard and if I can, repeatedly. If he wouldn't have asked me to come here, I wouldn't be in this crappy situation in the first place. If he would have bothered to _come_, I wouldn't have had to deal with this thing now. And three days ago too! Even when he is not around, he keeps on bringing trouble in my life. But now that he is nowhere to be found, how am I even going to deal with it?

"Then what can I- What? _Why_-?"

He sighs, just like he would be tired of my questioning.

"Rosemarie, shut up. Don't ask the questions you already know the answer of, okay? In fact, don't speak at all because you may attract the attention of someone, and you don't want to do that, trust me. You'll come with me and there is no way out." I try to free my hand but he shakes me a little. Gosh, he has a thing for that, no? "Don't you try anything, or things will end badly for you and for anybody that gets in between. Understood?"

Without giving me any other chance to protest, he guides me towards the exit and I look left and right for some help but no one at the tables meets my gaze, being too preoccupied with their existence to give any attention to my crisis. We get past them fast and as he reaches for the doorknob, I hear it. My glint of hope.

"Rose?" a familiar voice calls my name.

Both of us turn into the direction of that someone. It's Eddie, the waiter that has served me and chatted with me about my book, which is his favorite.

Please, please, _please_, sense that there is something wrong going on. Come on, Eddie. I need you more than ever.

"Yes?" I respond and widen my eyes at him and point with them to my left, trying to transmit him something to him without my keeper's notice.

And thank God, he catches some vibes, because his expression changes, his eyebrows knitting.

"Is there something wrong?" he asks.

I want to respond that there is something very wrong going on and that he should call the police, but I feel the grip on my hand tightening and I stop myself from grimacing in displease for not being able to do anything about my situation.

"No, there is _nothing_ wrong. _Right_, Rose?" my companion speaks before I do, in a sugar-coated voice. "We were just _leaving_." and with an imperceptible gesture, he pulls me a little closer to him, gluing my body to his lean one.

"Rose?" Eddie searches for confirmation, his expression telling me that he is not wholly convinced.

I open my mouth. The man just squeezes harder, enough for no one around to observe, but enough for me to be warned. Yeah, there is no way out for me, I got it. This dude has a gun. And he could use it on every person in here if he wants to, I am sure. He already told me that things could end badly, right? So I decide not to risk anyone else's life besides mine.

I crook my mouth into something that I hope resembles a pleasing smile.

"Yeah, Eddie. Everything is _just_ _fine_. My _friend_ and I were going home, no _Sebastian?_" I look up at the Russian and eye him hateful and he fakely smiles in response.

"O-kay then." Eddie says, seeming troubled by my behavior. It's not like I didn't give him a reason to be. "I stopped you to tell you that you forgot to pay for your tea. And as you were heading out, you know..."

"Oh, right. Sorry about that. Just let me-"

I reach for my purse, thanking the gods that I might still have a chance to get my hands on that pepper spray, but Russian guy next to me stops and gets a fifty from his pocket and hands it to Eddie.

"Keep the change." And he directs me toward the door once more.

"Hey." Eddie speaks again.

"What _now_?" the man next to me seems frustrated as he turns to Eddie once more. I just hope that he won't want to use that gun of his soon.

"Here. You were about to forget your coat, Rose." Eddie says and extends it to me.

Ah, and when I was beginning to think that I would be saved. Bye-bye chances of getting away.

After I take what belongs to me, the Russian drags me out the door, not giving Eddie any chance to say something else or for anyone else to stop us again.

When the door closes behind us, he stops in front of me and makes me look in his eyes by getting a hold of my cheeks.

"Do that again and you'll regret it." Is the first thing he says to me in a threatening tone, then lets go of me. "Now, put that on and let's go." He points to my coat and after I am well prepared for the weather outside, he proceeds to guide me further on the street, taking me God knows where.

I consider screaming or trying to get away, to run somewhere, then try to remember some of the self-defense classes I took some years ago and I think about what I might be able to do to this man that could overpower me with the littlest of effort, but he has his eyes pinned on me and I don't think that I have a chance at trying anything.

And none of the few people on the street senses anything wrong, no one picks up on to the horror plastered on my face because it's already dark outside and we look like some couple taking a walk, as he's holding me very close to him. It's surprising how easy is to confuse love with kidnapping.

I first try to negotiate my way out, being ready to offer him all my possessions or _almost_ anything his twisted mind might want, just for him to let me be, but all he does is to shush me every time I open my mouth, not even giving me the chance to make a proper sentence.

"Come on. This _must_ be a confusion. Please."

He has given up on trying to make me stop talking, but he is still dragging me along the streets taking me towards his little torture bunker where no one can hear you scream.

And if he is not willing to tell me what he wants from me, as we walk, I start making assumptions about my situation while my thoughts mix with the search of a way out of here. And well, because of my panic and anxiety, I kinda babble too, sharing my inner thoughts with him and I end up saying stupid things.

"I don't owe money to anyone. I don't gamble. I suck at those kinds of games. At any game in general. I don't do any drugs. Hell, I don't even know anyone who does or sells drugs and I wouldn't even think to buy some. And to be completely honest, I took one Xanax for a severe panic attack I had, but I swear I wouldn't repeat the experience. I didn't even was the one who wanted to take it. Hell, I wasn't even _aware_ of everything that was happening then. They have given it to me, but that happened a long time ago, I swear. One, once. But it made me feel like a zombie and I didn't want to try it again. I swear, I am not addicted to anything."

"And why would I care about your addictions?"

"Because I don't have any. Nothing that would get me involved in a mess like this. Please, this must be a misunderstanding. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't even drink that much, just on some special occasions. I- That is what is all this about, no?"

"Do you still think I am here for money or anything like that?"

"Aren't you?"

"As I have already told you, no."

"Then what are you here for? Why did you take me away?"

"If you want to keep on playing this game, you will see shortly why."

"But I am _not_ playing any game." When will he understand this? When will he understand I am not the right person he wants?

"Sure, sure. Keep on acting clueless if that makes you feel better."

He still doesn't give up on that thought and knowing that I won't get an explanation on that subject, I drop it and approach another.

"Where are you taking me?"

"You will see. Stop being so impatient, it's getting annoying."

I am resisting him a little as a terrible thought passes again through my mind and I need to stop a little to think about it.

"Oh my God. You…" my eyes widen and I look at him.

He stopped too and looks at me with a bothered glare. "I what?"

"You want to take me away and sell me in pieces or something? Is that it? Or are you doing human trafficking? _Oh, gosh. _Do you want to put me…"

I don't even dare to say that thought out loud. The last thing I want to think about now is to be sold and be put on the streets to satisfy the carnal wishes of horrible men.

He looks at me like I would be the funniest person on earth.

"What? Just because I am Russian, this means I am with the mafia and that I am doing all this illegal stuff, right?"

I want to nod but restrain myself quite well. I mean, look at him! He looks as he would be with the mafia and that dangerous, bad boy side of him is giving him away. And even if he is not, anything that he does, it surely isn't legal. He has a gun after all.

He laughs lightly and if he wouldn't be the person he is, I would have found that gesture kinda sweet. But I am so damned scared of him that that sound seems creepy to me. It sounds like he is already preparing things in his head for me.

"I am not with the mafia, Rosemarie."

"Then what _are_ you?!" I snap all of a sudden, the not knowing killing me. "Cheap Russian labor?" I realize I have said one of the stupidest and offending things I could have thought of in days, but my mouth doesn't care and keeps on talking nonsense. "Do you get paid to do the dirty work of someone who doesn't want their hands dirty? And why would you or them even bother with me? I haven't done any harm to anyone in my entire life."

His expression changes from amused to harsh in a split of a second and he makes me walk again, dragging me along.

"You will find out shortly." And I don't think I really want to know. Because he makes it sound worse than the mafia. And what on earth is worse than mafia? "Don't you bother with that now. For now, bother with walking, love."

Normally, I would have asked him not to call me like that again, but instead, my mind transmitted me a thought and I am too busy to process it. _You know the guy. _My brain is telling to me.

And that is true. As I am thinking about him some more, I remember him. I have met him before. And he called me love back then too.

I stop again in place, a thing that only gets a displeased groan from him.

"Rosemarie, come on. We don't have the time. _I_ don't have the time to keep on playing with you. You're starting to get annoying and you don't want to push my buttons more than he did, trust me. Just _get going_."

He tries to drag me to him, but I don't move. And I don't even bother to ask what he is talking about because I am startled by my discovery.

"It was you!"

"What?"

"Back there. Three days ago. In that café. _You_ helped me get out." Come on, don't say no and make me look crazy, please. "It was you that day, no?" I push it.

"Yes."

I knew it! It took me a while to realize it though, but I will blame my scared brain for that. And to my further defense, all I could see were his eyes and besides that, his voice was way different from the one he used with me today, his accent trickily covered by another one. And his voice was calmer. Gentler. Unlike now, it seemed safer to be around him back then.

**Three days ago**

**RPOV**

After him calling me about a hundred times a day, when I finally got bored of ignoring my phone constantly buzzing, I answered yesterday to one of his calls and I have somehow ended up accepting to see Alexander. Because why not be a fool till the end, no? But in his defense, he seemed affected by what happened a month ago and he said that he just wanted a chance to make it up for it.

But don't get me wrong. Just because I am giving him a chance to explain himself, this won't ever mean that I want him back. Because I don't. I have been so better with him out of my life and I want things to stay like that.

I have gotten out from work and took a walk to one café in the center of the town, one close enough to the airport so that he could reach is as soon as he lands. And as I have arrived quite early, I decided to wait for him and not order anything, out of politeness. But the thing is that I have been waiting for him for the past half an hour, and he is nowhere to be found.

And all of a sudden, my phone buzzes. I take it out of my purse and want to read the message I have received from no one other than Alex, probably wanting to excuse himself, like always, but my attention gets distracted by someone starting to yell in terrible distress. It's a woman that got hysterical in a matter of seconds, and she started saying, at first in a low voice, then louder and louder only a word.

"Gun!"

As that word reaches my ears, I look around and indeed, there is someone that has just entered the café and it's holding a gun. In fact, there are three men. And surprisingly enough, they all have on La casa de Papel masks, the red jumpers on the posters I often saw being replaced by black hoodies. But more importantly, one of the men holds now the gun to that woman's head, making her shut her mouth.

"The next drink is on me!" says some man from across the room, probably not having heard the woman yelling like crazy and his voice is everything you can hear in the café.

I turn my head to look there and as soon as he said that a bullet broke through the glass that he was holding up, blowing it to shards and covering that man in blood from the ugly cuts he got in the process.

And everybody, surprisingly not me too, starts screaming. In that moment I realize things are going to go down.

My ears stop hearing anything around me the second someone shoots the second time, this time aiming for the roof, and I am paralyzed with fear. But thankfully for me, some survival instincts ignite in me and bring some rational thoughts back in my mind. I know I need to take cover. Or to find a way out. I look to my left and I know that I have chosen a table close to the bar isle, and I must say this was one of the wisest things I have done in years.

In all that movement and confusion people created in the room while trying to get out, I take my chances and run behind the now empty counter and make myself a little ball of fear, hiding my body behind some boxes I found there. I don't know if I did the right thing, but it seemed like the best option in my frightened brain.

When I regain my hearing, I hear some more gunshots and my body spasms at each of them, but mainly, I try to keep myself as quiet as I can because soon all the torment out there stops as one man takes charge and speaks with a harsh voice that brings chills down my spine.

And it's a miracle I didn't start crying already. Maybe my emotion management struggles are starting to pay off. Or maybe I am way too frightened to show any other emotion.

"Stop moving! And the first person who decides to move, drops dead! Did everybody get that?" only silence meets him, which gives him the confirmation.

The guy speaks some more, telling people to form two groups in separate corners of the room, women on one side and men on another.

As he is probably supervising the people moving, I make my horrified mind busy with looking for a way to eventually get out of here because I have the vague feeling that they will start looking around for people hiding.

And the only possibilities I have are these: the bathroom from where I could go out the window if it is big enough, but it is too far away and everyone would see me if I go for it, and the second escape option I have is a door like three feet away from me, right here, behind the bar, being probably some kind of a storage room and if I am lucky enough, it will have a door that will get me to a back alley or maybe I could lock myself in there, and the plus is that if I crawl to the door, I would manage to reach it unnoticed.

The only problem I have is that if I open it, someone will see, not me, but the door moving out of nowhere and of course, someone will come and I don't think I could outrun any of our keepers and manage to lock the door behind me fast enough.

So my options are quite limited and pretty useless.

"Okay, now everybody will _willingly_ give us your possessions and nothing bad will happen. The second anyone protests, he or she will get shot. Simple to understand, no?" The guy speaks some more.

So they got in here to rob us? Why didn't they hit a bank? They would have more luck there. But anyway, I don't have the time to question their reasons because I hear steps and movement around the room and I know I need to think faster and finally decide on something.

Do I do it or not? Do I have the guts to endanger myself like that? But if I don't do it, I am still in danger to be found. But what if the door is closed and I make noise and they hear me? It has a key in it and I don't know how I would manage to open it if it would be closed. Gosh, this is so hard!

Another man speaks all of a sudden in Spanish with the first guy, and with my rudimentary knowledge in this language, I understand that something is missing. So they are looking for something in fact? And more importantly, who in the room has it?

Then, the first man switches back to English and anger fills his voice.

"Where is _everybody_?!" he asks and punches one of the tables, getting some terrified whelps in return from around the room, but not from me because now more than ever I need to be quiet.

Shit. This means that they will start looking and I should finally make my mind!

"You two. Go search." He says and I hear two sets of footsteps moving around the room and one is precisely coming my way and I already know I am fucked. I waited too long and now it is too late.

All I can do is try to make myself even smaller, praying that somehow that that searcher won't see me.

"No one here." I hear from across the room a man speaking for the first time, just as some footsteps get past the front of the bar and head to the bathroom.

After a little while in which he has been inside, the door opens again and, with a triumphant voice, the other man, the one who spoke in Spanish, says "Found one little bitch hiding in there."

And I start hearing a woman crying, begging to be left alone, for them to have mercy, as she is probably being drawn across the room and some more panic builds in me. If they found her, they will surely find me. And my fate will be no different than hers.

Then, the inevitable happens and a pair of legs comes fast exactly my way and stops in front of me and I am praying to God that he won't bend, but who am I kidding? He does that, just like he knew I was there, and I soon see that terrible mask I never liked face me. Gosh, I am so dead right now.

His eyes make contact with mine and my blood turns cold. I pull my knees closer to me and try to get away from him as he reaches his hand forward and starts moving the boxes next to me, creating some space probably to drag me out of there and I know that I am in for the same treatment the other woman who was hiding got.

"Please…" I barely whisper as I am trembling wholly and push myself into the wooden material of the bar some more, trying to melt into it.

But he just looks me in the eyes, not saying anything, the deep brown of his eyes and that calmness I find in there simply making me relax. Call me crazy, but this guy gives me some kind of a safe feeling even though he is who he is and soon he is going to take me out there to get my punishment for hiding.

Then, he brings his hand to his mouth and shows me to not speak anymore. And what he says next startles me.

"No one here either."

I widen my eyes and open my mouth but he gestures me once more to not speak and I bite my tongue to stop questioning him why is he doing this.

"Search the storage room too." The one who I am guessing is the boss commands.

"Sure do." The man in front of me says, but before getting up he puts a hand on my knee, squeezing it lightly and speaks to me fast, whispering. "Listen, love. If you want to live, crawl to the door as I get there too and when I open it, get inside. Stay there until this finishes." He says with so much calmness and even though he is talking so softly to me, his voice is strong and deep-toned and call me crazy again, but I believe him. He seems to want to help me. For what reason, I have no idea, but he is.

And as he gets up to his feet, I get out from under the bar on my fours and follow him just as he has instructed me, his eyes following me almost all the time on our way to that room that promises me safety, and when we reach the door, he unlocks it (so it was locked after all) and opens it wide, making me enough space to get past him.

He gives me one fast look and moves his head unnoticeably, indicating me to enter the room already. I waste no more second and make my way inside, moving fast but still trying not to make much noise.

After I get inside, he does too and lets the door close behind him, leaving us in complete darkness. I have already found a corner to make myself little in and I don't know what to do next but keep my knees pulled to my chest and tremble. But this guy knows what to do.

He turns on a flashlight and points it directly at me, then crouches in front of me. I can't see much of him, but he can see all of me and I don't know if it's a good thing that I am now alone in here with him.

"Be good and stay in here. And be quiet. No matter what happens out there, you don't make any noise, okay?"

"O- okay." I barely find the courage to speak.

"Good." He says patting my knee then gets up and gets the flashlight out of my face, and reaches for the door, leaving me even more startled than before.

Why did he help me? Why didn't he take me there to the others? But I don't ask him that, having a hunch I won't get an answer.

"Thank you." I whisper so faintly and I don't think that he even heard me, but he stops in place and turns off the flashlight.

Before I hear the doorknob clicking, he speaks.

"Yeah, don't mention it."

And with that, he gets out of there and even locks the door behind him.

And the next few couple of minutes unroll so fast outside as I sit there, unable to do anything to change the situation, and I even start feeling bad that I am in here at safety and all the other people are out there at gunpoint and being threatened.

I don't hear much of the speaking, but I hear the yelling. First, it's the yelling of the leader guy, going crazy in Spanish and ranting furiously about something, and the closed door doesn't help me much to understand what he is saying.

But all of a sudden his yelling stops and the other people's begin as some commotion seems to have started out there and there are some gun shots mixed with several people's terrified yelling and some men saying "Police!".

**NOW**

**RPOV**

"It _was_ you." I need to state once more.

So now it makes sense why I couldn't identify him from the three men the police has caught. I looked them all in the eyes, two alive but hurt and one dead but I didn't find the deepness and calmness of those brown eyes this man has in neither of them.

"Yes, it was me." He confirms once again.

"This means that you…?" another thought comes to my brain and I cannot voice it from now.

"I what?"

"You killed the third one and took his place."

It makes sense. Their stature matched and he didn't speak much in there and the accent thing matched and well, he already admitted it was him so I will stop my deductions. But what made me make this statement is this: the police officially said that one of the men in there managed to get away (this person being him), but he got wounded (which he surely isn't because he is moving way too freely to be hurt in any way), just like the others two did and they have found him dead on a back alley close to the bar, on his way to get away. But that guy wasn't killed by the police. It was him. Because he was in the café instead of the third supposedly Spanish guy.

"Yes, I did." He says like he would admit, I don't know, that he is a meat eater. And this confirmation only makes me more afraid of him. "Congratulations on your discovery. Do you want a prize or something now?"

No, I want to go home and forget these crappy days have happened to me. Plus, I remember what followed after the police have come and took care of the situation and once more this evening, my mouth speaks without much thought.

"Do you have _any idea_ of how many hours the police questioned me because of _you_?"

I first thought that that day couldn't get any worse, leaving aside the nice bad guy who has saved my life, but when the police found me locked from the outside in the storage room they started asking questions and I told them the truth because why would I even lie to the police, and they wanted me to identify the one who has helped me. And you can only guess how surprised we all were when we found that none of them was this guy. And that made them suspicious about me.

"They kept me into the police station for hours like _I_ was one of the bad guys, comrade. Those bastards acted with me like I was part of all that and wanted to get the truth from me, but I didn't know it!" and hell, I even started thinking I won't ever see the light of day.

But that doesn't matter anymore. They have let go of me. What matters now is that I need some serious explanation because I am so confused!

"Why were you there? Why did you help me? And why did you take me now?"

But there is no response I get from him, just and emotionless glare.

"Let's get moving, Rosemarie. You are wasting my time." He says sighing and tries to catch my hand but I pull it away from him.

"_Why_?" I insist.

"Why what?"

"Why did you help me get out of there?" I decide on that question just because it's older.

"Why do you think, Rosemarie?"

"I _don't know_. Plus, I asked you first."

He sighs. "Because those men were looking for _you_ that day and they wanted to kill you after they would have gotten what they wanted from you, but I had other plans for you and they were messing with them. Plus, after all the efforts I made to hide you, it wasn't the wisest idea from you to go meet them and look them in the eyes so that they would know how you look." He scolds me.

"So this means that… you killed the other guys too?"

Just the day after the café thing, I found out that the guys have been killed while in police custody and that seemed a strange thing, well, until now. He nods, confessing to me to murder so easily.

"But _why_?"

"As I said, they were interfering with my business and I needed you alive to meet Xavier. Happy now? I thought that that brain of yours would have already figured it out what is going on and what I want from you. What everybody wants from you."

He says that expecting for it to make complete sense to me, still thinking that I know so much more than I do, but when I have no revelation, he takes my hand in his and drags me after him. And of course, the next logical thing that I want to do is to ask who the hell this Xavier he is talking about is, and maybe sort this mess once and for all.

But I don't get to. Because as we pass some street that has almost all its street lights shut (he is taking me on this way probably to avoid people seeing my expression, or even hear our shady conversation, and I surely can't be happier, can't I?), this happens.

Someone calls my name. It's a voice I don't recognize. What now? Everybody knows me all of a sudden? How did I become so famous?

I stop on instinct and so does my companion and I turn around to see what that someone wants from me. I take a look around and as I finally spot the man who was calling me, his figure still protected by the darkness, another one gets out from the shadows between the two blocks in front of us, and both of them get some knives out of their pockets, their clicks being the only sound my ears perceive besides my breathing getting heavier. And all I can see quite clearly is that they are both wearing black gloves and the blades of the small knives shine into the darkened street as the light of the streetlamp from the other side of the street lands on them.

Wow, first a gun and now knives. What is wrong with this day? Will someone bring a grenade too?

"Hey, lover boy, we just want the girl. If you go now, you might live to see another day. It's your choice. But think well. Is she worth the risk of trying to play the hero? Don't try to impress her because she will go with us anyway, either you try to die for her or not." one of them says so sure of himself as he is rounding the knife in the air, like he would prepare his wrist for a strike, and his voice transmits me that he's not going to do nice things to me if we end up alone.


	7. Hormones and pheromones and stuff

**Hiiiii guys! It took me a lot to edit today's chapter so this is why I am posting it quite late, but thank you for your patience :) you are the best**

**And I hope you'll enjoy this little Rose and Dimitri moment I wrote. T****here would be moooore of them and they will be more intense, I promise ;) this is just the beginning**

**Love you all**

* * *

**Hormones and pheromones and stuff**

**RPOV**

My blood turns cold and my mind can only focus on that man's words. They want to take me.

And looking at them, at the horrible expressions on their faces, being with the Russian doesn't seem that bad now. At least he is only one and well, comparing to them, he seems more human and doesn't look at me like he would do horrible things to me, even though he is probably going to if we get to his hiding.

But even though, now I am praying that he won't leave me here with them. He has let go of me a couple of seconds ago and this time I am the one reaching for him, rounding my palms on his forearm, trying to pull him closer to me, into a little desperate attempt to make him stay, to ask him to stay, and I can feel that under me, he is already tense.

And what does everybody want from me? Why do so many people want to get their hands on me? Three is way too much already. And what do I have to offer all of a sudden? But I don't get the chance or even the courage to ask that or to make more sense of what is going on, of who these men are. I sit there and grip on his forearm, holding him like he would be a shield.

For a couple of seconds, nothing happens and it feels like time has frozen as the men look at each other, and you can already feel the air in those five feet keeping the four of us apart thicken with testosterone and I can only think of what is going to happen to me. Is there going to be a fight? Will the Russian let me go? Will I end up dead? Hell, there are so many possibilities. Unfortunately, none of them is good for me.

To my complete luck, Sebastian decides not to leave me alone with these men and, being the first one to move, he gets his hand out of my clasp, then rounds it backward on my hip as he is coming in front of me, pushing me behind him, creating some more space between me and the two men. _Thank God, _at least I have a chance to get away from here still breathing.

At first, I thought that he would use that gun of his but for whatever reason, he decides not to. In my opinion, it would have been faster but maybe it's for the best because it would make a lot of noise and well, attract the attention of someone, and I don't think that any of the men want that. That, at least, I know about guns. From time to time, just by remembering what happened some time ago, I hear that buzzing in my ears I got after that loud bang so close to me and I don't want to relieve that.

So, the three of them will fight body to body it seems. This isn't a fair fight because first, it is two against one and second, both the opponents have knives and my, let's call him guardian, has nothing but his fists that he keeps on clenching and unclenching, getting ready for the fight. But despite his odds, I must admit that from the first second I see him moving, the Russian is a total badass.

Things begin to unroll fast in front of my eyes and I have no idea how to react to them. I remain there and watch them, wide-eyed, from wonder or fear, I cannot figure out. Probably both.

He moves fast and efficient and I can't even keep a track of him as it takes him less than fifteen seconds to reach and disarm the two men before they even have the presence of spirit to move toward him or to point their knives at him, the metal objects falling on the pavement with a clink along with the displeased growls they let out when they have gotten hit.

Now I start wondering for which side it's an unfair fight because this guy seems to be killing machine. A perfect functional one.

He is moving way too graceful for a man his size, this is sure, and the other men don't even compare to him, being sloppy and startled by him and his efficiency, probably not expecting for him to fight back in the first place. All his movements are precise, calculated and well-thought before being put in action, each hit reaching its target and bringing pain to those men, and the flow of them is quite a delight to watch, like a violent dance, but still.

I lose track of one of the men into the darkness of the alley as I am busy with watching him deal with the other, who I observe now that has a tattoo on his face. Maybe the other one has been knocked out and I missed it.

This poor tattooed guy doesn't even get the chance to touch my protector with his fist because Sebastian lands one strong punch into the right side of his body and the man is already falling to his knees. God, he is indeed strong. What else did I expect with a body like that?

But the guy doesn't give up that easily and, as he dodges the next hit, he gets back to his feet, a killing glare in his eyes. But as he is striking again, aiming for the head this time, I catch a glimpse of the first guy approaching him, and he somehow got his knife back. So this is where that bastard disappeared.

And all of a sudden, seeing him with that blade in his hand, my heart clenches with worry for this stranger that is fighting to keep me safe, for the possibility of being hurt by this unfair player.

"Behind you!" is all I manage to say, trying to warn him

And I even want to head their way, stupidly thinking that I might be able to do something, but I stop just in time. I don't want him to be stabbed right now, but I am sure I would only manage to mess things up if I would try anything.

In a millisecond, he drops the tattooed guy and turns around lifting his leg, meeting the other man's hand and he growls as he lets go of the knife, his hand being pushed tightly against the wall. He then catches the man's other hand and turns him around fast, rounding his arm under his chin. And so, without much effort, he got a hold him and I know for sure that he has no way out, no matter how much he struggles.

This thing is amazing! They didn't even get the chance to touch him. He is completely unharmed. At least for now because the man he is holding still struggles to lay a hit on him.

But do you remember that in order to deal with the unfair player, he didn't quite take care of the other? Well, he is still safe and sound and he decided not to help his companion.

He is heading my way fast. And it won't take him much to walk the little distance between us as I do nothing to get away from him, paralyzed by the evil grin on his face.

"Hey, baby doll."

His voice sounds grotesque as he says that and reaches his hand for me, and I swear I don't even remember when I got my hand inside my purse and got out my pepper spray, maybe some survival instincts kicking in, and I am now holding it pointed to his face with trembling hands.

His grin widens and he looks at me full of disbelief.

"Come on, don't be stupid." He says and wants to snatch the little metal tube I am holding, but I have already pressed the valve, the liquid splashing into his face and to my luck, into his eyes. "You little _bitch_!"

And he keeps on yelling bad words at me and takes a little step back, and I hoped that I managed to get rid of him, but no. He blindly takes a shot at me, a hit I didn't see coming, and his palm makes contact with my face, full of force, making me stumble backward and land on my butt, being dizzy enough not to be able to get back up and confront that guy again.

And besides the ringing I got in my ears from his hit, my glasses have been sent flying somewhere. I hope they didn't break.

But to my luck, I don't have to do anything to defend myself. Because now, the Russian is two steps behind him, coming with a killer expression on his face, as the man is vigorously rubbing his eyes and babbling some more insults for me.

When Sebastian reaches him, he places his hand around the man's neck, just like he did to the other one on my last check, and then his other hand gets on his cheek and in a swift movement, he twists his neck into an unnatural position, with a weird cracking sound filling the silent alley, and his body goes limp in an instant.

He lets go of him and the tattooed man falls unconscious on the street, his expression blank. Gosh, he killed him!

I look past him and see the other one laying on the street, his body as lifeless as the man's that is laying on my feet, his empty eyes fixed on mine.

My mouth lets out an involuntary whine as I get my eyes off the horror image in front of me, and I glue myself to the wall behind me, breathing heavily, as he starts coming my way, that emotionless expression never leaving his face.

_God, Rose, you just wasted your chance to get away, do you realize that? Why are you so stupid? You could have run! But no, instead you remained and watched his back! How did that work out for you? _Not well I realize. But in the heat of the moment, until now, I couldn't think about anything.

My chance wasted, I sit down there, trembling from all of my joints in fear as he comes and crouches in front of me.

And when his eyes meet mine again, they aren't clouded anymore. They're clear and calm and I can only wonder how his mood changed so suddenly.

When he reaches his hand up to me, I try to get away from him, but there is nowhere to go, and my palms clench in fear and I realize that I am still holding the pepper spray in my hand. This means I still have a chance!

I want to act but I stop startled before even getting my hand up because his coldish palm makes contact with my cheek and he is not harsh, not rough, as I somehow expected him to be, he just caresses my cheek gently with his thumb, making my breath catch. And the sensation of his finger moving on my hot cheek feels so good and I welcome it with a sigh, finally letting all that air out of my lungs.

"Rosemarie, are you fine?" he asks getting a strand of my hair out of my face to reveal my cheek and he tilts his head as his eyes examine my face.

I mindlessly nod and want to bring my hand up to check for myself, and I bring up the hand that is still holding the only thing that could help me now, and when I see it, I snap out of the little spell his eyes has got me hooked into and I point it to his face without a second thought.

"Stay… stay away from me." I say as threateningly as my trembling voice allows me.

And I was one second away of spraying him, but gosh, he is just so fast, and snatches the bottle from me and throws it away, a displeased expression crossing on his face for a split of a second, before it goes back to being emotionless.

And without any other option left, in my desperate need to get to safety, I resume to trying to flee. I get up to my feet on an instant and all I manage to do is to turn around and take like half a step before his palm wraps tightly around my elbow and stops me.

Goddamnit! Why did I even try? I knew I had no chance in the first place.

I puff and lift my eyes to look around the street and I see a bunch of people approaching slowly, unsure, coming from the end of the street. Wow, so there was someone who actually heard this fight going on. But where the hell were they when I needed them most? And why the hell isn't anyone trying to help me?

Some of them are with their phones already out and calling the police or the ambulance or taking photos, and some others are just coming to see the show, looking at us like we would be a circus show.

"Where do you think you're going, Rosemarie?"

And the glint of amusement in his voice annoys me more than I ever thought it would such a gesture. I forget about my plan of yelling for help and turn around to face him, snatch my hand out of his and start yelling at him.

"If you are going to kidnap me, at least call me Rose, goddamnit! Stop it with the Rosemarie thing! I hate being called like that! And I hate you! And I hate this situation! But mostly I hate you! So much! You brought me in this mess! And I don't even know who you are! But gosh, I just hate you!"

I don't even know why I am yelling at him because normally I don't make such a fuss over being called Rosemarie, I just prefer the short version of it, and I have never hated anyone in my life, I don't even know if I hate him now, but I am just so stressed and fearful, and all that needs to find a way out of my system.

It takes him some seconds to get rid of the little bewilderment I see on his face at my outburst, but after he does, he sighs, sounding tired. Without saying anything in response to my little speech, he bends and gets my glasses off the ground, hands them to me, then looks again straight into my eyes and he is acting way too calm considering what I have done.

Damn, self-control must be one of his strongest points. But too bad that at this moment mine isn't. Because my mouth doesn't want to stop. I open my mouth to tell him some more, but my words remain on my tongue as he starts speaking.

"Look, _Rose_. We don't have time for this." he speaks fast. "You can yell at me later if you still feel like it. But for now, I need you to run, okay?" I look at him confused and he comes with an explanation. "There might be some more people like them coming." He says pointing his head to the two corpses on the ground. "Some other people wanting you. Wanting to kill you. And people _are_ coming."

More like these two? Why?

I take a fast look back on the street at the few people still daring to come closer, even after they have heard my hateful statements, and I swear that I have no idea if any of them is here for the same reason as these two men who are now laying breathless on the sidewalk, but he has already planted that paranoia in my head and I surely don't want to sit around and find out whoever wants to kill me.

The last ones had knives. What if the others have guns? I don't want my life to end like that. I don't want it to end at all.

"You are not safe out here, in the open." He says trying to be reasonable and convince me to follow him, even though I don't remember being safe around him either.

The single thing that is passing through my mind in this very second is that he just killed another two human beings and I should not spend a second more around him and run away from him as far as humanly possible because my gut feeling is telling me that I will end up like them.

"Why would I trust you?"

"Because I am your only option now, love," he says in that knows it all voice. "Plus, you don't really have a chance. You either run willingly, or I drag you along." wow, I get the chance to choose? "But make your mind fast."

I agree with him, nodding lightly. I just want to get away from this place and if he is willing to take me away, I will let him do it. I decide that it's better for me to trust him for now, or at least not to resist him. He seems to know what he's doing and he is now promising a safety I cannot get by my own.

Seeing with the corner of my eye a shady figure getting a little too close to us and moving a little too fast for my taste right now, the paranoia in me only gets bigger and I nod at him once more, and I am the one who is rushing things now.

Being happy with my cooperation, he gets my hand into the comforting warmness of his palm and we get moving, running faster than I ever did in my life, fueled by all that adrenaline in my system. And even though, I do my best to keep up with him as he leads the way.

"Hey, you two!" I hear a man yelling.

And as I turn my head into that direction, I see that it's that man that was coming our way earlier. And guess what. He starts running too. So my paranoia wasn't for nothing.

"Sebastian, someone is following us!" I say panicked and squeeze on his hand, trying to get more of his attention.

"I know, Rose. I have ears and eyes too."

"And now what?"

"We'll need to get rid of him."

"How?" my mouth asks because I want to know if he is going to kill this guy too or we'll try to outrun him and I'll have to spill my lungs trying to run faster. And you can only imagine that even though I am not sure I can do it, I am hoping for the last option because in the past four months I have been around dead people for more than I have ever wished to. Hell, not four months. Let's say the past week.

And my question doesn't remain unanswered. He stops all of a sudden and I bump into him as I didn't expect that, and he steadies me by rounding a hand on my middle. Then, we do nothing as the guy is still running towards us, catching up fast.

"Sebastian?" I whine lightly. "He's coming…"

He laughs a little, too little for me to have the time to decide if it sounded sweet or grotesque.

"I see, Rose." He says and lets go of me, coming again in front of me, just like earlier. "You might want to look away now." But I don't.

And again, he surprises me with his moves. He waits some more and in the very second that guy reaches us, practically throwing his body towards the Russian, he gets out a knife (hell, I didn't even see when he took it with him; or did he have with him the whole time?) and in a swift movement, he stabs him in his thigh. The stabbed gets off from under him and he stumbles, and with a little help from Sebastian, the guy ends up completely spread on the ground.

And in the next second, we are running again, his hand again holding mine.

"What was that?"

"I got rid of him." He says serenely, like he has just taken the trash out. Gosh, he has absolutely no conscience.

"But that man is going to die!"

I know that in that area where he implanted the knife is the femoral artery and from my not so vast knowledge I acquired in high school about the human body, I know at least that if you cut through that, you will bleed to death if you don't get some help fast.

"Would you prefer it was you in his place, Rose?"

"This is not fair." I protest. "I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask you to kill him."

"Come on, Rose. You knew from the start that this was a possibility of how things might turn. Don't play the saint."

"When are you going to understand that I am not playing? I have no idea what's going on!" I say almost out of breath.

He turns his head, giving me a suspicious look. "Whatever. Now stop talking and use that air to run instead of lying."

And with a little breathless puff in response to his distrust in me, I do what I have been said. But hell, if I can trust him with my life, can't he trust me that I am telling the truth?

Along our little hurried conversation, we got to the other end of the darkened street, right where we have been coming from, getting away from the bunch of people that saw what happened. We made a left there and we have been running for three blocks now, still going at full speed. Or at least as hard as I can in this skirt and with my purse dangling on my side.

I know that he can run way faster than me, considering his height and that he could just drag me after him like a box tied to the back of the car, but he doesn't, and I know that because I would stumble a lot if he would do that, and I don't. He matches my pace, and even though he has slowed down for me, I try to keep up my pace as fast as I can because I don't want some more possible followers to catch up with us.

With my constant paranoia in mind, I keep on looking back and fortunately, there is no one following us, just some people that look confused at us as we pass them running like our lives would depend on it. And at this moment, they do. At least mine because he can take care of himself just fine.

Isn't it crazy how a simple day turned into this mad run for my life? And I still haven't found out why.

At some point, we make another left and run some more, his hand not letting go of mine, holding it tight, probably expecting me to try to flee again, but I have no intention to that. Not for now at least. After I am sure that no one is coming for us and we are far enough, I will find a way to get rid of him. There has to be one, right?

We run until we reach a long street. This is when I know that my lungs and neither my feet can't take it anymore. I need a break.

I make him stop for a second to catch my breath, my chest ready to explode. And as I do that, palms propped on knees and bent down, almost ready to puke from the effort, I take my chance to examine my surroundings.

I spot a gas station, a bunch of shops and some apartment buildings. But none of them seems too populated. Where did we get? It's quite a long road we have made and I haven't got to this side of town before. Well, in fact, I haven't gone to many parts of the town either; as my mother would say and as you already know, I don't get out that much as I supposedly should for someone this young.

And the fact that it is now dark outside and that we have passed through the streets quite fast, it's not helping me remember anything. All the places look the same for me. If I would get away from him, I don't think I would be able to reach a familiar place easily. But does that stop me from thinking which way to start running? No. I just need to find the right path and-

He doesn't leave me much time to sit around to manage to make my escape, his words pressing me to move again.

Thankfully, we are walking now and he takes me in front of a small motel that blends in into the shady décor of the street, being an apartment building itself and the only things that differentiates it from the other buildings there being a big pink neon arrow attached to one side that points towards the building and the word MOTEL, formed by only three shiny letters instead of five, the blue neon lights on the functioning letters barely keeping on illuminating. Isn't this a good neighborhood?

The motel is called "The Lucky" and seeing this, I want to laugh so bad. Well, I am not lucky at all today, aren't I? Too many bad things have happened already. How many others follow?

Without any protest, still startled by my shady surroundings, I let him guide me inside the building and further as we ascend on, in my opinion, the too many stairs this building has, as my feet are tired and hurting from all this running and we get to the second floor of the building. We make a right on the hallway, the wind blowing up straight in our faces, a welcomed sensation by my heated face.

We stop in front of a blue-painted wooden door with two golden digits on it. Room 23. Oh, look. It's just the age I am going to die on.

Still holding on to me, as he has done so all the way up here, he gets out some keys and opens the door.

This is the moment I realize what stupidity I have done, following him here. Why didn't I get away from him before we entered the building or back while he was waiting for me to catch my breath? I should have taken that chance. Gosh, I swear that my brain thinks too much just in the most unfortunate moments. But God forbid it worked today. But no.

And now, I am here. And this is the end of the line for me. If I am getting inside this room, I will surely have no way out.

I try to wiggle my way out of his grip but I have no chance. He is overpowering me big time and he is not even trying much. I mean, what am I thinking? He snapped someone's neck about five minutes ago. How hard did I think it was for him to hold me? I am just a little, powerless, in big trouble woman.

"Get in," he commands.

"Please." I sound like a whiny kid on the verge of crying, and I realize that I am still shaking from the physical effort from earlier. Or is it the cold? Oh, who am I kidding? It's the crippling fear that is making my body shake so bad. "I don't want to." I can still hear in my head that snapping sound and I am scared out of my mind once more. I don't want to end up like any of those men.

But after he sighs frustrated by my little resistance, he drags me inside the room and proceeds to lock the door behind him. Okay. If I don't do something fast, it's over for me.

I move as fast as I can and put some distance between us in the stupid idea that that gesture will give me some safety and then I look around, trying to find something to help me. If I didn't think earlier, I really have to now, so I wouldn't share the same fate as those men out there.

To my further unluck tonight, the room has nothing sophisticated in it. Nothing that could help me anyway. A too neatly made bed with an open, full of clothes travel bag at its foot, one nightstand with a supposedly antique lamp on it, a short wooden dresser on the left side of the room, a table covered by a lot of papers and with two uncomfortable-looking chairs next to it on the right side of the room, and a small book stand, with a flat-screen just next to the door.

That's all. What do I do now? Get up on the dresser and hope he won't be able to reach me?

But I refuse to die into this crappy, cheap, shady motel room. I refuse to die at all! I plan to have a long tranquil life and this man here won't be the end of me. So what if he has an upper hand in so many ways? There has to be something I can do.

An idea pops in my mind and I get closer to the nightstand, and, as there is no other blunt object around the room that I might use on him, I decide the lamp will do the trick just fine.

Without too much noise, I unplug it and get a good hold of its bottom with my both hands, tightening my fingers around the metal support until I can't feel them anymore.

Okay, now I just need to get closer and hit him. How hard can it be? I mean, I am trying to hurt people and knock them out on a daily basis.

He is taking his time with locking the door, moving slow, like teasing, and making sure that, if I ever get a hold of those keys he is having, I won't have the time to unlock the two deadbolts that he turned twice each (wow, the paranoia there).

Before he gets to turn around to finally deal with me, I lift the lamp over my head and go his way fast, with the intention to pound it on his head. I know it's stupid, I have already demonstrated my stupidity when I followed him in here, so a little more of it is nothing.

Thinking about it now as I am approaching him, comparing his built and force with mine, I don't think I have a chance, but I can't just sit around and wait for him to do horrible things to me. If I am going out, I decide that I am going out fighting. And I might make him a concussion if I am lucky enough and he'll get at least dizzy. That would buy me some time to hit him again maybe.

And I guess that I shouldn't have let out a war cry as I was making my way towards him because he turns around just before I make my strike, being as fast as usual, already prepared for anything that was coming his way, and takes the object from me without giving me any chance to react.

He seems kind of amused or should I say surprised as he throws the lamp on the floor, turning it to pieces. Wow, so he takes much pleasure in this _thing_, whatever it would be. What does he think I am? His new little toy? Well, I am not sitting here to find how he wants to play with me.

But despite his expression, harshness fills his words. Botheress, I would say more exactly.

"Rose, what are you even trying to do? Be serious now and stop before you hurt yourself."

I bet he is tired of my resisting and gosh, I wonder what's coming next. I don't like where things are heading. I don't like that he is heading my way. And I don't like that my legs are so heavy from the fear in me that I don't move out of his way.

And when he reaches me, I try to lift my hands to defend myself somehow at least, but he takes a hold of them and I start struggling, wanting to get out of his grip.

"Let go of me!"

I try to jerk my hands free and I take some steps backward, heading in an unknown direction, but mostly trying to head away from him and, in my desperate attempt to break free, all I manage to do is to move us towards a dead-end for me.

Somehow, I reached the edge of the bed and as I didn't see it coming, I stumble over it, the back of my knees pushing into the high wooden frame and bending, and because as I lose my balance and try to keep myself steady on my feet by gripping on his hands now instead of trying to get them off me, I pull him with me into my lame attempt, and he takes in a deep breath and hell, so do I because there are two of us being surprised right now by how fast things have evolved and how we ended.

And I so didn't want to end up under him! He is big and heavy and he will squish me.

And he _does_ land over me, pinning me to the mattress with his heaviness, but not all of it because his hands are propped beside my head, giving him some support. Thank God that he didn't hit my nose or something in the process. I can't bear anymore to see blood. And I would very much like it not to be mine.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Under his palms, miraculously enough, are my wrists. And so, he has me completely immobilized under him.

Now, as I can't see any other way out physically speaking, I start to yell for help as loud as I can (why didn't I try this from way earlier, huh?) while trying to push him off me, the only parts of my body able to move being my hips and my chest, and I push my front body into his a couple of times before I understand that it is useless. God, he is so heavy and unwilling to move off me! Or, of course, he wants to be heavy at this very moment.

But this yelling thing doesn't work for long either because first, he takes a hold of my hands and pins them above my head with one of his hands, extending my body on the mattress, not even giving me a chance to free them in the process and hit his chest or face or anything, and then he covers my mouth with his other hand, muffling my screams.

I don't waste my chance and get one of his fingers into my mouth and bite it as hard as I can but this guy doesn't pull away, he just growls, and I might say that not from any pain that I have caused him, but out of frustration. Well, I can be a pain in the ass when I want to. And now I really do want to. He eventually manages to get his finger out of my mouth but still doesn't uncover my mouth and I stop using my breath uselessly.

And I am still struggling even though I am aware it is a lost cause. He leans closer to my face, looking me exactly into my eyes for what, the thousandth time this evening?

"Rose." He says lightly, no harshness filling this word, and the calmness in his voice takes me by surprise once again. Gosh, I don't even know why he has this soothing effect on me, but he shouldn't! "Don't make things worse. You're only making things harder for yourself. Stop all these attempts or you'll end up hurting yourself."

But to hell if I am going to give up. I shift my head's position trying to hit him in the nose or at least free my mouth, and wiggle my hands trying to get them out of his clasp and move my legs under him, but nothing works, goddamnit!

I let out a frustrated growl mumbled by his hand and struggle some more even though I can feel my body starting to give in. He chuckles lightly at my desperation and shakes his head.

"Really, Rose. Stop it. We can do this the nice way or not. It's up to you. But from the way you're acting right now, I highly doubt you want to pick the nice way." I roll my eyes and puff at him. He wouldn't approach the nice way anyway. I know what is waiting for me. "Hey, watch it with the eye rolls." He threatens. Or what? He is going to kill me? Newsflash, he is already going to.

And finding my only means of protesting, I do it again. The littlest of smiles spreads on his lips, but gets back to his seriousness as I struggle again, thinking that I might have distracted him.

"Rose." He growls lightly and moves his body on mine, getting a little heavier, his thigh pressing in between my legs, pressing _on_ me, on some spot I didn't know existed on or _in _me, that sends a wave of heated electricity throughout my entire body, and for the first time since we ended in this bed, I realize the position we are in.

It's a position that my body welcomes and enjoys. A little too much than I should. Yes, as twisted as this thing might sound, it kind of feels nice with him being over me like this. _No_! _Rose_, _are you insane? _Yeah, maybe I am. But as I am spread on the bed under him, my hands pinned over my head making my back arch, I feel his chest pressed on mine as he is keeping me pushed into the mattress and well, the previous friction I produced earlier when I struggled, combined with him being so close to me and with that damned press of his thigh in between my legs that heated me wholly, that all made my body react in some other ways too and my nipples got hard and now they are pressing into the material of my bra, bringing me a painful pleasure, and I can only ask myself if he is feeling them. I hope he doesn't because it would be horrible for me for him to know how much power he has over my body now.

His strong scent takes over my senses once more today and it makes me feel even more aroused. His hair is now clasped but a strand has escaped and it is hanging there, spoiling the perfection of his face. There is still a glint of amusement in his eyes and all I want to know is how it would be if he would only get even closer to me.

Goddamnit! This guy emanates masculinity and sensuality from each pore and my body is not indifferent to it at all. And it's not my fault that I didn't have this much contact with men in particular into the past… _while_, let's say, okay? It's a normal human response. Hormones and pheromones and stuff, no? I will get over it. Plus, he is a killer, let's be serious now.

But gosh, this would be quite romantic if it wouldn't be the very beginning of a possible rape. It's not good at all. I should be feeling none of these things. I shouldn't be attracted to him!

So, trying to ignore this stupid attraction towards him and my cheeks starting to get red and burning at the thought of our bodies tangled like this, I speak, trying to distract his attention from that.

"What are my options?" I mumble and he smiles a little seeing me finally cooperating.

"First, you stop struggling and calm down. Then, I let go of you. Simple and advantageous for both of us."

"What else?"

"You don't like that?"

"Not really, comrade."

"Well, if you _really _want to know, the second option is this. You keep on struggling and acting like this and I still let go of you." he stops for a second to smile superior and all I want now is to wipe that arrogance off his face. "But I tie you down afterward. _And_ cover your mouth. It's totally up to you."

But I have to struggle a little more, just in spite of him. Inside me is this burning wish of getting away and now that I have been resting for a minute or so, my body feels again ready to fight back. I try to free my mouth and I wiggle my hands too, avoiding moving my lower body, afraid of what new sensations that might bring, but there is no way out.

"So, this means you choose the second option?" he asks amused. His words only give me an impulse to struggle harder. "I'll tie you, Rose." he threatens, still smiling, but I don't want to be amusing to him!

And he just waits as I protest some more, his enormous patience being proven again, and after some more failed attempts from me, I cease my movement and sigh defeated. Then, I shake my head, indicating that I don't want to get tied. That would ruin all my chances, if I ever had one.

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask, my lips brushing over the skin of his palm now, as he isn't pressing it on my face anymore. He takes it off, but he doesn't get up off me, but I desperately need him to do that. He has no idea how much he is messing with my mind right now.

"Nothing."

I raise one eyebrow. Really? Like I would ever buy that crap. He makes a pause, probably considering things some more.

"Honestly. But only if you stay put from now on." I don't want to cooperate. All I want is to get out of here as soon as possible. Each cell in my body is telling me I need to do so. "Will you?"

And in spite of my previous thoughts, I nod. I might try to be good so that he won't tie me up or something else he might do to me to make me stay put and when I get a chance I'll get out of here. This is the best approach. The only one I have, in fact. I won't be any good to myself if I end up tied to the bed.

"Good." He says looking so pleased with himself and he gets up, and I, for the first time in quite a while now, I breathe without difficulty, even though my idiotic body misses his already.

I ignore that and lift too and get to my feet, taking some steps away from him. The more distance, the better.

"Now I want you to take out your phone."

What? If he wanted my phone, I already offered myself to give it to him so why does he want it now?

"Excuse me if I seem stupid for asking. But why?"

"I want you to call him." Wait, he kidnapped me for a phone call? This makes zero sense to me.

"What? Call who?"

"Xavier." That name again! This guy somehow got me in his mess and I swear I have never known anyone in my life with that name. If I will ever meet him, I will rip his head off!

"Who _is_ this Xavier? You said his name before too. I don't know anyone with this name. So why do you keep on insisting with it?"

He puffs. "Your _boyfriend_, Rose." He responds like it's the most obvious thing in this entire world. "I am talking about your boyfriend."

"My _what_? Who are you talking about?"

"Please, it's becoming annoying. Drop the acting. I let you play long enough already."

I get it now. This is just some misunderstanding. I am caught in this mess without a good reason. Relief washes over me. I might get out of here alive after all. I begin to babble, as I always do when I am nervous. And now I am just so nervous, having to convince him to let me go.

"Okay, I think that you got the wrong person here. I am not the one you were looking for. Maybe it's about another Rose. It _surely_ has to be a misunderstanding here. See, my boy- my _ex_-boyfriend's name is _Alexander_." I will even spell it for him if he wants to. "Alexander Reid, okay?" I emphasize every part of his name, trying to make this man in front of me to understand his mistake. "This must be some kind of confusion. It surely is. It has to be." I already begin to sound desperate. Desperate to get out of here. I may already know and have seen too much. "Look, I'll do anything. I swear. I have no connection with this Xavier you are talking about. I haven't heard of any Xavier in my life. You got the wrong person here. I don't _know_ him. And I'll- I'll pretend that I didn't see you, that I don't know you, but you have to let me go, okay? I already don't remember how you look. I won't tell anyone. Not a single word about this." not that his face would leave my memory any time soon, but if he is going to let me leave, I am willing to deny all the way. "I won't say anyone anything about what happened, trust me. I won't go to the police either. I don't want to do that. I don't want to mess with you. But just let me go. I won't say a thing, okay?"

I look at him with pleading eyes, hoping, praying that he would be human and let me go. But he just rolls his eyes, then goes to the table and picks up a paper among the hundred ones laying thee. He comes back in front of me and hands it to me.

"This is your boyfriend, right?"

I take a look at the paper. And it is indeed him. It's a picture of him and I would recognize him anywhere. I memorized his every feature, always thinking about when I will be seeing him again and I at least wanted a little substitute of him. I still remember them after this month in which I haven't seen him, but his image is a little more diffuse in my head than it used to be. Maybe I have started to forget him and this is good.

There is a zoom in on his face too, which only makes me more sure it's him, even though he looks a little different than I knew. The man I see has short, dark blonde hair, slight faux hawk, but not too short on the sides. He has thicker but still nice brows, he's wearing glasses and in the photo, taken from outside of some coffee shop it seems, his mouth is turned into that warm smile I liked very much and didn't see later in our relationship. He is sitting at a table, speaking with another man that I don't recognize. And even though his eyes are not that deep blue I used to love, they are brown, maybe he is wearing eye lens, and he has a stubble too, the man in the picture _is_ Alexander. I have no doubt about that.

"Yes, he is," I admit. "Wait. Is this some kind of a bad joke?"

Alexander is a funny guy, or at least he _used _to be, and when we began dating, he used to have this habit of pulling little pranks on me from time to time, coming with all kinds of things to scare me to death or to tease me, but if this is one of his jokes, this time he took it way too far and I swear that I am going to give him a piece of my mind for the heart attack I was about to get ten minutes ago.

"Did he make you-? You can stop now, okay? It's too much already. You are scaring me big time. He is hiding somewhere around here, no? Alexander, this is _very_ unfunny. I don't know how you pulled this through, but you practically made me watch two men fakely getting killed today and another one supposedly died too and you know_ very well_ what happened to me. How could you even _think_ about this? Really? Are you that insensitive? How can you even think that I would consider this thing funny?"

I take another look around the room, expecting to see him getting out from under the bed or to see the bathroom door opening and to see that proud smile on his face, the one he always pulled when he scared me. I would usually laugh with him after something like this, but now I will surely not. I am one step closer to slapping him in fact. If he would be here, I would do my best to beat the shit out of him.

"You can get out of you hiding spot now. We have some serious talking to do and you just worsened my mood."

But of course, nothing happens. Because this is not a joke. This was just my brain desperately trying to find a reason. A stupid one, but still. Give me some credit, people. I have had a horrible day.

"Look, why won't you stop playing around? Both of us know what he is." He says annoyed now, still thinking, after all the times I have told him that I am clueless, that I am just pretending.

"No, _we_ surely don't. _I_ don't." I hiss at him and clench my fists, digging my nails in my palms into the attempt to release some of the tension in my body because I feel like exploding. He still looks at me like he doesn't believe a word I am saying. "Do you care to share? Come on. Please me. Play this _game _for me."

But instead of giving me any explanation, he brings me another picture.

"What about this man? Do you know him?"

And I recognize him too. He is Luke.

"Yes," I admit once again. "I know him. So what? He is Alex's friend."

"And you got him a job at the company you used to work for." Hell, how he even knows that?

"I didn't _get him a job. _I only helped a little. The man was quite desperate and Alex asked me for a favor and I felt bad for the guy and I wanted to help. I put a good word for him to my boss. Is that a bad thing?"

"Come on. I know why you _helped _him."

"And why did I?"

**DPOV**

I am getting so tired of this. She already knows I know all of it but keeps on acting like this.

"Because in his position, he could always be around the office and watch the progress of the project. Plus, you gave him your pass card from your boss' office to duplicate it so that he could roam in there freely. So _stop_ playing the innocent."

"I did _not_. I didn't give my key to anyone. And he quit anyway. What is the deal with him?"

"He's dead, Rose."

"_What_?" she mimics pure surprise.

"He was your fall guy. But you didn't pay enough attention to your actions and the thing with him didn't work, right?"

"I don't know!"

I want to punch myself. She is the first person in so long that is testing my patience so bad. And to think that I was so close to kissing her on the bed earlier. I must have been insane to act like that. _She _is driving me insane.

"I like it how you make yourself sound so innocent, Rose."

These two are quite a combination, Haynes and Rose. Her at the company back then along with their little companion to keep her safe, the poor guy that ended up being the one to blame until later, when everybody figured out that it was Haynes who started this bullshit, and he, the bastard, in Russia doing the dirty job there.

"No one would have suspected someone so innocent as you. I have almost let myself fooled too a couple of times today. You are a good actress, Rosemarie. But you got way too deep in this now and unfortunately, there is no way out. And I am getting bored with it."

"First, stop calling me like that! And second, for the _thousandth _time, I don't have anything to do with whatever you are talking about. I swear. I am not acting with anything. Why won't you listen to me?"

"Why did you quit your last job?"

"What?"

"You heard me. You did it just after Haynes started this mess. Just after you helped him steal the whole project."

"What project?" she sighs and puts her escaped strands behind her ears. "Yes, I did quit. But not because I was _helping_ him with whatever you say. I quit because… I didn't _like_ that job. I never did."

"So convenient. You got out after the job was done."

"Goddamnit! Come on! What job was done? Tell me what the hell is happening! What is the thing with Alex?"

She pushes my last button and I just let it out.

"Xavier is… _was_ a spy. Does it ring a bell, love?"

**RPOV**

His answer catches me unprepared. Did he just say what he said or am I hearing things? And he just said that this Xavier guy, that seems to be Alex, my ex-boyfriend, is a spy. So, my ex is a goddamn spy?!

"And you are what? Helping your little dear boyfriend get rich, no? You helped him steal that a month ago and now you are waiting for him to come and take you away with him. We'll wait together, then."


	8. Rosie, are you on your period or sth?

**Hey guys, late update again, but here it is, finally. **

**I think I will be done with the back chapters, but I don't know for sure. **

**I wrote this mainly because I wanted to describe the relationship between Rose and her boyfriend, and I hope that it got out the way I intended. I have never written a relationship like this, and yeah, I am trying new things :) but if you have perceived Alex as controlling and manipulative, that's what I was aiming for. And yes, maybe Rose is not here the one you all are used with, but as I said, I am trying to bring out another her, hope you'll like it and will stick till the end to see how she evolves**

**Lost of love, guys and tell me what you think if you feel so. And suggestion is welcomed :)**

**XOXO**

* * *

**Rosie, are you on your period or something?**

**One month ago, two days before the breakup**

**RPOV**

I hate everything. This should summarize my position right now. And when I say everything, I literally mean _everything_. Because everything around me is pissing me off big time and I don't even have a particular reason for it. It just does and the feeling is giving me anxiety. Lots of it.

I hate this dress that is making me want to fanatically scratch all over but only bought because I thought he would finally like what I am wearing.

I hate all this makeup on my face, it makes me want to sneeze and my eyes water like hell as I am not used at all with wearing it and I want it off my face, I would rip my face off just to get rid of it.

I hate the way I can't make my hair sit in one damned place no matter what I try, and all I wish is to free it out of this bun, let it spread on my back, anything but to not to have to check on it every five seconds to make sure it is still standing, but still, I don't do it because I know he doesn't like it when I wear it down, because he always says I look sloppy and- you know what? This is not important now. We all do things to make ourselves more pleasing for the ones we love, no? And putting my hair up isn't such big of a deal after all.

I hate this place I am in too because it is filled with rich spoiled brats that have grown up to be kissed in the ass privileged men and women that look down on you and treat you like their servant. And I hate the fact that I need to pretend I like them because that is my job.

Especially my dearest boss. He didn't grow out of the spoilt brat phase and I need to pretend I like him in special, even though he is the one responsible for my presence here tonight. The fact is that he is always making me attend these kinds of events with him, dragging me along almost everywhere he goes, like, doesn't he have any other employees to take care of these things? But no. He doesn't. I am his little servant and I need to do what I am being said.

And tonight I have been told to attend this party. It's my job. My shitty job that I completely hate and that I only kept because Alex has encouraged me to, saying that if I get a promotion, it will get better.

Well, I got the promotion, but that wonderful time didn't come along with it. But still, I remained. Why you may ask. Well, because Alex always seemed so fond of my job for this shady weird guy my boss is and it was kinda the only thing that concerns my life he ever took a real interest in.

And lately, all I do is to try to please my guy, so it makes sense that I stayed and continued to feel bad at that workplace, trying to keep him being proud of me, no?

And when it comes to him, there's another thing I hate now. His job. God, I hate his job so much. At first, at the beginning of our relationship, it wasn't that bad; it was manageable for me not to see him often, just once a week or so, and I thought that after I moved here, things will eventually get better for us, as he found this solution for me to be closer to the airport than I was when I was still living with my parents and like this, he wouldn't have to travel more just to see me and lose all that time.

But in fact, things only got worse after I moved here. He is away more than before and I haven't seen him for the past month and not even in between us things aren't that warm anymore, but I am trying to focus on the good things when it comes to that subject. But for God's sake, why, from all the jobs on this planet, he has to be a business consultant? Couldn't he pick up a job that didn't involve so much travelling?

But speaking of him and not his job, I would spend my time inside my little apartment with him, looking at the ceiling or counting the particles of dust that are stuck on my mirror or some other things I do at times that he considers boring but did with me anyway what seems to be an eternity ago, rather than having to attend another business party like this when he comes in town.

I don't know how it happens, but these parties and his arrivals lately happen at the same time, my worse luck. But being the sweet guy he is, he didn't get upset on me for dragging him along with me tonight. He accepted this, just so that we would be together.

And today, he is coming all the way from Moscow and I know he isn't going to stay around for long. He never does. But I am already used to it. It's always the same. He comes back hard and leaves way too easily, without actually giving me any chance of regetting used to being around him.

I hope that at least for the next two days of his staying in town he will be only mine, no more work involved for either of us, no more quarreling, no more wanting to throw myself out the window, no more anything. Just me and him, spending time together.

But still, for the past hours, I had to be here, by myself, to make casual conversation with people that came around to please my boss, but thankfully, now that he doesn't need my services anymore, I still can't leave, but at least I can sit at this table and feel miserable in peace, wishing that I would be at home doing some other things with Alex, making up for all the time he has been away again.

I miss the simpler times before I got that shitty promotion and became the personal assistant of this little douchebag, the times before Alex had to travel so much because of his job, when both of us would just hang out cuddled on the bed from his hotel room for hours and watch movies all night long. Even if it happened for a short time, I miss it a lot. Honestly, I miss him a lot lately. The one he used to be, at least. No. I miss the ones _we_ used to be.

I hate even the damned smell of this place, the smell of minty cigarettes coming from someone smoking outside that only reminds me of a specific person that should have already been here an eternity ago because his plane landed three hours ago and he told me he will be here right away, so I have been waiting for him here ever since.

And the fact that I haven't eaten a single piece of food all day long thanks to the excitement I have woken up with this morning, thinking that maybe this time things will be different, combined with that damned smell, doesn't help to manage my puking sensation.

Let's hope that it will all be worth it when he decides to show up because I don't know what I would do with another disappointing meeting.

All these external conditions only add to my poor state of spirit and now, not even the excitement I had earlier today doesn't help me get by. It is all going away, bit by bit, with each second he is being late. Because, why did I even start to think that this time things would be different? That maybe this time it will finally be fine?_ Well, Rose, it's not. You're only deluding yourself._

But don't get me wrong here. I don't hate everything around me on a usual day. I don't think I ever hated anything in my life. Just disliked things more or less. But even if I did, I would usually find something that I like to focus on that makes everything more bearable or quite enjoyable, I would find someone pleasant I know to talk to and make the time pass easier or something like that.

But not at this very moment. I just feel like this now, full of hate and judgment and all these bad feelings and I can't help but be a little whiny self-pitying creature. Sue me. Tomorrow I will get back to being the usual nice, stupid Rose, but for now, I will complain about the littlest things around me, of course, only in my head.

Oh, and besides all those things that I have already complained about, do you know what I see and hear around the room? Couples. Everywhere I turn my gaze to, I see happy couples doing their happy couple thing, dancing, smiling accomplice to one another, enjoying a drink together, chuckling, whispering to each other about something only they know about, enjoying this beautiful evening, not arguing, not throwing things to each other's face, simply being with each other and being happy and all.

This is what has brought my mood to such a low point because I can only think of what this night might bring. And the longer it takes him to come, the darker my thoughts become. And even though I fight myself not to feel jealous about the happiness people share around the room, I still do. Because I want that too. I want it back.

I thought that whatever Alexander and I have is special. That I complete him and he does the same for me, making me whole in ways that no one has ever made me because we seemed to click instantly.

Well, that was before. Months ago. Before I learnt he could be different from what I thought. Not the perfect guy he seemed to be. Things didn't turn out the way my foolish heart though they would. They did, I won't lie, but only for a little while, until things got more complicated.

How do they call that time when everything is perfect in a relationship? The honeymoon phase, no? Well, that ended for us a long time ago and I can't help but wonder, why this sort of love that I see around me now isn't happening to us anymore. What changed so drastically? Could it be only the distance between us that is making things this hard or is there something else that happened that I totally missed? Am _I _doing something wrong? Did _I _bring that to ourselves somehow? Maybe if I would know the reason, there would be something we could do to repair it before it is too late. If it isn't too late already.

I even hate being in such a low mood. I am not usually like this. I used to enjoy life a little more before all these bad things started to happen to me, before I have hit my lowest point.

A lot of people have told me that I will eventually get back to being the old Rose, but that, of course, takes time, and even though I am managing myself just fine in my day to day life, when I find myself in situations like the one from this very moment, I am starting to ask myself if I would ever get back to being the old me. Probably not. And I will have to deal with that, again, by myself.

At this very moment, starting with the things I have control over and that I don't bother to change, ending with the things I have no idea how to take control over and desperately want to change, everything is exhausting, and there is practically no single thing here to ease the deep anxiety that is creeping inside me just at the thought that I am still here, waiting for him to come after three whole hours, acting like a little faithful puppy waiting for its owner, and to be honest, I don't even know if I want him to come anymore.

I know I sound like this bad, bad person by saying this about my boyfriend. But I don't think I can face another argument with him and I would rather avoid it. And lately, all we do when we meet is argue.

And call me a bad person again, but rather than arguing with him again, at this moment, I want to go home and just… be me again, not the full of makeup Rose and all. I would like to be alone. To try to deal with this darkness in my head the best I can.

But still, I have other things to do, like my job. I need to get paid after all, no? So I just wait some more, hoping that this evening won't end badly. But you never know what surprises life can bring.

"Hey, my gorgeous lady. How are you tonight?"

I hear someone whispering in my ear all of a sudden and a cold pair of fingers is soon resting on my shoulder, popping my imaginary existential crisis bubble, dragging me out of my thoughts, and I am a second away from squealing in surprise as I recognize his voice.

And the thing is that all that excitement I have lost along the way, has come back to me in a big wave. Because he is finally here. And I realize that despite everything else I was thinking earlier, I am happy that he has come.

It was about time, goddamnit! I was starting to think I'll be all alone all night tonight and in for some questions about my missing date from my nosey colleagues.

I turn my head to one side and meet his face, his body half leaning over the back of my chair, and he's watching me with a slight puppy face, hidden under a cheeky smile, and without any notice, my mood turns to dust and the Rose with a bad vibe comes back. And my mouth speaks without putting much thought into it.

"On, come on, please, Alex. Don't do that face." it's annoying, I don't add, not wanting to upset him.

He smiles playfully. "Don't do what, babe? What face are you talking about? I am definitely not doing anything." he says trying to pose himself as innocent, but knowing exactly what I am talking about because that grin on his face only widens, and he drags the empty chair next to mine and takes a seat on it at the table, already starting to pour himself a drink.

"Don't you play with me now, please. I am not in the mood. You know what I mean. You are doing that thing you always do when you are late. This face." I say gesturing towards his face. "And everything that comes along that. You do all that every single time when you're late, trying to soften me up. And now you are late too. So damn late."

It has been hours since I am being here, looking like the fool I definitely am. Maybe I should have left home a long time ago, finally deciding to show him that I am not going to take it once more. But I didn't and maybe this is what upsets me more than him being late and making that face and that keeps me talking, keeps me scolding him and not taking into consideration anything else. Like the probability of things degenerating.

"In fact, you're always late. And you're always pulling that face when it happens."

I realize what I am doing and try my best to stop complaining before things turn bad because I know so well how these conversations usually end, but I can't help it today. Not at all. Because today it is bothering me more than usual, because let's say that today Rose has had enough of everything and she is ready to speak her mind.

He's always letting me wait for him and I am starting to get a little too tired of it and each time this happens, meaning _each time_ we are supposed to do something together, he acts like he has done nothing wrong, he doesn't even feel sorry about it, and if I even begin to mention it, he always says that I overreact.

And hell, maybe I _am_ overreacting. Maybe _I_ am the crazy one. But am I asking for too much if I want not to pose as a fool at each event we attend together or anywhere else we go, as he leaves me hanging for hours? I think not.

The cheekiness leaves his features and he gets serious. "I am sorry baby, but my flight got delayed." yeah, again. Just like always.

Since when do flights never get in time but have delays for whole hours? What kind of airway companies does he use? Can't he find a proper one? Am I being too mean now? Maybe I am. Maybe I am being unsympathetic. I should stop this behavior. It will only make us argue again and things will only get worse and I don't want to end another night like this. I haven't seen him in weeks and now, in the few minutes we have shared, we are already arguing. And in my stupidity, I started it.

"What should I have done? Come here on foot?"

Okay, he's kind of right. What could he have done about that? It didn't depend on him. It's not like he was the pilot, no? I should think more about the reason I am being mad, the next time I get upset on him. I can't blame him for things that are out of his control.

"And trust me. If it would have worked and it would have brought me here faster, I would have done it. I would have walked all the way here, dragging myself with every bit of my energy. Want to know why?" he says propping his chin on his hand and looking my way smiling flirtily, getting back to his previous attitude.

"Why?"

He smiles wider and gets some strands of my hair that had escaped my bun behind my ear, looking a little displeased when he meets the frame of my glasses, but this time he doesn't say anything about it. Maybe he eventually understood that I am not giving up on them, no matter how much he complains about it preventing him to kiss me properly.

"Because that would have meant that I would have gotten to see you sooner, sweetheart."

Oh, he is such a sweet talker and he always like, obliges me with these words to forgive him and drop anything that I started. And I always give in to him! I never stand up for my reasons when he starts acting like this, even though I sometimes should.

Then, he takes my hand in his and squeezes on it.

"Really now, Rose. I know I am late a lot of times, and I am sorry. But there is nothing that I can do about it. It's-"

I stop myself before rolling my eyes and pin them on our hands, his cold one looking strange holding mine for no particular reason. But it's always the same reason that I am so sick of. Instead of saying anything that I would regret saying later, I sigh and squeeze back on his hand.

"I know. It's your job. And as you said, they do whatever the hell they want with you, no?" he nods. "And I am sorry for acting like that earlier. It's just that I thought that you'd never even com-"

"It's fine, Rosie. Everyone is entitled to act like a bitch sometimes." He says amused, patting my hand and leaving it to rest on my thigh.

I snap my head up, looking at him. "What? Do you think I was a bitch?" was I? Hell, maybe I was.

"Well, not a _real_ one. Just a teeny, tiny one. A mini bitch, you know? You always tend to amplify things' gravity." he says amused but I don't find anything funny in that.

In fact, his words offed me really bad. After the fact that he is acting like this, _I_ am the bad guy?

"Gee, thanks, Alex." and to think I was actually sorry for acting like that earlier.

You know what? I _wasn't_ a bitch. I was just trying to… I don't even know what I was trying to do or to prove anymore. Maybe I am just too pissed off and I am taking it all on him. But anyway, whatever the reason, it seems that I shouldn't have even bothered to open my mouth in the first place.

"Then, I am sorry for wanting to see you more than once in-"

"See? Now _you_ are the one doing _that thing_ again."

"What thing? What am I doing now?"

"Being nagging. You always get like that when something upsets you."

"How am I being nagging right now?" gosh, am I?

"You always keep on bringing stuff back. You keep on mentioning the same things. You talk about the same things on, and on, and-"

"Alex…"

Feeling worse than crap, I reach my hand for his, and it is strange because it is now sweaty and stuff and well, it usually isn't. It wasn't the last time we touched. Is he as nervous about fighting with me as I am about fighting with him? And besides that nervousness, I feel horrible. He is right. I am always bringing up that thing with never getting to see him and I am making him feel bad for something he cannot control.

"I am-"

But he pulls his hand out of mine, not giving me any chance to finish.

"No." He exhales hard and takes his eyes away from me. "You know what?"

He stops talking, time in which he gets the sleeve of his coat out of the way and checks his watch, and he doesn't like what he sees because his lips press into a straight line of displease. What? Did he realize too that for the last minutes we have been together we have been fighting?

"Leave it. This is pointless. I am just tired and cranky because I didn't sleep _at all_ on my way here, being excited that I will finally see you again after so long, and I am just taking it all on you, Rosie. I didn't intend to be mean to you by saying that, but you just started picking on me from _the first second_ you laid your eyes on me, and even when I tried to get over it and made that _joke_, you just kept on going. So please excuse me for, I don't know, _defending_ myself somehow..."

He looks at me only for a second and sighs, then he looks at that watch again, just like there would be something different about it now, but of course, there isn't.

"I… just need a minute now."

And without any other notice, he gets up and leaves me there speechless, heading straight to the bar, probably looking for another drink. Did I mention it to you that lately, he has a likelihood for alcohol?

But anyway, wow. What the hell was that?

And gosh. Is he right? Am I that bad? Am I being nagging and annoying?

I move my eyes down, staring at my hands, trying to stop from falling the tears that have gathered in my eyes as he was indirectly telling me how horrible I am. _Am_ I that a horrible human being? Am I the one messing everything up? What if this relationship isn't working anymore because of me? What if I can't make it work?

* * *

**In Helsinki**

**DPOV**

The door of the cell I am in finally opens. I have been waiting here for hours for this to happen because I wasn't supposed to make a fuss. So I waited for her to deal with it so that I could go on with searching Haynes.

One of the guards I have bruised in my attempt to go after that bastard is taking me out, where I meet Tasha. We make our way out of the airport and stop in front of the building.

"What took you so long?" I wasted so much time already.

"Hey, don't be mad at me. You are the one who has lost him with all that fuss. I only did my best to get you out of here as fast as I possibly could without causing a big international mess."

She lights up a cigarette and takes a deep puff, nervously playing with the ring on her index all the time we talk.

"Yeah, you are right. I lost him. But remind me, where were you while I was losing him?" She looks down at her feet as her lips are pressing tight together. "What? I didn't hear your response."

"I was out."

"Yes. You were out. That damned bastard has knocked you out so easily. So I wasn't the only one who has lost him. You insisted we'd be a team for whatever purpose. So _we _lost him."

"Sorry."

"Your apologies don't mend the situation. You should have been more careful." she doesn't respond. "Anyway."

I get walking a little because I am way too impatient and she follows me. Did I mention how much I dislike having a tail like this? Well, I do. Because they are never helpful. This is why I work alone.

"Do you know where he went?" maybe she will be a little more helpful than others. At least I won't have to call anyone for any info. She might be my middleman.

"Yes. He embarked the plane to go to Seattle."

"Just that? Nothing more?"

"No." at least we have a start. I'll see what I'll do from there.

"Did they send someone there to wait for him?" even though I doubt they would even find him on that plane. He is smart enough to do so.

"Not really. They only tracked the flight and he's still in the air. If we have a chance to get there before him, we might catch him." I wonder how would that possible. Because it's not. I cannot help it but puff displeased. "You know he wants discretion. He wants only the two of us to deal with this. And…"

"And what?"

"He is paying well for our services, you know? He can ask for anything he wants. And if he didn't want anyone else involved… that's his choice."

"And why would I care how much he pays?" It's not like I would ever see any considerable amount of that money anyway. Whatever. I won't question her reasons. She still thinks she might get out of this the nice way. Well, I tried. It's not working. "What is the situation with the other half? What do we know about it?"

"It's already missing. It has been for a while, Mister X thinks, but the man didn't realize it. He didn't check on it until he has been told to, and when he did, it was already missing."

"Any ideas on who has stolen it?" maybe that will get us a lead because, from Seattle, Haynes could have gotten anywhere.

"Probably another agent of theirs. That no one knows."

So this means they have the whole thing already and he's going to deliver it when he gets there. And we must find him before he does that. Let's see how I am going to pull this through with this unfortunate delay.

"Great. Thanks for the update. Now let's call for a ride and go after Haynes. See how that goes. And keep me updated on anything they tell you, please."

* * *

**RPOV**

And he doesn't come back for a while, leaving me there alone at the table some more because I am already used to it, no? I am only with my bad thoughts to keep me company, and I can't help but feel like a kid that has been put to the corner of the class to think about whatever bad thing they have just done.

And this is exactly what I do, turning on every possible side each word we have told to each other earlier, trying to find something wrong, something _I _said wrong, and I must say that I find plenty.

I realize that all this mess could have easily been avoided if I would have made an effort to keep my mouth shut and didn't mention the fact that he was late again. Why didn't I overlook it, like always? It would have been much simpler._ Way to go, Rose. Again, messing up things with grace. _

And I keep on looking for him around the room, wondering if he is ever coming back and if I should remain here and continue to feel miserable for what I did or you know, maybe go search for him, but, even though all I want to do is to mend things up, I think that this is not a good idea.

After all, he left so that he could get away from me and me going after him would piss him off even more and he might say that I am clingy now, and I so don't want that. Being called a bitch, annoying and nagging in less than two minutes is already too much.

Should I just leave too, not out of the hotel, but maybe go home and feel miserable there in the comfort of my little hiding, with a big bucket of ice cream and with Ash cuddled next to me to make me feel slightly better?

But who am I kidding? I would never leave this place as he is still here. I cannot leave things like this.

Instead of moving, I search for possibilities of making things right until I feel some cold skin touching mine again. I turn my head to one side, and there he is, my guy, looking back at me with those now blue, blue eyes of his, eyes that are indecipherable for me now.

"Alex, I-" he puts his palm on my cheek and his thumb on my lips, preventing me from speaking.

And next, I feel it. The smell of minty cigarettes reminiscing on his fingers. Oh, so he was outside smoking all this time. Can you believe it? It seems that I have pissed him off big time if he felt the need to give in to that, going against what he has promised me and have a smoke. Or two, or three, depending on how angry he was with me.

But I will better not mention this to him. We don't want things to get worse again, no? He doesn't look like he would be in for another round of quarreling, and neither am I. Honestly, I am not in the mood for anything at this hour.

"Let's not do that. I am sorry for what I said, you wanted to say you are sorry for all the things you said and being nagging and all, yes, we both feel miserable for that now and so on. What if we just get over that and…" he looks around the room, like searching for something.

"And what?"

On his lips spreads a warm smile as he looks back at me.

"Would you like to dance with me, Rose?"

He is trying to mend things somehow and I can't be indifferent to that. I don't want to spend the next two days of his staying here being bitter for what happened and missing out all the things we could have done together. If he is willing to overlook what just happened and the way I acted, so am I.

I smile too and nod as he already gets me up from my chair. "Yes, I would."

* * *

"Hands up, Mister," I say putting my hands over his and sliding them back on the safe zone in between my lower ribs and hips.

I even try to seem amused by it, but in fact, I am far from feeling that. He was again slowly sliding his hands down on my body, reaching for well, my ass. In public. Am I being crazy for wanting them upper on my body? I would say definitely not.

But he doesn't react amused. He puffs loudly and lifts his head to look at me.

"Come on, Rose. For how long are you going to be reticent about this?" and here we go again. Having this talk for the thousandth time.

"I am not… _reticent_ about it." He throws me a look that's saying 'Are you kidding me?'. "I mean, not when we are alone, you know that. I have nothing with you touching me when there aren't people around. But I don't know. Here, it doesn't feel…" I puff too, desolated, not being able to find my words. "I don't _know_, Alex, okay? I don't know how else to say it. It just doesn't feel okay for me in some way…"

All I know is that it doesn't feel right when he's being so obvious, when he is doing it in plain sight, touching me all over when everybody around can so easily see him doing it. I don't mind him touching me in other ways in public, like holding my hand or touching other, let's call them safe zones, and I have no problem with kissing either, but I wish he wouldn't do more intimate things like these out here. Is it too much to ask for? Am I being too much of a prude by thinking this? If so, he'll have to deal with it.

"I simply believe that some things should be kept private, that's all. That not everybody should see..."

"But Rosie," he whines. "What if the whole world knows you are with me?" that was not the point, but I let it pass.

He starts walking his lips on my neck, taking cover from other's eyes as he is speaking to me, and I let him do that, this being more okay with me than him walking his hands all over me. And quite more enjoyable. It's the little things that I like. Like, for example, the way the pointy ends of his hair feel on my skin. Or how he stops after each little kiss to take a breath in. I don't need kinky flashy touches to know what he feels.

But he spoils the little magic he has created with his next words.

"What if everybody knows that you _belong _to _me_? That I am the _only one_ allowed to do this, be it in private or not?"

He starts sliding one of his hands down on me again, but stops on my lower back as he senses that I tense up and puts it back on my hip with an annoyed growl.

"But really, now. What is wrong with that? With the fact that I want to touch you."

"There's nothing wrong." Even though there is because he wants to do it here. And I don't. But for now, I am too tired to explain my reasons to him. "But I like for things like this to be private. Between you and me. No one else. We talked about this so many times, Alexander. You know I don't feel comfortable when you do that with everybody else watching." It makes me feel cheap.

"Yeah, it's not like you let me do much when we are in private either." He says upset and even rolls his eyes.

Okay, this is not good. We're heading that way again and I don't know if I will have a way out this time if the conversation comes to that question again.

"For how long have we been together, Rose?" he asks me with I see, disappointment in his eyes and I swear he makes me feel so bad.

I know we have been together for pretty long and yes, I love him, I still do, in some way at least, but when it came and comes to these kinds of physical stuff with him, I have always felt a little uneasy. Maybe just because he approaches things in such a possessive manner. And I have tried to make him understand that I do not find it comfortable, but still, he doesn't seem to care and keeps on insisting.

And now he makes it seem like I don't trust him enough or something, but is it so bad to want to take things slow? He is like, the first guy I have had a long-termed relationship with, and I don't want to rush into things if I don't feel ready.

And he is kind of a little douchebag for pushing me with saying stuff like this and insinuating what is not true, but of course, I am not going to point it out to him.

"Hey." I lift him off me and look at him shocked. "Alex, I don't- Is that what you-" but once again this night, he stops me from continuing.

"_Fine_. You don't need to explain that to me. I won't do it anymore and that's it. I don't want you to believe I am the bad guy here for "groping" you in public like I would be a stranger, not your boyfriend."

He says that upset, sounding like a kid that you have just taken his toy away from and moves his hands even up on my body, resting them on my ribcage now, barely touching me, and I swear I want to protest at his reaction, but his botherness doesn't last because he then leans closer to my ear once more and whispers seductively.

"Even though it is _so hard_ not to want to. All the time, Rose. You're amazing, baby, and sometimes I cannot control myself around you." He says moving his hands down and squeezing my hips in his palms. "Plus, this dress you are wearing tonight? I like it."

"You do?" wow, finally a piece of clothing of mine that he approves, beside the red dress I was wearing when we met.

"I do. Even though…"

"Even though what?"

"Even though this…" he says bringing a hand up and sneakily walking his index down on the neckline of my dress. "This could have been a little deeper, Rosie,"

He states a little displeased, and places again a kiss on the side of my neck, then walks the tip of his nose across my skin, heading upward, where stops for a second to sniff me.

"Hey, you aren't wearing that perfume I bought you." He says disappointed and well, changing the subject, a thing that I gladly welcome.

But shit. I hoped he wouldn't realize that.

"Oh, yeah. About that. You see," _come on, Rose. Come up with a believable lie. _"I forgot it at my parents' house when I visited them this weekend. Sorry. I wanted to wear it tonight, but I couldn't."

But the truth is that, when I received it, I didn't have the heart to tell him that I hate that perfume with all my being. He was so excited when he gave it to me and I couldn't spoil that. But I wonder what was he thinking when he bought it because he knows so damn well that I can't stand strawberry flavored things. They are so goddamn sweet and make me sick to my core. But even though, he offered it to me with so much love and I can't bring myself to break his heart by telling him the truth. I can only hope he will forget about it soon enough and that I will not have to wear it, like, never in my life.

"That's a pity, babe. I hope you'll wear it the next time we meet."

Crap! "Sure. I can't wait to wear it."

My response gets rewarded with another kiss, this time on my jaw, but I don't feel like deserving it.

Oh, and speaking earlier about being sick? I feel like that now. I did for a while honestly, but tried to ignore it, but my anxiety from our previous tense discussions didn't help me and now I feel like, really, really sick to my stomach, worse than earlier, and I think that if I try to dance a second more or spend more time on my feet, I will faint. Or puke. Or both. And I will end up on the floor, choking wit-

Let's not talk about this because it is only making me feel sicker. All that lack of food, that strong minty cigarette smell on him and the stress that I have constantly been under ever since we greeted this evening are not doing me any good. And I desperately feel the need to sit down now. And to breathe. Now.

"What's with that face?"

"What?"

"You look weird." oh, I guess I was grimacing a little at the thought of me embarrassing myself.

"Oh. I um… That's because I feel weird. In fact, I feel kinda sick."

"Oh. I get it." he lifts me off him a little, not letting me support myself on him that much. "You are going to start about the other thing now, no?"

"What other thing? I am not starting anything, I swear." the last thing I want to do now is to quarrel with him some more. I don't have the energy for it.

"So, you weren't going to start ranting about me smoking tonight? Because you haven't mentioned it until now. And I think it was about time you started. You always do and now would be the perfect moment. You haven't scolded me in the past minutes and you surely have the reason to, so go ahead."

"Gosh, Alex. _No_. I wasn't going to say anything about that." there's no way in hell I am looking for a way to make this night even worse. "I just feel sick now and it has nothing to do with your smoking." Even if it does a little.

"My cigarettes always make you sick." he keeps on going that way, being snappy all of a sudden.

Am I imagining things or does this look like he is doing it on purpose? He looks like he wants to fight with me and tries to find all these reasons to continue our argument even though I have told him that I feel like crap. But I swear I can't find a good reason for that. Maybe he is just cranky. Very, _very_ cranky. And maybe so am I. And this combination doesn't help our cause.

"Okay. You need to stop that right now. I don't care about your cigs. I just want to sit the hell down. Or go home. Whatever is fine by me."

"Rose, _come on_. With you, it's always-"

I don't let him finish that thought, I get out of his embrace. It's funny that minutes ago we were dancing so nicely and ended up in this fight.

"I think I'll be outside for a little. I need some air." let's see if he likes it when this happens to him.

I slip out of his grasp completely and head slowly to one chair close to me. Wonderful! This night keeps on getting better and better! This time I swear I didn't say anything to start this fight. I was behaving myself. I was keeping my mouth shut even though only God knows how many occasions I had to argue some more with him. And I just said I was feeling sick, goddamnit!

I hear him following me, but he doesn't try to catch me or ask me anything and I give him no further attention. He has been an ass. Again. Maybe not everything revolves around him, okay? Not everything has to be because of him. Maybe I exist on this planet too and things happen to me, _a lot of things,_ that don't involve his presence, okay? Because he is not even around for God's sake!

But instead of heading outside as I planned, I realize it would be better to go to the bathroom and rush that way.

I push open the door of the bathroom with what feels like the last bit of energy I have and after, I feel the urging need to lean over the sink to catch my breath and regain my balance as I am already seeing blackish spots in my sight.

Just perfect. What on earth made me this sick? Maybe I am now experiencing another panic attack, but milder. How did that feel? Is it in any way close to this? I can't remember. But whatever this is, it feels awful.

But no matter how deep I breathe or how hard I try to get a hold of myself, I can't hold this anymore. My stomach feels way too uneasy for me to be able to hold in all that nothingness that fills it and the spasms don't stop no matter what I do.

So all it takes is for me to get into the closest stall and that greenish liquid simply pours out of my mouth until my stomach starts feeling one percent better. Whatever improvement is welcomed.

And as I wash the bile out of my mouth, I take a better look at myself. Besides feeling awful, I look awful.

Looking at the one staring back at me in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. I don't look like the Rose I used to know. I take my glasses off and take a better look at myself. Nope. No improvement. I look even worse. I am pale, chalk-like and my eyes are red and stinging from the makeup surrounding them and from abstaining so much from crying. I have been doing it a lot tonight and it only got harder and harder to keep all those emotions restrained.

I know that running away is not the best approach now, and I hate myself for saying this, but I feel a lot better now that he is not around me. Lately, I have been feeling better with him away than with him around me and if this doesn't say anything about how bad of a person I am, I don't know what else could.

He is my boyfriend and I shouldn't feel this way towards him. But all day today I have been excited about seeing him, I had this feeling about how things would be fine at least for this one time, but now that he is here, I don't feel even a bit of that excitement.

Anxiety is everything that fills my mind now and it has been for the past hours. Anxiety about doing or saying the wrong things again because it seems that all I have been doing tonight is completely wrong, no matter what I tried. It's like I am good for nothing. I _feel_ good for nothing.

And I don't even know why I am trying anymore. Whatever approach I tried with him, I failed. It's like he is completely against me, set to get the worst of whatever I do and say and I swear I have no idea about his reasons.

But all I know is that I just can't play this game anymore. I am tired of this situation.

I turn around and look at all the stalls in the ladies room, and find out that I am completely alone in here. I thought about checking a little too late, but it's good that I am alone. At least I can break in peace now. After all, I don't want everybody else to know how awful I feel.

Hating that person looking at me, I hop myself on the long counter that holds the sinks in here, with my back turned to the mirrors and I lean backward until my skin touches the cold material of the mirror behind me, letting it cool me off, and I close my eyes and listen to music out there for a while. I don't want to leave this place. For once this night, I feel a little easier and less anxious.

And I stay in here for a while, calming myself.

I have been in here for three songs now. No one came. Not that I would have wanted any woman to get in here and see the tears streaming down my face, messing up my makeup and see the raccoon I've become. I am not in the disposition to be pitied or to explain to anyone why I am perched next to a sink and crying and looking miserable at such a supposedly jolly event. But I don't know, I would have somehow liked for him to come, even if this is the ladies room.

I have been in here for quite a while. What if something would have happened to me? He knows I feel sick. Doesn't he worry for me at all? Doesn't he _care_ about me at all? This thought only makes me cry harder.

What the hell is going on? What the hell is happening to us? How come we got to this situation in which we can't spend not even five minutes without clawing each other's eyes out for the stupidest reasons? Without having some harsh words to say to each other. Without him making me feel like this. I swear we weren't like this. We used to be so happy together. What went wrong? What did _I _do wrong?

And as I am seriously questioning my love life, here it is. The moment I didn't want to come. The fourth song finishing and the door of the bathroom opening.

My heart clenches and I hurry to wipe my tears and I know I am probably only making things worse, but I look awful anyway, so what a little more smudged mascara matters now?

And I don't even know why I mindlessly have gotten my hopes up because I have known from the moment that I heard that door squeaking that it isn't him entering, but I am still disappointed when I see Leah coming my way. Leah, my nice but in fact not so nice co-worker.

And this is the signal I needed. I need to get a hold of myself whether I like it or not. Plus, I feel worse enough. All I need now is a headache brought to me from all this crying.

But first, let's endure some pity and do some lying.

"Rose, honey, what happened?" she asks, as usual, in her sugar-coated voice that gives an impulse to people to confess everything to her.

But not me. Not twice. Here is one life advice from me. Don't tell things about yourself to gossipy colleagues. Because the next thing you know, the whole office finds out about it, even the people you don't even work with.

So, here comes in the lying part.

"Nothing much."

I hop off the counter and turn on the water from the nearest sink, trying to get rid of the evidence of my crying, into the attempt to make myself look presentable again.

"You say nothing much, but you look like you have been crying."

"I _was_ crying." there is no need for me to try to deny what is obvious.

And my answer doesn't satisfy her need for gossip yet.

"But why? What happened? Let me guess. Problems in paradise?" she asks in that I-know-it-all voice.

But if she would only know there is no paradise. Not for a while at least.

"Of course not. Alex and I are just fine."

"Really?" she asks me suspiciously as she starts retouching her already perfect makeup.

"Yes, _really_. We are fine, thanks for asking." I say way too aggressive as I grab a bunch of wipes and dry my face.

Way better. All I need now is to find an excuse to explain my bloodshot eyes to the other people that might ask. And as always, I will use my usual one. Allergies. Everybody falls for it.

"Then why were you crying?" she pushes it.

"Why so curious?" I ask even though I know why she wants so bad to know.

She lifts her eyes off her reflection and stares at mine, and her face transmits me that I somehow hurt her by questioning her intentions. And I honestly don't care if her feelings have been hurt. On a normal day, I would have. But not tonight. Tonight I don't care about anything anymore.

"Because I care about you honey, that is why!" she feels the need to pitch her voice even more than usual. "You are like the only decent person I have in this company and I care about you." like I would ever fall for that line again.

"Well, find out that there was nothing important. There is nothing you should worry about. I am fine. Somehow. I just found out that someone I know is sick. And it made me sad."

"Oh, that is _awful_, finding out how fragile life can be. If you need anything, let me know. Anything you need, I will be there for you, honey."

"I will. Thanks."

I grab my glasses, turn around and get out of the bathroom, the need to get away from her pitiful stare overpowering everything in me. And I leave her there, even though she opened her mouth to probably tell me something else. But I don't want to hear it.

And what I see simply amazes me. I cannot believe what the hell I am seeing!

And seeing Alexander in this position, my heart breaks. How can he…?

I mean, I was in there, sick as hell, crying my lungs out, and he just makes himself busy like that with that woman? In plain sight? So shamelessly?

And I swear I am not delirious. He is flirting with that woman I don't know, but it's not like that matters. What matters is that it's him. Alex. My boyfriend. In some way, I guess. It's quite complicated now considering what I am seeing, and I don't know how to explain it. I don't really get it myself.

But anyway. Can your boyfriend do such a thing in front of you? Apparently, he can.

And he is there, just across the room, at the bar with that gorgeous woman, with no one else around, and this scene I see reminds me of the day I met him. He has the same stance and the same face and everything it's the same, except the one he is talking to. And I am not just paranoid. They seem way more than friendly. I have seen so many flirts in my life.

Or am I imagining things? Maybe they just know each other and that's all. Maybe I am taking things too far now. I don't think that he would-

But I stop thinking this when I see Alex starting to touch her, walking his fingers on her upper arm with that cheeky smile on his lips, and she watches him mesmerized. Wow. Just wow. Is it possible for your heart to turn to dust? Probably, because I feel a hole inside my chest now.

I don't think it should be the place or the time to go there and make some kind of a scene, right? Or should I? Maybe I should. Goddamnit, I should. Look what he is doing! I got out of the bathroom without the slightest intention to upset him even more, I swear, but who the hell he thinks he is to do this, huh? And he knows so damn well that I am here!

I make my mind and head their way, ready to go and ask for some explanations. And seeing him leaning closer to her and her licking her lips seductively, I lose my shit. This was it. My last drop tonight.

But my little plan goes south when he sees me with the corner of his eye and they pull apart and she heads outside fast, not even looking at me, just when I was a few steps away. And he turns around and watches me, and even if he was aware I was coming, I swear his face goes blank for a split of a second at my sight. Oh, he knows he got busted. Then he smiles and gets up, waiting for me to reach him. How can he smile at this?!

"Hey, babe. I haven't seen you coming." This is all he has to say? And he is lying too?

"Yeah? And what if you would have?" let's play his stupid game. "Were you doing something I shouldn't have seen?"

He frowns deeply. "Rose, what happened?" he has the guts to ask me this?

I cross my arms over my chest and take an imposing stance. "I don't know. Why don't _you_ tell me?"

"Tell you what? "

"What is _happening_."

He rolls his eyes and, I swear, for the thousandth time this night, he takes a look at his watch. "Besides you coming here and kinda making a scene out of nowhere? Nothing much, Rosie."

"Really? This is how you want to approach this?"

"Approach what?" he hisses at me.

"This, goddamnit! I have just seen you-"

"I don't know what you think you saw, but _nothing _was happening. You are again overreacting, Rose." He sighs deeply and takes a seat back on the chair.

I need to fight the urge in me to cry again. "_Wow_. This is the perfect ending for tonight, Alex. I never thought-"

"Rosie, are you on your period or something?"

"_What?"_

"Look how moody you are."

"I don't know, Alex. Are _you _on your period? You have been the one doing stupid stuff like this. What the hell happened to you?"

"I did not. You're just thinking I am and again, overreact."

"_Fine. _You know what? Whatever you say. I believe you. I am overreacting. I am on my period. Or whatever makes you feel good. But I just feel really bad now, okay? Do you think we can ditch this and go home?"

All I want now is to lay in bed and nothing else. Drinking some tea would be nice. And maybe if we will be out of here, we will have the time to talk about what happened tonight. Work things out. We haven't seriously talked about anything in a long time, and just when I desperately needed it. I won't blame him for not being there for me because yes, yes, with his job and all, how could he, right? But I don't know. It has been hard for me these past three months and he is not making things easier for me. Not at all. And he doesn't stop.

"Oh, so now that I got here you want to go home and leave me alone with all these people?" it's not my fault that you got here so late is what I don't dare tell him. "It's been just a little over an hour…" yeah, it has been a horrible hour.

"I didn't say that I wanted to leave this place _alone_. I meant you coming with me. I said what about if _we _ditch this thing, not only _me_."

"Look, Rose. If you are mad, at least don't ruin this party. And for God's sake, don't make a scene." he hisses at me.

"I am _not _trying to _ruin_ anything. And I am not making a scene because if I would, I would have already been yelling at you." which I am not. I am surprisingly calm. "I just feel sick and I want to go home. Can we do that and talk about this later?"

"You don't look that sick to me."

My jaw drops. "I don't _look_ that sick? This is all you have to say? Well, maybe I don't have to look _that sick _to feel _that sick, _okay? And honestly now,"

I see him checking that watch of his again. And it only makes me angrier. Each time he was speaking to me, he gave more attention to that damned metal thing than to me. Why is it so important for him what time is it? Does he have something more important to do, more important places to go, more important people to see? I swear he has acted weird all night long, being nervous and snapping at the littlest of things I do or say and I am so done with it. What is the matter with him? I get a hold of his hand and push it down.

"Would you for _once_ tonight just pay some attention to me? _Listen_ to me? Like, make some effort, goddamnit?"

He moves his eyes up, finally looking at me.

"Fine. I am listening. Say whatever you want to say. I am going to give you _attention._" he says with so much indifference in his voice that my heart breaks in that second more than it already was, a thing I didn't know was possible.

"You know what, Alex? Do whatever you want. I am going home, with or without you."

I hoped I have given him an ultimatum, that he will finally react somehow, but no. His doesn't react the way I hoped. He gets up from the chair, but not to stop me or anything else. He just heads outside.

"Where are _you _going?"

"Outside. To have a smoke. I am tired of all this and all your dramas. Am I allowed to go or would you again start ranting about my smoking?"

I want to laugh to his face. I want to yell at him. I want to punch him. I want to do so many, but I don't. I mean, look where we are. I look at the bar and put my hand on the chair next to me to keep myself steady and I see the bartender trying to eavesdrop, and from the look on his face, he surely heard plenty. I sigh and look at him again.

"Just go, Alex. Go have as many cigs as you want. Fill your lungs. Die. I don't care at this hour."

**XPOV**

And having a reason to leave now that the time is finally right, I pretend to head outside until I know I have gotten out of her eyesight and make a right at the end of the long hallway of the front desk of the hotel and head up the stairs.

I get up to the fifth story of the hotel, my palms being sweaty all the way up there because as much as I want to deny it, to pretend that it is not happening to me, I am quite nervous today. All these years on the field, on missions, nothing could ever prepare you for going against your owns.

But hey, I want a better life, I want to live like a king, and someone will be willing to pay me well for what I am going to do next. And I must say it's worth it.

I soon enter the room I got earlier just when I arrived here late enough to start all this quarrelling with Rose and continued with giving her some more and good reasons to not forgive me when I break up with her later and then get rid of her for goods thank God.

The room I am in is always one room with an odd number for my superstitious mate, and never thirteen. I am sick of people's superstitions. They stick to them like religion, like they would be helping them in any way. But it's a good thing that I won't have to listen to the ones of this man for longer. I can't wait to show him how his bullshit won't keep him alive. I am way above some superstitions.

I wait inside for one minute before the clock strikes the exact hour and after that, the door opens. My connection is never late. Another thing of this old man. But hey, he arrived just in time for his death.

"So, where is it?" he asks closing the door behind him and checking his surroundings.

Too bad he doesn't know that the danger is not hiding and that it is standing right in front of him. I don't say or do anything, just gather my strength to do what I need to do.

"I asked you something, Haynes. Give me your part of the project already so I can deliver it further. I don't want to stick around here longer than I need to." someone is impatient to die it seems. "Were you followed?"

"Of course not. You know me."

I managed to get rid of the Russian for long enough so that he won't be able to catch me even if he comes here. Plus, I am having my distraction with him, making sure he won't come too close.

"Good. So? Where is it?"

Behind me, I get the knife out of my pocket and prepare myself for what's going to come next.

"Right here. I've got it right here, buddy."

**RPOV**

And he just left. Without any other word, he turned his back at me and went outside to smoke his precious cigs.

And you know what _I_ do? I stay. Just like always.

I drag that chair I was leaning on earlier and sit down. Do you need a reason for that? Well, I do it because, in my stupidity, I still want to mend things with him. I don't want to leave this place and to have a horrible sleepless night feeling like crap for the way I acted and for everything that happened, and then to have to deal with everything tomorrow.

And I can even tell you how things are going to unfold. I know it so damn well. I know myself so damn well. He is going to say he is sorry for tonight, and he is going to come with an excuse and he will explain to me what was, in fact, happening there, and I am again going to be stupid enough to believe it and forgive him.

Just because I hate confrontations and I prefer to make compromises with myself rather than spending my time fighting with someone when I know so damn well how much power of convincing he has.

And you know what else I hate? I hate being like this. Weak. Everybody's doormat. A people pleaser. An idiot. Instead of thinking of ways to excuse his behavior and blaming myself for it and thinking about how I am going to forgive him, I should have told him so many things, I should have done something, I should have made a goddamn scene, do something to make him stop acting like this with me, show him that he is the one who is acting badly, that he is the one who is ruining this night, that he should be the one apologizing, but I just didn't know what.

Because this is how it always goes. I don't know what to do or say or when to do it or when to say it, and just as always, it ends bad for me. I am the only one losing in these situations. I am doing myself a disservice by being like this.

I really thought I was finally doing it right, that I have figured out how being with someone actually is, and that I was doing a good job at this me and him thing and that we were working it out when we had a little obstacle to pass now, that we were just fine on the long term, that we were like any other couple, but lately, it feels like he is a stranger to me and everything that was working before doesn't anymore.

And I don't even know who to try to be around him anymore. How to be, how to act, what to say, _who _to be. Because the Rose I have always been and that he said he liked, even loved, so much, that woman doesn't seem to be good enough for him now.

I order myself a strong drink, something spirituous, thinking that it will do me some good, but I end up taking only one sip from it before putting it aside. Strong drinking is definitely not for me. And not on an empty stomach.

And the more I wait for him, the worse I start to feel. I feel stupider with each passing second. Gosh, I am such a fool. And, is he kidding me right now? It has been ten minutes. Ten minutes in which I have been waiting for him. He has seen me taking a seat, he has turned his head and saw me, and he knows that I have remained behind. And he is still out there smoking, "calming" himself because I have annoyed him so much. But what about him annoying me so much, huh? _I_ should be out there smoking a hundred cigarettes.

You know what? I am done with this shitty night. So, so done. He can go to hell for now. I make my mind. I am not going to sit around here, not for a minute longer.

But the thing is that I have an itchy tongue now. We have already been quarreling all night, so what a little more would do? Things are already bad enough. And I so feel an urge to let him know how much of an ass he has been to me lately and how bad he treats me and how tired I am of his behavior and of the fact that he is always making me feel like I am the bad guy even though I am doing my best to please him.

Maybe it is that little sip of alcohol on an empty stomach, maybe it is some bit of insanity, maybe a bit of courage, maybe it's all of them, I don't know what for sure, but I get up and go outside to look for him. Because for once, I know exactly what I am going to do and I will not care if he is not going to like it. He needs a reality check and I am full of rage.

I follow the same route he has taken and get outside into the wide garden, close to the entrance of the hotel, where, in the dark, I spot numerous red little lights giving off thick smoke into the wind, and I head that way, searching for him.

But guess what? Surprise. He is nowhere to be found around here. So where in God's name has he been until now? Did he leave for good? Did he have the guts to leave me here?

**XPOV**

I move fast, catching him unprepared.

But it doesn't take him much to react. He is still a trained agent after all. Too bad for him that his reflexes weakened along time. He should have retired a while ago and like this, he wouldn't have had to be a part of this, it would have been another poor soul. But it was his choice. It seems that some of us could never give up on the thrill of this life. Unlike me, they would happily give their lives for the agency. And today, his life wish is becoming true.

"What the fuck, Haynes?!"

As I throw myself at him with the knife pointed directly to his neck, he puts up a good fight, just as I expected, all his years of experience kicking in, making me lose my weapon for now. But I like to believe I am better.

He takes some steps back and reaches for his gun, always keeping it into the belt of his jeans, but I have seen that coming and I disarm him quickly, not even giving him the chance to arm it or even point it to me.

And it doesn't take me much to wear him out, well, not before we fight for control for a minute or so and break some things around the room, but I don't care about that. What I care about is that this bastard managed to rip one pocket of my coat in his attempt to take a hold of me, and this is the coat of one of my favorite suits and this is it. I decide I am done with him.

And anyway, I am way better and faster than him despite his experience, and the second I manage to put him down, I take my knife off the floor and slit his throat in a swift, precise movement, aiming for the jugular, and blood is now streaming down from the cut, filling his mouth too as he is struggling to breathe, taking his last harsh breaths, preventing him from saying anything that he is trying to tell me now.

And he starts convulsing, still fighting for his life, but I keep him down until his body goes limper and lifeless on the floor with each passing second.

Even though he didn't ask anything more about my intentions, that shocked expression ever since he saw what I am doing didn't leave his face and he is still trying to speak, and all the words I manage to understand clearly are some "Whys". But I think I know how his speech would have unfolded and I am more than happy that I have slit his throat and I won't have to hear it. Not that there would be many important things to be said besides the traitor and deceiver I am.

I push his chin up, closing his mouth, helping him choke some more.

"No hard feelings buddy. You could have gotten in my way, and I just had to do it. It was you or me, that's all. I reserved Rose a special role in this. She isn't a trained agent like you. And she doesn't know as much as you do. And oh, I never really liked you."

When I am sure he won't try to get up, I raise and let him make peace with anything he needs to make peace with now as the last seconds of is life are passing.

I start moving around the room and look for pieces of evidence that might point to me being in here and fighting with him, and then, when I make sure there is nothing in here to incriminate me, I wipe the knife's handle, just to be sure, and let it rest next to the now starting to cool body, like a little statement so that everybody would know who they are supposedly dealing with.

Everybody knows I am not into knives, and especially not into these kinds of knives, the ones that belong to a specific agency, their blade engraved with the blood moon symbol, that only their people get. It's a sign of arrogance, this little mark they sometimes leave behind for people to know who has done the job, but it is only coming to my advantage now.

The bait has been put and this is going to help me a little by bringing their attention to the wrong person who has killed the guy, buying me some more time to deal with everything else.

I get over the dead body and search him for the memory card he has, and finally find it, concealed by a thin layer of artificial skin, barely noticeable on his upper arm. Now that I got what I wanted, I have some little things that could still incriminate me that I need to take care of before calling the boss.

With the clock ticking against me, I make my way downstairs.

I wasn't stupid enough to bring my half of the project with me tonight, it is safe and sound somewhere far with my lover, but I now have this memory card on me and I need to get rid of it for now, to not have it if something bad might happen.

I get back into the dining room area and find Rose. In fact, I find only her purse at the table, as God knows where she is right now. And it's not that I would really care. I knew it that she will linger from the moment I saw her take a seat at the bar. She always does. Always trying to mend things, always trying to be good and forgiving. But that won't be the case later. Things between us will never get to be better.

But for now, I have more important things to take care of than thinking about her. I put the memory card in her purse. I hide it well, cutting a little imperceptible hole into the material on the inside of the purse and let the little card in there, so she won't find it either. It will be safe there until I will come back for it sometime later.

The next stop is the security room, which, to my luck, is unsupervised at this hour because of the shift change and I do my thing as fast as I can, erasing the past half hour out of every camera around the hotel. And now, it's time to make my way upstairs for the second time this night.

When I get in, after I "check" on G's vitals, I take out my phone and make my first call. After my first ring, my superior picks up.

"Here is Haynes. I have a problem. I delivered my half of the package to G. ten minutes ago. I forgot my coat upstairs and when I went back up to retrieve it, I found him dead. Someone slit his throat."

"What else?" he already asks, probably knowing what I am going to say next.

"The package is missing, Sir."

"Crap!" and some other muffled bad words follow, anger filling his voice. "How the hell did that happen?! Goddamnit! I thought that G. would know better than this!"

"I don't know. As always, he has searched the building carefully and found nothing suspicious. I personally greeted everyone here and on my way here, I inspected every guest's profile, as always, and everybody came out as clean. There was nothing suspicious about anyone." I add to seem more credible. "But it seems that someone must have found out about our appointment and came uninvited. And I think I have an idea who. Because he left something behind."

"What?" I hear him ask, again, probably knowing what I will say next. He knows about the one that was on my tracks in Helsinki.

"It's one of their knives. I guess that that Russian is behind all of this. I still have no idea how he found me; I guess he just had some luck, but I took care of him back then and I thought that it would keep him busy for some time. But he seems to have gotten away more easily than I thought and he may have found a way to outrun me here and find me somehow again, even though I was _very_ careful, just as always. You know how seriously I have always treated this job."

I don't want to come out as some kind of incompetent because I know and my boss knows too that I am the best at what I do and not even this man following me around can't get his hands on me (and I know for sure that he doesn't even have the slightest idea that I am here now, thanks to some "tracks" that I left behind only to confuse him, along with one person that accompanies him only to divert him from my location), but it doesn't hurt anyone to blame it all on someone else, right? I just want to distract their attention from me. And with a little inside help from the enemy side, I managed to do so.

"I know, Haynes." He says with a sigh. "I have never doubted your competence. And I have always appreciated how involved you were in this job."

Yeah, if he would only know why. It wasn't my job to be around here too long as G. was supposed to deal with stuff here, mine being to find him a way in and then to see how things were unfolding in Russia, but I needed to be around from time to time to make sure nothing bad will happen and mess with my plans, and still keep Rose in the game for later when I would have needed her.

"Okay, fine. Let's get to other things now. We'll see how we'll deal with him later. Let's just hope that he didn't get far so that we'll be able to get back what's ours. I'll put Lee to look for him now. But you'll need to come here right now. We need to get you off the map. He knows about you and I don't want another agent killed. You're too precious." Well, aren't I? Too bad for you that you believe every piece of shit that gets out of my mouth. "I would have preferred for you to go after him but he knows how you look and I want to take him by surprise."

"But-" I fakely want to protest, but all I want to do now is to lay low so that I would be free to finish my business and be gone long before they even find out what really happened.

"No, Haynes. I want him to think that we lost him. But I am sure we'll find him soon enough around there. Leave that on me. For now, I'll send a team to pick you up and clean that mess."

"No, Sir. There is no need for them to bother to come for me. I think that it would be better for me to get moving already. Not to stay in one place because some of his men may come here to finish the job. Or even him. He might be looking for me already."

"Fine. But wait there at least until the cleaning team comes, make sure no one gets inside and notices G. Then just get moving. I'll contact you later."

"Okay, Sir."

"And Haynes?"

"Yes?"

"I am sorry for your lady, but you'll have to leave her."

"No problem for me there. It was fun while it lasted." Even though it wasn't. Despite my expectations, she is a prude. Everywhere and anytime. No feistiness hiding behind that shyness.

He laughs a little. "That's my man." And he ends the call.

As things have gotten out the way I planned, I call someone else. She picks up fast.

"Wait." she says first, and it takes her a minute to talk to me again. "Hey baby, how are you? I miss you." I hear the voice of the woman I love.

"Hi, gorgeous. I miss you too. Are you with him?"

"Yeah, we're wasting time looking for you."

"Good. Keep him busy and away from here. But I called you to tell you I have good news."

"You do? Is it finally happening? Did you do it?" she says full of excitement.

"Yeah. I did."

Her tone changes to a more cheerful one. "Oh. My man always getting things done."

"Don't I always?"

"Well, when we meet, you are in for a treat."

"Of course I do. But tell me one thing first. Did someone notice the missing of your knife?"

"No. In fact, it wasn't my knife I gave to you. It was of that bastard's that has fallen guilty for helping you."

"Even better, honey. You always have the best ideas."

"Well, you know me. So, what now? You're coming to me, no?"

"Well, don't I always? But you know I can't right away."

"I know, I know. But I miss you." she says purring like a kitten. "When _will_ you come?"

"First, the cleaning team is coming here soon and I need to wait for them. Then I'll have to get low for a little while until things settle. And maybe if I am lucky enough, some of my men will kill my tail, of course, when you'll not be around, and I'll have more freedom to act. And then, I'll come to you. We'll put it together and after I sell it, we'll be rich baby. We'll never have to do a thing for the rest of our lives."

"Oh, baby. Just take care, okay?"

"Of course. You too. And keep him busy. See you soon."

"See you baby."

I end the call shortly after that because we have already talked for too long and I can't afford to waste much time. Now, all I have to do is to nicely stay put until the cleaning team comes.

**RPOV**

I spend a couple of minutes outside, searching for him, making sure that he is indeed not here. And as I am walking from a group of men talking and smoking to another, that smell of nicotine only makes me feel sicker and I need to lean over a wall to get a hold back on my senses as I am close to choking. I hate smoke!

I soon feel a hand on my shoulder and my head snaps in that direction, thinking that it might be Alex. But it's not. It's a man I don't recognize.

"What?" I kind of snap at him and his eyes widen for a second.

"Miss, are you okay?" he asks concerned. Good at least that some stranger is thinking about me, but not my boyfriend. This thought makes me chuckle and the guy throws me a weird glance.

"No. I am not okay." Not at all. I feel like crap in so many ways I want to die.

"Do you need me to-" he offers himself kindly to help me.

I smile in response and shake my head. "No, thank you. I appreciate your gesture, but I'll be fine."

It seems that I always will. Like all these past months, by myself.

**XPOV**

I ended my call just in time, as the cleaning team enters the room two minutes after I did so. That was close. We greet and I want to get out of here, let them do their job. But I am not allowed.

Which is not what I have talked earlier with my superior. They have been given orders to search everything in this room, and, as I was in here, they search me too, paranoid people. Well, not that they wouldn't be right to do so, but it's a good thing I don't have the memory card on me. And it's good to have someone around to play the mule for you and get this thing out of here for me. No one will suspect a thing, she's that innocent.

When it comes to how things are going to go next for me, things don't go as I planned. I was planning to get down, tell Rose that I am sorry, make peace with her, endure the three hour drive from this place to her apartment, take what's mine, start a big fight that ends with her in tears and be gone forever, letting her live her boring life until someone would come around and end her for some information she doesn't have. Simple and convenient for me.

But these fuckers have orders to take me with them to ask me some questions and I have no other chance than to obey. That fucker. He says one and does completely the other way around. And I can't say no. It would be suspicious of me if I would try to make my way out of here and not cooperate. But I will talk my way out of this fast and then I'll be free to take my plan to an end.

**RPOV**

I make my way back inside and still, there is no Alex around. Pure anger fills me. You know what? I am leaving right now and I will not give a single damn about him. I get to my table, grab my purse and rush towards the exit, wanting to leave this shitty place faster. Let him do whatever the hell he wishes. I won't care. He can go and spend his night at the hotel or wherever the hell he wants because for sure, he won't step in my apartment tonight. I won't let him talk me out of being mad at him anymore.


	9. This woman is not normal in her head

**Well, hi guys! I know I am quite late with the posting, but this week I have started uni and it has been a messy hell with my schedule. I was busy and away from home all day long and I didn't find time for anything and I have started writing and editing just last night**

**But I am not giving up on the story. I will finish it, I promise. I hate leaving things hanging. And I am alr****eady having in mind a lot of little funny and romantic moments between Rose and Dimitri that I want you to read. And I will do my best to post regularly, but I can't promise you anything for now. I'll just need some time to adjust to my new schedule and see how all that learning works with my writing sprees**

**But enough with apologizing. You did 't come here to read that. I hope you'll enjoy my new chapter :)**

**Lots of love and have a lovely weekend!**

* * *

**This woman is not normal in her head**

**RPOV**

"Wait, wait. Waaait a second. No. He is a _what_?" I think I need to hear that a thousand times. And I would still not believe it. This cannot be happening.

"_Was_. Before he decided to go against his beliefs for a lot of money. But you already know this, Rose. You're part of it. You did it too."

"No, okay?! I am _not_. I…"

I rub my eyes under my glasses, being so tired of this. Plus, I don't understand anything he is talking about!

"You took this waaay too far. Stop playing with me by telling me all these things. Why don't _you_ cut it with the acting? I haven't had the best day today and I would appreciate it if at least you would spare me of what is happening right now, okay? I am not in for any stupid games. Tell me why I am here, for real this time. We're not in movies and Alex is _not_ a spy. If you want to do anything to me, then say it to me straightforward."

"I have been telling you straightforward. This is not a joke. I am not trying to mess with you, I don't have the time for that and I am not the one to like playing games. Especially now. I am serious."

I take a look at him and there is no light in his eyes, no smile trying to escape his lips, no amusement filling his words. Either he is a great actor, either he is dead serious. Which he can't be.

"Xavier is who he is. An ex-spy." He says that again.

I sigh deeply, mostly in anger, or maybe despair, and I need to take a seat on the bed I left a couple of minutes ago, my feet feeling mushy under me. This is _not _happening, not to me. This is not real. It cannot be.

I let myself fall on the edge of the bed and I take my coat off as cold sweats start creeping on me and I feel like I am suffocating. I need some fresh air.

"Okay. Let's take this from the beginning. First, you need to stop calling him like that. His name is _Alexander_. Do you need me to spell it for you? I have never known him as Xavier or whatever you are calling him. And second, he works as a business consultant, okay? I don't know who told you all these things about him, but you have the wrong person here. It's not him. I mean, yeah, they look alike, but- Oh! Maybe it's his evil twin!" even though he is not that good himself. "Honestly. I didn't know that he-"

He puffs, seemingly very irritated by my answer. Again. He doesn't like it at all. But I am not doing anything but to say the truth. He is the one refusing to trust me.

"Of course he is a business consultant. Is this what you tell everybody else, but you and I know better, Rose."

He makes a pause and studies my confusion. And because he doesn't say anything more, I do.

"No, we _don't_, goddamnit." I am on the verge of crying and I contain my head in my hands, my temples pulsing. When will he stop thinking I am in this?

With a deep breath, I confront my reality once more and lift my head and see him crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head to the right, watching me, still expecting me to miraculously take my mask off and start admitting I am some kind of villain.

"I swear. I don't know." I whisper, my voice breaking. How can I make this man understand that he is speaking nonsense when he doesn't want to listen to me?

"You really have no idea, don't you?" he says still a little disbelief in his voice, but a weird smile on his face, like pitying me. "No clue?" this time he frowns a little. Maybe he is still trying to see if I am being honest or not.

It got annoying for everybody now this back and forth between us, each of us holding on to what we're saying, it has been going on for far too long, but I am the one who is right here. And it seems like my life is depending on it. So I need to make him trust me with it. And now that he has started giving me some credit, I might have a chance to convince him I am innocent.

"No, I don't have any idea about what you are talking about," I say for what? The millionth time? "How many times do you want me to repeat it? I'll say it until you'll believe me. Because that's how things are."

And maybe he finally believes me because I see the look in his eyes changing, and for a split of a second I see let's call it disappointment on his face, but he hides it fast.

But one thing I know for sure. This truth doesn't seem to satisfy him at all because he starts speaking under his breath, in Russian, and he is saying not so nice words in his language.

Well, at least I was right about his accent and his provenience. Too bad I couldn't figure out his intentions earlier. Hell, too bad I got out of the house today. Or five months ago if what he's saying is not a joke.

"_No_. No, I don't care. Maybe you don't have a clue or you know this and you can deny all the way you want then. It doesn't matter to me anymore. Not at all. I don't want to hear it. Do whatever the hell you want, woman. But you'll still have to call him and make him tell you where he is. You'll do it either you like it or not."

"_No_!" I say as I spring up from the bed. "Why would I do that?"

"Because I am telling you to."

Look. This situation seems way too messed up and I don't even know half of it, I am sure. And my bastard ex-boyfriend seems to be involved in it, as the man in front of me keeps on saying, either if he is a spy or not.

But by seeing what the Russian can do, I kinda want to protect Alex, well, if it is possible. Not because I would still love him or I feel like I owe him something (because I don't; not at all) or other stuff like this. But as another human being would do for another one. I can't just let this guy go after him. God knows what he might be able to do to him. I'm not saying that he doesn't need a punch in the nose and I would happily be the one doing it, but Sebastian here doesn't seem the guy to only deliver some punches and let go.

"I won't do it." I decide.

My resistance only annoys him some more and in a flash, he comes closer to me and we're one centimeter away from touching as he's hovering over me, pinning his now dark eyes on me, his jaw tight, imposing himself on me like crazy, and it takes me so much not to make myself little under him and be steady on my feet because I am just so scared of him right now.

"You see, you don't really have a chance love." He says, again being arrogant because he probably sensed that he managed to make me be afraid of him. And hell, I am so afraid.

But paradoxically enough, seeing him react like this, I get flashbacks with all the guys who have acted like this with me, arrogant and imposing and thinking that they can control me, and those thoughts are especially about Alexander or Xavier or whatever. To hell with him and his name and what he did and to hell with this guy too!

I feel the need to fight back, to show him that I am not afraid of him, even though my body is one second away from starting to shake from every joint. I take in a deep breath, trying to keep myself composed as I am beginning to get as annoyed as he seems. I look back at him, trying to seem as confident and as fearless as I possibly can, transforming all that fear in me in courage, and I speak.

"Look, _comrade_. You need to stop calling me like that right now because I don't like it at all, do you get me? I have already told you that I am not your love!"

My attitude comes out big time and I didn't even know I had one. And I know it's stupid for me to speak like this to him because as I saw earlier and recently found, he does a pretty good job at killing and he can do so many bad things to me if I don't act nicely.

But all this adrenaline is rushing through me for the past half an hour and he has pushed my wrong buttons. That, combined with the fact that I am already sick of whatever is happening here, is making me spill words out mindlessly.

"I won't allow you to treat me like some silly girl you can easily impose yourself on! I am not the one you can do that with! Plus, I have a goddamn name in case you forgot. And I am _not_ going to do what you are asking me to, either _you_ like it or not! Why would I even _do_ this? What do you want from him? Did he do something to you and you are seeking for revenge now? Because if this is so, this is not the way." The pacifist in me gets to surface all of a sudden, creating a stupid contrast between my angriness and the way I try to approach things. "Things can be taken care of in other ways. You don't have to go after him. Do you really need to kill him? Or me? Come on. We-"

He puffs again and it takes him some seconds to loosen the tightness in his jaw.

"You don't even know what you are talking about. Things aren't that simple."

"So, do you believe me?" I ask full of disbelief.

"Let's say that I do for now," he says, even though his tone says otherwise.

"Then why don't you tell me what is going on? For real. What is this thing between you and him?"

I must admit that the curiosity is killing me. I want to know everything about this or at least something more.

"Because this is none of your business. That's a bone I have to pick with him. He and I have unfinished business is enough for you to know."

"Yeah, but as long as I am caught between, isn't it some kind of my business now? Shouldn't I know what I am here for? Hell, until some minutes ago, you kept on insisting I was part of it. I want to know."

Here is another reason for me to have gotten away from Alexander faster and earlier, if I didn't have plenty before. He dragged me into this _thing_. And I have absolutely no clue what he has done to this man in front of me, but considering how much effort he put into getting me, I mean, look how many people he already killed so that I won't slip away, I can only imagine that it wasn't a very pleasant thing my ex-douchebag did to him.

Who knows, maybe he has a dark past from which the Russian is part of, that has come back to haunt him or something. If he would be a spy it would make sense, I guess. But what do I know, really? I have only seen stuff like this in movies. I have never experienced this in real life. And I never wanted to. But look at me now.

And if this is the case, if any of this is true, I surely don't want to be a part of his future full of consequences. I have already endured too much because of him. He will need to take responsibility for this somehow because I don't want to take the fall for him, no matter how much I would like to help his situation now. I just want to go home and forget about him and this day. That's all I am asking for.

"As I said, you don't really have a choice, remember?"

And he takes a step back, gets out his knife and parades it in front of me, reminding me of his gun too. Yeah, how could I forget about those? Now how can I keep on saying no to him when he's obviously threatening me?

"Now get your phone out and do your thing. And keep in mind that I have already asked you nicely to do it." he considers this nice? We surely have different opinions.

But I have no other option. I do as I am said and as I am moving slowly, going to my purse that I don't remember shedding on the floor, trying to stall the ending for a little longer, hoping that some miracle will happen that might get me out of this crap. I consider calling someone else or the police or pretend to call Alex when in fact I am not and say that he didn't pick up or call an unknown number, I don't know, _something_, just not to have to make this call because as much I don't like Alexander in this second, I don't want to bring this trouble in his life.

I know I am quite contradicting myself, but would someone like to rat out another person? I don't know what history the two of them have, but this situation doesn't smell good for me. I get the bad feeling that this vendetta is going to end with one of the two being dead. And I don't want to be the one who got them together to confront.

But I don't get to do anything that I thought of because this guy is following my every move. And, obviously guessing my intentions, he is beginning to rush me with his eyes only, but it's enough. So I do what he says all the way.

With trembling hands, I search Alexander's number into my contact list, his new one, that he has called me from two days ago.

And gosh, if I stop to think about it, he always used to call me with different, new numbers every single time he was away, making all kinds of motives for that. If he would indeed be a spy, wouldn't that have been a good way to keep himself on the down low? How come I am only picking up things when it's way too late? How many other things did I miss?

As the phone starts ringing, he tells me to put it on speaker. It rings three times before he picks up. And for once, I wish that he didn't pick up, just like always when I called him. Where is that rude Alex I used to know, huh? Today he decided to care? Hell, today is my luckiest day, isn't it?

And now I will need to convince him to tell me where he is. How the hell will I do that? He didn't use to tell me much about his destination before, when we were having a better relationship, so why would he tell me now?

**DPOV**

Xavier finally answers and he seems pissed off, his tone of voice bothered.

"Rose? I thought I told you not to call me, no? Can't you _read_? What happened now? Say it fast, I am busy."

I can hear him talking with difficulty, as he would have run some miles. It seems that his life is not that easy lately as he must always be on the run. Seemingly, it's literally. Well, I am here to make it even worse. And I will surely enjoy it, just like he enjoyed making mine hard.

She takes a deep breath and pushes her glasses up with her index. "Hey, um, Alex, I um… haven't heard you in a while. Where are you?"

"And why would you like to know that all of a sudden?" he says seeming snappy.

She begins to bite the inside of her cheek and looks up at me, blinking a couple of times, and it's like she expects me to tell her what to do. But I am not saying a single word. She can manage at least this.

"I… I just need to know, okay? I… I want to come and… and see you." she speaks way too distressed.

I bend to reach her ear and as I get closer, I feel her starting to tremble lightly. But her to be more afraid is the last thing I need. I don't want him to pick on anything.

"Speak more confidently. Normal. Don't make him pick on anything or you'll get in trouble." I whisper only for her to hear and she nods fast and lightly.

"You couldn't come today and not the other time before and I understand why, but I want to come to you if you can't come here." She starts with a good lie. Let's just hope that he will take it, even though I think she could have done better. You can still sense some fear in her voice and I hope that he won't.

"Why?"

"Come on. I miss you… so much. Despite what happened, I do, Alex. And it's been a month since I last saw you. And as you said when we talked on the phone, I realized that want to make things right between us too. So I want to speak to you face to face, not on the phone. It's important, right? So just tell me, please. I want to come and meet you. Anywhere you are."

"I don't have the time honey. I am busy now, I already told you. Can't you get that? You know how important is my job."

"I know that. But why won't you meet me where you are? I'll come there. I'll make it easier for you. But let's meet."

He laughs lightly. "Have you begun to get jealous again or something? Just like the last time? I didn't think that you would be the type in the first place, Rosie, really. Where has disappeared all the mutual trust we had, huh? What do you think I am doing here?" He asks, sarcasm filling his voice.

It seems that he is not such a nice guy with her. They seem to have some issues and maybe things won't turn out the way I expected after all. From their previous conversations, I didn't pick this attitude from him towards her.

Quite the opposite, in fact. He would always cover his words in honey, talking with her just like lovers do, and he insisted that they must meet as soon as possible to talk about "that thing" that happened a month ago between them, a thing that he never mentioned, but I knew it was about the memory card and that they were being careful with their calls, and even though I never understood the reason, he would often tell her that he is sorry for what happened a month ago, from my guesses, referring to the fact that he had to leave her alone for a while.

But what changed all of a sudden? Were my guesses wrong? And where do all these mean words come from? Is this just some acting?

"_God_, stop being like this already! I am so sick of it! I am _not_ jealous. I don't care about that thing anymore. I couldn't care less if you really did it or not back then. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want!"

So, this means that he cheated on her? This is why he was apologizing? But where's all the love between them now? I swear I don't get it.

I signal her that this conversation isn't heading in the direction I want it to head. She should make him tell her where he is, not to dismiss him and annoy him even more.

It surely seems that I got wrong this entire thing that is happening between them for the past month. What if she had the memory card a month ago and because they had a fight, let's say because his eyes couldn't stay on her only, she decided to take her revenge on him and not give it to him as some and now he's trying to mend things?

But why would he act so rude if this would be true? And why did he wait so long? Couldn't he pressure her into giving it to him? Is she that strong-willed under this good girl cover that he couldn't break her and not manage to get the card from her? Fuck, I hate it when I don't know. I am going on blindly here now.

"Do you want to talk about that thing or not, Alex? I thought that you wanted to make amends. Well, so do I! So let's meet and talk." she gets no answer. "Ugh! Just tell me where you are Alexander. I am coming to meet you, period. You didn't come and we need to talk face to face because you owe me a bunch load of explanations. You owe me at least that after what happened to me today."

Shit! She shouldn't have mentioned today. And her apologetic expression transmits me that she knows she has made a slip.

But what if they are both acting in the hopes they would fool me, this being some kind of signal she has given him? Was there a specific, weirder thing, like a code, that she said to him at the beginning that could have indicated him that she is being watched? No. She asked him where he is. But she has called him by his full name, not only Alex. She has always called him Alex. Could that be the thing? I swear it's driving me insane that I can't figure it out.

Earlier, for a second, I admit, I believed this woman when she told me that she is clueless because I couldn't observe the usual ticks that she makes when she lies, and she seemed honest to me about it. Maybe she is a very good actress and managed to fool me. I am kind of impressed by her talents, even though she has been a pain in the ass with her acting.

"Why? Why do you want to see me so bad all of a sudden? And what happened to you today that was so bad?" he asks once more, his voice cold.

She has kept herself together quite well until now for an outside untrained person, considering what happened to her lately, but hearing him talk like this to her makes her cry. On act or not, I still can't tell. I am still not sure if they are playing with my head or not and it's annoying as hell not to know that. But maybe me pushing her around and talking harshly to her didn't help either, if this is for real.

I really can't understand a thing right now. Is she still acting? Is he acting too? Is she crying for real? Is he a dick on purpose? Did they manage to fool me? There is something wrong going on and I can't make sense of it. I have the pieces in my head, but maybe I have been putting them wrongly all this time. But I don't know the right way either.

She looks at me first, blinking twice, and then away, towards the door and gulps, trying to keep her tears away, but they are silently falling on her cheeks. As long as he doesn't hear her, I might be still having a chance to get what I want out of this conversation. So I make her a sign to keep trying to find out where he is, but things don't turn out the way I wanted.

"Is your real name Xavier?" she asks fast before I have any chance to stop her. "There is this man-" I place a hand over her mouth and take the phone from her. But the damage is already done. She messed up everything.

"Do you know what you just said_? Exactly_ what I have been waiting for for quite long now. I was wondering when you will finally crack. It's a wonder you're not crying already. It's an improvement, _sweetheart. _Oh, and when I thought that you really cared that much about us, Rosie honey and you were finally stupid enough to give me one more chance." He says in a false affected voice. "Someone finally took you, no? They're the ones who made you question me and find out where I am, am I right? You were never that insistent with the places I went to before. And you were never good at hiding your emotions, if we could be honest till the end. You always babble when you're nervous. But let's not talk about you anymore, Rose. Tell me. Who are the people who have taken you? Pass them over."

Without any other chance of mending things now, I finally speak. "Xavier. It's been a while."

"Hey there!" he says overexcited. "How is it going? Not too well, no? Let me guess. You thought that if you follow her I would show up and you would manage to catch me and get the project all to yourself, no? The best plan ever, no?"

"Something like that." I get snappy. I feel like an idiot because of him. I don't like him even more now.

"Who are you? Please me and tell me."

"Someone you screwed over about a month ago."

"Helsinki? Is that you boy?"

He calls me like that but I am much older than him. Another reason for his arrogance to piss me off, besides everything that is happening here now and before.

Me not saying anything to contradict him is a good enough answer for him.

"Good for you, Helsinki. I waited for this moment. I knew you wouldn't give up. It's good to catch up with an old friend. So, how are you doing?" he asks sarcastically.

"So this is _true_?" Rose asks out of nowhere, her voice cracking, and reminding me of her presence here. "God, how could you do this to me? You lied to me for so long? How could..."

She is wiping her tears with the back of her palms and sniffs her nose. So she really doesn't know? It's either this or she is a hell of an actress. I still cannot figure it out and it's the first time it is happening to me when I can't read someone and it is bothering me so much. But why would she keep on lying now?

"So this Sebastian guy right here is _right_? You are…? Tell me." She demands, trying to control her voice, which is affected by her crying. "Tell me the truth now, Alex."

"Rose, shut the _fuck_ up and let the grown-ups speak! Ever since you started thinking for yourself a little, you are quite annoying. You starting to speak for yourself and all this attitude you got is really, really annoying lately. I liked you more when you were trying to please me and did all I wanted you to. You were a little more enjoyable back then, don't you think that too?"

She opens her mouth shocked, trying to tell him something, but he keeps on going.

"_Plus_, I have no time for your broken heart right now, okay? So you stay out of it. I couldn't care less about your feelings."

Her face crumbles and she covers her mouth, trying to muffle a whimper.

"And I know what you thought, buddy, but you thought wrong. If you think that I am going to come running there for her you are _so wrong_. You thought I would fall for the first silly girl I see?"

He starts laughing and all I can do now is watch Rose as she is taking in his words, my eyes not being able to get off her face. And seeing her hurt like this, I know. She didn't and still doesn't have a clue about this. I am sure now, even though I didn't see it coming.

"She means _nothing_ to me. I can find women like her anywhere I want if I need them. She was nothing more than a cover for me, someone I used for getting in that company. And really now. Look at her and tell me. How could you even think that _she_ attracts _me_ in any way? Do _you_ find her attractive?"

Well, to be honest, I think I do find her attractive, there's _something _about her at least, even though I haven't seen much through the clothes she is wearing, but I can imagine it, at least. I have a good imagination.

But besides that, her features are quite enjoyable to look at, the exocity in them being the thing that catches your attention.

And I find her quite interesting. Complicated, in fact, by how she acts, usually shy and snappy at times. Mysterious too. I cannot pinpoint exactly how I see her, how she is. I think I'd like to see more of her just to figure her out completely if the situation would have been different.

"She's like a grandma. One of the most boring person I have ever seen. All she does all day nowadays is to play with kids and read her stupid books, but I think you already know that."

So he has been supervising her too? Did he already know we followed her? So this was all good for nothing?

"Do you think I would ever want a life with her? I would die for boredom in less than an hour. Hell, I am surprised that you even found her because she doesn't even get out of the house for God's sake!"

He stops for some seconds, letting me to only hear Rose's sniffles as she looks down at her hands, kneading her fingers. And why would I even bother to say anything? I let him rant and think of what I might do next. And about what I am going to do with her next.

"You're good, I'll give you that. You managed to find so many things now and even found me once, even though both of us know it was your luck that time."

I wouldn't call his negligence my luck. He gives himself too much credit and that arrogance will take him down one day, and I will be there to enjoy it.

"But did you think that I have feelings for her? Ha! You fool. She is _not_ indispensable to me. No woman is. This is like such a rookie move, boy. She is not worth the trouble of falling in love with. I needed her, she was easy enough to fool, I did what I did, and now that my job is done, I don't need her anymore. I got what I needed and managed to create a little diversion for people like you to get fooled. And it worked. What more could I possibly wish?"

Rose's face turns dark, her jaw tightening, and she decides to speak, while I, on the other hand, I have remained speechless. How could I misinterpret things like this? It never happened to me and it enrages me I was so stupid. Which gives me a bigger wish to find him. I swear I am going to take my revenge on him. I'll make him pay for the trouble he has caused me.

"Go to hell, Alexander. How could you do this to me? Don't you have any morality? How cruel can you be?"

She ends with a hard sob that I swear it makes me want to take her in my embrace and end her hurting. But it's stupid from me to think this, even though it's not fair for her.

"Aw, poor Rosie. Your ego has been hurt? You're feeling stupid now? Your feelings got hurt too? They tend to get too often. You care too much about stuff. At least now you have a good reason. But sorry baby, I did what I had to do. No hard feelings, okay? I just needed someone to distract the attention from me and take the blame for a while. Or completely. I didn't really care about your fate as long as I would have gotten out of that clean. And guess what? I did."

"You're despicable."

Her words have come out full of bitterness and his response is only amused laughter. How can he be so mean to her? I mean, she seemed to care for him and he is acting like this? It's surely not something I expected. I have based my suppositions on his acting and ended up falling for his bait. My bad, I know. But in a job like this, it's quite rare to have someone because it's considered to be a weak spot and him being with her for so long, I thought that he cares about her too. But it was all just a fiasco.

But even though I was wrong with my assumption, I have to give it one more try, maybe just to convince myself completely, just to see if he doesn't have any consciousness and is ready to let this innocent woman die for him. Plus, there is something I feel like I am missing, but I cannot pinpoint exactly now.

"Yeah, sure, _old buddy_. Anything you say. I know the drill. Pretend you don't care, that she doesn't know, hoping that I will let her be and then what you think will happen? You'll live happily ever after? But what would you say if I would _really_ hurt her? You know I am not here to play around."

Next to me her breath suddenly comes to a halt along with a sob, she looks at me with eyes widened and she takes some steps back slowly, creating distance between us, until she reaches the wall and it's like she tries to blend in with it, fear filling each of her features, and I feel the need to tell her not to worry, that I won't do anything to her, but I stop myself before sabotaging myself. Plus, I need to stop having these thoughts that concern her.

"And you can stop this poorly acting. You can say that you don't care about her all the way you want. I know better. All this time, Haynes. All this time you kept on coming back when you didn't have a good reason to. Your mate was here. Your job was in Moscow. Why come here so often then?"

"You still don't get it, no? There is _no playing_. I am serious, Helsinki. Do whatever you want with her, I don't care at all! Hurt her, cut her into pieces, she won't be able to tell you shit. Kill her if you want, I don't give a single fuck about her fate. And to see I am a nice guy, let me tell you something. Don't let yourself fooled by the clothes she's wearing. Under them, she has a hell of a body, trust me with this. She's quite shy at first, but I had some fun with her on some occasions. She's boring on a usual, but hell, not in bed. You can try it for yourself if you want to."

I cannot take my eyes off her as he speaks and with every word he throws, her face crumbles even more and she takes her hands to her mouth, trying to suppress some gag reflex that comes from how hard she is trying not to cry anymore. I must admit that the way he is talking about her is making me sick too. Let's say I get it that he used her, but how can he hurt her like this? How can he be so cruel?

"You can take her as a consolation prize. It is all you are going to get out of this so take advantage of that as you still can because when I am done, we will meet again, on _my _terms, not yours. I don't like leaving things unfinished either, Helsinki. And for how much trouble you have caused me, I assure you that you won't like it when we meet again. But coming back to our previous subject, as I said, she is disposable. She doesn't know anything about what you are trying to get your hands on boy, so there is nothing for me to worry about. I am safe just because my little game has worked and well, you got played."

He sounds so proud of himself. Let's see how proud he will be when I will get my hands on him.

"She never knew anything. Why would I even bother to tell her? So, if you please, after you do what you do to or with her, go ahead, kill her. After the things she knows now, we both know she must get out of the picture. So come on, do me this favor. You'll make my life easier for once. Give me one less thing I must take care of and maybe when we'll meet again, I won't be that harsh, I'll remember your gesture. Oh and-."

I decide I have heard enough of his bragging and I hang up, not giving him any other chance to speak, and I didn't have anything to say to him either. There are no words I could have possibly said that would have changed the truth that I was mistaken. And I have found what I needed to know, even though it's not pleasing me.

**XPOV**

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_! I am totally fucked! Or I will be soon enough. If Rose goes out of the picture I am a fucked man. A ruined man. A dead man.

I knew I shouldn't wait this little on the down low, but this bitch didn't want to cooperate soon enough and I had to put myself out there, plus, shit started to go down ever since Helsinki got on my tracks and found her and ever since him, more and more people started searching for me through her, but to my complete unluck or in some ways luck, he got to her first.

If it wasn't for him being such an insistent and lucky bastard despite all the distractions I have set on his way, I would have been safe for longer while I would have worked again on Rose, approaching the nice guy way to get what I still need from her and then let her take the fall.

Fuck! If I wouldn't have needed her alive, I would have killed her with my own hands a long time ago. Who would have thought that this little good girl will manage to fuck up my plans so bad and not even know shit about it? And just because all of a sudden she started thinking for herself and wants "better than me", whatever she meant by that.

It took me so much to convince her to meet me, and I hated the fact that I needed to keep on the good guy cover instead of going there and torture my answer out of her mouth because I still needed her to be clueless in case what happened today happened. I thought that things could have been managed in the nice way and by that I was so close to falling into the trap when I was supposed to meet her the first time, but thankfully, I had some inside info to help me.

All my efforts were for nothing for the past month and now I will just have to hope that he won't kill her before I manage to find them. Or before he manages to find the other half so that I will be able to take it from him.

But I don't even know how to find them! Ever since she got in that café with the Russian, her devices stopped working and there is no one who could tell me where he has taken her because he has stabbed my man in the thigh and got rid of the others when running, and not even my lover doesn't know where he is, thanks to his unwillingness to share information about his steps with the others.

I hate this fucker. He's so good at what he's doing it's annoying. The last thing I needed in my situation was a worthy opponent. But here I am, having to deal with him. And he dared to hang up on me, the fucker.

**DPOV**

So this is how things have always been. He wanted to blame her from the first second, therefore all this acting and pretending. He got her involved in this with the only intention to let her take the fall for him as she wouldn't have the answers to any questions anyone would ask, and she would have died because of it sooner or later, and he wouldn't have to worry about anything else as he would have been safe and away from everything. She was just his fall guy, all this time.

And I fell for it, just like many others. My stupidity, me actually thinking this was about love, makes me want to punch myself. If it happened to me once, I shouldn't expect it to happen to anyone else, no? Stupid, stupid, so stupid of me.

But wait a second. If all he wanted was for her to take the blame, why did he try to reach her? Something doesn't add up.

**RPOV**

Five months of lies. I have lost so many things, so much time, invested so much in this, and for who? For someone who has never felt shit for me. Was there even a single time, a day, a _second_ even in which he didn't use me? In which he didn't play me?

No. There never was. From the way he spoke, how could it ever be? I was his doormat in all the possible ways and he used me and I was stupid enough to call it love just because his deceiving words were accompanied by a smile or a kind gesture from time to time.

What a fool. I have been such a fool. I want to smack myself for that, for being so stupid, for not being able to see anything. I want to scream, to throw things away, to punch someone, to die, but I don't feel like I have the energy for any of it. It hurts so bad and all I want to do now is sit here and cry for days. What has become of my life? Where have I ended up? How will I end up?

**DPOV**

I turn my whole attention to her now, who has slid down the wall and she's sitting there with her knees pulled to her chin, her expression blank, looking at nothing in particular, the tears falling down her cheeks as she now doesn't try to stop them, but wipes them away with the back of her sleeves, the only movement she makes, which manages to make her cheeks turn red from all that scratching.

There must be so many things passing through her head at this moment, so many things to take in after she found out so much.

And for a second, again this evening, I feel sorry for her. Xavier played with her feelings for the past months and the things he just said only did some more damage. She got dragged into this situation without her will.

And she doesn't deserve it because at least this I know for sure now, even though it doesn't help me much: she is a genuinely good person, not faking it. The one I thought she pretended to be is the real her and that person is good, I have enough proof.

And damn it, I don't know why, but I feel the urge to soothe her. A_gain_. I want to put her suffering to an end, to wipe her tears away and even take her into my embrace and tell her that things will be alright or something, _anything_ that will make her stop hurting.

She brings out these feelings in me and it's weird because I am not usually affected by anything. I shouldn't be. I am not. So I shake this thing out of my mind fast. _What the hell is wrong you, anyway? Just do your job and be done, Dimitri. Don't get sentimental all of a sudden. Plus, you know things will never be alright again for her. So what would be the point in lying?_

All I need to know is that I need her, nothing more. I am not supposed to let any emotions get in the way. I just need to do my job and this is all. Yes, she has been done wronged to, but I cannot do anything to change that now. Things are how they are and I need to work with what I have.

She is my last contact with him, even if she had nothing to do with this. She might not know it now, but there might be something important that she saw or heard while being with him and didn't think it was important back then, something that he slipped once, some mistake he has made that would help me find him or what I am looking for. Why else would he want to reach her or why would he encourage me to kill her so fast? Which I won't do. She is my leverage for now.

So what I have to do is to take her to our quarters back in Moscow for some questioning and continue my search for Haynes as they take care of her. These are my instructions now that things with Haynes didn't work out the way I wanted. And I still have to follow them. For now at least.

And I need to move fast. Knowing that she is with me, Xavier will surely send his people, if he still has someone faithful to him, to get me and kill her too, he won't patiently wait for some later confrontation with me, as he has just threatened me a minute ago.

And I'll give this to him. After all, I am still a threat to him. The biggest he has ever seen coming his way, even though he is cocky enough to think I am not. But I don't have to focus on that now. Now, I must use the leverage I still have, of him not knowing where I am and get Rose away from here and away from him.

We need to get moving. But first… I get closer to her. As she hears me approach, she lifts her gaze and looks at me with widened eyes acknowledging my presence here, and her trembling intensifies and she begins to take in deep and short breaths, like some little sobs.

"Oh, my God, please don't kill me." She says faint, her voice trembling.

I have heard these words for so many times along my existence from so many people. Young, old, rich, poor, women, men. But they never had any effect on me, because they were all guilty of something. They all have a dark spot on them. I never took a job that involved dealing with people that haven't done anything. That's the only free will I ever have been allowed to have.

But now, these words get to me more than they ever did. The only thing she has ever done wrong was to fall in love with the wrong man. She is innocent, goddamnit. And I have never harmed once more an innocent person. I will never do such a thing again, I once promised myself and I want to stick to that. This is the way I did things for so long and I wish so bad that this time things would be different, that I wouldn't have to subject her to what is coming next, but there is nothing I can do. She is already way too deep in this to have any way out. There's nothing I can do to get her out. I can't help her.

And I'll need to break my promise for my last assignment. Then, so be it.

I crouch in front of her and from the way she looks at me now, in her eyes, all I can see is confusion and fear, making me feel even more guilty for what I know is coming next for her. She won't like it, and I will hate myself for doing it.

But I have been living with this for a long time now so, let's just take things one at a time.

I keep on telling myself in my head that this woman shouldn't affect me in any way, that the look in her eyes doesn't make me feel like the worst person walking the earth, even though I am only lying to myself and I don't believe a word I am thinking. The rational part of my brain is telling me that I am not doing the right thing. But what else can I do? I have no other option.

With a defeated sigh, I speak.

**RPOV**

"Take your clothes off." He says, no inflexion in his voice.

Watching him startled, I wipe away the remnants of my tears to get a better sight of him and I snap out of my bad state as I see that he is serious about it and really intends to get me naked and so many other things that would follow that I don't want to think about now.

I get a hold of myself in a second, being ready to snap back at him. He surely knows how to take advice, right? I would laugh if this situation wouldn't be terrible.

"What? _No_. Hell no! Are you going to- oh my God! No! If you think that I am just a hurt little girl that will jump in bed with the first man she finds, you are _wrong_. Get away from me! I won't let you touch me!"

I try to blend in with the wall behind me, the space between us not seeming to be big enough and I want to bring one of my legs up into an attempt to kick him, but he moves too fast, leaning forward for me, not giving me much time to react, and this is the moment I know I have to do something if I want to get him away from me. I will surely not let him touch me again, to get a hold of me so that he could subdue me, so I take action.

I push him as hard as I can, moving all my weight toward him and he falls on his butt. Good, this bought me a second. Let's see how I can use that to my advantage.

I get up and walk past him fast, dodging his hand as he tries to get a hold of my foot. This thing is weird for me as I have seen him moving way faster than this, and I am sure that he could have caught me, but now it seems that he didn't even bother. Maybe he considers that I am not worth the effort because there are not many places I could go to.

But anyway, I don't sit around to investigate his reasons. I will get out of here.

I run towards the door and I jerk it a couple of times. Good God! I forgot he closed it so well! How short-minded can I be, really? I turn around and expect him to be behind me, but I find him sitting where I left him, arms crossed over his chest, looking at me like he couldn't believe my stupidity and shakes his head as you would do when a kid does a silly thing. So my desperation is funny for him, right? God, this guy is surely sick! I am so going to end up into a ditch, cut into little pieces after he is done with me if I don't get away from here fast. But how?!

I look around the room and I need to resort to my only way out. The window. It is the only connection I have with the outside world that doesn't have a lock on it. I drag the curtain out of the way and open it. I take a look out and it's quite some distance I have to cover until I reach the pavement down there. Two stories. But right now I am willing to jump off the Empire State Building if this would get me away from him.

"Are you really going to jump?" I hear him speaking, again, this time, sarcasm filling his voice.

I turn my head to him and he hasn't moved a muscle. Oh, so he thinks that he is in control, right? Well, he has no idea how desperate I am now. I am in control of this and I am escaping this room one way or another.

"Just watch me." I am done with people thinking they know what I can do or what I can't. And maybe this situation is not the most favorable one to do something just in spite, but I can jump out of this window and I will surely do it. There is no other way.

He raises an eyebrow that makes him look ten times hotter, but I surely don't have the time to check out this psycho. _Goddamnit, Rose! Stop thinking about him in that way!_ Right. I need to stop being distracted by his sexiness and focus on the fact that he is a trained killer and to figure out how my shitty adrenaline-fueled escape plan will work out in my favor.

"You won't jump. You are on the second floor, Rose. You'll break your legs. Or your neck. It depends on how you land. But it won't end well for you."

I squint my eyes in his direction. "No really, Sherlock?"

It's not like I didn't take into consideration everything bad that could happen to me if I jump and even the quite impossible versions of my landings. Trust me, my mind is a good place to think about bad things. Plus, I don't like the fence that I might fall into either. It has spikes too and I can only imagine the damage it would produce.

But do I care about that? No. Right now, everything I want is to get away from here, as fast as possible. And even if I have to crawl my way to safety after I break my legs or I get stabbed by that spike, so be it, I'll do it.

I lift my butt up on the window frame untroubled and hope for the better. I look at him one last time, just to prove myself how arrogant he is. He still didn't move!

"You see what's the thing, comrade? It ends badly for me either I stay, either I go. Plus, I don't care what I break as long as I get out of here. I'm willing to risk it."

And after I take in a deep breath, I get one leg over the edge of the window. Here we go. One more and I will soon be down. Someone, please pray I won't die.

**DPOV**

"Rose?" I ask for the first time with worry in my voice.

She is actually going to jump. I must admit that I didn't think she would be capable of this. It's stupid of her. Some kind of courageous, but very, very stupid. She will surely end up breaking something and I need her alive and unharmed.

Before I snap out of my admiring bewilderment of her daring actions, she gets her other leg over the edge of the wooden frame and this only gives me the confirmation that she is going to fly out the window any second now. I get there fast, but not fast enough to stop her.

She detaches herself from the frame, but I catch her hand just in time.

Trying to get a good hold of her, I got halfway out the window myself and I can feel the edges of the window pressing on my stomach and pushing the air out of my lungs as she is using all of her weight to pull herself down even more.

Does she want to take me with her? This is perfect.

But I am not going out the window. And neither is she.

So many people could see us, but to my luck, no one is roaming at this hour this shady part of town that I have picked and if I move fast enough, no one will see much of us if someone is around here by chance. The last thing I need now is to get more attention dragged into my direction.

But she seems very willing to do that because she begins to yell again. And the lungs this woman has, man. Her doing it inside the room was one thing. But outside? Someone will surely hear her.

"Let go of me!" she screams and, with her free hand, she tries to get mine off hers by digging her nails into my skin. "Someone help me!" she now fists her palm and hits my forearm.

This woman is not normal in her head. She seems to have a death wish now and I am surely not going to let her make it come true.

Feeling her beginning to slip, with my other hand propped on the frame for support and my feet pinned into the floor, I pull her up fast before she actually manages to get out of my grip.

I drag her back wholly inside the room and she lands on the floor with a thud and along with the impact, she stopped yelling too. Good. It seems I have found her on/off button somehow.

"Are you _insane_? What do you think you're doing?"

I am the one yelling now as I am full of rage and I dash upon her, grabbing her by her shoulders and shaking her a little, trying to put some sense back in her mind.

"You were one step away from killing yourself! What were you even thinking about?!"

"Well, I was thinking about doing anything to get away from here." she doesn't back down at all, watching me hateful. "To get away from _you_."

She doesn't give up on the snappy attitude and says that while jerking herself out of my grasp and getting up to her feet, then she takes another look towards the window.

I place myself between the two of them and close it because I get the feeling that she might try to get out of it again and I know that this time she wouldn't go slow. She is very determined to kill herself.

"And that means killing yourself? It's stupid!"

"Stupid or not, it's better than letting you do it. I don't want my neck snapped by you, okay? I'd rather break it by myself, thanks."

"I am not going to kill you for God's sake."

"Not yet, right? You still have some other things to do first, I know. Well, that ain't going to happen while I am still breathing. I am not letting you lay a single finger on me. I'd rather die before that happens."

I huff loudly. I can already feel that things won't go as easy as I thought they would with her. If what I have seen until now is true, on a usual, she is this shy, anxious weird combination of a person, but it seems that she can get some attitude too. Some bad attitude that makes her act like this.

I didn't expect this from her. I haven't seen her act like this before, but maybe situations like these light up something in her. When she sees herself in danger, she seems willing to do anything to get out, even though she doesn't have the best ideas. But at least she doesn't give up.

And to be completely honest, I am kind of impressed by this sudden feistiness of hers. I like it. It seems to suit her better than the nice girl thing. But I am beside the point now.

"Look, Rose. We don't have much time." Who knows who has heard her yelling for help and is coming here or has called the police.

"Maybe you don't. I still have plenty."

She crosses her arms over her chest, taking a defensive pose, but only managing to press her breast together and up, making me focus on their plumpness through that thick sweater she's wearing, and for a second I forget what we were doing in the first place. Until she speaks again.

"It only depends on you, right? Is it going to be painful? Do I get to choose? Will you torture me first?" she keeps on going on with the killing part.

"Okay, you need to cooperate if you don't want for things to go as bad as you keep on saying." I threaten her, thinking that it will work. But no. She doesn't respond, just presses her lips together. "Now get undressed."

"_Hell no."_ she tightens the embrace around herself, taking a step away from me. "_These_ clothes are staying on. Try anything you want but you won't lay a finger on me. I mean it. I'd better die before I'll let you touch me. How can you even think about this in such a situation? Are you an animal in heat that can't think straight or do you act based on your consciousness?"

"Goddamnit, Rose! I don't want to rape you!"

How come she makes me lose control over myself so fast with doing so little? I barely yell at someone on a daily basis and now I have been doing so for the last minute. One more gesture of resistance from her and I am going to get those clothes off her myself. I'll rip them, I swear.

And like this, I will be the bad guy she already thinks I am. And aren't I after all?

"Sure. You just want to exchange clothes with me, no?" she says jokingly. "Silly me. But anyway. My answer is still no." and she takes one more step back. "I don't think you would look good in a skirt."

"Rose, just do what I say," I say with my last bit of self-control.

"No," she repeats it, just in spite.

This is it. I don't have the time to argue with her. And I am done with treating with her. I get closer to her and grab her blouse, avoiding her hands trying to push me away and I start to lift it. I have never lost my patience this fast, but this woman is just the person to help me do so.

"Hey! Get your hands off me!"

She puts her hands on my chest and tries to push me away, but I take her hands out of the way once more and do what I wanted to let her do earlier, by force, if not the peaceful way. I grip the blouse once more and try to get it out of her skirt.

That until she wraps her cold, trembling palms over mines.

"Please." She says faintly, her voice terrified.

I move my eyes up and look at her, and the way she looks at me makes me stop in an instant and let go of the blouse. _Fuck_, what am I doing? I take a step back and try to get a hold of myself.

"I will… um… do it." she says with a trembling voice. "I'll do it."

Good thing she is starting to cooperate. I don't want to be the bad guy some more. What was I even doing earlier? I shouldn't be this impulsive. I should know better than to lose it like that.

But she doesn't do anything to get rid of her clothes. I look at her expectantly. She puts some imaginary strands of hair behind her ear and looks down.

"Can you- can you at least, please, turn around?" she gets back to her shy self.

"Okay. Fine. I'll let you do it and I will turn around. But just do it already." I want this thing to be over already. We need to move. And fast.

I do as I am asked even though we are already running out of time and I wait for her to do the thing. But I keep my eyes on her reflection into the TV, mainly because I want to be sure that she won't try anything else. She seems quite a fighter and I get the feeling that she might try to jump out of that window again, even though I closed it. It wouldn't take her much to open it back. She is quite a fast one and this time who knows, maybe she will actually get to jump before I catch her. I am not doubting her twice.

But I have to admit that I am curious too. At least a part of me is. I want to see what she's hiding under those clothes. She is seriously intriguing to me now. I have only listened to her for the past weeks, as Tasha was the one mostly taking care of following her around because I couldn't afford to be seen around her until the most favorable moment, as Xavier already knew me and if he was following her, as it turned out he did, he would have known about me. And maybe he knew even though, but I'll deal with this inconvenience another time.

For now, I want to see her for myself. And as I watch her scratching the back of her head and looking my way biting her bottom lip like not knowing what to do next, I find out that intrigue is little to describe what I feel towards her.

It's rather something captivating in everything she is, in the way she acts, in what she does. She is captivating in the weirdest ways. She is arousing my curiosity just because as I have already said, she is confusing to me, doing and being so many contradictory things, and I want to figure that out.

It's nagging me that I didn't already fit her into a category. Hell, she just made me lose control so fast earlier and that didn't happen to me in a long time. No woman has awakened such an interest in me in a long time either.

And I am already feeling myself starting to walk on thin ice. And I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it.

First, she takes off her glasses, putting them on the bed, and then, after a sigh, she pulls the turtleneck she's wearing completely out of the skirt and then it comes off.

In the process, her bun gets untied, the hair tie getting on the floor and her dark waves fall, cascading down her back, around her small shoulders and hovering above her breasts. Wow. Even if I don't get a very clear image of her into this dark screen, this suits her better. She should keep her hair untied more often. It emphasizes her femininity more. I wonder why she is not letting it free. She looks good like that.

Or maybe I am imagining she looks too good because I need to resist my impulse to turn around and see if I am mistaken or to maybe even go to her and feel that hair in my hands. _Goddamnit, no! Don't do that._ What came over me all of a sudden? I shouldn't think these thoughts about her.

I move my eyes from her reflection and for a couple of seconds I focus on anything besides the image of her moving, but hell, I can't resist it. I want to see more. And my eyes drift on her reflection again.

The curves the missing of the blouse revealed seem to be far fuller than I'd imagined. But I am not disappointed at all. Now everything that is covering the upper part of her body is a light blue bra and I guess it's the one which has daisies on it, but anyway, it could have had it any color or pattern for what I care. What I care about is how perfectly it cups her round, full chest.

She stops for a second, gets her hair out of the way and tries to pull the cups of bra upward, wanting, to my disappointment, to cover herself a little more, but that doesn't work.

After one more deep sigh, she unzips the skirt and lets it fall on the floor, revealing a pair of black boy shorts and so, that nice, curvy body of hers is no longer covered by those loose, old looking clothes.

In fact, Xavier was right with one thing in his entire life. She looks gorgeous without those clothes covering her up and I am not even seeing things clearly enough. She could take advantage of it in so many ways, so why is she hiding all that? Has she always been dressing like this? Hope not.

And now, she is sitting there, only in her lingerie and her boots, her palms moving up and down on her forearms and upper arms, as she must feel a little cold. Or does she feel awkward at this moment? It seems like that, from her expression. But for me, that is such a sight. Too bad I am not allowed to turn around.

"Now what do I do?"

"Did you take everything off?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"Yes." no, she didn't.

"Your underwear too?"

"What? _No_." she tries now to cover more of her body with her hands, wrapping them around her middle. "I am not going to stay naked in here. This is too much already."

She says gesturing to herself and then pulls her underpants up, into another attempt to cover more of herself, but this only makes the thin material round better on the roundness of her ass, that I am only seeing from one side, but again, I don't complain.

Okay, now I seriously need to stop admiring her. We have serious things to take care of

"Come on, comrade. Don't make me do that." She pleads.

"You can get something to put on from my bag. But you need to get rid of all of your clothes."

Plus, it will do me some good to my head to see her covered, or else, I won't be responsible for my actions.

She growls lightly, but resigned, she heads to my bag and bends a little to get out of there the first T-shirt she finds on top and a pair of sports pants.

And because she has turned her back, I dare turn my head a little to look at her, my eyes shamelessly exploring her honey skin and examine each undulation of her body. So I wasn't wrong with my assumptions about that reflection. The sight I'm seeing is nothing short of magnificent.

"Please don't you turn around, okay? I am not done yet," she says before turning to face me and I turn my eyes to the TV once more just before she catches me. I bet she would have gone into a mad rant if she would have caught me staring.

"I am not, Rose." thank God my nose can't lengthen. "But hurry up. We don't have much time left."

And I don't rush her only because someone might come here soon even though that is the main reason. I am so damned eager to see more. I want to see her wholly before she gets to cover herself again.

But I don't get the chance, because first, she puts the T-shirt on and then gets rid of her underwear, careful not to reveal anything in the process. And I don't know if I am grateful for that or not.

After that, she puts on the pants too, but not before taking her boots off. When she is done, she grabs her clothes from the floor and comes my way handing them to me. Well, handing is the nice way to say it. She almost throws them in my arms.

"Here you go. Have fun with them. I can't wait to see how they fit you." And she eyes me hateful.

But maybe now it's time for me to show her why I needed her clothes in the first place. I search on each of them as she is watching me curious, her interest awakened. And my searches are finally successful when I get to the little label on the side of her boy shorts. I rip it open. From it falls a small circle chip. I pick it up and get it closer to her eyes.

"What-? What the hell is that?"

"Do you see this? This right here means that someone always used to know where you are. That _Xavier _knew where you were. He has always known where you are and what you might be doing. He might have been even listening to you."

"And he doesn't know anymore?"

"Not for a while. I always carry around a little jammer."

Her eyes widen like impressed, but her commentary doesn't voice that. "Wow, the paranoia there, don't you think?"

"But wasn't it effective today?"

"Yeah…" she says scratching the back of her head. "I guess." she looks down like embarrassed. "This is why you needed my clothes?" I nod. "Then why didn't you- You could have told me this from the beginning."

"And you would have believed me?"

She bites her lip, thinking about it, then shakes her head. "No. I would have thought that you were coming with a motive to get me naked. But you still could have explained to me." she argues.

"You didn't quite let me do much, remember? You tried to jump out the window just before I opened my mouth a second time. When was I supposed to tell you? While you were hanging from the window?"

"After that. But instead, you started pushing me to do it."

She is right. But will I admit it to her that she managed to make me lose my control in that moment and that I was not thinking quite straight? Never.

"I was hurrying you because by him knowing that you are with me, someone will come here quite soon. We weren't _that _untraceable and a place like this is not that hard to find. Some other people might come too, people that have been following us. And who knows who has access at this too?"

"Yeah, they may be coming for you. I mean…"

"Are you sure of that? They will come for you too. You're the one they want. And they won't want to rescue you. Some will come here to take you away. Others, to kill you. Because he can't take the risk of you being alive, do you get it? He just told me to kill you. What do you think will happen when he finds out that I didn't?"

She frowns, then sighs. "Fine. I guess you were right to make me take my clothes off. But you could have told me." She scolds me again, but under her breath this time. And yes, maybe that would have been the best approach, but I was too hot-headed minutes ago. "And… now, what?" she asks unsure.

"I am taking you with me."

"I am not going anywhere with you. _No_."

She says again that full of attitude no and I take another look at her, standing here looking up at me from underneath those long eyelashes of hers with her big eyes not covered by those terrible glasses, dressed in my clothes, looking very beautiful for me all of a sudden.

Even though they are too big for her, my clothes fit her better than anything I have seen her dressed in. The white of the T-shirt she picked emphasizes her features, contrasting with her tanned complexion and bringing up the best in them.

Then, as I move down on her body, I spot her nipples piercing through the material of my T-shirt as they move up and down in the rhythm of her breathing. A smile that I cannot suppress spreads across my lips. It's rather coldish in here, as the window was open just enough to let some cold air to get in and well, she was quite naked in that cold air.

She catches me looking at her and as she realizes what I am looking at, she instantly blushes and covers herself, dropping the snappiness and rushes to cross her hands over her chest and turns to one side, her attitude disappearing fast, the shyness taking over again. It's fun to watch her getting from one state to the other in a matter of seconds.

"I don't like you very much right now."

I didn't expect any less from her. She is right to feel this way towards me. And I shouldn't be sitting around to play these games anyway. She has just reminded me I am the bad guy. And this bad guy has a thing to take care of. A lot of them in fact, but I'll deal with them as they come my way. What I need to take care of now is her.

"Good. I am not here for you to like me anyway." I pour the anger I have on myself on her, talking harshly. "But this doesn't mean you are free to do anything you wish. You're coming with me and I am not listening to any protest of yours."

But of course, she starts speaking. How could she not protest? She seems determined to do anything in spite of me. But her voice sounds weird. I find no snappiness in it, no resistance.

"Look, Sebastian. I can't…" she turns around and looks at me again, her breath coming out ragged and short. Is she hyperventilating? "I won't…" she passes her hands through her hair. "This is not happening. This day… you… him… I can't… you..." she says sounding like she choked on that last word.

Then, mumbling more than saying proper sentences with that harsh breath of hers, she starts gesturing around and in my attempt to stop her, I grab her wrists. And I feel the crazy beat of her heart on my fingers.

What is happening? She was fine seconds ago!


	10. He is a bad guy and owns it

**Heloooo! **

**Dear guest, I so needed your advice. I have reviewed my chapters and I have come to the conclusion that I should make my paragraphs more reader friendly. As about the length of my chapters, I don't usually count, I just write as much as I feel it seems necessary or considering the ideas I have those days when I write :) But I thank you for pointing that out to me. I will be working on that and maybe I will be going to work on my previous chapters too (don't worry, I won't change anything but the length of the paragraphs)**

**And I love you guys for sticking with me and reading and reviewing and supporting me. It means, you have no idea how much to me. **

**And I hope you'll like this chapter too**

**Lots of love!**

* * *

**He is a bad guy and owns it**

**RPOV**

I know what this is. And I don't like it at all. I have felt like this only once in my life before, but that time was way worse. Not that now it would be better, but I hope it can be managed without any sedation pills.

But it came out of nowhere at the realization of what has happened to me today and what might happen to me from now on. It was like I was living in a bad dream up until this very second when it all became so real, when I have finally woken up and realized that I am screwed.

And I did what I know best. I panicked. Big time.

My heart is racing and it is beating so hard that my chest hurts and my ears are pounding in the same rhythm with the frantic beats, covering all the sounds around me.

My palms are sweaty and my hands are shaking, slighter less than the rest of my body because apparently, there is someone who is holding them in place.

"Rose?" I hear someone calling me from far away and I look up, meeting a pair of worried brown eyes. "Are you okay?"

I want to respond to that, but I am choking on the air as I try to speak, so I resume to shaking my head no. I am having a hell of a panic attack and I can't even inform him. As I realize this, a wave of nausea washes over me, accompanied by some heat, that surprisingly, brings goosebumps all over my body. Gosh, I hate these mixed sensations. I'm confused. Am I hot or cold? And why can't I feel any of that?

"Hey, you." I hear faintly, just like a whisper, as I feel myself moving back and forth.

When did I start shaking like that? And why did it stop? Gosh, what is happening to my body? Nothing feels right. Nothing _is _right!

That same someone is now snapping its fingers in front of my eyes and distracts my attention again from my scared inner self.

And as I focus on the person in front of me, I see that it's him, the scary Russian, standing right in front of me, that handsome men I met about an hour ago and completely messed my life and made me be so afraid of him because-

Oh, God! All the things he has done to those men and who knows what he is going-

"Rose."

I feel now a squeeze on my cheeks and it kinda forces me to look up and I again look into those deep brown eyes. How can they be so beautiful and hide so many bad things at the same time?

"I need you to focus. Can you do that?"

Can I? Maybe I can. I'll try if it's that important for him. I nod and I force my eyes not to leave his for some seconds.

"Good. Now, just listen to me, okay?"

Okay, I can do that. I like his voice. It's gentle and calm and, and- and I am not! Because how could I be when he-

"You're not focusing, love."

He is there to drag me out of it again, a little smile forming at the corner of his lips, and the feeling of his warm thumbs walking on my cheeks feels wonderful. I try to focus on that, to do what he's asking me.

"Just do what I say, nothing more. It's going to be simple, okay?" I nod once more. "Take a deep breath in." and I inhale. "Deeper." I do it again, trying to fight the hurt in my chest. "Good. Now, I want you to keep on doing that. Slow, and deep. There's no one rushing you. No one to hurt you, okay?" besides you maybe. "Just breathe."

But I continue to breathe as he instructed me, and I am doing quite a good job in my opinion. Until my eyes start wandering off his face and I see where I am. And gosh, this motel room and, and-

"Focus on an object." He commands.

"On what?" my eyes start searching and there are so many objects around!

"Anything you want. It doesn't matter."

I desperately look for something, like my life would depend on it, and as I can't make a conscious decision, I pick the first thing that my eyes land on.

It's a piece of clothing. His duster, laying on the back of a chair. When did he even get it off?

"Did you pick something?" I nod, trying to still focus on it. "Good. Tell me something about it."

"Like what?" there are so many things I could say about it!

"What about its color? What color is it?"

"Brown. Darker and lighter on some edges."

"Okay, what about its size? Is it big? Small?"

"Long. It's long."

My responses come out stupid and short and not descriptive, but in my head I am turning that coat on each of its sides, struggling to focus only on it and I don't even know the reason why.

"Now, think about how it feels when you see that." he is there to guide me further.

It feels like leather. Well, it is made of leather. Thick leather, wrapped on his strong arms, that's what I feel on the tip of my fingers, remembering our first encounter. But I don't have the guts to say that out loud. I could never let him know.

"Cold. It feels cold. Cold-_ish_." Because I could feel too a little of his warmth through it.

"What about the smell? How does it smell like?"

"It smells like…"

I need to think about that for more than a second. But oh, as it invades my nostrils once again, the smell is amazing. It smells like heaven. Besides the old leather, I feel wood and citrus accents and gosh, some saltiness too, all those perfectly mixed up to create- to create _his _smell. It smells like him when I think about that duster! Of course it smells like him, he has been wearing it all evening.

"Like what?"

"Like… um…"

I was thinking about him more than I was about that piece of clothing, goddamnit! I wasn't seeing that duster by itself, I was seeing and feeling it on him. And I shouldn't have.

I snap my head in his direction and realize what is happening. I was so damned distracted by that duster, well, by the image of him dressed in it, that I have completely lost my sense of self. That I didn't even feel what was happening to me.

But along the way, I calmed down. My heart is beating close to normal again and my breath has steadied enough for me to don't have to struggle with the oxygen intake and I feel easy again, no pressure on my chest.

Hell, he managed to calm me down with his little game of his and with his hands that- gosh! His hands are at the back of my head, under my hair and he is gently and slowly massaging that area, moving in circles, sending waves of calmness through my body, and all I can think of now is how I would like to feel those fingers touch me somewhere else, possibly all over.

I even feel a tingle at the tip of my fingers as my palms are resting on his chest, which feels hard under the soft material of the T-shirt and I wish my hands will be able to move on him too, imitating his gestures, exploring what's hiding underneath. Which is so wrong! He shouldn't touch me and I shouldn't like it! And I definitely shouldn't want to touch him back.

I take a step behind and get my hands along my body, breaking the contact with him and I turn my gaze to one side, praying that he won't notice my cheeks starting to flush.

"It smells like nothing," I say flatly. "And we can stop playing that. I am… I am okay now." as okay as I can be with those dirty thoughts in my head. "Tha-"

"Hey," he says and I know I he wants me to face him again but gosh, how can I? I don't move a single muscle. "What happened to you, Rose?"

I look down at my boots, avoiding his eyes at all costs, and sink the tip of my foot into the carpet.

"I just… had a panic attack." I say full of shame.

"I have seen that. But why?"

I laugh shortly as my head snaps up for me to scold him with my glance.

"_Why_? You are asking me why? Because you're here. Because I am here with you and-" and as I continue babbling and gesturing around the room, I start panicking again, just for the same reason as earlier.

And he somehow senses that because he puts his hands on my shoulders and squeezes on them lightly. On my own initiative, I pin my eyes on his shoes and start playing in my head the same game as earlier with them. Gosh, I should stop losing my shit so fast.

"Hey, we're not going back to that. It was worse enough the first time."

I gather enough courage to lift my eyes and meet his. And the second I do, nothing feels wrong anymore. _Why, goddamnit?_

"I won't… I am not going to hurt you, Rose, okay? But I still have to take you with me."

And I know that it seems like I am accepting my fate too soon, but what can I really do now except to wait for a good occasion to flee? I nod, agreeing with him.

Plus, if I am a good hostage and do as he says, he won't tie me like he previously promised (even though I am surprised that he didn't already do it for the window thing I pulled earlier), so I would have more possibilities this way. So for now, I decide it's better to stop protesting and obey what he says, in the limits of common sense, of course.

He nods too and lets go of me, then goes for my purse, which ended somewhere on the floor. When that happened, I have no idea. It's a miracle that I didn't lose it when we were running if I think about how much attention I paid to it lately.

He takes out one by one all my things and after he searches them for other little devices and, of course, like it would be a typical spy movie, he finds one in my phone after he turns it into little pieces. God, just by thinking that I have had those things on me for so long sends shivers down my spine. How could that bastard do that to me? Where was my privacy?

Then, he heads to the bathroom. I follow him without uttering a single word, curiosity taking over and I would better see for myself than ask him anyway.

He gets the water running into the rusty metal bathtub in there and throws all my things in, letting them soak. So I guess, bye-bye following devices, right? We'll be undetectable from now on. I'll have my privacy back. Or as much of it as I can have with him following my every step.

But as he turns around to exit the bathroom, I see that he still has one little chip on him and he is playing with it.

"What was the point of you doing that?"

The actions of this guy don't make sense to me at all. Why did he get rid of only one tracking device and keep the other? And was all this get undressed now thing necessary? Couldn't he just deal with the devices and give me my clothes back? Or not undress me at all? Not that I would complain because his are so goddamn comfortable and I am covered by his smell and I don't really want to take them off. But still. I liked my clothes. And I am now wondering why I couldn't get them back on.

"Just to be sure I didn't miss anything that could give us away when we leave this place."

He is saying it like I should have already thought about that. Well, mister paranoia, I didn't. Gosh, I wonder how hard is it to have to live like this all the time. Like, let's be honest. He is carrying a jammer with him all the time! How does it feel to not trust people that much? And even though, how much good did trusting people has brought to me?

But anyway, that is not the answer I wanted. Maybe I haven't made myself quite clear.

We get back into the bedroom and I follow him just like the good hostage I am. He picks up my clothes from where he must have dropped them when I started freaking out and makes a messy ball out of them.

"So, am I getting those back?" even though I don't think I want to get undressed around him again.

"No. I have something else to do with them."

"Like?"

"Like, that's none of your business," he says as he gives me his phone.

I look at him confused. Who should I call now? Hopefully not that bastard again.

"Here. Take it. Call your parents, your friends, whoever might observe your absence and look for you. Tell them that you are getting away for a while and that they won't be able to reach you. I don't want that attention towards you. Call the kindergarten too."

Oh, wow. So now I won't be a missing person. I would just be gone on vacation until someone finds my body in a ditch. Very nice.

With some reticence, I do as I am said. I know I will do it either I want it or not. I first call my boss and invoke a lame excuse for my following absence, telling her that someone in my family is sick. With her, I got away quite easy. She is an understanding person.

I change the reason when it comes to my mother and make sure to put in some more details for her about my break up with Alex, something she was anyway expecting after my visit home a month ago. And it feels weird for me to speak about this in front of him as she has lots of questions about it that I have to answer. She always has questions, about anything that goes on in my life. Even about the embarrassing stuff.

And I do my best to satisfy her curiosity, but try at the same time to make sure I don't let anything about Alexander's real identity slip as the Russian is listening to my every word as he's casually searching and finding some other little devices into my clothes. So what? Do I have one on each of my blouses and panties? Damn, Alex was a complete bastard for doing that to me. Why didn't he put a chip in my neck? It would have spared him a big cost.

I tell her I need a break and that I am going on a vacation somewhere far and I would be quite unreachable. Yeah, I am taking one trip to I'll-never-see-you-again land. And to my surprise, she doesn't question my reasons for this abrupt decision, she doesn't think I am acting unnaturally for my usual self, she even insists that I need this to clear my mind and get over that bastard and encourages me to take as much time as I need. And yeah; I need a vacation. Not to be running around for my life all of a sudden. But we don't always get what we want.

After I end my two calls, I extend the phone to him. He watches me suspiciously.

"That's all?" I nod, feeling embarrassed. I don't have many people to care about me, okay? "Don't lie to me, Rose."

"I am _not_." I hiss. But he just keeps on watching me with inquirious eyes. "These are the only persons that give a damn about me. They're the only ones on this planet who would notice my absence, okay? I have a sad, friendless life and no one else would care if I end up in a ditch. I have no one else but my parents and my one month boss to notice that I am missing, that's how lonely I am. Are you happy now?"

I say that way snappier than I intended and I even make some steps towards him, like being ready to scoop his eyes out for making me admit that and he lifts his hands into a defensive gesture. I stop before I do anything stupid again. Gosh, this situation is getting on my nerves big time. And he is too.

After my little sad and angry speech, the phone I just used has the same fate as the rest of my possessions, and he goes and takes his bag.

"So now what? We go away, you take me to a barn and kill me?"

He shakes his head and puffs, seeming irritated by my constant killing suggestions. But both of us know that this is going to happen, sooner or later. As it's said in movies, I already know too much and I prefer I wouldn't have known at all and continued my sad existence in safety. Instead of that, I am here.

"No. I already told you that I won't hurt you."

"Oh, so someone else will?"

He throws me an annoyed glance and doesn't even gratify my question with an answer.

"Now we get moving, Rose. Come on. Get your shoes on."

I think we wasted enough time with me being a pain in the ass and with the undressing part because after I put my boots back on, he takes my hand in his, ignoring my protests of not wanting to be carried around like a kid, and rushes me outside.

And as we head outside, I see a police car pulled in front of the motel, and the second he sees it too, some not so nice words escape his mouth. But hey, I like the idea of them being here. They're the police. And police means help.

"Don't you even think about it, Rose." he threatens as he pulls me back inside, taking cover from the eyes of the policeman that has gotten out of the car. Shit, I don't think he even saw us.

He wants to drag me further away, but I resist him. I need to be closer to them, not to get farther. I need for that man to enter and see us.

"What? Think about what?" I uselessly try to seem innocent. He's not stupid after all. But I just need to stall this. Maybe they'll see us. Maybe they'll come.

I look out and see that they have stopped to speak to someone. Come on!

He does the same, and after that, he comes closer to me, trying to impose himself on me and I need to take one step back just so that he won't breathe my air. Shit, he's good at making me fear him.

"I promise you won't even get to open your mouth," he whispers his threat. "You did it once and managed to get them here. Good for you," he says upset. "But I am not giving you the chance to get anyone's attention again. Especially not theirs."

"What are you talking about?"

"Why do you think they're here?" I shrug. Maybe I am lucky for once tonight? "Because _you _decided to hang out the window and start yelling." oh, right. Someone must have gotten worried and called them. "Now, be a good girl and shut up if you know what's best for you."

"And what is best for me anyway in this situation?"

"To shut up and do as I say."

"And if I don't want to?" I try to stand my ground. I need to not let him do whatever he wants with me. "They could take you down," I say as confidently as I can.

Plus, I just need to find the proper moment to start yelling and hope they will reach us before he cuts my throat or anything like that. They're the police. They have to help me. They're my only chance. And they're two, he's only one. But haven't I seen that already?

"Do you really think they can?" he asks smiling.

"Ye- Yes." they have guns and all after all, no? They _have _to be able to save me from him.

He takes a step closer to me. "Are you sure?" he asks me, but his eyes wander to where the police car is.

When he looks at me again, I take another step back, trying to get away from him. Yeah, there goes standing my ground. Seeing my will break so easily, his lips curl even more.

"Look. I am tired. I don't want to have to deal with them. But if you insist, I will. Just keep in mind that you're not going with them."

"_They'll_ deal with you." I threaten, even though I sound like a kid now.

"Okay. Do whatever you feel like. But when they die, it's on you. Don't say I didn't tell you."

"I… I…"

I don't want more people to die because of me. What's the count so far? Six? Are there more I don't know about?

Shit, I can't open my mouth and say anything that would attract those men's attention. I can't risk their lives for mine. I've seen what he is capable of doing. He has his blood as cold as ice. And he took advantage that mine isn't. He took me on a guilt trip and won.

I sigh defeated. "Fine. I won't do anything. I'll-" it burns my throat to say these words. "I'll come with you without fuss."

He smiles satisfied with himself. "You're a smart girl, Rose." yeah, I don't know what to think about that. If I were, I wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place. "Now, shall we?" he already starts guiding me away from the police.

And we get outside the motel through a personnel door, getting to the backside alley, and head to the first car around. It's a simple common one, not like the ones I have seen spies stealing in movies but it makes more sense like this. After all, he wants to pass unobserved.

I don't make much fuss about getting in the vehicle, being determined to still seem obedient. There is no point anyway, as he doesn't leave my side until I put my belt on and after he gets in too, he locks the doors. He is taking all the measures possible not to give me any chance to get away and I can't be happier.

Yup, I am not going anywhere soon, not that I was planning to jump out a moving car. I guess I am done with trying reckless and life-threatening ways to get out after the window thing. I don't even know what came over me and determined me to do it because he was right. It _was_ stupid. But I won't ever give him the satisfaction of being right.

"Are you thirsty from all that yelling earlier?"

"What?"

I turn my head his way and I see that he is extending me a bottle of water. Wow, he is offering me full services. But indeed, I am so thirsty. But I don't want anything from him. I cross my arms over my chest and ignore him.

"Come on. It's just water. Don't be stubborn uselessly. It won't help you with anything."

And hell, isn't he right? If I get dehydrated what good will that bring to me?

He shakes the bottle a little in front of me. "Last chance, love. Do you want it or not?"

I consider things for a second longer, then give in to his logic and take the bottle from him and after I thank him, I gulp down about all of it, that seeming to be the best water I have ever drunken.

Then, I look out the window and wait to finally move. But we don't.

"Why aren't we moving?"

"Just wait a minute."

"Wait a minute for what?" I turn my head in his direction and feel dizzy and sleepy all of a sudden.

"For this," he says but I hear him from far away, my ears feeling obstructed.

Am I getting a panic attack again? No, this can't be. I am calm now. So, so calm.

"What…?"

Gosh, why is it so hard to keep my eyes open? Everything seems so heavy out of nowhere.

Oh, no! He didn't do what I think he did!

"You… you drugged…me… basta-" and that's all.

Everything goes blank for Rose.

**DPOV**

I catch her head in my hands before she manages to hit herself as she gets unconscious. I prop it on the chair and get her hair out of her face. I take her glasses off and I swear I can't resist the stupid impulse to trace the line of her cheek, feeling her soft skin on the tip of my fingers. She is so beautiful.

_Fuck, Dimitri. This is a rapist attitude. Stop it already, the woman is sleeping. _Right. She shouldn't make me want to do anything.

I pull away and distract myself by starting the car.

Well, she is quite a pleasant company now that she is not scolding me with those eyes. I didn't mind the questions. I could easily ignore them if I wanted.

But her eyes, goddamnit. The way she looks at me. Fuck, Rose. What the hell is about you that makes me feel like the worst person walking on earth? I didn't want to be in this situation either.

And I know that by doing this she will only dislike me more, but by the way she acts, I couldn't risk for her to, who knows, try to open the door and jump while I'm driving. I swear I see her capable of doing that. I did this for her own good, even though she surely won't see it like this. And I will surely not tell her this.

* * *

**RPOV**

I wake up God knows how much time later, but it's still dark outside. My head is heavy and I am still being dizzy.

I won't lie. I have expected to be now in a cold, humid basement, but no. I am still in a moving car, my head propped on the seat, and surprisingly enough, my neck is not hurting.

I look out and try to make sense of the streets I am on, but they are unknown to me. Me and my bad orientation. I should have taken some survival courses or even try to be a girl scouts as I was a kid. But it's too late now for that. Plus, who knows in which state we are already in.

"You're awake." I hear a not so excited voice saying.

It takes me a little to understand what's happening, but I soon realize who the speaker is and I remember what he has just done to me with that water. I get mad and snap my head at him, and I even dare to punch him in the shoulder. While he's driving, which is not so bright from me, but I'll blame the drug for that.

"Why did you do that?! How could you drug me?! How dare yo-"

"Just because of this." He cuts me off calm, not getting his eyes off the road. "I wanted some silence." And I open my mouth to protest, but he speaks some more. "I needed to put my thoughts in order while driving. And from what I have seen, you can't keep your mouth shut. I came with a solution for that."

His words come as a slap to me. That's what Alex used to tell me too. That I talk too much and uselessly. That I always say stupid things.

"But I-" I stop myself just as my voice breaks.

He turns his head to look at me and I seal my lips and press them together, tears starting to form at the back of my eyes, and I gulp them down, promising myself I won't cry. I wanted to explain myself, but why bother? What would have been the point in me telling him that I was speaking that much because I was so goddamn stressed? I would have only made some more useless noise and I would have ended up being more annoying, right? And I don't want to disturb Mister I-need-silence.

"But what?"

"Nothing."

I hear him puff lightly. "So now are you going to act childishly?"

I cross my hands over my chest and look out the window, mindlessly just proving his comment right. But he wanted peace and silence, and I am giving that to him.

"Come on, Rose," He says amused now. "Say it now that you started it." I don't respond. "How old are you? Twenty-three? You don't seem to. Because now you act like someone who is only five. Maybe less."

I eye him hateful, wanting to snap his neck, but to hell if I am ever speaking again. I will be silent and be looking out the window until he'll get sick of his precious silence. He can put his thoughts in order some more. I won't stop him.

Then, something unexpected happens. I feel his palm wrapping on my thigh, just above my knee, its warmness sending shivers down my spine and making my whole body tense. He shouldn't do that. And I should want him to stop. But I don't.

"Come on, speak," He says like I would have been the unreasonable one.

And I know I need to do something before I lose control of my senses again under his touch. I push his hand off my thigh and speak as harsh as I can, disgust filling my voice, but not for him as you may think. It's directed towards me, as I don't even come to understand, why I like his touches so much?

"_Don't_ you touch me. Ever again."

And with that, he stops insisting and we don't speak anymore. Which kills me. I don't like silence. It hides a lot of stuff. It forces me to be inside my head. And I don't want to be there now. But I keep on to my decision anyway.

A few minutes later, we get to some kind of a dead-end between two blocks and we wait, the silence becoming a real torture for me, but I still don't give in. I'll die with my mouth shut, just in spite of him.

It's a shady street, just like the ones in movies where drug deals take place, and I wonder what we are doing here, what is going to happen next because he is not willing to tell me anything on his own initiative and I am way too stubborn to ask.

The only thing that passes through my mind is that this street is just perfect to dump a body and let it be eaten by rats until someone would finally find it, but to my relief, this guy has no killing in plan for the moment because well, he doesn't do anything to try to get me killed. We just wait, trying our best to ignore each other.

Then, two or three very long minutes later in which I had to endure his magnetic presence, in which I had to force myself not to even look at him, even though he did, I felt his glare on me, the backdoor from one of the buildings there opens. And it casts a bright light on the too dark street that we are on and it takes me a second to accommodate my vision and see a woman getting out.

What? Is she his girlfriend and he needs to kiss her goodbye before he takes me God knows where? Nice. At least some men think about their girlfriends and not let them be kidnapped and killed. And who would have thought that _he _cares about anyone than himself?

She doesn't hurry at all and when she gets to the window, leaning in, he rolls it down.

"Hello, Rose. How's it going?" the woman says amused.

As I recognize her voice, I snap my head wholly in her direction, so fast that I think I might have twisted something in me that might hurt later.

_Tanya_? If this is even her real name now that I know who she is spending her time with. I can't believe my eyes.

But yup, it's her, in the flesh. Tall, slender body, heart-shaped face, jaw-length jet black hair styled into big waves, light blue eyes.

But most distinctively, a purplish long scar on her left cheek, stretching from the bottom of her eye to the edge of her jaw, that doesn't diminish her beauty, not even a little. I never found out what happened to her because I didn't want to seem rude by asking her directly, but she wears that mark with pride and she isn't ashamed of it, and this utter confidence makes her ten times more beautiful.

And well, now the reasons she got that scar only grow in my mind. The things these people do are dangerous as hell and I have the slight impression that she is involved in this business too.

"You have got to be kidding me. You too?"

I should have thought about this earlier, when I stumbled over this guy. Meeting two Russians in less than a month is too coincidental, isn't it?

She smiles, seeming very amused by my surprise. Yeah, my situation may be very funny to others, but not to me. What is wrong with these people?

"Hey, no hard feelings, okay?"

Yeah, it's not the first time I hear this phrase today. And why should I be the good guy again and not hold them any grudge for all the trouble they are bringing into my life? They are ruining everything with a damned smile on their faces.

"I just needed to do my job, hun." people should really stop calling me pet names. I already have a name.

"Yeah, sure. Did your job involve destroying my life, _hun?_" I respond full of sarcasm and she just chuckles.

"Hey, we had a good time, no?"

I don't bother to respond. Yeah, we sure did enjoy each other's company, with her subtly interrogating me every single day. It doesn't seem so nice now the fact that she was taking so much interest in me and my love life especially. My bad I thought I she cared just a little about me.

When she sees me unwilling to respond to her tease, she directs her attention towards the Russian next to me.

"So, where are they?"

He gets out the little devices he kept from my clothes and hands them to her. Oh, so this is why he kept them? Is she going to trace them back to him? Good move, I won't lie.

"You know what you have to do, right?"

She rolls her eyes. "Of course I do, Lev." Lev? Wasn't his name Sebastian? I knew it he was lying! Everybody around me is lying.

She takes the little circles from him, carefully placing them into her pocket and then they spend some minutes talking in their language and I can see her eyes shifting into my direction as she speaks and then nods a couple of times and he even tells her something that she doesn't like to hear and I wonder if I would too if I would hear that.

But hell, it's so nice when people talk about you in your presence and you have no idea what they are saying. For what I know, they could discuss the best way and place to end me.

I make myself busy by playing with the hem of the T-shirt, trying to ignore that I am the main subject of the conversation and that maybe my fate is getting decided just half a foot away from me.

But to my relief, it ends fast and she raises from the window, tells me goodbye with the same stupid smile plastered on her face and gets back into the building.

Thank God she left. I don't think I like her more than him. At least he isn't pretending. He is a bad guy and owns it.

**TPOV**

I get back inside and take my phone out after making sure I have gone far enough not to be heard.

After only one ring, he answers.

"Hey, babe. Please tell me that you know where he is taking her."

"I don't," I say with a sigh and that brings out a cascade of swearing from him. "He didn't tell me where he wants to take her. You know he likes to work alone and me being his partner this time was very hard to get in the first place. He has barely agreed with it. I don't think he even trusts me enough." even though I did everything I could to fall into his graces. He is a hard man to please. I couldn't find and satisfy what he wishes.

"Fuck, now I need to find her in another way."

"They just left this place." I try to be helpful, even though I know what his answer will be. "I could-"

"No." he cuts me off immediately. "I told you I don't want you to endanger your position. Not yet. It's not worth it for him to doubt you. He already doesn't trust you enough, didn't you say it? I'll find a way to get on their tracks. By the way, did you put the tracking device on his car?"

"Of course I did. But it's not working yet. He has that jamming device on him."

"I know that. The fucker always thinks about everything. But at least I'll have a lead when he loses the car. Until then, you just, see if he might be feeling like sharing later. I still need to find her before he takes her to Russia. There I have not much power. And until then, you do what you need to do to stop him from leaving. And follow the instructions they have given you, no matter what. We don't want them to doubt you. What did they tell you to do next?"

"I need to get the tracking devices somewhere so that you would think Rose managed to flee and hoping that you would come. I think he knows you want something from Rose. Like, more than to kill her. I told you he would be a big obstacle for us from the first second he got involved. He's not as dumb as the others. He aaaalways sees the big picture." and it annoys the hell out of me.

"Don't you worry about that, sweetheart. You know I can deal with him. I'll even send some men where you go and make it seem like I have fallen for it." yeah, some of the little men he has left. And when they will be gone, what will happen next?

"Oh, babe. Why complicate things like this? I could have shot him and then get her and that would have been it. We would have had Rose and got what we needed from her and the job would have been done."

"You know very well why."

How could I forget? He always reminds me of that. And today too.

"If some of your own even _begin _to doubt you, you'll be dead before you reach the border. You won't even manage to do a thing. They will know it was you. He was your partner. And you don't need to put yourself in danger, not if this situation can be avoided. Plus, you helping me from inside is coming in handy. But moreover, you are too precious for me. I will deal with it. Just trust me, baby. I promise you won't have to live like this for longer."

Oh, goddamit! He is so stubborn! And it always has to be according to his plans!

"Fine. Do whatever you need to do, but take care of them already. Now, I need to go."

"Take care, Tasha."

"You too."

Okay. Now I need to convince our superiors to tell my beloved partner to not take her away from here. And I think I know a reason. If he can mess with my business, I can surely mess with his too.

**RPOV**

And even though I promised myself not to speak with him anymore, I cannot help it.

"That's just perfect. Who is she? Your partner?" He nods. I already expected this. It's better to work in a team, it's easier. "Is even a person I know _not_ a spy? I have already found about three only today. What now? Maybe I'll find out that my parents are, in fact, some spies too and I might have been adopted by them when I was little for some later master plan, right? Is there more to this? Are there some deeper reasons for all this mess?"

He dares to chuckle. See? I told you. He is ruining my life with a wide smile on his goddamn perfect lips.

"It's _not_ funny comrade." I throw him a hard glare. "Not at all. It's my life you are laughing of here." And it is getting ruined with each passing second.

Seeing me, he gets back to seriousness. "No, it's not funny. You're right. But you got something wrong."

"What?"

"I am not a spy, and neither is she."

"And what in the name of God could you two be? You just said that Alex- Xavier, _whatever_, is a spy and-"

"And we're not."

"So what? Are you like some Russian FBI agent?" what if he is one of the good guys? What if I got everything wrong?

"No." what did I even expect? A good guy wouldn't kill other people left and right the way he does.

"Then what?"

He shrugs. "Just some people that make things right."

My jaw drops. "You name all of this making things right, comrade? Everything that happened today, you name it to make things right? What is _right _about it? All the men you killed, comrade?"

He just looks at me at my scolding, his eyes transmitting me that I wouldn't get it even though he would try to explain to me, but gosh, I need some explanations so bad! But he changes the subject.

"You know, I have a name."

"I know you do. And I will gladly use it when you will share it with me. Don't expect me to call you Sebastian. Tanya, if that is her real name too, just called you Lev earlier. It seems that she must keep track of your undercover names or else someday she might mess things up with the bad guys."

He just looks at me, and maybe he wants to tell me something, but doesn't. Because for once, I am the one who is right. And damn, doesn't that feel great?

"Is _Lev _your real name? Should I call you like that?" if I am going to be around him for a while, it would be nice to at least know his name.

He avoids the subject and replies: "I can at least assure you that they are your parents. No adoption. No master plan. Just Xavier."

"Yeah? Are you sure? Did you test them? If so, thank God. This is s_uch_ a relief, no?"

I can't help myself not to give these sarcastic answers to him because he is avoiding all of my questions by telling me all kinds of useless stuff or asking me things in return, but he seems not to take my comments personally. Instead, he starts the car and backs it, getting out of that gangway.

"Why did you give those to her?"

He looks at me for a second then shakes his head no. He doesn't want to tell me.

"Oh, come on. It's the least I deserve to know. You just decided my fate minutes ago and I didn't understand a single thing. At least tell me what happens next."

He sighs, but finally gives in and tells me something. This right here is like the biggest victory ever, not the one of being right earlier.

"She will make it seem that we have taken you here and you somehow managed to escape and now you are on the run. Xavier will surely send someone for you or he might come there himself we hope, looking for you. And if so, someone will be there to get him."

Hearing that, I laugh a little, but not out of amusement. It's rather out of nervousness. I am too little steps away from getting insane.

"Yeah, I _highly_ doubt that. Why would he go through all that trouble? I am _disposable_, didn't you hear?" bitterness fills my words.

"Maybe not."

"How come? Illuminate me."

"I am guessing that he wants something from you."

"Like?"

"Like something I still haven't figured out. And for that, he would need to come for you." He again gets secretive.

I change the subject before I might get yelling at him again for his unwillingness to share.

"Where are you taking me now?"

He doesn't get to respond, because his phone rings.

"да."

And all I can understand from his conversation is that yes and two combinations of numbers. 3-0-5 and 4-6-0. Oh, and some swearing words after he hangs up. He is good with words at this chapter, but with talking, not so much.


	11. before your indecent proposals

**Hey, hey, hey! Here is another update, guys! I hope you'll like the way things are heading :)**

**But even though they kinda hate each other now, things will get a little heated in the next chapter. I already know how I want to name it, and it's gonna be called "Such a nice intro for a rape, comrade.". Does that sound promising enough? ;)**

**And now, I am going to answer some questions for HonestPassion13**

***Xavier is just a character I created. I couldn't bring myself to attribute his shitty character to any of VA characters**

***Rose and Dimitri will start falling for each other, but I can't tell you how soon. I can just tell you that I am going to insert cute ane tense moments between them**

***About the USB, that will unfold along the story. You'll find about it in the next few chaprers**

***Her parents will tie into this, but ofc I can't tell you how, I'll spoil my story. And yes, Xavier knows about them (he's a spy, he knows everything :) ), and again, you'll find about what he can an cannot do, a bit later**

***Considering the title of my fanfic, I think you can guess it will take Dimitri some time to tell Rose his real name. Plus, he has issues. It's in the desciption. So Rose will have to work with that**

**And I'll stop with the answering here bc I'll end up spoiling stuff :)**

**Have a wonderful week guys!**

**Lots of love **

* * *

**...before your indecent proposals**

**DPOV**

"Yes, 3-0-5 here."

"Give me your report. How is it going so far?"

I spend a minute to inform him briefly about what has happened ever since I left the café, leaving aside the fact that I was wrong with my assumptions and the little inconveniences my new companion created.

"And I have just given the devices to 4-6-0. She is going to do her part now and we'll see how that goes. But I have a bad feeling that he won't come himself." we need to be realistic after all. He's not that stupid. He can't risk it now, he'll take his precautions.

"Why is that?"

"Well, let's say that things didn't go the way I initially expected." I don't want to be generous with the details about that.

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"I'll take care of it." Like I always do.

"You'd better. You know that this client-"

"I know." I cut him off.

I don't want to hear it from anyone else. If he is going to remind me one more time of how important this client is for him, I am going to go back to Russia and snap his neck. Just because that guy pays good money, it doesn't mean I am his little puppet.

I take a deep breath in, trying not to pour my frustration on him. One more job, Dimitri. Remember that. After this, I am out. It won't take long, I hope. This is the only thing that keeps me going.

"What about your package?"

"The girl is still with me, as planned. I am now taking her to a motel because I need some rest, otherwise, I won't be able to keep an eye on her on the way back." who knows what other escape plans she has up her sleeve.

"Why is that? Is she causing you trouble?" yeah, she is, by doing all these unexpected things, but if I were her, I wouldn't have acted any different. "If she is and this endangers what you have to do, you know what you need to do with her, right? We don't need her that badly. I don't think she might be useful to us for longer, now that your hunch wasn't right."

Yes, I have lost my leverage in front of Haynes, but I still cannot stop the feeling that there is more about her than being his fall guy. And I need to figure it out. And fast.

"_No_," I respond way too abruptly.

I don't have any wish to hurt her or to end her life. I can't. And I hope he didn't sense that in my tone. I don't want to create some useless problems with my superior. I already have plenty thanks to that bastard.

"It's fine. I can handle it. The situation is under control, Sir. I will spend the night somewhere and in the morning I am going to come back with the first flight I find."

It is still weighing on my consciousness that I have to take her there, but there is no other way. Things cannot be different, no matter how bad I wish they would. If I don't spend enough time around her, it won't get me that affected that I am taking her there to get killed. I hope, at least. So I need to get away from her as fast as possible.

"Don't do that."

"Okay then. I am bringing her there now."

"No."

"No?" and what the hell he wants me to do then?

"If our plan with Haynes doesn't work out, they are surely going to look for her into any airplane that takes off. They'll know you're taking her away. Who knows, maybe they have already started looking for her."

Yeah, right. Haynes might be exploring all his possibilities of finding her. He has a good point for once in his life.

"This means that you'll send someone for me tomorrow? A private flight? Where should I go and meet them? Just like the last time?"

"About that too, no." No? And what the hell am I supposed to do? "I was thinking, why complicate things? Why bring her here? I didn't think things through earlier. We'll do this instead. Don't bring her here. Let 4-6-0 do her job and let's see if we can catch Haynes like that, with your other hunch." He says that word with a tone that I don't like, but I decide to ignore it. But I know for sure there's more to this story.

"Fine. But you still haven't told me. What am I supposed to do with her now? How am I going to go after him while she is with me?"

"Well, for now, you have nothing to do but wait, no? And why waste the time and bring her here? You could do the questioning yourself. You are pretty good at it, no?" he says, proudness filling his voice. "You're one of my best men, 3-0-5. I am sure you could get some information from her, without much effort. She won't be hard to break, right? Try winning her trust or something. Do your thing, boy. You know what to do. Use your charm, 3-0-5. No woman can resist that," He says amused. "And if you don't get nothing out of it, you know what to do." and he ends the call.

Damned orders! Whatever I tried avoiding just happened.

I begin to mumble under my breath, not being able to suppress my anger. Now what? Instead of getting as far away from Rose and being free to go after Haynes and end my assignment fast and smoothly, now I am going to have to spend some more time with her.

One last assignment. One fucking last assignment and this mess is what I get? Plus to babysit her? In these conditions? She will drive me crazy, I am sure of it. I can sense that this is not going to be easy. She won't accept that fast me taking her with me everywhere, who knows for how long.

Where will I take her? How am I going to make her sit in one place? How and will I be able to get what I need from her?

And more importantly, what am I going to do when I'll have to kill her? I promised myself once that-

"Hey, you know what?" she says, taking me by surprise and making me stop mumbling. And she has said it full of attitude, proving me just what I have said. She will be a pain in the ass.

I keep my mouth shut, rev the engine and watch where I am going instead of giving her a response. But she doesn't stop.

"I don't like this thing more than you do either. It's not like I asked for this thing to happen. I didn't want to be part of it. And whatever is going on, it's _not _on me."

I know that already and it is surely not making things easier for me to have been dragged in this without my will. But what can I do? I need to follow my orders.

"But if you let me go, we can get back to our normal lives, no?" she says full of hope and I wish things would be as easy as she depicts them. "I won't say a thing," she promises once more, but it's useless.

I wish that she would be able to just go to her previous life and everything that happened today to disappear. I wish not to be the one having to do this to her, to be the one messing her life forever. But it's not possible. Things are the way they are. And I need to deal with it. But for the first time in my life, I have no idea how.

"Sorry, love, but things don't work like that."

She opens her mouth to say something, but I keep going.

"Nothing will ever be the same for you from now on." I feel like she needs to know this, to hear it from me, if she wasn't aware of it already. And I even feel the need to tell her that I am sorry for it, but I don't.

With a sigh, she closes her mouth and resumes to looking out the window, her hands not stopping playing with the hem of the T-shirt.

And for a while, as I drive, I can see that a lot of questions pass through her mind because from time to time she looks at me and even opens her mouth to say something, but none of her questions actually materialize into words and I am thankful for that because I don't know what answers to give to her.

**RPOV**

And I have wanted so much to not talk, I struggled so bad, trying to suppress too my feet from tapping the floor and my fingers are so close to ripping the hem of the T-shirt, but gosh I am just so confused, and I need answers. And to hell if I am going to annoy him. I need to know what's happening.

"Where are you taking me?" I voice one of the many things that bother me. No answer. "Comrade?" again, nothing. "Come on! Tell me something. I can't _not_ know."

And just because he refuses to tell me anything, no matter how little, my mouth starts ranting, keeping on asking him all the questions in my head, hoping that he will eventually say something.

His hands grip the steering wheel and his jaw clenches.

"Rose, stop talking or I will put you in the trunk. After I tie you."

"You wouldn't do that," I say in disbelief. He's not going to, right?

"Try me, Rose. You need to know that I never say no to a challenge."

"Fine, I'll stop. But-"

"But nothing. _Stop talking_." he cuts me off with a harsh tone. "You are testing my patience now, I swear. Can't you be quiet for at least _five minutes_? I can't even hear myself thinking around you."

I bite my tongue and stop talking. But I cannot stop talking or moving when I am this nervous! That's how I react, okay? It's not like I am being like this on purpose. The last thing I want is to push him to the limit where he strangles me.

I eye the digital clock in the car and get quiet for _six_, not only five minutes.

"Comrade?"

"_Unbelievable_." He says letting go of the wheel for a second, his fingers spreading tightly in the air.

And for the first time in a long time ever since he has been driving, he looks at me, pure despair in his widened eyes, and I make myself little under his gaze. But do I stop speaking? Of course not. Once I started, I can hardly be stopped.

"Hey, it has been more than five minutes." I did my part. Now he needs to do his and answer me.

As he turns his attention back to the road, I see a glint of a smile playing on his lips as he's shaking his head.

"Fine. What? What do you have to say that can't wait?"

I now decide it would be a good time to put my plan in action, or else, if we get to our destination, I don't think I'll have a chance.

"I need to physiologically use the bathroom."

"What? You need to do what?"

"I want to pee, okay?" I admit shyly. "Am I allowed that?"

"Can't you wait a little longer? We are almost there."

"Well, I would have known that if you would have bothered to tell me where we are going." I scold him and get myself another angry-desperate glare from him. "But I cannot wait. I really need to go. Come on. Please. Be reasonable."

I am asking him like I would be a five years old talking to her upset father. All I am missing is my teddy bear to hold on tight to. How come I always feel so little around him? And I am not talking about our heights. It's about him in general. He's so damn intimidating.

"Fine. We wasted enough time already. Why would this delay matter? It's not like we should hurry. It's not like some people might be following us. It's fine. We have plenty of time." he mumbles upset. Is he starting to get sarcastic or am I imagining it?

"Are there still some people following us?"

But he doesn't bother to respond and I decide to shut up.

Five minutes later, he stops the car at a gas shop. I'm quite impressed. After he drove past another gas station, I started thinking he'd not do it. But here we are.

And of course, he even takes me there, what else could I expect? But he goes even further and starts inspecting the bathroom before I get in. Wow. No privacy. Great. What does he think? That there will be someone helping me? He picked it after all.

After he is done, he makes me some room to get inside. But the thing is that he doesn't get out.

"Will you be around to help too? Thank you, but I can manage by myself just fine. I don't need you to hold my hand or something."

I try to make him feel ashamed of the fact that he is still here, but it doesn't work at all. He doesn't move a single muscle. Is he really going to stay? At that thought, I get embarrassed.

"Can you, um.. you know? Let me do my thing? _Alone_? I am not five."

"You were acting like one some time ago. I am starting to think you might need some assistance."

I squint my eyes at him and cross my hands over my chest. He rudely told me to shut up and I did. What was wrong with that?

"Come on. You aren't serious. You can't stay here. I can't..." I am not even thinking about getting half-naked with him inside. Not that I am planning anyway, but he doesn't have to know that. "Get the hell out." I find some courage to say.

He takes a second to consider things, seeming to enjoy my embarrassment, then nods.

"I will be waiting for you outside." He warns me.

"Perfect. I didn't expect anything different. You're worse to get rid of than a leech, I got that. But will you go for now?"

And finally, he turns and is leaving me alone here. But unfortunately, he stops in the doorway. Gosh!

"And Rose?"

"What?" I snap. "Did you change your mind? You want to come and join me? You wanna take my pants off?" I swear he is driving me insane.

He gives me a cheeky look. "Would you want me to come back in there? I see that you keep on insisting on that."

Next, he has the audacity to get one step closer to me into this all of a sudden too small room, invading my personal space, hovering above me with his one foot advantage, but not in an imposing way. This is different. It's smug and cheeky and somehow flirty and, and so shameless!

And how dare he touch me?! And why am I not moving, why am I not pulling away? _Because you like it. _I do. I like how his fingers brush on my wrist, wrapping around it gently, then slowly head down, his fingers playing with mine into a little game that he's leading. Hell, he's winning it. Because I can't find the strength to pull away. All I manage to do is lick my lips that feel drier than ever.

"Just name it, love, and we'll make it happen," he whispers in a low, husky voice, and his hand starts heading up.

Okay. Red flag. Plus, this closeness does me no good and along with what he has insinuated earlier, or well, after his words, _I_ insinuated first, and with that damned hand of his touching mine, and gosh, with what he's saying now, he makes me blush like crazy, my ears burning hot, and I need to look away, not being able to bear his eyes looking right into mine.

And I make sure to jerk my hand away from his too, trying to transmit him that I didn't like it and pray that he believes me.

"Get. Out." I speak through my teeth with, unfortunately, a trembling voice.

All I get from him is a puffed laughter, and when I lift my eyes just a little, I see a smug smile spread on his lips. This cocky bastard! I hate it that he makes me react like this! Him and all his sex-appeal and hotness and ugh, all that arrogance! He is so taking advantage of all that sexiness and I want to smack him for that!

He again gets away from me and before he exists, he opens his mouth to speak once more. I swear that if he says something like he did earlier, I will pick the first thing I find and throw it at him.

"Let's get back to what I wanted to say before your indecent proposals," he says with that smile still lingering on his lips and I wrap my palm on the edge of the sink so that I won't throw myself at him. "Just don't try anything stupid, Rose."

"Like?" I take an offensive stance in front of him.

"Like you know what I am talking about." He says looking past me, and I know he is eyeing the window behind me.

Shit, he expects me to try to flee. But hell, I still need to try, no?

"Let's not repeat the window incident, okay? This time there aren't two stories until you'll reach the ground, but I can assure you you won't like it afterward." He threatens before closing the door after him.

Yeah. He can threaten me as much as he pleases but it's not like I will be sitting on my ass and do nothing. I am going to try no matter what.

And for a second, I wait and gather all my courage. Come on, Rose, this is like, your last chance. You need to make it first out of here and then to safety.

First, I lock the door, without even bothering to cover the sound. I want him to hear that, it's part of my little plan.

And he does hear it because two seconds later, he knocks at the door and as he speaks, he already sounds annoyed.

"Rose?"

"Oh, for the love of God, I am _here_. You can hear me. I need just a little privacy. I can't sit in here knowing you are out there, and the door is unlocked between us."

But he doesn't give up and tries the doorknob.

"Unlock the door. _Now_, Rose." And gosh, doesn't he sound mad. His voice could put out a fire, that cold it is.

I ignore his command and stick to my plan. I head to the window. Okay, now I need to pretend I want to go that way. I open it and to make it more veritable, I start climbing on the toilet, careful not to slip.

He forces the doorknob once more.

"You _don't_ want to get out that window, Rose. Unlock the door right now and I promise I won't tie you when I catch you. I won't even get mad. Just open it."

Pff. Sure. He is already mad. It's a miracle he didn't break that door yet. He didn't even try and I am starting to wonder what he's thinking about.

I don't do as I have been ordered and climb just a little out the window and wait.

"You won't make it out that window in time." he tries to reason with me, trying to discourage me, and hell, isn't he so sure of his success?

He didn't even try to come and get me from this side. Can you even imagine the arrogance this guy has? Let's see how arrogant he'll be when I'll play him. Well, _if _ I play him.

"But I can still try. And here's one thing. I am already out. You didn't really think I could move that fast, no? Good luck next time, comrade." I say a little fainter, trying to mimic some more distance between us.

He gets a shot at the door and that loud thud sends shivers down my spine. Gosh, didn't I piss him off hard? But I finally hear him moving. Yes! He is coming.

I unlock the door and climb up the toilet again, this time getting my head out the window and look to see him getting from around the corner so that I would be sure he is indeed coming and I am not fooling myself when I will be fleeing out the door.

It takes him way less than a minute before I see him rounding the corner running and I know it is time. I take a deep breath, climb off the toilet and open the door. So this is my chance.

I rush out of the room and I just run and run onto the unknown street, faster than I ever did, hoping that the leverage I have will be enough for me to get away from him.

And for some seconds, as I run through the parking lot next to the gas station, I am free again. I am in charge of my life again. I even feel like I can make it, that I can get away from him for goods.

But that is happening until I turn my head to check how things are going, and I see that he is already following me and he's closer to me than I expected, despite my leverage. How come he reached me that fast? _Long legs, Rose. Long legs._ Then, damn him and his long legs!

I see two possibilities. One, run back on the highway into the open and maybe get hit by a car while trying to make it stop and get me to safety. Two, go into the little forest close to the highway and hope that I can hide from him for long enough for him to get bored of looking for me. Simple, no?

It doesn't even take me much to decide. The highway is too open anyway. He'll see me perfectly. So I keep running forward, reaching the end of the parking lot and head straight into the darkness of the trees and start praying for my life.

And as it would be a waste of time, I decide to not look back anymore, and resume to running as fast as I still possibly can on my now uneasy legs, my palms tightly wrapped on he pants I am wearing and pulling them up, and I am thanking God I didn't stumble already. It's so much darker here and I am mostly guessing where I am stepping.

And when I can't hear his steps along with mine crunching on the iced rotten leaves, I dare to look behind me and when I spot no figure coming towards me, I stop behind a tree to catch my breath because my chest is ready to explode and I won't make it further without a pause.

Okay. What do I do now? I should probably keep moving. Climbing a tree will keep me in one place and would make myself easier to find even if it's so dark outside. Up is the first place he'll think to look because duh, we're in a forest. So, let's get moving, Rose. He'll be close soon enough.

And my assumption gets its confirmation right away because I start hearing again some steps. Shit, he's closer than I thought.

I get moving too, getting from tree to tree as silently as I can, forcing my eyes to avoid every source of noise on the ground, and I'm always checking to see how close he is, and I dodge out of his sight a couple of times, managing to make myself one with the trees around me and invisible for him for a while as I am slowly making my way away from him.

"Come on, Rose." his voice echoes through the silence between the trees.

Shit! He sounds like he would be so close to me! I freeze behind a tree and listen, trying to appreciate the distance keeping us apart.

"I had a long day. You can't even begin to imagine how sick I am of it. And I _really_ don't want to be chasing you around here, it is not making me any pleasure to do so. Get out from where you are hiding and I promise I won't mind. I will be just taking you to the motel and forget it all. I give you my word. Just don't make me waste more of my time, Rose." hell, he speaks like he means it.

But still, something inside me tells me that I can make it out of here if I would only get away at the most favorable second, if I would run fast enough. I feel like I can make it. I _need _to make it. I can't go back to him.

"Rose? What do you say about that? Come on, speak. I know you are near. Come on. I promise I won't tie you if you get out now," he speaks as he's moving around, his voice getting closer to me, but to my luck, he doesn't give any attention to the place where I am. I am still safe. God knows for how long.

I don't respond to him, I just sit there, leaned over the tree, gripping my palms on its trunk to keep me steady, and listen to his steps, fortunately, getting away from me. _Just breathe, Rose. Steady. And keep quiet. You don't want to screw this up._

When I hear him far enough, I get my head out from behind the tree and look for him, spotting him not being the hardest thing to do. He is indeed far enough for me to have a little advantage.

My heart starts beating faster at the thought of what is to come, but I don't sit around and wait for him to see me too. I detach from the tree and run for it, heading the other direction, not even caring how much noise I am making now.

And I would have made it. I know I would have. If I wasn't wearing the pants of someone way taller than me. I managed to do just fine until now, but the pants have slid down on my hips and a lot of material has gathered at my ankles. So, to my complete luck, in my desperation to get away, I stumble and spread myself completely on the wet cold ground, making the loudest of thuds into the silence of the forest and managing to scratch my palms and forearms into some rocks and I cannot stop myself from whining, only making some more noise.

But he has long heard me anyway and now I hear him coming my way. Hell no! I am not giving up. I get up as fast as I can, slipping and at the same time gripping on the soft earth under me for some stability, and try to run again. But with no luck of getting away this time.

He runs fast, that I knew, and after I managed to just take some unsteady steps, as I am still in motion, he throws himself at me, catching me by my upper arm and dragging me down, and surprisingly enough, I land on him.

And I try to get away again, try to get up to my shaking legs, and I don't even know where all this energy comes from, but all I want to do is to get away. But in a flash, he turns us around and pins me to the cold, wet ground, his whole body furiously pressing on mine with each harsh breath he takes.

"You are _done _with running." He says panting, but harsh and determined, his face hovering so close over mine. "It's _over_." he tries to convince me, giving my wrist a squeeze.

But I only struggle some more and he makes himself even heavier on me, making me feel each rock on the ground press on my back, but that is not enough of a reason for me to stop.

"Rose, _stop it_. I mean it. You are only going to get yourself hurt some more. Stop acting this stupid."

His words only make me angrier.

"I am not stupid!" I try to get a shot at his nose with my head, but of course, he dodges it. "And get off me, you brute!"

I fight him again and again, trying to resist his weight on me, but he keeps me glued to the ground without the littlest of effort, my clothes getting wetter and my back hurting some more with each passing second in which I am not obeying him.

Until I can't do it anymore, and exhausted, my struggles resume to sloppy wiggles, spasms and growls of frustration.

"Please," I beg and my eyes start filling with tears that I try to blink away. "Let me go. I have nothing to do with this. Please…" I stop before my voice breaks completely.

The grip of his hands on mine loosens a little but not completely and he watches me with a calmer gaze, the little light of the moon reflecting in those damned beautiful eyes of his.

"I can't, Rose," he says and I must be going crazy because he seems sorry for it. I am sure I am only imagining it. I might have hit my head while I was struggling.

He doesn't say anything more and gets off me, dragging me up to my wiggly feet too, and I am thankful for his hands remaining on my shoulders and keeping me steady, even though I shouldn't be letting him touch me now. Or to ever touch me.

He takes a step back and looks at me head to toe and moves one of his hands up to get my hair out of my face, passing his fingers through it. He even cups my cheeks and tilts my head upward as he brings me closer to him by force, his eyes searching my face too into the too little light out here. I can't even see much of him through the white air getting out of our nostrils into a speeded rhythm. Well, the fact that it is fogging my glasses it not helping me either.

And trying to see him better, I lift them up on my head. Much better. The light of the moon is doing so much justice to his features now. In the silence surrounding our steadying breaths, I examine him and I wish I'd be allowed to walk my fingers on his face, to feel each rounding and pointing of his figure, to find out how soft his lips are at touch and how his hair would feel in between my fin-

No! What the hell? The man just threw me to the ground a minute ago. I shouldn't be wishing to caress him. I should be punching him. But I don't get to do any of that because he speaks.

"See? You got yourself hurt." his voice sounds concerned and disappointed rather than upset and I see him pull a face along with me as he touches something that stings on my jaw. "That hurts, no?"

"I am glad you care," I snap at him as I get his hands off me and make some steps back. "But I don't need you to feel sorry for me, comrade."

He sighs and looking away, he passes his hands through his hair as he again mumbles something in his damned language.

"Let's just go. You had enough fun for tonight."

"No."

"I don't _care_, love. You'll go."

He gets a hold of my hand and starts dragging me back to where I started running. How come he knows the way back is a complete mystery to me.

"Hey, wait up. My legs hurt." I may be having some scratches on them too, but mostly, they are tired from all that forced effort.

"Well, you have brought that to yourself. So endure it. You don't need me to care, no? Well, look. I don't. Now _move_." he drags my hand some more, his grip on me tightening, but not to the point of hurting.

"Yeah? Well, I am not the one who has flanked me to the ground! That was _you_! Now let go of me, you… you... _savage_!"

And I try to pull my hand back, but he doesn't let go and drags me to him some more.

"No!" I get my other hand on his and I am the one who pulls him this time, managing to make him stop. "_Wait,_ goddamnit! I can't walk properly, okay? Just for two seconds in your life have a heart and let me just walk at my pace! I will go wherever the hell you want! But just let me walk by myself!"

Tears are already falling down my cheeks and I try to wipe them, not wanting to sound and be that weak in front of him. But hell, it's already the hundredth time I am crying today.

He has let go of me already and now sits there and watches me struggling to desperately get a hold over my emotions, wiping and sniffing and trying not to break completely. And to my luck, he doesn't say anything else because I don't know how I would have taken it, how I would have handled any of his comments.

So, trying not to make my life harder, I pin my eyes on the ground so that he won't see my messed up face and start walking. And he just slows down and matches his pace to mine, standing by my side all the time as we walk.

**DPOV**

Seeing her burst in tears made me feel like the biggest bastard on this planet, for I know I was one of the reasons she was crying. The things I said and done have hurt her and only God knows how bad I want to take everything back right away. I wish I would have reacted differently, to not be so harsh, but I swear she is driving me insane with everything she does. And she is so stubborn! She manages to push all my wrong buttons.

So, for now, I decide it would be better to keep away and let her be and not intervene anymore, not in the littlest way. I just keep my distance and still keep an eye on her, praying that she won't try to flee again because I don't think her legs would be able to take it. But goddamnit, isn't she a determined little fighter? She doesn't hesitate to do the craziest things in her attempts to get away and I even start thinking she'll get herself killed before anyone else might get to get her hands on her.

And for two minutes, everything is alright as we're making our way back towards the parking lot. But the soil is wet and slippery and there are quite many branches around, and inevitably, with her unsteady legs, Rose stumbles, letting out a sharp gasp. I round an arm on her to prevent the fall. I really don't want her to end up more hurt than I am guessing she is.

When the little commotion stops, she has ended completely glued to my front body (or did I do that unconsciously?) her cold palms spread on my chest and her head is tilted, her teary eyes looking straight into mine through those damned glasses that she scrunches her nose to move upward.

How come we always end up so close? But gosh, do I even care now? No. Because she looks so beautiful from this distance. The way the moonlight cascades over her features is driving me insane. It's mesmerizing. _Goddamnit, Dimitri. Stop thinking about her in that way. You're not allowed to._

One of my hands is tightly wrapped around her middle, keeping her close to me while my other is shamelessly resting on her hip. And I would so badly want it to head somewhere else, but I forget that thought when I feel her trembling. Of course she is. She is wet and muddy all over and she's only dressed in a T-shirt and even if it didn't snow yet, it's December and outside is cold.

I need to take her to the car faster and then to the motel so that she would get changed. The next thing I need to make my job even harder is for her to catch a cold. And I cannot let her try to walk again because I am sure she'll only stumble again. So I find the most convenient solution.

I let go of her and she whispers a "Thank you" and when I want to pick her up, of course, why didn't I expect it (I did, of course. It's Rose we're talking about), she pulls away.

"What are you doing?" she asks irritated while putting some distance between us.

"Just let me… _do _this, okay?" I say sighing, being on the verge of desperation. This woman is pushing me to the verge of insanity with each passing second. "It will take us less to get back."

She crosses her arms over her chest. "No."

She puts some more resistance when I take one step towards her, shaking her head this time, her lips curling in displease, and again getting stubborn and managing to irritate me some more. I am just trying to do a nice gesture and still, she reacts like this.

"Well, you have no choice. You're slowing us down and you have already wasted enough of my time."

She doesn't move a muscle to show me she agrees. Fine. If she is not accepting the nice way, I'll take the hard one. Even with her resistance, I pick her up.

But of course, she doesn't give up and starts struggling.

"Let go of me." she keeps on repeating and I tighten my arms around her, not giving her any space to move, eliciting displeased growls from her.

"Rose, why do you insist to make your life harder?"

My question makes her stop and after some seconds of being tense, with a sigh, she relaxes a little and her palms don't try to push me away anymore. But her head is tilted my way and she looks at me with squinted eyes, her breath coming out ragged from all that anger in her. Damn, she is beautiful even when she's mad, the redness on her cheeks only adding to that.

"_Fine_. I'll let you carry me. But this doesn't mean that I don't dislike you anymore. Because I still dislike you. A lot."

Her answer makes me smile, but hey, she's letting me do it.

"I didn't expect any different, love." I didn't give her reasons to feel differently about me.

My response makes her roll her eyes. And fuck, how much that gesture annoys and makes me want to kiss her. Why, I have no idea.

"And stop calling me like that." she reminds me once again with a harsh tone, trying to sound threatening.

But finally, she has given up on acting brave and all and lets me carry her. She makes herself little, her body still trembling and I am gladly sharing my body heat with her. And then, as I am carrying her, a little unsure, she puts her cheek on my shoulder with a faint sigh and her warm breath starts brushing on my neck, that little thing feeling great.

**RPOV**

I won't ever admit out loud that I loved the way I felt while he carried me, my body cuddled to the hardness of his chest, my nose so close to his neck, feeling so well his scent mixed with the one of the forest. And stealing as much as I could from his warmth, his strong arms around me, a false feeling of security was present in my heart just by being there, in the arms of the dangerous guy. I will take that to the grave with me. Plus, it was a one-time event and I had no way out of it. It always has to be his way.

He takes me to the car in perfect silence and again, he stays next to me until I get inside. But this time he doesn't close my door and goes. He just bends so that he would be at my eye level and speaks.

"I will go inside and you'll remain here. For your own good, _please_, Rose, don't try anything again."

And of course I need to agree.

He locks me inside the car and I see him rushing inside the gas station and all the time he is in there, he is throwing glances my way every five seconds, probably still expecting me to do something, but I am just way too exhausted and hopeless to even think about trying to escape again. Maybe later. For now, I prop my head on the window and watch him back. Gosh I am exhausted.

Two minutes later, he comes back and opens the door on my side, then extends me a package of disinfectant wipes.

"Here. Get yourself clean." he says pointing to my scratched hands and I finally realize the damage I have done to them and how dirty they are. I am wondering how come they don't hurt like hell. The adrenaline must be responsible.

I do just as I have been told, turning in my seat to get my hands into the light outside, and he is sitting in front of me the whole time. When I am done with that, I look at him expectantly, questioningly. He doesn't move a muscle. What? Isn't he satisfied by the job I did?

But next, he crouches in front of me and takes a wipe out of the package. Then, his hand gets a hold of my jaw and turns my head to one side. Yeah, I forgot I had a scratch there too.

"I can do that." I reach my hand for the wipe, but he gets it out of my reach.

"No." he says like a final decision, and I know it would be best not to protest. "Was this worth it?" he asks me as he is making himself busy with the scratch on my jaw, gently wiping it clean.

"What was worth what?"

"Your running. Was it worth the pain you got?"

"I had to try. How else I would have known it's impossible to get away from you?"

He lets go of my face, lifts his eyes and looks at me, and with the smallest of smiles on his lips, he shakes his head.

"You're a strange woman, Rose."

"What does that even mean?"

"Just that."

And the next thing he does makes my jaw drop. Before he looks around (no, there's no one around who could help me, I checked; we're on a deserted highway), he takes out of his pocket a roll of duct tape and rips its package.

"Come on. You must be kidding."

"Am I?" he asks lifting an eyebrow and I know I should not again be checking out how hot he looks by doing that, but I can't help it. But no, he is not kidding. "I have told you that if you give up, I won't tie you. But you asked for it. So here is it."

He starts unwrapping it and gestures me to extend my hands and I just cooperate. My body hurts way too much for me to fight it.

"I don't want you to do something else." he explains. "You have a talent at doing silly things that put you in danger. Plus, I don't want to get involved in an accident because of you. And who knows? You seem to like windows. I don't want you to jump out of this one while I am driving."

Next, he goes for my ankles, urging me to extend them and let him take care of them too.

"Come on, comrade. Do you really need to do this too? I mean-"

Determined, he puts my legs together and rounds tape on them.

"And if you don't stop, I am putting some tape on your mouth too."

I shut my mouth because he surely doesn't joke about this. Well, look how bad I ended up.

He gets in the car too and from his bag, he gets a hoodie and puts it over my tied hands. Yeah, we don't want anyone to see I am kidnapped, of course.

As he drives, surprisingly, he is the one who speaks first.

"You know? I didn't expect you to do that." he says rather amused. "It was a pretty clever idea. You messed up the escape plan, but your exit was something I didn't see coming."

If he is trying to compliment me in any way, I am not flattered. My plan failed. And I am pissed that he is the one who messed it. So I roll my eyes so hard they hurt.

"Yeah, I am glad I could entertain you, comrade. I am here just to be a source of amusement for you."

And once he got me speaking, I cannot stop. I mumble under my breath, pissed off to the verge of yelling. Of course he is just thinking about logistics! He doesn't think about me and the fact that he is keeping me hostage. He is analyzing my technique and what now? He expects me to ask for some advice? I won't. Because I don't need any. All I need is for him to get as far away from me as possible.

"What are you saying there, Rose?"

"You know what? I think you could put that tape on my mouth now because I don't think I can shut up. I _won't _shut up." but he doesn't do anything to stop me. And I keep talking. "This is unfair, comrade! All of this. He just cannot do this. And neither do you. You cannot kidnap me like this and expect me to…"

And when I have finally let it all out, about two minutes later, I feel about one percent better. Talking about it, even if it's a monologue, helps a little.

"Are you done?" he asks casually.

"What?"

"I asked you if you are done."

"If I am.. if I am _done_? Like, after everything I have said, this is all you say in response? If I am _done_? Just that?" He nods and his indifference brings me to the edge of exploding. "You are such a jerk! You have like, no heart? You have messed my whole life in a couple of hours and you are going to kill me God knows when and all you have to say in return to everything I have said, is if _I am done_?!"

"Well, Rose, I had a heart today, for two seconds but you told me you didn't need me to care." he rubs that to my face again.

"Oh, the sarcasm, comrade." I puff and look out the window. "I hate you so much right now." and I want to smash his face so bad! "You're so senseless."

"Yeah, I already know that, love. Plus, I have been called worse. So, your opinion doesn't really matter to me. You can now go back to whining."

Gosh, that hurt. And that's the second I finally do it. It doesn't have much impact, but I bring my tied hands up from under the hoodie and I punch him in the shoulder as hard as I manage to, and even if he smiles at my stupid attempt to hurt him, it makes me feel a little, just a little better.

And when I do it a second time, it gets even better.

* * *

Before, my life has always been... well, quite boring when it was reviewed by other people. And so many people used to have an opinion about my life. But comparing to them, I have never hated it. I have never considered it boring. I liked it just the way it was. Honestly. I liked my loving family, my too little circle of friends, my books, my little barking friend, my new job with the kids, my day to day life without the drama, without feeling like crap because of some male person I am not gladly going to talk about soon. Without the complots and the hidden interests, and the danger and the lies and the people kidnaping you and the other people trying to kill you and the running and the fighting and... And it's not even ten o'clock on a Tuesday!

I liked the simplicity of what I used to have no more than a couple of hours ago. Oh, you have no idea how I miss that now, sitting here with my hands and feet tied, immobilized on the passenger seat of a car that is taking me God knows where, where God knows what will happen to me, with only fear to answer the questions running in my head.

Gosh, only if I would have run faster than him in the forest earlier. What if I wouldn't have stumbled over my stupid feet? Maybe I would have had a chance at getting away, of getting help. But anyway. There is no time for regrets now. It's already too late for me to change anything. I am on a way with no turning back.

But hell, if what I am experiencing today is what is called a cool, thrilling and exciting life, please, sign me out because I don't want it. I have been through a lot in the last couple of hours it's hard to believe I am not dead yet. Leaving aside the little feud between us, the fact that I am still breathing is thanks to the Russian guy driving this car, even though I still haven't found out why he didn't kill me yet.

The Russian I haven't figured out so far. For now, he is completely indecipherable for me, but I can only assume that I will be staying with him for a while, at least until my life ends, and I will soon see what are his plans for me.

But still, not knowing all the other things is eating me up. What is he keeping me alive for? Where is he taking me? How far are we going? Is there the littlest of chances i get out alive? Can someone tell me? Because he surely won't. But what bad is it if I ask him? _Again_.

"What will happen next?"

"You said you will shut up."

"I didn't _say _I will_. _I mostly found myself obliged to. Because you won't respond to me."

"So, wasn't that a clear enough message to shut up?"

"It was."

"Then why aren't you?"

"And what if I don't? You drug me again?"

"I might."

"Don't you dare do that again."

"Or what? What are you going to do about that? Hit me again?" He uses the same tone I did when I dared him.

"I might." I can play this game too.

He smiles. "Go ahead then." he dares me further.

I throw him an ugly glance. What _can _I do? I am still tied and that punches from earlier didn't help much. So I resume to doing the only thing I can do to get back at him. Which is, of course, to annoy him. I will annoy him so bad that he would do anything to get away from me.

"Comrade?"

"What now?"

"I am hungry." I haven't eaten anything today and after the rush of adrenaline has run out, I have realized that my stomach has started eating itself. And who knows, maybe I'll get untied too.

"You will have to wait. We're almost there."

"You know that you said that too like half an hour ago, no?"

"So?"

"So… do you even _know _where we're going?"

"I do. And we are almost there. You'll have to wait until that happens."

But this is just my chance to push it and I don't miss it. "But I am hungry _now_." I don't think I will be able to eat in these conditions of stress, but I know I should. "Look, _Sebastian__. _I am cold, I'm wet, tired and if you don't take me somewhere to get me something to eat, I swear I am going to drive you insane with my talking, I swear I won't stop even if you put ten layers of tape on my mouth." and gosh, how I mean these words.

A deep sigh is the only response I get.

"So, is this a no? Should I start talking?" I threaten.

I am totally playing with my fate, but I just so tired of everything. but a minute later, he stops

"Just don't, Rose. I'll get you something to eat as soon as I see a damned proper place to get something."

Satisfied with my little winning, I shut up.

Minutes later, he pull the car up at a gas station and then turns to look at me.

"Okay. Here's the deal. If you even try anything, I swear I am putting you in the trunk this time and you won't see the light of day. And you will not be getting any food either." he wants to get out of the car, but stops and looks at me again. "I mean it. And when I said I won't give you any food, I didn't refer only to this night. I mean forever." and these are the last words he says before he gets out of the car.

**DPOV**

Damn it, damn it, damn it! Damn you, woman! I want to punch something. Maybe myself.

It's like she knows all the ways to make me lose it. She knows all the right things to say and to do. And before, I thought that I could easily ignore what she's saying, but no. That little monologue of hers has hit me right in my plex. But hell, isn't she right?

And what the hell am I even doing now? I am making my way into this fucking gas station to fetch her some food just because she told me to. And why? Because she threatened me. Since when do I do what I am being told when someone threatens me? Ever since _she _is the one who threatens, it seems. How come I have no fucking control over anything when she's around, not even over myself?

I shouldn't even be in here doing groceries. I should be in the car, driving. I shouldn't do what she has told me. I should be the one in charge, not the other way around.

But after all, I can't let her starve, no?

Fuck! Fine. I'll do it, but this time only. It will never, _ever, _happen again.


	12. Such a nice intro for a rape, comrade

**Such a nice intro for a rape, comrade**

**RPOV**

At the death by starvation threat, I agree with him and let him go inside, watching him do the exact thing he did at the last gas station, his eyes carefully and, I may say, threateningly pinned on me.

When he comes back, to my loudly growling stomach's pleasing, I see he's carrying a bag full of goodies. I just can't wait to stuff my mouth.

He gets inside the car and puts the bag on my lap without even looking at me, then revs the engine and gets back on the highway.

"Um, comrade?"

"What happened this time?"

"How am I supposed to eat with _these_?" I raise my taped hands so that he could notice them in case he forgot he tied me. "You don't plan on leaving me like this, no?"

"And why wouldn't I? You deserved it. You _asked _for it. So, deal with it." he says cockily.

Oh, so this is some sort of a payback for me pushing his buttons earlier, no? Well, the hell will turn to ice when I'll apologize for it. He will be the one who will be sorry for this.

"Fine, whatever. I will _deal with it_." I am not going to beg him to untie me. He won't get that satisfaction.

I manage the situation as best as I can with my hands tied and, on purpose, I make a lot of noise with the paper bag as I try to catch something from inside. And besides managing to get out some oat bar or God knows what the hell that is, I accomplished too my task of pissing him off. He puffs a couple of times as I do my thing with the bag, but to hell if I am quitting it.

When he understands that too, he starts mumbling something in Russian. Good. Let him be pissed off. But as he is getting out his knife, his eyes still on the road, I start thinking if he either will cut the tape around my wrists or my neck.

But he just extends the blade my way, waiting, not saying anything. I get the signal and cut the tape, freeing my hands.

"Thanks. But, you know? I don't like it when you do that."

He gives me a deadly look, then closes and puts the knife back into the safe place in his duster. That might have been my cue to shut up, but I don't.

"Just because I don't understand you this means you can talk about me like that? At least do it in English. I want to know what your thoughts are." even though I am sure they won't be pleasant to hear, but at least I would know what is going in his mind.

"Fine. Next time I will make sure I'll use English," he says annoyed. "You will know _exactly _what I am thinking about you and your kindergarten behavior."

"Thank you, Mister." I mimic the voice of a kid. If he implies it, why not act like one, right?

But of course, I am not going to stop talking now. I have seen something that has caught my interest, and I want to know.

"Comrade?"

He sighs deeply and gets his eyes off the road to stare at me and plasters on his lips the most forced smile I have ever seen.

"What now? You have your hands freed. You have your goddamned food. _Eat it. _Keep your mouth busy with something different than talking that much."

I decide to completely ignore him and go on, driven by curiosity.

"What is that symbol?"

"What symbol?"

"The one on your knife, of course."

As I have seen earlier when I freed myself, on the metal handle of his knife is engraved a thing I haven't seen before. It's a crescent moon that holds into its crook a perfect circle, that is about two-thirds enclosed by the moon.

"Is that like a logo? I haven't seen it before."

"It's a blood moon."

My jaw drops for a second.

"Um… A blood moon like in, the moon will turn to blood when our Lord will come and so will judgement day, comrade? Really?"

"Someone knows her Bible quite well. I don't think I am surprised."

I guess that was some kind of an insult, but I will let it pass. He thinks I am overly pious? Then, he's wrong. I just know about that kind of stuff as I heard some cuckoo on the street preaching about it some time ago. Apart from this, me and God have an undefined relation. Especially for the past months.

"Are you part of a religious sect that does stuff like this in the name of God and all?" damn, _that _I didn't expect about him.

He looks at me, his lips crooked and one eyebrow lifted.

"Do I look like I would be part of a religious sect, Rose?"

To be honest, he doesn't. At all. I can't even imagine him dressed in typical Sunday we're-never-missing-a-service clothes, a neat tie around his neck and a nerdy knitted waistcoat over a starched shirt. He looks rather like he would be the object of worshiping for others. There must be a statue of his somewhere in a temple in Greece or stuff. Just saying. Maybe it's nake-

_For crying out loud, Rose, what are you thinking about?_

"No, you don't. But I was just guessing here because _someone _doesn't want to tell me anything. About anything." he doesn't reply to me and I continue my questioning. "Then what? Does this thing you are part of that is not a religious sect have a name?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Okay." I am not dying to know that. I want to know so many other things. "So what's the thing with you, then? No mafia, no FBI, no spying, no religious sect. What then?"

"I do things for people."

"Like a hitman? You kill for them, right?"

"Not really."

"So, there's more you do? Like, do you do any dirty job for anyone who what? Pays you? Or is it for another reason? And you're not only killing people? It's anything they're asking? Like, even robbing banks and stuff?"

"It's not that simple, Rose," he says almost annoyed by my comments.

And I might have hit a soft spot with this subject because his palms wrap tighter on the steering wheel. But do I stop? Of course not.

"How come it's not? They pay and you "make things right", no? Whatever _that _means."

I am sure enough it means killing me too, so why would I shut my mouth? If I annoy him hard enough, maybe he will kill me faster and I won't have to endure any torture. There's no escape for me anyway.

"Even if that involves some illegal stuff, no? I bet there's a lot of illegal stuff going on. But I want to know something else too. Who decides who deserves to die, when it comes to that? Your employers? Or do you? If so, how do _you _decide who deserves to die? Or that has no importance for you? You kill anyone who gets in the way, no matter who they are? Oh! And more important, if it's not you the one who decides, who decided I must be killed? Who is your employer?"

"Things _aren't _black and white."

"Only in my case or in general?"

"In all the cases, Rose. It's more to everything than you think. I didn't- I _don't-" _he sighs, and his voice softens. "Do you think that-" his jaw tightens and he doesn't continue.

"Yes. That's what I think. Because I don't know what else to think. Tell me, then. How _are _things? Enlighten me. You don't do the dirty job for other people? You just suggested that. Or you think of yourself as some kind of vigilante? But for money, not only for a greater cause?"

He sighs like disappointed by my assumptions. "You wouldn't get it."

"Right. Because I am _that _small-minded. Try me anyway. Change my mind."

"Leave it. Just eat your food, Rose. This conversation is over."

"_Fine_." I can never get anything from him! "I won't bother you anymore with my small-minded person ideas."

I continue my search in the bag and to my disappointment, I only find things I don't like.

"What did you buy, comrade? Where is the real food?"

"That _is _food."

"Yeah, but this is…"

"Healthy?"

"Well, yes. And it looks weird," I say dangling a yellow package that contains something greenish in it that I will so not put in my mouth.

"It looks normal. That's how good food looks like. You could use a change. All you eat all day is that poor nutritional fast food and candies. It's a miracle you are not sick from them."

"So now you care about my diet?"

Can this man be weirder? One second he dismisses me so rudely and now he tells me he cares about what I eat?

"Have you been counting my calorie intake too lately? How am I doing there? Am I going to get fat if I continue like this? Do you have any health advice for me?" I swear I can't help but be snappy.

My comments bring a displeased grimace on his face.

"You know what? Eat it or not, I couldn't care less, Rose. I don't care at all. But you won't get anything else because I am not stopping this car until we get there. You asked for food. I got you some. It's up to you what you do with that."

Well, he says he doesn't care, but does completely the opposite.

Maybe he's just trying to be human after all. He could have ignored my threat and keep on driving earlier. But no. He didn't let me starve. And this little gesture of caring from him, if I am even interpreting it right, makes me want to take it slower now. I'll try not to piss him off for a while. If he tried to be a little nicer, I could try too. Maybe I took it a little too far by acting like this. But I swear I have no idea how to act around him.

And from all the healthy stuff I find, I pick the only thing containing chocolate, or at least some cocoa I hope, a package hopefully full of goodies. And I try to open it, but that little bastard won't cooperate with me. And unfortunately, I make a lot of noise, again.

His hands clasp the steering wheel and his jaw tightens as he sighs deeply. Whoopsies. This time I didn't intend to, I swear.

"Are you still doing that on purpose?" he says harshly.

"Do what on purpose?" I ask trying to be as innocent as I can, and I even plaster a little silly smile on my face, but of course, I know what he means. "I am not doing anything on purpose."

And I get back to fighting with the package.

"Then would you _open _it already?" he snaps.

"I am _trying_."

If my hands won't work, I will try my luck with my teeth.

And I would have opened the package if he wouldn't have taken the bag from me and put it on his lap, not letting me take it back.

"Hey! I was dealing with that!"

"Yes, by covering it whole with your saliva. You know, those things have a cut already made so that you wouldn't have to struggle with it." he still speaks to me like I would be five and this annoys the shit out of me.

"Oh, _really _Mister _Obvious_? I didn't know that. But oh! I _did _know. But too bad! Because this bag doesn't have one."

"All of them do."

"Well, Mister Knows-it-all, this _doesn't_," I say through gritted teeth. I am not stupid not to observe it.

With a growl coming out from the back of his throat, he jerks the wheel and pulls over into an inappropriate spot for stationing, but I decide not to mention it.

"I swear to God, Rose…"

He tries to open the package too and doesn't find the little cut either, and now just looks at the bag like he would want to kill it. Or would that be me? I bet it's me.

And having the occasion, I can't help it not to comment some more.

"Oh, so _now _you believe me? Now you know I wasn't doing anything on purpose." at least not this time.

**DPOV**

Who would have thought that, despite her shyness, she could be so chatty? And she is not only talking, but she is also attacking me with her words. Plus, she _is _doing it on purpose. All of it.

I am well aware I shouldn't let her get on my nerves like this, but goddamnit, ever since we got out of the cafe, I feel so on edge around her. She has a particular way of making me want a drink. I have never met a woman so dead set against anything I do or say.

"Stop talking, Rose."

"Or what? What will you threaten me with this time?"

Oh, I know what I could do to her to shut up, but I don't think she would enjoy it as much as I would. Or she might get to like it too? With her, you never know. That's what's pissing me off.

"Come on. Put me in the trunk." she provokes me.

I turn my head to look at her and all I can do in this second is smile. Out of amusement or tension, I cannot fucking tell.

How the hell did I even get myself in this situation? And how come this woman is capable of pushing so many of my buttons?

"What? Am I _funny _now? Am I _amusing _to you? I have become your source of amusement all of a sudden?"

And you know what the craziest thing is? That even though she is driving me insane in so many fucking ways, all I want now is to pull her to me and find out how those lips she keeps on curling in displease taste. I feel the urging need to know.

"Comrade?" she reminds me of her existence by gesturing her hands in front of my face.

I snap out of my idiotic reverie of her lips. _Goddamnit, Dimitri, what is wrong with you? Ever since did you forget what being rational means? _

"What were you thinking of?" Besides kissing you? Idiotic enough, nothing else. "Were you looking for inventive ways to kill me because I'm being annoying?"

"Yes, love. Just what I was thinking about."

I take my eyes off her, get the knife out and open that stupid bag of snacks and hand it back to her without looking at her again.

"Um, thanks, I guess?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. Keep your mouth busy with that." Please.

And to my complete luck, she decides not to say anything else, just to munch on those snacks.

* * *

When I decide there is enough distance put in between us and the first motel, I enter the little town we reached and pull over at the first motel I see.

Just to make sure, I pick a room on the third floor, so that she won't try to jump out the window again. I don't think she wishes to die so badly, but with Rose, who knows? I'll only find out later.

She has finally got a little more cooperative and a little less chatty, maybe she finally got tired, but I am thankful for that. Whatever moment of peace I can have around her, I am taking it.

We get inside our room and after I close the door, I put the keys into my pocket, where she won't have much access without me noticing it.

"Now what?" she asks me her favorite question it seems, standing across the room with crossed arms, and I expect her to again imply that I am going to kill her, but surprisingly, that doesn't come.

"Now nothing." I search through my bag for a new set of clean, dry clothes and hand them to her. "You should get clean, warm and then go to sleep. Tomorrow is a busy day waiting for you."

"And what does that mean?"

"That you should hurry to get changed and get to sleep, Rose. You'll find out the rest tomorrow."

She rolls her eyes and takes the clothes from me.

"If I ever make it till tomorrow." there it was. "And why am I even bothering to ask? You're like Area 51. Keeping it aaaaall to yourself."

With that, she heads to the bathroom, her shoeless feet angrily pounding on the floor and surprisingly enough, she doesn't slam the door behind her.

And if tomorrow is a busy day for her, now it is going to be a busy night for me, having to watch her. Because let's be honest. She will not give up easily, I can feel it. She tried to get away for so many times. What will stop her to try again?

**RPOV**

After I take care of the rest of the dirt on my skin and of the little scratches on my legs, thank God for those pants covering them, I change into the new dry and clean clothes. There's not that much damage on my body, but what happened today had consequences. My feet feel sore after trying to run away from this guy and after being tied in an uncomfortable position, and running those five extra miles this morning trying to clear out my mind doesn't seem such a good idea now.

In fewer words, I am drained. Mainly mentally, as there are so many things to take in. Like, your ex is a damned spy that has done some bad thing (I _suppose_, because nobody bothered to tell me yet what shit he has done) and now someone is taking you hostage in the hopes that he will come for you. But you know for sure that he wouldn't come because he turned out to be a jackass that only used you for his own good. Besides that, the thought that you have no idea what the Russian is going to do to you any second now is driving you insane. There are so many things to try to make sense of and I can't see an end of this situation.

As I make my way back into that too little room which I'll have to share with him for the night, I decide not to argue with the sleeping part. I know I will need the rest if I plan to get away sometime. I won't be of any good to myself if I can't keep my eyes open. And maybe the sleep would make me see things from another point of view. Or maybe I will wake up in my bed and realize that this disastrous evening was nothing more than a huge, long nightmare. And I would surely prefer this particular bad dream to the ones I used to get some months ago.

I don't bother with speaking anymore, I just get into the bed and lay down, my body feeling relaxed on this semi crappy motel mattress for the first time in hours.

Russian boy, who has changed his clothes too, takes a seat on the armchair from across the room (thank God that at least he is not trying to get into bed with me because I don't have enough physical strength left to fight him anymore if he feels like playing anything with me) and, to my surprise, pins his eyes on me.

What, is he going to supervise me this strictly? It's not like I am going to fall out of the bed. And yeah, it's not creepy at all to have someone watching you sleep.

I sit on my side and watch him watching me, starting a silent staring contest. Maybe it will make him feel as uncomfortable as I do. But no. He doesn't move a muscle, doesn't have any reaction to my silent protest, and I soon shift my gaze because I can't play this game for too long. I can't be under his stare for this long. It makes me feel crazy stuff in places I didn't know I have so many nerve endings.

But is he really going to stay there like that all night? Doesn't he need any sleep? Is he superhuman? Does he run on batteries?

Having no way out of his stare (I swear he is doing it on purpose, and it is working! He is so paying me back for earlier today), I sigh defeated and cover myself and my face with the green abrasive blanket so I would feel more comfortable. But it's not working. I can still feel his eyes on me, even through the thick material, and I keep on shifting my position until I finally decide that if I won't move anymore the sleep will finally come.

I lay on my belly and pull the blanket close to me, as some shivers begin to pass through my body when I rewind in my mind everything that happened to me in so little time.

What has Alexander got me into? Or Xavier, whatever. Wasn't enough for him all he did to me until now? He just wanted to mess with my life completely, no? Well, it all went great with his plan.

The last time I looked at the hour it was around eleven and I don't usually go to bed until one or so, but as I stop my fidgeting and relax into the bed, it seems that I can't keep my eyes open for longer, even though, in a little corner of my mind I wish I could because I have no idea what this man is going to do to me after I close my eyes. But I can't fight my exhaustion for too long and this hectic day takes its toll on me.

* * *

Despite my tiredness, I sleep with one eye open, and not even for long, paranoia taking over me, and I wake up at every sound that doesn't seem right, having to check my surroundings for any threat, of course, not counting the man in the room, but it's mostly just my mind playing itself.

But this time I wake up because he is getting in bed. In _the same _bed as me, if I wasn't explicit enough_. _Like, next to me. Which is too close. It can't happen.

I get up to my butt and pull away to the edge of the bed, dragging the blanket up to my neck, mindlessly trying to cover myself as I watch him lay in bed, undisturbed by my reaction.

"Relax, Rose. I am just laying in bed. If I wanted you in any way, you would have surely known it," he says taking a more comfortable position.

"_I beg your pardon_?" my voice goes up an octave. Or five. And I pull away from him some more.

"I am saying that if I wanted to have sex with you, you would have already been naked."

My words stop at the back of my throat, forming a lump that I struggle to swallow. Did he say what I heard or am I imagining it?

My whole body gets hot and some parts even start feeling tingly and my cheeks burn like crazy. They are for sure bright red, and I am thankful for the little light inside this room because he cannot see how much his words affect me.

"That is such a nice intro for a rape, comrade." is everything I manage to respond with the last pieces of saliva I have left in my mouth.

How dare he say that?! The cockiness in this guy is incredible. Who the hell he thinks he is? I would never get naked for him. Not to mention the sex part. That will not happen either. Ever.

I drop the blanket and want to get off the bed as soon as possible. Not in a million years I am sleeping next to him. I just hope that that armchair is comfortable enough for the night.

But without the littlest of effort, not even seeming to rush, he turns in place and from his spot he catches my wrist and pulls me back down. And damn me, I end up on my side too, facing him, and shit, he is now so close to me, practically breathing my air, which is already insufficient.

I fight to keep myself composed, to keep my breath steady and my heartbeat normal, but my body doesn't seem to want to cooperate. It's way too disturbed by whatever is happening. There's too much manly contact going on and it has no idea how to deal with that.

But I will be damned if I am giving him the satisfaction to see me being this unsettled by his presence. He won't live to see that day.

I try to jerk my hand out of his and when he doesn't let go, I throw him an ugly glance.

"You want to start it already?" I spit the words at him. "Get your filthy hands off me, you savage."

My words bring some fake disappointment to his face. He's rather amused by all this.

"But who said anything about any rape, love?" he whispers and his grip on me loosens, his fingers freely starting to move up on my forearm, leaving a burning, tingly trail behind. Which I shouldn't feel! It is supposed to be unpleasant.

"You…" gosh, my mouth feels so dry and I need to stop to lick my lips. "You... insinuated it." he did. I am not crazy. "Earlier, you said-"

"Did not." he draws a little circle on my elbow.

"But… but you just said… you _did._"

I remain breathless when he ends up hovering above me because when he got up from his place, I tried to get out of his way and all I managed to do was turn on my back. And he took the chance to get closer. _Genius move, Rose_. How am I getting out of here now? Just another move and he can easily pin me down and there's not much I'll be able to do after that.

His fingers move further and find the skin on my upper arm, creeping under the sleeve of the T-shirt, and I know I should pull away, but my body doesn't want to move! On the contrary. It starts feeling mushy and warm in so many wrong ways, this backstabbing hormone controlled bastard! I shouldn't react like this to him! This man shouldn't make me feel so malleable in his hands.

"I know what I said. But I didn't imply anything else than the fact that I don't think I'll have to force you to get you naked, Rose."

I gulp hard and my brain needs a second to process his words.

"Wh- what?" I ask barely daring, having no idea what he is thinking about, but I don't think that our thoughts correspond. Or do they? Do I want that? He sees me wanting? Am I wanting? Would I…?

_Be rational, Rose, goddamnit! He's nothing more than a player. _

"So what?" I regain my voice and my brain for a couple of seconds. "You're trying to seduce me now?" I try to make my voice as unimpressed as possible, as it should be. "That's why you're touching me like that? It has no effect on me rather than making me sick."

He smiles and lets his body be heavier on mine, not much, enough to let me feel each toned part of his. And to betray me even more, my body welcomes his by untensing.

His smile only widens. "I wouldn't say _try_, love."

His fingers draw little circles on my shoulder now, and I know I should stop him before this gets too far. His hand is already reaching way too far under my T-shirt.

And somehow, some synapses in my body make my hand move, lifting it, but all I manage to do is to spread my fingers on his chest and press them lightly on him. I wanted to push him away. I should have. But I couldn't. I couldn't find the force to do it.

Seeing me hesitate, he speaks some more.

"I'd say it has already happened."

My mouth opens in an instant, stating my shock. The audacity this guy has! The smugness! The cockiness! The nerve! _But doesn't he have a good reason to be all that? You gave him plenty._ Ugh, how much I hate him! He has _not_ seduced me! Not in a million years! My body is acting stupid!

"Well, comrade," I clear my throat, wanting to make myself more believable. "I find myself obliged to destroy this "I'm an irresistible man" view of yourself and inform you that it didn't happen. It will _never_ happen. You don't impress me. In any way."

"How sure are you?"

Wasn't I convincing enough? I even forced the muscles in my hand to press harder on his chest.

"Very. Now, _get off me_."

"Fine."

When his body abruptly leaves mine and his hand detaches from my skin, I sigh disappointed and he sees that. Shit!

"I-" I want to excuse my behavior somehow, but I don't get the chance.

"You see, love, I don't believe you. You don't even believe yourself."

A second later, I feel his fingers starting to lift my T-shirt, exposing the skin of my hip and belly and he puts his palm on my burning hot skin, giving it a rough squeeze. And along with me pressing my thighs together, my stupid mouth sighs again, this time in pleasure, only proving him right for the thousandth time.

"I don't think I'll have to force myself on you in any way. Am I right?" he gives me a cheeky smile as he lifts his eyebrow.

I am breathing so damn heavy as the air between us is thick with electricity. Or is it a cause of the burning desire he has light up in me? But gosh, his touch feels so good. That's why I do nothing but enjoy it when he starts stroking my hip.

"Wh- what?" I ask once again, not being able to do anything else to ask that stupid question. My brain is completely hypnotized by him and I hate myself for that.

"Come on. You know what I am talking about."

His palm reaches further up and touches the skin on my ribs and his thumb plays with the skin under my breast, touching it so little, but it's enough to make my nipples feel tingly and my mouth sigh once again. Okay, it's not a sigh, it's a half moan half groan in desperation, but without any conscious intention to, I swear, but I can't help it!

He is right. I know what's going on. And it shouldn't happen. But his teasing, light touches only make me want more of that. My body is longing for that and I never knew it does so badly.

"Look at the way you react to this," he says cockily as his thumb gets just a little more adventurous and climbs up on my breast, and when my body shivers from pleasure, I realize what he's doing.

It's not me. He's a bastard! He's messing with my mind. He's planting in my brain the idea that I do indeed want him by bringing chemical pleasure to my brain. He is reaching for the animal part in me, and that responds to him, not my rational part. In fact, I don't want him. I don't even know him, so why on earth would I be attracted to him?

I get full of rage and this feeling is more powerful than the attraction to him. I pull my body away and push him as hard as I can, using both my hands, and all he does is to laugh lightly as he breaks contact with my skin.

"For how long haven't you been touched, Rose?" he asks, still amused.

His question offends me over the limit and I am so goddamned sure that my whole face is flushed, not only my cheeks.

"How _dare _you?!"

I get halfway up and try to hit him with my fist, but my bones are still like jello and it doesn't do much harm to him. Maybe it tickles him because he continues to be amused.

"_Gosh_, you are so shameless! How can-"

He puffs. "What? Am I not right?"

He comes closer to me once more, not touching me, but his presence is enough to dull my senses and make my body ache for his touch and my breath catches, somehow waiting for him to touch me again. Goddamnit! I don't think he was tricking my brain earlier. I think I want him to touch me even though I know it's wrong. He's like the forbidden fruit.

"Doesn't… _didn't _Haynes satisfy you well enough, love? Are you missing something? Just name it and we can make it happen." he says, his voice promising and full of lust.

I know he is only teasing me, I'm aware of that. He's just trying to prove himself he can have any woman he wants, when he wants. Well, not me and not now.

I slide backward on my hand, getting closer to the mattress and thankfully, away from his magnetic aura.

"I um... He... Um... He... _did. He did_."

Whatever happened or not between me and that bastard is none of his business. He doesn't need to know anything about my sex life, but I can't help myself not to lie. He is too cocky and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of being right.

"He did very well in bed, for your knowledge."

"Really?" He raises an eyebrow in that sexy way of his and I nod, just in spite of him.

"He could go on for hours," I say as confident as I possibly can.

I don't even know why I am defending that douchebag and boosting up his performances when I have so little knowledge of them. Maybe I am only doing it for myself. I am trying to defend my honour after all, no?

"He offered me plenty."

I try to play the same card as him and bring my hand up, walking my fingers up on his jaw, forcing myself to be confident in these conditions. I'll show him I can play this game too.

Then, when it has worked, when I have caught his interest a little and he has moved his head, responding to my touch, I drop my hand and smile superior, I hope. Maybe he's the one missing some action after all and I can take advantage of that.

"So, you see, I am not missing anything you could give to me, I assure you of that. You don't seem that promising, comrade."

I try to seem as disgusted of him and his proposals as I possibly can, but my words come out flat and emotionless and not even a toddler would have believed me. But I go on with it.

"Alexander did his thing in bed very well."

_Really, Rose? Did his thing? What kind of wording is that? Couldn't you be more confident and name it as it is?_

"I bet you could learn a thing or two from him." I take a shot at his ego, hoping that I am disarming him rather than provoking. "And anyway, I don't think you could overtop any of that and honestly, I don't want to see you trying. It would be a waste of my time and energy. I think I'd rather sleep."

But again, my words are not expressive enough, and he senses that because an untrusting smirk appears on his lips. I am trying so bad, but still, he knows he's in control of this!

"So if you'll excuse me now..."

I try to get away, sliding on my back a little more, wanting to put some more space in between us before I change my mind and ask him to kiss me or worse, but he doesn't let me move and pushes it.

"Why do I doubt it?" am I that easy to read?

"Doubt it all the way you want. I don't care about your opinion." I say with my last piece of resistance. "Alexander was a great lover and there's nothing you can do about it."

I don't think he even bothered to listen to what I lastly said.

"You know what's giving you away?"

I don't respond to him because I know there are so, so many things that give me away for talking bullshit about my sex life.

"It's so dark in here and I can see you blushing, love." he walks his thumb on my cheek, and it feels cold on my so heated skin. "So hard you're burning." and with a satisfied smile, he comes closer to, making disappear the distance I so badly tried to create, and I do nothing to stop him.

I am a grown, rational woman. Then why the hell am I being this idiotic around him? Why can't I control myself? Why can't I tell him to fuck off?

My chest is rising and sinking faster and now when it rises it stumbles over his and my skin burns where it is touching him and gosh, his lips are so close to mine!

"And if what you are saying would be true, you wouldn't react like this. You're making it up. And you're ashamed of it." well, I am busted. I have never talked about sex like this. Especially with a man like him. "And honestly now. Did he give you _everything _you needed?"

Out of nowhere, one goddamn finger of his traces a short line on my abdomen, right under my belly button, over the material of the T-shirt, but it is more than enough to make my whole body shiver in pleasure and if I didn't hate myself enough, my nipples get painfully hard and I am so sure he can feel them onto his chest!

"Aren't you wanting of anything, love?"

His palm spreads on my abdomen and my body mindlessly arches towards his giving me away for wanting more of what he's doing to me.

"No." I gasp for air. "I don't need anything from you." I barely hear myself say. Did he hear that?

"_Nothing_?" he keeps on pushing it and I am so close to yelling at him that there are so many things that I want. But it's good that I can't really speak right now.

At this moment, breathing through my nose doesn't seem to longer satisfy my need for air, so I open my mouth. Seeing that, he smiles once more, only smugger, and I understand that he might have gotten that as a subtle message to kiss me.

I don't want him to kiss me! Or do I? Gosh_, I do!_

And he only comes closer and I feel his hot breath brush on my upper lip, making it tingle. He _is _going to kiss me. I know I should fight it, but my body doesn't want to, again. I sigh and close my eyes as I see him starting to move. Here is it. I give in. I accept it. I want him to kiss me and then some more. My blood is boiling and it's all because he touched me and it's like nothing I have felt before.

And I expect his lips to make contact with mine, I even feel his breath closer, and I wait for their warmness to press on mine.

But they don't. Nothing of that happens. On the contrary.

He moves away from me, letting a wave of cold air wash over my heated body, and I snap my eyes open to see him again with a stupid grin plastered to his face, knowing that he has proven his point exactly. He played me so well. And I was so stupid to let myself played.

Shame and anger and so many emotions wash over me and I just want to dig myself a hole and go die in it. I am so stupid! I was acting like a silly, horny high school girl in the arms of a man for which seduction is just a way of spending his free time. A simple game and nothing more. And I fell for it, for his goddamn charm. How come I am so stupid?! Didn't I get burnt in the same way before? How many times will I let myself be fooled?

He is hot. Too hot. And one thing I have learned in my life about the too hot guys. Never, _ever_, trust a too hot. Their intentions are never decent or honest. So I am going to stick to my lesson from now on and keep myself away from him. I'll act like he would have the plague.

And what did I expect from him? To actually want to kiss me? _Me? _A guy like him wouldn't pay any attention to me in a serious way not even if I would be the last woman breathing on this earth. He would just throw me a glance, scrunch his nose in displease and move on with his business. I am not what's called his type.

"_You…_ you-" I want to call him so many names, but I don't know with which one to start.

"Go to sleep, Rose," he says and pulls away completely, getting to his side of the bed, and even the tone of his voice changes, getting to iceberg cold in a millisecond.

Why is he pissed? It's not like he has been the one fooled. I was!

"And you go to hell." My anger speaks now through gritted teeth as I pin him with hateful eyes.

"Goodnight, Rose." it's the only response he gives me, then watches me, like expecting for me to respond to him nicely and maybe even kiss him goodnight.

"Gosh, I hate you."

"You have already told me that a couple of times today. Your message was duly noted from the first time, love."

His eyes still pin me, and I resume to squinting my eyes at him, my jaw hurting from how hard I am clenching it. But he doesn't stop.

"_What_? Why are you staring at me like that?"

"You are funny when you get mad."

I don't answer to him, I just fight my urge to slap him.

"I like how your nose wrinkles when you pull that face." he continues to tease.

He is insufferable. And so cocky! Not that I didn't give him a good reason to. I gave him hundreds of reasons.

Rolling my eyes in desperation, I turn around and get the blanket from under me and put it back on my body that now feels cold and empty and deserted and is missing his touch, and gosh, I know I shouldn't feel like that!

I pull myself close, very close to the edge and lay down, my body now shaking from all that anger in me, but I give him none of my attention, even though only God knows how much I want to smack him and yell at him.

"What now? You don't speak anymore? You have nothing to say?"

I still don't speak. He doesn't deserve any of my words. Plus, he sent me to sleep, no?

"Very mature of you, Rose." he again mentions that shit that I would be childish. But to hell if I am saying anything to him. "Nice."

"And what else would there be to say?" I snap and not only verbally.

I get up and turn to face him, a killing glare in my eyes.

"I already informed you that I don't like you very much right now. What else would you like to hear? That I would very much like to hit you? What good will that be?"

He shrugs. All he does is to shrug. Which is enough to make me lose it.

"Look. If you imagine that your shitty charm or handsomeness or your cocky lines stir me in _any _way, you are _wrong_. They _don't_. Not even your gross attempts impressed me. On the contrary."

He smiles, lifting his eyebrow in disbelief. Didn't I prove him the contrary earlier?

"That doesn't impress me either, comrade." I try to stand my ground. "Your smugness isn't appealing. It's annoying. You think that if you're handsome and have that cheap charm and half force yourself on them, all the women will fall to their knees? Well, maybe it has worked on others. But not on me." never again.

"You think I am handsome?"

"Wh- _what_?"

"You just said something about my handsomeness. Or did I hear that wrong?"

"I um… I…" gosh, I did, didn't I? I think I said it a couple of times too. "From everything that I have said, _that _is all you've heard?" I wasn't trying to compliment him! I wanted to make him feel bad about his behavior.

"Yes."

"Ugh!" I furiously arrange my pillow and seriously consider trying to suffocate it with him. "You are _incredible_!"

"Thank you."

"Not in _that _way!"

"There is no other way."

"You are exasperating, you know that?"

"Same for you. You've been like that all day."

I get it. This was his way of making me pay for whatever I did to him earlier today. And hell, he succeeded incredibly well.

"You know what? I am tired. Of you, of this, of everything. I am going to sleep and you can go be proud of yourself. Go jubilate or whatever."

"Fine.." he says so impassible that it makes me want to scream.

"_Fine_. _Perfect_."

And next, he accommodates himself better in the bed, putting his hands under his head, and I pull myself even closer to the edge so that we won't touch. He won't touch me ever again.

"You'll fall off from the bed in that position," he warns me.

"Why do you even care?"

"You're right. I don't. I forgot I'm not supposed to have a heart." he mocks me now.

"So _don't_! Because you don't! You're just a-"

My voice breaks and stupid tears start falling on my cheeks for no reason and I try to keep myself as quiet as I can because I don't want him to know his actions have affected me in any way. Because they didn't. Whatever he does won't affect me. I refuse to let him do this to me.

"I am just a what? A brute?" he asks amused. "Or a senseless animal that lets itself driven by-"

"Shut up. _Please_." I struggle to make my voice sound normal.

And that's it. He doesn't tease, doesn't push it anymore. He shuts up, just as I have asked him.

* * *

I wake up again along the night. I don't know how much time passed since I fell asleep, but the room is pitch black now, no neon light present anymore, the darkness being pierced only by the faint light of the moon that is shining right through the window next to me.

I instinctively look towards the chair, expecting to see a tall figure sitting there, still watching me, but he is not there anymore. Did he leave? Maybe he needed something and he left the room. This means that I am alone here. Excitement shots through me and the only thing my brain can think of is freedom.

I get up a little and turn around to look for him, to make sure that he left, but to my disappointment, I find him laying next to me, sleeping on the other side of the bed, face up. Oh, I totally forgot about that. My excitement turns to dust in an instant and I can't help but sigh.

Stupidly enough, I take my time to analyze him, as on the last time I was awake I was too busy with being seduced and arguing with him. He got rid of the duster and the simple black T-shirt he's wearing now is rounded on his toned muscles and stretched on his chest, which I know for sure is hard as a goddamn rock. His hair is unclasped, maybe the tie has fallen along the night, and in this dim light, it makes him look even better than before. He indeed looks like a god. And I so want to pass my hand through his hair. I want to know how that feels. _But why am I even doing this?_ I should suffocate him with a pillow or something instead of admiring his handsomeness. _Really, Rose. Are you that twisted? You just said you didn't want anything to do with him. _

I shake the dirty thoughts out of my head and try focusing on what is more important for me. My freedom. Because sooner than I expected, I have the occasion to get out of here. Or at least to try to.

He has the keys in his pocket and if I get them without him waking up, I can break free. And if I think better about it, it is a good thing that he didn't leave me in here because if he would have done that, he would have taken the keys with him and I should have resumed to trying my chances out the window again, which is not going to happen soon. I plan to get out of here with all my members intact. And of course, alive.

I move as silently and as gently as I possibly can. Despite my anxiety, I keep my breath steady as I lean a little over him and slip two fingers into the left pocket of his pants and slowly reach down, trying to touch him as little as possible.

I stop when I feel the metal of the ring that's holding the keys, and get my index around it. Then, I begin to drag it out.

But he moves a little and I freeze in an instant. Please, _please_, don't wake up. I pray for a couple of seconds and wait to see if I'm screwed or not.

He doesn't wake up, but I wait for another minute, watching him the whole time, just to be sure, and follow his chest rising and sinking into the same pace. Good. I can move on.

I try to make my now heavy breathing as rhythmically as I can, trying not to give him any reason to wake up, then I take the keys out without any clink. Yeah! I give myself a mental pat on the shoulder for this and pull away from him. Now let's move further.

I get out of the bed painfully slow, careful not to shift the weight on it too fast and it takes me an eternity to feel the wood of the floor under my feet.

I look around the room for something that may come in handy, but there is no thing of mine laying around anyway, only his bag at the base of the bed that is full of clothes and their only purpose might be to help me strangle him, a thing that I do not intend to do. Unlike him, I am not that ready to hurt people. Plus, I don't know if I stand a chance against him, even with the surprise element.

I consider looking for his gun, but first, I don't know how to use it and I would probably end up shooting myself, and second, I have a wild guess that it is somewhere under his pillow or someplace that would be hard for me to reach without waking him up, so I let that idea go. I let go of the idea of his knife too. I don't want to touch him again. It would be too risky for me to search his body for anything.

And I don't even start thinking about a phone to use. I'll have to deal with getting help later. I'll find some payphone out somewhere and call the police. Oh, or better. I can go down to the reception and ask for help. But right now I need to get out of here. I need to follow the logical order of things.

Searching the room for a second more, I see on the table next to the armchair the book he must have been reading as he was supervising my sleep, and surprisingly enough, from what I see in this little light, it's a western. I know this not because of the Cyrillic letters on the cover, but thanks to the suggestive cover that has a cowboy casually sitting on a fence with his whip in his hand into a desert décor.

Wow. First a duster and now a western? What's next? He listens to country music?

But I don't have the time to check on that now, even though I could because along with the book, there is an iPod on the table. How old is he after all? Isn't that piece of electronics ancient? But why do I even care? I shouldn't waste my time on useless questions about this man. Who knows what secrets I might not like these questions could uncover?

Besides that music device, there's nothing that could help me. All I need to do is get out of here before luck leaves my side.

I think it would be best not to bother with putting my shoes on because it would make too much noise as they always squeak when I take a step and I won't die if I go barefoot on the concrete of the streets for some minutes. A little coldness won't kill me, even though I am pretty undressed for this weather. But I will take my chances. If I run fast enough, I will get some heat anyway. I just hope my body can make this effort.

I stealthy get to the door and get the key into the lock. With my eyes pinned on him the whole time, I turn the key slowly and manage to unlock the door without much noise, my whole being a nervous wreck the whole time I do this, praying that the luck will be on my side.

Then, I put both my palms on the doorknob and give now all my attention to turning it without making it click too loud. And it works! I managed to open the door! I cannot believe it. And he's still asleep. I am so lucky now!

Okay. No more stalling. I need to go.

Before going out, I decide it would be a good idea after all to get my boots. If I step into something and hurt myself, I won't be too good at running away.

But because the universe wants to see me having a heart attack, while I was heading for my boots, no matter how careful I was with my steps, I have put my foot on a squeaky piece of wood.

My blood turned cold and I squeezed my eyes shut so hard they started hurting me, waiting and expecting for the worst to happen. This was it. I have wasted my chance.

But nothing happens.

When I gather enough courage to open my eyes again, I see that he's still sleeping. Wow. Maybe he is _that _tired. And I should take advantage of that.

This time, when I make my way to the door, I reach it without any other incident and when I open it, it swings without any sound. For once, the gods are with me.

Okay. Here is it. My freedom. I don't even bother to close the door behind me and gently and on my tippy toes I make my way on the hallway and downstairs.

But to my utter disappointment, the reception table is deserted. There is no one here, the lights are closed, and there's not even that stupid metal object that makes a ping sound when you touch it so that a worker would know there's someone here! Goddamnit!

I could go and knock on someone's door, but who knows who will I run into?

No. I need to not waste any time in this motel. I will find help outside.

But outside things aren't brighter. What was I expecting? It's around 2 a.m. or a little later and everything is cold and empty and quiet. Anyway, I still keep on to my hope and after I put on my shoes, I start moving.

I pass next to a public phone, but guess what? I have no quarters on me! My second source of help just went to hell. But I will not let desperation get to me yet. I am still free.

**DPOV**

I swear I have gotten up at every ten minutes to check on her, not knowing what to expect next. And it has all been okay, each time I opened my eyes. Until now. Because now, the weight on the bed doesn't feel right.

Please don't mean what I thinking this means. Rose, please still be in bed. Or have fallen off it as I have warned you. But for the love of God, be here and not somewhere else putting yourself in danger.

With my head heavy, wishing I had the occasion to sleep well at least once this past week, I turn to one side and open my eyes, just to get the confirmation of what I have already expected. Rose is not here. Her side of the bed is empty, but still warm under my palm. So she hasn't left it for too long. But still, it seems that she has found the best ten minutes of this night to make a run for it.

But something doesn't add up. I see her glasses on the nightstand and she cannot have gotten out without them, no? Doesn't she need them to see? Does this mean she could be around? Maybe she is in the bathroom?

I get up from the bed to go search, but that's not necessary. Because I spot the door of the room open. She didn't even bother to close it behind her. Or to lock me in here to try to slow me down. The keys are still into the keyhole.

What have you done this time, love? And more importantly, how come you managed to be so quiet this once? Or should I be the one to blame for my lack of alertness? _Of course this one's on you. You shouldn't even have thought to close your eyes tonight._ Yes, that's right. I have underestimated her, and not only once today.

"Fuck it, Rose! What were you thinking?" There are so many things that could go bad for you out there. I just hope nothing does until I find you.

It will all be my fault if something happens to her. I was supposed to watch her. Fuck it, I was supposed to do so many other things, like finding something useful from her, something to help me get my hands on Haynes, but no. I did nothing regarding that. All I _did _was to fool around and play stupid games with her and let myself driven by idiotic instincts while in bed with her. Ever since have I started acting this unpractical?_ It started ever since you started thinking with something else rather than your brain, Dimitri._

I should have a clear idea of what to do and how to act, but around her, things aren't that easy anymore. Everything gets tangled and complicated when it comes to Rose and I don't know if it's pissing me off like nothing did before or if I like being in this situation.

I take just a second to pour my anger on the too thin wall next to me and when I am calm and lucid enough, I grab my duster and rush out the door. She cannot be that far anyway and I need to find her before she does something stupid like actually finding someone to ask for help.

**RPOV**

No one. Absolutely no one on these streets. Who should I ask for help then?

But first, I need to put even more distance between me and that motel. The farther I get, the better. Who knows, maybe he got up and noticed my missing. So I should hurry.

I resume to walking on the darkened side of the streets, the paranoia of being followed always being at the back of my mind, and I try to shift direction often and do it as randomly as possible, as for my steps to be hard to follow.

But guess what? Not the Russian is the one I managed to fool, if he is indeed out here looking for me, but myself. Because combined with my shitty orientation, my master plan of getting away managed to bring me back close to that goddamn motel! Really now, how stupid can I be?

And what if he is getting out of it right at this very moment? No. It won't happen. I didn't get out of there just to get back. I will make it to safety, one way or another.

I keep on looking towards the motel as I again run away from that place. And as I was not paying attention to where I was heading, I stumble over something and with a thud and the sound of something metallic screeching on the ground, I end up on my fours, my palms taking the most of the hit, scratching them even more. And gosh, it hurts like a bitch!

But this is not the best part. Because as I analyze my palms for damage, a pair of shoes that appeared in front of me gets my attention.


	13. His ego will hurt less than a bullet

**Hey there! Guess what? Tomorrow I have a test. And what did I do all weekend instead of studying? Yup, I have been writing. I hope you'll like the update and well, bear with me as it's quite long. But hey, this girl had to postpone her studying somehow, no?**

**And HonestPassion13****, I thought, why not? I have put that flashback part in too, just to give you all an insight of what was happening in Dimitri's head**

**Have a nice week, guys**

**And as always, lots of love! :)**

**And P.S., if the dream Rose has seems to not make sense, I mean, if things seem not to match sometimes, I wanted it that way. I didn't want things to be normal in her dream. Plus, our brains tend to distort reality in dreams and I thought, why not play a little with that?**

* * *

**His ego will hurt less than a bullet wound**

**RPOV**

I decide to ignore the one wearing these shoes I know so well as I have studied each detail of these combat boots while trying to avoid the eyes of their owner. To hell with him! Does he have to be everywhere?

I want to pound my head on the concrete under me until my brain stops telling me how stupid I was. This is not fair! I was so careful back in there. I didn't wake him up. But still, here I am, at his feet. And unless he is sleepwalking, he's pretty damn awake and he is going to take me back to the motel.

How could I have been so stupid and run back here?

And he doesn't miss the occasion to tease me about it, my little personal tormentor.

"I thought you'd be near, love, but not _this_ near."

"Yeah, me too." I can't help but mumble angrily as I wipe the dirt off my bloody hands. I can't believe I am here.

"How long ago did you run away?"

Enough to have had the chance to get somewhere safe. This is what enrages me and makes me finally look at him with a killing glare. And he? He's sitting here in front of me with his six feet something of cockiness, his arms crossed over his chest and looking back at me like I would be his five-year-old that has again done something stupid that has gotten him annoyed. And hell, didn't I? But somehow, he is still quite calm.

I say to hell with it and continue this staring game even if I am into the worst position ever to do so, but I am not giving him any satisfaction of seeing me shy away or be embarrassed under his piercing glare.

Not saying anything more to tease me, he extends a hand to me, probably taking pity in seeing me like this and wanting to help me get up. Well, he can shove his pity somewhere where the sun's light doesn't reach. I don't need his help.

I scrunch my nose in displease at his gesture and ignore his hand as I get up by myself and get a straight position in front of him, even though everything in my body hurts right now. I just grit my teeth and get it done. He won't see me hurting.

I proceed to arrange my clothes and hair as I probably look awful and under his gaze, I am well aware of it. I am probably the lamest, most unattractive woman he has ever seen. I don't even think I look much like a she anyway now. And why do I even care about what he thinks about me? I shouldn't. I don't.

He continues to look at me like he's asking himself 'What do I do with this pain in the ass now?', but I surely don't want to find out the answer to that. I bet it involves a lot of rope.

I turn my back to him and simply walk away, trying to endure the pain in my knee and walk like a normal human being.

He? I can't hear him move. Good. Let him rot in that spot.

"That's not the way back to the motel, love."

Oh, trust me, I know that now.

"Can't you see the way you're heading because of these?"

These what? I turn around, curiosity taking over, and I see him holding a pair of glasses. Instinctively, I check on my face. Yup, they're mine. How could I forget about them? _And you dare say they're so important to you, no?_

But what do I do now? Keep going or go back and take them? Because he is not willing to come to me and hand them to me. He is sitting there, holding them like a bait and waiting for me to get caught in the trap.

"Don't you need these?" he pushes. Oh, I do need them so much. But not to see as he thinks.

"I um…" goddamnit! I decide I can't let him have them. I would never give up on those glasses. "I do."

I walk all over my pride and go back to him to get my glasses, which he hands over without much fuss. But after that, he doesn't try to get a hold of me.

Not even when I again turn my back to him and resume to what I was doing a minute ago, he doesn't do a thing. Surprisingly enough, he doesn't try to stop me, at least not physically. But this time, he follows me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I guess it's quite obvious. Away from you."

"And how did this work so far for you?" he again gets mocking.

I stop abruptly and so does he.

"Shut up, you egotistic bastard." I am so done with his teases. I pound my index onto his chest. "_I_ am going away and _you_ cannot stop me. You _won't_. So leave me alone. Go to hell."

This time when I leave, he remains behind. Good. Maybe he finally got the message.

But I just take a step and he talks again.

"Rose."

"What?!" I get exasperated and turn to face him. "What do you want now?"

"You have no chance out here alone," he says calm and he almost feels sorry for having to say it, I swear.

As his words reach my ears, I widen my eyes in surprise. Well, I didn't think much about it, but he might be right with this. He _is _so damn right. I couldn't even watch where I was going properly. What am I going to do if Alex finds me? Or anyone else?

I don't do anything else but sit in that place, there on the street, rubbing the tips of my boots on one another, considering my options. If I have any anyway.

"I… Despite what you think… I um… I am _completely_ capable of taking care of myself." bullshit spills out of my mouth, and I say it as confident as I can be. I don't want him to know he is right.

He crosses his arms and lifts an eyebrow, watching me, knowing so damn well I am bluffing. Gosh, he can read me like an open book. I don't even know why I am trying to fool him with my words.

"_Are you_?" he asks inspecting me, his eyes stopping on my palms and I wrap them around myself, hiding the ugly scratches on them, pretending that I am cold, which wouldn't be a lie. I am freezing.

I nod vigorously, trying to convince myself too. But am I? I just hurt myself by tripping. Who am I kidding? How could I fight anyone? I can't even deal with him. I'll die fast. But not if I get help soon. I might still have a chance left. I just need to find someone!

"How would you have dealt with the men on the street?" his words interrupt my train of thoughts.

Ouch, trick question. He knows there's only one answer to this. That I wouldn't have been capable to deal with them.

"There are no men on the street. If there would have been, I wouldn't have had to deal with them, I would have obviously _been_ with them, _safe _and _away from you_." I try to avoid answering to what he is asking.

"But you've been safe with me."

I get more defensive and my jaw clenches in displease at hearing the truth. He is right. He has kept me safe from all those men. I was the one who has hurt myself. And not only once. Besides taunting me with his words and sexually, he hasn't done much to physically hurt me and even tried at times to be nice to me. _No!_ _Stop! He is not the good guy here! _

"I beg to differ, comrade. Ever since I met you, all I did was to be in danger."

The only thing in his body that moves is his jaw, that tightens, and if I wouldn't have been looking I wouldn't even have seen it. Then, just as fast as it appeared, it goes away and he goes back to his indifferent self.

"Fine. Think what you want. But you know what I was talking about earlier. I was talking about the men you met today. The ones with the knives. How would you have dealt with them?" if I wouldn't have been there to save your lame ass, I bet he wanted to add.

I come up with the easiest solution. "I would have run away." and hoped for the best, of course.

He shrugs, keeping that indifferent mask on.

"Okay, then." really? He is giving up that easily? "If you think you can do that, go out there and try to outrun everyone that wants to hurt you, see how that ends." of course he is not giving up on it.

But hell, isn't he right? As he sees me hesitating for a second, he pushes things further.

"There are a lot of people looking for you right now, you saw for yourself. And trust me, if I wouldn't have taken care of some of them earlier this month, you wouldn't even have been here today."

Yeah, sure. This is just a trick of his. He is trying to convince he is my only way to get by, to stay alive. _Is he? _Ugh, I don't know!

"Why would I trust you with this? You could so well lie to me. And I bet you're a great liar. You all are. They sure teach you that in spy school." Besides sexually manipulating and killing anything that moves, of course.

He slightly and quite unnoticeably bites the inside of his cheek.

"First, there is no _spy_ school. I told you I am not that. Second, I don't bother with lying. It's useless and does nothing but to postpone the inevitable. And third, believe me with that or not, I don't care, I am not looking for any credit from you. But you saw for yourself that people are after you. And if those men found you earlier today, someone else will find you later too, for sure. You are lucky that I found you first," he says lastly, and I swear proudness fills his voice.

I look with my jaw dropped at his remark. This cocky bastard!

"You name this _lucky_? How on earth am I lucky right now? I am in the middle of nowhere with you! I am your goddamn captive!"

"It could be worse."

"Really? Worse than being held hostage by you? Not possible."

"It could be worse." he insists.

"Sure, it could. I could have been tied up into a basement and tortured to death, no?"

There is the slightest of flinches on his face, but gosh, the self-control this guy has is incredible. He is unreadable.

"No, love, not that. You could have already been dead."

Short, harsh, but so true. He has a point. But this doesn't change the situation I am into. A situation I still need to get out of. Because he could be one of the people who will kill me.

I scan my surroundings, looking for the best way out of here. If I run fast enough, I might be able to outrun him. _Come on Rose, you can do it. You need to do it. _

"Face it, Rose. You have no chance alone." he insists. "And you know it well. You're not a stupid person. Sticking by me is your only option."

"So that's it? You, or death?"

He shrugs. "Can you think of other options?" No, I can't. "Things are quite clear to me."

"I was thinking, why not take my chances? I might find someone able to help me. Some of _the good guys, _you know?"

And oh, my answer doesn't please him. He thought he has convinced me.

"Five hours."

"_What_? Five hours _what_?" I am not capable of that kind of calmness that he shows. I am a bag of nerves.

"I'll give you five hours out here all by yourself. And trust me, I am being generous. Go ahead. Get away. Run, and I can assure you that in the next five hours you'll be dead. And this only because now it's night. But as soon as the sun gets up, it's over for you."

Damn, isn't he convincing? I have no survival skills. If I would have been alone earlier it would have been game over for me, running away or not. I don't even know how to throw a punch, that bad I am at defending myself. And who can I go to for help? Half the people I might go to and speak with might think that I got nuts overnight and now I am speaking about spies all over the place, and the other people I might go to might be spies too.

At this moment, I have no idea who to trust anymore. And going to my parents is out of the discussion. They're far away anyway. Plus, I don't want to get them involved in this mess. One Hathaway in trouble is more than enough.

I almost want to get back with him, but I stop myself just before moving towards him.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just know."

"Don't you know them all?" I get sarcastic.

"You know it too. Running away and using some pepper spray won't keep anyone away." He has a point. And I don't even have my pepper spray on me because _someone_ threw it away. "Running is never a long terms solution. To anything."

He sees me considering things and pushes things once more, bringing up more logic into the discussion. But hell, he is trading with a desperate person here.

"I can keep you safe. I _will_ keep you safe. Keep you alive, Rose."

Yeah, he already did, supposedly for more times than I know of, and I am very thankful for that, but for now, the only other person who has threatened my life was him. And I surely can't trust his words. By definition, he is a liar and a manipulator, so why the hell am I even sitting around to listen to him?! I should have already been running and yelling for help. Which I intend to do right away.

But he keeps on talking. Hell, isn't he doing his best to convince me? It's a miracle he isn't bossing me around already.

"Let's say that I trust you when you say you have no idea about all this. But the thing is that you might know something and not be aware of it. This is why I can't let you go. Why I _won't_ let you go anywhere."

I listen to none of his words. Because I am busy with taking some steps back. I only manage to put some centimeters between us, but it is better than nothing.

"Come on, Rose, you tried this before." and I can practically feel the tiredness in his voice. "We both know the ending of that. For how long are you going to keep on fighting me? How many times are you going to fight me and try to run before realizing you're not going anywhere? When are you going to understand that I won't let you go? It would be easier for you if you would stop resisting."

Well comrade, I already got that. This is why I am so desperately trying to get away from him. Because I can't put my trust in him. I can't put my trust in anyone now. But I don't bother to explain this to him. He wouldn't get it.

"For as long as it takes, comrade."

I can't stay here, no matter how much protection he can offer me or promises me. He can't be my safe place. He can't be my anything.

"I am going away either you like it or not. You can kill me now if you want, but I will keep on fighting you. With each occasion I will get, I will. I won't stop. If I have the slightest chance to get away from you, I won't hesitate to try it."

He looks at me, hands crossed over his chest, tilting his head, the littlest of smiles on his lips. Oh, I must amuse him very much right now.

I expect him to reach for me and grab me, finally deciding he is done with my bullshit.

But he doesn't.

"Go," he says and I must admit I am more than startled by hearing that.

"What?" I must have misheard that.

"I said go. If you want to go and think you can handle this, go. I won't stop you."

"You're just messing with me." he won't ever do such a thing. He just declared the opposite a minute ago.

"No. I am not. I won't stop you."

He makes me a sign with his head, telling me again to go, and sits in that place, waiting.

And I do it. I go. And as I do it, at every three steps I take, I keep on turning my head and expect him to grab me, but he didn't move. He is not coming after me and I am already twenty steps away from him.

When I get far enough from him, I start running.

And I run and run, this time making sure I am not going back.

And I see him. Not _him, _but a him. An another him. Another human being. This is great!

"Hey, you! Wait up! Please! I need your help!"

And gosh, it's such a blessing that he stops and turns around to look at me.

I start running faster and ignore the pain in my leg as best as I can. I am not wasting this chance.

It takes me less than ten seconds to catch up with him, but when I reach him, I am breathless and on the verge of fainting. There are so many things going on inside my brain, and fear is the most present feeling. The fear of the Russian changing his mind and coming to get me.

But as I catching my breath with that stranger keeping me straight on my feet, I look around and see nothing. He kept his word. He let me go. I think I will be thankful to him for this forever.

"You… you need to help me. Please." I speak fast and between harsh, lung clutching breaths. "Someone has kidnapped me and I… ufff… I need to call the police. Do… do you have a phone?"

"Sure, sure. I have one." thank God! "But it's in my car."

"Can we go there? Please. I need you to help me. Will you help me?"

"Yes. Of course I will. Come. I parked it right there."

And I don't ask him any other questions. I let him guide me. But he is curious and if I were him, I would be too. I mean, a crazy looking woman just came running to him asking for help.

"Who took you?"

"A man. I don't know who he is. But he… he wanted something from me. How long will it take to get to your car?" I want to call the police as soon as possible.

"Just a minute. But tell me, does someone know you're missing?"

"No. No one knows. I just managed to run from him. And then I found you. And please, you need to help me."

"I will, I will. But what? No one knows you could be here?"

"No."

"Not a single soul?" why does he insist on that? There's something wrong going on.

"N- n- no. But… will… will you help me? You will, no?"

A grin spreads on his lips, covering the kindness from earlier. Plus, we have stopped and I have the time to look around and well, I am on a dead alley. No, please tell me that I am just very paranoid now.

"Sure, gorgeous. I will help you."

"Where… where is your car?"

I finally feel the effects of the weather and I wrap my arms around myself, first for some warmth, second, to have something more than air between me and this guy.

"Near. It is near. But first," he says taking a step closer to me and I take one backward. "The question is what _you_ could do in exchange for my help."

I take some more steps back and he follows.

"What?"

I look around for help, but there's no one around. I barely found this bastard. Why is the world full of such men? And how come I find them all?

"I mean, you should repay me in some way for getting you away from that bad man, no? A service for a service, right?"

In less than a second, he dissolves the distance between us and pins me into the closest wall he finds, his hands gripping hard on my wrists and his hips pressing on mine.

I just got from bad to worse. This guy will not try to manipulate me. He is going to force it. He seems more determined to have me than the Russian. I can see it in his eyes.

"_Please_." I squirm under him, but it doesn't work. Nothing does. "Please don't."

"Ah, begging won't work."

He presses his body harder against mine, letting me feel that he is already ready. And all I am feeling is like fainting.

"You'll have to try with something else, if you know what I mean." his grin only widens, giving him a grotesque allure.

He tilts his head and wants to come closer to me, his lips reaching for mine, and I squeeze my eyes shut and try to pull my face away, but it's useless because I know I can't avoid this for too long.

But what I expected to happen doesn't happen.

"I bet that she has said no." I hear an already familiar voice speak as I feel that brutal heaviness leave my body. "You must have misheard her."

When I open my eyes, one second later, I see that man being held by the collar of his coat, face tilted up so that he could be right under the killing glare of the Russian.

"Now, here's what you're going to do. You'll apologize to her, and after this, you'll go back to the pit you crawled out of, you trash"

"Who the fuck are you? And who do you think you are?"

He smiles as his fists get tighter on the material of the coat, suppressing the air of the man he's holding, making that bastard widen his eyes in surprise.

"Trust me, you don't want to know. And if you really want to find out, just try me. Push my buttons and don't do as I said. I didn't have the greatest night tonight and I _dare_ you to try me. I'll show you who I am."

He jerks the man towards me, making him face me, but still holds onto him.

"Now, apologize to her." but the guy doesn't do anything. "_Do it_." he insists and grips on the man's hair.

I simply sit there and watch. I don't even know what to do.

"Why would I? If you're the one she was running away from, didn't you take her for the same reason?"

And the next thing I know is that the man's head gets slammed against the wall behind me, and he crumbles to the ground. I hold my breath and watch him, well, wondering if he's dead.

"He might still be breathing. I didn't hit him that hard. He'll feel it better when he wakes up." the Russian reminds me he's there.

I rip my eyes off the man that's now moaning lightly and watch him.

"You… followed me." why did I expect any different? _But aren't you glad he did? _Yes. I am now very thankful he did.

He throws one last look too to the bastard lying on the ground and nods.

"You seemed to need it." Yes, I did. Very much. "Now can you tell me why did I knock out that guy? Did he at least deserve it or I got it wrong?"

"You didn't. He um… wanted to um… do stuff with me in exchange for his help."

I avoid his eye as I speak full of bitterness, which is directed towards myself. I have trusted him and all he wanted was to get a prize.

He sighs and passes a hand through his hair.

"Oh, love. It hasn't been five minutes."

He didn't try to be mean, nothing in his voice indicated it, he just stated things as they are, but his words have hit hard.

"You were right, okay? Does that tickle your ego well enough? You can say it too if it makes you feel better. You can go and glow in your all-knowingness, comrade."

"Say what?"

"That you told me so, goddamnit! Come on. You said five hours, but look, it has been less than five minutes and I have gotten myself in such trouble that I needed you to come and play my rescuer again. I know you want to rub it in my face. So go ahead. I deserve it. You told me so and I didn't listen. Say it."

I look down, ashamed, struggling not to cry. He was so right. I am good for nothing.

He sighs and comes a little closer, then his fingers get under my chin and lifts it, making me look at him.

"I don't want to rub anything in your face. And I am not going to say any of those things. You… just had to convince yourself of it." so this is why he let me go? To prove to me I can't do shit without him? Well, lesson learnt.

I pull my face out of his hand and watch him, being really upset on him, even though it's not his fault. I am the one who has been trusting people blindly.

"Well, consider myself convinced." He looks at me quite confused. "What? You can't believe it your eyes that I give up? Well, I do. Because you're right, Mister knows-it-all. You were right from the beginning." and because I am tired of my efforts to be useless and bring me more trouble than freedom. "You are goddamn right. Does that bring you much satisfaction, to be right all the time? Doesn't that get boring?"

"I don't do anything just for the sake of being right. I wanted to spare you of this."

"But I didn't listen, no?" he nods. "Well, I had to learn my lesson anyway, no?"

But he drops that subject and his eyes examine my face, concern filling his.

"Are you hurt? Did he…?"

His fingers again reach for my face and I dodge them. He shouldn't try to be nice. I don't think I deserve it.

"Can we go back now? To the motel, or wherever?"

He nods, not saying anything else and makes me some space to get past him, letting me lead the way too.

So here I am, going back, with my tail between my legs.

And it doesn't take him much to touch me. I swear he has a thing for that. But it's not him that's touching me. I feel something heavy lay on my shoulders. And it's so warm. And gosh, I was so cold until his duster was on me.

I stop and look at him, only in his T-shirt now, and then down at myself, wrapped in the warm leather that he has offered me, and I pull its edges better on me, comforting myself into his warmth.

"Thank you."

He just nods and we resume walking in silence.

And everything was as okay as it could have been, until we reached those damned stairs leading to our room.

Because I haven't noticed the crack in one of them and ended up stepping on it and well, I slipped. Again. Goddamnit, my legs are really stupid.

But of course, he's there to save the day. To be my hero once more. A thing for which I hate and love him at the same time. But really now. I should stop being his lady in distress.

He catches me by my hand first, jerking it and pulling me towards him, turning me to face him as his other hand rounds on my middle. God, how come he is so fast?

But at this moment, I am both lucky and unlucky that he is so quick-moving. If he wouldn't have rounded his arm around me, I would have ended either taking a bite out of the concrete, or down the stairs. But now that he did, I ended fully glued to his chest. I so need to stop doing things that get me this close to him! It's not doing me any good.

"You're quite clutsy, love," he says, a playful smile on his lips.

As I scrunch my nose to lift my glasses, he takes a strand of hair out of my face, only giving me the chance to see him better in this darkness that's surrounding us. He is looking me in the eyes and God, doesn't he have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen? They're deep and warm an-

He pulls away fast and clears his throat.

"Did you hurt your leg or something or is that a regular?"

The next thing he does is to bend down and take a hold of my leg, exactly the problematic one, his palm sliding down on my calf. So he has seen me walking weirdly. And he wants to lift the material on my ankle, but when I feel his fingers on my skin, I pull away like it's burning me.

He gets his hands back, turning his palm into fists and lifts his head to look at me, his eyes piercing and in this little light, I'd dare say he's upset.

And oh, he is. Angry.

"Would you _stop _acting like this?" he speaks in between his teeth as he gets up. "Each time I touch you you act like this. You act like I would be killing you or I would be forcing myself on you any second now. I am _not_," He ends with a growl. "I won't be that guy you met earlier on the street. I have never forced any woman in my entire life and I don't want and not plan for you to be the first, Rose."

His tone makes me take a defensive stance.

"Well, you say this now but you did differently earlier." I hate it that I have to bring up the bed incident, but I see myself obliged to.

**DPOV**

"I am sorry, okay?!" I snap at her. I cannot stand it that she thinks I'm this awful person that would do such a thing to her. "I only did it because you seemed wanting, alright?" it's bullshit what I am saying to her, but I feel the need for an excuse for my uncontrolled behavior.

She watches me startled, and when she speaks again, she is babbling.

"I… I _wasn't… _I _did not_…" she clears her throat. "I wasn't, in _any way_, wanting. I didn't want you." here is it, she finally managed to say it.

I can't believe this. Would it be so hard for her to admit it? Am I that despicable to her?

I get an inch closer to her and her breath catches. "Weren't you?"

"No." she whispers and if I wouldn't have been that close, I wouldn't have heard her.

"_Fine_." fuck it all. She said no. I can play this card too.

I pull away and she relaxes visibly. I want to growl in despair. I don't want her to feel that way around me.

"So we're good. You didn't want it, and neither did I." if she's lying, so can I.

And I want to get past her, to get away from there, but her words stop me.

"So, you didn't want to kiss me earlier tonight?" she sounds offended, I swear. But why would she be if she didn't want me to?! This woman is unbelievable.

But to be honest, yes, gosh, yes, I wanted to do it so bad. And if this question isn't proof enough that she wanted it too, then what is?

"Even if you heard me so damn well when I was telling you no?" she adds, as defending herself.

But was she?

_I will pull away in the first second she will tell me to, if she would mean it. But not even she believes the words she's saying._

"_You're trying to seduce me now?" her lips mimic disgust, but that's not the signal I get. "That's why you're touching me like that?" oh, love, I would touch you in so many other ways, only if you'd stop fighting it and say yes. "It has no effect on me rather than making me sick."_

_But seeing the way she is saying one thing and doing completely the opposite, her mouth saying that I make her sick, but her body not pushing me away, but on the contrary, coming towards me, relaxing when I let myself be heavier on her and welcoming me in between her legs with a sigh that she tries to suppress, that does nothing more than make me smile. I know she knows I am right._

"_I wouldn't say _try_, love." _

_I like the way she responds to each tease of mine now that my hand is reaching a little further on her arm and under the T-shirt, I like the way her skin feels under my touch and how she gets angry about it but still, her body betrays her and responds to it. I like it when she spreads her palms on my chest, pressing on me lightly, wanting to but not really to push me away. _

"_I'd say it has already happened." _

_She opens her mouth in surprise at hearing the truth. But why deny it anyway?_

"_Well, comrade," she stops to clear her throat, probably trying to come up with a lie that she would believe too. "I find myself obliged to destroy this "I'm an irresistible man" view of yourself and inform you that it didn't happen. It will _never _happen. You don't impress me. In any way."_

"_How sure are you?" I push it, and with my hand too, I trace a little line on her shoulder and again, she responds to it, shivering lightly._

_But her hands respond too, and now she is pressing them harder on my chest._

"_Very. Now, _get off me_."_

"_Fine." If the lady is asking, the lady is getting it._

_I rip myself from her and as that happens, her lips let out a disappointed sigh. I knew it. _

_Her eyes widen as she knows she has been caught red-handed and she opens her mouth again. "I-"_

"_You see, love, I don't believe you. You don't even believe yourself."_

_And to prove it to her too, I find the hem of the T-shirt and start lifting it, and when I touch her burning skin with my palm it's bliss and I give it a squeeze, trying to force myself not to want more. But it's impossible. Now, I want it all with her. In all the ways and all night long. _

_And she again responds to it. She is pressing her thighs together and sighs, relaxing some more._

_And I ask it again. I still want a confirmation. If she gives it to me, I will go further. If not, then so be it._

"_Wh- what?" is all she says in response._

_Okay. If she wants an explanation, I'll give it to her. _

"_Come on. You know what I am talking about."_

_I get a little more daring and play with my self-control too, moving my hand up on her and when I reach the fullness of her breast with my thumb, I decide it's enough because if I allow myself to get further, I will never stop. So I play with that area, teasing some more. I love doing this to her. I love seeing the feistiness in her coming to the surface. And she likes it too, only that she is too proud to admit it. Too bad for her that her body is giving her away._

"_Look at the way you react to this."_

_And just to push her to admit it, I move my thumb further, all that I can think of now being to feel how hard her nipple has gotten because I can see it pierce through that annoying material that's keeping her body hidden. All I want to do is play with it, feel it, taste it, hear how she would respond to my lips wrapped on it._

Feeling her melt under my touch was heaven. Feeling her will break little by little, feeling her body respond to me, coming to meet me, arching towards me, gosh, all I wanted was to do more. To feel more. So much more of her. All of her.

I couldn't control my hands wandering her silky skin and I loved how I left goosebumped traces behind on her body.

I loved the way she tried to play with me just like I did with her and even though the fact that it worked made me want to scream, I loved that too. I loved to see her so confident and seducing. It was a nice change of roles.

I loved that next she tried so hard to convince me that she wasn't needing of anything, but going back to her shy self, she was blushing so hard only because she was talking about sex. And how hard she was fighting to keep herself composed, a thing I understood so well because I was struggling with that too. It was really hard not to when I had my hands on her and my lips so close to her.

I loved the way she was inviting me to do more, not with her words, but with those puffs and gosh, that moan almost pushed me to the edge of losing it completely and all I wanted was to rip each piece of clothing off her and show her what she was indeed missing, what her eyes and body were telling me she is wanting, what her mouth was denying. I wanted to plunge deep inside her and hear her scream with each thrust, for sure in a way that Haynes never managed to make her. I wanted to prove to her that whatever he has offered her, I could do better. I wanted to show her that she could enjoy my company. All night long and even longer. Prove to her that I could offer her more. I wanted her so bad and all I could think about was how well I would fit inside her. Of how beautiful she would be naked, lying under me, sweating and climaxing and screaming my name.

_Dimitri, stop thinking with your dick! _my brain reminds me, just like it did earlier tonight.

And I snap out of it, just like I did earlier when I was so close to kissing her. If that would have happened, I surely wouldn't have been able to control myself anymore. I would have taken her if she would have wanted it and all I would have managed to do would have been to complicate everything.

I probably shouldn't have wanted to kiss her. Or anything else. But I did want it so bad. Fuck, I still do. I just wanted to do it a second ago as I was holding her close to me.

_But at what cost? What will it bring along?_

Mess. It would bring a lot of mess.

"Why would I want to kiss you?"

My voice comes out cold, filled with anger on myself for being like this around her, for being unrestrained. And she gets hurt by my words, I see it perfectly on her face, but I had to do it. For her sake, and mine as well.

"I wanted to prove you something." I push things only trying to make her hate me more. It will be better this way. "And I did." I play the cocky card, knowing it would annoy her. And it does. Good.

**RPOV**

I can't believe it! How can he be like this? Gosh, the ego in this guy is huge.

"Fine. _Awesome_. I am very glad you didn't want to kiss me! I am _thrilled_! Because I would have loathed it!" _yeah, Rose, try and convince yourself of that_. "And listen to this, you self centered, vain bastard! You proved me _nothing more_ but the fact that you're a… you're a… ugh!" I have no other idea of how to call him to show him how much I dislike him.

"That I am a what?" he mocks me. "Did you run out of ideas, love? Do you need a hand? Should I find you a dictionary?"

"Oh, you… you… _bastard_!"

"You have already used that."

How the hell can he go from quite okay and nice to this? Is he bipolar?

"Expect me to use it often! And you'd better keep your damned hands off me! I don't give a damn about your intentions. You all are the same anyway. And I don't want you to try to prove me anything else. And mostly I don't want you to prove me that I want _you_. Because I _don't_. In any way. All I want is to be _away from you_. But that is none of my options. I am stuck with you and this situation doesn't bring me any joy. So the last thing I want is for you to try and seduce me!"

My breath is unsteady from all the effort I have put into my speech, and I am quite expecting an answer from him. But his face is emotionless. He doesn't give a single damn about what I have just said.

"Okay. I will keep that in mind the next time you get close to breaking your neck or anything else. I won't touch you anymore. I'll let you fall."

"Great. I prefer kissing the ground I have fallen on than kissing you."

He laughs and the forceful sound echoes on the empty hallway of the motel.

"I'll like to see that happen. Considering the number of times that has already happened..." he doesn't finish, but his suggestion is obvious.

I throw him the ugliest glare I am capable of and want to get away from him, but I feel the need to have the last word.

"Well, you won't live to see that day becau- uh- oh!"

Can you even guess what happened? Come on, it's easy. It happened because I am stupid. Because I forgot I decided to quarrel with him on the stairs. Because I was too busy staring at him and didn't watch where I was going. And again, I stumbled on those goddamn stairs! Just when I was about to tell him it won't happen again. I hate proving him right!

But guess what else? He is there to support me once more before I end up actually kissing the concrete.

See? I keep on doing that thing! I keep on ending in his arms.

And he doesn't miss the chance to rub it in my face. He gets me even closer to him than the first time, his arm tightly wrapping on my middle, lifting me a little on my tippy toes and well, taking my breath away. And of course, there's an I-told-you-so smile spreading on his lips.

"You… you said you wouldn't catch me." I finally let that breath out.

His smile widens. "I can't work against my reflexes."

"Well, um, then… great reflexes, comrade." I try to make casual conversation in this shitty situation in which I know I don't have the upper hand. "Um…"

I try to move a little in the confines of his embrace, and all I manage to do is a big bunch of nothingness. He is holding me a little too tight. Or just tight enough.

"Will you... put me down now?" I dare ask, getting very conscious all of a sudden of his muscles expanding and contracting under my palms as he breathes, with a little difficulty I may dare add.

But I don't pull my hands away.

And neither does he for the next seconds.

So, defeated, I finally relax and wait for him to loosen his grip on me, deciding it would be better not to fight him and get back to arguing with him.

And he eventually does that, letting my feet reach the ground again, but his hand doesn't quite leave my body, and his eyes are fixated on my face. Then, his other hand reaches up and cups my cheek, turning my face to the right, making the little light here shine on my face.

"You've been crying," he states with a frown and his thumb traces a small line on my cheekbone.

Yes, I did. For a hundred times today.

"Yeah, so what?" I turn my head the other way and break the contact with his hand, remembering _he _was the reason I was crying the last time today. And oh, all that anger I felt comes back. "Why do you even _care_?"

I pull away from him and he lets go of me, and this time I am more than careful with where I am walking as I make my way to the room, without any aid from him. I don't want him to touch me some more. It's not doing me good.

I storm inside the darkened room and trying to avoid having to look him in the eyes again when he comes inside too, I get rid of the duster and my boots at speedlight and even get on the bed before the door opens and he gets inside.

Not even looking at him, I take a pillow into my embrace and as I lay, I squeeze it hard, and all I want to do is to bury my face in it and scream as loud as I can in frustration or cry my lungs out or hit it, but I don't because I don't want to make a scene, and my chest is hurting from restraining myself.

Instead of doing all that, I try to make peace with my fate. So be it. Whatever. I don't care anymore. It's too much for me to wrap my mind around it now. Let what needs to happen happen. It's not like I have any power over that.

I don't bother with pulling away again when he gets in bed too, but my body gets a little tenser when I feel him moving and putting the blanket on me. But to my luck, he moves gentle and I do as he asked me earlier, and relax as he tucks me in.

"Rose?" he whispers just before pulling away.

"What?" I mumble, my face halfway buried into the pillow.

"You're okay?"

What kind of question is that? After everything that has happened, what response does he expect to get? I want to laugh to his face. I want to yell at him, I want to punch him, I want to do to him all the things I wanted to do earlier to that pillow. But I don't.

"I've been better, comrade."

None of us says anything else and he gets back to his place and with a deep, tired sounding sigh, he stops moving.

After that, in the comfort of the darkness, I dare move and take the collar of the T-shirt I am wearing, _his _T-shirt, and lift it closer to my nose, I close my eyes and let myself drift away to sleep again.

* * *

**RPOV**

The movie we watched was quite alright. It didn't have enough love in it for my taste, and I would have preferred to watch the one I have gotten my eyes on for a while now, but the one my friend picked had Brad Pitt casted, who I have had a crush on since forever. And to my luck, this new movie had the young version of him and he was a total badass Russian spy, and yes, I drooled all over the place. Plus, I had to be grateful for what I have gotten because it wasn't my turn to pick what we're watching and he wasn't down for any compromises either. But I will get my revenge on him the next time we're going to the cinema. I will pick the sappiest movie available and make him suffer.

After the movie was over, we decided to take the long way to my new apartment, to explore this town some more because it seems to be a nice neighborhood that my boyfriend has found here.

It has always been a thing of ours to walk the streets at night and spend hours walking and talking about the most useless and deep stuff. We have done that ever since our parents trusted us enough to let us get out that late.

And it's nice outside tonight. There are not a lot of people around, the streets are empty, and it's quiet at this hour for a Saturday night, but I can't say that I am complaining about it. You can hear the nature around you better than ever, and now, with an enormous, so close to the earth, cheese-looking moon on the dark purple sky, the night is really beautiful, even though you can't see all the stars and you can't find any of the constellations.

But all in all, it's the perfect night for a long walk with your best friend that you spent an eternity without.

As we pass a long, tall, stone bridge, he is very preoccupied with picking gummy bears from a plastic pack that he has kept from after the movie. Just like always, he's trying to keep the best ones for the end. And just like always, he's making a lot of noise in the process. It's like there is some cat in a garbage can in the middle of the night and it is desperately trying to open a bag of goodies.

While he is very focused on that, I sneak up on him and I snatch the bag out of his hands.

He yells "Little traitor!" and tries to catch me, but I run away fast, putting some distance between us, laughing all the time as I am running.

"Rose, give those back to me!" he continues threateningly.

"Yeah? And why would I do that?" I ask smiling devilishly. Oh, I so love to tease him when I get the chance. Which doesn't happen often enough.

"Because I bought them, that's why."

"So? Should that mean something for me?" I look at him smiling as I search inside the package for a green gummy bear and put it in my mouth. "Does this mean that I can't take some too? We always shared, Duckie."

"Come on Rose, you know I like the green ones," he whines like he would be five. Damn, he loves his gummy bears.

But I repeat the scheme, munching on the sour jello.

"So I heard. But what if I like them too?"

"I know you don't."

"What if I started to?"

He squints his eyes at me and comes running my way. I squeal and start running too, trying to get some cover before he reaches me and repays my teasing with some merciless tickling or a more painful method.

I reach the end of the bridge with him still on my tracks, my feet pounding loudly on the metal under me, and I keep running on a street that has like a hundred crosswalks painted on the asphalt.

I go take cover behind a bright mint convertible, enjoying its refreshing smell, and I start playing left and right around the car with him, trying to dodge him as best as I can as I look for a way out. But he's faster than me and as I want to make another left, thinking that I managed to fool him to head in the wrong direction, he is one step ahead of me and catches me by my hand.

"Gotcha! Now it's time to give those back," he says pulling me towards him.

As a last resort to keep him away from his precious treat, I lift the bag in the air as high as I can, but hell, he is taller than me and takes it from me without the littlest of effort.

Well, the game is over. It was fun as it lasted.

"There," he says satisfied and starts inspecting the inside of the package. "Now I won't let you take any other from the rest of them. You don't deserve them. This is the second time I visit you here and you dare steal my gummy bears? Not nice, Rose."

He turns around and heads back towards the solid, wooden bridge we left from a minute ago.

"Oh, come on, buddy. I was just playing around. You know I missed being silly with you."

I try to soften him up with my words as I catch up with him and when he lays his eyes on me, I pull my puppy face.

"Please? I haven't reached my daily dose of sugar today, you know? That's what made me act so reckless before, I swear. You know that on a usual day I wouldn't betray you in such a way," I declare as innocently as the smile creeping on my lips allows me to.

He chuckles and rounds his right arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him and kissing me fats on my forehead.

"Oh, Rose. You are irresistible with that face, you know?" he asks amused and extends me the bag of goodies, letting me grab a handful of chocolate candies.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I respond being proud of myself. He can never resist my puppy face. Or doesn't want to. I never figured it out.

We walk for a while in silence as we feast on the sweets and admire the buildings surrounding us, that shift their architecture each time I look away, going from victorian to gothic then to baroque in a matter of seconds. Isn't that amazing?

"Rose?"

He distracts my attention from an apartment building where I could have sworn I have seen someone waving his hand at us. But when I look there again, I find only an empty window. Maybe I just imagined it.

"What happened?"

"Can I ask you something personal?"

I laugh for goods. "And since when are _you _asking _me _for permission to ask me anything? You never bothered with pleasantries around me. Plus, you know I tell you everything anyway, so shoot. Ask me if you want to know."

"Well…" he starts and scratches the back of his head as he is looking somewhere to his left. "Rose…"

"Is that hesitation I see in you buddy? You, of all people? You never shied away from any question. Who are you and what did you do with my friend? Oh, I know. Is this a life or death question?"

He laughs at this, but it sounds forced.

"No, it's not like that. And I am allowed to flounder from time to time, you know?"

He has got defensive all of a sudden, letting go of me and well, looking at me quite upset.

"Fine then, there's no need to bite." I get a joking tone, hoping it would soften his mood. "I wasn't trying to be mean or something. Go ahead and ask me whatever you want and flounder as much as you want. I won't mind."

I round my arm around his elbow, holding him tight as we continue our night promenade.

"How… how are things going on between you and Alexander?"

A smile comes across my face. This is what he was worrying about?

"Good. Things are really good between us."

"Is he treating you right?" he asks, somehow concerned.

Aw, he's so sweet, always worrying for me.

"Yes, he is _awesome_. And he's so nice to me. Hell, sometimes I am curious how he is still with me."

"What do you mean with that?"

"You know, I have already told you. I don't seem to be his type of girl."

And I know I shouldn't because he hasn't given me any reason to, but around Alex, I can't help but feel under the pressure of having to be perfect, just because _he _is so goddamn perfect. I am always worrying about messing things up and it is becoming exhausting.

"And what would _his type of girl_ be?"

"I don't know. Hotter? More interesting?" Not me? I avoid adding because I know what his reaction will be to that. "We have been together for one over a month now- What the hell am I talking about? We have been together for the past five months, my bad. And we don't seem to do many things when we are together, this when he even comes. And even though I have always liked it that way, I got used to it, with being alone here and-"

"But you _are_ interesting." he ignores all the other things I have said.

"Yeah, me and all the books that I am reading and all the stupid things I am doing."

"But he reads too, no? Wasn't that your common thing?"

"Not as much as I initially thought."

He is not that much into it, almost not at all, even though he stated it so many times when we were getting to know each other. For all this time, we didn't have the littlest things in common.

Wait a second. Now I remember. He fooled me! He used me!

"But really now. Leaving aside the reading thing and all the things we didn't share, I don't even know what he saw at me. Why he picked me. What he wanted from me. Maybe that dress I was wearing that night helped him decide I was easy prey."

And hell, wasn't I an easy prey? The easiest of them all. Stupid, silly Rose who has fallen in love with the first man that has come her way.

"Rose, what are you talking about?"

"Come on. About the obvious. About everything he did to me, that bastard!"

"You make no sense. What is the thing with the dress and what he did and him being a bastard and all? Wasn't he Mister perfect?"

"He was. Yes. Past tense. He was just pretending to be the guy of my dreams. And come on. On a usual, I look so- so boring. I mean, look at me now." I say and point to my half homeless clothing.

And why am I wearing some men's clothes that is at least one foot taller than me? When did I even buy these clothes? Ah, screw it. At least they are comfortable. And they smell like heaven. Like the sea and forest. The perfect combination.

"Lucky me that I have long hair, or else I would look like a guy. I should have picked that there was something wrong about it becau-"

He stops and by extension so do I. Then, he puts his hands on my shoulders and makes me look directly into his deep blue eyes.

"But Rose, you are so, so beautiful. Fuck that dress. Fuck these clothes. There is so much more to you than that and you know it."

"Aw, stop it." I punch his chest and he chuckles. "You are making me blush. And you are saying that just because you know me since we were six. So it doesn't count."

He looks at me, something resembling sadness crossing his features, then, as fast as it appeared it goes away and he displays that boyish smile of his.

"But of course it counts, silly. And coming from me, who I have known you for so long, and I have seen you for so many days, and even when you got that horrible haircut," he needs to remind me of my freshman year. I swear he never misses the occasion. "It matters even more," he says and ruffles my hair. "I have seen you, like, at your worst and I still find you beautiful. Because you are, no matter the circumstances, very beautiful."

"Fine, fine, if you say so."

"I _do _say so. And so what if apparently, you don't have all those things in common? Maybe he doesn't read as much as he made you understand. Maybe he doesn't always like the same things as you. Maybe sometimes things aren't pink and they're hard. But this doesn't mean that he doesn't lov- _like _you as much as you do, no?"

"Oh, buddy, if you would only know how things have never been like this. He never loved me. Not even liked me." how come I didn't tell my best friend about what Alexan- Xavier has done to me?

"How come? I don't get-"

"Hey, you two!" a man interrupts him.

That's rude. Didn't he see we were having an important conversation here?

Both of us turn around and spot him, coming from the end of the street, covering the twenty feet keeping us apart way too fast considering how relaxed he walks. It's like he is floating or something, even though I am well aware that it is not humanly possible, not without any aid, of course. Maybe he has magical shoes or something. That would explain it.

He's a pretty tall man and as he makes his way towards us, coming closer and closer with each passing second. The green light from one street light washes over him, and I see that his face is covered with some kind of material that lets only his eyes visible, making me think of a thief from the Wild West, even though he is missing the cowboy hat and well, his long coat is absent too. Instead of that, he is wearing a beanie I guess, and a normal black cape.

But the covering of his face makes me question his intentions. What normal man would roam the streets looking like that? I have the feeling that he's bad news.

I wrap my palm on my friend's elbow once again, and I take one step back, wanting to pull him with me, but he doesn't move. He is watching the other man like mesmerized.

"I think we should get away from here." I state my worry. "This situation doesn't seem right."

Nothing seems right and I feel my heart beginning to pound faster. Why did I get this anxious?

"You're right. But we're not going to. We didn't. I didn't want to listen to you. We stayed then, we'll stay now."

"What? Come on, buddy, don't play with me. We need to go. We _have _to. ASAP. Please."

And I try to pull him again, but I don't manage to do anything.

And the next thing I know, is that the man is facing us.

Next, he reaches his hand behind him and from under his coat, he reveals a gun, the silvery metal reflecting the light on the street like a mirror, sending it right into my eyes and making me look away for a second.

More panic shots through me and my intestines knot as I realize what is happening. God, this is a robbery! We're being robbed! And this man has a gun!

This is everything I can think of and I look around at all the people who have started coming down the street out of nowhere, but no one seems to be noticing what is happening. They just pass us like we wouldn't even be there. How can they do that?

I start yelling at them to notice us, but nothing happens. They keep on ignoring our existence. They don't care. Why don't they care?

"No, Rose. No one's going to help us. We're alone here, remember? Just the three of us. You, me, and him," my friend says and his resignation to this situation scares me more than the man in front of us.

And talking about the man threatening us, we both look at him like being given a signal.

Even though his eyes are everything I can see of him, they make me shiver. They are dark and they seem to complete the image of a mad smile, and I bet that that is what is hiding under that bandanna. Plus, this guy has a scar across his left eye, only making me wonder how he acquired it. Maybe at a robbery that has gone bad.

I get distracted when I feel muscles tensing under my palm, and I squeeze it harder on him, trying to keep him steady. He always gets like this when he gets all protective and now it's not the moment for him to play the hero, no matter how confident he is in his forces. If it would have been a body to body confrontation, I have no doubt that my friend would win, but in this situation, trying this is too dangerous. This man has a gun and what's happening now can go bad in so many ways.

"Give me everything you have!" he yells and waves the gun in front of us. "Now!"

"The hell w-"

He starts speaking and wants to take a step in front of me, but I squeeze his hand even harder and make him stop. I don't want him to try anything. I surely don't want to see him getting shot. This man over here seems very eager to use that gun. But I don't.

"Please, don't," I whisper to him, then I gather my courage and speak to our robber. "Okay, Sir. We… um… we will give you everything you want."

"Good. Then move!" He comes closer and extends his hand. "Your phones and all the money you have on you, including the cards. And every piece of jewelry you have."

It's just a bunch of stuff anyway. They are not more important than our lives. I know that my companion would have done something if I wouldn't have stopped him, but it's not worth it. His ego will hurt less than a bullet wound. It will heal faster too. I won't let him risk his life uselessly.

Both of us do as we have been told and get out the valuable objects we own. I get off all my rings and my earrings too. But after we hand everything to the man, to my surprise, he doesn't leave. Did we forget something?

He sits there, that same madness in his eyes as he's watching us, just like he would expect something to happen any second now. Does he want something more from us?

I look back at him, mostly questioning him without opening my mouth, and all I see are his light brown eyes that reflect the light shone by the street lights. But why isn't he going away already?

What now? He should leave. Why isn't he leaving?

As through my mind pass a lot of bad thoughts, my hands begin to tremble even harder but my friend squeezes on mine reassuringly. Yeah, as long as I am with him, nothing could ever go wrong. It never did, it never will. And today will be no different, right? We cooperated and this man will leave us alone, no? He should.

Then why isn't he?

The man in front of us lifts his arm and points the gun towards my companion.

No!

I want to move but my body isn't listening to me, goddamnit!

He cannot shoot him.

We have given him whatever he wanted, why is he doing this for?

I move my eyes away from for a second and look at my friend like begging him to do something, but he just smiles at me and whispers to me so softly that I barely hear him.

"It's okay, Rose. We're fine." but we obviously are not.

"I hoped that you would try to be the good guy." The man says and I recognize that voice.

I move my eyes in his direction and I see that's it's the Russian! It has been him all the time?

The man has gotten rid of the beanie and the material covering his mouth and I can see him smiling at me, that devious smile I predicted to be hidden under the black material.

But wait. Where did that scar disappear?

"And you?" he is looking straight into my eyes. "Maybe I'll see you some other time, doll," he says just before pulling the trigger, then turns and runs away.

As terrified as I was, I tried, I swear to God I did, I tried to move him, to jerk him towards me, to put myself in front of him just to keep him from getting shot, or to even make that bullet reach another part of him, but I didn't manage to do anything good.

He crumbles on his knees as a growl escapes his mouth.

I haven't realized it until now because everything was silent around us for a while, but I was long screaming for help and my throat hurts like crazy. But there are no more people around to hear my desperate calls. Where did everybody go? The street was full of people a minute ago!

I get down on my knees too and as he lays down, I place his head on my lap to support him. There is a big pool of crimson that is forming on his bright white T-shirt, right where his heart is and the stain is extending so, so fast I get worried he might lose all his blood.

I try to make it stop by pressing on it as hard as I can and I get my hands full of the hot liquid and my hands even slip once making him scream in pain, but I don't care. All I know is that I need to help him somehow and I press even harder on the spot, despite knowing how much pain I am bringing to him.

I don't know if that works, but it seems so because all of a sudden he stopped showing any sign of being in pain and as he is looking at me, a faint smile appears on his face.

"God, please Mase! Mase! Stay with me! Please. Hang in there. Someone, please help! Please call an ambulance! Please! Mase! Please, stay, stay, okay?"

"Don't worry, Rose. I am fine."

As I keep on yelling for help, he tries to bring his hand up to my face but that is too much for him, so he just lays it on mine.

"Stop. No one's coming. And I'll be fine anyway. I always am. It's just a scratch," he says and gives my hand a squeeze and in my desperation, I even start believing him. He'll be fine. He always is.

But soon, his eyes close and he gets unconscious, bringing me to the brink of madness. This cannot happen. Not to him.

"Mase, please don't leave me! Mase! Come on, please. I am begging you."

I encircle my arms around him and pull him closer to me, burying my nose into his ginger strands and I begin to rock him back and forth.

"Please don't go. Please don't do this to me."

I shake him, trying to make him wake up but he doesn't respond to anything I do. He just lets out these faints sounds, indicating me that he is hurting and I have no idea how to make it stop.

"God, Mase. Please don't leave me. I need you so much. I need you. Don't die, please. Don't leave me alone."

* * *

**RPOV**

I wake up scared out of my mind, sit up fast and cover my sweaty face with my palms as my eyes are watering uncontrollably. I'm shaking like it would be freezing in here and I am breathing heavily and raggedly from my sobs. My heart is beating just as fast as it did that night, if not even harder because my chest hurts really bad and I feel it ready to explode.

God, please not again. This feels awful. And I can't go through this one more time. I don't even remember everything that happened seconds ago, but I am sure it's that thing again. I've been here countless times before. And I can't deal with it too. Not now. Not ever again.

I can still feel that sweet metal aroma in my nostrils just like it all would have happened now, in front of me and he is lying on the floor next to the bed, his pouring hot blood filling the air with that sickening smell. I don't even dare to uncover my face in the fear of that actually being true. I wouldn't stand seeing that image in real life ever again.

But gosh, his hoarse, weak voice is the only thing present in my mind, just like he would be next to me, whispering to me over and over again those words. He kept on telling me that he is going to be fine. But he wasn't. And I couldn't do anything to help him. I couldn't do anything. I just held him as he was taking his last breaths.

"Oh my God, Mase." I keep on mumbling, trying to make it all stop. Trying to cover his voice in my head.

I feel a hand's weight on my shoulder and there's a sleepy, thick voice talking to me. The same voice that got me out of my dream. Because it has been calling my name, I remember it, but I was way too busy to yell for help to hear it.

"Rose? Rose, what happened? Are you okay?"

I turn into the speaker's direction and without thinking much about my actions, I lift from my spot and put my arms around his neck, bury my face into his chest and cry my lungs out, crying even harder than I was before. And there's nothing pretty about it as I let out harsh sobs that make my whole body shake and my breath catches at every inhale, but being pretty is the last thing on my mind now.

He is taken by surprise, not even breathing for a little while. But in no more than a few seconds, his body relaxes and he puts his arms around me, pulling me even closer to him and wrapping me into his protecting warmth. One of his palms slowly moves up and down on my back while the other is tracing little circles at the back of my head as he soothes me with his words.

"Shhh, it's alright Rose. It was just a bad dream, no? Nothing more. Everything is alright now."

"No… it's… it's not."

"Shhh, it's okay. Nothing bad happened in reality."

Oh, but it did. And it was horrifying. The thought of this brings a wail off my lips.

"Easy, love, easy. Breathe. Just breathe. It's over. It was all just a dream. You are safe now, okay? It all went away."

He keeps on whispering so softly in my ear, his mouth so close to me that his hot breath brushes on my neck, but gosh, that is such a comforting little thing for me right now, to feel another human being close to me after an episode like this. I hold on to him tighter and he reciprocates.

"There's nothing for you to worry about. There's nothing in here that will hurt you. No one will hurt you. You're safe now."

When I loosen up a bit my hold on him, relaxing a little, afraid I might get to choke him soon, he does that too and wants to pull away from me.

"No, please." I press my face harder into his chest and grip on his T-shirt with my fists, trying to pull him back to me. I don't want him to let go. I would stay like this forever.

And he doesn't push me away. He just goes back to soothing my hair and rests his head on mine.

"It's okay, love. I am not going anywhere. I'm here. And you're safe."

And I spend some more minutes there, his arms around me feeling like the safest place on earth right now, a place I never want to leave. His warmth is passing on to my body, his earthy scent is filling my nostrils, I can hear his heartbeat and even feel every beat on my cheek. And this combination is calming my shaking and the crazy rhythm of my heart, making it match with his.

I stay into his embrace until my hard crying finally turns into light sobs and I can feel his wet T-shirt gluing to my cheek from all the tears that I have shed for the past minutes. But it feels good. So good.

At some point, the hand he was holding on my back moves up on my body and gets up to my hair too, and he passes his fingers through my strands, getting them out of my face. He then gets a hold of my chin, tilting my head to watch him, and I see a deep frown in between his warm brown eyes that are looking back at me, concern and confusion filling them.

"Rose, are you alright?" his thumb walks along my cheek and then puts some of my hair behind my ear. "Talk to me. Tell me what you dreamt about."

As I listen to him and watch him, my mind finally processes what has been happening for the last minutes and who is the person in whose embrace I find myself into. Until I have seen his face, he was nothing more to me than a safe haven. But now, I don't know. How can I trust his soothing words? How can I allow myself to feel comfort in his arms? What am I _doing _in his arms? I shouldn't even let him touch me, not to speak about this thing that just happened.

I gasp and pull away, getting his hands off me.

"Rose? What's wrong? What happened?" he looks at me even more confused.

His eyes are still clouded by sleep, but terrifyingly beautiful and calm and inviting and comforting and goddamnit, the way he is watching me makes me gulp hard. _What the hell is wrong with me? _I shouldn't wish to get back into his arms, but gosh, I do.

"I, um… I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Rose."

"_No_! I… I _shouldn't_..."

I get out of the bed and run into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me.

He follows and pounds on the door.

"Are you alright?" he says and even tries the doorknob. "Let me in, Rose."

"_No_!" I say way harsher than I probably should have. "I… um… sorry. I… I am fine. I just need a second, okay?"

"Are you sure you are fine? You didn't seem fine a couple of seconds ago. Can I help you with something?"

"'_God_, I am fine, I already told you! And I don't need you to help me with anything." he already did plenty to trouble my thoughts. "Now _please_, let me be. Just for a second. I need a second."

I turn on the cold water and wash my face, trying to steady my breath. Still shaking a little from the shock of seeing him, I lean over the sink and watch the water filling it, forming waves in the dirty, semi-clogged sink and I focus on that, trying to clear my mind.

_Okay, Rose. This is not good at all. _

No, it's not. I haven't had a dream like this in months. I got rid of them so, so hard and now they came back. Goddamnit! My nights aren't going to be pleasant from now on either.

**DPOV**

I have been waiting next to the bathroom door for Rose to get out and give me some kind of an explanation, to tell me what is happening with her, to at least let me know that she really is alright. But none of that happened.

She just got out of there, threw me a fast glance and then ignored me completely.

When I asked her what was going on, she shook her head lightly and didn't say anything more to me than an "I don't want to talk about it." and she got back into bed, turning her back to me, cuddled that pillow to her chest and wrapped the blanket tight around her body.

After that, I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept on searching for explanations. And I knew that she wasn't sleeping either. But even though the curiosity was itching me to ask her why she was thrashing and crying so bad in her sleep and why I was barely able to wake her up, I decided that it would be better for me not to push things further because I didn't know how she would react. And I surely don't want to make her cry again.

When she finally fell asleep once more, after a while of sighing and sniffing her nose, she began shaking again but not as bad as the first time, it was just a little tremble. And she started whispering that name again. Mase. I tried waking her up again by soothing her back, but she just stopped her trembling, which was better than nothing.

I don't know what this is, but it seems to keep on unrolling in her head at night. She looked terrified when she woke up the first time it happened. And gosh, the way she cried. I didn't know what to do to make it stop. I would have done anything, I swear. She was in so much pain.

Along the few hours that remained from the night, she turned around and came close to me, snuggling to my side. And I didn't know what to do when she wrapped her hand around my rib cage and held me tight. I just held her and back. It seemed like the best thing to do. Maybe she thought I was the pillow she was previously holding but along her spinning around in bed ended up on the floor.

So I spent the rest of the night soothing her beautiful hair and talking into a low voice each time I thought another bad dream might start, trying to keep her calm. And to my relief, it worked.

And I guess that the fatigue caught up to me after I didn't close my eyes for most of the night, and I fell asleep along the way.

But now there is this kind of buzzing that is disturbing my sleep.

When I open my eyes, after a long, tiring day and an even longer night, it's finally morning.


	14. Were you worrying for me, love?

**Hello, guys! Here is my new chapter for the week. It's slightly shorter than the one from last week, but I hope you'll enjoy this too.**

**I have a question, though. Would you like for the chapters to be shorter? (some of you mentioned their length a couple of times before). ****I could do that if you'd want, it wouldn't be problematic for me to adapt to that. Only that not that many things would happen in a chapter and there would obviously be more of them, in the long term. I want to make it easier for you to read, guys, so if you have any suggestions, let me know. I am open for improvements, anytime :)**

**Dear Guest, I can't get enough of the support you are showing either. Thank you! **

**And, HonestPassion13, what did you mean with being too far from the car thing? Did I write something that I might have forgotten about? I assure you it is totally possible as my brain is full with ideas about how the plot will evolve way later and uni stuff and some more story ideas with totally different plots, so if something slipped, please bring some light to the matter. **

**Until next Sunday, lots of love!**

*****Late little something because I am dumb and I forgot to write it the first time. I thought about what song Rose was listening to and considering what Dimitri said about it, I think that **_She drives me crazy_** by Fine Young Cannibals would be just perfect for that scene :) **

* * *

**Were you worrying for me, love?**

**DPOV**

As I wake up, at the corner of my eye, I spot Rose, sitting next to me, with her back leaning over the bedpost, with some earphones on, the music blasting through them, and she's looking down, playing with the wire of the earphones, making curls with it around her finger. But that is just some unconscious movement because I can see that her mind is not here, that she is somewhere far away now, thinking at God knows what. There are so many possibilities.

Her eyes are red and puffy, and I would bet all my money that it's not from last night. Fuck, she has again been crying. Or at least struggled not to. And I didn't hear it. Maybe I could have helped. Maybe she had that bad dream again.

And who could blame her? Yesterday must have been horrible for her. And I don't know what other bad things wait for her out there. But at least one thing I know for sure. That she doesn't deserve any of them. She didn't ask for all of this.

But as I study her a little more, taking advantage of the fact that she is not paying me the littlest of attention, there is something that doesn't make sense.

What is she listening music to? I "drowned" her phone yesterday.

I get up on my forearm to take a better look. Is that my iPod?

And as she sees me moving, she gets back in here and her attention turns my way, I hope a surprised and not a scared look on her face. She gets the earphones off and clears her throat.

"Um, hey. Um… Good morning." she hastily gets her sleep-messy hair behind her ears and tries to arrange it a little more. "I… um... I hope you won't mind." she gestures towards the iPod. "I saw it there on the table and I felt the need to listen to something. It's too quiet in here."

She pushes her absent eyeglasses up on her nose and gets looking around the room. She is right. This silence may get maddening if you spend enough time in it without something to do except to think about stuff. And she has a lot to think about.

"No, it's okay, bu-"

"Don't worry. I skipped that track with people speaking Russian and screaming." oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I had a message to send to someone.

She starts playing again with the wire, avoiding looking at me and none of us speaks and it's useless to try to avoid the elephant in the room. I decide to take my chances in the hopes to find out what went wrong last night. I am very curious about what is going on with her. It is something important, considering how it is affecting her.

"Rose."

"Huh?" she is already looking at me pleadingly, but I got worried last night. Who knows how far this thing can go? I need to know. So I don't stop.

"About last night. What were yo-?"

Her eyes widen and her hands clutch the wire.

"_No_. There is nothing to talk about last night. I just had a bad dream. That's all. People have bad dreams sometimes. It happens to every one of us. I bet it happened even to you. It was just a bad dream, nothing more. Just a bad dream." she keeps on saying that, and I think that she is not trying to convince me of that, but mostly herself.

"Who is…"

I stop mid-question as I see that she starts biting the inside of her cheek and her eyes getting watery.

"Please…" she whispers, then shakes her head. The hurting in that single word is so big that I even feel it.

She pulls her knees up to her chest and looks away, obviously trying to avoid the subject and I don't push things further. Why would she tell me something that important anyway? It's not like she owes me anything.

I get up to match her eye level, trying to make it a little better if possible.

"Look, Rose. I know this must be weird for you, with everything that happened lately and all the things you found out yesterday but-"

She laughs bitterly and turns her glance towards me.

"Weird? No. This is not _just weird_. Weird doesn't even begin to cover it. This is- is _disastrous_. All I ever wanted was a simple, tranquil life and this is what I get? This mess? What connection do I have with all of this? I don't know anything. What if he used me? My bad, his luck."

She stops for a second, to get her fingers through her hair and mumble under her breath something about her being stupid.

"But this doesn't mean that I am part of anything he did. Because I am not. And I surely don't want to be part of all this. I don't need that kind of stuff in my life now. Not ever. I have nothing to do with what he did. In fact, what did he do? You mentioned a project. What is it about? And is it that bad that all these things have to happen and so many people have to die?"

She already knows too much for her own good. But after all, does it really matter? Probably not. I may just tell her everything she wants to know now. It won't change the end of this story anyway. We all know how this thing is going to end, and she has suggested it for so many times now. My people won't let me let her go away now that she has been dragged in this. Only if there would be a way to solve this…

Because I haven't given her an answer right away, she rolls her eyes and laughs some more, her tone turning to angrier.

"_Of course,_ what was I thinking? You can't tell me, no? I don't even get the chance to know what so many people want from me. The very thing I am going to die for. That's nice. _Really_ nice." she crosses her arms over her chest, curling her lips in displease. "Will _they, _whoever they are_,_ or you let me be if you find what you are looking for? If _someone_ finds it? Will I get out alive from all of this?"

This time, I look away, avoiding her inquiring eyes. "Maybe."

She puffs. "Yeah, but not really, no?"

I shrug. I'd like to think that there is a maybe. That there is a solution to this. That I could do something,

"Just the answer I wanted to hear. Or see. Whatever. But you said you don't bother with lying. Then why lie to me now?"

"I didn't lie. I didn't say yes."

"But you didn't say no either."

"I didn't."

"So?" she demands.

"So, I don't know."

"Very encouraging answer, comrade. You don't know. I believe you with this just the same way you believe me when I tell you I have nothing to do with this. Meaning, not at all. You know as well as I do that I don't have a chance." She sighs and looks away for a minute.

And I do nothing. What can I possibly do? It would only get her even angrier on me. And I can't feed her false hopes.

When she turns again in my direction, she has that face she always makes before asking "So, now what?", with her eyebrows lightly knitted and biting on the corner of her bottom lip, making a little dimple appear on her cheek. But it seems that she considers things and decides not to say it this time. And I am thankful for that because for now, I have no answer to give to her. I don't know myself what to do next.

Instead, she takes the earphones from her lap, the music still spilling out of them, puts one in her right ear and extends the other to me. I don't let my surprise be visible to her, but on the inside, I am more than startled by her gesture.

That doesn't make me hesitate to take it from her, as it seems to be some kind of peace offer from her. For once, ever since I met her yesterday, she doesn't seem to try to get away from me or to tell me that she hates me. Not that I would blame her for this. I am a stranger to her and I can't expect her to trust me that easily and after all the things I did to her. She doesn't have any reasons to do so, but for once, I don't know why, she is trying.

As funny as this is, she is listening to that song I have heard her listen to on so many occasions. I heard it countless times as I was supervising her, and I must admit I wasn't the biggest fan of that song. Something about it seemed to make me dislike it ever since I heard it the first time, a long while ago. But one day she was cooking and dancing around her kitchen and she was so passionate while she was interpreting it and she was so happy about it that I couldn't help to like the song and associate it with her jolly state of spirit.

And gosh, how well this song describes how she makes me feel each second I am around her,

"You know, unlike what I have expected, you have a pretty good taste in music, comrade." Hearing her calling me like that again brings a little smile to my lips. I might even get used to this. It's way better than Sebastian. I must admit that I don't like that name either. I never liked any of my names. "Even though you mostly listen to songs that have been released before the Berlin Wall has come down, this one I like. A lot."

I am wondering why, as this is one of the only songs this old that she listens to. But I don't think she would tell.

"So someone is good at Eastern Europe history, huh?"

She smiles faintly as she shrugs. "I'm not a genius. I just like to know stuff." Which I would call an understatement. She teaches those kids at the kindergarten so many interesting things I haven't even heard of.

"And what were you expecting to find there anyway?"

Her eyes widen and she gets a little flush in her cheeks. "Nothing important." she looks away. "Let's just listen to this."

"Rose, tell me."

"Nothing, really."

"Rose…" at least this she'll tell me.

"You know… you're wearing your duster and all…"

"And what?"

"And you're reading those books…"

"And?" I continue to push it. If I have to pull up each next word from her, then so be it.

"I thought you'd listen to something different."

"Like?"

"Like, something in tune with that."

I am keeping my voice serious, but all I want to do is laugh. "Like country music?"

She looks at me distressed and nods, her cheeks starting to turn red. "Sorry, I-"

But my laughter stops her and even takes the worry away from her features and she smiles. She was worried to tell me that?

"Oh, love. You're unbelievable."

After this, as the song starts once more, we don't speak until it ends, enjoying a moment of pause from everything. A well-needed breathing space.

Then, she turns her eyes on me once more, and I know there's another question coming.

"Will my parents be okay?"

"What?"

"I would at least like to know that no one will hurt them, no matter what happens to me. Will someone go after them while searching for me? That could happen, right? If people know about me, they will find them too. Alex knows about them, they have met. If he wants me, he will go after them, no? It's quite logic. Is there someone supervising them or something? Keeping an eye on them just in case? And if not, I don't know, maybe I am asking for too much from you, but could you at least keep them out of it?"

She cares deeply for them and she deserves to know at least this. I won't keep the information away.

"I don't know if someone else might want something from your parents or knows where they are now. But some of our men are keeping an eye on them, just in case Xavier might go after them. I thought that might happen."

I mostly kept an eye on them thinking that Rose would go there too and wait for Xavier to sell the drive and come for her, even though it's not the case anymore. But I am glad I did. Xavier might be trying to get to Rose through them. Even though I am guessing he is not that stupid to try it. But a desperate man would try anything, after all. And I am willing to bet my money on the fact that he is desperate. I can feel it.

"You mean, there's someone in Paris with them now?"

"Yes."

"And when they will come back from their holiday too?"

"Yes. There will be someone keeping an eye on them."

"Wow." Her eyes get glowing with hope. "That's… that's awesome. But will they be _safe_? I mean, if someone comes?"

"I can't guarantee you this." everything about this situation is uncertain and I don't want to make promises I can't keep. I will never do such a thing again.

She takes a deep breath in and lets it go after a few seconds.

"Yeah. You're right. I guess you can't be sure. But… they are even more clueless than me. They didn't even know Alex that well. Not that I did, but… I don't want them to get dragged into this mess as I did. They're good people."

"I know, Rose. But there is nothing I can do about that."

"Yeah, but I still wish that there would be something."

Me too. I wish I could do something. But I am here now and I'll focus on her.

"Anyway. Thank you for that." Oh, Rose. I don't think you should thank me for anything. I didn't do anything good for her so far. "Um… so… what are we doing today? You said it would be a busy day. What do we do?"

"You should get ready."

"For what?"

"We're leaving."

* * *

**XPOV**

"Did you find them?"

"No, boss. No trace of them here either." Why did I even expect a different answer from him?

"Go."

"But-"

"I said go! Go do your fucking job! Find them!"

I have spent all my night going from motel to motel, from hotel to hotel, searching for those two. Tasha has told me they were going to stop somewhere for the night, but not the exact place as that bastard wouldn't tell her the littlest piece of information. So I had to start off blindly.

Until I got a signal from Rose's glasses. Ever since, I had no peace. I have started my searching from a forest and went all around that area searching for them, but everything was in vain. I didn't find shit. It's almost seven in the morning and I have been wandering the streets like a mad man for hours. For nothing. God only knows where they might be now.

I am one, or too many steps behind this bastard. And I need to find a way to level the playing field. Fast. I need to get my hands on them.

I need her help. So I get my phone out and call her once more.

"Hey, I can't really speak now, honey."

"Don't worry. I don't have much to say anyway. Make him be your partner, for fuck's sake! He needs to tell you where and what he did to that bitch!" I, unfortunately pour my frustration on her. "I just…"

"Had no luck?"

"Not at all."

"Okay. I'll try. But I can't promise you anything."

"I know. At least, make sure to convince him not to kill her. We need her alive. We need more time to figure out where he is keeping her. And after that, I will teach them both a lesson."

* * *

**DPOV**

"Um, comrade, your phone is ringing."

"Thanks for the heads up, love."

She scrunches her nose in displease, but keeps on looking at me, expecting.

"Aren't you going to answer?"

I don't think I want to. But I have to anyway. I slow down the car and get the phone out of my coat. It's her again. Well, if she called, I could at least get an update on how things are going with Haynes.

**TPOV**

"Did Xavier go to that place?" someone doesn't bother with pleasantries.

"Yes," I respond just to be able to spoil his fun.

"Yes?"

"I mean no. No. Not him. His men did." The displeased puff he makes is enough to make my day. "We only managed to get our hands on one of them, but that's not very helpful. He is not willing to share anything with us."

"Exactly what I needed. Nothing is working how it's supposed to." Oh, but it is. But because of you, not completely in my favor.

"What about you?" it's time to make him share something with me.

"What about me?"

"What have you done? Where are you?" I try not to sound as impatient as I am.

"On the move." Fucking bastard! This is all I get?

"Where?"

"On the highway," he answers mockingly and I need to restrain myself from cursing him.

"With her?"

"With her."

"Did you find anything from her?"

"Do you think that if I would have, I would still be with her?"

"Not really." but I needed to be completely sure.

"Good answer. Now, do you have any other questions like those that don't really need an answer, or can I go back to driving? I wouldn't like to get a fine."

"Do you need my help? Maybe I could-"

"_No_. I will deal with her." I swear he sounds like a kid I tried to take the toy away from.

"Look, I understand that you are still mad with me for letting Haynes slip back in Helsinki, but-"

"But nothing. I told you. I can make her speak. I don't need your help."

"What about after? I could help you get rid of her."

"Why worry about the after when what is happening now is not going well?"

"Well, yes, but you'll have to… you know, do it eventually."

"Yes. But not soon." at least he told me what I wanted to hear concerning this matter.

"And if you really want to help, you could make up for your mistake, for letting him take you out like that," he reminds me of that shit again and I want so bad to scream. This man has an aversion towards fuck-ups. "You could look for him while I deal with this. And who knows, maybe you'll get lucky."

And with that mocking tone again, he ends the call. I swear one day I am going to pay him back for the way he is treating me. I know I gave him a good reason to, but I couldn't risk letting him catch Xavier. I had to pretend he overpowered me and ran away. But it seems that my good deed brought me his antipathy and he doesn't trust me. With anything.

**RPOV**

Another conversation in Russian. Another reason he gets irritated and starts mumbling wonderful words under his breath. Another thing I don't know. I am so sick of it.

"Is that about me?"

"Not this time," he answers pushing the speed pedal. "I told you I'll let you know the next time."

Well, it's good to know that at least I am not the only thing annoying him.

"Who was that?" I try my luck. Maybe a miracle will happen this time.

"Tasha." I keep my jaw from hitting the floor. He actually told me.

"Tasha who?"

"You met her yesterday."

"Oh, you mean Tanya."

"Whatever. It's not important." He waves his hand above the steering wheel.

"And what did she want?"

"Not much. Just what everybody wants lately."

"Is she your boss or something?" why would he have to give her a report if not, right?

At this, he laughs. "Tasha? My boss? Never."

His sarcastic comment offends me. I get it that he thinks he can have any woman he wants and play with them in any way he wishes, but if he is a misogynistic bastard too, I'll strangle him the first time I have the chance. I'll show him what a woman is capable of and not.

"What? You're too good for a woman to be your boss?"

As we have reached a red light, he turns his head and looks at me, the anger in me seeming to confuse him.

"In any way, I did not imply that. If this is what you understood, I didn't mean that."

But I get even more defensive. "Yeah, then what did you mean?"

"Look, love. I have never had a problem with women having authority or control. In fact, I find it…" he stops to think about it.

"_How_ do you find it?" I snap at him. I am one second away from putting my hands around his neck now. It only depends on his answer.

He makes me a sign to come closer and without actually thinking it, I lean closer.

"I find it rather… alluring," He whispers. "Enticing. There's nothing more turning-on to a woman than her feistiness. How she's in control."

Hearing him continue to speak like that in a husky voice, as I realize what he is implying, I gasp lightly and I pull away. I watch him with my mouth open, unable to respond in any way. He got just the reaction he wished from me, goddamnit!

And now, he looks away, resuming to driving, smiling satisfied. Why am I letting him play with me like this? And why is he getting this much pleasure from teasing with sexual stuff? Why does he have to turn everything in something sexual?

"But Tasha?" thankfully, he gets back to that subject and decides not to prolong my embarrassment, and I sigh relieved. "I don't think so. She is my… partner or whatever, but in no case my boss." Oh, right. I forgot that. But with so many things to keep track of, this one slipped. "I don't think she could be able to be in charge of something. She is not even good at doing what she has been told." He sounds annoyed while saying this.

"Then how come she is your partner?"

"I had no other choice."

"What do you mean with that? Wasn't there anyone else you could pick or something?"

"No. I just… I prefer working alone."

"No doubt here," I mumble.

With the way he is, it would be a miracle someone would be able to stand him or to work with him. He is quite… let's call it challenging to be around. Oh, and let's not forget my favorites, cocky bastard and annoying as hell.

"What did you mumble?"

"I did not mumble anything. I am not the one in this car who mumbles, comrade." I try to distract the attention from myself.

"I beg to differ, love. You just did."

"Well, then, if you're allowed to mumble, so am I."

"Fair enough." Wow, he, for once, agreed with me. It's a double miracle today. "But how come you have no doubts?"

My jaw drops once more. He heard me!

"You know what?"

"What?"

"You still haven't told me where we're going." I change the subject as if what happened earlier didn't.

He smiles. "Where's the rush? You'll see anyway."

And back to secrecy. But I guess that this time I am deserving it.

* * *

Who knows for how long we are going to play like this, changing motels every half a day or so. It's only the beginning of the rest of my crappy life, and I am already bored of sitting in this car on my ass and do nothing as he's driving me around town. But as he said, it's for the better. If we are always on the move, it would be harder for others to find me. Whoever these ''others'' would be.

But we don't head to another motel. Instead, he stops the car he just stole some time ago in front of my building.

"Comrade, what are we doing here?"

"I need to take another look around."

"_Another_ look? Do you mean you were in my apartment before?"

"Yes. A couple of times." wow. He has no shame in admitting that. Why am I not surprised?

"And why wou-" why would I even bother to ask? God knows what he was looking for in there. "Nevermind. My bad. Just tell me one thing. Did that happen while I was in there too?"

"Would you have liked that, love?" he throws me a cheeky smile as he's unbuckling his seat belt.

"Wha- I- Um- No! I- I would have _not. _And would you be serious, for once? I asked you a serious question."

"How can I when you keep on pulling that face?"

Am I that funny when he annoys me? I tame my shocked features and cross my hands over my chest.

"Comrade…" I scold him. "Tell me. Did you or did you not?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know. That's why I am asking you." but I pray he didn't.

"Well, you can be sure that I did not climb up to your window and watched you sleep at night like a creep."

"Gee, thank for the reassuring."

"But maybe I got inside through the door."

"You _didn't_."

He smiles wider. Oh. he thinks he's so funny. "I didn't Rose."

I'm relieved. I really am. I can't even start to imagine if he would have done that. Oh, and if he would have done it when I was out of pajama pants and-

"But maybe I did, after all," he hurries to add.

Someone, please stop me before I break my fingers while trying to hit him.

"There's a perfect place on your sill that would have given me the perfect view of you, through that curtain you never pull. And maybe I did it that night you didn't wear any pajama pants."

And he winks at me. He winks! Just to make me want to die of embarrassment. And I am.

I turn in my seat to face him completely, my face full of shock and heated. He just did not say what I was already thinking of. He _cannot_ have said that.

Unconsciously, I bring my hands on the hem of the T-shirt and pull it down, trying to cover some more the area he is implying he has seen.

"You didn't. You didn't do that. Tell me you didn't!" I am one second away from lashing at him. "That's my privacy!"

"Calm down, love."

"Don't you tell me to calm down! I don't want to calm down. Tell me!"

"Will the fact that I didn't see anything make you calm down?"

"Didn't you?"

"I didn't."

"You swear you didn't?"

"I didn't."

"Then, how do you know about that night?" no one else could have.

"I may have heard you," he confesses.

"You heard me? So you…" I get it now. "Are there a lot of devices inside my apartment?" He nods. "Only yours?" this time he shakes his head.

So what? Have they been on my every move? Lots of them?

"Cameras?"

Hell, I guess that whoever watched me got really bored doing it, as I was doing nothing all day long.

"Not that I know of."

"Good." at least nobody saw me naked. But maybe it's not that good. "Wait. You heard me _all the time_?"

"I wasn't listening all the time." he tries to mend things, but it's useless. "I had some other things to take care of too."

The things that he must have heard me say to myself thinking that no one could hear me. Oh, and the pep talks. Oh, and the singing. All the stupidities I debited. All the stuff I was reading. And interpreting, just trying to keep myself entertained. But what can you do? Things get really fun when you are alone for so long. You start getting crazy little by little.

Shit, did he hear me crying some nights too? I was a mess at night. I still am.

"Oh, gosh. You must be thinking I am having brain damage or something." and this is an understatement.

"Wh- n- what? No, I don't," he starts puzzled. "I don't think that."

"Well, let me not believe you. At all." I am already hyperventilating. "Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh, the stuff I was saying..."

I bury my face in my hands and all I want to do now is for a hole to open under me and to swallow me.

"Hey."

He gets my hands off my face and I don't even know how I am able to look him in the eyes without burning from the shame I'm feeling.

"Everybody has its quirks. It's oka-"

"Can you please don't do that? Do not try to make me feel better about it, okay? Because you are not. Oh, _God_. You are only making it worse."

"Rose, come on. It's not that bad. You just-"

"It _is_, okay? I um…_God_, this is so weird. I had a stalker. Hell, I may have had more. And I am a freak. And you have known that for all this time! You heard me! You heard everything!"

I fight to unbuckle my seat belt and he tries to help but I yell at him not to and when I finally set myself free, I get out of the car, right into the freezing air. Which is more than welcomed by my lungs.

He cannot know so many things. He cannot have heard all the things I did. He cannot have invaded my privacy like that. But he did.

He follows closely, coming to my side in the next second he gets out of the car. And of course, he doesn't shut up.

"Rose." his hands now rest on my shoulders and he's massaging them slowly but firm, calming me just a little. "Don't make it a big deal. There's nothing wrong with you. You-"

But I pay no attention to his words.

"And _now_, now, now I am cold!"

I swear I would do anything to make him forget all those things. And my brain has found the stupidest idea of changing the subject.

"And you are keeping me dressed in a T-shirt and outside is cold as hell! I'll die from hypothermia!"

He smiles, just a little, imperceptible if I wouldn't have been looking.

"I know."

"_You know_? Then why are you doing it? You like having fun on my account? I bet you're having a hell of a time seeing me freeze to death."

His hands move up and down on my upper arms, like he'd be trying to warm me. And it's working, but it's not the friction that's effective. It's his touch. But do I pull away? Of course not.

"I am not cruel, Rose. Just… practical."

"Practical?" me repeating his words surely doesn't come to my advantage of proving him I am not crazy or something, but I still do it. "How come is this _practical?" _

"It's simple. If you…" he waves his hand around like he'd be thinking of a thing to say to fool me. "If you plan on running away, maybe you will think twice about it when you know you'll freeze."

I don't know what else to do but to laugh. "You really _are_ messing with me."

"Am not," he says keeping to his seriousness.

And either he is a good actor, or he is indeed serious. I can't tell. But at least we're not talking about my freakiness anymore. So I decide to develop the subject.

"Wow. Then, you are taking all the possible measurements to keep me close, no?"

He chuckles. "Well, with you, love, they're more than necessary."

"I think I should be flattered by you saying that, but I can't forget the fact that you know all those weird stuff about me and, and… never mind." I just reminded him of that. "You know what? Let's just go." before I end up speaking even more shit.

I lead the way and he follows without saying anything more to try to make me feel better and I am more than thankful for this.

We enter the building and to my luck, the elevator is out of order. Just perfect. Even though I appreciate not having to be in a small, tight place with the Russian tormentor, we have to get up the stairs, and six stories is a lot. And I get bored easily. And I cannot keep my mouth shut. My flaws, I know.

"So, what are we looking for?"

I can at least make myself useful now that I am his little pet. I know this place better than anyone after all and all those things are mine so I may make his search easier. The faster he finds what he wants, the faster this nightmare might end. And after this, who knows?

"For starters, I want you to show me everything that he ever gave to you. I guess you kept all of those, right?"

I nod. Of course I did. Because I am stupid and I was in love and I'm a complete sentimentalist and until yesterday those things meant something to me. But now, knowing what I know, I am not sure that they still do. For him they never did so why would I still care about them?

"Is there something among them that can keep hidden a flash drive, a memory card or anything resembling that?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But why would he hide it in there? I mean, shouldn't he pass it over to his supervisors or something? Isn't it risky to keep those things on you? I don't know how these things work, but it seems logical, no? Isn't that how they do in movies?"

I am not too much into spy movies. Mase loved them. I just watched the hot guys playing the main character and sometimes questioned the plot because I didn't pay enough attention to the movie.

"He has other plans with it."

"Like?"

"Like, he wants to sell it."

Surprisingly enough, he isn't so reticent about giving me information anymore. Maybe I already know too much and knowing another thing or two won't make any difference. And it's not like I have anyone to go to and share this crazy information with either. He is the only one I have spoken with for the past hours. So if he is willing to talk, I have questions. Lots of them.

"To?"

"To whoever pays most."

"And what's the purpose?"

"He's doing himself some good."

"Oh, now I get it. He went rogue, right?"

"I have already told you that."

"Yeah, right. You did." But to my defense, he didn't use those exact words and I had a lot of things to process since last night. So I need further clarifications."And there are like, lots of people wanting that? Willing to give him money?"

"Yes. And there are a lot of other people who are not willing to pay. It's easier to steal than pay for something."

"So, if you're looking for a memory card, this is some kind of an information war, no?" he nods. "I thought that he stole something more important. An artifact or I don't know, maybe something from inside the Kremlin that shouldn't have left that place."

For responding to me, he stops and crosses his hands, looking at me like I have insulted him.

"Rose, I am not some kind of a treasure hunter," he says sounding really offended. But hell, he's the one who is not telling me what's the thing with him. "And today, information is more precious than any object. What that flash drive contains is more important than any artifact," he ends with a mysterious tone and we resume climbing up the stairs.

"What can it do?" now I am curious what is all the fuss for. For what I'll end up dead for.

"Whatever is on it would be able to wipe away half of the globe in a matter of minutes. Maybe more."

I am the one stopping now, a few stairs away from my story and look at him, my eyes widened.

"You're messing with me, no?"

"Do I look like I am kidding?" well, no. He is dead serious. And if I would be able to whistle, God knows I would. Half the globe? _Or more?_

"Wow. Then we'd better get looking for it, comrade. Who knows in whose hands that might end."

Let's be honest. There are a lot of people who would like to watch this world burn. And I still haven't found on which side the Russian is, but I don't have a chance now but help him now and hope for the best. Maybe the one who hired him wants that flash destroyed. I pray he does.

We get moving again and soon enough we reach my door.

"Oh, but I don't have the key. It ended up in the bathtub yesterday. Maybe we should go and speak with the landl-"

But he has already got some metal thing out of his pocket and crouches to unlock the door. Duh, I forgot. Not-a-spy-whatever-he-is gadgets.

But he doesn't even insert the metal piece into the lock. He gets back up. And just as I want to ask him why he is not working his magic on that lock, he presses the doorknob lightly and the door opens by itself. Taking another look, I see that the door has some scratches on its side, just like someone tried and succeeded to open it without a key.

"Is there-?" he makes me a sign to shut up and I comply in an instant.

We listen for a few seconds and my doubts get their confirmation. There is someone in my apartment and is not trying to make his or her presence unnoticed because he or she is throwing things around, making quite some mess in there, and we are able to hear it through the open door.

He turns and looks me right in the eyes, getting my whole attention.

"You need to stay here," he instructs me in a low voice.

I agree with him, not wanting to see what is happening inside. Whatever is going on in there, it surely isn't something good.

"And for the love of God, please don't try anything." he didn't even threaten this time. He almost begged.

Before opening the door a little more, he waits for my response and I nod again. My answer seems to satisfy him enough not to tie me to the pipe in the hallway or to even drug me again.

He gets inside slowly, not making a sound and I wait next to the now almost closed door, like the perfect obedient prisoner I have become. But I need to be.

For a minute or two, everything is silent. Even the person inside stopped moving. Maybe they heard something earlier and now they're hiding, trying to surprise him. Like there would be anything on this earth he is not prepared for. He wouldn't lose his shit even if he'd be close to a bomb that has five seconds left. He'd have it in pieces in three.

Then, I hear some thuds and growls, thank God not coming from a familiar voice, but unfortunately from three distinct ones, and even some glass breaking. Goodbye nice coffee table. I'll miss propping my feet on you and stuff my face with popcorn.

But the noise is only getting closer to where I am standing. Probably someone wants to flee. What do I do if someone gets out?

Then, there is this loud bang into the door as someone gets slammed into it, closing it shut, and I do my best not to squeal from the scare I got and inform anyone of my presence here.

Not wanting to be there if someone actually gets out, I run towards the end of the hallway, around the corner, taking cover. So cowardly of me, no? But as he said last night. I can't fight. And I am at least good at running.

From time to time I lean past the wall and look at the door but it stays closed. But the noise continues. I hope that my nice concerned landlord won't come up here or for some nagging neighbor to come and want to pick on me for that. I wouldn't wish for any of their lives to end abruptly.

In two minutes, the battle ceases, not another sound being heard, and I glue myself to the wall, hiding into the darkness, not letting myself visible as God knows who might get out of that apartment.

My heart is beating like crazy and I pray to God that the Russian won the battle. It was three to one, but I still have hope. Yesterday, he was able to finish two men with knives. So how hard could it be with three, right?

A little while later, time in which a lot of thoughts pass through my mind, the door opens and I hear steps on the hallway. I make myself as silent as I can and listen to what is happening, hoping that no one will come my way. Maybe I should have gotten the other way on the hallway and up the stairs. Or out. But not wait for him here. Because there's the possibility of him not coming out.

"Rose?" I hear his voice and relief washes over me.

He did it. Of course he did. He's a badass after all.

"Goddamnit!" he says and punches the wall quite hard. If I would have done that, I would have surely broken a finger or two.

And he begins to say not so nice words in his language. I almost laugh. I bet he thinks I fled. But where could I have gone? If I would have come here all by myself, and I would have if I ever managed to get away from him because this was supposed to be my safe place, I would have been long dead, or even worse.

I like it or not, he is right. He is the only one who can keep me safe, alive. And even though he is dangerous and fierce and all, I can't help but feel oddly safe around him. For now, at least, because I have no idea what _he_ plans to do with me later. He wasn't that sharing with the information when it came to this subject.

I get out of my spot and see him with his back turned to me, still mumbling, and he takes some steps towards the stairs.

"Hey, comrade, you promised you would keep it to English the next time you're stating your frustrations about me."

He turns around and as he observes me, he presses his lips together, ceasing his speaking, and starts walking towards me, fast and stumping. Uh-oh. He's angry with me.

"Comrade, I-" I take a step back as I want to excuse my behavior, but I don't get the chance to.

Because in the next second, he is near me. And his gesture says otherwise than what I thought he's feeling.

He indeed gets a firm hold of my hand, but only as he's dragging me to him, sparing me of one second of waiting to see what's going to happen.

I end up nestling into him, my hands being the only thing that's keeping my chest from touching his, and he lets go of my hand while his other finds a perfect spot to rest on my hip. Okay, this is the last thing I expected him to do. Not that I don't like it, but still.

"I thought I told you to stay put, love."

He doesn't scold me, but he sounds rather concerned. Or I am imagining it? His hand goes further on my body and now rests on my lower back. Just the perfect place to make my whole body tingle with electricity. So many nerve endings, and he has somehow touched them all.

"What if there was someone..." he stops and sighs while bending so that his head would get closer to mine. "You shouldn't have gone away from there," he says close to my ear.

I dare tilt my head and look at him and he is looking back at me, frowning. Wow, this bothered him quite much, didn't it? He really likes people to follow his orders.

"You did, but-"

"But?"

He stopped me not only with his words but with his actions too, as he tightened his grip on me, making my hands be squeezed in between us and lifting me a little on my toes. Which has only brought my face closer to his.

"I…" I need to fight with my brain to be rational. His cologne is again getting intoxicating and I can't afford to do something stupid. "I heard so much noise coming from in there and I didn't know if you'd be the one coming out."

He tilts his head like studying me and brings his hand up to do what I was struggling to do with my nose as my hands were trapped. He puts his index on the tip of my nose and slowly moves it upward, imitating my usual gesture, and lifting my glasses.

Then, as he's putting a strand of hair behind my ear, a little smile creeps on his lips.

"Were you worrying for me, love?"

"I um…."

I did, didn't I? But whatever answer I give him, I'll end up boosting his ego. Either I tell him I was worrying for him, which would mean that I somehow care about him. That, or I tell him that I didn't because I knew he is a god that could manage anything.

"Well, I um… you know, there were more of them in the apartment. One of them could have gotten out, no?" I decide this is the safest thing I could say.

His smile widens just a little, and I know he is ready to call it bullshit. And he's be right.

But he doesn't. His face goes blank in the next second.

"Right."

He is clearing his throats as he pulls away from me and passes a hand through his hair, arranging some of the fight-messed strands and all of a sudden, he starts searching for something on the ground, examining the concrete under his feet.

"You're right. You did the good thing by hiding."

And next, he turns around and rushes back inside the apartment.

This was weird. Did I say something wrong?

I decide it would be better not to try to find out and I just follow him inside,

And well, it doesn't look at all like I remember it. Nothing is in its usual place. The room is devastated, with shards from different objects all over the place and I hope that that red thing on some of them and the door is not blood but I know very well how fresh blood looks like.

My bookcase didn't survive the battle either, and about two-thirds of my books are now lying on the ground, with the pages ripped. And I don't think that this mess is only caused by the previous fight. It's sure to me now, if I ever needed more proof, that he is not the only one wanting something from me.

And to complete the scenery, there is something on the couch, covered with a sheet. A person, to be precise.

God, please tell me that he is only sleeping. That he is just out.

I get closer to the couch and want to lift the sheet, to see for myself, but before touching it, he gets a hold of my wrist.

"I don't think you want to do that."

"Is that-? Is he-?"

He doesn't respond, just throws me the same look he did yesterday when he asked me if I preferred for me to be the one who has been hurt and drags me towards my bedroom. In there, I find the other two, covered with the sheets from my bed. I can at least be thankful that he covered them, not that this would change what he has done, but I appreciate the effort.

I know what I have to do and get around the room, avoiding the two bodies lying on the floor as much as I can because I don't want to fall on either of them. I am almost sure I would faint if that would happen.

I pick up, mostly from the ground, the things I have been instructed to find, as he is looking in every corner of the room, turning around every object of mine.

It's weird for me to watch him snoop around my things. I feel like he is invading my intimacy, _again_, that he, a complete stranger, is seeing things that no one except me or the people closest to me have ever seen, that he may be able to learn things about me that no one ever knew, things that I never told anyone about, only if he would put some pieces together.

And it's not like I have hundreds of skeletons hidden in my closet. I don't have such a palpating life or anything to hide, but it still feels unnatural to let someone look through the things that are piecing my life together. I wonder what he thinks.

For example, now, after he has inspected the last intact weird mug from my little collection, he is looking through the agendas that I have filled with useless words and things along the years and that I keep on a shelf up above my desk, that being the only spot that has remained unsearched by the others.

He takes out each of them, stopping from time to scratch him nose, maybe from all the dust that is now in the air, and glancing through the pages, but he flips them fast enough not to get to read anything, I hope. Or maybe he already knows what I have written inside out. And it's not like I would worry about him finding something in there because they are full useless stuff I and memories I tried to record, that bring him nothing helping.

But what brings me anxiety is that his hand finally reaches to the one notebook I keep hidden behind all the agendas, the one my therapist made me keep after Mason's death. A little something to help me deal with his tragic loss and the guilt that was all over me. That still is.

I didn't dare to hand it to my therapist or to tell Alexander about it and now he is going to read it? It can't happen. But hell, it's not the first time he does this. And who knows what he thinks about me after reading it. After everything he knows about me.

I have no idea why I even kept it because I have told myself so many times that I finally got over that moment in my life and that I will throw it away, get over it for goods, but if I think about it, I never did. And I will probably never will. Or at least not soon.

Instead of worrying about him reading my regrets and torments, I make myself busy with the search of the gifts and I find it within myself that I don't care about them anymore. Only the fact that he gave them to me makes me want to rip them into pieces. At the time he gave them to me, I thought that they meant something, that he was thinking about me when he got them, but as I have recently found out, he never gave a damn about me.

I would be able to pour a gallon of gasoline on them and gladly burn them and sit around to enjoy the show and even eat some marshmallows. That much anger shots through me as I remember him talking about me yesterday.

But in all this bad that is happening, I find some relief too. The relief of completely letting go of him. And it makes me feel somehow better considering my current situation.

I throw all the things I found on the bed and take a seat on it myself. There are some books with thick, nice covers, collector's edition, a scarf from a red thick silky material, perfect for very cold days, a snow globe with a scene from Amsterdam whose glass has survived the fall on the floor, and a jewelry box that now has its locket broken. All useless and without any meaning.

"Here. These are all the things I got from him. He would usually buy me books from the places he would visit."

First, he gets one of the books, and as he starts flipping through it, a piece of paper falls off. Oh, I know what that is. I forgot I hid it in there.

To my luck, I am faster than him only because the photo fell on the bed and I was closer to it. So I snatch it and pray he didn't see it. But who am I kidding? This man sees everything.

"Show me that," he demands as he closes the book.

I get off the bed on the side that he's not close to, and put the piece of paper behind me.

"Look, it's not what you think. It's just something of mine. I swear it's not important."

"Then let me see it," he says as he's approaching me. "Why are you hiding it?"

I take some more steps away from him, but I soon reach the desk.

"I just… really. It's not important."

But he is not the one to let things go. He is already invading my personal space again, pinning my body against the desk with his hard front, and his hand is already sliding down on mine.

I put the photo on the wood behind me and cover it with my hand.

"Comrade, come on."

"You know you're going to show that to me one way or another. The only question is how." And I can already feel the threat in his voice.

And soon enough, his hand is resting over mine, but surprisingly, he is not trying to tear it away from over the photo.

"Isn't there any possibility that you trust me and let go of that?"

"Sorry, love, but no."

Having no way out, I let him take it. But he decides not to let me get back to breathing normally as he is looking at the picture. In the next second, his features relax and he starts laughing.

"You're kidding, right? This is what you didn't want to show me? A photo of you on Halloween from when you were a kid?"

I do my best to avoid his eyes, but well, he's way too close to me for me to do that.

"It's embarrassing."

He chuckles as he's taking another look at it. "I think it's rather…"

"Rather embarrassing, I already said it. Now, can you please hold your jokes for yourself?"

"No. I didn't want to say that. Or to joke about it."

"Then?"

"Cute. I find it cute," he says not even looking away from it.

"I was dressed in a bell pepper, comrade. That's not the definition of cute."

My parents thought it would be fun to dress their three-year-old Rose in a bell pepper. All my family laughed at that photo. Why wouldn't he?

I try to get it back, but he gets it out of my reach.

"I think it is. And I think you should frame it. Exhibit it. Not let it hidden in a book."

"Ha-ha. Very funny comrade. Now give that back to me."

I try to snatch the photo from him, but now it's his turn to keep it away from me. And for him it's not that hard. All he has to do is to lift it up above his head.

I throw him the ugliest stare I am capable of, and all he does is laugh again, but this time slowly and warmly, a sound I am not quite used to, but that I could definitely get used to. All I got so far from him were mocking laughs and puffs. But this was different. I liked it.

"And you know what else I think?"

"Amaze me, please." I decide to keep to my snappiness.

"I think…" he gets his hand down and pretends to want to put the photo behind me, that thing only bringing him closer to me. "…that you look very nice dressed in green." He only comes closer to me, and I don't dare to move.

When I feel the tip of his nose so close to my temple I want to faint. He shouldn't be this close. I might do something reckless. I want to do something reckless.

"You should wear it more often. It makes the red in your cheeks more visible," He continues to tease by whispering into my ear.

I screech my teeth while fighting not to lift my hands and touch him. Instead, I squeeze on the edges of the table with my fingers and move a little away from him.

"Um… don't we um… have something to look for?" I remind him of his job. That should get the flirting out of his head.

He pulls away and looks at me like I have just struck him with a bat, blinks twice and nods, thankfully getting back to being serious. Serious and bossy is way better than charming and flirty. I cannot resist that part of him for too long. And I definitely do have to.

He doesn't say anything more and turns away, going back to the bed and after he rips the covers of the books and turns to little pieces the other two objects, breaking and searching everywhere for something only he knows he's looking for, he finds nothing.

"See? I own nothing that could make me part of this mess. He didn't hide anything in here. So he must have it."

"Did he take something the last time he came around?" I take a moment to think. "It could be anything."

"No, he didn't. He didn't have the time to do so." he was busy with other stuff then.

But he doesn't give up and looks around the room some more, a disappointed expression on his face.

"What are you looking for, anyway?"

He stops moving, leans his back on my dresser and shrugs.

"A clue, something."

And I let him be alone with his thoughts a little, as he's studying the china cactus on my desk, turning it on each side and looking, like it would be hiding in it the secrets of life. I bet he must be upset about this. Nothing seems to work in his favor. And I am surely not doing things better.

I take another look at the bits on my bed, and, to complete the carnage of the gifts, I take the scarf and pick a shard of glass from the floor and cut the scarf into pieces. And gosh, it makes me feel so much better to hear the material rip under the pressure of the glass.

He stops and looks at me, somehow confused. "What are you doing?"

"It's therapeutically, I heard."

He smiles a little and shakes his head. To hell with it. He already knows I'm weird.

"We should go. We wasted enough time. There is nothing in here. And when they will observe these men are not coming back, someone else might come to look for them."

"Oh, but before leaving, can I get-"

"No." he cuts me short. "You can't take anything with you. It might be bugged. And I don't want to waste time searching."

I nod and without any protest, head for the bedroom door. But then I remember something and facepalm myself. How could I even forget that? I scratched my brain for days trying to figure out what he wanted to take back then when he left.

"Hey, comrade, you know what?"

"What?" he asks as he's busy to put a book back on the shelf, and I am wondering why is he even bothering. The room is a mess too anyway.

"You might have been right all this time."

"About what?"

"About me having that something that everybody wants."

He turns my way and his eyes light up with hope. "How so? Do you have it?"

"Well, not me. Not from what I know from, but it might be around. Or at least used to."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say that the last time he left he told me that he wanted to get something from my apartment but something stopped him from doing so. And it seemed to be something very important to him because he didn't seem willing to give up quite easily. And he said that it was in here."

"But did he tell you what he wanted?"

"Do you think that if I would have known I wouldn't have already told you?" I can't help but get snappy. "Trust me, you would have been the first to find out."

He scratches the back of his head. "Hm, this makes sense."

"What makes sense?" for me, nothing does.

"The fact that he still tried to reach to you."

"I don't follow. Why would he even try to get to me? Couldn't he just have gotten in here and taken it while I wasn't here? Considering that everybody gets inside my apartment on their own will, he might have done that too and got it. He even had a key so he didn't have to break in either. I maybe didn't even observe it." plus, I was away for a week, so he had a free pass. Everybody did.

"Yeah, he may have done that. But maybe he didn't find it."

"So, do you mean that I somehow ended up hiding it from him?"

"Yes, Rose, exactly. Did you give away something from your apartment lately?" you can touch the excitement in his voice. "From this room in particular? Come on, think."

I stop and think for a second. But I need to spoil his hopes, even though I wish I could help him.

"No. No, I didn't. I don't… have many people to give things to. And nothing broke and I didn't throw anything away either."

He sighs deeply, giving up. "Fine. Let's go. He doesn't have it, which is at least a start. And it surely isn't in here. So let's not waste more time here."

But as we are making our way towards the entrance door, I pick on to some familiar sound.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" he catches up with me and tenses up, being ready for another fight and looks around the room, trying to pick up on what I have just heard.

The wheels inside my head spin and I realize it.

"Oh my God, Ash! How could I forget about him?" what kind of pet owner am I? _A horrible one, Rose. The worst._

I speed up into the kitchen and open the door of the cabinet next to the sink, already knowing where to find him, in the very place where the food is. After all this time, he has finally managed to open that door. And to get trapped inside.

He is looking at me, eyes wide, lets out a bark and wiggles his paw at me, like trying to hit me for my mistake.

I look inside and see some faint scratches on the inside of the door. Oh, poor baby. He got himself caged in there and couldn't open the door again.

I take him out and cuddle him to my chest, while he keeps on whining.

"I'm sorry, Ash. So, so sorry. I am an awful person for forgetting about you."

"It's just an animal. What's so important about it?" he asks from behind me.

I turn around and look at him shocked, but mostly angry.

"What kind of man are you?!"

"What?"

"You heard me. How come are you so senseless? What's so _important_? _Just an animal_? He's my little companion, you brute and he's just a puppy and he could have hurt himself alone in here. And don't you dare speak about him like that again. After Ma-" I shake my head, trying not to think about this anymore. "Al- God, I should stop calling him like that. Xavier gave Ash to me to..." This is maybe the only gift from him I want to keep forever. "To keep me company as he would be away."

But both of us knew that this puppy was only a replacement for my best friend, someone to take care of, just to take my mind off losing him. Thinking about it now, it's weird that this bastard even thought about my suffering and decided to do such a nice thing for me. Maybe for once, he was human with me without any faking.

He takes in a deep breath, maybe thinking that I am crazy or something from the way I have spoken to him, and scratches his nose as he's still keeping his arms crossed over his chest. He has a thing for that recently. no? He didn't do it that often yesterday. He didn't do it at all, in fact.

I get up and go to the sink, taking a glass and fill it.

"What are you doing now?"

"I am giving Ash some water, if it isn't obvious enough. I bet he didn't drink any in a long time."

"We don't have time for that, Rose."

"Well, then, _make time_. I don't care. You are the reason I didn't come home last night."

He starts biting the inside of his cheek. He can be annoyed as much as he wants. I don't care.

"Okay," he pauses to scratch his nose again. "Whatever."

He gives up and lets me do it after seeing me so fired up and it's the best decision he has done so far.

When I'm done, he is there to give me further instructions.

"Now, take it with you and go down and wait for me. I need to take care of something."

Oh, so is he going to butcher the bodies no? He needs to take care of the evidence, that's logic. And I surely don't want to see how that goes and I do as I am said. But as I head towards the door, he speaks.

"And Rose?"

"Yeah, I know the speech. I won't try anything, you're the only one who can keep me alive, my savior and all that. I won't go anywhere, comrade."

And with that, I slam the door behind me and let him do whatever he wants in there.

* * *

I wait for some minutes, no more than five, sitting on the stairs in front of the building, giving all my love to Ash and feed him with some of the crunchy treats I managed to snatch before I got out of the apartment.

The door behind me opens and I get up to my feet, ready to go.

He comes to me, takes a hold of my elbow and drags me fast towards the car.

He is not carrying anything with him and there is no sign of blood on his clothes. What did he do upstairs then? I thought that things would get messy in there.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing. We have to get away from here. Fast, before someone sees us."

"Why? Where's the rush? Is someone coming?" my heart's rate already begins to increase, getting me ready for another round of running. "Please tell me that no one's coming."

And then, as we get half a block away, I hear it. It's a loud bang coming from behind.


	15. I found your kryptonite

**Hey, hey, hey! Guess who hasn't done almost anything else this weekend but to be on a writing spree. It's crazy how much drive I have to write when there's a test around the corner.**

**But anyway. I am at least glad I finished the next chapter and I am already through the half of the one next weekend. I am planning to call it "I don't chase rainbows on a daily basis" or "The unicorn in my kitchen told me I'm fine" but I am not sure yet. Maybe I will be putting it a whole other title, who knows? I have a whole week to think abut it**

**Dear guest, thanks for saying that! **

**And I am glad you guys have no problem with the length of my chapters :)**

**Dear Pheldda, I do use that, it's a thing we do in my language a lot and it's the equivalent of the right at the end of those questions. I'll be paying more attention to it from now on. I didn't know it wasn't that common in English too :)**

**HonestPassion13, I hope you'll like the banter and the teasing in this chapter too. And who knows, maybe Dimitri really did want to kiss her then**

* * *

**I found your kryptonite**

**XPOV**

"Who gave you this car?! And for your own good, don't lie to me again!"

"No one." he again says and I again repay his response with a punch into the plexus.

"Don't lie to me! You're one of his men! He found the tracking device and made you take me on the wrong tracks, isn't that right?"

"What device?"

He plays the fool once more and I pound my fist into his liver now, even though he tries to dodge it. I tied him well enough to be able to hurt him anywhere I wish. And so, he will tell me what I want to know, one way or another. It won't take me long to break him.

"He is near, thinking he managed to fool me, right?" only the thought that he might have managed to fool me drives me mad. I was supposed to be having the upper hand in this situation! I won't let him be smarter than me. He isn't! "Well, he didn't! He didn't manage to do shit! He won't get his hands on me."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I swear," he continues to murmur, making me boil on the inside with anger. "Are… are you with the police?"

"Do I look like I would be one of the good guys? Look at me and look well. I am your greatest nightmare. And I swear I will be cutting you open and let the dogs eat your insides if you don't tell me what I want to know!"

"I am not…" he stops to cough just a little blood. Not much. He won't be needing it anymore anyway. "...lying. I swear. I stole the… the car. I stole it." he confesses. "No one gave it to me."

"You stole it? And do you expect me to believe you?"

"I don't have any other answer to give you. I stole it from the parking lot of a motel. It had already been wired. I took advantage of it. No one would have reported it as stolen if it was already stolen. I hoped I could get far enough with it and sell it to someone else. I needed the money, man."

And the fact that enrages me is that it makes sense! It was the best thing that happened to me lately that I got a signal from the car. It was far, but I didn't think twice about going there. And when the car moved again, I followed without a doubt. But I wasted all this time for fucking nothing! The signal I got from the device Tasha put on the Russian's car was my only chance to get my hands on them. My last chance. And it took me nowhere! Because this fucker decided to steal their car and I dared to believe that Rose managed to get away from him or that he became sloppy and I got lucky. Foolish me. Maybe they were still at that motel when I started following the car away from there. Only if I have checked. But no. I decided to follow the wrong lead. And all because of this fucker.

When I get my gun out, he starts to beg. Oh, but he dared to mess with my plans. He made me lose contact with them He will pay for it.

* * *

**RPOV**

Hearing that loud sound, I squeezed Ash to my chest into an unconscious attempt to protect him, but he didn't appreciate it, as I kinda crushed him. Sorry, buddy. Loosening my hands around him and putting him down, I am snatching myself out of the Russian's grip too.

I stopped along the way and now I turn around, following the source of the noise.

It guides me somewhere up. And what I see is so unbelievable that I can't find any words to vocalize my shock.

It's my apartment. And it is now on fire. I am standing in the middle of the street with my mouth wide open, watching it slowly burn, the smoke casually getting out the window. _My home. _Everything I have- _had_ is now burning.

"Rose, let's go. No one must see us around here. See you, especially. It's dangerous for you to be out for so long. Someone could be around, looking for you."

I would agree with him on a normal day. Because what he says is right. But now? Oh, no. Hell no. _He _did that. _He _set my apartment on fire.

He tries to drag me some more, but I jerk my hand out of his grasp.

"No! Get your hands off me! You _did_ this?" my yelling attracts the eyes of some curious passersby, but not as many as the explosion has.

Seemingly deranged by my inquiries, he drags me to him and shushes me. Can you believe this guy? He has the audacity to shush me!

"I had to," he speaks into a low voice. "You know I had to."

"You _had to_?" I continue with my anger-driven tone.

"If you forgot, there were three dead men in there, Rose. Three men that could have easily been identified and many other pieces of evidence pointing to me being the one who eliminated them." he now got angry too and speaks to me through his teeth. "And temper your tone. I don't want you to attract some unnecessary attention to us."

"Yeah, right. It's not like anything about us is normal. I look like I would have gotten out of the nuthouse and you came after me to take me back. That is enough attention bringer, comrade. So I will not be tempering anything."

He almost growls and stops for a second to pass his palm along his face, like exasperated, rubbing his eyes too.

"From the way you're acting out now, I would have the same impression."

His words only make me angrier. He burned my house down, and I am the crazy one?!

"That was _my _home! Almost everything- hell, _everything _I had was in there! Do you expect me to thank you for destroying it? Then wait till that happens and see how that works out."

"You know I can't leave any traces behind." So practical. He didn't care about anything in there. And I had so many things I never wanted to lose in there.

"Yeah, any traces of me either, right? I am soon to disappear anyway so why not start with this? Burn everything to the ground. Let there be nothing of mine. Nothing of me."

I turn around and walk away, with Ash hopping around me excitedly, not having the slightest idea of what just happened. We are officially homeless.

"Where the hell do you think you're going now?"

"I'd like to say away from you forever, but we both know that won't ever happen."

And I only get moving faster, hoping that he'll try to stop me, put his hand on me or anything like that. Because I want the littlest of reasons to punch him. To fight back. To let him know how much what he did hurt me. But he doesn't try anything.

I rush to the car, knowing he'll come after me if I try anything else and get inside, making sure that after Ash got inside too, I slam the door, wanting to make a statement, in case he didn't know how angry I am with him.

For a second, I consider driving away alone, but what would be the point? First, I don't have the ability to start this car with those wires and to be honest, I don't care anymore about what's going to happen to me next. What is the point anyways? I'll never get away from him. He won't be getting what he wants from me. He'll kill me. End of story. The end of my crappy life. So the faster it happens, the better.

And I wait for him to come inside too. He is taking his time to get in, this is sure. He stopped outside the car, leaned over it, all of a sudden not worried about someone seeing us. He is looking away, sitting with his arms crossed and I can even see him moving his clenched jaw from side to side. Well, let him be angry. I am too.

I begin to stroke Ash's fur, keeping him close to my heart, trying to keep myself from crying. All this anger is looking for a way out of my system, and I don't want to let it out. I am tired of crying. I am tired of everything.

He nuzzles his wet nose on my neck, sensing that something's not right, and I try to focus on that, letting the pupper try to calm me. Not that it's working, but I appreciate I can hold him. I appreciate I have someone around to soothe me.

My eyes are stinging and I blink fast, trying to get rid of the tears forming at the back of my eyes. I need to stop being this little, crying-from-every-little-thing, weak bitch. To stop letting everything get to me so fast. To stop letting _him _get to me so fast. To stop letting anything he does affect me, in any way, physically and emotionally. Plus, it was all just a bunch of objects, right? Where I am going, I wouldn't need them anyway. Wherever that would be.

But I can't help it but feel like I have lost another piece of me. Like I am slowly becoming nothing that I used to be. Like little by little, Rose stops existing. First, I lost Mason four months ago and Alexander last month and yesterday too and I had to say goodbye to my parents in the most idiotic way possible and now my home is gone? What will I lose next? _Your life, duh._

Seeing my apartment turned upside down was okay. Well, not really, but I could work with it. Things could have been taken care of, get repaired, or get replaced. But seeing it slowly burn down to the ground? No chance of repairing anything there.

I am starting to hear the firemen trucks now, approaching. But it's too late already. There is now nothing much that I can retrieve from there. Nothing of what I ever owned won't exist soon enough. It will all be destroyed either by the flames, either by the water.

In only half a day, all I have left is a big bunch of ashes, two dog toys that I instinctively took with me for Ash before going out, and well, the list stops here. My life is the only thing I have left to lose now.

**DPOV**

I loathe the idea of having to get inside the car and tell her this. I don't want to do it. I know it will hurt her even more than the apartment thing. Maybe if I would have explained it to her before doing it… But it's not the time for what-ifs. I did what I had to do. But this? This will upset her even more. And I don't want this.

And now I sit here, like an idiot, thinking of a way to break the news to her.

_You should just don't care and go inside and tell her_. But I can't bring myself to do it. There's no nice way to put it and she will hate me even more.

But I can't afford to get another distraction with us. She is already a big enough distraction for me.

I decide for now to let her be with that little creature she loves and missed so much. A little while longer. I will let them be alone. They seem to have important things to talk about already. I can't really understand what she is telling to that dog, but for sure she has all its attention. It will probably be the last time they'll see each other and the least I can do is give them a little time.

Plus, if I sit out here a little longer and away from that furry creature, the pill will finally make its effect and my eyes won't sting this much.

**RPOV**

And as things weren't bad enough, after he finally gets into the car, some long minutes later, in which yes, call me nuts, I told Ash what I have been through and poured all my frustrations and questions out of my brain, he hits me some more. Silly me, thinking there is nothing left for me to lose.

"Rose, we…" he stops to sigh and pass his hand through his hair. "We are not going to take the dog with us."

"No. Come on. Don't do this. Please." and this is how my anger turns into pleading.

Ash is the only one I have left. I am not going to give up on him. Never. I only hold him tighter and as he would know what's happening, he starts whining. Don't worry buddy, I'll not let him take you away from me.

"We can't take care of it, not in this situation. You should leave him somewhere. We need to leave. And we won't take it with us."

"I am _not _going to leave him on the streets. He is so little. He doesn't even know how to care for himself out here."

I am trying to see if there is a piece of consciousness in this coldness, practical being sitting next to me and I shove Ash into his face, obliging him to look into his irresistibly cute puppy eyes.

"Look at him. Could you leave him on the streets? It's December. And he's just three months old."

He gets himself out of the way, pressing his back on the car's door, and he's looking at me like he would be ready to kill me, throwing me that look of his I know so well, but I insist.

"_Can you_? Tell me you can."

And even Ash starts barking at him, like trying to make a point. That's my boy.

"Rose, get this... _thing _away from me." he pushes my hands away with a growl. "Now."

"Why? Because you can't look him in the eyes? Look at him and tell me you can leave him on the streets. You can't, can't you?"

He starts rubbing his eyes and sneezes twice.

"_Take_. _It_. _Away_," he says annoyed and pushes Ash away once more. "_Now_, Rose."

Oh, I think I get it.

"You're allergic to him."

His next sneeze comes as a confirmation, and I put Ash back on my lap and away from him before he decides to throw us both out the window.

"Wow. I found your kryptonite." too bad I cannot find a heart in him too.

He throws me an even uglier glare, then proceeds to get something out of his duster, and I see it's a little bottle with pills, from which he dryly swallows two.

Okay, so now my chances of keeping Ash have decreased drastically. But I won't stop bargaining.

"Please, comrade. I will keep him away from you. As far away as possible. I will sit on the backseat. But please, let me keep him. You won't even notice he's here."

"It is _not _coming," he states his decision and bends over me, opening the door on my side, and I get to better see his red, teary eyes. Ash is indeed his weakness. "Let it go. He'll manage just fine."

"No!"

"I am not asking you once more."

He wants to do it himself, but I take Ash out of his way, and he gets himself some upset barks from Ash. Yes, buddy, bark at the bad man.

"He _won't _manage just fine. Are you dead on the inside? It's a puppy. And it's freezing outside."

"Yes, I am whatever you say I am. I am cold as ice. I have no heart. I sold my soul to the devil when I was ten, are you happy to know that? And now, would you_ get the dog out_?"

"Fine! I will. To hell with you and all!"

I unbuckle my belt and want to get out, but he puts his hand on me, pinning me back on the seat.

"What are you doing?"

"Go figure, Mister Spy. I am getting out too."

"You're not. I said that only the dog gets out."

"Too bad for you. Because if he is going to stay out, so am I. I am _not_ leaving him. Not in a thousand years. You like it or not, it's either the both of us or none of us."

He clenches his jaw and his nostrils start flaring as he watches me. But to hell if I am giving up. I won't, no matter what he does or says.

I do my best to ignore the ticklish sensation on my neck from Ahs' breath, as he's nuzzling his nose on my skin, and stare back at him, getting defensive, not breaking under the pressure of his gaze, neither under the one of our closeness.

Seeing me like this, he growls and is one second away from rolling his eyes in desperation. Good. He now at least knows how he makes me feel each second of the day. I can feel that he begins to get tired of me and I can surely feel the same way about him. Maybe he should get rid of me now. It would make things simpler, wouldn't it? He doesn't need me anyway. One bullet between my eyes and he can move in with his thing. That's all it takes.

But there's no killing in his program. He exhales prolongedly and with unbelievable self-control, lets go of me. Call me impressed. One more second and I would have caught on fire, but he didn't.

"Fine, Rose. We'll do it your way."

Really? This, I didn't see coming. It was never my way until now.

"But not as you think," he explains some more, probably seeing the utter surprise on my face. "We're still not keeping the dog."

"That is not my way." and again, I want to make my way out the car. "Then, I guess I'll g-"

As I managed to get halfway out, he jerks me back into the seat, his palm tightly wrapped around my upper arm now.

"No. You'll listen to me just _fucking once _and not be so goddamn stubborn and go against everything I say because this is the only solution you get!"

His tone of voice makes me stop moving, shut up and listen because I think I kind of fear him now.

Slightly trembling, I hold on tighter to Ash and wait for him to do something.

Sighing, he lets go of me.

"Fuck, Rose." he now gets speaking calmer, taming his previous anger. "I… _fuck_." he continues with something in Russian as he's watching his hand for a second, but I don't dare point that out. I barely dare to speak now Then, he fists it and pulls it away. "Do you have someone who could take hi- _it_ in for you? Who you could leave Ash with and take care of it?"

Well, this is better than leaving him on the streets. And it's anyway all I'm getting.

I consider things for a second. Who do I know now besides my parents that are hundreds of kilometers away? Everyone around me is fake lately. I could have asked Tanya, she seemed nice enough to do me this favor, but she is not the nice person I thought she is. All my other "friends" have between four and six years old, and there goes my friend list. Gosh, I am such a loser, aren't I?

Oh, there might be someone, but I don't really like her. Not that she isn't a nice person at times, but she is too judgmental for my taste. And it's a total pleasure when you are the target of her judging, even though she says she is doing it "with the best intentions".

But this is my only option now. She's better than leaving Ash on the streets all by itself. She owns a cat anyway, so maybe a dog won't do her much harm. I hope she will be okay with it.

"There is this colleague of mine Anna, she lives just-"

"I know where she lives."

Of course he does. He knows everything about me and everything around me. He might even know things I don't, that informed he is. Maybe I should ask him and get surprised.

"Close that door," he commands and I do what I have been told, without uttering another word.

He revs the engine and we get moving.

Two minutes into that maddening, filled with pressure silence, I decide to speak.

"Can I tell you something?" I now ask for permission. I don't want to see more of the angry him. I have the feeling it could be worse than earlier.

"I know, Rose. It's not fair. And I am the most horrible person walking the earth for making you do this. And you hate me for it. I already am well aware of that. You don't have to say it again."

Hell, the only word missing from that sentence was "please". Did I mention those to him that many times?

"That is nothing of what I wanted to say."

"Oh, wasn't it? Do you have something new to add? Tell me again how senseless I am? I know that too. You mentioned it plenty of times," he says full of sarcasm and I would so like to put Ash on his face and make him sneeze his lungs out, but I don't want him to change his mind about this.

"I don't have anything to add. Just something else to say."

Even though I am not sure I want to say it anymore. But I should. I bet it wasn't easy for him to do this, to get over his bossiness and do something for me, and I can at least be grateful.

"Then say it."

"Thank you."

He slows down a little and turns his head to look at me, quite confused I might say.

"For… this. For not making me leave him on the streets. Thank you."

"Yeah, uh- um, do- don't- don't mention it," he answers fast and goes back to driving.

Did he just stutter? Did I shock him with thanking him? Is that all it takes? Me to thank him?

* * *

Ten minutes later, in which I have said goodbye to my fluffy companion, he pulls the car over Anna's house, but I don't feel like getting out yet.

"Comrade?"

**DPOV**

"No," I say firmly, maybe she will finally get it. "There is no point in you trading some more. You are _not_ taking it with us and it's final. You either give it to her or leave it outside. There is no third option."

I swear I don't want to argue with her on this subject again. It was bad enough the first time. I have already lost my temper once today, I'd like not to get to a second.

"I know. I won't be trying to change your mind. But I was wondering…"

"What? What were you wondering?" I am very curious to find out what's the matter now.

"Can I keep the lama?"

"Can you keep the _what_?"

I swear I will need a visit to the nuthouse if I stay with her for longer. First, she wants to keep the dog and now she wants to keep a lama? Where does she even have one from?

"The lama. Ash's toy?" she gets it from the side of the door and shows it to me, a half-chewed grey stuffed animal with a colorful poncho on. "Can I keep it?"

I don't even know when she had the time to take that, and I don't even want to know. I just look at her, stopping myself from nervously laughing, and wonder if she is joking. But she's not.

"Here." she extends it to me. "You can… check it for bugs or whatever if you want to or something. But…" she shrugs and looks at me pleadingly, subtly mimicking the puppy eyes her dog already has paraded in front of me. "I want to keep it, that's all I am asking for. Something to remind me of him."

"Okay, yes, you can keep the lama." It's not such a big deal. Plus, there is almost no doubt it's not bugged.

"You're serious?" she asks more excited than someone normally would.

I nod and she gets even happier than I thought she could at this moment, a beaming smile lighting up her entire face. Who would have thought that it's so easy to make her happy?

"Thank you. Really."

She starts biting her lip and puts her hair behind her ear.

And here it comes. Now she will ask me something and I'll have to play the bad guy again. I can feel it coming.

"You know, if you wouldn't have burned everything else of mine earlier, I might have hugged you now."

Her saying this, I didn't expect. I don't even know how to react. I am speechless.

For that little, I would have gotten a hug? It's just a toy after all. Didn't she expect me to say yes? Does she really think I am that bad? But anyway, it's a pity she isn't doing it. I like how her head feels when it's resting on me. Or my arms around-

_No, what the hell? It's good she didn't. You two shouldn't hug. Or do anything else like that!_

Yes. Right. We're not going to be friends or anything else, no matter how nice she is when she's not yelling at me.

**RPOV**

Realizing what stupidity I have said, I feel my cheeks starting to burn. And the way he's looking at me, gosh. He can't believe it either I said something like that. And why did I? I shouldn't want to hug him. Even though, I don't dislike the way that feels. It's warm and saf- No, no, no. I am not playing this game with another guy. And especially not with him. His hands around me should mean nothing to me.

"I um… I guess I will… go now. Yes. I will go… take Ash to… to um… Anna," I try to speak as coherently as I can as I struggle to undo my seat belt, mostly trying to avoid his eyes.

I pray that he won't decide to tease me with what I have said. I bet he is already thinking of a way to make me want to dig a hole and hide in it. What was I thinking when I said that? And gosh, aren't there so many ways in which he can turn it into a sexual thing?

And goddamnit! My palms are sweaty and Ash is still sitting on my lap and I can't see quite well what I am doing and I am even starting to believe the seat belt got stuck or something and all I want is to get away from here. But this stupid thing is not cooperating!

"Here, let me do it."

And he doesn't even wait for me to take my hands back, he just slips his under mine and in the next second, I am free. Oh, but that second was more than enough for our hands to touch and-

_And nothing. Nothing happened. Two people touched, two strangers, you and the guy who has _kidnapped _you, Rose, and there was no electricity you felt, you idiot. It's all in your rom-coms fueled brain. Now move!_

"Thanks. I will… go now." yeah, I need to get out of this car. I swear I can't take it for longer to be in such small places with him.

"Sure. I'll be waiting. But even if I am not coming with you, pay attention to what you're saying to her, okay?" he decides to threaten rather than to make a little fun of my slip and I am more than grateful for this.

"Right. I won't try anything. I promise." That woman is my last chance for Ash not to end up on the streets. I am not messing this.

I push the door open and hurry out.

But in my hastiness, I almost put my foot on Ash's little paw. He pulled away just in time, repaying my lack of attention with a scolding bark. And me? Of course, I panicked at the thought of hurting him and I pulled away, not even looking where I was stepping, which was on a goddamn rock, and I ended up stumbling. I didn't end up on all my fours, but I definitely provided the Russian with a little amusing show as I was trying to keep myself steady on my feet.

"You're okay there?" I already hear the other door opening.

"Yeah, yeah, sure I am perfectly fine," I speak as I am getting further away as fast as I can, not even bothering to close the door behind me.

But I am not fine at all. Can I stop embarrassing myself in front of him, for once? Am I asking for too much?

A minute later, I am knocking at a wooden door, holding Ash in my arms for the last time.

Here we go, buddy. Parting ways. I wish there would have been someone else to take him, but I must take what has been given to me. Maybe my parents will look for him after they'll see I am not coming back from my little escapade. I hope they will.

Ash deserves a good home. I'm sorry I didn't offer him more than some games and treats and toys between hours filled with tears and breaking down and countless hours of lying in bed, unable to do anything. He has been the only one getting me out of the bed some days. I will forever be grateful to him for this.

Anna opens, thank God I found her home, and she seems very surprised to see me. Or excited, I can't really tell. As she says my name and greets me, her voice raises with an octave. I never thought she would get this excited to see me. We are not such great friends, we just kill time together from time to time.

* * *

**DPOV**

I remained outside the car after Rose's stumble, and as she is heading to her colleague's house, I finally answer my phone. It has been buzzing for the past couple of minutes and I don't even know how to deal with this conversation.

"Yes?"

"What you've been doing, 3-0-5? Have you been getting busy?" he gets amused rather than annoyed because I didn't answer. "You know you should focus more on doing your job rather than on something else." Yeah, I am dealing with that. Not well, but I'm trying. "The rewards are for afterward."

Oh, the only rewarding thing for me today has been managing to keep my composure around Rose and not make her stop yelling at me with my lips.

"That is exactly what I have been doing, Sir."

"If so, did you find anything from her?"

I can't tell him a lie. If I would, he would want to know more.

"No."

"What? She didn't fall for any of your charms?" he again gets amused. Surprisingly, he is amused by thus thing and not pressing me.

"No."

"Ouch. Are you getting out of hand, son?"

That's what I was starting to think too. But Rose? I don't know. She's different. She is not like the woman passing in front of me now and winking at me, a playful smile on her face, inviting me to respond to her.

Rose would not do such a thing. That's not who she is. How she is. And she is not doing it only to play hard to get. She is not even trying to do so. She _is _hard to get, without making much effort. She is complicated and she's rousing my interest like no one else. She is made from so many layers that I have lost the count of. This only makes me want to try to decipher her even more. Even though I know so damn well I shouldn't.

"I didn't really have the time to try anything." I should at least defend myself a little, right?

"How come?"

"She… I just didn't." he doesn't need to know all the details about how she is driving me insane. "I just didn't think it's the right time to do so."

"Whatever you think. But get it done, one way or another. Try it the hard way if you have to. You don't need me to tell you what to do. I have already taught you this once. And remember. She doesn't matter. Just getting the device back does. Do whatever it takes to get it back."

But what if she matters? What if she doesn't deserve this? She deserves so much more than this. She has been ripped away from everything known and brought into this mess. And for what? What bad did she do to-

"Did you hear me, son?"

"Sure. Of course I did. I know she doesn't matter. I will get what we need from her. Soon. I'll do whatever it takes. You don't have to worry about this."

**RPOV**

"What are you doing? I haven't seen you this morning at work." she keeps the same surprised tone. Who would have thought that someone there would miss me this much? "I got a little worried, to be honest. You never miss. Or get late. What happened to you?"

"You know, stuff. Nothing too big or important." just trying not to get killed and all. Oh, and let's not forget about staying sane.

"And what happened to your clothes? Why are you wearing Alex's clothes?"

Am I wearing what? I look down at myself and remember I am wearing some men's clothes, and thank God they aren't those bastard's.

"Oh, yes, Alex's clothes. I am wearing them. Right. You know, the laundry and all. I didn't have the time to do anything lately." And to my surprise, she buys my lie.

"And, not to seem rude, but what are you doing here? Can I help you with something?"

"Now that you're asking…"

Trying to finish things fast before the Russian decides to come after me, I ask her to take care of my dog, invoking some of the reasons that I have always seen working, about one of my relatives getting sick and me having to go out of town and take care of them.

"Aw, I am so sorry. Wouldn't you like to drink some coffee as we talk about this?"

"Oh, _no_, I couldn't."

Getting inside her house would be the worst thing possible. I don't want, under any circumstance, to get her killed by some misunderstanding.

"But I insist. Come inside."

I take a look towards the place the Russian is waiting for me, far enough to not seem creepy, but close enough to make sure I don't try anything stupid.

If I get inside, he might think I have said something to her. I don't want to blow this up.

"No, really. I have to go. I have to be there fast."

"Come on, let me at least give you some hot beverage. I just want to help."

With the corner of my eye still pinned on the Russian, I refuse her offer once more.

She gets her head out the door and takes a look at the same spot I was looking at.

"You're not alone," she says into a mischievous tone.

"I um… yes. He's my um… my cousin. He is taking me there."

"I see," she continues in disbelief, eyeing me head to toe. "Your cousin. Right."

I bet she now thinks I am going into a romantic escapade with the Russian after a night of wild, kinky sex after which I have gotten all my clothes ripped and had to take some of his.

At that thought passing through my mind, I feel myself get thirsty and warm all over. Would it be like that with him? I bet he- _Why do you care?! It's not like you're going to jump in bed with him anytime now. _Right. What's the matter with me?

"So, um… do you think you can do me this favor?"

Smiling, she nods.

"But only with one condition." Oh, shit!

"What?"

"Tell me…"

* * *

With my heart heavy and weary for having to give up on my last best friend, I get back into the car.

"What did you two talk about for so long?"

"Nothing you think of. I didn't tell her anything." I didn't tell her anything real, anyway.

"You didn't?" he mimics Anna's suspicious tone.

"I swear I didn't. Please don't kill her."

"Why would I?"

"Because you think I told her something about this. I didn't. She looked at you that much just because…"

"Because what?"

"Because she thinks you're my cousin and you're taking me to take care of some sick relative."

"And did she believe you with that?" his tone indicates me that he doesn't either. Am I that a bad liar?

"Yes, sure, she did." I try to seem confident, but he sees right through my crap.

"What did you tell her about me?"

"That. I told her that."

"What did you tell her?" he insists.

Oh, please don't make me repeat that thing. I can't tell him this.

"Really. I didn't tell her any-"

"We're not leaving this place unless you tell me. What if I go there ask her myse-"

"No!" he doesn't need to know everything I told her about him. "Fine. But can you promise me you won't make fun of me? I told her this just because she was already thinking it and she didn't buy my relative lie."

"I'm listening. What was she thinking?"

"No. First, you need to promise me."

"Okay. I promise. Now tell me."

"I told her that you're my um…"

"Your what?"

If I drag it out, it will be worse. So I spill it out.

"I told her that I broke up with Alex and you picked me up in a bar and that we have spent the night together and that we are now getting away to..."

"To what?" he pushes me, his face blank as a piece of paper. Mine, on the other hand, is red as hell. But hey, at least he's not laughing at me.

"Can we please go?"

"We're going away to do what?" he demands again, the sadist in him coming out to play.

"To have some more fun, okay?!" I snap at him, clenching my fists before I round them on his neck. Does he have to always be this cocky? "I told her that we're going away for you to fuck my brains out, are you happy? Now, please, can we go?"

But once again, he needs to prove to me how big of a bastard he is.

"I want to ask you something first."

"Please don't."

But still, he asks me.

"Did you get your story from some real events?"

He hits the right spot, reminding me of the only thing I want so bad to forget, of his hands on my body, of his body pressed against mine, of his lips so close to touching mine, of my whole body wishing him to not stop. Ugh, this bastard!

I only can eye him hateful as he's bathing in that arrogance of his.

"You have an immense ego. If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up it and jump. Even though, I think it would take me an eternity to reach the ground."

He doesn't say anything in response, just smiles satisfied with my reaction and revs the engine.

And as he drives out of the neighborhood I am watching the pretty houses on sight, trying to focus on them, but with no success, my mind wandering to last night. Did he really have to remind me of that?

When he reaches the end of the second street we're passing on, he pushes the speed pedal and takes an abrupt turn, taking me by surprise and almost making me hit my head on the glass beside me. What the hell?

I don't even get to open my mouth because soon, we reach an intersection and he passes a red light, being millimeters away from hitting a jeep and the man that is driving honks at us, obviously pissed off. Just like the rest of the people on that street that we troubled.

Thank God that the seat belt is here to keep me in place at his moves, otherwise, I would have flown around the car.

But what the hell is he doing? What got over him all of a sudden?

I get a hold of the chair under me and turn to face him.

"What are you _doing_? Are you insane? You're looking for some adrenaline out of nowhere? Stop it! I don't want to end up into a ditch with you. You can go and throw yourself off a bridge if you want some sick adventures, but don't get me involved in it!"

He ignores me and continues to drive fast, unbothered by my yelling, and takes another abrupt turn on a little street.

"_Stop it right now! _This is no fun comrade. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm keeping you alive," he finally bothers to respond.

"Is that what you think you're doing? Because it's not. You almost got us killed if you didn't notice!" and he does it again; he pushes the speed pedal. "_Stop_, goddamnit!"

"I did not. I am a good driver. I have never hit anything without wanting to."

"Well, _that _is comforting. Now stop!"

"I would say it is."

"Well, it's _not. _Now, stop driving like a mad man! I mean it! You're scaring me." I finally let my fear out, hoping that at least this will make him stop.

"If you haven't realized until now, that won't happen."

"I did. But why? Did you start a suicidal mission?"

This is how he plans to kill me? Make me fly out the windscreen?

"Someone is following us."

"Someone is _what_? Who?"

Really? Can't we have a second to breathe without someone constantly coming for us? I look out the rear-view mirror and I see a normal car approaching us, but there doesn't seem to be anything wrong about it.

"Are you sure?"

Maybe it's just the paranoia in him. Maybe we are having the same route. People have common ways they go on.

"Of course I am sure. And now, you should get down."

"Why would I-?"

_"_Stop talking and do what I'm saying when I'm saying it, just for once in your life, fuck it! _Now_, Rose!" he says, his eyes never leaving the sight in front of him, but the harshness in his tone increasing drastically.

And soon, I find out why he wanted me to do that so bad.

A bullet turns to pieces the window at the back of the car, throwing them our way, and I welcome that with a loud whelp.

Okay, so he wasn't just paranoid. He was right. Just as always.

Now, looking again into the mirror, I see a man that has gotten out of the passenger window of the car following us, obviously, with a gun in his hand.

Gosh, we're screwed, no?

And he doesn't cease to use that gun. He has a pretty good aim too.

Another bullet reaches its target soon enough, passing right next to my left ear and I hear a swoosh as it makes its way past me and into the dashboard in front of me.

I scream this time, the events catching up with me.

"Will you get down now, goddamnit?!"

This time I listen to him and make myself little, bending down, putting my head almost completely in between my legs and hide behind the car seat.

Thank God I wasn't a centimeter closer or else that would have brought me a lot of pain. And bleeding. I hate blood.

He shifts gears and gets a good grip of the steering wheel, turning it almost completely to the left, taking another dangerous turn on another narrow street, a second away from an impact.

I dare take a little sneak out the window on my side as the Russian is busy with making drifts, and it seems that the "someone" following us is, in fact not one, but a bunch of black same-looking cars that make their way through traffic just as well as the man next to me does.

But by taking this way, they have to get in line to follow us and it will surely be a pain in the ass for them.

All I can pray for is for this street not to get us into a dead end. That would be wonderful.

And gosh, I am so terrified I can't even breathe normally and the bullets are all around us, I can hear them hitting the car, but I can't see what damage they're doing. I hope that not to any of us. I don't want to get shot. And neither him. Who would get us out of here if he gets wounded?

And what should I do? Should I help him? What do normal people do in situations like these? I don't know! Because normal people don't get into these situations! This doesn't happen on a usual day to anyone! I don't want to be that special someone stuff like this happens to!

I feel his hand on my thigh and I flinch surprised. I look at him, wondering why he is not keeping both his hands on the wheel.

"Rose, I need you to open the glove box and give me the gun in it," he says way calmer than me, but somehow, manages to transmit that state of spirit to me too.

But it's good. Now I have a purpose. Something to do.

I comply and give the gun to him, trying to touch as little of it as possible and putting it on his lap as he is busy with trying not to get ourselves hit. I can't bear the thought of holding one in my hand. It brings back too many bad memories.

And I don't want to goof either while holding the gun. It's not the time to get someone shot. He has many things to take care of already and doesn't need a bleeding Rose to make things worse. Or worse. To be him the one who is bleeding. I need him in one piece.

Unfortunately, the narrow street we have been on was short and we got back on the highway.

There is quite a lot of space in between us and our followers and the shooting has stopped for some seconds, but after two U-turns that make my intestines knot, and another glass getting broken at the front side of the car, on _my _side, by someone who managed to reach our side, Russian guy gives me some other instructions.

"Grab the wheel."

"_What_?! Me?"

"Do it. The street is in a straight line, you'll manage. Just do it already. I need you to do this."

Without any other protest, I do what I am said and get up from my cocoon and grab the wheel. And so, I am trying to keep the car into a straight line and out of the direction of the others as we're still rushing on the street, and he is still the one in control of the pedals. Shit, I never reached such a speed and I am praying he won't go faster. And how in God's name am I supposed to dodge all these cars?! I don't think I can do this.

"And make sure to move left and right so that they won't get a good target of the wheels," he instructs me further.

Sure. I'll definitely do that. But what about our heads? Shouldn't they miss those too?

He gets his unharmed window down and then gets the gun out the window and starts shooting. And even though I am supposed to not take my eyes off the road in front of us, I can't help it. I need to see what he is doing. I need to know that the possible danger is disappearing.

As I move my eyes for a second, I catch one of his perfect shots into the car that's next to us now. He kills the driver there and the car suddenly gets out of the road, taking a terrible left into a wall and to my surprise, it even catches on fire. Damn, that scene was movie-like.

I get my attention back to the road when he puts his palms on my clenched ones, for the next seconds taking charge again.

We go some more at full speed and he turns the car once more, managing to do it on such a little space at the end of the street, and we're now dodging cars left and right as we are on the wrong side of the highway, and everybody is honking at us. Why did he do this?

I get hysterical.

"What are you _doing_? You are going to get ourselves killed!"

His hands get tighter on mine like some reassurance and I feel his breath very close to my cheek now, his chin resting lightly on my shoulder. Yay! It's not like the tension of this car chase was enough. Now he needs to be so close to me.

"No, I am not going to get us killed. Trust me, okay?"

He whispers that to me with his eyes pinned to the road all this time, calmness filling his words, but all I can feel is the blood in me boiling. And not because of the chase.

To rip myself from him, I look back over his shoulder and I see that one of the remaining cars has been hit by some poor driver and I pray that no one got hurt.

This only means that there are two other cars left in the game. I wonder how we're going to lose those. They don't seem to want to give up that easily because they are still following us, despite the inconveniences.

"Now get down, love. They might-" be shooting again he wanted to say, I bet, but that happens before he manages to finish.

I bend as much as my position allows me, as my hands are still trapped under his and he's not letting go. And so, I find shelter into his chest, burying my face in it. He bends down too, covering me a little more and call me crazy or not, but the way his body wraps over mine makes me feel the safest in the world, even though, duh, we are being shot at.

And I haven't realized until now, but I am shaking from the fear filling my mind. Good thing that he is here to keep on telling me that it's going to be okay. I swear I believe him even though he's probably feeding me lies.

I dare open my eyes again and take a sneak at what is happening outside the car. I see that he goes towards the back of some shady building, looking for a hiding spot, my guess.

But then, after he lets out a round of swearing in his beautiful, so expressive language, he lifts and turns his head backward and the car comes to a halt fast.

I jerk forward, not expecting it, and I almost hit my head on the wheel, but his palm was there faster, over the side of my face, to prevent the impact. How the hell can he pay attention to so many things at once?

He pulls me back to rest on his chest and I do nothing to stop him. On the contrary, now that he has let go of my hands, I clutch them on his T-shirt and nestle into him.

Next, he goes in reverse, as now there is a car coming from ahead of us and I keep on looking at it as he is busy with looking back. So this is what has brought that displeasure to him. But how the hell did they anticipate this?

Now the other one must make its entrance from behind us and things will be perfect. We will get trapped on this goddamned alley. I pray this doesn't happen.

He puts some distance between us and the car in front of us and we got off that tight alley. He then asks me to rise so that he could change gears. Without wanting to leave the comfort of his arms, I still do it. We need to keep on being rational. Or at least I do. He doesn't need me to cling onto him like a frightened little girl, even though I am not far from that. I would only bother him.

And just like someone has listened to my earlier thoughts and wanted to make them come true, thank you very much, the other car comes from my right and hits our car, right on the passenger's seat. My seat. This hit shakes everything inside me, and I feel the door bending and pushing into my ribs.

As I am a thrown in my seat, I yell some more and place my hand on his thigh, getting a good hold of it. I am digging my fingers into his flesh, to be honest, trying to find some comfort or to get his attention, I can't tell. But either way, he must do something and he needs to do it fast because these people are too close to us.

"God, comrade, get us out of here already, please!"

"Take cover," he tells me for the God knows what time and I do it in a second, not wanting to know why again. I know it very well already.

I make myself little by crouching forward in my chair, getting my head in between my knees and cover my face some more by rounding my arms over my head.

But what about him? Isn't he going to dodge the bullets? He is a lot of things, but I bet he isn't bulletproof. I really don't want him to get hurt.

And why am I even worrying about his safety? _Because if he dies, so do you, dumbass._

But anyway, the answer to my question is no. He doesn't plan to dodge any bullet.

Instead, he gets his arm above me and shoots three times, and each time he pulls the trigger, I feel the recoil through his arm that he is somehow supporting on my back. And hey, I am happy to help, even though I think my shaking is not really helping him get a straight shoot.

The next thing I know is that he turns the car around, the wheels screeching on the asphalt and makes a tight left.

How come we didn't hit a wall yet? We're either lucky as hell or… Or I don't know. We're so goddamn lucky. Or it's all because of him. He's so good at everything.

When he tells me that I can get up, I raise my head and look around, expecting to see some other cars coming our way.

Maybe the men have called for backup. Hell, I expect a whole army to be behind us and to start shooting from everywhere and to turn us into human strainers.

But that doesn't happen. There are no special troops coming our way. There's only one car left and it's quite far behind us, even though it's doing quite a good job at keeping up with us.

But my driver is better. Is there something he doesn't excel at?

Without much effort, he manages to lose the rest of our tail, getting on some small, intricate streets and he's shifting the direction often, making my stomach twist with each tight turn.

Finally, he pulls the car next to some protest or something big that is happening next to the town hall. Thank God for this because we might have a chance at getting lost into the crowd.

He opens the door on his side and urges me to get out.

Without any other word, he comes to me and takes me by my hand and we start running like hell, ditching the car and trying to get ourselves lost into the sea of people clotting the street, dodging them left and right as there are so many of them out here.

We keep on running and looking back, I can clearly see people pushing others out of their way, coming for us because let's be honest now, how hard is it to spot someone so goddamn tall into a crowd?

This only means that the last remaining car somehow got track of ours and now they're looking for us and gosh, some more of them will shortly come to their help. Which is not good at all.

So we keep on running, and I hold his hand tight, praying that I won't get lost into this huge crowd. It's the last thing I need now.

Or do I need it now?

Am I an idiot for wishing not to be away from him? Should I do something to get away from him? It would be so easy to get lost into the crowd. But wouldn't he follow me, tracking me down?

But my brain doesn't get enough time to decide because soon enough he jerks me by my hand towards the left side of the street and drags me past a group of people.

We get into the gap between two buildings and he pulls me towards him again, gluing my front body to his and holding me tightly pressed onto him and close to the wall.

We're into a little place where the shadows are dark enough to keep us hidden. Plus, that entire bustle around us is a good cover too.

And he doesn't move. So I don't move either. I stay there, my heart threatening to break my chest, breathing fast, my lungs ready to explode. Him? He's breathing just like he had a casual walk in the park, that's how steady I feel his warm breath on my forehead.

Having a chance at a break, and feeling quite dizzy, I pin my forehead to his chest for some more support, not that he isn't offering me plenty already, but still, I do it, as I try to calm myself.

Gosh, I am tired of running from everyone in order to save my life. I like running. But not like crazy. And not while threatened. There's no fun to it.

He gets moving though, and his fingers creep slowly into my hair and he holds me a little tighter as he starts whispering to me that's it's now alright. That we're safe.


	16. He didn't like we had sex in his bathroo

**Hey dears! I am a little bit late, but not much, just an hour or so than my usual updating :). My eyes are stinging like crazy, but I am going to say it was worth it. I don't like leaving things unfinished and this week I thought I'd die at least three times (I've been sick as hell, no biggie), and even though I was lying in bed all day long, I couldn't edit much. But here I am, again, posting. I can't believe I made it to chapter 16 with so many words :))) **

**Tika86, I am glad that you got to like my story. I am glad it grew on you (I really hope I used this idiom right. I am too tired to document myself on it now) and I hope you'll like the teasing in this chapter too**

**Yeah, HonestPassion13, _that_ is what happened to the tracker. Thanks again for that :). And I am glad you digged my action scene. I have never written such stuff and I didn't know if I got it right. I am wondering, will you like the romantic stuff you mentioned? **

**Enjoy reading! **

* * *

**He didn't like we had sex in his bathroom**

**RPOV**

With the corner of my eye, I see a lot of movement on the street, but no one comes our way. No one seems to observe us from where we are staying. It's a perfect, shadowy spot to get hidden in. I am glad he found it.

We managed to lose the people who were following us. So simple, right? After a terrible car chase and running like hell, a darkened place between two buildings was the solution. Thank God this thing is finally over because I don't think that my heart could have taken a bigger dose of adrenaline. Or any more bullets. Just the thought of one piercing my flesh is making me quiver, more than the coldness crept inside my bones.

I try to sigh relieved, to express my gratitude, but not even that comes out normal as my breath is not steady enough for such a sound. And he heard that too, my little wince-sounding sigh, which doesn't leave him indifferent.

He turns my head, gluing my cheek to him, and rests his cheek on the top of my head, its weight feeling familiar on me. From where, I can't tell.

"Shh, ты в безопасности."

After saying that, I don't know what it meant, but it sounded appropriate, he moves some more. One of his hands gets to my lower back and pulls me to him wholly, dissolving the remaining distance between us. There's no air left between my body and his, our hips pressing against each other, and I love how that feels. I love being this close to him.

His other hand is slowly creeping on my cheek and he's walking his thumb gently up and down, and this is all I can think of for now. Of him, holding me, soothing my skin.

We sit like this for some minutes. Hours maybe. I don't know. It could be seconds too. My sense of time blurs as I focus on the rhythm of his heartbeat, of his closeness to me, of his touch, of the fact that I am nestled into him. Of how good that feels.

But I get distracted as I feel him squeezing my flesh. When did his hands drop?

He starts at my wrists and moves up on my hands, warming me all over just with this little touch, finally getting to my shoulders, where he rests his heavy palms. Now I realize how cold I am and that I'm shaking. I am still dressed only into a T-shirt after all. Just because he doesn't want me to run away. _But do you still want to run? Why didn't you do it when you had the chance?_ Oh, I don't know, I swear.

He pulls me off him, just a little.

"Look at me, Rose."

I do what he says, my mind still set on listening to him, and lift my eyes, meeting his. And for a second, I lose myself into that brown, shadowed deepness and forget all the bad that has happened today. It doesn't matter anymore. It's like it never happened.

I have no idea why, but only his presence is calming me on spot, and goddamnit, it didn't happen to me only once. He has this weird soothing effect on me and I don't know what to feel about that. It's supposed to be wrong, but oddly enough, it doesn't feel like that. Not at all. Either it's a false sentiment or not, I feel safe around him. The safest I have ever been.

"Breathe."

I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until he reminded me what to do. I let it out and force myself to steady it completely.

"Good. Keep on breathing, love."

I instantly respond to that. "I have a name and it's not-"

"I know." He smiles. "I need to stop calling you like that. My bad. But now, don't focus on that. Just breathe, okay?"

And I keep on breathing, continuing to get calmer. When he is guiding me, it's easier to calm down. I usually don't temper my brain enough to do it myself. I usually make it worse and get to bad places. But what he's doing is helping a lot.

"How is it?" I nod. "Fine? Is it getting better?" I nod again. "Good." he smiles again and squeezes lightly on my shoulders, like massaging them. "You're good now."

And I believe him. I am good now. I feel safe and sound, knowing that he is here to hold me if I need it. And I really needed it earlier. I needed it a lot lately, but there was no one around. I am glad he is here now.

"Are you hurt?"

He gets my hair behind my shoulders and tilts my head a little, inspecting my face for damage, his eyes searching carefully and full of concern.

"Does this hurt?"

He finds a little hurting, stinging spot on my left cheekbone, that makes me grimace at contact, and he mimics my gesture as he apologises.

It's probably made by a shard from one of the broken windows and hopefully not by a bullet. It's a thing I didn't feel until now thanks to the adrenaline pumping in my body. Who knows, I might even have a bullet wound I didn't fell.

He moves me and gets me into the light, then tilts my head some more, obliging me to look at nothing but him.

Next, he comes closer, making me feel hella uncomfortable out of nowhere. It's easier to be close to him when you're not staring into his eyes and you're in the dark. But now? Not so easy. Not at all. But he doesn't seem to care. He never seems affected by our closeness. But I do. So much.

And what he does next makes it even harder.

His hand cups my cheek and he starts walking his thumb on my bottom lip, moving painfully slow, making it feel tingly and hot and so many other sensations creep inside my body, sensations I never knew I could feel. Sensations I have never felt.

I watch him, unable to react in any way, not really wanting to, as he parts his lips and gulps, his Adam's apple moving up and down a couple of times, and I follow its movement until he distracts me again. Until he presses his finger slightly on my lip and drags it a little down.

My body responds to it without any resistance, and I relax my jaw, letting my lips be parted by him, my breath coming out now in white, hot puffs on his fingers. All I can think of now is what might happen next. _What does stuff like this lead to usually, you dum dum?_

Well, not in this case.

His eyes widen considerably and he pulls his hand away like it would have burned him to touch me, then the rest of his body gets away from mine. He's looking now down and clearing his throat. He's not touching me at all now and I should be happy about it, right? But I don't know if I am.

Did I do anything wrong? _You did. You wanted him to kiss you!_ I did… I did… I did not! He seemed to want that, but maybe I misinterpreted it. He is hard to read, all the time. Maybe he was looking for other injuries, from up close. From very up close. And I would have definitely pulled away if he tried anything. I will not let this guy kiss me. Not in a million years.

"Does anything else hurt? Are you alright in rest? Did anything hit you?" his voice gets practical and inexpensive, and he's moving his eyes up and down on my body as he's busy scratching the back of his head.

With only these words, he manages to make me get angry, very angry, not particularly on him but… on something I guess... on everyone that simply won't let me be, on everyone wanting stuff from me, on everyone trying to kill me and all. There's this pure anger filling me now and hey, he's one of them anyway, so why not pour all my frustration at him?

How dare he ask me such a thing after everything that happened not long ago? He's kidding, right? I mean, yeah, he seemed concerned about me earlier, and I appreciate he gives a damn, but still. How can someone be alright after something like this happened? We could have died at least… I have lost the count, but a lot of times anyway.

Sarcasm fills my voice all of a sudden and I didn't even know I could have such a cold tone of voice. I don't even know why I am so cruel to him now.

"What do you _think_?" I laugh bitterly. "I feel _awesome_. I almost got killed for the… How many times has it happened now? Well, who counts anyway? A bullet flew past my head and my heart was so close to popping at least a thousand times. And the rush was simply amazing, don't you agree? What do you say if we would try that again, huh? Let's get back there and find those guys so that they could shoot at us again while you're driving that car like a maniac. Or to ask them to follow us some more. I think I could run from them all day long, that good it felt. So yeah, thanks for asking. I feel _fantastic_."

He gets frowning and his tone again gets soft. "What happened to you all of a sudden?"

I am glad he can see that something upset me. What, I can't tell him. I don't even know myself. I just know that I am very angry. Maybe it's a bunch of things that piled up and need to be let out. A thing that makes me yell at him.

"What happened to me?! _You_! _You_ happened to me!"

He is messing with my head too much and I realize I am not even mad for what happened earlier, I already got used to being afraid for my life. I am mad for him letting go of me like that after the way he held me, for him showing me one thing and letting me wish it, crave it, then push me away and getting cold. How wicked am I for wanting that? Very.

He opens his mouth to say something but to hell if I am listening. I turn around to leave. I need to be away from him now. And maybe forever.

"Rose, wait."

His hand has already got a hold of mine and he pulls me back to him, back into the little darkened spot, back to that false safety he promises. No, no, no! I am not letting myself get back to this again.

"I am not waiting for anything."

I am not waiting for you to play with me again! But of course, I can't tell him this. Instead, I change the subject. He will never know how much what he does affects me, how much his little games get to me.

"You are out of your minds. _They_ are out of their minds. What the hell _was_ that!? You almost got ourselves killed with all your NASCAR schemes. We got shot at, and hell, not only once. You are insane if you think I am going to spend another second around you and wait for that to happen again. _So let go of me."_

I'll pull away from him. Let's see if he enjoys it.

I wiggle my way out of his hands, and he doesn't even struggle to keep his hold of me. There's no emotion on his face. You bastard! What gets to him?!

"No." is his only answer.

"It's not for you to decide that."

"I'm afraid it is. We've had this talk already, and you still haven't got it. You are stuck with me for now," he says with a don't-contradict-me-again voice and all that missed from his response was a "deal with it".

I take a deep breath in and calm myself a little because there is not much I can do about it anyway. He'll keep me around no matter what.

"Was it _him_? His men? You said they will go after the device. And it's not on me. So why would he still be looking for me?"

"I don't know if it was him. But they found us way too fast. It may have been your colleague who announced them."

"_Anna_?" he nods. "Do you mean that she might be a spy or something too?" he nods once more. "This can't be. Are you kidding me? Who would she be working for? She's _not_ a spy."

Or is she? He may be right. She seemed way too surprised to see me there and the whole time I was telling her about Ash and what he usually eats, she kept on sending and receiving some texts. Maybe I should have picked up onto something. Maybe I should be as paranoid as him and question everything.

I had the impression that she is an okay person and thought that the matter was urgent and she had to send those texts. But lately, it seems that my opinions about people don't match their intentions. I really should improve my human skills. And fast before someone "nice" tries to kill me again. They might succeed the next time.

"There are a lot of people who want that memory card. A lot of people wanting to get to you."

"But _why_?! I am just a kindergarten teacher for God's sake!"

"They think otherwise."

"Yeah, just like you think too. You think I know stuff and I am keeping them for myself." didn't he drop that thought already?

"And don't you?"

"No, I _don't_, goddamnit!" I can't believe it! "You said you trusted me with that!"

I said that a little louder than I intended. Well, I kinda yelled it to be honest, but his answer hurt me more than it should have.

Some people that were passing next to us turn their gaze our way and start whispering while looking at me like I would be some mad person that has escaped from the nuthouse minutes ago. And who knows, maybe I am beginning to get insane from all these things going on. Because of him.

I cross my arms over my chest and look at them defiantly, waiting for them to move out of my face and mind their own business, my right foot pounding impatiently on the asphalt under me. I am sick of everyone. They don't have the slightest idea about what is happening and shouldn't rush to conclusions.

Fortunately, they go on their way without judging me some more, and I am not obliged to go to them and rip their heads off. I swear I would have done it. I am way too angry to act rationally.

Before turning back to him, to the man that is the main reason I am going insane, I take some deep breaths and tame my tone, then speak some more, trying to plead for my cause.

"You need to believe me. I have _no clue_ about anything that is going on. I don't know anything more than I already told you, which is too little for you to get what you want. When will everybody understand that I have nothing to do with all this mess? When will _you_ understand this?" my words come out almost like a cry and I pound my index into his chest. "Why won't you believe me? Why would I even keep it for myself? Do you think I enjoy being in this situation? I thought you already figured out I don't." wasn't I obvious enough?

I lift my glasses on my head, cover my face with my palms and growl in desperation.

"_God_, I can't do this. I simply can't. It's too much. I can't wrap my mind around it. I can't be in this situation. I can't. I don't want to."

I begin to pace left and right in front of him, and I feel my heart again starting to pump faster as I reminisce the earlier events. And I don't know for sure if I am directly addressing to him or myself, but I just need to let these words out.

"There is all this destruction and death and bullets and explosions and car chases and all these people following us around that want all these impossible things from me and I can't offer them anything. I can't offer you an answer. And I _can't_ live like this. This _cannot_ become my life. What kind of life is this anyway? Always being on the run and always having to watch your back? I have lived it for the past day and I am sick of it already. And I can't just ignore what's happening, act like it's normal, like _you_ do because _it's not_! This is not normal. It's waaaay too much for me. I am not used to things like this. My life was simple and calm and boring, but hey, I liked it. And now _what_? Now I have to fear for my life every single time someone lays their eyes on me and wonder if they want to cut me into little pieces? I have no idea who to trust! I can't trust you! I don't even know who you are! And hell, I can't even trust myself! Because I don't even know who _I_ am anymore. The past five months of my life have been a lie. Each second of it! And, and he- not him! Screw him. _You_! _You_ want to take me God knows where and do who knows what to me for what? God, I don't know anything! And you have made me do- _feel_ so many things! It's not right. Hell, I trusted you with my life and you still cannot believe I am not lying to you!"

I stop to take a breath because I haven't breathed normally for the last minute as I debited that entire thing and my eyes land on him again. For a moment I forgot he was even here, even though I was speaking to him, in a way. Isn't this another sign of me turning crazy?

Hell, even the way he looks at me transmits me that he thinks I am crazy and who might blame him? Remembering what I wear and how bad I might look, from the way I am acting now, I am not far from a visit to the nuthouse.

But what enrages me is the contrast between the two of us. I am freaked out and he is sitting there like this would be the most normal day on earth.

I start pacing again as I gesture around, resuming to my speech.

"And look at you! Why aren't you saying anything?! You are so calm! How can you be like this? Do you even care about what happens here, about what happened? No, probably not. I mean, look at you! This didn't have any effect on you. Your heartbeat didn't even get faster! Your breath didn't even change. This was like a normal day at the office for you. It's like you're empty on the inside, I swear to God. Do you even care about all the people that got hurt in that car chase?" I see no sign of any emotion on his face, thing that brings me to the edge of losing it. "No. I am _not_ like you. No. I can't be." I keep on shaking my head as I repeat that. "Look at you! You don't care. And why aren't you saying anything?" my despair makes itself heard with my question and I continue to mumble and walk around.

"Rose."

This is the first thing he says, just my name, but it's enough for me to hear. I stop and wait to see what he's going to say next.

No other words come out of his mouth, but he takes me by my hand, sending waves of electricity throughout my body that make me gasp in surprise. Why does he have to touch me so much? It's not doing me much good to feel his skin on mine. It's deeply unsettling me each time he does it.

I look at our entangled palms, my palm fitting so well into his, and then I move my gaze up, meeting his eyes once more. And they're calm. So calm it's unreal. How he manages to do that?

"Everything is okay now," he says, sounding so caring, so full of emotion. "Take it easy."

Some of the calmness into his voice transfers to me through our tight bond. He's holding me tight, but not in a hurting way. He even starts drawing little circles with his thumb on my skin and I know I should pull away. But I don't. Again, I am doing that thing. He's doing me that thing again.

"It's fine," he reassures me once more.

And yeah, things are alright now. But for how long? From my experience around him, probably an hour. Maybe less.

"How can you do things like these? You just killed like, maybe six people today and God knows how many others before that. Let's not forget yesterday. Don't you have any _remorse_? Don't things like these affect you in any way? They were human beings with families and friends and- and gosh, you killed them." because of me I might add, just to worsen my torment.

His eyes are pinned on me and he has no reaction, there is no flinch in his expression or his body position. I see absolutely nothing changing at him, and it takes him some seconds before opening his mouth, but he doesn't say anything yet. Maybe he wants to lie to me some more, like he did with his name.

I come closer to him this time, trying to make this closeness determine, force him maybe, to tell me something true about him. Just for once. I feel this incomprehensible urge to decipher him, to find out how can he be so cold but hot at times, so emotionless, but still compassionate and concerned.

When I do that, I mindlessly squeeze back on his hand and he takes a look down at them as they are still entangled. And he slips his out. Wow, comrade, that hurt. Again. Maybe it shouldn't mean that much to me, but at this moment I feel rejected. _Again_. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I got too close, maybe I felt like I was able to connect with him a little. But obviously, that's not something he wants. And neither should I.

"This is who I am, Rose. This is what I do."

"Just like that? This is what you do? Like you would go every single day at the office?"

"This is the world we live in. The world I have been raised in. The _real_ one. I don't chase rainbows on a daily basis."

"It's not like- ugh! I am not saying you should go search for nirvana, become a monk, or spread the love on the streets, but goddamnit, you kill people."

"I did that to keep you alive."

"I didn't ask you to! I don't want you to!"

"I don't need you to ask me. I am just doing what I am supposed to."

"And that means killing people and other God knows what stuff?" he nods. "And do you think this is something close to normal? Because I don't."

"This is what I do. It's normal for me. It's my normality."

"Yeah, it's normal if you are dead inside, right?" he doesn't give me any answer. "Come on. _Normal_? Are you for real? Do you even hear yourself speaking? On what planet is _killing_ people normal?"

"They're not saints."

I laugh. Is he serious? This is his argument?

"Did you even hear what you've said, or have you been programmed to say it without thinking it? What are you, some kind of killing machine with no feelings? A metal vigilante? I am not buying it! Like you, they were _people, human beings,_ but I don't think you want to understand the concept. And come on, dying isn't the only punishment they could have gotten and you know it."

"Those men would have never been caught by general police or whatever. They are somewhere above the law."

"And what? You got the matter in your own hands? Are you going to go around the world and exterminate everyone who has ever done something wrong?"

"This is who I am, Rose, but not a vigilante. I am not on a justice killing spree. I just do what I need to do, when it has to be done." he keeps on to that explanation. Maybe he is indeed programmed. "And I couldn't care less if you approve or not."

I can see that he means it. But I laugh at him once more.

"Wow, is this what you tell yourself to make you sleep better at night? That you don't care if what you're doing is not immoral? Wrong? Along with convincing yourself they deserved it? How is it working so far?"

"Great," he says in spite of me. Can you believe this guy?

"Why don't I believe you?"

He doesn't respond, just eyes me defiantly and his unwillingness to say anything else to me is annoying me further.

"You know what? I don't believe this. Not even a bit."

"And I already told you your opinion doesn't interest me, Miss Morality."

His mocking words keep me going. I get even closer to him and we are now breathing the same air. I am stealing his. It is thick and full of electricity, but for once, I don't back down. I keep talking.

"_Everything_ affects people sooner or later," I say poking my finger into his chest with each word. "Even the smallest things pile up and get to you sooner or later." who can know this better than me? "You can ignore them, but they're still there. And even _you_, Mister it's-normal-for-me-to-kill-people-and-it-doesn't-affect-me-at-all, will get affected by things one day. You simply _cannot_ be this remorseless. You're lying to yourself that you don't care." I refuse to believe there's nothing but this coldness in him. I know I have seen something else too. "Just keep on lying to yourself and see how that goes. See for how long that will work."

He shrugs in response, like the thing I said is not true, not even a bit. But it is!

How can he be so unaffected? I wanted to get something from him, a reaction, a word, _something_. Even a single flinch on his perfect face would have been enough, at least I would have known I managed to get to him. I wanted something that would have let me know he is not this cold-blooded killer.

Because I feel he is more than that. I know what I have seen, I didn't imagine stuff. I have seen him not being like he says he is, mostly in his eyes, but I swear it's there. There's something, no matter how little, but it's there. I saw he has some little moments, these fractions of second that, if you don't pay enough attention you might miss it, when his harsh façade falls and he acts like he has some feelings in him, like there is some compassion in him. Anything. He acts like he's human. And I believe he is. But he keeps on denying it. I don't get it why, though.

His expression stays as still as a statue's. Which makes me lose it.

"_God_. You are unbelievable. There is no point in speaking with you!"

I want to punch myself in the face. I start wondering, is this man a real person or is he coming from another planet where emotions don't mean anything? Why is he acting like this?

And gosh, I am so angry my blood is boiling and my hearing starts to get muffled.

"Can we just, go to wherever you want, please? I am _really_ tired." And it's just past noon. "Let's just go. I am done with you." I am done trying to understand him.

I turn around to leave, but I don't manage to take many steps away from him because I see black spots starting to appear in front of my eyes. Oh, come on. What the hell is this?

I blink a couple of times, trying to ignore how my head feels heavy out of nowhere, and I take some more steps towards the crowded street, but I need to stop because my surroundings start spinning.

What the hell is wrong with me? Again.

My heart starts beating even faster as I panic and I feel each strong pulse in my temples. And this is not helping me focus!

Okay, I need to get a hold of myself. I need to find some support too or else I fear I might fall.

"Rose?" I hear him calling for me, but it's like I am underwater. I am hearing and moving like I'd be there. I fear that if I try to respond to him, I'd drown.

I wiggle my hand around, trying to find something to take a hold of, but I find nothing. Oh, gosh, I don't want to fall.

As muffled as before, I hear his voice calling my name and asking me stuff I can't respond to coming closer to me. His palm wraps on my shoulder, making it feel tingly, but I don't get to say or do anything else, even though I get the thought that I want to pull away from him. It's like my synapses don't function properly. Nothing functions properly now.

And soon my vision of his face gets black and I lose contact with reality, but not before my feet get swept from under me. I hope it won't hurt me bad when I get back to reality.

**DPOV**

Seeing the way she was wiggling on her feet didn't seem right. And I got my confirmation when I saw her chalk-like face and how out she seemed to be.

She is soon going to faint.

And no matter how much she managed to make my blood boil earlier, I can't let her fall to the ground. She will get hurt. And she's already bearing too many injuries on her body.

I put my arms around her and pick her loose body up. It's like she has melted wholly. She doesn't react to anything. She's like made of wax.

What happened to her all of a sudden? First the panic attack yesterday and now this? Is every day something like this going happen to her?

The only thing I can be glad about in this situation is that she isn't conscious enough to start protesting or to push me away or to tell me again how much she dislikes me, or to be stubborn again and not let me help her. I don't know how many times I can take that.

After I make sure she is still breathing, I cuddle her to my chest and make my way through the crowd. I need to take her to somewhere safe for now. And maybe put her down before she wakes up or else hell will break loose again and I am not sure if I can handle this again. I hate it when she is so dead set against me and so damn determined to keep me away. Haven't I already explained to her I will do nothing to force her into doing anything?

To be honest, she is quite enjoyable to be around now that her mouth is closed and she's not admonishing me for everything I do. She wouldn't get it and I won't bother to explain. It's easier like this. I don't need to explain myself to anyone. Especially to her. It's the life I needed to live.

And thank God her eyes are closed too because fuck it, I need to stop letting those damned big brown eyes of hers take me on a guilt trip. I need to stop letting her delve into my being just with one look. That's all it takes from her to make me feel like the biggest villain on earth, and make me want to do so much to change that, to prove her…

_You have nothing to prove to anyone_. Yes, right. But it has been a long time ever since I felt like this under the stare of anyone. And fuck, the way she looks at me at times, it makes me wish things I have never been allowed to have. Things I shouldn't want to have anymore. She makes me think of what-ifs. And I am not a man to do that again. There is no place for uncertain things in my life.

No. It won't happen. Nothing of what she does or says should affect me. It won't. I have allowed myself too many things around her and the situation will get out of control if I don't draw the line soon. Anything that happened earlier shouldn't happen again. It won't happen again.

* * *

**RPOV**

When I wake up, I don't realize what is happening to me at first. All I know is that I am moving. But I am not making any effort to.

Because I am being carried. By him. Again.

And again, it feels good. My body is melting into his warmness and I fit so well cuddled into his arms.

Do I hate myself again that I enjoy this sensation? Of course I do. But I can't help it.

I take two deep breaths, letting his scent invade my senses. Gosh, how can he smell like this? It's heavenly.

Maybe I am dreaming he's carrying me. It could be. It wouldn't be the first time I have vivid dreams.

I move my head and brush my nose onto his chest. Nope. It feels real and hard as hell. But to be sure, I test his realness with my palm too, spreading it on the coldness of his duster. Yes, it feels real, but who knows? It could be my brain playing with me.

"Hey there, fainty. How you're feeling?"

I snap my eyes open and look up, and he's looking at me quite amused. I have been caught red-handed. Shit! I wasn't imagining it. I wanted that, but it was not happening.

He is holding me, for real, and I loved feeling him do it. My body's betrayal makes me angry in an instant. I shouldn't like anything this bastard does! And more importantly, he shouldn't know!

I straighten my back, look around to see where we are (of course, we're on some shady empty street even if it's the middle of the day; does he have a list or something?) and I pull away from him a little more.

"Put me down."

He looks at me doubtfully.

"Definitely not. I don't want you to faint again. I am taking you to a car as soon as I find a proper one."

"No."

I put my palms on his chest and try to push him, but his muscles tense around me, holding me tighter. Why does he have to work out so much?

"I am not waiting for you to find any car." I am not waiting for a second more.

My hands don't stop pushing him and he doesn't stop resisting.

"Then, not until I buy you something sweet to even your sugar level or give you some energy. You should like that, you're a sugar addict, so stop struggling."

I only struggle some more. I am not his dog to give me treats to make me stay put. He won't bribe me into being a good girl.

"_Put me down now_."

"I am not letting you on your feet until I put something sweet in your mouth and find you some water." He smiles. "I won't tell you I told you so, but it wasn't such a great idea of yours to refuse breakfast."

"Oh, shut up." I keep on trying to make him let go of me. "And put me down. I am completely fine now. I can walk, I don't need you to carry me."

"Rose, stay put or else I'll drop you and you'll end up on the ground." he gets now annoyed. "Just wait a minute, I've seen a car I like."

"But I want you to put me down right now!" He doesn't understand what only a second in plus in his arms would do to me. "So put me down goddamnit!" I punch his chest. "Now!"

As I keep on pushing him away, he eventually puts me down. Well, putting it's a gentle way to describe it. He kinda drops me there, lets go of me to fall on the ground, but I keep my balance and land on my feet. Leaving aside the rude way he did it, I am glad he's not holding me anymore.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asks between his teeth.

"There's nothing wrong with me."

"Yeah, obviously. There's _absolutely_ nothing wrong with you. All you did for the past minute was anything a normal person would do."

His words get me even angrier. Did he imply I am not normal?

"Fine! Do you want a list of things that are wrong with me?" He would be at the top of it. And on the second place, and the third, all the way to the tenth!

"Yes, that would very much help me understand why you're acting so crazy."

"Go to hell."

I turn around to leave. To hell if I am sitting around him for one more second. I'd rather die than for him to mess with my mind some more. He's the one driving me crazy then blames it on me?!

"Where are you going? The car is in the other direction."

"I am not going with you to any car."

I take some more steps away from him, expanding the distance between us.

"Rose, come back. I am taking you to see a doctor or something for your-"

"I don't need a doctor, thank you. I am fine. And my craziness isn't contagious, don't worry about that." I don't even bother to look at him.

"No, you definitely don't need _one_. You need a _whole army_ to find out what's wrong with you!" he yells at me.

I stop mid-step and turn to watch him.

"Take that back!" I yell at him from where I'm staying. If he can yell at me, so can I.

"No," he says crossing his arms over his chest and keeping himself composed, unlike me, who I am, well, acting quite crazy.

And he is aware of that, he knows he's right, because an I-know-them-all smile spreads on his lips. Fine. So be it. I am crazy. Let's prove to him I am crazy. I'll show him how crazy I can be. But just because he is driving me crazy!

I do a thing I didn't even expect myself do. I run. Towards him. And I throw myself at him.

All I manage to do is to stumble over the hardness of his front body and punch his chest a couple of times before he pulls me off him and immobilizes me against the nearest wall, all his weight pressing on me, pushing my back flat against the wall with his front and his hands holding me by my wrists.

But he doesn't seem angry. He seems amused. He's parading that cocky smile in front of me. So, so close to me.

"And you keep on insisting you're not acting crazy, love?"

"Yeah, but better crazy than a control freak like you!"

"I am not a control freak ."

"Yeah, of course you're not, Mister always being composed and who's always bossing me around! Rose do this, Rose do that. You're so not trying to be in control of everything."

I see it on his face that I have hit a soft spot because his lips curve in displease.

"Well, at least I'm sane," he fights back.

I squint my eyes at him and decide not to give him the satisfaction of pissing me off even more with that subject. I am acting crazy. Fine. I will embrace it.

"You're right. I am not afraid to admit it. Sometimes I question my sanity quite much, but the unicorn in my kitchen told me I'm fine. So I'll trust his opinion. Yours doesn't matter at all to me." I play the same card he did before I fainted. If he doesn't care about my opinion, neither do I about his.

And oh, his jaw drops, can you believe this? I managed to make his jaw drop! In my head, I am already doing a happy dance.

"You're unbelievable, Rose! I am being serious now, you fainted all of a sudden and I didn't know what was wrong with you, a lot of stuff could have happened to you, and you're acting like _this_?" is that worry I sensed in his voice or am I imagining it? "You're so unpredictable! How could someone ever know how to act around you?"

Now it's time to give him a dose of his own medicine. I will keep on to my stuff. Let's see how much it annoys him. Because he made me want to rip my hair off earlier.

"Well, I am crazy, no? You just proved it. So how else should I act if not unpredictable? Aren't crazy people like that?"

His jaw tightens and he sighs. And in the next second, he lets go of me, shaking his head like I would be a lost cause.

"Let's go."

He tries to grab me by my hand, but I dodge it. I am not letting him handle me at his will again.

"I am _not_ going."

"Of course you're not. You're so goddamn stubborn all the fucking time. But you forgot something. I'm a control freak and you'll do what I say no matter you like it or not."

And this time when he gets a hold if my hand I have no chance of getting away.

* * *

We didn't end up at any doctor's office as I didn't faint again, but we still did it his way and after he took that car, he took me to a place to get me something to eat.

But as soon as we get to a little dinner, all I want to do is to get away from him. I swear I can't take it anymore. This situation is too much for me.

As he is talking with a waitress, I excuse myself and go to the bathroom, not even waiting for his approval.

And finally, as the door closes behind me, I am away from him, and even for a couple of minutes, I can breathe normally again and detense.

We haven't been talking at all since we left that street and the air inside the car was thick with tension and I would have bet all my money that one of us would snap on the way. It didn't happen this time.

But I don't know how long I can be around him. He is making me feel so, so many things, contradictory ones, and I don't know how to handle that. I want to smack him and bury my face into the crook of his neck and feel his maddening scent forever and to yell at him and to find out how his lips taste and to run as far away from him as possible, and to tell him to touch me, to hold me, to, goddamnit, kiss me maybe, all just in a couple of seconds.

It's driving me insane this cockiness of his and the way he calls me love and crazy and the way he thinks I am going to do anything he orders me, and the way he thinks he can handle me at will, but goddamnit, it all goes away when I think of the way he looks at me at times and the way he is able to calm me and make me feel the safest in the world, the way he can make my body feel new things with the littlest of touches…

Gosh, I don't need him to complicate my life more than it already is. But he is. Big time. And there's nothing I can do to get away.

I stop in front of the mirror and as I look at myself, my lips curl in displease when I see how I look. _Come on, Rose. What he can ever possibly see in you?_ But gosh, the way he touched me last night…

"Don't be stupid, Rose. He doesn't want anything from you. Not in that way. Not in any way. Maybe for his ego only. And you shouldn't want anything from him either. Don't be an idiot. You got yourself burned once." I stupidly try to convince my reflection to not follow the same path again.

I am just a mess, inside and outside too, a half nerd dressed in too big men clothes with an entangled as hell hair that doesn't improve even when I tie it at the back of my head. It only reveals more of my puffy, pale face and bloodshot eyes. I look horrible.

I don't think I ever looked this bad ever since Mason's funeral when I finally gathered enough courage to look at myself. Or to get out of bed. Or to pretend I was still a functional human being.

Mason was always the one encouraging me to "look as hot as God has made me be" and was the only one capable of making me feel like it. Whatever that was about, I haven't felt like it in a long time.

But it's not like I have felt the need to be pretty for anyone ever since that either, not even for Alexander, no matter how many times he has complained about me looking like his aunt. I didn't care enough. Not like I do now.

Shit, I must admit that I haven't been myself quite much lately. And I don't think I'll get the time to be like that ever again. I'll die being this Rose and I don't know if I like it or not.

This kind of life crisis isn't supposed to be happening in my forties? _In theory, but you won't get to be forty, Rose. So enjoy it now_.

I turn around and run even from myself, hiding inside one of the stalls and I take a seat on the toilet and enjoy the silence around me.

**DPOV**

Rose has been in there for quite long. Too long.

One day ago, I had way more patience than I do at this very moment. Until now, I resisted the urge to barge in there and see what's happening and I will continue to do it. I need to stop letting her make me act like this. She will come out when she will come out.

I have been quite on edge ever since the unicorn thing. And all the way here, I thought I would explode if she would have opened her mouth to protest once more. But to her miraculously luck, or mostly mine, she hasn't said a single word ever since. And neither did I.

I wanted to. I scratched my brain to come up with something. But I didn't know what to say to her to mend things. And why the hell do I even want to? After all, I don't have anything to mend. I didn't do anything wrong. I just held her because she fainted for God's sake.

I wait a little more and the waitress has already brought the food, but she still hasn't come back. Does she plan to rot in there?

After the way she acted earlier, testing my self-control like no one else before, I shouldn't even care about her, I shouldn't even worry about the fact that something might have happened to her in there, but I still do. She has been in there for too long. And I'm supposed to take care of her after all. To make sure she remains in one piece. What if she fainted again? What if she fell and there's no one in there to help her? What if she got hurt?

Goddamnit, I can't sit here and wonder!

I get up and head to the ladies' room. Fuck, Rose. What are you doing to me?

**RPOV**

No more than two minutes passed and the inevitable happens. Someone comes in. And then someone else. It's probably a group. All I wanted was some silence so that I can put my thoughts in order, but now I have to prepare myself for listening to some boring makeup conversation.

Instead, I hear a woman in a high pitched voice speak.

"What are you doing here, you perv? It's the ladies' room, haven't you seen the fucking sign? Get out!"

What the hell is happening out there? Not that I want to go out and investigate, but I am quite curious who is she picking on.

But it doesn't take me much to find out. Because the person speaks. Into a Russian accented voice.

You have got to be kidding me! He came in here?

"I haven't seen anything, so calm down," he tells her already annoyed.

So he is rude to all women, not only with me. Good to know.

"Get out!"

Yeah, Boris, get out. You have messed up the genders.

"Look. If you don't like me being in here, you go out because I am not leaving," he says it like he would be the one entitled to use this space. I mean, is he serious? "Do whatever you want. But don't stay in my way. Rose, are you okay?"

And you know what? That woman does go out without any other protest. Yeah, that's the imposing Russian I know. I bet he used on her that fierce expression of his that tells you he could torture you in a thousand ways if you don't obey him, the one he used on me on so many times, and hell, didn't it work just as many times?

And now I am alone in here with him. But to hell if I want to see or speak to him. I know I am being petty, but can't I have one single moment of peace? I lift my legs so that he won't see them. Maybe if I am quiet enough too, he'll leave. Maybe he'll go search for me somewhere else.

"Rose?"

Nope. I am not answering. I am not going to say another word to him.

As I expected, he doesn't leave. Instead, he starts opening the stall doors. I am inside the fourth one from the entering, and he has already opened two, and mine isn't locked.

When he reaches the third, I am already angry.

Before he manages to touch the door of my stall, I have already kicked it with my foot.

"Don't you _dare_ open this door," I say through my teeth. "I'm warning you!"

_DPOV_

Hearing her, relief washes over me. So she's fine. Angry, but fine. At least breathing, as I haven't seen her yet.

But I get angry too.

"Oh, so now you speak? You have been in there the whole time and now you bother to answer?" I have been calling for her and she let me think the worst happened to her. "Open the door."

"I am _not_ running away, there is no window around on which I could have gone out on or any other way out of this place. I just needed a moment. Now can you go?"

"Are you feeling okay?" I ignore her words and take interest in what concerns me. She can at least tell me if she doesn't want to open that goddamn door and let me see. "Are you sick? Do you feel like fainting again? Do you need to see a doctor?"

"_No_. I am fine now."

"Are you sure?"

"Don't know. Why don't you come in and check? You seem to know them all anyway and putting a diagnosis wouldn't be too hard for you, right?" she again gets snappy. "I _dare_ you to come inside, Mister Doctor."

And I swear I tried to be nice. I did my best. I didn't say anything bad all the way here. I didn't stop her when she left without saying a word. I waited for her. A lot. I ordered something I knew she would like to eat. I even ordered her a fucking tea. I kept on being calm when I saw she didn't come. I kept on being calm when she didn't respond. I didn't bust open the door, like she asked- threatened me not to. I didn't respond to her snappiness. I expressed my concern. I tried to show her I give a damn about her health. I tried to show her that I do care.

But what she does? This. It's like she wants to test my limits and does anything she can to piss me off by still acting like a child. Nothing I do seems to please her. So I'll stop trying. I don't even know why I did try in the first place. Nothing works with her!

"Now I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten, love," I call her like that just in spite. "Or is it because you spend so much time around kids that you started acting like one?"

She doesn't say anything for the next seconds and I am almost sure she is full of indignation from what I've said, her cheeks already turning red with anger. Good. Just what I wanted. I can play this game too.

"Oh, _excuse me_, Mister Maturity. I can't act like you, I can't control each of my gestures, all day long. Now, will you let me stay here and play with my toys?"

"No. I want you to get out of there."

"Or else what?" or else I am driving myself to the nuthouse and dress by myself in that straitjacket.

"Or else I take you out of there."

"Gosh, you _like_ being the boss, Mister Maturity." She continues to call me like that but thankfully, she opens the stall door and looks at me, a frown between her eyebrows. "And you say you're no control freak, huh? Can't things be _once_ my way?"

She walks past me, not giving me any attention and leans over the sink, her arms crossed.

"I wanted for a single thing. A moment of peace."

"You had more than a moment. You've been in here for ten minutes."

She looks rather surprised to hear this.

"Did I?"

Why would I have started to be that concerned in the first place? So many things could have happened to her in ten minutes.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

If I am sure?

"I know how to read a watch, Rose. You have been in here for ten minutes." and me, out there, waiting like an idiot.

"Oh…" she looks down and taps the tip of her boots together. "So, you _can_ be patient."

I want to laugh, but I don't, even though I can't cover my amusement when I hear her.

"You'd be surprised, love."

She has no idea how my patience has decreased in the last day. Hell, in the last hours. How hard it was to not snap and do something I might have regretted. In these conditions, I wouldn't have been this composed around anyone else acting like she did. But only God knows how much I tried around her. Sometimes I even succeeded.

"Now that I see you're fine, let's go. Your food is getting cold."

"My food? But I didn't order anything."

"Don't you worry. I did."

**RPOV**

We go out, him leading the way.

But there is a man waiting for us outside, watching us with an upset frown between his brows. On his name-tag writes Manager and I think we are in trouble. What for, I am soon to find.

Or not. Because the Russian tells me to go to my place and let him talk with that man.

I do as I am said, but I watch them the whole time, well, in between paying attention to the big portion of fries in front of me. I am kinda starving and they smell is amazing.

But the displeased expression of that man turns to, I might dare say embarrassed, and then a little amused. What are they talking about?

In the very second he comes to the table and sits, I ask him what was the matter. The curiosity is too big and I leave aside my upsetness. I want to know. Did they know each other or something?

"Nothing much, love. He called us a couple of depraved, indecent people."

"Why would he say that?"

"Well, he was angry with us."

"What for? What did we do?"

"He didn't like we had sex in his bathroom," he says serenely.

I choke on my food and I need to gulp down half the cup of tea, even though it is burning my throat. It's green tea with vanilla and I just wasted half of it instead of enjoying it.

And he? He watches my reaction amused. This bastard! He did it on purpose.

"You're kidding. You're only messing with me." again.

"No. He told me that. Word by word."

"But we... we… didn't... do it." I feel the need to say that, to make it even more real. "You and I…" I look down, avoiding his eyes. "We…" can't. We shouldn't. We won't. Ever. "...didn't…"

He laughs lightly.

"Of course we didn't. Don't you think I would have known it if we would have?" he asks throwing me a meaningful, teasing glance.

"Right." it takes two to do… stuff. "But um…" _okay, Rose, be coherent and don't lose your shit for once!_ "What did you tell him that he didn't take us out of here?" this is what I want to know now. What lie did the master deliver?

"I told him that if we would have been doing it, he would have definitely known it."

"How?" my curiosity pushes my mouth to ask without actually thinking it.

"Do you really want to know?" he provokes me, lifting that damned eyebrow of his and entangling his fingers under his chin, his elbows widely propped on the table.

"No. I was just asking. Making conversation."

I get playing with the ketchup bottle, still boiling with curiosity on the inside, but trying to seem uncaring. I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

And he doesn't tell me. I hoped he would tell me anyway, but no. Good thing he listens to me only when it's convenient for him. Okay then, I won't beg.

So, we spend a couple of minutes in that pressing silence, me hardly chewing on my fries and him sipping from a coffee.

Until I can't take it anymore.

"Okay. Tell me." I finally break. "I want to know." even though I am aware I might regret hearing the answer, I am taking this risk. "How would he have known?"

He seems more than satisfied to see me like this. He knew I would break and he waited the perfect moment to glow.

He's watching me for a couple more seconds, still without saying anything, with only that stupid smile on his lips.

I try to seem easygoing, try to let him know I won't ask him again, and start playing with my cup of tea, rounding the tip of my finger on its edges, watching him, trying not to seem as eager to find out as I am on the inside.

He leans back in his chair, taking a more comfortable position and finally speaks, ending my little torture.

"You see, it's simple. He would have known because you would have been screaming."

"I beg your pardon?" my voice gets high pitched and I squeeze onto my mug, trying to keep myself steady.

I would have been screaming? What would he have done to me?

"And it wouldn't have lasted just two minutes," he continues without a single sign of emotion, but an obvious proudness filling his voice.

Yeah, look at him, I am more than sure that with that body he could go all nig-_ stop it!_ There, pinning me against the wall and_\- I mean it Rose, stop this! It's not sane_!

Embarrassed by my kinky thinking, all I find proper to do in this second, besides fighting to keep myself composed and not to blush like crazy, is to throw one of my perfect fries at him, trying to spoil that cocky perfection his face is. A thing that finally makes him smile, so proud of himself.

"You're _such_ a bastard." I even dare keep my eyes pinned on his, watching him hateful.

"Why?" he asks casually and reaches his hand towards my plate.

I slap his hand as soon as it gets too close.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm having some fries."

"The hell you are. These are mine." I even pull the plate closer to me. "Get your own plate if you want some."

"Very mature, love," he responds amused and leans back in his chair. "You said you weren't hungry."

Well, I said it just in spite of him. I admit it brings me some kind of pleasure to do stuff in spite of him. But of course, I won't let him know that.

"First, stop calling me like that. And second, you should have thought about it before talking shit. With you acting like this, I am not sharing anything with you."

"From what I remember, we already shared something more than a plate of fries," he reminds me with a little smile creeping at the corner of his lips.

Yes, we did. He's again insinuating stuff that make me feel uneasy. We shared a bed. And so many things happened in that bed. Things that I enjoyed. Things I wanted more of.

I throw another fry at him. It's better than using the mug. Hell, I'd throw so many things at him now.

"Oh, shut up. Nothing happened and-" nothing ever will I wanted to say but he didn't seem to listen to me.

"Hey, if you're wasting them, I am taking them away."

"Ha! I'd like to see you try."

That damned eyebrow of his rises again and he bends over the table towards me. He needs to stop doing that!

"Is that a challenge, love?"

"No. It's more like a threat." he has never seen me being protective over my food.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, _really_."

He only gets closer, provoking me.

"And what are you going to do?"

Right. What can I do?

I don't have an answer for him and he seems to like seeing it. It only makes him more daring. Because he reaches again for my plate, thinking that I won't do a thing. But I do. As I said, I like to prove him wrong.

I stop him in an instant, putting my hand over his and pressing it against the table, my fingers tightly wrapped on his palm.

This action of mine only makes him smile wider, so, so proud of him, this bastard.

I threaten him some more.

"I mean it. Hands off my fries, comrade."

"Or what, love?"

"Or…" I don't know what to say next, I continue to stare at him and squeeze his hand.

Mindlessly, I have mimicked his position, bending over the table toward him, and now we're both staring at each other from quite a small distance.

And as the seconds go by, the bigger the tension between us gets. The air gets thicker. More electric. The more I get conscious of what he might be seeing on my face. The harder my heart gets pounding. The sweatier my palms get. The drier my mouth. The tinglier my extremities. Especially my hand, where it touches his.

None of us breaks. And it gets harder and harder to look into his eyes, with each passing second.

But I get all the time I ever needed to observe his eyes, to study them. All this time I thought they're just brown and that's it. But no. Now, into the sun's light piercing through the window next to us and shining on the sharp edges of his face, I see I was wrong. There's not only one color I find. There are millions of hues of brown and honey and gold and light and darkness, all combining, swirling into his irises to create a leather-like color, which if I think now, matches with his old duster and goes perfectly with his tough, secretive attitude. His eyes are a mystery all by themselves. I can never guess what they're transmitting. It's always something else I find there, changing each second, turning this man into the biggest mystery I know. For example, his eyes are disturbingly human now. He dropped the cockiness, his stare isn't provoking anymore, but intense and he's now looking right inside me, seeing through months of me trying to hide myself. I feel him rummaging my being, just with a simple look. And I think I like it.

"Would you like more tea or coffee?"

I hear a woman's voice from my left and I panic and move my eyes away from his, looking down, more than aware of what was happening. I bet we were looking like some lovebirds. Which we're definitely not.

We both mumble a no thank you and she goes away, letting us, or maybe just me, bathe in embarrassment.

What was I doing? Why does he make me feel this way? Why am I letting him? And what in God's name was twisting in my stomach as I looked in his eyes? Nothing can ever twist there. Not for him. Never for him. I swear I am going to fight anything that I might be starting to feel for him. I am not starting to feel anything for him, he's a stranger to me! This is just my brain responding to him saving me so many times. Plus, it shouldn't happen. It would be wrong. And it won't happen. I will make sure of it.

He clears his throat, wanting to get my attention, and I lift my head, but not dare look at him.

"Shall we go?"

_Yes please_.

* * *

After a silent, eventless and long as hell car drive, he has found a room for us on the other side of the town, changing the cheap motel atmosphere for one of a cute looking hotel. I begin to wonder if this isn't something like convicts having their last meal kind of gesture. Maybe because I am to be killed soon, he's giving me a good night's sleep in a comfortable king-size bed. And I certainly need it after the long car ride we took to get here. My body hurts in places I didn't even know it could.

We check in under false names. And I swear that this guy is prepared for everything. He has about five IDs for me and even more for him.

After the nice woman at the counter takes our data, she hands me my new ID and I get to see what a fine piece of illegal stuff is that. It looks just like mine, from all the angles. But what bothers me is who I am now.

At least, I would have liked to pick my name if there is nothing else in my life that I have control over. I have always wished to have a badass name, something like Athena or another goddess, or some warrior sounding name, or maybe even one of the names the great women in the books I read have. Something to make me feel confident and powerful and empowered just by hearing someone call my name.

But well, at this very moment, the name I have been given seems too boring for the short, full of action life I am supposed to live from now on.

And, as we make our way to our room, I can't help but pick on him for this. We haven't quarreled in quite a while, in fact, we haven't been speaking at all until now, and nobody wants us to get out of practice, right? We're too good at it. We make quite a show. Maybe we should start selling tickets. Wanna buy some?

"_Mary_, comrade?"

"Huh?"

"This." I show him the rectangle in my hand. "Mary? Like in, I don't know, Virgin Mary?"

He just nods as he is busy with opening the door.

"Couldn't you find the second most common name around?"

"Why would I? It seems to suit you," he says with a shrug. "You're not too different from her. Am I right, Miss I-can't-even-say-sex-without-my-cheeks-burning?"

Ouch. That was a hit under the belt. With a goddamn hammer. This situation turned against me pretty fast, don't you think? _Well, you were asking for it. If you would have shut up_…

His obvious suggestion about what happened last night made my ears turn red in an instant from embarrassment, just by remembering those shameless things he made me think of and all the other things he made me feel. And oh, the stupid things I said to him, all those lies.

And I proved him right. I can't even think about sex around him without blushing.

"Well, at least I- I…" I what? I have no upper hand here. Hell, there's no hand at all for me!

Seeing me not finding my words, a stupid half smile spreads on those perfect lips of his as he holds the door open for me and waits for me to enter.

"You what?" he pushes it.

You know what? I won't bow my head. I won't let him win. I stop in front of him and look at him, arms crossed and eyes squinted as I think of a proper comeback.

But ugh, my brain cannot come with one and now I am sitting in front of him looking stupider with each passing second!

His smile only widens.

"After you, _Mary_." he gestures me to enter.

You little bastard! My blood is boiling and it's a miracle smoke doesn't go out my nostrils. I'll pay him back one day, I swear. Or better. I'll suffocate him in his sleep one day. Tonight maybe.

"Oh, go to hell, Igor." I slam the ID card onto his chest and get inside, carrying the too little pride I have left. "I hate you so much right now..."

But he has to have the last word.

"Change the tune, love. That's getting old."

I turn and get back to him.

"Really? Then listen to this. You can-" hell, I haven't ever said bad stuff to anyone. What can I tell him to leave me be?

"I can what?" he doesn't lose the cockiness.

"You can…"

"Come on, love, say it. I know you can."

His mocking gets me angrier than ever.

"Why do you have to be such a nuisance?!"

"Oh, don't pretend you don't like it, love."

My jaw drops. "I… I…" do I?_ Oh, I think you do_. "I don't! Not at all! You're the only one enjoying doing this stuff!"

"And do you want to know why?"

"Yes. I would very much do like to know that." at least to know one of his reasons.

He comes closer, invading my space once more. And he is keeping that cocky attitude.

"You see, love," he smiles and brings a hand up to play with a strand of my hair, curling it around his finger. "Around you, I can't help it."

"Right. Because I am just the person to pick on, to mock. I bet you're having lots of fun."

My voice comes out hurt, and I do my best to try and hide it from my expression. As I previously said, I am his ego booster.

He frowns deeply and shakes his head as he puts that strand behind my ear.

"No, love. You didn't get it. It's not that."

"Then _what_?!"

He caresses my cheek and his smile softens, his eyes watching me again in_ that way_.

"Your dimples are adorable. When you get angry, you make this fa-"

"You're messing with me again!" I push him away from me. "I really thought you would be serious this very time but you- you… Go to hell!"

I turn around and go straight through the only door available, besides the exit door and get hiding from him in the bedroom.

I don't think I can do the Russian thing for longer. I'll end up scooping my eyes out.

**DPOV**

And here I am, fucking up again. I didn't, in any way, want to mess with her. I just wanted to be honest. I wanted to… I don't even know what I wanted to do. But not this.

But again, it didn't work in my favor.

What the fuck do I do now? _Just don't go in there. It will only get worse_.

Worse than this? I doubt it. She already thinks the worst of me.

**RPOV**

I get inside and head straight to the bathroom, before he decides to follow me.

Here is it. The only place I can be completely alone. At least physically because as hard it is for me to admit, this man is present in my mind more than he should. And he shouldn't be present at all. But I do think about him. About what he does, to be more exact.

How is it possible that a man like him awakens so many things in me? Things I like?! Nobody got me feeling this way. And out of all the people it has to be him?! Ugh, I am fucked up big time.

But maybe some water will do me some good. _Yes, if you drown in it._ Or him. I can drown him. I should drown him and get rid of the source of my problems.

Locking the door behind me, I strip down and get the water running into the shower, stupidly thinking that some water will bring some clarity to my mind. I hope it does.

I don't know how much time passed but as I was sitting on the shower floor contemplating my life, the air inside began to turn cold and the skin on my palms and feet got all very wrinkly. So it must have been a while. This is when I decide to get out of there, even though I wasn't feeling like it.

As I am patting on my skin with the puffy towel provided by the hotel, he knocks lightly on the door.

"Rose? Are you okay?"

He doesn't need to rescue me from every bathroom I get into.

"Yeah, comrade. I didn't die in here, I am still breathing." for now at least. "You'll still be the one who gets to kill me. Yay to me!" I fake excitement. "Now go away."

As he gets an answer from me, he doesn't insist on anything, he just tells me that the food he ordered for dinner got here, then I only hear silence on the other side of the door, and I assume he left. Good. I so don't want him to get in here. I don't want him anyway near me soon.

I resume to dressing up with the same clothes I have been wearing until now. His damned clothes. But I can't really complain. Even though I know I look like a homeless person dressed in them, they feel nice on me. Comfy and baggy. Just how I like it. Comforting too. Because I enjoy being covered by his smell. I can't get enough of it. It has become one of my guilty pleasures. _Yeah, you have a lot of those lately. All concerning him_.

The long, hot shower I took made me mellow and a little hungry, but I don't want to get out of the room. Seeing him would only remind me of my captivity and all of the other things and I want to avoid this as much as I can.

But to my luck, I don't have to go out there. The room I am in has a little fridge in it. I so love hotel rooms that provide this thing.

I look through it and I find some snacks and beverages in it, that will do just fine. I get out a box of Smarties and all the little glass bottles containing alcohol I see because I think, why not enjoy myself a little? Detense, relax, call it what you want, but forget about everything else.

There is some unfiltered beer, some vodka beverage, a thing resembling a cocktail, which is pink and I really like it, and something vanilla flavored, just my favorite.

I am not a big drinker, I never drank more than a cocktail at the too little parties I have gone to, and I almost got drunk only once in my life, a thing that led to the palpitating events I am living now. But hey, it can't get any worse than this, right?

And right now I feel like pouring something down my throat. Because I am too sober for this situation. Some alcohol might make things better. You never know.

In the worst case scenario, I would fall from the bed while I try to get some sleep and end up sleeping on this wooden floor. No biggie, I have slept on worse things in some of my hikes with Mase.

So, with nothing to worry about things getting a bad turn, I get up on the bed and open the bottles one by one and drown my sorrows into the sweet, tongue prickling liquids. Let's make the Russian spend some cash on the pricy beverages.

* * *

**Oh, I have more stuff to say :) **

**In the next chapter I am planning to do two things. One, someone will say a special word starting with R. And two, someone will be getting rid of some clothing. What do you think it's hiding underneath, of course, besides a perfectly shaped six pack?**

**Till next time, lots of loooovee! **


	17. I want you Roza, but not like this

**I want you Roza, but not like this**

**DPOV**

After I checked on her, I decided that I should give her some more time alone. Isn't that what she wanted all day long? Plus, she didn't sound very cheerful as she spoke to me, and let's be honest, who could blame her? She is trying to deal with this mess as best as she can and she is doing it better than I expected. Of course, despite the snappy, difficult attitude she gets from time to time.

I thought she went to sleep, but about half an hour later, the door from the bedroom opens and Rose gets out of the room. She stops for a second in the doorway, looks around the room and when her eyes land on me she laughs lightly.

"There you are, comrade!"

She sounds oddly excited. How come she is so happy to see me?

She puts a hand on the wall next to her and starts coming my way, walking weirdly and wobbling left and right with each step. Is she sick again?

I get up and want to go to her, to catch her if she might fall, but she points her index at me.

"Oh, no! Don't you… _dare _come closer. I can… _walk_ by myself. I have my friend here… the wall," she's patting it. "To… support me,"

Her voice has something changed in it and I can't pinpoint what.

"Rose, what's the matter with you?"

"What… makes you ask that?"

"You're walking weirdly." everything seems weird about her now.

"Oh, I might… be a little tipsy." I can see better how _little drunk_ she is. "But the stuff I've drunk? _Awesome_. I don't know why I didn't try that stuff until now."

Not saying anything more, she gets past the sofa from where I am watching her struck dumb, and with her hands extended to the sides, she goes directly to the table where I have my papers.

She's drunk. _Drunk_. Will this woman ever cease to surprise me?

"Sooooo, comrade…" she turns her head and looks at me frowning. "You were my little stalker, right? Remind me, for how long now?"

She doesn't wait for any answer and turns her back to me and picks some of the papers there and looks at them as she props herself with one hand on the table, leaning over it a little.

The one she picked has her photo and name on it. Maybe I should have gotten rid of them earlier, but I didn't get the chance to do so. I was in the process of doing that. But obviously, I have more important stuff to deal with now.

She spends some seconds trying to decipher what is written on them and squints her eyes while bringing the paper closer to her face and she even pushes up her nose some imaginary glasses. I didn't know she has such bad problems with her eyes. Not that she would be able to understand what's on them even if she would have her glasses on.

"_Wow_, comrade, not even my mother knows this much about me. What? Have you been spying on me?"

She laughs heartily, being amused by her little joke, that sound echoing into the room. And I must say it's quite a laughter. It's distinct and colorful and untamed. It's something new I heard from her. I kind of like it.

"Do you get it? _Spying_ on me?"

But words fail me. I don't know how to react to all this.

"Come on, comrade. It was a good joke, don't spoil it." she pouts now. "No? Nothing? You're a party pooper. You decide to be serious in the most inappropriate moments."

Upset, she tries to put the papers back on the table, but she misses, and they end up spread on the floor. At this, she shrugs, then passes a hand through her hair, not bothering with the papers anymore.

"Oh, God, this is so weird, isn't it? And I don't even know what you know about me. Why does this have to be so hard to read, huh? Why can't your letters be normal? I mean, who decided to write a P and call it an R? And what is the deal with that flipped R? And don't get me started with-"

She keeps on babbling, but I am not really listening. I am too busy cursing the fate under my breath as I am going her way.

This is exactly what I needed to happen now. If by any bad chance we get found again, how am I supposed to take care of her in this condition? The alcohol seems to be fully in control of her and I don't know how she is when she's drunk. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if her stubbornness will get worse.

Goddamnit, Rose. You love to put me through all kinds of stuff like this.

I should have checked the room better. But how could I have known that she will decide to drink that much anyway? She told me that she doesn't even drink.

"Hey, big boy," she points her index towards me again, probably trying to be threatening. "That there is like, five dollars to the cookie jar. Maybe more."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, just because you are not saying them in English, thinking that I can't understand them, it doesn't mean that you are not speaking bad words. And anyway, your tone is giving it away big time. Oh, and you make this face when you say them. Every single time, I swear. It's like this."

She exaggeratedly knits her brows and pouts her lips, trying to mimic an angry expression, at which she fails with grace because she tries not to let out the amusement that's filling her now.

Okay. I might be frowning when I get mad, but I definitely don't frown like that.

Seeing her pull this face makes me smile. For a second, I forget the fact that I should be upset with her for what she did and just smile at her silliness.

I haven't seen her like this before. The alcohol made her loosen up a little. A little more, in fact. She got playful too, I dare say. Maybe she won't get more stubborn than usual after all. Who would have thought that under all that weirdness and shyness and snappiness that is covering her, she is like this?

Wait a second. This is the second time she responds to something I have said in my language. Did she understand me? I have no acknowledgement of her knowing it. There are no mentions of it in her CVs. Or anywhere else.

"Do you know Russian?"

"Who, _me_? _Nooo_. How could I? No." while chuckling, she shakes her head too. "It's _way _too complicated for me. Didn't I tell you about me not understanding your alphabet? How do you call it? Ci- um… no, not that. Cyr- Cyr-" she puffs. "Come on. Give me a hand here."

"Cyrillic."

"Yes!" she gets overly excited. "That was it! _Stupid_ word. Even its name is hard-"

"Rose." I stop her mumbling.

"Yes? What's the matter?"

"You didn't finish explaining."

She looks at me, eyebrows knitted. "Explain what?"

"How come you knew what I was saying?" did she forget that fast?

"Yeah, right. But you see, I don't get it all. Just little parts. Here's why. I work at this multicultural kintergar- ah, but you already know that. I guess you know more things about that place than I do. Oh! We should sit and gossip a little about Angela. I am almost sure she-"

"Love, you're beside the point."

"Right, right, comrade." she leans over the table again and starts walking her fingers across the edge of the chair next to her. "There is this cute little boy that is Russian and God, doesn't he have a bad mouth? I don't even know where he learned all of those bad words from. Maybe it's his bigger brother. He seems the swearing type. He's a shameless, college jock that thinks he can hit on anything that has legs after all, like all men," she says revolted. "But _anyway_, I guess I learned a thing or two from him."

Still holding onto the table with one hand, she now leans forward, like someone would do when they are sharing a secret, and her voice gets whispery.

"To be honest, I even searched some of them on the internet, to be sure that if I would hear them from him I would recognize them. And they got stuck to my mind. Not that I would use them. I am not the swearing type. Even though Mase thought I should be." She smiles. "He had a complex vocabulary when it came to that." she looks down at her feet and sighs. "But I don't know what to say about that..."

It takes her a moment to continue speaking as she gets distracted by the artificial flowers on the table and leans towards them to smell them. She gets disappointed by their nonexistent smell because she pulls a little face.

"So, yeah. He is the reason I have implemented the cookie jar policy among my kids. I didn't want the other kids to pick up to that. So, for every bad word they say-"

She stops speaking, being distracted this time by her grumbling stomach and she looks at it frowning, like not understanding what's happening.

Of course she is hungry. I bet this is how she got that drunk in the first place.

"Let's get you some food." and then some sleep. As soon as possible.

"No. We _won't_," she decides, speaking irritated out of nowhere.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to." she looks at me frowning. "Plus, I am done with doing anything you're telling me to, _Mister Bossy_. I won't do what you want. Ever again." she resists some more, her lips pouting, making her look cute rather than threatening.

"Rose, you need to eat something. It's not that I want you to. You need to. For yourself. You're hungry."

She wraps her arms on her again grumbling stomach.

"And you need to mind your own damn business, comrade. I am doing what I want and if I don't want to eat, I won't eat. Maybe I want to starve. Did you think about that?"

Coming from her, nothing seems surprising for me anymore.

But again, I can't let her starve. Maybe it will even lessen her drunkenness. Or prevent some of its effects.

So even she likes it or not, she'll eat something.

I get closer to her, her eyes following me to where she is, I guess, standing her ground, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Look. You fainted on me earlier today. And I can even hear how hungry you are now. Why won't you eat something?"

"Nice to see you have a good hearing," she snaps and I can't help but smile. I was right. The alcohol makes her more stubborn. "But I won't take a bite from anything. I don't want to."

"I ordered Chinese."

The idea seems tempting to her, I can see her thinking about it.

"No, thanks."

She is a stubborn one, that's sure. Too bad that she keeps on doing it in the least favorable moments. And for the not so well thought reasons.

"And don't you even _think_ about touching me. You _won't_ force me to. I am not letting you try to impose yourself on me again."

Does she think I'm doing that? _Aren't you?_ But just because she's so uncooperative! How come anything I do, I end up being the bad guy for her?_ Aren't you?_

"You are being stubborn again."

"So what? Is that annoying you?" she gets a little cocky, knowing that it does.

"A little, yes."

"_Good_."

_Okay, Dimitri, remember, she is drunk_.

So I need to bring some sense in her alcohol-drenched thoughts. She'll see I'm right and not trying to make her do stuff just for the sake of it.

"Come on. Why would you starve yourself? What would a long, painful death help you with?"

"_Dunno_, comrade. How would a short fast one?" doesn't she have a point here?

"Come on. Eat something. You'll feel sicker if you don't. Especially in the morning when the hangover will-"

"No." she emphasizes each letter. "It's a simple English word. Don't you get it? I think I know the Russian one if you want to hear that too."

Okay. If the nice way doesn't work, it never seems to, then she'll have to respond to some threats, right?

"I will shove it down your throat."

"Ha! I'd like to see you try that."

"No love, you don't." and I don't even want to see myself do that. It will only give her more reasons to hate me.

She continues to sit there, leaning over the table for support, her arms crossed and her eyes like daring me to do it. And if she keeps on pushing it, I'll do it, I swear.

I can't hide my frustration anymore.

"Don't make me ask you a third time, Rose. You won't like it."

"Why do you insist on me to eat?"

"Because I know better. You-"

She rolls her eyes, and it's like she's doing it on purpose. She knows the things to do to push me to the edge of madness. She is unbelievably good at it.

"You _know them all." _she extends her palms in the air, gesticulating widely. "Then tell me."

"Tell you what?"

She takes some seconds to think about it.

"Tell me… why do crackers have holes in them, huh?"

I swear she is dead serious. She is not fucking with me.

"What?"

"You claim you know them all. Then tell me that. Prove to me you know them all. Tell me the answer to my question. It's one curiosity if mine."

Who would have thought that she could say something like this? The conversation has derailed way too much.

"Rose, how many times have you been drunk?"

My question catches her unprepared. She scratches the back of her head and looks around the room, thinking.

"I um… I…" she again pushes her imaginative glasses up her nose. "A couple of times," she finally answers, trying to seem serene. "What? Am I not allowed to enjoy myself from time to time?"

"But you see, you told me yesterday that you never did."

"Nothing gets past you, doesn't it?" she says under her breath. "But how many times did _you _get this drunk? I bet the answer is _zero_._" _

Oh, love, you're so wrong.

"How come are you so sure about it?"

"Because you, Mister…" she looks at me smiling, while her finger pokes my chest. "Are control-obsessed. That's what you are, comrade. And getting drunk..." she stops for a second, trying to keep herself steady on her feet. "It means losing that control. That's why I'm so sure."

"I am not control-obsessed." how many times does she want to hear this?

"_Really_?"

"Look, love. I got drunk enough times to know you need to _fucking eat."_

"Aw, someone got upset because things aren't going his way?" her voice gets a fakely affected tone. "And you say that you're not control-obsessed?"

_Calm, Dimitri. Be calm. _

"Rose, I swear to God that-"

"Why do you care so much if I eat or not? Really now, comrade. What's the deal?"

Because… fuck! Because I don't think I want her to die. Especially not on me. Or like that. It's a terrible death. I don't want her to die at all!

But she won't hear these words from me. Instead, I spit my anger for me on her.

"Because if you don't eat, you will get weak and sick and all! And _I'll _have to be the one to deal with that! I'll have to carry you around and be your baby sitter and I'll-"

I stop before I say more things I'll regret. I shouldn't speak to her like this.

She grits her teeth and slaps the table, matching my anger.

"Well, that is _your_ problem! _Not mine!_ So deal with it however you want. But sign me out of it."

She detaches from the table and wants to walk away from me.

Like I would let her. This was the last drop.

"Fine. I will deal with it. Right now. But don't you say later that I didn't try to deal with you the nice way."

She puffs and rolls her eyes once again, just in spite.

"You don't even know what _nice_ means. I bet it even burns your throat to pronounce that."

"Yeah, you're right. I am completely incapable of being that."

All I need now is to prove it to her.

I get a hold of her elbow and drag her towards me, not giving her any way of escaping.

"You're not the boss of me! Let go of me. And I am _not_ eating!"

"Oh, you will."

By easily dodging her sloppy punches, I get a hold of her and lift her, holding her tight onto my chest as she struggles, but without any success. Her moves are way too uncoordinated.

"Put me down, you brute!"

"You quite enjoy calling me like that."

"Well you're acting like one and you're big and scary after all, so why the hell wouldn't I?!" she yells as she's trying to push me away.

Her words make me stop in place, startled by what I am doing and what's happening. And feeling me stop moving, so does she. I even loosen my grip on her, holding her normally now.

"You think I'm scary?" am I scaring her? _You think you don't? Look at what you're doing now._

She sighs, rubs her eyes and then puts her hand on my shoulder.

"I um… didn't mean it to come out like that."

"But is it true?" She bites on her lips, obviously distressed. "Tell me."

"Um… only _sometimes_… I mean…" she puts her hair behind her ears. "Look. You're not the bogeyman. But you get sometimes imposing and... when you do stuff like these and… and when you throw me that look."

"What look?"

"You _know _what look," she says and gives me a piece of my own medicine.

Okay, I know what look she is talking about. But what can I do if I can't help it around her? I lose it way too fast and no matter how hard I try not to.

"Now, will you put me down? Please?"

"Sure."

I take some more steps and put her on the couch.

"So, what am I doing here?" she asks sniggering.

"You're going to eat, of course."

"Sure," she says crossing her arms and getting a better position on the sofa. "It's not like my opinion matters anyway."

I sit too and open the little delivery containers, then put them in front of her for her to choose.

"It does, Rose."

"Really? It _does_?"

"Look. I will ask you nicely. Eat something, please, for your good."

"Not gonna happen."

Then, my last resort is to do it myself, right? I tried it the nice way, the bad one too. But she decided to refuse. I will insist.

"It is happening, love."

I get one spring pack and bring it to her mouth, but she keeps her lips pressed tightly. She's acting like a three years old. It's quite funny, I won't deny it. A little annoying, but still, funny.

"Stop being stubborn. It will do you good. Now eat."

_And you're acting like her father. The next thing you should do is tell her "Open, here comes the airplane"._

She keeps on dodging away at each of my attempts, refusing to cooperate.

So I start tickling her.

And it works. She tries to get a hold of my hand and push it away, but not manages to do so. She is chortling and squeaking and telling me to stop while her body is squirming under me.

When I see my occasion, I put the piece of food in her mouth. She gasps surprised and I stop tickling her.

But guess what? In the little bustle we made, while she was trying to get away from me and me closer to her, I was the one who has won. There are now only a few centimeters keeping our faces and bodies apart and I'm halfway on her.

She is breathing heavily while munching and her chest is pressing against mine in between the short exhales. She is looking in my eyes, and I see she's upset, but I am nothing less than satisfied. I warned her after all.

She swallows the food with a loud gulp and licks her lips, leaving them parted, her breath coming out in short puffs. Those damned rosy, full lips. How I wish to touch them. To feel them. And not only with my fingers. Are they as sweet as that smell of hers that's hidden under my clothes? Would her skin taste the same? How I wish to find out. Would she let me find out? What if-

"That's not fair playing, comrade," she whines and makes me snap out of it.

I get up and go back to my place in a flash, getting as far as possible from her, into the opposite corner of the sofa.

"Maybe it's not." I try to avoid her eyes before I might do something reckless. "But now, the question is: will you eat the rest by yourself or do you need a little more help?"

Please, Rose, agree already. I don't think I will control myself a second time. If I touch her again…

"You're insufferable, you know that? You die or something if it doesn't go your way?"

"Would that be a good enough reason to make you eat?"

She laughs. "Fine, fine. I don't want to have you too on my consciousness."

She gives in and reaches for the box of spring rolls, pushes her back into the sofa and finally and thankfully, starts eating.

"Comrade?"

"What?"

"Have _you _eaten anything lately?" she points a half bitten roll at me. "Because if you did not… you should," she says in a slightly threatening tone and I can't resist the temptation of responding.

"Or what?"

"Or… " she smiles as she thinks about it. "Or else I could stop eating. And maybe start yelling for help. Or maybe…"

"And if I eat too, will you not do that?"

I give in without any other arguing because she wants to win this. So I let her. At least she stopped resisting.

"Maybe. Or maybe not." she shrugs, trying to seem easygoing.

She reaches for a napkin, then looks at the other boxes, carefully studying what's in them. When she finds the vegetables, she scrunches her nose in displease.

"The broccoli is definitely yours, comrade. You're the healthy one." she pushes that box with one finger towards me. "Oh, and these…" she takes the shanghai chicken, snatches it, in fact, and some rice too. "Are so mine," she says playfully, and even smiles.

How come her moods change so fast? She was annoyed a minute ago.

_How come yours does too? _It's her. She's messing with my head. _And you're letting her._

She decides to take the other box of rice too. But I find myself having to stop her.

"I don't think you want to eat that."

She almost cuddles the box to her chest, trying to get it away from me.

"Oh, but I do. I'm starv-" she stops and bites her lips hard. "It um… it looks good. And you wanted me to eat. Why are you stopping me now?"

"I am not. But it has walnuts in it."

"I see." she hands it to me reluctant. "How come you know that?" she laughs. "Oh, why am I even asking? You have been following me, right?" I nod. It's not like she doesn't already know this. "Again, for how long did that go on?"

"About a month."

This is the only information she will get. I'll have to find a way to stop the train of questions that's coming next.

"_Wow_."

That is all she had to say, as she is quite busy now with the chopsticks, ripping their package. I would really want to see her try and eat with those.

But she thinks things through and ditches the chopsticks on the table.

"Don't we have some other cutlery? Because… yeah… I mean, I could stuff my face in it, but that's not lady-like and I am already not such a lady in many ways so..." she smiles at me, wide, parading her teeth.

I hand her a fork and after she thanks me, she gets back to eating and me to watching how much food she can eat. That has always been a mystery for me. The fastness with which it is happening too. I like it that she has no cares about any diet.

"And what do you think?" she asks me with her mouth half full as she already ditches an empty box.

"About what?"

"About me, of course. After a month, you should have an opinion, right?"

I have plenty. But not opinions. Curiosities. Would she answer if I'd ask?

"Am I weird? Do you think I'm boring? Am I a cat lady material? Not _literally_, of course, because I have a dog, but you get what I mean. Or who knows? Maybe I would… yes, if I get out of this alive… maybe I could get some cats too and-"

"Rose, stop that."

"_No_." she points the fork towards me. "Let me finish."

She thinks about it while she extends over the table and gets a box closer, then starts munching on the second portion of spring rolls.

"Um… a grandma? A loner? Annoying, that I know I've been to you, and he used to tell that to me all the time and," she sighs, passing a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry for that, comrade. I _meant_ to be a pain in the ass and I haven't been the best company-"

I open my mouth to stop her, to tell her that she should stop thinking like that about herself, but she again points that fork at me and I close my mouth like I would truly be afraid of that piece of plastic.

"I said let me finish. Then you can choose. Where were we? Oh, I know! A loser? That's definitely it. Or, oh, of course, the biggest idiot on this earth?" she walks her eyes around the room, then sighs. "I guess that's it. You may speak now and thanks for letting me finish."

Why does she think all that about herself?

"So?" she asks when I don't respond.

"So what?"

"_So_, what do you think?"

"I think that my opinion doesn't matter." mostly, I think she won't believe me if I'd tell her.

"Pff." she rolls her eyes. Is this her trademark? "So it is a bad one?" she asks bothered. "Of course it is. Why wouldn't-"

"As I said, I don't think my opinion matters, as long as you like who you are."

She laughs copiously, but not really amused.

_"That's_ the problem, comrade. Do I _like _myself? How could I? I'm such an idiot."

"Don't be so harsh on yourself."

"Why wouldn't I? I am the biggest fool in town."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"No? Because I think it describes me perfectly. Each word I said."

"They don't."

"How come?"

"Because it's not true. It wasn't your fault, you're not to blame, and you're not stupid or a fool or anything for it."

"Wasn't I stupid? I beg to differ. There were so many signs. And I missed them all. Because I am _that_ stupid!"

She angrily disposes of the box on the table, then pulls her knees up to her chest and rounds her hands on them. With a deep sad sigh, she looks away. This is not good. Her mood got bad.

"Maybe I should have added blind as hell to that list too. I should have seen it coming. It's all my fault." her voice gets fainter with each word,

"No. It's not." but she doesn't respond. "Hey. Rose. Look at me."

She doesn't move, and I take the initiative and get closer to her, covering the distance between the two ends of the sofa.

When I take her hand in mine and soothe it with my thumb, she lifts her head and looks at me, her eyes already full of tears.

"It's not your fault, love."

She nods, contradicting me. A tear spills out of her eye and I wipe it hastily, now my thumb walking left and right under her eye. I don't want to see her like this again. I need to make her stop feeling this low.

"He had an explanation for everything, right?"

"He always did."

Her voice breaks as she starts crying for good, her chest spasming each time she tries to take a breath in.

_Good one, Dimitri. You made things considerably better. _

"And I believed him as the stupid, well-behaved girlfriend I was," she barely says between sobs. "I never questioned anything. I'm such an idiot…" she wheezes as she struggles to breathe and wipe her tears. "I deserve this…"

"No… Roza..."

I won't sit around and do nothing. I take my chances, knowing that she might push me away, but I can't stand to see her like this.

I pull her to me and she doesn't fight it, she just slides her feet down the sofa and liquefies in my arms, planting her forehead into my chest and continues to cry as I do my best trying to soothe her pain, her frail body shaking with sobs.

"It's not your fault, love."

Her palm clutches on my T-shirt.

"It is…"

I continue to contradict her and hold her tight, until she stops shaking and her crying calms, but her tears have already soaked my T-shirt.

She decides to move and pulls away, just a little, enough for me to see her bloodshot, puffy, teary eyes.

Her head tilts upward and her eyes meet mine. For a second we sit and look at each other, nothing around us moving, but soon enough she starts blinking fast, dissipating the remaining tears in her eyes. Then, they start moving up and down on my face, moving from my eyes down towards my mouth and back up and I do the same, watching her biting on her plump bottom lip as her breathing starts to get heavier.

"Can I ask you something?" she speaks first. Whispers, in fact.

"Sure."

But she doesn't say anything, she just stares at me, her eyes following the same movement pattern as earlier.

"What is it that you want to ask me?"

"No. It's stupid. Forget it."

"Why do you think everything you do or say is stupid?"

"Because this one really is."

"Try me."

"No… it really is stupid."

"Let me decide that. Tell me."

"I want to know if…" she looks down, and her fingers start playing with the hem of my T-shirt.

"If…?"

"Did you… want to…"

"Come on. Say it."

"Did you want to kiss me yesterday?" she blurts it out and tilts her head to look back at me.

Her question startles me as I never expected her to ask me such a thing. But I decide to be honest.

"I did."

"You did?" surprise fills her voice and expression.

I get my hand on her cheek, getting rid of the last evidence of her pain from her face.

"Yes."

"And… um… do you… think about it now?"

Oh, goddamnit. "I do, Roza." I have been thinking about it since yesterday.

"I do too," she confesses and gulps, then gets a little closer to me, stopping midway with her lips parted.

On instinct, I do that too, I lean forward, indicating her that I want that too, gosh, how much I want it, it is eating me alive, but, with the last piece of rational thinking I have, I stop before going all the way. I'll let her make the final step if she really wants it.

Should I do this? No. But still, I don't pull away and wait for her to move.

Her hand gets first up on my neck and next into my hair and I get an arm around her waist and pull her closer to me, obtaining a light gasp from her.

She tilts her head to one side and comes closer, going as far as to bringing our skins together, brushing her lips on mine.

I feel our lips brushing so lightly, her skin soft and full, I feel her fingers roaming on my scalp, her breath hot on my lips. And gosh, I want so much more.

But along that sweetness her lips promise, I feel the alcohol too.

When things are so close to getting further, when she decides to move further, trying to press her lips harder on mine, a signal shots through my brain. This shouldn't happen. I shouldn't be doing this! I have to do something to stop this.

I want to kiss her with all my being. Only God knows how much I want that. But not for the wrong reasons. I'd like her to want this sober, not when she's in this vulnerable state. I won't take advantage of this.

"Rose…" I clear my throat, my mouth feeling full of sand. "Stop." I move my mouth out of her way.

"What happened?"

"No, love."'

She frowns. "But you said…"

"I know what I said. But you are drunk. And I am not going to take advantage of you. I am not even… No."

She chuckles and tries to pull me back to her, and I let myself led by her, our faces getting closer again.

"Comrade, I know I am drunk. But you make this sound so bad."

"Because it is."

"No, it's not. We both want it."

She tries to kiss me once more and this time, I pull away from her for goods, putting as much distance between us as the sofa lets me.

"Rose, _stop."_

She looks at me confused and passes a hand through her hair.

"Why? Don't you think I am pretty enough for you?"

How can she think this? She is all I can think about lately, and ugly is none of the words I would choose to describe her.

I lift the T-shirt that has slid down her shoulder and put her hair behind her ear.

"No, Roza. I think…" I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. "It's not about that."

"Yeah. You don't want me. You think I am not good enough for you." Her words get more hurting than the previous ones.

She wants to pull away, but I drag her back to me. God, if she would only know how much I want her.

"No, Rose. You don't underst-"

"I _do_ understand. Quite well. I might be stupid, but not _that_ stupid. You don't want anyone's sloppy seconds. You have dignity. And I… I am making a fool of myself. I am sorry if…" she sighs and brushes the skin on her arms. "Gosh, what am I even doing? I am sorry…"

I get a hold of her face and make her look me in the eyes.

"Look. I am going to be completely honest with you. I want you, even though I know I shouldn't. Gosh, I _do_ want you. But I am not sure that now you want me too. Until you got drunk you didn't even want to talk to me. Be around me. I want you Roza, but not like this. It would be wrong towards you. You are drunk and you are hurt and I don't want you to do anything that you might get to regret later."

"I don't…" she bites her lips letting the phrase unfinished and I get a bit of my confirmation.

"If you would still want me when you are sober, then fine. But not now. And not like this. I wouldn't do such a thing to you. It's not fair."

She looks at me bewildered for a second, and then she starts laughing hard.

"What's that funny out of nowhere?"

"I was thinking what the hell I could do to embarrass myself more in front of you because what person right in the head could hit on her kidnaper like this and gosh, I just did it and… and now…" she laughs some more, but in a few seconds, her laughing turns into crying again. "Oh, gosh, you're right. This… this is wrong. I can't kiss you. I shouldn't want it. I'm… I'm sorry. I shouldn't… I just thought you… Everything's a mess. _I'm _a mess. I'm so messed up now. I'm sorry."

She passes her hands through her hair and sighs interrupted by new sobs that shake her and she keeps on apologizing even though it's hard for her to speak.

I cup her wet cheeks and lift her head, making her babbling stop, and I am moving my fingers up and down through her strands as her big glossy eyes pin mine curious.

"Listen to me. It's okay to be a mess."

"How come?"

Because she's such a beautiful mess.

"Because you can only get better from there."

She smiles lightly and sniffs her nose. "You're a zen teacher too, comrade?"

No, I am far away from that.

"Do you have other lessons to teach? I might need some now. A lot of them."

I slide my hands down on her shoulders and across her arms, then take her hands in mine.

"Nothing to teach. But to say."

"Say what?"

"That you shouldn't blame yourself. Because you're not the one to blame. You did nothing wrong."

"I don't know wha-"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"That. What I have just said."

She smiles once more, this time a little wider and her hands respond to mine by squeezing them.

"I… It's… It's not… It's not my fault."

"Good. Now say it like you mean it."

At this, she laughs. "Have you taken the same inspirational courses as him?"

"As who?"

My question makes her eyes sadden and again fill with tears and she gets her hands out of mine to deal with that.

"I can't…" she shakes her head like brushing something away. "No one." I guess she remembered a thing that Haynes used to do, and I feel bad for being the one reminding her of him. "Really. No one."

I decide not to push things. I don't want to make things worse. She just stopped crying.

"What do you say if you'd get some sleep?" I decide to ask for her opinion rather than rush her in bed.

And I guess some sleep will do her some good. It's the only thing I can think of to make things better.

She nods. "Yes. That there, is a good idea comrade. We don't want for me to make this night even weirder with my shitty talking and dumb behavior. Sorry for having to stand me." Oh, Rose, I don't mind at all. "You're… you're mad at me for…that thing? Why am I even asking? Of cour-"

"No."

"No? But I- What I did…"

"No."

She pats my thigh, smiling lightly.

"You… you're nice considering the pain in the ass I have been and… what I've done now… I am really…"

"Don't apologize for it again. I am not mad at you for anything."

I bring my hand over hers, wanting to reassure her, but she takes her back just like touching me has burned her.

"Here I was, making things weird again." She tries to sound jokingly. "I'll better go hit the sack before I mess thing even more than I did for the past five minutes. I'm sorry once again and… Goodnight, comrade."

She doesn't wait for an answer, just gets up quite fast for the state she is in and takes two steps away from the couch.

And that's all she manages to do because she comes across the edge of the carpet and trips, being on her way to hit the coffee table.

I don't even remember when I got up and caught her, but now I am holding her tightly pressed on me as my arms are wrapped around her middle, and her forehead is pressing into my chest for a second time this night.

Oh, and did I mention the fact that in this little commotion, her hands ended up trapped somewhere where I don't think I can take it for them to be now? Like very close to a place under my waistband. And she's not even aware of it.

"God, you're so fast. Are you even human?" she asks amused.

When she breaks contact, taking a step back and trying to get into a straight position, it's not quite working.

"Whoopsies,"' she says as she loses her balance again and I steady her on her feet before she ends up sprawled on the floor, and this time I make sure I keep my hand on her shoulder.

What have you done, love? How much did you drink? And didn't any of it go away until now?

As she looks back at me, a wide, silly smile spreads on her face, lighting it up. What happened now?

"Look! There are two of you now. This only means double trouble for me."

She tries to point her finger in my direction but fails as she is only poking the air next to me.

"Stop _moving_." she gets annoyed when her finger misses me again. "Don't you play with me, comrade. Which is which?"

"Okay, love. I will be picking you up now."

I give her the heads up and when she doesn't protest, I do that, putting her over my shoulder. It's faster this way, and with the way she walks, if I try to get her to the bedroom, it will take a while and she might get hurt. Which I am tired of seeing. She has been through enough already both physically and emotionally.

She doesn't protest at all. On the contrary. She begins to wiggle her legs and hands, not to get away, but I still need to tighten my grasp on her or else she'll end on the floor. Having the green light, I head towards the bedroom.

"Wooohoooo! This is so fun!" and she stops moving abruptly. "Um, comrade?" she says patting me on my back fast.

"What?"

"I think I am going to-" and she makes a gagging noise. "Oh, I don't feel too well."

With that cue, I change my destination and take her fast into the bathroom before a little disaster happens.

I put her down and she rushes to the toilet, gets down on her knees and spills her guts out, her abdomen spasming with each round, and her palms holding tight the porcelain.

I take her still damp hair out of the way as she empties her stomach, filling the water with the half-digested remnants of what she has just eaten, which I remember, is a lot.

Getting up, she groans as she's massaging her belly.

"I must look really bad right now, don't I?" she asks concerned and then looks at me, blinking fast, waving her long lashes. Does she want an answer too?

Then, here's my answer, and it's not different from the earlier one. I don't agree with her at all. Getting past the fact that it's annoyingly pleasurable to guess what's under my clothes, she's not having her glasses on now and her rosy cheekbones more visible, I can observe her eyes better, and I like what I am seeing. A lot. They're big and dark and so deep and it's like they are looking straight inside me, not only at me.

A smile appears across her lips and I am ready to reciprocate it, but I don't get the chance because she speaks to me.

"Um, will you give me my hair back now?"

"Yes, right."

I snap out of my admiration and let go of her hair. It falls nicely on her shoulders and I wish I would pass my hands through it for hours. There's something about the way it curls in light waves that distracts me. I would study each and every little curl. She should keep it down more often. It won't do me much good, but I'll live with it.

For about the past month, I have seen a lot of photos with her, I have even been close to her on some occasions, but how come that until yesterday, until this very moment, I haven't realized how beautiful she is? Or at least, I didn't let it affect me.

She is breathtaking, even though she is drunk and her hair is messy and she's wearing clothes that are way too big for her, and she just spilled her guts out and she has been crying for the past five minutes. I don't give a damn about any of that. Because she manages to still be beautiful. So beautiful. Just that silly smile on her face now is making me want to do the same. She has a contagious joyfulness.

And oh, how she's biting her lips. It makes me wish to be the one gritting my teeth on that plump flesh and-

_You had your chance once today. You said no. Keep to that. It's for the better._

I shake the images of her that appeared in my head and get back to reality.

She doesn't even notice my slipping and gets busy with taking a look at the substances that have just left her body.

"God, that's gross." she turns and squints her eyes at me. "And it's all your fault."

"What?" how on earth is this my fault? She has drunken her sorrows, I didn't force her.

"Don't you play the innocent. _You _made me eat."

"Yes, but I didn't make you eat all that food." She has gulped down without even chewing at times about all the food in the boxes. In five minutes. There's no surprise it wanted to come back out.

Her jaw drops. "Did you just imply I am _fat_?"

I laugh. Is this her biggest concern now? That I might think she is fat? Then she wouldn't have to worry. Because I think she is perfect.

But my reaction didn't please her. She gets upset, I can see it on her face. She is throwing me that killing glare again and her lips are pouted. I love it when she does that.

But as much I would like to see her even more fired up, I resist that urge. I should mend things.

"Easy, love. I don't think that. I just wanted to say that the combination of food with all that alcohol wasn't really fortunate."

My explanation seems to please her in the end, and she even nods.

"This _was_ a bad idea, wasn't it?" she asks wiping her mouth with the towel I gave her. "I don't know what I was thinking of back then…" I might have some ideas. "I mean, it seemed a good idea to get drunk. I thought it could make me numb it all…"

She again gets blue and I will not be letting her get crying once more. She has been crying so many times ever since I met her, I wonder how come she is not dehydrated.

"Let's get you to bed, love."

"Right. Let's um… get me to bed."

I turn around to open the door and make some space for her to exit. But she is poking her finger into my back.

"Ummm"

"Yes? What's the matter now?" I turn my attention back to her. Let's see what she has to say now.

"I think I have left something on your T-shirt. You know, something like… stuff…" she throws me an apologetic smile.

I look down searching for a stain.

"Where?"

"It's on your back. And it's quite big. Well, maybe not _that_ big." She lifts her pinkie and shows it to me. "It's a line not longer than this. Maybe littler. And it's round. Maybe not that round. I would say it's rather oval. No-" when she realizes that she began to babble, she stops and smiles. "Sorry. I didn't mean to do ruin your T-shirt."

"It's okay. You didn't ruin anything."

I take it off and put it into the sink. I'll take care of it later. Now I have something more important to take care of. Her.

But she is not with me anymore. She is looking at me, her eyes sliding up and down on, well, me, while her teeth are moving slowly left and right on her bottom lip. If I could guess, I'd say that she is checking me out now. Is she? No, of course she is not. _But what if she is? _

"Is there something wrong?"

Her eyes widen as she catches my eye, but she looks away the next second, making herself busy with folding the towel she was holding.

"Huh? What? No. Nothing," she says shaking her head too. "I um… there's nothing wrong." And she looks down, blushing. "Why would there be?"

Unbelievable. Even when she is drunk, this shyness doesn't disappear.

But I was right. She was checking me after all. Why else would she get this embarrassed?

"Um… nice tattoo, comrade." she breaks the silence and dares look again at me, but only for a split of a second.

She tried to seem and sound easy-going, but it's not working. She is still avoiding my eyes and nervously playing with that towel.

"Oh, Roza. You're…"

She is so cute when she does things like these. I shake my head smiling, and I need to restrain myself from ruffling her hair or something. She is adorable and I'd so like to tease her, just to see her startled by what I do.

_But since when is that word in your vocabulary? Ever since did you start finding things cute and adorable? _Right. I shouldn't… I should… I'll just get her to bed.

She looks at me questioningly and at first, I don't get it why. But if I think better, it may be for calling her like that. Again. I don't think I'll have an explanation for what I have just said, if she'd ask. It came out of nowhere. I guess it was just a thing at the back of my mind that surfaced.

"What does that mean?" and here she is, asking.

"What does what mean?" I decide to play the fool.

"That. On you."

Phew. She doesn't want an explanation on the Roza thing. Maybe she didn't even hear it.

"It's a tree. What do you think it means?"

"With you? You never know. You're all secretive and stuff."

After she waits a few more seconds for an explanation I am not going to give, she sighs and rolls her eyes a bit.

"Let's just go." the disappointment is present in her voice, but there's nothing I can do about it.

We make our way to the bedroom and I think that she won't have anything more to add, but, of course, I am wrong.

"So, how is it going to be? Cash or card?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The money you owe me for your language mister. I am not letting you get away with it."

I smile. Did I already mention she is unbelievable? The way she switches from one thing to another is incredible.

"Fine, as you wish. Cash. Does that sound good?"

She smiles satisfied with herself and nods vigorously.

"It sounds perfect. I wonder how much candy I could get with the five bucks you owe me."

And she walks happily as she's making a list of candies she could buy, but stops next to the bed, her excitement dissolving. What happened now?

"Aw _man_, it got on my pants too. How? The toilet bowl was _right there,_ in front of me." she ends with a growl. "Can I be sloppier than this?"

What is she talking about?

I watch her as she lifts the T-shirt she's wearing, holding its hem under her chin, letting a considerable part of her caramel skin visible and I must be thankful that the material is still covering the upper part of her torso.

Hardly, I move my eyes down from that area to see what's wrong.

There's a little vomit stain on the pants.

But still, my eyes can't stop wondering upward. I swear I wouldn't be able to keep myself composed if she'll lift it just a little more. That's all it would take and I pray she won't do it. I am the sober one. I should be the responsible one.

But she? She doesn't care about my inner torment. She is way too busy with untying the ribbon holding the pants. At least she's doing her best to do it, because she fails exceptionally, only managing to make a bigger and more complicated knot and even traps a finger in one loop, but manages to pull it free eventually.

She knits her eyebrows and pouts her lips.

"Uff. It won't come off."

She keeps on pulling the ends of the ribbon while trying to keep the T-shirt out of the way now too, but without any result. It only makes her more frustrated.

And as much I would like to see her struggle some more, to see the funny faces she makes, I can't let her fight with that lace forever. I have the feeling that it would take her all night to undo it.

"Can I do that?".

Letting go of the T-shirt, she looks up at me like I would have come with the greatest solution ever.

"Yes, _please_. Just take them off already. I can't sleep in them. They're dirty. And the ribbon is all messed up."

I crouch in front of her and undo the knot. Then, as she doesn't protest, I go even further. I get my fingers under the waistband of the pants, feeling her hot silky skin on mine, and I pull those damned pants down. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have to test now my self-control. But I will. And I will do it well.

As I get lower on her hips, I can feel that she is not wearing any underwear and my fingers clutch onto the material. Fuck! _Of course she's not wearing anything underneath, you idiot; you made her take off all her clothes, remember?_ How can I forget?

I decide it would be better for both of us for me to look down at her golden toenails as I pull the pants further down, my knuckles brushing on her soft skin and God, it feels so good. I'd like to feel more.

As I move my hands down slowly, trying to prolong the sensation for forever if possible, she starts giggling. And it's the sweetest thing I heard in days. It was combined with a little squeal at first and it sounded adorable. _That word again, Belikov._

"You are tickling me, comrade," she informs me as she places her palms on my shoulders for support, her coldish fingers rounding on my skin and I'd very much wish I was wearing that dirty T-shirt now._ Oh, shush it. You don't. You like it. _

Still not looking up I smile at the thought of doing some other things than tickling her again, but I shake that thought out of my mind fast. I need to keep in mind that I shouldn't think about things like these. Not about her. She is dangerous territory. Especially in this state.

When I am done with taking her feet out of the pants, I finally dare look up at her and she gives me a thankful smile.

But in this position, all I can think of now is that it's too bad that this T-shirt is long on her and is covering everything… important. Stupid or not, when I am with her, ever since she undressed yesterday, I get all kinds of thoughts about her being completely naked under my eyes, under my touch, and I find myself daydreaming about what I shouldn't.

Her body amazed me and I feel the urge to see her completely, to examine her like a piece of art, and now it would be so easy to do so. Starting with the little shiny toenails, going up on her toned calves, I'd try to kiss away the bruises and scratches on her knees, then go further to explore the peach fuzz on her upper thighs, and I'd dare go even further and-

I try to push those thoughts away as good as I can. She might be the drunken one, but I feel too like I have been drinking when she is here, looking like this. It's so hard to control myself in these moments.

"Thanks, comrade," she speaks again and I look up, focusing on her face now. "I think I would have broken my neck by doing that myself. I have like zero balance now,"

She is still holding on to me, but detaches soon.

I get up and make myself busy with taking the bottles she drank from, four of them, (it's quite much for half an hour on an empty stomach; no wonder she is this drunk) and put them on the nightstand. I flip the covers to one side and gesture her to get in.

She comes my way moving slowly but steady, and lays herself in bed. After I put the covers on her, she snuggles happily under them, pulling them up to her chin. Good. The better she is covered, the better I can control my brain from thinking about stupid stuff.

I don't say anything, just nod and turn around, letting her be. I can't believe I resisted her for so long.

But as I reach for the door she calls for me.

"Yes, Rose?"

She doesn't respond, just wiggles her hand, gesturing, from what I guess for me to come closer to her again. And she has that face that tells me that it might be something important. What funny secret does she have to share this time? I bet it's one of those.

When I reach the bed, she gets up a little and fixes me with her sleepy eyes.

"I... um…" she frowns. Did she forget what she wanted to say? "Would you um… would you want to… stay with me?"

Her voice got fainter with each word she mumbled and the last part I don't even think I got right. She wants me to be around her? Like, in the same bed? This would be a first.

Seeing my confusion, she proceeds to explain her demand.

"I mean yeah, maybe I should fear you and all, and I kind of do, I guess, _sometimes…_" I wish you wouldn't. "I don't know, but seeing you…"

I know what she is thinking of. She saw me killing so many people into the past day and I get that it must be some kind of frightening for her to be in my presence. But I wish she wouldn't feel that way. But that will not happen. I promised myself not to hurt her. She is already dealing with too much right now and what good would bring me to hurt her? None.

"Like, you could kill me in my sleep, right? You didn't do it last night, but who knows? With my big mouth and all…" she tries to whistle, but it comes out more like a puff. "It's a wonder you didn't sew my mouth shut yet. Or glued it with superglue." she tries to joke about it and makes me smile at her silliness. "The thing is that I don't feel like being alone right now."

It sounds more like a question rather than an affirmation. I guess that not even she knows what she wants now.

Before speaking again, she stops for a second to yawn.

"It's okay if you don't want to. Maybe you have some more important stuff to do rather than put me to sleep. I already did enough trouble. I wasted enough of your time and did a lot of stupid stuff. I won't mind. In fact, leave that. You don't have to stay. You can go and do your thing. I felt the need to ask, that's all. As I don't feel like sleeping I thou-"

But I am already making my way towards the other side of the bed and get on it, half laying down, resting my back on the bedpost at a decent distance from her, mostly for myself, because after touching her earlier, I feel the need for so much more. My hands feel itchy for more. My whole body too.

A little startled looking, she lays herself back and turns my way.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't have to-"

"You asked me to stay, I'm staying." I wouldn't be capable of leaving when she needs something so little to feel better.

She smiles warmly and pulls the cover back around her body. "Thanks."

Considering how drunk she is, I thought that it won't last for long until she will fall asleep, I thought it would be an easy job from now on, but wasn't I wrong? As she has already started to say, it seems that she doesn't feel like sleeping at all.

But this time she isn't that chatty. Instead of that, she acts. She moves slowly as she gets her left hand from under the covers, unsure at first, but she finally gets it above my chest. What is she up to?

My question doesn't remain unanswered. She gets touchy, this is what she is up to.

She starts gently poking me with her index, her coldish skin making contact with mine once more, tracing a line along my chest, getting down to my abdomen. Because of the difference in temperature and the way her skin feels on mine I contract my muscles in order not to feel it that intense. I know I not supposed to enjoy it as much as I already am.

I turn my head and look at her. What is she doing? What is in her mind now because I know what's in mine and I feel guilty about it.

When she notices I am looking at her, she laughs lightly.

"Do you go to the gym a lot, right? Cause, damn, comrade. You have a six-pack and all."

She pokes me some more, dipping her finger in my flesh, exploring the area she just mentioned, bringing me close to the point of losing it. If she decides to travel further down, I don't know what to do_. You should stop her before it happens. You should stop her now!_

Who would have thought she'd get like this, her Miss shyness in person? A few minutes ago she was blushing because she was looking at me and now she gets touchy? Somehow, the alcohol must be doing its effect better now.

"So, do you know like, a hundred ways to kill someone with your bare hands, right?" her question comes out of nowhere and it takes me by surprise. How come she got to this subject? "Or are there a thousand?"

"I guess that there are a lot, and I do know some of them, but I never counted them."

"Hm, _impressive_, comrade. Impressive," she talks like a critique of art now.

Then, her touches get softer, and she is now tracing the edges of the ink on my chest.

"So what's the deal with this after all?" so she didn't let go of this.

"There's no deal with it. It's just a tree."

She pouts her lips, like knowing I am lying.

"I doubt it, but, fine, keep it for yourself if you want to. I won't force you to tell me. You don't tell me anything anyway."

"Why do you think there's more to it?"

"Because, I don't know, you don't seem the guy to be having a tattoo just for the sake of it. Just for the sake of looking badass with it, even though you do. But again, what do I know, right? I like the birds, tho. They look nice."

And without insisting more on the subject, her fingers move next on my upper arm.

"Flex it," she demands.

"What?"

"This." She presses on my skin. "Flex it."

"Why?"

"Oh, come on. Just do it."

And to please her, I extend my hand and fist my palm, then clench it and tense the muscles in my arm. Next, she gets her palm around it, moving it up and down once, and then draws lines along the edges of the tensed muscles, brushing her fingers so lightly on my skin. I watch the movement of her fingers on me and I must admit that I don't want her to stop. She could touch me like that all over. I wouldn't mind. Not at all. _You should! _

I clear my throat and think about what to say next, making sure I won't end up saying something that will bring me no good.

"So what now?" I guess that her question began to stick up to me too.

"What now what?" she asks, still preoccupied with playing with my self-control.

"Why did I do this?"

"Ah, I don't know." She chuckles. "I just wanted to see how it feels."

Is she serious? She wanted to know how that feels? Oh, don't I want to know how she feels too?

But what comes next catches me more unprepared than anything she said tonight.

"You really do look like a god."

She has a dreamy tone and as she speaks, her fingers go up on my arm, getting to my collarbones and stop there, walking her index left and right on them. Where do all these ideas come into her head? She is clearly not dealing well with the alcohol and who knows what she might do or say next. To me. To my head.

And I know that this is the moment I have to stop her again because her touching me like this can't end up well. She needs to stop it before my brain decides to reciprocate. Because only God knows how much I want to.

"I think you should really get some sleep, don't you?" please. And soon. Really soon. Now, if possible.

But she ignores me completely.

"How can you even look like this?"

She goes further, moving her fingers up on my neck now and my breathing gets heavier. Oh, fuck me.

"Are you even real?" yes, I am. And so is she and her touches.

I growl and fist my palms, trying to fight the urge to dissolve the little distance left between us and touch her all over, just like she does to me. It would be so easy. She is half naked anyway and that T-shirt would be so easy to lift and to get rid of and fuck, she is not wearing any lingerie and her body is amazing and I just want to…

No. I don't only want to get her naked. I want that too, I would be a hypocrite to say that. But I want more too. I want her. All of her. I want to know her, inside and out, to learn each part of her brain and body, to explore each piece of her. This shy drunk touchy mess fascinates me. And drives me crazy without the littlest of effort.

But mostly, now, I won't deny it, I want to do to her what she's doing to me. And so much more.

As her fingers walk over a thinner piece of skin on my neck, I unfist my palms and even reach one up. Not to do much. But to touch her. Just a little.

_No! In no way, you are going to take advantage of her. _No, I swear I won't. Even if she was wanting earlier, I won't do it.

_And this is not the real her doing all these things anyway. On a normal day, she wouldn't even ask you to stay. She told you so many times she doesn't like you. That she hates you. She is drunk and she is just looking for some comforting after all the things she has been through. She wouldn't want you, on a normal day. She doesn't want you._

I repeat these things in my mind and so many more, just to keep me sane as she reaches for my jaw.

That's it. She has gone too far. I turn my head, enough to break contact.

"Rose," I growl.

I already miss her touch. How fucked up is this thing?

She gets out of her admiration state and blinks a couple of times, watching me a little confused.

"Huh? What happened?"

Next, she takes her hand back and looks at it with her brows knit, like she couldn't believe what she did. That would be two of us.

"I was telling you that you should get some sleep. You seem to need it." _I _need her to go to sleep.

"No..."

"No?" she has to. I need her to, if she still wants me to stick around.

"I mean, not really. I don't need it."

She definitely does. So why is she fighting it? Just to oppose me some more? I swear this is not the time, neither the place. I can't deal with the stubborn Rose again.

"More like… I don't think I want to… sleep." she looks down, biting her lips quite distressed. "Or dream?"

Oh. That was it. Her nightmares. There is something big going on in her head as she is sleeping and all I know is that it's not good.

I place my palm on her shoulder and she turns her attention back to me.

"It will be okay, love."

"How can you know? I don't even know that and it's happening in my brain."

"I just know."

Because I am willing to stay awake again just so that she won't wake up again crying. Seeing the way she was suffering last night made me want to do anything I could to soothe her. And if I can help her even this little, why wouldn't I do it? It's the least I can do for her. To give her a few moments of peace.

"Just like you know them all, comrade?" her tone gets a little sarcastic.

Why does she keep on insisting I am all-knowing? If I would be, I wouldn't have to struggle to decipher her.

"Love, you know that you can fight it as much as you want. But you will eventually fall asleep." earlier, logic didn't work on her. Maybe this time it will.

"But what if…?" what if she'll still dream that thing?

"I will be here," I assure her, wishing that she would trust me with it. I will hold her. I will speak to her. I will calm her. I will wake her up. I will soothe her afterward. Anything she needs.

After considering the idea for a minute, she nods lightly. But what she says doesn't match with her gestures.

"Five more minutes? Please?" she asks pulling a puppy face and sounding almost like a kid that wishes to have a prolonged sleep cue.

And it's not like I can't resist it, that cuteness in her, but I agree anyway. What harm five more minutes could do? I hope not much.

But I am soon to find out. Because she begins to push the cover down on her body.

In a second I turn to one side, facing her and put my palm over hers, stopping the fluffy material from reaching lower than her hips.

"What are you doing, love?"

Is she on a mission to drive me crazy? My imagination is already torturing me. I definitely shouldn't see the reality again.

"I am hot." yes, you are. And all to my detriment. "In here is so hot," she complains and wants to get uncovered, but I stop her once more.

"That's the alcohol's effect," I respond and pull the cover a little more upward, unfortunately, against her will. But for her wellness.

"Oh, and this means that I should take it? Because I brought it upon myself? A little punishment? Something to teach me a lesson?"

"Yes. Exactly, love. Suffer your consequences." I try to seem jokingly, but I would say and do anything at this moment to keep her covered.

_Who would have thought you would ever do such a thing, Dimitri? Especially while being in bed with a woman? _

"Fine, fine. I will take it," she says bothered and lets go of the blanket.

Then, again, she pins me with her big, alcohol blurred eyes.

"What now?"

"Soooo, what's your name?" she goes straight to another subject.

"Sebastian, have you forgotten?"

She rolls her eyes and throws me her killing glare I suppose. It looks different than the sober one.

"Yeah, right. Just as mine is Mary the virgin or whatever, _Lev_. I mean your _real_ name comrade. If you ask me, Sebastian is way _not_ too Russian. So, you insist your name is Sebastian? Yeah, sure. I am not buying it. And it doesn't feel right, you know?"

"What doesn't feel right?"

"It doesn't _suit_ you. You don't seem like a Sebastian, do you get me? Like, I don't know much about spies, I saw a bunch of movies just like everybody. Well, I mostly got obliged to watch some, but this is not the point. I enjoyed some of them. But no movie comes close to how it feels in real life, trust me. I mean, you know the differences better. But I have tried it myself today and yesterday too and it doesn't feel as exciting as they are making it look like. Maybe it is like that for the hero, for you, for the one knowing how to… survive. To fight or to lie each time it's necessary. But for the one getting dragged into all this? For the outsider? Nah, it's way too much and they are making it look so easy to handle but it's not at all. It's all a bunch of stupid stuff in movies."

And after her intricate monologue (it seems that the alcohol didn't only loosen her inhibitions, but her tongue too; more than it already was at times), she stops and looks at me, frowning.

"What was my point?" I don't know either where she wanted to get. "Oh, yes, of course! I know that at least this is true, right? From the movies, I mean. The _undercover_ thing. Not even Alexan-"

She shakes head and laughs bitterly, her eyes filling with tears in a flash. Uh-oh, she reached a sensitive subject. I shouldn't let her continue. But I don't get to stop her.

"_God_, I _hate_ him." She blinks fast and looks up for some seconds. "I don't care anymore. He can go to hell. _Fuck him_." she gasps. "Whoopsie daisies. That's one dollar from me to the cookie jar." she chuckles now, forgetting the previous subject in a flash. "Not that I would have any money on me because _someone _threw into the water all my possessions and blew out the rest of them. But still. The damage is already done. Oh, I know! I can give you back a dollar from the five that you owe me. Simple."

It's amazing how she starts with something and gets to a whole different subject in a matter of seconds. It's like she is keeping all these things in her, all these words that she would like to say and she doesn't and now that she got the chance, she seems unable to stop. And not that I wouldn't like listening to her, she's a funny woman, but now I am mostly concerned about the other thing that the alcohol has brought to the surface. The touching.

But if she is in this confessional mood, she might tell me something that she may be trying to keep away from me, something that will help me.

"Rose?"

She lifts her head in an instant and looks my way, expecting me to continue, giving me all her attention.

"Are you sure that Xavier never gave you something else? Or that you don't remember what he wanted to get from your room that day? Maybe it slipped your mind. Or maybe you heard something one time and you thought that it was unimportant and forgot about it?"

The look in her eyes sends me the message of her being disappointed in me for asking such a thing. But I had to try. I have no other idea of how to get my hands on what I need.

She growls in response and gets up even more, then takes a good hold of my face, pulling me a little to her and making me look her right in the eyes.

"Look. Please, trust me when I say that I don't have the _slightest_ idea when it comes to this subject. I am _completely_ clueless. I don't _know_ what he wanted to take. I wish I knew. I wish I could help you. But I can't."

And for some seconds none of us says anything. We just look at each other, and this tension is getting bigger and bigger between us, once more tonight. It's like electricity is passing through her hands to my skin and all those thoughts about me touching her back come into my mind again. I don't dare move, fearing what I might do.

"Am I lying to you right now?" she speaks first.

She is not. There is nothing that could make me think this. She is not a great liar either because, as I know from what I've seen, her blushing and her scratching her nose nervously, or playing with her glasses usually give her away. It's always a different thing she does when she lies. But not this time.

I shake my head no.

"_Good_. Thank you," she says letting go of me. "But, you believe me, right? I mean, you're not saying it for the sake of it?"

"No. I believe you." This time I do. No more doubting her.

"Thanks. I really wish I could help you, though."

After some seconds of silence, in which I think about a way to make those five minutes pass faster.

"It's not Boris, right? Your name, I mean." She won't let go of this easily, I see. "You look too good to be a Boris."

This woman doesn't stop pulling funny things. Who would have thought? She's always so tense and anxious, but now she's playful and relaxed. Maybe she should get drunk more often.

I respond smiling. "No, it's not Boris."

She exhales relieved. "Oh, _thank God_. It would have been such a pity." she waits a second before she speaks again. "So, you won't tell me, no?" I shake my head.

It's not about her. It's just my, let's call it principle. Ever since a young age, I decided I didn't want people to know who I was before I was recruited. It is easier to pretend you are someone else when even no one knows who you used to be. I think that there are only four persons left in this world who know my name. Or the me before. And one of them is me.

_"Fine_, comrade," she replies resigned. "If you insist to be so secretive, then fine. Oh, I know!" she gets very excited, _again_. "I'll try to guess it. Can I?"

I decide to play her game. It's something that might get her mind off everything and it seems to make her happier.

"Why not?"

"Um, Sergei?" I shake my head. "Yeah, I don't like it either. Yuri. Ivan? Oh, I know! Sasha?" but I don't react at any of them. Is she trying out all the common Russian names? "No, _nothing_?"

"No."

I have no idea why, but I kind of wish that she would guess it, even though I think I would deny it anyway when she would say it. I would anyway love hearing her say it.

"Are you sure? Don't lie to me. I know you're good with that, but don't do it now."

"I am not."

"Fine, fine. Then I'll try some more. Alexa-" she stops, pressing her lips together, and thinks of another one. "D-" oh, here we go. Maybe she'll guess it. "Di…" come on, say it. "Do…" She wanders her hand around, thinking of a following. "Da… aaavid?"

I shake my head once more and she frowns, upset.

"Well, you know what? I have run out of ideas. So I guess I'll resume to calling you comrade," she says pretty pleased with herself. "Unless that bothers you. Does it bother you?" She gets very concerned about it. "I'll stop if it bothers you."

"It doesn't." I quite come to enjoy it. She is the only one calling me like that.

"Fine. But beware. I'll come back with other names tomorrow," she says and yawns widely again. "I am not giving up on this," she threatens. "You will tell me, one way or another." I doubt it, but why spoil her fun?

And now, another idea passes through her head, I see it on her face, and she opens her mouth again, but I cut her off.

"No. Now go to sleep. I mean it. Your time is up."

She presses her lips together, not being pleased with my interruption of her thoughts, but she complies and lays her head on the pillow.

And for a moment she is silent. But then she speaks again. It seems that all this alcohol loosened up her tongue big time and she would try anything not to go to sleep.

"Oh, no."

"What happened now?"

"I realized something."

"What?"

"I've lost Miss Pickle."


	18. You want me to rub your tummy?

**Hello dear guys! I couldn't stop myself from writing some other troubles drunken Rose creates because well, why the hell not? I like her to be testing Dimitri's limits, just like he does to her. Plus, I had all these ideas of what stuff she would do and I didn't want to waste them. Hope you'll have fun with this chapter too. It's nice to know some of my writing make you laugh. Or even puff while reading it. It is more than enough for me. **

**And well, Dimitri will soon find what exactly Rose remembers from last night. The big question is how is he going to react to what Rose is going to tell him last in the chapter. Don't take a peak. Don't do it, I know it is tempting. Go ahead and read, I think I'm done talking here :) **

**But not really. M****aybe I shouldn't spoil the surprise, but hell, I can't help it. Guess who is getting a kiss soon? I promise it is happening. It has been too long already, right?**

* * *

**You want me to rub your tummy?**

**DPOV**

"_What_?" I can't help but be amused. "You have lost what? Miss Pickle?" it takes so much from me not to laugh while saying this. "What or who is this Miss Pickle?"

"Hey! Don't you laugh at me!" she punches my chest, really upset. "Miss Pickle is the _llama_, comrade. Ash's toy. And I lost it," she says pouting, switching to being disappointed.

Oh, so that chewed to exhaustion not looking like a llama object has a name too? And it's Miss Pickle? I swear I would laugh, but I abstain myself because I don't want to upset her even more.

"No, you did not. It's in the bag." I don't know what believable lie to tell her this fast.

"No, it's _not_. I think I put it into the glove box as I was giving you your um… that gun. Or anywhere else, but definitely not in your bag. I didn't touch that."

No, she didn't put it anywhere. Considering where I found it, she most probably dropped it or threw it when she freaked out when I told her someone is following us.

"I am pretty sure I have seen it in the bag. I didn't put it there, so you must have."

"And I am telling you I didn't put it in the bag."

"You obviously did," I continue to contradict her, even though she is the one who's right.

She frowns and props her chin in her palm, taking a thinking pose I guess, but at least she's starting to doubt herself.

Well, I am taking advantage of the fact that she's drunk and yes, it might be wrong, but I don't know what else to tell her.

"Did I? Maybe in all that frenzy, I did. But I don't remember doing it."

"Yes. You did. It's in there. Maybe you didn't think straight. It's understandable," I continue to persuade her into thinking that.

"Yeah, maybe I wasn't." but for whatever reason, she is still upset. "But the bag is in the car. So what's the use of me putting it in there?"

"I don't get it. What's the problem?"

"Oh, _comrade…_ The car we were running away with is in the city," she says like I should have already known this. And I do. But I still don't see the point. "And the bag is in there. The llama too. So I have lost it."

"What are you talking about? The bag is here. In the car. In _the other _car we took."

"No, it's not. It's there."

"It is."

I swear we sound like two kids arguing. The next thing one of us should say is 'I am telling you to mum.'. But who knows? It wouldn't surprise me to hear her say this.

"How?"

"I took it."

"_When_ did you take that?"

"When you were busy fainting, love." For quite too long. The only thing that didn't make me freak out back then was that she was still breathing.

"Oh… But how could I not observe that? You must have been carrying it with you, right?"

"I was."

"And how come I didn't see it?"

"Maybe you were too busy being mad at me," I say before even thinking it.

She gets biting her lip, looking down. "Oh, right…" she starts drawing circles on the pillow under her. "About that…"

Oh, fuck. I made her feel bad about it. I didn't mean to. But I swear I still don't get it why she began acting like that after she woke up. I didn't give her any reason to. And what else was I supposed to do? Drag her along?

"Rose..."

"No, really. I um… you were just… and I… I didn't want you to… I couldn't… I'm so-"

I get a hold of her wrist, stopping her and she looks at me confused and distressed.

"You don't have to apologize for anything."

"But I-"

"You did nothing wrong."

She had her reasons. She doesn't have to apologise for it. The fact that I don't get the reasons she has, that's a whole other thing. I don't get too much of her anyway. Almost everything she does is a mystery to me. To desiccate that complicated brain of hers, that would be the hardest thing to do. But gosh, wouldn't I like to try? I'd love to.

She nods, then, while she is studying and straightening each crease on the pillow, trying to avoid my eyes, I see the gears start spinning in her head again.

"But... hey, I didn't see the bag in here either." and she gets to her previous subject. A safe subject.

"Because I have left it in the car. In the trunk."

"Oh! That makes sense. Duh..." she slaps her forehead as she turns and lays on her back. She has gotten quite active too, right? "So _that's _why you opened it before you got in the car."

"Why did you think I opened it anyway?"

She chuckles. "You'll laugh."

"I won't. Tell me."

"I thought you were looking for some rope to tie me. Maybe some duct tape too? Or anything that could… you know… make me less annoying."

At this, I laugh, even though I told her I won't. But I can't help it. I _did _consider that option, I considered tying her again, tying each inch of her to keep her in one place. And that thought went with me for quite a while, but I knew it would only make things worse with her. She would have taken her revenge on me one way or another. And what is going on between us would have only gotten tenser.

But it seems that now it's a good enough occasion for her to get upset with me too. I can see it in her eyes.

She doesn't tell me anything more. She just punches my shoulder and turns to the other side, her back towards me.

"Rose…"

"No," she mumbles, her face into the pillow.

And here she is, getting back to acting like a child. But well, I _did_ screw up, right?

"Look, love I-"

"You said you wouldn't laugh. And you did. You think I am a silly little stupid girl, right? And why wouldn't you? Look at the way I am be-"

I get a little closer to her and touch her elbow, dragging it towards me gently.

"Look at me, Rose."

And unexpectedly, she does it, without any protest. But the unpleased look in her eyes didn't disappear.

"_What_?" okay, she even started sounding like she would be having that age and I need to restrain myself from smiling. She's already mad enough. But so cute at the same time.

"You got me wrong."

"How come? Didn't I hear you laugh?"

"You did."

"So? What did I get wrong?"

"I wasn't laughing at you."

"Oh, _really_?"

"Really. I was laughing with you."

She again gets rolling her eyes and I swear that if she does this once more I'll end up teaching her not to give me this attitude. And oh, what I woul-

"Sure. Because I am _that _funny."

She is. She is fun to be around. Especially while drunk. She has this jolly, playful attitude. And maybe if she wouldn't see me as such a bad guy, we could be having a good time when she's sober too. But I don't think she'll believe me if I'd tell her this.

"Okay. I am sorry I laughed. I have no excuse. What can I do to make it up for it?"

And here it is, her state changing again, a glint of playfulness in her eyes now.

"Would you do _anything_?" oh, love, I don't think that our concepts of anything match. _But what if they do?_

"I can't promise you I'll do anything you ask me." just all the things except one.

"You're right. I might be asking you to let me go, right? And you can't do that, of course." yes, this is the one thing I won't do. I don't want it either. "I got that from all the times I tried to get away. But what if I am asking for something else?"

"Like?"

"What about some chocolate?" _chocolate_? All these things I could do to and for her and she wants just some chocolate?

"Weren't you going to buy some with the five dollars I owe you?"

"Oh, comrade. There's never enough chocolate. Not for me anyway." well, this I know. She has- had a drawer full of sweets. And not a small one.

"Fine. I'll get you as much chocolate as you want."

"That much?"

"All of it."

A wide smile appears on her lips and she watches me again with warm eyes. Who would have thought it takes so little to keep her happy? Maybe I'll start carrying chocolate at me all the time. Just in case of an emergency.

"Okay, love. Now that you know that your Miss Pickle is safe and sound and that you'll get a ton of chocolate tomorrow, it's time to go to sleep." those five minutes have passed a long time ago.

But she looks at me, biting her lip again, a question in her eyes now, that she doesn't dare vocalize.

I smile, already knowing what she wants to ask me.

"You want it, right? You want your llama."

She shrugs, trying to dismiss it, but knowing I have guessed it right.

"No. Of course not. I'll be fine without. It's not like it's my teddy bear that I can't sleep without. I am not five."

Only sometimes. Okay. She's acting like it a lot of times. But I am starting to find out how to deal with this. I think I am even starting to like it too.

_Bad idea. You shouldn't like playing these games with her. _

"It's just nice to know I didn't lose it."

"What if I make you a deal?"

"What deal?" she turns on her belly and watches me curious.

"I bring you the llama and you go to sleep."

"You'll go outside, in the cold, just to bring me that?" she gets more than surprised.

I nod. I would do so much more for her if she'd ask me. Plus, if she'd only knew I don't have to make such an effort…

"You want me to go to sleep that bad, comrade?"

Honestly, I have no idea. I like how she is when she's drunk. Relaxed and fun and playful and all. I would like exploring this side of hers some more. I wonder why she's holding up so bad when she's sober. Why she insists on being rigid and to push people away.

But now, I don't know what she'll do next. That's what exciting and scaring at the same time. Maybe not that. The way I might react to any of that is. What if she decides to go back to being touchy? I'm afraid I might too.

Not having any answer to give to her, she understands what she wants to understand, but fortunately for me, she doesn't get upset again.

"Fine. If you what that much to get rid of me, not that you don't have a good reason to, I'll go to sleep if you bring me the llama."

The deal being made, I get up, but not before I remind her something.

"Stay put until I come. In bed, love. Don't try anything."

I don't want her to end up on the floor or hurt herself in any way. Without me around to keep her in bed, God knows what she'll decide to do.

"I pinkie swear I won't, comrade."

She even lifts her finger towards me, but misses the direction a little.

Shaking my head, smiling, I turn and want to leave. This woman is unbelievable.

"Hey, you!" she says upset.

"What?"

"You didn't accept my pinkie swear. We have no deal without the sealing."

And she extends her hand towards me again, but this time she squeezes her left eye shut and even gets the tip of her tongue out as she tries to focus on me. See? She keeps on doing cute stuff like this and for whatever reason, I can't resist it. I like it when she does silly little things like this.

So this time I extend my pinkie and lock it with hers for a couple of seconds, sealing the deal.

But she doesn't seem willing to let go of me anytime soon. We sit like this, her lying and me standing close to the bed, pinkies interlocked.

And she's watching me again with those eyes. She's again giving me that warm look I have no idea how to react to. I have no idea why she is even looking at me like that at times. It's dangerous the way she does it. It makes me want to lean over and-

_And nothing, Dimitri. Go get that llama, for fuck's sake! Just get out!_

I pull my hand away, leaving her a little disappointed maybe? I swear I always seem to misread her. I am never sure of what she thinks of me. Maybe I just misinterpreted the whole last minute. Maybe I saw something that wasn't there. But hell, she is not helping me either. She seems to change her mind each minute. Each second.

"I'll better go." before I end up doing something I shouldn't.

I don't wait for an answer, I just rush out the door and go straight to my duster, where that damned problem-starter llama is and get it out of the pocket. I wanted to keep it in a safe place and on me seemed to be the best choice.

I searched for this little thing all over the car until I found it hidden under my chair, into a not so easily reachable spot. It took me a lot to find it, but it's one of the only things she has left and it would have hurt her to lose this, as I have already seen it did only at the thought of losing it. I am glad I remembered about it. Seeing a smile on her face soon will be worth it.

And now I would like to find a way to give her something else, that I took from her apartment. I don't know how she would react to it. Maybe I'll find a chance sometime later without her inquiring about my reasons.

Before going back into the room, I pray that she's sleeping. It would be so much easier.

But that is not the case. She is with her back turned to the door so I can't see her face, but I see she's wiggling her ankle under the blanket. So I'm not getting off that easy. She is still awake.

But this is not the biggest problem I have now. The fact that she got the blanket off her is. She is laying on her side, halfway on her belly, with her head sunk into my pillow, and fuck, that T-shirt she's wearing has risen and it's halfway covering her delicious curves, her thighs almost completely uncovered. If she would move, just a little bit, that T-shirt would lift even more and expose something that would make me lose it. I pray to God she won't move. _Or that she would? _No. As much as I would enjoy seeing her like that, I know it's wrong.

It physically hurts me to rip my eyes off this beautiful sight, off the roundness of her uncovered body, but I do it anyway, an involuntary growl forming at the back of my throat. One more second and I don't think I could have restrained myself. How come she looks so irresistible? And she's not even doing it on purpose for crying out loud! She doesn't have the least idea of how she's messing with my head.

She turns around, probably hearing my displease, and thank God, she decided to pull that T-shirt down in the process.

When our eyes meet, she smiles. She's sleepy as hell and gooey, but for whatever reason, joyous.

"Hey, you. You came back."

"I did. Didn't we have a deal?"

"Yes indeed, we had. And I kept my little part of it, see? I didn't get out of bed." she needs to point it out to me as I get closer to her.

"I see. And here's your little prize."

I hand her the problematic toy and as she's busy inspecting it or whatever, I grab that damned blanket and cover her.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"The obvious. I am covering you." _again, _for her own good.

"But I am hot, comrade," she whines and pouts. Here we go again. Did she already forget we had this conversation? "I feel like I am burning."

Her rosy cheeks are a confirmation of her words, but I can't risk it.

"This wasn't me asking, love. Stay covered." Please.

"Why?"

"Because you will get cold if you don't."

What other explanation can I give her? That if I see any more of her curves I'll go insane? That I might pass a line I shouldn't? That I'll end up granting her wish to kiss me? That I might take things further than that? That I would love doing it, no matter how wrong is it?

She laughs. "Wow. Your logic is unbeatable, comrade."

Well, at least it's somehow working and she is not squirming to get out from under the blanket as I tuck her in. She is just watching me, blinking slowly, and waving her lashes, a faint smile present at the corner of her lips. I never thought she'd be so happy to look at me.

I caress her cheek, getting some of her rebellious strands out of the way, and resist the urge to bend and kiss her forehead or anything resembling that. Even though only God knows how much I want to.

It's time for me to go. I have already allowed myself too many things around her. Again. When will I learn my lesson?

"Goodnight, Rose."

Her eyes widen and she gets a little up, getting her hands out from the blanket.

"You'll go?" she asks quite disappointed.

"You still want me to stay?" I can't hide the surprise in my voice.

She looks at me biting her lip, but I see it in her eyes.

"Well, if you don't have anything else more important to do…" She still wants me to stay. She's telling me this twice in less than an hour.

"I'll make you another deal then. I'll stay. But only if you go to sleep."

"But I still have some minutes left from those five," she argues.

I can't help but smile. On which planet does half an hour count as five minutes?

"I doubt it."

"I do," she fights it. "They're not over, comrade. Don't you mess with me."

"How does time pass in your world, love?"

"Very, very slow?" She asks smiling.

"Fine. But after they end, to sleep with you."

"I promise."

Yeah, let's see how long she will remember this promise.

After I lay back next to her, she props her chin in her palms and watches me, again, looking at me with that happy glint in her eyes. I think I like too much the way she looks at me now. She should stop soon or else…

"What, love?"

"Tell me something about you, comrade."

"Like what?"

"Don't know. Anything you wish."

She gets a little distracted by a strand of hair that has fallen in front of her eyes and she tries to blow it out of the way, making funny little faces as she puffs out her cheeks. But that doesn't work. So I give her a hand and move it behind her ear, moving as slow as possible, enjoying these little moments I am allowing myself to feel her skin.

A silly smile spreads on her lips. "Thanks."

I'd like to see her like this more often. Not drunk. I mean smiling. This silly, genuine, girly, gushy smile. Happiness from the littlest things filling her face makes her ten times more irresistible. But it's not like she has many reasons lately. I'd like to know if there would be something I could do to fix that.

And out of nowhere, she gets super excited.

"Oh, I _know_! Tell me your favorite color."

"I don't-" even have such a thing as a favorite color.

"Oh, oh, or even better! Let me guess. Pleaaaase comrade? Can I guess it? Please, please, please?"

"Fine. Go ahead." how can I bring myself to spoil her fun? I'll find a lie to make her happy.

She thinks about it hard, frowning and even getting the tip of her tongue out, taking the task of guessing my nonexistent favorite color very seriously.

"Um…. Is it… um… oh, I know! Is it yellow? No, no, no! I take that back. Not yellow. Definitely not yellow. You're not a yellow type of guy. _Green_. It must be green. Is it green, comrade?"

She is full of excitement and I didn't even have a favorite color until I heard her say it like this. Until I have seen how shiny her eyes got just at the thought of getting it right.

Thinking about it, green seems a color that would perfectly suit her. She would look gorgeous in green. It would complement the warm caramel color of her skin, it would bring out those calm waves her hair falls into, the spark in her eyes. Yes. I could love green. On her. I would love so many things on her. _Yes. And nothing is on the list too, right? _

I nod and her eyes widen and a bigger smile spreads on her face.

"It is?"

"Yes."

"Hey… Wait a second. You're not lying to me just to make me go to sleep faster, right, comrade?"

Well, I may be lying, but for a whole other reason.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"You should do that more."

"Do what more?" lie?

"Smile comrade, smile," she says patting my shoulder.

I didn't even realize I was mimicking her face expression. She managed to put me in a good mood without me even being aware of it. Around her, I do and feel stuff I am hardly aware of. And I have no idea if I should like the idea or not.

"It looks nice on you, you know? It's not a frequent thing I have seen in you. You are always so serious… I mean, of course, except the times you make fun of me," she scolds me with an amused look in her eyes. "But anyway, I don't know if you are aware of it, but you frown a lot."

"Oh, _do I_?" I wonder why I do that at times. Could it be because of someone I am sharing a bed with right now?

"You do. Now, smile," she urges me.

I shake my head. I can't do it on command.

"Ah, _come on_. Just one more time and I promise I'll go to sleep if you do it."

I am sure she will. It's the thousandth time she promises me this.

"I swear this time I am, comrade. Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye and all of it. But come on. Please me."

She even tries to tickle me, giving me the same medicine I tried on her on the sofa, but this has on me another impact than it did on her. It doesn't make me laugh, not even smile. It only brings me on the brink of despair. Her fingers walking all over me is not something I can resist for too long.

I need to take action and I don't waste much time. I get a hold of her hand and press it with mine on my lower abs, where her hand, unfortunately, was at the moment. _Unfortunately? Do you even hear yourself? Stop lying to yourself, Dimitri. _

She frowns, but just for a little while because she is too preoccupied to bat her eyelashes at me, getting playful.

Seeing the happy, expectantly glow in her eyes, I smile. She's like a kid now. A very happy kid.

She reciprocates the smile, proud of herself.

"See, it's not that bad, isn't it?" my smile only widens.

I guess it isn't. She's contagious.

"Tell me one more thing," she says turning on her back and stretching her legs under the blanket, yawning. "What is it with you Russians and all this seriousness? Don't you all ever smile?"

"We do. I just proved it to you."

"Yeah, because I _asked _you to. But when else? When you're sleeping? Should I be watching you at night, comrade?"

"I don't do it for the sake of being polite."

"Oh, so I have to deserve it?" she gets up to her butt and props her head on the palms of her hands, elbows resting on her knees.

She changes her position every five seconds. She's so restless. How will I make her go to sleep in these conditions?

"Tell me. Did I _deserve _this smile, comrade?"

"You asked for it, so I don't think it counts as deserved."

"Fair point. But what about the earlier one? What did I do to deserve a smile from you, huh?"

"Nothing special." just seeing her happy, after everything that happened, makes me happy too, I guess. And being near her and considering all the things she says and does lately, it seems to be easy to do. "Now, go to sleep."

"Fine, fine, I know I promised. And I'll keep to it."

She takes a more comfortable position, lying on her back again, finally keeping to her side of the deal. And she even closes her eyes.

But not for long.

"Hey?" she starts again with only one eye open, like spying on me.

"What now, love?"

I think I am starting to like this exchange. I like the playfulness in it. I don't think I want her to go to sleep anymore. I could be doing this all night long.

She chuckles. "Yeah, I know I told you I will go to sleep. But I want to ask you something before that. Can I?"

I turn around and sit on my side, just to see her face better.

"Okay. Go ahead."

Let's see what she wants now. I am ready to be amazed again by what might get out of her mouth.

For a second I wish she would ask me to hold her for the night or something like this because I really want to do so. I feel the need to keep her nestled into me, to feel her close.

But she doesn't. It's for the better this way, but I still can't stop wishing it.

"What's the meaning of life, huh?" her question catches me unprepared.

"What?"

"I mean, _why _are we here? On this earth? You and I, here, in this bed." _I am sure you could have found some good reasons, don't you? _Oh, shut up, brain. _"_What's the meaning of me meeting you?"

"I don't know, love." but I am not sorry it happened. I wonder if she is.

She turns to one side too, looking at me with those sleepy eyes, struggling not to fall asleep. Isn't she a stubborn one?

"Okay. Serious question now. Tell me. Is cereal soup?"

"You're not serious, right?"

"Of course I am serious." she gets a little upset and frowns at me for daring to doubt her. "I have always wondered. It's a liquid with stuff in it. Isn't that considered soup? Even if it's sweet?"

I have no answer to give to her, and she doesn't push for any. She just keeps on speaking. And she gets really introspective with her next question.

"I don't know what color lonely is. What do you think? You know, red is for angry, or whatever, _love _or something like that, not that I would know how that feels. Blue is sad, like that song and all."

Mindlessly or not, she brought her hand up and she's now contouring with her index the edges of my tattoo, and I don't dare stop her. I don't want to, to be honest.

"But what about lonely, comrade? What color is attributed to that? _Oh_, and speaking of colors, why aren't blueberries blue? It's confusing. I mean, underneath they're-"

"You know what would be the perfect word to describe you now?"

My question has brought me her attention and it got her out of her little bubble of existential questions.

"What?"

"почемучка_." _She's like a curious kid who wants to know everything in the world and keeps asking "why?" and "how?" and all kinds of funny stuff.

"I like how it sounds when you say it. What's that? What does that mean?"

"Basically, it's someone who asks too many questions."

She chuckles. "And that's me now, right?" I nod. "Well, if so, I have another question for you, comrade. One hundred percent serious this time."

"I'm listening." even though I doubt it's serious.

"If we would be in a movie right now, what song would this scene have on the background? Probably a lame one because I am so lame for being this drunk now and keep on talking stupid stuff. Or in general."

"Okay, now. If you won't stop talking stuff like that," especially about herself, "I am going to take you to the bathroom and give you a very cold shower to wake you up from your drunkenness."

She lifts on one elbow and watches me with an eyebrow lifted.

"You wouldn't _dare_," she says in disbelief and she looks at me amused as a small playful smile creeps on her full lips, that she goes further and wets slowly, making them perfect to be kissed. Goddamnit, Rose!

"Is that a dare? Because I must warn you that I like dares." somehow I find in myself the germ of playfulness that her voice carries and can't help it but play along.

Her smile widens and she now bites her bottom lip.

"Maybe it is."

I shake my head and laugh. She is unbelievable. Who would have thought she would get this playful? _Can she be playful in other ways too? _

"Go to sleep, Rose. For your own good."

"I knew you wouldn't do it," she says proud of herself and lays back down.

Okay. This is it. She's asking for it.

"Oh, really? Я тебе покажу, где раки зимуют."

"Was that a threat, comrade?"

"What do you think it was?"

"Dunno. It sounded like one. But I know you won't do that."

"You're a little too confident with that."

"Let's face it. It's a little cruel."

"Cruel how? It's just a little water. Cold, but still, just some water."

Her eyes widen a little and the amusement washes away from her voice as she gets up again to watch me more careful.

"Why are you talking like it would be happening? You're not going to do it," she almost commands me.

Oh, but I am already set off. And I do like dares.

"I am. Because you asked for it."

"What?" she panics for good now. "Comrade, _no_."

"Remember that I warned you when you'll get upset later, love."

She tries to pull away, but it doesn't take me much to reach for her and pull her back to me. Despite her sloppy resistance, I get up, pick her, put her on my shoulder and want to head to the bathroom. If she feels like playing, I can play. And oh, how I would play with her.

"Hey! What are you _doing_?"

"I am proving to you that I can do it."

"Oh, come on. Please. Put me down." she pounds her fist lightly into my back. "Don't be mean, comrade."

"No. You wanted it. You asked for it."

"I didn't mean it," she argues.

"Oh, but you did."

She chuckles. "Fine, I _did _mean it. But I believe you now, comrade. I believe you can do it if you want to. Now put me down please. You proved your point."

"Nope. You're not getting away that easily, Rose." maybe this shower should have happened a long time ago anyway.

So I start making my way to the bathroom.

This is the second she starts struggling to escape, chuckling and squirming and pushing me and wiggling her feet. I only hold her tighter.

"Stop it. You won't manage to get away. You'll only hurt yourself."

And she'll only push this T-shirt upward. _You didn't really think things through, idiot. Let's see how you resist this temptation. _I grab it by its hem and keep her covered. Just for one minute, as long as it takes to get her to the bathroom. I can do it. I hope I do.

I hastily get into the shower with her and put her down. The second I let go of her, she wants to slip out the door, but I pull it close just in time, right in front of her face.

"Come _on_, comrade," she says a smile on her face, getting back to playfulness. "Please don't do this. You proved your point. I won't distrust you again. I promise. Never again. I have learnt my lesson."

She gives me a cheeky smile and bats her eyelashes at me some more. It's almost like she's flirting. Where is this coming from? She would never do this sober, I am completely sure.

"So, what do you say? Here. I promise I'll go to sleep. No more talking, no more silly questions. I'll be a good girl," she now negotiates, still doing that flirt-like thing.

I won't lie, she looks quite irresistible doing that. I could let her go. I should. But the thought of getting her wet is somehow more satisfying than giving in to her charms.

So, without her noticing, as she's trying to persuade me with her unexpected cheekiness, I bring my hand behind me and find a robinet, hoping it's the one for cold water. The hot one will do too.

As she's still trying to charm me and before she manages to make me drop the thought of how wrong it will be to kiss her, I turn the robinet and ice cold water starts pouring over us, but mostly over her as she is just under the shower.

She lets out a surprised yell and brings her hands up, shading her eyes with them.

"Turn it off! turn it off!" she squeals while trying to get her hair out of her face.

I don't. Instead, I take a step closer, letting the water wash over me too. I guess I needed this cold shower too, to wash away all my idiotic thoughts of her. It's going to be good for both of us. It's good for her drunkenness and my too heated by thoughts head.

But things don't work the way I wanted. What I see is doing me more harm than good. I enjoy this view of her quite much. Way too much. The way the wet material of the T-shirt is sticking on her curves is maddening. I can see everything. Or at least as much the light in here allows me to. Which is not little. The way I can see her pointed nipples through the whiteness of the material, gosh! The movement of her full chest up and down is mesmerizing. Her thin, little waist, that has been hidden under all that material. Her naked, wet thighs and what's between them… I can't think straight…

Fuck, I want her so bad. It takes so much from me not to get rid of that bothering piece of clothing and do her right here and right now. I would rip it with my teeth if necessary. I just want it off.

_Be rational, Dimitri. She is the drunken one, not the other way around. Have some control! And don't be so stupid a second time! _

"Really now comrade. Turn it off," she says upset.

But I feel like playing with her a little more. I can't stop. My brain is not focused on being rational. It doesn't even know what being rational means anymore. How could it know anything when she's in front of me looking like this?

"And what will you do if I don't?"

"I will… ugh… come on..."

She wants to get out the door again but I stop her by placing my arm in front of her, blocking her passing, only managing to get closer to my irresistible temptation.

She gives me an upset glance and crosses her arms over her chest.

"You're a _mean _one, Mister Grinch," she mumbles.

"What?"

She lifts her head, that defiant look still present in her eyes.

"Nothing. I said _nothing_."

"Did you just call me the Grinch?"

"Oh, so you _do hear _what I say."

"Of course I do. I have perfect hearing."

And eyesight. Such a perfect one that it is bringing me so much trouble now. The only thing I miss is a perfect thinking brain. But I am getting there. I have already gotten out of that haze. I am getting my control over myself back. Or at least hope I am.

"Of course you do. Is there something not perfect about you?" she mumbles once more.

"What?"

"What? What happened? I didn't say anything." she now avoids my eyes.

I tilt her head up by her chin, making her look at me.

"You're wrong, love." so, so wrong.

"Huh? About what?"

"I am not perfect, Rose. I am far… very far from being that."

She frowns at first at my weird statement, I don't even know why I have made it, but I did, then she nods lightly.

"Well, you're right. You're not because you're holding me here to freeze to death." she again gets to a more playful tone and I am glad she did it. Things were getting a little too serious and I didn't know how to continue that conversation.

"You asked for it."

She squints her eyes at me, wanting to seem angry, but it's not really working, and she tries to push me out of the way, but slips on the wet tiles and ends up in my arms.

She takes in a fast short breath and wraps her fingers tightly on my upper arms, then lifts her head.

"I did that again. I keep on doing it, all the time." she laughs, her teeth clattering. "Can we get out of here now, please?"

Okay. We had way too much fun for the night.

I steady her on her feet and turn off the shower.

I open the door for her and wait for her to get out first.

She brings her hand over her heart and speaks into a fakedly affected voice.

"Oh, gee, thanks! What a gentleman over here."

"What did I hear? Do you want another shower?"

She chuckles. "Oh, hell no." and rushes out before I change my mind.

She takes a towel and starts wiping her hair. I get one and do the same.

When our eyes meet, she smiles, then shies away. Oh, so there comes shy Rose back. It seems that the cold shower did help with her drunkness.

She clears her throat.

"So, um… do you think you could borrow me another shirt of yours maybe? I mean…"

She looks down at herself and I do that too, _again_, examining her body through the white, soaking wet material into this better light. Yeah, it's ten times better. Everything about her now is so arousing and I am again playing too close to the bear trap.

"Oh, shit," she whispers and proceeds to pull it off her, ungluing it.

Indeed oh, shit. Because I wish I was the one doing that. Completely. My fingers feel tingly to do so. Would she mind? I would make it enjoyable. In any way she wishes.

"So?" she distracts me, thank God.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go now." Right now. I need to be away from her as soon as possible.

I get out and take a second to calm my testosterone-filled brain now that I don't have her in front of my eyes. Then, when I feel I have gotten a good hold of myself, I go after another T-shirt, getting some pants for me too.

But when I want to go back to the bathroom, she slams the door I just opened, hitting my head. _Oh, here, another wake-up call, Dimitri. Maybe a hit in the head was what you needed all along. And maybe with a hammer._

"Rose?" I end up growling. "What are you doing?"

"Um… I um…"

"What?"

"I might be quite naked now?"

"Oh." someone was rushing a little to get changed. "Crack open the door."

"_No_."

"I won't look, I promise." I want to, God knows I do, but I won't betray her trust.

She cracks it a little, enough so I can slip my hand inside to give her the T-shirt, and as she's taking it, her fingers walk across mine, and I want to reach for them, to get a hold of them, to maybe even pull her out of there, but she breaks contact way too soon.

As she's busy in there changing, I do the same, getting dry and some new pants.

When she gets out, her face is full of distress and she keeps on putting her now so messy hair behind her ears.

"Did I hurt you earlier, comrade?"

"No."

"Let me see."

"There's nothing to see."

"_Let me see_."

"Don't worry. I told you-"

"And I told you to let me see!" she gets bossy. "You can play the brave as much as you want, but I heard I hit you. So let me take a look. It won't kill you."

I decide not to argue with her and just bend a little down so that she could examine my forehead.

She first gets my damp hair out of the way, her fingers slowly passing along my scalp a couple of times, then she starts patting my forehead, looking for something that's not there because I pulled away before the impact would have brought me a bump. But I won't complain. It's the second time she worries for me. Maybe she doesn't hate me that much after all if she keeps on being this preoccupied about my well-being, right?

"So, doctor? What's the verdict?"

She finally smiles. Faintly, but it's there, along with the worry.

"You're sure it doesn't hurt?"

"One hundred percent." but I wouldn't mind if she'd examine me some more.

"Fine. I'll believe you. And I'm sorry."

"It's fine, love."

Her eyes are now on the floor and she's eyeing my wet pants, that have somehow slid down the back of the chair where I have put them.

And the next thing I know, she is starting to bend for them.

_"No_!" I put my hands on her and keep her in a straight position.

To hell if I am letting her do this. I am not giving her one more occasion to make me lose my mind. I swear to God that if she bends, I won't be able to not lose it. All I did tonight was to make sure that T-shirt doesn't lift too much. If she'd bend then… so help me God.

"What? Why? I'll take them-"

"I will do it. You just go to bed. I'll come too in a second."

"Ah, you're such a gentleman," she says it now without any fakeness.

Sure, I am _such _a gentleman. The worst of them all. If she would ever hear the thoughts I had in my head tonight she wouldn't think this anymore.

But as she turns to leave to the bed, I see that one of the sleeves of her T-shirt is rolled up. And not that that would bother me, but what has been hiding underneath does. Some purplish spots.

"Rose?"

"Huh?"

She stopped and I go to her and lift the sleeve fully. Oh, God. I was right with what I was thinking of.

I bring my hand up, and I see it is trembling, maybe from the anger I have for myself for doing such a thing, and I need to clench my fist a couple of times to regain control over my muscles. This cannot be. How could did I do this?

I walk the tip of my fingers along each darkened spot, drawing their edges, afraid that if I apply too much pressure on her skin, she'll break. _How could I do this?! _

I don't even remember squeezing that hard, but here is it, the proof. Here they are, my fingers, engraved on her skin. Fresh bruises.

"Did I do this?"

Why am I even asking? I know I did, back in the car. _I _made this to her.

She shrugs, biting the corner of her lips, then nods, so lightly.

"I'm so sorry, Roza. I…" I have no excuse. Absolutely none. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I easily bruise, it runs in the family. You didn't... hurt me."

"I don't care. I obviously did. I shouldn't-" Goddamnit, I am such a brute. She's right. What was I thinking of back then?_ That's the problem. You rarely think around her._

"It's okay. I kinda deserved it."

"Please don't say that." she deserves no one to treat her like this.

"Well, I was acting out, right? You had a reason after all."

Yes. She can be so stubborn and uncooperative at times and I have no idea how to make her listen to me, to make her sit in one place, but that is not the way. I have taken it way too far back in the car and didn't even realize it.

I take one step closer to her, and pull her to me, moving as gentle as I can and dare feel once more her bruised skin on my fingers. And I know it isn't real, but it feels like it's burning me.

"I'm sorry, love."

"It's fine, comrade. It doesn't hurt, trust me."

But I don't want to let go of her for now. And neither she wants to pull away. I continue to hold her and soothe her bruised skin, wishing I could kiss it away or something to ease it. And it feels so good to keep her close to me. I would stay like this all night long.

But she doesn't share my thoughts. Because she moves, tilting her head and watches me curious for a second. Then she pulls away fast, pulls a little face and sneezes, that sounding more like a squeak than a sneeze.

"Oh, comrade, if I am getting sick, you're the one to blame for that." she pokes my chest just before sneezing again.

I like it how she's doing it. Well, the before part, I mean. Just before she sneezes, she moves her nose left and right like a little bunny. And I swear I can't help but love this about her in an instant. She is indeed a cute one.

"Mmmm, this is not going to be fun. The last thing I need now is to get sick."

"You won't, love."

"How come you're so sure?"

She gets moving towards the bed and lays down, pulling the covers on her, making herself a little cocoon and arranges her position better.

Then, she sighs, but like relieved and watches me intensely.

"What you're waiting for? Come here."

She pats the place next to her, and after I consider my options, I can't find it in myself to leave. I go and lay, facing her, again, thinking of what else she might do.

"How did you call me earlier?"

"Huh?"

"You... you called me somehow earlier." Did I? I may have. "Twice tonight, if I remember it well enough."

It might have happened more than two times, but who sits around and counts? I didn't even realize it. _You shouldn't even give her pet names!_

"I didn't call you in any way." maybe I can bullshit my way out of this.

"Can you at least _for once_ not lie to me? I can still hear properly. Maybe not as perfect as you, but still, I know I heard you say it."

"And what did you hear?"

"What? You don't want to say it again?" oh, I would say it all day long. "Come on. Say it." but I don't. "I thought you're not afraid of anything, Mister Spy." she provokes me. "Are you afraid of that?"

"Roza. I called you… Roza."

She smiles. "That sounds nice. Does it mean something special?" only the one I am calling like that is special.

"No."

"Too bad. I like words with lots of meanings."

She scoots a little closer to me. Enough not to touch me, but just for me to feel her heat radiating through the blanket.

"Comrade?"

"What, love?"

She chuckles. "Just this, and I swear I am going to sleep."

"You said this before at least five times now."

"Have you been counting?"

"Not really."

"Oh, please, don't get upset with me." she gets affected by this more than I thought she could. Did I say something wrong? Maybe she misunderstood the tone of my voice.

"I am not, love."

"Are you sure? I am sorry if I-"

"Rose, I am not upset. I don't have any reason to be." what came over her all of a sudden?

"I would say you have plenty. And plenty of recent ones."

"I don't."

"You're sure? Not even for that… _thing_?"

"No. Not even for that thing." The only thing I am mad about is that I still wish it happened. But it is for the best this way.

"He would," she mumbles.

"He who would?"

"Huh?" she shrugs. "No one. Don't mind my silly talking, comrade."

Was she referring to Haynes? Is he the reason she always thinks she's doing things wrong? He made her think that? How bad did he treat her anyway?

Even though I want to know, I don't push it. I am not aiming to make her cry again. I'll do the opposite.

"Tell me what you wanted to say earlier."

"Tell me a story."

"A what?"

"You know, that thing with words, where you tell someone-"

"I know what a story is, Rose."

"Then why did you ask?"

Oh, Rose. Because again, she surprised me with such a request.

Okay. If she wants a story, I will give her a story. What harm can it do?

"About what would you want your story to be?"

"So you're not saying no? Is this a yes?" she already gets overly excited.

"Yes, love. I will be telling you a story."

My answer surprises her even more, and she just watches me now.

"Rose?"

"Huh? What?"

"About what do you want your story to be?"

"Oh, yes. Right. About whatever you want. Whatever you wish. Oh. But do it in Russian, pretty please."

"But you won't understand a thing." I swear I don't get a single reason of this woman.

"So what? I'll like hearing it anyway."

"As you wish. But tell me why first."

"I don't know…"

"There must be a reason." and this time I want to know it.

"I liked how you said that threat earlier. And I have always had a fascination when it comes to languages, I guess. It amazes me how there are so many of them and so complex and so different. It's wonderful how some people decided one day to invent one, like, hey, let's name all these things different from the others and call it our language. Isn't that amazing?" she gets so passionate speaking about this. "It may be weird, I know…"

Why does she think that everything she does is either stupid of weird? Can't it be interesting and fascinating? I find it like that. Who wouldn't?

"But I just like hearing them. It's always different when you hear a native speaker. And in this case, it's you."

"Okay, if that is what you want, sure."

I stop for a second to think about what story to tell her. None crosses my mind.

But hey. I could tell her anything now, right? She wouldn't understand it anyway.

So I decide I'll tell her the things she won't believe if I'd tell her in English. The things I know I am not allowed to let her know.

"I swear that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and it takes so much willpower not to cover your whole body with kisses right now."

From my first word, this faint smile appeared on her face and it's interesting to see how these little things keep on making her happy. She looks at me fascinated and this encourages me to speak some more.

"You have no idea what effect you have on me, love."

I place one strand of her hair behind her ear as I curse myself in my head for doing it. I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help it. It was spoiling the perfection of her face.

But she doesn't protest. She just looks at me, amazed by my little incomprehensible confessions.

So as I continue speaking to her, I don't cease to play with her hair. I like how silky it is. How soft. How it curls.

"And I barely know you, for God's sake. But even though, it feels like I have known you since forever. But that feels like it's not enough anyway. There's so much of you to explore. So much of you I want to know. I'd learn each and every thing about you."

She is finally calm and even closes her eyes and I start thinking this is it. She is finally falling asleep, she is not fighting it anymore. It only took me about two hours and some arguments and a shower and- and it was all worth it. To spend this time with her was unexpectedly good. I would gladly repeat the experience.

But as she moves again a little, she groans.

"What? You don't like my story, love?"

"No." she bends, making herself a little ball and she wraps her hands around her belly. "No, it's not that, comrade. I like it a lot but I just… my tummy hurts," she says just like a kid.

Not good. Not good at all.

"All of a sudden?"

"Mhm." she pulls a face. "It just started cramping. Ah-" she bends a little more. "Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that much..." she ends groaning. "Or drink all that stuff."

"Do you want something? Can I do something for you?"

"No. I don't think there's anything you can do."

"A glass of water, maybe? Do you want me to go to a pharmacy? I can-"

"No." she wraps her palm on my forearm and pulls it to her. "Don't go."

"Are you sure? I could-"

"Yes. I don't want to be alone."

"You'd choose that pain over being alone?"

"Yes. I don't want to be alone." she holds on tighter to me. "Don't go anywhere, please, comrade."

She doesn't cease pulling me towards her and I comply, getting closer to her. I even scoot a little down so that I can see her face better.

She is half asleep, her eyes almost completely shut, and she is grimacing from time to time, that pain being the only thing that keeps her awake.

"Fine. I won't go anywhere. But maybe I can do something else for you." there must be something. I don't want her to hurt.

"I um… you could do something, but you'll think it's weird." that word again.

"What?" I'll do whatever she asks me, as long as it soothes her.

"When I was little and my tummy hurt, my mother used to rub it."

Weird? No. Unexpected again? Definitely.

"You want me to rub your tummy?" I ask, just to be sure.

"It's weird, right?"

"No, it's okay, but…" I didn't expect her to ask this, not in a million years. For her to tell me not to ever touch her again? Sure. But not this.

"It worked before. Well, I was little, but I don't think-"

"Alright then." I don't wait for any other explanation. "Turn on your back."

She does that but only halfway, and moves closer to me, laying her head on my arm. But in the next second, with a light gasp, she pulls away.

"Oh. Sorry. Can I do that?" gosh, I'd let her do whatever she wants to me.

"Sure, love. Don't worry. Lay down."

This time, she lays her head a little closer to my chest, her breath going out steady and hot from her mouth on my skin and I would really like to have been wearing a T-shirt now, be it stained with vomit or not. This closeness again...

But let's do what she has asked me to. Let's be practical. Let's not let my mind wander to unpermitted places.

My fingers creep slowly under the cover and on her stomach, and when I fully feel her flesh through the too thin material of the only piece of clothing she is wearing, I start moving my palm in circles.

She sighs relieved and as she accommodates herself a little better, she moves her head even closer to me, her forehead and tip of her nose making contact with my skin now.

"Is this better, love?"

She nods.

Gosh, Rose, please stop moving or I'm going to go mad.

"Mhm. Much better. But…"

"But what?"

"Can you move your hand a little lower?"

"Lower?" I am already low enough. A little too lower and I would reach…

"Yes, please."

I grit my teeth and do it. I move my hand lower on her body, reaching the area under her belly button and continue the circular movements.

Next, she tilts her head and looks at me, eyes half closed.

"Comrade?"

"What? You want me to finish that story?" some talking would be distracting now and I think I really need it.

She laughs lightly. "No. Not that. Even though it's not a bad idea. I might get back to nag you with it later."

"Then?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For… you… you've been nice to me. And I don't even know why you're doing it."

"Rose…"

"No, really."

She rushes and puts her hand over mine, stopping my movement and puts her fingers in between mine.

"You're good and… you've been fair and honest with me and… and you're sweet, comrade."

I look at her weirdly. How did she call me? Sweet?

"I am not sweet." I am far from being that.

She giggles. "Of course not. You have a reputation to maintain after all." she gets whispering next, like she would be sharing a secret. "But you can be a bad boy and be sweet at the same time. Don't you worry, comrade. I'll keep your secret," she ends by squeezing on my hand. "But really now. I um… I know I've been annoying. Or even worse. I have acted out these days. But I didn't know what else to do. I was… um… scared I guess. There's so much going on…"

She starts playing with my fingers, twirling the tip of hers on my skin and lightly nuzzles her nose on my skin.

"And you have been nothing but calm around me. _With_ me. Especially tonight. I bet that took enough from you. And… I'm a little drunk, I know it. And I'm sorry I'm drunk. It has brought me nothing but trouble. I feel awful. My stomach hurts and I feel sick. And you had to deal with it. With me. I'm sorry. I always end up messing things up. "

Always? I wouldn't say that. Who made her believe this? If it's Haynes, I swear to God I'll make him pay.

"No, love. It's fine. I understand. Plus," I reciprocate her gestures, holding her hand tight and soothing her skin with my thumb. "I don't mind." not at all. It's the first time we didn't argue about anything. And it feels good.

"Why? Am I being amusing to you like this?" she asks a little upset. "Did I say stupid stuff? I bet I did. I don't really remember now."

"No. Nothing like that. Nothing stupid. You didn't mess anything."

"You sure?"

"Very."

Her response is a little sleepy smile.

"You're only being nice again."

"Am not."

"Fine. Let's say I believe you."

She lets go of my hand and I start moving it again, soothing her tummy and she smiles a little wider.

"This really helps. Thanks, comrade. Maybe you're not as bad as I thought..."

She snuggles better to my chest, coming even closer, with her whole body I mean, and as she speaks, I feel her lips brush on me.

"Goodnight, comrade."

"Goodnight, Roza."

I know I shouldn't but at this very moment I don't care at all. I bring my lips on her forehead and kiss her as gently as possible, still fearing that she might decide to push me away. And I continue to soothe her tummy for a little longer, the only time when I decide to move being to only pull the cover up on her, so that she won't be cold.

So, she has finally fallen asleep. It's quite unbelievable to see her this peaceful after these tumultuous hours.

And you can now call me creepy, I'll take it, but despite what happened last night, I am not that tired, and I resume to well, here comes the creepy part, looking at her, as I don't dare to get out of the bed, fearing I might wake her up. And another round of questions is the last thing I need. Plus, she needs the sleep to get that alcohol out of her system and I won't spoil this for her.

She moves a little and makes a displeased sound, as it would hurt her. But I am wondering if it's her tummy or her hands that hurts. She has a lot of quite ugly scratches on her skin that I didn't give much importance until now.

Lifting her hand slowly, I bring it up to examine it and careful not to make it hurt, I kiss the inside of her palm, wishing it would have an effect on those marks on her skin. I am wondering how many times she will end up being hurt in this mess. How many times I will end up hurting her in this mess. I don't want to play this role.

* * *

It's the break of dawn and Rose is comfortably wrapped on my side, her legs around mine, and I have to thank God that I am wearing pants. But still, I can feel her hot flesh on mine, and I even feel something that it must be the skin of her abdomen, I hope, on mine, moving into the rhythm of her slow breathing. And now that I am awake and lucid and feeling all these things, I know I need to leave before she wakes up too and finds herself in this position.

But when I try that, when I want to pull away from her, she growls displeased and sleepily and holds onto me tighter, her legs pulling on mine and her palm squeezing on my upper arm.

I stop moving and she positions herself better, her head finding the space into the crook of my neck and deciding not to leave it.

She lets out a little sigh and continues to sleep undisturbed.

Okay, all is nice for her. But how do I get away now?

* * *

**RPOV**

When I wake up it's already light outside and I hop out of the bed. God, I am going to be late to work again! And I so don't want another lecture about punctuality from my boss. I don't like being late at all, but it happened once ever since I work there; my clock didn't ring on time. And my boss was just so rude to me that day.

I head forward towards the place where my closet should be, hurrying to take my clothes out, but there is no closet of mine into this room that I am into. All I find is a window that shows me a part of the town I am not familiar with.

As I take in my surroundings, I remember where I actually am and in which situation I find myself into. I am still into that damned hotel room with that guy who took me hostage. And as I rewind in my head the events from last night, I wish that I didn't wake up at all today.

From the sudden movement, I feel this vertigo sensation washing all over me, and black spots begin to cover my vision so I need to take a seat on the edge of the bed in order not to blackout. And my head is pounding like hell.

Why did I even have to drink that much? _Such a bad idea, Rose. You said you wanted to try new things, right? Here, try a hell of a hangover too!_

Amazing. I have to deal with the consequences of my stupid actions. Like I didn't have enough trouble in my life.

Before getting up again, I want to put on my glasses and as I reach for them, I spot on the nightstand, right next to them, some things that bring a smile to my lips.

There's a big glass of water that I gulp into an instant, as my mouth is dry as a desert, and an aspirin for my headache. I am really grateful that he thought of everything and I won't have to deal with a monstrous headache for the rest of the day, even though I kind of deserve it for the headache I gave him last night. See? I wasn't mistaken. Mister ''I was born to kill'' can act human on some occasions.

The third thing I see is a five dollar bill, right under my little llama. A bigger smile spreads across my face at its sight. Well, considering how much I insisted on him paying me that money last night, I think I kind of exasperated him and he did this just to make me stop asking for the money today too. Not that I would really have done it now that I don't have all that alcohol in me to drive my actions. But it is still a nice gesture from him.

Mkay, no more stalling. Now it is time to go and apologize for the stupid things I said and most important _done_ last night. How could I even touch him all over? How could I-? I can't even think about that. I am such a mess.

And the poor guy just stood there and took it all, for God knows what reason. Who knows, maybe he felt sorry for me and didn't want to upset me.

But I swear that I couldn't stop that urge. Any of them. He is handsome as hell and I wanted to feel him. I wanted so much from him. If I think about it some more, I still do. Maybe when I am sober it would be more enjoyable. _God, Rose. You need to stop that right now._

You know? If I drank that much I could at least get some kind of memory loss so that I wouldn't have to face this shame. The only good thing that the booze got me was a dreamless sleep and I am some kind of thankful for that. I don't know if I can avoid his questions about what's wrong with me for much. I mean, seeing someone react like that after having a dream is quite intriguing, isn't it? And he will surely want to know why I am acting like that.

With my heart heavy, I get out of the bedroom and find him sitting on the sofa, reading something I can't pick up the title of because it's not in English. Who would have thought spies have the time to read?

But anyway, seeing him like this is such a nice view. He's having a T-shirt on now, but his muscles are still showing and he's wearing that pair of dark blue jeans from yesterday that fits on his hips perfectly. _Stop checking on him Rose, really! You should not feel attracted to him. He is the bad guy here!_

Embarrassment fills me as he lifts his gaze and looks at me, nodding as some kind of greeting.

And next, his words from last night pierce through my brain. _No! Forget that! _He just said it so I won't feel bad, I'm sure. He couldn't mean that.

I try to focus on something else and end up getting very aware of what I am wearing, which is not really much. One of his T-shirts that doesn't seem to cover enough of my body as his eyes move up and down on me, making my skin burn all of a sudden. And because I know what I did last night, my cheeks start to burn too.

Oh, shit. I am in deep shit. Here we go. Let's pay for my sins.

I pick up something to break the ice, praying it will get him into a good mood.

"Um, good morning… Dimitri?" I continue the game I started yesterday into an attempt to loosen up things.


	19. Love makes us do stupid things sometimes

**Hii! I must start with an apology for the two day delay, but I got behind with my uni work and I get easily distracted too, so this past week it has been a little harder for me to write, and I didn't want to post something that I wasn't satisfied with. **

**I'll quickly say what I want to say and let you enjoy **

**Thank you all for the feedback on my last chapter. I _love_ your reviews. **

** Unfortunately, no, Rose doesn't know Russian. She will never know what he said to her, but don't you worry. She'll hear those words in English from him one day**

**If the kiss coming is not deep enoughh, don't you worry either. There are more to come. And soon. Maybe just that night, who knows? **

**By gooey, I think I wanted to say mushy at that time, but didn't find that word when I needed it. I searched for the meaning of gooey though at that time and saw that it can mean too "mawkishly sentimental" and I was like, hell, I'll use this instead**

**As always, lots of love! **

**Plus, I will do my best to update on Sunday anyway. I can't promise anything as this period is quite hectic with the holidays and all, but I will try to keep to my schedule.**

* * *

**Love makes us do stupid things sometimes**

**RPOV**

Uh-oh. He hates me. Look at the way he watches me. I have never seen him frown like this. I am in big trouble.

Instinctively, I take a step back, a little one, until I feel the door with my heel. Okay, there's nowhere to run or hide. I find myself having to face him and I am so not ready for this.

I shouldn't have tried to be playful or funny now. I shouldn't even have shown my face here. He must be really mad with me. And who would blame him? I did him so many troubles last night. And not only verbally.

But the damage is already done. The only question is, how do I fix it? How do I make things right now? I screwed up big time. He'll never forgive me.

_Say something! _But what? I should apologize, right? Should I even try? Maybe he doesn't even want to listen to my lame apologies.

Gosh, I feel like I am in third grade again and forgot my lines in front of the whole school during a play. But all those people seemed to be so much easier to handle than him, than his stare. And too bad that now there's no Mason around to help. I am all alone, having to face the Russian and his confusing stare. Why the hell is he looking at me like that? I did nothing but to say good morning after all.

I don't know what to do either, so I sit in front of the door of the bedroom, shifting my weight from one leg to another and scratching my arm, looking back at him, praying that he won't get up and come strangle me. Should I ask him if I am allowed to get closer?

But to my luck, things don't go as bad as I thought they would. Not at all.

After he rips his eyes off me and clears his throat, he indicates towards the table in front of him.

"Good morning, Rose. Are you hungry?" so, no killing spree for the Russian? I am safe and I get to eat too? "I got some room service."

Being given a pass, I decide to finally move my ass and head towards the table and make myself busy with picking up some pancakes and a cup of coffee, thank God it's still warm, getting the big chance to avoid his eyes. And having my mouth full will give me enough time to think of what I should say later.

"I couldn't manage to get you some green tea. They only had coffee."

He knows that? _Of course he does_. _He has been following you for so long now. _But how much does this guy know about me anyway? I don't think I want to know the answer to this anyway. Only I and he know all the weird things I said and done this past month.

"It's okay. You didn't have to bother. Coffee works just fine. Thanks."

It is perfect, in fact. Because ever since I stared into his eyes yesterday I have been wishing for a coffee. I didn't realize at first why, but now, as I am putting my milk in it, I do. His eyes are the color of a cup of coffee. The perfect cup of coffee, right after you pour the milk in and it swirls around turning that blackness into the softest shade of brown. And looking in his eyes I get that same warm feeling that I have holding now this cup of coffee. Suddenly, I want to change my morning habits. Screw the green tea. I want him to be part of-

"Did you want something else to eat?"

"Huh?" I finally snap my eyes up and look at him, realizing I was stupidly standing there and staring at that cup of coffee as I was far gone lost into the memory of his eyes.

"No, nothing else. This is perfect comr- It's good."

I get my plate and want to find a place to take a seat.

But the bad thing now is that the only place I can sit on is the sofa. Because picking a spot on the floor would be too obvious that I don't have enough courage to be near him.

So this means that I have to sit next to him. And I am still half naked. Images from last night of me running my hand all over his chest pop into my head. Oh, God. And some other images involving this sofa-

"You usually eat sitting up?" he notices my reticence.

Well, isn't someone chatty this morning? Don't get me wrong, I am glad he is talking to me and he's not scolding me or something similar, but I thought that he would never want to speak to me again after last night.

Without any other choice, I sit on the sofa, trying not to let any of my parts visible, pulling the T-shirt down as much as I can and stretching its material. I hope he won't mind. But it's good that he is not looking at me anymore. Thank God for that book of his. It seems to be more interesting than my inner torment.

I eat painfully slow, thinking about what I should start with. Think, brain, think!

When someone knocks at the door, I almost choke. But he doesn't even flinch. So, we're not in danger?

He makes me a sign not to worry about it, gets up and goes to the door. And when he comes back, he is carrying a big glass with what seems to be a milkshake? Since when does he drink such a thing? He doesn't seem to be the guy to do that. I even want to laugh at it and maybe even make a comment, until he extends it to me.

"What is this?"

"For your hangover."

"Is it?"

"Yes. It's a banana milkshake, with some honey. I asked them to do it."

"For _me_?"

He really did this. For me. He thought of making my life easier, after I made his so hard. I thought he would let me suffer my consequences, even if I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. But I know I deserve it. But he didn't think that.

"Yes. I am not the one who has been drinking, right? And this is one of the best cures for a hangover I know."

"How come?"

"The banana calms the stomach, the honey builds up the depleted blood sugar levels, and the milk soothes and re-hydrates your body. Plus, you should start drinking some water too."

"Wow. You seem to have thought about it all, comrade. Thanks."

Maybe he indeed has all that experience when it comes to drinking too much. I wonder why. What makes him overdrink? What has been bothering him so much?

"Go ahead. Drink up."

And like the behaved kid I must be now, I do what I am said and drink it. And I must admit it is really good, even though I usually prefer the chocolate one.

As I put the glass on the table, with the corner of my eye, I catch him staring at me. And when I turn to look back at him, I find him smiling. Okay, I am confused now. He is smiling too?

"What?"

"You have something." he traces a line above his upper lip.

"Oh…" shit. I have a milkshake moustache.

I look down and lick my lips embarrassed. Of course he was smiling at me. I must have been looking so silly.

But after that, he's still smiling, I am seeing him with the corner of my eye.

"Love, you still…" really? I still have some left?

"Where?"

He gets a little closer to me and slowly moves his hand up. I thought he wanted to show me where it was, but that was not the case.

I freeze as I feel his fingers creep on my cheek and his thumb walking on my upper lip, over the corner of my mouth. And he doesn't pull away. Oh, shit. Why isn't he?

I continue to look at him, but he is not really looking me in the eyes, he's more focused on looking at my lips. His stare burns my skin and I feel the need to lick them, then I remain with them parted. It's happening again, isn't it? We're again on this goddamn sofa and I am wishing again for him to kiss me.

But he doesn't. He just takes in a deep breath and pulls his hand away, leaving me wanting of his touch. _See? He could have kissed you, but he pulled away. So, he doesn't want anything from you, either you are sober or not. So stop wishing he would! _

After a few moments of awkward silence, I gather enough courage to speak. It's about time to make things right.

"Um… look. I must say something. I am sorry about last night. I don't usually _do_ things like these." _What? You don't usually touch all over strangers? No kidding, Rose. No one could have guessed. _"I am not like that. I don't even drink on a usual. I don't know what came over me."

"I understand, Rose. There was a lot for you to take in for the past days. Maybe you shouldn't have gotten drunk, but I get it. It must be hard for you to deal with all of this."

How come he is so understanding? I am not in for a lecture about my irresponsibility? He's not going to lash at me either?

"Yeah, it kind of is. But I shouldn't have acted that reckless. I mean, I know it was reckless. I may have been a liability if something would have happened, and besides that, I don't think I was a great company last night." I definitely know I wasn't.

I begin to nervously play with my hair and put it in a bun, trying to distract his attention from my eyes. His gaze is so intense on me now that I want to hide somewhere.

"It's not in my nature to act like that. I mean, all the things I said and done… I hope that you can understand that-"

"Hey, you weren't _that_ bad," he says seeming amused.

Yeah? What part did you enjoy the most? The one I was touching you all over? Because I know I did, big time.

"No, but really. Sorry about that. It was some kind of… stupid from me to act that way. And thank you for um… putting up with me."

"I am not holding anything against you, Rose."

_"Nothing_?"

I can't keep my mouth shut not even when it's to my advantage. But I really want to know. He can't be so understanding. Where's the catch?

"What do you remember from last night?" oh, the question I dreaded.

"All of it, of course."

His eyebrow lifts, and I even see a smile at the corner of his lips.

"All of it?"

"Yes, of course."

How could I ever forget a second of it? How could I forget how nice he was to me? How could I forget the idiot I was?

"Details, please."

"I remember…" Okay. Here we go. Let's make a fool of myself. "Coming here where you were doing stuff, I don't know… and obviously I was drunk enough to start acting stupid and we started arguing about me eating. And…"

Oh, gosh, I can't say this out loud. I can't admit how broken I am and what it has driven me to do, mixed with all that alcohol. I can't, even though he already knows.

"And… That's when you had to take me to get a cold shower to wake me up from my drunkenness, right?"

I decide to cut out the most embarrassing part of last night. Maybe if I pretend it doesn't exist, it will go away.

I know I am lying and it's wrong, but I can't say the truth out loud. It would make it all so real. And the last thing I need is to state out loud for him to hear the fact that I feel attracted to him.

**DPOV**

She came here and I took her to the shower? So, she doesn't remember anything that happened in between? Nothing at all?

"That's all?"

"Well, no, of course. After that shower, I continued to be a little, well, not _a little_, just annoying enough and I asked you all that stupid stuff and then that thing with um…" She looks down, biting her lip and kneading the hem of her T-shirt on her still naked thighs. "With my tummy happened. And then I fell asleep," she rushes to add.

"Is that all?" I just need to hear it one more time. I need a thousand confirmations if possible. She doesn't remember anything else?

"Is there anything more?"

There's more. So much more I wish she would remember. I don't know if I should be glad or disappointed that she doesn't remember what I told her, but I feel most like the first. She wouldn't even have remembered kissing me if that or anything else would have happened. So, I should indeed be glad I said no. And I am. But I had other thoughts about how this morning would unfold.

But still, she remembers plenty of the things we did. And she is already distressed enough by not remembering everything she did. What good will it bring me to tell her the rest of it? What if she thinks I am fucking with her when I'll tell her we almost kissed and I admitted to her how much I wish she would be mine? She'll only get upset with me. She'll never believe me.

**RPOV**

Please, please, _please _don't say I wanted to kiss you. Please don't say the other things I did to you or whatever I said. I think I'll faint if he mentions any of them.

He starts smiling. Oh, shit, he is going to rub it in my face, right? He is going to make me pay for it. I already want to find a place to go and die into.

"No, love. Nothing else. That's all that happened."

No, that is definitely not. Why isn't he telling me? Is he saving it for later? Is he taking advantage of the fact that I forgot he told me he wants me? I knew it it wasn't for real. _Duh, of course it wasn't. He was just lying to you so you wouldn't feel worse. _

But anyway, now that I started lying, I must go on with it.

"Didn't I say nor do anything else stupid? Please tell me so that I could apologize for it."

He smiles a little wider. "You did nothing wrong, love. It's okay."

"I'm sorry. Really, I am. I-" his hand over mine makes me gasp lightly.

"It's no problem Rose."

"Oh, and this… you know you shouldn't have…" I say revealing the five dollar bill I was holding so tight in my hand for the past ten minutes and extend it to him. "I found it on the nightstand next to the llama. When did you find that? I thought I lost it." Not that I don't already know, but I must play the fool till the end, right?

He laughs lightly, probably remembering my insistences and that silly conversation we had about Miss Pickle, and God isn't this the nicest sound ever? It doesn't even compare to what I have heard last night because now I am completely aware of it and can enjoy it to its fullest.

Hell, when did we even get to this level of casualty? Since when can we sit next to each other for more than five minutes without arguing, and he even laughs?

Not that I would complain. I like it better when he is not acting like nothing gets to him. Let the man laugh if he wants. I'll enjoy it.

"I found it in my bag. The llama, I mean. I thought you would like to have it back."

"I do. A lot. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. And that other thing, it's about the cookie jar policy. I broke it, so I'm paying."

"You know this isn't necessary. I was just fooling around when I mentioned it. I didn't really me-"

"No," he takes my palm and encloses the bill in it. "You need to keep them. A debt is a debt. And I always pay my debts."

So, with that being said, I don't push things and set it aside. The less I talk about what happened last night, the fewer chances I have to get caught with my lie.

I get back to my pancakes, eating them slowly, trying to find a way to approach this new subject in my head. But he speaks first, to my surprise, showing his concern.

"Do you feel sick?"

"Huh?"

"You're not eating." Oh, yeah. I feel too lousy to do this. "Do you still feel sick to your stomach?" why are you asking? Do you feel like rubbing my tummy some more? "Or from that cold shower?" oh, I get it now. Someone feels a little guilty.

He even goes as far as taking the little hairs that escaped from my bun out of my face, and gets his palm on my forehead, checking on me and surprising me once more with his concern. He then moves his palm down on my cheek, testing my skin there too, but too bad for him is that my flesh is already red and burning from his previous touch.

"Are you getting sick?"

"No. Neither. I just… my stomach is full anyway from that milkshake and I… I am fine. Nothing to worry about." I put my plate aside and gather all my courage for what I am going to say next. "But… look. Can I ask for something?"

"Is there anything you need?"

"Well, I thought that since it's _pretty_ obvious that I am going to be with you for a while, I could at least get some clothes? Like, _women's_ clothes? I can't keep on wearing yours forever, right? They are yours and you might need them and I might attract the attention my way by wearing them. Oh and-"

I stop and push my glasses up on my nose, avoiding eye contact with him once more. I can't ask for this, no matter how much courage I gathered. It's weird.

"And what?"

"Um, you know…" I gesture my hand around, trying to make this thing sound as normal as it can.

"I know what? Come on. Ask for it." It's easier said than done, comrade.

"Um, some, um… underwear would be nice?"

Hearing my request, well, he seems as embarrassed as I am, but his actions don't say the same. I feel his eyes linger on my too naked thighs for a second too long, before he realizes I am watching him do it and he needs to look away.

"Yeah, right." he scratches the back of his neck as his jaw clenches and unclenches steadily.

Why? Am I asking for too much?

"I guess that I could go now and buy you something to dress with."

Wait. _He_ could go? Not we? So, this means that he is not taking me with him? He's going to leave me here alone?

Hooray! An escape plan already begins to form in my head and I start looking for all the ways out of here.

Let's be honest. This is the perfect occasion I was waiting to get away. I can't stay with him, no matter how much protection he offers to provide to me. In the end, he is still going to get rid of me one way or another. And I don't want my life to end that soon. I'll find another way to deal with this situation, but away from him.

"Yeah, sure. That would be perfect," I respond a little too eager and try to temper myself before he realizes what I am thinking about.

"But first…" he points to my half eaten pancakes. "Are you sure you're done with that?"

"Yes." I am done with everything he needs me to be done with. Whatever to make him leave me alone faster.

"Good. Come with me," he says as he's making his way towards the bedroom.

I don't let him waiting for me to follow. I have no idea what he wants from me, but I don't question anything. I won't piss him off now when I am so close to getting to be free again.

He goes to that bag of his and starts searching inside.

He gets out a pair of pants and hands them to me. Nice thought, comrade. I am impressed twice by him in less than ten minutes. All he wanted was to get me covered. I really appreciate the gesture. He doesn't know it yet, but like this, I won't freeze that bad when I'll get out of here.

But next, I see that my comfort wasn't his only preoccupation as he was searching through his bag. Quite the opposite. When I see what he gets out next, I almost want to punch myself. I knew it was too easy to be true!

"You have got to be _kidding_ me. Are you serious about that? Are you really going to do this?"

Smiling, he gestures me to come closer to him. I don't.

How stupid could I be to think he'll let me free to wander? How did I even expect for him not to take into consideration all the options? He's him after all.

"I wasn't born yesterday Rose. What if, by some chance, you decide to get out the door while I am away?"

But even though that was exactly what I was thinking of, I try to seem convincing as I plead for my case.

"I am _not_ going to do it."

"Sure, love. And I am the king of England. Now turn around," he says as he is ripping the package and coming closer to me.

_"Come on_. I promise not to try anything."

"Rose," he says, not giving up on his decision, knowing I am trying to bullshit my way around. "Do you want those clothes or not?"

Thinking of how naked I got last night around him, it makes me decide fast.

"Yeah, I would _really_ like them. But-"

"Then turn around."

Not having a way out, I comply and turn around. What other choice do I have? I will end up tied either I like it or not.

He takes a hold of my palms, his cupping mine, and from there, he easily moves my whole hand, bringing them to my back. Moving slow and gentle, he puts that goddamned pair of flex cuffs around my wrists and pulls them together until I feel the plastic pressing lightly on my skin.

"Is this too tight?" he asks after he checked on them too, bringing his finger in between my skin and the plastic.

I wiggle my hands a little and it's okay. But I need to still try my chances.

"If I say yes, would you untie me?"

He laughs again, a little cheerful this time, but so close to my ear now that I start realizing how close we are to each other. One little step backward and I would be completely glued to him.

"It's not going to happen, love. Now tell me. Should I loosen them? Is it too tight?"

"Yes. Loosen them. Just enough for me to get them off."

"Sure, I'll do just that," he says and does the opposite, tightening them a little more. "What about now? Any discomfort?"

It's a miracle he still gives a damn about that.

"No," I respond sulky. They are tight enough for not letting my palms to pass through. "But _really_, where would I go? As you said, I have no chance out there on my own." I need to try my chances one more time.

"And even though. It's better to be safe than sorry, right?"

"Yeah, _right_. Take _all_ the precautions you want, comrade."

"I am. Now, sit."

He shows me the end of the bed, which has a perfect place you can pass another flex cuff and link it to mine. A thing he does, pinning me to this bed. Perfect! How am I getting away now?

_I know. Try chewing your arms off because that plastic thing is unbreakable!_

After he ruins all my chances of freedom, he takes a step back and watches me.

"What? You're proud of your piece of art?" he really got me annoyed and I am letting him know it.

"Come on, love. Don't get mad." he's saying it with a specific tone, especially to make me even madder.

"First, stop calling me like that, and second, why wouldn't I? I told you I won't go. Is it so hard to trust me?"

He smiles. "Well, from what I have seen, this wouldn't be your first attempt at getting away. So, I am just taking my precautions."

"I think I liked you more when I was drunk."

His expression shifts for a second, then goes back to that little smug smile.

"I bet you did, love. I bet you did."

He bends, taking one last look at my wrists, probably thinking I am some kind of Houdini and I already got free. And I so wish I was. But I am not. I wish too that I have shown him the finger as he was taking pride in his work, but my momma taught me better than that, even though he deserves it.

"Stay safe, okay?"

"Aw, it almost sounds like you care about me, comrade," I respond obnoxiously, flashing a toothy grin at him.

He shakes his head and almost rolls his eyes.

"I spent a considerable amount of time and effort keeping you in one piece and with the history you have at injuring yourself, I find myself obliged to say that. Plus, if you die now, my investment will be gone."

"Now _that_ sounds more like the you I know. Always practical."

"Right. And talking about being practical…"

He goes and gets out of his bag some duct tape. _The duct tape_. The one he has tied me first with.

Who would have thought that his bag is, in fact, full of surprises? It's like he is some Russian Santa that gets all kinds of things out of his bottomless sack, all made to make my life harder. Who knows what else he is hiding in there? I thought he had just clothes in it, but maybe I should have thought to search through it.

_"Really_ comrade? That too?"

"You have some pretty good lungs from what I remember."

"But… _come on._ What if the maid comes in here and sees me like this?" this is my last excuse. My only chance for him not to leave me here like this.

"She won't. I will talk to the receptionist not to send one.

"Well, don't you think of everything?"

"In fact, I didn't think about that until you mentioned it. So, I guess, thanks for mentioning it."

"Yeah, sure, my pleasure."

I swear that it would be so much easier for me if I wouldn't be who I am. I am only making my life hard. Me and my big mouth.

"I don't like this. Not at all."

"Me either."

"Do you really expect me to believe it? That's bullshit."

He _enjoys_ seeing me tied up like this. Considering how much trouble I have caused him, I would be happy too to see myself tied.

Next, his lips curl a little, but in some kind of displease now.

"Think whatever you want to think, Rose."

He comes my way to place the sticky material over my mouth. Oh, you bastard. I won't give up that easily if this is what you think.

I dodge him a couple of times and at this, he gets a little annoyed.

_"Rose_, stop it," he says just like I would be a little kid acting out and him my parent, which only annoys me further.

When he tries to put it on me one more time, I decide to bite him. Maybe this will teach him a lesson not to mess with me.

I managed to do a little damage to at least two fingers of his before he pulled his hand away surprised.

It even takes him a second to start speaking again, after he looks at his hand and back at my mouth. But he does, after I see him getting angrier too, his jaw tightening.

"I swear to God, Rose_, stop it, _or you-"

"Or _what_?! Why would I stop? I am not the one who wants her mouth covered!"

"Because if you don't, I am not going to buy you anything and I am taking my clothes back too."

At his threat, I stop protesting.

"You wouldn't _dare_. You _won't_ let me naked." He can't!

"Do you really want to try me, love?" his tone gets threatening and I see he is already enjoying that idea in his head.

Well, didn't I already see what he is capable of? He never said no to a challenge, right? I have to give in. I am not going to risk it.

"You're a bastard, do you know that?"

"I do, love. You keep on mentioning it so I don't have how to forget it."

He tilts my head from under my chin and he looks into my eyes all the time he is putting that sticky material on my face, and I continue to watch him as defiantly as I can. I swear I would have bitten him again if he wouldn't have already threatened me with that naked thing, that angry I am with him now.

Lastly, he passes his thumb across my now sticky, duct tape covered lips, probably to make sure they're stuck well enough.

"Be nice, okay? I will come back fast."

I would love to give him a snappy response, but I don't bother to give him this satisfaction of seeing me trying to speak with that thing on my mouth.

And he lets me there, like that.

But before getting out the door, he stops and teases me, this little bastard! He couldn't help it, just for once.

"See the good part here, love. You are at least sitting on the bed. Considering what you have just done, I could have tied you to the radiator right there," he says pointing to it but I am too busy eyeing him hatefully.

And I can't help it anymore and I start mumbling incomprehensible things to him just as he was closing the door behind him.

And he has the audacity to come back!

"What did you say?"

This little fucker!

I know I shouldn't give him this satisfaction, but I only start ranting more. I would so like to give him a piece of my head now.

My reaction only makes him smile, so proud of himself.

"Be safe, love," he says lastly and finally goes.

What should I do now? Wait until he comes back like a nice girl that I am supposed to be?

No. Of course not. To hell if I am going to let a little plastic thing keep me in here. It's my chance to escape and I am going to take it. I will chew my hand off if I have to, I swear.

Even if I turn my head to its fullest, I can't see anything. So I resume to wiggling my hands, trying to loosen the fastening around my wrists. I try different angles and combine pulling my hands apart with moving them up and down and even some circles, but nothing works.

To my further frustration, it even gets a little tighter, and the discomfort makes itself present big time. Pulling a little more and I might stop my blood flow. But do I stop? Of course not.

But after some more minutes of struggling uselessly, I need to stop. This thing is inescapable without having something to cut it with.

And there is nothing else around that I could get to help me break free, maybe except for the nice vase on the nightstand, but that is way too far for me to get to it and break it in order to grab a shard from it.

I tried to reach his bag with my feet and pull it towards me, hoping that I would find something useful in there, but it is too far from me as well and me turning around to extend my foot is not doing any good to my hands as the plastic is already digging deep into my skin and when I pull myself closer to the edge of the bed, it only gets worse.

God, why am I not a little taller? Just a few centimeters, I am not asking for much. I would love to be the elastic woman in this very second. I would have been out of this situation in no time.

All I got in my futile attempt to get rid of the cuffs is a bleeding left wrist, produced by all the friction between my skin and the sharp plastic edges of the material. I can feel some little droplets of blood making their way down my palm and the cut is stinging me each time I make a little move and the plastic brushes some more on my skin.

Well, this was fun as it lasted, wasn't it? All I did was manage to get myself hurt again, just as he predicted. I bet he will be happy to know he was right again.

And now I sit here on the bed, being powerless once more, trying not to allow myself to cry and looking out the window at the greyish sky, thinking that I would like to be outside if it starts to snow soon. The first snow hasn't already fallen and I'm afraid I am going to miss it. But am I really ready for this? Ugh, I don't know. All I know is that I want to be out of here.

Usually, I wouldn't have gotten out of the house too often, I would do that only if I really had to, but I haven't realized how much I miss being outside until someone took that away from me. I miss my evening runs and my walks back home from the kindergarten and the walks to the grocery stores and going out with Ash in the park. I miss my little, insignificant life.

It feels like I am suffocating in here and the walls seem to tighten around me as this anxiety gets bigger and bigger in me with each passing second. I hate the situation I am into, but what bothers me most is that there is nothing I can do about it and I have to sit here on my ass, literally, doing nothing but wait for him to come set me free.

Fifteen long and painful minutes later, he comes back, two paper bags in hand.

"How are you, love?" Oh, you will soon find out how I feel. I will be telling him very expressively how I feel.

With still that stupid grin plastered to his face, he comes straight to me, lays the shopping bags on the bed next to me and gets out a pocket knife. He crouches and gets out the blade.

Surprise!

When he sees my wrists, his expression changes. I have never seen this expression on his face. I don't even know how to describe it.

"Rose, what the fuck?" good thing that his tone is there to announce me he's angry. "What have you done to yourself?"

He cuts the cuffs that were holding me tied to the bed and turns me a little, to get more access to the other cuffs, the ones that hurt at touch.

"You are bleeding, for Christ's sake. What is wrong with you?" he says, his voice harsh. How dare he be the angry one?

He cuts the plastic and after I get my hands back I free my mouth too, the duct tape almost getting a layer of skin from my lips with it, that fast and harsh I ripped it off.

"_You_ are the one who tied me, okay? What did you expect? It's not like I would sit here patiently like some _dog_ and wait for you to come back! Can't you get it already? I had a chance to get out, to get away from you! I wasn't going to miss it. How foolish do you think I am? I don't want to be here. I have no wish to be around you! And if getting out of here involved getting hurt in the process, then _I don't care_! I would do it all over again!"

He exhales hard and clenches his jaw, being obviously done with the way I act. Well, I am done with everything that's going on myself.

I take a look at my wrist, just so that I won't have to see his annoyed face. It looks quite bad. Along with the cut and the dried blood on it, there is a pretty big red rash and the skin there is ripped off. God, until now I didn't realize how much damage I inflicted on myself. And I can already feel that this will be so itchy as it will heal.

He doesn't bother with any words, he just gets up and heads straight to the bathroom. And not even a minute later, he comes back in front of me, carrying the first aid kit. He crouches again, only getting closer to me, and takes out a little bottle and some gauze, that he rips and wets.

I don't protest when he gets my left hand in his, and for the first time ever since he is touching me, I get to thoroughly feel and analyze from up close all the calluses and scars he has on his palms as his skin brushes on mine.

So, this means that he fought a lot, right? From the way I have seen him move, I shouldn't have any doubts about this. But still, all these little imperfections only add to the realness of him. His hands are not perfect and this makes him one percent more human in my eyes, even though I am still mad at him. And oh, I would really like to explore him further.

It feels nice when the coldish liquid makes contact with my heated, swollen skin. It stings a little at first and as I hiss I squeeze his hand with my other, trying to make him stop. He responds, rounding his fingers on my upper wrist, squeezing lightly, into what I suppose is a reassuring gesture, and even nods at me.

When the stinging fades away, I get my hand off and let him clean the cut, moving slower and gentler this time. I like it when he's like this. Why can't he always be like this?

Because he has a goddamn mouth, that's why. And he can't keep it shut.

"God, Rose. How could you even think of this?" He shakes his head, obviously disapproving of what I did and I even feel the disappointment in his voice. "What did you get from this? You only got hurt again, love." so he really cares about me?

But all his caring goes away as he speaks next, his voice getting harsher.

"This was _so stupid_ from you."

Hearing this, something snaps in me.

"What-"

I jerk my hand back, catching him by surprise, and he should be so glad I didn't decide to smack him too.

"You know what? I'll do this myself! I'll endure the consequences of my stupidity without your goddamn help! Give that to me."

I reach for the piece of gauze he is holding, but he takes it out of my way.

"No. _I'll_ do it. Now stay put."

He takes my hand into his grip again. Who the hell does he think he is?

"Don't you touch me ever again!"

I get my hand behind my back and lean back on the bed too, trying to put as much distance as I possibly can between us.

"Well, love, I don't care if you don't want my help, I'll do it anyway. Who knows what else you might be doing next?"

Hearing him insinuate this, I react and push him.

"Get away from me!"

But he isn't backing down. He gets a hold of my upper arms, brings me back to a sitting position and lastly, he shakes me.

_"Stop_ acting like a child, goddamnit! You're twenty three but gosh, you act so foolishly! You've been doing it now and so you did earlier and- Just stay put for a damned second and don't be so fucking stubborn, will you?! Now give me your hand and let me deal with that!"

Hearing him talk to me just like someone I hate now, I decide that I had enough of everything. Of him bossing me around too.

I push him off me once again and get up to my feet. And after a pretty long time since I have last done it, I yell at someone. At him.

"Oh my _God_! You people need to stop treating me like this! Just because I don't always stand up for myself this doesn't mean that I am just a piece of meat that everybody can do and say anything to! I am not a damned object! I am not a cloth puppet you can handle at your will! You _can't_ push me around like this! I won't do anything that you're telling me to! Not anymore! It's always the same! You're all the same!"

He gets up too, slowly, his eyes never leaving me, that bewildered look in his eyes not disappearing either. I am sure he didn't expect me to react like this. Hell, I didn't either, but I had enough of people's shit and I just need to get it all out of my system.

_"Him_ and _you_ and-and _everybody_! It's always the same! And it's _my_ fault for letting people treating me like this, don't you think I am aware of it? I know it very well! But God, I have feelings too, okay? Can't people take that into consideration only for a second? Don't just assume that things don't have any effect on me! Because even if I don't say anything to anyone, they still do! And the things that you do..."

And well, this is the moment I burst into tears. Even though I hate it when people see me crying, I just can't keep the tears in me anymore. And around him it happened so many times he must be thinking crying is one of my hobbies.

"Rose…"

"And I am _so_ stupid! Don't you think I am aware of it too? For everything that happened! God, but... I just take so much shit from everybody and I... I am _done _trying to be the nice one all the time! It hasn't brought me anything good until now. I am done with keeping to myself! I don't care about everyone thinks anymore! _I'm so done! _With everybody! With you too!"

I begin to babble some more about how stupid I am for putting up with someone's actions in particular, for putting up with everything he has made me go through and rant about being good for nothing and powerless, and start to gesture around like a crazy lady, continuing to speak through sobs and whines.

I stop talking and moving in the very second that his hands get on my face and he cups my cheeks, dragging my whole body closer to him.

"Hey. Roza. Hey, look at me."

His whispery voice pierces through the cloud of anger that is covering my brain and I steady my breath a little, trying to make the sobs escaping my mouth to come to an end, and I lift my gaze. All I can see is a blurry version of him as the tears haven't stopped falling.

But he takes care of that too, lifting my glasses up on my head and wiping them with his thumbs.

"I am sorry. I really am."

His expression looks really apologetically at this moment and I see that the tough façade he is always wearing is not there and this thing only makes me want him to take me into his embrace, to let me again find comfort in his arms.

"You're right. I shouldn't have done that. Or said that."

Continuing to sniff my nose, I wipe my eyes with the back of my palms, nodding, letting him know that it's okay. I am anyway used to people acting like this with me, so he is not special. He is not the first one, but unfortunately, he'll be the last one.

He moves his hands down on my shoulders and sits me down on the bed, continuing to soothe them.

"Is it alright if I… Can I?"

He points his finger towards my wrist and I nod, so he gets back to dealing with my cut, lightly patting a new piece of gauze over my wrist, getting rid of the rest of the dried blood on it.

With my free hand, I wipe away the remnants of my tears from my face and the next thing I want to do with it is to slap myself for reacting like that earlier. I shouldn't have let myself be this vulnerable in front of him. Not now, not ever again.

Now he just thinks I am this messed up person, not that I didn't give him enough reasons already, but I swear that I don't want him to pity me in any way. I wish I could have some control over only a single thing about my life now, but there's nothing. I don't even have control over my emotions anymore. I need to do something about this. I won't let anything from what he does get to me ever again.

As he is still busy with my cut, applying cream and bandaging it, he speaks.

"Did he do something to you?"

"Huh? Who?"

"Xavier."

Oh, right. I might have babbled something about this earlier.

Looking at him, his eyes transmit me that it is okay for me to let out all these things in me. It feels alright for me to start confessing things to him, even though I barely know him.

After not telling these things to anyone for so long, after bottling them up inside, maybe it will do me some good to let it all out.

And so, just by looking him in the eyes for a split of a second, my ''I am not going to let myself be vulnerable in front of him'' plan goes to trash. Well, at least it worked for some seconds.

"Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, at first he was so nice to me but after-" no, this thing I still can't say out loud. I can't still make peace with his loss. "I don't know… After some time, he began to act mean with me and say all kind of things to me and point out all kind of stuff and… and then he would apologize and go on with being nice and I never protested to that. And that thing kept on repeating…"

I didn't realize I was again crying until he has placed a piece of a softer kind of gauze in my hand and gave me his so comforting, typical line, "Easy, love.".

"Thanks." I stop to sniff my nose and as I wipe my tears away, I follow the intricate way in which he is covering my cut.

"What else?"

"Nothing much. I thought he was just stressed out or something, because of his _job_ and all the travelling he had to do, and that it was some kind of a phase he will eventually get over and I… I kept on finding excuses for him. Thinking about it now, he wasn't telling me a lot of things and he was always so secretive and always gone somewhere. Well, at least now I know why."

He finished dealing with my new mess and he's now looking at me, giving me all his attention.

"I even thought that by moving here things would get better for us an- but God, I don't even know why I am telling you all these things. I shouldn't bother you with my dramas. You don't care about any of that. They don't matter anymore. They all happened some time ago. And I don't even know why I'm still crying. I know I shouldn't cry for him."

I rub my eyes, trying to get rid of the tears for good. I guess that by now my face looks really bad, all red and puffy.

I am not usually like this. Not in public or around strangers anyway. Not many people got to see me crying. I am pretty good at keeping things bottled inside. But apparently, not anymore. All I want now is to make myself little and cuddle into him and stay like that for hours. Days. That would make me feel so much better.

"I shouldn't let all of this affect me, I know it… but… It doesn't matter anymore."

I get the strands that escaped out of my bun out of my face and look towards the window. It seems that the snow won't come anytime soon and even the sun got up. I wish I would be out there, to take a run, just for five minutes, so that I would get that false feeling of freedom for a little while.

But he doesn't take into account what I said lastly. Instead, he asks me something else.

"Did he touch you?"

I knit my eyebrows as I look at him again.

"What do you mean he _touched_ me? Of course he touched me. How can you be with someone if you don't let them touch you? Isn't this how human interaction works?"

"No, Rose. Not like that. Not in that way.."

As I get what he is trying to say, I shift my gaze and look down towards our hands, my eyes filling with tears again as I remember that not so pleasant day. He passes his thumb along my palm, sending a shiver all the way up to my arm, reaching my spine too.

How the hell did he figure that one out? I know I didn't mention that.

"Rose?"

I shake my head no. But this is not enough for him.

"Did he, Rose? Tell me."

I laugh bitterly as the tears I was trying so hard to keep back fall over my cheeks. I really should learn how to get a hold of my emotions. This thing here is getting annoying as hell.

I lift my gaze too, meeting the concern in his eyes.

"Once."

At this, his expression shifts for a second, darkness filling it, but going away as fast as it appeared.

"When?"

"There was this time a month ago when he disappeared for two days, without any notice. He wasn't responding to my calls, he didn't send me a single damned text. When he came back I asked for some explanations but he didn't want to say anything to me and well, I kind of accused him of cheating on me because I didn't know what else to think about that because I have been seeing some things and… and then _he_ said some things and _I_ said some more things, some bad, bad things and he-" I shake my head. "You don't really want to know. It's stupid. You don't care about this and I shouldn't bother you with my love problems. And anyway, it happened a while ago. It doesn't matter anymore," I repeat my previous lines, trying to get away.

I even want to get up from the bed and get somewhere away from his gaze, but he doesn't move and doesn't let me either. He just squeezes lightly on my hands.

"He what, Roza?"

God, when he calls me like this I just can't get enough of it. I think I could listen to him saying my name like that for the rest of my life. There is something about the way he is saying it that is making my heart flutter in a way no one ever did before. There's this thing about his accent that makes everything he says so different. So lovely. Especially when he doesn't try to conceal it.

"Rose, he what?" he insists. Why does he even want to know that? "Tell me."

"He... um... he slapped me, okay, comrade? He slapped me."

His jaw clenches and the vein pulsing on his neck is almost ready to pop.

"He what?"

"But I guess I kind of deserved it. I said all these horrible things. I don't know... Maybe I didn't deserve it. Maybe I did. I really have no idea what to think about this. I just-"

But he was long shaking his head, not agreeing with me.

"How can you say that? No, Rose. He shouldn't have done that. He had no right to act that way. You had the right to know."

"Yeah, maybe I had the right to know, but he didn't think this too." Instead, he found an efficient way to make me shut up, right? "But you know, it takes two to tango, comrade. I am not not to blame in that."

"Why? What have you done? Haven't you been honest to him?"

"I was, but-"

"But what? What reason did you give him to act like that?"

"Well, I…" just the usual. My big mouth. He doesn't seem to appreciate it, so it shouldn't be a surprise Alex didn't either. "I did say-"

"No. I believe you did nothing wrong."

"How can you say that? You weren't there."

"I just know."

"Just like you know them all?"

He smiles a little. "Yes. Just like I know them all, love."

"You know? I wanted to break up with him on _so many_ times before. I was feeling there was something not right, but I did nothing. Why didn't I just do it earlier? At least, it would have spared me of this entire thing that is happening right now. Maybe things would have been different if I would have just left. But no, I stood there and let it all happen. I even kept finding excuses for him." I laugh again. "I was so foolish. And I don't even know why."

He smiles once again, sending through all my body soft and warm feelings as his fingers brush on my cheek.

"Oh, Rose, love makes us do stupid things sometimes." wow, this thing sounded so wise and zen and stuff.

"You know that too?"

"Yes. I know that too."

Well, considering it now, I wouldn't call it _love_. Not the real kind anyway. I guess I felt butterflies. But the bad kind. The one kind that make you blind to everything. But still, I won't be a hypocrite and say that there wasn't anything at all between us. I won't deny it, even if it only went in one direction. Maybe for him I wasn't anything more than a cover, but I had some feelings for him some time ago. Whether it was true love or not, I still don't know.

All I know is that now, all of those feeling and butterflies are gone and I would- I _will _claw his eyes off if I meet him. I wish to make him pay for everything that is happening to me now. He is the only one responsible for all this mess.

"Have you ever been in love?" the question blurts out of my mouth without me even thinking it.

His eyes move down on my hand and I see him biting the inside of his cheek. He surely didn't expect the conversation to turn into his direction. I don't even know why I asked him this in the first place. But if he's making such statements, he must know what he's talking about, right? What stupid thing did he do because of love?

He clears his throat. "Let's get you something thicker to cover this up, okay?"

He changed the subject so easily and I don't see the point in insisting. He is obviously avoiding it. Maybe I got again too personal. Maybe I am asking for too much. It seems that I am the only one who is making confessions here.

Gosh, this drives me mad! Anything I would ask him about himself, he avoids the subject. But what would be the point of me picking on him now?

I look down at our hands too and that's when I see it. I haven't paid attention to it until now, I was too preoccupied with other details on his palms, but now I see that he has no fingerprints. This cannot be.

I take his index and bring it closer to my eyes, just to convince myself. I even put my glasses back over my eyes, stupidly thinking that a simple piece of glass would make me see better.

"What is this? Is this some kind of disease or something?" is there something else or more to it that makes him act the way he does?

"No."

"Then what's the thing with this? Where are your fingerprints?"

"They were chemically wiped."

"How?"

"With some acid."

_"What_? Acid? Wha- Who would-? _Why_-?"

Well, it's not like I have any idea on how a spy's or whatever he is world works, but I guess it is way harder to identify someone without fingerprints, right?

"Did it hurt? It must have burned like hell."

I keep on walking my thumb over his smooth skin. This is beyond crazy. Acid?

"I don't remember anymore. I guess it did."

"What do you mean? Were you sedated or something? Did they drug you?" did they do this to him against his will?

"No, Rose."

"Then what?"

"It doesn't really matter."

"It _does." _why can't he tell me a single little thing? Just for once. "Tell me. Please."

He sighs, but fortunately, gives in.

"I don't remember if it hurt- how much it hurt because I was ten."

My jaw just drops and I hear it in my head hitting the floor.

"You _what_? Are you serious right now?" I study his expression and he is dead serious. "Who would do something like this to a kid? God! What kind of people-"

"Hey. It's okay."

"On what planet is this okay? You were just a kid. You… It must have hurt so bad…"

What sick world did he grow up into? A lot of things that could have happened to him while he was little pass my mind. How could his parents allow something like this? Where were they? I mean, at ten kids should be worried about friends and school and getting some new toy, not to get their fingerprints erased and get turned into killing machines.

But I know that any of my questions won't get an answer from him.

Instead, I resume to soothing the skin of his fingertips and to curse the fate in my head. No kid deserves this.

"How can people be such monsters? You were just a kid…"

Now I can't get this image of a frightened- no, not frightened. I bet that even when he was a little boy he wanted to seem fierce. And maybe he even was a little fierce kid, not afraid of anything. But still. Even with his fierceness, he was just a boy that got burnt with acid.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he says seeming resigned. "It happened a long time ago, love."

"That is not a good reason! They-"

"Rose, it's okay." he calms me by squeezing on my hands. "Really."

"How much time ago?"

He shrugs. "Twenty years…"

Twenty years. He has been in this for twenty years? My eyes fill with tears once more. I wonder how many atrocities he has been through ever since he was a kid. How can you do such a thing to another human being?

I can only be glad that my list of things I know about him is getting a little bigger. Comparing to what he knows about me, my list is infinitely shorter, but I guess that this is a start. I don't know why, but him being this complete mystery to me is only making me want to know so much more about him. He seems to have so many things to hide, so many layers to uncover and I want to know them all. Too bad that it is so hard to make him tell them to me.

"And… do you still feel?"

He now takes control of the movement of my hands, and starts contouring the lines on my palm.

"I feel plenty, love."

* * *

So, after a fight, a little moment we had and my wrist taken care of, he now lets me take a look at what clothes he managed to find.

The first bag I pick up contains the underwear. Three sets. And well, to my surprise, he has good taste in lingerie _and_ he guessed my cup size. Which is weird as hell because this could mean that his stare has been on some of my parts for quite too long. Or maybe he just remembered it when he saw it back to my apartment. Which is just as bad. I just can't imagine him taking a look at my bras as he would snoop around my apartment; it's too much. Anything involving him and my bra size is not good.

But leaving that thought aside, let's get back to his tastes in lingerie. Because he got me lacy underwear. It looks really nice and I must say I like it very much, even though this wouldn't be my first pick when I would enter a shop. But hey, I must work with what I have.

The first one I get out of the bag is dark red and has a cute flowery pattern made from lace, but still, it seems some kind of unpractical. The other two in the bag keep the same sexy air, having other lacy patterns on them, and they are one black and the other dark green.

I won't need any sexy underwear while being on the run, don't I? Plus, there won't be anyone around to admire it, unless the guy next room decides to get as touchy as I did last night. Maybe this is why he bought it in the first place. Ha! Like he'd ever live the day to get me naked. Let him hope if he likes it.

But I won't complain too much about those. What I don't like more is what the other bag contains.

I get out of the bedroom with the pieces of clothes in my hands, barely keeping myself from throwing them at him. I need to look for explanations first.

"Tell me, comrade, what are _these_?"

I get the clothes up for him to get a better look at them.

Half lying on the sofa now, he gets his head out of his book and replies lazily, stating the obvious.

"Your clothes."

"Yeah, I get that. But they are like, so small and so tight," I say pulling the material of one of the T-shirts, trying to stretch it but it doesn't really cooperate.

"They're your size, Rose."

"What are you, the size master? I am telling you they _won't_ fit me. And what about these?" I wiggle a small piece of red material in his direction.

A small smile creeps on his lips. Oh, he so bought these on purpose. But to hell if I am parading my ass in front of him in these, no matter how much he would like it.

"They're some shorts."

"No, _really? _But may I remind you it's not shorts season yet? That is about six or even seven months away buddy. And _shorts_? You name these shorts?" he nods. "These are no shorts. They are more like boxers or I don't know what else. No offense here, but you are not good at clothes' sizes. Underwear, you manage well. But the rest is not that great comrade. And…" I throw the so-called shorts at him. "If you think I am going to wear any of these, you're dreaming. If you bought any of these to make fun of me, you ain't gonna see that happen. I am not wearing any of these.."

"Fine. As you wish." and he dares go back to his reading.

But maybe he didn't get me right.

"Look, let's get one thing straight. I am _not_ going to wear any of these."

"And I said fine. I got it right the first time, love."

"That's all you have to say?"

"Look. I didn't have the time to look around many stores. There are not that many of them close to here either and I knew you were in here…" he stops, letting me fill the silence. I was here, hurting myself again. "Those are the only things I could find on such haste. So you'll have to deal with what you've got."

_"Fine_. Then I am going to keep on wearing _these_." I point to what I am already wearing. "But not those. I am going to wear these until they stink and then some more. You know? I thought that if I am going to go with you everywhere, then I wouldn't smell bad or I could at least look somehow decent. Not like a hobo or a loose woman. But trust me, I can wear this forever. And then, maybe I would attract the people following me with my smell. Does _that _sound good, comrade?"

"But what is wrong with what I took you?"

"What's wrong?! They are slutty looking! They're so tight and so small and so revealing. They won't even fit me. And on my last check, outside it's almost winter, right? Look, this T-shirt has such a deep cut I might get pneumonia wearing it! I am not going to wear any of these, period. They are too… something."

"Unlike your nun clothes, right?"

I sit there, my mouth open. Is that what he thinks of me? That I am a nun? To hell with him.

"Yes. _Unlike my_ _nun clothes." _

I throw all the other clothes at him, as hard as I can, and he doesn't put much effort into dodging them, not that they would bring him any harm if they would touch him.

He's not saying anything else next, just looks at me, expecting me to probably give in and accept the situation, like I always do.

Well, this time I am not. I cross my arms over my chest and reciprocate the look he is giving me.

"So? Aren't you going to do anything about this? Are you going to let me stink?"

He rolls his eyes for the first time. Wow, so I was able to make him do this. Yeah, I am such a pain in the ass, I know it. I want to be one now.

"You know, for someone kidnapped you have quite some demands."

"I guess I do." It's the least I deserve. "The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"You know that there is nothing that compels me to do these things for you, right?"

"Fine. So be it. Don't do it. I won't ask for anything from you from now on. I will die in these clothes, but to hell if I am wearing those! You can wear them if you have gotten so attached to them."

I turn around to get back into my room, away from him.

He is so, so- ugh! I am not asking for that much, aren't I? Some decent clothes, that's all I want.

He sighs so deeply that I hear him from across the room, and I am almost sure he rolled his eyes again.

"Go get dressed, I am taking you shopping," he says defeated.

"You are?"

"Don't know. Do I have a choice now?"

"There is always a choice."

"Don't force it, Rose. Go get dressed before I change my mind and decide to take _everything_ back."

He again uses that treat, but in my mind, I am already making a little victorious dance. I really got him to cooperate for once.

"We can go now."

"No. Go get changed." he still wants things to be done his way. Of course he does.

"But I am not going to wear these. What part-"

"I got all the parts, love. You said that a hundred times now. But you won't die if you'll wear these for half an hour."

Well, he's right. It's a little sacrifice I have to make.

"Fine, wait for me."

"I am not going anywhere." of course he is not. He is here to torment me all the time.

But getting closer to him to retrieve the clothes I threw at him, he watches me all the time, and I don't know why, but I feel the need to thank him. He walked over his ego to finally agree with me and this is quite admirable for someone like him.

But my good intention is only met with sarcasm.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you wish, love. I am at your service. Always."

"Oh, comrade… you… whatever." he is so insufferable!

I snatch the clothes back and head to the bedroom before he changes his mind or decides to say something else that would make me smack him.

It takes me a little while to choose what to wear. With the pants it's easy. Between the boxers and the dark pair of tight jeans he got me, you can guess what choice I made. I only hope they will fit me.

And now I have three T-shirts I need to pick from and I don't really like either of them. I analyze them for some minutes and I pick the one that might suit me better. It's dark yellow, reminding me of mustard, and has a round cleavage cut, but it's not that bad. It is a little too tight for my taste, but I'll survive.

I was just beginning to put on my bra, after putting the too little panties on, when the door of the room opened and he got his head inside.

Shocked, I stop midway and freeze, the bra getting to hang on my bent elbow wrists.

"Rose are-"

As his eyes lay on me they widen. Mine were long widened and my mouth open.

Sitting there, under his glare, my whole body starts burning.

_Move, Rose! You're naked! _

I forget about the bra, letting it fall on the floor and I get the T-shirt from the bed fast, covering as much as I can of myself. Which, with that little piece of material, isn't much!

"What are you _doing_? Haven't you heard of knocking?"

But he doesn't respond, he doesn't move a muscle, his eyes keeping on being focused on my body.

I try to cover some more of myself, but that is past impossible.

"_God_! What is _wrong_ with you?"

I get one of my boots from the floor and throw it in his direction.

_"Get out_!"

He snaps out of his state and finally moves, managing to close the door behind him, just before the boot lands, banging on the door.

Oh, gosh, and just when I said he won't ever get to see the day to see me naked. Wasn't I wrong?

Feeling hot all over and trembling lightly, I dress myself fast before he decides to come back.

Can things between us get even weirder than this? I wonder what will happen next. I pray that nothing. It is already getting harder and harder to be around him. I still can't get out of my mind that image of him without a T-shirt on and now he has one of that too in his mind. Gosh, I so want to die.

I get out of the room, having only one thing in mind. Avoid eye contact. And it seems that he thinks of that too.

And fortunately, we both silently decide to act like this thing didn't happen at all and I can't be more thankful. If he would have made a comment, I don't know how I would have reacted.

As we make our way out, in a silence full of tension, I try to keep my eyes off him and I take a look at myself into the mirror of the elevator.

I don't look as bad as I thought I would. The clothes seem to fit me really well. He was right after all. They are my size. But maybe a new size, because I haven't worn clothes this small in a while. Maybe I should have taken as real what my parents have told me when they told me I was starting to resemble a skeleton a while ago. Good thing that I found some comfort in sweets though.

But considering that all I have been wearing for the past months are mom jeans and large sweaters or T-shirts, paired from time to time with some just as big skirts, wearing these tight pants right now it's something new. And I can't say it's a bad thing.

I turn to one side a little and check myself some more, only liking what I see, but I catch his eye too, looking at my reflection as well. Will he stop staring at me already?

I move my gaze and look down, shying away and I make myself busy with picking up some inexistent lint off my T-shirt.

I usually don't feel comfortable when men look at me that way, but I'll say that I like in particular the way he is looking at me. More than I would ever admit out loud. I don't know, even if it is making me blush like crazy, there is this fire I see in his eyes each time he looks at me. It's either this or I am just imagining things. Yeah, I probably am. I am going totally insane.

He speaks first, breaking the ice.

"Where do you have those bruises from?"

"Huh? What bruises?"

"The ones on your ribs."

"Oh, I…"

**DPOV**

I pray to God that I wasn't the one who made that too, but they look fresh. Too fresh. And I already hate myself enough for the others.

"You know, in the car chase, when that car hit us…"

_Of course. It hit the passenger side, you idiot! You should have thought about this! _

"Why didn't you tell me you hit yourself that badly?"

She shrugs. "It didn't seem important."

"It didn't seem- it didn't seem important?" how can she say it is not? "Does it hurt bad?"

"Not really. Plus, I didn't really get to feel it hurting that much. Maybe with all that adrenaline and alcohol…" yeah, it will only start hurting more later.

"Can I… It may sound like too much to ask you, but can I see?"

"Um… okay. Sure."

She slowly lifts the T-shirt, revealing the ugly purple bruise on her ribs, her breath becoming harsher with each breath taken in, and it only gets worse when I touch her. Gosh, it drives me mad that she still reacts this way.

"Easy, love. I am not doing anything to you, okay?"

"Mhm. Okay."

I walk my hand over her skin, searching and praying I won't find anything broken underneath. The last thing I want is for her to have a perforated organ.

"Does it hurt to breathe?"

"Not really. But maybe if I take too much air in. Or when I move too fast."

"Rose… you… you should have told me." was she afraid to tell me or something like that?

Goddamnit, through how much does she still have to go through? And why couldn't I take better care of her? I am supposed to keep her safe, right? How come I am the worst at this job?

**RPOV**

I wanted to tell him not to worry about me or something but I didn't get the chance.

Because along the way, we have reached our destination, and the doors of the elevator open, and guess what? There are people waiting to get in. And I am still with my T-shirt pulled up and he is still with his hands on me. How does this look for an outsider?

Weird. Very weird. Because oh, the looks people throw at us. Just like we were about to start something indecent. How come everybody is thinking he's doing me?

As I flush and burn all over from embarrassment, he doesn't give a single fuck. He moves just like nothing happened, he takes his time covering me, takes my hand in his and drags me out of there, and even throws one of his famous ugly glares at a lady that started saying something.

And as we're making our way through the hallway of the reception, I am the first one to start chuckling nervously, but after I see him smiling too, things don't seem as bad anymore. So what if those people saw us? They will forget it by next week.

And finally, we get outside.

And outside it is freezing as hell.

And he seems to observe this too because surprisingly, he puts his duster over my shoulders, wrapping me in his warmth.

But my mouth can't stop itself from making a comment.

"Oh, so now you trust me? What if I get away with your duster?"

He looks at me, a "are you kidding me?" expression on his face. Like, how do I dare even think of separating him from his duster, right?

"I trust no one."

Ouch.

"That thinking will get you far in life, comrade."

"It did so far."

"And is it pleasant?"

"The world isn't pleasant."

"Well, aren't you an optimistic?"

I follow him into the parking lot, and we get back into the car from yesterday.

And of course, my mouth can't shut.

"How do you live with it?"

He seems to be doing just fine on his own. Maybe too well and I am really curious how he's managing to do it. Ever since Mase died I felt more alone than ever and so I did ever since. Like a piece of me is missing. And on some days I have no idea how to cope with it.

"Live with what?"

"With being lonely."

"Who says I am lonely?"

"Your job? It doesn't really seem like a job that allows you to have people around. Of course, unless it's some interest involved. Isn't it how it works?"

I have hit a sore spot because he doesn't respond right away. He doesn't respond at all. He just looks out the window.

"Comrade, I didn't-"

"No. It's perfectly fine. I didn't mind that you asked. But you are wrong. I am not lonely. I don't miss people. I have chosen this life and I am happy with it.".

That was the flattest tone of voice he ever used. I definitely screwed things up with this question.

"Okay. My bad, then."

As he drives, I can't stop the feeling that he is still upset on me for that question, and I keep on racking my brain for something else to ask him, some subject of conversation. But the only thing I find is this.

"Do you think I look like a nun?"

"Your style does not concern me."

"But even though, you made that comment earlier and bought me these clothes to mess with me."

"Fair point. But only the shorts. With the other ones not. And.." he moves his attention from the road to me. "I am sorry about the comment, it wasn't my place to make it."

"But you still think I look like a nun." he said it after all.

He smiles and shakes his head.

"I think you look…"

He now takes a second to probably think of a good lie to not hurt my feelings some more. Who knows, maybe he's thinking it will make me cry again.

"You look just like you want to look and that shouldn't be none of my business. It isn't. You can wear whatever you want. You'd still look nice, Rose."

Wait. Waaaait. What did he say? He just made me a compliment?

* * *

He takes me to the mall nearby, and while being into the clothes shop, all of a sudden, as I am looking through stacks of clothes, I wonder what _he_ would like for me to wear. What he would think I look more than nice dressed in.

I could ask him. He is anyway just behind me, hovering like some kind of a bodyguard and I get to feel like one of those superstars that actually need one.

But leaving that aside, as I look at different pieces of clothing, with the corner of my eye, I try to see if he has any reaction at my choices.

To my unluck, he doesn't have any. He's mostly looking around the shop, probably making sure there is no threat around and when he bothers to throw a glance in my direction his expression is as blank as a piece of paper.

And I know this is the stupidest thing to ever do, but I can't help it. I would like to wear things that would make him look at me like he did in the bedroom. _Well, then maybe you shouldn't be wearing anything at all, dum dum. This is why he was looking at you._

Pushing those stupid things aside, I went through the shelves like a tornado and it took me only five minutes to get what I thought I needed.

As we're waiting in line for the checkout, I play with the material of a dress on a hanger next to me.

"Why don't you try it on?"

"What, this?"

"Yeah. It's the fourth time you look at it ever since we came here. Take it if you like it."

"Nah, it seems too unpractical. I don't need it."

But yes, with all that rational thinking, something in me kept on making me come back to it. Would he like to see me wear it?

**DPOV**

Maybe she doesn't need it, but I'd like to see her wearing it. I'd love it.

That dress seems to be made just for her. I really like it. It's just above the knees, the soft material would perfectly round over all the good places she has, and the square neck with spaghetti straps would emphasize her cleavage and those collarbones of hers. A pair of heels is all that she'll need to drive me insane. And if she'd let her hair down, that would be the end of me. Did I mention it is dark green? Seeing her hold the dress close to her, I know I was right. She would look amazing in green. I want her to buy this.

"Why should I buy this anyway?"

Why, not? I could find a way to find that dress a purpose. I could, for example, take it off.

"It's hard to be on the run dressed into something like this, right?"

"Right."

**RPOV**

Without the dress, we got out of the store and now we walk in front of some others from the immense mall, making our way towards the exit. We wasted enough time in the open and I get to feel guilty for that. Maybe getting here wasn't such a good idea after all. But if we hurry maybe things would be alright. There doesn't have to be danger all around us, right?

"So, are we going to switch places now?"

"Yes. We have stayed there enough. We'll get back to pick up my bag and eat something before going somewhere else."

Oh, yeah. Food sounds like such a good idea at this moment and my intestines make some low sounds just by thinking about something to eat. Lately, I get so absorbed by the things going on around that I don't realize I didn't get to eat anything. Good thing he is there to keep me well fed.

"And then what? Until when are we going to move from place to place? It's been about two days already. What are we waiting for?"

"For something to happen."

"Something like what?"

"Something like me getting new orders. Or-"

But as he is looking around, his attention focuses on one thing and he tenses up in a second.

He gets a hold of my arm and I think that he just tries to avoid the subject. Well, not again comrade.

"Or what?" I want to know what the other possibility is.

"Turn around now," he says and pulls me back towards the place we have just passed through, guiding me towards the escalators.

"I thought that we were going to take the elevator."

"Not anymore. We need to get out of here. Fast."

"What? Why? What happened?"

Okay, so this seems serious, not just him trying to distract me from the discussion we were having.

"I guess someone found out where we are. Unclasp your hair and don't look up."

I do as I am said and we get at the top of the escalator.

"Are you sure? Where are they?"

"Do you see those men dressed all in black that walk around turning around women?"

"No. Where are they?"

"The Givenchy shop. They are just in front of it. Some of them anyway."

I take a sneaky look back to the place we were heading to a minute ago and I see what I missed until now. Wow, he is so observant of his surroundings. And they were like just in front of us. How could I possibly miss them? They really stand out from the crowd.

But, to my disappointment, I did miss them and I would have gone exactly in their direction if I were on my own. And that surely wouldn't have brought me any good.

"How did they find us?"

Really now? Is there a chip in my neck or something? People seem to follow us everywhere we go and it is getting really annoying.

"I don't know yet."

He takes a second to pat his pockets and then shakes his head, clenching his jaw. What? Did he forget his gun or something?

"Um, comrade, there are some of them heading up too." what is he looking for?

I have spotted two men at the bottom of the stairs, looking around the place.

But he doesn't seem to have heard me as he is busy with looking through his pockets some more. Do they contain some magical thing that would help us disappear? I sure hope they do because if they don't, I really don't see the point in him giving all his attention to this thing.

Finally, he gives up on his search.

_"Fuck_! I lost- _you_."

He throws me such a look that makes my intestines knot. Why is he looking at me like that? I didn't do anything bad.

"You got rid of the jamming device," he declares obviously pissed off.

But I didn't get rid of anything!

"You brought them here."

"I what? I didn't-"

"You wore my duster! It was in my pocket. And you got rid of it," he says between his teeth, so, so angry.

"I didn't even know that was here!"

"To hell you didn't." his distrust in me hurts me. But hell, he said he trusts no one, right? Why would I be different?

"Comrade, I-"

"I don't want to hear it. You'd better do what I say now, or I swear to God…"

I decide to not plead for my cause some more and be a good hostage.

But we have no way out and we need to come up with something fast.

The thing is that it's too crowded to get up or down on the stairs now and if we would try that, we would attract the attention of these men. So we are trapped in between people.

And this descend seems to extend to an infinite as adrenaline starts pumping in me. We haven't even reached the middle of the stairs, that slow we are moving.

"There must be something that got them to get here," he thinks out loud. "What is it?" he asks me, expecting me to actually answer him.

"Nothing. You got rid of everything of mine."

"No, I didn't," he says, realization filling his eyes. "I didn't, Rose."

"But you did. The only thing left is _me_. Do you think I have some kind of chip in me or something? Don't you think I would have felt that?"

He shakes his head and moves fast, taking off my glasses before I manage to stop him, and throws them over the stairs. They fall before I can do anything to get them back.

"No! They were mine."

I lean over the banister a little and I see that four men around the mall are already heading that way. Well, it seems that he was right after all, but still. They were still my glasses. And I needed them more than I ever needed an object in my life.

"They must have had some kind of tracking device in it. That you knew of."

"I don't _care_," I say, tears beginning to fill my eyes and I blink fast, trying to keep on to the promise I made to myself this day. "I don't give a damn about any tracking device. _They were mine_," I almost growl at him, trying to keep my voice as low as possible.

"They're just a pair of glasses, Rose. Can you please don't make such a big deal of it?"

"They are not _just _a damned pair of glasses. They were... Leave it. You won't understand anyway. You don't care about anything anyway."

He doesn't waste time arguing with me. Because now there are some more important things going on rather than my loss.

He takes a look around and then slowly, he turns his back to the left and turns me a little too.

"Someone is coming up from the other way."

With the tail of my eye, I see a black familiar figure approaching on the other side, getting up. It's one of the guys I spotted earlier, one of the four that were heading for my glasses. They must have found them and saw that I wasn't attached to them.

"Now what? He's surely going to see me soon."

"Why would you care? You want them to see you, right? They're with him."

"Because I don't want to go with them, okay?! I don't know what is going around, but gosh, just believe me. I did nothing to bring them here."

His expression tells me that he won't believe it, no matter what I tell him.

And that man keeps on getting closer.

"What should we do?" we'll argue later. Now we need to get away alive.

I turn my back completely to the man and look up at the only one who can do something helpful, trying to cover up my face by pulling the jacket he just bought me up on me by rounding my shoulders, getting them closer to my neck.

"What if he turns me?" I whisper. Only four people are between me and her and things are starting to move fast all of a sudden. "Comrade…"

"Don't pull away."

"Wh-?"

But before I get the chance to finish my question, he places his hands on my cheeks, covering the most of my face, turns me around some more and pulls me closer to him, lifting me on my tippy toes.

At first, as surprise shot through me, I froze. I didn't know how to react.

But then, as I feel his lips pressing on mine, I relax and I rest my palms on his chest, melting in his arms.

And _God_, this kiss. It feels so good, I have wanted it to happen for so long. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his lips on mine to the fullest.

Everything around me ceases to exist, there's no more danger around, no man getting up and who may see me. There's only him and this kiss.

I lose myself in this kiss and sighing, I part my lips, and gosh, he goes further and gets his tongue past them, the warmth of his flesh invading my mouth, his tongue finding mine and making my whole body shiver with its movements, his palms pulling me even closer to him, my palms clutching onto the leather, him taking control over all my sense. Over all of me.

And he doesn't let go of me or stops kissing me, his tongue painfully slow playing with mine, tasting, pushing, pressing and exploring.

That until we reach the bottom of the stairs, when the magic goes away.

* * *

**Soooo? What about that kiss? Do you think it will lead to some more soon? **


	20. Do you miss someone?

**Howdy, guys! **

**First of all, Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you are having a great holiday! **

**And also, thank you very much for all your wishes. I love y'all! Thank you for all the great reviews too. You guys are great! Thank you for being so supportive :) **

**I am sorry for the late updating, I wanted and I was so close to posting something on the weekend, but I went on a little unplanned trip and didn't have much time to write and edit. But here is it, another chapter. I hope you'll like it and thanks for the patience. You all are little Dimitris :) **

**I also tried to write more of DPOV, don't know why, it just felt right to bring up something about him too. Plus, of course, a lot of you saif you liked thatso i thought I should give it a trt**

**And who knows, maybe things will be getting a little heated into the next chapter. *wink***

* * *

**Do… do _you_ miss someone?**

**RPOV**

Everything crashes around me when he pulls away. Only when I craved more. I wanted to tell him this, to ask him why did he stop, but I was too unfazed by what happened to even open my mouth.

"We need to go, Rose."

He let go of me and left my whole body aching, missing his warmth, and lusting for more of him because I know so damn well how much he could offer. And I wanted all of it.

He made my whole body feel like it's melting, like it's made of wax, perfect for him to handle at will. And I didn't fight back. I didn't want to. I would have let him handle me just as he pleased, in all the ways he wanted. And I would have loved it.

Just with one damned kiss, he managed to do so many, made me feel so many. And oh, what a damned kiss. It was like nothing I have felt before. I think I even started to see little sparks of light at the back of my closed eyes. He got every nerve in my body to respond to him, all my senses awakened and involved in feeling him. It was all so new to me, it was so arousing, it was… but now it is over. Why did he stop? Did I do something he didn't like?

_Yes, you responded to it, you idiot! _

I let my confused, dreamy self be dragged along people and shops, not even caring where I am going. Because I can't focus on any of that. All I can focus is his hand tightly holding mine and oh, that kiss. I won't ever be able to forget it. Our lips pressed onto each other. His tongue playing with mine, teasing and tasting. I can still feel his aroma in my mouth and it's so sweet. And the softness of his lips and how good he was at it. Why did he stop?

_I don't know, Rose… why didn't _you_ stop him in the first place? _

Because I didn't want to. Because he… Oh, gosh! What have we done? What have _I_ done?

_No, no. What has _he_ done?_

Realizing the weight of what happened, it makes me angry. Sad. Mad. I don't know. Something. My feelings are too mixed. If it's on him or on me, I can't tell. But it's not something good anyway. How could it be? Look at what we have done! At what _he_ has done. How dare he?

I regain enough control over my senses to see that we somehow got to the underground parking lot and thankfully, there's no one on our traces. And he's still dragging me along, rushing me.

I stop and pull my hand out of his.

"What was _that_?"

"Rose, we don't have the tim-"

Staring at his lips moving when he speaks, I realize that I am mostly upset because he broke the kiss, not because he did it in the first place. And I am upset too that I enjoyed it too. But it's not like I can tell him that. I could never do that.

"No! Don't do that ever again!"

If he would kiss me once again, I am sure I would lose the fight with anything that is rational on this planet and only God knows what I'll end up doing.

"I had no other choice."

"Oh, _really?" _this is his best excuse?

"He could have seen your face. He would have turned you around and you know it. He would have recognized you."

"And why only that _method _worked?" there must have been at least ten other ways out of that situation.

"Yes. Public signs of affection make people look away because they feel like they have no business there. And so, he couldn't have how to recognize you."

I don't even know how to react to that. I just sit and stupidly watch him, trying to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.

So that was all? He…

_Why did you even except for it to be more than it was? I bet he didn't even enjoy kissing you._

Of course, not. He saw himself obliged to do that. What was I thinking? His next words are there to confirm my thoughts.

"And don't make so much fuss out of it. You didn't seem to dislike it that much back in there."

I wasn't. I was loving it. But he'll never know this either. Especially not with the cocky attitude he just got back.

"I was shocked! How could I even react to that? You-"

The smugness in him only increases.

"Don't know, love, maybe not kiss me back?"

And he dares to come closer, invading my personal space, stealing my air once again, and even though he is not touching me at all, only his presence so close to me makes my whole body feel tingly once again. I feel too many things all of a sudden and the memory of his lips pressed on mine is not helping me much. I don't know what to do to deal with the closeness between us. Maybe I should give in and kiss him? Say to hell with it all and-

"Am I right?" he asks, eyebrow lifted, knowing so damn well he is right.

Ugh, I hate this cocky bastard!

"I _did not _kiss you back! You're dreaming! I so did not do that. You are just imagining things. You're delirious."

"Your tongue says this now, but didn't earlier. It was busy with other things, right?"

He knows what he felt. I know it too. And not seeing the point in arguing with him about this, knowing he is more than right, I approach another strategy.

"Couldn't you at least, I don't know, _say_ something? At least to give me a heads up, ask me for God's sake, something!"

"I did."

"'Don't pull away' doesn't count as _anything_, comrade."

I hate it more than ever that he took control over all of me with such ease and I didn't have a word to say about that. He shouldn't think he is entitled to handle me to his desires. Because he is not.

"It doesn't mean I gave you my _consent_. Because I didn't! I didn't want that!"

**DPOV**

She didn't want me to do it. She didn't want me to kiss her. Then why did she want it so bad last night? Why did she respond to me? Her hands clutching on my coat definitely felt like she was trying to push me away. Her lips parting, welcoming me, surely meant that she didn't want me to kiss her. Her whole body relaxing into my arms, practically melting, that pleasurable sigh she let out, her tongue joining mine, yes, sure, of course, it all meant she didn't want me to kiss her. I got it all fucking wrong! So stupid of me to think otherwise.

Why is she lying to me? She is saying this, but her body betrayed her. Why is it so hard for her to admit it? Would it be that bad?

"It was only in your mind that I would ever respond to you! Not in a million years. You had no right to-"

Fine. If she can lie, so can I. Let's see who is better at it.

**RPOV**

"Don't worry. It won't happen ever again," he says coldly, taking a step back and watching me with a dark look in his eyes. "And don't flatter yourself uselessly. I didn't kiss you because I wanted to. I had to and it didn't bring me much pleasure either. Plus, you're not even my type."

I am not his _type_? _I am not his goddamn type?_ Of course I am not! What his type could be, anyway? Obviously, not me. He is used to having another kind of women around. Sexy and hot and three times more undressed than me. And all falling to his knees at the littlest of his charms, ready to do whatever he pleases to and with them. Fine. I don't want to be that kind of woman. I don't want to be one more addition to his list of conquests, a fling, or another booty call of his.

And he's so not my type either! He's just a bastard, like all the guys I met my whole life and I am sick of that!

I smile crookedly at him and stop my urge to slap him.

"Amazing! Perfect! Great! I don't want to be your type anyway! I am glad I am nothing close to that! I don't ever want to be that! You're not too enjoyable either, you bastard! And you are multi-talented, too. You can talk, annoy and irritate me all at the same time, all the goddamn time! Why don't you just let me be? You would make both our lives easier. Mine at least."

He shows me another piece of his arrogance, still watching me with that superior air. Who the hell he thinks he is? He thinks he's so irresistible? Well, he's not! _Yeah, that's definitely why your knees always go weak when he's around, right?_

"You know that won't happen. You're kind of stuck with me for now, love."

That name again!

"You are insufferable, did you know that?! Sometimes I look at you and wonder why no one has hit you with a brick yet."

Because he surely deserves it. He is annoying me as hell.

I turn around and head away from him.

"Where are you going, love? Looking for a brick?"

"Yes! And if I find one I swear to God I am throwing it at you!"

I can hear his chuckling as he catches up with me and gets a hold of my elbow, pulling me into another direction.

"You'll get to play with bricks later. Now we need to get away from here."

Maybe in other circumstances, I could get to enjoy his cocky, sarcastic presence. But maybe not in this life. Maybe not ever.

"I can walk by myself."

I jerk my hand away and he doesn't insist on holding me.

I turn my attention to the ground and cross my arms over my chest, my feet pounding hard on the floor as I pick up the pace towards the car.

I can't help it but feel bad. So, so bad. I know that I should try to get away from him and not want to be his friend or anything else, but, I know I wanted for him to kiss me again and not act like that shitty person and tell me all that. Even though it wasn't a real kiss, just a thing he was obliged to do, it felt like so much more to me. And I instantly became addicted to it. And I hate myself for that!

He has picked another car from the wide selection we had to choose from, and we left right away. And ever since, we have been into our weird, full of tension symbiosis.

As he drives towards the hotel, my stomach begins to growl loudly but I don't want to say a thing to him, I don't want to ask him for anything, I just wrap my hands around it to muffle its sounds. I am still very upset and I want him to know that. On who, I still can't really figure it out, but I guess that mostly on myself because I can't make sense of my feelings and I hate being this confused. He shouldn't mean anything to me. He _doesn't_. And that kiss either. It meant nothing. _Yes, and we all believe you, Rose._

He takes a left when he should have made a right but I don't ask for any explanation. I am keeping on to my promise. I am not going to speak with him yet, unless he decides to apologize for being such a dick. That's on him. It's all on him, in fact! He's the one messing with me in all the possible ways.

Three minutes later he pulls the car in front of a convenience store and decides to speak. Let's see if he will only get me madder on him.

"Our visit to the hotel just got shorter. We need to move so we are just going there to pick my things. So, is there something specific you would like to eat?" I shake my head no. He still didn't apologize, so I am not talking. "Okay. Wait for me here." Like I could ever go away. "I'll get back fast." How about not coming back ever again?

A few minutes later he comes back and hands me a paper bag that I don't open right away, I just keep it on my thighs and he takes a look at it a couple of times and then up at me, but says nothing.

As he drives again and the growling of my stomach got insupportable, I give in and take a look inside it. I see that he got us some sandwiches, bananas, and water. But there is something else in the bag, which is more than familiar to me. I get the little package out.

Always paying your debts? Is the first thought that passes through my mind, but I bite my tongue and don't ask it. He would know I know about his promise from last night and that I have been lying like hell.

"What is this?"

"Are you really wanting an answer, or are you asking just to get somewhere?"

"What is this?" I insist.

"Fine. It's that thing made from cocoa and milk and a bunch of-"

"I know what chocolate is, comrade."

"It would have been surprising for me if you wouldn't, considering how much of it you eat. But still, you asked and I didn't expect you to want a normal answer, but I didn't have another to give. So, what's the real question here?"

"Why did you buy it?"

He shrugs. "I just did. I thought you'd like to have something as a desert."

"Why this one?" Why is it my favorite one? Only my mother is allowed to buy me this.

Wow, I am starting to get as suspicious about everything as him. I am just asking him hundreds of questions about a piece of chocolate.

"Isn't that your favorite? You always used to buy lots of it and I thought that you… Was I mistaken?"

As he asks me this, on spot, I decide not to be upset on him anymore. How can I be when he does stuff like this? But why is he doing all these nice little things for me in the first place? Does he feel bad for earlier too?

Ugh, things are so weird for me! One moment I want to get away from him as far as possible and then, a second later I just want to never leave his side.

"You're right, comrade. And I have no idea how to classify this, the fact that you know that. Extremely weird or nice."

He smiles that damn smile that I began to live for, the warm and lovely one. From the first time I saw it yesterday night, I can't get enough of it. What did I do now to deserve it? Ah, who cares?

"I am going to let it pass this time too and say that it's very considerate of you. But you have to admit that it is extremely weird that you know so many things about me." While I know so little.

"It's my job to know."

"Yeah. But it's still weird."

I open one little chocolate from the pack and extend it to him, deciding to share it with him, now that he has been nice. I can try to be that too.

After considering things for a second he takes it, and finishes it in two bites.

"It's really good." He comes to a conclusion.

"What? Haven't you ever eaten some?"

He shrugs. "I never bothered with sweets."

"Not even as a kid?" he shakes his head no. "Okay, comrade, what kid doesn't like sweets? Are you from another planet or something?"

"I didn't."

Or maybe he was too busy with other things, such as learning how to kill, to bother with sweets. What other things did he miss as a kid?

Silence falls in between us, but I need to say one more thing.

"Thanks, comrade."

He smiles again, but this time more to himself. Maybe he's proud of himself that he managed to mend things with me a little. Let's see how long this will last.

"You are welcome, Rose."

* * *

As I wait for him to put my new stuff in his bag, where I am more than sure that they will catch his scent (but hey, who minds about that?), I study the plushy carpet into the room, and I see a little black piece of something in between its locks.

I go pick it up and he gets curious too as I study it.

"What is this, comrade? It's so little."

He takes it from me and starts mumbling in Russian, a deep frown between his brows.

"What happened now? What's that? Is it bringing us any trouble?"

"No. But it could have saved us from some today."

"How?"

He sighs and puts it into his pocket. "Back at the mall…"

Oh. So that little thing is his precious jammer? Damn, the technology these guys have.

But now I can't sit and be in awe of that. Because I get mad in an instant. I cross my arms and look at him, thinking if I should hit him or just scold him.

"Should I say something, comrade? Like, I told you so?"

He nods. "If it will make you feel better, then say it."

Oh, someone is so penitent all of a sudden. Where is his accusing, untrusting attitude now?

"It's not fun anymore if you're letting me say it."

I want to go away, to not see his face anymore, to not be remembered of that thing, but he stops me and turns me to face him.

"Rose…"

"_What_?"

He opens his mouth, but I don't let him speak.

"I _told you_ I didn't get rid of it! You gave me the coat outside. The jammer was in here all along. Would it have killed you to believe me?"

"You're right. It wasn't your fault. And I am sor-

"No. It's okay, comrade. You don't have to apologize. I know you trust no one, you just told me that today. And hell, why would you trust me, out of nowhere? I am a no one to you after all. But…" I stop for a second to gulp down my tears because he doesn't have to know how much his distrust hurt me today. "Maybe you could have at least trust me with that, comrade. I trusted you with my life after all."

I get out of the room and wait for him on the sofa.

* * *

So, day number three of running around, another motel we get to, another side of the town, another place for us to quarrel into. Let's see what this place will bring.

It's at least a good thing that this town is big enough for us to move freely from one side to another without people getting suspicious about anything. I must admit that it's pretty tiring for me to go these distances with the car, and we spent about two hours on road this time, but it's what we have to do to make our possible followers' lives hard. What's annoying me is that some guys still manage to find us. But I hope that not anymore. I want a moment of peace after what happened today.

But I wonder for how long we are going to play this game of switching places. He said that he should get new orders. Do those orders include me too? And if they do, would I like for those to include me? I have a bad feeling that I wouldn't. And I have a bad feeling too that he just can't wait to get rid of me. Me too. But I believe we're not thinking about the same solution.

But wait a second. There was another option he was talking about and I didn't get the chance to hear it as our conversation was rudely interrupted by those men. Maybe that option can give me some hope.

And instead of lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling as I have been doing for the last half an hour, getting bored out of my mind in this silence, I decide I should try to get some more information from him. It annoys me very much not knowing what will happen next. And with him, you never know. And he likes keeping me that way.

I turn only my gaze in his direction, not moving my head, looking at him with the corner of my eye, so that he won't sense that I am kind of spying on him. I have always wondered how is he when no one is watching. How is the man he is when he's alone? Or with someone he's familiar with. Too bad that maybe I'll never know because him and I are far from being familiar.

He is sitting on the sofa on the other side of the small room we are into, with his legs extended on it, the left one over the other, this position making him look even taller than he already is. Who would have thought this is possible? Well, maybe the too little for him sofa helps too.

But even though, I don't know how he does it, he still manages to look graceful, even though all he does is to lay there and move his hand from time to time, flipping the pages of that thick novel he is reading, and his eyes are moving left and right on the pages.

Oh, and he just passed a hand through his hair, which is unclasped and barely touching his shoulders now, and it gave it that controlled messy look that looks so goddamn good on him. Ugh, why does he have to look like such a bad boy? And why does he have to be so good at it? Oh, he just did it again!

I swear I might sound crazy right now, but I so want to get out of this bed and do that thing too, to pass my hands through his hair and see how it feels. And not only once. Maybe a thousand times. He has done that to me so many times as he was calming me, but I never got the chance.

But despite my urge, I don't do it because it would be completely out of line. Maybe he wouldn't even like it. Of course he wouldn't. I am not his type, right? And how on earth could he like me to touch him?

Instead, I watch him some more, like the creepy stalker I am turning into. But I swear I like studying him. What if I see something new this time?

He is moving slowly and he looks so calm and relaxed, just like there is no worry in his world, just like he doesn't have anything else to do besides reading that book. And somehow, he hasn't anything to do, as I decided to stay put and he just has to wait for something to happen.

Is this all he does all the time, besides killing people left and right? Waits? No wonder he is such a patient man. But hell, doesn't he get bored? Lonely too? His life must be getting really lonely, no matter how much he says he likes it that way. Which human doesn't need another human's company?

_You forget something, Rose. He has as much company as he desires. Especially in bed. _

Fine, whatever, but what about when he's not in bed with a woman or more of them, doing all kind of stuff, or whatever? How does he deal with having to be so many different people? With always having to be away from people and always having to be someone else, never himself? For how many people he is the real him? Is he ever the real him around someone?

Pff, like he'd ever answer me this question. So, I would better go back to my other question, the one he might answer me to, as I really need to know what the other thing he is waiting to happen is.

"Hey."

He looks at me fast, like I caught him unprepared. Wow, I didn't think I could see him like this, even if it was only for a second. But I will give it to him. He may have thought I was asleep because this is what I have been trying to do for quite long, but without any success, no matter how still I tried to be and how much I tried to ignore the constant buzzing in my head.

"What happened?"

"You know, back at the mall, before we got interrupted, you were telling me something," I say as I get to one side to face him.

"Yes. What about that?"

I get up and place my tingly feet on the wooden floor, moving my toes up and down, trying to get rid of that needle stinging your skin sensation I got from not moving my legs for the past couple of minutes.

"You didn't get to tell me the other option. What else are we waiting for?"

"I am waiting for people to bid on what your boyfriend has."

Hearing him say that, I almost snap up to my feet.

"My _what_?" I throw him the ugliest look I can pull. "He is _not_ my boyfriend. Not after all of this thing and all the things he did before. He's _dead_ to me."

"Sorry. I know that, of course. It just slipped. I didn't mean to..."

Yeah, I know how it is. I sometimes catch myself calling him like that in my head too. I think I got used to him.

"It's fine. But… when is he planning to sell it?"

"Maybe any day now. Just yesterday he made it available and people already started bidding for it."

Wow, things on the black market move fast.

"But how? He doesn't have it, right? Or does he? Then, why would he even bother to try to reach me for the past month?"

What did he want from me if not his precious object? Just to pin everything on me? I so want to know that. The curiosity is practically killing me. I have always liked mysteries. Not when I am actively involved in one, but still. Xavier is another man I can't understand, just like the guy in front of me.

What is it with spies and this shadiness of their actions? Can't they, for once, be honest? I already know plenty and I'll die anyway, so why bother keeping things from me?

"Honestly, I don't know what to think anymore Rose," he responds and for a second, I can feel the tiredness in his voice.

I can feel that he is as tired as I am of this situation. But I know that he won't give up on this that easily. He doesn't seem the type to do so. I know he will get to the bottom of this, one way or another. If there is someone capable to figure this out, he is the man. I just hope that I will still be around to find out the truth.

"Okay. Let's assume he has it."

Even though I have the hunch he doesn't. I can feel it in my guts that he is just bluffing, thinking that he might fool the Russian. But who would ever be able to fool him? Look at him. I bet he is able to smell a scam from miles away.

"Why now? I mean, why isn't he laying low until things settle? Then, he can go and get rid of it later, right? It would be easier this way. He can sell it later too. He just has to wait for a little longer."

"Not really. Too many people know about that thing now and they know that either you have it or he does. The same men that are coming for you are going after him too. So, the faster he gets rid of it, the faster he can get rid of all the people who want it and are not willing to pay to have it. After this, he won't have to deal with them anymore, being free to do anything he wishes. It would be the responsibility of the new possessor to take care of the others."

Well, this makes a lot of sense. I haven't thought about this possibility. But, what is he selling if he doesn't have it? Things make sense for me this way: if he is selling it, he has to have it. How can he give it away if the memory card isn't in his possession?

"And so, this means that he has to have it, no? This seems logical. He wouldn't try to sell it if he wouldn't have it."

"Yeah, maybe he has it. But maybe he doesn't."

Yeah, that's the catch: that we don't know. And if he really doesn't have it, this only means that _I_ must have it because he made it pretty obvious that day that there was something he wanted to take from me. And the times match perfectly. He stole that thing a month ago and all those stupid things happened some days after his arrival from Moscow. The only question remaining to be answered is what I did with it.

**DPOV**

She is again putting her hair up into a bun, and I so wish I would stop her. Why does she have to do it all the time? Doesn't she know she looks so damn good with her hair down?

"And what if I still have it, even though I have no idea where is it? He's... still going to come after me."

There is fear in her voice, I can clearly feel it. Is she that afraid of Haynes? What else did he do to her? In how many ways did he hurt her? I would like to know what was the cheek he slapped her onto. I would love to bruise his in return. Maybe I'll bruise them both, so there won't be any doubting. That _bastard_.

"Don't you worry about that, love." I'll surely be around to pay him back. For everything.

"Why not?"

"As long as you're with me, you don't have to. I assure you of that."

"You won't try to use me as bait?"

"I already tried that, right?" she nods. "And how has it worked out?"

"Not good."

"Yeah." so, I am not endangering her once more.

"Then?"

"Then what?"

"I don't know… Why do you keep me around then?"

Good question. I don't know the answer to it half of the times I am asking myself this. Maybe just because I want her to be safe. I'll do my best.

"Why do you think?"

"Don't know. That's why I asked. Maybe you're trying to have the upper hand in some way?"

"Have you ever thought I am keeping you around just because I enjoy your presence?"

I even began to like bickering with her. How crazy is this? But having her around is way better than being in this alone. Even if we're quarreling, even if she's drunk, even if she's yelling at me, even if she's lying to me, even if she's not speaking to me at all. Having her around, for whatever reason, feels good.

She rolls her eyes, not trusting me again.

"Oh, the sarcasm, comrade. Don't tell me if you don't want it, but don't make fun of me."

And she lies back down, plopping onto her back with a sigh.

* * *

**RPOV**

Later the day, as the sun begins to set, I get bored out of my mind. For real. It is getting insupportable. And all my entertainment resumes to the flat screen on the wall of which I have searched all the channels and found nothing. Three times now, until he asked me what I was searching for and finally decided to turn it off and resume to blankly stare at the walls.

But what is frustrating me most right now is that I am not doing anything to make me feel alive while I am still breathing. I don't do any of the things that were making me happy before. No running, as it would be dangerous to be outside, I don't have Ash around, I'm not doing any yoga, because let's be honest. Russian guy over here is already making me uncomfortable enough with the way he's looking at me when he's checking on me to see if I am not up to any new stupidity and all I need now is for him to see me doing a downward-facing dog or any pose that would imply me lifting my ass for him to gaze upon. I can't enjoy my music either, I can't do anything but lie here, and miss so many other little pleasures that I wasn't conscious about before. Like really, I would kill for my vanilla scented shower gel. I would do anything for one of my books.

But hey. Maybe I can do something about that last thing. I get an idea. I get up to my butt in an instant.

"Comrade?"

He lifts his head out of the book he's reading, lucky bastard.

"Yes? What happened?"

"Do you happen to have um… other books with you? Like, ones I could understand?"

"Sure, but… you'll see."

He gets up and out of his endless bag, he takes out another book. Like really. I see that the bag is big, but where do all those things fit in? Anyway. I am glad he had it on him.

I get on the sofa, on the other side of his spot, my legs crossed, and wait for him to give me the book.

Before handing it to me, he stops in front of me and smiles, amused by something I don't understand.

"What?"

"I think this book will suit you."

"Why?"

"Here. See for yourself."

He gives me the book and as I see its title, I get it. "The little cowboy.". It even has a suggestive drawing on its cover. And maybe I should be the one smiling for the fact that he has such a book on him, but I get why he was amused earlier. Because it's a children's book.

"Ha, ha. Very funny, comrade." I try to seem serious, but even I smile.

But you know what? At least I have something to do.

"Hey, if you don't like it, I can take it away."

"The hell you are."

I cuddle the book to my chest and show him his place, waiting for him to sit.

After that, I take a better position too and want to delight myself with reading. But as I open it, I feel its scent. The book is really old and I can't help but love how it smells. I bring it closer to my nose and breathe in deeply closing my eyes and enjoy.

"What are you doing?"

I snap out of it and put the book down.

"Huh? What am I doing?"

"Why were you smelling that book?"

"Um… because I like how old books smell?"

He looks at me like I would be crazy. But I am not.

"Haven't you ever tried it?"

"I don't usually spend my time smelling books, Rose."

**DPOV**

"Then why won't you try it?"

She extends the book to me.

"I am not doing that."

"Why not? Come on. You think I am weird for doing it. At least give it a try to understand why."

She almost gives me the puppy eyes again as she puts the book on my thighs.

"Come on, comrade. Only you and I will know you did it, if you think it will affect your reputation," she says smiling. "I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Saying this, she makes me remember of last night, when she called me sweet. How come I got from that to being a jerk to her again?

"Please?" she even gets a little of that flirty looks she gave me last night.

"Fine, if you insist…"

My answer brings a little smile on her face and she now watches me expectantly.

So I take the book, open it and bring it up, close to my nose and take a deep breath in, mimicking what she has done before, letting that supposedly nice smell reach my nostrils.

And as that happens, as I feel the weird, pleasant, somehow oddly familiar mixture between, I'll say some faint coffee accents, a hint of vanilla, mixed with a tang of something acid or maybe some mustiness, my mind drags me back to a lot of years ago. Back to when I was a kid.

This smell reminds me of my mother. I remember seeing her, sitting in her armchair, opening a book and do the same as Rose did, bringing it up to her nose and enjoying the old smell with her eyes closed. And I remember the little me going up to her and ask her why she's doing it. Smiling, she picks me up on her lap and encourages me to do the same, letting me fall in love with that sensation of feeling the essence of the old book.

The memory is so vivid that I can still feel my mother's palm resting on my thigh. The fire in the fireplace warming my cheeks. The smell of hot chocolate and the goods she used to cook all around the house. The feeling of her lips resting on my forehead. The sound of my sisters playing around us.

Everything is so vivid that it physically hurts me to remember it. I can feel it starting in my plexus and expanding throughout my whole body, making me lose my breath for a second.

How come I never remembered this before?

"What happened, comrade?" Rose distracts me and squeezes on my thigh too. "Did you like it too much?" she asks with an amused tone.

"Nothing. Nothing happened."

"So, you didn't like it?" she now gets disappointed.

Oh, Rose. You have no idea how much I liked it. I loved it. Even though it hurt so bad. I am glad that she made me do it.

"No. I liked it."

"You did?" her voice gets excited now and her eyes glowing.

"Yes, love. I liked it."

**RPOV**

He says he liked it, but I swear his face tells me otherwise. He, for once, was so out of it and his face even got paler and for a second, I was afraid he might faint or something. I thought I was the one to do that, not him.

And after he gives me that impersonal toned answer, he puts the book aside, gets up and heads straight to the bathroom. Maybe that smell got him sick or something, I don't know. But it definitely didn't do him much good.

As I wait for him to come back, I open the book and see that on its first page, it has some words written in Russian. I wonder what that means. If I would ask him, would he tell me? Probably not.

**DPOV**

After I wash my face with cold water and regain control over my senses, I get back in there.

Rose is still on the sofa, and she doesn't give me much attention as I take a seat back on the sofa, next to her. Either she is too absorbed of that story, or she is trying to not say anything about what happened before, for which I am more than glad.

But as I try to focus on my book, I keep on getting distracted by her, my eyes keeping on moving away from the lines of text in front of me, towards her.

I hope she likes that book. But her expression is enough for me to know she is. As she's biting her bottom lip, focused on what's happening there, she gets smiling a little. And I have never seen this at her, but she starts playing with a strand of her hair, rounding it on her finger. Maybe it's a little tick of hers. I'd like to be the one doing that.

But after a while, after I study her stupidly, unable to look away, she senses that I am watching her. Shit. She lifts her head and watches me.

"What?" she asks me frowning.

Nothing love. I was just wondering how come you can look so beautiful. Especially with that little smile on her lips.

"Don't you need your glasses to read?"

"Not really. I… it's a long story."

I look at her questioningly and she shakes her head no lightly.

"I have all night to listen to it."

Seeing me insisting, she sighs.

"It may be stupid, but… I only used to wear them because…" why does this subject make her so uneasy? "Because they belonged to one of my… friends. To my best friend. He um…" she looks away and her eyes get a little teary. "He… he died and those glasses were his and kind of like, the last thing I had that reminded me of him."

Oh, no. And what have I done to them? I threw them away. _That's why she reacted like that, you idiot!_

One tear falls on her cheek and she wipes it hastily.

"I'm sorry. It may be stupid, I know… but…" her voice gets strangled and she stops.

I put my hand over hers, squeezing, not knowing what else to do to comfort her.

"Roza, missing someone is not stupid."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

My answer makes her smile a little, and I expect her to ask me that question of hers again, of me knowing them all, but instead, she asks me something else.

**RPOV**

"Do… do _you_ miss someone?" I dare ask him.

His grip on my palm gets a little tighter as he smiles sadly.

"Don't we all?"

He asks me that and it takes me by surprise that he let his façade slip. He sounded so hurt to say these words. Who does he miss? And how bad?

But I don't get the chance to ask something else because he gets back to being him and changes the subject. Well, our moment lasted too long maybe.

"But, if it makes you feel better, it's better this way."

"What is better this way?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, love."

"What about me?"

He brings his hand up, walking his thumb under my eye, wiping a stray tear.

"You have such beautiful eyes. You shouldn't keep them covered under those big glasses. You can see your eyes better like this. You shouldn't keep them covered. It was a pity not to see them."

His words make my whole face burn. My whole body.

"I um… thanks," I say looking down and he laughs lightly at my reaction, then pulls his hand away.

"And I am sorry I had to take them away from you, but…"

"I get it. You had to. I am not holding anything against you."

"Fine. Then…" he scratches the back of his head. "I'll… I'll let you read." and with that weirdness in his tone, he gets back to his place and his book.

Okay. Am I the only one who thinks that was way more than weird?

I decide not to ask any questions and get back to reading myself, but the book was short and I finish it in a couple of minutes.

And after that, I remain with the book open on my thighs and focus my attention on him. Again, getting back to being a stalker.

Why is he shifting between being a nice guy and not? Who is the real him anyway? The nice, caring man he just was, or the cocky bastard? Both? Neither? Is this just a role he is playing? Does he enjoy playing all these different characters?

Who is the real him?

What if he is a loving husband in his day to day life? Does he have a wife at home waiting for him? Kids too? Is that just another cover of his? Is there, somewhere, a poor woman helplessly in love with him, waiting for him to come back, that will one day end up just like I did, dragged into such a mess? Does he even love her? Is she the one he misses?

Did he ever play the fierce CEO role? Did he do his secretary on his big, fancy desk? _Why, would you like to have been her?_ Of course not! It's not like I ever imagined…_ Stop it!_

What about a geek? Has he ever been that? I can't help a little chuckle escaping my lips as I imagine him wearing a crocheted vest and a pair of glasses. Hell, he'd look hot even in that!

Ah, he would be able to pull all these roles without the littlest of effort. He'd be so good at them all. He'd be so good at being a bad boy one second and in the next one the sweetest of them all.

But how is the real him? Is he the warm man he has been at times been with me? Is he capable of more than that? Is he only a man that treats women like shit? Is the one that I see now just a role? I can't help but wonder how it's the real him. It's nagging me that I don't know.

Does the real him like dusters and reads westerns or is this just something Sebastian would do? How far is he willing to take it? What are his principles? His limits? How far would he go to fool someone? Would he get a cowboy hat if he should get that deep into the character?

The thought of him wearing one makes me smile again.

"What's so funny?"

Oh, shit!

"Nothing. Just… the book. It's funny."

"You weren't reading it when you started chuckling. Twice. So it can't be the book."

He saw me? Both times? He knows I was staring at him? And me who I thought I was being stealthy._ Of course you weren't! You were chuckling like an idiot. Even a three years old would sense something is wrong._

"It's nothing. I just remembered something funny from the story."

"Really, love?"

I shrug.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Do you… have any morals?" it's the first question that pops into my mind when I think about changing the subject.

"What?"

"Do you have any morals?"

"I do."

"Really?"

"Yes. I do. Is it that hard to believe?"

Kind of. Sometimes it is, considering what he does.

"And when do you have morals?"

His lips curl slightly, not liking my question.

"On Sundays, love. Sometimes on Wednesdays too." I just look at him amazed. He's for real? "It really depends."

"On what?"

"On who I am with." He says it with such a suggestive tone that makes me shiver.

"You're messing with me."

"When you ask questions like that, it's hard not to, love."

Okay, I'll give him that. Considering my question, a sarcastic answer is just what I deserved. But oh, the suggestion behind those words… How come I keep on putting myself in these situations?

And to avoid his eyes and other similar suggestions, I get reading that little book again.

But after I finish it again, I turn his way once more and I want to say something but I stop once again.

"What's the matter now? Say it already. You have been struggling with it for the last minute. And you have been doing this all day long. Just say it already. What's bothering you?"

"I am bored. Like, really, _really_ bored. I don't know…"

"Do you think that I might get the chance to get out for a run? Or a walk?" I even use my puppy eye on him.

He shakes his head.

"That is not possible."

"Yeah, I thought so. But I had to try, at least."

He lets me again sit on my ass, and I continue to puff displeased, hoping that I am sending a clear message that I don't like this situation.

But nooo. He doesn't get it.

So I decide to get back to being annoying, maybe I'll get something from him.

I take the remote and start changing the channels again, looking for the littlest piece of entertainment.

"Would you stop that?"

"But there is nothing to see."

"You are not even looking, that fast you're changing the channels."

"I don't need to look to know there is nothing to entertain me."

"That's what you need? Entertainment?"

"Maybe… I mean, I feel the need to move, to do something. I would usually consume my energy running in the mornings or in the evenings but now, being kept inside for the past three days, I have all this energy I don't know how to use. I don't know what to do. And you're not letting me go out."

He lets me boil for another minute or so, then gets up and gets again to his bag. Damn, he has a thing for that, right?

He comes back in front of me, holding a pair of sweats and a blouse of mine.

"Here. Put these on."

"Why?"

"Do you want to consume that energy somehow or not?"

"I guess I do, but-"

What does he propose? I bet that our ways of spending energy don't really match. I bet his involve a bed. _And yours doesn't?_ Of course not!

"Then go change and stop putting all these questions. You'll find out soon."

So, with curiosity nagging my brain, I shut up and go change into the bathroom. Like this, I won't be seen by him again topless.

When I get out of the bathroom, I see that he has changed his clothes too. He's wearing sportswear too and he's… stretching?

Okay. What are we going to do anyway? _Don't know, but I bet you hope it would be tiring. And maybe involving a bed? _Oh, brain, shut the hell up! Don't you dare make me think of that!

Oh, who the hell cares? Look at him. I could do it all day long. How could you not get all kinds of kinky thoughts when you see him like this? He's so tall. And well built, those perfectly sculpted muscles flexing under the tightness of his so well fitted blouse, muscles that he knows so well how to use. I wonder in how many ways.

He's handsome as hell too now, dressed all in black and moving so slow and deliberately, that I can see him in all his glory. He is perfect in so many ways it's annoying. Too bad his attitude spoils things. All the things.

But why the hell am I even thinking about this? I shouldn't care about how he looks, I shouldn't give a damn about how he acts. I should not think about him, period. In any way. I will not. I will not think again about the way he touched me, about how much I wanted him to kiss me again. I shouldn't, but God, don't I do that often?

I see a hand wiggling in front of my eyes. I immediately get out of my head and see him in front of me. When did he get here?

"What were you thinking about?" I can sense the curiosity in his voice.

You. I was thinking about you, goddamnit. So much more than I should.

"Nothing. I um…"

I raise my eyes and as I see him looking back at me, I begin feeling like he knows what I was thinking about because there's an amused expression stuck to his face. And I pray he doesn't. Please don't.

"Nothing. I was thinking about anything important. Did you say something?"

"Yes. I asked you what you want to eat later."

"Whatever. It doesn't matter." It's not like I could think of something as unimportant like food now.

I walk past him and take in our surroundings, looking around the room, searching for my dignity because I know I was shamelessly checking him out.

I see that he has gotten out the mattress off the bed.

"What is this for?"

"I am teaching you how to fight."

He is?

I turn around to face him.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because your pepper spray won't always save you."

"Yeah, right. But, I don't know, aren't you afraid I will use your techniques against you?"

At this, he laughs lightly.

"It's not like you will become the master of kung fu in half an hour, Rose."

"Will you teach me kung fu?"

He laughs once again.

"It was just a matter of speaking. I don't know. We just have all this free time and you said you were bored and that you would like to move a little. And I thought that you might like to know how to take care of yourself."

Yeah, it would be a good idea if I ever get out of this alive.

"Fine. Why not? What do we start with?"

"Let's get over some basics first."

I follow him on the mattress.

"Like?"

"First, there's one rule you need to remember. The most important one."

"And what is that?"

"Always, _always_, be prepared for anything."

"That's easier said than done, right?"

He shrugs. "Well, you can't always be _prepared_ for everything, but you should at least expect things."

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind. What else?"

"Let's get to fighting. When you're in a confrontation, you only have a few seconds and a few moves to try before the fight is decided. So you need to think and move fast."

"Well, that's quite hard for someone as inexperienced as me."

"I think you could manage, love."

"How come?"

He smiles for the first time since he started this little training class, which makes me relax a little. I thought he'd be this serious all the time. That would have made me uptight all the time.

"You have quite a strong will. That helps too."

Oh, I remember what I did each time he tried to get a hold of me. I guess he's right after all. That makes me smile too.

"But remember. Before an attacker has gained full control of you, you must do everything you can to inflict injury so you can get away."

"And how do I do that?"

"There are some ways. Like, shot to the liver. You know where that is, right?"

"Do I look that stupid to you, comrade?"

"Hey, no offence, love. You'd be surprised how many people have no idea where that is."

"Well, _I _know," I respond still being upset.

"Look. If you're going to stay upset with me for that, tell me now so that we can end things here. I want you to focus on learning things, not on being upset."

"But I am not upset."

"Yes, and I am believing you. Being upset won't help you focus. You need your mind to be clear."

Well, that would be difficult anyway. How can I have my mind clear when he is already so close to me and I know for sure that soon we'll be touching?

"Fine, I won't continue to be upset with you."

"So you were upset."

"Fine, I was, alright? I don't like it when people think I am stupid." and all my life people have thought so. Especially someone.

"But I don't think such a thing."

"Then why did you ask me where is the goddamn liver?"

"There's no ending with you, love, isn't it?" he asks me amused. "Look. I didn't try to insinuate anything, I swear. Now, should we go back to what we were doing, or shall we stop?"

"No. We won't stop. I want you to teach me."

"Good. And now, let's get back to where we were. You could aim too for the parts of the body where you can do the most damage with the littlest of effort. Do you think you can name any?"

"Oh, I didn't know I would be getting many questions too. Will I be getting a grade too at the end of this?"

Again, he smiles, and it's making me feel a little bit better. It's nice that we're creating a more relaxed atmosphere, right? I definitely need it.

"Only if you want to, love."

"Nah, I think I am better off without."

I bet that he is quite an exigent teacher. I only hope I won't be breaking my neck trying to make him proud of me.

"So?"

"I don't know...the eyes?" He nods.

"Sure. Poking someone in the eye might seem just like a kid's thing. But it helps. Besides causing a lot of pain, this should also make your escape easier by at least temporarily interfering with their vision."

"Yeah, but I am so little. How can I do all this? What if they put their hands in the way? I have no leverage there." and especially not while fighting him. He is one foot taller than me.

"But you do. Size doesn't matter."

"I think it does. A lot."

"Yes, you're right, in fact. It does."

And I swear I want to try to punch him now for what he's doing, or at least I know I should, but I am finding his gesture more cute than annoying. He smiles and puts his hand on the top of my head, ruffling my hair, just like a big brother would. Only my father and Mase ever did this, but I don't think I would mind if he'd do it again.

"You can reach better some points if you are little. You're in advantage here, not them."

"How come?"

"No matter your size, weight, or strength in relation to your opponent, you can defend yourself by strategically using your body and the simple law of physics."

"Oh, I didn't know we would get this scientific, comrade."

"We won't go that deep into it, don't worry. But the basic principle is that one and that's how a smaller person is able to defeat a larger one."

"Okay… What else?"

"You tell me. Come on. The easy stuff anyone knows. Don't think too much. Where could you hit someone and hurt them?"

"The groin area." how come didn't I think to hit him there until now?

"Good. Something else."

Why do I like it so much that he's praising me? And he's not even saying much, for God's sake. I didn't get this feeling from any of my teachers. I only want to give him the right answers so I would hear more good words from him. So I start scratching my brain.

"Oh, the nose! I know it makes your eyes water."

"Yes, that's really good. You could use the heel of your palm to strike up under their nose."

He takes my hand in his (oh, here we go; we're already starting the touching part?) and positions it just as he explained, with the heel of my palm facing upward, keeping my fingers bent, and guides it towards his nose.

"See? And the smaller you are, the better you can get an aim. Just make sure to throw the whole weight of your body into the move to cause the most pain."

I let him handle my body some more and he turns me around and even pulls me closer to him, my back so close to touching his chest.

"And if someone is behind you, you can strike his nose with your elbow."

He slides his palm down on my upper arm and lifts my elbow, slowly dragging it backward. To see what he's doing, I turn my head in that direction too. But when I do that, I am millimeters away from making contact with his face. I can feel so well his breath on my cheek, but to hell if I am pulling away.

And his lips are so close to my ear as he continues to speak.

"Either way, aim for the nasal bones."

Letting go of my already heated, trembling body, I turn to face him, and I have suddenly lost my ability to look him in the eyes. I don't think I can do this anymore. I wanted to learn, but he… I can't stand him touching me like this. I am afraid I might want more. _Uh-oh. Wrong. You do want more. _

"Tell me another area."

And now I shrug.

"I don't know any other areas." my brain is not functioning anymore.

"Okay. There would be the ears too, the neck, and moving down, the knees and legs."

"Wouldn't the knee hurt badly? Couldn't you break it?"

"Isn't that the point?"

"Yes, right." I am not used to thinking about how I could hurt people.

"The knee is an ideal target, vulnerable from every angle and easily kicked without risk of your foot being grabbed. And it's another thing to your advantage again. Because if your attacker is taller than you, it will take him longer to bend for you and catch your foot or anything."

Wow. I never thought I could use my littleness to my advantage. No one has ever shown me how. I think I like him a little more for this.

"You could try this too. Cup your hands and slam your palm into the opponent's ear to send in a blast of air, pressurizing the ear canal. This stunts them and will be throwing them off their balance."

And again, he slowly takes my hands in his, giving them the proper form and brings them up over his ears, showing me how to do it.

When he lets them rest there for a couple of seconds, we get to stare into each other's eyes for those seconds, and I don't know what else to do but plaster a silly smile on my face, which he reciprocates, of course, without looking silly.

I can't believe I am allowed to be touching him for so long. It's bliss. I would move my fingers too, I swear, as I want again to feel what sensations his hair may give to my skin, but I am doing my best to keep myself composed. It would be so wrong. But_ so good_.

He's the one who speaks first, as he takes my hands off his face.

"If you hit hard and fast enough you can even rupture their eardrum."

"How do you even know so many things? Is there a book on it?"

He smiles. "No, there isn't. That's just stuff you learn."

"In spy school?"

"I told you-"

"Yes, I know. But I don't know how else to call it so let me call it like that, comrade."

"Fine. You can call it like that."

"And, what else did you learn in spy school?"

Maybe how to twist women's minds helplessly? Because this is what I think he's doing to me now. _Ah, don't you act like you don't like it._

"There would be this too. A weak blow to the vagus nerve, located here…"

He now places my palm on his neck, slightly below the ear, letting me feel his steady heartbeat, which is so different than mine, as my heart started racing a long time ago and it hasn't stopped ever since.

"This will result in intense pain," he speaks softly, like he wouldn't even be speaking of how to hurt someone. "A stronger blow will result in syncopes. Or death. You need to be careful with this move."

Oh, no. I don't want to kill anyone.

"But you don't have to worry about that," he rushes to add, seeing the frown on my face. "It takes a lot of force for that."

"Did you kill someone like this?"

"Yeah, I did."

How many people did he kill? _Do you really want to know?_

"Also, a hit to the solar plexus can knock the air out of your opponent, giving you an upper hand, or time to flee."

"Where is that?"

"Here."

He puts his hand just under my breasts, his palm spread on my upper abdomen, and his thumb finds the bottom of my sternum, lightly pressing on it.

"Do you feel it?"

I nod. Oh, how well I feel it. Every nerve in my body feels it.

"Okay. Your turn now."

"No, I got it whe-"

"Rose…"

Oh, I don't think I can do this. Doing this will only remind me of the way I was touching him last night.

"Give me your hand."

"I um… it's okay. I'll do it."

Biting on my tongue and gathering my courage to touch him, I move. I do the same thing as he did, placing my palm on his abdomen, and in the second I do that, I feel his muscles contract under me, his breath catching.

Maybe I am tickling him from how slow I am moving. Yes, that's definitely it.

Okay, so I need to finish with it fast. I press my thumb on him and move it upward, until I find the edge of his sternum.

"This is it, right?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Now I can get my hand back, which I do right away. One more second and it would have been too much. For both of us.

"Okay, good. I think I am done with the basics. Now we should move on to something else. Easier too."

And looking at me now, he chuckles.

"What's funny?"

"I think you would be the best on this topic."

"At what? Why?"

"Let's say that although it might seem ineffective to some, while fighting, _shouting_ can knock an attacker off his track, opening up the opportunity for you to escape or to fight."

"Hey!" I punch his upper arm, smiling too.

"Well, you have some good lungs, Rose. And this will definitely work to your advantage. Your attackers surely don't appreciate loud noise. It attracts attention. Plus, it could help you with summoning your courage."

"Then, you bet I will use this. Plenty."

On his lips appears an even wider smile. Oh, how I like it to say stuff that make him smile. I even began to rack my brain to find some funny stuff to say just to see it again.

"I am sure you will, love. And now, the most effective thing you could do is the most simple one."

"What?"

"Run."

"_Really_? No special thing? No kung fu thing, no nothing?"

"No. It's the easiest way out if you can't really beat your opponent down."

"Well, I am pretty good at that too."

"Of course you are. How could I miss it when you're always wanting to run away from me?"

"Oh, come on. It wouldn't have been fun for you either if I gave up easily, right?"

"Yeah, you're quite inventive, love."

And we both take a few seconds to laugh, this scene making it seem like we're some longtime friends. And to be honest, it feels nice to be so relaxed around him. To allow myself to see him as something else rather than my kidnapper. As something close to a friend. Wouldn't that be nice?

"Okay, now, I guess we could-"

"What about using a knife? Wouldn't that make my life easier?"

"No, love. We won't use knives."

"Why? You seem pretty good with it." I bet he is some kind of master with that. "You don't trust me with sharps objects?"

"Honestly? No."

"Why? You're afraid I might get hurt?" and considering how sloppy I have been around him, who could change his opinion?

"Maybe. But I think I am more afraid of what you'll want to do to me."

"Let's not take it that far, comrade. I can barely touch you with my fist. On my last check, you are fast as hell. And I am not. So?"

"Let's take it one step at a time."

"So you're not saying no to knives?"

"Yes. But I am not promising you anything."

"Nice. What do we do next?"

"I guess we practice."

"_Already?" _

This will only involve more touching. I don't think I am ready for all that physical contact. What we have done already was enough to make my blood pump faster. What are we going to do next?

"Well, yes. I think we're done with the theory."

"Very well. Then, let's do it." and see how long it takes me until I faint from his hands and scent around me.

And as he starts showing me ways in which someone might try catch me and how to get out of there, each time he uses some more fancy thing on me that involves my falling to the ground, he doesn't do it all the way.

I thought that I was just imagining it the first couple of times, but he just did it again. He has just kept me on my feet, before my ass reached the ground and lifted me.

He doesn't let me fall at all!

"Why are you doing this?"

"Do what? Why I am teaching you to fight? I thought that-"

"No. Not that. This thing of you keeping me on my feet all the time. Are you afraid you'll go too far and hurt me?" I ask sarcastically and cross my hands over my chest.

It kinda pisses me off that he might see me as a fragile little girl that would start whining at the littlest of falls. On a goddamn mattress!

"Mostly." He looks at me concerned and brings his hand over my upper arm, reminding me of some of the bruises on me. "You're bruised enough, love."

But I am not going to give up on that. I don't want to be handled with kid gloves. I want to learn it all the hard way. The proper way.

"Well, you shouldn't be afraid of that. Now come on. Fight me properly. Like I am one of your usual partners. Don't act like I am made of glass. Let me fall. Hit me a little. I am letting you do it. I won't break."

He crosses his arms over his chest too, mimicking my posture, indicating to me that he won't do it. Which annoys me further.

"Come on, comrade. We're on a _mattress_. What bad can it happen to me if I fall on it?"

"To be honest, I only got it out in case I don't manage to catch you."

I am almost trembling from how angry his words made me. Does he see me as being that weak?

"So, you won't hit me?"

"Not going to happen."

"Fine, then, comrade. We'll see about that."

I take matters in my own hands. If he is not going to do anything and strike first, I will do it and he will have to defend himself, right? He will put me down one way or another.

I get a better stance on my feet and fist my palm. In a swift movement I head straight to his face, aiming his nose.

"Rose, wha-"

His eyes widen in surprise, but of course, moving faster than me, he catches my fist just in time and pushes my hand away.

"What are you doing, Rose?"

"What does it seem like I am doing? I am showing you that I can fight. Or at least I am trying stuff."

And then I head for him again. I try to strike again, and again, and again, aiming for different parts of him, trying to combine all the things he has just taught me. I know I am being sloppy, but at least I am trying.

And he just gets along with me and we fight, or at least we're doing something that resembles fighting.

But I think he still hasn't let go of the idea of hurting me. Because even though he doesn't give me any chance to touch him, he does nothing to fight back.

Which only makes me try harder. I try to hit him with my palms and fists and knees and feet and other parts of my body, but it is all useless, no matter how much I try. He just dodges them all, but doesn't fight back!

He is not fighting me. He is just defending himself. And I want him to hit back! Isn't this the point of this? For me to learn how to defend myself? And wouldn't that imply me being attacked?

At one point, when I didn't pay enough attention to him, he gets a hold of my both fists and turns me around, gluing my back to his front and rounding his arms on me, keeping me in place, his arm tightly around making it harder for my rib cage to expand as I am breathing heavily.

"Okay. You made your point, love. You can stop now before you get yourself hurt."

"Will you fight back? Will you let me get hit?"

"No."

It only annoys me more and I struggle to get out of his bear hug, which is useless. He only holds me tighter.

"Then it means that I didn't make my point! Why are you so stubborn about that?"

"Why are _you _so stubborn about that? I told you-"

"Yes, you did. But I don't care."

And to hell if I am going to stop until he does what I want.

I step on his foot and elbow him, showing him that I know exactly where the liver is, and I crouch forward as he gasps for air, his grip loosening around me, and so I manage to get away. Who would have thought I would ever be able to do this?

I know I have taken him by surprise, I surprised myself too, but still, he moves fast and tries to get a hold of me again.

But I turn just in time and in some miraculously way, I get a good hit into his solar plexus.

"Rose," he growls.

I think I am beginning to annoy him. Good. Maybe like this, he will fight back.

_"Fight me,_" I say and try to pound a fist into his chest again and again. "Quit going easy on me. Is that the best you can do? Stop me? I have been looking forward to a chance to kick your ass all these days. So fight me!"

He laughs as he's stopping each and every move of mine.

"Don't you laugh at me!"

And because I am so angry at him, I get even sloppier and of course, I stumble over the edge of the mattress.

And of course, he is there again to catch me, steadying me to my feet by supporting my body against his.

"See what I was talking about, love?"

He lets go of me.

"I think you consumed enough of your energy tonight, love," he says obviously deranged by something, probably by my insistences, and turns around to leave.

But I am not the one to give up so easily. Does he think that if he's leaving I will just let him go?

And now that he has his back turned to me, I can only try some more stuff he showed me.

I go for him once more, putting into this all my strength, as I throw myself at him.

But things don't go as I planned them. Because he decides to turn around. Which startles me. And I want to pull away, to back down, but as I do that, I stumble again on the edge of the mattress, goddamnit, damn him for putting it there, and I end up proving him right once more.

But as he tries to catch me again, I see my chance and take it. I tightly wrap my palms on his wrists and use all my force to pull him down with me.

And because he turns around as not to fall on me and turn me into a pancake, I land next to him. Which is more than advantageous for me.

I get now on top of him and as I try to get a good hold of him, he finally fights me for real. Yes! Finally! He strikes back, trying to get me off him. This is all I wanted!

But somehow, in that haze, I get a second to be in control of the situation. I got a hold of his hands and pinned him down.

But my cockiness messes everything. It makes me lose ground because I loosen my grip on him as I was too busy jubilating and wanted to start bragging about beating him even though I am nothing more than a helpless, easy to hurt puppy in his eyes.

In a matter of milliseconds, he turns us over and comes on top of me, the tables turning.

He did the same thing I pulled on him, got a hold of my hands and pinned them down with his while with his lower body he presses me down even more. And with his weight on me, I am completely immobilized.

Well, fuck. At least I tried.

And why do we always end up on top of each other? Mostly, him on top of me? I guess this time I was the one asking for it.

Looking back at me, he smiles and I swear that this is the sweetest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I never thought I would get to see this smile from so close. But here I am, seeing it. And it's so beautiful. I love the way his lips curl in that proud amusement.

I even love that little strand of his hair that escaped the perfect clasp at the back of his head, and is now tickling my cheek. Too bad I can't move my hand to put it back into its place.

"Nice, love. Not helpful, but it was nice. But I doubt that if someone lands on you, you will be able to get up that easily."

"Yeah, I have been in this situation lately." with him. Too many times.

"And maybe you should try the loud noise when you are into a fight, not when you try to sneak behind someone."

Did I yell or something? Maybe. I don't remember it. But it would make sense why he turned around that fast.

"I will keep that in mind the next time I jump on you."

"Do you plan on doing it again, love?"

"Well, you never know when you piss me off bad enough."

We both laugh a little. Ah, it feels so good to get to this level of casualty with him.

And after we stop, none of us dares move.

I just lie under him, his weight feeling so good on me, me still breathing heavily, my chest pressing on his. But him? This guy is not even unsteady in his breathing.

Before I start thinking of other things involving his body pressing on mine and maybe he thinks of the same thing too, I decide to change the subject.

"So, how did I do?"

"You want your grade now?"

"Nah. No numbers. Use words, comrade."

Even though I know he's not that good at that chapter. Or doesn't want to.

"You were… quite impressive."

I can feel that tingle of proudness in his voice, that he definitely tried to hide, but for me, it is more than enough to make me dance happily in my head. He is proud of me! But my ego only wants to hear more.

"That's all I get? Impressive?"

His smile only widens. "I said _quite _impressive love."

"That's all? I thought I did better than that."

"Maybe you did."

"And why don't you tell me then?"

"And what would you want me to say?"

He suddenly becomes dead serious and I get a little afraid that he'll start criticizing me. But hell, I asked for his detailed opinion. Now I should listen.

"Would you want me to say that you can fight really well for someone your size and with so little experience?" I nod, liking what I am hearing. "That you move really fast and that you can manage quite well on your own, even though your heated head might get you in trouble? That you're a quick study?"

I can't erase that stupid smile off my face. Does he really think all that? Wow.

"Yeah. That would be something I would like to hear, comrade."

"Oh, Roza." He smiles once more and shakes his head amused. "Then, there you go. You just heard it. Call me impressed."

And next, none of us says anything more. We resume to lying there, his body getting now a little lighter on top of mine but never leaving it, I don't even want him to, and all I can feel are our salty sweats, mine especially as he didn't even break a sweat, and the dust we have raised in the room.

But underneath all that, I can smell him. It is so primal and manly, and so damned sexy. Each time I press my chest on his, breathing in, all I can focus on is that strong, woody essence of him that brings me so close to moving my hands out if his loose grip and touch him.

We have reached a not so safe territory. And why is he looking at me like that?

**DPOV**

Would it be wrong if I'd touch her? Well, touch her more than I already am?

What bad it would be if I'd try?

I let my hips be heavier on hers, and she sighs lightly, relaxing under me. So, she's not pulling away, right? I am not seeing things wrong again, aren't I?

I let go of her hands completely, wondering if she would want to wander them on me as much as I want to wander mine on hers, to feel her, to learn her wholly. Would she let me?

I watch her move, waiting to see what she's doing. I am not doing anything to rush. I will keep my hands to myself for now. I'll let her do as she pleases. I'd let her do whatever she pleases. Wherever she pleases. And for how long she pleases.

But all she does is to get some little hairs out of her face and clear her throat.

"Do... Um… Do you have something else to show me?"

Her speaking makes me snap out of it. So I did get things wrong. Again. Why am I interpreting all her gestures wrong? I am good at it. I have always been. Why is it different with her?

"No. Nothing else."

I get up in an instant and extend a hand for her to take.

But it seems that she still feels playful.

She takes my hand, but doesn't do anything to get up. She does just the opposite. And too fast for me to manage to do something about it.

She pins her feet on the ground and pulls me down hard, catching me by surprise.

Not being in control over myself, I lose my balance and land on the ground next to the spot I was previously on, and this time she ducks out of my way, just in time so that I won't land on her.

She gets up to her feet and looks at me, a smug smile on her face. And hell, doesn't she have a reason to be smug?

I smile too. She caught me off guard. She does this quite often lately.

"Good job, love."

"Well, it seems that you forgot your own rule, right? Be prepared for anything?"

Yes, I forgot about everything as I was too preoccupied admiring her. My bad. But I don't mind.

**RPOV**

He chuckles and gets up to his butt and watches me and I swear that that little sign of him being impressed by what I did makes me feel amazing.

My point being proven, that I can take him down too, I turn around and head to the bathroom cause I need a shower so bad. All this fooling and playing around got me sweaty as hell.

But I don't reach the bathroom because out of nowhere my feet get off from under me and I am falling.

Damn, he's so silent! He's so ninja!

"Careful, love."

But I don't get to reach the floor and embarrass myself with an ugly hit of my ass on it, because he catches me and gets me up to my feet.

And now he's the one having a smug smile on his face. But gosh, this smugness is looking so good on him, no matter how much it annoys me to see it at times. He's so bad but gosh, he does it so well. Badass is such a small word to describe him.

"Maybe it's time for rule number two. You get cocky, you stop paying attention. So, never turn your back to your enemy unless you're sure he's out."

He whispers that into my ear because, did I mention it or not, I am completely melted into his arms. And he's close. So, so close to me we're practically one.

In one moment of not thinking straight enough, I lean my head closer and gosh, I want to kiss him so bad, but with the last piece of my consciousness, I oscillate between doing it or not. I just sit there, my head tilted, my lips parted, thinking. All this tension we created during our sparing is looking for a way out of my system and kissing seems to be the most reasonable idea to get rid of it. But should I do it?

He looks at me and smiles, but it's a sadish one, then bites his lips and looks away.

"Want to know another rule, love? Maybe the most important one?"

I nod, not knowing what else to do.

"Never hesitate," he says with a change of tone, then lets go of me, and moves away.

And I don't know what he's referring to. To our sparing? Did he see me thinking about that kiss?

Nooo, this cannot be. He cannot read my thoughts. And I wasn't obvious.

I am just imagining things. He doesn't know I wanted to kiss him. He can't know.

**DPOV**

I don't know who was that last piece of advice for. For her, or for me. I saw she was thinking about something, but I couldn't figure out what. But she seemed confused about that thought.

I knew what I was thinking about, but I didn't know what to do either. Because being so close to her these past hours, I have struggled to keep in control of myself and not do all the things that pass through my head at her sight. Especially now that she's wearing such tight clothes and she got to be so fired up. I like her like that and I can't help but wonder if she could get that fired up in some other conditions.

All I know is that, gosh, I want to kiss her. With all my being. I want to feel those plump lips, to taste her sweetness again. To feel all of her too. With my hands. With my whole body.

But I am afraid that she will again throw those words at me. And I am most afraid that she will mean them this time.

I turn around to leave, to get away from her. She's not doing my mind any good.

But after not even a second, I hear her whimper lightly.

"Ah, shit."

"What's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing, just a little cramp in my leg. It will go away."

"Here, come and sit down."

I support her and walk her to sit on the edge of the bed.

She extends her leg and pulls a face.

I crouch in front of her and get a hold of her leg, slowly turning it from one side to another.

"Where is it?"

"No, really. It's nothing. It's already passing. I am used to it. It's not the first time it's happening."

"Rose, tell me where."

"It's um… in my calf."

She sighs as I get a hold of it and squeeze lightly.

"Right there. But…"

She doesn't say anything more to protest as I start lifting her pant, then get a hold of her so soft skin and start moving in circles, going steady and firm, relieving the knot of tension there.

I don't think I ever want to stop doing this. I would only like to try other areas too.

_Dimitri, what the hell is happening to you? You just touched her calf!_

**RPOV**

He finishes slowly and at last, he gently walks his fingers across my skin and I sigh just at the thought of his hands walking all over my body. Maybe mines on his too.

_What the hell, Rose? Stop it!_

I bet he is toned all over and-

He clears his throat, distracting me.

"Is it better?"

"Huh? Yes. Yes. Thanks."

"Good," he says patting my knee, then pulls the pant back down, covering my calf. "I'll go now."

* * *

After I washed the memory of his body pressed against mine with hot as hell water, I get so sleepy it's hard to keep my eyes open.

All the way to the bed I keep on yawning and we don't speak much as we prepare to go to sleep.

I hope this night will be eventless. Because if I go to sleep, I don't know if someone will be able to wake me up until the morning. He worked me out big time.

**DPOV**

After I turn off the light and lay back in bed, she decides to turn to face me and speak.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks." I can even see a little smile spread on her lips.

"For what?"

"For… teaching me stuff."

"You're welcome."

_Yes, Rose. It was his biggest pleasure to get a chance to touch you all over._

"And…"

"And what?"

"Just… Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Rose."

* * *

**RPOV**

I thought that nothing could wake me up, but I was wrong. I have been sleeping with an eye open, and even if at first I thought that I was just imagining it or dreaming it, when he gets up from the bed and starts speaking in Russian, I get it that his phone has been buzzing for a while.

But what do I care? I can't get a word he's saying. So I turn on my other side and get back to sleep. Let him deal with his stuff.

**DPOV**

After a little heated call with my superiors, I get back into the room and stop in front of her. She's sound asleep, lightly purring in dreamland, looking as sweet as always, calm and pouting lightly and snuggled in between the blankets. Mine too. She stole my blanket.

_"You need to kill her." _

_"I will. Soon." _

No. Never.

_"We clearly don't need her._"

_"Of course we don't." _

What if I do?

_"She's useless to us." _

_"I know. She has always been." _

Not to me.

_"She knows too much." _

_"Yes, but not what we need." _

She doesn't know anything. She is innocent.

_"What do you plan to do about her?_"

_"I will get rid of her." _

I'll keep her safe.

_"Yes. Get rid of her. Call me after you do it." _

I can't. I won't. I can't kill her. I _won't_ do it.

Oh, goddamnit!

I'll deal with it tomorrow, whatever it will be.

The night is the mother of counsel, right? Maybe I will wake up with a solution in my mind. I hope.

* * *

**RPOV**

"I loved you, Rose. All this time, I loved you," he says out of breath.

"I'm so sorry."

"You should have seen it. I was always there."

I know, I am so sorry, Mase. I never…"

"You never saw anything I did for you. "

"That's not true. You know I loved you."

"Maybe. But not as I did."

"I am sorry. If I'd only knew…"

"You could have known. If you would have paid enough attention. You should have seen it. Now I am dead and I'll never be happy. Because of you!"

"No, no. You're fine. You'll be fine."

"Stop lying to me. You know it too I am not going to make it. And it's all your fault. It will always be."

"I am so sorry. Please. Mase. Please. Don't go. Please. I am sorry. Mase? Come on. Talk to me. Please don't leave me. Stay. Just a little longer. You will make it. I am so sorry."


	21. He'll still want me in the morning?

**Hello, hello, guys! First, as this is the first chapter I post this year, I want to wish you all a wonderful 2020 and may you get a lot of shit done and be happy! I love you a lot!**

**And now, I guess some apologies are in order. It took me quite a while to post, but I wrote and rewrote and edited and reedited this chapter a lot. I wasn't really sure how things should unfold and I got at one point unsatisfied with it and decided to drop it and try something else. I only hope you'll enjoy it. I promised you a little hot scene and that is still happening, but I am not that sure you'll like how it will unfold further. But it seemed right for me for things to go that way, I don't have another explanation. And there's nothing much I can do about it now, the chapter is already out. I can only set things right with the next hot scene ;)**

**I will try too to set my schedule right once and for all and get back to posting once a week, so I won't have to keep you guys on your toes. But you know how holidays work. It's all about being lazy :) but to be completely honest, I got a little distracted too by some new story ideas**

**And now to give some other responses**

**First, thank you for your Christmas wishes!**

**And Rose2399, Dimitri's reaction to her calling him by his real name was to brush it off. He changed the subject.**

* * *

**He'll still want me in the morning?**

**DPOV**

I wake up hearing movement and incomprehensible sounds. What's the matter? What's happening now? Is she again trying to escape?

I turn to my side and see that she is still in bed. Why is she only sitting up? What is she up to now? And what is she doing with her hands?

I get up too, to investigate. Gosh, I thought that just for one night she would stay put. I thought I tired her enough today, that she would sleep soundly.

But as I inspect her a little more, I understand that there is something not right about what's happening. A lot of things, in fact.

Even though she has her eyes open, she is far away from here. Far away from reality. She is just staring wide-eyed at nothing in particular, as there's nothing on the wall at which she is looking at. But whatever she saw there, it scared her to death.

And if that wasn't enough of a proof that something is not right, she is covered in a layer of sweat, her skin glimmering lightly under the light of the moon.

On instinct, I reach for the lamp and turn it on, then get my attention back to Rose. And seeing her in this better light, I get a little panicked.

Her hair is glued to her neck and forehead, and what scares _me _the most is the pool of tears in her eyes, them falling on her flushed cheeks.

As I listen more carefully, I get it that she is babbling repeatedly some words as she is breathing heavily, something that sounds like some apologies.

And her hands, that are resting on her lap, are shaking and they're clasping the blanket, just like she would be trying to catch something.

Fuck! How come I didn't realize this earlier? Why didn't I wake up sooner? What if she's like this for long?

And this is way worse than the last time she dreamt that stuff, whatever the hell it is. It's so bad. This is a very bad episode. She never did this while I was supervising her. At least I would have known what I am dealing with. What triggered it?

But what do I do now? Will I even be able to wake her up? The last time, she woke up. What do I do if I can't stop this?

I don't even dare touch her, fearing the way she might react. What if I scare her even more?

"Rose… Rose… _Roza_."

But my words don't seem to reach her. She is still in her little world, talking to that guy again, apologizing.

"I... sorry…. Mase…. so... sorry… please... don't… leave..."

I get in front of her and decide to act. I am taking my chances here, but I swear I have no other idea on how to approach this.

"Hey, love."

I take her hands into mine and soothe them, and all I get in response is to feel the pulse on her wrist, it radiating through all her palm, or I am just imagining it. But anyway, her heart is beating like crazy.

"Never… before… but… now... please… sorry… didn't know…"

Gosh, seeing her like this, immersed in this terror is killing me. And I don't know what to do to make it stop!

"Gosh, Roza. Please, love. Wake up."

I squeeze on her hands, praying for a response.

"Please don't die on me," she cries. "I can't…"

Even in my desperation, I try to act as calmly as I can. I surely don't need to wake her up fastly or panic as much as she is. It would be no good for her. But how else do I make her snap out of it?

"Please… I need you…"

I pull her towards me, taking her in my embrace, feeling her body stiff and trembling all over.

"Shh, Roza. Easy."

I rest my lips on her forehead and soothe the back of her head, knowing it worked on her when she was awake. I only pray it will work now too. Something has to.

"Easy. Take it easy, love."

She now gets a hold of my thighs, digging her fingers into my flesh, her lips letting out a whine. Good, at least I got a reaction.

"I never knew, Mase," she whispers, her palms gripping tighter on me.

"Oh, Roza."

Who did this to you? Who hurt you like this? What happened to her?

"It's ok, Rose. It's fine."

But this trick doesn't work too well. What if nothing works? What if I can't help her?

I shove my panic at the back of my mind.

No. There has to be something. I'll try anything.

I lean closer to her ear and whisper to her.

"Roza, listen to me. To my voice. Focus on me."

"Please, Mase, please." she gets sobbing lightly. "Please…" she cries and my heart breaks at hearing the hurting in her voice.

I tighten my embrace around her.

"I am here, Roza. Everything is alright. You are safe."

"Mase…"

"Listen to _my voice_, Roza. Listen to _me_. I am _here_, with you. Come back to me. I am here. I am here for you. Feel me."

I take her tensed palms and put them on my face, idiotically thinking that she might recognize my features. But at this moment, I would try anything, no matter how crazy.

"_Please, _love. I am here. Come to me."

And it works a little, as she stops speaking and her palms relax just a little. She is still sobbing, but at least she is not talking to that Mase guy anymore.

I get up and watch her, to see if the situation got better. To watch her features. And they look slightly better. There's still distress on them, but not as bad as before. And her eyes are now closed. Is this better? Why don't I know how to deal with stuff like this better? I should be prepared for anything. But around her, I don't know… I never know what to do.

As she lets out a whine, I take her hands in mine, bringing them up to my lips and try that talking thing some more.

"It's alright. It passed. You're safe now. Just focus on my voice. Come back to me."

And her hands squeeze back on mine.

"Yes. Come to me, love. Yes. Come back here. Follow my voice."

I can't believe it is working!

"Yes, love. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You're safe with me. Here. Just come back."

I pass my hands past her sweat-slicked forehead, through her hair, bringing her into my embrace again.

Her trembling stopped too, I realize. Maybe I am going the right way. I hope I do.

"You're safe with me."

She lets out a deep sigh, that sounds somewhat relieved, but her features still look like she would be in pain.

"Come on, Roza, goddamnit. Don't do this to me. Wake up. I'll keep you safe. I promise, Roza. Just come back to me. Please. I will protect you. I promise. No matter what. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

And as I keep on speaking softly and reassuringly to her, she calms down some more, and her body goes back to being sleepy heavy and melty and I support her on me and continue to soothe her back and hair.

"It's over, love. It all passed. You're good. You're good with me. I promise."

I keep on looking at her face for the littlest of changes, and I see that she opens her eyes again.

But at least she's being awake for goods this time, thank God. It's over. It's finally over. And it was horrible. How many times did she get through this? Alone too?

Grateful that she is not in any pain anymore, I caress her cheek, and she tilts her head. The second her eyes meet mine, confusion fills her features.

"Wha…?"

She looks down at our entangled bodies and at her hands resting on my chest and pulls away from me fast.

"I um…" she looks around the room disoriented. "What?" she starts passing her hand through her hair, distress filling her once again.

I touch her elbow, trying to catch her attention, but she gets scared. With a gasp, she lifts on her knees, pulling away from me some more, a weird look in her eyes as she gazes upon me again.

"Hey, it's me. It's just me. You're good."

"What… what happened here? What is happening here? And what the hell were you doing?" she gets offended and maybe a little angry because I was holding her earlier. But what other choice did I have?

"You don't remember anything from earlier?"

"Remember what?"

So these things happen to her and she doesn't have any memory of it? And does this mean that she has no idea how bad it was?

"Look, love, you…"

But I see it on her face before I manage to say it to her.

"'Oh, _gosh_."

She tries to cover her face with her palms, but she stumbles over her teary eyes instead, which makes her growl lightly.

"It happened again," she says mostly to herself.

"Yes, it… did."

She is now looking at the floor, like searching for something.

"Rose?"

She lifts her now again teary eyes. No, no, no. Please, someone, tell me she won't get crying again.

"How…" like I won't be knowing how she is. Why would I ask the obvious? "Are you okay?" I know she isn't, not at all, but I have no idea what else to say and I would say and do anything to make her feel better.

She nods a couple of times, but with each nod, her eyes start spilling more tears. Oh, fuck!

"Roza…"

"I am… fine." she pulls away from me a little more. "I am…" and with a deep sigh, she breaks in tears. "I... _don't know_. I… I think I could use a hug right now."

Without a second thought, I wrap my arms around her and pull her body closer to mine, holding her tightly as she starts shaking from the crying. She lays her cheek on my chest and nuzzles her nose on me, sniffing it.

I keep on telling her it's okay, that it passed, until she tilts her head, looking at me while she's biting the inside of her cheek.

"God I am sorry… I am sorry… I… never should..." her voice breaks again and pulling away, she wipes the new tears that formed into her eyes.

I stop her and do that too, only gentler, not to hurt her already too red eyes.

"You don't have to apologize, love. For anything."

She shakes her head.

"No. I shouldn't have. Sorry. I didn't realize it. You..."

I have no idea what she is referring to, and I don't even care.

"It's okay. Don't apologise."

"Yeah, sure. It obviously is. Look. I am sorry I woke you up. Again. And thank you. For um... calming me... I guess. Again. And for holding me. I know I shouldn't have asked you that…" She looks away, avoiding my eyes.

Is that what she was apologizing for? Gosh, if she would have needed it, I would have held her for hours.

**RPOV**

"It's okay, love. Really."

But it's not. I have again given in to his soothing gestures. I have again found comfort in his arms.

"How do you feel?"

I shrug. I have no words to describe how I feel. But I know it is bad. Worse than anything I felt before. I feel this throughout all my body. I feel sick and bad and... And the fact that he was the only one able to make it better makes it all worse. I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't trust him with all this. He shouldn't be good to me. For me.

"Do you think that…"

"That what?"

"That you could tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Whatever you want. About... this… Maybe it will help you."

"Tell you what?" I continue to play the fool.

"Tell me, what happened, maybe? To you. What is happening to you at night. Why?"

Oh, no. He wants me to face and talk about something I am not capable of remembering. Of something I don't want to remember. I can't talk about it. I can't even think about it. Not now. Not for a while. I haven't told anyone about it for so long. Not ever since I decided to try to forget it. To put it behind me. And now he wants me to open up? No.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"That definitely wasn't nothing. You… It wasn't nothing, Rose. It was so much, but not nothing. Tell me."

His insistences piss me off. Can't he understand I _can't _do it?

"So what if it's not nothing? It's my thing." and I will keep it to myself.

"Rose…" he approaches me with a 'be reasonable' tone.

Oh, but I am far from being reasonable when it comes to this subject. And if he cannot understand it, then I don't care.

**DPOV**

She swiftly gets up but I don't let her get out of bed. I catch her by her hand and keep her down, sitting her back on the edge of the bed.

"Hey. Come on. Tell me something."

"Yeah, of course, what do you want to know?" she asks angrily and full of sarcasm, and she even rolls her eyes. "I am _just _in confession mode so I will tell you everything." she wiggles her hand, trying to get mine off. "Just let me go, okay? I am not in the mood for this."

"No. Come on, tell me. It will make you feel better if you speak about it."

"What do _you _know?"

"I just-" I just want her to feel better. And speaking about it might make it better.

"No. It's _nothing." _

She looks down at her hand, held by mine, hers now shaking. But this time from anger. How come she got like this so fast?

"I don't want to talk to you. I have nothing to talk to you about. Why don't you want to get it?"

"Because I know what I saw. I heard too. What happened, Rose? Why do you have these… episodes? You told me earlier today about your friend." She didn't tell me his name and I am going blindly here, but maybe I am right. "Is that-"

"That _won't_ happen." she jerks her hand free.

"But-"

"But _nothing_! Shut up! I told you it's nothing!"

"Come on. Stop denying this. This... this _shit _is happening to you and it's so bad. Tell me why. Is it about-"

Her jaw clenches, and so do her fists when she pounds them into the mattress.

"_What_? What do you want me to say?! Don't you know that already, Mister knows-it-all? Don't you already know everything that has been going in my life?!"

"No, I don't know anything. Would I be asking if I'd known?"

And I am telling the truth. I have no idea who Mase is.

But from her face, I see that she doesn't believe me.

"Well, too bad. I am not buying your crap. I hate it when you lie to me so shamelessly. And I am not telling you anything more. Now, I'll go. And don't you dare stop me again, or I swear…"

But to hell if I am giving up. I want to know. I am dying to know what is torturing her like this.

I do just what she asked me not to do. I keep her down.

"No. You're not going away. Not now. Tell me who he is. Tell me what's the matter."

"Don't you _dare_," she says through her teeth.

"Tell me who is Ma-"

"Don't you dare say his name!" this time her fist aims for my chest, but I dodge her.

"Why?"

"Because it is none of your business!"

"Or is it because you don't want to deal with it?"

The startled look in her eyes makes me realize what shit got out of my mouth. Oh, fuck. I made things worse, didn't I?

Her mouth opens, mimicking the surprise in her eyes, then she laughs bitterly as she pounds her index into my chest, and with each word she says, it makes me feel even worse for what shit I said. I had no right to say that.

"Wow. You're an awful person." I am, aren't I? "You're a jerk, you know that?"

Hearing her sob, I realize that, as she has said, I have been a jerk. I shouldn't have pushed her like that. I shouldn't have said these things to her. Especially the dealing stuff. I know from experience that something like that doesn't just go away in a flash, not even if you talk about it. And still, I fucked up. I don't know why, but around her, I can't seem to find the right words and this is annoying!

"You know _nothing _about me! You think you do, but, in fact, you don't know a_ single thing_! Just because you have followed me around for God knows how, this doesn't mean you have the _slightest idea_ about what has happened to me! _Because you don't_!"

"Then you tell me, Rose. Tell me."

"And why the hell would I?" she yells, seeming even more upset by my demand. "Why should I tell you such a thing?!"

Because I want to know everything about you, is what I don't tell her. I wanted to, but the words stopped at the back of my throat. _Don't get attached. To anything and no one. Especially no one. First rule. Break it and you're fucked. _It starts ringing in my head now, making me not tell her anything.

When she sees I don't speak, her lips curl in displease.

"Yeah, just as I thought." and I can even feel the disappointment in her voice. "So why don't you just go and… and…. Ugh! Go to hell and leave me alone."

When she wants to go away from me again, I act, catching her again, even though I know the consequences of this, and I finally find my words.

"Tell me because… maybe I can do something for you."

"Like what? Maybe comfort me some more? You did it enough. I am not your little damsel in distress. Why would you even want to help me? I don't-"

"Because I am not set against you." when will she get this? "I want to-"

"What? You want to help me?" Yes! If there is something I could do, I'd do it without a second thought. "_Save_ me? I don't want to be your social case!"

"Rose… Don't be like this. It's not about-"

"What are you? Who do you think you are? Some kind of magician? Well, find out your tricks won't work. You won't manage to do shit. You won't make anything magically go away. No one did… No one could… And you either. You're not special..." she looks at me with displease. "You won't manage to do anything. So let me be. I had enough of this."

"Why do you hate me this much, Rose?"

"Because _you _did this to me! _You _brought it back! I was good. I was so good…" she sighs deeply. "Before you came along. This thing is _your _fault... I was good before you came in parading in my life and brought me into this mess…" and once again, she breaks and cries harder than before. "I was good. It all had gone away…"

She bends down in pain as a whine escapes her lips. I pull her closer and she plants her forehead into my chest.

"I was good… so good..."

"Oh, Roza. I'm sorry."

I hold her tight now that she finally lets me do something and I soothe her hair.

"It's okay." I keep on repeating her this and it seems to be working. But just for a minute or so.

"_No_. It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Get away from me."

She pushes me away again. Why is she so hot and cold? What am I doing wrong?

"Don't you do this to me again! Don't you hold me and… and... And give me a break with your concern! I really don't want to be your social case or something. I don't care that you try to seem sympathetic to me. There is surely something you are after and I don't want to be caught in between! Not again."

"It's not that. I am not looking for anything."

"Then what? What could be?"

I don't respond to her again. I don't know why I can't. Honestly. I wish I could tell her all the reasons that pass through my mind, but my lips don't want to move. Maybe it's that fucking rule that keeps them shut.

"Well, from your face, I get it. And the last thing I need is your pity," she says full of venom and pulls her hand out from mine.

Oh, but if she would even know that I don't pity her, not in any way. How could I? She has been through so much and still, she tries to be strong and even finds little reasons to smile now and then. And that makes her so powerful and she is not even aware of that. Not even of how much I love this about her. Her braveness.

Her face is flushed and her red eyes, and again, filling with tears.

"I don't need that…" she whispers.

I should make things right. It's the least I can do.

"Rose, I am so-"

"Save it," she says coldly. "I don't want to hear it, and I don't care. Don't act like you care, like you give a damn. Because I know you don't. All you care about is your little _thing._"

Gosh, why anything about her can't go right just for once? Why can't I do anything right around her? Why can't I say anything right? Why doesn't she let me? Why doesn't she just gives me a little chance to make it up for it? I really want to. Because I do give a damn. I give so many damns it's driving me insane.

**RPOV**

And as I want to get up again, he still doesn't let me be. He is insisting on keeping me here and talking to me when all I want to do is be away from him, from the comfort his embraces promise. I need to breathe some clear air. To put my thoughts in order.

So if he is not willing to understand what I have been asking from him, to let me just be alone, maybe I should start showing him.

I am starting to pour all my frustration, all these four months of keeping everything inside on him. And I don't care that he doesn't deserve it, that he is not the one who has caused me all this pain, but he just seems so willing to push me. And oh, that's all I needed to snap and start taking swings at him.

But in my anger, I was too busy with hitting him and not with the defending part too. So it took him a few seconds to get a hold of my fists.

"Stop being like this, Rose. It's doing you no good."

His so I-know-them-all words only make me struggle more, trying to push him off me.

"Go away from me!"

"No. I am not going away until you calm down enough to talk to me."

"I don't have anything to talk to you about!"

And as I try to make him let go of me, I don't even know how, in a matter of seconds, I end up lying on the bed on my belly, with him over me, knees to my sides, my hands pinned on my lower back, police-like, and he's keeping me immobilized.

"Stop it. I swear I don't want to hurt you. But stop struggling. Please."

"Then let go of me!"

"Not until you calm down."

"Not in a million years. I hate you! Get off me!"

"I know you are angry but…"

"Don't you tell me how I feel! You know nothing about me! What do you know? You know nothing! _Nothing_! Get off me! You know nothing about me!"

"Then _tell me_," he says so, so, _so_ calm and almost pleadingly.

And he is now so close to my ear, I can't only see him with the corner of my eye, but I can feel his energy too. His calmness, radiating on me, and that simply makes me stop struggling and whimper. He's doing that thing again!

When he sees me not moving anymore, he loosens his grip on me and I turn around under him. I bet that he is not ready enough to completely let go of me. Good thinking of him because all I am thinking about now is fleeing.

"Why would I tell you anything?"

He opens his mouth, but no answer comes. He just looks at me. And still not having one little goddamn answer from him, it makes me even angrier. I just want an answer from him. I want to know why. There is something for what he is so insistent, but he doesn't want to tell me. And it's already the third time I ask and only silence meets my question. So, I can only guess his intentions aren't that pure, right?

I laugh.

"Yeah, just what I thought. Let me go."

He is just as good at pretending as Alex was. But I am not opening myself to such a man twice. They never care. He doesn't care.

"If you want to get an upper hand over me by knowing this, I will never tell you. I won't let you use anything against me." not that anything could hurt me more than his death. But hell, he could try.

"No. It's not that."

"Then _why_?"

He sighs.

"I don't know, Rose. But just… talk to me, goddammit. Tell me what's wrong. I swear I have no hidden intentions."

"You _really_ want to know?"

"I do. Tell me what's wrong."

**DPOV**

"Then… it's… you. _You_ are what's wrong in my life. You messed everything! You… you… _he_ messed everything…" she starts crying once more and hastily tries to wipe her tears. "He took away from me everything I have had left after…" after what? That's what I am struggling to understand, but she won't tell me. "And you're here only to end it all. Only to finish… And why do you act like this?! You're not supposed to be like this! You _shouldn't_ be like this!"

" Like this how? "

"_Good_, goddamnit!"

Good? I shouldn't be good to her? Why would I ever want to be anything else but good to her?

"And get off me! You're only playing with me! And I am done with being treated like that."

She moves fast and before I even get a chance to react, she encircles her legs around me, and in her rage, she uses all her bodyweight to turn me around. And she manages to do that quite well I may say, getting me to lie on my back, and then gets herself on top of me, mounted on my hips, shifting our position into one more advantageous for her. Impressive. She is indeed a quick study.

She is breathing heavily from how angry she is and her palms are resting on the sides of my head, her dark locks falling in waves around us. God, even when she is full of rage she is so beautiful.

"And now what?" I ask very calmly.

Now that she has the upper hand, will she pour her anger at me? I think I'll let her do it if this means she'll calm down and we'd get to talk.

"Now, _nothing_," she spits at me.

No. Not nothing. If she gets up and leaves, that's it. The conversation is over. And she will still be angry and mad at me and I won't ever know what's upsetting her.

I need to make her let it all out. At least the anger if she doesn't want to speak about her hurting. It will consume her otherwise. It will become unhandleable. I know it better than anyone.

So, even though she might get to hate me more after this, I'll have to push her. I'll live with it.

"So, for how long do you think you can keep me like this?"

Seeing that I don't trust in her capacities, the look in her eyes changes and she shrugs, trying to seem fully in control.

"What? Don't you think I can do it?"

I shrug too.

"Don't know. What if I do this?"

I try to lift my hands and catch her but she moves swiftly, anticipating my move. She gets ahold of my wrists, pinning them down on the bed, pressing and squeezing on them hard, trying to keep them there, digging her nails in my skin in her anger.

But in the process, all she managed to do is to get her face closer to mine and her chest to press on mine. _Bad idea, Dimitri. _

Smiling, and trying to focus on other things rather than her being so much in contact with my body, I ask her the same question, knowing that if I act cockily it will only get her madder. And hopefully, maybe she'll even hit me or start talking. I think I am okay with both now.

"And for how long do you think you can keep me down?"

I am being a prick. I am asking for it. I want her to hit me. To let it all out once and for all. I'll be her box bag if she feels like it.

She squints her eyes at me, obviously getting madder.

"Don't know. Do I have a reason? Do you plan on trying something?"

"Don't know. Do you? I have a hunch you want to do more to me than keeping me down."

"You know I do. And you know I have a reason why too."

Yes, she does. I have been a complete jerk earlier about Mase.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

**RPOV**

What I am waiting for? What? Is he letting me do anything I wish? Ha! Good joke.

He is looking at me, like waiting, not trying to do anything to get me off him even though the whole town knows he can. I even start wondering why my ass hasn't already hit the floor.

But as I stare back at him, I can't help but see, despite the arrogance in his voice, the calmness in his brown eyes, the way he is watching me, even though his words are provoking me.

He's again, contradicting to me.

But there is something more. Something past his eyes looking at me like that, something past his words. Something inside me.

Something that starts transmitting to me through our skins touching.

It's the thing that our bodies are more than close to each other's. There's so little space in between him and me that not even a sheet would fit.

We've been touching so much these past days it seems normal to me to be in such a position with him now. Normal and enjoyable. A guilty pleasure.

But now, it's different from the other times. His pants are sitting indecently low on his waist, threatening to reveal more than his hips. And well, as I am mounted on him, through my all of a sudden too thin pyjama pants, I can perfectly feel where the material of his pants ends and where his hot skin starts. Because as I am keeping his hands pinned up, his T-shirt has lifted too. All to the detriment of my rational thinking.

And from all that skin of ours that has been touching all day long today, hell, ever since I met him, something happens inside me. Something that shifts my anger into hunger.

Before meeting him, I thought that the idea of imminent, agonizing sexual attraction was just some bullshit they depicted in movies. But let me tell you. It isn't. It's real. And it is happening to me. It has been happening to me all these past days, each second. And I struggled to resist it.

But lately, I lose my sense of control when I am with him.

"Rose?"

Truth be told, I don't _want_ to have any control when I am with him. I don't want it now.

Now, I just feel the crazy need to lose myself into him. Completely. To forget about myself. About everything that's about the outer world. To let him take control over me. Over everything. And gosh, what would be better than that?

He exerts way too much sexual power over my body. Over my mind too. And I can't stop my urges. Not at this moment. I have been fighting them for too long. And maybe I am tired of that.

All that physical tension created in between us these past days and mostly these past hours as we have been fighting, and all that _thing _that I always feel in me every time I am around him, when I feel him touch me, today, in this very second, takes its toll on me. And so, all I am thinking about now is that I need to break free from it somehow or else I might go crazy.

And my brain doesn't think straight for a good solution. I can't find a good reason for what I do. It just goes for the easiest one.

The animal part of my brain takes over me and I act on instinct. But deep down, I wanted this for so long and it feels right in this little moment.

Without even a second of thought, I do something I never thought I would. I decide to kiss him, this thought reigniting in me all that I felt earlier at the mall.

**DPOV**

But she doesn't respond to that, to my tease. At first, she doesn't do anything but stare at me, like lost into her head. Because she didn't even respond to my calling.

But I see her finally moving. And here she is, responding to me. Surprisingly, not with any hit or words.

Because what she does next?

Totally unexpected.

Not that I didn't want her to do this on so many occasions I lost track of, but not in a million years I would have thought she'd do such a thing now.

She lets go of my wrists and slowly slides her palms down on me, along my arms, reaching my shoulders, where she rests just for one second in which she tilts her head slightly, like in a question, right before she brings her palms on my cheeks, taking a strong hold of them.

She pulls me upward to her, then she leans over, meeting me halfway, and places her lips over mine, pressing hard, startling me to my core.

But gosh, doesn't this feel better than I could have ever imagined? The reality of what is happening now is even better than anything I imagined. And my imagination never ceased to disappoint me. Until today. Twice. Each time I kissed her.

**RPOV**

He stops breathing for a short moment, and that's all the time I have to worry about him rejecting me.

Because soon, he exhales, sounding more like a sigh, and responds to me, his hands moving freely on my body and getting a hold of my hips, pulling me down completely, laying me on him, and gluing my front body to his, not letting an inch of our chests not touching.

As we make contact fully, I let out a sigh and get my hands into his hair, into the attempt to pull his head upwards even more, fulfilling too my desire of learning the softness of his strands. But then I decide to let go of that idea and I let his head lay back on the mattress, giving me even better access to his lips.

And I swear I love every second of it. Once again, his lips feel like they have been specially made to kiss mine, that well they feel and fit against each other. And his hair, God, his hair. It is like nothing I have imagined. I would play with it a day long. But maybe later. Now I am more focused on other things.

I open my mouth, indicating to him that I want more, and he doesn't remain indifferent, tilting his head a little and slipping his tongue past my lips.

But as his hands slowly slip under my T-shirt, gripping onto my skin, making my whole body tremble, he growls lightly and pulls his lips away by turning his head, his hands leaving me too, making me growl now, full of displease. I wasn't done. I think I could kiss him all day long. And why did he stop touching me?

I get up a little and watch him confused.

"Roza…"

He sighs, his thumb walking on my cheek, caressing my skin and I turn my head in that way, wanting to get more of his touch.

"What are you doing, love?" He asks, accent much thicker than usual, his thumb now tracing my lower lip.

_What a good question, Rose. What are you doing there? _

This right here might have been a warning, _should_ have been a warning for me, the biggest red flag I have ever got in my life. But in the heat of the moment, my brain decides to ignore it completely. As I said, I wasn't done. I want more. I want everything. And he could offer it to me. Now. At this very moment.

"I don't know."

And this is the truth. I don't really know exactly what I am doing, I don't know why I am doing it or where this will get to, but in this very second, I don't give a single damn. Everything I know is that I don't want to stop and that I don't want him to stop either.

He looks at me, still questioning me with his glare, wanting a more elaborate answer, analyzing me, and breathing with as much difficulty as I am.

"You want this?"

He is now slowly advancing with his fingers under my T-shirt, rubbing gently the base of my spine, and just these little touches make goosebumps appear all over my body and my nipples to get painfully hard against his chest.

With each move of his, my body is feeling warmer and more malleable in his hands. And I love it that way. I love feeling this way.

Him going so slow and easily advancing up on my spine is like he is giving me a little trailer of what he could do later. Of what he is capable of making me feel.

And all of a sudden I know. I know what I am doing. I know what I want. I want to feel that. And more. And so, a wave of burning desire washes over me, making me act.

"This," I say placing a peck on his lips, even though I still don't have a clear idea of what this _this _means. "I am doing this, comrade."

I kiss him once more, getting again a little afraid he'd stop me because he is still looking at me weirdly.

But he doesn't, which only gives me more courage to ask for what I want.

"I want _this_."

I maintain eye contact with him and I press my lips on his harder, and gosh, he doesn't pull away, but on the contrary.

With a slight growl at the back of his throat that I perfectly feel reverberate on my now open lips, his hands go up further under my T-shirt and he digs his calloused fingers into the skin on my ribs as he calls me Roza once again and murmurs something more that I can't understand.

Then, he changes the balance and turns me around, picking me up and pushing me into the mattress, taking control over me completely and I do nothing to protest. I wanted this. And it feels amazing to not to have to worry about anything. Because he and his hands and his lips are taking care of everything.

And even when he is pressing his thigh in between my legs, on my already pulsing core, I do nothing but welcome his touch with a moan and my fingers intertwine in his hair, pulling him closer to me.

One of the last conscious moves I make is to stop him for a minute to drag his T-shirt off so that I could explore him as freely as he does with me.

I run my fingers on his chest and explore each inch of him, feeling his skin, firm and muscled, somewhere scarred under the tips of my fingers, taking my time to learn each indent on him as he is watching me with those eyes again, alternating that with little kisses on my jaw. I can't decipher all the emotion in them, but I just feel that there is nothing bad. That he wants this as bad as I do.

He pulls away and watches me like startled for some seconds as one of his hands is taking some little strands of hair out of my face. He's looking at me like he's now thinking about something, about something important. He looks like he's soon going to change his mind. I don't want him to do that. Not now when I need him to-

"Rose…"

"Shut up and kiss me harder." to hell with words.

If we start speaking _I _might be the one changing my mind. And I don't think I want that. Tonight, I don't want to be rational. All I want is him. I want to lose myself into him.

When he doesn't move, I get a hold of his cheeks again, pulling him to me and I lift my head off the bed as much as it takes for my lips to reach his faster and I press them hard against each other.

He responds to me in the next second by pushing me back into the mattress, kissing me just like he did back at the mall, his tongue walking all over mine, and he continues working on my body too, thankfully giving up on whatever he was thinking about saying.

With one hand clasped in my hair, he now heads with his other even further up on my body and he starts touching my breast, unfortunately over the T-shirt. He is handling it with care, his thumb walking painfully slow over my peak, in little deliberate teasing circles, eliciting little puffs from me.

And with each stroke and touch, my mind is getting even cloudier, the blood in my body racing to the parts of me that he is exploring. I swear no one ever made me feel like this.

But that material covering my body is too much of a torture. It is standing between my need and his touch. And it doesn't take me much to transmit him this. Because as I want to get rid of it, I get growling when I realize its hem is trapped in between our hips.

Hearing me and feeling me squirm under him, smiling, he lifts and helps me get rid of that troublesome material. Sliding his palms up on my side body, he leaves me bare in front of him for the second time in less than a day. But this time, I don't care. All I want is to feel his touch on my needing skin.

Without letting many thoughts gather in my brain, sending away the worries of him not liking what he sees, I let myself guided by instinct once more. I round one leg on him and my arms around his neck, pulling his body closer to mine, letting his weight press on me.

He starts stroking my flesh even hungrier than before, as his lips and tongue are tasting my neck, kissing, licking and biting.

And because we shifted positions a little, when he lets himself be fully heavy on me, I get feeling his hardness on my inner thigh.

Just by thinking about it, about some further things, I let to escape out of my lips a needy whimper and in surprise, he pulls his lips away from my neck and even his body away from mine, propping one of his hands next to my head and he's looking at me rather confused.

Whoopsies. Shouldn't I have done that? I didn't mean to.

"You're okay, love?"

"Mhm." I hurry to reassure him.

At least I guess I am. I don't know for sure. He felt kinda… big. Or huge. I can't tell. I am not an expert.

But I try to shake this thought out of my mind. Maybe he'll... fit.

"Oh, Roza."

He looks at me, walks his thumb on my cheek, smiles and then shakes his head before going back to kissing my jaw. What did I do so funny? Did he realize… No. He couldn't have.

Seeing that he didn't get upset, that he doesn't say anything too, I get again daring. I walk my hands down on his body and when I reach his pants, I pass my fingers into their hem, deep enough to feel his hip bones, and I drag him closer to me once again, this need to feel him on me overtaking everything inside me. I want to feel him completely. Forever if possible.

And I swear that I am not thinking straight because not even in my wildest dreams I would have done such a thing, be this daring, but here I am, actually being like this. And I think I like it.

Maybe he likes it too. Because he lifts an eyebrow, still smiling and then kisses me, first biting my lip and pulling it with his teeth and I open my mouth wider, letting him slip his tongue past my lips and God, it again feels amazing. Better than that. Better than anything.

How could I ever even live without his kisses? Nothing could ever compare to them. Alexander's were so dull and insipid compared to his. There was no passion, no magic. No butterflies, no storms starting inside me, no lights sparkling at the back on my eyes. No nothing.

They cannot ever be compared, what am I doing here? It is like comparing a drizzle with a thunderstorm. Alex's kisses were short and well, unpassionate. Bland. But his? Oh, gosh, his are just breathtaking. Heated, intense, eager, wild, and they leave warm sensations behind all over in your body, awakening in me so many carnal wishes I haven't even known ever existed in me. He brings out of me a part I never knew I had.

His tongue is tracing a line on the roof of my mouth, making my whole body feel tingly and more hungry for his touch. Gosh, it feels so good to taste him. And the other way around. The way he tastes me and the way he explores my mouth it maddening. If he is doing so much on such a little part of me, what would he do to all-

But I don't even get to finish my question that he starts showing me.

He starts taking control over every piece of my body, one by one, moving slowly and thoroughly first, but soon, his hand gets moving more eagerly towards the only part of my body still covered, walking past my abdomen, heading further down. And all I can do is sway my body accordingly to his touches, not knowing how else to get the most of them.

My breathing gets heavier with anticipation and I just can't wait for him to touch me more and more and more because I just can't get enough of it. The way his hands handle my body is maddening.

His hand doesn't wait much and traces its way even down on my body, his fingers lifting the hem of my pants and making themselves busy with teasing me, walking left and right onto the hem of my panties, maddening me with desire, pushing me so close to asking him to be done with it already. But oh, the cocky expression on his face is enough to keep me from asking. I won't give him this satisfaction. Yet. If he doesn't stop teasing me soon...

As his hand slides further into my pants and cups my butt cheek, I feel every calloused finger stroking my flesh with growing hunger and growing impatience. Yes. That would be two of us, I see.

Next, he is pulling my hips up towards him, making my hot, soft core feel all of his hardness press on it, making me moan once again.

Okay, I have come to a conclusion. He is huge.

_Would you stop thinking about that already?_

But still, comparing to the rough touches of his hands, he is sweet and soft with me at the same time, kissing and lightly nipping on my skin, as he's making his way down my neck towards my eager, painful with desire breasts.

This combination of roughness and gentleness only makes me want to know what he might do next. The fact that he is rough and gentle at the same time, starts to be confusing and I start to wonder what _really_ comes next. My brain has a single rational thought in whole minutes and this is it: would he be rough to me or sweet and gentle? I mean, when we… you know...

But my thought gets interrupted by his hand, _gosh_, his hand that is reaching now to the front part of my body, sliding over my panties. And it doesn't take him much to reach his destination.

That feels amazing, feeling his fingers reach my… _Oh_! That feels _so_ _good_.

My whole body arches towards him as one of his fingers has slipped in between my wet folds, and even through the fabric of the panties, he has first reached a weak spot, making my whole body shiver and I let out a sighed moan as I let myself relax completely under him.

Who would have thought sinning feels so good? Because he is….oh, gosh, he is… _him_!

I realize what I am doing. What is really happening. And with who I am doing it. With him. With the Russian. With the bad guy!

And out of nowhere, as more thoughts gather in my mind for once in a very long time, I start to hate myself for the way my body has responded to him. Because the pool that has started to form in between my legs with each touch of his hands on my body is only getting wetter and wetter and I know now that this is wrong. That I shouldn't be reacting like this to him. That I shouldn't like anything he is doing to me. That this shouldn't be happening at all.

With an obvious, long delay, my brain finally starts signaling me that I am doing the wrong thing.

But still, startled by pleasure, my neurons don't function enough for me to pull away. They just guide my body to continue doing what I have been doing for the past minutes, to moan and sigh and let out sounds of pleasure and push my flesh against his palms and lips and fingers, _gosh_, his fingers that continue to touch me, slowly stroking me in a circular motion.

He goes down a little and explores my wetness, then, moves slowly upward, and soon enough, he again presses on that spot that makes my body feel weak in so many ways, but gosh, it feels so good. And so, so wrong at the same time. _But is it _that_ wrong? What if… I just let him do it? _

But I still can't make my body pull away from him, not even to take a break and think things through. It is not cooperating with me at all. Only my mind is against it. Or confused, whatever.

My body, on the other side, has already made its mind and it goes completely mush under him and I part my legs even more, involuntarily, inviting him to do more, wanting just to feel more of that pure pleasure he is willing to give me.

In my head, I am desperately trying to tell him no. To tell him to stop. Or to slow down. To tell him even why I think we should take things a little bit slower. I don't know! To tell him_ something_.

But oh, my body just keeps on telling him yes when he strokes on my nub again, responding to his touches against my will, against what I know should be right. And soon, my mouth does that too, betraying my brain when I open it for something else than moaning.

"Oh, _yes." _

**DPOV**

Her smooth lips falling open at the tease of his tongue, welcoming it inside, was all I could dream of. More than I ever dreamed of. And it has already happened twice today.

But seeing her want more? Hearing her say it, at first, I thought I was dreaming. But feeling her body and lips pressed on mine, I finally understood that everything that's happening is more real than ever. That her need for me is just as big as mine for her.

And that thought took me into a frenzy and all of a sudden, there was not enough time for me to take in all of her, to taste, to bite, to tease, to please. And fuck it, the sounds she makes are enough to bring a man close to exploding. At least that's how I feel now. And I didn't even get to slip my fingers inside her panties yet or to do anything more. And I still have so many other things I want to try, to feel with her.

And now when she arched her back to ram her crotch against my fingers, it took so much from me not to forget about any manners that I struggle to keep and rip all the clothes off her and take her on spot. Can you imagine what she'll do when I take things further?

Not letting my thoughts wander, I fight to regain control over myself, to take things slow, or at least a little slower, but it is so hard when I find her wet, warm and wanting at the tips of my fingers. Her panties and trainers are soaking wet and she pushes her hips upward slowly but firm, grinding against my moving fingers. And the sounds she makes at each of my strokes, man!

And to hear her so eager with that "yes" she let out, God, keep me steady because that simple word fills my mind with all kinds of ideas about what this night might develop into.

Did I mention that as she is grinding against my hand she is painfully creating a slow friction on my too swollen shaft? Because she is and it's crazy that she has gotten me so hard and I haven't even gotten all of her clothes off, that I haven't felt all of her.

And I am so drunk on her that I would be capable of pleasing her all night long, making her get louder and louder and so many other things. If that training session didn't tire her enough, what I have in mind surely will.

**RPOV**

You would think that the pleasure he brings me now might make me lose it completely. But oddly enough, that doesn't happen. On the contrary.

Once my brain started thinking, it is unable to stop and it only makes me fight with myself harder. And as more thoughts pile up, I panic. Big time.

He decides to put the teasing aside and as his lips gently place kisses on that big, ugly, purple spot on my ribs, his hands are busy with untying the little ribbon keeping my pants on me.

What the hell am I doing here? I can't give myself to him! What the hell was I thinking?

Oh, gosh, but I want him so bad. Would it be that bad if I'd have sex with him? I don't think so. Hell, I am going to die soon anyway. What if I have a little fun? What if I enjoy myself for once? What if I don't die a… you know.

Should I, at least, tell him if I let him take things further? Should I let him take things further? Do I want him to take things further?

Why wouldn't I?

Why would I?

And here he is, ribbon undone, his fingers creeping again under the hem of my pants, starting to pull them down, reminding me of how sweet he was yesterday when he did the same thing.

_Think, Rose, think, goddamnit! _

Should I find a way to get away from under him? Or to tell him I need a second?

_Why? Do you plan on letting him have you?_

No! Yes. I don't know! But as long as his hands are on me, I can't focus!

Can I tell him what's bothering me?

And if I tell him, will he push me away or not?

_What if you don't and just let him do it?_ _He has already gotten your pants low enough to see about everything. Why even bother to say something now? _

Ugh. What if he figures out I have been lying to him? That I didn't tell him? He is good at this stuff. And he'll get mad. And he'll definitely push me away then.

But if I tell him, will he be okay with it? Will he laugh at me? Alex did when I told him. For minutes.

So how can I tell him that? I can't. He'll react just the same. They're both alike after all.

But what if he isn't? What if he won't push me away if I tell him?

He had slid down towards the end of the bed and is now pulling my pants off me completely, and I still haven't made my mind.

I know I want him but… will he want me still after I tell him? He'll still want me in the morning?

So stupid of me to think this. Of course he will not. He is not here to bond for life. What do I mean to him anyway more than a booty call? I will become yesterday news to him in the very next second he is done with me.

Gosh, how could I be so stupid to think this would ever work? I am not the woman he is used to. I can't be that. I want more. And he can't offer it to me.

**DPOV**

"Comrade…" she growls loudly and digs her fingers into my forearms as I come again on top of her, over her gorgeous, almost completely naked body.

"Stop."

I barely hear her say something else into my mouth, through the haze I am into as I kiss her once more, I am not even sure she even said something, I guess I imagined that. Maybe she just moaned.

But do I stop to even check? No. Because my dick simply decides it has priority over my brain and nothing else matters because all I know is that I want her worse than I ever wanted anyone in my life and she keeps on proving me that she wants me too. So how could I stop now?

I pick her leg and round it on my torso, spreading her legs a little more and position myself in between them and let myself again get heavier on her, my hips now feeling the hot, smooth skin of her inner thighs.

**RPOV**

Oh my God! No, no, no! It shouldn't have happened like this. Things degenerated too fast! I can't do this. Things have been taken way too far. I told him to stop, but he doesn't want to listen.

What do I do now? Tell him again to stop? Maybe he didn't hear it well enough the first time. We were kissing too. Or he was kissing me as I was too preoccupied figuring out what I want from him. Which is too much.

_Act, idiot! Act already or things end up bad! He is already heading for your panties! Do it, whatever it is. NOW! _

"Stop, goddamnit!"

I unclench my hands from his upper hands and reach them down fast and catch his, stopping his movement and digging my nails hard into his flesh as I pull it out of his way down my body, hoping that the pain I bring him will make him stop. And thankfully, it does.

He lifts his head from the crook of my neck and watches me surprised. Rather confused I would say.

"What's wrong, love?"

_Yes indeed, Rose. What's wrong?_

_"_This. _This_ is wrong."

What I am doing may be wrong too, this seeming like I am playing with him, but I can't back down now. I can't offer him so much of me when I will get only a night from him. I can't put my heart through this.

Plus, I can't bear the thought of him mocking me and rejecting me and telling me he doesn't need me. So I am going to be doing it to him. Maybe it's the best thing to do. I don't know what else to do. I am messed up big time.

"It's a mistake," I barely whisper.

And I get angrier on myself for reacting like this rather than explaining to him the reason I freaked out, but gosh, I pour all my anger on him because it seems to be the easiest way out. And it's his fault a little too. He didn't stop, which made me freak out even more.

"And don't you dare kiss me!"

I say that while catching my breath and trying to push him off me, but he doesn't move, just watches me, probably trying to figure out what went wrong. And the truth is that nothing he did was wrong. It's just me that has been an idiot around here from the very start.

He has been nothing but tender to me, his touches so welcomed by my body. But I can't shake that bad feeling that he won't like me anymore as soon as he is done with me. Because what he could possibly want from me? What can I offer to him anyway?

He raises an eyebrow and props one hand next to my head, watching me now like I would be insane. And hell, maybe I am.

"Rose, _you_ were the one who kissed me first," He says rather amused than angry.

I did, didn't I? Oh, God. I am indeed fucked up.

"Then you shouldn't have responded to that!"

At this, he laughs to my face.

"Why wouldn't I have?"

"You shouldn't have." I keep on insisting on that without a good reason. I don't have a reason for many things that happened în the last minutes.

"But what if I wanted to?"

His question startles me. I do nothing but blink a couple of times as I process it. He really wanted to kiss me.

But hell, he wouldn't have wanted it in the first place if he'd knew what I am hiding from him. I know it for sure. It's too much of a complication. I am too much of a complication.

He is still the one speaking as I can't find anything to tell him.

"You seemed to want that too. You told me that. Did I get it wrong?"

No, he didn't. I got him wrong. I stupidly thought… _what? That he'll love you? That he already does? _

His hand gets on my cheek and I feel that he wipes a tear of mine from there. I didn't even realize I started crying.

"Roza… Tell me what happened to you. Did I do anything to you?"

That name again! No! I won't let it make me lose my mind again.

"Did I take things too fast? Would you like me to slow down? Did I-"

"No. Stop. I want you to _stop_. Stop messing with my mind."

I pull my face away from his gentle touch, before I do again something stupid.

"And get off me! Now!"

I just need to get away from all this goodness he is showing me now even though I am such a bad person now. He's still good to me and I have been nothing but a neurotic, bipolar bitch. How could I not hate myself for this? What if I got everything wrong? _Too bad. There's no coming back now. _

"I beg your pardon?"

"What didn't you understand? _Get off me_!" I say even more panicked. "_Now_! Get off me now!" I rush to say and pull away from under him.

With surprise and confusion still glued to his face, he gets off me, up on his knees, lifting his hands too, like defensively.

**DPOV**

She gets up too and puts a T-shirt over her chest, to get covered.

All I can do is laugh, shaking my head. I can't believe what's happening. But what is _really _happening? I don't know because she won't tell me!

"You are crazy, Rose."

I don't even know what I have done wrong this time. Because of course I am the one who fucked up again. I wonder how. But guess what? She is not telling me!

But what I have unconsciously let escape out of my mouth annoys her so much, her face getting even more flushed.

_"I _am crazy? _Me? _Hell, no! You are _insane_, comrade. Crazy! Have you seen the things you do on a usual day?!"

And I swear I can't keep it together anymore. I have been on the edge for far too long.

"Maybe I _fucking am_, Rose! But _you're_ the reason I am crazy. Now too! And ever since I met you, _gosh_!" I growl at the back of my throat, trying to temper myself. "You do so many fucking things to drive me insane, Rose." and I have no idea how to deal with that. With her. With me around her.

"Look, comrade," She snaps at me. "I don't know who you think I am, but I am not letting you have pity sex with me or anything. I might have kissed you first, but you shouldn't have taken advantage of that. All because I feel like crap and you have caught me into a vulnerable moment and saw the opportunity to take me to bed. Just because all these things are happening to me, I am not going to give in to you, thinking you are my hero on a white horse. You won't take advantage of me."

_What_? What did she say? Is this what she thinks I was doing? Hell, if I wanted that, I could have done it last night and be done with it. But that's not what I want from her. I don't want anything from her. I want _her_.

"I _won't_ let you. I am never going to fall for your shit. Never. I don't need another Alexander, Xavier, Whatever-his-goddamn-name-might-be experience in my life ever again! I don't need all this again! I don't need _you_ to complicate my life!"

I can't tell her anything in response. I just watch her startled.

She will never change her opinion about me. She still thinks I only want to do bad things to her, no matter how much I try to show her the opposite. She only sees me as a copy of Haynes. Why did I even bother? I'll never be something else to her.

"You all think that all women have been created just for your fun and enjoyment, so that you could use them and then get rid of them as you wish."

"Yes, Rose. That is _exactly_ what I believe." especially not about her. But why bother explaining? She will anyway understand whatever she wants.

"Well, find out that I am not on earth for any of your pleasures. It's just something new for a guy like you to have a love affair with a woman like me, so different from the others, so different from the ones you are used to getting involved with. On a usual day, you wouldn't even take a second look at me."

She's right. On a usual day, I wouldn't have. But I did look at her a second time. And a third time. And a fourth. And I always liked what I saw. Each time I look at her, I always find something new to fall in love with. And I would continue to look at her all my life. Only if she wouldn't think the worst of me.

"So now I am just some story material for his buddies. Hey, guys, you'll never believe this weird chick I banged. Guys like you like the new. Until they get bored with it and throw women away like yesterday's news. Well, I don't want to be your new. I don't want to be your exciting. I don't want to be your anything!"

But what if I want her to be my everything? Not that it would matter to her. She would never believe me. Or at least not now. She is too dead set against me.

**RPOV**

"Whatever," he puffs and pulls away some more.

His indifference only makes me angrier. So I was more than right. Now that I am not into it, he doesn't care anymore.

_"Whatever_? Is this all you have to say?"

He almost storms my way but stops midway, his jaw clenching.

"And _what the fu_-" he stops again to take a deep breath in, calming down the storm I see in his eyes. "And what do you want me to say, Rose? Tell me. Tell me what you want me to say and I will fucking say it!"

"I don't know." that you wanted me to be more than your new, your exciting? That I was wrong? "Something! Something more than whatever!"

He laughs some more.

"What? Am I being funny?"

"Yeah, you _really_ are, Rose. So goddamn funny. You know why?"

I don't respond. I have a hunch.

He leans in closer to my face and I don't have the time to pull away, I just gasp and hold that breath in as he speaks so close to me, staring deep into my eyes.

"Because _you_ kissed me first, Rose," he says and I could swear that I almost hear hurting in his voice. "Do you remember that? Why? Why did you do it if you knew I only wanted to take advantage of you?"

I remain speechless. I don't even have an answer for myself at this question. All I know is that I just did it.

"I could have done it last night too, right? Because you were drunk out of your minds and more vulnerable than ever and maybe you wouldn't have protested."

He is right. I wouldn't have. But he didn't do anything I wanted him to do to me. On the contrary.

But I can't let him win this.

"But maybe you did. Maybe I don't remember everything. Maybe you lied to me."

Hearing my answer, his expression goes dark.

"I _didn't_."

I know. His words keep on ringing in my head each time I look at him, now louder than ever, but I try to brush them away. _I want you, Roza, but not like this. If you still want me in the morning…_

Oh, gosh, what am I doing? What have I done?

_You are keeping yourself safe. You know how he would have done in the morning. What is it so bad at trying to keep your heart safe? Don't let him mess with you some more. _

I open my mouth to say something but words don't come out. I don't know what I could possibly say to make things better.

"And you know what? You didn't give me a _heads up_. You didn't _ask_," He says sarcastically and the cruelty in his voice breaks something in me.

I fist my palm and pound it into his chest, pushing him away from me and I get off the bed.

"You are…"

"What? What am I?" he provokes me. "A bastard?"

"A complete jackass!"

"Oh, another adjective. Good for you, love."

There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body, and he is capable of getting on every one of them.

"Gosh, and to think I was so close to letting you take... Ugh! _Go to hell!" _

I turn around to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you."

"But this conversation isn't done. You still-"

"You're right. But I don't care. I am done with you! I am done ever speaking with you!"

But does he let me just go? Of course not. He has to have the final word. Always!

"Rose?"

I stop mid-step like struck by something.

"What now?"

"That's my T-shirt."

I look down to see what is covering my breasts and I see it's indeed his.

"So?"

"I would like to get dressed."

With each word he says, I get boiling with anger.

"You're kidding me."

"Am not." he again got that cocky attitude on. Why did I think he could be more than this?

I continue to watch him hateful, with my jaw so tight I almost feel it close to snapping. But he doesn't give up on that.

"Fine. Whatever you please, you _bastard_."

And without any shame, or at least I am trying not to feel ashamed for having to get again close to completely naked in front of him, I get that T-shirt off me and throw it at his face as hard as she can, but of course I can't produce any damage.

Then I bend, take mine and put it on as fast as I can.

And before I break in tears, showing him that he has gotten to me, I turn around and head to the bathroom.

I grab the doorknob all that I want is to get out of here, and I manage to open it just a bit before he extends his arm right over my head and glues his palm on the door, closing it.

No, no, _no_!

I am again so close to him, for a couple of seconds, just some little eternities.

Sighing deeply, he comes hovering over me, behind me.

Why isn't he letting me be? What more is it to say?


	22. He is no one's Especially not mine

**He is no one's. Especially not mine**

**DPOV**

I am such a fucking idiot. Why did I do things worse instead of mending them?

I try to be as calm as possible. I promise myself I won't snap again, whatever she'll say. All I know is that I want to make things right. To understand her, for once.

"Rose… I…"

But she won't even look at me. She is staring down at her feet, her back turned to me, breathing heavily, probably still mad at me. And who would blame her? Why did I let my ego drive me? I acted like a jackass.

"I am sorry, Rose. But I…" but I don't get a single thing that happened for the last minutes. "What happened? Did I do something? Did I wrong you in any way? Tell me. Tell me what is happening."

I am one second away from begging her to tell me. I have a feeling there is more to this. More than her believing the worst of me. She didn't even seem to believe everything she told me earlier.

**RPOV**

He didn't do much than the usual. But I felt the world spinning faster. That's what happened. So fast. And all because of him. Because I feel things for him I shouldn't. Things that I don't know if he'd appreciate.

And I can't afford to give him so much power over me. It will end badly. It always does when it comes to someone like me and someone like him. And with him it won't be different.

Cupid screwed up the first time. What if this time it's no different? I can't fall for him. I am _not _falling for him. I promise I am not allowing myself to. This is what is happening.

"Let me go."

"I am not keeping you here in any way."

Right. He is not even touching me. But his presence is enough to keep me pinned in place.

"But… tell me what got you like this. And look at me, please."

But I don't dare move. I don't even pull the door again, knowing that he'll stop me. I have no way out.

"Roza…"

I shake my head no and keep on looking down. I can't look him in the eyes. I feel like an idiot. _Because you are one. The biggest of them all._

But he does what I feared most. He puts his palm on my shoulder and turns me to face him.

"Gosh, how I hate you now."

He is driving me mad in so many ways, doing it like no one else before, confusing the hell out of me, but I am sure that I don't hate him in any way. I say this only because I am afraid of the other feelings he awakens inside me.

With his fingers under my chin, he lifts my head and when our eyes meet, he smiles so lightly. He's not mad?

"I know. Good, then. Hate me. Feel whatever you want to feel about me. But tell me what the hell is going on."

"Let me go."

I keep on telling him that, but as he said, he is not keeping me there, doesn't even try to. I am free to leave whenever I want. But I can't move my feet.

And all I can think of is that I will start crying soon and I don't want him to see. I don't want him to try to comfort me. Because if he does that again, I will give in again and forget about what I promised myself a moment ago, I know it.

"Tell me, Roza."

"I _don't know_, okay? I am so confused and I don't know and..." and I can't keep it together anymore. I start crying silently. "But all I know is that I don't need you in my life to mess everything even more. I know that I don't want to get involved with you. I don't… I don't want you."

"Then why did you kiss me?" He demands for the thousandth time tonight. "Why what you did doesn't match what you're telling me now?"

Because I know you'll hurt me when I wake up from the dream your lips promised me. Because I am scared. Because I am ashamed. And so many other feelings like these. I don't even know what reason to pick.

"Because I… I don't know… I just..." _Lie! You just said the biggest untruth ever, what would another lie do? "_B… because… I… I wanted to get back at him."

"Get back at him who?"

"At who? Um… Yeah. Get back at him. At Alex."

**DPOV**

"_What_?"

She shrugs, trying to seem less anxious than she is.

"I... wanted to take revenge on him," she tries to sound serene in her words, but that doesn't work at all.

And hearing her words, I can't help but laugh. She is shamelessly lying me to my face. All the signs are there and she sucks at hiding them.

Don't I deserve at least an honest answer? Why is she acting this way? What isn't she telling me? Why does she think that lying would make it better?

"Why are you- So I was just… no. No. Why are you lying to me?"

Her eyes widen slightly in surprise and she tries her best to cover it by acting offended. So I was right.

"I am not lying to you."

She says this but she doesn't even have the courage to look me in the eyes.

"Aren't you?"

"Why do you think I am? Is it that hard to believe that I wanted to use you to get back at my ex? You, his little nemesis?"

"Yes, it is."

It is unbelievable to me. Because she wouldn't do such a thing. Not Rose. She is not that kind of woman. She is better than that.

"Well, I am sorry to inform you, but this is all that happened earlier." she finally starts showing some confidence, even if it's faked. "But along the way, I realized he is not worth the trouble of me getting involved with you."

She gets away from between me and the door and walks away, thinking that I maybe haven't turned around to watch her and that I don't see the way her arms shake. But I do.

"I just… wanted to use you. I am sorry for it, it was wrong from me… but I… was only thinking of revenge and I didn't think of the consequences."

"Revenge? That's all?"

"What else could there be?"

Of course, what else could there be? I was the only one who thought that there was more between us. Bullshit! She is full of it.

"I told you I um… don't want you." she finishes whispering.

Fine. You know what? I am done trying to understand her. If she doesn't want to tell me why, I don't know what else to do about it. I tried everything I could. Nothing worked. And she will only keep on with her lie.

**RPOV**

"And anyway, what would have been the point of us…"

Shrugging and not finishing that thought, I look back at him as he's pinning me with his stare, and I know so well he didn't like what he heard. I don't even know if he believed it. _I _would hardly believe it if I'd hear myself. But I still pray that he won't ask for any other explanations because I might faint if I'll have to lie some more to him. I am out of ideas.

"You know what, Rose? Fine. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Do whatever the fuck you want, with whatever fucking reasons you have, but keep me out of your craziness."

Before he turns his gaze away from me I see his expression full of disappointment. Maybe. I can't tell for sure. But it sure makes things a thousand times worse.

"I am done. With you, with _everything_."

And next, he almost pulls the door out of its hinges when he opens it and goes inside the bathroom, leaving me to finally let my knees give in and sit on the edge of the bed.

I am a horrible person, aren't I? I am. I know for sure. All the things I said and done… and just because I am so afraid of my heart…

But what else could I have done? I don't even know him. I know nothing about him. How can I feel so many things for a stranger?

It is not right.

Right?

**DPOV**

From the second I close the door behind me, all I can think of is that I need a hell of a cold shower to wash everything away. All the anger, all the feelings she managed to bring to the surface. I need to get back in control of myself. How is she able to make me lose it so badly? No woman made me like this, I swear. Never before.

As I strip down and let the first drops of water pour over me, still being in the haze of what happened, I promise myself one thing. And I am going to stick to it, no matter what.

I promise myself that it won't happen. Not again, anyway. I won't let myself driven by anything that has to do with her. I just need to not think of her. How hard could it be?

But _why _is it so hard for me to figure her out? I think I'll die before being able to understand her. She is so, so… I don't know. But she is quite a something that I don't have a proper word to describe.

Am I getting out of hand at reading people? I don't think so. I could see she was lying to me. But I don't find a reason why. I didn't manage to make her tell me why she changed her mind. Not that she won't be entitled to. But I wish I knew why. I know it didn't happen from the reason she came up with. Maybe I could have done something about it. Maybe I can-

_No. You won't do anything. Get her out of your head!_

Yes. Sure. I just need to not think of her kisses, of her touches_… stop, stop, stop_! Of how good and right she felt in my arms, of how good it felt to taste her, of the way she wanted me too. Because whatever she says, I know it. Call me full of myself. But I know I am not leaving her indifferent, at least not fully. Just like she is not leaving me indifferent. I don't know what she is doing to me, but I like it too much to give up on it, on this little pleasurable torture.

Oh, who am I kidding? It is a hell of a lot harder than I think not to want her, and now I am not around her. I still want her and I will still do when I will get out of here and maybe tomorrow too. I can't not want her. There's something about her I can't resist. Something that I can't understand. Something that attracts me to her like nothing else ever did to any woman I have been with.

Maybe because she is not like any of them. She didn't fall to my feet. She says she doesn't care about any of my charms. She says she doesn't want me. She says she doesn't need me in her life. And most of the time, she actually means all that. She is such a pain in the ass that I started loving bickering and make peace with her just to go back to bickering again. But most of all, she is so against it that it only makes me want to try harder. Not to only have her, as she said earlier. But more. So much more.

And I am not crazy for thinking like this? For wanting this? After all, she is kinda right. I am not what she needs now. I am nothing close to that. And I know it so damn well. It's not like it didn't happen before to me.

But the longer I sit in here, cold water running all over me, nothing gets better. No matter what I promise myself, no matter how hard I think about how bad I am for her, I can't resist the impulse of getting out of here and go back to her. Because I still know there's something wrong between us. And I hate it.

And I can't help but wonder, what in the name of God I have done wrong!? Yes, we were fighting because I have been an ass and after that I have been even worse because I just wanted to throw myself out the window because nothing made sense, nothing she did, nothing she said. But in between that, when she kissed me… there was nothing else I could think of but her. Of how right she felt.

And the way she looked at me just before kissing me again made me completely lose it, dragging me back and bringing to me so many memories, things I have kept out of my head for a long time. But just with that seconds-long glance of her big warm eyes she would be capable to end me and she's not even aware of it. She shouldn't have that effect on me, I know it. And I have promised myself that no one else ever will have. But still, she was right there, to prove me wrong.

But before setting things right, I need to make a call. Yeah, I finally know how to untangle this mess and he's the only one who could help me now.

**RPOV**

Trying to stop the hollow forming inside my chest, I decide to go out into the little balcony. I need fresh air. Maybe it will make things better. I pray it does. Something, no matter how little, has to.

I grab a couple of pillows from the bed and head outside. It's kinda freezing and I am still quite undressed, but I don't care. I put the pillows down and take a seat, my back leaned against the wall, my legs stretched in front of me. And I remain like that, welcome the cold air on my skin, thinking in my mind that it is washing him off me somehow, that like this I will be able to wash away his smell off my skin, out of my pores.

And maybe if I freeze to death it will be enough of a punishment for the things I have done. I am crazy, right? Like nature could set things right.

_I _should be the one doing that.

But how? What do I do now?

How am I supposed to make things right? I know I am the one who started this and the way I reacted wasn't the best one and he doesn't even know why. But how do I tell him why? How can I tell him that he arises in me so many feelings that make me act like this? That scare me to death? That make me be so much like me but so unlike me at the same time? I feel anxious, afraid, but still, I get daring and playful? What is he doing to me?

I guess I am only trying to make myself liked by him. I try so bad to act so unlike me, to be someone he is used to be with, but after all, deep down, I am who I am and I panic and I go back to being myself and screw things up worse than before.

For this, I am a complete idiot and all I managed to do is to wrong him so bad.

But even though, it's his fault too. Just a little, little bit, but still. He makes me do so many things I have never even dreamed of. Because with him it always feels like I am on the edge of something big going to happen and I always feel the need to react. And each time that happens, it always feels like I am changing something deep inside me when I interact with him. Like he's… shaping me. I swear it makes sense in my head.

And with him around, you never know what comes next. I am never prepared for it. But he? He is always ready for something, no matter what. He is so primal and always acts on instinct. He only lives for today. For him nothing else matters but the thing he is focusing on at that moment. _And oh, when he was focusing on you, damn, right?_ No! Shut up! For me, everything else mattered. I needed to know things a hell of a time earlier and have my time to overthink everything. I always worked like that.

But ever since I am with him? It's all or nothing when I am with him. He never does half of measures. He accepts nothing in between. On a usual, I would have accepted some half measures. But I swear I only want everything when I am with him. I want it all. All of him and from him. And I don't even know what that means! But I know that I can't have it. I can't have him.

He is no one's.

Especially not mine.

He won't be mine.

And I remain with that thought in my head for a while, and the more I think about it, the more I hate it. He is supposed to be bad for me, but goddamnit, he feels so right and he is the only one-

And he just opened the balcony door.

Shit! I wasn't ready for this! I didn't even think he'd ever want to talk to me again. He said he was done with me. Or he has some other things to point out about how much of a lying, lousy bitch I was? Because he would be right.

I don't dare do much but watch him with the corner of my eye as he closes the door and comes in front of me, and not even when he says my name, I don't find the courage to lift my head and look him in the eyes. I am way too ashamed.

So he tries again and I know I can't ignore him. He at least deserves a reaction from me.

I don't let him say it a third time. I look at him and surprisingly enough, I don't find him having his arms crossed, there's not even a sign of a frown on his face.

But that's not what startles me. His words are.

"I don't want to leave things like this."

"W- why?" Why would he even want to try dealing with me?

_Because, obviously, he's the bigger man here, duh, and you've been acting like a spoiled brat all night long._

He shrugs. "I think we should set things right once and for all."

I look at him staring stupidly. I don't know what answer to give to him. I should say that I would love that because I know I have a lot of explanations to give, but still, I mind myself speechless under his gaze. I only nod lightly.

"Can I sit next to you?"

There are some more pillows next to me, enough space for both of us, and I make space for him to sit.

And now we're supposed to talk about it, right? Moreover, I am supposed to say something. But…

"I don't know what to say, comrade."

_Oh, I might have some suggestions. What about starting with I am kinda feeling something that I don't understand about you and I might be crazy but sometimes I think it's lo- _

"It's okay. But I think we should try at least to talk about it. Say whatever you want. I'll wait if you need it. Until you feel ready."

And so, we sit in silence for a while, he's not saying another word, the only thing reminding me of his presence next to me being his breath getting out in white steady puffs.

Okay. Fine. If he wants us to do it, then let's do it. He is finally wanting to talk. I should be grateful, right? And it is the right thing to do. But what do I tell him?

_What do I tell him? What about the truth?_

But the more I think about it, all I can think of is this. And I even say it out loud.

"I am a crazy bitch."

His head snaps in my direction in the next second, a deep frown between his eyebrows.

"Rose… Hey…"

He wants to put an arm around me, or to touch me, something, because I see it lifting first so slightly that I barely felt it next to me, and I don't pull away. I only start thinking about how good it would feel for him to hold me. And I try to fight the urge to _ask _him to hold me just for a little second, just one last time maybe, because I just feel so… alone and sad and mad and scared and so many other things I can't name.

But he thinks twice about it and pulls it instead closer to his body as he sighs. Yeah. It's better like that.

"Yes, I might have called you crazy earlier and not only once…" he smiles a little. "And I sometimes still think you are, you know? I have to be honest. But just a little bit, okay?" he smiles at me a little wider, which kinda makes things a little bit better. "But not always." at this, I get smiling a little too. "But you're not a bitch. You're too good to be that."

"I wouldn't bet my money on that."

"Why not?"

"Why not? Where were you half an hour ago when I… yeah…"

He shrugs.

"I believe that one thing, one single moment, doesn't define wholly a person. There's always more behind that."

I don't know if this thing he said is supposed to have a hidden meaning, but my brain surely finds one and I instantly start thinking about everything that he has done. All the good things he did for me and all the things that I consider to be bad. And I realize he is right. There is definitely more to him. What do I really know about him that I put this bad guy etiquette on him? Who do I think I am to judge? It has only been three days since I met him.

"Yeah, but…"

I still want to give him a reason, but I just can't put it into words. Not because I don't have one for the big panic attack I got, but because I am quite embarrassed about it and I don't want him to look me with other eyes.

He already thinks I am crazy. He just said it. Not always, but still. When I'll tell him this, he'll think I am a whole lot weirder than now. And he'll get mad. Just when things started to be okay again. I don't want to ruin this again.

_Come on! Don't be such a coward! It's just a word! Say it out loud and get rid of it! It didn't take you so much time to tell Alex._

Yeah, and where did that get me? I have never felt more embarrassed than I did that night. I wanted to dig myself a hole and hide in it forever.

_So what would a little more embarrassment do now? You already made a fool of yourself in front of him far too many times. _

Right. Okay. I decide it's now or never. I need to tell him about what happened earlier. To be honest about it. Face the facts and not care about it. It's my life and my body after all, right? I decide what to do with them.

"Look. About what happened earlier… I um… You know, I am... quite a… I am a v-"

"I know, Rose."

He knows _that thing_ too? How the hell? _How_? No. He _cannot _know that thing about me! It's private! Way too private! Who told him? Because he surely didn't check. He was close to this night, but I started acting crazy.

"And you were right."

Okay, now he is confusing me. He knows or not? What is he talking about? What was I right about?

"I was?"

"Yes."

"Okay, just to make things clearer, about what was I right?"

"It was wrong to do that. From both of us. As you said… it was a mistake. From both of us to..."

A mistake? Is he talking about what happened in bed, right? I guess he is. And I think I indeed said that. That it was a mistake. But I thought that he wanted me. He said he wanted to kiss me. How come out of nowhere it is a mistake?

_How come that out of nowhere it became a mistake for you too, huh?_

Yeah, sure. He has the right to change his mind. But I liked to think that...

"...give in to that. But it won't happen again. I am sorry for that."

Why is he apologizing when I should do that?

"I lost control and I did a reckless thing. You and I, can't really…" he tries to find some more words to explain, but I have already understood.

We can't be anything. And he's right. It wouldn't be right. It would end disastrously.

And when I nod for way too many times, trying to focus on anything else than wanting to cry, he stops and sighs.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

For a second, I think that this was it. And I was fine with it. Because it was the truth. But he felt the need to say something more.

"I should have known better. I should have informed you about my... intentions." he says sounding a little bitter. "You were... right. I am going to be honest with you. I only wanted to take you to bed. That's all."

Sure. Just that. No other involvement. No strings attached. Just a one night's thing and that's all. And how could I even expect more from him? I was the foolish one.

Shit! This thing hurts more than it should, even though I am the one who started all of it. Even though I knew it so damn well what I was getting myself into.

Boys and girls, this is karma coming for me. I deserve this. So I let him say whatever he wants to say. What worse things he could say anyway? At least the truth is out. It hurts, yes, but it's better like this. At least I know.

"And you being in the state you were… _are_... it wouldn't have worked out anyway. It wouldn't have been right."

Why? Is he implying I might have gotten attached to him?

_Haven't you already done that? _

"Rose?"

Of course I haven't gotten attached to him. I don't know anything about him. You can't feel anything for a stranger. I just got a little… confused.

"Rose? Did you get mad at me?"

Oh. He's still speaking to me.

"What did you say?"

"I asked if you… got mad at me."

"Why would I have?" I put on a serene mask and even smile a little. "No. I appreciate your honesty. You said things… perfectly. We're adults and I believe we should take responsibility for what happened. And you're right. It wouldn't have been right. And I am not mad."

"So, we're… good?"

Good? Can someone define this good? Because it doesn't feel that good. I feel even worse than before he came to sort things out.

I smile once more. "Yeah, comrade. We're... good. But I-"

I stop when I hear a phone ringing. His phone, which he takes out and looks at seeming quite concerned? Displeased? I can't tell. But he doesn't respond. He lets it ring.

"Sorry. Did you want to say anything else?"

"Oh, no, comrade. It wasn't important."

I have already lost my courage to ask him if he regrets it, what happened between us. And the more I think about it, I am glad that I didn't ask him this. It would have sounded stupid. And maybe desperate.

"But that call seems to be. Go ahead. Do your spy thing."

He doesn't look one hundred percent convinced by my little lie, but nods and wants to get up. But not before he smiles at me and lightly wraps his so warm fingers on my upper arm.

"I'm glad we talked this out, Rose."

"Yeah…" I struggle to smile back at him. "Me too."

And with this, he goes back inside, leaving me there to finally let my tears fall.

**DPOV**

I swear he can ruin any moment. He always calls into the most unfortunate moments.

"Yes," I respond a little more aggressively than I should.

"Um, hello to you too?"

"Yeah. Hi."

"Should I even ask what's with this passive-aggressive attitude?"

"Please don't."

I can't even explain why I am this pissed off. Partially because she had nothing to object at anything I said earlier. I wanted her to. But all she did was to be happy I said that.

"Okay, then. Why did you call me?"

"I need something from you."

"Sure. What is it?"

"I need a passport."

"For what? Doesn't your Agency provide you with that?"

"It's not for me."

"Then?" why does he now, out of all the times I asked for something from him, has to ask so many questions?

I turn around and look towards the balcony door, to see if she didn't decide to come back inside. I bet that she wouldn't like to know that this call involves her. But she didn't. She remained there. Isn't she cold? She's so undressed after all.

"Dimitri? Are you still there?"

"Yes. Yes I am. It's for Rose. The passport, I mean."

"Who is this Rose? You never mentioned her before." again, a thousand useless questions. And just because he heard a woman's name.

I sigh, knowing that I can't cut him off. He'll only want to know more. More of whatever is not happening.

"That is a long story that I don't have the time to tell you now."

"Should I worry, brother?"

"I don't know. No. I'm fine." at least now I know what I want to do next.

"Okay, I don't want to say it, but you kind of make me think you're fucking with me. Since when you don't know stuff about women?"

Since I met her apparently.

"I am not fucking with you. And it's not that I don't know stuff about her… It's just that…" that he's right. I don't know a lot of stuff when it comes to her. "All I need to know, will you do that for me?" I get a little angrier on him, poor guy, but he wouldn't get it even if I would try to explain it to him. I don't understand it myself.

"Of course I will. But only if you tell me one thing."

Why do I get the feeling I won't like at all his question?

"What?"

"Is this Rose your…" if he says something stupid I swear I will break his arm when I meet him. Hell, I'll break all his bones. "_Lady_?"

Okay, he could have used a worse word. I'll give him a pass this time. But still.

"Ivan… I swear to God… if you-"

"Hey! A brother has the right to worry. You know…"

"I _know_," I don't want him to mention that to me, not now, not ever again. I have already got too many memories of her for one night. "No. She is… Rose is not my lady." or anything else.

"And why do you sound disappointed?"

This is it. I am done with his questions. I am not disappointed. I just… _fuck_. I guess I am.

"I will send you everything you need for her passport and I'll tell you where to meet me. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Hey but- You secretive fucker!"

"Goodnight, Ivan."

**RPOV**

And I expect him not to come back, but he does. Why, only God knows. But here he is, closing that door behind him again.

Then, he comes in front of me and rounds a blanket on my shoulder, having to crouch a little in front of me for that and I get a second to look into his eyes before we both look away and he gets back up.

"I thought you might be cold out here like… that…"

He sounds a little embarrassed by pointing out my nakedness and it makes me smile. Who would have thought he'd ever get like this?

But he was right. I was freezing to death.

"Thanks."

He nods and wants to leave, but I stop him with my question.

"Why?" and I am not really asking him this only because I want to know. But maybe because I want… I want him to stay a little longer with me. To not leave me alone with my thoughts.

"Why what?"

"Why are you being nice to me after all I have done? And... said. Earlier, I mean."

"I already told you… I…" he shrugs, seeming unsure.

Yeah, I got that. One moment of what I did doesn't define me. But still. It wasn't the first time I acted like this and still, each time I did, he didn't remain upset with me for too long. He always wanted to mend things, even if it wasn't him the one who acted idiotically.

And I must say that I am not used to being forgiven so easily. I mean, Alex used to be mad at me for days, and until I didn't feel like shit ab-

He sighs soundly, interrupting my remembrance and when I look at him, he passes his hand through his hair and tilts his head to look at me.

"I don't know, Rose. Just because."

He again takes a seat next to me, leaving aside the grace he had me familiarized with and slouching backward, like being very tired all of a sudden, he lets himself half lay against the wall.

I see him like this for the very first time. And he seems to me more human than ever.

"Does there have to be a particular reason? I just..."

**DPOV**

What other reason could I give her? I already told her everything she wanted to hear. I repeated back to her all the words she said and even added some more bullshit from me too. If she wanted to hear it, I said it. I told her back all those untruths. But I can't tell her why I did it and why I keep on acting like this because it would go against everything I said minutes ago. I would end up being the crazy one.

And even I know it is for the best this way, I can't help but want to tell her something else than she wanted to hear, something more than what she wants to believe about me.

And oh, how many things I have to tell her.

I have never met someone like you. You are this weird combination of shyness and courage and I can't understand you and this is something new for me. I am not used to not figuring people out. You intrigue me and I want to know everything about you, each little weird thing. I know that there is more of you under all those little, useless, surface things I know about you and I yearn to know it all, to know all the things that matter. I want you to tell it all to me. The good and the bad, I want to know it all. All your pains and joys. To share them with me.

And even though I may have not admitted it to you earlier yesterday, you were right. So damn right that it terrified me that you could see right through me. No one ever did that so fast. But with you? Woah. Someone seemed to get me, for once in a very long time. And maybe I get you more than you think I do. Or maybe I could I if you'd let me. If you'd, for a second, think more of me.

And I am sorry that you have to go through all of these things. You seem- I know you are, I can just feel it, that you are a very nice person, despite your little moods and all, and I get that this is hard for you, but I will try to make things for you as easily as I can. At least from now on. I know what to do now to keep you safe and it's the least I can do for you after all the shit I put you through. Somehow, I feel responsible for dragging you into this situation. And I am sorry for it.

But as selfish this would sound, I am glad that I found you first. Because at least I know that I can keep you safe. I would do anything to keep you safe. To keep you alive. Even if that means that I have to give up on you, on what I think you could offer me? I would do it. I _will _do it.

What else could I tell her? That I can't make myself tell her all these things because I have promised myself I would do anything so that the history won't repeat itself?

How much of a crazy man would she think I am if I'd even mention any of that? Why would she even think that my intentions don't have anything hidden? It's not like I haven't just told her the opposite. Because I did and I tried so hard to seem convincing, even though I hated saying those lies to her. Because I didn't just want to get her in bed.

I should tell her that I want to leave. But I would be lying. I know I should leave. But I don't want to. Now that I know I don't have so much time left to spend around her, I want to make the best of it. I enjoy being around her and I won't have this chance for too long. If things go the way I want them to, our paths will part soon. But tonight, now, they're not apart. I am here with her and I am not leaving.

Tomorrow, I will make sure she gets as far away from me, both physically and emotionally and I will let her be. Tomorrow, I'll find a way to make her hate me again. As she said, she doesn't need me to complicate her life more than it already is. I won't ruin anyone else's life. Not again. She will make it out of this alive. I promise, no matter the cost.

But just tonight, I want us to be fine. I want us to be good. Because I'd like to keep the memory of tonight forever if not her. It's useless anyway to yearn for something I might never have.

**RPOV**

I think that maybe he is thinking about an answer, because he remains silent for a minute or two. And finally, he speaks.

"You know, it's not like I have been far from that. We both did stuff. If so we're both a little to blame in this and that's how it is. I did and said things too. You could still be mad at me too. Are you?"

"No, I am not." How could I when he is so nice? I never could.

He smiles imperceptible, but I was watching for his reaction, so I saw it.

"Good. None of us is mad." he feels the need to state this conclusion, like to make things more real.

And next, after another moment of silence, he tells me that we will be leaving in the morning.

Well, that's nothing new. I kind of expected this.

"When do we leave?"

"Not that early. We still might catch a few hours of rest. But we still have a long way to go."

"To where?"

"To meet someone."

"Someone?"

"Yes, someone."

Well, I was aiming for getting a response on who this someone is. But that didn't come. And I am okay with it, I guess. I don't feel the need to puff, to roll my eyes, to do anything. I already got used to this. And I realize it doesn't even matter. He'll take care of it.

And then, we sit again in silence. It's weird how many times we find ourselves surrounded by silence. But I kinda find it comforting with him even though sometimes I would cut my hand off just to hear him telling me some things. Any things about him.

But now, I enjoy this comforting silence between us.

"Don't you want to get inside? It's kind of cold out here."

It is. But I wrap the blanket tighter on me and shake my head.

"I am good. I just need... the air."

But in fact, seeing that bed again will definitely make me cry. So I prefer staying here.

He just nods and doesn't say anything more.

"But you can go if you-"

"No. I am good too."

"You're not cold?" At least I have a blanket. He just has a T-shirt.

"I've experienced worse weather than this."

"We still could share…" I extend one corner of the blanket towards him. "This?"

And he takes it. But I haven't thought things through. Because in order to make that blanket round on both of us, he has to come closer to me, which he does. And when he stops moving, he has ended up with his side body glued to mine, sharing now his warmness with mine, which I welcome gratefully.

But this good feeling doesn't last for too long and I curse the heavens when someone knocks at the door. Plus, I get scared too and I almost jump to my feet in surprise, and I would have even whelped or something else, but he catches my hand and pulls me back down, showing me to calm down and not make any noise.

"It's just the delivery guy." He makes a pause to think about it. "But you'd better stay here anyway. I'll be right back. I'll go check."

Before going back inside, I see him getting his knife out from his pants.

He ordered something to eat?

And as this thought passes through my mind, I realize that I am indeed famished. With everything that's going around, I tend to forget about common stuff like eating. How could I even think about stuff like food when he… well, you know...

It's a good thing he is always the one reminding me to eat or else, I would have starved a long time ago.

When he comes back outside, I see him carrying a paper bag from a restaurant which sign looks familiar to me. I saw it before. It's the one just in front of the motel. Duh, this is why it delivered so fast.

But the good thing is that he bought Chinese, just my favorite.

He lets me choose and we keep to ourselves as we fill our bellies, which is not for too long because I eat at the speed of light, and he even points that out, concerned that I might choke, but not even that makes me eat slower. Or less.

But unlike last night, this bag has a little bonus. It contains two fortune cookies.

From which, again, he let me choose mine. I don't insist on him choosing this time and I take the one on my left. Let's see what important message the Universe has to transmit to me.

As I chew on half of my fortune cookie, I unroll the little paper and seeing the words written on it, I can't help but puff in contempt. Sure. Bullshit.

"What? What did it say?"

I read it again, thinking if I should reproduce this to him.

_Your true love will show himself to you under the moonlight_

Yeah, it's just a bunch of crap.

I even look up and I see that the moon is hidden under the clouds. So no moonlight, so no true love, right? Here is it, a sign from the Universe that it is not meant to be. That I am just fooling myself.

"Nothing, comrade. Just an idiotic 'You will have unexpected great good luck and stuff.'"

To hell if I am telling him the truth.

**DPOV**

"And yeah... I am indeed very lucky..."

She looks away and sighs, then pulls her legs up, encircling them with her hands and propping her chin on her knees.

"At least I am still alive, right? I can consider myself lucky for that. I should be grateful. Thankful… " she lifts her head and tilts it while watching me. "To you. That you found me and… stuff… like… you know… keeping me alive." she smiles, biting her lip. "Thank you, comrade. I um… thanks."

"Don't mention it." I only wish I could have done more.

"And, yeah, anyway. It could always be worse, right?"

"Is that your life motto?"

She laughs lightly for once in a long while. But hey, at least I got her to feel a little better.

"No. But maybe it should with everything going on these days... I don't know… I mean- Nah. Never mind. What about you? What did you get?"

I break my fortune cookie and read the little piece of paper inside.

_You can still love what you cannot have in life._

Or who you can't, right?

"What does your cookie say about life, huh?"

I am not saying her this, not in a million years. It would sound stupid.

I just remember one I had some time ago and reproduce it to her.

"Just something fancy. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the conquest of it."

"Fancy, but true, right?"

"Right."

She sighs and looks up at the stars.

"It's sickening to be afraid all the time."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of… stuff. I don't know. I just…" she sighs once more and moves her gaze on me. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Not be afraid. Of anything. You're fearless. You just... _do _stuff and, I don't know, you don't seem to be afraid of anything and… ah, leave it. I am just talking nonsense. I was just thinking of that fortune cookie too much."

"Rose, I am not as you think I am. I am not that fearless."

"No? Really? Your actions say otherwise."

"I am afraid of stuff too."

"What kind of stuff?"

Never hearing her laugh again? Me being the reason that happens? Never seeing her again? Getting too attached to her that I get selfish? The list is long. But most, I am afraid that I will not be able to keep her alive. That I will be the reason she dies. That I will fail her too.

_What the hell, Dimitri? Stop that already! Since when do you doubt yourself that much?_

"Just stuff. Like all the people. I fear things just like all the other people do."

"Yeah, right. Like you would be afraid of stuff normal people are. You're not normal. But not in a bad way," she hurries to add. "Like… you're a badass." At this, I laugh. That's what she thinks of me? "And badass people aren't afraid of anything, right?"

"Thanks, love, but I think you think too much of me."

"Eh, I don't think so."

"You know, if I maybe don't let people see it, it doesn't mean it's not there."

"Fine. I get it. You're afraid of stuff too, like all the other peasant. But how do you do it?"

"You learn to manage it."

And for a couple of seconds, she keeps on watching me, and I look back at her, wanting to learn already each of her features, trying to inscribe them in my memory. To always remember how beautiful she is.

Until she waves her hand in front of my eyes.

"What?"

"What do you mean what? Are you going to keep it a secret? How you do it, I mean. Or is it a thing that after you tell me you'll have to kill me? I don't think I want to know in these conditions," she says, a smile on her lips.

"Oh, sure. It's not a secret."

I just got a little too distracted by the way she was watching me and playing with the edges of her hair to think more of our ongoing conversation.

"Cool. Then teach me." she gets excited.

"I can't teach you anything. You just… have to not let it get the best of you."

"That's easier said than done."

"Maybe at first. But know this. Fear kills you. It paralyzes you when all you think about is what scares you. And when that happens, just take a second and breathe."

"Just like you always tell me when… yeah..."

"Yes, love. Don't let it overpower you. Don't let it take over your thoughts. Acknowledge it and deal with it, but don't let it control you. Because there is always a way out."

"That's a pretty good piece of advice, comrade. But what if there's no way out?"

"Maybe. But there's something more you should remember."

"What?"

"That when it feels like there is no way, there's still one way left."

"Which one? Praying?" she gets a little mocking. "You told me you're not part of any cult, comrade, but this here starts looking to me like preaching."

Oh, why can't she be this relaxed and fun all the time? Do I make her anxious some other times?

"And I am not. But if that works for someone, that's fine too."

"True. But tell me _your _miraculous way out."

"Dive right in and do the best you can."

She laughs.

"Is that it? That's all?"

"Yes."

"And how did I work so far?"

"Sometimes good. Sometimes not. But what matters is how you deal with it after."

Just like tonight. I dove right into it, I let myself driven not by my brain and things ended badly. And now I am trying to deal with it.

"Well, you can't always do things right, we all know that."

"Yes, but you can still try to repair the mess."

Just like it's happening now. We're repairing the mess we've made.

She chuckles once more and her eyes get a little gleaming. Or I am just imagining it. I can't be sure from this angle.

"You're so zen all of a sudden, comrade."

She turns my way and looks at me, and I get my confirmation. Her eyes got teary. But why? Did I say something that I shouldn't have?

"What happened?"

"I think... I want to repair a little mess."

"What mess?"

**RPOV**

Yeah. Which one? Because there are plenty of messes I should repair.

"Just a mess I made. But first, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You haven't read anything about... Mason? Like, back at my apartment? Before, when you searched through it?"

He shakes his head no.

"Come on. Don't do that. Stop pretending you didn't, okay? I know you know where the notebooks were. You came across them when we were at my apartment too."

"I did."

"So?"

"So nothing. I didn't say I didn't know where they were. I said I didn't read anything from them."

I look at him and hell, he might be a good liar, but still, I believe him with this.

"Why? Why didn't you?"

"It seemed... personal. And from what I am guessing now, it was personal. So I decided I didn't want to read it. That I shouldn't."

"So what? You want to tell me you didn't read anything from those notebooks?"

"That's what I'm aiming for you to understand. I didn't read anything from there."

"And how- Wh-"

"Wait. To be completely honest, I did read something."

"I see…" So he was lying to me or not about not knowing?

"But I have read just half a page. That's all. Not a single word more. I stopped at the part with "If it might help, this stupid thing, in any little way, I'll try this too, I'll write it down."."

Wow, he remembers it word by word? He indeed pays attention to everything.

And he stopped before I mentioned anything about Mase. So, he doesn't know.

"Weren't you curious to um… read more?"

"I was. But, maybe you don't want to believe it, but my snooping around has its limits. You asked me if I have morals. Find out that I do. If it's none of my business, then it's none of my business."

"But what if you would have found something about Ale- Xavier in it?"

_Hey, it's like you want him to have read it. What's the matter with you?_

"Would I have found something about him?"

"No. But you didn't know this back then."

"Then, I took my chances."

"Why?" I just want to know his reasons. He could have snooped around. He could have read it. But he didn't. He chose not to.

"I just didn't, Rose. I don't have a particular reason to give you. I just didn't want to intrude more than needed, because again, it seemed too personal. And it wasn't my business."

"Thanks, comrade. I…"

I don't know why, but him doing that, or well, _not _doing that, means a lot to me. It kinda makes me trust him a little more.

"But look… about Mason… I-"

"No. You don't have to feel obliged to tell me, Rose. I get it. It's alright if you don't feel comfortable talking about it. I didn't mean to push you earlier." He sighs. "I wanted to know, but I shouldn't have pushed you like that."

"No. You were right. If I keep on waking you up at night like this, you at least deserve to know the reason."

He nods and silence falls between us again.

I am taking a little time to gather my courage to speak. And he just waits patiently, a gesture that only encourages me.

So I just open my mouth and let it all out.

"His name is- _was _Mase. Mason. Mason Ashford. And he was my best friend. I have known him since I was six."

I stop to think about the day I met him, thought that still makes me smile.

"He has just moved in town on my second year of school and he moved into the house across mine. And he was the cutest red-headed kid I have ever seen. You could spot him from miles away. And hear him too. He was so loud. And fun. He was always smiling."

If I think about it, you could hardly see him upset. Of course, except the times someone was trying to mess with me. But except that, he was a definition-like optimist.

"My mother sent me to welcome him in the neighborhood. But I kinda made a fool of myself because I was quite a shy kid-" I hear him chuckling next to me and I stop to watch him. "Did I say something funny?"

"No, love. Just… nothing. Go on. What did you do?"

"I wanted to extend my hand to greet him properly and that didn't work out the way I wanted. Because in my other hand I was carrying a plate with blueberry pie, and I somehow stumbled over it with my other hand, and it fell, and it landed on his so white shoes, and…"

"And what? Did you run away?" he asks amused.

"How do you know that?"

"Lucky hunch."

"Yes, I ran. But even though I let him in the middle of the road with a plate of pie on his shoes, ruining them, at school, the next days after that, he was nice to me. And one day, when I couldn't stand it anymore, I simply asked him why. "Because you seem to be nice," he responded. And after he told me that, he asked me if I wanted to be his friend…" my voice cracks and I need to stop in order not to break in tears.

Goddamnit, each time I remember anything about him I get like this.

"Rose…" he gets my hand in his and squeezes reassuringly "For real, now. If you don't feel like doing it, you don't have to feel obliged to tell me. I mean it. I understand."

I shrug and squeeze back on his palm.

"Maybe you are right. Maybe I should finally let it out."

I haven't talked about Mason with someone in a very long time. Not even with my parents. And maybe I won't get the chance to tell anyone ever again. Let it out, finally. And he is a person that I feel safe telling all this.

"I have never found the courage to tell anyone else, but… I… Only if you still want to know."

He nods.

"Only if you are sure you want to tell."

I nod and continue my little remembrance.

"We have been best friends ever since. Until four months ago. When he…"

I need to take a deep breath in. Okay, I can say this out loud. I can. Don't be afraid, Rose. Just breathe, right?

"He died in my arms…" And I start crying, but I don't stop talking. "And… yeah. Having him die… in my arms… I don't know… it messed with my brain…"

"And… you dream that? His death?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes not. It's different versions of it at times. It's never the same. Sometimes I don't even know what I dream. But it's always bad. Even if I don't remember it. Just like tonight… I'm sorry for-"

"Oh, Roza, it's fine."

* * *

And a little while later, when he makes sure I have stopped crying, his fingers stop soothing my knuckles and he wants to get up.

"Whe- where are you going?" I don't want him to leave me alone.

"Wait for a little here. I'll be right back."

He goes inside the room and when he comes back, he extends me a folded piece of paper.

"What's this?"

"I didn't know for sure if you would want it, but it seemed important, from the way it was placed on your nightstand and I took it before…" before he burned everything else in there. "Honestly, I expected to find a photo of you and Xavier there but…"

"Yeah, he never wanted us to take any photo. And at least I know why."

And even though I already know what I am holding, what this photo contains, I stare at for a whole minute. We were so happy that day.

"Thank you for this, comrade. A lot. It means so much to me to know I didn't lose it."

And as I look at it again, at our faces so happy, I again feel the tears piling up at the back of my eyes, knowing I would never get to live such a day with Mase.

"When was this made?"

I welcome the distraction he provides me and I start telling him the little story behind that photo.

"We went camping that day. He kept on wanting to just take a tent and go sleep into the wild for a month and I finally gave in and said let's do it." remembering it, I start laughing.

"What?"

"He was so fierce about being a little Bear Grylls, but he didn't even know how to put a tent. And oh, besides that, at night, it started raining. And I wanted for us to leave. But he said, he _insisted _that we would remain there because the tent was waterproof and it is part of the experience." and laughing with him, I tell him the rest of the story. "But then the wind started blowing and it took the whole tent with it and left us into the middle of nowhere to get soaking wet."

* * *

And when our laughs turn into little stray chuckles, I already miss feeling this good with him. I never thought we could share moments like these. It seems so right and gosh, I fell in love with his laugh. I fell for another little part of him.

And I don't know how many others I can afford to fall for until-

"How is your hand doing?"

Taking a look at my hands, I remember about my cut. Another mess of mine.

"I guess it's fine. It's not bothering me at all. You bandaged it well. Doctor-like. Did they teach you all these stuff in spy school?"

"I didn't go to any spy school."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know. And yes. I learnt to deal with a lot of stuff there."

"Gunshots and all too? I mean, you know…"

"Yes. Those too."

"Cool. Well, not that cool, but… if you know what to do, then you can… help people… when they got shot... and they're dying... and their bloo-"

"Where did he get shot?"

"What?"

"Mason. Where did he get shot?"

"In… I didn't tell you how he died. How did you guess he got shot?"

"Call it another lucky hunch."

"He got... shot in the heart."

"Rose, unless you have healing powers, there's nothing much you could have done. No matter if you have ever learnt to deal with bullet wounds. If you were a doctor and had an operation table on hand, then fine, but… you didn't."

"I know. People keep on telling me that but… What if I could have done more?"

"I bet you did all you could. That you did your best."

"How do you know? Another hunch of yours?"

"Hey, don't I know them all?"

"Yeah, you do, comrade." I end up smiling again thanks to him.

"So, can I take a look at it?"

"At what?"

"At your hand."

"You don't have to, really. It is fine…"

But he doesn't give up.

"Wait a second. I saw a first aid kit into the bathroom."

"Hey" I yell after him, but he is long gone." You don't have to do that, I'm fine!"

But there's no one to respond.

He comes back and sits in front of me.

I insist again on him not doing it, and he insists on doing it.

And it goes his way, of course.

Slowly and gently, he takes my hand in his, takes my bandage off and starts palpating the little swelling around my cut.

"Does it hurt?" I shake my head. "That's good. The redness subsided too."

Next, he cleans it and puts another clean cloth on it and all I do is to watch him, look at his focused features, at how he looks at me from time to time to make sure I am not making any faces in pain, but his hands just work magic and I don't feel the littlest of pain.

After he is done, we sit there, facing each other, none of us saying anything, just him still holding my hand and walking his fingers on it like hypnotized and I let him.

I keep on staring back into the deepness of his eyes and I freeze, my breath catching in my throat as he brings his hand up and…

And what does he want to do?

_Who knows? Pick up from where we left hours ago? I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?_

He gets a hold of one strand of my hair and plays with it for a couple of seconds, rounding it on his finger and studying it, I don't know, but I like too much the way he is watching it, and all I can do is to watch him stupidly as I have absolutely no idea on how to react.

But a thing I know. That I don't want him to stop.

Oh, it's happening again, isn't it?

Then, moving his eyes back on my face, he brings his palm closer to my cheek and I can feel his fingers so close to brushing my cheek, I almost can feel their warmth on my skin and I start breathing harder with anticipation. You know what? I won't stop him.

But his touch never comes.

He just sighs deeply and fists his palm, pulling it away.

"I um… you have something… I just wanted to… wipe it off."

He pulls away even more, deciding to get back to his place next to me.

Duh, of course. What else was I thinking of? I just ate Chinese a while ago. But has that thing been there all the time? Why didn't he tell me earlier?

I look away, feeling weird and confused as I wipe off my cheek a spot that might not actually be there.

And I don't have the time to say anything and neither does he because his phone starts ringing again. It's quite a busy night for him, right?

He seems like he would want to tell me something but he doesn't, he just turns around and goes into the room.

And again, a minute or so later, he comes back and gets back to his seat. I wonder what keeps him coming back. Not that I wouldn't enjoy his presence. I just want to know if he enjoys mine too or he just feels responsible for something concerning me. I don't want to be a burned to him more than I already am.

"It's really nice out here." I try to fill the void that's now letting me fill my brain with idiotic thoughts. "With the stars and stuff. They look shinier from up here."

And he doesn't say anything, just nods. What could someone possibly respond to that anyway?

But then again, he surprises me. It seems that he can find a response to my bland conversation starter.

He lifts a hand and shows me a thing in the sky.

"See that?"

"That what?"

"That star over there." he moves his hand a little to the left.

"You will have to be more precise with that, comrade. There are a lot of stars and the sky is really big."

Laughing lightly, he scoots closer to me and takes my hand in his, points my finger and directs our hands in front of my face, giving me some more indications.

With his help, I search for the star and finally find it.

"Okay, I see it. What is with it?"

"That's one of the brightest stars that can be seen in the night sky."

"Nice. Does it have a name?"

"Deneb. And it's part of the Cygnus constellation."

"You're messing with me, right?"

"Why would I?" he looks at me frowning.

"Dunno. It is quite a weird name for a constellation and a star. I have never heard of those names."

"Cygnus is the Latinized-Greek-something word for swan. And Deneb, that means tail."

"Wow. That's nice. So, we're supposed to see a swan?" he nods. "So where's the rest of it? Show me."

And he does, again, guiding my finger, pointing at the sky.

"It does indeed look like a swan. With the obvious imagination, of course. But how do you even know that? I have never heard of that constellation. And if you're telling me you learned that in spy school, then I think I might enroll too."

I tried to be funny, thinking that I might get him to give me a little piece of his laugh, but he doesn't seem to have liked my little joke.

He just shrugs, seeming off all of a sudden.

"No, Rose. No spy school. I just knew someone who loved stars."

Oh. Ouch. Did I touch a sensitive subject?

"Knew?" I dare to ask.

"Mhm." Is his response, but so faint that I begin to think I have imagined it.

But still, I don't ask more about it. If he doesn't want to share, who am I to push him?

Instead, I show him another couple of stars, trying to do to him the same as he did to me, trying to distract him.

"What about those?"

He moves a little closer to me to see the stars I'm pointing at and our shoulders brush, but we both decide to let it pass.

"Which ones?"

"Those three. I always wondered what's the thing with those three stars almost aligned. It has always pissed me off they don't form a complete line."

"Oh. That's Orion's belt."

* * *

**DPOV**

And when she has asked me about all the stars on the sky tonight, after she has imagined a few constellations of her own, of which names I will never forget, she falls silent next to me.

But I feel like telling her something more. Just one thought.

"Rose?"

"Mhm?"

"I…." what bad would it do if I tell her, huh?

Still looking up at "the dangly spider", I tell her.

"I like it when we're not fighting, Rose. I… I enjoyed spending time with you tonight. I like you too. As a person I mean," I hurry to set things right, fearing that she would really understand what I was thinking of but didn't want to let out.

But even though, I get nothing as a response but silence.

Isn't she going to say anything? Did she get upset? Did I mess things up? Did I say something wrong? Again?

And I dare look at her.

But I find her with her eyes closed, her head propped against the wall, and she's breathing steadily, looking so sweet with her lips pouted. She fell asleep. She must have been exhausted.

I guess she didn't even hear me.

Well, maybe it wasn't meant for her to hear me.

I should better take her inside.

But as I try to pick her up, she twists a little in my arms.

"Mmmm, no." and she presses her palm against my chest.

"Hey, let me just take you to bed."

She rests her forehead onto my shoulder and growls.

"No. I want to... stay here." she moves her hand up and down, gesticulating unconsciously. "I like… it here… comra… here. Out… stars..."

"But you'll freeze, love."

"No. You… warm… en… ough." she cuddles better into me, thus requiring me to take a seat back down, but this time with her on me. "You're always so warm..." she whispers and her cold fingers creep into the crook of my neck. "I like that…"

So, we'll stay here I guess.

* * *

**RPOV**

In the morning I wake up cuddled into him. Well, more exactly _on _him, his hands wrapped around me, one of his palms resting on my hip, and with the blanket covering both of us.

Oh, shit. How did I end up like this? I don't even remember falling asleep. Did I crawl on him along the night?

Should I, you know, get off him? What if he wakes up and sees me like this? What if he doesn't like it?

Yeah, I'd better go.

I move a little, trying my chances, but my leg is feeling numb and it gets that needle piercing sensation, and without intending to, I let out a little whimper.

And he reacts to that.

His embrace on me tightens. He pulls me closer to him and and little up, my nose now getting to rest into the crook of his neck and he brings his palm up on my body, walking it past my ribs and up to my shoulder, then back down into a soothing gesture.

"Shhh, Roza. It's okay. You're safe now."

And next, he starts soothing my hair.

"Nothing bad is going to happen. I'm here," he says almost like a promise, then turns his head and places his lips and the tip of his nose on my forehead, resting them there, like into some kind of prolonged fatherly kiss.

What should I do now? He thinks I am asleep but-

_Sooooo, why wouldn't you enjoy this?_

Because I know I shouldn't.

But my body just craves it. His touch, his smell, _everything _about him.

_Hey, what he doesn't know, it won't hurt him, right?_

Right.

So I just sit there, cuddled into him, sharing his warmness into this cold morning, loving the feeling of his lips on my forehead, loving his scent all over me, loving each moment of this, whatever this is.

Next, he moves his hand down along my arm and I need to stop myself from gasping when his fingers reach the skin just above my elbow, but just for a second, because he pulls his fingers away fast, like my skin was burning him.

He moves his head and gently rests it over mine.

And after he sighs deeply and calls me Roza once more, he says something in Russian that I would give everything to know what meant.

**DPOV**

I try, I really try to touch her again but gosh, just feeling her skin on mine is enough to send my senses to heaven as I remember exploring it last night. But still, I keep my hand away. I shouldn't allow myself too many things, right?

_But you still want her._

"Oh, Roza. What are you doing to me?"

* * *

**RPOV**

The last thing I remember was me just sitting there, feeling the sun making its way up on the sky on my face but not seeing it, and I don't even regret it because him touching me felt amazing in comparison. Who needs to see the sunlight when you have his arms around you? I don't.

And I didn't move until he is now shaking me lightly, sometime later, when he wakes me up. But comparing to his touch, his voice doesn't match. I don't like his tone.


	23. Guys

Just wanted to let you know that this weekend there won't be any update. I am sorry, but I had 3 exams this week and I have been studying all weekend for some more exams and all I have managed to write is three scenes or so

Sorry to keep you waiting, but I promise I will update as soon as I can, which I don't know what day it would be, but I am doing my best to finish this next chapter

Loys of love and thank you for your patience


	24. Maybe some jealousy?

**Heyyyy! This girl is back and I am very thnkful for your patience guys. Thanks for all your kind thoughts too!**

**I have to say that this chapter has come out waaaay longer than I intended, but hey, ****I have been away for a while and like this I am making it up for it. But I**** wasn't able to edit all of it tonight and it's alreay 1 a.m. for me and tomorrow I have to wake up early to study, so ****I decided to do this thing: I am posting half of it today, and the rest of it tomorrow because I really wanted to update this weekend. Today.**

**Soooo, enjoy! :) I hope it has been worth the waiting and I promise you'll be hearing from me tomorrow too**

**Love you lots guys!**

* * *

_**Maybe some jealousy?**_

**RPOV**

"Rose. Wake up."

He shakes me a little harder this time and I instantly get up to my butt, still being light-headed from sleeping and I start inspecting my surroundings.

I need to rub my eyes to see him properly and my whole body feels numb and heavy and I definitely need a good stretch. Maybe staying outside all night long, curled up in a ball on him wasn't such a good idea, no matter how much I enjoyed it.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just..."

He puts something in my hands and I don't even get to take a look at it because he continues to speak to me, using that bossy tone that annoys me a little.

"...go get dressed. We're leaving in five minutes."

"Where's the ru-"

But I don't get to finish my question because he already turned his back to me and he's heading towards his phone as it has started ringing. He's getting a lot of calls lately, I see. I wonder what are they about.

"If you don't get dressed faster and I find you still in bed when I come back, I'm taking you out in that T-shirt and I won't care if you'll whine," he threatens and goes out the balcony.

So I decide to postpone the questioning and the protesting and telling him to shove his commands somewhere for when I am looking like a decent human being.

I drag my ass out of the bed and head to the bathroom to do as I have been said, apparently having let him decide what I am going to wear today.

And as I put my hair into a bun, preparing to wash my face, I see that my neck is full of purple spots. Goddamnit! They are everywhere. I drag my T-shirt downward, and find a lot of them heading towards my breasts too. Great! He marked me so damn well.

I can at least be thankful that he gave me a turtleneck to put on. Did he choose it on purpose? Did he see them too? _Of course he did. They can be seen from outer space._

And even though, I'd still be sporting evidence of his passion on my skin for days, even if it's hidden. I'll know, even if I would wear a scarf and all. I would feel them on me. These spots still give me that burning sensation as I remember his lips on my neck.

Ugh! And that's evidence of my stupidity too. Of how much of an idiot I am.

Why the hell am I like this? Why can't I make my mind about him? Why can't I choose what's right?

**DPOV**

From the first second I see the caller, I get his voice ringing in my head. In fact, his words from last night never left my thoughts. That's all I could think of all night long, and of course, of a way out without troubles.

_The clock is ticking, Dimitri. I don't know what you are still trying to prove with keeping that woman alive, but she is of no use for us. Plus, our client is getting impatient. And you know I don't like to have unsatisfied clients. It's bad for the business. So do something or I'll find myself obliged to do something about it. What's the matter with you? Get on track already and stop chasing chimeras. The woman is useless. Go find something useful and get shit done. And get rid of her. You have until the morning._

And now, I can't not answer. I need to pretend everything is as he wants it to be.

"Have you done it?" it's the first thing I hear from him.

I don't respond for a second, thinking about my chances. I know I can't tell the truth. It would make my life harder.

"I have asked you a question. What the hell is wrong with you?"

There's nothing wrong with me. I am just done with all of you.

"I never had to ask you things twice."

Yeah, God forbid I disobey you or not give you a full report on spot. But I am done being your little obedient servant.

"Nothing happened. Just a long night."

"So, does this mean-"

"Yes. I did it. I got rid of her. Just this morning. I finished the job."

"Great. Tell me where it happened and I'll send a team to clean it up."

I tell him the motel I have previously been into and all the details he needs and asks for, like wanting to catch me lying. But I have all the right answers and he finally lets me be, to move on to what he wants me to do next. But I have other things planned.

And now that I have bought myself some time, I have to get moving again before my decisions start catching up with me.

**RPOV**

But my second round of staring at the love bites on my neck gets interrupted by some knocks at the door, which make me let go of the collar of my blouse, like afraid I'd be caught doing something unpermitted.

"Rose, your five minutes are up. We're leaving. Now."

"I am coming out now." I rush to put my hair up in a ponytail and head for the door. "One second."

And now that I have to go back in there, I can't help but wonder why is he bossing me around all of a sudden. Or am I just imagining it and I misunderstood his tone because I was half asleep? But now I am wide awake and he's still using that tone.

"Rose, come on. Don't make me get in there," he even gets a little annoyed.

Damn, someone is impatient as hell this morning.

Where's the rush anyway? Is there something wrong going on?

Or did I upset him somehow? We were good last night. Did I do something while I was asleep? What if I said something I shouldn't have?

_Well, you'll just have to grow a pair and ask._

I hurry, and when I open the door, I see him staring back at me and on his face I see, I don't know, displease? Okay. There's definitely something that happened. And I am dying to know if I am the source of that.

But he doesn't say anything, doesn't scolds me, or gives me any attention. He just takes his bag off the floor and heads to the exit.

"Comrade?" I surprise even myself speaking. Wow, I actually grew a little pair. Let's see how long it will last.

He sighs deeply and turns to face me.

"What, Rose?"

Uh-oh. Not good. He has that exasperated tone.

"I um… are… are we good?"

My question seems to soften his expression for a second, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows and the look in his eyes not seeming as piercing as before.

But that didn't happen to his voice too. Because as he responds to me, even if his words should be reassuring, his tone is passive-aggressive.

"Yes, Rose. We're good. Very good. Now let's go. We're wasting time we don't have with useless talking."

"Where are we going?"

"Would it really help you if you'd knew?" he gets a little defensive.

Oh, so we're going back to keeping Rose in the dark?

"Yes. It _really _would." I approach the same tone as his. If he can be snappy, so can I.

"We're going somewhere far. That's all you need to know. Now let's go."

"How far?" I insist, only getting more pissed off at his behaviour.

"You'll see how far."

And this time he doesn't wait for me to move, just takes my hand and takes me out of there himself. And to not make things worse than they already are, I let him drag me along, at a quite fast pace that it's hard to keep up to. I hope I won't stumble.

**DPOV**

As I am a little busy with stealing another car, Rose decides to wander away a little into the parking lot, heading towards a poor-looking woman sitting on a bench, sipping from a steamy beverage.

She spends a minute there, talking to her, petting the dog sitting just under the bench, both of them looking very friendly to each other, and finally, she hands that woman something from her pocket.

When she comes back, rushing towards me, I am more than curious to find out what was that about.

"What were you doing? What did you give to her?"

She shrugs and I see panic creeping on her features.

"I just… gave her some money to… get herself some food. I didn't do anything else, I swear. You know, the money..."

"I know." the ones I gave her.

"I don't need them anyway and she… she was cold and… The world is bad enough already, comrade." she smiles faintly and puts a little curl of hair behind her ear. "She needed the money more than I did and… I don't know…" she shrugs again and now her eyes drift down towards her shoes.

She has a big heart. So big and good and full of love. She's so good to people and it's not the first time I see this. But this only makes it easy for people to take advantage of that, isn't it? She trusts people too much. She is the pure definition of an easy target. All that she has been for Haynes. And it brought her so much suffering.

And I wish I wouldn't have to add to that. But I do. Because it's the right thing to do if I want to keep her safe.

Instead of telling her how much I love this good side of her, I get an impatient tone and erase any emotion out of my voice, trying to seem more like an emotionless jerk.

"Good. Whatever, Mother Teresa. Now that you finished your charitable acts for the day, would you get in the car? We've already stayed here too long."

And it has worked because her features get dark in a split of a second.

She opens her mouth to say something, to probably scold me for my jerkiness, but instead, she presses them together into a thin, tight line, nods and bows her head.

"Sorry I'm making you late," she eventually mumbles and gets inside the car, slamming the door after her.

No, Rose. I am the one who's sorry. But I have no other choice, I swear. It's better this way.

* * *

As I drive, at about an hour later of staring out the window and not saying anything, she gets very sleepy, yawning constantly and she keeps on zoning out from times to times.

When I can't watch her struggle to keep her eyes open, I pull up the car, close to some forest.

In the next second, her head snaps my way.

"Where we're going? Why did we stop? It's the middle of nowhere." she gets panicky and looks out the window distressed, her palms clasping the seat belt. "Comrade… why? You..."

"_We _are not going anywhere, and nothing big is happening" I assure her that I won't kill her or something else that might be passing through her head now.

"Then… what are-"

"But _you'll _go in the backseat."

"I beg your pardon?"

I get out of the car and go open the trunk. She follows, watching me curiously.

I get the blanket I saw earlier in there and extend it to her.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"I will be driving for the next couple of hours. A lot of them, in fact. So, you may take a nap. Sleep a little. Get covered with that so you won't be cold. Last nig-"

But she doesn't let me finish. She snatches the blanket from me, a killing stare in her eyes and her jaw tight.

"Thanks for your concern, but I am _fine_."

She turns and gets back into the car, on her front seat, throws the blanket on the backseat, and waits for me to get back in.

Okay. Let's argue now. I'll take advantage of the unplanned occasion to quarrel with her.

I get back inside and waste no second.

"What's the matter with you?"

"There's nothing with me," she says upset. Like I wouldn't know better.

"Rose…"

"What?!"

"Don't be a child," I say only knowing it will annoy her further.

"I am _not_," she says through gritted teeth.

"What has gotten you mad this time? I just gave you a damned blanket." maybe playing the innocent will get her more upset.

"There is _nothing _wrong_." _

But I keep going.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I just gave you a blanket so that you would sleep better in the backseat because you barely can keep your eyes open."

"What if I don't want to sleep in the backseat? Did you think about that? Of course you didn't!"

"Is that it?"

"Is that it _what_?"

"Why you got mad. Why you're acting out again."

She looks out the window and puffs while crossing her arms over her chest, her palms fisted tightly.

"I am not acting out. I just… yes. Maybe. Maybe that's why. But why would you even _care_? You're too used to people doing anything you want that you don't even _think _to ask. You just go around and give orders. Rose, do this, Rose, do that. Rose get up now, Rose go get dressed, Rose go to sleep. Rose do this, Rose do that!" she ends up breathing heavier form how angry she is.

Good. This is what I was aiming for.

"God, Rose! I swear I don't get you. Why does everything have to be so complicated with you?" I vocalize my frustration, only trying to get things to be worse.

"I'm not. I am simple. There's nothing complicated about me."

At this, I can't stop myself from laughing a little.

"Oh, Roza. You are the most _not_ simple person I have even known." and even my voice became a little softer.

And I am not saying that in a bad way. She is simply driving me insane with everything she does. She is about as clear to me as a mystery. A mystery I would love to decipher every single day.

But I know I can't.

Taking my words the wrong way and me not explaining, the crossing of her hands gets tighter, managing only to make her breasts pop out upward, all to my detriment. With only this unconscious gesture, she managed to make me want to change my mind.

After acting like such a dick, she'd definitely hit me if I'd dare touch her. But goddamnit, I want it so bad right now.

And she is not even looking at me, but straight forward, on the road.

"Do you feel like more talking or driving? You said you have a long road ahead. I think you should better get driving and stop worrying about my wellbeing."

Her angry tone reminds me of my earlier decision.

"You know what? Whatever. Do whatever the hell you want. But put your damn seat belt."

"_No_."

"No? You want to fly out the windscreen if something happens?"

"Not about the goddamned seat belt! I wasn't talking about that!"

"Then?"

"Then… Then- _You _know what? This is not about me. It's about you. What's the matter with _you_? I thought-" she stops with a light groan and I want to punch myself for the hurting I see in her eyes. "Nevermind. My bad. I thought wrong."

"You thought what?"

"Last night we were fine! Like, _really _fine. And ever since I woke up- ever since you woke me up, I feel like all I am doing is wrong and- and… Did something happen? Did I do something? Is there something wrong? Are you mad at me?"

No. _I _did. I just have to keep you away and I have no other idea how to do it than to do what you hate most.

"I am not mad, or at least not for now, but with the way you act, I might get there sooner than planned."

With each word I say, I see sadness filling her features and I hate myself for it, but I don't stop, even though all I wish now is to wrap my arms around her and wipe away the tears forming in her eyes.

"And well, you're not doing anything from what I am telling you to do. _That's _what's wrong."

"Fine. Then I'll do it." her voice gets ice cold. "I'll do whatever the hell you tell me to do. I'll be your little obedient dog from now on."

She spits those words at me as she complies and puts the seat belt on and doesn't say anything else.

But as I drive, she still keeps that upset face on, her arms crossed again and she throws my way ugly glances from time to time, something surely being on her mind, something that she wants to say, but abstains herself so well.

And I must admit that I have a hard time abstaining myself from pulling up again and make her talk to me, to tell her that I'm sorry, that I would never act like this with her again, but I squeeze the wheel until my muscles hurt, keeping myself from changing my mind.

* * *

But no more than fifteen minutes later, she can't fight the sleep anymore even though she struggled to keep her eyes open, just in spite of me. She rubbed her eyes until I bet it hurt, she suppressed yawns and shifted her position a lot, but she still fell asleep and now she is purring lightly, her head propped uncomfortably on the window.

Well, I told her so but she didn't want to listen.

Let her sleep like that then. It's what she wished for.

I am not going to care. Not even a bit.

But two minutes later, she shifts her position and tries to curl herself as I suppose she is trying to find a more comfortable position than the one she is in, but that is unsuccessful.

Well, I told her so too. But again, she didn't listen. She insisted to be stubborn.

Let her bear the consequences.

I _don't _care.

_Oh, who are you fooling, Dimitri?_

No one. I am fooling no one. My eyes are on her more than they are on the road and I can't find it in myself to leave her like this.

I care too much to leave her like this. Her body would hurt all over later.

Oh, Roza. I am going to drive myself insane around you. In my entire life, I have never had such a frail willpower around anyone. I never changed my mind so often between two choices. But then again, she is not just anyone and this is not a usual situation.

Cursing myself under my breath, I stop the car once more and after I set things up in the backseat, I pick her up very carefully so that I won't wake her up, or God forbid she'll get upset again. Or worse than earlier. Who knows what she'll do this time. Maybe she'll try to hit me. And I know I'll deserve it.

But to my relief, she snuggles happily at my chest, letting out a sleepy growl and curling herself into a little ball as I move her.

I slowly detach her from me and place her on the backseat and cover her with the blanket she refused some time ago.

And even though I should pull away, I can't. Now that I already gave in, why resist the temptation?

I bring my palm closer to her cheek and I slowly walk the outer side of my fingers along it, feeling her soft skin on mine. Oh, I would do this every single day.

_But you won't. Now get away from her!_

But when I want to pull away and to close the door, she moves, getting her hand out from under the blanket and reaches for mine, catching me by my two last fingers.

Oh, so I wasn't as careful as I wished. Did she feel what I did earlier?

"I…" Okay. Here it comes. She'll get upset again. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch earlier. I didn't mean to. You were just trying to be nice to me and I…"

I have been a dick and she's apologizing?

My hand instantly reaches for hers, wrapping my fingers along hers, and I give them a reassuringly squeeze.

"It's okay." I tried to keep my tone neutral, but I don't succeed. I feel too guilty to continue to be a jackass. "Just get some sleep now, okay, love?"

She nods, takes her hand back and snuggles under the blanket.

I get back to my place.

"Thanks, comrade," she says before closing her eyes, making me want to smash my head into the steering wheel. She's being too good to me and I never thought it would be this hard to act so harsh with her.

* * *

**RPOV**

A lot of hours later, a pretty good sleep into the backseat of the car and a fast lunch, some more uncomfortable hours of silence next to him, we get to a bar, just when the suns starts to set.

What? Does he want to get me drunk me again? No thanks. I got embarrassed enough once and a second time I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from anything.

"What are we doing here, comrade?" I ask him as I follow him through some tables, until we find an empty one.

It's a nice place to spend your evening into, the tables all made from hardwood, the lighting inside giving the place a cozy look. There are some billiard tables too around that you can spend some time at playing, and the people here seem to enjoy themselves.

But I know all too well that we're not here for any of these things.

After he is gentleman enough to help me take a seat, he sits down too, across from me.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So what we're doing here? You haven't answered my question."

"What can I bring you?" a woman asks out of nowhere.

"We're… having a drink, apparently." he takes the chance to dodge my question with a little smug smile creeping on his lips as he greets the waitress, and she responds to him in an instant, just like a kitten that has been scratched behind her ears.

Amazing. With just with that, he charmed her. Hell, with that cheeky smile, he's charm all the women in this bar.

"Do you want anything? But not anything alcoholic for you," he approaches a playful tone, but I am so not in the mood for that.

"Don't worry. I don't want any drink anyway."

I am way too irritated and I rest my back onto the chair and cross my arms, trying to signal him that he's again getting annoying with his insistence of not telling me.

But still, he tells the woman to bring us some soft drinks, sending her away.

And I would have made a remark on his order, but I decide to keep it to myself.

"Come on, say it," he says already smiling.

"Say what?"

"Whatever's on your mind. You're anyway going to tell it to me when you'll can't keep it in, so why not say it now? We'll at least have something to talk about."

"We could have been talking about what we're doing here."

"Fair enough. We're here to meet someone. Now it's your turn."

"I thought that all Russians drink vodka. Don't you?"

He laughs lightly and soundly, but only for a second or so, not giving me much time to enjoy it.

"You're so full of superstitions, aren't you?"

I shrug. "You wanted to hear it."

"Do you have some more?"

Oh, plenty. Especially about his cowboy inclinations. But I don't think he'll enjoy hearing them.

"Not for the moment."

And not having anything else to focus on, all I can think of is my hair that doesn't want to sit in one place and it's all over.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have an extra hair tie?"

"Where's yours?"

"I lost it in the car." it fell out of my hair and I couldn't get my hands on it.

We get interrupted by the waitress as she comes back, with a flirty attitude on, her eyes on my companion all the time, smiling at him and then, when she has to look at me to put my drink down, she looks like she's be ready to claw my eyes off.

Oh, wow. She's jealous of me. No need, woman. You can have him whole. I am sick of everything about him anyway. Let her deal with him. I bet that she can satisfy his needs better than I could anyway...

And I thought that the subject was dropped, but any response that he could have given me, this one I didn't see coming.

"Why don't you ever keep your hair down?"

"I do…" sometimes at least.

"Not for what I've seen. Not for the past month." he kept an account of _that_?

_But hey, isn't he right? Since when didn't you got out in the world with your hair down?_

A while. Like a five-month while.

"Well, I... I don't know... The power of habit I guess," I try to cover things up with a lie.

"The habit of what?"

How can I explain to him that I have been made to not like it? Mason usually told me I look amazing with my hair down and then someone else came and told me just the opposite, on so many occasions.

And well, aren't I the perfect people pleaser? It has got ingrained in my brain to keep it up, and here I am, not bearing to have it let unclasped. Simple.

I shrug it off.

"Just... you know…" I reach for my beverage and start stirring in it with the straw, focusing my eyes on it. "With the little kids all the time around me, they get to pull your hair sometimes and I got tired of that and it's better to keep it up. Less fuss. Fewer things to worry about."

"Whatever you say," he says smiling, shaking his head and looking away.

"What?"

"Nothing, Rose. Just, you're lying and I don't get why you do with this little thing."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"Not really. You don't do a good job when you are lying."

"_Really_?" I can't hide my surprise at hearing him say this and I even bend over the table a little, getting closer to him.

This means I sucked big time last night. No wonder he wanted so bad to know the truth.

"Yeah. Really. I can tell."

"Like, how?"

"First, you start with that thing, "you know", and you avoid eye contact."

"I avoid eye contact a lot," I need to remind him. Especially with him.

He smiles, looking at me intensely, which makes me once again look away.

"Yeah, this is right. But in a different way when you lie. You're always looking right and down."

Do I?

"What else?" I don't know why, but it is so weird for me that he can read me this easily when I can't read him at all.

"You tend to play with your hair quite much. You put it behind your ears ten times in five seconds. Especially now that you have it down."

"I didn't play with my hair."

"You just did, love."

Okay, that must have been something unconscious.

"Well, this problem that would have been avoided if you would have given me a hairband, comrade."

He laughs once more.

"Right. But I only have one."

Which is already in his hair. But hey, I wouldn't mind the switch.

And instead of asking him to hand it to me no matter what, I resume to imagining him with his hair down in my head as I change the subject.

"How do you do it right?"

"What?"

"Lying. I bet that is one of the first things they teach you in spy school, right? How to deceive people."

"Spy school? You're still not giving up on that?"

"Call it what you want, comrade, it's the same thing anyway. Will you tell me or not?"

"Why not? Okay. First, of course, you should get rid of those problems I have already pointed out."

"How?"

"Keep your hands at your sides or on your lap. Remain still. Generally moving a lot is a sign that you are lying. Don't shrug your shoulders a lot either because you do that in order to seem easygoing, which, I'm telling you, it's not doing the trick."

Damn, so many things give me away?

"Okay. What else?"

"Getting over your movements, keep your lie simple. Include details that make your lie seem legitimate, but not so many that it becomes complicated. A simple, straightforward lie is easier to maintain."

I swear I could listen to him for days, no matter what he's saying, and now I am taking advantage of the fact that he's talking.

"What else?"

"Keep your voice normal. Another unconscious change that occurs when you lie is that the pitch of your voice gets higher."

"It does?"

"Aham."

"Okay. Good to know. Is there anything more?"

"Not that I could think of now. And now that you know the basics, tell me three things, and one of them should be a lie."

"What? You're testing me now?"

"You can call it like that if you want to."

"You first."

"I already know how to do it." oh, don't I know already?

"Yes, I know you do. But I want to see how that works. See the master working."

"Fine." he takes a second to think, then gets speaking again. "Even though I have been born in Russia where we have a lot of ice, I have never learned to ice skate. I am allergic to dogs."

"Hey, that is already a truth."

"Two of them are supposed to be truths."

"But not ones I already know, comrade."

He shrugs. Oh, so he's telling me as little things as possible about him. Whatever. Why did I expect more?

"Fine. And the last one?"

"I owe a beach house in Cancun." He is taking me too easy. I already know which is which. "Okay. Which was the lie? Take a guess. You only have two choices."

"Oh, so you made things easier for me on purpose?"

He shrugs. "Maybe."

"It's definitely the first one because come on, who hasn't learned to skate? Especially in that arctic wasteland you come from."

"Arctic wasteland?"

"Hey, don't change the subject and tell me, was I right?"

He shrugs.

"You won't tell me, right?" not even this little thing?

He smiles. "Your turn."

And I want to be good at it. But I know that I can't hide all the evidence of my lying. He'll read me from the first second.

But hey, I could try one thing. I could pretend I am lying with all the things I say.

So, as I speak, I keep on doing the stuff he just pointed out, looking down at my right, playing with my hair and all, doing my best to deceive him, hoping that it will work.

"I have always been in love with those girly, over-sweet candy or fruity perfumes. I have always sucked at keeping my balance on one and I never got to learn to ride a bicycle. And… I never really enjoyed watching football, but I started doing it just because in middle school Mason started playing."

He looks at me and tilts his head to one side.

"I said only one lie, Rose."

"It was only one lie there."

He smiles. "Nicely played. I liked your approach. Which one was a lie?"

Was I that good that he couldn't guess?

"Oh, with your big spy abilities, can't you figure it out?"

"The first one," he says, blowing away all my cockiness.

I squint my eyes at him.

"You knew it from the first second which was the lie. I wasn't that good. I wasn't good at all, right?"

He smiles warmly and pats my hand lightly.

"No. You were good. It was a good approach, but the pieces of evidence gave you away."

"What evidence?"

"Your perfumes." he _smelled _them?

"I keep on forgetting that you snooped around everywhere and how weird that is."

He doesn't take any offense at my commentary, just changes the subject.

"But look at the bright side. With a little practice, one day, you might be a great liar. You have the potential."

"Yeah, maybe some other time, comrade. One day I'll lie to you and you won't know."

The waitress comes by again, again trying to be cheeky and she flirts with him, _again, _batting her lashes while she's asking only him if he wants anything else.

But _I_ would like something else. I would love for her to get the hell away from here.

_Why? You're getting a little jealous? _

No! Of course not. I want it just because. She's getting to become annoying. She keeps on interrupting us.

And wait a second. Did she pull her shirt downwards so that her chest would be more visible? Because I swear that I couldn't see that much of it earlier. Damn, isn't she doing her best? I wonder if it's working on him. And why wouldn't he? She's quite… blessed.

I don't even know what they talked about, I was too pissed off at her to pay attention, but the flirt was obvious, and she left the table with an idiotic smile spread on her lips.

Would they do it in the bathroom later? Should I expect him to ditch me and excuse himself a little? And why wouldn't he? She seemed so eager from her gestures and from what I know, he's not the man to say not to such a no strings attached offer.

I keep on staring at him, anger washing over me, thinking how the hell was he capable to want me so passionately last night and now he just flirted with her. He's such a player. He hits on anything that moves, little bastard. And I was so close to falling for that.

"Come on, Rose. Say it already."

"Say what?"

"Whatever it is that you're thinking of. Whatever upsets you."

Oh, shit. Was I that obvious? Did he guess what I was thinking of?

Instead of telling him my frustrations, I get back to my previous question.

"What are we doing here?"

"I already told you. We're waiting for someone."

"Someone like?"

"A man." At his blank answers, I sigh and roll my eyes. "What?"

"It doesn't help me with anything. It's like I haven't asked you anything. All that I know now is the gender of the one we're waiting for. Very helpful."

"And what more would you want to know?"

Everything! Why we're seeing him, who is he, is he good, is he bad, and there would be a hundred more questions I could ask.

"Like you'd tell me. You never tell me anything. So what would be the point?"

"Rose… I-"

"No, it's okay. I know the procedure. Shut up and do as I have been told, don't ask any questions and everything will be alright. I promised you I would listen to you so… I would waste my breath asking."

"Okay, then. If it matters this much to you, ask me. I will tell you."

Him doing this, only makes me get more upset.

I push my chair backward and get up.

"I don't want to know anymore."

When I want to walk past him, he, of course, stops me, his fingers wrapping on my forearm.

"What's the matter now?"

"I don't want you to tell me because you feel sorry for me or stuff like this. I would like you to do it because you think…" I bite my lip stopping myself from continuing speaking shit.

He wouldn't get it.

I try to pull away. But he pulls me back.

"I think that what?"

'"It's not important. And let go of me. People are watching."

He still holds my hand.

"Comrade…"

"I don't care." he only pulls me closer. "Tell me why."

Why? I would like him to do it because he trusts me, this is why. To trust me just a little bit, after I trusted him with everything.

"I um… I would like to go use the restroom, please. Let go of me."

**DPOV**

When she comes back out, her eyes, that I don't know if they are red now, are doing their best to avoid the place I am sitting into, and she doesn't come back here.

Instead, she stops next to an empty pool table right in front of the bar, and orders herself another drink.

As she waits, she starts playing with a ball there, rounding it on the table, her eyes still trying to ignore me, even though I keep on staring her way and she was so close some times to lift them all the way up and meet mine.

And I could have gotten up and gone there, but something stopped me from doing it. She'll come back here anyway.

After she gets her drink, she keeps on sitting there, just in spite of me, and a guy approaches her, starting to talk with her. Nice. She's making friends now.

And the first thing she does is to look for my eyes, after so much time of trying to do just the opposite. I wonder what she's up to. Is she wanting to see if I'm watching? Because I never stopped watching.

I give her a meaningful look, so that she wouldn't try anything. It would be a pity to have to harm that guy.

But as I see them speaking some more, the guy only gets closer to her and I realize he is trying his charms on her. And she even smiles at him.

And with this image in front of me, something starts growing in me. Some anger? Yes. That too. Lots of it. But there's something more.

_Maybe some jealousy?_

No. Maybe. I don't know. But he is shamelessly hitting on her and she's not protesting in any way and this makes me want to go there right now, which I'm trying my best not to do.

And she keeps on looking my way, like wanting to torture me some more, to be sure that I am seeing what's happening there, and I try my best to keep my ground and not do anything reckless, even though in my mind I am already ripping that guy's guts out.

And the more I stare at her, I realize that I see distress on her expression, and not any pleasure in having that conversation. Oh, I get it. She doesn't know how to deal with the guy.

Her level of discomfort is high and I see her scratching her hands, pulling the sleeves of her blouse downward, putting her hair behind her ears, looking away, trying to avoid that guy at any cost, her eyes looking at me like pleadingly, and she even moves out of his reach when he tries to touch her upper arm.

That's when I get enough of it.

Can't he see too that she doesn't want to have anything to do with him?

I get up and head their way, reaching them in less than two seconds.

Seeing me close to them, a smile lightens up her face.

"Hey, you're back!" her voice gets overly excited. "What took you so long to come back?"

She asks that just as excited and in an instant, attaches herself to me, rounding her palm on my upper arm, a gesture that surprises me, but that I can't say I don't enjoy.

And if she wants us to pretend, why not go all the way, right?

I take advantage of this and put my arm around her middle, my palm resting under her ribs, and I pull her closer to me, to which she doesn't protest. She even goes as further as putting her palm on my chest and smiles at me.

"You see, I just met Josh here and I was talking with him about a game of pool and I was thinking you would like to meet him too. Maybe we could all three play..."

"Of course I would like that, love."

Keeping Rose a little away, I bend closer to him, taking advantage of my height to impose myself on him, and I let the anger in me speak, loud enough for only him to hear.

"Get away from her before I break every bone in your body."

The guy's face quickly goes blank and without making another sound, he rushes away.

Letting go of me, and me having to do the same, she sighs, then leans over the table once more, supporting herself on it.

"What did you say to him?"

"That I would be very pleased to play a game with him."

"_Really_?"

"Yeah."

"Sure. I bet you did," she says smiling, her eyes down, her fingers playing with the edges of the wooden table. "But I um… thanks for that, comrade."

"What? Couldn't you deal with him by yourself?" I already know she wasn't doing a great job.

She shrugs and starts playing with the ball again, avoiding my eyes.

"Well, guys like him are kind of insistent."

"And what? Can't you tell them no?"

She sighs once more.

"I don't know. Wouldn't that be rude from me to… you know, cut them off like that?"

Her answer makes me laugh.

"Oh, Roza. You're too kind." she should have flipped him off if he kept on insisting.

She bites her lip and lifts her eyes, looking at me, then puts her hair behind her ears.

"Yeah, that's me. The too kind Rose that can't say no."

"You should. And it's not like you haven't done it before, right?"

I didn't plan to bring back what happened last night, but my mouth just let it out. I admit. It still bugs me that she didn't tell me why. She had her right to change her mind and I respect that. But then again, why lie about it?

"Right… But I don't know… I can't be _that _straightforward."

"About that." maybe I'll be able to figure out a little part of her. "How come you are so shy?"

"I um… _don't know_." her voice gets a little offended. "What kind of question is that, anyway?"

"Just a curious one. You seem to act differently around people. More… keeping to yourself."

"What do you mean?"

She knows so well what I am talking about.

"I have heard you when you were alone in your apartment, Rose. You are not like that around anybody else."

"I don't know… I just am like that. Like this, I mean. No particular reason."

And her being like this only makes me want to know her more. I want to unravel all of her mysteries. I would like so, so much for her to act like the alone Rose around me. I would like for her not to be so tense around me. To feel comfortable enough to act freely. To not act so scared of whatever I do.

She gets her attention back to the table and now traces the line of the pool stick laying there.

And I don't know what else to tell her to make her feel better because she looks kinda affected by this little conversation we had. And I want to find a way to distract her.

I get the other pool stick.

"You want to play some?"

"What? Me?" I nod. Who else? "Oh, no. That would take a lot because I don't know how to play."

"You would like to learn?"

She considers things, looking at the table then back at me a couple of times.

"Plus, we have some time left on our hands. It's just five and the one we are supposed to meet comes a little later."

She is still thinking about it, quite intensely, like this would be a very big thing.

"You can say no if you don't want to. I won't mind at all. Just speak your mind."

"I guess I would like to, in fact. I always wanted to learn how, but I always sucked when someone tried to teach me."

"Then, you haven't had a proper teacher."

"Eh, Ale-" she bites her tongue and looks down. "I don't think it was my teacher's problem."

She again got reminded of that bastard and got a little sad. I wonder if what he did to her would ever stop haunt her. And I don't even know all the things he did. But all I want is for her not to think about him. Ever again, if possible.

"Anyway. That doesn't matter now. Come on. Get that pool and come here. I'll teach you."

"Can I ask you something before that?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Don't get mad at me if I… if I suck," she says faintly while staring down at my shoes.

"Hey, love." I lift her by her chin and make her look at me, and I am smiling reassuringly at her. "Why would I get mad?"

"I don't know… I-"

"I won't." whatever Haynes did, I won't.

She nods, smiling back at me.

"So, what do I do now?"

"Do you know anything about the technique?"

"Not really. I mean, I have seen a lot of people playing, but all I did mostly was to watch."

"Okay. Then let's work on your position first."

**RPOV**

He places a ball on the table and points to it.

"We'll hit that. Let's see what you know first."

I take the stick and hold it as I have seen people doing it on so many times and lean over the table.

I look at him.

"Is this okay?"

He looks at me smiling and shakes his head.

"Not really, love. Can I?"

And I think he wants to show me how, so I nod and want to get up, but he stops me and comes closer to me, from one side and glues his body to mine. In an instant, my breath starts to get heavier and my heart gets beating faster.

First, his palm gets a hold of my hip and he turns me some more towards the table, adjusting my position. His hand doesn't leave my body as it travels up on my ribcage and gets to my shoulder, where he rests his palm and squeezes lightly.

"Relax it, Rose."

And it takes me more than a second to understand what he is telling me to do, because the thing is that I wasn't paying any attention to what he was saying to me, as I was way too distracted by his hand moving on my body.

So I look for his eyes for some more explanations.

I turn my head towards his direction.

"What did you sa-"

I stop midway as I realize how close to me he is and of how close I was to bump my face into his.

From the shock, I stand still into this position, being too afraid to move some more.

And for a whole, long minute, nothing happens. None of us moves, nothing can be heard by my ears except his and my heavy breathing and I get drunk on his amazing scent once again.

I think that I will be able to spend my entire life like this, no matter how long or short that would get to be.

I gulp hard at one stray thought that passes my mind as I study his features. A bad thought. But only God knows that when I am around him all I get is bad, crazy thoughts. This man has such an influence over me it's crazy.

And I, again, want to kiss him so, so, so bad.

But gosh, wouldn't _that _be so bad?

I take my eyes off his lips and look down, trying to avoid making this huge mistake again and some strands of my hair fall right in front of my eyes.

I want to put them away, but he gets his hand up way before I manage to move and he brings his fingers on my cheek, moving my hair out of the way. And then again, we keep on staring at each other.

But of course that this thing cannot happen for long, and the universe is here to remind me of that because soon enough some guy bumps into our table and breaks all the magic that started to form.

And I guess I am thankful for this because things were obviously heading in the let's don't do that way.

We both get up on an instant and look at each other embarrassed. Or I am the embarrassed one anyway. He's not the man to feel that.

"Oh, sorry for that," the guy says, and from the way he's speaking, I get it that he's drunk. "I didn't want to spoil your moment, but your table got a little in my way."

"Oh, but we were not…" having any moment I want to say, but the guy is long gone and I realize it's not worth to end that sentence.

And to not let things follow that weird path I think they would, he takes charge over the situation and asks me if I want to try again. And I agree.

But this time he doesn't touch me as much, he just points with his finger some areas that I should adjust and I do as I am being said, like the little apprentice I am.

And when I try by myself, only following his indications, I fail lamentably. I hit the ball but it ends down the table, and of course, with his fast reflexes he doesn't even let it touch the floor so I would attract the entire bar's attention my way.

I get up and put the stick down.

"I suck so bad."

"Hey, it's just the first time. You'll get better at it with some more practice."

And I try again. I take the pool back and position myself.

"Is this okay?"

He has the same reaction as earlier. "Not really."

And he comes again over me and positions me, but moving fast and strategically, then gets away.

"Now it's perfect. Let's hit it"

_Us_?

"We're... going to do this together?"

"Yes, we are."

He again gets closer and his palms come over mine, cupping them, and he guides the pool along with me, positioning it closer to the ball.

"You're ready, love?" he whispers in my ear.

I nod lightly and he moves his hands along with mine and we hit that ball and as expected, it ends up into the hole.

I squeal excitedly as we get up.

"We did it!"

He smiles and crosses his hands over his chest, watching me, being more composed than me.

So I get a hold of myself.

"That was... nice."

"Yeah. Now try again by yourself."

And for the next minutes, I try and try and try to find the right amount of force and the perfect position and after so many tries, just when I was so close to giving up, I hit that damn ball and it goes into the hole. Yes! It was about time!

I do a very short happy dance and I swear that I don't put even a single second of thought in what I do next, which is to round my arms on him in my excitement.

I feel him tensing under me and I get that I stepped waaay out of line here.

But then this happens.

When I want to pull away, in that very second, I feel him relaxing and he even reciprocates my gesture, his hands rounding on me for a very brief amount of time, then he lets me pull away.

Gosh, wasn't this embarrassing? Why the hell did I do that in the first place?

**DPOV**

Her little affectionate gesture startled me, but I loved every second of it, no matter how short it was. She seemed to be that uninhibited Rose I want to see more of.

But now, she looks quite embarrassed about it and she's biting her lip. Oh, if she'd only knew how much I didn't want her to pull away.

"Do you want to go back to our table? My friend should come anyway."

"I um… sure. Let's go."

And it doesn't take him much to show himself. Just as we took a seat, Ivan entered the bar.

"Rose?"

"Huh?"

"Go sit over there and I'll get you some crayons to draw with so you won't get bored," I try to loosen up things a little, but my joke doesn't get appreciated to its fullest.

Her lips press together. She got mad at me for this comment and yes, it was kind of out of place if I think about it some more.

"You're a first-class prick, you know that?"

"You are the only one who has called me like that so far, love."

"Well, expect me to do it more."

"Hey, Rose. How are you doing?" Ivan greets her first, obviously excited to finally see her, this little nosy bastard.

But she is not that excited, all because of me. She shoots him an ugly glance and gets up.

"Hi to you too. I am packing up my crayons and leaving, thanks for asking. The adults need to talk now," she says snappy as she looks at me, her stare being close to killing.

And lastly, she says a faint "Woof-woof" in a mocking tone, then gets away from us, heading to the bar.

Ivan takes a seat across from me and looks at Rose as she's getting away.

"I like her. Judging by that stare of hers, if looks could kill, you'd be six feet under already."

"Just wait five minutes. That is not the best she can do."

"Eh, come on. You're not a saint either."

"True that."

"But tell me one thing. Did you start being into high scholars lately?"

"What?"

"I mean, how old is this chick? Is she underage?"

"No."

"So, is she allowed to drink?"

"Yes, for two years now."

"Damn. And what's the thing with her?"

"Just a job thing."

"That's all?"

"Why would there be more?"

"Just making sure. But hey, it's a pity, you know? Because she's hot."

No, she is not just hot. She is beautiful in all the possible ways.

"And… did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Come on, Dimitri. Have you gotten her already in bed?"

"What?"

"Isn't this why she is so mad? Because you worked your magic on her and she finally understood she won't get anything more from you?"

His words make me get angry. I know I wanted to do this. But not anymore. And him thinking that annoys me.

"_No_."

"No?"

"No. Why are you so surprised about it?"

"I'm not. Just… then what's with that attitude from her?"

"Apparently, I annoy her very much and she hates me." or at least I am working to get her to really feel that towards me, even though I keep on failing.

"I get it," he says all-knowingly and his eyes drift towards her. "And do you enjoy it?"

"Enjoy what?"

"Doing it. If she is annoyed, it must be because you are doing something. So, do you enjoy it?"

His comment makes me laugh.

"Very much."

At times, I'd tease her just to see her get so feisty. She's fragile, but harsh and stubborn and she doesn't have the slightest idea how strong she is in fact. I simply love her that at her.

And talking about her, I look for her to see if she's throwing glances our way, probably still being upset by my stupid comment. As I spot her, I see she seems sad. Maybe my words seemed way meaner than I intended them to be, which is not at all.

"Buddy, you'd better keep your hands off this woman." I hear Ivan say, and he has probably said more, but I got distracted until now.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I did. But what do you mean with that?"

He shrugs. "Just saying. I mean, maybe I am just imagining things, but the way you look at her? Not good."

"I don't look at her in any way."

"You don't?"

"I don't. I am just keeping an eye on her so that she won't do anything stupid. She always ends up doing something that gets her hurt."

He smiles again all-knowingly. "If you say so... Lie to yourself that it's just that."

"Ivan…" I growl. Why does he always think he knows things better than me?

"Hey. Just listen to me. Don't you call me by my name if this woman won't be the end of you. I have known you for far too long to not know-"

"You don't know shit."

"Fine. So be it as you say, buddy. Your denial will only make my "I told you so" more enjoyable. But you know it too, deep inside you. You just find the first thing that you are not allowed to have and want her?"

"I _don't _want her."

"Sure. And I was born yesterday and haven't known you for almost all my life. But anyway, great choice."

I puff. "You should really get something to do. Because all this time by yourself is doing you no good. Out there in your little cave, you are going crazy and you start imagining things that are not happening."

"Yeah. Maybe. If you say so."

"Do you have what I wanted?" I head to the main reason for our meeting.

"Hey, guys. Do you need a drink?" that insisting waitress comes by again and interrupts us.

"Oh, yes. I would love a beer, honey." Ivan instantly starts flirting with her and all I can hope is that she'll stop doing it with me and give all her attention to him.

"I'm on it."

And when I think that she'll let us be, she stops and looks at me.

"I know I may be too direct, but, are you single?"

"N-"

"Yes. He is," Ivan responds before I do and I swear I want to punch him.

That flirty smile spreads again on her lips. "Good to know. You know, my shift ends in half an hour. Would you like to grab a drink then?"

"I am busy."

"I can wait until you guys are done. I'll wait for you at the bar," she says before turning and starting to get away.

The second she turns her back on us, I pin Ivan with my stare. I can't believe he did this.

"What? You said you don't want Rose."

"But it doesn't mean I want that woman."

"You're kidding, right? Have you even taken a look at her?"

As a matter of fact, I did. I wasn't impressed.

I get up, leaving him there, as I go to set things right with that waitress.

**RPOV**

And oh, he even gets up and goes after her, now that I am not around to hear what plans they're making for later the night.

And I mean, why would he even say no to her? She's hot. Like, really hot. She rocks her body, she has that T-shirt pulled down again, revealing more to the eye than necessary, she's so tall, she has a perfect face, and her blonde hair is flawless. No wonder he's already planning his night with her.

And I promised myself that I wouldn't get mad about it again. But here I am, doing it.

When I see her touch him, that feeling only grows in me. When I see him move his hand over hers and drag it down in between them, I feel like exploding. Only God knows what's happening there because I can't see him as he has his back turned at me. But her face is telling me more than I need to know.

Wasn't I the one who said no to that? After all, I could have what she's going to get and I said no. I could have been in her place now, getting his passionate attention. But again, I said no. I should even be grateful it didn't happen.

But I feel just the opposite. I feel jealous of her. I feel like she's taking away from me something that was never mine anyway. And I hate her for that.

**DPOV**

And now that I have been called a jerk for saying a thing and changing my mind in the next minute, I come back to my table to pick on my so beloved brother.

"Why did you do that?" he asks me, having the guts to act upset.

"Why did I do that? Because you're an idiot."

"No. _You're _the idiot. You blew your chances tonight."

"I didn't want any chances. Why did you say that to her?"

"Why? Isn't it true? You're free, right?" he asks smiling.

"It is. I am. But I-"

"You what? Have _someone _else on your mind?"

"No. I have _something_ on my mind. Something I have to do. And stop that." I know what he's trying to do, but I won't let it work.

"That can wait. You can go have a little fun."

"No. She can't wait. She is no longer safe here." she's not safe anywhere.

"Tell me again buddy, why are you doing this?"

"Because she deserves better."

"And you keep on insisting there's nothing going on?"

"There _isn't_. I am just doing this for a person being that doesn't deserve this."

"And is she worth everything you are getting yourself into?"

"Look. She is a good person. She is not like us. She… deserves better than this. This is the right thing to do. I know it is."

"If you say so, then fine. Do whatever you want. But promise me you'll be okay."

"Don't I always?"

"Don't know buddy. Ever since these rebellious ideas have gotten into your head, I don't think you'll always be safe."

"I'll take my chances anyway." for her I'll take all my chances.

**RPOV**

And of course, after their little talk, she comes to me, smiling proud of herself. Doesn't she have some other tables to serve? Why isn't she doing her job?

She sits in front of me and I have already fisted my palms under the table, to keep myself composed. She may be good looking, but her face annoys the hell out of me.

"I am sorry to inform you, but tonight you will be going home solo."

"Fine. Whatever." it's not like I was expecting something different. Maybe his friend will babysit me. I wonder if he's the same as the Russian.

"Your friend and I are leaving together."

"_Whatever_," I repeat myself, not knowing what else to say.

What would there be to say? I already feel like an idiot. The biggest of them all. Let him do whatever he pleases. It's not like he cares about me anyway.

"You want to know what he told me?" she continues to push it.

"Not really." I can't help but become snappy.

"But I will tell you anyway because you were just so sure he likes you. I saw it when you two were playing pool. But you two were not meant to be, let's be honest now."

I already know that, I don't need this little bitch to remind me.

"What did he tell you?" I just torture myself. Maybe if I hear enough, I'll get to hate him, like I should.

"Oh, he told me that as soon as he gets rid of you, he'll be mine _all_ _night long_. Look. No offence, hun. He made it quite obvious who he wants and who he doesn't."

"I bet he did."

And when I even begin to think that we were so close to doing it last night. Foolish me. As always.

Why am I letting get to me in this way? It shouldn't matter to me who he sleeps with. Last night it could have been me. Tonight it's going to be her. So what? Tomorrow he'll have another woman. For him, things don't matter. Why do they matter so much to me?

But she just keeps on talking.

"I bet he is a stud. I wonder how long he lasts. I bet that sex with him is great. And I can't wait to try."

Seeing the tears that formed in my eyes, she looks at me pitifully.

"You wish you'd be the one he does tonight, right?"

No. I wish I meant more to him than a missed fuck.

"Come on now. Just look at him and look at you. He would never, _ever_ look at someone like you. You are _so_ not his type. He is way out of your league, honey. And I am not telling you this just to be mean or anything. I am telling it to you just as a friend. As an advice. Don't get your hopes up. You will be way more than disappointed. Sit in your place, love."

And hearing her call me just like he does, I try to be composed. I try not to let everything out. I try so, so hard not to let everything she says get to me. I try being the good Rose that I am all the time, that takes all the shit and never says anything.

I am nice. I always am. And I take a lot of shit without uttering a single word. Every single time, I am the one who gets hurt, even though I do my best to make things right.

But now, I am full of rage. On him. On myself. On everyone and everything. And I decide it's not worth it to be nice anymore. I decide I have had enough of it. Of him, of my stupidity, of her, especially.

My fists are already tight under the table. All it takes from her is one more word for me to snap and take a shot at her.

I am so done with people treating me like shit!


	25. She stole my heart away

**Dear selairalynn, Ivan will be present in this story, but not as much. At least not for now. I am having some plans with him for later **

**And dear guest, my week was a bit hectic, but I am starting to get used to it. Good thing that I have writing as a coping mechanism :) **

**Hope you'll enjoy this chapter too and I guess you'll hear from me in the weekend. No promises tough**

**Lots of love!**

* * *

**She stole my heart away**

**DPOV**

"What if you take her to mama? I am sure she'd be able to-"

Ivan doesn't get the chance to finish his idea because out of nowhere, we hear a woman scream. And from the way she sounds, she's in pain.

To my relief, I don't recognize that voice as being someone's important. It's familiar to me, I have heard it today as she was calling me a jerk, but it's not Rose's, thank God.

But I wonder what happened around here. This bar seemed a tranquil one. I bet it's just a touchy client or something.

But more importantly, where is Rose now?

I look for her and into the place she previously was, I see a lot of people gathering. Which doesn't count as good in my book. A lot of people bring trouble and if Rose is there, then it means that she might be in trouble.

Ivan and I get up at once and we head there too, and I'm pushing my way through the people, getting them out of my way with my elbows, wanting to get faster there, not knowing if she's fine. I hope she's fine.

But when we get close enough, I see before my eyes a scene I never imagined Rose would be a part of. It seems that Rose is not in trouble. She created it.

"Wow. She broke her nose," Ivan puts into words my surprise, and I even sense proudness fill his voice, along with some amusement.

And from the floor, that woman is squealing the same thing, starting to cry as she's desperately trying to wipe the blood running out of her nose.

Some people get closer to her, trying to help, but she pushes them away and gets up by herself, then starts calling Rose names, a gesture that I don't appreciate at all.

But before I get to say something into the attempt to settle things maybe, Rose gets speaking.

"Say thanks that I didn't do more to you, you little bitch!" she threatens full of anger and wants to get another shot at the waitress. "I will rip your head off!"

That's where I intervene and get a hold of her, before anyone else does, and I prevent her from doing more damage. She already did enough, I see.

Maybe I shouldn't have taught her how to lay such a good punch after all. She aimed perfectly and well, did the most damage to her opponent's face.

"Let go of me!"

She steps on my foot, pushes her elbow into my ribs just as I taught her and then wants to hit my nose with the back of her head, but I have already seen that coming and dodge it.

"You've got yourself a little fighter," I hear Ivan making a comment and in response, I throw him the ugliest glare I am capable of.

I so don't need his sarcasm now and he's not helping at all. He just sits there and watches us amused. And from the whole bar, he's the only one who sees this situation as funny.

When she again tries to take a shot at me, I stop her fist before it reaches my thigh and I wrap my palm around it. And call me crazy or not, I think she even pulled the waitress by her hair, and not just a little. Because I feel a lot of little hairs in between her fingers.

"Stop, Rose. Please." I whisper into the crook of her neck, thinking that this calmer approach would help.

But Rose doesn't give up on struggling, and I need to hold her tighter, my arm wrapped over her front body, pulling her so close to me that there's no space left in between her back and my front.

And what I did makes her growl in displease, but she still doesn't calm down.

"Stop struggling and I will let go of you, I promise."

She just starts squirming harder.

"Rose, _listen to me_."

"You go to hell too, okay? And let go of me! I am not done with her! I'll kill her!"

What got her so mad? This definitely isn't the Rose I know.

"Roza, you-"

"Stop calling me like that! Stop doing that to me!" She says and I feel hurting in her voice. "My name is Rose, goddamnit! And let go of me!" her last words end up with a sob and her body goes softer in my arms as she starts crying. "Let go of me. I don't want you to touch me anymore. You're a bastard and I don't want to be near you ever again!"

And I mindlessly listen to her request, letting go of her, and she doesn't try to do anything, as I feared. She just starts wiping her tears and looks down, all of her anger washing away with sobs.

I want to turn her and make her talk to me, to sort things out, but Ivan stops me.

"You'll only make things worse. Let me try."

I don't really want to, but I know he is right. From the things she just said to me, the last thing she wants is to sort things out with me.

So I let him do it.

"Hey, kiddo." he takes her face into his palms and makes her look at him.

She frowns and wants to pull away, but he keeps her in place.

"It's okay. I'm a friend, Rose." and she nods at him, not trying to get away anymore. "What happened? What did she do to you, huh?"

"I um…" she's trying so hard to suppress the tremble of her bottom lip by biting it, but it's not working. "She said that… I just… I didn't want her to… I couldn't let her tal-"

"Hey! Who do you think you are to pick on my girls?"

I hear a man ask that, being so close to us out of nowhere and he gets a hold of Rose's shoulder, wanting to pull her towards him.

But I stop him just in time, getting a hold of his forearm. To hell if I am letting anyone touch her.

"And what's the deal with you too? You're all looking for trouble in my bar?" the same man speaks angrily and this time, he tries to take a shot at me.

Which was, I may say, his worst decision tonight.

Because he has the same fate as the waitress. But just a little worse.

**RPOV**

This guy, his friend, was talking to me so nicely, and in the very next second, I am being pulled left by the Russian, him dragging me towards him and putting me behind him.

And I don't even get to protest because the next thing I know is that a man I have never seen, is now in front of us and he has a bleeding nose.

And just as fast, things get out of control. Some more men come, some of the people already here get acting in the favor of the ones with bleeding noses and the situation worsens. They are all mad. And they're wanting our asses. Mostly mine because I started this mess.

The blonde one grabs the collar of another man that wants to get his hands on and he pushes him backward, hitting his nose with his head, producing a lot of damage to it, as I hear the bone breaking in all this noise around us.

It seems that bleeding noses is the main theme tonight.

But the men keep on coming, wanting to give a hand. And I find myself put in between the Russians, not knowing what to do but stare at what's happening around me, as they're sharing firsts with anyone that dares come too close.

They're hitting anything they find around, eliciting growls and whelps left and right, them both working so perfectly together, like in a very dangerous dance, sharing only some short Russian words from time to time.

And these other guys don't know when to stop, they just keep on getting up even though their asses are being kicked big time.

Oh, God. What did I do?

But I don't get enough time to question my bad choices tonight. Because the Russian wearing a duster pushes me into a more safe corner, somewhere in between some tables, into a more difficult to reach spot, and he looks at me just for a second, enough for him to tell me four words.

"Just stay here. _Please_."

He goes back to punching men and knowing I already did enough bad tonight, I do as I have been told to, even though I feel so useless. But I know I would only be in their way there.

I hear some bottle being smashed and I instantly look that way. And I see that it wasn't just an accident. It's a guy that smashed it and he's now heading our, well, their way with a vicious face.

There's no one else to see him coming but me because my two protectors are having their backs turned to the one carrying the half of the bottle.

I try to announce them of what's coming, still sitting into my safe spot, but the bar is way too loud for them to hear me.

Plus, they're way too busy. One of them is hitting a guy's head on a table, sending him to sleep, and the other is dealing with two men at the time.

But this guy is still coming! And no one sees him, but me.

I can't let him cut any of them.

He won't.

Taking my chances of being scolded later, I take advantage of the dimmed lights in here and get around the tables, reaching the spot behind the man carrying that sharp, sharp object in his hand and…

And what can I do? I won't be able to take it from him. He'll cut me the second he sees me trying to.

But I still need to do something or else, they will get injured. And it would be my fault. He'd get hurt because of me. Which I can't accept.

I look around for a thing to protect me and find a dropped hoodie on the ground. Yeah. This will do. I take it fast and wrap it on my arm, hoping that it will be enough of a protection.

And with the thought that I don't have another choice but to do this, I take a fullswing and jump on his back, catching him unprepared.

As I predicted, the bottle comes my way, but I bring my hoodied arm up and hit his hand with it, managing to make him drop it.

And with my mission accomplished, I am still up on this guy, and he takes a hold of my legs. Uh-oh. Not good at all. I am in such deep shit.

The man holds me tight and not knowing what to do, I take a few swings at his face, one of my palms slapping him and the other dragging his head backwards, my fingers tightly holding onto his hair.

A gesture from me that only gets him madder and he takes a swing at my ribs with his elbow, which he plants very well, robbing me from my breath as I yell for help.

"Comrade?!"

**DPOV**

I told her not to move!

How the hell did she get on that guy anyway? What was she thinking?

"We need to get out of here now!" I yell at Ivan as I am making my way towards Rose.

And after he finishes with the one he was dealing with, he follows me, having my back as I am too worried about her to worry about myself.

I get to Rose just in time to catch her before she would hit the floor and I pull her up to her feet as Ivan takes care of the man she was previously on, leaving him unconscious.

"You're okay?" I ask her and not have the time to wait for an answer because we need to get moving.

I take her hand and rush her towards the exit, the nervous sounds of people following us as we're making our way out.

We run, taking advantage of our head start and we end up into the parking lot. But into the wrong one.

I research my surroundings and realize our car is way too far and stealing another would take too much time.

"Hey, you take my car," I tell Ivan and throw my keys to him. "It's a black Golf, into the front parking lot."

"What about you?"

"I'll manage."

I say to him my goodbye and after he goes away, I take Rose's hand, taking her somewhere close, where a bunch of motorcycles are.

It takes me less than a few seconds to take a look at all of them, and I can't believe how lucky I am to find some keys in one. Wow. How stupid of him. But at least I won't even have to waste time stealing it.

I get on it and urge Rose to do the same. But she doesn't move.

"Comrade… I can't. I haven't..."

"Rose, for the love of God, please just get on this goddamn motorcycle or we will both end up badly soon!"

Her eyes widen at my outburst, but she nods and gets up behind me, without any more restraints.

And I waste not another second and rev the engine and be on my way out of here, heading to a safer place.

* * *

And when I stop, I finally realize how tight Rose is holding me.

She is pressing her fists into my abdomen and she is shaking too, maybe from the cold. We didn't have the chance to take her coat. Or maybe she's crying. I can't tell now.

I turn my head backwards and all I can see is that she is having her forehead propped on my back and her eyes are closed tightly and well, as I supposed, she is crying silently, small sobs shaking her body.

"Roza?"

Her only response is to hold me a little tighter.

I put my palms over her fists and as her cold skin makes contact with mine, her hands stop shaking. I soothe her skin with my thumbs and gently work up to unclenching her fists, then take her hands into mine and continue to knead them.

"It's okay now. Everything is okay. We stopped."

She moves her hands out of mine and spreads her palms on my chest, still holding me tight and next, she moves her head to one side and lets out a long sigh as she lays her cheek on my back.

"Rose? How are you feeling?"

But still, she doesn't speak. She didn't even open her eyes.

"Roza, talk to me, please."

I turn some more, obliging her to lift her head and she lifts her eyes to meet mine. And for a second, she looks at me in a way I can't decipher. But I like what I find there. Besides the fact that her eyes are still filled with tears, of course.

I get her hair out of her face and when I want to walk my fingers on her cheek, she turns her head a little, coming halfway to meet me, and sighing, she closes her eyes for some seconds as I soother her skin.

"It's okay, love."

I want to say something more, but I don't get to because she growls a little as her eyes snap open and she pulls away from me getting off the motorcycle in a blink of an eye and turns her back to me.

I get off too and go behind her, resisting the urge to embrace her from this position.

"What's wrong?"

Again, she doesn't say anything to me, just wraps her arms around herself and looks away.

I take one second to get my coat off and put it on her shoulders, and for a second, she gets uptight under my touch, making me want to growl in frustration. I would like so much if she wouldn't still act like I would be seconds away from doing something terrible to her.

"Talk to me, Rose."

I still want an answer and I am still not getting it.

There is no Ivan here to deal with the situation now, so I have to do it.

I turn her to face me and she is watching me, seeming confused for a second, I would dare say.

"Gosh!" it's the only response I get as she turns around and passes her hand through her hair. "Don't."

"Hey, what's the matter?"

I place my hand on her elbow, trying to turn her to face me again, but she jerks her hand and pulls away.

"Don't touch me!"

"Did I do something?"

"What the hell do you want?" she bursts out, finally facing me, her eyes throwing flames at me, and I take half a step backward, her reaction startling me.

"I… I don't want anything."

"You _don't_? Then why the hell do you do all this?"

"Do what?"

She growls. "_This_! Why you're doing this?!"

"This what? Do you mean the driving?" I swear I have no idea what she is talking about. "I had to-"

"No! Not the _stupid _driving! Goddamnit!" She fists her palms and grits her teeth. "It… It's nothing," she says like disappointed I didn't get what she was talking about.

She takes some breaths in, getting calmer and avoids my eyes once again.

"No, you started. Finish it, Rose."

"It's not important."

"It obviously is. You are very upset about it and from what you say, I am the cause and I don't know what I did."

She laughs bitterly and looks at me for a second.

"Yeah. That's the point. You have _no idea_."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. It really means nothing at all."

"To hell it is, Rose. You-"

"Just drop it, goddamnit!" She bursts again, angrier this time, then takes in a deep breath, calming her features. "Just... Drop it, okay?" Her voice cracks with this question. "It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. It _doesn't_," She repeats faintly and mostly to herself now.

Then she is on the move again, heading back to the motorcycle and she props herself on it, wraps herself better in my duster and looks in the distance.

Not knowing what else to do, I join her and lean over the motorcycle next to her, close, but not that close to touch her even though only God knows how much I crave that, how much I want to feel her, to hold her, to soothe her.

And I wait. For what, I have no idea. But I wait.

And after some minutes of silence, she speaks.

"So what do we do now? Where do we go from here?"

I feel like whatever I might say, I am on a minefield. But still, I have to say something.

"Is there a place you want to go?" I ask, thinking that if we do something she wants, things will get better.

She puffs and rolls her eyes.

"I don't care. Let's just go already. You would anyway take me wherever you want, so what's the point?"

She wants to detach from the motorcycle, but, with the risk of her snapping at me again, I pull her to me, and she sits back down, a little closer to me, and looks at her feet, nervously biting her lip.

"Look at me." She doesn't move a muscle. "Rose_, look at me."_

Slowly, she lifts her head. And her gleaming eyes look back into mine and I can see there is something deep inside her that is consuming her, no matter how much she tries to hide it and all I want to do now is to cuddle her to my chest and tell her that everything is going to be alright. That I will not let anything happen to her. Even if I am the cause of it. I will fix it.

"What do you want?" she asks coldly, trying to seem detached, but the tears in her eyes give her away.

"I want you to tell me what happened back there." where I guess everything started.

"Nothing much," she mumbles avoiding my eyes.

"Well, I heard otherwise. Seen otherwise."

"And what did you see?" She asks sarcastically. Where does this attitude come from? What did I do this time?

"You know what I saw when I got there. You know what was happening. The question is, were you really fighting that waitress? Did you indeed hit her?"

"So what if I did?"

"Did you?"

"So what if I _did_?"

I can't help but smile. And on her face, I see anger appearing.

"Don't get me wrong, Rose. But this is quite unexpected. I didn't think that you-"

"That I would be able to do it?"

"No. Not that. I know that you can do it," I say and let some proudness fill my voice. She is quite a good and quick learner and she has lots of potential and when I showed her all the fighting techniques, she did a good job. "The only thing I don't know is what determined you to do it."

"It just happened," she says serenely.

"That's all? It just happened?"

"Yes."

"This is the only explanation you have? That it just happened? Your fist made contact with her nose and that's all?"

"This is the only explanation you get."

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Look, comrade. You don't tell me things. I am allowed as well not to tell you things either, okay? I don't have to give you a full report about why I do things. I don't need to explain myself to you. I just did it and that's all you need to know. Why is it so hard to understand?"

She seems really pissed off and I decide not to pursue this matter some more. Who knows? Maybe she will want to kick my ass too.

"Fine, Rose. This is the only explanation I'll get, I understand."

"_Fine_," she says sounding more upset than earlier.

And I get the vibes that I did something wrong again. But I don't know what! Maybe she wanted me to ask some more about it? Should I ask some more about it? She is kinda looking my way expectantly. But what if I mess things more? She said that she won't tell me why.

And if I would ask again…

She seems pissed enough already and I don't like that she is pissed at me. I would at least like to know what I did.

I sigh, completely defeated and I put my hands on her shoulders, making her give me all her attention.

"Look, Rose. I don't know what I did, I really don't have the slightest idea and if you are mad at me, which you are obviously are, please do tell me why. Maybe I can make things better somehow." I wish I can.

She starts calming down and she looks down again, rubbing the tips of her boots together, maybe considering things.

"Hey." I lift her chin. "Talk to me please."

But she just looks at me and the look in her eyes transmits me that she is on the verge of crying. Which would kill me if it would happen.

"Roza…"

I walk my thumb across her cheek and bring my other hand up too, getting some strands of hers behind her ear. I can't help it anymore. The urge to touch her is way too strong.

"Tell me what's the matter. Tell me how I upset you."

Staring at me and biting her bottom lip hard, trying to suppress it, it doesn't take long until she starts crying, tears falling silently down her cheeks.

"You need to stop doing this to me," she whines.

She turns her head and nuzzles her nose on the inside of my palm and I take the chance to wipe some of her tears away.

"Do what?"

She laughs bitterly as she pulls away from my touch.

"You don't have the slightest idea, don't you?"

I shake my head. I don't know what she is talking about.

"For a man who claims to know so many, there are plenty of things you miss, comrade."

"What is this supposed to mean?"

She sighs and looks away.

"Nothing. It is supposed to mean nothing. I am just talking shit. Don't mind me."

Sobbing lightly, she gets up and takes some steps away from me.

"Where are you going?"

"I just… I need to be alone a little. Just a couple of minutes, please."

But I am not letting things like this. I can't. I want too much to know.

So I go after her.

When she hears me following her, she stops and tilts her head backward, like exasperated. A thing I sense in her tone too.

"Go _away_."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"I am not in the mood to talk to you."

"Too bad, then. Because I am not asking you to talk to me. I am telling you to. You have to, goddamnit! You opened the subject and I am not letting you go until you tell me." I let some of the frustration in me surface, but I swear I can't help it.

"Why do you even care? Don't you have more important stuff to do rather than care about my lame ass or my problems? Don't you have _responsibilities _to take care of?"

"You are one of my responsibilities."

I see her expression fade and get replaced with a harsh one.

"Yeah, your _job_," she says displeased. "I keep on forgetting that. But you don't have to feel responsible for me because of that, comrade. I can deal on my own."

"It's not like that."

"No? Come on. You just said it. I am one of the things you are obliged to look after. You need me so you're pretending to give a crap about my wellbeing. Stop it. I am not impressed. I don't need that."

It's my turn to sigh deeply. Is it so hard for her to think that I care, no hidden reason or intention?

"I am not asking you now if you are okay because I have to or because it's part of my job. I am asking you because I genuinely want to know."

"Why?"

Because I care!

"Because I want to know. I do care-"

"Well, I don't want you to know."

"You're so stubborn!"

"Thank you." now even her pose gets defensive, not only her tone.

"I didn't mean it in a good way."

My comment brings the littlest of smiles on her lips.

"I know that. But… really now. Let me be, please. I can't have this conversation with you. I won't."

And when I see there's no other way for me to get an answer from her, I let her be, just as she asked me.

And after she nods my way, a thankful look in her eyes, she goes and sits on the edge of a stone nearby, and looks at the sky.

And not having anything else to do but wait, I start looking around, until my eyes fall on a little shop nearby. And seeing that Rose doesn't seem to be going anywhere soon, I head that way, still keeping my eyes on her. You know, just in case.

But when I get back out, she is still there, the only difference being that she's looking down now.

I dare go closer to her.

When my shoes get into her eyesight, she lifts her head and looks at me upset.

"Really, comrade?"

"Hey. I come in peace. I am not going to say a single thing if you don't want me to."

"You promise?"

"Pinkie promise." I try to remind her of the night she got drunk and cute, but I soon remember that she doesn't have any knowledge of that conversation.

But still, my response brought a little smile to her lips.

"Fine."

"So, can I sit?"

She shrugs. "It is a public space after all and unless you want to stand…"

As soon as I take a seat, again, at a safe distance, I extend her a package wrapped in a little paper bag.

"What is this?"

"Can I speak?"

She sighs, but the look in her eyes is not as displeased. She looks rather amused.

"Tell me."

"The peace offer."

Next, she looks at me weirdly.

"What? You think that if you buy me something, everything is going to be fine?"

I shrug. "Maybe not everything. But at least something."

"Something like?"

"Like your stomach."

My response makes her chuckle lightly. It's still a sad one, but it's better than no chuckle at all. I'm heading the right way.

"You bought me food?"

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

She snatches the little thing from me and opens it. Then smiles faintly.

"I would waste my breath if I'd ask you how you knew I love Reese's too, right?"

"Kind of."

As she keeps on staring at the bright orange package, her eyes get teary again and she looks the other way for a second, wiping them away.

"You are doing that thing again, comrade."

"What?" What did I do again? What's that thing she keeps on talking about?

"You wouldn't get it."

"Try me."

She shakes her head. "It is pointless anyway."

"How can you be sure about it? Tell me an-"

"Hey. I thought you said you won't talk. And you are pretty much talking and trying to pump that thing out of me."

"And is it working?" I decide to approach a playful strategy.

A strategy she doesn't appreciate very much, her brows frowning.

"Really, comrade?"

"Well, you know, you started the talking thing."

She throws me a squinted glance, silently asking me the previous question again.

"Fine. I will shut up until further notice." even though only God knows how much I want to talk now.

"Good."

And seeing her happily munching on that piece of chocolate, I want to say something, but I consider things and decide not to open my mouth.

"Come on, say it if you can't keep it in. What else do you have to add?"

"I was wondering about something."

"About what?"

"Does it make anything better?"

She chuckles a little.

"Yeah, it kinda does. And not only my stomach."

I am really happy to hear this. I hoped that this chocolate would go to her heart too. Chocolate seems to have this effect on her. And things are good. Or at least better.

Until she turns her head and looks at me, a sad look in her eyes.

"And somehow it doesn't." she sighs. "Somehow it doesn't, comrade."

"In which way?" I see the chance to try again.

"In a way."

"In a way you're not going to tell me about, right?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Just because… I can't talk about it."

And the mystery about her only deepens.

"Are you… at least… okay? Just a little bit?"

"I am as okay as I can be in these circumstances,"

"So, not at all?"

"I don't know. Not really."

"Physically at least?"

Her eyes instantly get across her fists, on which I focus my attention too.

"Yes, nothing hurts."

"But you got a good shot at her nose."

"You think that?" she gets surprised and a little excited at the same time.

"From the results I have seen on her face, yes, love." my proud filled remark makes her smile a little. "On your knuckles too."

I take her hand in mine and trace the lines of her bones to see if she is hurt in any way, to see if there's anything broken or scratched. And to my relief, she is not. Her skin is as flawless as I remember and the blood on it doesn't come from her.

"Tell me why." I try once more.

"Why what?" she plays the fool.

"Why you did it, Rose. What determined you to do it?"

_"That _is not something you will find out in this life, comrade."

Well, I just have to try my chances one more time.

"Is it something I did?"

"It's not your fault she's a bitch," she sighs.

"What did she do?"

"Nothing important."

"It's important enough if it made you do…" I continue to walk my thumb across her knuckles. "...this."

Seemingly uneasy, she slips her hand out of mine.

"I told you I am good." she dodges the subject and I know there wouldn't be any point in me insisting.

"You're sure? Didn't any of those men touch you at all? Anywhere?"

"No. I am fine. You and your friend took care of them anyway."

"Yeah, but, you jumping on that guy?"

"Yeah?" she asks and if she's looking for another proud remark, it won't come.

Remembering her gesture, I shake my head, smiling.

"Pretty stupid action, love." and seeing her squint her eyes at me, I only smile wider. "Brave, I won't deny it, but still stupid. You could have gotten hurt." especially if I wouldn't have caught her while falling.

"But it helped."

"I didn't say it didn't, but… be more careful next time. I don't want to have to bandage you up again or something close to that." her body already wears too many bruises and wounds.

She smiles too.

"Next time? Do you think there will be a next time I get into a fight?"

"Honestly? From how angry you were at the bar, I thought I would be getting to be your next victim."

At this, she starts laughing, and for goods this time. It's loud and hearty and I love it.

"I can't even touch you, comrade. How do you expect me to kick your ass?"

"Eh…" I can't stop myself from ruffling her hair. "You're a determined woman. I bet you would have found a way from how angry you were."

And at this moment I realize I stepped out of the line with my gesture, so I pull my hand away.

Looking away, she passes a hand through her hair, putting it back in place.

"Um… don't we... have places to be?" she asks, words seeming to stop in her throat.

"Not now. We can stay here for as long as we want."

"You're sure about that?"

"Yeah. Very sure."

She looks like she would need a break from everything and I am giving it to her. Or something close to that. It's the best I can do.

She pulls her knees up to her chin and lays her cheek on them, her eyes pinned on me.

"Tell me something, comrade."

Oh, so now she feels like talking? But not about anything that happened?

"Tell you what?"

"I don't know. Anything you want."

"Be more specific."

She starts drawing circles on her calf and thinks for a second.

"Do… do you miss Russia? Like, you miss your home? Hometown?"

Why do I have the feeling that she's asking me this because she misses her home?

When she sees that I don't say anything, she feels the need to explain.

"You know, I mean, with the _job _you have and all the moving from one place to another…"

How do I tell her that I haven't had a home in so long? That I crave for one. That I miss having one.

"I don't get attached to places." and all this time I tried doing this, thinking it would be easier this way. But still, it never did get easier.

"Oh… I see."

And because I ended this subject so abruptly, all we have now is silence. Which she decides to break again.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night, comrade."

"What?"

"I mean your plans and all…"

"What plans?"

"What? Do you want me to say it out loud?" her tone gets angrier and her eyes dark, her lips pressed in a thin line.

"Say what?" again, I am not catching the meaning of what she's saying.

"Never mind." She gets upset again and tightens the grip around her knees.

"Rose, I don't know what you are talking about."

"Of course you don't," she puffs.

"No, really. I _swear _I don't understand a thing you have been talking about ever since we got here. Not a single one."

If she wants me to pick on to something, I am not getting it.

"Come on, don't pretend you weren't going to go with-" she stops and bites the inside of her cheek, and looks down, getting more upset with each passing second.

"Go with who?"

"_No one._"

"Rose. Come on. Do you think I was going to go away with Ivan?"

This is why she got upset? She thought I would leave her alone? I have made a promise I intend to keep no matter what, and it doesn't involve me leaving her side.

"No," she mumbles.

No?

"Then who?"

Could she have been thinking I was going away with the waitress? Could this be the reason she hit her too?

_Sure. Just because she was so, so jealous. Get your shit together and stop seeing things where they aren't. She doesn't like you, and you think she got jealous?_

"Nothing. _No one._"

Okay. This thing has gotten way too far.

I get my fingers under her chin and tilt her head so that she'd finally look at me.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. I swear I don't. What do you mean with everything you have been saying so far? What should I understand from all that? I wasn't going to leave you. What got you so upset? I don't understand a thing."

"You know what? That's good."

"Is it? What's good about it?"

"Yes. If that is true and you don't understand a thing, then you at least get how I always feel around you." she gets up and brushes some dirt off her jeans. "About you," she says so faintly I am not even sure she said it. "Let's go now."

She turns around and goes away, stopping next to the motorcycle.

Being more clueless than ever, I simply follow her.

And all she does is to watch it intensely, like considering things.

"What happened?"

"I um… can't we get a car?"

"Why?"

She shrugs as her fingers trace a line on the seat.

"Don't know… just like that. We should take a car."

Thinking of how scared she seemed when we arrived here, I am going to take a guess.

"You're afraid?"

"No, of course not. Why would I be? It's just that…" and when she looks at me, her faked braveness disappears. "A little. Yes. I'm a little afraid."

"Just a little?"

"I am not that into motorcycles, okay?" she gets a little snappy and sighs while crossing her arms.

"Why is that?"

"Just like that. Nothing important. Does there have to be a reason?"

"From the way you're reacting, I am sure there is one. Is it a secret?"

"No, it's not…"

"So?" I insist. Maybe I'll succeed to get one thing from her today.

She sighs again, a little more annoyed, but tells me either way.

"It's just that… one of my boyfriends had one…"

Hearing the word boyfriend get off her lips brings back those feelings that I got at the bar, and I don't even know why. I mean, she doesn't have anything to do with that guy anymore, right?

_Sure, but when she did have something to do with that guy, what exactly did they do? How far did she let him go? Did she-_

"...and he convinced me to get on it with him. And five minutes later, we almost ended up in a ditch."

"You're afraid I might be a bad driver?"

"Not really. I have seen you driving, and hell, driving while someone is chasing you comes so easily to you, but… I don't know. I guess I can't stop thinking about that event."

"Come on, love. Trust me with this." at least with this little thing, out of them all.

She squints her eyes at me and presses her lips together.

"Hey, didn't you say earlier that I am allowed to say no?"

I smile. Out of everybody, she told me no more than a thousand times. But she's right. She is allowed to say no how many times she wishes.

"Of course you are. If you don't want to do it, I won't force you. I am not going to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"Then what were you doing a few seconds ago?"

"I was trying to _convince _you. I just want you to know that this can be enjoyable too."

I somehow think she'll might get to like it. I can make a motorcycle ride enjoyable. And different from the first one I took her on.

She thinks about it as she inspects the vehicle with a critic's eye.

"I have a condition."

I can't help it but smile, seeing that she gave in.

"So, is this a yes?"

"But only if you keep up to what I will ask you."

"I'll do it."

"But you don't even know what I wanted to tell you."

"I'll do it anyway."

Only the fact that she didn't refuse it makes me more excited than I should be.

A small, playful smile spreads on her lips.

"You know, now I could ask you to do anything I'd wish, just because you already agreed to it, comrade."

Oh, if she'd only knew how many things I'd do…

And this thought spinning in my head makes me take a step closer to her, making her have to tilt her head to look at me, a gesture that only exposes her beautiful face more to the light.

Her breath catches lightly when my fingers slide across the material of the seat, reaching hers.

"And what would you ask me to do, love?" I walk my thumb across her knuckles and her fingers tense under mine only for a second. "Come on, name it."

"I um…" she gulps and looks down, her cheeks already starting to blush. "Just don't drive fast," she whispers.

"Or else?" I can't stop my mouth from teasing. I like seeing her like this and my brain isn't thinking of anything else but that now.

She dares look at me again, and this time frowns.

"Or else… or else I'll, I'll… I'll do something, okay?" she tries to get a little threatening and I know she means it. Whatever that would be, I know she'd do it.

I smile and place my free palm over my heart as I promise her.

"I'll go as slow as a snail. Even slower if you wish, love."

My hand has already taken control over hers, turning it and I am now playing with the skin at the base of her fingers, massaging it lightly, her not pulling away, not even giving me a sign she wouldn't like it.

And I don't even care anymore that I shouldn't be doing this. I'll try better next time not to give in to my little urges. But not now.

"I'll go as slow as you'd want me to," I promise to her.

And I am far from still referring to the driving, and I guess that she is aware of that too because her cheeks get even redder and as she starts biting her lower lip, she again shifts her eyes down. Oh, I so love it when she gets like this.

"That's… um... good."

It would be good if she'd let me just-

"So, um… shall we..." she asks slowly sliding her palm from under mine. "...go?"

Again, she pulled away.

_And isn't this a good thing?_

I don't know anymore. I don't know what I want from her anymore.

"Yes, Rose. Let's go."

**RPOV**

He gets on the motorcycle first and looks at me expectantly, waiting to do the same.

And I do it. I get on it too, but I don't dare do more than this. I sit there, tense and straight and not touching him. Considering what happened earlier, I don't have the courage to do anything that involves making contact with him.

But he takes action and his hands move backwards, finding mine resting in my lap, gets my hands in his and drags them around his torso, spreading them and placing them onto his upper abdomen.

"Here, love. But promise you won't squeeze me to death this time." he tries to lighten up things and I am grateful for this.

I even find the courage to laugh a little.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Don't worry." he pats my thigh after he pulled it even closer to his. "I know," he ends as he did the same with my other thigh. "You're ready, love?"

"Yes."

"I don't think so."

"What?"

"Relax. I won't drive you into a pillar, I promise."

"I know…"

And to show him that I trust him with this too, I take in a deep, calming breath and I slowly lay my cheek on his back.

He revs the engine and I do not let panic creep inside me. I remain just the same. Calm.

"See, love? It's not that bad."

"Yeah…"

But as he starts driving a little faster to pass a car, my palms mindlessly clasp onto his T-shirt.

And maybe he tries to help and gets one hand over mine, starting to soothe it with his thumb, but his gesture only makes me panic more.

"Keep your damned hands on the wheel, comrade! What are you thinking about?"

Laughing lightly, he goes back to driving safely.

And after a little while, as he gets driving along some dark green pines, I get really comfortable and I even ask him for something.

"Can you drive faster?"

"Are you sure?"

Hey, we're on a straight road and what bad could happen? First, he's indeed a great driver and, second, why the hell not?

"Yes!" my voice gets excited.

"Then hold on, love," he says as he pushes the speed pedal.

And as I feel the wind rushing through my hair so fast, I squeal exited.

"Too fast?" and I see him wanting to slow down.

"No, no! It's awesome! Keep going like that."

This right here feels like finally being free. I am not thinking of anything else but how good the wind feels on my face, of how well it feels to be wrapped around him, his scent all over me.

I love this moment right here and right now, and if it would never end, I wouldn't mind.

**DPOV**

I was enjoying too much feeling her arms wrapped around me, hearing her excited squeals, her warm breath on my neck as she wanted to see the road ahead, but, unfortunately, that made me miss the police car that spotted me driving too fast.

I need to stop and do as the man that got out of the car has told us to, getting off the motorcycle.

When he tells us to get away from it, as we comply, Rose wraps her palm on my upper arm and looks at me pleadingly, then whispers.

"Please don't kill him, comrade."

Her request makes me smile.

"Don't worry. I won't."

"Promise?"

"I promise, love."

"You'll behave?" she asks surprised.

"Sure. I'll do that."

As long as he behaves too and doesn't ask too many questions.

The police officer approaches us and looks at us head to toe.

"So, what do we have here?" he eyes us again, inspecting us, and I do the same.

He's maybe in his fifties, his hair white all over, his uniform looking neat and almost with no crease, and I am almost sure he was enjoying a cigarette before he had to follow me.

He won't pose any problem for me to take out if I don't like what he'll say. But only if necessary.

"Give me your papers."

Keeping up to my promise, I get out my driving license and hand it to him.

"So? What were you doing? Trying to impress your girlfriend here?" he asks amused.

"Oh, sir but-"

I wrap my fingers along hers, stopping her from speaking.

"Guilty, sir."

She eyes me angrily for lying, but I give her a reassuring look. I know what I am doing. And he has just given me the perfect excuse.

The man nods as he takes my information.

"Look. I have been young too. A long, long time ago, but still. I still remember how I used to be when I was your age. But please, for the love of God, don't be stupid, son. If you want to surprise her or impress her, buy her some beautiful goddamn flowers. Take her to a beautiful place, take her dancing, go watch the stars or something. But don't drive recklessly. You won't be able to love her for too long if both of you end up in a hospital. And it would be such a pity for you to lose such a beautiful lady."

Yeah, I must agree with him with this.

"I give you my word, sir, that it won't happen ever again."

The man smiles.

"But you'll still get a ticket, I don't care how much you regret it now."

"I don't doubt that, sir. I deserve it." I keep on playing the perfect citizen.

As the man writes the fine, he asks us how we met.

And Rose's eyes look for mine, already getting panicked.

But I start speaking before she does. God only knows what she would have said and how red she would have gotten from lying. Or worse. If she would have said the truth.

"We met a few years back at a carnival in our town. And she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

I dare say the truth into my fictional story, which makes her look at me surprised, her eyebrows frowning.

"She stole my heart away, from the first second I laid my eyes on her," I continue to speak as she watches me and she blushes as she's looking back at me.

When a small smile creeps on her lips, she looks down and mindlessly walks her thumb on my hand.

"She was out there with her friends and for one moment she was finally alone and she was trying to win herself a prize at those shooting games, but she wasn't doing the best job."

"You can say I sucked, you know?" she decides to contribute, trying to make my lie more believable and bringing another smile on that man's face. He likes what he's hearing. We're selling him the most beautiful lie.

"You did not suck, love." I ruffle her hair and put my hand around her middle, pulling her closer to me, her body stiffening for a second, then relaxing and even coming closer by her own will.

"But still, I needed you to win me the prize."

"Eh, love. That was just a reason for me to get closer to you." I keep on pretending we're these perfect lovers and I won't lie. I would like to have at least half of that with her. Maybe just for one day. It would be enough.

"But you didn't give it away for free," she continues the story perfectly, a tease present in her tone.

"How could I have? I had to make you go out with me somehow, right?"

"Right, comrade," she says patting my chest and I go as far as pulling her a little upward and resting my lips on her forehead for a second.

"And she said yes. So I took her to a cafe and from there, well, things have been good, and here we are."

I end my story as I see the man satisfied with what he has heard and already filling the fine. What would be the point in torturing myself with imagining things I cannot have with her?

As he hands me the piece of paper, he gives me one last piece of advice.

"Do yourself a big favor and wear your goddamn helmets and keep an eye on the speed the next time, okay?"

"Sure, sir."

"Have a good night, kids." oh, good. We got off easy.

As the man leaves, Rose is looking at me, arms crossed over her chest, an amused, angry mixed expression on her face.

"What?"

"So, that's how we met? In what life, exactly?"

In a different one, I hope. In a life that I am allowed to have you. At least then I could have you if in this one I cannot.

"Hey, at least I mentioned the cafe."

"Yeah. Good thing you let out all the other things that happened in there, comrade."

And we get riding again, at normal speed now, and my eyes are pinned on the buildings around us, looking for a place to spend the night into, but after half an hour of driving around, I didn't see anything I like.

"Comrade?"

"What, love?"

"I am kinda hungry."

"Then let's get you something to eat."

I change the thing I am looking for and now I am searching for a place that is still open.

But our search doesn't last for too long.

Because in less than five minutes since we started searching, a black car stops in front of us out of nowhere, obliging me to stop too, to avoid the harmful contact.

When the doors of the car open and I see who gets out, I realize we're not in a pleasant situation.

We need to get away from here fast.

"Rose, hold tight to me."

And I want to start driving again, but all that I remember lastly is feeling Rose's arms leaving my body, her whelp in pain and my own pain at the back of my head.

Then, it went all black.


	26. I do find you interesting

**Hey there! I can't believe I got to post on time, but here I am, guys! **

**Tika 86, thanks for asking, I have passed my exams so far and managed to survive, thanks to my two friends, chocolate and coffee. I have only three more exams this week and I will be done with it all. Yay! Keep ypur fingers crossed for me guys, cause I'll be dying this week. But at least I will be having the weekend free to get back to writing, which is great. **

**Enjoy and just don't get mad at me for how this chapter ends, but oh, I just couldn't stop myself from doing it :) **

**Have a great new week!**

**Until next time, lots of loooove!**

* * *

**I do find you interesting**

**DPOV**

"Get your filthy hands off me!" I hear Rose saying through the haze covering my brain.

My head is pounding, my brain can't make my body move and I find it so hard to open my eyes, but I try my best when I hear a voice I know so well speak over Rose's.

"Oh, but you're a cute one. Let me just see you."

The image I see before my eyes awakens in me the instinct of wanting to go break all the bones in his hands, but when I try to move, I realize I am tied onto a chair. Three ropes. Two for my feet, one for my hands. A thing I should already start work on to solve.

Studying the situation, she is in the same position as I am, only that she's across the room. And this bastard is too close to her. His hands are way too close to her.

Rose's eyes drift on me the second she sees me moving and there's a pleading look in her eyes as she's moving her head out of his reach when he tries to touch her again.

"Get your hands off her," I find myself growl at him when his fingers clasp in her hair to keep her head tilted backward and in place.

Starting to laugh lightly, he lets go of her and turns to face me.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty. How you're doing?"

"What the hell do you want?"

"I am here to deliver a message."

"And why did you bother so much?"

"Because I had to."

"So deliver it already."

"Always so impatient. Fine, then. The old man sends his regards, 3-0-5."

Shit! How did he find out?

"Oh, poor thing. You're probably wondering how come I found you." yes, that would be a good thing for him to start with. "You know? I am glad I was close enough to be the one getting my hands on you. For too long I didn't like you and now I have the chance to do something about it."

"How?" I'll try to keep him talking and distracted as I try to undo these knots around my hands.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would."

"Fine. I'll tell you, Mister perfect." here he is, always grudging. So typical of him. "Nothing ever slipped from you when you were supposed to be on the down low. Until today. You so stupid that you go get a penalty?"

A penalty?

The driving penalty.

Yes, I am indeed stupid. Stupid, stupid, so goddamn stupid of me! How could I not think of that? I was using their documents after all and they got a notice of my ticket.

I let him glow in his proudness of having me in this position and I look at Rose, who is looking at us confused. She can't understand a thing we're speaking and when her eyes meet mine, she's asking me what's going on, and all I wish I could do is to tell her how sorry I am for being in this situation. Because I ruined everything. My lack of brain brought us here.

"You do that when you were supposed to be somewhere else in the world?" he tsks, faking disappointment. "That got the old man suspicious."

"Something intervened."

Maybe if I play the innocent, I'll have a way out. Or at least enough time to get free. Which is not as easy as I thought. This fucker has finally learnt how to make a hell of a knot.

"Yeah, I see. Like your little girl here."

"Leave her out of this. She-"

"She was supposed to be dead at the motel! But she's here, very much alive. You lied to him. I wonder why. _He _wonders why."

And he gets again close to her.

"You see?"

He touches her cheek, the back of his hand sliding slowly down on it, then under her chin, tilting her head.

"I don't get it. Why would you risk everything for a woman? For her? I mean, yeah, she's not unnoticeable, but still… What has gotten into you? What did she offer you to go against the old man?"

He laughs as Rose calls him a bastard and his palm gets a hold of her face, his fingers dug into her cheeks, which only makes me struggle harder to get myself free.

"Get your hands off her! Now!"

"Or what?" he doesn't even bother to move his eyes or hand off her. "You know what he told me?" he asks as his hand only gets further down on her body, over her breast, and she tries so bad to pull away, uselessly telling him to not touch her. "Hm, impressive."

"Lev, I swear to God, leave her be!"

"He told me to bring you to him. Unharmed. Because he wants to be the one dealing with you. And I will do just that. He didn't say anything about her. But just delivering you to him would be too easy for you. So first, I will deal with her. And I will do it right in front of you. I will enjoy it so much. The way you took so much care of her, the way you so easily lied and disobeyed, there is sure something between you two. I mean, isn't this sweet? She's wearing your coat too."

"Get away from her you brainwashed monkey! It's me the one you always hated! Get things even with me! I am the one you want!"

"Oh, but don't you see? I _am _getting things even with you. I will take her away from you, I will break her to little pieces, and then I will kill her right in front of you. And I swear I will take my time, just to see you suffer. Just so that you see that your actions have consequences and if you don't do what you've been told, you'll suffer. And only then I will take you to him to punish you the proper way."

He gets her untied from off the chair and after he strips her of my duster, he pushes her down onto the floor, obliging her to do so, pinning her to the ground with his body.

"Comrade? What's going on?" she asks panicked as she's trying to keep him away with no success.

"Oh, don't you worry, sugar. He can't help you," he says laughing. "He can just watch."

"_What_? No. _Please_."

I hear pure fear creeping into her voice and if things weren't bad enough already, now they're getting worse.

I need to get off this chair.

As he gets lifting her blouse she cries and starts fighting him so badly, squirming under him and trying to kick him, but he is not letting go of her, and she is unable to escape.

I feel my wrists burning from all this friction, but I am quite desperate at the moment and my brain can't think of a better solution. I just keep going, hoping I will manage to loosen it enough or maybe break it. I have to.

His hands are all over her now, one keeping her hands pinned above her head and the other squeezing her flesh.

I hate his filthy hands on her!

"I will fucking kill you! Let go of her!"

"And how are you going to do that, may I ask?"

Oh, in the worst way possible, I swear to God. I would break every single bone in his body.

But he is not listening and gets back to touching her, getting way further up under her blouse and reaching her breasts, making her plead some more.

Next, he pins her moving head down by grabbing her hair and pulling it down, making her whimper a faint "comrade" as his goddamn lips get pressing on hers and she starts squirming harder under him, begging him to stop.

And this knot is not getting undone, goddamnit! Come on! I have to get rid of it _now! _

I need to take my eyes off them so that I can see how I could get rid of this knot, and I don't even get to put my eyes on it that I hear Rose whimper again.

"No. _Stop. Please._" she starts saying between sobs. "I am begging you. Please don't."

And I find myself too yelling at him to let her be, to come to deal with me, but none of my words seem to be heard.

He has already unbuttoned her jeans and he stops just for a second to look at me, a smug, evil smile glued to his face, before going back to what he was previously doing.

I don't want to see what comes next. I won't. Only if I could get rid of this rope around my wrists!

"Let her go! You will regret this!"

"Why don't you want me to do it?" he asks taking things a little slower. "Does she mean anything to you?"

He has no idea how much she means to me. He will pay for this.

"You will die before you get to touch her!" and this is a promise.

"But you see, I already am."

And as he wants to drag her pants down fast, I hear some material ripping too and she whelps.

"Oh, God, please, comrade. Please, don't. No. Please, comrade, help me. Please."

And hearing her beg like this, something snaps inside me. And it snaps along with a piece of string around my wrists.

**RPOV**

I had my eyes closed tight and I was so, so afraid of what was going to happen to me, of what this man was going to do to me, and the fact that I could do nothing to stop him made things a hundred times worse.

But only it didn't come. Nothing bad happened to me. He didn't touch me further. His hand didn't reach to the inside of my pants.

On the contrary.

Instead of feeling his body press even harder on mine and him doing some other things I don't even want to think of, I feel lighter. I feel free. Because he got pulled off me.

I snap my eyes open to see how come this miracle happened, but it's no miracle.

It's him.

He somehow got himself untied and now he has that man pinned to the ground and well, he's beating the shit out of him, not even giving him the littlest of chances to fight back, and I bet that the words getting out of his mouth aren't very pleasant.

I get myself up from the floor, button my pants back up and pull my blouse down, covering myself, the prudishness in me still surfacing in such a moment.

And still, he hasn't stopped throwing punches at that man, and I am glad that he's getting his ass kicked big time, but I find myself having to stop him with my shriek when I see another man coming inside the room, carrying a gun.

And it's pointed at me, and I start wondering if this was it. This is all going to be it? I will die getting shot?

But the guy changes his target and shoots towards the men fighting on the floor, but I can't say I'm glad he did that because I don't want my guy to get hurt.

Next, he points his gun at me again and I freeze once more, the only word able to get out of my mouth being a faint "Comrade?".

And that was a gesture that made the good Russian in the room get even more pissed, I perfectly see it on his face as his eyes snap into the man's direction.

In less than a second, he is in front of me, his arm protectively wrapped backward around me, keeping me close to him, and I hide behind him, cowardly.

But I don't want to be in this situation either. Because it means that he could get shot if I am not.

But the man in front of us, oddly enough, doesn't shoot.

Instead, the men begin talking.

And even if I don't understand a word they're speaking, it's like my life saviour is daring the other to shoot him.

A thing that he doesn't do. He gets pissed off big time, but he doesn't fire the gun.

In his anger, he comes closer, the gun still pointed at us, saying something that I again don't understand.

And that's when it happens.

He, so effortlessly snatches the gun from the other and instead of shooting and finishing things fast, he throws the gun on the floor, a disgusted look on his face, and starts using his fists.

He knocks his adversary down with just two punches, perfectly aimed at his temples that make him crumble to the ground.

And you would think that this was all, but of course, it's not. Things can never be so simple.

The first one, Lev I guess, decided to move, even though his face and chest are full of blood.

And not only that he moved, he even crawled to the place where the gun landed, and he's so close to getting his hands on it.

But to his most unfortunate luck, he doesn't manage to get to it in time.

I don't even get to reach it in time as I wanted to make myself useful and get the gun out of his reach.

Because again, the Russian is faster than anybody. Sometimes I forget he is a walking killing machine. A flawlessly working one.

His foot makes contact with Lev's forearm, and even though covered by his scream in pain, I swear I heard the bone breaking.

Just before putting him back to the ground, he gets the gun out of his reach, sliding it away across the room, then he is free to get back to pounding fists into his already damaged face.

And gosh, he doesn't stop. His fists just keep on moving.

Now the man is laying on the ground, not even protesting anymore, not moving at all in fact, just moaning form time to time, but he is still hitting him, continuing to tell him things I don't get.

And it's not like he doesn't deserve it, but I think it's too much. I can't bear to see this. It's too… violent. He's too violent.

Without thinking things through I go towards them and I try to get a hold of his hands, to make him stop, but he just pushes me away with a growl, and I need to take a few steps back so that I won't land on my butt.

What the hell?

But I'll be damned if I am giving up. I am done with all this killing. He has made his point. The man is half dead anyway.

I try once more to stop him, this time trying to introduce some words too, but I get the same reaction from him, only that this time I land on my ass on the floor.

This is when my brain signals me that something is out of place. Way out of place. That there's something wrong going on with him, but I can't figure out what. But he needs to stop, no matter what. I can't bear to watch him be like this.

In a last, desperate attempt, I get behind him, bend and wrap my arms around his torso and hold him so, so tight.

"Stop. Please, please, comrade, stop. Listen to me. What has happened to you? Stop. Please."

But he doesn't. He slowed down a little, but he doesn't stop.

"It's enough. He's dead. Or almost dead. He can't fight you anymore. He can't do anything anymore."

Still no response.

I don't know what else to do. He seems to be so furious. I put my head into the crook of his neck and hold him a little tighter.

"Stop, please. You are scaring me. Please, comrade. Stop this."

Growling, he stops, turns his attention to me, and wants to turn around.

I let go of him and when I do get far enough, we stare at each other for a second.

When our eyes meet, I see such darkness in them that a chill goes down my spine. What's happening? Something is off.

I dare move and lift my hand to touch him, but he doesn't react how I hoped he would.

He reacts like I would have wanted to hurt him. Like I am nothing more than another threat to him.

He grabs my hands in defense and pulls me a little towards him, shaking me and when I do the mistake of wanting to pull away, his grip on my wrists only tightens and he pushes me down, pinning me to the ground and immobilizing me completely with his body.

In this second I am so afraid I don't even have the courage to speak. I am even afraid to breathe. I don't want to end up like the other person he got pinned down like this. What is he going to do to me?

He stops, hovering over me, breathing heavily, that darkness still there, clouding the warmness in his eyes.

"Co- com- comrade?" I whisper along with that breath I have been holding for so long.

Tears form in my eyes, I gulp the lump in my throat and continue to speak.

"It's me. Rose. Please, don't hurt me."

And with that one little sentence, I start crying so hard.

"Please, you are scaring me."

I realize that my whole body is shaking with fear. I am completely terrified of what I see in his eyes. He is not the same man he was minutes ago. He is… I don't know. But he is not the man I know.

He looks at me for a couple of seconds, tilting his head, watching me just like I would be a stranger to him. Like it would be the first time he sees me.

He gets up and pulls me up on my ass, gets his hands off me and blinks a couple of times, still looking at me confused.

I start shaking even harder, some more fear creeping in me. I won't deny it. I am very afraid of him now. Why isn't he saying anything? This situation is too unpredictable and I don't know what to do. I am too afraid to do anything.

His hand reaches for me again.

I squeeze my eyes shut and make myself little, pulling away.

"Comrade, please, it's me… I don't…"

I feel him wrapping his palm on my forearm, but this time it's not as tight.

"Please, don't…"

I try pulling away from him, but he doesn't let me get out of his grasp. I open my eyes and look at him pleadingly.

"Please let go of me. I… Please," I say, more tears strolling down my face.

I try to pull away some more but he gets a better hold of me with both hands, keeping them in place, preventing me from moving.

"You're scaring me. Let me... please. It's me, Rose."

His eyes widen, then he frowns, and in a split of a second, I get to see warmness come back in his eyes.

"Roza…?"

His eyes leave me and he looks down at his hands tightly wrapped around my wrists and lets go of them all of a sudden.

I pull them close to my body and crawl away from him.

He reaches for me, but I get myself out of his way, even more afraid, not knowing if it's safe.

I remember that look in his eyes, all the hate, all the anger, all of it directed my way, and I hate it.

"I would prefer you not to do this now, please."

His expression crumbles as he finds himself obliged to keep the distance.

"Did I hurt you? I didn't…" he looks down at his hands again, inspecting the blood on them. "Roza, I am sorry… I… _God_..." he passes his hand through his hair and looks around the room, his eyes stopping on his previous victim.

"What… what happened to you? You… weren't... you."

I don't know if he still is. I don't know what happened, but I never want to see him like that ever again. He scared me so much.

"Is this yours?"

He ignores my question and looks at me. On me, to be more precise. When I inspect myself too, I see that he has left some blood on me earlier.

He slowly and gently takes my hands in his and inspects them and I don't pull away again. Even though I am still shaking from all of my joints, I think I am safe. Because the man I know is back. And I don't feel that afraid anymore.

"Did I hurt you? Tell me. Did I…?"

But I keep my ground. I won't let this question without an answer.

"Hey." I get his face in my hands, lifting it and I make him look me in the eyes. "Tell me what happened here. Now_. _Tell me now. You…" I shake my head, not wanting to think about it again. "You _changed_. There was something about you…"

"I am so sorry, Roza."

He wraps his arms around me, one across my back and the other one starting to soothe my hair, and he holds me tight, and I don't pull away. Whatever happened to him earlier, I know that it is now gone and that he means his words.

And I can't help but feel safe in his embrace. I always do. So I relax and let him hold me, his arms around me washing away all the doubts that were left in me.

He buries his head in the crook of my neck and speaks to me so softly.

"I am so sorry, Roza. I don't know what... I swear I would never hurt you. _Never_. You…" He doesn't finish that thought, just sighs. "Oh, Roza…"

"I what?"

He sighs once more. "Nothing."

I pull away and out of his embrace and I watch him expectantly.

"Comrade? I _what_?"

His eyes avoid mine.

"Nothing."

I reach my hand for his face and force him to look me in the eyes. I want to know.

"Hey, _tell me."_

"I already told you it's nothing." His voice got cold in a matter of seconds.

"Why are you like this? What's the matter with you?"

"Rose, don't make a big thing out of it. I didn't mean to say anything more."

When I keep on watching him, not willing to drop the subject, he tries to make contact with me once more but I jerk my hand away.

Now, I am angry with him. And all that adrenaline in my blood is doing me no good. He won't persuade me again to let go of whatever's happening. I am way too angry with him this time to drop the subject.

"No!" I pound my palms into his chest with each word I yell further at him. "Goddamnit, _no!_ You don't get to act like _this_…" I show him the man laying on the ground, barely breathing. Maybe he is not breathing anymore. "And then just tell me it's nothing! This was not _nothing! _It was a lot! You…" I sigh and look again into his warm eyes. "You... I don't know... You were so..."

I stop myself before saying it. I don't have the guts to say this out loud.

"What? What was I, Rose?"

I shrug. "Not yourself."

"How do you even know I wasn't myself?" He gets defensive.

Ouch. That really hurt. Hardly, as I speak, I try and keep my tears from falling but my voice cracks often.

"You're right. Because I know… Nothing. I know _absolutely nothing_ about you because you never _tell_ _me_ anything. But, even though, I know you are not like that…"

"Like what?"

"Like _that_." I show him the man on the ground again. "I know you are not like that."

I have felt his goodness so many times so how can I see him only like a man who has beat another man to death in such a way?

"You are not that heartless. Not that…"

**DPOV**

Not that much of a savage.

I know. I usually don't give in to that behavior.

But I just... snapped. And I couldn't control it. I didn't want to.

All that self-control I have been taught for years, it took me just a split of a second to forget about it. Because she was in so much danger. Because I could have lost her. And I couldn't let it happen.

Hearing him talk like that about Rose… I couldn't let him. All the things he wanted to do to her. It would all have been because of me. And I promised myself that I won't get another person I care about get killed. Never again.

But I have lost it so bad that I was close to hurting her too, the only person on this earth I have promised to keep safe.

But I didn't. Because just by looking in her eyes, I found so much peace.

Words could never do justice to those brown eyes of hers. Just a look in that warm deepness and I could be high for days, I wouldn't need anything to get by, and it could calm the deepest tempest in me.

She has a way of changing everything with just her look, a touch and sometimes, so rare in my experience, a kiss, that's so, so sweet. She doesn't need much to take control over me and she is not even aware of it. She has a power over me I never thought someone ever would.

She makes me want to be good. To be better. To be that someone she deserves in her life.

But seeing fear in them as she was watching me, it broke me. It has made me feel like the brute she has always say I act like. Because even though I want to be the man for her, maybe she was right all along when she was saying that I am nothing more than that instinct-driven animal. Maybe I never could be more. Maybe I'll never will.

**RPOV**

"What? Not that much of a brute, right? This is what you wanted to say earlier and didn't have the courage to?"

"I wasn't… _No… _I-"

I didn't want to say it, but remembering how he acted, I thought it. Does this make me a horrible human being? Oh, gosh, I am.

"Is this how little you still think of me? Hasn't your mind change at all? You still see me like that."

"No. I am-"

"Isn't that what you always say about me? That I am such a brute? So emotionless? That I don't even have a heart? Maybe I am indeed that man."

I can only look at him and feel more hurt with each word he throws at me. I didn't mean for this to come out like this. Not at all.

"Maybe I will never be something more than that, Rose! Maybe I never was! Maybe I can't!"

I felt the hurting saying these words cause him and I start crying again.

I know he is not like that. He is just... a product of his environment. He was taught to be like that. He can and is so much more than that. I have seen the other little bits of him. _Those _are what make the real him. And the real him is nothing close to this man I have just seen. Something deeper that I don't understand happened and made this dark side of him appear.

And I did him wrong to him to think such a thing.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't… You are not… I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking that. I…"

At my sight, his expression calms and he sighs deeply and passes his hand through his hair for the thousandth time these past minutes.

"Rose, don't cry, please."

"No, you're right. I… I shouldn't have… I'm sorry."

I get up and my eyes again fall on the almost dead body of that man, thing that only makes me cry harder, remembering how he was while beating him to death.

"I will, um… wait for you outside. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I really didn't."

I walk away to let him deal with that man.

He calls after me but I don't turn. I just rush to the door and out. I need to get away to clear my mind too.

* * *

A few minutes later, he comes outside and sits next to me.

We don't speak for a while, but his presence calms me. He always makes me feel better, and it happens even now, after I have seen what I have seen. There's something deeper inside him that radiates towards me and makes me feel so peaceful.

And after all, I trusted him completely earlier when he said that he would never hurt me. He didn't hit me or anything close to that.

But then again, he asked me that question. What if he cannot be more than what I have seen tonight? What if he-

_No_. It can't be. He's good.

Or…?

There are so many conflicting things in my head I don't even know what to do. Never let him touch me again or cuddle into his embrace again and never leave? I can't afford to do any of them now.

I can't… he's right. How could I possibly know how is he? I know nothing about him. He…

"Rose." is everything he says.

I look at him at last, when I gather enough courage, hoping that I won't see those dark eyes looking back at me. I'll admit I will be afraid of this thing for a while.

And when our eyes meet, I swear I can see the guilt I feel in his voice as he continues to speak.

"Did I hurt you in any way earlier? Let me know."

I shake my head no. "You didn't."

"But still, I was… harsh, right?"

"Don't you remember?" was he _that_ out? That deeply into that darkness?

He doesn't respond.

"Have I hurt you? In any way. Even the littlest of it. Be honest with me, please."

He reaches his hand for mine, but stops just before touching me, fisting it and pulling away a little, probably remembering how I pulled away from him earlier, and I get to see that he has washed his hands somewhere, as they don't carry all that blood on them.

"Can I?"

I nod and he gets my right hand in his, moving gently, just like he would be afraid of breaking me, and pulls the sleeve up to check on my wrist. I won't get a bruise, that's sure, and the redness of his fingers disappeared a while ago, but not completely.

He sighs as he passes a thumb over a reddish spot.

"I am sorry, Rose. I really am. I…" He sighs once more. "Back in there, I… I don't know..."

He walks his thumb on the inside of my palm and I dare to get a hold of his with both of mine, stealing the warmness his skin always gives.

"You're cold," he states and this is the second I realize I am shaking. Indeed, I am cold as hell.

Next, he gets up and goes back inside.

I know he came back when I feel the leather and heaviness of his duster on my shoulders.

"Thanks."

He sits again next to me, this time so much closer, and he even puts an arm around me, trying to pull me closer to him, a gesture I didn't see coming, a gesture that makes my body stiffen.

His response is a little sigh as he walks his palm up and down on my upper arm.

"Don't be afraid of me, Rose. I won't hurt you," he whispers, just like a promise.

"I know. I just… I…" I just think I need a second to accommodate myself with being touched. I mean, after…

"I know," he says holding me a little tighter. "But it's okay now. I promise."

He continues to walk his hand up and down on me, warming me, and I dar snuggle a little closer to him, finding comfort in nestling into him, and he welcomes me into his embrace.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." at least I guess I am.

"The hell you are, Rose," he cuts out my bullshit.

"I'll… I'll be."

"Oh, Roza…" he says with his head getting to lightly rest on mine.

"I um… thank you. You know, for… that… because if he… if he… oh, _God_."

Just remembering how close he was to…

His hand finds mine and his fingers interlock with mine.

"Hey. I wouldn't have let him do that. I wouldn't have let him hurt you."

"I know but I… I didn't… I couldn't…"

I don't get to finish my sentence because a strangled whine stops in my throat and I wrap my hands around his torso, my head buried into his chest and I start crying, harsh sobs shaking my body.

"I wanted to fight him. I _tried, _but… but he… he was so strong and I… I was so afraid and powerless."

He starts soothing my back.

"Hush, love. You are fine now. Everything is fine now. You're safe."

"You promise?" I ask him muffled, sounding like a little kid.

"I do. Nothing is going to happen to you ever again. I promise."

With this reassurance, I dare hold him a little tighter, like a silent thank you. Which he reciprocates.

"I um… You... scared me a little in there, comrade." I simply speak, without really thinking things through, taking advantage of having my face hidden into his chest.

I pull away a little and look for his reaction. I wouldn't want him to get upset again. I hope I didn't mess things up.

He entangles our fingers and brings my hand up to take one more look at my wrist, just like a reminder.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… But you…" he shakes his head. "I would _never _hurt you. Not you…" He sighs, sounding defeated. "Don't fear me, please. I will never do anything to hurt you, Roza. I swear."

I smile at him and nod.

"I believe you." He has been nothing but good to me ever since we met and I believe his words. He could have hurt me so, so many times but didn't. In fact, he has always protected me.

And we sit there like that, his hand holding mine and again, I don't know what to think. I don't know what to understand from this. I don't know if this is something more than him comforting me after that horrible thing. If his promises mean more than they should.

But I don't ask anything. I don't care now. For now, I don't want to think about it. I just want to be. Here, with him.

I lay my head on his shoulder and he moves, taking my other hand in his too, warming them both, his thumb caressing my knuckles.

And I enjoy this. Just this little moment. With him next to me, nothing confusing happening, him just holding my hands and being close to me.

And everything was well, until a few minutes later, when his phone starts ringing in the pocket of the duster, which spoils our peace.

He doesn't respond, doesn't even bother to move, doesn't even seem to be hearing it, but I know that this was it. We'll need to move, to go, to do something.

When it stops ringing, I speak.

"So, what do we do now?"

He lifts and unglues his eyes off my hands and looks at me just like he has been somewhere else until now.

"We… go I guess." He gets up and extends a hand to help me up, which I take without a second thought. "Let's catch some sleep. How does that sound?"

"Good. That sounds really good, comrade."

I anyway feel like I have run two marathons and this night has been so, so long already and it's not even close to midnight.

* * *

He has bought two packs of ice from the Walmart we stopped at for buying some clean clothes, and the first thing he did after we entered our room at a new motel he found, was to get into the bathroom, put them in the sink and now he's keeping his fists in that coldness, which makes me feel shivers down my spine just by thinking of it.

"Does it hurt?" I find myself asking from the doorway as he has left the door open. A stupid question, I realize, but still, I asked.

His head snaps in my direction and he shakes his head no. The hell it doesn't. I bet he even got to hit the floor some times, that driven he was.

I get closer to him, watching his hands the whole time.

"Is there something broken?"

He laughs shortly at my concern. "Don't you worry. They have seen worse times."

I bet they did. I wonder through how many things his body has been through. How many signs of battle he carries.

"Can I take a look?"

"Why?"

I shrug. "Don't know."

He has always been concerned about my injuries. Why wouldn't I be about his? I mean, I am the reason he got them in the first place.

Looking down, he takes one hand out of the water, resting it on the edge of the sink.

I move unsure, not even knowing if he's letting me or he did it just because it was too cold, if it was hurting him or something, but I don't sit around to ask. He got his hand out the water, and even if it wasn't for me, I am still going to take a look, just to make sure he's fine.

When I get close enough to him, I take his hand in mine, feeling the ice-cold skin of his on mine and I bring it a little up to study the bruises starting to form on his knuckles, along with some still bloody spots. The bruises and cuts he got fighting with those men, only to keep me safe.

I walk my fingers along each indent between his fingers, feeling rough, slipped skin beneath.

And I start stupidly chuckling. It's more like a nervous laugh, but still, it makes him ask me confused about why I am doing it.

"You could say we're brothers now, comrade."

"What?"

I walk my fingers across his wrist, which is having on it a mark just like mine, from the ropes.

Understanding, he laughs a little too.

I am the first one to get back to being serious.

"Why didn't you use the gun? It would have been much simpler." less painful too.

"I don't do guns."

"But still, you could have gotten shot by that guy."

It was crazy of him to put himself in between me and the gun in the first place.

"But I didn't."

I turn his hand around, checking for something else, but only find the calluses on his palm and I study each of them, remembering how they felt on my skin, on my hips, on my… oh, it just feels so good to touch him again.

"And what if you do get shot someday?"

"Then that it will be it."

His careless response startles me.

"You don't care about your life, like, at all? Are you one of those fatalists?"

He looks at me, smiling warmly, and I see how hard it is for him to hide the tiredness on his face. I guess this day took its toll on him too.

"What? Am I not right?" I continue when I don't get an answer from him.

"That's just how life works. One day you die."

"_Your_ life might be ending with a bullet, comrade. But not everyone's. You do it because you enjoy the danger and stuff?"

"I just don't do guns, Rose. Don't make this deeper than it isn't."

"Why?" I insist.

"Does there have to necessarily be a reason?"

"I guess so."

He smiles and shakes his head, a little more amused than earlier.

"There isn't."

"Come on, tell me." I know there is a reason. And it may not be that personal and I may have the chance to get an answer.

"They don't seem…" he starts speaking and I want to make a pirouette. Yes! He is finally telling me something.

"What? Of honour? In a fight I mean. That's it?" I ask smiling, already starting to fill the blanks because I am excited.

"Yes, somehow. They don't seem honorable." Wow. He is talking like a real cowboy now.

"How?"

He seems to be thinking of an explanation and I won't give up until I get it.

"How, comrade?" I need to ask again when he doesn't say anything for ten seconds.

He smiles at my stubbornness and even rewards it with the answer I so much asked for.

"It seems an act of cowardice. It's easy to kill someone with a shot. And that's it. But it's different when you fight. Each has his fair chance."

That seems, well, _manly _of him. I mean, he is right after all. That is a cowardice gesture.

"But you still use them."

"I do. But only when there is no option left."

"You know what? It doesn't make sense with all the cowboy stuff and-"

And I realize what stupidities I am saying and seal my lips and move my eyes down. Now I can't even look back at him.

"What cowboy stuff are you talking about?" I hear the amusement in his voice, and I bet there's some of it on his face too.

"Nothing."

"Rose?" he asks in disbelief.

"Really, it's nothing."

I want to sink his hand back in the water and leave, but he squeezes on mine, keeping me in place.

"Rose? What were you talking about?"

I sigh, knowing I have no way out. Why do I have to let words slip out of my mouth like that?

"You'll think I am an idiot if I finish that sentence."

"I won't."

I look at him suspiciously.

"You didn't hear it yet, and I know you will."

"I won't."

I still eye him, not giving up on my suspicions.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"And what if you laugh even though?"

"I never break my promises."

"Fine."

But I still don't say anything.

"So?" he pushes it.

"You know, with your duster and your books about the old west and all, I thought that you would be a fan of guns. I mean, didn't they use guns pretty much back then? With the quick draw and all?"

It takes so much from him not to smile way wider than he's now.

"See? You are laughing at me." I punch him with my free hand.

His expression gets serious in an instant, but I am already pulling away from him.

"No. I am not. Really."

He pulls me back to him, but his smile that is widening is giving him away.

"On, really?" I punch him again. "You _promised_."

And this time, he goes serious all the way.

"Fine. Sorry. You're right." He squeezes on my hand and walks his thumb on it. "I was laughing, but just a little. It's funny that you thought about that thing."

"No, it is stupid."

"It's not. Really. In fact, I have never thought of that. That's the impression you got about me?" he asks and again, gets smiling.

I smile too. "Well, after I got over the mafia guy one and the other presumptions and saw you reading… yes."

"Oh, Rose. You're unbelievable. You-"

He gets interrupted by a very loud growl of my stomach, which makes him frown.

"You're still hungry."

"Not really…"

"Not really? You last properly ate for breakfast."

"I did not. I ate back-"

"That little Reese's doesn't count as a meal. I am taking you to eat something."

"But it's so late."

"So?"

"Aren't you tired?"

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I am, but-"

"No buts. We're going. There's a diner across the street anyway."

* * *

As we eat- Well, mostly _I _am eating, because he is too busy staring at me.

"What? Why do you always look at me like that when we eat? Do I look weird or something? You have done it a lot ever since we're here."

"No. Nothing like that. I am just impressed with your abilities to eat," he says resting his chin into his hand and continues to watch me as I munch on a fry.

But his comment made me laugh. He wouldn't be the first to say that.

"So that was it. But you see, I was kinda starving, comrade."

"Sure, I know that, but how come all this food gets into someone so little?"

"_Hey_. Don't call me like that."

He smiles, seeing the chance to tease me. And he definitely doesn't want to miss it.

"Why not? Obviously, you _are-_"

"Comrade," I growl. "I mean it."

"You mean what?" he gets that devilishly attitude I know so damn well I shouldn't like. But how can I not? How can I resist it?

I'll try to keep my ground.

"Don't call me like that again."

"Call you how?" he continues to tease.

"You know how."

"Oh, you mean li-"

"Speak more words and I will hurt you." I even lift my fork that I haven't used at all and point it at him.

"And how do you plan on doing it?" he provokes me, and I swear it takes a lot from me to keep a straight face.

"Look, comrade, don't keep on messing with me," I try to seem convincing with my threat.

"Why not? You look cute when you get angry."

And it's not the first time he says his shit to me, and I believe it's finally the time I take my revenge on him for it.

I punch him under the table, my foot making contact with whatever part of his body that I reached.

My reaction doesn't bring him any pain. It only makes him smile wider.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"Why would I?" I ask him and pull a face. I know he's mocking me.

"See? That thing you just did."

"What about it?"

"I like the way you scrunch your nose in displease. It makes you look just like a _teeny-tiny_ rabbit," he insists on emphasizing those words, doing it on damn purpose. I wonder why he enjoys so much on teasing me like this. "Moving its whiskers left and right. And how your cheeks flush when you get _really _mad-"

"How many people are out there wanting to kill you?" I cut him off before he says something more that would make me do something I might regret later.

"Who counts?"

"Well, I bet it is all because of your amaaaaazing personality."

"From what I know, you're the first one to complain."

"I bet I am. Lie yourself with that, comrade."

I lean back in my chair and no matter how much he says I have eaten, honestly, I am still hungry as hell. I would eat half this diner if given the opportunity.

I don't dare ask for another serving. He would think I am insatiable.

But I keep on eyeing his almost full plate, my eyes not able to leave it. It's such a pity he is not eating all the goodies there.

And as he had nothing else to do but look at me, he saw me looking at his plate like it was the holy grail of food. So he extends his hand and pushes it towards me.

"What is this? Another peace offer?"

"Why would it be?"

He has the audacity to ask this?

"Because I am mad at you." I try to keep my lips from curling into a smile.

"You are? Are you still mad?"

"Dunno. Are you still a little jerk?"

He smiles, understanding my game. "Only if you still consider I am."

"Maybe I do."

He now smiles that damned cheeky smile of his that I shouldn't want to see more of.

"Okay. Then consider this a peace offer," he says pushing his plate towards me again. "Or do you want a bigger serving?"

"Nah, I am fine, comrade. This will do."

**DPOV**

It's tacos in my plate that I so gladly handed to her and she is now putting ketchup on them and I must admit I am curious to see if she is just doing it to fuck with me, or she'll actually eat that.

"Don't you think I am weird for eating it like this." oh, so she's not messing with me. "It's the way I like it. I ran out of salsa once," she explains herself. "Don't judge until you try it. So I don't even want to hear the word weird getting out of your mouth."

"I don't think you are weird." she keeps on insisting I believe this about her. And many other bad things. But I don't. "I think you are interesting."

"Yeah," she gets rolling her eyes. "And you say it like that. I think you're interesting, Rose," she impersonates a man's voice, but she didn't match the tone I used. Because she again thinks I am mocking her. Which I am not.

She goes back to eating her tacos, not having as much enthusiasm as earlier.

"No, really. I _do _find you interesting."

The thing that I can't decipher her completely makes me very curious about everything about her. I would love to learn all her little quirks and so-called weirdnesses and everything else in between. I would learn her, in and out.

"Yeah, right. You'd be the only one," she says and rolls her eyes once more.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe me?"

"Because it is."

"Why?"

"Just because. It doesn't matter."

Why do I have the impression it has something to do with Haynes again? But of course, I wouldn't mention this to her.

"If I'd say I mean it, no hidden stuff, would you believe me?"

"Not really."

"What about… what if I'd say you have a good heart?" I have missed my chance to say it when it needed to be said, but better later than never.

Me saying this makes her smile, then look down as she's putting a strand behind her ear.

"You are quite a charmer when you are not killing people, comrade."

"Is that a compliment I heard from you, love?"

"You know what? Now that you called me like that, _again_, I am taking it back."

"No. You can't take it back."

"Says who?"

"I do."

"And since when do you make the rules?"

I shrug. She can take it back all the way she wants. She still said it.

"Anyway. I am still taking it back."

"Take it. But I will still remember you said it."

Not liking my response, she sticks her tongue out at me, bringing out a little part of that careless Rose out, and what she does next, brings another one.

She takes the straw resting on the table, rips one of its endings, puts that part in her mouth, then looks at me smiling.

I tilt my head into a question, not understanding what she's doing.

But when she blows air through it, I get it. Because the wrapping flies my way, hitting my chest, which brings a pleased smile on her lips, as I guess it reached her desired destination.

"What was that for?"

"For calling me love again."

"Seems fair."

"Does it?" she gets more surprised than she should.

"You asked me not to do it."

"But you still do."

"Can't help it."

"What do you mean?"

In response to this, I decide it would be better to just shrug and change the subject. If I would tell her again the reason why I so much like to tease her, to see her get so feisty, she would think again that I am just fucking with her, even though I don't get it why is it so hard for her to actually believe that I find her cute and hot when she does that. And so much more than that.

"If you took your revenge, does this mean that the compliment remains?"

"Is it that important to you?"

"Oh, Rose." I place my hand over my heart, trying to seem like I am playing, when in fact I mean my words. "You have no idea what your words mean to me."

She puffs. "Don't you mess with me, comrade." she again points that fork at me. "I might take it back for real."

"Fine, then. From now on, I'll behave."

"Yeah, sure," she says taking a bite from a taco.

**RPOV**

"Sooo, is it Vladimir?"

He smiles. "No."

"Grigory?"

He shakes his head.

"David?"

"You already tried that."

"Did I?"

"Don't you remember that either?"

"I was kind of a mess, comrade." he smiles, probably remembering all the stupid stuff I said and done. "But hey, I can only get better from there, right?" I try to be funny and optimistic, but his expression went dark the second I stopped speaking. Did I say something wrong?

"You shouldn't have known that."

"Know what?"

"Know that I said that."

My eyes widen and I can't hide the surprise on my face.

Oh, God, no. I shouldn't know he said that because it happened before the shower. Oh God, oh God, oh God! Someone please tell me I didn't do what I have already done.

"I um… I…" I don't even know what to tell him.

But he understood I lied to him back then. Oh, why do I have to be this stupid?

"I um… comrade… I just…" what can I tell him to make things right?

But he doesn't say anything. Not even scolds me. He is way too busy staring at the table, his jaw moving slightly left and right.

And who would blame him? I bet he can't even look at me from how pissed he is.

"You're… not going to ask why?"

"Are you going to respond?"

With this question his eyes lift and when they look back into mine, they pierce through all of me, through every little part of my being, that intense his stare is.

"I… I don't know…. It seemed…"

"_Right_?" he says a little too harsh, but hey, he has all the rights to do it.

"Maybe. I don't know. I know shouldn't have, but-"

"I understand," he cuts me off.

"You do?"

"Of course I don't, Rose. But… that's what you do. You… I should have seen it coming." he says rather amused than annoyed.

"You're not mad?"

"Mad?" he shrugs and looks away for a second. "No. I don't think I'm mad. I don't get it why you lied to me, but you must have had a good reason, but I am sure that if-,

"I was embarrassed," I simply drop it.

"Why?"

"Because I dared do that." I know all this conversation is around that damned so close to be kiss. "Because I was such a mess. Because…" because that was the first time I have given in to my deepest wishes and desires.

"Okay. I understand. And I am not mad." and with this, he seems to have dropped the subject.

So I drop it too, even though I would have wanted to add some more apologies there. Because he deserves them.

"Would you like some dessert too?"

God, I swear that these waitresses come out of thin air. This one almost gave me a heart attack. She's sneaky.

But from hearing the word dessert, my mouth has already started salivating. Who wouldn't want dessert?

"I bet she does," my companion says, seeming amused. I wonder how much of it is faked or if he got over the lying thing that fast.

"Well, we have…" and she is telling me a lot of goodies that they have, but she finds herself interrupted by the man in front of me.

"You're out of apple pie."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You just said you have apple pie. Which is not true."

"How come?" I am the one asking. Is he some kind of psychic too?

"Simple. There were two pieces left when we came here, and the couple in the booth next to ours are having some. So, they're out of apple pie."

Not only my eyes, but the waitress' widen in surprise.

She next apologises for her slip, and I resume to ordering something with chocolate, letting her go do her thing.

"Do you remember all the stuff that happens around here? Hear all of it?" I dare ask, testing the waters to see if he's still mad at me.

"It's part of my job to pay attention to my surroundings."

"So you observe _everything_?"

I wonder how much attention he has given to stuff I do. Why am I even wondering? He perfectly remembered everything that happened when I was drunk.

"Is there a thing you even miss? Has it happened to you?"

"Usually not."

Wow. The confidence there.

But I don't trust it one hundred percent. I feel the need to test it.

"Interesting. Then, tell me," I look around the diner to spot a victim of his attention. "Something about the blonde woman behind you."

"Be specific." Wow. He's playing my game. I didn't see this coming. He really meant it when he said he's not mad. Or, of course, he's an incredible actor. "Which one of them?"

"Oh, right." I didn't even realize there were two of them there. "The one with the fancy sunglasses." that I observed too when she passed along our table.

"What about her you want to know?"

"What is she wearing?"

"Date clothes."

"You _cannot_ possibly know that." he is messing with me.

He smiles, getting that all-knowingly attitude and surprising me with his good mood.

"I do."

"How?"

"Because she is just about to meet her lover."

"That is impossible to know!" I say louder than I should, making some of the heads around us turn our way.

I temper the excitement in my voice and lean closer to him over the table.

"Tell me how you know that."

"She is not wearing any ring, but still, she has a trail of it, the skin being whiter, and she even has a mark, as in, she wore it earlier today. Maybe even half an hour ago."

"Oh, but that simple to see. I bet you always look to see if women are married, comrade." I try and make a little joke, which gets rewarded with a smile from him. "But tell me how do you even know she is here to meet her lover? Maybe she has just gotten divorced today and is here to enjoy herself. Or maybe the ring was too tight for her just today."

"Unlikely. As I have said, he is wearing date clothes. Cute and stuff and she's having her makeup on point. It's obvious she put some effort into it. So, unless she is here to pick up someone, she is here to date her secret lover."

"I like it that you're so sure about it."

"Because that's what's happening. And let's be honest. Who else would have a date in this place if not some hidden lovers? It's far enough from the city, but not that far so it would be inconvenient. But it's not that, let's say, romantic. But it's hidden. Which is good because no one who knows her might see her. Plus, the motel is close enough."

Seeing that everything he says makes a lot of sense, I can only be amazed by his presumptions.

"What are you? Sherlock Holmes?"

"No. I just see things. And here is the lover," he says just as the door of the diner gets opened.

Shamelessly, I turn my head that way and just as he predicted, the man heads towards the blonde woman, and I watch them as they kiss, greeting each other.

I can't believe this!

"Okay, comrade. We are so not leaving this place until I see them get up and head to the motel."

He laughs lightly and shrugs. "As you wish."

I see the waitress coming closer, to bring me my sweet treat that I never thought would be coming.

"One more thing. Tell me fast. What is the name of our waitress?"

"Gina," he responds, not even needing time to think.

When she reaches our table, I look on her tag and that's it! Her name is Gina!

My jaw drops and I wait for her to leave before I speak again.

"Damn, comrade. I think that from now I should be more careful with what I do around you."

* * *

"Can I bring you something else?" Gina asks once more tonight.

"Yes. Another one of _this_," I say pointing to the chocolate smudged plate in front of me.

"That's your third tonight," the Russian adds, startling me.

"Thank you for keeping a count, comrade. But did I stutter when I asked for it?" I look at the waitress and tell her again to bring me another one.

"The answer is no," he tells her. "She's not getting more."

"Why not?"

Seeing that things are getting a little heated in between us, the waitress leaves us alone.

"Why am I not allowed to have some more?"

"It's not that you're not allowed to."

"What? You're concerned I would get fat?"

"I am concerned about you getting into a sugar coma. Are you aiming for that?"

"Not really. But that cake is just_ so good_."

"Would it hurt to try a vegetable from time to time?" he approaches a funny tone.

"Carrots might turn you orange. Chocolate won't color you. So why take the risk?" I decide to play along.

"But at least it's healthy. And it's not the only vegetable present on earth."

Seeing him bring logic into the discussion, I try to approach it too.

"Chocolate is a vegetable too. Chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are considered vegetables, right?" so I win!

"That's not how it works, Rose."

"I think it does. You are just pissed off I am right."

"No. Because that's a fruit, botanically speaking."

"You're shitting me."

"Not at all. Go search," he ends with a smug smile on his face.

I lean over in my chair and cross my arms over my chest, trying to seem mad rather than impressed.

"You do like to know them all."

"You seem to do too."

"How come? I am not trying to be a smartass."

"Maybe. But you still know a lot of stuff."

"What do you mean with that?"

"You seem to know a lot of stuff too. Like, little things. Is it because of your job?"

"Oh. That thing. Yes. These kinds come up with the funniest and trickiest questions."

"And what did you find out trying to answer them?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Why wouldn't I? I asked, didn't I?"

"Yeah." he did. And seemingly, not out of courtesy.

No one ever really gave a damn about my silly, little job. So I decide to answer his question.

"Did you know that The Cookie Monster has a real name?"

"Other than The Cookie Monster?"

"Aham. It's Sid."

"Impressive. Do you know the carrots thing from there too?"

"Yeah." I get laughing just by remembering how I learnt that thing. "I had one kid that loved carrots so much he started to turn into one."

And he gets laughing too, that deep, sounding and warm laugh of his that makes my heart weak in so many ways I can't even begin to understand.

"What about you? What crimes have you committed?" I take my chances to find a little more about him when we stop amusing ourselves

He shrugs like it wouldn't be an important thing.

"You name it, and I've probably done worse."

"And you're so proud of it, right?"

"No. It's not about being proud. I didn't do it to brag about it. I just did it." yeah. Because it's his job.

"Can I say something?"

"Say it." and if he is expecting me to say something about his job, he is in for a disappointment.

"I'm sorry about that thing."

"What thing?"

"That I didn't tell you I remember everything."

"It's fine, Rose."

"We both know it's not and that it was wrong from me to do so. But I… I was ashamed of what… I was so drunk and you have been nothing but nice and even when-" it would be pointless to say out loud what happened. He and I know so damn well what happened. "I know it wasn't fair of me to lie. Can… maybe it's not so easy for you to do, but-"

"I forgive you." he doesn't even give me the chance to ask for forgiveness.

"You _do_?"

He nods. "I told you I am not mad at you."

"Not even a bit?"

"A little disappointed, yes, maybe. But not mad. And at least now I know. And I see how sorry you are."

"I am. I really am."

"I know. I see. And it's okay."

He is again way too good with me. Why?

But I don't get the chance to ask him because the two sweethearts have gotten up and they're heading out.

"Shall we?" he asks, already getting out some money for the check.

"Shall we what?"

"Follow them, of course. Let's see if I was right."

I chuckle. "Sure, let's go. Let's play private detectives."

We get out and keep a fair distance from them, keeping on to a light and pleasant conversation along the way, in which I tell some more about how many little things I went through with those little pranksters at my job.

But at some point, along our little chase, the man turns around and heads directly our way, fast, leaving the woman go on her way to the motel.

"Oh my God, comrade, I smell trouble."

I hope I am not right.

The man comes to my companion first and starts talking angrily.

"What are you? A private detective? This is how you watch people nowadays? Pretending to be with someone?" he gets pointing his finger at me, displeased. "Well, find out it didn't work. You are doing a crappy job. Who sent you? Did her husband hire you?"

Hearing that, I start laughing and I am unable to stop.

"You were right, comrade!"

"What is wrong with her? Why is she laughing like an idiot? Is your _date_ retarded?"

"Hey, _watch it_."

He tenses on spot next to me and grabs the man by the front of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

"Back off before I put you through the wall." that man dares threaten, which was his worst decision tonight.

"Yeah? Let's see who would get through a wall tonight." he gets his response.

Oh, no. Trouble. Big, biiiig trouble. I don't want this guy to get beaten up tonight. The last ones ended really bad and I don't want the Russian to get again that mad.

I first wrap my palm on his upper arm and look at him, shaking my head.

When he doesn't give me any attention, I squeeze my way in between them, obliging them to make space for me and pull apart, then I turn and try to mend things with that man.

"Look, we're not any kind of detectives. Really. We just have a room at that motel too and we had something to eat and it is just a little coincidence. That's all."

"Yeah, sure. And I am just the stupid you try to fool. Go tell that to some idiot that-"

"No, really. You see-"

"Look, you _bitch-" _

"Who are you calling a bitch?" I am the one to get angry now and I pound my finger into his chest. "Listen here you-"

Because I am with my back turned to the Russian, I don't see it coming.

The punch, I mean. The one heading straight to this dude's nose, which makes the blood flow out of it in the very next second.

And maybe I should be angry. Maybe I should do something like scolding him for his temper surfacing again or his reaction, but I don't.

I just start laughing again, even harder. Look in what situation we have gotten ourselves into! Look how many people have gotten their ass kicked tonight! I haven't had part of so much action ever in my life.

"Come on, let's go."

He grabs my hand and drags me towards the motel fast.

"I am going to sue you, you motherfucker!"

He doesn't even bother to stop walking.

"Just try and do so! I bet that the police would love to know what you are doing here, along with a married woman. And I am sure that her husband would gladly find out about it too!"

This is all the answer he gets and without him saying anything more, we get back in our room.

I have been laughing all the way here and I still can't stop, having to lean over a wall for some support.

He sits in front of me, hovering and looks at me, still being pissed.

"What's so funny?"

"Isn't it for you?" I say still chuckling. "It's hilarious."

"What's hilarious?"

"Everything! Everything that happened is."

And his harsh mask breaks and he smiles too.

"It is kind of funny, isn't it?" he gets laughing a little harder.

When we stop amusing ourselves, I keep on looking at him and I become serious.

"Thanks, comrade."

"For what?"

"For that thing outside." he frowns. "I wanted to punch him too, but you did that first."

His expression changes to serious again.

"Well, he shouldn't have said what he has said."

"Yeah, but I could have defended my honor too, you know?"

Continuing to smile, he puts an arm on the wall next to my head and comes a little closer to me.

"Maybe you should resume to getting into one fight a night. What about that, love?"

I can only follow the way his lips move above me, and I didn't even hear what he said. But I agree with it anyway.

"Sure."

He continues to stare at me, smiling.

"Good," he gets one centimeter closer to me, resting his other hand on the wall, and my breath gets heavier, as in some anticipation. Of what, I don't know.

But in the next second, the relaxed, amused expression on his face darkens, and he repeats the word "good", but he says it like some kind of conclusion now, kinda harsh too and goes away from me fast, heading straight to the little bathroom.

Why did he storm out of here like that? Did I do something bad?

* * *

I have put on my new, gingerbread men filled pyjamas that I couldn't resist buying, and he was already lying in bed when I came out of the bathroom, still confused after his reaction earlier.

I don't say anything to him as I lay next to him and get myself covered with a blanket, preparing to finally go to sleep after such a long day. Who knows what tomorrow brings?

But the peace only lasts for five minutes after he turns off the light.

I didn't even get to calm my brain, that the door bursts open and I shriek in surprise, and as I get up, I almost fall out of the bed.

When the light gets turned back on, I see a familiar face.

Tanya.

So, I should be happy she's here, right? They're on the same side.

_But wasn't Lev too on the same side? _

She throws a smile our way, and a suited gorilla gets inside the room too. And I realize that I can't be happy about her presence here. Because I don't like how this night is evolving.

The Russian is already onto his feet and his palms are flexing, preparing for a fight.

"Maybe you should have left earlier, partner," she says faking an affected tone. "Take her," she commands to the gorilla.

When I realize that that her she is talking about is me, I get up to my feet too, my first instinct being to flee, but I realize that I don't have where to go because the exit is blocked.

And for a couple of seconds, no one moves. Everybody seems to be checking their surroundings, and I don't know what could be happening next.

Until the black-suited man starts heading towards me.

"Alive." it's the last command Tanya gives, watching me with a superior look in her eyes.

His action gets rewarded with a reaction from the Russian, his fists heading towards his face.

"Really? You are protecting her? Why? You barely know her."

Moving slowly and like teasing my nerves, she starts heading towards me, so sure of her actions.

I turn and grab the lamp on the nightstand and to hell if I am letting her touch me.

"Get away from me!" I try to keep her at distance.

My reaction from her is only a smile, both of us knowing that I have no chance.

"And you are fighting with me for her?" she continues to speak to him, but keeps on looking at me. "I am very disappointed, you know? After what happened between you and me, that night, I thought that we had something, _partner."_

She gets a gun out of her pocket and arms it.

"What if we stop things before they get messy, Rosie?"

She lifts the gun, pointing at me, and yells a "Stop!", covering the noise the men were doing while fighting.

And they both listen to her.

"Good. It's nice to see you can follow some orders. Now be a good guy and don't move."

Still keeping the gun pointed at me, she urges the man to come and get a hold of me, which he does, the Russian only watching what's happening, his jaw so tight I believe it will snap soon.

And my eyes are pinned on him too. I am so afraid of what would happen next I think I am going to faint and looking at him is the only thing making things a little better.

"Okay, so let's set things right now." Tanya gets complete control over the situation.

But I see him moving a little though. He is moving his elbow slightly upward, so unnoticeable and then looks at the bed.

And if I am not getting things wrong, he wants me to elbow the guy and hide under the bed when he lets go of me.

Which I won't hesitate to do. What else do I have to lose?

_Rather than your life? Nothing much._

But I trust him. If he tells me to do it, I do it.

I step on his foot as hard as I possibly can with my bare one and push my elbow into his solar plexus, taking him by surprise, a thing that makes him let go of me, and I take advantage of it and throw myself to the floor, crawling closer to the bed.

And as I do that, the Russian comes and jumps on that guy, knocking him down, and I hear three gunshots, and this is when I start praying none of those touched him.

I don't have the courage to get out from my hiding place for a whole minute, even though I hear a lot of growls and punches being thrown, and when I finally dare take a peek from under the edge of a blanket, I see Tanya is now fighting him, as the suited man is pretty unconscious on the floor, but he's fastly regaining his powers and seems willing to rejoin the fight.

I see something else, laying at the foot of the bed.

The gun.

I don't need to think twice about it. I grab it and get out from under the bed, not having the slightest idea about how even to hold it right, and I sadly find, after figuring out the gun, that the gorilla is back in the game and they're both on taking out the Russian, who I don't think can go on like this for too long.

"Stop!" I make the fighting cease and point the gun at Tanya first. "And you, get away from him," I try to seem confident at least in my voice as my whole body is trembling.

I really don't like holding this gun.

She says something in Russian and I don't get the cue to start threatening again with the gun I am so badly manipulating, that the two men start fighting again, and I find myself having to choose my target.

I know I can't risk shooting at them. They're moving and I could end up hurting him.

So this means I'll have to take Tanya out.

But can I?

I keep the gun pointed at her, but there's not even the littlest piece of confidence in my gesture, and she sees that.

She laughs. "Come on, shoot me if you can," she says, her steps taking her closer to me, as mine only try to get away from her,

"Stay away!"

I can't do this! What if I miss?

"Show me you can do it," she pushes me, but I don't dare move. "Come on, Rosie. We both know you don't have it in you."

"I am tired of people telling me this!"

And I do what I have never thought I would do.

I shut my eyes so tight that they start hurting and I press the trigger.

I pray I have at least managed to get her foot or something, but the next thing I know is that I feel some hands wrapping on mine and tearing the gun away from me.

She pushes me, and I stumble and fall to the floor, then she points the gun at me.

"Okay, you had enough fun. Let's see how you'll do with an unfunctional leg."

Oh, God, this was it for me. Now would be a good time to be anyone but me.

I hear a gunshot.

That's the sound that keeps on ringing in my head now.

But no pain comes along with it.

No dying sensation either.

Nothing.

I thought that getting shot would hurt like hell.

So, confused, I dare open my eyes.

And what I see in front of my eyes makes my mouth let out a whined "No."

This can't be.

Please.


	27. I feel like a mummy, love

**Guys, all my exams are passed, I am finally free and oh, it feels so goddamn good! Thank you for your encouragements! :)**

**I had my last exam yesterday and of curse, I spent the most of yesterday and today writing, and about 3/4 of the chapter has been written today, so if there are some mistakes in this chapter, I'm guilty. I reviewed it, but my eyes are stinging at this hour and I may have missed some stuff**

**selairalynn, yes, Tanya is Tasha**

**Dear guest, the answer is no. I can't chill with the cliffies. How else could I keep you guys reading my story? Plus, I so love cliffhangers, not only to write, but to watch or read too. **

**And being beside the topic now for some seconds, has any of you seen the last episode from Vikings? _That_ was a cliffie. And yes, I admit, I started watching it just because Danila got casted in it :)**

**Talking besides the subject over, now, I am sorry, other guest, it wasn't dream, but I hope that what happens next will make it up for it**

**Well, GojGoj, don't get mad with me, but I am planning to keep them ''stupid'' for a chapter or two longer. But the waiting will be worth it, I hope :)**

**Tika 86, I hope that that isn't too much of an inconvenient. And if it helps you somehow, know that I sometimes have to go back some chapters and search for things too, just to make sure I am not saying one thing in a chapter and change it in another**

**And HonestPassion13, I hope that what happens in this chapter could be qualified as romantic, even though no one confesses much**

* * *

**I feel like a mummy, love**

**RPOV**

Oh, so he bleeds. Just like any other mortal.

And his blood is just as red as I see it starting to run on his bicep and down to his fingertips.

But this means that he could die too. If he got hurt, he can die.

_No_. He cannot die.

This cannot be happening. Not to him.

Not now. Not ever.

Everything froze in the room, nothing is moving, and I feel like I am going to faint.

He will… I… shit! I care too much for him to even think he could die.

He _cannot _die.

But maybe it's not that bad. It's only his shoulder or I don't know, his upper arm. Maybe it didn't go that deep. Maybe it just scratched him. Maybe...

I am no doctor, but…

But what the hell am I talking about?!

She shot him! I can't believe she shot him!

On her face, I see that she cannot believe she did this either. She is dazed, still holding the gun extended in front of her, fingers tightly wrapped around it, eyes widened in surprise staring at him.

A thing that he takes advantage of. He's the only one in the room daring to move, making the time flow once again.

And even with blood spreading on his T-shirt and down his arm, he moves just as fast and swiftly as always, moving just like nothing has happened to him, snatching the gun away from her and putting her to the ground in a matter of seconds.

He points the gun to her head and I hear her whimper, panic filling her voice as she curls her body, like trying to protect herself.

Next, she says something in a whiny voice, and it sounds like she is trying to exonerate herself, but what she says doesn't please him.

He responds to her, jaw tight, words spitten. I see him arming the gun and this time, I am the one whimpering at the thought of him spreading her brains on the floor.

His head turns my way and at my sight, his harsh expression softens, but the grip on the gun tightens.

Not giving her any chance to get an advantage of his distraction, he gets his attention back on her, tells her something else and moves the gun towards her leg.

When I see his finger starting to press the trigger, I shut my eyes closed and wait for it to come, wait for him to shoot her leg and maybe damage her for life.

I hear the click it makes, but there's no loud sound preceding the shot. There's no shot at all. The gun is out of bullets.

Seemingly pissed about this, he uses the handle of the gun to knock her out, with one hit into her temple.

Next, he comes in front of me and seeing that he still looks annoyed, I take a step back, frightened of his further actions.

"Comrade, I…" I don't even know what I should tell him. There are so many things to tell him.

"Not now. We need to move. Come on." and he drags me after him out of the room, not before grabbing our coats and urging me to get dressed.

We get running outside, and I am guessing we're heading towards our car, but I don't dare ask anything. I just follow along.

But along the way, I see that there's a man, the only man outside at this hour, and he's close to the car we have been using.

As he turns around and is so close to seeing us, the Russian drags me into a darkened spot on the street, gluing me to him and getting us out of the man's sight.

He keeps on looking out of the safe zone of the little hiding place we have, and as we wait for the man to turn around again so that he won't see us move further, I speak.

"Thank you," I whisper, looking up at him.

"What?"

"For what you did… You got shot for me and… you could have…" he could still… "We sh-"

"Don't flatter yourself. I didn't do it for you. I just need you alive and you weren't doing a great job by yourself."

Wow. Such a change of tone from the one he used no more than an hour ago. He is so harsh and cold. And well, wouldn't I be too if I would have gotten shot for some incompetent girl that keeps on bringing trouble in my life?

Yeah, what was I thinking? That he was so ready to sacrifice himself for me? That he did it because he cared about me? Of course not. At the end of the day, no matter how much I lie to myself, I am just a leverage for him, or a source of fun. Nothing more.

"Now, let's move."

He starts dragging me around again, rushing our pace so we won't get seen, and we go farther away from the motel on foot, and I start wondering how far he can make it in his state. I bet that you could bleed to death from any gunshot.

He stops me close to a 4x4, hands me his duster to hold, and starts doing his thing on it, his hands moving just as skillfully as always, not even giving the impression his arm would be bleeding. The only thing that gives him away is the droplets of blood that he leaves behind.

Damn me, I know I should let him do his thing in silence, but my mouth can't just stay shut.

"Wasn't Tanya your partner?"

"You mean Tasha?"

"Yeah, sure, her. Whatever her name is."

"In theory."

"She is into the same team as you and she came to kill you?"

"This doesn't matter now."

"It _does_." and I throw myself into a little pleading about trust and how could she do such a thing and he gets up and stops me by putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Rose. Please, shut up. I am trying to do something and you're distracting me."

"But why did she…?"

"Look, I will tell you later, okay?" why do I doubt it? "But for now we need to get away from here and I need you to let me do this, okay?"

I nod and shut my mouth, making myself busy with looking around to see if we're safe.

When he's done, he opens the driver's door and I get it that it's our cue to leave. I want to open the passenger's door, but he stops me and shows me the driving seat.

"What?"

"I need you to do it. I won't drive properly."

Oh, so he has his limits.

"Um… okay. Sure. I'll do it. I'll drive."

I take a seat and let him close the door behind me, and as soon as he gets on his seat, I rev the engine and get driving.

As we go, I open my mouth again. I still need to say something.

"I'll say this and I will shut up for goods after, I promise."

"Say it."

"Where we're going?"

"Just drive."

"Aren't we supposed to go to a hospital?"

"No. No hospital."

"But you…"

"They will look for me, knowing that I got shot. That's the first place they will look for, at the closest hospital, unless they aren't already coming for us."

"But maybe she hit an artery or God knows what else and what if you-"

"Trust me, if she would have hit an artery, I would have already bled to death." Isn't that encouraging? "Just drive. I'll tell you which way to go."

"Doesn't it hurt you? Oh, what a _stupid _question. Of course it hurts, you- Oh, _God_, comrade, you…"

I feel his palm slowly creeping on my thigh, the palm of the arm he got shot in, and it moves further down, getting above my knee, drenching my pyjama with his warm blood, and he starts drawing small, firm circles on me.

"Don't think of that. Just focus on the road, love."

Him calming me only lasts until he decides to pull his hand back and try flexing his fingers. He gets pressing on his wound, somewhere lower than his shoulder joint, and pulls a face. He must be in so much pain. And how much blood could a person lose before fainting? What would I do if he faints?

And because I am so stressed about the thought of him ending up bad, and all this adrenaline is pumping in me, I mean, I almost got shot, and I am tired as hell too, I feel the need to fill the pressing silence between us. And of course, I say something stupid. The stupidest thing I could ever come up with.

"So, you and your partner… Tasha... I mean, isn't that bad? Shouldn't the two of you, I don't know, don't get attached? It usually goes like this in movies."

I sincerely have no idea where this question came from, but it's just that I desperately need to know. That little jealous Rose that I tried to keep away so bad tonight is again surfacing and I couldn't shut her mouth.

He responds to me into the same tone he used on the sideway, harsh, cold and methodical.

"First, we are in no movie. Second, this is none of your business."

Oh, so there _was _something going on in between them. Could this be the reason he didn't kill her? Because he cares for her? Did they share more than that one night she was talking about? Were they a thing or less? More? Still are? Is it ancient history? I so wish to have an answer to all these questions. Or do I? I don't think I want to find out more things that would hurt me.

"Sure. Sorry, I crossed the line here. Sorry." and with this, I stop speaking.

As I keep on driving, at about a minute later, he puts his hand back on my thigh, his fingers wrapping on me, making me pay attention to him.

"I am going to say something and I need you to keep calm, okay?"

"What?" I am already getting panicky. "Tell me already!"

"I think someone is following us."

"_What_? No!" I move my eyes on the side mirror and see a couple of cars behind us, but none of them seems suspicious. They seem to be just some other basic cars, driven at this unusual hour on this street. Nothing more.

"Yes. But it's okay."

"How can it be okay? I can't do this!" my hands already clench on the steering wheel by only thinking about what he might ask me to do. "I can't do your spy thing!" I have seen enough movies, and I even lived it once, to know this will turn into a car chase.

His fingers start playing on my knee, and if he thinks that's helping me in any way, well, it's not, in a way. He's always making me feel anxious when he's touching me because I only wish he'd do more.

"I am not sure yet," he tries to assure me, but this information doesn't make me feel better. "But I will need you to do something."

"Oh, God." this is what I feared most. Here we go with the spy thing. "Do what?"

"You'll need to see if it's indeed following us."

"How?" I don't even want to know the answer to my question.

"Do a risky thing."

"Like?"

"Pass a red light or take an abrupt turn. If it will follow, we'll know."

"I can't do that! I have never been a reckless driver. I don't know if I can do that without driving us into a pillar. Because I will."

"You can, Rose. I trust you. You'll do just fine. I'll be here the whole time if something goes wrong,"

He sounds reassuring, but I don't even trust myself. How come he is so fast to trust my abilities, which are so bad? I am so close to telling him not to put his life in my hands because I will do a crappy job. I will get both of us killed.

"I don't like this."

"I know. But we have to know for sure before it gets too close. They might have guns."

That word makes me make my mind. I am so tired of guns. I'd do anything not to see one more tonight.

"Okay, fine. I'll do it. Where do I go?"

"First, slow down."

"But they'll come too close. Didn't you say that-"

"I know. But I need them to be close enough so that they will have to change the direction just as fast if they're following us. Plus, if you speed up now, they'll know we know."

"Makes sense." it sounds dangerous, but it makes sense. And somehow it doesn't, but I don't stop to question anything. I am way too focused on the road ahead.

"Take a left at the first exit."

"Okay, I can do that."

"But don't you signal it. And don't do it until I tell you to do so."

"Alright." I trust him. I trust that he will tell me what to do and when, and it will all be okay.

I keep on driving, and I am getting closer to the first left, but he still didn't say or did anything.

Our supposed follower gets closer to us too, catching up.

"Comrade?"

"Not yet. Get closer. Don't you change direction at all."

As the distance gets smaller and smaller, I clench my palms on the steering wheel, and so does his palm on my thigh. On a usual, I should have already changed lanes and started signaling.

"Comrade…"

We're getting closer. And that red car I think he's guessing it's our follower, is just behind me!

"Not yet."

Even closer.

"Not yet, Rose."

I whimper and the only thing that's filling my brain now is that we're going to crash if I don't make a left soon.

"Not yet, love," he keeps on reminding me.

My heart is beating so hard that I feel its pulses into my temples.

"Now!" he finally says when we were so close to missing the turn.

I turn the wheel left and fast, the wheels screeching under us, but I manage to get through and reach the street without crashing.

I didn't even take into consideration the other cars around us, and I later realize, when the danger has passed, that he told me to move just in the perfect second, when I had a clear path to move and do the turn.

And I didn't have the time to look into the side mirror to see if the car behind us did the same reckless thing as we did.

But I don't have to wait for too long to find out.

Because the one who was driving that car is obviously a way better driver than me, and he's already catching up to us.

"Take the first right," he instructs me further, annoyance filling his voice at the same realizations as mine, and I do it, getting to a straight road that ends with a bridge. "Now step on it."

And I do it, without thinking about the possible consequences the high speed brings, but my mouth seems to state it anyway.

"But those cars… they're-"

"I know you can dodge them. Just focus, okay?"

"Oh, gosh. I am going to drive us out of the road," I keep on saying silently as I focus all my attention to not crash into another car.

"See? You're doing fine. But you'll need to floor it even more, love."

"Faster than this?"

"Yes. Faster. Put some more distance between us. And so, you'll reach the bridge just in time."

"But the light in front is yellow." my mouth says, but I do it anyway. "Wait. What about the bridge? Reach it just in time for what?" his words finally make sense in my brain, and if he means what I think he means, I don't like what he's implying.

"We're going to pass it." here he is, saying it!

"But it is going to lift soon!"

"I know. That's what I am aiming for."

"Comrade…" I whine at the thought of falling into the water underneath it and drowning and dying painfully. "What if-"

"No. You won't. You'll do it. I know you can. Just floor it already."

And with this impulse, I push the speed pedal all the way down, and I start praying for the best as more and more distance starts gathering between us and our follower.

I pass the now red light, attracting some angry honks and I almost get hit by a car at the end of the safe zone, that I don't know, maybe wanted to stop my idiotic next gesture and I let out a yell as the panic of what I am doing becomes more real.

But I continue to drive, climbing the now starting to tilt road, continuing to press the speed pedal all the way down.

And the next thing I know is that we have left the land.

The time seems to expand for forever when we're in the air, traversing the distance between the two split ends of the bridge, and I squeeze my eyes shut, my whole face hurting, my mouth never ceasing to say "Oh, God."

Until, some seconds later, when I feel the thud from the landing shaking my body and I know I need to get a hold of the direction we're heading into, as the dangers of dying haven't passed yet.

I straighten the direction of the car as best as I can and stop its jerking, and I need to drive right through a barrier to reach the safe road ahead of us, but after what I have just done, a barrier won't discourage me.

Looking into the side mirror, there's no one following. There's only us on this goddamn bridge.

"You can slow down now, love," he speaks again, reminding me of his presence here, and again, I listen to his words.

"I've done it! Oh, gosh, I have done it!" my whole body is burning from all the hot blood pumping in me and everything I hear around me is muffled, but gosh, I did it! We're not dead.

"Yes, Rose, you did. I told you you could do it."

Slowing down some more, I look at him and feel wonderful as I see proudness in his eyes.

"I thought I'll kill ourselves."

"You didn't. You were great."

"Thank you. But please, don't you even make me do such a thing ever again. I'll end up having a heart attack one day around you."

* * *

Fifteen fear-he-might-die filled minutes later, after all this time in which he has rested his head on the window and opened his mouth only to tell me which way to go, he finally tells me to stop.

We reached a small, private-looking neighborhood, and I pull up in front of a nice, spotlessly white painted house, just as the sun started to show the first signs of rising.

"What are we doing here?"

"There is no one home."

"How do you know?"

"Look at the lawn."

"What about it?" it's just a lawn. It has some grass and stuff.

"All the other houses around have been taken care of, except for this one. This means that the family is on holiday or something."

"What about a gardener? Wouldn't he be around?" this seems to be the kind of family that doesn't bother to do things on their own. So if the lawn looks like that, he might show up soon.

"There is definitely one, but he knows the family is gone and why bother to do the job as they are away?"

"What about cameras? Couldn't there be some? I bet there are." Damn, haven't I started to be as paranoid as him?

"I'll take care of that. You just wait for me here," he says and opens the door, stepping outside.

"But you're hurt!"

He doesn't even seem to have heard me, even though he was so close to me. He just walks towards the house and around it, moving slower than I have ever seen him walk, probably because all that blood that got on the seat drained his powers.

Five minutes later, he gets out the front door and heads towards me, who I have, surprisingly, sat in the car and waited for him.

When he gets close enough, I see that he's having a towel on his shoulder, still pressing on it.

I want to get out of the car, but he stops me.

"Would you get the car behind the house before coming inside? It's would be too obvious if we'd leave it here. There's a little forest there you could hide it into."

"Sure."

"Good. I'll leave the door unlocked. The keys are on the little table at the entrance."

And with these last instructions, I rev the engine and he heads back towards the house.

When I get inside the house too, barging in like it would be my own, it's very silent in here. I wonder where he is. The house is pretty big. But I am guessing he might be into one of the bedrooms. Which surely must be upstairs.

I get up on the stairs slowly, not wanting to break my neck into the darkness that covers the entire house. thinking it would attract the attention of the neighbors if they would see any light turned on.

When I reach the top of the stairs, I see the only lit up light in this house. It's at the end of the hallway, into a little bathroom with no windows.

And he is in there, trying to take his T-shirt off, and as I approach, I see on his face how much it hurts him to do that, or annoys him, I can't tell.

I look into the bathroom and grab the first thing that has a blade, a nail scissors laying around. That will do too.

"Here. Let me do that."

He stops and lets me cut the bloody material off him. As I do that, I speak my mind.

"We should call an ambulance."

"No. Definitely not."

"_No_?" he's still keeping on to that? "You are going to die! Or I don't know, something bad! You got shot and you've been bleeding for the past twenty minutes."

"And what will we tell them, Rose? That I got shot _why_? And why are we here, in this house, breaking in? We're not calling anyone."

"Then, let's take this chance, please, and got look for some doctor. Someone should take a look at you, comrade. Please."

He hands me the towel and hardly, he takes a seat down, right there, on the floor, telling me the same answer I got each time I tried to convince him. No.

"But you are bleeding for crying out loud!" I say as I do as he showed me, applying pressure on his wound and I can't help it anymore. I did until now. I start crying so badly as I feel the wet plushy material in my hands. "You're bleeding. You're… you're hurt..."

"Hey. Roza, look at me." he cups my cheek and lifts my eyes away from that blood. "I am not going to die. But I would need your help."

"Sure, sure. I'll do anything."

"I need you to help me get the bullet out."

"_What_?" is he out of his mind? "No. I can't. I don't know how to do it."

"I can guide you."

"No, I really don't want to. I will only make it worse. I will hurt you."

"You won't. Look. I would do it myself, but it would be hard for me to see and move properly." I keep on shaking my head no. "Please, Rose. Help me get it out. Nothing bad will happen. It didn't reach too deep. You won't have any problem getting it out."

"I can't. Do you even hear yourself what you're asking me to do? I can't."

"You can, love. Trust me, you can."

"But I…"

"Look. First, go search for these things for me and we'll see from there, okay?"

"I… I, oh fine. I'll go. What should I get?"

He tells me what to look for and before I go out into my little quest in the darkness, I take one more look at him sitting on that floor, still bleeding, a little less than earlier but still bleeding, and looking so, so pale and tired. And he insists on not going to a hospital?

"Will you be okay?"

"Yes. Yes, I will, love. Just give me back that towel before you go."

And I know I need to go. Or else, if I don't bring him what he needs, he could-

_No. _He won't.

I first rush out to the car and get the first aid kit in there, then head back inside and look through almost all the drawers in the house for some strong beverage, some more bandages, a blunt knife, a lighter, and oddly enough, some sugar. I won't question him. I bet he knows best how to deal with stuff like this and if sugar helps somehow, I would bring him a ton of it. Oh. And I almost forgot. He needs a spoon too.

As I pass next to the doorway again, heading back into the kitchen, this thought passes through my mind.

This is a perfect chance to get away.

But how can I? How can I flee and leave him like that? To die? To bleed to death and be in pain and-

I owe him so much. I cannot leave. I owe him this because he kept me alive so, so many times and because of me he is like this. I need to make him better. He got shot for me.

And I swear, I am not developing Stockholm syndrome. I just know I should stay. Or maybe I am developing it. Isn't this what a sick person would say?

To hell with it. I don't care. I won't ever leave. I care way too much to do such a thing.

Clearing these stupid thoughts out of my head as I get the spoon, I rush back into the bathroom, hoping it didn't take me too much, hoping I didn't waste any of his precious time.

I find him still there, on the floor, half lying, but this time, his eyes are closed.

Oh my God! His eyes are closed!

Please tell me this doesn't mean what I think it means! He is not allowed to close his eyes. I might lose him like this! And I can't afford to lose him.

I drop everything on the floor and crouch in front of him, my hands getting a hold of his cheeks and I am patting them as lightly as I can in this panicky situation.

"Comrade? Hey. Hey, you, listen to me. Don't you dare-" I stop my threat when I see him open his eyes.

Oh, good God, thank you! My heart feels now less heavy.

"Hey." he smiles so faintly, blinking hardly as he tries to keep his eyes open. "You're back, love."

He tries to bring his hand up and reach it for my face, but I take it between mines before it reaches its destination and I hold it tight.

"Yes, I am. Yes. I wouldn't leave. I wouldn't… never…."

**DPOV**

She is crying and panicking and shaking as she is trying to make up a full sentence and her hands got a hold of that towel after they dropped mine and she is trying to get rid of the blood on me.

"Hey. Rose. Hey. Look at me."

I take her hands in mine when I see she doesn't hear me.

"Stop."

"I can't. You'll die," she says almost hysterical and tries to wipe some more of the blood, or to press on my shoulder, I can't tell what her intentions are.

"I won't Roza. I won't. Now, stop." I get a better hold on her hands and pull them off me.

"But I… You… I can't... I can't stop," she says through sobs.

"Yes, you can. Stop. Let's just breathe for a second, okay? You need to calm down, love."

"Calm down? _Calm down? _Don't you tell me to calm down! Telling me to calm down will definitely not make me calm down! I don't think that being calm will fix any of this! It won't."

I want to chuckle, I don't know why, but I do. But I don't do it. But her being calm would help both of us.

"It's okay," I try to calm her, but she freaks out even more rather than calming.

"You have been shot goddamnit! It's _not_ okay. And how is being calm going to-"

"I know, love, I know. But it's okay. It will be okay. All you have to do is to breathe for now, okay? Can you do this now?"

"I _am _breathing, comrade."

"Yeah, but it's not helping. Look at me," I urge her to stop looking at my arm. "Do you remember what I told you about fear?"

"I do."

"What did I say?"

She starts wiping her tears, leaving smudges of blood on her cheeks.

"Not let it overpower me."

"And?"

"And breathe."

"Right. Then breathe. Slowly, and deeply, love."

As she still keeps on shaking, she does what I asked her to do, and I do that too, trying to make the dizziness in my head go away.

"Are you good now?"

"I am. I think. But I don't matter now. You… you do and… And there is so much blood and you… _gosh…_" She looks at her bloody hands and her face gets even paler in an instant.

I cup her cheeks and move her eyes up.

"Don't think about that."

"But-"

"Shush, love, and listen to me." She nods and does that, biting so hard on her lip that her teeth might actually get through her flesh. "I need you to get that sugar you have brought and take a spoon or two, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to faint any time soon."

She starts laughing nervously as her trembling hands get a hold of the little jar and the spoon.

"Aren't you still afraid I might go into a sugar coma?" Oh, so she jokes. It's good.

"Not now, love." I am more afraid of her having a major panic attack instead.

"Okay. Now what?" she asks swallowing the second spoon of sugar and getting better than earlier. her cheeks regaining their pink color.

"Where's the alcohol?"

As she's handing me the bottle, she starts laughing again.

"Sorry. Vodka's the only strong one they had around. Oh, gosh, I am sorry I am laughing like an idiot, but-"

"It's fine. I know." she is so stressed. It's a nervous thing.

I tell her to hand me the first aid kit and I get out almost everything she'll need, then look at her, a question in my eyes.

Understanding what I want, she nods.

"Fine. I'll do it. But-"

"I'll be guiding you all the way."

"Good."

"Good. Now I'll tell you how to put on the tourniquet on me."

And next, as I am drowning more than half of the bottle, she washes her hands, puts on some gloves and as she gets a hold of the knife, he panics again.

"I can't work with these! I can't pick up anything. I can't feel anything properly. I can't get a grip on this. I will mess everything up."

"It's fine. You can take them off."

"But I will infect your wound or, or-"

If she would know that these right here are five stars sanitary conditions compared to what my body has seen all these past years.

"That won't happen. Just wash your hands with some alcohol and you will be fine."

She does that and I instruct her to sanitize the knife too, with alcohol and some flames.

With a deep breath kept into her lungs, she gets the knife closer to the wound, slowly, her hands trembling like crazy.

"Hey," I whisper, but she gets scared big time and whelps.

"Wh- what did I do? Did I hurt you? I am so sorry. I didn't mean to."

"No, you didn't hurt me, Rose. You didn't even touch me."

"Then why did you spoke like that all of a sudden?"

I chuckle. "I barely spoke, in fact."

"Well, don't do that anymore. I am already scared enough. I don't want to hurt you and make things worse."

"But you are not. Not at all. You didn't even touch me," I have to remind her. "But before starting, I want to tell you something. Look at me. Be calm. Nothing bad will happen, okay? I know you can do this." I cup her cheek and walk my thumb on it. "Stop fearing so much."

"I…" she smiles so lovely. "Thanks for trusting me so much. I will… I'll try to do a good job."

"I bet you will."

She starts crying again the moment the knife touches my skin and I start breathing a little heavier as I again start to feel all that earlier pain radiating through all my body now.

I don't want to, but I still growl as she digs the knife deeper into my skin and starts pulling the bullet out, and I even need to bite on a corner of the towel for some seconds, as the alcohol didn't have the time to numb me enough.

"I am so sorry."

"You are doing an amazing job, love. You don't have to apologize."

The more she moves the knife, the number I am starting to feel. Everything starts feeling numb and easy. I feel like I'm floating. Long live the alcohol invading my senses.

**RPOV**

I swear I tried not to cry anymore so that I would have a clear vision of what I am doing, but I can't. I know I am hurting him, his whole tensed in pain body is giving me the confirmation.

"I am so sorry. I hope I am doing this right. I don't want to hurt you even more. You don't need the additional pain. I'm sorry."

When I get the bullet out, some blood starts getting out of the wound, even though I have put that damned tourniquet on him, getting on my clothes too, and I rush to get another towel on him, letting it absorb his hot blood leaving his body. I wonder how much of it he has left. I hope enough to keep him alive.

Being so close, my nostrils are full of it, of that damned coppery smell, that brings back so many memories.

It is making me sick as hell, I already feel lightheaded and this is doing me no good. My heart is beating so fast I can feel it pulsing in my whole body. But I know that I can't afford to faint right now. Maybe later. He needs me to be conscious.

I press harder on it, praying it will stop. He can't bleed to death. I won't allow it.

"Comrade, what do I do now?"

"You are doing a great job, Rose," he barely speaks.

"I am obviously not! Look at this!" I say and get the towel off, revealing his wound. And there are just some droplets getting out of it now.

"See? The bleeding stopped. That's... great, love. Most of it is done. Now all you have to do is to clean it and then sew it."

"Sew it?" I have to do that too? Then I'll need to finish soon or I won't be able to do this for long. To be rational, I mean. Conscious.

"Yes. Can you do that?"

"Yes. Sure. I will do it."

"I know you'll do a great job, love."

He has no idea how this thing helps me. The fact that he has been constantly speaking to me and encouraging me, has done so much for me. Him trusting me so much, means so much for me, and even makes me believe I don't suck that bad at this.

I get the needle and the string from the first aid kit and here we go. Let's start sewing him up.

**DPOV**

She frowns deeply each time she pierces my skin with the needle, this thing seeming to hurt her more than it does my numb flesh.

She's so caring and so affected by this it makes me feel bad for pushing her to do it. But I don't think I could have been aware enough to do it myself and I am grateful she's doing it.

Her trembling hands move so lightly, and the only sounds she makes are little sobs that escape her beautiful lips and oh, how much I would like to kiss them now.

But there's something on her face that's spoiling her beauty, which I don't get to figure out because she sighs deeply and wipes some more tears with the back of her hand.

"I am done," she says almost in disbelief.

She cuts the thread, undoes the gauze and gets up, heading towards the sink, a clean towel in her hands.

She comes again over me, sitting closer to me this time, and all I can feel is her hair tickling on my face as she's doing something else to my upper arm, but I swear I don't care about it anymore. I am too preoccupied with figuring what's that thing on her face.

Oh. Blood. My blood.

When she wants to get up again, I stop her, idiotically lifting my bad hand and I feel a shot of pain as my fingers wrap on her hand.

"Don't do that," she warns me, but I just keep on pulling her back down, and she complies. "What's the matter?"

"Give me that."

I take the towel from her and drag her closer, and she does come closer, without any more questions.

I bring a clean, wet corner of the material up to her face and wipe the smudges of blood and tears from her face, and she lets me do it, her palm resting on my chest burning my skin pleasurably the whole time.

And the more I watch her, all those thoughts I tried so hard to keep away all these days creep back in my head, stronger than ever. My will is weaker than ever, thanks to the alcohol.

I will kiss her. What bad could happen?

I pull her a little closer and she doesn't protest.

I catch a tear just before it leaves her eye and I wipe it away.

"Don't cry. It's over. You did great, Roza."

"I…" her eyes widen a little and she pulls away. "No. I still need to clean and cover it." and she gets up again, coming back with some gauze and stuff.

She gives all her attention to cleaning better the spot and putting some cold ointment on it, then rounds a lot of bandages on me, making me chuckle at a stupid thought.

"What happened?"

"I feel like a mummy, love."

She laughs too as she gets some strands of hair out of my sight.

"I'm done here. Let's get you to lay down, comrade. Let's put you in your sarcophagus. What about that?"

"Yes. That sounds perfect." I feel the desperate need to sleep. I'm so tired.

As I try to get up to my feet, I realize that I am more than tired as hell. My body is feeling sore and weak in so many ways.

"Here, let me help you."

And even though I don't want to burden her with this too, I have to. I lean some of my weight on her little, but still resistant body, and let her help me get to bed.

**RPOV**

With a thud, he takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you good? Do you need anything? Some pillow? Something to get more comfortable?"

"No. You did enough already. I am fine. Thank you, love. You did a great job."

"You don't have to thank me. I just…" I shrug. "I couldn't let you die," I barely whisper, but he wasn't really listening. He is quite tipsy and the loss of blood didn't do him any good either. He seems off for quite a while now and he needs to sleep.

But before that, I realize how bloody the both of us are. My pyjamas and his trainers have absorbed everything that he bled.

"Comrade?"

"What, love?"

"I think we should get your pants off."

I see more than utter surprise fill his expression for a split of a second.

"They're bloody. They'll stain the bed," I hurry to add before things get weird.

"Right."

I help him get back up to his feet and I hope that he can get those pants off by himself because I don't think I could do that for him without dying of embarrassment.

And to answer my prayers, he does, using his good hand.

In the second his pants drop to the ground, my eyes see what was hiding underneath, and even in this dim light, I can see the toned muscles of his thighs, muscles that start from underneath the black boxers he's wearing, and inevitably, my eyes see something else too, and I feel my cheeks blush as I remember that night and him so hard and aroused and pulsing and so virile and… oh, good God. I can't think of such things now. I shouldn't think of such things at all.

He moves, not giving any attention to the redness on my face, and lays in bed. Thank God for the too little light in here.

I move and put the cover over him as his eyes already closed, and I want to go away and faint in peace in exhaustion, but I decide I will wait until I am sure he fell asleep. Just to make sure he's resting and not needing anything else.

After that, I am definitely going to get some other spoons of sugar. It's a wonder I am still functioning properly and not laying somewhere fainted.

I sit on the edge of the bed and keep my eyes pinned on him like he would be a ticking bomb, and five minutes later, he is still alive, half asleep. Because his eyes keep on wanting to stay open, for whatever reason, and pinned on me.

And as I don't have anything else to do, my eyes, as they have accommodated to the darkness in here, explore the bare, uncovered upper part of his body.

I see a scar on him, close to his elbow, and I mindlessly bring my hand up to trace that line with my fingers, his eyes following me the whole time.

"Who made this?"

"Someone not important."

"How many others do you have?"

"Who stops to count them?"

I would. I swear I want to learn each indent and imperfection on his skin. To see how they feel, each scar and cut and little depressions.

With those words, he finally closes his eyes and for the next five minutes, they remain closed.

Okay. He's asleep. I can leave now.

But after I get up, he stops me before leaving and pulls me to him, back in bed, taking me by surprise.

I sit as in not to touch him, and lean a little closer to him, whispering.

"What happened?"

He just watches me, blinking twice.

"I don't remember what I wanted to say," he says amused.

I chuckle. "It's okay. Just get some rest, okay?"

I want to get away again, but I stop as his hand lifts and the outer side of his fingers brushes down on my cheek.

"You're so beautiful, Roza."

I stop mid breath and my eyes widen as I blush again like crazy, the blood in me starting to heaten and as my lips turn into a kinda silly smile, I look down, pinning my eyes on his bandage.

He laughs lightly and brings his hand under my chin, lifting my head and getting some hair out of my face, his thumb caressing my features.

"Especially when you shy away like this. You look so beautiful when you blush too."

"Comrade… I think you had a little too much to drink." and maybe he forgot that he was close to dying a few minutes ago and now he got into flirting.

"Yes. Maybe," he says as he passes his fingers through my hair, moving in slow motion. "But when I'll be sober," he pulls me a little closer to him and I lean in until I feel his lips so close to my cheek, and I feel them moving on my skin as he continues to speak. "You'll be just as beautiful, Roza," he finishes giving me a little peck and sighing deeply. "Thank you, love, for doing this. You were so brave today." and with this, he finally gives in and falls asleep, his hand falling off from the back of my head.

I repay his words with a little kiss on the forehead and I get up and out of the room, letting him rest, but not before pulling the curtains, so that the sun rising would not bother him.

I have been tired as hell until a second ago, but now I have a lot of energy in me and I don't know what to do with it. Okay, I know why. Only hearing those words from him has had the same effect on me like ten cups of coffee.

And I can't stop smiling like an idiot as his words ring in my head. He thinks I am beautiful.

Or it could be the haze he was into speaking. Or the alcohol?

Oh, who cares? He told me that. And I liked so much hearing it. I'll never forget him telling me this.

As I walk away from the room and see the way in which the bathroom looks, I know how I will consume my energy.

* * *

After the bathroom looks as spotless and as bloodless as it was before I exercised my medical skills, or should I say butchering skills on his arm, I don't know what else to do.

From all the moving around and scrubbing and wiping, and from the other things I put it through today, my body feels sore everywhere and I find that it would be best if I would lay in bed and maybe get sleep too. At last, I could get some rest after this hectic day.

I make my way back into the room, moving as silently as I can, and I crawl in bed next to him, keeping a safe distance so I won't hurt him, and lay on my side facing him, just so I'll be able to keep an eye on him in case something happens.

But he felt me moving. Because his body moves too, coming closer to mine, and through the blanket, I feel his calves making contact with mine.

I thought that this would be all, but no.

"Rose?" he says so softly.

"Yes?"

His fingers cover the space between us and slide up on my neck, reaching under my chin, and he tilts my head to make me look him in the eyes.

"You shouldn't move your hand," I remind him.

"Oh, it's nothing," he says as his thumb is walking past my bottom lip, making me gulp hard and without a good reason, I bring my upper body closer towards him.

He does the same and I can see better how sleepy his eyes are. I bet he's still in that alcohol, blood loss induced haze I left him a while ago.

With his fingers now playing with my hair, I tilt my head some more to watch what he's going to do next, but nothing happens for now.

"Where have you been?"

Oh, so he has been awake ever since I left?

"Just took care of the mess we've made around here. If the owners would have seen that when they come back, someone would have had a heart attack."

He laughs softly and deeply, moving my body too.

"Oh, Roza. You're so funny at times."

He thinks I am funny too? Wow. Maybe I should have gotten him shot a long time ago to get such words from him.

"Comrade?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry you got shot. I-"

"Don't you think about that." he moves a little closer and brings his lips on my forehead, kissing me lightly, a gesture I have never seen coming.

Neither I did his next words.

"I'd do it again, without a second thought."

I want to protest a little, to tell him that he shouldn't put himself in danger for me, to ask him why he said those harsh words on the street and now he's talking so kindly to me, but I realize he already dozed off, so I shut my mouth. He needs the rest.

I do too.

And even though I shouldn't be doing this, I nestle a little closer into him, let him wrap his arm around my waist, and I close my eyes. We'll have tonight. Or today. Whatever. When we wake up we can go back to whatever complicated thing we have. But I'll enjoy this moment in his arms, in this house of all the possibilities.

* * *

When I wake up, again, to check if he's okay, it's a little more light in the room, even trough the pulled curtains, but I feel like the sun would be inside the room. I feel like I have caught on fire. I am so goddamn hot and I have no idea why.

As soon as I get conscious enough, I find out why. His body is wrapped around mine, his skin against mine, and this is not helping at all. The heat we are sharing is a little too much for me. I'm all sweaty.

I move a little, trying to get away from it, and he moves too, turning on his back, and as he moves, he growls lightly. That must have been from his arm. I think it hurts like hell.

But I finally get to feel the cold air in the room on my skin and it feels amazing.

So, if it wasn't me the source of that heat, it might be him, right?

I bring my hand up and walk it along the edge of the cover, which has somehow ended up on my body too, reaching the first patch of his skin I find, on his shoulder blade, covered in a thin sheen of sweat too. I move further up, exploring, reaching his neck, and I get to feel just how hot he is. He is burning.

Gosh, he is running a fever! My sleepy brain finally processes what's happening and I snap up to my butt.

This is so not good. This is bad. So, _so _bad.

He turns his face towards me, my reaction waking him up.

"What happened?" He asks sleepily, licking his lips. "Are you okay, love?"

I look back into his hazy and sunken eyes, and my heart clenches with worry at the thought of what this fever brings.

I finally gather enough courage to place my palm on his forehead and get the last confirmation, if I even really needed one, that he is burning hot.

"I am fine. But you're not."

"What do you mean? Of course I am fine. I'm fine. It's just a little flesh wound. I'll be okay. I am already feeling better," he says and wants to get up too, but I stop him, making him lay back down.

"No, that's not true. You're hot."

I see a cheeky smile spreading on his lips.

"Thank you. You are not bad yourself, love."

"I um… N- no. No. I mean… I was talking about your temperature. You're burning up."

"Shhh," he says patting my thigh. "Let me pretend you complimented me once more today."

Is he trying to be funny or is he already delirious? Yeah, the temperature must be too high and he can't handle it.

"Comrade, stop messing around. You are running a fever. A big one. You should get to a hospital. Whatever happened, it is getting worse."

"No, I am not. That's nothing," he tries to sound reassuring, but I can feel the weakness in his voice, even though he tries to hide it.

"Come on. We should go to a hospital. Please."

"Rose. I am fine," He says turning to his side and coming closer to me in the process and I feel his heat radiating on my lower body. "It's nothing," he tries again to convince me.

"Comrade, come on. Don't you play the brave. Even you're allowed to get sick from times to times. And maybe today it is time. Let's get you to the hospital."

"But I am not feeling bad," he keeps on insisting. To hell he isn't. He's bullshiting his way around this.

"Fine. Then prove it to me."

I'll use on him the logic he so many times used on me.

"How?"

"Take your temperature."

"Sure." He wants to get out of bed, but I stop him. "And how am I supposed to show you if you don't let me go?" He asks amused.

"I will go. If you don't rest, you won't heal and until you prove to me you're fine, you are sick for me, and sick people aren't allowed to leave the bed. So wait for me until I go find a thermometer."

He puffs just like he always does when he is smiling and shaking his head.

"Fine, do as you wish, love."

It is obvious even from the way he speaks that he is not fine. Why the hell is he so stubborn and insists he isn't?

"Good. Wait for me."

I get out of bed and head to the bathroom, getting goosebumps all over my body in the process.

It doesn't take me much to find the thermometer into one cup, inside the mirror's cupboard, as I am mostly driven by my need to go back to the warmness that the bed provides.

Victoriously, I get back to the bedroom and sit on his side of the bed, into the space that he freed by getting up to his butt, and I hand the thermometer to him.

"There you go. Prove to me." He takes it and does what he needs to do and soon, it beeps. "So? What does it say?"

"It says you have nothing to worry about. I have just 98.6 degrees."

Hearing him lie me to my face, I bring my hand up and punch him wherever I find closest.

I stumbled over his shoulder, his good one thank God, but still, he lets out a short breath.

"Oh my, I am so sorry. I am an idiot. I shouldn't have done that."

And I shouldn't have given him the thermometer.

He smiles. "It's fine. I guess I deserved it."

"Good. At least you know why I did it. And so help me God, if you lie to me again, the next time I hit you, I am making sure it hits your face. Now be good and tell me what that damned thermometer says. And it would better be the right value or I am getting mad with you. Or better. Just give it to me. I will read it myself."

I extend my hand towards the thermometer, and him, pulling it away from me, sighs defeated.

"Fine. I'll tell you. It says. 103.1 degrees."

_"What_?! And you're telling me you're feeling fine. Really? Are you kidding me right now? You so deserve that punch to your face now."

"But I-"

"No buts. I don't want to hear another thing from you. We are going to the hospital _now_. In this very second."

"No," he says determined. "We are not going anywhere." He drops the playfulness in his voice and his features get more alert than earlier.

"But-"

"We can't. If you want both of us to end up dead, then yes, let's go to the hospital."

I growl. "This is not fair. You're not feeling fine. What if-" what if he dies anyway, no matter the efforts we put into it? What if seeing a doctor is his only hope?

"Fine. If you insist, I am not well. But I will be."

"How do you even know that? I might have messed you wound so bad!"

"You didn't."

"But you have a _fever_. And every wannabe doctor knows what that means. It could be infected."

"It is not."

"How can you be so sure? Did you take your PhD in medicine too in spy school? You cannot know that."

"I do. You know, this is not the first time I go through this." yeah, I can only imagine. "So trust me, it is just a thing that helps the healing. It will pass."

"Uf, you're so stubborn."

He chuckles lightly. "And how does it feel like?"

His comment makes me smile too, but I try to keep on to my upset tone as I respond.

"So annoying."

But no matter what, I must give in. What else could I do anyway? Carry him there?

"Fine. So be it. But we're not leaving anywhere today. I am not letting you."

He chuckles and his fingers start playing with mine on the bed.

"I never knew you could be so determined, Rose." he gets back to his amused tone. Who would have thought that this fever would get him be so easy. "So bossy. I like it." he gets flirty again, I guess, but I am not in the mood of playing.

"I mean it. You're not leaving this bed today. You need to rest now. So don't you dare move."

"Or else?"

"Or else nothing. You are not leaving this bed, period. I mean it."

"Is that an indecent proposal, love?" he just keeps on going!

"Hey!" I try to keep on a serious tone, but I know I am not doing a great job because I am way too busy trying to hide my starting to burn cheeks. "Stop that."

But he doesn't.

His hand gets a better hold of mine and he pulls me closer to him, him leaning closer too, our faces centimeters away.

"By any chance, aren't you leaving it either?"

Hell, he might be delirious after all, not just flirty. Because, come on. He is burning up and he's doing and saying this?

"Comrade…" it's all I dare whisper as it's already hard for me to breathe.

"Oh, Roza…" he sighs as his fingers trace the line of my jaw, then he pulls away so slowly, like he was considering not to do it.

"You're sure you're fine?" I want to make sure because nothing he does or says or the state he is in seems right. Not that I wouldn't like some parts of it, but still.

"You don't have to get so worried about me. It's just a little fever."

"No, it is not _just a little fever. _It is a big one. And are you sure there's nothing else wrong? Nothing hurting you? Not the wound?" I get my hand on his bandage and search for something wrong, but there's nothing. It is not even stained.

"No. Nothing feels bad with it."

"Are you sure? There must be something wrong. You are running a fever goddamnit!"

He sighs. "Fine. If it makes you feel better, I am going to lie down and rest until it gets better, okay?"

"Yeah. Do that, please."

As soon as he lies down, I get up.

"Where are you going?"

"To make you some tea. Find you a pill, something." I just know I need to do something more.

"But you don't have to-"

"Yes I _do_. You'll need plenty of liquids. And I am surely bringing you some pills too. If I can find them. Where do you think they're keeping them?"

"No pills. I'll be fine."

"To hell you're not!"

"Fine, as you wish. Go search for pills."

"And you're not getting away from the tea either."

"I didn't expect any other way. You're in charge after all," I feel some mocking in his voice, but I don't care.

"Good. Because I am going to search for them and you're not allowed to say no to them."

I make my way to the kitchen, walking around like a little zombie around the house and making sure to avoid all the windows.

It takes me a little to make the tea into this unknown kitchen, but I finally make it and I find some analgesics too, so I am ready to get back to the bedroom.

When I enter, all I hear is him snorting lightly. So he fell back asleep. He can deny it all the way he wants it, but he is sick and tired as hell. That fever got the best of him.

I postpone the tea time and without nothing else to do, I get back in bed with him.

I am so going to stay here and watch him so that he won't die or something. I am too worried to sleep.

The second I lay next to him, he scoots closer to me and wraps himself around me, placing his head on my shoulder and I gasp lightly as I didn't expect him to do that. On an instant, I feel my body starting to heat back up but I don't care. I don't pull away.

"I don't think you should be close to me," he says still half asleep. But wasn't him the one who got closer to me in the first place?

"Why not?"

"Because you might get sick too."

"You don't have any viruses, comrade."

"Are you sure?" He asks amused and I get it that he was messing with me from the first second.

"Oh, so what now? You think you have a virus? You now admit you are sicker than you previously said?"

He laughs lightly. "Fine, yes. You are right. I feel a little bad. Does that make you happy?"

"Not really." I start drawing lines on his sweaty bare back, making my way between his shoulder blades. "I wish you wouldn't feel bad at all. I have brought you a pill, tho. It will help." I want to pull away to give it to him, but he doesn't let go of me.

"Not now." he lifts his head enough to kiss my jaw with his so dry lips, his unexpected action, again, making my body get even hotter in response, then he places his head almost on my chest, taking a better position on and around me. "You're comfy, love," he says really pleased and I can't help but chuckle.

This feels like I am in a dream. Him acting this way… I don't know. It only makes me question myself more about what I feel about him and whether it is wrong or not.

But of course, I can't tell him this.

"You're being already delirious from the fever, comrade?"

"No." he takes in a deep breath and I feel the air leaving his nostrils brushing right over my breast. "Maybe. I don't know. But I am just stating the truth. These, he says pressing his cheek into my boob a little. "Are really comfortable." And I can't help it but chuckle again.

Do I feel weird? Yes. But do I like it too? Of course I do. I like him this way. Playful. Friendly. Not harsh.

"Oh, comrade." Now I get it how he must have felt when I was drunk and acting just the same.

"And… You smell amazing, Roza," he says brushing his nose onto the material of my dress.

"I um… thank you?" even though I know for sure I haven't done a shower in a while and I have been sweaty for a while, but maybe the fever is alternating his sense of smell too.

"But love?"

"Yes?"

"Where are your cute pyjamas?" he asks, his shins brushing on my bare ones.

"Oh. They got... a little dirty."

"And what you're wearing now?"

For starters, I am wearing so much more than he is.

"A maternity dress. It's the only thing that fit me from this woman's closet. She's so skinny."

His hand slowly slides across my abdomen, like searching for something that definitely isn't there.

Next, he tilts his head to look at me.

"Why are you so afraid of me?"

"I… I am not."

"I am not going to do anything to you, you know this, right?" His fingers moved up and they're now playing on my cheek.

"I know."

"You're sure you do?"

"Yes."

"Then relax, love, please." and I realize that I was so tensed up next to him, my body not knowing how to react to his presence. To this closeness. Even though I think I could get used to it.

He sighs deeply.

"Maybe I should…" he wants to pull away, but I don't know why, I stop him by wrapping my arm on him too.

"It's okay. Stay." I enjoy this closeness too much now.

We sit in silence for some minutes, minutes in which I don't stop walking my fingers on his back, minutes in which I have completely accustomed myself with his body next to mine, minutes in which I have come to love it. But I don't know at what cost. Because not only my body is getting accustomed to him.

Soon enough, he falls back asleep. And I decide to do that too myself, because even though it might be hard, I know I need the rest. This day or night or whatever, has been too much for me.

I just hope that as time passes, he will get better.

* * *

The next time I wake up, is because I am moving. Well, I am not really moving, but I am being moved. Shaken, to be more precise.

By him, who is still wrapped around me, a little tighter now, and we're both lying on our sides, facing each other and well, he is shaking.

The dress I am wearing is soaked in his and my sweat and I am so damn hot but I know he must be so damn cold, as he has chills now.

I bring my hand up to check on his temperature and after I get his hair off his forehead, I feel his skin just as hot as earlier. Maybe hotter. I can't tell the difference. But all I know is that things didn't get better.

"Comrade?" I whisper. "Comrade, how are you feeling?" stupid question. Like I wouldn't already know.

He tilts his head and gets it out of the crook of my neck.

"что?" he asks just like he would be in a haze, his eyes transmitting me that he is not really present here.

So I try once more.

"I asked you how you're feeling. I think we should go to see a doctor or-"

_"No_. I am fine." He holds me a little tighter, into his attempt not to tremble that bad.

"Well, you're obviously not. You're having chills."

"It's nothing. I am just a little cold, that's all, Roza. It's a little cold in here, that's why." yeah, and I am that stupid to believe that.

He brings his head back down and buries it back into the crook of my neck. And he sits there, still shaking, his breathing a little heavier than earlier.

I hate feeling him be like this. And he is so goddamn stubborn! I know that no matter what I do or say, he won't change his mind.

I walk my hand through his sweaty hair and do nothing more than that. I don't know what I could do anymore. Maybe just shove a pill down his throat. That would be something helpful. His fever doesn't seem to get better at all.

But he speaks. "Ближе."

"What? What did you say?"

"Ближе," he murmurs.

"What does that mean?" What is he trying to tell me? Could that be the name of a doctor he knows? I hope it is.

Next, he tries to pull me closer to him and all I can think of is that he was telling me to get closer.

But one thing passes through my mind.

"Just wait a second, okay?"

I pull out of his embrace and he lets out a small moan I guess and that makes me wonder what else it is hurting him, and I think it might be everything, that he must be hurting all over from the way he is burning.

I rush out of the bed and head to the closet and roam my hands around all the shelves looking for a blanket.

I find a couple and thankful for it, I snatch three of them and put them over him.

Before I slip back in bed, I take the pill and the now cold tea and practically oblige him to take it. This is my last option, and hardly, into the haze he is into, he swallows it.

When I lay back down, he sighs when I wipe some of the sweat on his face, and he doesn't even care about that.

He gets his arm around me again, placing his palm spread on me and slipping it under my already lifted dress, getting it to my lower back, sending shivers along my spine and he pulls me close to him, merging our bodies, my flesh pressed against his burning one through the wet material of my dress, the only thing keeping our nakedness apart.

I wrap myself around him too, taking him into my embrace, which is the least I can do, to give him some of my heat, and I pull the covers on us until only our heads are left on the outside, but he is still shaking.

This fever got the best of him and I know that it is not going to kill him, at least this is what I am praying for, but I can't stop myself from starting to cry, some tears starting to silently stroll down my cheeks at the thought of the worst thing happening.

I wish there would be something more I could do. I don't want him to die. I wouldn't know what else to do without him. I'd be lost without him and not only because he kept me alive for so many times, but because-

He cannot die. He can't. He won't. Please, God.

And maybe we start shaking a little harder from the way I am trying to suppress my sobs and I hold him tighter, running my fingers through the hair at the base of his head.

"Oh, comrade." I walk my fingers along his pale features. "You really scare me," I whisper my worry and kiss his forehead, then I rest my lips there. "I don't want you to leave me. I don't want you to die. Please, be alright. Please, get better. Please…" I pray to him, I pray to God, to whoever might make him feel better.

He starts speaking, or more to babble to me half in Russian, half in English, I guess, or maybe even more than two languages because I don't understand a thing.

"Wha- what did you say?" I try my best to make my voice sound less whiny.

"You worry so much about me?"

I nod, or mostly move ourselves up and down a little.

"How could I not? You… you..."

When I start crying harder, so it gets his embrace around me as he pulls me a little down, so that our faces get to the same level.

"Oh, love." he puts his forehead over mine. "I'll be fine. I'll be fine, Roza." He moves his hand up and down on my back, soothing me. "It will pass."

"You promise?" I whine.

"I promise. I promise. Just don't cry. I hate it when you do it because of me."

* * *

**DPOV**

The room has been silent for a while, but the sound of footsteps makes me become aware.

I open my eyes and see Rose's small figure making its way inside the room, her feet touching the floor so lightly, probably thinking I am still asleep.

How could I have been asleep and miss such a view? If only there was more light inside the room...

But what I am seeing is enough too. She's wearing a past-knee long white dress, too big for her body, which leaves only half of her calves in sight, her hair is not clasped and it is nicely spread across her back, and from what I am seeing, she is carrying a tray with something on it.

She distracts me from admiring her move around the room when her foot makes a painful contact with one of the closets and she hisses lightly.

She stops and her head turns my way, but I don't close my eyes, knowing that she can't see me staring back at her from this distance. I don't move either, not to give her a reason to think she woke me up. I want to see what she'll do next with that thing she's carrying.

And soon enough, I see. She puts the tray on that little closet she hit her foot into, and moving just as lightly as earlier, she heads towards the bed, and I get my cue to close my eyes, as not to get caught "spying" on her.

I feel her as she reaches the bed and moves the blankets next to me so gently, then the bed gets sinking a little as she climbs into it.

I resist the curiosity driving me to open my eyes and see what she's doing, and this gesture of mine gets rewarded.

She sighs a whispered "Oh, comrade." and her palm gets touching my cheek, her thumb walking up and down on my skin for some seconds.

"You have no idea how badly you scared me," she continues to confess whispering and I force myself to keep my breath as steady as possible as I feel her leaning closer to me, her dress getting to brush on my arm before her warm flesh follows, her lips too, getting closer to my forehead and then she's pressing them on me, not in a kiss, but mostly like in a checking of my temperature I guess.

"Thank God," she whispers and walks her fingers along my cheek as her lips rest on my forehead. "Thank God you're alright," she says kissing me now. "Thank you for not leaving me."

With a relieved sigh, she rests her forehead on mine and seconds later, I feel a little droplet making its way down my cheek and to hell with pretending I am asleep. I can't let her cry. Not again.

"Hey." I open my eyes and I can't help but feel my heart warm whole when I see the way she looks at me.

"Hey," she smiles pulling away a little and looking down as she's wiping her eyes with her free hand, her other palm never leaving my face. "How are you?"

"Good. Very good. How long have I been out?"

"A couple of hours. Maybe a little more. I didn't count. But it's six o'clock now."

"In the evening?"

"Yes."

So we've been here for more than twelve hours. I have been out for about just as much, and I am still feeling so tired.

"And what were you doing all this time?"

She pulls away a little more and puts her hair behind her ears.

"I slept. I have just got up," she lies to me, but I let it pass. I haven't been awake or aware for many times, but each time I was, she was awake too. I bet that she didn't sleep too much.

"I um…. do you think you feel well enough now to let me change your bandage?"

"Why bother? I'm fine."

"Please?"

"Does it matter so much to you?"

She nods. "I want to see it."

"Fine."

She smiles and gets up from the bed fast.

"Wait for me. I'll be back soon."

As she is away, looking for stuff in the bathroom, I push myself to move my body and get up a little. You might think that after so much sleep, I would have more energy, that my body would feel at least a little better than before, but nothing seems to have ameliorated. And if it doesn't soon, I don't know what will happen. We don't afford to stay around here for too long.

She comes back carrying an entire medical artillery and lays it all on the sheet that I'm keeping on me. After my fever subsided, all those blankets she put on me were too much.

She turns on the lamp on the nightstand closest to us and golden light shines oh her beautiful features, and I get my chance to see more of her, more than her darkened features.

I see better the dress she's wearing, and it has little, pale flowers drawn on it. It's a maternity one, from what I remember, and I smile like an idiot at the thought I had when she told me about it, the thought that passed through my hazy mind as I was walking my palm on her abdomen, imagining how it would be if she'd be having my children. Of how it would be to see a little human with her smile, with her big brown eyes.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, love. I just... " I was just thinking of how good of a mother she would be. So caring and loving. "Nothing."

Shrugging, she doesn't manifest more interest in it, just goes back to getting my bandages off.

Studying her features some more, I see how puffy her face is and how tired she is, in spite of her saying that she has been sleeping the whole time. I know she didn't because I can see it in her eyes the results of how much time she spent crying and worrying for me. Of how much she has been hurting.

From the first second she sees some droplets of blood on the white cloth wrapped on my upper arm, her features get again pale and her hands get a little more trembling.

When she unravels my wound for good, she tilts her head and sighs.

"Comrade. I don't know… It doesn't look-"

"Hey. You did a good job." and I take a look at it too, and it looks way better than any other wounds I had. She indeed did a great job. "It's just a little blood covering it. Look." I take the wet cloth she brought and wash away the blood, and underneath, you can see the stitches, but no bad signs. "It's not that inflamed, just a little. It doesn't look infected. I feel no numbness in my arm. There's nothing for you to worry about."

"You sure you're fine? Don't lie to me, please. You have been playing the brave way too many times in the past twelve hours."

I chuckle at her little upsetness.

"Yeah, I am perfectly fine. With you taking so much care of me, it would be hard not to get better. But if I think about it, I guess I would have liked one more day of sickness, just so that you'd be bossy a little more with me," I try to make a playful comment, but it doesn't get interpreted as I wished. But at least, her tone gets a little bossy, along with worry.

"Don't say that. I worried for you so much. Your fever was horrible and…" I see her eyes again filling with tears. "You shouldn't wish for another. Don't joke about that. I thought that you would..."

She bites on her lip, looks down and lets a tear fall, and seeing in which way this affects her, it breaks my heart. I was such an idiot to say that. What was I thinking?

**RPOV**

He gets up and comes closer to me, his hand getting up to move my hair out of my face and to tilt it upward from under my chin, his eyes looking back at me, so warm and I might dare say lovingly, but I don't know… maybe I am presuming too far.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I was an idiot to say that."

"I… It's okay. I'm glad that you're okay now."

"Thanks to you, love."

"I think you give me too much credit. I just butchered your arm and gave you a pill."

"That's your opinion. Not mine." his fingers pass through my hair. "Both of us know you did so much more than that." he comes just a little closer, making me way too conscious of the closeness between us, of the air we're both breathing. And now he has no alcohol or fever to drive him to do this. "Thank you for it. For everything." as his hand moves at the back of my head and turns my head a little, he bends closer and his lips brush on my cheek so lightly, making me freeze. And I remain like that until he pulls away.

Not having the certainty to where that gesture should have been heading, I just say the second thing that passes my mind, just after the one of asking him why he stopped, why he pulled away.

"I um… should cover that back up, right?"

He pulls away for goods, then props his back back on the bedpost. "Yes. Sure."

He watches me the whole time I apply some more ointment and put on new bandages, making me very aware of each gesture, and at some point, one of his hands decides to play on the skin of my leg, his fingers swirling across my bare knee, sometimes daring to climb just a little upward under the hem of my dress, but never too much, always getting back to the safe place of my knee.

When I finish, I remember why I came back inside the room in the first place.

"I made you something to eat."

"I don't-"

"No. You need to eat. I don't care if you don't feel like it. I made you some soup. It's easy to eat. Try and take some bites of it at least."

He smiles. "Sure, boss. Anything you wish."

With a smile on my face from his comment, I get up and bring the tray I so carefully carried up here through the darkness of the house and get back to the bed.

I put the tray on his thighs.

"I hope you'll like it. I didn't find-"

"Don't you worry. This is good. Is perfect," he says taking the bowl up from the tray, and when he reaches for the spoon, with his hurt hand, I stop him. He shouldn't move it that much. Those crappy stitched I have made could rip anytime. "And how would I eat, love, if you're not letting me move it?" he gets amused.

"I um… what do I know? I… I could do it."

"Feed me?"

I nod. "If you don't mind."

"Well, you're not willing to let me move my hand and you insist on me eating. So, what choice do I have, boss?"

"Oh, come on. Stop calling me like that," I say taking the tray out of the way and sit down close to him, then let him hand me the warm bowl.

And I start feeding him, and I see how hungry he was, despite his protest.

"Love?"

"What?"

"Why are you shaking like that?"

Yeah, I thought he would observe my trembling hands.

"I'm afraid I'll spill this hot thing on you," I lie.

I can't tell him the real reason. If fact, it is because I am sitting so close to him, and he's dangerously naked under this sheet that's keeping us apart, and I can see the curve of his thighs and hips and oh, God. I should really stop looking at him in that way.

I push away my idiotic thoughts and continued to feed him until he finishes the contents of the bowl.

"And now, go back to sleep," I say as I gather all the things I brought, making space on the bed for him to lie back down.

"I think I have slept enough."

"I don't think so."

His lips turn into a playful smile. "Am I not allowed to leave the bed yet?"

"Nope. I think you still need to rest." I can still see on his face how tired he is.

"With a condition."

"What?"

"Tell me, have you eaten anything until now?"

"Of course I did."

"What?"

"Um…"

"Does it rhyme with nothing?" I nod. I couldn't eat. I didn't feel the need to. "Promise me you'll eat something."

"I promise."

And with this, I make my way back downstairs, to accomplish my promise and let him rest some more.

* * *

**DPOV**

I don't think I have been able to sleep for too long, but I can't rest anymore. My body feels the need to get moving, and I guess I am feeling well enough to finally get out of this bed.

And again, Rose is not here. So I decide to go search for her.

But before this, I remember how naked I am and the first thing that passes through my mind as I remember this, is of how our bodies were entangled no more than a few hours ago. Of how good it felt to hold her so close. Of her letting me do it. Of her responding. Of her telling me how much she cares. Of me wanting to do the same.

_Would you stop already? _

Sure. Right. And I should put on some clothes. Have a shower too. Maybe not in this order.

I head for the first closet I see and to my luck, the man living here has clothes that fit me. The next stop is the shower.

* * *

Five minutes later, I am heading downstairs into the silence of the house, the only faint sounds disturbing the perfect stillness being some clinks, which I guess, come from the kitchen, so I head that way.

When I get to the doorway, I see a bunch of candles lit up, some flames from the stove too, and in the center of the room, illuminated by those, I see the Rose I have always wondered how it looks like.

I see her… dancing.


	28. I allowed myself to call her mine

**How is it going guys? Tomorrow I am starting uni again, after a little break and ugh, i just wish I'd be sitting home writing the next two chapters because I bet you'll like them. *wink***

**But even though. I hope I will be able to update on time next time. **

**Tika86, I am glad to hear that. I sometimes like too to go back to my favorite stories and books and re read the parts I loved, just to remember how great those scenes are**

**HonestPassion13, thanks for the conversion. I got the temperatures fixed. And as in what Dimitri said in Russian, I didn't think that he said something specific. I only thought that because he was a little delirious, he would be getting speaking in his native language. But hey, you can let your imagination go wild. M****aybe he even told Rose what he feels for her, who knows? **

**selairalynn, there will be a kiss. Next week, I promise. **

**Well, GojGoj, in this chapter they will get again fighting, but I will make it up for it in the next chapter **

**And dear guest, I am glad I could make your dream come true**

**Have a wonderful week y'all! **

**Lots of love :)**

**P. S. The puns Dimitri uses aren't mine. I just googled them. And if I got some facts wrong about the way you shoot, well, that's my bad. I did some reasearch, but I couldn't understand all the stuff there :) **

* * *

**I allowed myself to call her mine**

**DPOV**

She has some earphones on and she is dancing around the kitchen, her hips swaying from left to right into the rhythm of the music as she is stirring into some pot on the stove, her mouth singing the words silently, and if I am guessing this right, she's listening to Taylor Swift?

I stop in the doorway and lean over the wooden frame, half-hidden into the darkness, not wanting to disturb her performance and I watch her, a smile creeping on my lips at her sight.

I have always wondered how this looks from this position, not from the outside, down from a window. And it looks amazing. I love this sight of her. She's so passionate and enthusiastic about it and she's moving so relaxed and playful.

She's now wearing a shorter dress than the one I remember and as the song reaches a bridge, she lifts her hands over her head and sways her hips some more, making that damned dress lift on her thighs, revealing a glimpse of her dark-colored panties that round so perfectly on her curves.

I know that she can't hear me, but I still stifle the growl forming at the back of my throat when I see her like this. She's such a view. She's so goddamn beautiful.

My palms get itchy to get closer and caress those full curves of hers, to study, to memorize, to love all of her. I'd do her on this fucking counter between all these candles and bowls. Then I'd take her to bed and not let her leave it for hours. I would never let go of her if I could.

"Why can't you seeeeee, you belong with meeeeee?" she sings into a whispery voice, with a wooden spoon as a microphone before she sets it on the table, and all my doubts disappear. That is definitely Taylor Swift and she's a terrible singer, but I love hearing her. I'd like to see and hear her like this every morning, for the rest of my life.

She turns around to go get some plates from the counter, and as she heads towards the table to put them down, her eyes lift and she, unfortunately, sees me.

The second this happens, she squeals and drops a plate, turning it to pieces.

Oh, this lasted too little. I wanted to see some more. She was so sweet. So full of life.

She takes the earphones off and the music is now blasting out of them.

"Oh my God! Don't sneak on me like that, comrade. You'll give me a heart attack one day with your sneakiness." She repeatedly puts her hair behind her ears and avoids my eyes. "I thought you were still sleeping..." she tries to excuse herself.

Clearing her throat, she bends to pick up the shards off the floor, taking cover behind the counters.

I go to help her.

"What were you doing here?

"Um… dinner?"

"Only dinner, love?"

She lifts her eyes and smiles at me, just as I am smiling at her.

"I um… yeah… you know, they have a girl and I found this iPod she had and yeah…"

"And what were you listening to that got you so fired up?"

She bites on her lip and growls lightly.

"Comrade… It's embarrassing enough that you saw me fooling around like that. Could you at least not tease me about it?"

Fine, fine. Her cheeks are blushing hard enough already and it's not only from the moving around with such fervor.

"What are you cooking?" I ask as I take the rest of the shards from her and we get up.

She smiles, grateful. "I thought you'd need more than a soup to get your strength back. And I promised you I'd eat too, so I am making something more consistent. In fact, I just finished it. I just need to set the table and we can eat."

"Let me help you do that."

"Definitely not. All you're allowed to do is to sit."

"But-"

"Right there, comrade. Sit right there," she gets that bossy tone again and points her finger towards the table.

I wonder if she would get this bossy in bed too. I would-

_Too bad you'll never find out! Stop thinking shit and sit down! _

I do as I have been instructed and sit down without arguing because if she would get just a little bit feistier, I'll end up doing the stupidest thing on earth.

First, she comes and brings some candles on the table.

"You know, so that we could see better," she says shrugging, like needing to explain to me that even though this dinner is resembling so damn much a romantic one, it is not.

Next, she comes with new plates and a steaming pot of deliciously smelling pasta, and as she is putting some on my plate, she starts laughing.

"What's funny?"

Setting the plate down, she looks at herself and I do the same, being annoyed again by the bagginess of the dress she's wearing. It is doing her no justice.

"I feel like a perfect housewife dressed in this and serving dinner. The only thing I am missing is one of those tight, sleek buns and a bow on top."

No, no damned buns. Her hair let down is perfect.

"And I'm sorry I didn't cook anything more than pasta, but they didn't have many things left around the house," she says troubled.

"Love?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you apologize for things that are out of your control?"

"What do you mean with that?"

She's always sorry for something, even if it's not her fault. How do I explain this to her? I can't explain it in a way that she would understand the way I am thinking it. But it's like she's apologizing for her existence. Like it's troubling someone that she's alive. But not me.

"Nothing. Just… the pasta is fine. Everything you did is just fine. It looks and smells great."

She smiles widely and sits down after she put a big portion of pasta for herself too.

"Oh!" she jumps off the chair. "Wait till I put some parmesan on it too. It will make it even better. Don't you touch it until I come back," she finishes threatening as she heads towards the fridge.

* * *

As we eat, both of us too famished to even speak, she gasps and jumps off the chair again, this time rushing to the oven, from where she takes out a tray.

So that was that sweet scent I was feeling. I thought it was from the various candles around, but she keeps on surprising me. She baked something sweet too.

I can't help but laugh as she brings the tray to the table.

"What? What did I do?"

"No meal without dessert, right?"

She smiles. "You know I can't get by without my daily dose of sugar, comrade. And just so you know, I made this from scratches, so I don't know how it turned out to be. Know that I am not trying to poison you or something, though."

She got that apologetic tone again, but I decide not to point it out once more. I wonder who made her feel like such a nuisance.

She cuts it and puts a piece of cake on my plate, then remains standing there, looking at me, biting her lip, waiting for me to give a verdict, like I would be the head chef around here.

I take a bite and it has a familiar taste, I can't pinpoint exactly what it reminds me of, but I can say for sure that I like it.

"This is so good. What kind of cake is this?"

"It's in fact cupcake mix, but I couldn't find any cupcake mold, so I turned it into a cake."

"Well, love, this is one of the best cupcake-cake I have ever eaten. I can't even tell the flavor, but it's really good."

It is like something mama would bake on a late weekend afternoon, with all the kids in the kitchen nagging her, asking for something to sate our sweet tooth. And she made from scratches? What would this woman be able to do with proper ingredients?

She smiles so wide and happy, her eyes glowing.

"I am glad you like it. And if you want some more, I have a full tray."

"Yes, please. Give me some more now."

**RPOV**

He ate a lot. Like, _a lot_ a lot. He had two servings of pasta and now he's onto the third serving of cake. But it's good. He is regaining strength. And I am nothing but happy about it.

As I continue to look at him, I can't help but smile. Seeing how much he eats, I understand why he is so interested in watching me eat such quantities of food.

"What?" he asks after swallowing the last piece of cake.

"Now you have eaten more than me, comrade."

He shrugs. "Can't help it," he says pointing to the empty dishes in front of him.

Yeah, after a fever like that, I would eat as much as he does. But what more of a compliment could there be for a cook than seeing someone eat with such hunger?

After we're done, he insists that he would wash the dishes as I was the one troubling myself to cook.

**DPOV**

And she insists on giving me a hand and she got up on the counter next to the sink and she's thoroughly wiping the dishes I wash.

"You know what, comrade?"

"What?"

"All that misses from this picture is for you to have an apron and you would be a perfect housewife too," she says barely containing her chuckles.

"Oh, really?"

"Aham. Maybe a pink one, with flowers on or something. That would suit you the best."

Her smile is contagious and I find myself smiling too.

"Oh, _really_?"

"What? Don't you agree?"

I splash some water at her.

"Hey!" She punches me, trying to pretend she is upset, but she's still smiling widely.

She does the same to me, getting some water from the sink, and in the second the water touches my face, she starts laughing.

"What?"

"You got…" she bends a little closer and cupping my cheek, she passes her thumb over the tip of my nose, moving slowly, her eyes way too preoccupied to look further down on my face, her insistent glare making me feel the need to lick my lips.

She takes a fast breath in and pulls away.

"A little foam. You were having… yeah," she says getting the plate she abandoned earlier when we started playing and gets back to wiping it.

* * *

When we're done, she hops off the counter, and I guess we have gotten some water on the floor too as we were playing because she slips.

She doesn't even get to gasp all the way because I round my arm on her middle and pull her towards me, helping her regain balance.

She shakes her head as she tilts it upward to look at me, and I feel her fingers lightly tensing on my chest.

"I um…"

"You're okay, love?"

She nods a couple of times, then licks her lips so slowly, making me pay all my attention to that, to her full lips, and all I can think of now is how they taste. I'd love a reminder of that.

_Don't you dare kiss her! Don't you fucking dare, Dimitri! Enough shit has happened in this house already. Don't make things worse. Don't complicate anything. You'll end up hurting her! It only takes a kiss. So don't you fucking do it!_

But her eyes do the same thing as mine, moving up from my lips to my eyes, and back down. Could this mean that she…

_Dimitri, now! _

With my last piece of self-control, I let go of her and she clears her throat as she turns to one side and starts tracing the contour of a dish on the counter.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you think we could go outside for a little? Being inside this house for so long, with the windows closed and the drapes pulled, I haven't felt the fresh air outside. Haven't _seen_ the outside."

"Why not?" leaving this place will definitely do me good. The cold air too. "But let's stay on the back porch. No one can see us from there."

**RPOV**

Finally outside, we sit on the porch and enjoy this silent, peaceful December night, the cold air being the only thing reminding you of what month is it.

As I study my perfect-looking surroundings, I chuckle, mostly to myself, as I remember my stupid thoughts about a backyard like this.

"What happened?"

"I have always dreamed of having a house like this one."

"Why?"

"I always thought that this is what's supposed to happen. To grow, meet someone, get married, move into a house like this into the suburbs, have kids and live a normal, peaceful life. But now, being here, I don't know anymore… It seems so… trivial to want this."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know. Something changed. I guess that everything changed. And I know I won't ever have this. So why bother dreaming about it?"

"But would you still want it if you could have it? Would you still want this kind of life? Do you see yourself being a suburb, stay at home mother or a trophy wife for the rest of your life?"

"Who knows what the future could have brought?"

He puffs. "Yeah, right. You would get bored to death in less than a week if it would be for you to live in a house like this. You could never live a life like that."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you are not made for perfect, suburb houses like these."

"Ouch. That hurt, comrade. What? You think I couldn't do it?" I get a little defensive. I think I deserve a peaceful life after what I endured these past days. A life I know I won't get to live.

"Hey, you said it first. You said it seemed trivial to want it."

"But I still said I imagined myself living in one of these houses."

"Yes. _Imagined. _Past tense. It means that not anymore. You are not imagining it anymore."

Am I? Is he right?

"You're always so observant over other people's words?" I wonder what other things I said he interpret and I didn't realize.

He shrugs, and this is his only response.

"So what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About what house I would fit in, if not one of these perfect, suburb houses. What do you think would fit me? What wouldn't bore me to death in less than a week? What would be my dream house?"

"How would I know?"

I am the one puffing now. "You always have an opinion and you sometimes share it even if I am okay with it or not. So now when I ask for it, you keep it for yourself? Come on. Share it. I promise I won't mind. I want to know."

"Okay. First, you wouldn't need a house. You don't need a building. You need a home."

"But people make a home out of a house. So if I would move in with the right person…"

"True that. But still, you wouldn't like to live in a house that has just been built. A perfect, new, antiseptic building. That is not for you. _That _would bore you. You want history. Things to discover. Some ancient wallpaper on the walls. Doodles behind closets, hidden from their parents by the kids. Height marks on the doorways from generations of kids. Things left behind, forgotten in some corners of the house, or things that people left trying to leave a mark behind, trying to be remembered."

Hearing him talk like this, I can only smile. I like how that sounds. That there sounds like a hell of a house.

"Tell me more about it."

"Definitely a fireplace. An old, brick fireplace to hang your Christmas socks on and next to which you can cuddle under a blanket on a cold winter night with a book and a tea and read till midnight. A wide place in the living room for a big Christmas tree, eventually handmade decorated, with popcorn and cranberries and pine cones and all. A staircase. A strong, old, wooden one. And a garden. But not one with millimeter-cut grass like this. You'd need a big court, in which Ash would feel so free while playing. You would have lots of flowers in the front yard, and you wouldn't even think of having a gardener take care of them."

The more he talks, the more I like what I hear. And I realize that maybe he knows me better than I know myself. I wonder how come he knows all that, how he guessed I'd like a house like the one he's talking about. Each thing he mentioned, I realize that deep inside, I'd love to have that.

"Maybe there could be a cat too, that belongs to no one, but often comes around the house for treats you never cease to leave on the porch. A bathroom with a legged bathtub and little tiles on the walls creating a nice mosaic. A big kitchen in which you would cook all the delicious stuff you make, the smell invading all the other rooms, and in which you could dance all the way you like."

"You think my cooking is delicious?" I get excited as he mentions this too.

"I already told you your cake, cupcakes or whatever that was that thing you cooked was amazing."

"So you really like it."

"Haven't I already say that? Twice, love?"

"Yes, you did."

But I thought he said it out of courtesy back at the table. But seeing him eat so much of it and him keeping on reminding me how good it tasted, I am sure he means his words. And oh, I would cook him all the recipes I know.

"Was I right? About your house, I mean."

I chuckle at his question. He checked all the points I didn't know I wanted from a house.

"To be completely honest, yes. I guess it was just a preconception of mine that I had to live in a house like this one. And I am somehow glad to know that I won't have this plastic life. But you know what I want most now, besides any house?"

"What?"

"To live. Like, make it till tomorrow, till an hour later. Live for today. Enjoy everything I have left now. Like this moon that's now getting up on the sky. Enjoy the little things I still have because I know I don't have the time to think for some years later. Hell, I don't even think I have the time to think about what would happen next week. Because till then I might… you know. So yeah. To answer your question, yes. You got it right. I realize I can't see myself being a housewife. It would bore me to death. You were right about it."

"And we both know how fast you get bored."

At his comment, we both laugh.

"Yeah, comrade. You haven't seen the worst of my boredom yet."

"Oh, haven't I?"

"No. You see-" I start saying but get interrupted by the wind blowing some strands of hair onto my face.

I hurry to get them out of my way, and I manage with the most of them, but there are still some little hairs that nag me, tickling my face, that I can't seem to get rid of.

"Uf… stupid hair."

"Let me give you a hand," he says amused and after I nod, he proceeds to pick them off my face, his expression focused on this little task. "Is this better?"

"I guess- no." I wiggle my nose, still feeling something tickle it. I feel like sneezing. "I think-" I don't even know why he is laughing, but his warm laughter stops me from speaking some more, as I want to be silent enough to be able to hear and enjoy it.

"Let's…" he turns my head a little towards the light of the moon, and he comes some centimeters closer, so close that I can feel his breath on my cheek. "Here is it," he says victoriously as his fingers finally pick the little nagging bastard off my nose. "Better, love?"

"Mhm. Much-" I try to suppress a sneeze, but it doesn't work. "_Now_ it's much better. Thanks."

But he doesn't pull away. He doesn't even stop looking at me in a specific way. I can't tell if it's amused or anything else.

"What's the matter? Why are you still smiling? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, love. It just that when you sneeze, you make this face-"

"What face?" do I look weird when I sneeze? And I was so close to him!

"Don't you worry. It's cute, Roza."

"Cu- cute?" he thinks I'm cute?

"Mhm." he makes the space between us even smaller, his hand propping on the wood under us, close to mine, his thumb playing with mine and he's now whispering in my ear. "You look like this little bunny scrunching its nose, love. So cute."

"I um…" I don't have a response. Should I thank him?

My mind is not responding, but I realize that my body did, my fingers daring to get over his.

And I thought it would be fine that I did that. But it wasn't. Because he flinches.

"We should get back inside." his tone gets flatter and his body pose stiffens as his body pulls away from mine, his hand slipping out from under mine. "It's getting cold and you're so undressed and someone might see us anyway. It's not safe to waste some more time here."

With these words he ends our little moment and gets up, leaving me more confused than ever. What the hell happened?

He extends a hand to help me up, hand which, I don't know why, some moodiness tells me to ignore. Maybe some pettiness in response to his reaction. Yes, I _am _petty. If his disposition can change like that, so can mine.

Seeing my cold reaction he doesn't say anything, he just follows me back inside.

The silence persists until we get climbing the stairs.

"We will leave in the morning."

"I imagined we would. Who knows? If we stay here for too long, that gardener might finally decide to come around and do his job and I so don't want you to kill him."

"I could just knock him out, you know?"

"Whatever."

I keep on to my attitude and enter the room we have been using, and he does the same, not saying anything more.

I think that we could have used more than this room, not share the same bed, but what would be the point now? Why would I make a fuss over it now? Being close or apart from him seems to be just the same lately. I don't know… He confuses me. And I am tired. I just want to sleep.

**DPOV **

After she plopped herself onto one side of the bed, I lie too and resume to watching the darkened ceiling as I feel her body tense next to me, as for sure she's still upset for the idiocy I did earlier and who could blame her? I took it too far and didn't stop on time, and when I stopped, I did it in the worst way.

She has been quiet for some minutes, and I guessed that she fell asleep, but that's not the case. She tilts her head and looks at me, biting her lips.

"Comrade?"

I turn my head to one side and meet her eyes.

"What?"

"I am sorry."

Her statement makes me turn to one side wholly, wanting to look at her better and to see if I got that right.

"You're sorry for what?" I should be the one saying that. Does she think that she did something wrong that made me react that way?

"Do you want me to tell you chronologically or alphabetically?"

"Come on, Rose. You don't have to apologize for anything."

"I do. I don't do anything well. I can't help you find that device you're looking for, I am slowing you down every time something happens, I put myself in stupid situations that you have to straighten, I am so clumsy, I got you shot. Do you want me to go on? I guess I could remember more of the stupid things I did if I focus a little, all of them pointing to the same conclusion. That I am good for nothing. I suck."

"Why do you say that? Don't."

"But I do. I am nothing but a trouble to you. I am sorry I am nothing more than a liability." Why is she thinking all that stuff about herself? She shouldn't. "I wish-"

"But you are _my _little trouble, love," I respond to her smiling, trying to lighten up her low mood, my hand getting up and caressing her cheek. And I would love for her to be so much more. But I can't allow it.

"Still, it doesn't help you much that you have to babysit me each step of the way."

"Love, stop that."

"I haven't helped you in any way, never. I just-"

"What about the first day on the street when you sprayed that guy with the pepper spray?"

"You would have taken him out anyway. I sprayed him only to get him off me."

"Okay. What about when, the same day, you told me about the man behind me?"

"I bet you would have seen him without my help. You hear everything. See everything too. You didn't need me to announce you."

She seems set to get the worst out of her. But I am set to prove her wrong. Because she _is _wrong.

"At the bar, with that man, when you climbed on him?" at this, she doesn't protest. Even though it was so reckless from her, it was a brave gesture. "And what about the times when you drove when we were followed? You did a great job there. What about my shot too? You took care of that so well."

"But what about all the times I tried to get away? Isn't that trouble I caused cancelling all the supposedly good stuff I've done?"

At this, I laugh heartily, remembering how much of a trouble we've been through because of her insistence to get away from me. But hey, it was fun at times too.

"Yeah, love. You have quite an imagination at finding ways to get away. The craziest of them all."

"You still think I am crazy for that, don't you?" she asks, finally smiling.

"I told you I do. But just a little bit, remember?" I will never stop believing this. And I love that little spark of craziness at her. It makes things interesting. "But even though, you're not that bad as you insist you are, love. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"You really think so?"

"I do."

She gets smiling sillily. "Thanks, comrade."

"And now to sleep with you," I say and pull the cover up on her and tucking her lightly. "It is already past your bedtime."

"Hey," she tries to seem upset but the chuckles give her away. "Stop that."

**RPOV**

We don't sleep at all. I mean I don't know about him, but I can't sleep. I don't really want to. I feel like if I sleep, I will lose all these little memories of the time I spent with him when we have finally connected in a way, and anyway, the sleep isn't willing to come as I keep on rewinding in my mind everything that happened ever since we entered this house.

But no matter how much I fight it, the sleep comes once and for a short period. And because I got to be relaxed, no worry present to keep me awake, I dream.

And I dream that dream I am always afraid of dreaming.

* * *

I remember nothing from it.

I just wake up scared of my mind and get up to my butt, my guts ready to spill and my heart beating like crazy.

"You're okay, love?"

Oh, of course he is here. I bet I woke him up again.

"I am sorry. I…"

"I know. It's okay. Don't apologize for it. Do you want to, maybe, talk about it?"

"Not really."

Lying back down, I hide my face into the pillow, wondering if he already saw the tears in my eyes. Anyway, I do my best to wipe them away without him noticing.

"Okay. But if you do, know I'm here."

"Thanks."

And this is it. To hell with sleeping. I am so sick and tired of dreaming that. Of always remembering that night. Of waking up so scared.

It won't take that much if an effort to stay awake until the morning comes, right? I did it last night too. I can do it for like, forever, don't I? I may need hundreds of ton of coffee and maybe some-

"You can't go on like this, Rose."

"Like this how?"

"Like forcing yourself to remain awake. You need to rest."

"I am not. I just… don't feel like it anymore. I am not sleepy anymore. I feel fine."

"You're not. I can see how you're struggling to keep your eyes open. You must be exhausted."

"Am not."

"I bet you are. How much did you sleep as I was out?"

Almost not at all. How could I sleep soundly when he was feeling so bad? And I know he would see it on my face if I'll lie to him, so why would I even try?

"I don't want to go back to sleep. I can't... dream that again, okay? I don't want to. I can't. Not again."

"What if I promise to you that I will be here to wake you up if that happens again? I will be sure you're fine."

"Why would you do that? Didn't I wake you up enough times?"

"So what? Let's say I don't have a better way of spending my night. I have been sleeping all day today. I am wide awake."

"You promise?"

"I do."

So, with his honest promise, I adjust my position a little, but no matter how much I try now, the sleep won't come. It's funny how when you want something it is not available anymore for you.

"You said you would go to sleep," his tone gets scolding.

"I don't think I can now." My brain is again filling with questions on why is he acting so nice after that shit he did outside.

He gets laughing again. "You are unbelievable, love. Just close your eyes. The sleep will eventually come."

"Will you tell me a story?"

Seeing him smile at my silly question, makes me want to take it back. I am not again drunk so that I could afford to ask for such things. What was I thinking of when I opened my mouth?

"Oh, you know what? Forget ab-"

"English or Russian?"

"Huh?"

"The story. Should it be in Russian or English?"

"You're messing with me, aren't you?"

"Why would I? You wanted a story, right? I am only asking, should I tell it to you in English or Russian?"

"You know I am not drunk, right?"

"So?"

"I don't know…"

"If it helps you fall asleep, then I'll do it. I don't know if you'd like my stories, but I'll try to make the best I can, love."

Oh, he shouldn't worry about the contents. I am okay with only hearing him speak. For what I care, he could be telling me no related words, I'd be fine with that.

"Fine. Then, make it in English, please."

"Sure." he again gets the cover up on my body and smiles at me before lying back down on his side.

I close my eyes and wait to listen to that beautiful voice of his.

"Many, many years ago, in a kingdom far, far away there lived a beautiful princess."

I open one eye to watch him, a stupid smile creeping on my lips.

"What?"

"Princess stories, comrade?"

"Hey. You asked for a story. I am providing you with one. If you don't like it, I can stop."

"No, no. I like it. Please, do continue. What's the princess's name?"

* * *

With a gasp, I snap my eyes open, scared too by the fact that I am not allowed to move freely and this unknown thing is keeping my body pinned into a warm prison.

When I feel him soothing my hair and whispering my name and shushing, I realize where I am and what's happening and I stop moving, even though my mouth keeps on saying "No", and I don't even remember why.

When I stop talking too, finally obliging my brain to stop thinking those bad thoughts, he pulls away, but his hands never stop soothing my body.

He looks at me, meeting my open, still frightened eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Hearing the deep sound of his voice, so full of concern, it soothes even the darkest of my nightmares. When I am with him, I feel safe and sound and I can't even imagine anymore how it would be not to wake up not being next to him to make it all go away.

I nod. "It was just that… bad dream again. I am sorry…"

He sighs and embraces me and I cuddle to his chest like a little kid I feel like now.

"You don't have to apologize for it." and what he says next bewilders me. "And it's not your fault, Roza."

"Pardon me?" I say muffled into his chest.

"It's not your fault your friend died."

"Wha-?" I pull away and look at him, being more than confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember anything from your dream, don't you?"

"No." and to be honest, I think I am glad I don't.

"This time you were mostly saying "Please don't die" as you were sleeping. And "I am sorry.""

"Oh."

He caresses my cheek and his hand rests on my skin.

"You shouldn't be so harsh on yourself."

His words make me burst in tears.

"But I couldn't save him. I should have done more. I should have helped him."

"What else? What else do you think you should have done to save Mason?"

"I don't know. But _something. _I should have done something. Something more than just…"

"Rose, hey, love, no." he pulls me closer and his fingers start drawing little circles on the back of my head. "Don't do that. I know you did all you could. And that is what matters."

"But what is the point of that if I didn't manage to save him? I can't save anybody."

I can't even save myself. I needed him so many times these days to keep me alive, even to protect me from myself.

"That is not true. You just saved me," he argues.

_"Maybe. _No one can tell you for sure I didn't mess your arm forever."

He pulls away, just enough for our eyes to meet again. "Tell me one thing."

"What?"

"Only if you want to."

"Okay."

"What did he say to you lastly?

I cry a little harder and hide my face from him, burying it back into his chest.

I don't like to cry in front of someone, but oh, didn't I do it a lot in front of him?

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But he wasn't blaming you for anything that happened, right?"

"No, he wasn't," I whine.

"Then why are you blaming yourself? You didn't push the trigger."

"Because… because I couldn't-" I can't even speak normally, my voice trembling with each sob.

"Hey. Look at me." I lift my gaze. "Take it easy, love. Your head will get hurting. Try and calm down a little, okay?"

I sniff my nose while nodding and he wipes my tears away.

"I know it must be hard for you. I have lost people too…" he stops and bites his lip just like he would have said already too much. "I know. I know it's hard. But life isn't going to get farther if you keep on blaming yourself. If you keep on blaming yourself. What happened was not your fault, okay?"

I nod. He may be right, but I can't stop thinking I am the reason Mase is gone. Maybe if I would have let him fight that guy or, I don't know… maybe if I have done something? Like act and not chicken out? Do something different.

"Wouldn't he want you to continue living your life?"

"Yeah, he would. He really would." Mase wasn't the type to hold grudges.

"And do you think you can do that if you keep on dragging yourself back to that moment? Trust me, he would wish you to be happy, not to do this to yourself."

I laugh a little.

"When did you get so wise, huh?"

He chuckles and kisses my forehead so lightly, that I am not even sure it happened.

"Call it a moment of inspiration, love."

I snuggle a little closer into him and let him rest his lips on my forehead for some more moments, the little hairs starting to grow on his jaw tickling my skin, but I don't care.

"So now, do you want to go back to sleep or should I go make you some tea?"

His intention makes me smile.

"No, thank you. You have bothered way too much with me already."

"You did for me, too." and he wants to get up. "I am going. Something warm will do you good."

"No." I catch him by his arm and pull him back down, and when I realize how daring my gesture was, I pull my hand back. "I um… I would like to catch some more sleep. It's been some crazy days and I think I need the rest."

But the truth is that I wouldn't like to be alone now. Even knowing that he is in the same bed as me, it does good to my mind.

"Okay. As you wish."

He sits back in bed and if what he said some time ago didn't surprise me enough, what he does now shocks me completely. He takes me back in his embrace, his arms wrapping around me and I stiffen on spot.

"Um, wha-"

He starts soothing my back, my skin feeling perfectly the tips of his fingers through the thin material of my dress.

"Is this okay?"

Against my better judgement, I nod. It is okay. It is great. But should it happen? Again?

"Go back to sleep, love. I'll be here."

I relax into his arms and even dare to put one arm around his torso too, my nose finding the best place just under his collarbone, a place in which I can feel his heartbeat faintly, which is such a calm rhythm to fall asleep on.

"Thank you, comrade."

"Don't mention it."

**DPOV**

My arm getting a little numb, I try to adjust my position, but Rose gets growling as she holds me a little tighter.

Moving all the way, I pull her even closer to me, and still having that pout on her lips, she comes closer, snuggling happily.

"You're so sweet when you're half asleep like this, love," I whisper to her as I put some hairs behind her ear and lean in to kiss her temple.

Wouldn't it be amazing if I'd wake up every single morning to this?

_Sure, why not? You would wake up like this for about a week. Because in the next she'd be dead! _

"Oh, Roza. I'm sorry."

I try to ignore her next growl as I get a hold of her arm and take it off from around me and I pull away from her too.

"I wish things would be different." but I can't do this to her.

I get out of bed and go. It's still too early in the morning and I'll let her sleep some more.

* * *

After getting rid of the car into a lake nearby, I decide to occupy the rest of the time with shaving.

I don't know why, but my arm started hurting as I attempt to do this, and I am not doing the greatest job, which is frustrating.

I throw the razor into the sink and proceed to take my bandage off. I wish I had one of those shots around to help with this nuisance.

"Can I um… help?" I hear Rose asking from the doorway. I didn't even hear her coming.

"No. I can do it." and I continue to unravel the cloth around my arm.

"I wasn't talking about the bandage."

"But about what?"

"About what you were um…" she looks down, her foot drawing little circles on the plushy carpet on the floor. "...doing before that."

"You want to help me with shaving?"

"Why not? I know how to do it. I did it for my father when he had his hand broken one summer."

"Fine."

I can't do it myself and it needs to be done. I can't get out with only a quarter of my face shaved.

She comes closer and I hand her the razor I wasn't doing such a good job with.

But as she is spreading some more shaving foam on my jaw and I keep on bending for her to see well, we both silently get to the conclusion that she is too little.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," she chuckles.

"What about this? Can I… I'll pick you up a little, okay?"

"Um, sure, okay."

And in my most stupid moment, I go on with my stupid idea and I pick her up and sit her on the edge of the sink in front of me.

She spreads her legs a little, making space for me to get closer in between them so that she could reach and see my face.

I don't know if I should be thankful that she now got a pair of pants on or not. I am mostly not. I am even mad I have pants on. Skin on skin, it would have been great.

The moment our thighs touch, she blushes and starts breathing heavily and she's gulping each time she moves her eyes on me and she does her best to avoid my eyes, focusing on shaving me, but all I do is watch her. She's so close to me and how could I even look at something else but her? I can feel her sweet aroma all over me and at times even I need to grit my teeth to manage to keep my hands tamed and not wandering on her body.

_Way to go, Dimitri. You have brought this to yourself. _

I swear I am so stupid sometimes. Instead of putting distance in between us, and not even physically, I keep on doing stuff like this. Last night by holding her, now putting her on this sink and letting her do this. But I can't fucking help it. I want her close to me.

We have spent too much time in here, in this little space out of time, away from everything that's happening out there, and I have allowed, even initiated too many things that shouldn't have happened.

But soon, being outside again, this house will always remain ours. A little safe place in time where I allowed myself to call her mine. But in the outside world, it can't happen anymore.

* * *

**RPOV**

After a little stop at a store, he takes me straight to the airport and in the car, along the way, I don't know, something happened. Something bad. His mood changed. He became dark and silent and didn't feel like responding to any of my questions with more than three words, trust me, I counted.

He became… cold. Again. And I didn't dare ask what I did this time that got him to act like this. I already feel like walking on thin ice whenever I speak to him, and I don't know how he will react to my questions. Could it be about the shaving thing? I saw his expression change then a couple of times…

Uf, why does it have to be so hard to read him?

Entering the airport, we stop at the list of flights.

"Here. You choose where we are going to go," he says showing me the flights panel.

"Me? Why?"

"Because it doesn't matter where we're going."

"Nice that you let me pick the non-important stuff, comrade," I try to be playful, but he responds rudely to my little remark.

"Rose, do you want to pick or not?" he got really offended by my comment.

Seeing him react like that, it makes me get an attitude. Whatever happened with his behavior, it can happen to mine too.

I shrug. "If it doesn't matter where we go, does it matter what I choose?" I can't help but respond pettily.

He sighs and pins me with his glare. He seems tired of my attitude and I must say I am tired of his mood changes too. Is he bipolar? I did my best to be good, wanting not to annoy him uselessly. But even though, he seems to find reasons to do shit like this. And I can't not respond to it.

"I was thinking that you would like to do that. My bad if I thought wrong."

"_Fine_, I'll pick. Does it matter how far?"

"The farther the better."

"Great!" I throw him one of the fakest smiles I am capable of and start looking on the flights leaving soon.

What should I pick?

I see all the common places. But I don't know why, something makes me say this.

"Let's go to Tallinn."

He looks at me suspiciously. "Why that?"

"Why not?"

He shrugs. "Out of all the places available? No Paris, no London?" he asks almost mockingly.

Yeah, of course. I should have picked Paris because I so want him to kiss me under the Eiffel Tower and I even believe that this would happen. Bullshit! I don't even like Paris. It's too basic and cheesy and stuff. And him thinking that of me, it annoys me further. Who would want to have a romantic walk there with him? Not me.

"If you don't like it, pick one yourself and be done with it. You told me to pick, I picked. If you don't like it, I don't care. Pick whatever the hell you want."

"I didn't mea-"

"Whatever, comrade. Are we going to take the tickets or what?"

He puffs. Why is he the one getting mad when he is the one who started this?

"Fine. Let's go."

But to our greatest luck, five minutes after we buy our tickets, we get announced that our flight is having a one hour delay. After all, it's so, so close to Christmas and everything is clogged, even in the air.

So we pick some chairs into the waiting area and I am in for some tensed silence once again.

**DPOV**

"There is something wrong with her," Rose says out of nowhere.

"Something wrong with who?"

"That little girl there. The blonde one right there," she stops to point her finger towards the right of the waiting room, on a hallway. "She's all alone."

She doesn't wait for me to say anything, she gets up and heads to the little girl. I follow.

When I catch up with her Rose is already making the little blondie stop crying holding her in her embrace as she keeps on saying faintly "I lost my mommy."

"Don't you worry. We'll help you find her. But I need you to be brave now, okay sweetie?"

The little one is nodding as she's wiping some tears with the back of her sleeve.

I crouch too in front of the girl and ask her her name.

She frowns so deeply as I speak to her and her light blue eyes darken. Ouch. Maybe she doesn't like me.

"It's alright, sweetie. He's with me. He's…" for the first time in a long while, Rose looks at me and smiles a little. "He's good. You can tell him your name. He'll help us find your mommy, don't you, comrade?"

"Of course I will. If you tell me your name, I can find your mother faster."

"I'm… my name is Sarah, Sir."

"Sarah what?"

"Sa- Sarah An- Andrews."

"Good. Now, you two wait for me here. I'll be coming back with your parents, alright?"

"Tha- thank you, Sir."

I nod at Rose, leaving her with little Sarah and I go back into the waiting room, just in time to hear a woman starting to call for Sarah.

I go straight to the woman and inform her what happened. Leaving her other child with her husband, she rushes out on the corridor and she's kissing and hugging, and scolding Sarah, thanking us too, all at the same time.

The little trouble taken care of, we get back to our places and watch little Sarah now playing with her brother, forgetting so fast that she got lost no more than five minutes ago.

"You're good with children. I mean, you made her stop crying so fast," I say, feeling the need to dissipate this tension between us, tension that I created in the first place.

"It is my job. I've dealt with crying kids a lot of times before."

"No. I think it's more than that."

"Like?"

"I believe you'd be a great mother too, Rose."

She smiles looking at me surprised.

"You think that?" she asks in disbelief.

I don't know why I said it, but it's true and if I said it out loud, I'll own it. Because I believe it.

"Yes. I believe that."

"Um… Thanks."

Still smiling, she pulls her feet under her chin and rounds her arms on her legs.

A couple of seconds later, she sniffs her nose, giving me the impression that something's wrong.

Looking at her, I see she is biting the inside of her cheek as she's silently crying.

"Roza? What's wrong?"

She sobs and shakes her head lightly, trying to dismiss the thing that is bothering her. "Nothing. I'm fine," she whispers.

"I know you're not." I get closer to her on the chairs and take her hand in mine. "Talk with me, love."

Avoiding looking at me, her eyes pinned on something on the floor, she spreads my palm and starts drawing circles on it.

I let her be until I feel a warm droplet fall on my palm.

"Tell me what's the matter."

She looks away and sobs lightly, trying to take a deep breath in.

"A family like that," she whines pointing her head towards the family of the little, sweet girl we helped earlier.

Not knowing what she means, I turn her to face me, but she still looks down at our hands.

"Roza…"

Me calling her like this breaks her completely and she rounds her arms on my torso, burying her face into the crook of my neck and she rests there, crying silently, her body shaking with each sob.

"I am sorry. I didn't…." she gets a hold of the back of my T-shirt and clutches it into her palms. "I don't…" she says angrily this time and cries harder. "I just want to live, goddamnit. The thought of never having that… I want to have that one day. I don't want to die. I am so scared of it..."

I lift her off me and wipe the most of her tears away. It kills me seeing her hurting like this.

"Hey. Roza, look at me." sniffing her nose some more and trying not to cry anymore, she slowly lifts her head and catches my eyes.

Cupping her hot cheeks and kissing her forehead, I lay her head back on my chest.

"You'll have that."

"How? Don't give me false hope. You and I both know…" She sounds so hopeless as her voice breaks. "We both know how this ends. I am not going to have a happy ending. Never…"

She gets crying again and I hold her tighter in my embrace, brushing her back until she calms down and her breathing steadies, and not even then, I don't let go of her. I hold her for longer, caressing her hair and telling her that it will all be alright.

"It won't be like that. You'll be fine."

"How can you say that?" she finally asks.

Because I'll make sure of it, whatever it takes.

But I don't get the chance to say my promise out loud because the little girl from earlier is now in front of us with a frown between her brows, her hand reaching for Rose's knee, attracting her attention.

"Rose, why are you crying?"

She gets up and starts wiping her tears hastily.

"Oh, sweetie. I am not crying."

"But you are. You have tears in your eyes." well, isn't she an observing girl?

"Oh, but they are happy tears. You see? My friend over here told me a very good joke and I laughed so badly that my tears started to fall."

"Really?" the little one asks excitedly.

"Really," Rose responds, expecting to have gotten away with it.

"I want to hear it too! Sir, can you please tell me the joke too?" the girl directs her attention to me now.

Rose looks at me too and shrugs defeated, like apologizing, then turns to the girl and wants to tell her something, but I speak first.

"How do you call a magician dog?"

The girl smiles and Rose looks at me questioningly. Well, didn't say something about a joke?

"How? How? Tell me how," the girl demands excitedly.

"A labracadabrador, of course."

At this, Rose burst into heartfelt laughter and the little girl follows.

Hearing Rose laugh so hard after her down moment, comes as a blessing. I didn't know my little joke would amuse her so much, but she can barely stop laughing in order to take in some air and her eyes get teary, but thankfully, this time from laughing, and I can't help but be in a good mood too and smile at their sight.

When they both cease chuckling, the little Sarah remembers why she came by in the first place.

"Here. I want you to have this," she says and extends her palm towards Rose, and there is a little colorful bead bracelet. "I made this for you to thank you for helping me find mommy."

"Oh, that's so sweet." Rose gets excited at its sight and hugs Sarah. "Would you help me put it on?"

After the girl ties three knots on Rose's wrist, she takes a step back.

"Do you like it?"

"If I like it? I _love _it. You're a little artist."

"Thank you, Rose. And thank you for helping me when I got scared. I gotta go now. My mommy is waiting for me. Bye!"

And with this, Sarah gets running back to her family.

Still smiling, Rose turns my way, an eyebrow rose.

"Do you have a secret stash of jokes for kids down your sleeve, comrade?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"You do?"

"Well, you must be able to connect with anybody."

"Yeah, you're right. Especially in your job…"

Her fingers playing with the wooden beads of the bracelet, she looks around the airport, towards that family again, and I fear that she would get sad once more. And I don't want that to happen.

"Hey, Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"What did the little corn say to the mama corn?"

"What?"

"What did the little corn say to the mama corn?"

"Is that another pun?" I shrug. "I don't know. What did he tell her?"

"Where is popcorn?"

My answer makes her chuckle.

"How can you tell a vampire has a cold?" she shrugs. "He starts coffin."

This one makes her laugh again. And I don't want to stop. I scratch my brain, trying to remember some more jokes like these. To make her laugh like this, after these days, after everything she has been through, is the best thing I can do.

"They're so bad they're good!" she squeals.

"How do all the oceans say hello to each other?"

"Oh, oh! I know this one! They wave!"

And she only gets laughing harder, and her laughter fills the whole waiting room. It's colorful and untamed and so, so sweet.

"What did the buffalo say to his son at school drop off?"

"Oh, I _need _you to tell me that. What did he say?"

"Bison," I say with a straight face and as serious as I can.

"Oh, God! Of course!"

In these moments when she is laughing like this, it feels like the temperature in the room has risen a couple of degrees and I can't help but stifle a grin, knowing I am the one who has brought that smile on her lips.

"Okay, okay. Stop, comrade. My stomach hurts. Please," she says bending over and laughing some more. "I can't stop."

Big tears get rolling down her pinked cheeks and it takes her some minutes to stop chuckling. But at least she is a little happier now.

After she stops laughing, she still chuckles from time to time, and now turns to look at me and smiles warmly.

"Thanks, comrade. I guess I needed a good laugh."

"Don't mention it." I love doing that. I love seeing her laugh. I would do it for the rest of my life.

* * *

**RPOV**

We finally, after so much waiting, get into the airplane and from the second I make the first step past the entering door, I get very nervous, but I decide to hide it from him. I can manage this without his help. I want to prove myself I can. I want to prove myself that I can do without him.

I try to seem as serene as I was when we were into the waiting room and I listen to and do everything I am told to as I fake my nervousness as some tiredness in front of the Russian.

And I did well. Until it's the time for the plane to take off.

This is when the anxiety makes itself present big time and I close my eyes and I fist my palms, squeezing hard onto the air as my breathing picks up.

Okay, I am not afraid now. I am good. I will not have a panic attack. I am fine. The plane won't fall. I am just thinking stupidly. I am… touched?

I open my eyes and see his palm taking control over mine, unclenching it, and his fingers entangling with mine.

"Easy, Rose." I turn my head to look at him better and he does the same. "You're afraid," he states. I nod lightly and he holds my hand tighter. "It's okay."

"Thanks," I whisper, my heart now getting to beat harder, but the airplane taking off is not the reason anymore.

He smiles back at me. "Are you good?"

I nod. I definitely am now. And there went my proving myself that I can do this without him. But how can I say no when I love it so much when he's holding my hand?

A second later, as a turbulence comes I squeeze his hand and he does the same, reassuringly.

"It's your first time, isn't it?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"You could have told me."

"And what could you have done?" maybe drug me again?

"Know for a first," he somehow scolds me and I am already predicting a change in his mood. "We don't want another panic attack, right?" he gets jokingly and I chuckle and relax a little more.

"Yeah, we don't."

And the sweet thing is that he doesn't let go of my hand for as long as I need it, keeping on walking his thumb on it. And even more sweet, he tries to distract my attention.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure."

He lets me pick one and silly me, I fall asleep fifteen minutes into the movie.

* * *

I wake up as someone is fastening my belt, as he is fastening my belt, and I find myself with a pillow under my head and a blanket on me, keeping me warm.

Have we gotten there already?

But the stewardess is there to inform us again that we're ready for the stopover. Right, I forgot about that.

He finishes putting on my belt and gets up. And the second he sees me awake, he scolds me a little.

"You didn't sleep very much lately, didn't you? And by not very much, I mean not at all, and I am not referring only to last night."

"I _did _slee-" He throws me a look and I switch to saying the truth. "No. I didn't."

"Why?" I shrug. "Rose? What did you do all that time?"

"I um... watched you. Kept an eye on you," I say and avoid his eyes now. "You know, there, for some seconds, I thought that you... you know… you would…" I can't help it and my eyes fill with tears. "That you would die," I whisper so faintly. "That fever you got…"

His hand gets mine again and he's caressing it so lightly.

"I am sorry for having to go through that."

I smile at him. "I am glad you are fine now."

"Thanks to you."

"Don't give me that much credit comrade. I didn't do that much…"

He wanted to say something, something more than just contradicting me, I have seen it on his face, but he didn't do it because he got interrupted by the stewardess talking again. Why isn't the universe letting me finally hear him say something that matters?

Even his expression changes and he pulls his hand away fast, like touching me would have burned him.

I get mad at this and I take the pillow under my head and hold it tight, preparing mentally for the landing. The departure wasn't that bad, the landing won't be either, right? And this time I will do it without his help!

"You'll be okay?"

I look at him and I see the concern in his eyes, that so easily replaced that face he made when he pulled his hand away. I see so many undecipherable things in his eyes and I hate it that I don't know the meaning! It pisses me off so bad! Why does he keep on alternating between those looks, between these states of spirit? He is driving me insane!

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Perfect," I reassure him with a fake smile and get back to squeezing on my pillow, ignoring on purpose the hand that he placed on the little space between us.

* * *

The second landing goes as well as the first one, again, without his moral support and we head out the plane.

As we walk towards the exit, he stops me at the first info stand and gets himself a map.

"You've never been here before?"

"No."

"Really?" he nods. "So, this is unexplored ground?"

"You can call it like that. Are you hungry?"

"After more than ten hours flying, do you even need to ask?"

"Okay. They have this seemingly great restaurant nearby."

As we eat, I decide to finally take my chances and ask the most pressing question in my brain.

"Comrade?"

"Huh?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What are we doing here?"

"We're eating, aren't we?"

I throw him an ugly glare and hope he chokes a little on his food as a repay for that answer.

"You know what I meant. What are we doing _here_, in _Tallinn_, comrade."

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you _don't know_? Don't mess with me. Why are we here?"

"I told you that I don't know. So stop asking me."

"I will stop asking when you stop lying to me and tell me the truth."

"I already told you the truth," he says angrily, gets up from the table and after he makes a little stop at our waitress, he heads outside, leaving me there looking like a fool.

_What the hell is wrong with him_? One second he is acting nice and then he snaps like this? Is it my fault that his orders are messed up? And what the hell he means when he says he doesn't know? He always knows.

I need an explanation, and I am not giving up until I get one. It's been way too long ever since I keep on asking and getting these useless responses in return.

And how _dare_ he leave me here like this? I am so tired of people leaving me hanging, of doing this to me. I will so not go through that with him. I won't ever allow anyone else treat me like that bastard.

I get up and go after him, being angrier than ever.

Getting outside, it doesn't take me much to spot him thanks to his height and I give no damn about the people around us.

"Hey, you, you little bastard!"

He stops, turns around and watches me approach him.

"Don't you ever, ever, _ever,_ do that again to me! I was talking to you and you left like that?" I keep on pushing my finger into his chest. "I wanted a simple answer to a simple question. What the hell do we do here?! And I still want that answer. You won't get away from me with just your I don't know. It's _my life_, comrade. _My life_ we're messing with here. I get it that the thing I have gotten into is way bigger than I might understand and that many people want to kill me and stuff, but I think that I deserve at least an answer to a simple question. What the hell do we do here? Why did you bring me here? Because I am sure that we are not on vacation or to enjoy ourselves because running from one place to another and trying not to get killed was never fun for anyone!" I end up out of breath, but I am finally calmer. Saying all these things to him did me good. "I am not asking for much from you."

He sighs deeply. "I honestly have no idea what we are doing here."

"What? Didn't you get any orders to follow? Or are they too secret you would have to kill me if you'd tell me?"

He smiles so faintly. "No, Rose."

"No, _what_?"

"I didn't get any orders."

"Then what in the name of God do we do here if no one told you to bring me here?!" It is exasperating. _He _is exasperating. This situation is driving me insane.

"We're running away."

"From who are we running away now?"

"From everybody that wants you dead."

"Which is?"

"Which is everybody."

"I…" everybody? "I want to ask you something else too. I can't find a reason myself and I was wondering if you could tell me."

"What?"

"Why did um… Tasha come to kill me? I mean, she is one of your people and you… Is there a bounty on my head? Am I wanted, dead or alive for that thing I don't know? This is why you…?"

"Why I what?"

Hell, I should have stopped talking earlier. I so feel that what I wanted to say will upset him. But I need to say it anyway.

"Rose? This is why I what?"

"Why you keep me with you?"

"Do you think I do this for money?" he sounds so hurt. "Is that what you believe? That I keep you with me for the sake of fucking money?"

"I don't know what to believe! Everybody wants to get their hands on me thinking that I will be their leverage with Xavier and this is why you even took me in the first place! But then Tasha comes and she wants to kill me and hell, you two are on the same side and this means what? That your men want me killed too, or at least that they want to get their hands on me, but not through you? I am confused. Am I supposed to live or be killed? Why did she do that if you are on the same side as her? Why did she want to kill me while you do your best to keep me alive? Hell, you even got shot for me! I want a reason, comrade. Tell me why you do this. Tell me what to think about this."

He is looking away and responds almost whispered.

"She was there to do it because I refused to."

"What did you say?"

He looks now in my eyes as he repeats those words.

"I said that she was there to kill you because I didn't want to."

I am speechless. Why did he refuse to kill me?

"I um… what?" I can only mumble half of the words. "Why?"

He doesn't give any attention to my question

"We should go now. It's getting late and I want to-"

I stop his speaking by getting a hold of his arm and try to shake him a little.

"No! I want an answer! Tell me!"

"Tell you what?" his voice is so cold now.

"Why you didn't do it."

He shrugs. "I just didn't."

"You're doing it all over again!"

"Do what, Rose?"

"This- this- this _thing_ goddamnit! You start to tell me things and then you stop and all I get is half of the facts and then you wonder why I believe all the stuff I believe. And when I ask for more explanations, you brush me off like it wouldn't be important. Well, let me tell you that it is! It is hell of important!"

"You are exaggerating. It is not important."

The reason he kept me alive, the reason he almost got killed for me, the reason he is acting like this isn't important? To me it is.

"Then if it isn't that important, tell me! It shouldn't be hard for you to tell me if it isn't, right?"

He avoids my eyes and keeps to the same cold tone.

"It is just a difference of opinions. I think that we should keep you alive to get leverage, my superiors don't and so they wanted you out of the picture. Simple. Don't make things bigger than they are, Rose. Because they're not."

Oh, so that's all?

"Okay. _Perfect_. _A-freaking-azing_!"

I am boiling with anger. That's all I mean to him? A goddamn leverage. He did so many just for the sake of being right. Why am I even surprised?

You know what? That's good. Perfect. He can go fuck himself.

I start walking away from him and I am not looking back. I head straight into the bunch of people gathered for the Christmas fair nearby, hoping that I would somehow get lost and never have to see him again and never have to face all those conflicting feelings he arises in me every single time I look at him. I hate feeling so many things when all he feels is a big bunch of nothing.

"Rose!" he calls for me, his deep voice making all the people around me cease speaking for a split of a second, but I don't give a damn. I don't bother to respond, I don't give him any attention when he calls for me again. I just pick up my pace and walk further.

But of course, you can't get away from him. I never could.

He catches up with me in less than a minute and gets a hold of my elbow, stopping me and pulling me towards him.

"You're heading the wrong way," he says through gritted teeth.

"Sure. My bad. We'll be going anywhere you want. Just like always. I am here only to follow your command. Don't mind my free will. I will just be your leverage and I'll be pleased to serve you."

"Rose…" he growls and I feel the exasperation in his voice.

"_No_. You know what? Whatever you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it. Because if you are going to try to reason with me, I know that you will be telling me only a half-ass reason or an idiotic explanation that you think I am stupid enough to believe and that will only make me madder on you! So would you please not say anything else and just drag me somewhere and be done with it? I know the drill already."

"That's perfect to me," he says just as pissed off.

"Great."

We walk and don't speak another word, him guiding me into that haze of people by keeping his hands on my shoulders and changing direction when needed.

When we get to some emptier streets, his hands finally leave my body.

A few moments later, I find myself in front of a nicely decorated stand that sells gingerbread.

"Would you want some?"

He decides to speak and these are the words he decides to use?

Thinking of their meaning, I start laughing, almost hysterical.

"What?"

"You always get me food to make me forgive you for whatever shit you do."

"I do not."

"You do, comrade."

"No. I don't," he keeps on arguing.

"The facts don't lie." He looks at me suspiciously and I start explaining. "After you burned down my apartment, you bought me that chocolate you know I love. After the bar thing? You bought me again chocolate and came to me with it as a peace offer. After we almost…" I bite my tongue. "Coincidence or not, you bought Chinese. At the diner? You shared your plate with me after we argued. And now this. Now you think you can buy me with gingerbread."

"Did you ever stop to think there was another reason I did those things?"

"Like?"

"Maybe I was doing it so that you would stop scolding me. It keeps your mouth busy, you know?" He says trying to be funny and I even smile too, but for different reasons. I am not in the mood to play this game with him anymore.

"So, I got it all wrong? Isn't this a peace offer? It is just a shut up offer?" but from what I remember, I haven't said a word in a long time now.

His expression softens considerably.

"It is, Rose."

"It is what?"

"A peace offer. I…" and when he was again close to saying something meaningful, he just sighs.

"You know, a simple word would be enough. More than enough. You don't need to waste your money on stuff like this. Saying something might cost you less than buying me food all the time because I don't know if you observed, but we argue quite often and you might remain with an empty wallet until you finally get rid of me. "

I turn around and leave.

"Rose, wait."

He catches up with me and I realize I have headed into a really empty street. We're all alone here, just me and him and the sounds of the cheerful people at the Christmas fair nearby.

I look at him with my hands crossed over my chest.

"What?"

"I don't consider it a waste as long as you are enjoying it."

His answer doesn't satisfy me at all. He keeps on saying useless stuff. Useless stuff that I don't want to hear. He never speaks, and when he does, he rarely says things that matter to me.

"Good to know. Now can we-"

I want to get moving again, but he stops me, and I take two steps back until my back reaches a wall. He doesn't seem to care. He still comes closer.

"Look…" he sighs as his right palm rests on the wall behind me and his body comes closer to mine. "Words… they don't come easy for me. I usually do rather than say. I have never been a man of words."

"Good to know that. Too bad that sometimes what you do is completely confusing and I tend to need verbal explanations."

I want to get out of that little space I am a prisoner of, but he pulls me back.

"No."

"What now?"

"I am sorry. For… all of this."

"Yeah, okay." if he is saying this only to make me feel better, it won't work. What is the point of saying it if he does mean it?

His fingers tilt my head so that I get now to look deeply into his eyes.

"I mean it, Rose. I really do. I know all of this must be…"

"Confusing? Annoying? Insane? Not fair?"

"Yes, yes, yes and yes. All of the above and some more. But just understand that I am not here to make things harder, okay? I don't want that." he caresses my cheek and puts my hair behind my ear, his fingers continuing to play with a strand of my hair as he speaks some more. "I am only trying my best to do what I think it's good and I don't even know if that is the right thing to do, and I don't know if even half of what I am doing myself, and with all your questions…"

"But-"

"I know. It's your right to ask and to want to know. I won't deny that. I would do just the same if I were you. But I have no good answer to give to you to any of your questions. I have no satisfactory answer. I can only tell you that I am trying and this is all I can offer to you now. I don't know if it is enough but it's all I have. I am trying to do what I think is right."

"And what do you think is the right thing?"

"To keep you alive."

"For your profit."

"No. Goddamnit, Roza, no. For… for you." when he says this, my eyes fill with tears. This is the most heartfelt thing he has told me, like ever. It's all I ever wanted to know. But he says some more, not before his thumb wipes away a tear that decided to fall. "You have no fault in this. You shouldn't have to go through all this and die. You deserve better than this. That's why."

I nod, while trying to keep my tears at bay.

"Thank you." my hand trembling, I dare bring it up and lay it on his chest. "And… I trust you with this. Not that I would have a choice, though." We both chuckle a little. "But being serious now, maybe from all the chances I had, you were the best of them. My best chance. And I thank you for this, comrade."

"Don't mention it, love."

Next, all that's left to do is to look at each other, like we did a thousand times now.

And I start feeling that thing I always feel when we get too close and we do this, and that something I feel, I might not get to regret later if it happens now.

But he does something unexpected.

He gets his hand off my cheek and he brought it down, and damn me, I expected him to touch my body, I _wanted _him to do that, but it was not the case.

His hand went somewhere into his pocket maybe, because when he brings it back up, it is holding a nicely packed piece of gingerbread, and there's a question in his eyes, along with that cheeky smile that spreads on his lips.

I start laughing, from disappointment or amusement, I don't know anymore.

"That's stolen, isn't it?"

"How can you possibly know that?"

"For starters, I didn't see you pay for it."

"Because you weren't there."

"You didn't have the time."

He sighs. "Fine, fine. I stole it." I open my mouth in surprise and want to scold him. "But not before making sure to slip some money into the tip jar."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Good."

"But the question is…" the amusement fades from his expression. "Will you forgive me? For earlier?

I grab the sweet treat from him and get away from between him and the wall. One more second that close to him and I would either jump on him or smack him because he didn't dare do what I wished he'd do.

"Peace offer accepted, comrade."

He smiles back at me.

* * *

When he pulls up the car, he didn't take us to any motel here, but in front of an apartment building.

"What are we doing here?"

"I thought we could rent an airbnb here. Have a little change from those motels. Is that okay with you?"

"Do you even have to ask? I came to loathe motels. Any apartment sounds like a blessing. That's what you were doing on your phone all this time?"

"Yeah. That too."

We get up to the apartment he said he found, but there's no host to take us in.

"She said she'd be here."

"Can't you work your spy magic on the door and get us inside?"

"And then what? Have her report us to the police?"

"Uf, you and your unbeatable logic, comrade. Then what do we do now?"

"What about doing some groceries?"

Out of nowhere, I start laughing.

"What? You want some more cake, comrade?"

"I wouldn't say no to that, love."

"Let's go then."

But as he drives, I see that we're heading away from the civilization and towards some forest I guess. And I bet that we won't find a supermarket there.

"Comrade?"

"We're making a little detour."

"Where?"

"If I tell you where we go and why, do you promise to have an open mind about it?"

"Why don't you tell me first and I'll decide after I know?"

* * *

"Comrade, I know I said I am not going to argue and that I'll try to do this, but I can't."

"Please, Rose? I won't always be able to take care of you."

"I know, but I can't do this. Anything but not this," I say and hand him back the gun he insisted I would learn how to shoot.

He wraps my fingers back on the handle of the gun, but I shake my head and push it back into his hands.

"Love, I need to know that you can take care of yourself. I won't always be able to protect you, not even if I am around."

"But…"

"And I might not always be near. If you get alive from all of this, I won't lie to you. It won't be easy. You'll have to be on your own, to take care of yourself, to watch your back and so much more. And from the way I saw you froze when…" he stops before mentioning the Tasha incident.

"You know why I froze."

"I know. Then, let's get working on that first. If you don't feel comfortable after that, it's okay. We'll get back to the apartment."

"Okay. I'll try. But I can't promise you anything. I loathe guns."

"I figured that out a while ago."

"Good. What do we start with?"

"Ground rule. Treat every weapon as if it were loaded. Always."

"That won't be a problem. Unless I drop it."

We both laugh.

"That's good, love. You're joking. Not feeling uncomfortable yet?"

"Not yet."

"Good."

He extends the gun to me and after a deep breath, I take it from him.

"How does that feel?"

"Strange." I weight it in my palm and study its curves. "Heavy. And not only physically. But that doesn't matter now. What else's next?"

"There's nothing else to know. Just, going further to shooting and how to do it."

"Fine. Show me. But be gentle with me, please."

"Sure, love."

He moves and comes behind me, his palms coming on my shoulders and he makes me stand tall.

"Now let's work on your stance. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart," he says and his foot gets in between mine, parting them. "And get your dominant foot slightly behind for more support."

His palm slides down on my arm and he gets a hold of my mine, his fingers wrapping on the gun over mine, bringing it a little up to show me as his words explain to me what he's doing.

"Get a good grip of it. Always use two hands when firing. Your dominant hand should be high on the handle and the other hand lower, wrapping on the lower part of the handle, for more support. Extend your trigger finger along the side of the weapon. Does that sound hard to do?"

"No. Not really."

"Good."

He now extends the weapon out in front of us, and inevitably, his front body glues to my back.

But he is all business and I need to be too.

"Squeeze the pistol in your hands firmly, but not too tight. If your knuckles turn white, you are squeezing it too hard."

"Okay."

"Okay," he responds and lets go of me, to do it by myself.

He doesn't say anything else for the next minute maybe.

"What now? Do I practice this stance some more?"

"No, love. You are squeezing it too hard."

"Oh."

He again comes closer and puts his hands over mine, and now I need to force myself not make that grip on the handle even tighter, just because of the closeness between us.

"It's okay. Just relax a little, love."

I take some air in and unclench my fingers off the gun.

"Good. This is good. Now, find a good sight picture. Sight picture is imperative to accuracy."

"This doesn't bring me much comfort, comrade. How do I do that?"

"You see this?" he shows me a little thing on the top of the pistol.

"Aham. What about it?"

"When you look through it, you should see the target clearly."

"I don't get that. I should pay attention to this little thing and not to the target?"

"Okay. You know what? We'll focus on the accuracy of the target later. Let's deal with the other basics now, okay?"

"Sure. If we still have to…"

"I'd like you to. Because-"

"I know. And I promised I'll try, so… I'll try."

"That's good. As you squeeze the trigger, the weapon will get pushing backwards. Manage the recoil by combing a proper firing stance with a good grip."

"Stuff are getting a little complicated there, comrade."

"I know. But I know you can manage it."

"Eh…"

"Come on. You did so many already.

"Yeah… I did, didn't I? I can't even believe you made me do so many crazy stuff."

"Hey, don't you forget that some of them you started."

Again, we laugh. Him being funny is making my tenseness disappear. Which is so good.

"Lastly, maintaining calm, steady breathing is important to ensuring your fire accurately."

"Oh! I already mastered that, right? You always told me to breathe."

He laughs some more. "Sure, love. But some more practice is never a bad thing. You should always fire during the natural pause between exhaling and inhaling. But if this is too much now, we'll work on it later."

"Yeah, better later."

"Okay. And lastly, keep your finger straight and off the trigger until you are ready to fire. And most importantly, keep the weapon on safe until you are ready to fire. And, I guess this is all."

"Nothing more?"

"No."

"Nothing?"

"Why would there be?"

"Because…"

"Because this means that now you have to shoot, right?" I nod. "What if we shoot this first one together?"

"I'd like that."

And with his help, I, I mean _we_, shoot.

I don't manage the recoil as best as I hoped I would and it pushes me backward, but his body is there to support me.

"See? You did it, love."

"Technically, we did it. But anyway, I just shot a tree, comrade."

"And I hope that's everything you'll ever get to shoot."

Oh, me too.

* * *

On our way back, he extends to me a little paper with two phone numbers on it.

"And what should I do with this?"

"Memorize them."

"For what?"

"For the times you'll be in trouble. And memorize them well. Your life may depend on it one day."

"Whose numbers are these?"

"Mine and Ivan's. We always answer, no matter the hour. And if you have a problem, call."

"I um…" I put my hand over his as he changes gears. "Thank you for this. I promise not to ever call you in the middle of the night because I got bored, comrade."

"Oh, Roza." he smiles while shaking his head.

* * *

After stopping at the supermarket and him surprisingly letting me buy all kinds of unhealthy stuff, we get back to the airbnb and finally, the host is there to meet us.

She's smiling and seems so nice, but wants to speak with my companion about some important stuff.

So he finally hands me the bags that he categorically refused me to carry on the stairs and tells me to go inside, a thing that I can't protest to, and have to comply to.

**DPOV**

She wants to be paid with a card, her request coming out of nowhere. She didn't mention any of this before.

I don't have any card on me. I only use cash. It is harder to trace. And being here, all I want is to be untraceable.

**RPOV**

Okay, call me a curious one, or a nosy one, whatever, but I intentionally left the front door open wide enough so that I could still see them from the kitchen, where I was supposed to be, unpacking the goodies.

But I just want to know what they're doing, even if I don't know what they're talking about. Maybe I can figure it out from the way they move or something.

And oh, I see plenty.

I think I should have closed the door behind me.

Or maybe not. I now see another reminder of what I mean to him. Which is nothing. I thought that after everything that happened ever since we got in that house meant something for him too. That all he said to me today meant something to him. But I guess it didn't.

Or, I don't know… Is he used to act like this around women and I am just interpreting? Is he doing it without realizing it? Is he that used to making their knees weak and make them purr at his will just at his littlest touch? Because that's what he's doing to our host now and she's very much enjoying it, his touch on her arm making her lean onto the wall, trying to approach a sexy pose.

I can see it on her face that she loves it. Too bad I can't see his damned face too. I bet he loves her reactions too.

_Or is he just a nice person and you are just imagining it as flirting?_

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he is flirting with her! Look how his fingers still walking on her arm!

And why am I even jealous to begin with? He doesn't care about me anyway, _obviously_. At least not in _that _way that he cares about her now. And why would he? Just because he was so close to having sex with me? Wasn't I the one refusing him so many times? What am I expecting from him? To beg me? No. Of course not. And why am I even thinking of this shit? I don't want to sleep with him.

But that woman seems to want it.

Well, they can happily go and do whatever kinky thing they're planning now. I give them my blessing. Maybe if he gets laid, he won't act so hot and cold with me anymore.

When he finally comes inside, there's a proud expression plastered on his face and I pretend I am not seeing it.

I bet he scored. I am wondering when they will be getting that hot date. Maybe tonight.

Will it happen here? Where will I go then? Because to hell if I am listening to them banging all night. I don't want to hear her screams. I mean, in the possibility in which he can make a woman scream. Oh, I bet he can.

Would they want a threesome too? Noooo. Not in his wildest dreams!

All these questions make me angrier than ever and I am pouring it all on the groceries that I was supposed to take care of, and I am so, so close to popping all the bags and ripping to pieces everything that touches my hands, imagining, of course, that it's him I am doing all these bad things to.

Or how would it be if I would throw them all at him?

Freeing. It would be hella freeing. Oh, how freeing it would be to throw this biiiig tablet of chocolate at him. What would I love for it to reach?

I feel his hand on my shoulder and I jump a little, my thoughts returning to the reality in front of me.

I turn around and snap at him, that chocolate still in my hand, and I was so, so close to throwing it at him.

_"What_? What do you want?"

His confusion meets my question.

"Are you okay, love?"

"I am _just perfect_, thanks for asking. And please, for the love of God, stop calling me like that." I bet he just called her like this earlier. I bet he calls all the women he meets names like these. And they like it. But I don't!

"I… what…? Are you sure?"

"Of course I am sure! I know best how I feel because I am feeling it." and I feel like snapping his neck!

I want to avoid his inquiring eyes and get back to unpacking, but of course, he stops me and makes me look exactly in them, his palms wrapped on my upper arms not letting go of me when I try again to get away.

"Tell me what's wrong all of a sudden."

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong."

"And do you expect me to believe that? I can see it on your face that there is something going on."

"Believe what you want. I don't care. I told you there's nothing."

"Come on, Rose. Did… Did I do something?"

"And why do you think that anything you do has _any _impact on me?"

"Because you seem to be mad at me for some reason?"

"I am _not." _

"Do you expect me to believe this too?"

"Again. Believe whatever you want. I don't care. I already told-"

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Go to hell."

I rip away from his grasp and finally get back to my groceries, this time trying to be gentler with them, trying not to give him any more reasons to doubt me, which I don't manage to do very well.

"And you still declare you're not upset with me?"

"Yes. I _wasn't_. But that was before you started nagging me with your importance."

He stops me once more from my unpacking and forces me again to look at him.

"Rose… is this about the talk we had earlier? On why we're here..."

"No." it is so much more than that. "Yes. No. I don't know. I just…" I am so goddamn confused! "Do you want something from me?"

"What?"

"I said, do you want anything from me?"

"Like?"

"Like, I don't know. _Something. Anything. _From me. Do you want something from me?"

"What is this about?"

**DPOV**

I see tears gathering in her eyes and her voice cracks as she speaks to me further.

"Answer my question goddamnit! Just for once answer my question without questioning me back! Do you want something from me? In any way?"

Oh, but I don't just want _something_ from her. I want so many things from her. I want everything from her. I want her, all of her, mostly. And not in only one way. In all the ways. And in all the places. And for the longest time.

She keeps on looking at me, her eyes inquiring, waiting for an answer I know I can't be honest about.


	29. I lied, Roza

**Hello guys! It's a little late, but I managed to edit this chapter too. I wanted to post it tonight as I promised myself I would stick to my planning :) and yay, I am waking up in 4 hours. :))) But it was worth it. Hope you will like it**

**Tika86, I admire**** your strength. I don't think that tonight you'd be awake again to read my chapter though, as I got a lottle carried out. And I so cannot wait that long for season 6B**

**HonestPassion13, your hopes are coming true this chapter. And yeah, it won't take him much to realize that, but it comes with a cost too. I mean, he has lots of enemies and stuff, and Xavier is still looking for them, and trust me, he will think of that soon**

**yari. desu, sometimes I want to smack Dimitri too, but then I remember, oh, shit, I wrote that :)) but I hope you'll like what he does in this chapter and that that washes away some of his sins (I don't know if I used this right, I legitimately translated an idiom from my language that I am too tired now to go search. If it is wrong, I will change it in the morning). And I hope you have a nice week at uni! **

**Love y'all guys, thanks for still being here, and have a wonderful week! **

* * *

**I lied, Roza**

**DPOV**

I hate myself for the words I am going to say. I know what she means. I know exactly what she's asking from me, what she wants to know.

And I would love to tell her. I would love to just tell her already and kiss her and rely on the fact that everything will be alright. To be that fool again and think that nothing bad will happen.

But I know better. Because I would lie to myself. Because it won't be alright. It never was. My past will always haunt me. And I can't do this to her. I can't let it haunt her too. I can't let her get hurt. I won't allow it.

"No, Rose. I don't want anything from you. What could I possibly want?" I play the fool and pretend I don't get it what she's asking me.

She nods, blinking fast and looking up, more tears threatening to spill.

I am hurting her all over again. She is hurting so much I don't even dare to look back into her eyes because I'm afraid I'll end up doing something I shouldn't. I don't think I'll ever dare look into her eyes again. I am a goddamn bastard.

But this is the best thing I can do now. To keep her away. It's better if she thinks the worst of me. If she hates me. I can't put her through this. I'd better not have her at all than to have her killed.

"Okay." she gulps smiles at me, a so, so sad smile. "Good."

"But what was this about?" I play that card some more.

"Oh, nothing." she finds the strengths to smile a little wider, then turns her back to me.

"Rose?"

"About _nothing_. It was just a stupid question of mime, that's all. Don't you mind about it."

And there she goes, heading towards the living room door.

**RPOV**

I am glad we set things straight. So damn straight.

I storm out of the kitchen before I burst out in tears. I mean, before I become louder than I already am. I am already crying, it's so hard for me to contain my tears, and my whole body is shaking from all the hurting I feel.

I don't stop walking until I get inside the bedroom, inside this room that I would love admiring if I wouldn't be ready to break completely.

The Christmas spirit should be all around, even on the inside. But all I can feel is my heart breaking into little pieces that I don't know how to put together. And just because of some words a complete stranger said to me.

What could he possibly want? Right. What could he? And what could I possibly want from him? I mean, it's not like I lo-

No. I don't. I don't feel that and I won't ever feel it. I won't allow myself to.

And him? Oh, him! I have never felt so much indifference in my life. Those words came out cold as an iceberg. _I don't want anything from you._ Of course he doesn't. Unless I would have dropped to his feet and let him take me straight to bed.

No! You know what? I won't let him do this to me. I won't get through this again. I won't let him do to me what Alex already did to me. I won't have my heart broken again by pretty lies, by false kindness. And I won't ever shed a tear for such men. Never again. For any man. It is not worth it. For him especially. He doesn't deserve my tears.

I go into the bathroom, get a hold of myself, wash my face and stare back at my reflection until I don't feel like crying anymore. I am fine. I won't cry again. I swear I won't. Not for him.

I polish myself a little, trying to erase completely the traces of my tears, and taking a deep breath in, I let it out with a sigh and open the door to go back there to show him I don't care either. Because I don't.

Getting back into the kitchen, I see that he finished the task I abandoned.

Ignoring him as best as I can, I get looking on the counters for the stuff I will need later for cooking.

And he just sits there. I don't hear him moving at all, but I feel his eyes on me, following my every move. Whatever. Let him watch. I still ignore his existence.

But when I finish my little task, I know I need to get back to the counter he is leaning on if I want to continue with my cooking.

To hell with it. I said I won't give a damn about him. So his presence won't stir me anymore.

Getting there, I start sorting things and I see there's one thing missing. A thing that I precisely know we bought.

"Will you need some help?" he asks extending the missing jar to me, and I only look at his hand as I respond.

"No, thank you. I don't need any help." especially his. He has helped me enough. All his helping only brought me suffering.

I want to take the jar from him, but he pulls it out of my reach.

"Are you sure?"

"I _said_ I can handle it."

"Rose…"

Only him calling me by my name makes me lose it, and ever since I entered this room, I take a first look into his eyes.

"Please! I said I didn't need any help!"

He frowns and sets the jar on the table.

"I just wanted to help you," he excuses himself, but after what he told me earlier, his words have another meaning for me and I snap at him.

"Like you're doing by saving me? That's how you think you're helping me? But let me remind you that you are not doing it only for me. You're doing it for yourself too! In some way, anyway. I would be long dead if you wouldn't want something out of this, don't you think I am aware of that? It has to be. I don't know what it is, I swear I don't, but why else would you go this far to keep me alive? So why don't you stop acting like you are doing me a big service or favor by keeping me alive? For what I know, I am just a pain in your ass, I have always been, and I bet you have no pleasure in keeping me around. And for your information, neither do I!"

He looks at me, his eyes clouding, but his lips say otherwise because he smiles. Well, that's barely a smile, but it is.

"You still think that?"

"And am I wrong? You always hide stuff from me, so why would this time be different? For what I know, you could have been lying to me with everything."

And how could I not believe this when he does one thing, says another, then goes ahead and does an even more confusing thing that contradicts both the previous stuff. And this just keeps on going on and on, and on.

"Why would it matter what I say? You already have your answer."

"But don't I? Am I _not_ right? Tell me."

"It doesn't matter," he ends with a sign. "Why would it matter? I won't try to change your mind."

He turns to leave, and when he reaches the door, I find myself yelling after him.

"It _does_ matter! It matters so much! But you never tell me a goddamn thing that I could understand clearly! Never! You're so- You're such a player! You're always playing with my mind!"

I even see a bar of chocolate flying towards him, and I don't even remember when I picked it up and threw it, but when it hits the wall next to him, that thud makes my anger-filled brain come back to reality.

But he doesn't give any attention to that. He just goes out the door.

**DPOV**

I force myself to get out and not look back, not go back and tell her my only reason. Because it's easier if she keeps on believing that. Or at least I hope it is, at least for her.

I don't know what else to do, about anything, and in any way, so I take a seat on the sofa and… wait.

After some good minutes of banging pots and bowls and slamming I bet all the doors in the kitchen, I hear her mumbling something and she even groans a couple of times. I bet it still has something to do with my earlier idiocy.

"Come on. Open," I hear her plead, followed by some more displeased growls. "Please." followed by some metal on metal hitting noises. "Come on!" a thud. "Oh, Rose. Don't be a child," she says fainter, but as it's so silent in here, I hear it all.

Next, the doorknob moves a few times, but the door doesn't open for now. What is she doing in there? Will she come in here? Does she plan on throwing something else at me and she's deciding what now?

I'd better not look like I was waiting for her to come here, right?

I look around and grab the first thing lying around, to my luck, a book, and open it.

"Just go in there already," she seems to scold herself.

Then the door finally opens.

**RPOV**

The door is open. The door is open. _I_ opened it. Oh, shit. Now I really need to get in there.

I step inside the living room, my eyes pinned on the floor under my feet and my fingers tightly wrapped around that damned jar.

Why did I insist on cooking something that has no magic without pickles?

I get closer to the sofa, on which he is casually sitting, reading. Nice. It's nice to see that he can be so relaxed after what happened earlier. At least one of us is.

When I get in front of him, he doesn't look up. He continues to read.

This bastard!

"Com- um… Hey, you."

He looks up, not saying anything, but there's a question in his eyes.

"I um… Can you open this for me? It's too tight." and my hands hurt too much from the countless attempts to open it.

"I thought you didn't need my help in any way." he needs to remind me.

"I d-" I bite on my tongue, preventing myself from telling him the obvious truth. Instead, I throw him a killing glare and get threatening. "Do you want to eat dinner or not?"

He shrugs. "I am quite fine without it now. I am not that hungry."

I start biting the inside of my cheek until I feel the blood starting to overflow. And all this in my attempt to remain calm, can you believe it?

Thinking about him maybe touching me in the process of handing him the jar, I set it on the table in front of him with a hard enough bang that I am afraid it will break.

"So you won't open this?"

"You don't need my help, you said it very clear. So why don't _you_ open it?"

"Because I _can't_," I say through gritted teeth.

"So, you need my help after all."

Oh, he is so looking for it. I might open this jar by smashing it against his head! I can't believe the attitude this guy has! Why is he being like this now, after what happened?

_You mean, nothing, right? Because that's what you told him happened. Nothing. He's just relying on that._

But even though, I can't help it but continue to be upset on him. I will never cease to for what he said.

"You know what? I _don't_. I don't need your goddamn help." I take the jar off the table so fast that I almost drop it. "I'll break it if I have to, but I will get what's inside anyway. _Without_ your help. I don't need any of your aid."

I turn around and proceed to leave him here, with his big ass arrogance and- and everything else he does!

I didn't even hear him when he got up, but he did, and now he's pulling me back by my free hand, turning me around and making sure I get close enough to him, so that his faint, earthy scent would take over my senses. I wonder if he is even aware of what effect that has on me. On women, in general. Maybe this is why he knows so damn well to take advantage of that.

But to hell if I let him play me again. To hell with his masculinity and all. I won't have it.

"Why do you have to take everything so seriously?"

He's kidding, right?

I squint my eyes at him, hoping that I am transmitting a clear enough answer. But I am not. There's still a question in his eyes.

"Because you…" oh, because I can't figure you out and have no idea how to be around you.

"Because I what?" his expressions turns from that slight cheekiness to serious.

"Because each time we get funny and friendly you do some shit and I don't know what that means," I finally speak my mind, naming my frustration, and I do it looking down, not having the courage to look him in the eyes.

He doesn't say a thing. A single damned thing. His mouth stays shut. He doesn't make a single sound. That's all I needed to know to get one more confirmation he doesn't give a damn.

Focusing on it, he takes the jar back from me, and it's like he's doing his best to touch my hands as much as he can in the process, but I am far too enraged to enjoy that.

I continue to watch him while biting my lip as hard as to keep myself from crying again. I made a promise to myself. I'll keep to it.

But he is not even looking at me. He opens that damned jar that started this new little mess, then carefully puts it back into my hands, again, his skin touching mine more than it should.

And even though I am petty and mad, my momma didn't raise a disrespectful child.

I mumble a "Thank you" and want to go back to my happy place, the kitchen. It always lightens up my mood when I cook.

But I hear him saying this.

"Huh?"

I look at him deadly and resist the urge to punch him.

"_Really_?" is he kidding me? Is he keeping onto playing with me like this? Even after I told him what I told him and he didn't react to it? What? He wants a prize now?

He lifts his hands defensively and shakes his head.

"I honestly didn't hear what you said."

"I said _thank you_," I get a little louder, even though I am not one hundred percent he is honest.

He smiles warmly and his hand comes over mine, his thumb playing on my skin a little.

"It was my pleasure."

And here he is, again, getting back to being sweet and nice and- and I hate it! Because this right here is the one thing giving me stupid hopes! This right here is the one thing making me want more from him.

I almost run back to the kitchen and I make sure the door is fully closed before I lean over the counter and start crying again. I can't. I think I might-

_But he doesn't_. And that's the way it is. I will get over it.

But… why was he so good to me so many times? Because of his job? Some of those things, yes, of course, he needed to do. But what about the other sweet, little things he did for me? What if he wanted to be good to me just for the sake of it? I mean, what does he owe me, affectionately speaking? Maybe he just has good intentions and doesn't want anything more from me. Didn't he make it clear enough? Why am I being petty about it?

Because I got everything wrong? What if I saw something where it wasn't? What if I am the one who did him wrong and not the other way around? But hey, he did me wrong too. He did stuff and said stuff to me too.

Oh, I don't know what to do now. I should try to make things right, shouldn't I?

* * *

I finish cooking with the same thoughts in my head. So, what do I do now?

Maybe with our bellies full, we'll see things differently. I know that I always think better when I am not hungry.

So, now I should gather enough courage to go call him to meal, right?

Going back into the living room, I find him still there, still reading.

Here we go.

I walk towards him and only when I stop close to him, he closes the book and looks at me questioning.

"Um… dinner is ready?"

"You're asking me?"

"No. No. I mean, I finished it. Dinner is ready."

He nods and that's all. He continues to stare back at me.

"It's um… going to get cold. Um… aren't you coming?"

He nods again.

Perfect! He doesn't speak to me now. So I messed things up. I was right. He is now upset with me because I was an idiot and reacted like that.

But I won't beg him to come. I have my pride too. I nod too and go back into the kitchen to set the table.

I almost drop the full plates I am carrying when I see him standing in the doorway. I swear he is like a ninja. I never seem to hear him coming.

He comes closer and I need to dodge him for our bodies not to touch as I head to the table. He comes along with the other two, moving just as silently.

So we're still not speaking. Okay. But I don't know how long I can deal with that.

I bring the last stuff, the cutlery, and put his in front of him.

As I sit, I hear him speaking.

"Than you." Wow, he is using words, but only out of courtesy. I bet his mother was a nice woman too.

I nod at him and try a smile too.

"Um… Enjoy your meal," I try to open a conversation.

"You too." Wow, another two words! But to my unluck, no other more.

So I am doomed to eat in this pressing silence. Fine. I'll live with it.

It only lasts for three minutes, max.

My tongue is itchy and I am feeling sorry and embarrassed too, and I am mostly tortured because he is not saying anything.

"Do- do you like it?"

"Mhm. It's good."

Another three minutes of silence.

"Don't you find this a little too spicy?" I ask pointing to a plate.

"No. It's fine. I like spicy foods."

Another courtesy answer to another stupid question.

But my brain can't keep on coming with more.

"What did the host want?"

"For us to pay with a card." For what? For his services? Or hers? Oh, that idiotic jealousy came again. What they might do is none of my business. "But I took care of it."

All he does is to give me bland answers and he isn't even looking at me. He keeps on eating.

"Yeah, I bet you did," I try to sound okay with it, but my words are full of meaning that I am not sure he gets.

His further silence pushes me over the edge.

I drop my fork into the barely eaten from plate, and burst the words out of my mouth.

"I am sorry, okay? I… I really am, comrade." he finally gets his eyes off the plate and looks at me, a question in his eyes. "For what I said. I mean, now and earlier and… I didn't mean it all to sound like that. I didn't know what I was talking about. I messed up. I said a stupid thing maybe. Not maybe. I know I did. I got things wrong. But I just… I don't know. And it's frustrating. I am blindly going everywhere with you and you barely tell me stuff. What could I possibly understand from what is happening? From what you are doing…" I sigh, trying to prevent myself from starting to explain to him what I understood from his actions. "Can you forgive me for that?"

"There is nothing for me to forgive."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Just what I said. I don't have anything to forgive you for. You didn't say anything that wasn't true, not even once today."

"But- but- you were… And you were giving me the silent treatment for _what_?"

"I wasn't giving you any silent treatment. I was just trying not to get you upset on me again. Because if it wasn't something I did, I suppose it was something I said that got you mad."

Oh, wow. So, after I have been a bitch, he was still thinking about not upsetting me more? I only get feeling worse about myself and my reaction.

"Comrade, I-" what do I tell him now about that?

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Fine. If you don't want to tell me, then fine." he sighs and goes back to eating, or more to playing with his food now.

"I told you it wasn't about you…"

"And I think I was explicit enough when I told you I don't believe you. We have been together for the past days, just you and me. Who else could have upset you?"

"Look. It wasn't anything you did or said that got me acting like that. " It's so not his fault that I am seeing things happening where there are definitely not. "I promise it wasn't."

"Why do I still don't believe you?"

Am I such a bad liar?

I sigh and try to explain to him again, hoping that this time I am convincing enough.

"I mean it. I was being… moody. I was grumpy and still a little tired and maybe the jetlag added to it too, and even the shooting thing got to me and I took it all on you without a good reason. You were there and you were nagging me a little with the helping thing and I talked stupid things. "

He is shaking his head.

Oh, come on! I added enough details and I was sure not to fidget and be as calm as possible. Why doesn't he believe me?

"I am still not buying it." his words come to confirm his gesture.

"Will you stop it with that already?" I do my best no to snap at him again. "There is no other explanation you get because there is none other and if you don't believe me, well, then you will have to deal with it!" I can't temper myself enough and end up with my jaw tight and on the verge of crying.

"Alright, then."

I sigh relieved and fulfill my need to apologize to him again, to which he gives the same answer. Then, I open my mouth to speak some more.

"Look. Can we-?" I stop. It's kinda stupid to ask him such a thing.

"Can we what?"

For whatever reason, at his impulse, I continue.

**DPOV**

"Can we try at least try to be… Friends? It feels like we're in the Cold War here. I mean, even though I sometimes tried to hit you..."

She starts fidgeting and looking down at her plate, from which she barely ate.

But all I can do is to watch her stupidly. After all I have done, she wants this?

"Oh… I mean, you know, not best friends forever or something like that. But I don't know… I know it sounds stupid."

"Yes."

She starts contouring the fork on the table with her fingers.

"I know that we have started it all on the wrong foot, but I am really tired of arguing with you all the time. I am aware that you and I don't come from the same worlds and all, and I know what is going to happen to me sooner or later."

"Rose, I said yes."

"But now, I don't know, it would be nice to know I could have…" she sighs and finally looks up, but not at me. She's looking somewhere past me. "I could use a friend. Even a frenemy. I am not asking you to commit to anything, but I don't know, it would be nice to have someone who I could talk to or do stuff, as we did sometimes, and I underst-"

I have heard more than enough. She didn't hear me until now, but I stop her.

I get a hold of her hand across the table and she flinches, and her eyes finally dare to look into mine after she looks at our hands for a couple of seconds.

"Yes."

She frowns. "Yes?"

"Yes, I would like that." if nothing more, then to be her friend.

"You _would_?"

I nod, dissipating the surprise in her eyes and she smiles, but soon shies away and looks down, and surprisingly enough, she didn't pull her hand away from under mine.

I walk my thumb on the inside of her palm and she lifts her eyes, as she's biting her lips.

"Thanks, comrade."

"You know you don't have to thank me for anything, right?" For what it matters, I should be the one doing that.

She shrugs and puts her hair behind her ears, sadly, breaking contact with me.

"I um…" she chuckles. "I made dessert too."

* * *

She now comes out of the bedroom after a long bath, during which, I don't know if she was aware of it, but I could hear her happily humming. Again, her mood is jolly and when she lays her eyes on me, she smiles at me.

Because we're friends now. Nothing more. Just friends. Which is good.

"Whatcha doin? Still reading?"

Yeah, reading. I have kept the book around so that it will look like I am doing something, but my mind didn't read a single word from these pages. I am way too preoccupied with thinking about other stuff.

To her, I nod.

"Well, I think I might get reading something too. I feel like I haven't held a book in ages."

Walking past me, she leaves behind a sweet, citrusy scent that makes me think of summer, and my mind instantly starts creating this image of Rose somewhere on a beach, lying in the hot sand, her bare skin sunkissed, her hair free and salty-

"- isn't it?"

Oh, I missed what she said.

I look up and meet her amused expression.

"Huh?"

"That's an interesting book, isn't it?" Yeah, sure, the book. I need to nod this time too. "I said that this is a huge book collection."

"Oh, yes, sure. Plenty of choices." I'd better pay attention to the real Rose, not to the one in my head.

And this was a wise idea.

She starts looking through the shelves and she's carefully reading each title, taking her time exploring, sometimes tilting her head from side to side and eventually, one strand escapes the loose clasp at the back of her head, and she takes it and starts playing with it, twirling it around her finger as she continues to look through the books.

When she finds something interesting, she gets the book out and she's biting her bottom lip as she's focused on inspecting its abstract and looking inside the book, and whatever else her process of choosing a book involves. And this goes on for a couple of times, always ending the same. With her putting the book back.

Again displeased by a book, she puts it back and heads to another shelve, a higher one this time, and when she sees a book that caught her interest, she lifts on her tippy toes to reach for the book, but she still cannot reach it from the first try, and she pouts and puffs, her feet coming down to touch the ground.

But as determined as I know her, she doesn't give up and tries once more. This time, she lifts herself higher by propping a hand on a shelve, and in the process, she undulates her body against those shelves. Now I can perfectly see all her voluptuous curves pressing against the books and the wooden frame and oh, through those damned black tight pants she's wearing, and it drives me insane. I wish so badly to go and rip off her every piece of clothing she's wearing and make half the books fall from that bookcase. Or even more.

But unfortunately for my little fantasy, she gets back to a straight position and not even being aware of my eyes pinning her with such hunger, she starts looking through the book.

Five minutes later, I haven't gotten bored of watching her being so indecisive, and I guess she has read all the titles there, but still, didn't find anything she liked.

Disappointed, she sighs and props herself on the side of an armchair close to her, her eyes still scanning the bookcase.

I get up and head towards her.

"Tough choice?" and she squeals, her head turning my way.

She smiles, shaking her head.

"Heart attack, comrade, remember? But to answer your question, yes, very. There are so many interesting titles here. But I can't make my mind about which book to read." she sighs, takes a seat on the side of the armchair and starts wiggling her toes up and down. "Isn't it a pity that there are so many books in the world and we cannot read them all? That we don't have the time to enjoy them all? And stuff too. There are so many things to do we won't get to do. People to know..." she finishes and her eyes drift down to her feet.

Yeah, I would like too for things to be different and to have the occasion to know all of her. But it's better like this. It's the best choice. I need to keep this in mind.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"Pick one for me. It's too hard for me to decide."

"What you're looking for exactly? What do you feel like reading?"

"Nothing in particular. Just something good."

It doesn't take me much to pick a book. I have seen the title there some time ago and I don't hesitate to recommend it to her.

Seeing the book, she laughs, then looks at me, an eyebrow lifted.

""Lonesome dove"? And a cowboy on the cover? Why am I not surprised?"

"It's a good one."

"Fine, fine. I'll give it a chance. I know better than to judge a book by its cover."

Heading back to the sofa, she turns to me.

"You know what a good book goes best with?"

"What?"

"Coffee"

"It's almost seven."

"So? I drink coffee no matter the hour."

"You don't drink coffee from what I remember."

"Well, then caffeine. Same thing. And maybe I started enjoying coffee lately. Would you like some too?"

"Yes, please."

"Isn't it almost seven for you too?"

"So? I drink coffee no matter the hour."

She starts laughing. "Good comeback, comrade."

* * *

Some time later, after insisting again that she doesn't need any help, Rose comes back, carrying two steaming cups. She still kept to her jolly spirit, and as she approaches me, she has a relaxed, smiling expression. It's interesting to see how happy it made her the fact that we're now some kind of friends.

But when she gets close enough, that jolly expression disappears as she meets the edge of the carpet and stumbles, sending the two cups flying.

And the coffee ends up spilling.

Most of it lands on my pants, which I won't deny, it kinda stings. That coffee was hot.

"Oh, God, what have I done?"

She freaks out and while continuously apologizing, she starts to frantically pat on me with her T-shirt, that she pulled down so hard it reveals too much.

"Rose, it's okay."

She continues to touch me, too much and too fast and too close to a place that makes me go insane, my brain forgetting about the burning sensation while it is focusing on something else.

And I need to stop her. before my body starts responding to her touch.

"Rose, _stop_." I get a hold of her hands and pull them off me.

She pulls away, her face scared, and I realize that I might have snapped at her a little. But I swear I couldn't take it for her to touch me like that.

"I'm sorry." her voice trembles. "I just…" she bites her lower, trembling lip. "I didn't… I'm so sorry."

Seeing her so affected, on the verge of tears, I feel awful for my reaction.

I get up and she takes a step back, getting a little more scared.

"It's okay, Rose."

"I'm sorry. Please don't get mad at me. It was a mistake. I stumbled and, and-"

She sits onto her knees on the floor and starts picking up the little porcelain pieces.

"And I'm so clumsy, always. He was right," he? I swear to God that this he is Haynes, I'll cut him to little pieces. How badly did he dare treat her? "I can't-"

I get down to her level and I place my hands on her trembling shoulders and she dares to look me in the eyes.

"It's fine, love." I smile at her reassuringly.

"But I-"

I put my fingers over her lips, preventing her from saying some more.

"Roza. It was just an accident. I understand. It's fine."

"I um…"

"Rose…"

She nods and gets back to picking up shards, still a little distressed.

When I want to help her, she stops me.

"No, I'll do it. It's my mess. I need to mend-"

"It's okay."

My hands get a hold of hers, and I take the white pieces away from her, careful not to cut her.

"You can go change. I'll finish here, okay?" She nods, but doesn't get up. "What's the matter?"

"I'm sorry. I hope you're not mad at me. I didn't-"

"It was an accident. I have no reason to be mad at you."

"You mean that?"

"I do."

My response makes her smile through those tears that didn't fall.

"Thank you, comrade."

* * *

I finished picking up all the little pieces of the mug and went to throw them. When I turn around to get out of the kitchen, she's standing in the doorway, already changed of clothes. I start heading her way.

"I can make some more coffee for you if you still want some. I promise not to pour it on you this time."

"Pour, huh? So you did it on purpose?" I see the chance to lighten up her mood, but she seems to panic again.

"No! No, no. Really. No. I swear-"

This didn't turn out as I wanted it.

My laughing startles her.

"Don't worry, love." I am close enough to be able to touch her, and as much I know I shouldn't do it, I do it anyway. I pass my hand through her hair, arranging it behind her ear. "I was just kidding. Don't take it so seriously."

"Oh." She looks down rather embarrassed. "So, a second offer of coffee?"

"Sure. I'd love to."

"Super." She wants to get past me, but I stop her. I still need to make sure of something. "What happened? You changed your mind?"

"No. But I want to ask you something."

"Like?"

"Like, why did you freak out like that?"

She shrugs. "Dunno. Maybe because I spilled hot coffee on you?"

"Exactly the reason I am asking you. It was just some coffee."

"Don't know. It seemed worse than it maybe was."

"Does this…" I know that I shouldn't remind her of him, but I need to know. "Does this have something to do with Xavier?"

Her eyes widen. Oh, so I was right.

"Ho- Why do you think that?" she asks trying to avoid my eyes, which is another obvious confirmation.

"Because I had a hunch you were referring to him earlier."

"It's not what you're thinking about. It's not that important either," she tries to dodge the subject, but I won't hear it.

"What did he do?"

She sighs, probably knowing she has no way out of this conversation.

"He didn't _do_ anything." yeah, sure. Besides daring to hit her once, I bet he didn't do anything else.

"Then?"

"He was just… I don't know, a little bothered by my clumsiness?" and by little, she means what? And more importantly, _how_? "But that's not important. He was right anyway an-"

"Don't you say that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're not. You're good at so many things and you do them well too."

She squints her eyes in disbelief.

"Name one."

"The way you cook, the way you do your job, your caregiving, how well you drive under pressure," oh, the way she kisses especially, and all the little things she does that she is not even aware of. "It's not all about the practical stuff that matters anyway."

She smiles, even blushes a little.

"You're… sweet to say that, comrade. But we both know I am a walking disaster whatever I do."

I shrug. "I still beg to differ." so what if she messes up from time to time. Don't we all?

My response makes her laugh a little. "Well, you'd be the only one."

* * *

**RPOV**

The I-am-sorry coffee done, I deliver it into the living room. But the thing is that he is not here.

I wonder where he could be. Maybe doing some business of his?

I search the little balcony and don't find him there. Next, I head into the bedroom. The door of the room is open and I can't see him in there.

Where is he? Is he hiding? The door of the bathroom is open and the lights are closed in here too.

Just to make sure, I decide to enter the room.

But three steps inside the room, oh, I see him. I see him so damn well, even though the only light in here comes from the Christmas tree the host so nicely decorated. But of course, I cannot admire that tree when he is here, looking like that.

I mean, he is so naked it would take you to be blind to not stop in your tracks and wow at that.

There's only a towel around his waist. A white damned towel, sitting indecently low on his hips, and oh, if I am interpreting things well enough, it looks like it was seconds away from dropping to the floor because I see his fingers wrapping on it and pulling it a little up.

And there's nothing else than that on him. I mean, nothing. No damn thing. Except maybe some droplets of water that drip from his hair and shine a little when they make their way down onto his chest and perfectly sculpted abs and reach- _oh, God._

And that towel is not that long either! It's not fair! I can see so much of him. So much of his skin, of his muscles, of everything!

Well, not _everything_. But can you even imagine if I was a few seconds late? I mean, I felt him and-

"Rose?"

Oh, shit. He spoke to me.

I lift my eyes from um… from the whiteness of the towel, of course, and when I meet his eyes, I almost faint.

Him acknowledging my presence here, acknowledging the fact that I was checking him out shamelessly, makes me burn on the inside and I am sure enough it can be seen on my face too.

My brain being way too stupid now, I start babbling, my eyes safely pinned on his toes now.

"Co- coffee... Ready. It's- um- ready. You… you know, if you- you want to come and… and drink?"

I don't know if he even understood it, but I don't care now. All I know is that I need to get out of this damned room.

I turn around and resist the urge of starting to run. I try to seem as unaffected as possible of what happened, even though I am so damn sure I am not doing a great job. Only thinking about that nakedness, I feel my knees turning jello.

I only take two steps towards the door because I hear him call my name again.

I swear to God that if he decides to tease me in any way, I'll die of embarrassment.

Gathering some courage, I turn to face him again.

"Yes?"

"If you don't mind, would you help me bandage this?"

Now? Like this? In these circumstances?

I try to not give out my tenseness.

"Sure."

"Thank you. I'll go get some bandages."

And heading towards the bathroom, he decides, to my relief, to take his pants with him.

* * *

The embarrassing moment forgot (I pray it is), a coffee and some pages read later, I get bored and decide to see what the television has to offer for my entertaining. He, on the other hand, decided to stick to his book. I bet it is great. He hasn't put it down the whole evening.

But after a scurry through all the channels, I see nothing to catch my interest.

"There's nothing to watch," I complain when I finish searching for something a second time.

"How can you know that? You barely took a look at what's being broadcasted.

"I saw enough to know there's nothing interesting."

"A second? That's all it takes for you to know it's not interesting?"

"I didn't spend a second on a channel," I need to argue.

"Oh, that I know. I was only being indulgent. In fact, it took you a second to scurry through three channels."

I throw him an ugly glare, but seeing the amused expression on his face, I drop my upsetness and smile too.

"Fine, fine. I'll give a second to each channel, then."

Slowing down and taking my time to analyze the content, I still find nothing interesting.

Until I stumble over a little fluff that makes my heart melt.

"Oh, comrade, look at it! It's so cute!"

_The smallest penguin existing is the little blue penguin, which is 16 inches tall, and the only thing smaller than it are its babies._

"Oh, isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

His eyes lifted from his book, he looks at that major cuteness, but he doesn't give any vibe of being impressed.

"Come on. You can't be neutral to that. It's adorable! Look at its little wings." He just shrugs. "Oh, comrade, you're unbelievable. You don't know what cute means."

In the possibility of seeing some more cuteness, I decide not to change the channel. But I just stumbled over a little "Did you know this?" about penguins.

_European penguins can stay under water for approximately 20 minutes at a time._

Oh, wow. I'd be long dead in such conditions. But would I die from the lack of air or I would freeze to death?

_Other than humans, emperor penguins are the only warm-blooded animal to stay on Antarctica for the winter._

"This is where you get material to impress your kids?"

I laugh. "Sometimes. Sometimes I look them up the internet."

"Oh, so this means you have some more facts like these up your sleeve, right?"

"I may have."

"Tell me one."

"Why? You wanna laugh at me for it?"

"Why would I? I am just genuinely interested."

He'd be the only person over five years old interested. But something in the way he speaks and looks at me makes me believe him. It makes me believe that he's sincere.

"An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain."

He smiles. "Tell me one more."

"What? Are you five and I am being entertaining to you with my silly facts?"

"Only half of that statement is true."

"And we both know which half, comrade."

I get grinning and so does he. I like seeing him like this. I like being his… friend.

"Of course you do, love."

I move my attention back to the TV, but a thing pops in my head.

"Comrade?"

"Huh?"

"Birds can't live in space." I confess that the fact that he likes hearing these silly facts from me feels nice.

"That I knew," he says like this time I didn't manage to impress him.

"Oh, _really_? The tell me why." If he is trying to play the smartest in the room, I want him to prove it to me. I bet the just wanted to mess a little with me.

"Because they need gravity to swallow."

"Oh. Yeah. You're right." So he wasn't joking.

I missed some facts as I was busy talking with him, but I am glad I didn't miss this one.

_Penguins are hopelessly romantic too. They mate for life and they even propose to their winged soulmate by giving their partner a pebble._

I can't help it but start awwww-ing and squealing and making inhuman sounds.

"This is so, so cute!"

"Do all the littlest things impress you?" he asks amused.

I look at him and smile crookedly, feeling the need to do so even though I am not displeased at all by his comment. It's better to enjoy the littlest of things anyway.

"Maybe they do. But look at them, that little fella just proposed to her with a little pebble! How can you not be impressed? Even I would say yes to that!"

The last thing I said makes him laugh warmly and deeply.

"Oh, love. You're unbelievable."

* * *

"I am bored."

"You always get bored in less than five minutes?"

"Hey, I already warned you that you haven't seen the worst of me. But yes. When I am not doing anything just like this, yes, I do get bored."

"Considering how easily excited you get at little things, you'd think it would be easy for someone to keep you entertained."

"Well, apparently I am not. But it's just that I like having something to do." and not think about stuff instead. That's the most important thing.

"Have you considered going to sleep?"

"Nah. I am not tired."

"Then what do you plan on doing?"

"Dunno. Do you feel like having a snack?"

"Not really."

"Your loss then."

As I pick up not one, but three snacks from the stock we've made, an idea pops into my head and I rush back into the living room to share it with him.

But my excitement gets cut off in less than a second by his firm answer.

"No."

"Oh, come on. What's the point of staying inside now? We've been outside today."

"Rose, you know why I am doing this."

"I know. But look how beautiful it is outside. It's night and all those Christmas lights are lit."

"Haven't you seen them from inside here already?"

"Not as well. Come on. Can't we go out even for five minutes? I am so, so bored in here. I would do anything for a walk. Just a small one. Around the building, across the street, wherever you want. I'll let you pick. But just to go out there. I just feel the need to go out a little. And yeah, I know. I know and I am aware that I shouldn't ask for this because of my safety and all, but I feel like I am suffocating in here. And on top of all, no one knows we're here, right?" I finish with a strong enough argument I hope and I even go as far as trying to break his will with my puppy eyes.

I see him considering things, but on his face I don't see the possibility of him saying yes to this.

Which I understand. He needs to be cautious.

"You know what? It's okay, I get it."

I guess I could go to sleep now or something. At least I tried.

"Wait another hour, okay?"

"What?"

"To let the streets get even emptier."

"Is this a yes?"

"What does it sound to you like?"

"Oh, comrade. Thank you, it means a lot." I want to go into the bedroom to choose a sweater to keep me warm, but before I do so, I stop into the doorframe and look at him. "If you delayed our little trip outside just because you hope I'll fall asleep or I'll drop it, you're wrong. In exactly one hour, we're getting out that door," I threaten and when I see him smiling, I go on my way.

* * *

Coming back from the kitchen after I went back to pick the snacks I dropped when I had my genius idea, I see a way in which we could spend this hour we still need to wait to go outside.

I stop in front of a shelf that has a bunch of games on it. I like the fact that the host has thought about every source of entertainment possible. The place looks cozy enough to spend your time here and has all the things you need.

I search through the games and find one the brings up so many funny memories.

I take it out.

"Hey, comrade."

"What?"

I show him the game.

"Wanna play a game?"

One of his eyebrows lifts.

"Do I look like I would?"

I smile. "You look like you would do a lot of things, but I cannot judge you by that. You have surprised me at times." so, so many times, in fact. "So, I have to ask. Are you in for a game? It's Mario Kart. Does this sound tempting enough for you?"

He shrugs. "I can't know. I never played it."

"This cannot be! Everyone has to play Mario Kart at least once."

"I never played anything."

"So you're telling me you have never touched a console?"

He nods. "I never needed to."

"Well, now you need to. You _must_ play this game, no discussion. I am not letting you say no. You're not getting away."

And funny enough, now the roles have switched and I become the teacher, but not for too long because I bet it takes him less than five minutes to become a master at anything.

* * *

"You're sure you've never played on a console before?"

"Yes. Never. Why?"

"Why? You're asking me why? Because it's the thousandth time you kick my ass, comrade, that's why. I used to be a pro at this game. I always beat Mason to this. But with you? It is impossible."

"You wouldn't have liked me much if I let you win."

"Yeah, you're right. But this doesn't prevent me from wanting my revenge."

"But that hour has passed."

"Some more minutes of waiting won't kill me. I still want to kick your ass."

I hear him laughing. "Fine. As you wish."

"And if you even think of letting me win, I'll kick your ass in real life."

"Oh, I'd like to see you try, love."

"Oh, comrade. Don't you dare me twice. I like proving people wrong. So now, let's play."

Some minutes into the race, he again gets my car off the road.

That's when I drop my joystick and punch him.

"What was that for?"

"That was because it wasn't fair!"

"I think it was."

"But I was so close to winning!"

"For what it matters, you have been a worthy opponent." I can't help it but grin. "Of course, when you weren't flying off the road."

I punch him again and he laughs.

"Hey, that happened only once without your help, okay? And I thought we agreed not to mention it."

"I thought we agreed not to mention it to other people."

"Not to anybody, okay? It wasn't my fault anyway. The game glitched."

"Sure, love," he says still smiling and getting off the sofa. "Now what about that walk?"

"I'd love to, comrade."

* * *

**DPOV**

"It looks like it might snow soon."

"I hope it doesn't," her response comes fast and I rather say it was harsh.

I thought she'd like to see some snow. Back in the States, I don't think she would have gotten to see it this year.

"Why?"

"I just don't like it. I don't like snow."

Weird. Snow seemed to me to be for her one of those little things she enjoys the most.

"Just like that? You don't like snow?"

"Yes. It _sucks_. All that whiteness and all that snow that's inconvenient and makes that creaking noise and oh, when it starts melting it's horrible and it gets dirty all over and- and…" she needs to stop coming up with reasons because her voice breaks and tears start falling on her cheeks. "And all that Christmas shit going on and... I am sorry." She wipes her tears and looks away.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"But you are crying."

"So what? I feel like it so I cry."

I put my palms on her cheeks and make her look at me.

"Rose, what's the matter?" Only silence meets me. "Come on, love. Tell me." I wipe her tears away. "What happened?"

"He... um... he loved Christmas,"

She sobs and looks down, and I go as far as embracing her and laying her head on my chest.

"Mason," I say it for her. She nods.

"And… and each time it first snowed, like, the real deal, when the snow settled, we used to take a day off, no matter what, and go out to enjoy it. Because he always said that that is the only day when the snow is best. The rest is just puddles and shit." She chuckles through the tears. "And he was right. We would make snowmen and angels and stuff. It was great. That happened every single year. No matter what. It was our special time. But now…"

I lift her off me and caress her cheek.

"But this doesn't mean that you have to hate it now that he's gone. You can keep the tradition, even if it's only you. You could do it for him. Keep the tradition going for his sake."

She smiles and nods. "Yeah, I could. I like how that sounds."

Continuing our walk, some minutes later, Rose gets excited and happy about all the things around us, her previous sadness being long forgotten. And I am happy about that. I am happy to see her happy. This walk is doing her good.

The Christmas fair is now quite empty and the sellers are starting to close their little booths, but Rose doesn't seem to observe this, and it doesn't diminish her jolliness, not even a bit.

She is pointing excited to all the shapes the Christmas lights have and aw-ing to the ones she finds cute and she's slowly humming to all the Christmas songs played into the square, and not surprising at all, sensing all the tasty smells around here, she gets hungry.

"Oh, comrade. I'd kill for some roasted chestnuts."

"Then let's get you some."

"You would take me some?" she almost squeals.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Dunno."

After I get her some, I stop at the booth still open close to us, and I get my hands on a hat and a scarf, nicely knitted, from dark green wool that feels so soft to touch.

"Do you like this?" I show them to her, to see if she likes them too. I wouldn't oblige her to wear them just because I feel like it.

"Yeah, it's really nice. But why are you asking?"

"Because you're going to wear them."

Being given the green light, I pay for that and we walk away.

"I don't need that, you know?"

"It's either this, or we go back inside. Your choice."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Won't you be cold? You're only wearing that duster of yours."

"Here? Me? Be cold?"

"Oh, yeah. I keep on forgetting you're from Siberia where I would turn into a snowflake on an instant."

"Close enough."

"What?"

"You almost guessed it"

"I did? Where do you come from then?"

"A little town on the outskirts of Omsk."

"And how is that? How is it there? Is it a nice town?"

I shrug. "I don't know anymore, love. I haven't been there in a long time." decades.

"Why not? Don't you visit your family?"

If it would only be this easy.

"I… do. Somehow. But not that often."

"Oh, of course. Because of your job." again, if it would only be that easy. I wish it would be that easy. "Oh, I am sorry if I went too far with my questions. I didn't mean to be too intrusive."

"It's fine, love." that's an old enough experience to not affect me that bad anymore when I get reminded of it. I guess that getting reminded of it every day helped.

"But I don't know what I would do without my folks. They mean the world to me. How does it feel to not see them for so long?"

"I got used to it."

She nods and doesn't ask further questions and I am grateful for that. I don't know what explanations I could have given her. I don't like talking about this anyway.

So, I try to change the subject.

"Here." I extend the scarf and the hat to her and she squints her eyes at me. "I told you about your options. You choose."

She smiles and almost rolls her eyes.

"Fine, fine. If you insist, I'll wear them."

That I would like very much. I wouldn't want her to catch a cold or something.

She takes them from me, but she still has that package of roasted chestnuts, and when she tries to put the hat on, she almost drops them all.

"Can I do that?"

She smiles. "It would help me a lot if you would."

I first take my time arranging her hair, putting it past her shoulders, and again, when I put the hat on, I take my time and chance to touch her as much as I can, my fingers careful to pick inexistent little hairs from her face and caressing her skin while I am at it.

She keeps on watching me, her teeth biting on her lip the whole time, and it takes so much from me not to stop her and be the one doing that.

We're just friends. And I need to focus. Preferably not on her lips.

I try to be more distant when I put on the scarf, and I do it fast, wrapping it twice around her neck.

And she looks so sweet, wrapped into the green, soft material. It makes her eyes so big and deep and the warmness I find in them as she looks back at me-

"Thanks, comrade."

I take a step back and look down.

"Don't mention it, love."

* * *

**RPOV**

Along our walk, it starts snowing, just like he predicted.

I stop and look up, feeling the little, cold snowflakes falling on my face. I can't hate this.

I feel his fingers lightly wrapping on my elbow.

"You're okay?"

Ah, isn't he sweet?

I look at him and smile.

"Yeah. I am. Really. Thanks for asking."

"You're sure, love?"

Instinctively, I make a face and he laughs lightly.

"Why do you dislike so much being called that?"

"Power of habit, I guess."

"Habit?"

He won't stop until I give him an answer, so I decide not to bother to lie to him.

"Xav- he was usually calling me stupid names like that, almost all the time and it is reminding me of him when someone calls me a pet name, and I'd rather not be reminded of him."

"Was he using love in particular?"

This is his concern? That he might be calling me the same pet name as that bastard?

"Surprisingly, he has never called me that. Just honey, babe and other sappier things. Oh, and _Rosie_."

Remembering this, I quiver, and not from the cold. He was right to make me wear that hat and scarf, but he won't ever know the truth.

"And to be honest, I never liked when he called me that but I never told him. No. In fact, I _hated_ that."

Thinking about something pretty stupid, I chuckle.

"What's funny?"

"I think it's the first time I hate something and say it out loud."

"Not true."

"What?"

"You have said you hate something before."

"What?"

"Rather somebody than something."

"Oh." I smile, even though I feel kinda bad for telling it to him so many times. "Hate was an overstatement. I don't tend to hate things or persons on a regular. Plus, when I said it, I didn't know enough to believe it." he's not that bad. Not bad at all.

"And… you still believe it now?"

"No. I don't hate you, comrade. I just don't like you very much at times," I tease.

"Oh, so that's what you think about me?"

"I don't know what I think about you most of the time. I have a lot of bottled up emotions about you."

I don't know why, but I decided to let it all out. We're friends now, right? We should be honest with each other.

"Then let's break the bottle."

"That's-" oh, I can't be that honest. I can't tell him what I truly feel. It would go against our friendship. "That's not how metaphors work."

"I mostly like words to mean what they mean. I don't play with metaphors."

"I see."

"So?" he gets demanding and I don't know what to tell him. I mean, I don't know what to tell him so that things will remain as they are between us.

"Well, I don't _know_. Not really. I didn't mean that, honestly. I don't hate you. I was just mad at you. And besides that, you're… sometimes nice." and sweet and warm and loving and so much more that makes me feel a bunch of other things I have no idea how to deal with.

He smiles, seemingly satisfied with my answer.

"I can live with that."

Phew. So I have gotten away this time.

"But one more thing."

Uh-oh. I celebrated too soon.

"What?"

"Would it still mind you if I called you love? I promise I'll l stop if you say yes."

Thinking about it now, it doesn't bother me that much anymore that he's calling me that. I came to get used to it and it would be weird for him to stop calling me love. I would miss it.

"Nah, comrade. We're good."

"Good, _love_."

"Hey! Don't push it. I might take it back."

* * *

Walking some more, I see an ice rink nearby and I instantly get squealing.

"Comrade, please, please, _please_, can we go there?"

Smiling, he nods.

"Really?"

"Why do you always suppose I am going to say no?"

I shrug. "Because you're cautious of stuff?"

"Well, I don't find this action to be very dangerous."

"Oh, thank you. I haven't skated in ages."

When we reach close enough, I see it is closed. I should have seen it coming. It late after all.

"Oh well, it would have been fun."

"Would have been? Why can't it still be?"

"Because it's closed?"

"So?"

"What do you mean so? We can't get inside."

"We can."

"Like, break in?"

"Yes, that's what I am talking about."

"I don't know…"

"Haven't you ever done something reckless? Illegal?"

"No, not really. I have always been a good person… well, not _that_ good." I have had my share of saying mean things.

He smiles.

"What? Why are you smiling?"

"What bad things did Rose Hathaway do?" I shrug. I don't even remember the last time I did a bad thing, especially involving breaking the law. Maybe never.

"You didn't get a book back to the library in time?" he decides to tease me.

"Hey!" I punch him in the chest and try to seem upset, but a smile is creeping on my lips. "And for your knowledge, that happened once. I still haven't returned it to this day." I was too afraid someone would scold me for it.

"Oh, once! That is something, love."

"Hey, stop it." this time I get a little upset. So what if I don't break the law on a regular basis?

He laughs, and ruffling my hair, he half takes me into his embrace.

"Don't get mad, love. You are just too good. I feel like I am only corrupting you with this thing."

"Well, you are! Because I never… What if someone…"

"We run."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

He doesn't wait for anything else to happen and jumps the little fence supposed to maybe keep dogs away, because it is so easy for people to get inside. Then, he extends a hand to me.

But I am still a little reticent about it. So many things could go bad.

"Maybe it is time to live a little more Rose. So what if it's a little reckless? Didn't you say that you want to live for today?"

Yeah, I said that. The thought of so many people wanting me dead or willing to torture me in order to get what they want is terrifying me. It only makes the urge to live, to feel alive to get bigger and bigger in me.

To this day, I haven't really lived my life. Not like I always wished anyway. I would sit around and wait for that special moment to come and change everything and I used to hope that all of a sudden, my life will become exciting and all these good things would begin to happen to me. But that special moment never came. I thought it did when I met Alex. But he only made things worse.

And what if that moment will never come? What if I am waiting in vain?

Maybe this means I should start changing things while I still can. To take things in my own hands and stop waiting for them to happen to me. To be the one who makes them happen. To take control of my life, as much as I have left of it. To fight back if I can. To do stuff. New stuff. Something, but not sit on my ass.

Who knows how much time I have left anyway?

Smiling, I nod and extend my hand to him. Accomplice, he reciprocates the smile and he takes it, his warm fingers wrapping on mine and helping me get over the fence too.

"Maybe I should have gotten you some gloves too."

"Nah, don't you worry. I'm fine." now that he's holding my hand, I am fine.

He takes me to the little building there that holds the precious skates.

As he is picking the lock, I find myself chucking.

"What?"

"I can't believe it I let you talk me into this."

"Trust me, when it's illegal, it makes things ten times more enjoyable."

"Oh, so you're speaking from experience? What other things did you do?"

"How much time do you have?"

"Oh, I see. I am not sure if I want to know anymore." I mean, I already know about the killing and stuff.

"As you wish." he gets up, opens the door and signals me to get inside. "After you, love. Choose what your heart pleases."

I pick the cutest pair of skates I have ever seen, a black one with bright purple accents, and just this little thing already fills me with excitement.

As I am putting them on, I see that he is not doing the same. He just sits against the doorframe, watching me.

"What are you doing there?"

"Waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"For you to be done."

"Why aren't you getting ready too in the meantime?"

"Because I am not doing this. You are."

"What do you mean you are not doing this? Then why did we bother to get in here?"

"So that you would skate."

"What about you?"

"I don't skate. Haven't I said this already?"

"But why?"

"I don't want to."

"Come on, comrade. Don't be a fun spoiler. Take a pair of skates and be my partner. It will be fun." He shakes his head. "Pretty please?"

But he is just as unmoveable.

"Fine then." I start taking my skates off. "Then we can go."

"Love, don't be stubborn."

"But I am." and I continue to untie my laces.

"It's not that simple."

"What isn't?"

"I just… don't know how to do it. I never learnt."

"So you weren't messing with me back at the bar?" he shakes his head. "So what? It's never too late to learn. I have learnt to shoot today. You can learn to skate too. I will teach you."

"You don't have to."

"Aww, come on comrade. A big, bad spy like you is afraid of some ice?" I decide to go with this approach, presuming that messing with his ego will do the trick. He cannot resist this challenge, I know for sure.

"Oh, Roza."

Smiling and shaking his head, he heads towards the rack of men skates. So, yay to me, right?

* * *

Getting out on the ice, I feel so free. I re-accustom myself with the ice, with the moves I used to do, and it feels so good. I feel so good. So, myself.

Waiting for him to come outside too, watching him now approach the ice rink, I realize that I have been more myself in a few days with him than I did for the past couple of months. Around him, I don't feel the need to be other than myself, like I did around Alex. Around Alex, I always wanted to be perfect and I always failed. With him, I don't. He has made me understand that it's okay to not be that. That it's okay to flawed and to be my silly self. Because we all are.

He gets close enough to the rink and I head his way.

Like he did when he corrupted me to get in here, I extend a hand to him.

"Are you ready, comrade?"

With a smirk on his face, he takes my hand and steps onto the ice, and unlike I did when I first stepped inside a rink, he keeps his balance. But hey, at least he is still letting me hold his hand, even though he doesn't seem to need it, which is nice. I like it when we hold hands. Even if it is only as friends.

And even though he says he has never done this, either he has been lying to me, either, again, he can master any skill in less than five minutes. He starts skating just like he has been born on the ice. He has it all. The balance, the ability, everything.

"You know what, comrade?"

"What?"

"I think I am jealous of you."

"For what?"

"For your skills. You didn't trip, not even once."

"So? Nothing compares to your pirouettes."

"You saw that?" I thought he was busy putting on his skates. I thought that I was alone here.

"I did. And you are amazing. I could never do that."

"Oh, don't flatter me. I bet it would take you two minutes to do it perfectly."

"I could never do it the way you do it."

"Yeah, because I am such a professional skater."

All that matters is that we to have fun. A lot of fun.

I get to practice again some of my skills on the ice, making pirouettes and speeding along the ice, enjoying myself to the fullest, especially when I circle around him and he smiles back at me.

One time, getting close to the sides of the rink, a silly idea comes to my mind.

I pick some snow, hide it behind my back and head fast his way, before it gets to melt completely in my hand.

"Hey, comrade."

He turns around and I don't wait for anything else, I just throw the soft snow at his face.

His mouth opens in surprise.

"What was that?" he asks as he wipes his face.

I can't contain my smile as I shrug.

"Oh, so you're so proud of yourself, huh?"

"Maybe."

I see a quite dangerous smile spreading on his lips.

"Then let's see how proud you will be when I get my hands on you."

"What?"

"Oh, you heard me, love."

He starts heading towards me, first slowly.

"Comrade, _no_."

"Why not?"

He wants to speed up and this is my cue to start running away. I so did not think things through.

And because my first intention is to get away from him, I keep my eyes on him and ignore the ground under my feet.

Which is the worst idea because duh, the ice is slippery, and I am wearing sharp skates and do you see where I'm heading?

To a bruise. I am heading head forward to getting my ass bruised.

Because inevitably, in my rush, I stumble.

I close my eyes tight and prepare for impact.

But I don't know which miracle happens because I don't hit the ice. He, as always, I don't know how he keeps on doing it, is next to me. And catches me before I hurt myself.

It takes him a second to balance the both of us on the slippery ice, and I keep my eyes closed the whole time.

When I feel the ground steady under my feet and his arms around my middle, holding me tight against his hard chest, I dare open my eyes.

I meet his smiling face.

"Professional skater, huh?"

He looks at me with one eyebrow risen and I chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess I should be more-"

But he isn't paying any attention to what I am saying and I don't even feel the need to finish my sentence because I remark the way the moonlight reflects on his face, the way it emphasizes each feature. The side of his nose, his lips that part a little as I stare at them, his strong jaw, the edges of his eyebrows. I love the way it reflects into his eyes too. Oh, he's so, so perf-

I get distracted when his hand moves upwards, taking a strand of my hair out of my face and puts it behind my ear.

My heart begins to pound faster as his gaze is still on me, as his eyes continue to look back into mine and all I can see is that warm dark chocolate I want to drown into.

"Roza…" he whispers barely hearable, the only thing that gives him away being the white puff he made while opening his mouth.

"Yes?"

"You know earlier today when you asked me if I want anything from you?"

Remembering his answer, remembering my reaction, remembering everything that followed, I nod and look down at the blackness of his shirt. Why is he bringing this up?

Getting a light hold of my chin, he lifts my head back up and caresses my cheek.

"I lied."

My jaw drops in surprise. I never expected him to say such a thing.

"You… you _did_?"

Sighing, he passes his fingers through my hair and they stop at the nape of my neck to swirl lightly on my skin.

"Yes. I lied, Roza."

"Why?" I barely ask. I don't know if I am going to get an answer. With him, you never know.

"Because…" this time he passes his hand through his hair, looking more distressed than I thought I'll ever see him. "Oh, Roza. For so many reasons."

"Tell me at least one."

"Because it wouldn't be fair towards you."

"What wouldn't be fair?"

"The fact that I want to kiss you."

My eyes widen so hard that I even feel the creases forming on my forehead.

He what? Did I hear that well enough?

"If you're messing with me, please stop right now."

My eyes already got teary and only the thought of him mocking me with this, of him playing with me this way, I can't take it. If he's doing this, he's so cruel.

I sob and want to pull away, but he keeps me there, in his embrace, our bodies pressed onto each other.

"Look at me."

I shake my head no.

I try so bad not to cry, but one tear escapes.

"Oh, love…"

He bends and kisses it away, so, so gently.

"Comrade," I whimper. "Don't…" He can't do this to me.

His palms getting a hold of my cheeks, he tilts my head upward, but I still don't dare to look him in the eyes.

"I am not messing with you. Not with this, I promise. I just…" he sighs so deeply. "I am so tired of trying to ignore it. Especially now. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I don't want to ignore the fact that I want so badly to kiss you right now."

I look at him even more startled by his confession.

"You really do?"

He gulps and lets out a short breath.

"I do. I want to kiss you."

His thumbs are now circling the little sensitive spots behind my ear, his hands slowly but surely working up to making me lose my mind.

"Really, _really_ bad."

Wow. He wants to kiss me. And not because I asked for it, not because someone looking for me forced him to, not because I jumped on him and kissed him first. But why then?

He still looks at me, his eyes never leaving my face, not even for a second, and seeing the confusion on my face, he smiles warmly.

"You know, I'll be waiting for an answer, whatever that is. Just… it's up to you."

I gulp too, my mouth feeling so dry out of nowhere.

I open my mouth, but I can't speak! I can't make a single word get out of my mouth. I froze just at the thought of him kissing me again. Because I want is so, so bad.

His palms move on my cheeks and his skin gets burning on mine as he bends a little closer to me.

Oh, God, it's happening.

I am biting my lip in anticipation, my heart beating so hard it threatens to break my rib cage.

But all he does is to gently rest his lips on my forehead.

"You're cold, love?" he whispers and he's now walking his thumbs up and down my cheeks, his lips feeling tingly on my forehead as he speaks.

But I am far from being cold. From his first touch, my body heatened, my blood flowing everywhere so, so fast.

I shake my head.

"Oh, so you can respond," he says amused.

He moves his lips a little down, getting closer to my mouth, his nose getting to touch mine and his forehead resting on mine.

I am going to go insane if he's teasing me some more. His lips are so far from mine. Didn't he say he wanted to kiss me?

This frustration is what makes my mouth finally speak.

"Why aren't you kissing me already?"

He chuckles as he pulls away a little.

"I asked you if I can. I am now waiting for an answer, love. I told you it's up to you. So?"

He lifts his eyebrow and I almost chuckle. At least this time I am not hasting into things and he's letting me make my mind, and wow, he is asking me, just like I mentioned it back at the mall.

I nod lightly.

"Is that a yes?"

I have wanted this for so long again. I longed for this. I dreamt about it happening again a thousand times.

I nod again, more determined now.

He smiles and as his lips come closer to me again, my breath catches and my body stiffens in anticipation.

"Easy, love."

He stops close enough for his breath to warm my cheek and he's walking his thumbs alternatively over my bottom lip, parting my lips some more, a thing that makes my body relax in his arm, which he moved down just in time, him holding me by around my middle.

He pulls me even closer, the space between us becoming inexistent, and soon, his lips make contact with mine.

I sigh and close my eyes, my body melting into his, and I need to get a hold of his forearm for support and not to slip again on the ice.

First it happens so gently, his kisses being soft, our skins barely touching, this bringing a tingly feeling all over my body.

A flame ignites in me. I want more. So much more. I want it all, no matter what this means.

I respond to the kiss by pressing my lips on his and he pulls me a little up towards him by getting his other hand at the back of my head, playing with his fingers through my hair.

But despite my eagerness, he still resumes to little pecks placed on my lips, and he seems to be teasing me as he is moving his lips on mine.

I find myself growling displeased as I can't seem to get him to give me more.

Smiling at first at my reaction, his tongue comes out and starts walking on my lips and I can finally let myself be floating, losing myself in this sensation of this familiarity.

I don't waste a second to give him further access, and he slips his tongue past my teeth, and I get to feel the sweet taste of him on my tongue.

But soon he pulls away again, leaving my mouth longing for more, and he looks at me, a smile forming on his lips.

"Comrade," I whisper like pleading for him to kiss me again. I am pleading for him to kiss me again. He won't get away just with this.

He doesn't let me wait for it and kisses me again.

The kiss gets more intense now, his tongue not taking it slow at all, and as soon as it touches mine, it takes over my mouth without any further restraint, his tongue getting so hungry for mine, tasting and teasing and exploring and coming inside deeply, making me moan lightly as I lose control over my senses and all I can feel is the warmness of his flesh in my mouth.

God, how come each kiss seems to be the first one with him? I have never felt such passion in neither of the other kisses of his, even though none of the others before were bad. But this one, oh, this one is so full of everything. I want him to never stop.

I dare to place my palms on his neck, my thumbs reaching his jaw and I respond to his little game, swirling my tongue into the same rhythm as his until I get even more breathless than before.

Smiling, he pulls away a little, letting me catch my breath and breathing as heavily, he gives me one more peck, on the corner of my mouth.

"You are cold, love." His lips brush on my cheek as his palms come over mine on his neck.

"It's just my hands, don't worry."

Slipping them from under his, I move them in his hair, and I am looking at him, still startled. Is this even happening? He just kissed me and oh, wasn't this amazing?

He takes my hands into the warm comfort of his and looks back at me and looks, and looks, and looks, and I love it. I love the way he's looking at me now. I see so many in his eyes.

But what is he thinking about?

"Stop doing that," he says sounding bothered.

I frown. "Wh- do what? What did I do?"

He leans closer to me again and after he brushes his lips on mine, he takes my bottom lip in between his teeth and grits them on my flesh, making me close my eyes and sigh.

"This, Roza." He drags my lip with his teeth again. "You're driving me insane when you do this."

"Oh. I won't do it anymore if-"

"Please don't. I like it, love."

"But you said it is driving you insane."

"So what?"

At his weird answer, I smile. Whatever he wants.

He sighs an "Oh, Roza" and with his fingers playing with my hair again, I lean in closer and happily lay my cheek on his chest and dive into this blissful moment. I love this little moment of him holding me, of his warmth radiating on my body, of his hand in my hair, of his lips resting on my forehead, of him feeling like he's mine.

I don't really know what this means, but I love it. I love it that now I know.


	30. Follow your heart

**Hi there, guys! I'm back, a little later than usual, but here I am. **

**GojGoj and Caroline, thank you so much for checking on me. I am fine, nothing bad is happening. Well, I am just being a little sleep deprived, but that's already a constant for me anyway.**

**This chapter ended up to be longer than I planned and when I got back to editing and completing some parts, I ended up falling asleep, so here's the reason of my delay :) and today I had uni almost all day, so again, I had to edit at night**

**selairalynn, the name thing is coming :) it would be about time, wouldn't it? **

**And yes, seeing how the chapter ends, please don't get mad for me making you wait another week, but squeezing in this chapter the lemon I have been preparing didn't seem right. It is quite long for starters (dear GojGoj, I hope it will be hot enough too) and I wanted to write some more fluff before they'd get to some more physical stuff**

**Enjooy! **

**Love you, guys!**

Later added comment**, to whoever might see it, but I just couldn't resist saying this and I didn't want to add an extra chapter for it. But guys. Have you seen that Danila Kozlovsky has a _baby? _Now I want a baby in my story too. **

**And I am so starting to get ideas on that guys! I have already written five pages in my notebook this morning. So, prepare yourselves because this fanfic is just getting longer. Yay!**

**Of course it's a thing that's going to happen after all the things I already planned, but I am doing it. I am giving Rose and Dimitri a babay, that's set. **

* * *

**Follow your heart**

**RPOV**

When I open my eyes, there's no dream going on. I am awake. Wide awake. And he is still holding me, his arms around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head and his fingers still playing at the back of my head, swirling on my skin.

Now that I moved a little, he pulls away and cupping my cheeks, he lifts me off him, a smile appearing on his lips as he watches me.

"Hey," I say, a silly smile creeping on my lips. I can't believe this has happened. I can't believe he did this. That we did this.

"Hey." he bends and gives me a peck on the lips. One time. Two times. Three times.

When he pulls away again, I tilt my head to look at him, and my skates slide a little, and luckily, he steadies me on my feet.

"What do you say if we get rid of the skates?"

"I practiced my skills long enough tonight, right?"

"Yeah, and we don't want you to sprain your ankle with those complicated acrobatics."

He takes my hand in his and we skate outside the rink.

* * *

"Hey! What are you two doing there?" I hear a man yelling, and when I look up, I see someone approaching the rink, and fast.

And I still haven't put my shoes on!

Damned lace that got tangled and made me get behind!

I want to rush to get my boots on, but my companion has other ideas. He takes them from me.

"Hey! Wha-"

"We don't have the time for that."

"Then what do we have the time for?"

"To run, of course."

"To _run_? But I don't even have my shoes on."

I don't have to wait for a solution. He just bends and picks me up on his shoulder, and starts moving.

"Hey, you two! Stop! Damned tourists!"

As he runs fast, considering all the extra weight I represent, I squeal as my hat falls off my head and I wrap my fingers on his duster. I hope I won't have the same fate.

"Comrade, please don't drop me!"

He laughs a little. "Don't you worry, love. That won't happen. I have held you in harsher conditions."

I laugh, remembering all the times he handled me like this. Yes, he won't drop me.

I keep on looking at the poor man that was so close to catching us, and he doesn't seem willing to give up. He is still running after us.

And out of nowhere, seeing him like that and as I am hopping up and down on his shoulder, I start laughing again.

"What's that funny?"

"Everything. Everything is, comrade. Isn't it for you? And you can stop running now. He gave up."

Slowing down, he moves me off his shoulder, but still holds me into his arms, and again, I watch him with a silly smile plastered on my face.

I bring my hand up and pass it through the now messy strands enframing his face.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For this. I liked it. It was… fun. It…" I can't resist the urge to bring my face closer to his, and I walk the tip of my nose along his cheek. "It made me feel alive." and I don't know if he knows what I mean, but I am not only talking about the adrenaline rush I got in this little chase.

He smiles and does the same little gesture on my cheek.

"I like it too, Roza," he whispers in my ear and kisses on my neck. "I liked it too."

He continues to carry me until we reach a bench on which he sits me.

As he seems to not want me to get my shoes on by myself, I let him do it. He's already crouching after all and I don't think I'll get a hold of those boots soon.

"Comrade?"

"Huh?"

"What about your shoulder? Doesn't it hurt? I'm heavy after all."

He stops, and when he tilts his head, one of his eyebrows is lifted.

"You? Heavy, love? I don't think so." he goes back to taking care of my left boot now, his fingers handling my feet with such care.

"Hey, don't you change the subject. Tell me how it is."

"You worry too much. I'm good."

"But-"

Taking a hold of my hands and holding them both, he gets up and pulls me up too.

"Let's do something about your cold hands now," he ends the previous subject and I know I won't have a chance to protest.

"Like what?"

"Like that." He shows me a little cottage on the other side of the road.

"What is that?"

"What does it look like?"

It is a little hot chocolate booth, but it is closed.

"Comrade, we're breaking the law again?"

"I promise I'll pay for it all. We won't break a thing either. I promise."

"Fine, fine. I am already an outlaw, so what would another felony do?"

He gets laughing and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him and kisses my forehead.

"Oh, Roza. You're unbelievable," he says as we head for the little cottage.

He does his thing as I keep an eye open for someone who might pass.

After he gets the booth open, we start looking through all the flavors and little sweets there as we're waiting for the milk to get warm.

I decided to let him impress me with this cup of hot chocolate as he has told me about a better recipe he knows. So I fill my belly with marshmallows as he prepares our beverages.

When he's done, we sit on the sidewalk in front of the crime scene, as we're enjoying our drinks, and I happily snuggle next to him, nothing more than our side bodies touching, but I'm enjoying this little thing so much. It feels so good to do this without being confused or angry or God knows what. We're something I can't pinpoint exactly, but I love each second of it.

When I take the first sip from the carton cup, I am more than amazed. He was right to brag about that.

"This tastes like heaven! What magic did you do to this drink?"

"It's a secret."

"Sure, and you'll have to kill me if you tell me this ultra-secret recipe."

"I wouldn't go that far, love."

"So? This means you'll tell me the secret?"

"I may if..."

"You may if _what_?"

He shrugs. "If you're convincing enough," he says staring directly at my lips, with no shame, and I feel my cheeks already starting to flush.

"Comrade…" I stare into my cup.

But I should start getting used to his direct approach of stuff from now on, shouldn't I? Still, I wonder, will he be this straightforward with other things too?

Laughing a little, he puts his arm around my middle and pulls me into him, his fingers playing on my shoulder, slipped inside my unbuttoned coat.

"So, what's the secret?" I try to break the silence between us.

"Na-ah. You still didn't convince me, love."

Oh, so he isn't giving up on that.

I growl a little and hide my face into the comfort of his embrace, having to tilt my head a little to do so.

But he won't hear it other than his way.

He takes the cup away from my hands, pulls away enough so that we'd have to look at each other, and it doesn't take much for his lips to come over mine and he starts kissing me like he'd be the one having to convince me of something.

And he's not trying to convince me only with his lips. Turning me a little towards him, his palm slides up on my outer thigh and it slips slowly under my coat, his tongue making its way past my lips and starting to play along mine.

When we stop for a breather, I smile like an idiot.

"I'm convinced, comrade."

He laughs, but becomes serious in the next second.

"But maybe I am not."

"You're not?" could I be a bad kisser? I mean, I don't have much experience either and-

"What's with that worried face, love?"

"I um….nothing, I just…"

Smiling, he interrupts my thoughts.

"Oh, Roza. If you're worrying about what I am thinking you're worrying about, let me tell you that you shouldn't."

And before I can be surprised about his words, he gets kissing me again, more boldly this time.

"Mmm, Roza." he pulls away for a second to kiss the tip of my nose. "You're so sweet," he finishes after leaving me a little more breathless than before, his lips never leaving mine.

If I'd be a bad kisser, he wouldn't kiss me that often, right? Not with such passion either.

I brush these stupid thoughts out of my head and continue to enjoy our kiss. Continue to enjoy all the things only his tongue is doing to my body.

But when his fingers creep on the skin under my sweater, I gasp a little.

He pulls away and walks his thumb on my lower lip, parting them, like preparing them for another kiss. And why the hell not? I'd kiss him all night long.

"Was that alright?"

I nod. I was just surprised by the change in temperature. And to be honest, I started to get used to him touching me like that. I like it quite much.

But even though I gave him some kind of consent, he doesn't do that again. He just smiles a little and pulls me to him, laying my head on his shoulder.

"You want to finish that drink?"

"Of course I do. You know I never get tired of sugar."

He hands the cup back to me. "One day, you'll become a cube of sugar."

"Hey, this hot chocolate was your idea."

"Sure, my bad. I am the one who introduced you to sugar."

"Oh, don't you worry, comrade. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

He kisses on my forehead. "Not that I'd want to." aw, isn't he sweet?

"So... you're not going to tell me your secret?"

He sighs almost imperceptibly, then looks away and his mood seems to change.

Did I say something wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have insisted on it?

Okay. I won't push it anymore. If he won't say anything, neither will I.

"My family used to do it like that." used? Like in, not anymore? "My mother came up with the idea one Christmas morning when I was sad about not getting what I wished for Christmas and she was trying to cheer me up."

"How old were you?"

"Five."

"And what did you wish?"

"What do all the boys want at five?"

"Dunno. An action figure?"

"Exactly."

"What did you get instead?"

"A book."

I start laughing.

It's such a cute image that's forming in my head of him being a little boy believing in Santa and pouting at the sight of a book. But hey, maybe his parents saw in him the reader he would become later in life.

"Wait. You remember that? I don't think I remember what I ate three days ago and you remember that thing from when you were five?"

He holds me a little tighter, or I am imagining it, I can't tell.

He kisses my temple and sighs again, so deeply this time it makes me think it's hurting him to talk about such stuff. But the odd thing is why? I mean, it seems to be a quite funny story to tell. Why would he be sad about it?

"I remember a lot of things from when I was five, love."

Like what? My tongue is itching me to ask, but I stop when I tilt my head and see the expression on his face. He doesn't seem himself. He seems so… sad.

I would like to ask some more questions, but for now, I'll take what I have been given. Maybe some other time.

I wrap my arms around his torso and cuddle back into his embrace.

"That's a cute Christmas story, comrade. And thank you."

"For what?"

"For sharing it with me." I mean, how many things did he tell me about himself until now?

* * *

**DPOV**

"I want to give you something."

She stopped walking too, and now she looks at me frowning.

"What? And why?"

From my pocket, I get out my phone and put it in between her palms.

"What is this?"

"A phone?"

She giggles as she squints her eyes at me.

"Sure, that at least I can see. But why?"

I shrug. "Merry Christmas, love?"

"Why?" her mouth voices promptly.

"What do you mean why? It's Christmas Eve. It's that time when people give gifts and-"

"I know how Christmas functions, comrade, but…. you got me a gift? A phone? I don't get it."

"Not a phone. More like, a phone call."

"To whom? Who should I call?"

"I thought that you might want to say Merry Christmas to your parents. You said you miss them and…" I shrug. I know I'd like to do the same, I still do.

An outburst of happiness goes through her and with a little hop, she comes and puts her hands around my neck, pulling me into a tight embrace, which I won't lie, surprised me. But I soon respond to it, wrapping my arms on her middle and pulling her closer to me. I can't get tired of feeling her body pressed against mine, of feeling the peace and happiness she radiates. She has this effect on me that I can't describe, but I like it so much.

"You're so thoughtful, comrade," she whispers into the crook of my neck, then pulls away.

But she moves again closer to me, this time moving slower.

"Thank you so, so much."

Her lips tremble a little as she kisses my cheek. When she pulls away again, her cheeks get a little blushy as she gets biting on her lips and she looks down.

Deciding not to tease her about her shyness, I change the subject.

"Come on, go ahead and call them. Don't let them wait."

She nods excitedly and starts tapping the number.

I decide to take some steps away and let her have her conversation in private.

* * *

Some minutes later, she finishes her conversation and comes back towards me, that earlier smile never leaving her face.

"How are things going?"

"Great. They've been having a great holiday. Unfortunately for them, they're flying back tomorrow."

"Why?"

She shrugs and looks down at her feet.

"Because they planned this trip thinking I'd be home for Christmas…"

"Oh…" shit! I may have done things worse than I intended. "I'm sorry, love."

"No. No, don't be. I'm… I'm glad they're safe, at least. And me…" she takes a step closer and rests her forehead on my chest. "I like it here, with you."

I put my arms around her and rest my head on hers.

She nuzzles her nose on me as I start playing with her hair.

"It meant a lot to me, comrade," she whispers. "The present. I mean, the call."

"I am glad you liked it."

"I did. But…" she pulls away and looks at me quite sad.

"But what?"

"I didn't get you anything."

"Oh, love, don't you worry about that. I'm good. I don't need anything."

Seeing her happy, having her in my arms, feeling her lips on mine, what could I ask for more?

As a thought passes through her head, she smiles and gets back to being excited.

"I know!"

"You know what?"

"You'll see."

She pulls her sleeve up and starts taking off her bracelet, but I stop her.

"Rose, that is yours. That little girl made it for you." it's all she has left. And she wants to give it to me?

"I know. But I want you to have it. Of course, if you don't think it's too silly." she takes it off and looks at it. "It's silly, isn't it? It has pink too." She gets laughing. "Oh, what was I thinking? Of course-"

But she stops when I unravel my wrist and extend my hand towards her.

"Comrade…" she says still smiling. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"But I want to."

"You're sure?"

"Never been surer. That's my present, isn't it? If it's from you, I am sure."

Loosening it, she slowly slips the bracelet on my wrist, and after she fits it, she looks at my hand and smiles playfully.

"It looks way better on you, comrade."

"Oh, _really?" _I can't help but smile too.

"What? I am speaking the truth here. It brings out your eyes."

"Oh, Roza."

I bend and she doesn't need any other cue to tilt her head, and soon, my lips meet hers into a sweet kiss. I want to kiss her forever.

"I'll never take it off," I promise to her after we break the kiss.

"You'd better not, or I'll kick your ass," she threatens and both of us laughing we continue our prolonged walk.

* * *

**RPOV**

I can't help it but start squealing as I see the cutest dog at the end of the street.

"Oh, comrade, look at it! It's so small!" I pick up my pace and head towards it. "Hey, boy!"

I am so going to play with it for half an hour. It seems to be fluffy too. Or maybe he's just chubby. Oh, who even cares? It looks so sweet.

But the dog doesn't even seem to have heard me. It keeps on walking away, its chubby ass moving left and right without a worry in the world.

"Rose…" I hear him following me. "...wait."

I realize I have been running a little in my rush to get my hands on that fluffiness that's so far away from me.

"But it's running away. And it's not listening to me," I stop walking and whine. "I wanted to pet him. Or her."

"And you had to run half the town after it?"

"I called for it, but it didn't want to stop. What else could I do?"

"Follow me."

We head the same way the dog went and I see it again as it has stopped to probably sniff something.

My companion whistles and he gets the dog's attention from the first try, and happily, it starts hopping our way.

"Oh, of course you can whistle too. There's something you _can't _do?"

"Not that I know of."

I punch his chest lightly as I stick my tongue out at him.

"Oh, you're so modest too, comrade."

He smiles playfully. "But at least I got you your dog coming to us, didn't I?"

"Yeah, and supposedly, I am the dog owner here. But still, I wouldn't be able to whistle even if my life would depend on it."

"I could teach you that someday."

"You would?"

"Yes, why no-"

"Oh, God, comrade, look at those tiny legs!"

I take some steps away from him and want to crouch so that I could bond with the little bundle of fur, him getting close enough to us now.

But then I remember something and stop.

"Oh, no, I'm an idiot. Your aller-"

"I'll be alright. You go play."

"But-"

"I'll live, love."

"No, no. I don't want you to get an allergic reaction if I pet him."

I want to touch him too and him to continue to kiss me and stuff, and this little guy's fur will stop me from getting that.

I turn to the little creature looking at us with its head tilted, seeming confused by our words exchange.

"Sorry, buddy, but I can't pet you. You're a cutie, but I can't. You go on your way and sniff stuff, okay?"

And after spending a second watching me, as he would have understood everything I told it, the dog turns around and leaves, resuming to his business. Bye-bye, cutie.

As I turn back to my Russian, I find him smiling at me.

"What?"

"I forgot how you used to talk with Ash all the time."

"Oh… and I forgot you know all that…"

"Oh, love. Don't you worry. I found it cute how you always talked to him."

"Yeah, sure you did."

"When will you believe me, huh?"

He puts an arm around me and pulls me to him, and I take the opportunity to hide my all of a sudden teary eyes into the comfort the crook of his neck provides.

But still, I can't stop from sniffing my nose.

"What's the matter?"

"I miss Ash…" talking about him now, I remember how I left him and- "I miss my little friend…"

"Oh, love..."

He holds me tighter and soothes my hair.

"Do you think he's still with Anna? And if so, if she's with the bad guys…" would she go as far as to hurt him?

"I don't know. I wish I'd known." of course. His powers have some limits. But still, I can hope.

"Comrade, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If I… you know… something happens…"

"Something like?"

"Like, you know, something happens to me an-"

"Roza-"

"No, no. Please let me say it. If something happens to me-"

"Which _won't_."

"But still. If it does, would you find Ash? I am not asking you to keep him because I know you're allergic and all. But would you, you know, at least see if he's alright? Would you look for him? And if you find him, by any chance, would you give him to my family?"

He sighs. "I usually don't promise things that will never happen, but fine. I'll make this exception for you. I promise. I'll find Ash. And I will bring it to you. Because nothing will happen to you."

"Thank you. You're so kind."

A minute or so later, I am still in his arms.

"Can I ask you something, love?"

"Sure."

"Why Ash?"

"What?"

"I mean, it is not even black. Or grey. What is the meaning of that? Why did you name it Ash?"

"You know, I got Ash at a short while after Mase… you know…"

"This I get. Ash was some kind of new buddy for you."

"Yes. Somehow. He has been next to me through it all."

"And you called him Ash because?"

I laugh a little. "You'll think it's silly."

"I doubt it. But tell me anyway."

"Mason's last name was Ashford and…"

"Oh. I get it now. That's-"

"Silly?"

He tilts my head and looks at me smiling warmly.

"No. I don't think anything about that is silly. I think that's really sweet, love."

* * *

"Hey, comrade. Wanna do a snow angel with me?"

He smiles at my request, then shrugs as in saying "Why not?"

I like it how we're tempting each other to do stuff. He is making me become a felon, I am making him play a little. We're completing each other in some weird, cute way.

We head to a spot off the road that hasn't been touched by any footprint and we lay down into the puffy layer of fresh snow and start moving our hands and feet.

And even after the little piece of art we've made is done, we still lay there.

It's so peaceful this silence here. I feel at such ease. It's magical here, with the cold snowflakes landing on my face.

And oh, when his hand finds mine at the meeting of our snow angels, there's nothing comparing to this feeling. I don't need anything more to be happy right now.

"Isn't it a pity that two-thirds of the population have never seen snow in real life? I mean, how could you live without having felt this? Seen this?"

He gets up to his butt and looks at me, a smile creeping on his lips.

I get up too, looking at him questioningly.

"I like your facts, love. You're a smarty-pants."

His words make me shy away and I look down so that I could avoid his amused eyes.

"Is it that cold outside or are you blushing?" He teases, his voice more amused than earlier.

Still not looking at him, I extend my hand and take a hit at him. It lands somewhere close to his stomach, which I might say, it's so damned toned. Not that I didn't know already that he has a six pack, and only being remembered how I walked my fingers on it, I blush harder.

I hear him laughing lightly as he takes my hand in his.

"Stop that."

"Stop what, love?"

I finally look at him and throw him an ugly glare.

"You know what. Stop teasing me with that."

"Oh, but you know I like it so much."

"I keep on wondering why."

He shrugs and brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing on my knuckles.

"Just because."

"One day I'll… I'll…"

"You'll what?"

"I don't know, but I surely will," I try to sound upset, but the smile on his face is contagious.

We drop the subject of my silly threatening and get up, careful not to spoil the snow angels and we take some steps aside to watch them and how beautiful that turned out to be.

His is way bigger than mine and is, of course, wearing a duster. But what I love most is that in between, they touch. They hold hands, just like we did. We've even left an imprint of our hands holding in the snow.

His arm coming around me, he pulls me closer and buries his nose into my now damp hair.

"Are you cold? It's getting a little colder outside. You lost your hat and lying here in the snow…"

I nod and tilt my head to watch him. "In fact, I am a little cold."

"Where?"

"Right here," I say placing a finger on my lips, and I don't even know how come I gathered the courage to become this daring. Am I really asking for a kiss now?

"Nowhere else?"

"No, just that."

Smiling playfully, he pulls me even closer to him, lifting me on my tippy toes and gets our lips to touch. He grits his teeth on my bottom lip, pulling it a little and I moan. Strengthening his grip on my middle, he pushes his hot tongue inside my mouth and kisses me hungrily, this time his whole body moving along mine in the same rhythm of his tongue. Slow and precise and firm. Oh, how could anyone get bored with such kisses?

"Is this better?"

"Mhm," I say and smile as a little realization comes to me.

Ever since the ice skating thing, we have stopped like every five minutes to kiss and touch and feel each other in any little way we could and I still can't get enough of it. It's like we're making it up for all the times we didn't end up kissing or touching or showing each other what we really wanted and felt. And no wonder he said he's more a man of action than words. He indeed can show plenty to me.

* * *

**DPOV**

Walking through a park now, she stopped speaking for the past five minutes or so, and her eyes lazily keep on examining the surroundings. And her jolly mood vanishing, I worry about what she might be thinking about.

"What happened, love?"

She looks at me and blinks a couple of times, just like it would be the first time she sees me.

"I think I am a little sleepy." a thing I can now see on her face. Her eyes are cloudy and she looks like she's already half asleep.

"Wanna go back?"

"But it's so beautiful out here." she pouts a little, gesture that makes her look cuter than ever.

"It will still take us enough to get back. We're continuing our walk somehow. How does that sound?"

"Fine. fine. Let's go back."

We walk close to each other and along the way, as we don't talk about much, I have the time to think about a lot. About a lot of things involving her.

As we get closer to the air bnb, I remember the reason we came here in the first place and those dark thoughts come back in my mind.

Is this right? Me being with her? It feels right for me to hold her hand, to kiss her, but, am I not being selfish? Oh, I don't know. I want her. So, so badly. I'd like to be able to love her every day from now on. But I still wish for her to be safe. And what if I can't have them both? What if there's no way of me having both?

Then, out of nowhere, I feel her fingers touching my hand.

And yes, I reacted like an idiot, but I was deep into my thoughts and her little brave gesture surprised me and I flinched a little.

She mumbles a sorry and hides her hands deep in her pockets.

I stop her from walking and she's looking down, cheeks already flushing, seeming very distressed by this. But oh, if she'd only know how much I love it when she starts something. Just like the earlier thing with the kiss. I love it when she gets daring, even if it's just with a little thing like this.

I bring my hand in her pocket, finding hers and I entangle our fingers as I pull it out of the pocket.

"I…"

"I know you don't bite, love."

I bring her hand up to my mouth, and after I turn it a little, I press my lips on the inside of her wrist, over the spot where her pulse is beating like crazy.

"I just didn't expect you to do this, don't get me wrong. But I am glad you did, love." I'll encourage all her gestures like these. I want her to keep on doing stuff like this. I love it when she shows me how she feels.

She smiles and I pull her closer to give her a kiss.

And all the way back, I won't let go of her hand. I love keeping her so close to me.

* * *

Five minutes later, she already yawned ten times. Yes, I counted.

"I don't remember when we walked that much till we got here, comrade."

"That's just because you're tired."

"Yeah, it might be," she answers yawning again and rubbing her eyes.

I see all the things that happened today consumed her energy. I'm glad that at least she'll have a good night's sleep tonight.

"Here. What if we do a thing?"

"Do what?"

"I'll carry you back to the apartment."

"You know, I'd argue with you about your shoulder and you'll tell me not to worry about it and on and on, but my feet really hurt and I am just so tired, so I'll say yes if you don't mind carrying me."

"I'm glad we got to get over that discussion, love."

I pick her and she cuddles into me, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Promise me one thing."

"What?"

"The second your shoulder hurts, you put me down."

"Sure, I promise."

"Why did you give in so easily?"

"Would you have liked me to argue?"

"Dunno. I guess I am just a little used for us to always be on different sides." she smiles. "But I like it when we're not. You're the sweetest, comrade," she whispers as she kisses my neck, then nuzzles the tip of her nose along my skin. I love it how each time she's sleepy, she turns into a kitten. The only thing that's missing is her starting to purr.

Which doesn't take long to happen, as she gets snoring lightly.

"I beg to differ, love. You're the sweet one."

I feel her palm reaching a little further under my coat.

"You may have thought I was asleep, but I heard that, comrade."

* * *

**RPOV**

I don't remember when we got back, but now I am in bed and I'm lying on top of him, his body feeling so good against mine, his arms wrapped around me.

But I got up because there's a phone ringing.

"Mmmm, comrade, make that stop, please." I pat my palm on his chest along with my request and I open my eyes to meet his face illuminated by the Christmas lights that he probably lit up.

He kisses my forehead and as he pulls away, I get growling.

"No, don't leave."

"Sorry, love, but I have to take this."

He gets out of the bed, leaving my body already longing for his warmth and he heads out room, starting to speak in Russian.

I don't know what this is about, but well, I can't do anything about it. I can only trust him. Maybe it's that guy we met at the bar. Ivan, wasn't it? Oh, I don't know. Let him speak to whoever he wants.

But before his words become too muffled for me to hear, I hear a thing from him that makes me smile. I close my eyes and let myself drift back to sleep. It's Christmas Eve after all and no one should miss its family. Plus the hour difference and all…

**DPOV**

As soon as I answer, she scolds me.

"Dimitri… It has been a while ever since I heard from you. You said you'd call more often."

"I know, mama, but I've been a little busy lately an-"

"What happened to you? What's with the sulky voice?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired. It's night where I am."

"Sure, sure. I may haven't had much time with you boy, but I know when there is something wrong with any of my children."

Yes, she always does, even through a phone call.

"It's just… I don't know what to do."

I have been staying awake all this time and thought and thought and I still haven't come up with a solution. I can't make my mind. Should I push her away or ask her to never leave?

"Follow your heart, Dimka," she gives me her usual advice, but I don't know if I can apply now. I am, and it feels good and bad at the same time.

"I don't know if that is the best thing to do now."

"Why not? That is the best thing to do when you don't know what else to do. It's always the right thing to do when you're in doubt."

"But this might get someone hurt." It did before. What if with her it's no different?

"Will it hurt her less if you don't do it?"

Her. She already knows. How come she manages to know all the things that trouble me without me saying it out loud, I never figured out.

"On the long-term, yes." it wouldn't hurt her at all if I have just kept my hands off.

"On the long-term," she puffs. "Damn that. Live for today, child. We never know what tomorrow brings and you talk to me about the long-term? I might die tomorrow. I might die today. Right now. The same with you. You think too much, Dimka. Just follow your heart. It already knows what's best."

And deep down, my heart tells me too not to make the same mistakes I did before. Because with her, I don't want to risk it. I don't want to lose her. I need to keep her safe at all costs. And for this, I know I'll have to keep her away from me. At least until I am sure she'll be safe. Until this is over. Then, I'll see what the future brings.

_But what if she will never be safe around you, not even after this? How many enemies can you keep her away from? Because only God knows you have plenty. _

No. No long term. I'll keep her safe for now. I'll take things one day at a time.

I won't be again the egoist I was before. She shouldn't be part of this world. She-

I know!

I know who could help me with this. Someone who has been through the same thing. She'll help me and Rose too.

I'll need to call Lissa.

"Boy, you're still there?"

"Yes, mama, I am. Sorry. I was thinking about something."

"Something on the long term?"

"Somehow."

She sighs. "Oh, child. You know I never pushed you, but you know I am not getting younger, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I am talking about grandchildren, Dimka. What if you're not my child? I still consider you mine."

"Mama, we've talked about this… "

"I remember that. And each time, you never come up with a solution." when I want to protest for the thousandth time, she cuts me short. "Don't you deliver me that speech again. I know it so well. Damn that Agency. You just see what you're doing about this girl, but don't you dare push her away. I know that's what you do, God knows you tried with me too. But you deserve to be happy too, you know?"

**RPOV**

But I can't fall back asleep. I got to used to him holding me and I don't wanna fall back asleep without that.

And I'm thirsty. So maybe a little trip to the kitchen won't be a bad idea. Maybe he'll finish his conversation and he'll join me too.

As I get out of bed, I realize how I am dressed. Which is in my new pyjamas. Just thinking about him undressing me, I start blushing. I can only be grateful that he left my bra on. Pretty uncomfortable to sleep into, but I am still grateful he didn't go that far. But well, he had a reason to change my clothes. After that snow angel, my clothes got a little wet.

Anyway. He saw me more naked than that and he even felt plenty so… yeah.

As I get out of the room and head to the kitchen, I distinguish some English.

"Yes. Thanks."

He changed the person? I mean, why would he use English with his mother?

"I hope I'll bring her to you soon."

Hearing him say this, I already feel my heart start racing.

Bring who to whom? Is that her he is talking about me?

"Yeah. I'll take care of that too."

I slowly slide open the door of the kitchen and there he is, talking on the phone. Who is he talking to, I can't tell. But I don't like the words he just said.

"That's one less worry. Like this, things will end faster. Yes. See you soon."

End what faster? One less worry? Am I the one less worry?

Oh, wow. I'm such a fool.

Ending the call, he turns around and when his eyes land on me, they widen in surprise.

**DPOV**

Rose is in the doorway and she is already crying, tears strolling down her cheeks, and the disappointment and the hurting I see in her eyes is killing me.

No, no, no. She heard too little of this conversation, I am sure. She got everything wrong.

I take a step closer. "Rose…"

"No." she is shaking her head and makes a few steps back, getting out of the room. "No. I won't hear it."

I follow her as she goes to the living room and gets a hold of her coat. She wants to put it on, but I take it away from her and try to get a hold of her.

"Don't you touch me!"

"Roza, you don't-"

"_Don't you Roza me_!" She lashes at me. "Don't you ever call me that again! I am not allowing it to you!" she stops from her yelling to wipe her tears, pressing the back of her hands on her eyes and cheeks hard, leaving red marks behind on her skin. "Was that your plan all along? You tried to seduce me and when I responded to it, _what_? You thought I will just do anything for you, right? That I would go anywhere without question? Is that it? Is that what this night was all about?"

"I didn't-"

_"No_! Don't you even bother to speak. I won't listen to a single more lie of yours. I am going out of here. I don't want to see you ever again!"

I get a hold of her wrist and pull her back to me.

"I told you not to touch me!" she fights back, trying to rip herself out of my grasp.

"Hey, listen to me. Let me explain."

"You don't need to explain anything to me. I understood everything-"

"Wrong. You got everything wrong."

"The hell I did! I am not stupid. I heard enough to understand it all. Someone will take me. You're getting rid of me. What did I get wrong, huh? I don't think I did. You're taking me away to who? You're taking me back to your people, aren't you? This was your plan all along? And you pretended to… you pretended for what?"

"It has nothing to do with them."

"I don't trust you with that! And let go of me!"

She tries to get away from me, to free her hands, and I am doing my best to not let her do that, but she keeps on fighting me, and sometimes she's so close to succeeding.

She keeps on fighting me until her hand slips and she ends up hitting my cheek, this little thing startling her. Her eyes widen and she stops struggling, and I find it safe enough to let go of her other hand too.

To be honest, I had it coming in some way for the other stuff I did so far, for the dick I have been before. And it didn't even hurt, to be honest. It was a little accident. But to her, it doesn't look like that. She thinks she hurt me.

"I'm um…" she brings her now trembling hand up and cups my cheek. "I didn't mean to slap you… I…" her eyes get teary again and she's biting the inside of her cheek distressed.

I bring my hand over hers. Seeing how much she cares about me, it has always been a thing I loved about her. But maybe like this, she'll calm down enough for us to talk.

"It's okay, love."

"I'm sorry," she says with her voice breaking, but then she shakes her head and her expression turns back to being upset and she pulls her hand away. "_No_. You know what? I am _not_ sorry. Because you've been lying to me! You fooled me! I am not sorry for anything."

Being free, she storms away for me again, getting towards the kitchen this time and heading outside.

"Don't you leave." there's no one to listen to me. "Roza, _stop_."

Me calling her that again, it makes her stop. She turns around to face me. But along that, she grabbed a mug that was on the counter, and she sends it flying towards me.

"Don't call me like that! And how dare you tell me that? How dare you tell me not to leave?"

I take some more steps closer to her.

"Don't you come near me!" she throws another mug, breaking it onto the wall behind me. "You broke my trust! You lied to me all over again! I won't listen to you! And stay away from me!"

But I ignore the third and the fourth thing that she throws at me, and I keep on walking towards her, and I soon reach her, my hands preventing her from throwing the fifth object by taking it from her clenched fingers.

She takes two steps back, tries to contain her tears, but soon, she needs to stop because she reached the counter behind her.

"There is nothing more important to you than your mission, right? This is all that I am to you? A trouble? A trouble you have to get rid of? Why? Why did you… Why do you go around and kiss me and… just to go and throw me away a second later? What was that? Some strategy of yours to make sure I won't question your reasons? That I will follow anywhere without any question? That of course, I am stupid enough to fall for it and then let you take me there because I trust you…?"

She would have said so much more, but she had to stop to wipe her tears.

"Rose, would you just listen to me, for once? Let me tell you-"

"So what? So that you will lie to me over and over again?! No, thank you! I don't want to listen to your shitty words ever again! I thought that you understood. I thought that you… It's _my life!_ _My life_ that everybody is playing with! And you don't care either! "

"Rose-"

"No. You're no different than anyone else."

Her stubbornness drives me angry. She is not willing to listen to me at all. She won't even let me say a complete sentence.

"You don't care about me! Not at all! You-"

In a second, I am facing her and my hands have already gotten a hold of hers and pinned them on the counter.

"Stop! Stop, for God's sake, stop saying that!"

I snapped and I yelled at her, and as soon as those words left my mouth, my throat starts burning, realizing the tone I used. I hate it when I get like this. I hate arguing with her.

I temper my voice, loosen my grip on her hands and I bend closer to her.

"Stop, _please_," I whisper to her.

But she starts squirming under me and her mouth doesn't stop saying no to me, to all of my words. She's not hearing any of them.

I get a hold of her shoulders and shake her a little, making her look at me, to pay attention to me.

_"Listen_ to me, goddammit, Roza. Listen to me."

**RPOV**

He is so angry. His jaw is tight, his teeth are screeching, his palms have let go of me and they're sitting fisted to his side and he is breathing harshly on my face.

He is all tensed up. And maybe ready to snap.

I am no fool. I have seen these eyes before. That look resembles so much the one in Alex's eyes from when we argued that night. And I know so damn well what happened next.

"Come on," I provoke him with a lump forming in my throat. "Do it."

"Do what?"

"Hit me," I dare him again. "I know you want to do it. I have said too much."

He starts moving his hand and I tense too, under him. Oh, to hell with it. I am trembling all over.

"Oh, Roza…" he sighs deeply. "You're wrong," he whispers as his palm gently finds its way on my cheek, his fingers spreading on my skin. "So, so wrong. I don't know who told you you should be treated like that, but I won't treat you in such way." he moves his hand up in my hair, tilting my head. "How could I hit you?" he sighs again and wipes away the tear that falls down my cheek. "I know you don't think the best of me, and for a good reason at times, but…" his other thumb gets on my lips, parting them a little. "…but that I will never do."

His fingers moving under my chin, he pulls me closer. His lips come closer to my forehead, and kissing it, he continues to caress my cheek.

"Never, love. I wouldn't hurt a single hair on you. Never."

I force myself not to listen to his sweet words. So what if he won't hurt me? He still did what he did. He still said what he said.

"Well, _too bad_. Because you have been lying to me for so long and all I want is to hit you! I want to hurt you so badly!"

"Fine. Throw at me each and every piece you find in this apartment. Take shots at me. I won't stop you. But _listen to me _first. Or after. You decide."

His fingers are still walking on my cheek and I find this gesture so soothing, so calming, so good for my now breaking heart. Too bad that's he's the one who is doing both of them.

**DPOV**

"No." she pulls her head away. "Don't... Don't touch me. Just don't."

"Roza…"

"Don't call me like that, _please,_" her voice breaks.

Her heart is beating like crazy against my chest and she looks at me with widened eyes. She still looks at me scared.

I know I should pull away, but I don't.

"Roza... Don't fear me. Please. I won't hurt you."

She lifts her eyes and looks into mine, her lower lip trembling

"I... I don't... Fear you…"

She tries to be brave, and gulping, she gently lays her palms on my chest, showing me she doesn't.

I smile lightly and dare kiss her cheek.

"That's good. Know that I am not going to do anything to you, love. Never."

She growls a little.

"I can't… Don't do this to me. I don't believe you… I am not falling for it, no matter how many times you will kiss me and promise me shit. Because you lied to me. Again."

"I didn't-"

"No! You are just like anybody else! You don't give a single damn except for yourself!"

"Rose, _stop saying that_."

"No! Get away from me! I don't want to see you ever again!"

"I am not doing anything for myself. It's to keep you safe."

"Safe? You're keeping me safe by taking me to them? Yeah, sure. And how is that supposed to go? I'll be the safest I have ever been when I'll be dead? I will better go out there and let myself be killed than to let you take me to whoever you want to. I prefer choosing my way to die."

"It's not like that. I am not going to take you to anyone from-"

"I don't care where you are taking me because I am not going! I have had enough of you. You just proved to me you don't care. You never did!"

She wants to pull away from me, but I have heard those words from her enough tonight. I pin her back to the counter, her hands pinned up beside her head, my whole body glued to hers.

"Don't you tell me how I feel!" She stops struggling and is watching me, breathing heavily. I soften my voice. "Don't you tell me I don't care. Don't tell me what I feel, Rose."

"Yeah? Why not? Because it's so damn obvious. Now _let go of me." _

"Because what you think it's wrong."

"Yeah, and what do you feel?"

I have so many words to tell her about how I feel, that I don't know with which one to start.

She puffs. "Exactly as I thought," she says her voice breaking again.

"Rose…"

"No." she shakes her head and her eyes fill with tears.

I bend and brush my lips across her cheek, kiss on her temple and prop my forehead on hers.

"Roza…" Her eyes avoid mine as she starts crying and shakes her head. "Look at me." I lift my head off hers.

She bites the inside of her cheek and eventually lifts her eyes and looks at me, the hurting never leaving her eyes.

"What do you want?"

"I am not lying to you. I just want you to be safe. I am not taking you anywhere where you'll be harmed."

She nods. "Yeah? And this is why you want to send me away to God knows where to be with God knows who…" she says seeming hurt, like I am betraying her. "Why don't you keep me with you?"

Not that I would love the idea, but it is what I have to do for her to be safe, for her not to be around me until I take care of this thing. Or at least try to set things right.

"I wouldn't do it if I had another choice."

"But you…"

"Please, Rose. Trust me with this. I can't keep you with me."

She sighs and we spend another minute just looking at each other.

"I don't know if I can trust you now. You have never told me the truth and what if tonight is no different? I can't risk it. Please, just let me go." she starts pulling away. "Let go of me. Stop messing with my head."

She tries to push me away some more and I am afraid that if I tighten my grip on her wrists some more, I would hurt her.

"You won't do this to me again. I am not letting you fool me. It has already worked for far too many times. Let me go. I will deal with it by myself if you don't want to keep me around anymore. I understand."

"No, you don't understand. I can't. And I won't Roza. I don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because I care."

"You care?"

"I do."

"How can you say that?"

"Let me show you."

I let go of her hands and they fall along her body. I pass mine through her silky dark strands, getting to the back of her neck and down to her chin, then I tilt her head up.

Her breath comes to a halt and her eyes widen as I get my lips closer to hers and brush them lightly. Even though I kissed her only an hour ago, I missed this. I can't seem to get enough of her. She has been instantly addictive ever since I kissed her in that mall when it all started.

Her fingers wrap on the material of my T-shirt, pulling it towards her, she finally exhales and moves closer herself, her lips pressing on mine, looking for more.

"_No_." she sobs and pulls her face away with a growl. "Stop _doing _this to me," she says starting to cry again. "Stop playing with me and stop kissing me and stop…" she wants to say something more but the sobs shaking her chest prevent her from saying it. "Stop… please..."

"Hey. Hey." I desperately try to wipe her tears. "I won't do it anymore, I promise. Unless you want me to, I won't kiss you anymore and anything else you say. I won't, I promise."

She watches me with tears still falling from her eyes.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this? Why are you saying all these things? Why are you doing all these things?"

"Because I mean them. I meant everything I said. And if you say that me kissing you is doing you no good, I won't do it anymore. I won't do it if you don't want me to do it."

She bites her lip, looking at me, trying so bad to contain her tears.

"But only one thing I can't do. I can't let you go, Rose. Please understand that I am not doing it for myself. I have nothing to gain from this. I just want you to be safe. And the place-"

She stops me mid-sentence when both her hands move upwards and she places them at the nape of my neck, moving her thumbs up and down on my skin and then draws me towards her, pressing her lips on mine.

I am the one who pulls away this time.

"Rose…" I don't want her to think I am forcing myself on her somehow, even though she kissed me this time. "Are you sure about this kiss? You just said that I shouldn't-"

She nods and pulls me closer again.

"Yes." she walks her lips on mine. "I want you to kiss me." her fingers clasp in my hair and she presses her lips harder on mine. "And so much more," she whispers and this time I go as far as getting my tongue into her mouth, starting to play with hers, tasting her sweet aroma, and my hands mindlessly start to explore down on her body and soon, they find their way under her T-shirt, getting a hold of her hips and she doesn't protest, she just moans lightly.

God, this sound makes me lose it for a second.

In this second of pure insanity I get my hands down on her thighs and pick her up, encircling her legs around my waist and I sit her on the counter, merging out bodies completely, my hips fitting perfectly into the V of her thighs.

I get my mouth on her neck and bite on it.

"Oh, comrade," she moans again and begins to move her lower body up and down on mine, creating a lot of friction between my hardening crotch and her core.

I grip the flesh on her thighs and when I reach to her full ass I squeeze it hard, digging my fingers into the material of her pants, desperate to feel her flesh instead. Her back arches, the grip around my hips tightens and she clasps her palms in my hair once more.

She brushes her nose on my cheek, and when her mouth finds its way up to my ear she whispers to me. "I want you to take me."

Hearing her say these words, I try to keep myself composed because all the years of training are telling me that this is one of the worst things that could happen. It's the worst thing to let someone get attached to you, or even worse, to get attached to someone because this is where we are heading to, it's not just something about instinct, it's more, so, so much more about it, I know it so goddamn well, it's not the first time happening to me.

_But what if with her things will be different?_

But I know that this is wrong. It's very, very wrong, just like kissing her on the ice rink earlier and a lot of times after that, just like kissing her so many other times before, just like all the times I couldn't force myself to be cold with her, just like all the things that I am doing right now, that this isn't fair towards her at all, and I want with all my being to pull away, to stop and put her down because I know I am not supposed to do this, because this will all end badly for the both of us, that the history will only repeat itself and she will be the only one who will lose the most from this deal, but my body simply doesn't listen to me. It's like someone else is controlling me, my body having a will for itself.

But even though, at the back of my mind, there is still a little part of me that resists to the impulse of making this woman mine in all the possible ways because I don't do what she is asking me to.

Instead, I continue my movements on her lower body, taking in every inch of her delicious curves as I push myself harder into her, continuing the grinding that she started some time ago and I kiss her again.

And she eagerly responds to it, her hips matching my pace.

"Roza, _goddamnit."_

There went my self-control. I want more. I want it all. To hell with wrong and right. I'll make love to her tonight and there will be no turning back. The only way I'm heading is further. With her.

I grab the collar of her T-shirt and pull it down, my mouth continuing its way down on her neck, and I am careful to kiss and bite and suck on each hot patch of her skin and I soon reach the softness of her breasts, hiding into that nest of lace.

But I can't go on like this for too long. I need to feel her.

I reach my hand under her T-shirt and search for the thin strap that helps to keep her skin covered and I pull it down until it slides down her shoulder, managing to loosen the cup of the bra so that I can expose her skin to my touch. Touch that I might dare say she's so eager to feel, her chest lifting and sinking at a fast pace. And oh, I won't let her wait.

I pull the lacy material down and cup her breast in my palm, feeling its perfect weight and softness and fullness.

She sighs and her fingers get a hold of the back of my T-shirt, her fists holding it tight.

"Is that alright?" she nods. "What about this?" I start stroking her flesh gently while she starts moaning lightly, a thing that gives me the impulse to get a little further.

"Yes…"

I get my thumb over her peak and get drawing little, precise circles on it, feeling it get hard and pointy, and that's not the only thing getting in such way. It is physically getting painful for me to take it so slowly, but oh, don't I love each second of this torture?

As we kiss again, she starts swaying her body against mine again, and I can feel myself lengthen some more in appreciation at each of her moves.

But soon, she growls displeased and squeezes her legs around me, making me stop. She lifts her head, breaking contact with me and her hand gets a hold of my face, holding me by my cheeks. She is looking me directly into my eyes as she speaks, determination is filling her voice.

"Stop this or take me already, but don't you keep on torturing me like this."

As I consider my options, she parts her lips, licks them and runs her hand through my hair, pulling me back to her. She brings our lips close, but before pressing them on mine, she speaks again.

"And I am not going to repeat myself for the third time. I want you to take me, and God, I want you to do it _right now_," she commands.

Wow, this is totally unexpected. What happened with the Rose I know? Her shyness disappeared. It's like someone else took over her, just like it has happened to me. And I swear that I usually don't like being bossed around or to follow the orders, but with her, I just can't say no. I don't want to say no. I give in to my desire and hers and forget about everything else that is happening outside this little room. How can I even think about anything else when she is just so tempting, so delicious, so willing and so, so eager?

But oh, I just need to know something before I forget even about myself.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask her with the last piece of my self-control. My hands are itching to hold her, each inch of her and I need to wrap my fingers on the counter next to her to not do it on her body that's so eager under mine.

"Yes. Yes, I am. I…" I see her blushing a little as she looks down. "I want you," she whispers.

"No revenge?"

"No, _God no_. Nothing like that. I was just trying to-"

"Trying to what?"

"I was trying to… hide… this." she gets biting her lip and starts drawing little lines on my chest with her index. "I was trying to hide how much I wanted you," she says so faintly, but I am glad I heard her say these words.

That's all I needed to hear. And I want her just as much.

She tilts her head and looks at me from under those damned long lashes, that she bats slowly.

"I won't stop you this time, I promise."

She licks her lips, want filling her eyes, and this only adds to mine making me lose it completely. To hell with everything. I want her too much and she is just as willing. I have never found myself so crazy about a woman, and I am not even mad about it. I'm crazy about her and I want her in every possible way.

I get a hold of her cheeks and pull her into another kiss.

"But, oh, please, just… " she pushes her hips up on mine.

"Just what?"

"Don't you stop, comrade. Don't you stop either."

**RPOV**

But to my very utter displease, he decides to stop. He just stopped again, after everything I told him, after that kiss that he started.

Confused, and I won't deny, a little hurt by his gesture, I try to keep my tears at bay and I start covering myself, putting my bra back into its place. I can understand when I am not wanted.

When I want to get away, he stops me by shaking his head, he bends and kisses my forehead, his arms embracing me.

He buries his nose into my hair and reaches the crook of my neck, his lips starting to nip on my skin.

"Don't get me wrong. I am not going to stop. Just… I don't want to rush. So just, let me see you for a second, Roza."

Oh, so this is what it was about? And if he wants to see me naked in here, hell, why not? He has already seen me a couple of times, I don't know why I would act that shy about it. I'll try not to. Or at least not that much.

With him walking his lips and tongue on my collarbones now, I start lifting the T-shirt on me and as I expose more skin, he starts touching me where I have already unraveled myself and soon he reaches over my hands.

"Can I do that?"

I let go of the material and let him take charge of undressing me and he moves just as slowly as I started, his fingers careful to stroke everything that he finds along the way, and when he finally takes the material off my body, I am more than crazy with desire, his skin brushing on mine managing to bring me on the verge of despair.

Without the littlest of care, he lets it fall on the floor and continues to give my body all of his attention, and I get chills all over as he walks his fingertips on my hips and he's so close to me that I can feel my chest touching his lightly as he bends to kiss my shoulder.

But soon, he stops and pulls away, taking a step back and he looks at me head to toe, and I swear I am trying so hard not to hide somewhere.

When a smile appears on his lips, I feel my whole body starting to heaten under his admiring gaze, and I can't take it anymore. I break the visual contact and stare at his feet.

"This wasn't supposed to be here."

"What?" I lift my eyes back up and meet his expression changed, a frown between his brows.

As he comes closer again, his fingers creep over my ribs and he watches me, seeming a little mad.

"Where is this bruise from?"

Ouch. A bruise. The bruise.

"Um…" I don't think I want to tell him.

"Rose…" he gets demanding and I hide my face into his shoulder, praying that he won't get scolding next.

"It's from that night at the bar."

"How? Who?"

I sigh. "It doesn't-"

_"Who_, love?"

"The man I jumped on, he elbowed me."

He gets me off him and makes me look him in the eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "I didn't want you to worry. Or scold me."

"Why would I have scolded you?"

"Because you told me not to move."

"Oh, Roza. You… do you think it might be broken?"

"No."

"But does it hurt?"

"No."

"You're lying to me?"

"No. I promise. I hurt a little after he hit me. But not anymore."

He nods. "Let's say I believe you." he gets his hands back on my body and pulls me to him, making our bodies touch everywhere. "But not really. The bruise is still fresh." he sighs. "And if you keep on not telling me things like these, I might get mad at you."

"Please don't."

He smiles. "I won't. But I don't like at all seeing these bruises on you."

He kisses me lightly.

But I am not wanting only this. He promised me more and my brain is set to getting more.

I round my hands around his neck and as I start again grinding on him, his palms get stroking on my thighs again, his lips starting to get hungrier from mine, and we pick up from where we've left things.

**DPOV**

As I already expected and knew, under that T-shirt, she revealed a body that's worth dreaming about. But the only difference now is that she is so goddamn real and I feel her all over under me.

Just to make sure, I pull away a little and watch her. I can't believe she's real and she's here and that she'll be mine.

She gulps as my eyes leave the beautiful sight of her face and I move down, kissing on her collarbones. Further down, nested into black lace, I watch her breasts move up and down fast with each breath she takes.

She is really a sight to see and oh, wouldn't I just kiss every inch of her body? And why wouldn't I start now?

As I massage the pointy parts of her hips with my hands, I continue kissing my way down and follow the line of her sternum, her breath getting harsher with each kiss. When I reach my destination, I rub my face between her breasts, greedily feeling off the silkiness of her skin against mine.

I nip on her breast, deciding to do this instead of ripping that lace off her.

"Comrade," she whispers as her whole body trembles under me and I feel her fingers wrapping on my palm.

I lift my eyes to meet hers and even in this dim light, I see her cheeks burning. She's unbelievable. She lets me do so many and still shies away?

**RPOV**

His lips turning into a cheeky smile, he gets up.

"So shy," he murmurs as he traces his fingers feather-like along my spine, making me quiver under his touch, and I let out a sigh as his palm moves over my wanting breast.

"You shouldn't be shy at all. You're so beautiful."

"You… you think that?"

"I don't say it just for the sake of saying it, Roza." I just shrug a little in response. I have heard these words from plenty of people. But the way he says it… it's different. "I do believe that. You're gorgeous." he bends to give me a peck. "You're so beautiful, love, it physically hurts me at times."

"Thank you," I barely hear myself say as I put my hair behind my ears nervously and I try not to avoid his eyes. My heart is beating so hard just by hearing him say these words, and oh, my cheeks are burning so bad.

Smiling widely, he takes my hands in his and kisses my knuckles.

"You don't have to be shy around me Roza. Or afraid. I won't bite." He walks his lips up on my cheek and when he reaches my ear, he lightly grits his teeth on my earlobe. "Of course, unless you want me to."

His words along with what he's doing to me make me sigh in pleasure and I relax a bit more, my whole body untensing and in my mind, I giving him a free hand to do whatever he wants to me. I bet I will like anything he might do to me.

**DPOV**

She moves her head so that I would be kissing her lips now and seconds later, she wants to take my T-shirt off, her palms gripping on it and lifting it from my back, her fingers touching on my skin in the sloppy process, managing to send little electricity waves throughout my body.

But in the front, the T-shirt is stuck in between us and she tries to pull it harder, not giving up on her little task, but we are too interlocked and she doesn't manage to do much and growls in displease.

"Patience, love."

She chuckles lightly and lets go of the material.

"I don't think I can't." she kisses my cheek as she is walking her fingers on the nape of my neck. "Just… oh, take me already, comrade," she says almost like a whine and sways her body on mine, getting a growl in response from me.

"Where's the rush, love?"

Biting her lips, she shrugs. But only God knows how hard it is for me too to take things slow.

I kiss my way along her shoulder and when I reach the strap of her bra, I pull it back down with my teeth.

She is watching me as I admire her some more, as in my mind she's already completely naked, and I hear her gulping loudly before she takes charge over the situation and takes things one step further, in another daring moment.

Her hands get behind her and she unhooks her bra, then slips the other strap down, letting herself half covered in front of me.

When she seems ready to change her mind, I am already helping her get rid of it and now her T-shirt is on the floor and so is her bra. Good.

Her round, full breasts are hard to conceal as she coyly places her palms to cover her nipples and tries to hide a little more, a Rose gesture I should have seen coming.

But I have already seen enough to make my brain get cloudy. Her dusky nipples were perky and engorged, and I just can't wait to feel them, to taste, to bite, to tease, to bruise. But not until she lets me.

I move her hair to one side and she leans her head in that direction too, eager to feel me on her skin. I get my mouth closer to her shoulder and I still haven't touched her, but she is already trembling lightly, just by feeling my breath on her skin.

She sighs and the hair on her back stands as I move closer and kiss her shoulder, my hands getting a hold of her hips and slowly moving up, announcing my intentions to her.

She doesn't protest and takes her hands off her breasts and moves them along my thighs, moving slowly up, reaching my hips, she makes herself busy with unbuttoning my jeans as I continue to explore her naked skin. I love how she goes from shy to daring in a split of a second.

Being allowed to, I move my hand up and cup her full breast with my palm, feeling her hot flesh on mine, and my other hand is going into the other direction, rounding on her ass and pulling her closer to me.

Her head tilts backward, she places her hands on my ribs and she squeezes a little as she is slowly swaying her body, her core reaching just too close to my pulsing member as she keeps on moaning each time I pinch on her peak, soon remaining breathless. She is vocal and this only makes me want to do so much more to her, just to hear her consumed by pleasure. And why not do more?

I bend and take her nipple into my mouth and suck on it a little, finally getting to hear her cries of pleasure. I didn't think it was possible for my cock to get harder. But oh, wasn't I wrong?

"What are you _doing?" _her head snaps up and she looks at me, cheeks flushed and surprise filling her face.

Feasting on the sweetness of her skin, of course. I will savor each inch of her body.

I can't help but smile at her question as I take her other nipple in between my fingers and play with it, making her flush even more as, after she watched me do it, her eyes lift to make contact with mine.

"What does it look like?"

She shrugs and bites her lip with a deep, pleasurable sigh.

"I am pleasing you, love. Don't you like it?" I ask and not wait for her answer, I just take her peak in my mouth again and round my tongue on it.

Her joyous cries and her hand clutching in my hair is enough of an answer to me anyway.

"I do… _God_, I do… I…" I go again, pressing my tongue on her perky caramel peak. "Mmmmm…" she lets out in between puffs and tilts her head, and starts pushing her chest upward, pushing her flesh in my mouth, inviting me to do more. What I exactly do.

When I bite on her, she whelps and her hands drag me by my hair.

"Comrade!"

I do it again, just for the sake of her response, which is more exciting this time.

And I move my mouth back and forth between her nipples, teasing her unmercifully, greedily sucking and biting, trying to make her crazy with desire, just as I am.

"Please, comrade…"

Hearing her like this, only makes me want to tease.

I nibble on her skin a little harder as my hands are busy with taking in all of her delicious curves. I'd only wish I have gotten her pants down earlier.

"Please," she whispers once more as I squeeze on her thighs.

Kissing her now up on her neck, I speak.

"Are you wanting of something, love?"

"I, um…" she gulps between long take ins of breath, and looks me in the eyes. "I am," She admits, her hands playing in my hair. "Of you. I am wanting of you. Really, really bad." She bites her lips, watching for my response.

"Oh, Roza. You'll end me one day."

**RPOV**

I don't know what he told me because he used Russian this time, but I don't really care. Because his hands start moving again on my body, and that's all I wanted.

So does his mouth, as he starts biting on my neck, and I tilt my head a little, giving him all the access he wants.

But when his palm slides in between my legs and he presses on me, I gasp and tilt my head a little more, but I did that quite fast and ended up banging my head against the cupboard behind me.

His head snaps up on an instant and his hands leave my body as he cups my head.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, comrade."

He kisses my forehead and pulls me closer, massaging the top of my head.

"You're okay?"

"Yes. I am just being my clumsy self," I try to sound funny, but in fact, I feel like an idiot for spoiling this moment. "Sorry if I-"

He stops me, shaking his head.

"Oh, Roza, I am waiting for the day you will stop apologizing for things that don't upset me." I shrug. But what can I do rather than apologize when I do a stupid thing? "What if we make a deal?"

"What deal?"

"You don't apologize for anything from now on. Especially for things that make you you. I don't want you to ever apologize again for being yourself."

"But what if me being myself means clumsiness an-"

"Stop, love." he gives me a peck. "Don't apologize for anything like that. I like you being clumsy. I like you being in any way you are. I like you, just like that, as you are."

His words make me smile like an idiot.

"You mean that?"

"Didn't I already say it?" He did. And I love him for saying these words. "Now, you're sure didn't hurt yourself?"

"No. Really. I just… you know…"

"Good."

He kisses my forehead once more and looks at me smiling, then picks me up and gets moving.

"Where are we going?"

"Bedroom, love. I don't want you to get a concussion from what I'm going to do to you next," he whispers kissing my shoulder.

Hearing his words, I panic a little. Okay. A little more than a little. Maybe a little more.

"I um… and… what is that?" I barely find the courage to ask.

His palm slides up on my ribs and the huskiness in his voice makes me tremble with desire.

"So impatient, love," he whispers and I hide my flushed face into the safety of his neck. "Don't worry. You won't have to wait for too long, I promise."

Oh, God, I can't believe I am doing this

**DPOV**

As soon as we enter the bedroom, I take a seat on the edge of the bed with her on my lap. I take her hair out of the way and get my hands on her skin once more, this time roaming the skin of her back and I feel her muscles contracting anywhere I touch.

Just like earlier, she begins to slowly grind on me and all I want now is to rip every piece of clothing left on her and to push her into the mattress, but I don't. Not yet. I want this thing to last. I don't want to rush things not even for a second. I have never been tense while doing this. Ever. But with her, I have to pay attention to each of her little signals, otherwise, I might fuck it up again. And damn me if I am doing this again.

So instead of rushing, I place kisses along the side of her neck, stopping when I reach the pulsing spot of her jugular and bite and suck hard on her skin to mark her as mine. Only mine.

She sighs, closes her eyes and extends her neck, giving me more access and her hands get under my T-shirt, her coldish skin making contact with mine again.

When I see blood pooling beneath the surface of her flawless skin, I pull away. I can't wait to see it turn purple later.

"You _do_ bruise easily, love."

She smiles as her fingers play along my abs.

"I told you I do," she says and bends to kiss my cheek.

I pass my hand through her strands, making her give me her attention and she looking at me as she is slowly kissing her way up on my jaw.

"Is there something that you are into, love?"

I want to do whatever she likes most. I want to bring her so much pleasure tonight. And not only once. For her, I would go all night long.

"What?" she asks pulling away fast and watching me confused.

"I know you heard what I asked. Come on, don't be shy about it."

She frowns, gets her hands out from under my T-shirt, bringing them to my lap and then moves her eyes down and looks at them. She seems some kind of embarrassed. Did I say something wrong?

"I um... _Why_?"

I can't help but chuckle. She is becoming more and more distressed as the seconds go by, her fingers playing with each other faster and faster.

"Hey, love." I get a hold of her forearms and pull her closer to me but she doesn't move her eyes from looking down.

Trying to calm her, I start drawing little circles on her lower back, as I am slowly kissing my way up on her collarbones and she tilts her head back once more as I am reaching her neck and under my lips, I feel the fastness with which her blood is pumping.

She dares touching me again, walking her palms on my upper arms.

"You don't have to be shy about it. I am asking just so I would know what we're going to do next."

"You don't have to…"

"Oh, but I want to. I want to make things very pleasurable for you, Roza," I bite her neck.

She gulps hard and pulls away a little.

"I don't know. Honestly. There's nothing passing through my mind." She starts playing with the hem of my T-shirt now instead of kneading her fingers and she is avoiding my eyes again.

I lift her chin and make her look at me.

"There has to be something_. _Anything you wish. Anything you think about. Just name it." hell, I would even bark if this is what turns her on. Fine, not _really_ bark, but you might get what I am trying to say.

"I don't know. Alexander…" she shakes her head. "Xavier and I…" she puts her hair behind her ears. "We didn't really _do_ much…" she takes the edge of my T-shirt and plays nervously with it once more.

God, the things that this guy did to her still affect her. And I don't think I even know half of them. If I am ever going to find him again, I am going to make him pay for whatever he did to her. And I will find him one day. I just hope that that day would come soon.

"You know, he was always away and I, before, with the other guys I- I didn't-" she clears her throat and shakes her head. "We would usually just do- I don't know, basic stuff I guess…"

I take her hands in mine and she lifts her gaze, meeting my eyes.

"He doesn't matter now. And no one before him. Not anymore. _You_ matter now love. This is all about you." She gives me a faint smile. "Is there something you would like to try then? Something you haven't done before?"

She shakes her shoulders and her head.

"I don't know, comrade."

I kiss the inside of her palm, hoping it is reassuringly enough. She just needs to relax a little more. This conversation has brought her stress level to the roof and I have no idea why.

"Anything your heart desires, Roza. Just tell me and I'll please you in any way you want."

She frowns again and passes her hand through her hair. She is so nervous and I just want her to feel comfortable in my presence. I want her to come to enjoy this. Very much, if possible.

I trace the line of her jaw with the tip of my nose and go further up, reaching her ear and I grit my teeth on her earlobe. She lets out a sigh and I feel her breath steadying a little.

"Come on, love, tell me. Anything you wish."

"Um...I, I have never been on top?" she pulls away from me and shakes her head mostly to herself. "No, no, this is stupid. _So _stupid. Sorry. I don't know. You don't really have to do anything special. It's okay either way. Really, I don't mind if-"

"Hey. What did I say about apologizing?"

"Not to do it anymore," she mumbles.

"Yes, Roza. And it's whatever you want." I get my mouth back on her neck and make my way up to her ear once more. "Your wish is my command tonight," I whisper and there is a shiver that shakes her lightly as she hears my words. Oh, how can I not love the way she responds to me?

I lift and turn around, laying her on her back.

She slips her hands under my T-shirt and starts pushing it up, everywhere she touches burning deliciously, making my muscles flex under her wandering hands.

"Your turn, comrade."

Being given the impulse, I get rid of almost all my clothes fast, throwing them wherever I can. I am still trying to move slow, but I can't wait for long. I want to feel her skin on mine.

I press my body on hers and I meet her full lips one more time into a prolonged kiss. I trace lines on her side, learning all of her curves and I can feel her underneath me, squeezing her thighs together strongly. She must be so ready.

I get up and see that she got busy with untangling the ribbon of her pants, so I give her a hand and in one fell swoop I pull down her pyjamas and panties at once, leaving her completely naked.

I stop for a second to take her in all her whole glory, as she is sitting there, biting her lips, smiling, waiting. Not for long, love. Not for long.

I have always had a great imagination at undressing women. But her? Wow. She is a hundred times better than all my thoughts.

Inside my boxers, I can feel my cock thicken and lengthen some more. She's drop-dead gorgeous. I can't wait to have her, to feel her on me.

I lay next to her and take one thing I have forgotten of from my jeans and well, ever since I am already laying, why not enjoy seeing her from this angle some more? I pull her on me and she mounts on me and we kiss once more, her lips being a thing I can't easily give up on.

**RPOV**

"Что-то с чем-то."

"What? What did you say?"

"That you're so beautiful, love," he says as his palms stroke on my hips.

"I um…" I lift a little and put my hair behind my ears. "Thanks." I think I could get used to hearing these words from him.

But you know… I kinda start getting anxious. I feel him pressing on me, so, so hard, so thick and wanting, and I feel my heart starting to pound faster.

I need a breather or I'll end up fainting.

So I find my way out and into a little break. I don't want us to stop. I just need a second to calm down.

I lift, breaking our kiss and start exploring his torso with my eyes and fingers, mesmerized. I see the disappointed look on his face as he lifts himself, wanting to follow me, but I show him to wait a minute.

With a little thud he lays back down, guessing what I want to do, and I smile at him for letting me do it then go back to exploring his skin.

I liked it when I saw it the first time, I totally love it now that I have a little more time to explore his tattoo, this warm light in the room giving it a special look.

Back to the first time I saw it, in my drunkness, it was just a bunch of tree branches for me, nicely spread across the right side of his torso, wrapping themselves a little towards his shoulder blade, towards his back, on his ribs and down under the waistband of his pants. It would take him to be completely naked for me to see the whole tattoo, that big it is. But with his T-shirt laying on the ground now, hastily thrown away, I can see plenty of it anyway and I will surely see more later when he will eventually get rid of his underpants.

Now I see that there is way more to it than I have first thought. So much more. It is so complex, and in my drunkness, I haven't realized it.

I remember walking my fingers along the ends of branches that are imprinted on his ribs and I start there, from where I have left things some time ago, and I take in as much of it as I see, still walking my fingers along his tattoo.

"Love," he says taking my hand in his, disrupting my thing.

I move my eyes on him and see his bothered face. It seems that I wasn't the only one enjoying that kiss I broke. But I really need that break.

I move once more above him, meeting his wet, sweet lips into a short peck.

"Just give me a second more. Please," I say pulling away and I kinda beg him with my eyes and he sighs a little in response, but doesn't argue anymore when I go back to looking at him like he would be a museum exhibit.

This here, engraved on his skin, is no regular tree. It is, in fact, a skeleton, if you pay enough attention to the details. The bones of his body, as it seems to be a male one to me, form the trunk of the tree, and from there, his hands, lifted above his head, blend into the tree's branches and they are all covered with black leaves.

And the more I look, the more of the body I see. His pelvis, his ribcage, his face and I gently run my fingers along each bone, just as he is patiently drawing little circles on my thigh and watching me as I get lost in the details.

But this is not all. The tattoo is not just black and white, even though it would have been a great piece of art just like that. It has some spots of color too.

On some branches, there are little deep blue diffuse spots of color in the shape of birds, little blue jays, that bring some life to all that darkness on his skin.

I start counting them, bringing my fingers over each of them.

One, resting on an arm of the skeleton towards his sternum.

Two, just above the first one, a little more to the left.

Three, at the top of the tree, reaching under his collarbone.

"Do you think you can…?" I touch his elbow and he complies, lifting his hand off my leg and above his head and exposes to me one more bird, this one colored in purple, resting on the side of his ribcage, bringing my count to four.

"Are there more?" I feel the need to know.

He nods. "Two more." but he doesn't move to show them to me, so all I can suppose is that they are somewhere on a branch that extends oh his back.

I decide not to push it. I have seen enough.

His hand gets down again, and he is now playing with a strand of my hair, rounding it on his finger.

"It's really beautiful." and in my head form a thousand questions about it, but none of it actually finds its way on my lips because I fear him pulling away from me once more.

I have a feeling that it involves something personal and we all know too well how he reacts when I ask anything about him.

His response gives me the confirmation I needed.

He gets up, dissolving the distance between us, his hand moving to the back of my head and his lips now kissing my jaw.

"Not as beautiful as you," he whispers, and I know he is trying to change the subject before I start a little parade of questions, and I must be happy with what I got for now. At least he let me explore it a little.

"Wouldn't you say anything to get in between my legs now, comrade?"

He pulls away and looks at me frowning.

"Rose, I won't do that. I won't do anything unless you want me to and-"

I smile widely and run fingers across his forehead and down to his neck.

"I know, comrade. And this is why I do want you to."

Slowing down a little did me good. But now I feel ready. I know with all my heart that I want to be his.

"But where's the hurry, comrade?" I ask him the same thing he asked me when he kept on torturing me back in the kitchen, getting a playful tone.

He shrugs.

"I was just wondering when you will smack me again."

"Do I have a reason to?"

"Not that I know of."

I chuckle and kiss him with short kisses on his cheek.

"You know, you always know what to say to keep a girl interested, comrade."

I feel his lips turning into a smile on my cheeks.

"Oh, love. Wait till you see what I can do for that same thing," he whispers and the second my brain processes what he has just said, my blood starts boiling in me with desire.

Yeah, I really, really want him right now. I don't care about anything else. All I know is that I want him and that he wants me too. And for now, this is more than enough. And he is eager to start showing me.

He uses his pointed tongue to lick an area on my neck, then nibbles it with his teeth, and finally sucks gently with his lips and this combination sends chills down my spine, managing to arouse me even more.

He doesn't stop here. He moves his kisses further down, nibbling on my skin from time to time and finally reaches my breasts, where he leaves red spots all over behind, but who cares? I just like the way he plays with my body.

As his mouth is busy with my jaw and my neck, he moves his hand slowly up on my body, taking his time to grip on my flesh, going from my knee to my thigh, to my ass, lower body, up on my abdomen and my ribs and then to my breast where be stops for good and plays with it, rounding his thumb on my peak and I moan lightly at his every touch, my whole body trembling slowly under him and I swear that I can see him grinning from time to time.

Well, he surely has reasons to be proud of himself. If not for all the touching part and for what he's doing to me, then for some other thing. For example, for the thing that is now pressing on my core and he seems to do his best to ignore it for now too. But for how long?

He turns me around and lays me back down, and his lips start moving down on my body, kissing and caressing my skin.

**DPOV**

She tenses under me as I reach under her navel area and I breathe on the thin skin there.

"Comrade…" she purrs as her fingers intertwine in my hair.

Her legs even enclose a little on my hips. Too much? Yeah, maybe.

But I swear I could bury my face in between her legs and please her like that all night long, please her until she would be squirming at the mercy of my mouth.

Her scent is driving me insane. She's hot under my lips and that sweet and musky smell, oh, I would love to taste her. I am drunk on her already and we didn't even do much. But if she says no in any way, it's a no.

Okay, I think I have tortured myself enough with this foreplay. I want to have her now.

I lift, get rid of my boxers and put on the condom that I snatched from my jeans earlier. Too bad. I want to feel her on me, without anything in between. But I don't complain. Just by thinking about having her folds on me is enough to push me closer to the edge.

I bend her legs and part them some more, propping myself between them, getting closer to her core, my tip brushing on her folds and she gasps a little at the contact, and of course, her cheeks start to get red. She's unbelievable.

I get on top of her and move closer, and I can feel her hot flesh on mine and I can only imagine how hot and moist she must be in there.

**RPOV**

I wanted to do it. I thought I could. But I don't.

I thought that by not telling him I was doing myself some kind of favor or anything that my mind full of kinky fog was thinking, but as I felt him so close to my slit, I felt the panic creeping back to me too.

I just did such a good job until now even though I must admit I am completely clueless and it feels so good to let him be in charge and bring my contribution from time to time. But what if I do a thing that gives me away?

_But come on, Rose! It won't be bad. Just chill and let him do his thing. Maybe it won't hurt or stuff. _

Yeah, but hell, he is big, isn't he?

I mean, while I am hardly an expert on male stuff, I can at least tell that he is blessed and a surge of pleasure raced through my body between my legs at the thought of him in me, but… oh, I don't know.

As the moment gets closer, I don't find myself as daring as I was earlier. I need to slow it down. And I need to find a way to tell him. Because, being honest now, I am a little scared of it. Not that I wouldn't trust him with it because I do. But it seems now fair that he would know what he is getting himself into.

And he is so close!

No, I can't do this without letting him know. Whatever will happen, will happen. But I have to tell him.

"Wait, wait, comrade. We need to stop."

I always end up messing things up! But now I can't back down. I already told him to stop. He'll want an explanation.

Surprised, he pulls his body away from mine a little, his hands stop moving on me and he catches my eyes, confusion filling his.

"What's the matter? Too fast?"

I shake my head.

"It's just…"

How should I put it not to sound weird? I have broken this news to only one other guy before and he didn't really take it very well. He still tried to get me, but I didn't feel ready. Unlike now.

"Did I do something wrong? You didn't like it?"

Wouldn't that have been easier? But I loved each thing he did. And I want more. But slower. And truly now, he needs to know.

"Did I offend you in some way?"

"No. God, no. You are amazing." he smiles a little at my words. "It's just that…"

He nods.

"It's alright if you don't want this anymore," he says and wants to pull away, but I get a hold of his shoulders, making him stay.

"No, no. Stop saying things like that. There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't do anything. And I want this."

"Then don't keep me guessing like this. Tell me what is the matter. I don't understand what is going on and I surely can't read your mind," he says sounding a little upset, and who would blame him for it? It feels like I am playing with him.

"You need to know that I am...you know," I say passing my fingers down on his arm and look away for a second.

But he doesn't get it. How could he? I am not helping at all. All I do is to confuse him big time.

He gets off me and watches me, expecting me to continue with my explanation.

I take a breath in and lift on my elbows to have a better look in his eyes.

I thought I could be like one of the women he is used to be with. I tried, I really did. I wanted to be confident, to be sexy, to feel like I should have. But at the end of the day, I am still my shy, virgin self.

"I want… need to tell you something."

"What? You can tell me anything. I won't mind if you have something to argue about," he says promising and bends to kiss on my shoulder. "Just don't keep me on my toes. Tell me what's the matter."

"I um… you need to know that…" my eyes fill with tears. I am such an idiot. "I am sorry," my voice breaks.

He gets a hold of my shoulders and lifts me into his embrace.

"Roza? Hey, what happened?" he asks me with a soothing voice and his hand caresses my cheek.

Okay, it is obviously not going to work like this. I am crying and he wants a reason.

"I haven't…" shit, how the hell do you even say this out loud?

"Haven't what?" he gets a hold of my cheeks and makes me look at him. "Rose, did something happen to you before?"

"What?"

"I mean, did someone ever did something to you? Did he-"

"No. No. Nothing like that happened. But this… I haven't… oh, comrade…"

Full of shame, I cover my face with my palms and confesses to him that I have never done it before with anyone, like ever, in my entire life.

But of course, that this is not what he hears because I am sobbing and I mumbling into my palms.

His hands catch mine and pull them off my face, breaking fast my little resistance of keeping them there.

"Roza…" he gets a hold of my jaw and lifts my head so that I would be again looking at him. "What…?" he shakes his head in confusion. "First, calm down, okay? Nothing that you don't want to happen will happen, alright?"

I swear I see and hear panic in him and it's unbelievable to know I have brought him in this state.

I nod and try to calm down so. That we would be able to have a normal conversation.

"Good. Now…"

He lifts me off him and gets my hair out of my face and wipes my tears away.

"You're okay?" I nod. "You don't seem okay, love." he gets swearing a little. "Tell me what's wrong. Tell me with complete words, please. Make a sentence, love. I don't get what you are telling me. Did I hurt you in any way?" I sniff my nose and shake my head. "Then what happened?"

And I tell him again, fast because some sobs are threatening to take my voice away.

Oh, what did I do? Why the hell am I acting like a fifteen year old stupid girl? I should have had the guts to be completely honest and let him know from the first second what he is getting into and not to think that I could handle it. Because obviously, just like always, I can't! I so want to punch myself.

I can't even sit to watch his reaction and I feel the need to hide away again into the comfort of my palms.


	31. Be someone for me, comrade

**Hiiiiii! Guys, I know you've been waiting for this, so I try to be short**

**selairalynn, Rose already heard he was talking to his mother. She won't find out what they talked about, but she will find out with who he was talking to later**

**HonestPassion13, not all the things you wished will happen in this chapter, and they don't happen in that order either, and those three words will be said a little later, in a more, let's call it, suspensful moment. And you're an angel :) I hope I used right all the new stuff **

**Caroline, it makes me happy too when I see your reviews too. You guys are amazing for supporting me. Love you lots! **

**GojGoj and Tika86, you'll eventually find out what his tattoo means, but that will happen sometime later. They have some other things to figure out now. I mean, considering how I ended the last chapter... yeah. Go ahead and enjoy this M thing I wrote :) **

* * *

**Be someone for me, comrade**

**DPOV**

I have never felt so stupid in my entire life. My brain has never worked so slow in my entire life either.

"You haven't… done this before? Like… sex…" I echo her word by word as my brain is processing the information.

But this doesn't make any sense! She said that she had sex with Xavier. He said that too. Insinuating it or whatever, but he did mention it. Then how come she is telling me this now?

She nods, her palms still covering her face.

My brain stops working for another second as I stare at her. So she didn't do it with him? Not with anyone else before?

"Wait a second. Love, you're telling me that you have never been with anyone? Anyone else? Never?"

I know I sound like an idiot now, but I think I need for her to spell it to me so that I would completely understand what is happening. Is she trying to mess with me?

"Rose, come on, give me some help here."

I move her hands off her face once more and meet her distressed expression. She isn't even looking at me, not even when I tilt her head up.

"You are telling me that no one has ever touched you before?"

I have always thought that her panicky reactions around stuff than involve sex are just a product of her shyness. But oh, haven't I been wrong? Her sudden, daring bursts didn't help me either.

"You're a virgin," I state startled.

"It sounds really bad when you say it like that. It's not a disease…" she scratches the inside of her forearm and sighs. "But… yes." she looks down once again. "No one has- I have never…"

"And why didn't you tell me earlier?" unintentionally, I raise my voice a little, but I am upset and I couldn't control it.

And don't get me wrong. I am mostly upset with myself for not figuring it out earlier. I have joked about it, made comments about it, teased her about it, but I was so misled by what I have heard and the way she acted that I have never stopped to think that she has never done this. I am angry with myself for possibly hurting her than on her for not telling me. But if she would have told me we wouldn't be here now. What if she wouldn't have told me and I would have ended hurting her?

Her eyes widen and she looks at me scared.

"I… I am sorry, I-" Finally daring to look at me, I see her lip trembling and her eyes filling with tears again. "I should hav-"

"You should have told me, Rose," I say calmer this time and I reach my hand up and put her hair behind her ear. "You should have told me. I should have known about this." and this thing I say lastly, it's mostly addressed to me than to her. Because I should have seen it.

"You're right. And I am sorry. I just…"

She wipes the tears in her eyes, drags a sheet on her, then wants to get up, but I catch her by her hand and pull her on my lap, thankfully, that sheet falling on my nakedness too.

"No. Don't run this time. Don't run away from me anymore, Roza. It won't do us any good."

We haven't admitted so many things so far just for her to get scared and pull away from me again. I won't let her do this ever again.

She looks down, kneading her fingers, looking so contrite. But I don't want her to feel this way. I just want us to talk it out.

I take her hands into mine, stopping her fumble.

"Hey. Look at me." she doesn't move a muscle. "Roza…"

"I am sorry."

I pull her closer to me. "It's okay."

"It's not. I am an _idiot_."

Maybe I shouldn't do it, but I can't stop myself from laughing a little. She's so harsh to herself. I wonder when she will stop doing this.

"You are not, love. You're not an idiot. Not at all."

She is trembling lightly as I bend closer towards her, and when my lips make contact with her skin, she gasps a little and her eyes close tightly.

"Comrade…"

"Shhh. It's okay. I won't do more than this. I won't force you in any way. I just want to kiss you."

I press my lips on her cheek at first, tasting the saltiness of her tears on my lips, and when she relaxes, I continue to kiss her, on her cheek again, her forehead, the tip of her nose, her temple, her tightly closed eyes, and moving my lips slowly on her skin, I head towards her lips.

"Can I?" I brush my lips close to hers.

She nods and I press my lips on her, into a little peck, once more, then I do it a third one.

When I pull away, she gets back to looking down, looking like a kid that has just been scolded for breaking something.

"Rose, look at me, please."

With a sigh, she lifts her eyes slowly and I meet them full of tears. I bring my hands up to wipe them away.

"I am sorry that I raised my voice at you."

"No. You didn't. And even though, you were right to do so."

"No." I take her hands in mine and hold them tight. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. It's just that… I don't have any excuse. I am not even looking for one. I shouldn't have done it, period."

"It's fine."

"It's not. And I have been acting boorishly and I've been rough to you because I thought that you've been with men before." I sigh. This shouldn't be an excuse. "I am sorry. But I didn't know. I must have scared you."

"No, you didn't. And you didn't know."

"Then why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I know I should have, but I was-" she stops and sighs. "I just didn't."

"You should have told me, love. At least to slow down or something. I would have understood. Plus, I thought, I mean, he said-"

"He lied."

"And you?" why didn't she say anything about it? Why didn't she contradict him?

"I didn't say otherwise. I went on with his lie."

I don't get to ask why because I understand another thing. I should have figured it out back then when it happened!

"Wait. This is what happened last time too, when we…?" she nods. "You got scared?"

_Of course she did! You've been quite rough the first time you found her under you!_

"Kind of. I mean, no. I, oh, I didn't know what to expect and now I thought it wouldn't be bad and-"

"You got scared of me? Tell me, do you think I would do anything to you for telling me that, Roza?"

She shakes her head. "No, of course not."

"Then, why didn't you tell me back then? You think I would have pushed you away for telling me this?"

"I don't know." I wouldn't have. I won't. "But I mostly didn't tell you because I was embarrassed."

This woman is unbelievable. She didn't do it because she was embarrassed. A lot of things happened because she felt like that. And so, I have missed every signal and so help me God, there were so many. Here it is, if needed, another proof that she is messing with my head and I am not seeing things as clearly as they are.

"And why would you be embarrassed about that?"

She rolls her eyes a little. "Come on. How does this sound? Hello, my name is Rose Hathaway and I am a twenty years something virgin. That's so lame."

"What is lame in waiting?" She shrugs and avoids my eyes again. "Here, tell me this. If you think that it's lame, why didn't you do it earlier?"

She looks at me surprised. Her mouth even opens a little in awe.

"Are you really asking me this?"

"I am."

Thinking about it now, she starts biting her lip.

"I… um… I don't know. It didn't feel... right. I didn't do it because I didn't feel ready, I guess. I don't know…"

"And were you feeling ready earlier? Or back then, at the motel? Did you feel ready now?"

She panics for a couple of seconds as she probably thinks about it.

"You can say no, Roza. You are totally entitled to say it. I won't ever force myself you if you don't feel ready for it." I place a little kiss on her cheek. "We won't do anything unless you want to."

When she doesn't voice any answer, I want to pull the sheet on her and cover her better, to end things now, but she wraps her fingers on my forearm and pulls me to her.

"No. Stay. I want you. I am ready. For… you. I want this. I want you."

"Don't feel pressed to do or say this."

"I am not. Not at all. I want you. If… if you…"

"If I what?"

She looks down and runs her fingers in circles on my skin.

"If you… still want me."

"Oh, Roza. You have no idea how badly I want you."

"You do?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because…"

"Because you're a virgin, that's it?"

She shrugs. "I don't know…"

"Then you tell me. Why wouldn't I want you?"

"Because guys like you don't dig this."

"Guys like me? Do you want to detail on that?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come out as an insult. I really didn't."

"Then?"

She sighs. "You… _know stuff._ And I… I don't_."_

"So?"

"Oh, I don't know. Doesn't that bother you? Guys tend to-"

"Not at all, love. It doesn't bother me at all."

"But…"

I kiss her, stopping her protest, and showing her that I still want her. I want her like I never wanted any other woman in my life.

As we kiss, she pulls the sheet off her body and mine, letting it drop on the bed.

I pull away a little and look at her, still not believing that no one has ever touched her, and that she is willing to give herself to me, that she's giving me this privilege.

"And now, just to be sure. Do you have something else to add?"

She smiles. "You're not mad?"

"No, love. I wish you would have told me earlier, but I know you too and I should have seen it coming."

She bites her lip and comes closer, wrapping her arms around my neck and kisses me, her lips pressing hard on mine.

"Still, there's anything else you want to confess?"

She nods. "There might still be a thing."

"What thing?"

"I um…" she walks her thumbs on my neck. "I don't… oh… I don't really know what to do. What I should do and stuff," she ends with a sigh.

I can't help but smile. I cup her cheeks and drag her towards me, bringing our lips together once more and after I kiss her pressed and hard back, I walk my lips along her jaw and then up to her ear.

"You did great so far, love." she did so well that she made me not see the most obvious things right in front of me. "Just enjoy and do whatever feels good for you, love. Don't you worry about other things. And if you want to know something, ask. I'll show you anything you wish to know. Is that okay with you?"

"Mhm."

"And now I need to tell you something else too."

"What?" She is walking her hands through my hair now and so do I.

"If it makes you feel any better love, you are the first woman-"

She bursts in laughter. "Stop it, comrade. Don't start with that bullshit because I won't ever believe that you have never been with anyone before."

I chuckle too. "Not what I meant to say."

"Oh, shoot. Then what?"

"I meant, I haven't been with-"

Her eyes widen as she understands. "A virgin before," she finishes for me.

"Yes, love. So you can say it's something new for both of us." I want her to not be scared of this experience. I'll do my best so that this experience would be pleasurable to her.

"But still, you have the upper hand here."

"There's no upper hand here, love. Just you and me, okay?"

Smiling, she nods.

And even though there's nothing I can think of but my swelling little head and a way to take her faster, I know this is out of the discussion. I need to keep my brain rational.

She has let herself be fully vulnerable in front of me, telling me this and then giving me complete control over her body, surrendering to me completely, trusting me with it and I promise I will make it worth it, each second of it.

Her breath starts to harshen as we continue to kiss, and as the sheet is out of my way towards her body, my hands begin again to explore her. I slide my hand down across her spine, her hot flesh trembling under my touch and I rest my hand on her lower back to pull her body closer to me as I get up and lay her back down.

**RPOV**

In between little kisses on my face, he is talking to me.

"We'll do anything you want to and anything that feels comfortable, love." his voice is thick with desire and promise. "I will be gentle with you Roza." He kisses me some more, heading down my neck now. "Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?" I nod. "And love?"

"Huh?"

"You're allowed to touch me, you know?" he lifts his head and smiles. "In fact, I would highly recommend it."

"Oh." I chuckle. "Of course, you know better," I continue his little joke and I move my hands on his body, touching him lightly.

He continues to watch me as I walk my fingers upward on his abs.

"What?"

He smiles. "Nothing." He takes one of my hands off his chest and brings it to his mouth, kissing each of my fingers.

"See?"

"See what?"

"You're crazy, woman."

I laugh. Well yes, I am. "Yeah, fine. I'm guilty."

"But I still like it, love," he says kissing the inside of my wrist. "You're crazy in the best way."

I find a little courage to round my leg on his middle and urge him to dissolve the rest of the distance left between us, and he glues himself to me, my skin burning hot where all his bare body presses firmly against mine.

As my hands wrap on his back, and I walk my fingers all over his skin, taking in each and every one of his muscles as they tense under my touch, and he starts kissing his way down on me.

"Love?"

"Huh?"

"No one? Never?"

He kisses and sucks on my neck, his skilled tongue playing on my skin, eliciting pleased sighs from me.

"No. No one. Never."

"Ever?"

He moves towards my breasts, kissing lightly, then pressing and again sucking on my swollen, needy breasts thanks to his previous attention.

"Ever." I move my fingers through his hair. "Just you," I sigh as he puts his lips around my nipple, sending little shots of electricity that soon reach my dripping core.

"Not even this?" His tongue plays with my already too sensitive skin, along with his hand taking care of my other peak.

"No," I cry, pushing my chest up and my fingers clutching in his hair. "No," I sigh, relaxing under him. "Just… oh… only you, comrade…"

He bites on my peak and I whimper.

"Should I stop?"

"No, no, please don't. Don't you stop."

He nibbles on me once more, making me whimper again, and getting that response from me, he lifts his eyes and looks at me, seeming proud. Let him be. He has thousands of reasons to be.

But still, despite this little teasing, he's being so sweet to me, moving slow and gentle. But I want more. I want him to get further. So I part my legs a little, letting him know that I am okay with it, making some more room for him to come closer.

After coming up to kiss my lips, he smiles as he accommodates better in between my thighs, then brings his palm on my knee and slowly heads down, walking his fingers along my inner thigh, taking his time exploring my skin, all his touches adding to the little something starting to grow in me.

"Is this alright?" he now grits his teeth on my lip.

"Yes, _yes." _just don't stop, goddamnit.

"What about this, love?"

He slides a leg between mine, rocking his hips towards me and pushing his erection up on my thigh, like finally daring to take some pleasure from this too.

"Mhm, yes, it's alright."

Wanting him to enjoy himself too, I begin to rock my body against him enthusiastically.

His jaw tightens and so does the grip of his palm on my hip, squeezing harder on my flesh.

"Oh, Roza…"

His other hand slowly slides down past my abdomen and reaches my navel area, approaching now another direction.

"Is this too far?" he asks with a growl at the back of his throat.

"No. Just…" his hand reached further down. "Don't stop."

He throws me a cheeky smile.

"Can I go further?"

I don't even know what that means, but I want it so badly, I want it all so badly, and I mindlessly nod at him.

He doesn't wait for anything else from me.

Moving further, I find out what he meant as he slides two fingers in between my folds, claiming my wet, hot core once more. I loved it when he tried this through my panties, I adore how it feels flesh on flesh.

He is going to claim me wholly as his own. And I want it more than anything. I want to be his. In this way. In any way. In all the possible ways.

It doesn't take him long to find my swollen nub and he strokes it gently. Along with a gasp, I moan too because I wanted him to touch me for so long now and now that he did it, it feels heavenly. My reaction brings a smug smile across his face once more.

He comes hovering above me again and his lips come to meet mine as his hand is again busy with stroking my nub, pressing a little harder now.

"Do you want me to stop?" His voice is thick with desire, but still, he asks me this, even though I know for sure he'd hate it to stop. I would too.

"No. No. Don't stop."

"I will stop at any time if you want to," he promises. "Just let me know what doesn't feel good. I will go as far as you let me, Roza." his voice became again dark and husky, full of lust and passion, and he's speaking to me in between pressed kisses on my flesh, forming such a contrast with his lovely words, but even though, I trust him that he means them. Despite his burning desire, I know he'd stop if I ask him. Too well I don't want him to stop.

**DPOV**

"Don't…" she sighs and I can feel the want in her entire body as she's breathing so hard and at every touch of mine, she quivers.

Her hands get up and she walks her fingers along my back as her hips keep on moving in such a way on me, that it makes me want to explode already.

As a little payback for what she's doing to me, I continue to tantalize her with my touches and her whole body goes mush as she moans lightly, now clasping her hands in my hair.

"Oh, comrade…"

I go further and press harder my fingers on her weakest spot and her back curls towards me, pushing her hips up towards my fingers, and she moans once more, messing with my head so much.

"You…"

"I what?"

"You do… mmm… whatever the hell you want. I… oh… I want to… _God…_ feel them all."

I don't wait for another cue.

I slip two fingers inside her, and she whimpers in surprise, her eyes widening and her lower abdomen clenching.

"Comrade," she whispers out of breath as her fingers clutch onto my shoulders, and she pulls me closer, burying her face into the crook of my neck.

My fingers stop moving in an instant.

"Did it hurt, love?"

"No, no. And don't you stop. But I- um, you, your fingers… are… are… you're in me," she finishes so faintly.

I kiss her hair and I swear I can't stop myself from chuckling. I bet she's blushing so hard now.

"It's okay, love." I get moving my fingers again, reaching a little deeper and exploring her warm, luscious insides. "Don't be shy about it. It only seems this kinky the first time. Tell me how that feels."

"Mmm, it feels… it feels _good." _

Good.

Changing the position of my hand in order to get again to rub her nub with my thumb, I slide my fingers even deeper through her opening and she gasps loudly, her palms clenching in my hair.

"Oh, _goddammit_."

She pushes her hips up once more, making me reach a little deeper in between her folds, and she's taking every bit of pleasure she can, joyous cries escaping her lips.

Pulling my hips away from her for both of our sakes, I start to move my hand faster, and I feel her climbing on her peaks, her walls starting to press on my fingers, harder and harder with each stroke of my thumb.

I kiss her again and my tongue is following inside her mouth the same rhythm of my fingers, her mouth responding as eager as her hips are.

But soon, her eyes widen and her mouth opens with a gasp.

"Comrade, I… oh, good _God_, I…" she squeals a little. "_Comrade_!"

She is clutching on anything she can get her hands on, mostly on my back, and mostly with her nails, digging them into my skin.

She is coming, crushing my fingers inside her, but I don't stop stroking her nub, I keep on pleasing her and watching her as she moans and keeps on breathing heavily, relaxing from her exaltation.

Moving her eyes and looking down in between us, she rounds one leg on my thighs and pulls me a little closer and nudges her nose on my cheek, her lips reaching my ear.

"Don't you hold back anymore."

"It might hurt a little, love." I feel the need to give her a little heads up.

She nods and as I get closer to her opening, she takes a deep breath, holding it in.

No, it won't work like this. She's anticipating it too much.

"Relax, Roza," I whisper in her ear and she lets that breath out slowly, her body relaxing under me too.

When I feel her body untense enough, I distract her attention by giving her perky nipples the appreciation they deserve, and she closes her eyes and starts biting her lip, little moans forming again at the back of her throat.

When she's relaxed enough, I slip inside her swiftly and easily, hoping that it will not give it time to hurt, and I delve as further inside as to meet her tightness and rip through her barrier.

At this, her walls clench around me as her back arches, and she clasps her hands in my hair, her mouth letting out a faint "Aaah", and her whole body is trembling under mine.

I stop moving inside her.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Biting her lip, she nods. "Go on, don't stop."

But I won't go too fast. I need her to get accustomed to me. So I take things slow for now.

Starting to move again, I can feel her tight, warm walls stretching for me and God, doesn't this feel amazing?

But at my next movement, she whimpers lightly.

"Just a little longer, Roza, I promise. Tell me how it feels. Did it hurt? Still hurts?"

She shakes her head no, but she's biting on her lip hard, like she'd try to suppress something from showing.

I decide to stop moving once again. It won't work if she lies to me.

"Roza…"

She sighs lightly, but mostly in pleasure.

"It hurt just a little, I promise. Almost not at all." She chuckles as her palms walk over my shoulders. "But it feels weird to talk about it considering the position we're in- oh-" trying to get her body closer to mine, she moves her hips towards me. "In now…"

"No, it is not. Just let me know, love. I don't want it to be uncomfortable for you. You should enjoy this as much as I do."

"Despite some, um, pressure, it felt-" she tries moving her hips again, and this time she moans. "Mmm- it feels wonderful."

I let her take control over the movement completely, and she starts swaying her hips up and down into a tight range, accommodating herself better to me.

Soon, I start moving too, matching her slow pace and meeting her halfway.

"How is that?" I need to be sure. As I said, I haven't done this before either and I wouldn't like to mess anything up. "Feeling good?"

Smiling warmly, she pulls me closer to her, her arms wrapped on my shoulders and her leg coming up around my hip.

"You're so sweet, comrade. It feels good. Really, really good. I'm good, don't you worry that much."

When I don't see any sign of distress left on her face, only pleasure, I ease myself further in her, daring to go deeper, making her scream a little, but not in pain, and her hips begin swaying faster.

"Oh, comrade…"

Grasping her by the hips, I flex into her, meeting her thrust for thrust, our paces beginning to get faster and harsher.

"Fuck, love, you're tight," I let out through gritted teeth. Lord knows I could be done right now, but oh, I want it to last.

Frowning a little, she slows down a little.

"And um… is that okay for you?" She walks her thumb on my cheek and looks at me concerned. "Is that like… a bad thing?"

I can't help but chuckle. How could it be a bad thing? I can feel her walls gripping on me with each movement and it feels amazing. It's as if she was built exactly for my pleasure.

"No, Roza. It's not a bad thing at all." I take her hand in mine and kiss her knuckles, then, as I push myself again inside her, I rest my head into the crook of her neck. "You're amazing. You feel amazing."

I thrust in her once more and she buries her mouth into my shoulder and moans there, trying not to be loud. Till now, small pants, gasps and whimpers of pleasure escaped her lips and I still see she's trying to keep quiet at each of my movements, but to hell if I want her quiet. I want to hear all of it.

"Love, let me hear you. Be as loud as you want."

I part her legs a little more, making more space for myself and I push myself again in her.

She gasps-whimpers and her fingers dig into my shoulders.

"Did it hurt?"

"Mmm, no." she arches her back, pushing her hips against mine and moaning loudly. "Do it again, please."

Not waiting for me to move, she pushes her back into the bed hard, making the springs in the mattress squeak as her hips lift to meet mine. But they soon get covered by the loud sounds her mouth makes.

"Oh, comrade…" she whispers out of breath. "Just keep going," she moves her fingers on my back, leaving behind tingly sensations. "You're so…"

And as I make my way in her she throws her head back and lets out a long, so goddamn pleasurable moan as she digs her fingers in my back.

"I am so what?" I need to know that.

"God, you're _big_," she sighs.

I give her a flirty look and she shies away a little, but smiles and shrugs as she bites her lip. At least she's looking me in the eyes now. She's getting more daring and daring and I love it.

I decide to take things a little further and I lift her other leg up on my ribs, and she moves her hands a little more down on my back, walking the tips of her fingers on my skin, still trying to grab a hold of something.

When I slide inside her again, reaching deeper than before she lets out a small scream, but not in a bad way, I see it on her exultant face.

"That was _so _good," she whispers to me and starts kissing on my jaw.

Getting the green light from her, I do it again, slowly and firm, only trying to bring her the most of pleasure and her body goes mush under me, and with each thrust of mine, she only gets louder.

"I like it when you express yourself like that."

She smiles. "You do?"

"Oh, yeah." I grip on her skin as I feel so close to losing it. I can't find my release now. There are so many things I want to do. "Totally," I say through gritted teeth, trying to regain control over myself.

I slow down my pace, but as I get in deeper again, her other leg wraps around me, her back arches some more and she moans loudly, fisting the sheet above her head in her palm.

_"God_, you're killing me," she ends with a light sigh as she spreads her legs a little more to make me more room. Oh, that yoga she's doing is really helping. Her hips are so flexible.

And well, hearing her praising me like that, yes, it boost up my ego. A smug smile spreads across my face and as I catch her eye, she chuckles. It's so good to see her finally relaxed and enjoying this so much.

Our eyes interlocked, she gets a little more adventurous, and she starts exploring me, finally having enough courage to do so, and she is walking her fingers on my arms, my back, my chest, and all the places she touches feel tingly and hot and cold at the same time, and it is crazy how this woman makes me feel with her touch only. I wonder if this is the same effect I have on her too.

By gaining some more confidence, she brings her hands up to my face and drags me to her, to initiate a kiss by pressing her lips on mine, and we kiss as she continues to moan in my mouth with each slow thrust of mine and the sounds she makes only make my mind cloud further.

But I have to keep on to my promise and make her wish come true.

When I feel her on the brink of another orgasm, I stop and turn the both of us around, leaning my back a little on the bedpost, letting her on top me.

She looks at me with her head tilted and smiles while getting her hair out of the way. I guess she already knows what I am doing here.

"Here, love. Enjoy yourself."

My palms are on her hips and I brush the skin on her body, my hands moving up and down, encouraging her to move too.

She starts biting her lip and putting her hair behind her ears.

"Comrade…" she gets looking down and drawing little circles on my chest, not even knowing what effect that has on me. "I told you I don't know…"

"I know. And it's fine. It's not brain surgery. Just do what feels good for you. I will enjoy it, I am sure of it."

A little frown between her brows, she lifts her head to meet my eyes.

"But what if-"

"Stop that."

Before she voices her worry, I take her hand in mine and pull her on me, eliciting a gasp from her as her full chest makes contact with mine and if possible, I get even harder inside her, my cock pulsing just by feeling her pointy nipples pressed on me, and I think she feels that too because she sighs pleasurably as her palms round on my shoulders.

"Nothing could go wrong."

"With me, you never kn-"

If possible, I pull her even closer to me, dissipating even the last bit of air between us.

"Kiss me, Roza."

"What?"

I chuckle.

"You heard me. Kiss me."

"Why?" her mouth lets out fast, probably without even thinking and I only smile wider.

"Because I want you to. I like it when you kiss me first." I like it when she does it all first. I love seeing her daring and playful.

"You do?"

"Mhm. I love it."

She nods and gulps as one of her hands reaches up and she walks her thumb on my bottom lip. I can't resist the impulse to take it in my mouth and suck on it, and bite and round my tongue on it, the whole time as we look at each other and I see her cheeks starting to flush again. But only if she'd know that I would taste every inch of her like this.

When I let go of her finger, she is smiling at me, and doesn't waste any other second, coming to pressing her lips on mine and pulls away, lifting off me a little.

"Oh, Roza. I'm really disappointed."

"Why?"

"That's how I kiss you?"

"Um… no?"

I pull her back to me.

"Then go ahead and kiss me right."

At first, she does the same thing, her lips pressing on mine for some seconds, and to give her more courage to get further, I start walking my hands on her body, moving up slowly, heading to her breasts, making her puff a little as I play with her body.

Soon, her tongue gets more daring and she walks it across my lips, letting me taste some of her, but not enough. I part my lips, giving her more access and she takes it, going further and pushing her hot tongue inside my mouth, moving it unsure at first, exploring slowly, pleasurably torturing me.

When her tongue comes across mine, which was waiting, wanting, she starts playing with it, her breath becoming harsher and along with her mouth, her body starts moving on me too, unconsciously matching the paces.

At her first move, I grip with a hand on her hip and let a swear escape inside her mouth. That caught me unprepared, but goddammit, it felt so good.

She pulls away, looking at me scared

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, love, no. You did well. Maybe too well."

She smiles and I take her cheeks in my palms, dragging her to me so that I would give her a peck.

"Go on, love. Enjoy yourself." because I know I am.

When she gets back up, she turns into a kitten, patting my chest with her palms, looking for the perfect spot to prop herself on and she looks like she is accommodating with the idea of being in control.

She moves a little unsure at first, but she figures out fast what she should do. She decides to place her palms along my rib cage, propping herself and leaning a little forward, then she begins to rock slowly back and forth on me, her breathing getting harder with each move and small pants escape her parted lips.

She leans forward and forward, until she comes close enough to me so that our lips would touch again, and her perky, full breasts are pressing on my skin once more, while her hips never stopped moving.

When she gets her lips off mine we are both a little more breathless than before and she gives me a smile as she's biting her bottom lip as she runs her fingers through my hair.

"You are the sweetest, comrade."

And she comes closer to me again, kissing her way up on my jaw, her hips still mercilessly grinding on mine in steady, slow moves.

It looks like it suits her well to be in control. And she doesn't even seem to take advantage of it on purpose, but I can't take it anymore. This here is becoming too much for me to keep handling.

I put my hands on her hips and pull her a little down, getting further inside her and her palms round on my shoulders, her fingers digging into my skin as her whole body trembles over mine and she tilts her head to one side, her mouth letting out a long pleasurable moan next to my ear. Fuck, the sounds she makes are completely maddening!

She lifts back up now, and enthusiastically, she gets moving faster and I flex my hips up, meeting hers. I guess I reached a good spot inside her because a loud, strangled moan gets out of her mouth again as she pushes herself down hard, getting me wholly inside her once more.

_"Fuck_ comrade, that felt _so good_," she says between long breaths and keeps on moving into big circles on me, her movements only getting faster.

Wow, Miss swear-jar just broke her rule. I like it.

But the thing is that I can't keep myself composed for longer. I move my hand down, reaching her bundle of nerves and I circle my finger on it.

She gasps, her eyes widen in surprise and she stops for a second.

"Is this alright?" I ask for permission.

"Mhm, yes, it is, I just didn't expect it," she whispers and starts swaying her body again on me. With my other hand still on her hip, I move too, matching her pace.

But I am way too eager to get to my release and I begin to move faster.

Her thighs press down on my body as she speaks.

"No, no. Go slower, please."

It's like she likes to be teased in this way.

"Anything you wish, Roza." haven't I said it's anything she pleases?

So I get a hold of myself and do as she pleases. I circle her spot slowly, feeling her drip on my fingers and I need to resist the urge to taste her. God, keep me steady for a little longer.

I am pressing harder my finger on her from time to time, and this makes her moan harder.

"Yes, yes, _yes_, " she purrs tilting her head and she moves her hands back on my ribs, getting back to that perfect position I could reach a good spot into.

I only start moving my fingers faster, wanting to match her speeding pace.

She squeals a little, then lets out another "Fuck" and starts rocking her body even faster on mine, then she leans forward, and after taking a look at my shoulder, she changes her mind and takes a hold of the bedpost with one hand for support. Isn't she lovely, still being concerned about that?

As she has leaned over me, her rebellious hair is now falling in waves around us, her exultant face being the only thing I can see now. She is all I want to see in this second.

With her other hand propped on my good shoulder, she gets breathing heavier and she's moaning harder and louder with each swaying of her body on mine, getting near climaxing.

So close to diving deeply into the pleasure, her body starts shaking wholly over me and I take advantage of the situation to apply some more pressure with my fingers on her.

With a little scream, I feel her nails digging deep into my skin as her back is arching like crazy towards me, her legs start shaking harder and harder until they finally give in and she begins to scream in pleasure.

Her mouth doesn't cease to let out strangled moans as the orgasm is ripping through her and her walls are grabbing my shaft, pulsing and squeezing tightly around me.

Seeing her come, it's like looking at the most beautiful painting in the entire universe. This pushes me over the edge and I finally release too, gripping hard on the flesh of her thighs, and if I am leaving any bruises behind, even though I am hoping I am not, I'll make sure to kiss them all away later.

Catching her breath, she leans forward and lays her forehead on mine. As our eyes meet, she smiles widely and lovingly. She brings her hands up to my face, passes her fingers through my hair and she tilts her head to one side to walk her lips across my cheek, still moaning lightly as she hasn't stopped rocking her body slowly on mine, getting some more pleasure from her movement, until she finally stops, and with a little sigh, she lays her cheek on my shoulder.

I turn to one side and let her lay next to me. After I get rid of the condom I sit on my side, looking at her. I don't think I could ever get tired of watching her. I could never get tired of her, period.

She is laying on her back now, her chest still sinking and lifting at a fast pace, her face still looking joyous. A thin layer of sweat is covering her body and it makes her look so goddamn hot in this dim light that is maddeningly emphasizing all her curves.

Eyes closed, she bites on her now puffy lips and tilts her head backward with a little moan, like reminiscing the effects from earlier as she gets trembling lightly.

I bring my lips on her ribs and slowly kiss my way up on her body, getting to feel the salty taste of her hot skin.

"Oh, you…" She sighs and brings her hand in my hair, walking her fingers lightly on my scalp.

She brings her other hand up and passes it through her dark locks and moves her body, turning a little to one side and pressing her thighs together, trapping in between them the hand I started to slide on her inner thigh, the only thought present in my mind being what else I could do to elicit moans from her, so that those sounds won't stop.

But I stop moving completely and listen to her as she opens her mouth and sighs pleasurably.

And what she says, takes me a little by surprise.

"Oh, comrade. Now I get what people mean when they say they've had their minds blown."

But as the words leave her mouth, her eyes open wide and she lifts her head to look at me.

Seeing the surprise and amusement on my face, she covers her face with her palms.

"Oh _my God_, this was so weird. I should have _not_ said that. Can you forget that I-"

She doesn't finish it and plants her face into the mattress, only hiding some more, the shyness taking over her once more.

"Can you please forget I said that?" She asks muffled.

An even wider smile appears on my face. She is so innocent sometimes and she says the funniest things ever.

"Oh, Roza."

I make her lift and I take her hands off her face, and she now has to look at me.

"No, love. It's not weird. I'm glad I could help."

She chortles a little. "You're too nice, comrade."

I kiss her swollen lips one more time, gritting my teeth on her bottom lip and she tilts her head to press her lips harder on mine as her body immediately seems to wrap around me, fitting so perfectly everywhere.

"Does that mean you enjoyed it?"

She plays with her fingers along the edges of my tattoo.

"Would it tickle your ego if I'd say yes?"

I pinch on her ass, making her squeal surprised and she gives me an ugly, but still sexy glare. She liked it, I am almost sure.

"It would _tickle_ me to know if you enjoyed it as much as I did, love." plus, I would like to know too if there was something that hurt or else.

"Well… with my _vast_ experience in this matter, I'd say you weren't that bad, comrade."

"Oh, really?" I mimic her playful tone. "I wasn't that bad, huh?"

She smiles and kisses my chest over my heart, then props her chin there.

"It felt good." she now focuses her attention down as she continues to speak. "Like, really good, comrade. I don't even know what I was afraid of all this time."

"You were afraid?"

She nods and starts moving her fingers on my collarbone.

"I was afraid of it… you know… maybe…" she sighs. "I heard, _knew _it would hurt."

"And did it?"

"No. Just that pressure. You…" Licking her lips, she lifts her gaze and brings her hand up to pass it through my hair. "You were nice and sweet to me. And I'm sorry I-"

Wrapping my arm tighter around her, I pull her closer and kiss her forehead.

"You don't have to excuse yourself, love. It's okay. I am glad you at least told me."

I entangle our legs and she snuggles closer to me, her head finding rest into the crook of my neck, and I bury my nose into her waves, taking in her maddening perfume. I am not ready to let her out of my arms yet. I won't ever be ready to let go of her.

**RPOV**

"Love?"

"Yes?"

"You're still mad at me for earlier?"

I get where he's heading. We have a habit of jumping from fighting into passionate moments. Is he afraid that this was nothing more than an outburst? Not that it was.

For me, it wasn't just that. It wasn't just an outburst. It was that too. I have kept so many feelings inside, mostly about the way I feel about him, and now that I let it all out, it feels amazing. But it wasn't just an outburst of anger than ended in sex. For me, our union meant so much. I hope it did for him too.

But I don't know what answer to give to him. I am not mad. I was, until I understood what he was telling me.

I lay my cheek on his shoulder and draw little lines on his skin.

"You… did you mean what you said earlier? About taking me away to keep me safe?"

"I did. I do, Roza. That's the reason I am doing it for."

"And… can't I change your mind about that?"

He sighs and lifts me off him to look me in the eyes.

"If I'd have a choice…"

"But-"

"I _can't_ keep you with me. It's not safe. Not at all."

"But… next to you I've been the safest I've ever been. You've kept me safe."

"You'll be safer there."

Knowing I won't be able to change his mind, I nod and rest my chin back on his shoulder.

"Can we talk again about this later?" I wish he'd change his mind. Maybe I could convince him somehow.

"Love, please understand."

He tilts my head and kisses me gently, our lips touching so little. And I tried not to cry again, but one tear escapes and slips on our locked lips.

"Roza, please don't-"

"I want to stay with you. You're the only one I trust," my voice breaks as I hide my face into the crook of his neck.

"Hey. Hey." he makes me look at him again. "You can trust her too."

"Her?" I sob.

"Yes. She's one friend of mine."

"And… do _you _trust her?"

"Yes. I do."

I nod. "What's her name?"

"Vasilisa. But everybody that knows her calls her Lissa."

"And do you know her for a long time?"

"Yes, I've been knowing her for some years now. She has helped me a lot of times too. She's a good, trustworthy person."

"Fine. If you say this is best, I trust you."

He sighs relieved and hugs me once more, his lips resting on my forehead.

"Thank you, love, for understanding this."

"But how long?"

"Huh?"

"How long… will I stay with her?" how long will I be away from him?

"I don't know. I honestly don't. For as long as it takes for things to get better."

But why if they don't get better? This is a question I am afraid to ask.

"Then, what will happen next?" assuming that things will get better someday.

"I don't know, love. I honestly have no idea what to do next." he didn't get what I meant. "But I'll think of something." He tightens his embrace around me and kisses on my hair. "At least one thing I know for sure. That you'll be safe."

Understanding how much this means to him, to keep me safe, even if he has to send me away, it makes my whole heart feel warm and mushy.

I bring my lips over his and kiss him lightly.

"I trust you with this. And I am not mad. Not at all. I believe you." I trust him with everything.

And it doesn't take much for our kiss to turn into a more passionate one, him getting a little on top of me, his thigh sliding in between mine and his hand again exploring my body.

**DPOV**

I can't keep myself from having her one more time. For me, she is simply addictive. She is the best woman I ever had, to hell with being experienced or not. It didn't matter, not at all. All I needed was her, being so eager and excited and inciting. Xavier was so wrong with everything he said. He has no idea what he lost.

"Do you wanna see if I can overtop what I did earlier?"

She chuckles. "What are you, some kind of record breaker?"

"Maybe I want to get into Guinness." I am already making my way down on her neck, kissing and biting.

My response makes her laugh for good. "Oh, comrade. I like it when you're funny."

"Who says I am trying to be funny?"

"You're not?"

I shrug. "I am not joking about wanting to be in you again."

Hearing me, she gasps lightly and tries to hide her face away, but I cup her cheeks and make her face me.

"And maybe I can change your opinion about that "not that bad" thing," I continue the joke, just so that she won't shy away even more.

She laughs a little, then her tone gets playful.

"Fine, then. Let's see what you've got."

I look at her, one eyebrow lifted, her daring response rousing me further.

"Is that challenge, love?"

She bites her lips, smiling playfully. "Maybe."

"Oh, you know I love challenges." And I love seeing her like this. Playful. Relaxed. Happy. Daring.

I make my way down her body, kissing her perky caramel breasts and even further on her abdomen.

When I reach her left hip, I notice a yellowish, fading spot on her skin. So, I did bruise her earlier? But it shouldn't be yellow if this was fresh.

I take a better look at it, turning her a little so that I could see her hip better into the faint light of the Christmas tree, and realize what it is. I pass my fingers along it.

"Does this hurt?"

She lifts her head nd looks at me. "What should hurt?"

"This," I say kissing the bruise on her hip. "You told me you didn't hit yourself on the floor, love. Does this still hurt?"

"Oh. No, it doesn't hurt. Not at all."

"I am sorry, Roza."

She lifts on her elbows and tilts her head, seeming confused.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For causing you pain." and not only physical. At first, my words haven't been that kind towards her either. And not all the other things I did to her, trying to keep her away.

"No. Hey." her hands come over mine as she smiles warmly. I bet that she isn't even holding a grudge for all the things I did and said to her. "Don't be. I needed to learn how to defend myself. It did me good. And…" stopping, she bites her bottom lip.

"And what?" if she'll say that my harsh words towards her were true, I will forget about any physical activity and I will have a talk with her about that.

She passes her eyes along the ceiling, trying to seem easygoing.

"I kind of enjoyed the physical contact between us that day."

A smile spreads across my face. I enjoyed it too. So, so much.

"You did, huh?" her eyes meet mine once more and she smiles playfully.

"I did, comrade. Now come here."

She urges me to come close and I climb my way up to her, getting my face close to hers, nudging the tip of my nose past hers, still smiling like an idiot from hearing those words from her.

She gets her hand at the back of my head and pulls me towards her, crushing out lips together. And as her hips start grinding her body against mine, I already get hard.

"Wait for a second, love."

I leave her hanging for some seconds as I reach for my jeans for another condom, and getting back to her, I rip its wrapping with my teeth, that is how eager I am to have her again.

* * *

**RPOV**

At one point, his elbows give in and he buries his head into the crook of my neck, where he is slowly whispering my name and mumbling some other Russian words.

I don't even have the energy to moan anymore, I just let this pleasure run through me, consume me once more as our sweaty, drained bodies clutch onto each other.

I always wanted to know better this passionate part of him and man, doesn't he know to make a woman scream over, and over, and over again? I mean, I came four times tonight. Only in _one_ night, can you believe that? Wow. This man is a fucking god, in all the fucking ways.

And oh, I've realized one more thing tonight. I like saying "fuck". And he seems to like making me say it.

When both our breaths steady, taking my leg off his shoulder, he slips out of me and after he throws away his condom, he lays on his belly next to me.

"Oh, comrade. _That_ was a workout," my lips let out as I turn and drag my drained body closer to his and I prop my chin on his upper arm, my face so close to his.

I half-grin myself as I meet his amused eyes. Yeah, yeah, I can't stop from saying stupid things. But he already got used to that. He even said he liked hearing them.

We enjoy the silence between us a little move, and this closeness of our bare bodies, I love it.

With his arm lifted and bent under my head, I can now see the other two birds engraved on his skin, that were until now hidden to me. They're blue too. So only one of them is purple. I wonder why.

I bring my hand up and swirl my fingers on his skin, drawing the edges of the birds, considering if I should ask him about that or to keep my mouth shut.

But as I do this, I see something else on his skin. Some red lines on his back and shoulders. Some scratches.

Did I do that? Of course I did. They're fresh. I did them this time. Or the previous time we did it. Does he have others too?

I trace my finger along a red line and as I reach a little semilunar dip into his skin reminding me of the second I dug my nails into his back.

I smile like an idiot as I look at him.

"Sorry about this, comrade."

Smiling too, he turns to one side and puts an arm around me.

"Don't you worry about that, love. I'll pay you back one day."

"Wha-? Come on, comrade. You're messing with me, right?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I am not."

Trying to avoid his shamelessly, full of meaning eyes on me, I move my glance down. And I see a little piece of something lying on the bed, in between us.

I reach my hand for it and bring the little black piece of plastic closer to my face.

"What's this?"

**DPOV**

She has found the package of the condom that I probably left in bed in my rush, and turns it from side to side.

"Trojan? As in the Trojan horse?" she asks mockingly, then chuckles. "And _magnum_? As in what? As the ice cream? Don't they have any imagination? Like, at all? Extra la-" she stops with a gulp, her eyes widen and next, they fastly slide down on my body, still uncovered under hers, and she bites her bottom lip as her fingers hold on tighter onto the package.

She clears her throat and hides her face into the crook of my neck. I can feel her cheeks burning on my skin, and this makes me laugh copiously.

I take the package away from her hand and entangling our fingers, I bring her hand up to my mouth to kiss the tip of each of her fingers.

"You're so sweet when you do that, love."

"You say that just so I won't feel bad," she responds, and I could bet all my money that she's pouting a little. "I find it rather annoying."

"I don't. I really don't, Roza."

I love her silliness and shyness and how genuine she is with everything. She's so pure and innocent at times.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

She tilts her head upwards and she's is looking at me, her fingers playing along the side of my neck.

"I love it when you call me like that," she admits shyly, then quickly nuzzling her head back into the safety of my neck.

I get closer to her ear and as I whisper slowly "Roza." she shivers. God, I love having this effect on her.

* * *

**RPOV**

I cannot sleep. I tried, but all I can think about is him. And us. I like the idea of us. I love it.

Getting out of the room, I stumble over my reflection into the mirror in the hallway. And I really like what I see for the first time in forever.

I like the way I look dressed in his T-shirt, my hair is disheveled, my skin so bare.

I close my eyes for a second and remember his touches on me and the way he was kissing me a little while ago. The way he told me how beautiful I am to him. I get shivers down my spine and I sigh just by thinking about him and his hands roaming all over me. I love the way he made me feel he meant his words.

I see all the love bites he has left on my neck and as I drag the collar of the T-shirt down, I see the ones he has left on my breasts too, and I can't help but love them all. I know I have been saying that I hate that shit with the possession, but I so love being his. Because I am his. I don't ever want to be anyone else's, but his.

**DPOV**

Turning around to wrap my arms around her body, I only meet her empty spot.

I have met a lot of women with whom I've slept with, this is a truth. But another truth is that there were a hell few of them next to whom I wanted to wake up too. She is one of them. Too bad she is not here now.

All I see is the messed sheet on her side and her panties that somehow didn't end up on the floor, even though, I know how much we fooled around in this bed.

Leaving the comfort of the bed, I go search for her, and I soon find her in the kitchen, sitting on the counter, dressed only in my T-shirt, a book in her hand, and she's sipping from a steaming mug from time to time.

She is so absorbed by anything that's happening in that book that she doesn't even notice me, but that doesn't bother me at all. It only gives me more time to watch her.

I remain in the doorway and look at how beautiful she is right now. Oh, and how I'd wish to spend each moment like this.

She keeps on reading, wiggling her toes up and down on a happy rhythm in her head, and soon she chuckles, being amused by something that she has read.

Turning the page and letting the book down for a second, she turns a little to reach for her teacup, and that's when she sees me and squeals surprised.

"Comrade, you need to stop scaring me like that. For how long have you been sitting there?"

"Enough to see something I like," I say getting closer to her and she smiles, putting her hair behind her ears.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Not at all. I saw that you were not in bed and came looking for you."

"Oh… I couldn't sleep and I came here to drink some tea, hoping it will help."

"And it did?"

"A little."

Getting a little closer to her, I place my hands on the counter next to her sides, trapping her there.

"You know, I found something of yours in bed and I thought you might need it."

"What?"

"These." I get her panties out from the back of my pants and hang them on one of my fingers.

She takes a deep breath in and in an instant, her cheeks turn red and her fingers slowly try to push the hem of the T-shirt downward, trying to cover herself.

I stop her movement. To hell if I want to see less of her.

"You don't need them, love?"

"I um…" she shies away again, her fingers clutching in the material under my hand. I swear I love seeing her like this. "I might need them…" and she reaches her hand towards them, but I take them out of her reach.

She looks at me and frowns. "Comrade…" she scolds me.

"Allow me."

Her eyes widen a little, but she nods slowly and starts biting her bottom lip, relaxing her legs and slowly parting them.

**RPOV**

Taking a step away from me, he crouches.

Looking into his eyes, I guess he doesn't even have in thought to put those panties on me.

But if he proposes something else I will find myself obliged to say no. I barely found the energy to hop my ass on this counter. I won't be able to get through another round. He may be used to going all night, but with him, I have worked out parts of my body I wasn't even aware of.

Parting my legs some more, he takes a hold of my left leg and turning it a little outward, he starts kissing my skin, moving upward with soft, wet kisses, leaving delicious tingles behind, heading to my knee. There, he passes his nose along the skin of my inner thigh and stops to look at me, a smile spreading on his face.

And he doesn't stop here. Pulling me a little closer to the edge of the counter, he continues his tantalizing kisses and touches on my skin, and as he gets closer and closer to my already throbbing core, his stubble gets rubbing against my skin, the change in texture feeling amazing.

I relax and let him continue his way on the path of my skin, but things escalate fast and feeling his tongue's stroke over my swollen nub, it's too much for me to wrap my head around it.

I squeal a "comrade" and pull my legs a little together, my fingers clutching over his shoulders.

With a chuckle, he pulls away and gets back up to his feet. My heart is beating like crazy and I keep on looking at the intricate patterns on the tea mug, anywhere but not at him. I don't have the courage to.

Walking his hand under my T-shirt, he rests it on my hip, tilting my body towards him and I rest my forehead on his shoulder, taking advantage of this position to hide my flushed face.

He chuckles again and passes his other hand through my hair, making me tilt my head back up.

"You're being shy again, love," he whispers to me.

I can only sigh and look away in response, feeling my cheeks still burning like hell.

He pulls me closer to him and kisses my temple, this time his tone getting concerned.

"Did I get too far?"

Laying my cheek on his shoulder, I encircle him with my arms and let out a sigh.

"Oh, comrade, no. I just…" I sigh once more and kiss his shoulder. "I just can't wrap my head around it," I admit whispered. This is a whole new level of kinkiness for me.

"I get it, love." he gets drawing little circles at the base of my spine. "Maybe with some other occasion," he ends like a promise, and hearing these words from him makes my whole body shiver at the thought of him not stopping, of his lips on- oh, dear Lord...

I hide my face some more into the crook of his neck. Does he have to always be so straightforward?

"What if we go back to the room?" he changes the subject and I welcome his distraction.

"Sure," I say, my voice trembling with emotion. "That would be good."

I want to hop off the counter, but he picks me up before I manage to do so, and chuckling a little, grateful for him offering to carry me back there, I wrap myself around him.

**DPOV**

I take her back to the room and as we lay back in bed, we kiss for some seconds.

Smiling silly as she pulls away, she nuzzles her nose on me, but I see her face a little different than her loving gestures.

"Hey, love, what's the matter? Do you feel okay?"

She nods. "You don't have to worry about anything. I am good. "

"Why don't I believe you?" I give her an inquiring, suspicious look. "Tell me, what are you sad about? Did I offend you earlier?" I admit I lost it a little back there and got carried away, forgetting about good manners.

"No, not at all. And I am not sad or mad or anything. I'm just a little tired and…"

"And what?"

"I um… I am a little sore," she admits.

It seems that I exhausted her but God, I can't get enough of her. Around her, I am so insatiable. But it's not like she wanted me to stop anyway. The last time, from what I remember, she expressly asked for it.

"You are, huh?" She nods. "And why would that be?"

"Comrade" she growls.

"What? I am only looking for facts here, love," I continue to tease.

She smiles and decides not to shy away this time.

"Well, if you insist, please do know that someone has worn me out tonight.'

"I wonder who would that be."

"Oh, comrade. You are so modest," She chuckles and punches my arm.

I laugh too, and laying next to her, I pull her on me and kiss the tip of her nose.

"But you see, love, it's just that it is impossible for me to get enough of you."

She starts playing with my hair and nudges her nose on my shoulder, watching me with a faint smile on her face and those goddamn eyes of hers, the way she looks at me, oh, it warms me wholly. It simply makes me want to move mountains for her if she'd ask me to. I'd do it without a second thought.

But as she keeps on looking at me, I see in her sleepy eyes the consequences of our continuous fun tonight.

"Maybe you should get some sleep, love."

"_No_," she says a little harder and louder than it should. "No," her tone gets calmer as she continues to protest. "I don't want to sleep."

But I turn us and take her in my embrace, with her back turned to me and I cuddle her from behind, interlocking our legs.

"It's already late, love. It's almost morning, in fact. The sun will rise in a couple of hours."

"I know, but-"

"No buts. You will be sleepy all day later."

"I won't," she argues.

"We both know you will."

"I want to spend some more time with you, like this," she says swirling her fingers on my arm wrapped around her.

"But you know I am not going anywhere, right?" not now, not ever.

"I know. But still…"

"Fine. I can't sleep anyway. You are the sleepy one, but if you want to stay awake, so be it."

"I am not _that _sleepy."

"Do you want me to remind you that you didn't sleep very well these past nights? And on the plane, that wasn't a good rest."

"So what?"

Shaking my head, I smile. She's as stubborn as always.

"And what do you want to do if not to sleep?"

"Nothing much." she turns around to face me and smiles. "I want to lay here with you, like this."

"Oh, that is simple, love." I pull her a little closer to me. "We can do this for as long as you want, and then some more."

But of course, there's always more to her than staying quiet.

She places some kisses on my upper arm that's under her head, then lays her cheek back down, looking at me, and smiling again silly.

I can't get tired of that, of the way she watches me.

You see, brown eyes are so much more than what everyone gives them credit for. Especially hers. Everyone always celebrates the easy appeal of blue eyes, of green eyes, but her brown eyes? Oh, I could talk about them for hours.

Others might see only plainness in them, but I see a whole world that I adore. There is a depth to her brown eyes that you don't get from any lighter colors, and the way she looks at me feels like nothing did before, it makes me feel so many things I haven't felt in such a long while. I can see forever in her big brown eyes, and I want that forever so badly.

"What?" she asks me.

"I should be the one asking that, love. Why you're looking at me like that?"

She shrugs and smiles a little wider. "Tell me something."

"Something like what?"

"Don't know. Anything you want."

"I don't know what you're doing to me, but I love it," I confess. "You… I think... oh, you scare me, Roza. I've never felt such things before. Not this badly. Not this strongly." this time I can feel it within myself that things are different. Everything is different when it comes to her. Nothing feels like anything I ever felt. She changed everything. "I think… I think I am in love with you. _That _is what scares me to death. It scares the shit out of me. You scare me, love. But in a good way. I like it."

She smiles faintly. "I bet you'll never tell me what that meant in English."

I smile too and kiss her temple. "You catch on quick, love."

"Yeah, I do," she sighs and cuddles closer to me. "Maybe one day you'll tell me that again, and not in Russian."

I wish I'd tell her now. But I wouldn't want to say too much and not be able to stick to it. I don't want to make promises I don't know for sure I can keep. Because I can't predict what tomorrow will bring for us.

"Then tell me something else." I am grateful for her not insisting on it. I know I am not fair by doing it, but I needed to get it off my chest for now, even though if she couldn't understand it.

"Like?"

"Can I ask you for something?"

"You don't need permission to do that, love. Just say it."

"You know, you could share something with me so I'll know what to scream the next time when we…" she licks her lips and lets me fill the blanks.

Liking how that sounds, I walk my fingers along her side, feeling the silkiness of her skin.

"Next time, love?"

She slaps my hand away.

"_Focus_, comrade."

"Hey, you mentioned it. You said next time. Do you…" I lift an eyebrow full of meaning and expect her to shy away, but she does the opposite.

A playful smile spreads on her lips.

"Maybe I do."

I reach my hand further up, heading shamelessly under the T-shirt and towards her caramel peak.

"Oh, don't you say?"

When I swirl my thumb on her flesh, it gets hard and pointy, her body responding immediately to my touches.

She sighs as her fingers wrap on my hip, her toes curling, but soon, she pulls away and pounds her fist into my abs, making me stop my movement.

"Hey! Don't do that to change the subject," she insists, botherness filling her voice, but I swear I can't help it around her. "Why are you always changing the subject when it comes to your name? Tell me, please. Are you ashamed of it?" she asks raising an eyebrow and trying to turn her botherness into amusement.

"No, Rose. I just… I don't have a name. I don't need to be someone. I am a nobody. So far, I only needed to be who they are asking me to be, that's all."

Getting up and looking at me, she frowns.

"What does that even mean?" she places her palm on my face and walks her thumb on my skin. "Don't say that. You are always going to be just 3-0-5 for them, but so what? They haven't seen past that and they're a bunch of fools for it."

I don't respond. I don't know what to say. That man, that number, is what I have been for most of my life. A number in their lines, a doer without question, a pawn, a good, obedient dog. I haven't been myself for far too long that I don't know how to be anyone else but the one they have made me be. I don't know any better than that.

"But not for me," she continues. "You are not a nobody for me. You're not only 3-0-5 for me. You are a _someone_ for me, besides the one you have to be for them. And I don't even care about that. You are someone different for me."

And oh, I would do anything to do things differently. I would love to be that someone she's talking about, for her. I would like to be that someone deserving of her, of the way she looks at me, of the love I see in her eyes.

"And this someone must have a name, doesn't he?" She is biting her lip, still expecting. "Be someone for me, comrade."

"Is this that important for you?"

She nods. "It is."

I realize that for her, this little thing I always considered unimportant, is a great proof of trust. Of my trust in her. She doesn't just want me to tell it to her. She wants me to trust her enough to tell her.

"I want to know, at least that thing about you."

And I would like to show her I trust her as much as she showed me she trusts me. But there would be a little problem.

"You'll get mad at me, love."

"For what?"

"When you'll hear it."

"Why? Is it Boris?" she gets a little playful.

"Would it mind you if it was?"

She shrugs. "Not really. I could get used to it. But _is it_?" she asks a little hopeful it isn't.

"It's not Boris."

"Phew, what a relief, comrade. Here, we'll make this. I promise I won't get mad. But-"

"It's Dimitri."

Her eyes widen, then she frowns, already seeming upset with me.

"What did you say?"

"Dimitri. My name is Dimitri."

She gets up to her butt and punches me once more, this time harder and not playfully. She meant it.

"You _little_ bastard! You lied to me."

She punches me once more, then turns her back to me and crosses her arms over her chest, puffing a little upset.

Trying to mend things, I get up too and move closer to her. I slide one sleeve of the T-shirt off her shoulder and place little kisses on her skin. But she shakes her shoulders, breaking contact with me.

"Love…"

"Don't you _love_ me." she turns her head and looks at me, her expression still upset.

I nuzzle my nose across her skin, heading towards her neck.

"You promised you won't get mad, love."

"Well, then I am taking it back," she protests. "It's not fair… I guessed it right and you said nothing."

"I'm sorry. Really, really, sorry." I move my hands on her hips, enclasping her flesh in my palms and pulling a little more towards me. "Could you forgive me for that?"

She keeps on pouting and not giving in too easily, and I must admit that I like this little game she started. I bet she's not that upset as she seems. Of course, she is upset, but she likes to see me suffer too. If she'd be more upset, I am sure she would have already thrown a lot of stuff at me. Too well she didn't.

"Please, love?" I walk my fingers along her thigh, heading slowly upward.

"No. Go away. I am mad at you."

"I am not going anywhere." I take her into my embrace, holding her tight, even when she struggles a little. "I am not letting go of you, I can assure you of that."

She turns her head and looks at me, frowning. "I am not forgetting you that easily for that."

"I know. And I deserve it." I bury my face into the crook of her neck and walk my lips on her skin, feeling her hot blood flowing under my tongue and lips. "But I am still not letting go of you, Roza. I'll hold you like this until you'll stop being mad at me."

Watching how she tries to keep up her upset face and not to respond to anything I do, I can't help it but smile.

Indignation takes the place of that pouting.

"And don't you be amused!" she pinches on my arm, trying to make me let go of her, and scrunches her nose.

As our eyes meet again, she smiles too, her tough façade finally breaking. Then her expression softens for good and she smiles again, so heartwarmingly as she whispers my name.

"Dimitri…" she repeats as she nudges her nose on my cheek. "I like it. I could get used to that."

She repeats it once more and having someone calling my name after so much time… having _her _call me my name, I don't know. I wouldn't want her to stop. I could definitely get used to it too. I would listen to her say it like that forever.

I hold her a little tighter and this time, she responds to it, her body melting in my arms and her hands coming over mine.

"You're still upset?"

"Maybe."

"And how could I make it up to you, huh?"

"Dunno. I'll have to think about it," she gets back to playing that game.

"Would it be okay if you think about it while we lay down?"

"Yeah, fine," she tries to sound like she's making a huge compromise.

"While I hold you too?"

She smiles. "I shouldn't, but- ah, to hell with it. You can hold me."

I lay back down with her still in my arms and she cuddles better into me, then smiles.

"Thanks for telling me that, Dimitri."

* * *

She wakes up just as I slip back in bed, and a smile appears on her lips when her eyes meet mine.

I bend to kiss her cheek.

"Hey there, Miss I-am-not-_that_-sleepy."

She chuckles, knowing so well that she has fallen asleep a few minutes after we decided to lay in bed, embraced.

Pulling away, I smile too and lay next to her.

Rose moves halfway on top of me, her legs wrapping around mine and she's drawing circles on my skin with the tip of her fingers.

God, it feels so good to finally be so close to her. It has happened a thousand times tonight, but still, I can't get tired of it. I would never get enough of it.

Can't this night last forever? Just me and her here, lying peacefully, surrounded by all this silence. It feels so goddamn good.

Her, here in my arms, she's everything I didn't know I needed now. She makes me feel at ease. And I haven't felt this in such a long time.

She sighs lightly and props her chin on my chest.

"What time is it?"

"It's about morning, the sun will start making itself felt in an hour or so. But it's early anyway. No one's awake now, for sure. What about you? Did I wake you up?"

I just came back from talking once more to Lissa, to make sure where we'll meet, and I wonder if I haven't been as careful as I wished to be not to wake her up.

"No. You didn't."

"Did you sleep well?" for the little time she did, anyway.

"Mhm. I did." she tilts her head nuzzling her nose along my cheek. "Thanks."

"For what? What did I do?"

She starts walking her fingers on me, like counting my ribs.

"For holding me tonight. And the other times when… you know…"

Oh, if she'd only know that I held her for so many times before. And I would do it for endless nights too.

"Love, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure, shoot."

"It's about your dreams."

She doesn't seem to like where I am heading, but continues the subject anyway.

"What about them?"

"Did… is it my fault?" she once said it's because of me that she's dreaming that again.

"Oh. I said that, didn't I?" She gets up and puts her hair behind her ears. "I am sorry for that. It's just that until I met you, I somehow managed to get rid of my dreams and…"

"And ever since you met me the dreams came back." she nods lightly. "I am sorry Roza."

"No, don't be. I mean, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything."

Wasn't I the one triggering them? Because I know I am. All the scary things I put her through all these days...

"Oh, love, but I-"

"_No_," she says determined. "You kept me safe, each time. You still do. And even when I sleep you…" she lays her head back on my shoulder and her fingers start exploring my skin again, her eyes never leaving mine. "It's not your fault. For what it matters, you're helping. A lot."

I keep on watching her watch me like that again. Lovingly. I don't deserve that look in her eyes, I know I don't. But still, I can't find it in me to pull away from her. Not anymore. And I won't ever will. I'll be deserving of it one day, I promise. I'll make sure she'll be the happiest ever. I'll make it up to her for all the horrible things I did to her just because I was so afraid of everything she means.

"Whatcha thinking of, comrade?"

"Nothing."

She throws me a little upset look.

"Nothing besides you, of course," I change my response and I get up and kiss her forehead.

"Oh, Dimitri," she sighs and smiles too at hearing herself say my name. It still sounds oddly wonderful to hear her say it. But I'll love getting used to it, I am sure. "You're such a sweet talker, Mister." she pokes my chest. "I never know what you're really thinking of…" She kisses the spot over my heart and yawns, trying again to suppress her tiredness.

Her eyes keep on closing at their own will and she is trying really hard to keep them open for longer.

"Maybe you should get some more sleep, huh?"

She looks at me with her eyes squinted now.

"You won't send me to sleep again, comrade."

I pass my hand through her hair for the thousandth time this night and she smiles lightly.

"All I have to do is to wait, love. Nothing more." I bet she'll fall back asleep in no time.

"Know-it-all," she mumbles and sighs.

Closing my eyes too, I turn us to one side and rest my head on her chest, and I feel at such ease as I am feeling the warmth of her skin on mine and I am hearing the comforting, peaceful beat of her heart.

* * *

I head inside the room with only one thought in my mind.

"Roza. Roza, wake up." I shake her and she growls in displeasure, now, of all moments, deciding she wants to sleep.

"Rose. Wake up, now, please."

"What's the matter?" she gets up to her butt and looks at me confused. "Where's the fire?"

Everywhere.

"Here, take this."

I put the extra gun I have in her hands and the sleepiness in her eyes washes away in a second.

"What? Why you're giving me this?"

"Please listen to me, and don't panic, okay, love? We don't have much time."

"We don't have much time for what? Dimitri, what's happening?" I feel her voice trembling.

"Someone's here. They just entered the building and it won't take much for them to reach our floor."

"And, and what do we do?"

"You take this." I wrap her fingers on the cold metal.

"I... I can't use it."

"Just point and shoot, as I taught you. It is already loaded, so be careful. And just promise me you will use it if you have to."

"But… but what about you?"

"I am not coming."

"_What_? Why?"

Because I don't want her to die. I am not sure if I can face them all, all the men coming in here, and if there's the littlest chance of her getting out of here alive, I will take it.

"You'll go out the window here and you'll get on the roof of the building near us. Then you'll go down on the stairway attached to that building, and when you get down, you'll run as fast and far away as possible."

"_No. _I am not going anywhere without you."

She is starting to panic and I need to keep her rational. I get a hold of her shoulders and shake her a little.

"Yes, you are going. We'll meet somewhere. The ice skating park. Do you know how to get there?" she nods. "Good. We'll meet there. And if something prevents you from getting there, you shoot first, and ask questions never. You just keep on running. And if that place is somehow compromised, if something seems odd to you, you go somewhere else and you call me. Do you remember the number I gave you?"

"I do. Both of them."

"Good. And if I don't respond, you call Ivan. He'll come."

"But why wouldn't you-"

"We don't have the time for this, love." I don't have the time to worry her with this.

I lift her off the bed and drag her towards the window.

"Now you have to go."

"What about you?"

"I can't come."

"Why? We could run together."

"No. Because they will come through that door soon enough and somebody will have to keep them in place. To keep them distracted, so that they will not know you're missing. Someone will have to keep their eyes off you. I will. I am buying you time to go away. They want you. And I am not letting them."

"But-" she still worries about me, but we don't have the time for that.

"Look at me. I will stay behind and give you some time, and that is final." I would die doing it. "Now you need to go, or it will all be for nothing."

"Promise me you'll come and meet me."

I never want to make promises I can't keep, but to her, oh, to her I would promise the world.

I cup her cheeks and bring her closer to me, kissing her short and hard, hoping it won't be the last time I get to show her my love.

"I will come. I will come no matter what. I promise, Roza."

She nods and doesn't waste more time.

She hops on the frame of the window and looks down.

"It's a long way down there, Dimitri."

"I'll help you get there. Just grab my hand and I'll help you down.."

"I can't!"

"Do you trust me?"

"I do, Dimitri," she doesn't hesitate to respond. "But-"

"Good. Then trust me that you will be alright and grab my hand and jump, love. We don't have much time left."

I don't know if she heard the apartment's door starting to move, but I did.

**RPOV**

When his hand lets go of mine, there's not a long distance that my body has to cover until my feet reach the rooftop. He got halfway out the window so that I wouldn't hurt myself by jumping.

He could jump too. He could come with me.

"Roza, go!" he pushes me, and after taking one more look at him, with my heart heavy, I turn around and head towards the metallic stairs attached to the outside of the building, and I start running down on it.

Feeling the cold, wet asphalt under my bare feet, I don't even start to think about the coldness I might feel dressed only in this thin piece of material. I don't even care about myself. All I can think of is Dimitri, being up there, fighting all those people and I pray that he'll be alright.

I want so badly to go back. I would turn around and go back into the building.

But then his efforts will all be in vain.

So keeping his promise in mind, I keep half of my thoughts on him, and my other half, I focus them on running and trying not to seem too odd out here. Good enough for me that the streets are pretty empty at this hour.

All I have to do now is to get at that ice rink. It will all be simple and it will all be alright in the end. He promised. And I trust him.

And everything goes well. I am getting away and I feel it in my heart that he's fine. He is badass. He'll be fine.

Until I stumble over a too familiar face.

"Hey, Rosie, baby."


	32. I am not into extreme BDSM

**Heyyyy! Thanks everybody for waiting, _again_, for my little delayed update :)**

**selairalynn, of course it's the annoying ex. They always have a tendency to come back, so why wouldn't he do the same?**

**Caroline, wow, thanks. I've never been told I've written a best piece of anything. It means a lot. And if you say you have so much experience with these scenes, I will take your word for it when you said it was the best scene you've read *happy dance here***

**HonestPassion13, oh, how could I keep them apart for too long? No, they will be together and they will go through it all together. And you'll see Lissa in the next chapter**

**Tika86, I hope you'll like this action. Unfortunately or not, you decide, the only way Rose will be kicking ass this chapter is mentally**

** , no, no, no, that will never happen to Dimitri. And of course they will be together. Hoping your uni work is going great. Do you do some home, online classes now, considering the recent events? Best regards too!**

**GojGoj, thanks! I am glowing here reading your words. Oh, the future is not just _a little _dark. But it will get brighter soon. And about Olena, oh, I don't want to spoil that for you guys. You will see what's the thing about his family. I don't know for sure how soon, but you will find out. I only hope you won't get mad at me for it :)**

**I love you lots guys and I hope you're all safe and healthy. Take care of yourselves :)**

* * *

**I am not into extreme BDSM**

**RPOV**

This bastard! I can't believe he is here!

How did he find us?

Who cares? He did and, and oh, I will hurt him! I will fucking hurt him!

But how? A fist won't work that well for all the things he deserves to be paid back, for all the pain he made me go through.

Oh! I have a gun. That will do the trick so damn well.

Yes, I will shoot him in the neck or something, this bastard! I will let him bleed to death and I'll be on my way.

I close my surprised mouth, and getting a good hold of the metal grip, I bring the gun up and point it to his chest, my index already starting to press on the trigger. I am ready to kill. No regrets.

"What the hell you're doing?"

He moves my hands so that the gun points down now, but to hell if I don't hurt him. He won't be able to follow me if I shoot him in the leg. I feel the urging need to hurt him, even though it is just a little.

So I go for it. I press the trigger fully and shoot, aiming to wherever I could hurt him.

But this doesn't work either. He moves his leg out of the way, and before I manage to shoot again, he snatches the gun away from my hands, throwing it into the empty street.

But this doesn't mean I can't still hurt him.

"Rose, I-"

I don't wait to hear what he has to say to me. I just pound my fist into his figure.

Shit! This hurt more than the time I punched that bitch in the bar! I stumbled over his cheekbone or something, and oh, it hurts! I will surely get a bruise if there's nothing broken in my knuckles.

"What was that, Rosie?" he asks seeming offended by my gesture. He has the guts to get upset about this?

I only get angrier and I want to smack him again, but this time he gets a hold of my hand.

"Hey, what's the matter with you?"

"I promised myself that the first thing I would do when I see you is to hurt you!"

I try to hit him with my free hand, but of course, it is useless. He gets a hold of it too.

"Okay, now stop. I guess I deserved it, but-"

"You _guess_? You fucking _guess_? Let go of me, you bastard!"

I struggle for him to let go of me, and he does, deciding to lift his arms defensively. This doesn't prevent me from taking some more hits at him, aiming for his face, until I realize it's kinda useless, so I stop.

"Okay, I _know _I deserved it. Do you feel better now?"

"Not really. I think I would like to punch you some more."

A cheeky smile spreads on his lips. How dare he be like this?! We're so not flirting now! And I won't let his charm work on me ever again.

"Sweetheart, I get it. And you can do that, but you will have to take your revenge on me later, okay? We don't have the time for that now."

_We_? Since when there's a we here?

"But where did you learn to throw a punch like that?" he asks and there's a big surprise filling his question.

"I have always known how to throw a punch like that."

No, not really, but I am not going to tell him that. I have my ego to look after, after all.

"Okay." he takes my snappy answer and doesn't ask for more details. "Now let's take you out of here. You're not safe."

He reaches for my hand and I pull it away. He's kidding, right? Of course I am not safe. He is here, after all.

"No! What the hell you're thinking? I am not going anywhere with you." the only direction I am heading to is away from him.

"Come on Rosie baby. I know that you are mad with me, but we'll discuss these things later. I need to get you away from him."

"Later? We won't do anything later. No. And I don't need to get away from anyone except you!"

"But I came to rescue you."

Startled by his words, I laugh to his face.

"Oh, _really_? You came here to save me?"

"Yes. I came here after you. It took me so much to find you."

Why don't I believe a single word he is telling to me? Oh, yeah, I remember why. Because that's what he has always done! He has lied to me each second of the time we've been together.

Those people upstairs are his and they surely weren't coming in peace. And neither is he.

"I missed you so much and I worried sick for you."

He tries to be gentle and to touch my cheek, but I slap his hand away from me.

"Bullshit! Go fuck yourself. I may have been stupid to believe you once, but do you think I am falling for that a second time?"

"Wow, what a language, Rosie. Where did you learn to speak like that? But anyway. As I said, we'll talk later. Now I need to take you to a safe place."

"Well, I was into a safe place until you and your gorillas decided to come!"

"What gorillas?" I can't believe that he is playing the fool card! "Look. I know you hate me now, but I had to do it."

"What? You had to do anything in your power to get me killed? Yeah, of course I get it. You had no other choice."

"No, not that. I had to pretend. I had to say that you mean nothing to me. I had no other choice. I am so sorry for it, but if the Russian would have known how much you mean to me, how much I care about you-"

I start laughing, almost hysterically. It has all been a lie, each word he told me until now, all those months. Just like everything he is telling me now. And he still expects me to believe him.

"I don't believe a single word you are saying to me. You're a liar and I am not falling for that again."

"Come on, hun. Give me a chance to show you. But not here. He may come after you and I am not letting him get his hands on you ever again. I am taking you somewhere safe."

I haven't been safe in such a long time. I have only felt safe in Dimitri's embrace. And that's the only place I will ever be safe in. Not with this bastard.

"I am not going anywhere with you. I don't want to be around you ever again."

"No?"

"No! Of course not."

I turn around to leave, but oh, what was I thinking of, that he'd let me?

He gets a hold of my elbow and pulls me to him.

When he opens his mouth to lie to me again, I cut him short.

"First, do not speak with me. I really don't want to hear it. I am so tired of your pretty lies. Second, _do not fucking touch me ever again_!" I snatch my hand out of his grip and he lets go of me, without much fuss. "In fact, I don't want you to ever even _breathe_ next to me so keep your distance for your good or I swear to God, I will hurt you!"

Watching my outburst, his expression changes, going dark. I knew it he is still the bastard he has always been underneath those sweet words. I can bet that he's going to threaten me next or something like that. But to hell if I am letting him intimidate me ever again. I've seen some worse things than him.

"Fine. If we can't do this the nice way, we will do it the other way, and you won't like it."

Here he is, threatening me. Oh, his behavior is so easy to predict.

And this time, when he gets a hold of my arm, I feel his fingers digging deep into my flesh.

"Take your fucking hands off me!"

I even take some shots at him with my free hand, but this time he is not so nice to let go of me again.

"Yeah, just try and struggle some more, Rose, and you'll see what consequences that brings," he says and his fingers dig deeper into my skin, making me whelp a little in pain.

"You are some next-level prick, you know that?"

A wicked smile spreads on his face.

"You changed, Rosie. Where is the good, obedient woman I knew and fell in love with?" his tone gets mockingly.

"She died. Just like you will, you bastard!"

The only response I get from him is laughter and his palm coming over my mouth, which I gladly take the opportunity to bite. But my action doesn't bring me freedom. It only brings an elbow pushed against my already bruised ribs, taking my breath away. And as my body gives in just for a second, he starts pulling me after him and no matter what I do, I can't get free.

Half a minute later, he obliges me to get inside a car and locks the door behind me, until he rounds the car and gets inside too, starting to drive.

"You will fucking regret this." I don't know how for now, but he will. I will find a way.

And if I only could manage to flee earlier. I wish I could do it now, but of course, I won't be able to jump out of a moving car out on the street. I need to be smart about this. I'll wait for a lucky chance.

But then, an idea pops in my mind. I'll use his immense ego against him. It will work, without the littlest of doubt.

I start by putting my seatbelt on.

"What are you doing?"

"This," I say locking it. "Isn't it obvious?"

He rolls his eyes a little. "Oh, of course, good old Rose, always playing it safe, right?"

Considering what I am planning to do, I wouldn't call it playing it safe. I would call it one of the most reckless escape ideas I ever came up with. And unfortunately, there's no Dimitri around to stop me from getting myself hurt now.

"Well, with you driving this car, I want to be sure I don't end up dead. I am not taking my chances with you."

"Oh, someone found sarcasm lately," he says and laughs. "Ever since did you become this snappy, huh?"

"Oh, that's not sarcasm. Not even snappiness. I am just stating the truth. You are the crappiest driver I have ever seen, Alexander. Oh, excuse me. You are the crappiest driver I have ever seen, _Xavier. _And trust me, I have seen plenty of crappy drivers. But you overtake them all. The only good driver I have seen was the Russian." I'll try to use their little feud to my advantage. Supposing there is one. _Praying _there is one. "I mean, that man really knows how to drive a car."

He gets angrier and angrier with each word I throw at him. Yes! There is a thing between them, maybe some subtle masculinity contest or shit, but it is definitely helping my cause now.

"You should have seen him getting rid of our followers the first time we got followed. Phew! What a race that was."

His hands are gripping the wheel, his knuckles starting to turn white.

I get my voice to sound so excited, even though I remember the fear I was experiencing at that time.

"And oh, one time, he was driving and shooting at the same time and-"

As expected, he does what I hoped he will do. Oh, men and their egos. It makes them so easy to manipulate.

"Oh, _yeah_? I am a crappy driver? Will a crappy driver be able to do this so well?"

As we've gotten on a little more crowded highway, he pushes the speed pedal and starts dodging the cars here, making swift turns just so close to the other vehicles. I am a little impressed, but I have seen and well, not that I wish to brag, but I've done better than him.

To be honest, I haven't missed this thing from when Dimitri was driving, but thanks to him I got used to it. So instead of filling my brain with fear, I let it fill my blood with adrenaline, preparing myself for what comes next. I just hope I'll pull this crazy thing through.

"Whatever. Go ahead, speed up, crash us into the first pillar you find. At least we'll die and we'll be done with this."

Seeing my indifference, he doesn't do anything to try to impress or scare me further. Which is not a good enough answer for me. I need him angry and distracted and well, I need for him to go faster.

So I approach another strategy, knowing he won't resist it. He likes to play the big, bad guy role.

"Hey, Alex, please, stop this. You are going to get us killed!" I try to sound as scared as I can, mostly faking it, but only like 90%. The rest of 10% is real panic.

"Oh, so now you feel sorry for what you said?" He speeds up some more, just in spite of me.

"Please," I cry. "Stop it!"

He laughs and speeds up some more. Wow, isn't he a cruel one?

"Alex, _please_!"

And now, we're going just as fast as I think I need us to go for the impact to shake him enough. Me too, but I will take the risk. After all, I am playing it safe, aren't I?

"Say you're sorry!"

"Oh, I _am _sorry," I say as coldly as I can, and he gets surprised by what I have just said, his jaw dropping slightly. "But I am sorry for you, and for how stupid you are."

Not paying attention to the road ahead anymore, he turns his head and looks at me confused, the change in my tone and attitude being the main reason he does this.

And this startlement of his comes to my advantage, not giving him the time to process whatever is happening and to react to what I do.

"I hope you die!"

I voice my hate for him and get a hold of the steering wheel and pull it towards me fast and hard, making the car jerk to one side, thankfully dodging the nearest car and heading towards the little snow outside of the road.

"Always wear your seatbelt, you fucker!" I yell at him as we get so close to the end of the asphalted area, my hands never leaving the steering wheel and not letting him regain control over the car.

When there's nothing else to do to get back to safety, I let go of the steering wheel and make myself little in my seat, putting my head between my legs and covering it with my hands, preparing for the impact, and well, pray that I won't die. I am expecting some damage, but I pray it won't be unbearable.

I feel it within my whole body as we reach the offroad, the car shaking us pretty good, and shit, it doesn't stop into the barrier, a tree there or something else. Things don't go as smoothly as I wished them to. They go for the worst.

The car starts rotating, and not only once.

I am too busy to scream to count the spins, but my body feels all the hits against the door and the chair, my lungs emptying with every impact.

I hear him growling too and I look at him to see how he hits his head against the steering wheel. Which is good. I hope that at least he loses his conscience from that.

And we finally stop.

It's like the whole world stops around me as I try to cope with the dizziness all this rolling around brought me.

Even though, I force myself to assess my situation because there's no time to be wasted.

First, we're upside down and the only thing keeping my body in a normal position is the seatbelt.

Second, the car is messed up big time, but miraculously, even though the window on my side is now turned into little pieces, I don't feel any cuts on my skin or feel any pain or see any blood.

But third, if the situation wasn't bad enough, I smell gas.

There's only a good thing about this. My shitty companion is unconscious and unable to hurt me or stop me for now. But this doesn't make it up for all the bad things starting to pile up. Because if there's gas, there will be a fire.

So I need to get out of here like, five minutes ago.

I try to get rid of my seatbelt but it is stuck!

No, no, no! Fuck! Stupid safety measure! Couldn't one thing go well from start to finish?

I do my best to slip out from under it and after a minute or so of pulling and dragging and struggling, I hear a heavenly click that announces me that the seatbelt is now undone.

Yes!

The next thing I know is that I crumble onto the car's rooftop, which is, I'll call it, a pretty uncomfortable landing. If I wouldn't have been careful enough, I would have broken my neck.

"Rose," I hear him growl.

Oh, no! He can't get conscious enough to catch me.

I twist and turn and when I see there's no way in hell I could open the door on my side, I say to hell with it and decide to take my chances by getting out the shattered window, doing my best to dodge the sharp edges of glass that didn't fall.

To my displeasure, no matter how small my body is, I still cut my thigh in the process.

But hey, it is a good enough price to pay for my freedom. Because I am out! I am out on my fours, my knees feeling the wet earth underneath me, this being the biggest blessing on this planet for me now.

I have a really big problem with getting up on my feet, the dizziness from earlier only getting harder to bear, but I push my body anyway, fighting it as best as I can, carrying myself away from the car on my palms and knees, despite my brain telling me to stop, despite feeling my body so ready to give in and faint.

_He must be coming! You must hurry!_

Yes. I can't give up. I can't let him get his hands on me again.

_Come on, Rose, you can do this._

I manage to push myself to move faster, to move my hands and feet despite the pain I feel everywhere. Maybe crashing this car wasn't the best idea after all.

_You need to focus on what's happening now. Don't look back, don't think of what happened. You're not going back to that. Just keep pushing forward. _

Yes. I can do this. Just put one hand in front of the other, and carry your legs along.

_It is not enough. You need to run. _

Yes. I must get away faster.

I must get up to my feet.

I must-

The second I feel his fingers wrapping into my hair, that's the second my body gives in and I crumble to the ground. I couldn't get away. I wasn't fast enough.

Pulling hard, he turns me on my back and his silhouette is keeping the sunlight from touching my face.

"Who would have thought…" he says breathing heavily himself. "You would be such a continuous pain in the ass!"

When he pulls me halfway up, I let out a little scream, my body feeling very well all the damage that has been brought upon it.

"Yeah. Scream and know you deserve it, you bitch!" he shakes me, making everything ten times more painful. "Ever since you started to think for yourself it all has become really, really annoying."

And this is the last thing I heard from him before his first made contact with my jaw, knocking me out.

* * *

When I get conscious again, the only thing I feel are my temples pounding like hell. In fact, this is the only thing that hurts worse than the rest of my body. This bitch of a headache is making it hard for me to even think. Damn, this bastard hit me hard.

Remembering where he hit last, I try to move my jaw, and oh, I don't think I'll be able to chew on something for a while.

But… am I dreaming or are we flying? It feels like that. I bet it is not only my brain playing tricks on me.

Opening my eyes to see what the hell is happening, my headache only gets worse as I meet a strong light that is suddenly pointed directly to my eyes.

"Oh, look! Sleeping beauty broke her curse. All by herself."

Hearing his sickening, mocking voice, I feel my knees getting soft with fear. Good thing I am sitting down. Too bad I am tied up, though.

Coming in front of the light and it emphasizing his features, I see that his face didn't get out unharmed from that car crash either. I think he might be looking worse than I do. Of course, I don't have a mirror at hand to confirm this info.

But seeing his battered face, despite feeling the pain in mine, it doesn't prevent me from smiling when I see my artwork. I harmed him pretty good. I only wonder how bad his body looks because I know mine feels like crap.

"Now I remember why I loathed spending time with you, Rosie. You would always ask me why I was late. It was because I didn't want to be there in the first place and the later I arrived, the less time I would spend with you. So here is the answer you always wanted. You're _such_ a nuisance. And you never ceased to be one."

"It is my pleasure to make your life hard. And from what I see, I am still making it hard, so, yay to me, right?"

"Oh, trust me, _honey, _it will be such a pleasure to return the favor."

I decide not to gratify his threat with any answer. I just continue to stare at him, trying to seem unimpressed. Everything hurts already. How could it possibly get worse?

"Where are your glasses?" he asks discontented. Oh, so Dimitri was right after all. He was following us through them. "You never took that shitty thing off."

"Go to hell," I say through gritted teeth. He knows whose those glasses belonged to.

"No, no. That's where _you're _going."

He gets closer and with his fingers under my hurting jaw, he tilts my head so that I could stare into his cold eyes.

"I mean, now that your little protector isn't around anymore…"

Dimitri. Oh, Dimitri! What has happened to him? Is he alright? I hope he is, wherever he is.

"And I see that he didn't only keep you safe, huh?" his fingers get a hold of my cheeks and he turns my head to one side, extending my neck to one side. "His T-shirt?" he asks mockingly. "Love bites?" I want to hit him so badly when he starts lifting the hem of the T-shirt past my ribs, uncovering my body. At least I can pat myself on the back for deciding to put on those panties back on along the night.

"Get your hands off me!" I struggle, but of course, it is pointless, as I am tied to this stupid chair!

"Bruises too? Wow, Rosie. I didn't know you liked it rough. _That _rough. I guess that this kitten bites, huh?"

"You never cared anyway what I liked." he never cared what I felt either. All he ever cared about was himself.

He laughs. "But really now. You are fucking _him_?" he asks trying to seem disgusted by this, but what I mostly sense in his tone is envy. Again, his ego is crushed by Dimitri. He never managed to get me into bed, no matter what strategy he approached. "Wow. Wow indeed, Rosie. You continue to surprise ms. First you fight back and now this? Hell, you weren't this feisty when we were together. Who knows, maybe I would have come to visit you more often if you would have shown me this side of yours. Maybe I would have liked you better." he tsks. "You and I could have had so much fun."

"No thanks. I would have rather died than let you touch me."

My comment passes unnoticed because he is so immersed in trying to make me feel bad about what happened between Dimitri and I, but oh, how could I feel bad about what has happened between us? I could never regret last night.

"What, Rosie? You're having daddy issues and you fell into the arms of the first older guy you found? _Such _a shame."

"Go fuck yourself." he knows nothing about us.

He pulls away with a wicked smile on his lips.

"Fine, fine, I won't intrude some more into your little bedroom adventures. Let's get to more serious things. I know you know what we are searching for."

"I do. But I don't know why everyone thinks I know where that fucking flash is!"

"Oh, Rosie, but you do."

"I do?"

"Of course you do. Do you remember that night we went to the party?" how could I forget? That was one of the worst nights of my life. "You were having such a nice purse with you."

"My purse? You want to tell me that all this mess has started because of my purse?"

"Well, no one wants the purse. It wants what it contains. That's where I hid the flash."

"So you _used_ me? You used me to hide it?"

"I like your perspicacity. Now be the good girl I know you are and tell me where it is.

"What? Couldn't a _big, bad_ spy like you find it all by yourself? With all those resources you have? _Such _a pity."

My comment upsets him big time because he storms closer to me and almost hits me again.

"I have searched your apartment the very second you left it and I found nothing! What did you do with that fucking purse? Where did you take it?"

"I won't tell you." if I do, I know I am as good as dead. Why would I blow out my only advantage?

"Ah, exactly as I expected. You continue to test my patience. But here is what we're going to do. I am giving you time to think about this until we land."

"You can give me all the time in the world. I won't change my mind."

"Of course not. But we'll see what your response will be later. I bet you'll want us to have this talk again soon, with another ending. Maybe we could even come to make a deal too."

"I doubt it!" I yell after him as he turns around to leave me there.

And oh, he lets me think about it. Under strict supervision. There's one gorilla of his keeping an eye on me the whole time, and to make sure I am always thinking about his request, Xavier told that man to keep me awake at all costs.

All I wanted was to catch some sleep as I was left alone, to regain some of my powers, as I am more than aware that I can't get off this plane without getting myself killed.

But this fully tattooed guy doesn't let me close my eyes, not even for a second. Each time that happens, he comes and pinches, pokes, slaps, pushes, pulls, touches, and not only with his hands, but with whatever he finds at hand, some of my body parts, waking me up.

But surprisingly enough, after hours and hours of him hurting me each time I dared to doze off, he stops doing that and finally lets me sleep for a while.

But it is just for a little while.

* * *

I wake up in darkness. And I am again moving. But this time I recognize the movements of a car. Am I in a trunk? Perhaps. It seems to be the most plausible idea.

I feel cold and… wet? Yeah, there's a little puddle under me that has wetted my T-shirt. Was it raining or something when we landed? Where did we land anyway?

I wish I could see what it is all about, but in here is pitch black and it is making it hard for my eyes to see anything around here.

I would scream for help, but my mouth is covered with some thick material, and my hands are now tied too and… and oh… oh, good God!

As the car meets a bump into the street, I feel something touch me, coming over me in this little trunk. Or should I say it is a someone that's touching me?

Extending my hands, I feel flesh.

Yes!

I am not alone here!

This could be a good thing, right? I could wake them up and together, we could fight whoever will open the trunk. We could manage to untie each other and we could make it!

Yeah, this has to work. It is like, my last chance to get away before they lock me up somewhere with some rats to rot until I die.

But no matter how hard I try to wake him up, yes, it is a he, I kinda felt it on my leg as I was pushing him off me, he is unwakeable.

_Hey, Rose, what if he… _

No, no please no. Someone, please tell me that he's not…

Just so that I would convince myself, I dare turn some more and get my palms to touch the wet spot under my shoulder.

And oh, that is definitely some sticky, old blood. _His_ blood because nothing hurts me that badly so that it would produce bleeding. _Yet. Nothing bleeds yet. But it will if you don't find a solution to this situation faster! _

I start struggling, pulling, pressing and rubbing my hands together, trying to avoid touching the body next to me as little as possible, and I somehow manage to get my wrists untied, but I don't get to make a plan to get out of here because soon, the car stops. Thank God that I didn't have to take care of my legs. Idiots. But hey, it comes to my advantage.

The car's doors open and I decide it would be better if I pretend I am still asleep. To try to use the element of surprise to my advantage.

As I wait, this minute that passes until someone comes to open the trunk, it feels like forever. I am so, so scared. I need to do anything in my power to get away from here.

As the sunlight warms my face a little, I resist the urge to open my eyes, trying not to give myself away so easily. I hear some men talking in a language I don't understand, and it makes the hairs at the back of my head stand. Foreign mercenaries? Could that be?

Oh, I am in deep shit. How could I fight any of them? Nevertheless, I have to try. This is my last chance.

As the two men talk, from their tone, it seems like they're having a little contradiction, so I decide to take my chances and open my eyes.

The odds are against me with this. They see me.

And so, all the plans of escaping that were forming in my head turn to dust.

All it takes is for one of them to press a white material over my nose, obliging me to inhale some sweet, sleep-inducing substance.

* * *

Waking up, I instantly get scared. Everything is dark and it is because a black sack is covering my head.

My body is not tied to a chair as it was in the plane, now only my hands are tied and they're lifted above my head, the rest of my body free to dangle above the floor, only my toes touching the cold wood under me.

I don't even get the chance to try to get out of the tightly tied rope around my wrists because I hear footsteps approaching me.

My heart is pounding so fast against my ribcage as the bag is lifted off my head and I can again see the light of day.

And in that daylight is a figure I hate so much.

"Do you wonder where we are?"

Wanting a response from me, he comes closer to me, taking off the piece of material covering my mouth.

"Not really. But I bet you'll tell me anyway. You always had a tendency to brag about useless stuff."

My response goes straight to his ego. This fucker. How come I never saw right through his bullshit? Through anything he did? How could I feel anything for him beside hate?

And as I predicted, he tells me anyway.

"It's an abandoned circus show building." he walks his fingers along one of the red velvet curtains attached to the ceiling. "They must have left in a hurry."

"And what? Did they give you the key to keep an eye on the place because you're such a clown?"

He smiles devilishly. And not in a good way, like playful. Oh, no. He's planning bad stuff in his head for me.

"You won't be this snappy when I am done with you, Rosie."

And despite the fear I feel creeping in me, I keep on showing nothing. I refuse to let him know I am so afraid.

"Why? Do you plan on stuffing me in your little car? Or better, do you plan to splash some water on me from your little fake flower? Tell me, when will you embrace your true nature and put on that red nos-"

I didn't see it coming, physically speaking, but I should have expected it. Because after all, he is good at hitting people when they say things he doesn't like.

And this time, it's not only a slap, and it is not directed to my face.

This time it's a fist, and it goes straight to my solar plexus.

Immediately, the pain radiates through all my body as my diaphragm contracts, the air in me getting out of my mouth as a whelp, my lungs unable to contain it.

So this is what Dimitri was talking about. It is so goddamn effective and I won't lie, I wanted to see how someone would respond to such a hit, but I never expected for me to experience it first-hand. It hurts like a bitch when it happens to you.

Too bad Dimitri never taught me how to deal with the pain such punch brings. I feel the need to crouch and make myself little, but the way I am tied up is making this impossible. I just have to stand here and fight the nausea rising the bile to my throat.

"You… bastard…" I manage to voice as in my anger, despite the pain I feel, I try to take a shot at him with my foot. An action that wasn't effective, nor beneficial to my wellbeing.

I hear his evil laughter.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"

He comes closer to me again, and I see through my teary vision a proud grin spreading on his lips. I swear I hate this man with all my being.

Getting a hold of my cheeks, his fingers digging deep into my flesh when I try to pull away, he obliges me to look him in the eyes.

"Listen to me, sweetheart. Nobody will save you. Not from me. I will be your fucking end."

I won't let him break me. I will fight him, each step of the way. I will not be that scared Rose anymore.

"We'll see about that," I try to mimic his sick tone and I manage quite well, despite my urging need to spill my guts.

"Sure, sure. Play the brave. But you won't be this brave soon, I promise."

He means it. Whatever it is that he wants to do to me, he means is.

And only to make things harder to bear, only to mess with my mind some more, he doesn't start right away. He decides to let me wait, to let my mind fill in the answer to the question of how is he going to break me.

He turns around and leaves, without saying another word to me, just letting that horrible promise spin in my head.

But little does he know that my brain is way too tired to come up with dark, painful ways in which he could torture me. All it can think of now is sleep, despite the surge of adrenaline the fight response brought to me. I am way too tired to do anything.

So the second the red curtain stops moving behind him, I sigh relieved and close my eyes, diving into a blissful, painless sleep.

* * *

A sleep that gets brutally interrupted.

Cold, cold water washes over me, disrupting my rest.

Opening my eyes, I see those evil eyes looking back at me, proudness filling them.

My spine nerves send little waves of electricity throughout my body from that coldness and I struggle a little to keep my body steady and not shivering.

"You bastard!"

"Do you feel like talking now?"

I close my mouth and press my lips together. I won't say a single more word. I won't give him what he wants, not in a million years.

Hate fills his expression.

"Oh, you _will_ speak. And you will tell me everything. About the flash, about your loverboy and about everything I want you to. You will spill it all out without me even asking you when I am done with you."

"You can go to hell! I am not telling you anything, no matter what."

"But you will, Rosie."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Oh, but you loved it when I was calling you pet names."

"I hated you calling me that!" I should have seen that his words never matched his actions, but all I did was to let myself lead on by his sweet words. Never again.

I keep on watching him with a killing glare, hoping somehow that I miraculously gain some superpowers that would help me set him on fire.

He laughs again.

"I am not usually the man to threaten, but let me tell you one thing. If you want your family to be safe, you would better tell me."

"You won't get your hands on them." I don't even think twice before saying this.

I know Dimitri has men around my parents. He promised me. He never breaks his promises and I trust him with that.

I may be bluffing here, but I can't risk it. I can't tell him. I can only pray that if Xavier sends someone for them, Dimitri's men will be there to take care of it.

"Aren't you a little too sure of it?"

Yes, yes I am. But I have no other choice.

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"I don't think so. Because if you'd have them, you wouldn't just threaten me with hurting them. You would have already brought them here and you would have taken action."

His lips curl in displeasure.

"Well, aren't you a smartass?"

Yes! I knew it! He was bluffing too. I guess he doesn't want to take the risk. At least not now, when he still thinks he can break me into telling him. So all I need to do for now is to be strong and hope for a way out of here.

"You're all strong now, but let's see how big of a mouth you'll have when I am done with you."

"Yeah, let's see." I can't let him know that I am afraid. I need to stand my ground.

"I just can't wait to see you begging us to stop."

"Am I supposed to be scared of you now?" because I am.

"You will be," he says as a promise and I know I should prepare myself for the worst. God only knows how he plans to get his answers from me.

"Try all the way you want! I won't ever help you! I hate you! You ruined my life!"

"Don't be so dramatic, sweetheart."

"I am not your sweetheart!"

"Yeah, and you've never been."

"What a relief."

My full of hate response makes him laugh again.

"I will give you one last chance of getting away easily. Tell me, what happened with that goddamned purse?"

"I threw it away. I threw away everything that reminded me of that night. Who knows who has it now? Maybe some raccoon that had a party to attend."

His fingers dig deep into my cheeks as he pulls my face towards his.

_"Don't lie to me_. I know when you are lying, and you are lying to me right now. You will tell me one way or another."

"I will _never _tell you. No matter what you do."

"Fine. Remember that this was your choice. Remember that I tried to be reasonable."

"Yeah, because you're such a good guy."

"Like your dearest Mason was?"

"Don't you _dare _say his name!"

"Why not? Just because he's dead?"

"Stop that!"

He is being more than cruel to remind me of this. He knows how much I suffered after he got killed. Or he doesn't. After all, he was never there and he never cared.

"He was my friend…"

"And I was his end. Where's the point here?"

What did he say? He was Mason's end?

No, no, _no_. He is just messing with me.

"You're a liar. Just as always. You won't convince me with this." he is just bluffing again.

"Oh, come on, Rosie, think. Do you think that was just a robbery gone bad?"

It wasn't, wasn't it? I always wondered why that guy still shot Mase, even though we were cooperating.

_I hoped that you would try to be the good guy. _

That's what the shooter said before killing him. He wanted a reason to shoot him.

"If I ever get untied around you I will rip your fucking head off, you fucking bastard! You had no right! No right! He was my friend!"

"Aw, little Rosie bites," he mimics an affected voice, making something rip inside me.

He killed Mason. He did it. He took everything away from me. He still is taking everything away from me.

And I don't even know when my brain sent the signal to my leg to move, but I find myself reaching it upward fast, my foot making contact with his knee, and I've made sure it hurts.

With a growl, he takes a few steps back.

"You bitch!"

"Be grateful I didn't reach the point I was aiming for, you piece of shit! You're a coward! Untie me! I will fucking choke you to death! I will rip your eyes out! Untie me and fight me! Be a man and fight me!"

And maybe my threats said between harsh sobs and tears are hard to believe, but oh, I mean them all. I would kill him on spot and I wouldn't regret it.

But he doesn't care about any of my threats.

"Do you want to know _why_ I killed him?"

"No." I don't want to hear him brag about this. "Please, stop speaking."

I could bear all the physical tortures he'd use on me. But not this.

"He heard me one day."

"Shut up! Shut up, goddamnit!"

"Hey, it's not my fault that you gave your key to that stupid friend of yours that day when he came into town. He wanted to see your new apartment and you so gladly handed your keys to him."

"You weren't even supposed to be there!"

"But I was. I had to make sure I hear everything that happened in there when I wasn't around."

"So you bugged my apartment. That's why you killed him? Because he saw you do that?"

"Oh, not only that. He heard me speak to someone very important. And all because of you. His death is on you, Rosie baby. If he wouldn't have been there that day, in our apartment, I wouldn't have been obliged to kill him later. I had no other choice."

"He was my best friend. You killed my best friend. You're a _monster_."

_All because of you. You gave him your key. _

No. He is just trying to break me. I didn't know. I didn't know he'll be there.

But oh, God. I sent Mason to his death. He would have been alive if…

"Oh, trust me, I thought about that too. I didn't want to kill him at first. I convinced him not to say anything to you. Hell, he would have done anything for you, especially when I threatened to hurt you if he doesn't keep his mouth shut. He was so in love with you everybody could see it, except you."

He knew too? I am such a fool. If I would have ever seen that Mase cared for me in that way, if I would have ever given him a chance, maybe I wouldn't have fallen for Xavier. Mase would have been alive now. Maybe he and I would have been something more than friends. Maybe we would have been happy together.

_Too bad. Because he's dead. Because of you! _

No! I didn't know.

"But you know, I thought better about it and I realized I couldn't take the risk. It wasn't worth the trouble of letting him know. He still could have told you. So I had to get rid of him. This is not my fault. It's all on you, Rosie. You let him in there."

"I hate you! I hope you burn in hell! You're a monster!"

"Oh, no. You see, _you_ will share the same fate as him, not me. But only after you tell me what I need to know. The only thing you get to decide is if that happens fast or not. I am not _that _cruel, you see. I killed your little friend fast. I didn't let him suffer." no, he didn't. Instead, he left me behind to bear this pain. "I could offer you the same way out. I will, if you decide to be a good girl and cooperate."

"Rot in hell! I will never tell you!"

I don't know what he wanted to get from me by telling me this, but all I know is that I hate him more than I ever did and I will endure everything he does and some more, but I will not break and tell him. Never.

Infuriated by my response, he storms my way and his palms wrap on my neck, preventing me from breathing normally.

"You will tell me!"

"Go… ahead… and… kill… me…"

The hate in his eyes only intensifies. So does his grip around my throat. His thumbs dig so deeply into my trachea, robbing me from the last pieces of air.

"You'll… never… know…"

"Don't you dare play games with me! You will fucking tell me, do you hear me? You will tell me!"

His hands still wrapped around my flesh tightly, he starts shaking me, the anger in him still present in his voice as he repeats those words to me. But I will never let him win.

"Ne… ver… nev… er…" I manage to mumble with the last bit of air in my lungs.

My head already started to cloud and I see him through a blur. He's going to kill me. He will choke me. He-

He lets go of me.

My whole rib cage contracting, I hungrily gasp for air, feeling plentiful the painful process of breathing again, my lungs feeling so ready to collapse.

"Listen to me. That flash will bring me a lot of money. And you won't stop me."

"I am not going to tell you. You or the people you're selling it to could do so much harm with that."

"And since when do you even care?"

"That thing doesn't belong to you! "

"Whose side are you on? Have you switched sides? What? Are you with the Russians now?"

"I am not on anyone's side. I am on my own! Fuck you all! I didn't ask to be part of all this. I never wanted to be a part of this. So I am making my own side. And when I get out of here, I will get that flash and I will destroy it! No one will have it. Especially not you!"

"You're so pathetic, Rosie. Do you think he'll repay you in any way for this? Do you think he'll appreciate your pathetic sacrifice? What do you think, that he loves you? Yes, he loves you as much as I did, and that means nothing at all. He just wants what everyone wants from you. All he did was to use you. Do you think he cares about you? Of course not. He'll leave you the first second he gets his hands on the flash. So come on. I am better than him. At least I am true with you now. I am not lying to you. Tell me where it is and I promise to let you go."

He doesn't know shit. Dimitri is nothing like him. He cares. He wouldn't do something like this to me.

"Go to hell! You won't change my mind with your lies! I won't say a thing! I know you'll kill me the second I tell you." and I want to breathe tomorrow and so many other days after that if possible. "So you can go fuck yourself."

He slaps me and as I haven't seen it coming, I kinda bite on my tongue and now blood starts filling my mouth.

I only laugh in response to his hit.

"You're such an animal, Xavier. Hit me all the way you want. You won't hear a single word from me about that. Death would be much better for me than being your informer. If my life helps a monster like you once more, in any way, I'd rather die."

"Then, I will grant you that wish is you're asking for it with such fervor."

"You won't kill me. You still need me. I am the only one knowing where your precious flash is."

"Yes, but this doesn't stop me from making anything possible to get that information from you."

"Yeah, let's see how that will work. Until now, all you did was bark and no bite. You hit me a little and choke me? Wow. So inventive. You don't scare me." not anymore. All that I've been through these past days, I realize, has made me stronger. And I love feeling this way. "You're nothing but a selfish coward. You have no blood in your veins. You're a caricature of a man. You have no honor, no nothing!"

"Oh, so we're talking bad words now, huh? If you would have acted like this when we were together, maybe I would have liked you more and I would have decided not to kill you now. Who knows, maybe I would have come to like you enough to get you in this too. I could have made you rich. I still could."

He is now trying to offer me money, after threatening me with killing me, after he approached all the other bad guy ways, he now tries to, I don't know, _bribe_ me? This guy is desperate. He is trying all the possible methods to make me speak. Good. Let him struggle. Let him boil.

"How stupid do you think I am?" He just shrugs. "And do tell me, what would I do with all those money you offer me when I'm dead?"

"Get yourself a nice monument?"

"Yeah, like I would have ever agreed with this. I don't want anything from you. No amount of anything would make me speak."

Seeing that I am still unwilling to give in, his jaw clenches and he sighs deeply.

"Before leaving, I am going to give you one more chance to end this the nice way." oh, so we're back to threatening? "Where is the purse?"

He has gotten close to me now and on some disgusted instinct in me, I act very unladylike, but I swear I can't help it. He is despicable to me.

I spit on him, the blood that gathered in my mouth spreading so nicely on his face and shirt.

Wiping his face with the sleeve of his shirt, he smiles at me.

"As you wish, Rosie. Make your last hours painful. It's all up to you. I know I will enjoy watching you struggle."

"Great! I can't wait." I continue to provoke him, even though I know so damn well I have a small upper hand here. But I can't help it. It's like there's a little part of me that's asking for it, for this torture he promises.

But before leaving me alone in here again, he stops and turns to look at me once again.

"One more thing. You don't like the cold, don't you?"

"What?" can you believe that he remembered this thing about me? Out of all the things I told him?

"Oh, nothing. You'll just see."

And I don't have to wait for long to see what he has in plan for me.

At about five minutes after he leaves, the two mercenaries from earlier come to me, and oddly enough, they're carrying two buckets, one each.

Oh, I think I know what Xavier has in plan for me.

But I try to seem like I don't give a damn.

"Hey, guys, how's it going?"

Only one of them responds to my tease, approaching me and studying me from head to toe.

"It is going way better now, sugar," he says with a thick accent I still can't recognize, and a wicked smile spreads on his lips as his eyes shamelessly still examine my body.

And oh, damn me, I remember that I am only wearing a pair of panties and a very thin, now wet T-shirt.

I could shy away, as I always do, or try to turn this situation to my advantage.

"Do you see something you like, big boy?"

"Mhm. Plenty," he says and comes even closer as I don't know, his companion seems busy with opening all the windows in here.

So my thought was right. I only wonder how much longer could my body resist the coldness. But maybe it won't be necessary.

I decide to try my chances and go further with him. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to fool him into helping me.

I wrap a leg on his calf and pull him even closer, so that I would be able to reach his ear better.

"And don't you want some more?" I do my best to sound sexy and seductive, a thing that has never come naturally to me, but hey, desperate times ask for desperate solutions.

"Are you offering more?"

"Of course, with the right price…" I continue to rub my body against his, trying to reach his crotch and I try to seem eager and excited about it, instead of disgusted.

He smiles at me accomplice. "Maybe we could-"

I whelp as I feel the so cold water splash on my back, wetting me once more and I need to suppress some swears as shivers get a hold of my body.

The other guy decided to disrupt our moment and now he comes in front of me too, and starts, I guess, scold my previous conversation partner, who is now wet too. And he sends him away.

Oh, there it was, my little luck, leaving me. Maybe he was too weak and if I would have had enough time, I could have fooled him.

The remaining gorilla gets a hold of the other bucket and pours it on me, this time letting it fall slowly on my body, and with each little wave of coldness that washes over my body, I get shivering harder. I am already freezing!

"Nice job, dickhead," I say, my teeth clattering.

"Boss said he'll come back when you'll be close enough to turn into an icicle. Maybe the cold will make you think better of your options, you know, in the cold light of day."

"Wow! A genius comeback!' I yell after him as he turns his back to me.

And they leave me here alone, hanging for a while, my body soaking wet and the December coldness crippling into my bones.

And oh, this is not all. They make sure they come back regularly and wet me again and again, always making sure I don't have the time to get dry, and they would always ask me if I have something to say. I always have something to say, but it was never anything they wanted to hear.

So here I am, again left alone, with only the cold air to keep me company after the rude mercenary wetted me again.

Maybe by hanging here, I will get a little taller. You know, like my bones will lengthen or some shit like that with the help of the gravity.

What a stupid thought from me in this situation. What a stupid, stupid thought.

_I _am so stupid.

How could I let myself get into this situation? I won't ever get out of here. What am I going to do now? I am completely alone and no one is coming to save me. I will die here. I will get into severe hypothermia and I will die. I already can't feel my limbs and the only thing that's warming me a little are my muscles contracting so badly they start to hurt.

And after so long time in which I forced myself to be brave, I finally break in tears. And if the cold wasn't shaking my body enough, the harsh sobs do an even better job.

Oh, Dimitri, where are you? Can't you please come to rescue my lame ass one more time? This time I got myself in big trouble and no one can save me but you.

* * *

Sometime along the long, long hours I've been hanging here, I don't know exactly when, the cold made it so hard for my brain to think straight, the windows have been closed and the men ceased to come and wet me.

Of course, things didn't get better than before, even though the ambiance in here got a little warmer. I am still wet and I am still freezing and shaking.

I only wonder what comes next. Because I am still not willing to speak. I've gotten this far. Why give up now?

The next time he comes to visit me, Xavier brings a friend. I find his face familiar, but I don't know where I have seen him before. Maybe it's just my hypothermic brain playing with me.

"Hey, there! Welcome to the party!" I do my best to sound excited.

Both men ignore my sarcasm. What a bunch of dicks.

"So? What's your decision?" Xavier asks for the millionth time.

I give him the same answer.

"Go to hell."

"You think you're a badass for putting up with me like this, huh? But Rosie baby, you have no idea who you're messing with."

"I kinda do know who I am messing with. With an idiot that doesn't want to get into his head that I will not say a thing!" I turn my attention to the other guy. "Can you believe him? He won't get a no for an answer."

He smiles at me. "I know. That's why I am here."

"Oh, another bad guy threatening me. I'm really scared." my idiotic response makes him smile wider. "Don't be flattered though. I am only shaking because I am cold as hell. You have nothing to do with it."

I don't even know why I am acting like this, but I have suffered so much these hours and it feels like I have nothing to lose. I feel invincible, even though at the back of my mind, I know so damn well I am not.

"Go on. Have fun, Pyro," Xavier says to the man.

"What? You're not sticking around to watch?"

"No, I have better things to do," he says lastly and goes away.

And here I am, alone with my new tormentor. Pyro. Oh, what a promising name. Let's see what he's up to.

"So? How do you plan to take the info out of me?"

"Oh, but where's the rush?"

"Ah, you know, people tend to say I am rather impatient. My bo- My guy said this a couple of times."

"Then don't you worry about it. You'll find out soon enough. I won't keep you waiting."

I smile, and fake excitement. "I just can't wait!"

"You're a weird one, doll," he says amused and comes closer to me, and of course, his hands _have _to touch me. What? Haven't they ever seen a semi-naked, wet as hell woman hanging by the ceiling before?

He rounds his palms on my hips as I try to pull away, but oh, silly me, my tied hands don't allow me to get too far and my tippy toes don't manage to help me either.

So if I can't pull away from him, I could push him away, right?

I take a swing with my knee for his crotch, but I somehow manage to hit his stomach instead, my leg not syncing with the impulse gotten from my brain and reaching too far up. Oh, I am just so tired…

"You fucking bitch!" He gets a hold of my hair and pulls me to him. "You're lucky I am only supposed to torture you. But what you have just done, didn't win you my sympathy. I won't make this experience very pleasant for you. But it will surely be pleasurable for me, doll, to see you beg for me to stop."

"Yeah, you wait for that to happen."

He doesn't give up and he starts touching me again, his hand sliding down on my abdomen, and stopping at the hem of my panties.

"Get your filthy hands off me, you bastard!"

He gets closer to my face, his hand advancing over the still wet material over my groin.

"Or what?"

I take the opportunity to slam my forehead in his nose.

"Motherfucker, that hurt like a bitch!" I never knew my head could hurt like this. I feel dizzy. Oh, shit. I don't know how long I can keep on playing this game.

He laughs with blood going down his lips and chin.

"Impressive." he wipes the blood away with the hem of his T-shirt. "You weren't that brave when we first met, doll. What changed?"

"What did you say?"

When we met the first time? So I wasn't delirious when his face seemed familiar to me? But where have I seen him before?

He comes closer, like wanting me to get a better look at him.

"What? You don't remember me? What a shame. I thought you'd never forget me."

He doesn't move away from me, he just lets me analyze him some more.

But my brain is surely not functioning well enough. I can't remember him. Let's see. What seems that familiar?

A smirk on his lips. This I've seen a thousand times before and better versions too. Little wrinkles forming at the corners of his mouth. So, he's way older than me. Not that this would matter, though. His nose is bloody, thanks to me. No news here. Dark, brown eyes looking into mine, expecting. So many people I know have brown eyes. Dimitri has brown eyes. Oh, how I wish I could stare back into them now. How I wish he'd hold-

_Focus, Rose. Focus. _

Bushy eyebrows enframing those eyes. But there's something wrong with his left one.

Squinting my eyes to see what's wrong, oh, how could I miss it, there is a scar across his left eye!

A scar.

My heart starts beating faster.

Oh, no!

It can't be him.

But that scar is unforgettable. No two people can have the same, identical cut.

I am getting sick.

When the realization of who he is comes to me, he smiles as my eyes widen in fear.

"You killed Mase," I barely dare to say, my voice trembling.

"Congratulations. You remembered. I told you we'll see each other again. It was meant to be, doll. And now, if you don't mind, I have some information to get out of you. But what should I start with? Do you have any preferences?"

I can't even speak to him. I don't want to.

He comes behind me and pulls my head backward, his fingers clasped in my hair as he whispers in my ear.

"Are you going to tell me what I want to know?"

I shake my head.

He pushes his knee into my tailbone, sending painful waves across my whole body. I clench my fists around the rope keeping my body extended and clench my teeth so hard they screech against each other, but I don't let out any sound of pain. I am so, so angry and the pain is helping me exteriorize it all.

"That's all you've got? Pathetic."

He hits me once more, harder, and this time I was so close to biting my tongue off. But still, I don't let out a single sound.

"Oh, this is only the beginning. You don't want to know how far I can take things, doll."

"Why do I feel like you'll have to show me anyway? You shall know I am quite slow at understanding things at times. You may need to explain things to me over and over again."

"Oh really?" he asks as he puts his palm in between my shoulders and pushes, my arms twisting and I whelp in pain. "What about this? Do you need me to explain it to you again?"

"Yes!" I yell.

He pushes harder, and I start fearing he might dislocate my shoulders.

"No? Nothing? Aren't you going to say anything?"

He pushes me some more, and this time, I can't take the pain anymore. I start crying. I feel my joints ready to pop and with each sob, the pain seems to get fainter, but not for too long. It always comes back, stronger and stronger.

"Tell me, and it will all be over. The pain will go away."

"Never," I say out of breath.

"I would hate to have to destroy such beauty, doll. Don't make me do this. Don't make me go further."

"_No_."

When he lets go of me, I sigh relieved and the hanging doesn't seem as bad as it did before.

"You're a little resistant woman, aren't you?"

Oh, I can't even believe it myself. It's a wonder I haven't broken down until now. I thought I passed my limit a long time ago, but somehow my body still finds resources to hang in there.

I don't know for how long I can take it though.

"So, you're not going to tell me anything?"

"No. No, I won't," I continue to refuse, even though I hear my voice shaking.

His jaw tight, he fists his palm and hits me.

And I swear I have seen it coming. My body felt it coming, I anticipated it. And even though no one taught me how to deal with such a punch, I contracted my core tightly as the impact occurred and I hope that helped a little with the damage it brings. I hope there won't be any internal bleeding.

But even though I resisted the hit, it still was a good punch, sent with the intention to do the most damage, and my already exhausted body senses its effects plentily.

Along with the inability to move a single muscle in my body, an excruciating pain surges through my body from under my ribs and I feel such deep fatigue installing in less than a second. Maybe it's because of the loss of air my brain is experiencing.

Oh, who would have thought that the fucking liver could bring such pain? I feel like dying.

"What about that, doll? You're still not going to spill it out?"

I can't even open my mouth to answer. Not that I want to, but… oh, I have so little control over my body. I let it hang limp as I feel like I am floating, like there's no floor left under me.

When his thumb presses on the already hit spot, I scream.

"Tell me!" I hear him yell at me through a haze.

And I keep on screaming, all my left powers focusing only on that, and they soon consume. I have no energy left. I can't do anything.

And darkness follows. A painless, promising, blissful unconsciousness that I gladly embrace.

* * *

I can't breathe!

Oh, God, there's no air left!

I can't breathe!

I can't -

My nose burns as I am allowed to take in a breath.

What the hell is happening?

Snapping my eyes open, I meet that scarred face again, his dark, wicked eyes looking back in mine.

"Glad to see you're awake, doll."

What did he do to me?

Seeing the confusion on my face, he smiles.

"Did you like that?"

Of course I didn't! I am not into extreme BDSM.

"Let's try it again."

My mouth already covered with what I guess is duct tape, he puts two fingers on my nose, preventing again the air to get to my lungs.

And little by little, I start suffocating again.

And no matter how hard I try not to panic, when the oxygen runs out, my whole body starts trembling.

When I start seeing little dark spots in front of my eyes and I am so ready to faint again, he lets go of my nose and I can breathe again.

"So? Are you ready to tell me?"

I don't give up. I can't. I know I have to hang in there. I shake my head.

He doesn't stop at this. He repeats the scheme two more times, always with the same response from me.

And even though I should start crying and beg him to stop because my body can't take it anymore, for whatever stupid reason my brain finds, I start laughing.

It annoys him to see me like this.

"Why the fuck you're laughing?"

With a painful tear of the duct tape off my mouth, he asks me that question again.

I only get laughing louder now that my mouth is free.

"You are crazy."

"And you won't kill me." my laughter gets hysterical. I guess this is the only certainty that keeps me alive.

"What makes you so sure of it?"

"You need me. I am the only one who knows where that goddamn flash is."

"And what? That doesn't make you indispensable."

"It kinda does, you idiot. If he could have found it without me, I wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be here trying to get that information out of me. I would have been long dead."

"Yeah. But this doesn't mean that you can't be hurt."

"And what you're gonna do now?"

I don't think that my challenge was a good idea because he seems so willing to show me.

Oh, he shows me right away.

He unties my left hand and getting a hold of my little finger, in a swift movement, I feel its upper part slipping out of its joint, the pain of this radiating all the way up to my shoulder.

And oh, that screaming voice was mine.

"Will you tell me?"

He squeezes on my finger and I only scream louder. I scream a "No."

"You see, doll, I have twenty-eight chances to make you say yes. If we count your toes too, the chances only get more numerous."

He gets a hold of my ring finger and starts to play with my joint.

"Come on, we don't have the time to play with you."

"Oh, but I do. I have so much time I don't even know what to do with it," I say despite I know so damn well what he has in store for me.

But even though I tried to seem so fierce a moment ago, when I feel him starting to pull my finger to one side, my will breaks.

"No, no. Stop, please, please, stop." I am crying so hard it is hard for me to speak. "Please don't."

"Will you tell me what I need to hear?"

He gets a better hold of my finger and I take a deep breath in, preparing to feel that pain again.

"No. No, I won't tell you."

I'd rather die keeping this secret. I would do anything to keep my family safe. I would die for them.

"As you wish. Don't you ever say I didn't try to be reasonable… "

He pulls my finger to one side and I scream so hard that my throat feels sore.

Twenty-six chances left. How many can I take until I faint again?

"Scream all the way you want. No one is going to hear you."

Taking a step back, he crosses his hands over his chest and looks at me.

"You're not going to give up, huh?"

"No. Never." I barely say through harsh sobs.

I see some emotion appearing in his eyes, apart from the cruelty and the insanity, and call me crazy or not, it seems to be compassion? Pity?

"Impressive, doll."

He comes closer to me again and this time I let the fear in me get the best of me, and I try to pull away from him as his hand reaches up to my face.

"Please… please…"

"Shhh." he wipes my cheek with his thumb. "?You know, I've seen fiercer men breaking faster than you did."

"I… I haven't… broken… yet."

He smiles. "Yeah, I see. And you keep on making me hurt you." his fingers under my jaw tilt my head. "Why do you oblige me to destroy such beauty? You're so beautiful, why don't you want to be a smart girl too?"

"I am. Me not telling you… it is my best chance."

Smiling and nodding, he pulls away.

"You're right. And you see, I guess I could try my other twenty-six chances, but you still won't give in, am I right?"

I nod. I promised myself I won't say a thing. He could try my toes too. I will do my best to take it all.

"But you know, I get easily bored. And when I see that one thing doesn't work, I usually like to make things harder."

Going towards a table, he comes back to me carrying a metal object in his hand. An object I don't think I like seeing.

"Do you know what this is usually used for?"

I don't want to answer. The sight of that object he is showing me already brings dark thoughts to my mind.

"Oh, come on. Someone has told me you are a smartass. Don't you want to impress me again, doll?"

I still don't speak. Saying its name would make it more real.

He presses the metal against my sore flesh, just over the spot he so skillfully hit before, making my eyes water once more and leaving me breathless.

"What is this?" he presses harder. _"What is this?"_

"A branding iron!" I say starting to cry again.

"Good, very good, doll. And you know where I am going to use it?" I shake my head no. I don't want to know. "Let me tell you then," he says, his filthy fingers walking across my hip under my T-shirt, heading shamelessly towards my navel. "The skin is thinner here and easier to burn, to hurt."

I pull my body away and try to hit him with my leg, but I can't even lift it off the floor, not even an inch. I am depleted of all the energy I had.

"Go… fuck…yourself..." my mouth is the only thing I still manage to move.

"Oh, doll, we'll see how much of a badass you will still be when I break you. Because I will. No one escapes me."

I won't lie, his threat gets to me. It really does. I am scared out of my mind. Because things don't look favorably at all for me. Things look really bad, in fact. I might have no escape. And by no escape, I mean no chance to make it till tomorrow. I guess I ran out of lucky chances. I'll die. Now. Here.

He starts lifting my T-shirt and ties it just under my breasts, his eyes never leaving mine, and it's like he's asking me to give in and talk. Call me crazy, but he looks like he wouldn't want to brand me. But...

"You're not giving me any chance, doll." he voices my thoughts.

"I know. That's when they call you Pyro?"

"That's what you want to know?"

"What else would you want me to say?"

"Aren't you going to beg me for your life?" he asks as he pulls away and puts the plug into the socket into the wall, letting the branding iron heaten.

"Why would I? You will kill me regardless. So I would rather die with the dignity I still have."

"What dignity do you still have after you had sex with the enemy?"

I laugh. "He's not my enemy. And I still have the dignity of not helping people like you."

"I quite like you, doll. More and more with each passing minute. Maybe if you impress me enough, I might make your death less painful at last, when it will come to it."

"Not gonna happen. Not in a million years. I don't live to impress you. And I won't beg you for anything."

"As you wish. It's all up to you. It has always been."

He goes away for a little while, and all I can focus on now is that metal turning red with each passing second.

Oh, God, it will hurt so badly.

When my tormentor comes back, Xavier is accompanying him.

"Come on, Rose. For how long are you going to be so stubborn? End your pain now. It is worth it?"

"Yeah. Each second of it."

"You're doing it for him? You think he- What's his name after all?"

"Like I'd ever tell you that."

He laughs a little. "Of course you're not going to tell me. But do you still think he'll come and rescue you? Because he won't."

No. He won't break my will. Dimitri will come. He wouldn't leave me alone. He would never-

"Your loverboy is dead, Rosie."

"I don't believe you. And I will never tell you! You can try anything you want. You won't break me. You won't make me tell you!"

"Whatever. She's all yours," he says and goes away, leaving me again with Pyro.

"So what's it gonna be, Rose?" it's the first time he doesn't call me doll and I feel the seriousness of the situation I am into.

"Do what you have to do."

A proud expression appears on his face.

"That's my girl. I knew you wouldn't give in."

"I am not your girl."

He smiles. "But you know…" he says picking up the red iron. "This thing is quite permanent," he warns me.

"I'll take my chances."

Approaching me, I can feel my whole body heating with the anticipation of that metal touching my skin.

"Just so you know, I won't stop with this. This is the only thing I never get tired of."

"I kinda figured it out when I made the connection with your name."

He laughs a little. "You're funny too. Crazy as hell, or funny. I still can't tell which one." from the back pocket of his jeans, he takes out a piece of material. "Here, doll. Don't you bite your tongue off." he puts the material in between my teeth and I must say I appreciate the gesture. "One last time. You won't tell me?"

"No."

He brings the hot iron closer to my hip and I can feel its heat radiating so close to me.

"Not even now?"

"No," I keep to my response, big tears strolling down my face now. "No," I whine.

I first feel the burnt flesh smell invading my nostrils, then the excruciating pain that comes along with it.

My jaw joint is ready to break from how hard I am biting on the material in my mouth and soon, everything breaks in me.

There's a hand soothing my hair and I feel an arm wrapping over my middle as my body goes limp. I take the chance to get some more support and rest my damaged hand on the shoulder of whoever is holding me, my good fingers trying to grip on him.

_Shh, doll, it will all be over soon. The pain will fade soon._

I hear someone speaking to me, but I can't understand a thing I am being told. It all feels heavy and my ears are muffled, just like I would be dipped into a big, big jar of honey. Hm, I'd like some honey.

Oh, what a stupid thought.

I would laugh, but I can't. I can't even scream, I can't express the pain I am in.

In fact, I don't even feel anything after about three or four seconds of terrible pain. My brain suppresses it all with a blissful surge of dopamine as I faint for the millionth time now in how many hours?

**XPOV**

"I didn't tell you to kill her! You just had to scare her enough to tell us."

I see him letting go of Rose's body and turns to look at me, an upset glance in his eyes. I would be mad too if my methods wouldn't work. I _am_ pissed! Nothing I tried worked.

"She is not dead. At least not yet. But she didn't want to spill it out. What was I supposed to do? Not do it?"

"No, of course not. But I never thought she'd be such a resistant bitch."

I never thought she'd take it and be so resistant. She, again, exceeded all my expectations, only managing to create obstacles in my way.

"Look. If we don't make her talk soon, I don't know for how much longer I can torture her until her body gives in. This was quite a lot and surprisingly enough, she took it. But I don't know if she would take it a second time."

"Fine, then. You won't torture her anymore. We will try something else."

Good thing Tasha arrived here. She will help me.

**RPOV**

I wake up as someone shakes me. And with each shake, the pain in my hip only gets worse.

I open my eyes already crying, and I see a blurry image of a person in front of me. I don't even know who this is. But I know what I endured so far, and I don't want that anymore.

"Stop, please," I murmur.

"Sorry, Rose, but I can't stop. I need to get you untied."

Tasha? Is this Tasha speaking to me?

Opening my eyes wider, I get the confirmation that it's her.

But why is she here?

And why is she helping me?

She cuts the rope around my wrists, finally freeing them after so many hours of hanging and it feels heavenly.

And if it weren't for her to support me, I would have crumpled to the floor.

My whole body hurts and there are parts on me that I didn't even know could hurt so badly. It's a miracle I am still alive.

But they do and there's one spot hurting worse than all the others. My hip. I can still feel it burn.

I move my palm over it and find out that it has been bandaged. Wow. I never thought they cared so much as to do this. I wonder who accomplished this task. I wonder who was human enough.

"Rose, you're with me?"

She shakes me a little and I think this is not the first time she asks me this.

"How did you find me?" I ask her as she starts dragging me along, heading towards the now pulled curtains.

"We followed you. I was always watching your backs and when I saw Haynes take you, we came here after you."

"We?"

"Yes. Me and my partner."

"But you wanted to kill me."

I gain enough strength to pull away from her and to assess my surroundings, finding three bodies lying on the floor.

"What happened to them?"

"I knocked them down."

"Why?"

"So that I could rescue you."

"But you wanted to kill me." I stick to this. This woman wanted to kill me and she shot Dimitri! Because of her, I thought I would lose him.

"I am sorry about that. I had to. My orders. But I realized I was wrong. Let me help you now and make it up for it."

"No. I don't believe you. You're taking me to them, aren't you?"

"I knew it would be like this. He thought about it too."

"He?"

"Yes, he. Haven't I told you we're both here?"

"He is here too?" she mentioned her partner, but I didn't think she was referring to Dimitri.

"Yes. And he gave me this to show it to you so that you would trust me," she says and takes out of her pocket the silly bracelet I gave him yesterday. Or who knows, an eternity ago. He promised he won't ever take it off. "He gave it to me to show it to you," she says as an explanation to my unspoken statement. "He said you'll understand."

My eyes filling with tears, I nod. I knew Xavier was bluffing. He is not dead.

"I understand. Where is he?"

"He'll come too. I was just lucky to find you first. He is maybe kicking some ass around the building. But I am taking you to meet him if you let me."

And I let her. After all, they both came to rescue me and oh, I missed Dimitri so much. All I wish is for him to hold me tight in his embrace and not let go. Everything will be alright then.

I let her put an arm around me to help me walk better, and we get moving. I let her guide me as we pass through some more thick, red, curtains. These rooms look like they're part of an intricate labyrinth. But I don't care. I am getting out of here soon.

I've made it out alive.

"Look, I know it might not be the best time to ask you, but I need you to tell me, did you tell something to Haynes?"

"No, I didn't. He wanted to know where that purse is, but I didn't tell him."

"What purse?"

Of course, she doesn't know.

"The purse the flash he is looking for is into."

"Phew, good thing you hanged in here and you didn't tell him." yeah, I literally hung in there. "But now you need to tell me. We need to take that back so all of this would end."

Yeah, she and Dimitri would know what to do with it.

"It is at my parents' house. The purse is my mother's so I gave it back to her."

The next thing I know is that she lets go of me and as I wasn't ready for that, my legs give in and I fall to the floor. And if this wasn't worse enough, as I tried to stop my fall, I placed my palms on the floor, and all I managed to do was to mess up my two broken fingers even more.

"What was that?" I ask her through tears, after I suppress my whelps in pain.

I hear someone starting to clap its hands as a grin spreads on Tasha's lips.

"What is happening?"

"Good job." I finally see the person who was clapping, and it's Xavier. "I didn't know you were such a good actress, darling."

She heads his way and she kisses his cheek as he wraps an arm around her middle, pulling her close.

"Well, I only did my best, baby."

"You're with _him_? You lied to me?"

"Boo, hoo. Someone hurt Rose's feelings," she mocks me.

"But… but what does this mean? The bracelet?"

"This?" she asks taking the bracelet back out and throwing it to me. "Oh, Rose. He's gone. I took this off his dead, cold body."

I burst even harder in tears.

"No... no… he can't…"

I keep on crying and mumbling as they pull me up and start dragging me out of the room we are into.

He can't be dead. He promised me he would come. He promised he would come to meet me. He wouldn't leave me.

But then again, he promised he wouldn't take this bracelet off.

When we stop moving, I take a look around the room we've gotten into. And when my eyes land on a big tank of water, all I can do is to start laughing nervously.

"Really? You're going to use that?"

"Why not? It was here anyway and no one was using it."

"Just kill me already, Xavier. Why even bother with all of this? Why waste so much water on me? Don't you care about the environment?"

"Oh, so now you get funny again?"

Yeah, funny. Considering the hollow I feel in my chest now, funny is the last thing I want to be.

"Then let _us_ be funny. It will only be a pity that we won't stick around to watch you drown slowly. Who knows, maybe you'll turn into a little Houdini and you'll get out of here." they both laugh at his shitty joke.

I don't put up the littlest of resistance as he drags me into the tank and he puts a chain around my ankle. And even if I wanted to fight, my body wouldn't have helped me much.

"See, Rosie, things could have ended the nice way for you. But you chose this."

"Yeah, sure. It is all my fault. I started this mess. I am the selfish bastard here."

Not liking my response, he curls his lips and getting out of the tank, he traps me in here.

But I just don't care anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

Everything being already prepared, all it takes for them to do lastly is to let the water start filling the tank. And it is so cold and it feels so good on my battered body. The coldness numbs everything.

"So I guess this is where our paths part, Rosie."

"For the last time. Don't you call me like that, you fucker."

He smiles. "Always a pleasure to speak to you."

They turn their back to me and want to leave.

"Hey, you two!"

"What?" I see that he doesn't let her say anything, just like he didn't let me say much when I was around him. He can't help it but be a dick even with the woman he claims to be in love with.

"Fuck you both. You won't get away with this."

Both laughing, they lean closer to each other and kiss.

"Aw guys, this is so sweet it makes me sick. You're disgusting."

"Oh, don't you have an attitude now? What? You're suffering because your loverboy is gone? Because you have finally realized no one is going to save you? Let's see where your attitude goes when the water reaches your lungs."

With that, they say goodbye to me and they let me drown in here.

And I just rest on this floor, letting the water pile up and soothe all of my pains away, the coldness being my best friend now.

All I have left now is this water and this silly, pink bracelet that Dimitri wore last. He's gone. I can't believe he is dead.

And what would be the point of me trying to get out anyway? I have no-

I _have_ a reason to live. I have two. The only two persons left on this earth that I care about. My folks. I can't give up on them.

I can't let these two bastards get their hands on them too. They're going to my home because I was stupid enough to trust Tasha, and my parents have gotten back from their trip already and they'll be there and I am sure Haynes will try to kill them. Now that he knows, not even the best of Dimitri's men would be able to save them.

No. I can't let this happen. I can't let Xavier destroy everything I love. I can't let him take away the last things I treasure on this earth. He won't. I am not allowing it.

I need to get out of here. After this, I don't know. I'll call Ivan and beg him to help me. Dimitri said that if he… oh, God, how I wish they were lying to me.

When I decide to do something, I have wasted precious time, the water already reaching my middle as I hardly find the power to stand up.

I first try the thick, metal chain that keeps my leg pinned. But oh, I would need a chainsaw to get rid of this. And even if I would have the strength… which I don't. It's a miracle I can still move, considering what my body has been through.

How I wish I was Houdini now.

But the more I try, the less hope of getting out of here I have. It is fucking impossible to escape! And my left hand hurts so badly! Those two messed fingers are so not helping me.

And the water level is rising so fast!

As that happens and the water carries my body upward, all I can try to do to preserve my life is to try to be afloat for as long as I can. Good thing that the chain is quite long. For now at least.

I tried to reach for the sides of the tank, but the chain is placed in such a way that it prevents me from reaching any of the walls of the tank. Shit!

So I resume to staying afloat.

But for how long can I do this?

Response: not for too long.

Soon, the now too short chain doesn't allow me to stay afloat anymore and I need to struggle for each little breath of air, and the water stings my eyes each time I can't float any longer and I find myself obliged to take a dip into the water, only to come back to the surface again.

But it is bearable.

Until this trick doesn't work either.

And ultimately, I need to test for how long I can hold my breath.

I just need to focus and stay calm.

_Breathe, love. _

I smile like an idiot. Dimitri's words invade my thoughts, but in this situation, breathing is out of the discussion. If I do this, I'll die.

Won't I die anyway? Why struggle? Why fight it?

There is no use in lying to myself. I will die here.

What is up to me is how painful the process will be.

As the water is invading my nostrils and threatens to get further into my lungs, I do my best to remain calm.

I close my eyes and I go to my happy place. I go back to last night. Or could it be two, three, countless nights before? I have no idea for how long I've been here and it doesn't even matter now. I couldn't survive it enough.

_"Dimitri?" _

_"What, love?" _

_Tilting my head and looking at him, a silly smile spreads on my lips. _

_"Nothing." _

_He smiles too, and his fingers slide upward on my back until they reach my shoulder, where he starts drawing little circles. _

_I smile even wider when I see the little pink beads attached to the bracelet he's wearing. It looks so funny on him. But I love it. It takes quite some courage from a man to not give a damn and wear this just because his- well, because I gave it to him. I still don't know what we are and I won't attribute myself any titles in his life._

_"Maybe I shouldn't have told you that," he teases. _

_I frown at him and in response, he just holds me a little tighter, bringing our bodies closer together. _

_"No. I am glad you did." him telling me his name means so, so much to me. "And I-" I bite on my tongue before I let these words out. _

_"What did you want to say?" _

_Oh, I just wanted to say I love you. _

_But… _

_Wouldn't it be too early to say that? _

_I just shrug and cuddle into him, my lips placing little kisses over the spot I feel his heart beating, and laying my head back on his chest, I let myself soothed by that wonderful sound. _

How I wish I didn't shrug it off. How I wish I had the courage to let him know how I feel. How I wish I wasn't afraid again.

But now, he will never know.

* * *

There is a hand that pulls mine. I feel it tightly wrapped around my wrist.

I wonder who could that be.

Death? This is how death feels like? A warm, promising hand pulling you towards darkness? A hand promising painless oblivion?

**DPOV**

I have searched through all the rooms this building has and there's no Rose in any of them. Around the rooms, I only see objects that bring up some nightmarish scenarios into my mind, but I pray that's all they will ever be. I wouldn't bear knowing Rose went through all the things passing through my mind now.

But now, entering one last room, I stop dead in my tracks at the sight before me.

I don't even remember commanding my legs to move, but I am already next to the tank and my fists are pounding into the wall that keeps Rose away from me.

When my fists hurt and there's not the littlest of damage done to the tank, I try my luck with a chair around the room.

But this doesn't work either. The glass is way too thick.

Nothing works!

She is there, in the water, floating, drowning- already drowned? No! I still see little bubbles of air getting out from her parted lips, so I won't let these dark thoughts take over me. She is still fine. But I am still not doing anything helpful!

I need to get her out of there now!

Maybe I could pull her up enough so that she could breathe again a little. To get ourselves some more time. To get her conscious.

But as I climb up onto the tank and I dip my arm inside, reaching for hers, when I get a hold of it and pull her to me, I realize there's something that keeps her pinned to the ground. And it is preventing me from bringing her to the surface.

So I need to find another way to get her out of there. But how?

_Be calm. _

Come on, Dimitri, think, you idiot!

_Think, but don't panic._ _You won't help her if you get irrational. _

A wrench! I've seen a wrench around the building!

I run as fast as I can to the room where the wrench is and as I come back to Rose, I see her body slowly getting towards the bottom of the tank.

To hell if I am letting this happen. I promised her something and I won't break my promise.

Getting inside the cold water, I smash the chain keeping her leg trapped and getting a hold of her unmoving, so little body, I take her out.

Catching my breath, I lay her body on the ground.

She doesn't move!

"Roza."

I take her wet hair out of her face and shake her, but I get no response.

"Shit! Come on! Don't do this to me. Come back to me, love."

Checking for her vitals, I find none. No breathing, no pulse, not even the faintest of beats of her heart.

No. She has to live. I can't lose her too.

"Come on, Roza. Don't you leave me. Please, love. Stay with me."

_Don't panic, Dimitri, goddamnit. She doesn't need you to panic. She will be alright. Just think straight and do what you need to do. Don't be an idiot. Bring her back. _

Getting the proper position, I find her sternum and start the chest compressions, alternating them with the breaths, past her cold, cold lips.

After a minute, I get nothing.

"Come on, Roza. Please. Don't you dare leave me too. Don't you do this to me. Please, please, please."

Ignoring the pain in my shoulder, I press a little harder and I keep the same pace, trying to send away the thoughts of breaking her ribs. I will deal with that later, when she will be breathing again.

"Oh, Roza, I love you so much, please don't leave me too. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, but please, don't you die on me, love. Please. Don't die."

It brings me to the brink of despair to see her dived into the claws of death.

"I will never, ever, _ever _leave your side. Never again, I swear. You won't suffer a second more, but please, please, come back to me. Give me time to love you. Give me time to make it up to you. Please. Please, love. Don't you leave me too."

**RPOV**

_"Hey, Roza." _

_Hearing his soft voice, I open my eyes and I find myself embraced by him, his body warming me whole, washing away the remnants of some old coldness out of my bones. _

_We're sitting on a beach, before my eyes being the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. The sand is warm too under us and the air is humid and salty and filled with Dimitri's scent that I absolutely adore. _

_But even though I know I should be happy about where I am, even though I am with him, cuddled in his arms, something feels off inside my chest. I can't pinpoint what. But it makes me cry. Something is wrong. Very, very wrong. _

_His arms get tighter around me and his nose nudges on my neck. _

_"Love? Why are you crying?" _

_"Because… we're both idiots." _

_I don't even know why I said this. It's like, I am more of a spectator of whatever is happening, not having control over my actions and words, but I sure do feel it all. Both physically and inside my chest, which is, I don't know why, breaking from all the sadness I feel. _

_"Why?"_

_"Because we wasted so much time running away from each other and now, and now we don't have any more time left."_

_He laughs lightly. "Yes, love. We are. Or, let's say that we were idiots." He kisses my forehead and rests his lips there for a second longer. "But not anymore. We won't be idiots from now on." _

_"How can you say that? From now on? We... we don't have tomorrow anymore." _

_Why? Why don't we have any more time left? Why isn't there a tomorrow left for us? Is the world ending? It feels like that to me, but it doesn't make any sense. Why am I saying this? _

_"Maybe," he sighs. "But we have today. We have now. This second. And it is enough for me." _

_"But… but I want you forever."_

_He sighs deeply into my hair. _

_"We only have this second, Roza. This beautiful, last second." _

_Last second? Why? What's wrong? What is happening? Why can't we be together forever? _

_In my head, I am panicked, I am sad and on the edge of despair. But nothing transmits to my body. It is still relaxed into the comfort of his embrace. _

_"It is indeed beautiful here, Dimitri. With you. I'd love to have more moments like this with you. To… grow old with you. Like this. To keep on coming here and be happy with you. It's such a pity it will never happen again."_

_Turning me to face him, he smiles so warmly as our eyes meet. _

_"Don't you worry. I will love you forever, Roza, even if it lasts for only a second." _

_I am hearing these words from him now, for the first time, and oh, it's like a dream has come true. _

_Closing my eyes, I snuggle into his embrace, taking in his smell that feels like home. Ever since I met him, I feel like I have found the place I have always belonged to. _

_"Oh, Dimitri. I-" _

Come on, Roza. Please. Don't you dare leave me too.

_Dimitri? _

_Leave him? _

_Why would I? All I want to do is to stay. _

Please, please, please.

_Why am I hearing him from so far away? He is holding me after all. _

_Or is he? I can't feel him anymore under me. His warmness left my body. All I feel now is that coldness creeping back into my bones. _

_I open my eyes and I see that now I am alone into this darkness that surrounds me all of a sudden. The beach is gone and he? He is nowhere to be found. _

_What happened? _

_I pat my way into the darkness, but I can't find him. I can't feel anything but coldness. All this void… it's scaring me. _

_And why do I have control over myself now? How come I can move at my own will? _

...Roza...

_Where did he go and why is he calling me?_

_What is happening?_

…never…

_…ever… _

_...swear..._

_"Dimitri? Dimitri? Where are you?" _

...love…

...you...

_I start running through the darkness, but I get nowhere, no matter how far or how fast I run. _

_Why can't I find him? Where is he? _

_And why does every piece of my body hurts so badly now? _

Don't you die on me, love. Please.

_Die? I am dying? I am not-_

_I am. I am dying. I am drow- I feel my lungs filling with water and it is so hard to breathe. _

_I am drowning. In that tank. _

_I _am _dying. _

_The second I remember everything, I start falling. I start falling into this darkness like I would be sinking into the deepest ocean. It is pulling me towards its bottom and I can't do anything to stop this powerful force pulling me towards it. _

_I don't want to go. _

_But I can't fight it. _

_I don't think I want to fight it. _

_It promises so much peace, this darkness. It is starting to soothe all my pains away too. I can feel the numbness taking over each part of my body. And it doesn't hurt anymore. And it feels so good. _

_But… but there is so much I haven't done. So much I haven't said. So much I haven't seen. So much I haven't felt. So much I haven't loved. _

_Him. I haven't loved him enough. _

_He is still calling my name. Or at least that's what I am imagining it's happening. _

_My brain is messing with me so bad. I wish so badly that I could see him one last time, and all it does it to remind me of his voice. Of his sweet, sweet, soothing voice. I could listen to it forever. _

_But even though I have sunken into this numbing darkness, my chest starts hurting so badly out of nowhere, robbing me from my air once more._

_It feels like someone is pressing on it. I feel my ribs ready to break under this pressure. It hurts. It hurts so badly. Everything hurts once again. _

_But… but I see light. _

_With each hard press on my chest, the little dim light in front of my eyes gets bigger and bigger. _

_And with each press, his voice gets louder and louder. It's like he's coming closer to me again. _

_Or maybe I am heading towards him. _


	33. Who is going to be a grandmother?

**Hiii! So, I am currently having an uni course, guys :))), but I didn't want to let you wait until later today to get the new chapter. The only good thing about having online courses is that I am able to not pay attention to them**

**If you see that there are less mistakes in this chapter, know it is thanks to the sweetest person on earth, HonestPassion13, who has taken her time to beta this chapter :) thank you a lot!**

**Thanks guys for all the positive feedback on my previous chapter. I didn't know I had such a twisted mind :)))**

**To make a little summary of how I got all the ideas, I've watched an episode from a TV series (the fingers thing), I've read a book (the suffocating thing), and I have, of course, searched on my beloved friend, Google, torture methods and I've picked one of the most painful I've found (the branding stuff)**

**GojGoj, oh, I will definitely consider that as a job if I don't make it as a writer**

**Dear Guest, stay healthy too!**

**Oh, that is awesome ! You're a creative one too. I hope that things are working for the better for you this week**

**And dear other Guest, I hope this chapter will brighten up your day, even a little bit. I've written some things that I hop you'll find funny**

**Lots of love, stay safe and healthy guys, and see you next week!**

* * *

**Who is going to be a grandmother?**

**DPOV**

"Roza, come on, please."

I switch to breathing again and I stop just for a second to watch her pale face, her blue lips, her unmoving chest, to watch her so close to-

"_No_, you won't die on me, do you hear me? You won't… I am not letting you."

But I don't know what else to do. It has been five minutes since I started doing this and I've gotten no answer from her. But to hell if I am giving up on her. I would go like this for hours if I have to.

When I want to go back to the chest compressions and I place my palms back on her chest, before starting again, I find out that my prayers have been answered.

There is a heartbeat.

Or am I wishing it so badly that I am imagining it?

I place my ear on her chest and wait for a second.

Please, please, please.

And there it is, a faint, faint beating, but oh, God, there is one!

I continue to breathe air into her mouth and in less than a minute, she wakes up!

With a gasp her eyes snap open, and bending from the middle, she gets up and starts coughing water.

In her confusion, she tries to push me away, while still trying to get a hold of herself, the fighting instinct taking over.

"Easy, Roza, easy. It's me, Dimitri. It's me. You're safe."

After looking at me like she had seen a ghost for a second, she coughs a couple more times, getting rid of the remnants of water from her lungs, then, with a deep sigh, she crumbles into my arms.

I keep her steady and soothe her back, which is still spasming under my touch.

"Take it easy, love. Breathe. Breathe with me. Take your time. Easy, in and out."

As we continue to breathe together, I keep her in my arms and close to my heart, thanking God that she is alright.

"You're not dead," she says faintly and rather surprised after she calms down more.

"No, I'm not. And neither are you."

She pulls away and looks at me, surprise filling her features too.

"You're alive. Oh, Dimitri…" she kisses on my face and starts to cry so hard. "You're alive." her palms now walk on my face, gently getting the wet hair off my forehead. "Oh, thank God. I thought I lost you."

I thought that too. I almost _did_ lose her.

"You're alive," she cries more as her fingers caress my face. "I can't believe this," she repeats again, and again, big tears strolling down her face.

"Shh… it's fine, Roza. It's fine. I'm here now."

I get a hold of her hands and as I bring them to my mouth to kiss them, she whines and she bites her lip, seeming like she is in pain.

"What happened?"

"It hurts," she sobs.

"It hurts? What hurts?" as I am already holding them, I take a look at her hands, and I see the two bruised fingers on her left hand, and a hole forms in my chest at their sight.

"Oh, Roza…"

The things she has been though, I can't even start imagining them.

"I…" she wipes the tears away with the hem of her t-shirt. "Can you... put them back?"

"_What_?"

"Please. I'll… I'll take it."

How much more will she take? How much did she already take?

"Roza, I can't…" how could I hurt her more with this?

"Please, Dimitri. Do it for me. It hurts so badly. I don't want them to hurt anymore. Please..."

It would hurt her more if I wouldn't do it. Fuck! I have to do it.

"Let me take a look first."

Testing things, at the cost of a little more pain of hers, I see that they're not broken, they're just dislocated. At least it's not such a bad situation.

"Will you do it for me?"

Nodding, I get up and rip one of the curtains off the window, and I put it around her shivering body. God, she looks so, so little and so, so frail and I don't even know what to try to repair first.

Now, I'll do what she asked me.

Sitting down in front of her, I rip a piece of the curtain, fold it, and give it to her.

She already seems to know what to do with it and puts it between her teeth.

"You're sure about this, love?"

Her eyes still filled with tears, she nods.

I take her good palm and put it on my thigh.

"Let it out on me, okay?"

Still a little unsure about what I meant, she nods anyway, and I do the same as her, take a deep breath in, as I put my fingers around her pinkie.

She closes her eyes and that's when I do it.

I get a better hold of it, pull it towards me, then move it back into its place.

Along with a whine forming at the back of her throat, tears start rolling on her cheeks again, and I feel her palm squeezing on me, her nails digging into my thigh. Yeah, that's what I meant.

"Just a little longer." I get a hold of her other finger. "I'm sorry, love."

Wanting to finish it all faster, I don't wait for another cue from her and I pull this one too. She gasps, her teeth biting onto the material, and with each of her sobs, my heart breaks more.

Trying to keep thinking straight for now, I know I need to finish my task.

Ripping another piece of the drape, I round it on her bruised, trembling fingers, and she whines at my every move, but I need to do it so that they will be put in place until we can properly take care of them. It's the only solution I have for now.

She takes the improvised gag out, and she looks even weaker than earlier.

"Thank… you… thank you," she says, still crying, and leans towards me, and I take her heavy body back in my embrace and soothe her sobs away.

And feeling her in my arms again, oh, it feels so good. I won't ever let go of her. Never again.

I bury my face into the crook of her neck and continue to soothe her.

"I can't breathe, comrade," she whispers, her voice a little amused.

I loosen my hold on her, not even realizing how tight I was holding her in the first place.

"I am sorry. I just... not knowing anything about you for so long… oh, Roza… I thought the worst." I thought I'd go insane, my mind not helping at all, forming all kinds of thoughts about what she would be going through.

I hug her once more, a little less tight this time, and she yelps again, and of course, it is in pain.

"Where else hurts, love?"

She is the one who holds a little tighter on me now.

"Everywhere," she sighs. "Everywhere."

"Oh, Roza. I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be. It's... nothing," she brushes it away, expecting me to believe it too. "All that matters is that you're here. That… you came for me."

"Of course I did. How could I let you...? Never. I would never have done that. I would never have left you."

"But… wow. You're alive," why does she keep on being surprised by this? "How? How come you are here? Am I dreaming?"

"No, love. It's all real. I'm as real as you will ever get."

To prove it to her, I dare kiss her forehead, her skin feeling so cold against my lips.

"But Tasha said…" she starts crying again, sobbing lightly. "She said you were dead. And… and your bracelet… she had it and… oh… I believed her. She said that you..."

"Oh, love. I get it now." Idiot me to think I lost that bracelet in the fight. I can only imagine what she went through thinking I was dead if she reacts like this now. "But you don't have to cry anymore. I'm fine now."

"But… How?"

"In her rush to get here, Tasha thought she shouldn't bother to kill me herself. She let her men deal with me. Some… let's call them, mutual acquaintances that owed me a thing or two."

"And you… oh, good God, did they hurt you? Did they take you away too?"

Not as much as I hurt them. And not as much as they had hurt her.

"Don't you worry about me, Roza. I am fine."

"You promise?"

"Yes, love, I am fine, don't you worry about me. We should be worrying about you now. Tell me-"

"How did you find me?"

"I tracked Tasha down. Thinking I was dead, knowing for sure I was dead, she didn't pay much attention to what she was doing. I guess she was hurrying to get here too. But there was a little delay though, and look where it got us. Maybe-"

She stops me.

"You're here now. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters."

"And I am not leaving. Ever."

"But…"

"But what?"

"I messed up, Dimitri. Like, big, big time. I couldn't get to our spot and he got me and-"

"Don't do that. That doesn't matter. We'll deal with that, with whatever happened. We'll find a way."

"We?"

"Yes. Yes, we'll make it through, I promise. No matter what. You and me."

"But you don't even know what happened."

"I don't need to know to know we'll make it alright."

She pulls away and watches me smiling, that faint smile breaking through the tears.

"You're so sweet."

She tilts her head and continues to smile at me, so, so warmly, as her fingers play along my cheek.

And like this, I see something I don't like seeing at all.

I thought that her jaw was the only thing that was bruised. And not that I was okay with it anyway, but heading down some more, on her neck, I see more purple spots, and they're not the ones I made with my mouth. There's no love about those spots on her.

When I wanted to pull the collar of the t-shirt down, she wanted to pull away.

"Dimitri…"

"No. Let me see that."

I wanted to see what they did to her, so that I would know what to do to them.

Sighing, she lets go of my hand, letting me pull the wet material down.

I count eight tracks of the fingers that were pressed on her neck and left behind darkening bruises. Oh, how I hate these spots. How I wish I was here to stop it all.

I walk my fingers along her neck, and I feel her tremble under my touch. I want to memorize the size of the palms that were wrapped on her neck. I want to remember it all when I pay that person back. But who is that person?

My voice gets quiet and tense, my anger barely restrained as the idea pops into my mind.

"_He_ did this to you?" she starts crying again, bursting in tears. "Did I hurt you?" I get overly concerned about her reaction and I pull my hands away.

"No, no you didn't, Dimitri. It's just that… yes. He…" she nods and I don't need another confirmation. I will enjoy it to the fullest to hurt this bastard.

"Does this, all of this, hurt in any way?" I ask as I walk my fingers along the bruise on her jaw too. "What a stupid question to ask. I mean, does it hurt badly?"

She shakes her head. "It doesn't-"

"Don't lie to me."

Tears still filling her eyes, she nods. "A little."

"Oh, Roza, it's killing me to see you hurting like this. I am so sorry."

"It…it doesn't matter. I don't matter now. Just… they do and- oh, no!"

Her eyes widen as she pulls away and gasps, looking like she remembered something.

"I know what they are looking for! How could I forget about that? I am such an idiot!"

She gets up fast and I get up just as fast, making sure she is steady on her feet and that she won't faint or something. She is not strong enough to make moves like those now.

"And we need to hurry."

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't get it. We need to hurry. He knows. He knows where the flash is. I know, too. I told him, goddamnit! We had been to a party once, he insisted on taking me there and he went missing for two hours and I didn't know, but he- It doesn't matter. All that matters is that now he-" she gasps and passes her hand through her hair, distress filling her more and more with each passing second. "God, he's going for my parents! How can we sit here? We don't have the time for this! They arrived home from their trip and they must be home now and if he- no. That cannot happen. He cannot go there and hurt them. We need to get there now. Before them if possible, Dimitri, please."

"Rose-"

"No! We need to get there fast. Now. I can't let him hurt them. Just, let's go! I will be fine. They won't be."

Without letting me ask any questions, she gets a burst of energy and she doesn't even listen to me when I tell her to take it slow. She gets hold of my hand and starts taking me towards the door. Or just away, as she realizes she doesn't know which way the exit is.

I guide her outside and as we get to my car, I let her fill me in with the whole story of what's happening and what we should do, where we're supposed to go.

"Fine, we'll get there as fast as we can. But before that, let's get rid of these clothes on you. You're already freezing enough. Let's get you dry first, okay?"

Despite some protests, she lets me drag her towards a more withdrawn place on this backstreet to do it.

As she takes her clothes off, I go get my duster from the car. I don't have anything else to offer to keep her covered, but this will do for now.

When I come back, I see why she was reticent about it in the first place. I see the other damage they did to her body.

I see other bruises in addition to the one I knew was on her ribs, scratches on her hands and thighs, too, and I already know that she took a good hit to her liver. There's a big, purple spot there that makes me remember all the hits I took myself, and my breath already catches. She endured such pain too?

As she's quickly wiping herself with the curtain-improvised towel, I look further down, and I see there's a cloth on her hip, and thankfully enough, it's not bloody. But I don't know if I should be happy about that yet.

She takes the duster from me and puts it on, but when she wants to wrap it around herself, I stop her.

"What?" she asks and puts it on, anyways. Yeah, she shouldn't stay so uncovered in this cold.

"What's that on your hip?"

She instantly gets uneasy about it and her eyes avoid mine.

"Nothing important for now."

"Let me see."

"Dimitri, we don't have the time-"

"If you stop protesting, we won't be wasting any time. You decide. You let me look now or protest and waste time, but I will still be looking."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"Because I think you're lying to me about the gravity of it."

"It's _not_ important."

"Let me see anyway, please."

"Fine," she says, getting a little annoyed. "Take a look and let's go already. The faster we finish the faster we go, so… do it."

She hoped that from her little outburst I would give up, but I don't.

I crouch in front of her and she pulls up the edge of the coat enough to reveal the white bandage underneath.

Not knowing what to expect, I move slowly and gently as I unstick the material off her skin, the wetness of it making it easier to take it off.

And not even my darkest nightmares could have prepared me for the sight in front of my eyes.

_They branded her?!_

"Roza, how can you even say this is not a big deal? God, how can you brush it off like that? It must hurt so badly…" I look at her and, biting her lip, she nods a little, confirming to me. "He did this, too?" I will burn him alive, I swear to God.

"No. It was his man, I guess."

"Can I?" I hover my fingers close to her skin and wait for her to say yes or no.

She nods.

"Tell me if I hurt you."

I bring the tip of my fingers closer to the ugly burn, patting lightly around the edges of the swollen, red, circle engraved on her skin forever. She doesn't make a sound, but I know it hurts. How can she keep on saying that it's nothing? I can still feel the heat radiating on her skin, I swear.

"Come with me."

I get her to the car and let her lean on it as I search for the first aid kit, and thank God, it has some gel that is supposed to help with burns. I don't know how effective it might be in her case, but I can't leave that wound uncovered or not taken care of until I find someone to take care of it. This is the first thing I need to be concerned about. Getting her stable and making sure she won't die of a goddamn sepsis. And I know just the person who could help me.

Crouching again in front of her and doing the best I can with my shitty medical skills to take care of her, I want to know more.

"Do you know his name?"

"I heard his nickname."

"Which is?" I have found men with even less. This man won't be any harder to find.

"Pyro," she says, voice trembling.

"That will do, too." I am finding that bastard and I will make him pay. I will make them all pay.

Covering her flesh, she still hasn't made a sound. She's trying to be strong for me, I guess, and I wish she wouldn't. I want to know all of it, everything she has been through.

I get a hold of her hands, and, careful not to touch her two fingers, I kiss her knuckles.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I wish I…" I sigh, not knowing what to say other than to apologize. "I am sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I was supposed to keep you _safe_," I get angry because she is so understanding when she should be angry at me too. She should hate me for this. She shouldn't even want to look me in the eyes.

"And you did." she moves her palm across my cheek. "But you can't be everywhere, at all times."

I sigh deeply once more and turn my head to kiss the inside of her palm.

"I should have, Roza. I should have."

"You're here now," she says as she pulls me up to her. "You're here," she sighs as she gets closer to me and our lips brush.

I move my fingers in her wet hair and tilt her head a little so that I could respond to her soft kiss.

As I keep her close to me and walk my thumbs across her cheeks, I speak my mind.

"I'm sorry, Roza. So sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do enough to keep you safe. I broke my promise, and look what it brought you. I didn't want to get you hurt, but look where we are. I am so sorry. But this won't happen ever again. I swear. I will do everything in my powers so that you won't suffer like this ever again. "

"What did you say? It was two thirds in Russian, comrade," her voice gets a little amused.

I kiss her cheeks, forehead, and lips again, and afterwards, I rest my lips on her forehead.

"That I'm sorry, love."

"With so many words?"

I smile a little too, and I cuddle her to my chest.

"There are not enough words to tell you how sorry I am."

"You don't have to."

"I do, love." I am the main reason things got this far.

She sighs, knowing I won't give up on this.

"Can we go now?"

Looking down at her face, I see that no matter how brave she was trying to be, she is barely hanging in there, and after the surge of energy she had earlier, as I hold her now, she can barely keep her eyes open.

"Yes, yes, sure, let's go."

I help her get inside the car and I bring her the blanket I saw in the trunk earlier. I must keep her warm too.

Before pulling away from her, she bends after me and gets a hold of my hand.

"Dimitri…"

"Yes?"

"Promise me."

"What?"

"Promise me that even if I faint or something, hell, if I die-"

"Don't you say that."

"I don't care about that now." but I do goddammit! "Promise me that whatever happens to me, you just drive to my parents. You just keep on driving. Please. They are in danger and I can't-"

"But you-"

"No. Not me. It's not about me now. I will…" she smiles reassuringly. "I will be fine. I promise. And even if I'm not, we need to get there. I don't care about myself now. They… I can't lose them, too. Promise me, or I will never, ever forgive you for that. Please."

Half-heartedly, I nod. We'll see how things go. I can't just promise I won't care about her if her condition gets worse.

**RPOV**

He wants to pull away, but I am not content with his nod, so I don't let go of his hand.

"Dimitri, please keep my parents safe. For me. Don't worry about me."

"I can't promise you anything like that, love. Not that. I'll make some calls to send someone there faster than us, in case we don't get there in time. But that is all I can do for now."

This time, he pulls away, even though I didn't want to let go.

He closes the door and goes to his place.

Before leaving, he calls someone and they speak in Russian.

"What was that about? How did things go?" I'm getting curious about that. I need to know how things are going.

"I spoke to Ivan and he might arrive there earlier than us. He's closer to that area. I told him to look for your parents and check on them."

"Thank you. But Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

He turns around, and on his face, I see that he already knows what I want from him.

I smile weakly. I wouldn't be so insistent if I knew for sure that I would be alright, but I don't know.

And even if I'm taking advantage of the fact that I know that he won't break his promise, I don't know what else to do. I don't know how things will unfold for me, but the last thing I want him to worry about now is me. We need to worry about my parents instead.

"Promise me, please."

He smiles back and extends his hand over the seat to caress my cheek.

"Fine. I promise," he finally says with a sigh, knowing I won't give up on this.

"No matter what happens to me." I want to hear those words from him.

"Roza…"

I put my palm over his and squeeze his hand.

"Please."

He tightens his jaw a little and sighs again.

"I promise."

"Say it."

"No matter what…" he squeezes my hand, too. "No matter what happens to you."

I get up a little from where I'm laying so that I can caress his cheek too.

"Thank you so much."

And the very second he starts driving and I lay back on the seats, giving my body the chance to relax, I fall asleep.

**LPOV**

I wake up as my phone starts ringing.

Amazing! After a shitty, bloody night, all I wanted was to sleep a little. But no, people still need me. Let's see who it is this time.

Looking at the caller, I see it's Ivan's brother. Good thing it's not him.

And no matter how tired I am, I can't bring myself to not answer. I promised myself I would always answer for him.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if she's alright," he starts with this, and I swear I can hear some panic in his voice. Or maybe I am just that tired that I start imagining things. He never sounds panicked. He has never been panicked.

"What? Who is not alright?"

"Rose. Her lips are still a little blue, but I guess it's from the cold. She's so, so pale and she's still shivering, even though it's not as bad as before. She's still wet a little, I guess, or the cold got to her bones or something like that, but I gave her a blanket and my duster and I turned up the heat. I didn't find anything else to give her to keep her warm, but I hope this works for now. I'm worried… I don't know if she's alright. She's… sleeping, I think. I hope. She's still breathing, I can hear it. Quite difficult, but I hear her. But I'm afraid that she… please, Lissa."

Hearing him like this, I become fully aware. He _is_ panicked.

And what he's telling me doesn't sound very good. He must be talking about the same woman he asked me to help, I suppose. The question is…

"What happened to her?" I have my suppositions, but I won't waste my time saying them.

"A lot. She has been through a lot. They tortured her in God knows how many ways, she didn't want to tell me all of it, we didn't have the time either because she fell asleep, I guess she's totally exhausted, but she has been beaten, mostly."

"That's all?"

"I wish. I really do. But no. They dislocated two of her fingers and I put them back, but I'll need you to look at that too. I didn't get to check, but I hope she doesn't have any broken ribs. I can't guarantee I didn't break any of them though, when I was doing chest compressions."

"Chest compressions?" oh, the situation is worse than I imagined.

"Yes, I had to. She… She almost drowned. She was so close to… oh, God. Tell me what to do to make it better, to make her better."

First, I need to get calm, myself. His tone is not bringing me much peace of mind. I can't deal with all that from a distance.

"Alright. From what you've been telling me, she might have hypothermia."

"And how do I deal with that?! Tell me."

"I don't know how she is, I can't tell from a phone call. I should look at her, assess the situat-"

"Then meet me! Now. Please. Please come and meet me, Lissa. And could you bring her some clothes, too? And oh, God, how could I forget? One more thing. She was branded."

Did I hear that right? Did he say _branded_?

"What did you say?"

"Bring something for that too, please. The burn doesn't look very good, but hell, what do I know, you're the doctor here. I can only tell you it hurts her so much."

"Sure, I'll come. Where do we meet?"

"Could you come to meet me along the way? I have somewhere to go and I can't afford to have any delays."

"Sure." I'll do whatever he asks me to. "I'll take what I need and I'll see you."

"Thank you, Lissa. I owe you so much. Thank you."

Oh, I don't think so. I think we're still not even yet. I don't think we'll ever be.

**RPOV**

I don't know how much time passed after I fell asleep, but now I wake up as I feel myself being moved, as someone tries to pull the blanket off me, and oh, as I regain my consciousness and awareness over my body, as this person moves me, I feel it all, all the pain that has been inflicted to my body and that I have brought upon myself.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." I hear a warm, soft voice trying to soothe me and this only makes me more confused.

What did Dimitri do?

Opening my eyes, I see through the tears in my eyes an angelic figure standing in front of me. She's young, model-slim, tall, and I can see this even though she's sitting down next to me. Her complexion is pale and her hair is platinum-blond, making her look so, so pretty.

As her jade green eyes look back in mine, she smiles warmly, only making me more sure that she looks like such an angel.

"I didn't die, did I?"

I hear two laughters.

"No, love, you're not dead." I hear Dimitri saying and oh, silly me, I realize I am still in a moving car. But I got too distracted by this woman in front of me.

"Who are you?"

"I am Lissa."

"Oh, yeah, I've heard of you…" I want to get up to my butt and when I am close to failing, she gladly helps me, that nice smile never leaving her face. "Thank you." I think I like her. She seems nice.

"No problem, Rose. Now, if you don't mind, can I take a look at your body? Especially at that burn?"

Oh, I get it.

"You're a doctor and stuff, right?"

"Yes, I am."

My eyes go to Dimitri and he is looking at me in the rearview mirror, so I squint my eyes at him, knowing that he can see me.

"You promised me a thing, but you just couldn't restrain yourself, couldn't you?"

"Hey, I kept my promise. I only stopped for ten seconds to let her get in the car. Besides that, I didn't do anything to break my promise. I didn't stray away from our path. But I couldn't leave you like that either."

"Fine, Dimitri. Fine. If you insist…"

"Dimitri? _Dimitri_? That's your name?" Lissa asks, amused.

"You didn't tell her your name, either? Why am I not surprised?"

He shrugs, a smile creeping on his lips too.

"Oh, I never _knew_ his name! All these years," she says laughing.

"You never asked either," he protests.

Hearing them, I smile and close my eyes a little so that I could focus on my breathing, because another surge of pain swirls through my body when the car meets a depression in the road.

"Are you okay, love?"

"Mhm, yeah, sure." opening my eyes again and trying to seem better than I feel, I smile back at Lissa. "Come on, do your thing. But just know that…" I need to clear my throat, a little shyness taking over. "I'm not wearing anything underneath…"

"Oh, then let's do something about that first," she says as embarrassed by this as I am, and she starts getting out some clothes from the bag that's lying on the car's floor.

"Oh, you really are an angel, Lissa. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. Let's see if they fit you first. I brought more of them so that you could choose."

Handing me the clothes, she so kindly pins her eyes on the road on her side, letting me do my thing.

I start by taking a look at them, and when I find the proper ones, a pair of sweatpants and a loose blouse from a soft material, I start taking the duster off.

As I am doing my best to get myself dressed fast and to not cause an accident if someone from another car sees me, my eyes fall on the front mirror and I again see Dimitri looking at me.

Besides blushing, I put the blouse on myself faster, ignoring the pain radiating from my side, and I make sure to bend and smack the back of his head.

"Eyes on the road, comrade."

Smiling, he does what I told him to do.

"I wasn't doing it for the reason you think I was doing it."

"Yeah, _really_?" I still keep my eyes on him as I put on the sweatpants too, but he doesn't try to look at me again.

"Yes. That thing is the last thing I am thinking of now. I only wanted to see if it still hurts you."

"Oh." and what would be the point of me telling him it doesn't hurt? He already saw me trying to keep a straight face as I was moving. "It's not as bad and… Lissa, I'm done. You can play the doctor on me now."

"Okay, let's see." She gets a stethoscope out of her bag and I turn around and lift my blouse, already knowing the drill.

"Tell me, do you have any breathing problems?" I shake my head no. Besides the difficulties I felt as I was coming back to life, I feel alright now. "Breathe in deeply, please." I do as I've been told and still, I feel no discomfort. "Do you feel like vomiting? Do you feel confused? Does anything feel wrong besides the other pain?"

At all her questions I shake my head and I hear Dimitri sighing relieved in the front seat.

"Your lungs sound alright too. Now turn around and let me see if there's anything else broken on you."

Her fingers start palpating different areas on my torso and abdomen, and at some I make a face, at some I yelp, depending on the pressure she puts and the pain I feel in response.

"Can you tell me what happened to you and where you've been hit?"

I shake my head no. Not that I wouldn't want to tell her. What worries me is that Dimitri would hear it too. He is already all ears.

He is already worrying so much for me. I mean, I can only imagine what he has been through when he had to resuscitate me.

"Come on. I need to know what I am looking for and where."

And she's right. I have to tell her.

As I fill her in with what they've done to me, as much as I remember of it anyway, I keep my eyes on the mirror in the front of the car, and with each thing I add to the torture list, I see Dimitri's features crumbling with worry. I knew it would affect him. But somehow, he doesn't say a thing. I bet he is already planning ways to kill all the people that hurt me in his head.

"I'm surprised, Rose. You have a better state than the one I thought you'd be in. That's good. But now I need to take care of the other more important things."

"Like?"

"Your broken fingers and your burn, of course," Dimitri says.

"But you already took care of those, comrade."

"Not as well as she will. Let her do it."

And I let her. If he trusts her, so do I.

She starts with my fingers, testing their mobility and their place in the joints, and from her reaction, it seems that Dimitri did a good job back there.

But I need a distraction as she does her thing.

"How did you two meet?" He told me they have known each other for years now, but nothing more.

"Oh, you see, he um…"

"She was just in a little trouble."

Lissa laughs. "Yeah, sure, and if by a little trouble you mean that he saved my life, then yeah, you can call it a little trouble."

"Oh, so it seems you have a thing for damsels in distress, huh, comrade?"

But at my comment, Lissa gets a little uneasy. Or a little more than that. She even flushes.

"Oh, but you know, Dimitri and I didn't- we- I mean yes, his um, broth-"

"Don't you worry. I wasn't insinuating anything. I was just joking."

She finishes putting my fingers in place and into a fancy pink cast.

"Hey, comrade, look at this."

I extend my hand in front, over Dimitri's shoulder, showing my cast off to him, and oh, he is so sweet, turning his head enough so that he could still watch the road but to be able to kiss my wrist.

"Oh! What the hell is _that_ for?" I panic a little as I turn my eyes back on Lissa and I see her getting out a syringe that she starts to fill with a transparent liquid.

"It's a sedative that will put you to sleep. I'll need to clean the wound on your hip really good, like giving it a scrub because I don't know how it has been taken care of, and it will hurt like a bitch."

"And can't you do it while I'm awake?"

"It will hurt, Roza."

"So what? I took that burn wide awake. Why would this bother me?"

I spoke my mind too fast and I see that Dimitri didn't like my comment. But I still appreciate that he didn't stop the car yet to force me to do it, and that he's keeping his promise.

"Deal with whatever you want, repair what needs to be repaired, but no shot, please."

"But it will hurt you so much," they both say almost in unison.

"I don't care. I don't want you to do it."

And this is when Dimitri pulls the car over, stopping it on the side of the highway, and he turns around in his seat to look at me, a trace of scolding in his eyes.

"Roza, let her do it."

"I don't want a shot, please. I don't like needles."

"Please? I don't want to see you hurting more when she's taking care of you. She'll need to do some pretty bad things."

And because I know it will affect him too, I start to give in. I sigh and turn my attention to Lissa, trying to avoid the sharp edge of the needle she's handling.

"How long will it last? How long will I be out?"

"Half an hour, tops, just enough for me to do my job thoroughly."

Dimitri keeps on looking at me with what I swear are puppy eyes and I can't resist them.

"Fine… I guess I could…"

He already smiles at me and extends his hand to me.

"Give me your hand. Look at me, and don't focus on that. She'll be done fast and you won't even feel it," he says smiling reassuringly.

And as Lissa goes back to what she needs to do, I keep on looking at him, and his other hand comes up too, caressing my cheek and preventing me from looking down. I still feel the needle piercing my skin, but oh, it doesn't compare to any of the pain I've felt lately.

And soon enough, I fall back asleep.

**LPOV**

"So, _Dimitri_, tell me, how did you meet Rose?" I try to keep a light conversation as I am butchering her body a little, scrubbing off the wound, cleaning it so that it won't get infected.

"Long story. It doesn't matter."

Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting that the boys don't talk about important stuff. They're always so secretive, even though we've known each other for so long. But then again, it was only today that I found out that he has a name.

"Just tell me, will she be fine?"

"Oh, I don't know. Hearing all the things she went through, it is a miracle she is not dead."

"You don't mean that."

"I do, Dimitri. She took so many hits. She's exhausted and you told me she almost died. And this burn… you will need to be very careful with that."

"I will. I will do whatever it has to be done. Just tell me and I will do it."

I smile. I never heard him so concerned or so panicked, like ever, about anything or anyone. I know that it is not in their nature to be like this, so… emotional. Not even when they were close to dying themselves, when they were hurt badly.

_Stop thinking about him too! He's not even here!_

And Dimitri? He is always so composed. She must mean something to him if he's so unsettled by this now.

"Even though she seems to be out of any danger now, you should keep an eye on her. I am guessing that she will try to lie to you about how she feels if it ever gets worse. And make sure she rests. Like, a lot. Lay down and stuff."

"Yeah, I bet she will try to lie to me. She already did a couple of times. I will keep an eye on her. I'll make sure she is okay and that she will get the rest she needs. But for now, we need to get somewhere. Where do you want me to drop you?"

"You know, I could stay a little longer."

"Would you do that?"

"Yes, of course." I want to make sure she's stable enough and maybe get this pressure off him for the rest of the ride. He might need to focus on other things rather than her now. "And when I leave, I will give you some stuff you'll need and some shots too, to help with the healing."

"Thank you, Lissa. It means a lot."

"Anytime. Anytime, Dimitri."

"I owe you this one."

"Oh, don't mention it." It's the least I can do.

**DPOV**

It takes us a while to get there and being as nice as always, Lissa sticks around and even offers to drive for a while too, suggesting I need some rest. And what can I say, she is so damn right. I haven't slept in days.

We stop for a minute to switch places and, getting into the back seat, I take Rose in my arms.

She feels me and snuggles closer to my chest, her arms wrapping around my torso.

"Are we there yet?" she mumbles half asleep.

"Not yet, love. We still have some way to go."

"Comrade?" she asks after a minute of silence.

"Yes?"

"Will it all be okay?"

"I don't know, love. Ivan didn't call me yet. But I hope it will all be alright."

She walks the tip of her nose on my neck. "Thank you. You're the best."

Oh, I don't think she should thank me yet or declare such things. After all, it could all still go to hell.

But for now, until we get there, there's nothing more we can do.

* * *

"Dimitri?" I hear Lissa call me.

I wake up, already alert. I didn't really sleep, to be completely honest, not fully anyway. I kept on thinking about the worst scenarios and when they became dark enough, I called Ivan, and this happened a couple of times.

But even though he has a better lead than ours, on my last call, he hadn't reached Rose's parents either. So all I could do was to wait for his call when he got there. But his call hadn't come.

I try not to move too fast so I won't wake Rose up as I shake the sleepiness from my head.

"What happened?"

"I think… I mean, we got here," Lissa says and the tone of her voice doesn't sound too good. It only brings worry.

Looking out the car, past the steering wheel that Lissa is holding onto tightly, I see that one of the worst scenarios I could think of has come true.

We got here too late.

Why didn't Ivan call me until now?

Did we outrun him? Highly improbable.

Is he in there, trying to help? I hope not. The fire is so big no one would be able to escape it.

"Are we there yet? Why did we stop?"

No, no, no. Rose cannot wake up now. It's the worst time for her to wake up. She can't see this. It would kill her to see this.

Rubbing her eyes and yawning, she looks at me first.

The second she sees me, the second she sees the horror on my face, confusion fills her features.

"What happened? What's with the long face, comrade? Is something wrong? Did we get pulled over by the police or something?"

If only that had happened.

"Roza, I-"

"What? What happened? Tell me. Tell me now."

"I… I'm sorry."

Hearing my words, she panics more and when her eyes look out the window too, she sees what Lissa and I had already seen, and just as it happened to us, she remains speechless.

There is a house on the street that is burning down, and there are a lot of people gathering, but I see no firemen around, so it means that we got here a little too late.

It would be a miracle if it were just a coincidence, if that would be the house of someone else and we got the address wrong.

But her reaction is enough of a confirmation to know we got it right.

She lets out a wail, rips the blanket off her, and opening the door on her side, she jumps out of the car and starts running towards the house, all this before I get the chance to react.

I hurry out of the car too, already following her.

Given how I know her, she would enter the house to try and save them.

But it's already too late. If they're in there… it's already too late for them. The fire is too intense and the house has started falling apart.

I can't let her go inside. She can't go in there. I can't lose her like that.

Catching up with her, I get a hold of her from behind.

In the little commotion this creates, in my trying to keep her in one place and her trying to get away, she stumbles and we end up falling down on the street. A position that only gives me the advantage of a better hold on her. So I wrap my arms around her and hold her tighter.

"No! Let me go!" she struggles and wants to push me away, her whole body shaking with sobs. "Let me go there."

"I am sorry, Roza, but I can't."

"Let me go! Let me go there! They need me! They-" her voice breaks. "Please. Let me go to them. Please, please, Dimitri."

She cries and cries and buries her head into the crook of my neck, stopping her struggle for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Roza. I'm sorry."

"I hate you!" she pounds her fists into my chest and pushes me away hard. "This… this is all your fault! You, and him, and everyone shouldn't have come into my life! Get away from me! I don't want to see you ever again! You said that there was someone who was looking out for them, didn't you? Where are they now? You lied to me! Why didn't they take care of them? You told me they would be safe!"

"Rose, I… they weren't my men and I- I only could send Ivan and-"

"And they are dead! They're in there, burning to ashes! Let me go! Let me go to them! I want to die in there with them! You promised me, Dimitri. You… promised… Get away from me. I don't want to be near you ever again. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't take this too. It's too much..." her voice breaks into a wail.

But I don't listen to her. I will not leave her side ever again. I can't let go of her, especially not now.

"Hate me if that's what you feel. But I can't let you go in there. I won't."

"Please, Dimitri, please."

Despite her begging, I hold onto her tighter, keeping her in my embrace. And even though she is telling me to let go of her and to get away from her a couple more times, she doesn't fight me anymore, on the contrary, she cuddles to my chest, crying even harder.

"They're gone," she keeps on repeating and pounds her fists on my thighs. "You promised me. You promised me, Dimitri. And they're dead. My parents are dead. The house is burning down." she clutches onto my shirt as hard sobs shake her body. "I've lost them, too. I've lost it all."

I keep on holding her as she cries and watches the house burn. She is not even letting me move her eyes away from that view.

It breaks my heart to see her lose the last pieces left of her life. I know so well how that feels. It's awful. It's unbearable.

"Dimitri?" Oh, Lissa. I forgot about her.

I look up at her and see the apologetic look in her eyes. Yeah, I'm sorry she had to see this too.

"What happened?"

"Your phone is ringing." Yeah, I guess it had fallen into the car.

"I don't care. It doesn't matter." Nothing matters now. It's too late.

"It's um… Ivan," she insists. "I thought that you…"

It's Ivan!

I get the phone from her and answer right away.

"Please tell me that they are okay. I can't do this to her. I can't let this be real. Tell me that by some miracle, you got here before us and you took them out."

"I took them out from where?"

"Ivan, don't play with me. Tell me that you took them out of the house. Tell me that they're alive. Tell me that they're not burning in there."

"Everything's okay, Dimitri, I am not messing with you at all. And no one is burning, what's gotten into you? They are okay. But I didn't take them out of any house. They didn't even get home. As I was going that way, I got a call and found out that their flight had been delayed, big time, because of some snowstorm and I headed to the airport instead. They're with me now. They just landed."

"And why didn't you call me earlier?" I pour the rest of my anger on him.

"I wanted to be sure first."

"And are you sure?"

"Well, if this woman that looks like a copy of Rose is not her mother, then damn me, I don't know. They share the same surname too, so..."

"Ivan, I swear to God, don't be sarcastic with me now. I didn't have the best day before now."

"Oh. Sorry then. But yes, Dimitri, I am sure. It's them. And they're safe, with me."

"Thank you. Really. Thank you. You've saved the day."

"Ah, don't make me blush, brother. I'll see you soon I guess, right?"

"Sure."

I put the phone away and focus on Rose again.

She doesn't even try to move anymore, she stopped pounding her fists on me, she just let her body be heavy in my arms, the hopelessness radiating from her.

"Rose?"

She pulls away and, trying to wipe her tears away, she looks at me.

"What do you want now?"

"Your parents are alright."

She gets angry and I see her making a fist, ready to punch me. It's a miracle she didn't do it already.

"Now, you're cruel to lie to me. How can you say that?" She shows me the burning house. "Does everything there seem alright? How is that alright?!"

She wants to get up too, but I stop her, pulling her back.

"I'm not lying. I am telling the truth. Ivan just called me. Your parents are with him now."

The anger washes away from her face.

"What? How? This can't be possible. They were inside. And the house is burning and they-"

"No. They were at the airport, on their way home. They came back from their trip way later than expected."

"Oh, God!" she wipes her tears away, her eyes getting redder with each move, but a smile appears on her lips. "I can't believe this."

Her hands go around my neck and she holds me tightly, as her chest starts shaking when she gets crying again. I hope that's from happiness now.

"Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Dimitri. Thank you, thank you, thank you." she begins to cry harder. "I am so sorry for blaming you. God, please forgive me. I just- I just couldn't lose them. They're all I have left."

Lifting her off me, I cup her cheeks and soothe them.

"It's alright, Roza. There is nothing for me to forgive. I understand." better than anyone. "I know why you said it."

"But I said all those things. I wasn't fair. I was mean and I-"

I shake my head. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I didn't, I really didn't," she hugs me one more time, tighter than before. "Please don't hate me for saying that, Dimitri, please. I was an idiot. I am such an idiot. You make everything alright, and all I do is to blame you stupidly. Please don't be mad at me. Don't hat-"

"I could never do that, Roza. I'm not mad. It's fine. I understand." I remember how much I hated everyone around me when-

She holds me so tight I can't catch my breath for a second.

"God, you are my hero, Dimitri."

I laugh a little.

"I wouldn't call myself that, love." Not at all. I am just trying to repair the mess I brought into her life.

"But you are. Oh, you are. Thank you."

"Would you like to go and see them?"

She lifts herself up from me, excitement filling her face.

"Can we? Is it safe?"

"Yes, of course we can. Let's go."

"Oh, but they can't see me like… like this. All the bruises and this," she shows me her cast. "And everything… they can't know."

**RPOV**

On our way to the meeting spot Dimitri and Ivan decided upon, Lissa offers to put some makeup on my battered face and Dimitri makes a stop at a boutique he spotted along the way, all so that my parents wouldn't see the state I am in.

When we get there, I look more like the Rose I remember. Not that she would use this much makeup, but at least the bruise on my jaw is not visible now. And thanks to Dimitri, the turtleneck he bought for me is covering the ones on my neck.

And even though I am tired as hell and everything hurts at the smallest movement (I think I'll be like this for months), knowing that my folks will be here soon, I get so excited. I missed them so, so much. And I worried just as much.

As a car approaches the parking lot of this little, abandoned factory, I put my gloves on and want to get out of the car.

"Don't force yourself to do too much, okay, love?" Dimitri is already by my side, extending a hand for me.

I smile at him and take it, welcoming the support his body provides.

"But I don't want them to worry." I'll do my best to hide it all.

He smiles too. "I know. But promise me that the first second you feel unwell, you'll tell me, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll do that, comrade." even though I think it won't be necessary for me to open my mouth.

Maybe he thinks I didn't observe it, but his eyes are on me, watching my every move, like he is expecting for me to faint any second now.

"Good," he says and bends to kiss my forehead. "Now let's go."

With him holding my hand the whole time and with Lissa standing by my side too, we head towards them, and I do my best to not be wobbly on my feet.

Dimitri comes up with a good idea for us to stop next to a piece of a fallen wall of concrete so that I could lean on it the whole time, so we do that and wait for the others to come to us.

When the car stops, my parents get out first, and Ivan follows.

Soon enough, Lissa turns and looking past me, she eyes Dimitri weirdly, then announces to us that she's leaving, a cold, harsh tone in her voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lissa, I forg-"

"It's fine," she says through gritted teeth. "Really. I knew he'd come, so it's not your fault anyway," she mumbles more. "I'll just… I don't know… go now that I am not needed anymore. I am glad I could help," she tries to approach a joyful tone, but it is not really working.

"Here, you can take our car." Dimitri extends her the keys.

"But what about you two?"

"Don't worry. We'll be fine. We'll find a ride. Thank you for your help."

"Don't mention it, _Dimitri_," she says trying to keep the same joyful tone, this time playing her part better.

She proceeds to hug us, me last.

"It was nice meeting you, Rose. Take care of yourself, will you? You'll need it," she gives me one last piece of advice and after I thank her for everything, she goes away, heading back to the car.

Turning back to Dimitri, I can't stop voicing my curiosity.

"Hey, what's the matter with her? Or should I say them?"

"Oh, love, I forgot our stuff in the car. I'll go take them before Lissa leaves with them."

And so, I don't get an answer, and well, I can't go after him to make him tell me because well, let's say that I get a little assaulted by my parents and their tight, painful hugs.

I don't make a single sound of pain when they immerse me with their love, and I see it on Dimitri's face when he comes back that he wanted to intervene or even tell them to be careful, but he restrained himself quite well.

But to compensate for things and to make Dimitri a little happier about my condition, I'll sit on this piece of concrete the whole time. Like this, he'll worry a little less.

After them, it's Ivan's turn to come and hug me, as my parents are busy meeting Dimitri.

As his arms wrap lightly around me, like knowing so well what could be underneath, he whispers to me.

"How are you hanging in there, kiddo?"

Kiddo?

"I could be better."

"Yeah, I can only imagine." He pulls away and smiles at me. "You're doing a good job so far."

And taking a few steps back, all we're doing now is to look at each other for some seconds.

"Dad, what's that on your face?"

"Oh, you know your father, sunshine." my mother intervenes, with an amused tone. "Abe put up a fight when your friend came to pick us up, and now he and Ivan both have a bruise," she ends up in laughter, which gets a little contagious.

Yeah, they both do. I thought that the one starting to get darker under Ivan's left eye had another cause and I didn't think to ask. But when I observed the one on my father's jaw, I had to know how he acquired it.

I would show them my collection of bruises. We'd match perfectly, the three of us (or maybe four? I still don't know what Dimitri went through while we were apart), but I won't risk worrying them more than they already are.

"In my defense, I didn't throw the first punch. And I was only trying to defend myself," Ivan says, mostly to Dimitri that is eyeing him weirdly.

I can't help it but laugh loudly, despite the pain under my ribs. Yeah, my father has always been like this when it comes to his family. Protect now, ask questions later.

"Yeah, well, then maybe next time he shouldn't try to play the secretive guy card on me," my father protests.

"Sure, sure, honey. Get over it already," my mother puts an arm around him, and her eyes land on me next. "You said you were on vacation."

"Yeah, I kind of had to lie to you about that."

"How come? Why?"

And as I fill them in briefly and with as little information as I can for them to not worry too much, Dimitri takes Ivan away. I hope he won't get scolded though.

**DPOV**

Getting as far away from them so that they could have a private conversation, as I look at him, I see a smug smile appearing on his face.

"Cut it out, Ivan. I really don't want to hear it now."

"Hear what? That I was-"

"Really now. Cut it out or I'll hurt you more than Rose's father did."

"Oh, come on. Let me say it. Let me say I was-"

I sigh. "Fine. Go on and enjoy yourself. Say it." he was right, after all. He was so right when he said that Rose will be the end of me and he can see it so clearly.

But now he makes a face. "Nah, if you let me say it, it takes the fun out of it." Now, his expression gets very serious. "Just… be sure, okay? It's been what? Ten years since… you know?"

"I don't think I want to have that conversation now." I don't ever want to have this conversation. But he just keeps on bringing this subject up, each time he gets the chance.

"You should one day. You never-"

"Let's not play the psychiatrist now, shall we? I didn't bring you here for this. I just wanted to ask you if you could take them to a safe place after this."

"Yes, sure. I know a lot of places. But what about the other things going around?"

"I'll take care of them. Somehow." I didn't think about how I would end this mess, but I need to take care of a lot of loose ends.

He smiles. "Like you always do? By yourself?"

I nod. "You know I have to." he already got involved in this too much. A lot of people did and I need to stop it before it affects them more than it already did.

"Fine. Just... don't do anything stupid."

"Like?"

"Like, I don't know, don't get yourself killed? Or don't get into deeper shit?"

"Tell me, how well do you know me?"

"That's the problem, buddy. That I know you well enough."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean. I know you well enough to know that you would do whatever it takes for her." Yeah, that's true. "But… do you think it's worth it?"

"She is worth it."

"I wasn't talking about that, Dimitri, or about why you're doing it. I understand that. I was talking about all the things coming her way. Is that worth it? Are you ready for that? Is she?"

I know these questions come from his own experience. I mean, I could see the face he made when he saw Lissa here earlier. Hers too. But I just can't keep on pushing Rose away. I don't want to do that anymore. I am sick of living like this. Rose made me realize that, and I am not going back to that ever again.

"No. I am not ready, and neither is she. But I'll do my best to set things right before I come back to her, so that there won't be any other things coming her way in the first place."

"Oh, you will?" I nod. I will do whatever it takes. "Why do I have the feeling that this will bring you a lot of trouble?"

"Because it probably will."

He sighs. "I am well aware that I won't be able to change your mind, God only knows that no one managed to change mine about Lissa, but just make sure that you won't let Mama mourn for a child, okay? She would kill me too if you did something stupid like getting yourself killed."

"I'll try my best. And now, tell me, do you have what I asked you for?"

He smiles and nods. "I never thought you and I would ever make such an exchange, Dimitri. But here we are. I am glad that at least this is not pink."

**RPOV**

"What? This can't be," my mother says this for the thousandth time ever since I started explaining to them what happened.

"Yes, I know, I couldn't believe it myself, mom. It all happened so fast, but it happened. And here we are now."

"And who is this man? Who are these men? Why are they helping you?" my father inquires now.

"Well, they just helped me," I say looking at Dimitri as he approaches us. For whatever reason, Ivan decided to go to the car and wait there.

I smile at Dimitri, who reciprocates the smile, making my heart fill with warmth. He always makes me react this way.

"They kept me alive through all this. They're good people."

Hearing this, my parents react differently. My mother smiles and I swear she's on the verge of tears when she looks at Dimitri. She even hugs him and thanks him a couple of times for keeping me safe.

But with my father, well, things are different. I already said how protective he gets and I guess they already started to think there's something going on between Dimitri and I, so of course, he says this:

"I want to have a talk with you, Dimitri," my father says with a serious tone and a straight, long face that I know so well. He wants to give Dimitri the fatherly speech!

"Abe, honey…" my mother starts, and pulls him away for a second, and I hope that she is telling him to behave, because that's what I want to tell him too.

As they're busy talking, Dimitri comes closer to me.

"Sorry about that."

"About what?"

"For what he's going to tell you. Trust me, I have heard that speech a lot of times before, and it has never gotten better, no matter how much he practiced it."

He laughs a little. "Don't worry. I guess I can handle your father. Or at least I hope I can. I wouldn't want to have the same fate as Ivan," he ends a little amused and I laugh too.

I take his hand in mine and play with his fingers.

"What will you tell him?"

He smiles and kisses my forehead.

"I will tell him that I would do anything for you, to keep you safe, to make you happy and that he shouldn't worry about my intentions."

"Oh, he shouldn't?" My tone is playful, but he keeps a straight face.

"No. Of course not. I don't intend to hurt you in any way, love." He didn't get what I meant.

"So, this means that your intentions are pure, huh?" I continue with the same tone and this time he gets it because he smiles.

"I guess you could say that, at least about some of my intentions."

"And what about your _other intentions_? Should he worry about those?"

"What other intentions?" He plays the innocent now.

"Your bad intentions, of course."

He gives me a flirty smile, appreciating my playfulness, and he starts drawing little circles on my thigh.

"Oh, I don't think he should know about those, don't you think? Or else, he wouldn't let me be around you for too long, Roza."

"Right. So, don't mention that to him. It will be our secret."

"Deal. But hold onto that thought, love. I want us to continue this conversation later," he says and bends to kiss my cheek. "And be sure that I don't forget about it. But now, your father will get mad at me if I don't go, and I don't want us to start on the wrong foot, so..." he keeps on smiling as he turns around and heads towards my father.

And as the men go away, I remain with my mother, my mother who starts smiling at me the second she gets close enough.

Oh, why do I feel like I am about to get a talk myself?

"Since when do you wear makeup without someone forcing you, huh?"

Ever since my face is full of bruises.

"What? Does it look bad?"

"No, of course not, sunshine. You look lovely as always. But tell me now, is he your new boyfriend?" Oh, wow, she goes straight to that subject. And she sounds so excited. "Don't get me wrong, but I never really liked Alexander. But this one right here looks like-"

"_Mooom_. Stop it. He might hear you."

"No, he _cannot_. He is too far."

Oh, that's not true. They don't seem to have gotten too far and from how well I know Dimitri, he is able to pick up on the littlest of sounds and he's always listening. So why wouldn't he be listening to us now?

"And he is speaking to your father anyway, so he's not paying attention to our girl talk here. And stop shying away now and tell me everything about your cutie."

Her daring words make me shy away.

"He is not my _cutie_." I don't even know for sure what we are.

"Whatever, Rose. Call him whatever you want. Just tell me."

She is way too excited about this. And from what I remember, she never got this excited about any of the other guys I went out with. So what's the deal?

"How is he treating you? Is he treating you nicely? I hope he is because your father would gladly-"

"Yes. Yes, Mom. He is. He really is." I can't help but smile stupidly as I look at him talking with my father and I think about all the nice things he has done for me.

My mother sees that and smiles, her eyes only getting more inquiring.

"Tell me, don't keep me waiting," she insists.

"He is… great, Mom." Of course, leaving aside the part when he wanted to kill me, or all the times I am sure I made him take getting rid of me into consideration. "He is such a good man. And he is… kind. Good-hearted."

"And… what about something else?" I didn't like the tone she used with this question. She seemed… playful? What in the hell, Mom?

"Something else? Like what?"

"Like, don't tell your father, but…" she leans closer to me, but her eyes are on Dimitri. "How does he look underneath that duster?"

"_Mom_!" I squeal as I feel my cheeks starting to burn. She _did not_ just ask that!

The men turn and look our way, smiling. I try to seem composed as I smile back at them and look back at my mother.

"I cannot believe you asked me something like that," I scolded her, whispering.

"Why? What if I did?"

"You are _married_."

She puffs and even rolls her eyes.

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. That's not what I meant, Rose, not in that way."

"Really? Then what _did_ you mean?"

"Come on. You know I love your father to the moon and back and then a little more, and that I would never hit on any of your boyfriends. I have everything I ever needed with your father. But it is not a mother's fault that she wants beautiful grandchildren."

I laugh. "That's it? You want beautiful grandchildren?"

I have never heard this word from her mouth before. She never told me she wants grandchildren, and now she tells me she wants me to have them with Dimitri? Not that I wouldn't enjoy the idea of conceiving them-

"Of course, what mother wouldn't? So come on. Give me a little spice. Well, if you know… you two got there..."

I growl and punch her, trying to be playful, and maybe I punch her a little harder than I intended, but she just laughs.

"Mom, really, stop it now or I'll die of embarrassment."

I don't know if she was aware of the fact that I was still a virgin until this week, but hell, for her to ask me so bluntly if Dimitri and I had sex? Wow. I've never expected her to be like this. She never asked such stuff about the other guys I went out with, so where does this sudden interest come from?

"Why? I am your mother after all. You know you can tell me stuff."

"I know, Mom."

"So?" she insists.

"He is…" I shrug. "Good looking…"

"That's all?" I swear I can feel the disappointment in her voice. It's kinda funny to see her so interested in my relationship with Dimitri.

"What else do you want to know, mum? That he is hot as fuck?"

She smiles, so proud of herself. "Well, yes. If he is, then yes. Is he?"

I smile too, stupidly, especially remembering how I called him a god when I was drunk.

"Yes, he is, Mom. But not only on the outside."

"That's good. I am glad to hear that. You know, I am happy you found him."

"How can you say that? You just met him like, ten minutes ago." She so doesn't know the whole story about him. I don't know it either, but hell, I feel a lot of things about him.

"So? You know I've always had a thing for what vibes people give." yeah, she was always good at reading people. Too bad that she couldn't see through Xavier's bullshit too.

"And what vibes does Dimitri give?"

"Good ones. Like, really, really good ones. I like him. I am feeling that he's a good guy." Oh, he's so much more than that. He's a sweetheart.

"Hey, wait a second. How come you never said something like that about any of my other boyfriends?"

"Well, let's be honest now, sunshine. Neither of the guys you dated was boyfriend material."

"Oh, _really_? And when would you have found it proper to let me know that? When I got married to one of them? After?"

"Oh, I just didn't want to hurt your feelings. You seemed to be happy with them. At least with some of them." she stops, looking around, feeling a little awkward about what she wants to say next. "To be honest, I thought that this Alexander guy you were dating… I don't know… he seemed…"

"Yeah, don't remind me of that bastard. He seemed nice. But all he did and said was a bunch of lies and I hope he dies struck by lightning." not that this would ever compensate for the things he did to me, but I hope he suffers too because he deserves it. That bitch of his too.

"Yes, I guess that Alexander didn't prove to be the gentleman he pretended to be. He fooled us all."

"Well Mom, I don't think you need all that shit to be a gentleman. Who needs suits, and fake manners, and sweet lies? Sometimes a duster and a character rough around the edges is more than enough." Dimitri is more than enough.

"But hey, every cloud has a silver lining."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, even though Alexander has turned out to be the one breaking your heart, this fella right here," she points to Dimitri and I swear she's smiling so warmly at his sight. "He came out of nowhere and picked up the pieces and he made you happy again. Don't you think I saw how sad you were that week you spent home out of nowhere a couple of months ago? I did, but I didn't want to make you suffer more about it by questioning you. I knew it was about Alex, but I didn't want to ask. But him? Dimitri is your silver lining. I see how happy you are when you look at him, the way you smile just when you talk about him, and that makes me glad. I'm glad you met him, even if it happened under these circumstances."

Listening to what she is saying to me, I look at Dimitri and feel my heart starting to fill with love once more. She is right. I mean, even though he is the one who came swirling in my life like death wearing a leather duster, turning everything around, messing my life up in ways I never thought could be possible, he is the one that put everything back in place too. He is the one who made everything alright again. He always does, even the worst of things. He is the one who showed me that not everything is lost. That I can still smile and feel alive. And I love him for that. More than anything.

"So, Mom, do you think that he and I…" I don't even know what to ask, but I want her to tell me what she thinks about it.

"Oh, sure, sunshine, I am sure about it. You and Dimitri… yeah, I like it. And just so you know, I'll be here waiting for my beautiful grandchildren."

I start laughing and extend my arm a little so that I could hug her. "Oh, Mom, you're unbelievable."

She hugs me back, holding me tight. "What? I don't want to be an old grandmother."

"Who is going to be a grandmother?" I hear my father ask.

Oh, shit, I didn't see them coming.

"No one," I respond fast and I pray that none of them will want to know more about the subject.

But even though none of them says more, they all smile and I try to smile too, of course, besides blushing.

My mother goes to my father, probably to fill him in on the little talk we had or vice versa, and Dimitri comes to me.

His palm comes over mine and he smiles at me as our eyes meet.

"You're feeling okay, love?"

"Don't know for sure. But I want to ask you to do something for me."

"Anything. Just name it."

"_Anything_?" I ask, my eyebrow already lifted. How come all of a sudden I can't stop being this playful around him? Could it be because I am so, so happy?

He smiles cheekily. "Love, I told you to hold that thought for later. Your parents are here and I wouldn't want them to get a bad impression of me."

But despite his scolding words, his fingers start playing on the inside of my palm, sending little tingles through my body.

"Fine, fine, comrade. We wouldn't want that."

"So, what was it that you wanted to ask me in the first place?"

"When I get up to my feet, do you think you can support me? I don't want to be wobbly in front of them."

"Sure. No problem, love. I will hold onto you."

"Thanks."

He helps me get up to my feet and I hold onto his duster mostly, my palm getting a good grip of the material, and he puts an arm around my waist for more support as we get closer to my parents and we're heading towards Ivan, who is going to take them somewhere safe now.

"Aw, look at them, Abe. They look so cute."

"Mom…" I whine. "Stop," I plead for my cause.

If she won't stop, I am sure she will say more things and I will end up either blushing like crazy or die of embarrassment. With her and all the things she says, you never know.

"Do you think you could kiss a little? I want to see you." Here it is, she just couldn't restrain herself.

"Mooooom! Don't do this, please." I growl and as we stop, I blush even harder than before, when it came to the grandmother incident, and this is mostly because Ivan has heard this too and now he's looking at me, smiling.

"Come on. Just a little. Do you have any idea how long I waited for you to have a decent boyfriend?"

"Mom, we…" how can I tell her that I have not the slightest idea what Dimitri and I are? We haven't established anything. We kissed a lot and we've done stuff, but no one has said anything either.

"Just a little smooch," she insists and the men around us get extremely amused by her teasing.

"No. Stop it, I mean it." I get threatening, but she just takes it as a joke.

"Ah, you're such a prude. You've always been. We're your parents." my father decides to intervene, but not in my favor.

"That's exactly why!"

The men only laugh more. Yeah, my embarrassment must be really funny. I'll make sure I will at least pay Dimitri back later. He could have stood up for me a little.

"It's just a kiss, sunshine. We've seen you naked for Christ's sake."

Oh, here it is, that comment that turns everything from blushing to dying of embarrassment.

"Oh my God. You _didn't_ say that." I bury my face into Dimitri's duster. "And you all please tell me you didn't hear that."

Dimitri chuckles under me and soothes my back. He heard it so damn well. Everybody did.

"Please kill me now, comrade. And do it fast, please."

He just chuckles again and I lift my head to give him a squinting look. Oh, I will so pay him back somehow for being their accomplice.

"You'll get used to her, Dimitri," my father pats his shoulder like they are such good friends already. So, should I get that their conversation was a good one?

"Yeah, she has always been so shy. I don't know who she got that from," my mother feels the need to inform him about that too. Like he didn't already know it. I blushed at the blunt things he told me countless times.

He soothes my back in response and holds me a little tighter.

"I know, Ma'am." uh-oh, someone is about to get scolded.

"Who are you calling Ma'am?" my mother gets more than offended by Dimitri's words, thankfully not that seriously. "I'm not eighty, you know? Call me Janine, please."

And I can be thankful that the conversation has moved on from embarrassing Rose.

"Now come on, sunshine. You'll have to say goodbye to him sooner or later. Do you want us to turn around so that you two can kiss goodbye or-"

I rip away from Dimitri and look at him confused.

"_Goodbye_? Say goodbye to you? Why?"

He nods. "You're going somewhere safe with your parents. Ivan will take you there."

"That's not what we talked about. Did you even think to ask me about it? Did you think to ask me if I want that?"

I get so, so angry about this that I don't even need for him to help me be steady on my feet.

"Hey, kiz, you don't have to get this angry. He-" my father tries to fix things, but I won't hear it. To hell if I am letting him send me away like this.

"No, old man. This is something we need to talk about. In _private_, please," I say to Dimitri at last and I am already starting to pull him after me.

From the anger I feel, the pain in my body is just a memory. It simply vanished as I pulled him far enough so that our conversation wouldn't be heard.

"Were you even going to tell me you still wanted to send me away?"

"I just did. You found out."

"That doesn't give me much comfort, Dimitri. And I am not going with them, whatever you decided. I haven't decided that myself."

"Rose, you know it would be better if you'd go with them."

No. I won't sit on my ass and wait for him to do things. I won't let him go God-knows-where while I am sitting locked in a room just because he thinks it's safer.

"I don't care. I want to help you. I don't know what to do, but I want to help. And I am going with you, no matter what."

"Rose…"

"Look. I… I am not doing it just for myself. If there is still someone after me, I don't want to be with them. I don't want to put them in danger more than I already did. I want to go with you. I know they'll be safe and by being with you, so will I. Please. Don't send me away, not with them, not to Lissa, not to Ivan, not to anyone."

"Are you sure about this? Is this what you really want?"

"Yes. Very sure. More than ever. I want to remain with you."

He caresses my cheek, thinking, then shakes his head.

"It won't be safe and I can't-"

"Please. I just want to know they are safe and sound even if they are going to be away from me. Send them away, but not me. Wouldn't you do the same for your family?"

Maybe I am taking it a little too far by mentioning this, but I have to. I need to convince him.

"I would, Roza. I would, but you-"

"Take me with you, please. I have been away from you, and I don't want that anymore. And I don't know, maybe I will be able to help you somehow."

For a whole minute, he doesn't say a single word. He is taking his time thinking about this and I am praying that he will agree. I see all the emotions and all the thoughts passing through his mind as his thumbs keep on caressing my cheeks.

And call me crazy, but he's looking at me like he would be ready to say goodbye. But to hell if I am letting him send me away. I will run away if I have to, even from Ivan. No one will keep me in place.

"Will you take me with you?" I finally dare to ask.

He sighs, like he is defeated. "Yes. Yes, I will."

"_You will_?" Don't get me wrong, I am only surprised that he said yes right away.

He nods and I round my arms on him and hold him so, so tight.

"Thank you, Dimitri. You won't regret this, I promise."

"Oh, love. I am already regretting it, but I know you won't give up on this easily. From how I know you, you'd jump out of Ivan's car and you'd find a way to come with me."

"Oh, you know me so well, comrade."

Now that things are taken care of, we get back to my parents, who I kiss and hug goodbye.

When it comes to Ivan, I need to make sure he will take care of my parents. They're the persons who are most precious to me that are left. Two out of three.

After I threaten him with the best things that come to mind, he just laughs and hugs me. But hey, I have seen pride filling his face as he was listening to me. I guess I got quite inventive with the things I'd do to him if he doesn't keep my folks safe.

"I surely will, kiddo. I'll take care of them as best as I can. But tell me one thing."

"What?"

"How did you convince him to change his mind about taking you with him? God knows I tried to do this countless times about so many things, but I never succeeded. The bastard is unmovable."

I shrug. "Maybe I am his soft spot."

He smiles, but it doesn't look like a happy smile.

"Yeah, I guess you are, kiddo."

He ruffles my hair a little and gives me a genuine smile this time. Oh, it kinda annoys me a little that he's treating me like I am such a kid. But I also like it that he was so comfortable to get familiar with me. I like him too.

"Just, you two take care, will you?"

"I guess we'll try as best as we can."

As all the goodbyes have been said, and all the protests of my mother and father have been taken care of with believable enough assurances that I will be fine, the three of them get inside the car and they leave.

When they get far enough, I sigh and I put one palm on Dimitri's forearm for support.

"Oh, thank God they left."

"Why? You didn't want to stay with them more?"

"I do want them to stay." I really do and I am a little sad that they had to leave so fast, but I am glad that they're going somewhere safe. "But I am just so exhausted, I don't think I could have kept myself sitting up straight in front of them for longer."

"Oh, love. Why didn't you tell me?" his voice gets concerned in a flash and here, this is the very reason I didn't tell him anything until now. "Are you okay? Are you feeling bad? Nauseous? Are you having any chest pains? Anything?"

"No, no, no. I'm fine. You worry too much. I am fine. Yeah, I am fine."

"Really?"

"I am really fine. Fine as hell. Why would you ask me again if I already told you I'm fine? Really, I am fine. Totally fine, comrade."

"You're repeating that word over and over again, but you don't look like you are." he cups my cheeks and lifts my head, and it takes me some seconds to focus my eyes on him. Yeah, he may be right. I don't feel that fine. "You're pale and to be honest, you look like all the times when you fainted, love."

"You got me. I think you're right. And I think that now would be a good moment for you to catch me, please," I end fast as I feel my legs starting to go mushy under me.

I see the panic on his face for a couple of seconds, seconds it takes him to come closer and to put an arm around my waist.

Like this, he pulls me closer to him and I lean on his body, resting my forehead on his chest, welcoming the familiarity of his body close to mine, of his scent, of his warmth.

"How bad is it?"

"I just lost my balance. I was feeling a little dizzy, that's all. Oh, why lie to you? I was seeing little black spots before my eyes. But now that you're holding me, it's much better. I think I started moving too fast, or too much."

"Or could it be because you got mad? Because I got you mad?"

"I don't think so, comrade." I don't want him to think he is responsible for this. Lifting my head, I smile at him. "I think I just depleted my energy, that's all."

"And what do you think we could do about that?"

"Dunno. Do you have any suggestions?"

"What if I take you to eat something?"

"Something like?"

Him mentioning food already got my stomach rumbling and, to be honest, I can't recall the last time when I had a proper meal. The last thing I ate was an oatmeal bar that Lissa offered me.

"Like anything your heart desires. Maybe a double dessert too?"

I laugh. "Oh, comrade. You know how to keep a girl happy."

He smiles. "Good. Then it's settled. That's our first stop. But before that, let me…"

He puts his other arm around me and pulls me even closer to him, and feeling his body so close to mine, oh, after all this time when I couldn't have him close to me like this, it feels heavenly. I sigh and dive into this little bliss.

But he gets concerned again.

"Did this hurt you?" he wants to pull away from me.

I growl and wrap my palms on his duster, pulling him back to me.

"Don't you dare let go of me."

He chuckles. "So, can I hold you for a little longer?"

"Please do. For as long as you wish." I'd like for him to hold me like this forever. "But comrade?"

"What?"

"You know I'm sorry, don't you?"

Looking down at me, he frowns. "What for?"

"For the things I said."

"Roza, I told you-"

"I know you said you understand. But I hate myself for saying those words. I shouldn't have and I-" my eyes already fill with tears and he hurries to wipe them away before they spill. "I'm sorry. I wasn't fair and-"

"Shh. It's fine, love. I promise I am not mad at you. I never could be." he cuddles me to his chest and kisses my forehead a couple of times. "Don't you think about that anymore. I am not holding anything against you."

Oh, he's so good to me.

I kiss the closest spot of his skin that I find, his collarbone, and sigh.

"Thank you, comrade."

Holding me a little tighter, he sighs too.

"I missed this," he says as his nose nuzzles along my cheek. "I haven't had much time to hold you like this since I found you."

I smile into his embrace. "I missed this too, comrade." I missed feeling him close, feeling his warmth. "And…"

"And what?"

"I missed kissing you too..." in the comfort of his embrace, I dare voice my little request, shrugging.

We haven't done that either ever since he found me. Just little pecks now and then, but no serious kiss.

Putting a little distance in between us, he looks at me and smiles.

"Oh, _really_?" I nod and he smiles wider. "Then…" He comes a little closer to my face and in anticipation, I lick my lips and get biting on my bottom one. "I think we could do something about that, love, right now."

Taking his time, he comes closer, and closer, and closer, until our lips touch so gently. I close my eyes and wait for more. And oh, he is so eager to offer it.

Cupping my cheeks and tilting his head, he presses his lips to mine, and soon, his tongue flickers past my lips, and I part them, not needing another cue. I've waited for this kiss for so long.

He pulls away just for a second, in which he looks at me and smiles.

"Me too, Roza. I missed this too."

Coming closer again, this time he doesn't take it slow. My lips already parted, my mouth already waiting for him, he passes his fingers through my hair and he kisses me once more.

Feeling like I am starting to float when his warm tongue invades my mouth, I grab onto his duster for some imaginary stability.

"Oh, love," he mumbles in my mouth as his tongue slows down, taking its time now to taste and explore mine.

A minute later, or could it be an hour? Two? I don't know, the time seemed to expand for me as his lips were taking over my mouth and my brain. But we finally pull apart, both of us smiling goofily.

My palms still wrapped on the leather of his coat, I feel something new, something odd.

"I don't think I want to know what's hiding in the pocket of your duster, comrade."

"Oh, I think you do."

"I do?"

"Ahem. Come on. Check it out."

Still a little reticent about what I might find in there, I do as I've been told and slip my hand into his pocket.

I frown confused as I feel a ragged material under my fingertips.

"Comrade, what's that?"

"Come on, get it out. See for yourself."

Taking the little thing out of his pocket and looking at it, I smile.

"Oh, Dimitri…" my eyes fill with tears again and my heart with so much warmth. "Oh, comrade… you saved Miss Pickle. Again? How?"

"I asked Ivan to keep an eye on it for me ever since we left it in the car I gave him back at the bar."

I laugh at the thought of Ivan babysitting my silly toy.

"You really did this for me. Why?"

"I thought you would like to have it back. It seemed important to you and I didn't want you to lose it."

"I do. And it is important to me." It's the last thing reminding me of my sweet Ash. "Thank you." I lift on my tippy toes to hug him and kiss his cheek about a thousand times. "Have I ever mentioned that you're the best?"

"Yeah, you mentioned it a couple of times, but I still haven't figured out why yet."

I punch him a little.

"Because you simply are. You are the best, Dimitri." he remembers all these little things about me and he goes to any lengths to do nice things for me. How could I not love him for this?

"Well, if you say so, then there must be some truth to it."

"There is."

Smiling, he comes and kisses me again.

"Now, in order to get you to eat something, I have to go away for a little while to find us a ride. Would you stay here until I come back? I don't want you walking around too much."

"Yeah, I like that idea. I don't feel like walking much either." I am not sure I could do it anyway.

He smiles, relieved. "I like it when we're on the same page, love."

Leaving the backpack with our things with me, Dimitri goes away, and I stay behind, sitting on my old friend, the piece of concrete and for once in these chaotic days, I feel at ease. Everything is good, at last. I can relax a little and just breathe.

But no more than a minute later, there's a phone ringing inside the backpack.

I finally find it in one of the little pockets and I see that the one that's calling is Ivan. Maybe it's important. So, even though it's Dimitri's phone, I answer. After all, he has my parents with him and God forbid something happened to any of them. It's been only ten minutes since they left.

"Hey, there."

"Rose?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"Where's my brother?" yeah, funny thing about that. They say they're brothers, but I haven't seen the resemblance so far. But oh, that is not important now.

"He went to find us a car."

"So you're alone there?"

"Kinda."

At this, he starts using the words Dimitri uses when something is about to get bad.

"Would you tell me what's happening? What's wrong? Are you three safe?"

"Kiddo, don't worry about us now. There was a car chasing us, but I took care of it and lost it," isn't that a little paranoid? I mean, who would follow them now? Maybe they just had similar paths to follow. "But there might be something happening to you too, and soon. There's something off about this situation."

"Like?" I still don't see the danger, only the paranoia.

"Like, I don't know what's going to happen. But be careful. I think your stupid ex did something again and got us followed from the airport there, only with a little delay. Or who knows, maybe they waited for us to split up."

"That can't be." Why would he even bother to do this? He has what he wants. He wouldn't bother with this, it is of no importance to him.

But after all, he is a vengeful motherfucker. He burned my parents' house for nothing. Why wouldn't he go after them too? Why wouldn't he come for us if he somehow found out we're still breathing? I bet that Tasha already found out from her little friends that Dimitri is still alive. Maybe they know I am alive too.

"Oh, it apparently can be, Rose. Now do something for me. Go find Dimitri. Fast. And make sure you call me when you're both safe, will you? Otherwise, your mother will break my neck, and to be honest, I never thought that's how I would die."

The seriousness of his words hits me and after I end the call, panics takes over me.

But not for me.

What if they already got Dimitri? What if he went out there not knowing this and they got him?

Leaving my spot, I start running toward the place Dimitri headed.

But when I get there it's already too late.

There's one guy already lying on the ground, and there's another one fighting Dimitri.

**DPOV**

This is exactly what I didn't want to happen.

I didn't want Rose to come.

Why did she come? I thought we agreed for her to sit there.

And because I got distracted by her presence, I didn't see the fist coming my way, or the leg that was behind me and knocked me off balance completely, making me end up on the ground, next to the man I just knocked out a couple of seconds ago.

"Hey! Get off him" Rose drops the backpack she was carrying and rushes toward us.

"No, Rose! Go away!" I say to her as I try to get this last guy off me, but I don't do such a good job.

But of course, there's no one to listen to me.

She comes and jumps on the guy's back, and her hands try to get a hold of him and to rip him off me.

But she doesn't succeed much because he pushes her off him easily, her body too weak and too hurt to be able to fight back to his elbow hit.

With a yelp, she stumbles back and crumbles to the ground, her hands around her middle, and she's struggling to catch her breath. Oh, that bastard, he hit her liver!

All she managed to do is to distract him enough so that I would be able to get the upper hand over the situation.

A thing I do without hesitation.

I turn us around and pound my fists into his face until there's blood springing out of his nose like a little fountain.

All he does is start laughing.

"What do you think you're accomplishing by killing me? Someone else will come for you two. More people are on their way to get rid of all of this. To get rid of you both."

"Oh, shut up."

Getting a hold of his chin, I turn his head fast, snapping his neck.

But hell, wasn't he right?

As I go help Rose up to her feet, another car appears and it's heading our way fast.

And that's not the only car coming. Two more are heading this way, only they're a little farther than this one here.

Fuck! How did this happen? Who found us and how?

She is still crying from the pain and I am only inflicting more on her as I handle her, but I have no other choice.

The car reaches us in less than ten seconds, and I know we don't have the time to run away. Rose won't be able to run that fast.

After I bend for one of the guns on the ground, I turn Rose to face my chest, not wanting to let her look up as I wait for the two men inside the car to get out.

Not giving them any chance to fight back, I shoot five times. Okay. Two of them are down. Who knows how many of them are coming in those two other cars?

As I get her out of here, I still keep her looking at me, and not at the dead bodies on the ground. She has seen enough death already.

Because there's nowhere to go, I decide to take her inside the abandoned building, hoping I'll find a good spot for her to hide in, but not before I pick up the backpack she dropped earlier and the other gun laying on the ground. I'll need these a little later.

I see that she's in pain, but she doesn't make a single sound as we're running away, and when I want to pick her up, she refuses and just pushes herself as we keep on going. Yeah, there goes the resting that Lissa recommended.

We climb two stories and enter a room that looks safe enough. Yeah, this will do. It's far enough and I'll make sure no one reaches this room.

As she props herself up on a table here, catching her breath, I start searching through the backpack, thanking Lissa for giving me these vials. I didn't think I'd need them, but oh, how I need them now.

I break the end of one of the plastic vials and extend it to Rose.

"Here, take this."

"What's this for?"

"For your pain, so that you'll be able to run. We'll need to run and you'll feel it strongly. This will temper it."

Without any other question, she takes it from me and drinks it.

I wait a little, and I am already starting to feel bad for having to lie to her, for taking advantage of her trust in me, but I had no other choice.

A couple of seconds later, she squints her eyes at me and tries to focus on me.

"Dimitri? What is this? I don't feel too well."

"I am sorry, love."

"For what?"

**RPOV**

What is he apologizing for?

Oh, I start feeling even dizzier than a few seconds ago.

"Wha… what did… you give…. give me?"

Fuck. Did he just drug me? _Again_?

"Dimitri?"

I can't move properly. I can't move at all. I can't even open my mouth!

"It's fine, Roza."

My body feels mushy and my head is heavy and oh, thank God that he was here to catch me, otherwise, I would have hit the floor.

But that won't prevent me from killing him when I wake up.

How dare he?

"I'm sorry, but I had to." are his words that ring faintly in my ears before I fall into blackness.


	34. Do friends do this?

**Heyyy! Just wanted to say that even though not much happens in this chapter, I felt the need of writing some fluff and tease between Dimitri and Rose. And I think I'll do that with the next chapter too. These guys need a break after all they've been through, don't they? **

**HonestPassiom13, uh, Ivan and Lissa, that's a story for later :) you will find out what happened, but I need to figure it out first how to properly include that in my story. And ofc that Dimitri won't leave Rose and leave**

**selairalynn, nope, no double crossing. Just too much caring**

**Tika86, yeah, I kinda wanted to change Janine and make her relation with Rose warmer and funnier. Not only Abe should be the cool parent**

** , they won't have any breaks this chapter either. Wait till the end**

**GojGoj, there is definitely a lot of skipping action when it comes to uni, and even though I enjoy it now, I hope I won't regret it later. Well, yeah, they thought that Rose was dead. But stil, they know that Dimitri isn't. And nah, it wasn't the purse. It was the silly llama :)**

** And dear Guest, I'm glad to hear that. I hope I'll keep you hanging till the end of the story**

**Stay safe and healthy, guys. Love you lots :) **

* * *

**Do friends do this?**

**RPOV**

Oh, I think it would have been better if I didn't wake up. I try to move a little, but my whole body feels sore in so many ways. And this time it's not a delicious soreness. It's just painful.

Pushing myself a little, I open my eyes, unglue my cheek off a leathery material and I get up to my butt on this-

_Train seat?_

I am on a train? And we're _moving_?

I look out the window close to me and, it's _night_?

How long have I been out?

And how the hell did I get here?

Last time I was awake…

Come on, Rose, think! Remember!

What was I doing? What was happening? Where was I?

Dimitri! The factory! The men coming.

And oh, that little bastard drugging me!

Where is he now?

I turn in my seat, scan my surroundings, and I see just the person I was looking for, on the seat next to me. I look further around me and I don't see many people too close around us.

Perfect. They won't hear or see me when I smack the shit out of him!

But the more I look at him, sleeping so peacefully, I can't find it in myself to hit him. Don't get me wrong, I still want to do it, for the shit he has done. But I decide not to pour my anger on him. For now. I won't punch him for now. I can wait. He probably didn't have much time to sleep either. He looks so tired and this rest will do him good. Only God knows what he went through as we were apart because he didn't tell me anything about it and I didn't get the chance to ask more.

I wait for five minutes.

Then another five.

And I get bored to death.

So I guess I could go back to sleep as I wait for him to wake up, couldn't I? Lissa told me I'd need the rest anyway.

And yes, I am still keeping up to my anger, but there's no other thing better as a pillow than Dimitri, not in the entire universe. So I lay my head back on his shoulder, the warmness that I left behind on the leather of his duster still being there.

As soon as I find a good position on him, he turns his head and rests his lips on my forehead, then his palm comes over my thigh, soothing me.

Can you believe he is so sweet even when he's half asleep?

Oh, Dimitri. I love you so, so much, but you drive me insane just as badly.

* * *

He is awake. I can feel him moving under me, trying to lift me off him as carefully as possible.

Oh, he is awake!

Good. I can kick his ass now.

And I'll even spare him of his task of trying to move me. I'll move by myself. With my fist into his face.

I lift off him and I meet his eyes. He dares to smile at me. He _smiles_!

But I am so mad! I remember what the hell he did and I can't contain my anger.

I fist my good palm and pound it into his chest as hard as I can, and I guess it hurt me more than it hurt him, but to hell with it. I do it again.

His palm wraps on my fist when I go for the third punch, and he immobilizes it.

"Hey, steady. It's okay. It's me."

"I know it's you. Why the hell do you think I'm doing this? And no, it's not okay. Not at all."

I pull away from him, and when he opens his mouth, I don't let him speak.

"It's _not _okay, Dimitri! Why the fuck did you do that? Why the hell did you do that to me?"

"You looked like you were going to faint."

Well, I was. I was feeling sick as hell after climbing all those stairs. But that is so not the point.

I hit him again, only to release some more anger.

"Don't you do that again! Ever again!" I hiss at him. I might be mad, but not the whole train needs to know it.

"Rose…"

"No. I am pissed off at you! So, so mad. You didn't have any right to decide that."

"That was the only way I could get you out of there."

"How? Carrying me around limp? How was that helpful?!"

"Calm down, please."

"Don't you tell me to calm down!" I almost yell at him. I need to temper my voice, otherwise, some of the people that already turned their heads towards us might come to scold me or get us off the train. "You _drugged_ me. How did that help you?" I whisper to him through gritted teeth.

"You wouldn't like to know that."

"Oh, I bet I wouldn't. But do tell me. I want to know what happened." I want to know how hard he deserves to be punched next.

He sighs and tries to get a hold of my hand, but I pull it out of his reach.

"First you tell me, then I decide if you're ever allowed to touch me." of course I am going to let him touch me. But he needs to suffer a little for the shit he has done.

"I hid you."

"You _what_?! So let me get this straight. You mean that after you _drugged _me, you've left me there _unconscious_? You left me there with all those people going around that place? With them coming for us? How could you?"

"I did it for your good."

"My _good_? My good? Do you even hear yourself? What if someone would have found me? I would have been as good as dead. I couldn't have defended myself. I was _out_."

"They wouldn't have found you. I took care of that."

"Yeah, because you hid me." God only knows how, but I don't want to know. I won't ask him this, as I am sure it will only make me angrier with him.

"Exactly. And after I took care of them, I came back for you. I did it to keep you safe. You wouldn't have been capable-"

I get up, making him stop. I don't want to hear more of this.

"Nice. Wow. Wow, Dimitri. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I wouldn't have been capable, huh? That... didn't hurt at all, just so you know."

I walk past his seat and get on the little aisle, but of course, I am not allowed to go cry in peace. He gets a hold of my hand and prevents me from walking away.

"Rose, don't be like this, please. I didn't want to mean it like that, I swear."

"But you did. You said it clear enough. I am useless to you. I am just a complication. You're right. I shouldn't have come along. I should have gone with Ivan. Spare you of some inconveniences."

"Roza…"

"Don't. Please. Let me go, Dimitri. I need a minute," I tell him fast, before I break in tears.

"Rose…"

"_Please_."

He lets go of my hand, and thankfully, he doesn't try to come after me.

Ignoring the killing pain in my hip, I rush out of the wagon we're into and get out on the little hallway here, where it is so much colder than it is inside the place I left, but oh, this coldness comes as a blessing.

He leaves me alone for two minutes. Just two minutes pass until I hear that door open again and his steps coming towards me. But hey, I only asked for one, didn't I? He offered me _two _minutes of peace.

I feel him when he stops behind me, his heat radiating through my blouse, but I don't turn around.

His palm comes to rest on my upper arm, and I want to pull away, but hell, I don't have where to go. I have picked the farthest spot on the hallway, and I don't have where else to go, unless I plan on breaking this window in front of me and jump.

I can't do anything either when he moves his hand further down, entangling his fingers with mine.

"Just let me be, Dimitri. Go away. I don't want to talk to you now."

"No. I am not leaving. Not this time. Not any other time." he turns me around and if he hoped I would look into his eyes, I can't do it. "Be mad at me. I deserve it. But I won't leave you alone."

I don't know what else to do or to say, so I take comfort into this silence around us, into him caressing my skin.

"Can I just… talk to you for a minute?"

"About what? I have nothing more to say to you."

"Yeah, well, I have a lot to say to you, so if you would please listen to me, I would appreciate it." I nod, still looking down. "And could you please look at me?"

This time, I shake my head no. And not because I don't want to, but because as I have been sitting here and thought more about it, I may have exaggerated with my reaction. He might be right after all.

His hand moving up, he wipes the tears on my cheek.

"Please, love? Just for a second."

Tilting my head, I meet his eyes and he smiles weakly.

"You were right about that earlier thing. And I am sorry. I shouldn't have seen you as anything less than my equal."

"Well, not your _equal _because I can't compare to all the stuff you do. But all I want is for you not to see me as someone who sets you back, that's all. I came with you because I wanted to help somehow too."

"Help _too_?" I nod. "Then why did you come mostly for, if helping is just another reason?"

"You know why."

He smiles a little wider. "Tell me anyway."

"You've still got that cockiness, comrade. Don't forget that I am still upset with you."

He gets dead serious in less than a second.

"You're right. But I just wanted to hear it."

"Fine, if you want to hear it, then here it is. It's because I wanted to be with... _Close _to you. But not like an annoyance or a problem or whatever."

"You could never be that."

"Obviously I _am."_

He is caressing my cheek again.

"Roza…" He sighs. "Look…" He is moving his jaw left and right as he's looking for his words, and it seems it's quite hard for him to do this. "I hate myself for hurting you like this. I am so sorry for what I said earlier. I was wrong and I didn't mean it to come out like that. I don't see you as a liability and I am glad you're here, with me. But I just… I am used to working alone, I've done it for so many years. I've been alone for so many years and you being with me all the time… I like it a lot, I really do, but it's something new for me too. So, os new. And I have never…" he stops and sighs again. "Honestly, Roza. I am sorry for being a bastard. I didn't mean to hurt you with what I've done and said. At the time, back at the factory, all I was thinking of was keeping you safe."

I turn to face him and pass my hand through his hair, my lips turning into a silly smile as I rest my palm on his cheek. He just said something to me. Like, something about the way he feels, something heartfelt, even if it's not much. He did it and I know so damn well that he doesn't do this too often. And doing it now, it means a lot to me.

He turns his head and kisses the inside of my palm.

"I'm sorry."

"But I don't know, maybe I still could have helped you…"

He lifts an eyebrow. "Love, you're hurt. You're bruised, everywhere."

"Fine, you're right I couldn't have helped you. But I would have stayed put." it's still annoying that he had to resort to drugging me.

He throws me a look full of uncertainty.

"What?"

"How many times have you done what you have been told? Did you stay put earlier today? Did you go away when I told you? Shall I answer those questions?"

Oh, it's annoying too when he's so right about things.

"Fine. I wouldn't have stayed put. I would have wanted to help you. But I am still mad that you did that. I don't like it when you do that."

He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer.

"I know. And I wouldn't have done it if I had another choice. But do you think you can forgive me for that sometime later at least?"

Seeing how sorry he is, I can't say no to him.

I lean over and kiss him, taking him by surprise. I see how his eyes widen as our lips touch.

"Was that a yes?" he asks me after I pull away.

I chuckle. "Do you need to hear it again?"

"Mhm, please."

And this time, he leans closer for another kiss.

* * *

Ten minutes later, we're still on that hallway, his arms are still around me, keeping me warm, his head resting on top of mine and his lips kissing me from time to time.

"Where are we going now?"

"Somewhere where I hope it's safe enough, and far from anyone else."

"So, we're running away?"

"Not really. We're… let's call it retreating. We're retreating for now. We wait."

"Wait for what?"

"For something to happen, so that I'll be able to make things right."

"About him?" I don't even want to pronounce his name, but Dimitri knows so well who I am talking about.

"Yes. But…"

"But what?"

"I think you'd want to know something else before you keep to your decision about coming with me."

"What? In fact, I don't care. I will still come."

He laughs a little. "I didn't even think you'd have a different answer. But let me tell you either way."

"Fine."

"There is a bounty on our heads."

I pull away and turn to face him. He's kidding me, right?

"It is?"

"Well, mostly on mine, but as you're with me…"

"Why?"

"Where do I start? I disobeyed everyone, I annoyed Haynes, I killed Tasha's little minions and that didn't piss off only her, but her other friends too. There might be people thinking I have the flash, or that you do, as they're not aware yet of Hayne's actions. And oh, let's not forget, I already had a lot of people that didn't like me much before this. Any of them could have started this hunt."

"Oh, wow, so there's a pretty long list of people after you, huh?"

"Kind of."

"It seems that you're not so likeable, comrade."

He squints his eyes at me a little. "You can say that."

"Oh, don't you worry. I like you." I kiss his cheek. "Now tell me. How much do you worth? I hope it's a big sum, or else, I'll be disappointed."

He frowns deeply. "This is not fun, Rose. You shouldn't take it this lightly."

"No, _you _shouldn't take it so seriously. I don't care about that damned bounty and neither should you. For what it matters, we were in danger long before this bounty. A lot of people wanted our asses long before today. But we'll be fine, I am sure of it, comrade. We're on a train, on our way to nowhere. Who could find us here?" this time, he is the amused one. "What?"

"You trust too much the people and things around you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"People are not as good as you think. And even if we're going to some far away place, it's so easy to find someone if you know where and how to look for them."

"Yeah, maybe. But you're better than them. Smarter too."

He laughs once more. "Again, you think too much of me, love."

"I doubt it." I rest my cheek on his shoulder and kiss his neck. "And now, you worry too much, comrade. I am sure no one is going to find us on this train. We're in the middle of nowhere. Look outside. We're into a damned field, so far from my home. Who would think to look for us here?"

Running his hands through my hair, he stops when he reaches the nape on my neck, and starts swirling his fingers on my skin.

"Oh, Roza, I hope you're right," he sighs.

"Don't you worry. I am right, at least at times, and this time, I am sure I am."

And of course, I just had to do a stupid thing to ruin this moment.

As I hold tighter onto him, I move in such a way that my hip meets the end of his belt. Did I mention it has some metal on it? And did I mention it is my bad hip?

Because of the pain I feel, I let out a little whine.

"It still hurts?"

"Just a little."

"About that. I think it's time to take a look at it."

"It's not that bad, you kno-"

"No. Lissa told me to keep an eye on it, and I'll be damned if I don't. I don't want it to get worse, infected or whatever."

Having no way out of this, I let him guide me back to our places, from where he takes a pouch, then he proceeds to take me towards the bathroom, heading in the opposite direction from where we came.

All the way we're inside the compartment, trying to get him out of his fatidic mood, I keep on teasing him about how much the bounty on his head would be, and we chuckle a lot.

But as we're on our way, I see some people eyeing us, and I find them eyeing us quite suspiciously. Maybe we disturbed them with our chuckling? I mean, it's night and maybe we're disturbing their sleep.

When we get to the bathroom's door, I get it why they were looking at us like that, so I stop, even though he told me to get inside.

"Comrade, people will think we're going to…" I bet that our laughter got misinterpreted. Maybe we got too playful.

Looking behind us, I see that some nosy woman is still looking our way, her eyes squinted in discontentment.

"Let them think that. I don't give a damn."

"But-"

"If you and I would have sex in here, they would definitely be aware of it."

Hearing him say this, and oh, he didn't bother to whisper, he said it loud and clear, that woman heard it too, I see it on her surprised, now quite disgusted face.

And like being given the command, my cheeks turn red.

"Comrade!" I hiss at him. "I can't believe you said that, and so loud. That woman heard you."

He only smiles, knowing it too. "So what? Let them think whatever they want. Now, get inside and let me take a look at you." I still don't move, just to defy him a little. He only smiles wider. "I promise I'll behave, love. I'll be gentle," he says, again, not bothering to say it quietly.

My eyes widen and my jaw drops.

"You're unbelievable!"

I swear that one day I'll die from hearing the words getting out of his mouth,

I turn around and go inside the little bathroom, and he follows.

I prop myself onto a little counter present here and watch him with my hands crossed over my chest.

Smiling, he comes closer to me, and tries to kiss me, but I pull my face away.

"Oh, come on, love. You know she deserved it. I said it especially for her to hear it. And have you seen the face she made?"

I can't be upset. I wasn't, I was just trying to play a little. So I start laughing and kiss him.

"You're something else, Dimitri. You're so shameless."

"Oh, don't pretend that you don't like it," he says, his lips over mine, and after he kisses me, he grits his teeth on my bottom lip.

"And _so _modest too, comrade."

He smiles, then, as he kisses me again, he slips his tongue past my lips and kisses me passionately, like trying to start something, something like he already mentioned in the hallway. And hell, if he mentioned it already…

But he pulls away and smiling at me, he walks his thumb across my lip.

"Now, let's do what we came here for in the first place, shall we?"

Him crouching in front of me, I lift the hem of my blouse and let him play the role of my personal nurse, taking care of changing my bandage.

Unsticking the tape off my skin was easy. But when it came to pulling the gauze off my lesion, this is where things get complicated.

I yelp and wrap my fingers tightly on his shoulder as Dimitri starts swearing in his so expressive language.

"It's stuck to it."

"Yeah… I, oh, I felt that."

"Sorry, love. I didn't know. I'll try this."

Taking a new piece of gauze and putting it under the running water, he brings it over my bandage and continues to wet it until the wounded flesh softens.

When the bandage is loose enough, in one swift movement, he takes the bandage off, making me start crying as I pull away from him, hopping on the counter.

"It hurts like hell," I whine.

He takes a hold of my hands and stars soothing them.

"Shh, I know, I know it hurts, love, I know, but I had to do it one way or another."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Just keep going. Be done with it."

I have to get off the counter so that I would give him more access to my hip, and he proceeds to clean it, moving slowly and so gently, frowning each time he touches my skin.

"You're doing great, just don't look here. Don't focus on this. I'll be done faster than you think."

Oh, he's so sweet.

Doing as he advised me, I look out the little window here, and shit, the more I look at the moving lights outside (when did we reach a town?), the dizzier I feel.

"Dimitri?"

"Huh?" he is so focused on his little task that he doesn't even look at me.

"I think I need to sit down."

Hearing this, his head snaps up.

"What? Why?"

"I think I'm gonna faint. I feel like it."

"No, love, you won't. Look at me. You'll be fine. It will be fine. Hang in there a second longer," he says as he hurries to put away all the little props he used and gets up, his palms coming over my shoulders and keeping me steady. "Come on, hop up. Sit."

He helps me get back up on the counter and closing my eyes, I rest my forehead on his shoulder.

"I fucking _hate _this."

"It will pass," he says, his hands soothing my back. "It will be alright."

"Yeah, just because you're here."

We spend some more minutes like this, minutes that give me the time to get a hold of myself.

Before pulling away, he kisses the top of my head.

"Can I?"

"Yeah, sure."

He doesn't let me get back to my feet, he just tells me to tilt backward, then he gets back to treating me. And again, I wince at his first touch with the disinfectant soaked gauze, even though I tried to suppress it.

"Shh, love. I know it hurts, I know. And I'm sorry. Tell me if it gets unbearable and I'll stop."

"Don't stop. Just go."

"Okay."

He stops for a second and watches my hip prolongedly and intensely, like I don't know, he'd try to heal it only with his gaze.

"Dimitri, what are you doing there?"

"I'm looking for the signs."

"What signs?"

"There's no infection, the redness is still here, but I guess it's normal after what I've done to your skin. Let's see what else. Oh! The swelling seems to have subsided, there's no puss, and, do you feel any exaggerate warmth here? Does it feel different from the rest of your body?"

Hearing him, I can't help it but smile. He sounded like a doctor, so serious and technical.

"What? Why you're smiling? I'm being serious."

"I see. You're dead serious." and seeing that he keeps on a straight face, I only smile wider. "You've learnt your lesson so well, comrade. I bet you could go help Lissa any time now."

"Oh, shush. Now tell me. Does anything feel abnormal?"

"You really don't have to make such a fuss about it, comrade. I feel fine. It feels fine."

"Don't you play the brave with me."

I chuckle. "Like you did with me when you got shot?"

"Yeah, kind of," he says, and out of the pouch, he gets a shot, similar to the one Lissa gave me, the only difference being that this one has a blue liquid.

"Dimitri... what's that?"

"A thing Lissa gave me."

"I don't want other shots. I only agreed to one. _That _one."

"It will help with the pain. Trust me, I used it too, countless times. And it will help with the healing too."

"Do I really have to?"

"Please?"

"Fine. Do it." what would be the point in resisting. He would convince me anyway.

I let him do whatever he wants, and finally, he finishes with it all.

After that, I pull him to me, parting my legs so that he could come closer to me in between my thighs, and I rest my forehead on his.

"How you're feeling?"

"I think I'm good. It wasn't that bad after the shot. The pain, I mean."

"You're sure? You're as white as chalk and you seem so tired."

"Nah, I am good, don't worry."

"You know what, love?"

"What?"

"I get it now why you were freaking out when you were getting that bullet out of me."

I laugh. "You're kidding. Oh, no. This doesn't even compare to that, comrade. I was close to dying next to you in that bathroom. And you in here? You didn't panic even for a second now. You didn't even flinch. You can control your shit way better than I do."

He brings my hand up. "What about this? Does it feel better? Any hurting?" and he places a little kiss over the cast on my fingers.

It looked so cute! It was just like my mother used to do when I was little and I have stupidly hurt myself.

"You know, comrade, yeah, it still hurts," I whine and I make sure he gets it that I am playful because I smile like an idiot.

He smiles. "Let me kiss it away better, then."

He kisses my hand again, and not only once, and not only on my cast. He does the same to the tips of my other fingers, and then to my wrist, getting my hand in such a position that I can caress his cheek with my thumb.

"Where else hurts, love?

"Now? Nowhere."

His fingers brush on my jaw, just over my bruise.

"Oh, Roza. If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars and bruises and-" he sighs. "I'm s-"

I put my palm over his mouth. "Don't do that. Stop doing that. It's not on you."

Pulling him closer to me, I kiss him before he gets to protest again.

But pulling away, he has the same conceited face.

"Dimitri, I swear to God that if you don't stop with that, I'll kick your ass."

Lifting an eyebrow, he smiles. "Will you?"

"What? You don't think I can?"

"Oh, no. That's not the problem. The problem is that you can."

"Good. And know that I will."

"Not a doubt here, love."

I punch him lightly before I kiss him once again.

"Shall we get back?"

"What? You're thinking that our little observer might start believing I'm tiring you out in here?" well, yeah, maybe. It's already been fifteen minutes. "Do you think she'll come to rescue you? Shall we give her something to make it worth her fuss?"

My eyes widen as he smiles, so, so proud of my reaction.

"Comrade…" I blush once more. "You really can't stop, huh?"

"When I see you react like that? Never. But let's go, before she decides to actually come for us, when I'll see myself obliged to-"

I put my palm over his mouth. "I don't know what you wanted to say, but don't."

"Why not? I-"

"Comrade, behave for five minutes."

"What's in it for me if I do it?"

"What about a kiss?"

"One?"

"Two?" he shakes his head no. "Three?" he scrunches his nose displeased and I get laughing. "Four. That's my final offer."

"Then we're not getting out of here."

"Fine, fine. What about five?"

"What about ten?"

"Ten? And why would I agree to ten?" not that I wouldn't enjoy the idea.

"Because you have no way out until you agree?"

I get laughing again. "So that's how you're going to play it?"

"It's working?"

Yeah, flawlessly. "Fine, fine. So be it. Ten kisses it is," I agree with him before he decides to change his mind and ask for more. But again, I wouldn't mind kissing him. I'd do it a million times.

"Whenever I ask," he adds another condition.

And even though I have the feeling this thing might come to backfire on me sometime later, I agree with this too.

"Now, let's go." When I want to hop off the counter, he doesn't let me, he doesn't move away from between my thighs. "What now?"

"What about one now?"

"You know, you should be careful about how you're spending them."

"Oh, trust me, I will. But with the other nine left."

**DPOV**

One kiss cashed, we finally leave the bathroom and head back to our places, yes, that woman still eyeing us suspiciously, and yes, Rose still blushing as she looks at her, even though she knows so well what happened in there.

Sitting down, Rose starts looking out the window, like trying to distinguish the town we reached.

"Roza?"

"Huh?" turning in her seat and looking at me, she smiles. "Don't you tell me you're going to ask me for another one."

Not that this idea didn't pass through my mind, but I think I'll keep those kisses for other, more important occasions.

"No, love. That's not it."

"Then?"

"What else did he do to you?"

"Huh? What you're talking about?" I don't know if she didn't get it or she's trying to avoid the subject, but damn it, we didn't have much time to talk about the time we've been apart and what happened then.

"Haynes. What else did he do to you?" I have a feeling that he didn't resume to hurting her only physically.

"Haven't you seen? Haven't you heard it when I told Lissa? That's what he did." I feel the hurting in her voice as she probably remembers it all, but this wasn't my intention.

"I did, love. I've seen and heard it all." I've memorized it all too. "But what about what I haven't seen?"

She frowns deeply and again, I don't know if it's because she thinks I'm crazy for asking this or it's because she's about to lie to me and she's thinking of a believable lie.

"He didn't… No. He didn't do anything else. He didn't say anything either. Nope. He didn't. Not that I would remember much of it anyway, but from what I remember, no, he didn't do anything else."

Seeing the way she continues to say deny this, I don't want to push her to tell me more. I am sure she will share it with me when she'll feel ready. I just take her hand in mine and smile understandingly.

She smiles too and goes back to watching the lights outside that shift fast as the train passes through this town. But we still have some hours to go, some more towns to pass, so she will get bored of this quite fast, I guess. As she always does.

Her eyes are still wandering out the window, but her mind is somewhere else. Her fingers are mindlessly playing along mine, and for whatever reason I don't know, she keeps on sighing.

But at one moment, turning her head some more away from me, she sobs lightly and brings her other hand up fast, trying to suppress it.

"Roza? What happened?"

"Nothing," she manages to say before her voice breaks.

Yeah, nothing. She's crying and it's obviously nothing.

She doesn't resist when I turn her, but when she looks at me, she starts crying for good, and trying to keep it silent, she hides her face into my chest. Putting my arms around her for comforting her, I start soothing her back.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Sobbing a couple of times, she shakes her head and doesn't say anything. I feel her hot tears piercing through my T-shirt and wetting my skin, and I know I can't leave things like this.

"Does anything feel bad? Love, come on, tell me something. What happened? Why are you crying?"

"He killed Mase," she cries. "He- he- oh, he-" but she doesn't continue as hard sobs shake her body.

I hold her tighter and rest my lips on her forehead.

"I am sorry, Rose." I don't know what else to say. I don't know what I could do to make it better, to take her pain away.

"It's not fair. He was my only friend and he took him away from me. And it's all my fault."

"No, love. Don't say that. It's not-"

"It _is_. He is dead because of me."

"No, don't torture yourself with that."

"I am, Dimitri. Because…"

And hearing the whole story, through her sobs and tears, I make my mind. I will kill him, I swear I will. The first time I lay my eyes on him, I will kill him and it will hurt him so, so badly. I don't care about what anybody wants from him or how many other people want to get their hands on him. I am the one who's going to find him, and I am going to make him suffer as much as he did to her. No. So much more.

We sit in silence for some minutes after she has stopped crying, her head resting on my shoulder and her fingers drawing the edges of the droplet spots she left on me.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me something."

"Something like what?"

"Anything you want. Just talk to me. I'm tired of so much silence. This train is so silent."

With this, I see my chance to make her think about something else. Maybe even make her smile a little.

"So, your mother likes me?"

"You heard that…"

I chuckle, hearing her little consternation. "I did, love."

"And... did you hear it all?"

"Maybe."

"Oh… I can't believe you heard my mother and I talk about you in _that _way."

Oh, yeah, I did hear them talk about me in that way. And I loved all the things she said about me.

"So, do you think I am a gentleman?"

She nods, her head only nestling some more into the crook of my neck after this. Oh, someone is going to blush soon.

"That I am rough around the edges?"

"Well, you must admit that at first, you were quite …"

"Brutish?"

She pulls away from me and frowns a little. "No." but we both know I was a bastard at the beginning. "I don't think that anymore." she smiles. "I have come to see you're quite sweet, in fact, even if you insist on keeping to that bad-boyishness or whatever."

I smile too. "Is that so?" she nods. "And…" oh, I need to say this too, I swear I do. I lean in closer to her so that I could whisper to her as I walk my fingers up and down on her outer thigh. "You think I am hot as fuck?"

She gasps lightly and pulls away from me, a shocked expression on her face and her cheeks already burning.

"You heard that too. Of course you did. You heard everything."

Seeing her reaction, I can't help myself not to say this too. At least she's now smiling. Who knows, maybe I'll get a laughter from her.

"Am I your cutie?"

She squints her eyes at me, but her lips are still turned into a smile, and she's doing a bad job at containing it.

"You're so shameless! You eavesdropped to all our conversation!" she scolds me whispered. "We were _not _talking that loud. How come you heard it all? You have crazy spy hearing?"

"Maybe I do. And maybe I eavesdropped too."

"Oh, there's no maybe to it, _Mister_. You did it. And it was a private conversation."

She does her best to wipe the amusement and embarrassment off her face and turns in her seat with her back to me and her hands crossed, for a better dramatic effect.

"Come on." I get a hold of her, my arm around her shoulders and I ruffle her hair a little as I turn her to face me again. "You don't have to get shy about it. I admit it, I was curious about what you think of me."

"I am not getting shy. Not at all."

"Oh, really?" so what was she blushing for?

Tilting her head, she looks me straight in the eyes. "Yes. I have no reason to be shy. Because I didn't say anything that I didn't mean. You're all the things I said. And more."

I don't know if she should think so much about me, but seeing the way she looks at me, I want so much to be the man she sees in me. I want to offer it all to her.

As I bend and kiss her, she cuddles into my embrace.

"One more thing, love."

"What?"

I rest my lips on her forehead and I smile before I speak. After all, it's good to know that I am not the only one teased about increasing the number of members in my family.

"I guess we could grant your mother's wish too."

**RPOV**

"Dimitri…" I groan and blush even harder than before, having to bury my face in his chest to hide. I forgot I talked about that too with my mother.

He laughs and kisses my forehead again. "Oh, Roza," he sighs. "What am I gonna do about you, huh?"

"I guess you'll have to get used to it, as you've been advised."

But wait a second. Wait, wait, waaaait. Did he just mention that…

I snap my head up and look at him, frowning and maybe even making a face, but oh, I am very confused.

He said those words, didn't he? I mean, he didn't say those exact words that my mother said, but he implied it, I am not only misinterpreting it, right?

"What, love?" he asks me smiling.

"Nothing, I just…"

No, I don't think I got it wrong. I got it so damned right. He was obvious about it, he said it clearly, like he always does. No runarounds.

I smile wider than him and my chest fills with such warmth at his sight.

"Nothing, comrade. Nothing. Everything is fine."

I lay my cheek on his shoulder and sigh happily, that silly smile not leaving my face for minutes.

He wants to have babies with me. Wow.

I'd make him a thousand babies if he wants to.

* * *

Some minutes later, minutes in which my mind has wandered to that world where we are married and we're having a lot of kids and we're so, so happy together even when we got to ninety years old, I find out that I still don't know a thing.

I already started thinking about marriage and a happy home and the names of our kids, but I still haven't set some things straight. After all, if someone would ask me, I wouldn't be able to explain to them exactly the relation between us.

I walk my fingers up and down his forearm, considering if I should ask him or not. I mean, what if, after all, I am understanding it all wrong? Or what if I am understanding less than he tried to say?

"Hey, comrade? Can I ask you something?"

I lift off him and turn myself on a side, facing him.

He does the same. "Sure. Go ahead."

"What… what are we?"

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

"This. Us. This _us_ thing. I mean… I don't know how else to put it. But… what is this thing between us? What are we?"

"Where does this question come from?"

Well, ever since my mother mentioned that he would be my boyfriend, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and now that we had that little conversation about babies, I had to ask. I need to be sure.

"I don't know, Dimitri," I sigh, starting to think I've already messed things up. "Don't get me wrong. I was just wondering because, as you know, all we do is run for our lives, then we do _stuff _and… I mean… I don't know. I mean, oh, damn it, I am a little confused. Are we friends?" I decide to start with safe territory.

He laughs a little, and bending over the seat's arm, he takes my hand in his, and entangling our fingers, he brings it up to his mouth and kisses it.

"We're not just friends and you know it."

He bends even closer to me, his lips brushing over mine as he continues to speak.

"Do friends do this?"

With that, he proceeds to kiss me, slowly and prolongedly, his tongue gently playing with mine as his fingers run through my hair and I lose myself completely into him. I love it how he makes me feel with each kiss, with each touch. If I needed any confirmation, here it is. I don't feel only friendly feelings towards him. I fucking love him.

When we pull apart, I chuckle as he looks at me with an eyebrow lifted, still wanting an answer to his question.

"No, I guess they don't. Friends don't do this."

"And friends don't do the other things we've done either, right?"

They definitely don't. Only thinking about all the stuff we've done together in that bed, my whole body gets tingly and heated, especially my cheeks.

I need to gulp before I speak. "Right. But... friends with benefits do."

"True that. But is that what you think we are?" hearing the little disappointment in his voice, that's a good thing, isn't it?

"I don't _know _what we are. Therefore I am asking."

I want him to say it. I would say it, I would name this thing we have, but I'm still a little afraid I'll mess up something.

"I don't know either, love. I don't know how to name it. I don't have a definition for it. I just know that we're not friends, we're _definitely _not friends with benefits, and I like it a lot that way. I like what we are, even if I don't know how to name it."

I smile and walk my fingers across his arm. "Me too. I like it too." I love it. "But then, does this mean that we are something more than friends?"

"Something more like what?"

Oh, I'll have to say it. Fine. I will, I'll say it with the risk of asking too much.

"Like... something romantic?"

"And why wouldn't we be?"

"Dunno. You and I-"

He raises an eyebrow, then squints his eyes at me, like I've insulted him somehow. Oh, I hope I didn't. I didn't mean to.

"Wait. Let me get this right. You're saying I can't be romantic? Is that it?"

"No, of course not. You were, _are _each time we kiss and… No. You're sweet. But I was just saying that we don't get to do other things other than running from one place to another and do some other things... But we haven't... you know... did basic romantic stuff?" not that what him and I have could be categorized as basic.

"And don't you like the other things we did?"

"Hey. I didn't say I don't." besides the physical stuff, I've always enjoyed what we've done together, in the little moments of normality we had.

"Okay. Here. I promise you one thing. After everything ends and I know everything is good and you're safe, I will take you out on the greatest date you have ever been to."

I chuckle. This is not what I was intended to get from him. I only wanted an answer. But his promise can be qualified as an answer. I mean, if he will take me out on a date, then we are romantically involved. It makes sense, right?

"What's so funny? You don't think I can do that?"

"No, no, no. I did _not _mean that. I really think you can and you just promised it to me so…" I smile just at the thought of him and I having a basic date on a normal, danger-free night, at a fancy restaurant or whatever. "I just can't wait, comrade."

He smiles too. "Then it's set."

"Yeah, it's set. But…"

"What happened?"

"I thought I wasn't your type."

He smiles. "I said that, didn't I?"

He looks at me, his face turning sad for a second, probably remembering too our fight at the mall from, how much time passed since then? A few days? Wow. Look at how far we've gotten in just some days. I can't even believe that I used to hate him.

"But I was wrong." taking my hand in his, he puts it on his cheek and walks the tip of his nose across my wrist. "Because you _are, _Roza. You are."

"Who would have thought? You are wrong at times, comrade."

He laughs. "I sure do, love."

I lay back on his shoulder, a great happiness still flowing through me. We're going on a date. And we're romantically involved. What more could I wish?

"So, love, do we really have to name it? This thing we have?"

"No, we don't." I already know what I wanted to know and it doesn't need to be named.

"What if we simply are? What if we just are something? Something... more, even romantic."

I smile. "Yeah. I like that. We're something." something that's only ours.

* * *

We go in silence some more and not having anything to do, the boredom catches with me, the tiredness too, and I fell asleep for a little.

Getting up now, I watch the clock and see it's already 3am The train has done some stops, but we didn't get off at either. I wonder how much we still need to go.

And oh, I forgot to mention, Dimitri's missing. Not really missing, we're on this train after all, but he is not here now. Should I-

No, I don't have to go search for him. Here he is, coming back into our wagon. And he… please someone tell me he is carrying some food in that little brown bag because I'm starving in this second.

Coming closer and sitting, I see that my prayers were listened to. He opens the bag and hands me a fancy looking sandwich, and most importantly, a little plastic disposable bowl with profiteroles and a lot of chocolate covering the little puffy balls. Oh, I so love him. He knows so well what I love.

"This is kinda late, comrade," I can't help it but to tease him.

"What? Why didn't you tell me that you were hungry for longer? I would-"

"I wasn't hungry until I saw you coming with these. I was just talking about you bringing me food."

"I'm not following."

"You know, I got upset with you a while ago."

He chuckles. "Oh. Yeah, but you see? It seems that I can work it out with you without bringing you food."

"Hey, I've never said I minded you bringing me a peace offer, especially food."

"Of course not, but I think it's better without."

"Why? You're afraid I might get fat?"

"Not that. But considering how many times I have upset you, well, let's say that I started to get concerned about your sugar level."

"Oh, you're such a healthie."

"That is not even a word."

"Oh, shush." I punch his upper arm a little. "You know what I meant."

With that, I stop talking and start munching on the goodies he brought me.

As I am halfway through my dessert, I don't know the reason why, but I find myself speaking shit.

"Comrade? Do you really want to go on a date with me?"

He turns in his seat and looks at me amused.

"So much time has passed ever since we talked about that and now you're asking me this?"

"Well, I needed a little bit of time to process it."

I needed a lot of time to process a lot of things that he told me lately. And I still haven't made sense of his words about my mother, if he really meant them or if he was just trying to get me to blush harder.

He laughs a little, shaking his head. "Yes, Roza. I want to go on a date with you. Do you?"

"I would love to."

"Good. Then it's set, again. I'll take you on a date. A proper one."

"Only one?"

"No, of course not. That will only be our first one," he promises.

"Great. Because you know what? We are three dates behind, comrade," I joke.

"Huh? Three dates behind for what?"

"You know… the three dates rule…"

"What rule?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just a silly thing."

"Like?" oh, shit. I have gotten myself into trouble. Now I have to explain it to him. Me and my smartassness always getting me in situations like these.

"That um… you know… it's said that after three dates… you know… people do what we've already done… like physically?"

"You mean sex."

Hearing him being so explicit and straightforward about this, my cheeks start burning hot.

"Comrade…" I scold him as I look around the train to see if his words have somehow attracted some discontented glances towards us. "Can you be a little less vocal please?"

"Oh, love." he leans in closer and whispers so lightly in my ear, teasing me, as his fingers do the same, playing along my knee and threatening to climb onto my inner thigh. "But you know I like it vocal."

I pull away from him, my jaw dropped to the floor when I see him so, let's say shameless, in plain view.

"You are irrecuperable, comrade. There are so many people here."

"So?"

"_So_? _So_? They might hear us."

He laughs and kisses my forehead.

"You started this, love. If you provoke me, you know I won't say no."

"Fine, fine, then I promise I'll stop provoking you."

"Oh, please don't."

"Why? Just so you can say some kinky stuff again and make me blush?"

"Exactly, love."

And again, for the thousandth time ever since I woke up, I yawn.

"Comrade, do you mind if I go to sleep a little more?" I am still missing my energy reserves.

"Not at all. Please do rest as much as you want. You need it. And after we get there, I am putting you to bed and you're not allowed to leave it."

Ugh, I know I promised not to provoke him, but I have just the chance to do it and I am not going to miss it.

"Hm, that sounds _tempting_, comrade."

He growls lightly. "Roza, stop that."

"Stop what?" I play the innocent. "And why?"

"I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? What are you talking about?"

"You keep on telling me all this stuff and not that I wouldn't like for you to be like this, to tell me this, but it's not really the good time to do so."

"I really don't get it. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, love." he sighs and putting an arm around me, he pulls me closer. "It's just that it is all making me want to take you to the bathroom and do to you all that stuff we've talked about. And I am afraid that if we get too far with this, I'll hurt you if I don't keep my hands off."

Now I get it. Not only the sex is off the table, so it's our silly teasing. I didn't know it has such an effect on him. He is always so composed, but hearing his affected tone, I guess he has his limits too.

I embrace him too. "Don't you worry about that. I'll stop. And you know? You could never hurt me." he has always been so careful and sweet. If we would do something, I know he'd be like that this time too.

"Only for now," he feels the need to add. "On a normal day, I'd love to hear you talk like that."

"You would?"

"Oh, you have no idea how much."

I giggle. "I'll keep that in mind, then."

* * *

**DPOV**

The train has reached another stop. And it would have been a stop just like the other previous ones. Except for the fact that now I see something that seems off.

But maybe I am just paranoid. Or am I?

Along with the people that have gotten on the train now, there are some of them that seem more, let's say, aware of their surroundings. Meaning, they look all over, scanning all the seats in the wagon close to ours.

Which is not a good thing at all.

Could they only be looking for someone else?

But, fuck! I thought I was careful! I avoided everything that could have given us away. But still, if these men are looking for us, all I did, it wasn't enough. Damn you, Big Brother. I'm sure someone tracked us through cameras.

The only good thing that happens is that there are only three of them, or at least these are the only ones that I see, so this means that it won't take me much to take care of them if they pose any threat.

And to my short relief, they didn't enter our wagon, they chose the other direction, which buys me some time.

But I need to take care of this. I need to be the one finding them, not the other way around. Or at least, I need to make sure we're not in danger.

And I need to take the risk of leaving Rose here. But of course, not defenseless and not sleeping.

Moving under her slowly, I try to wake her up, which she eventually does.

"What's the matter? Did we get there?"

"No. And there's nothing going on, love." I hope it isn't. "I just wanted to go to the bathroom."

"Oh," she smiles. "And I was holding you here. Go ahead, go." she lifts off me.

Before I go, I need to make sure of something.

"Love, do you remember where the gun is, don't you?"

Rolling her eyes a little, she shakes her head. "For the thousandth time today, I know where it is. And yes, I can reach it fast. But then again, stop being so paranoid. We're far away, no one knows we're here." Oh, how I wish this was true. "Plus, you won't be gone for long. I can manage five minutes by myself, trust me." and I hope that she won't have to deal with any of the men that got on the train. I hope I'll deal with them first if it's the case.

And maybe, after all, I am indeed just paranoid. Maybe I am so used to everybody being on my tracks lately, that I forgot how it is not to be followed. This is the reason I didn't tell her what I suspected. I need to be sure before I worry her with this too.

So, with that being said, I get up and head out the wagon, following the steps of those three men.

Entering there, I see them three still looking through the seats. And hearing the door close behind me, one of them turns his head and looks at me.

Oh, I know this person. 9-2-5, I guess? блондин. Young, ambitious, eager to get rich. The worst combination for me now.

* * *

**RPOV**

He is not coming back and it's been what? Ten minutes?

Oh, damn you, Dimitri! I know I shouldn't worry, but hell, his paranoia starts to get to me.

No, he is fine. And I am too. I am just thinking crazy stuff. We're on a train, God knows how far from home. We are safe.

Until I find out we're not.

A hysterical woman comes in here and starts telling us that there are some people fighting out there and that they have knives and that everything is crazy and that they're killing each other and she's asking for someone to do something.

Hearing her, I can't believe it. No, it can't be.

I get up and head towards where she came from.

Getting inside the next wagon, I see no track of Dimitri. In fact, everything seems alright. Of course, if you ignore the people starting to fidget.

So where's the action? And where could he have gone?

Heading further through the wagon, pushing my way through the freaked out people, out of nowhere, a man grabs me and tries to make me shut up as I wanted to yelp in pain from his jerking.

What the hell?! Where did he come from?

My body simply reacts, despite hurting everywhere. The wonders a surge of adrenaline does, right?

I am no professional fighter, I am moving rather sloppy, but the things Dimitri has taught me are helping me buy myself some time before this guy decides to, I don't know, get out some knife and slash my neck.

So I turn on him, as he's still holding me.

I don't think he expected someone my size to put up so much of a fight, but I will be damned if I let him knock me out or whatever he wants to do to me.

In my fidgeting, I managed to get a kick to his stomach, just as Dimitri has taught me, and just as I have received so many times now. I might say that he would be really proud of me for what I've done. I managed a great punch.

He grunts at the impact and lets go of me. The motion sent him backwards and to my complete luck, he stumbled onto something. Great!

In a second, I jump on him and kick him off his balance completely, before he manages to get to a straight position and we both end up on the ground, me being the one with the upper hand, thank God.

I don't wait for too long to act. I grab him by the collar of his coat and slam his head on the ground three times, hard enough I hope to knock him out, but not that hard either, not wanting to crack his head and kill him.

Okay, he's not moving anymore. This was oddly easy. But who cares? I am good. For now, at least.

So, if I had to deal with this guy, this only means that Dimitri is somewhere around the train, fighting someone too.

But where? And how many of them are there? And why? It seems that, after all, Dimitri was right, and I was wrong to think we're safe here. But how the hell did they find us?

I'll care about this later. I need to get further. I need to find him.

Finally being able to move without someone trying to stop me, I open the door and when I want to get inside, I find myself having to stop and take a step back, stopping right in front of the little bathroom we visited earlier the night.

The man smiles at me and I see the blade of a knife shining in his hand.

How many of them are here? This is my second one. Is the whole train filled with them?

I am so close to being fucked if I don't do something about this fast.

But he starts heading towards me! And he was already close!

I have so little time on my hands and so little space for action that I start believing that this will be the end for me.

I look around me, my eyes land on the disinfectant bottle sitting on the sink into the bathroom. Yeah, this might burn.

I move as fast as I can, and as I am dodging the guy's attempt to get a hold of me, I grab the bottle and start spraying it into his eyes. In a matter of seconds, the guy starts screaming. Good.

I dodge the blade he tried to hurt me with and I take a shot to his knee, hard, and I swear I hear a snap and realize I might have broken it, but all I want is to get out of there. I'd do anything to get away. My action only makes him scream louder and he bends down and drops the knife as he tries to mend the pain in his knee without being able to see it.

Good for me. Before I get past him, I bend and get the knife, then I start running away before he decides to come after me.

But this resistant bastard does just that.

Before I manage to get to the next wagon, I feel a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back.

Oh, I forgot Dimitri's rule. I turned my back on him as he was still conscious.

But I have something that he lost. Maybe he wants it back.

And even though I've never even dreamt of doing such a thing, I don't hesitate at all to plant the knife into his thigh, damaging his good leg now.

But can you believe it? The guy doesn't give up. He is still standing, and he tries to get a hold of me. Good thing I can dodge him easily.

Annoyed by his perseverance, I hit him with my foot, exactly into the knife, pushing it deeper into his flesh. This makes him scream loud in pain as he stumbles to his knees.

Good. This gives me the chance to use on him another thing that Dimitri has taught me. I put my palms on the sides of his head and kick him with my knee into his nose, finally managing to make him stop resisting.

He crumbles to the floor and so, I can get moving again.

The people that have remained around here are scared, but they say nothing as I push them out of my way, heading towards another exit. I think they're a little afraid of me now, seeing what I've done.

I believe this was the wagon they met, as I see a lot of destroyed things. There was surely a fight here. So I need to get further.

"Don't go there," a woman says, her hand getting a hold of mine.

"Let go of me, Lady. I am going there and don't you dare stop me."

Seeing that I pose a threat to her, she lets go of me, lifting her hands defensively.

"Okay, if you are crazy enough to do it, go out there."

But before leaving, I ask her something.

"Where are they? Have you seen them?"

"I don't know. They just fought in here, all four of them. Two of them left, one got his neck snapped," she shows me a guy lying on the seats close to me, a guy that I didn't observe until now, and that thankfully, isn't Dimitri. "And the one that remained alive, he went out on that door you're about to use."

Well, at least I know I'm heading in the right direction. And I know that there are two more possible threats around here.

Opening another door, it takes me outside, between wagons. I see a ladder close to the door. And I know I must make a decision. Go up, or get further?

Despite being afraid of climbing up on this train as it is moving, my intuition tells me to do it, and I decide to listen to it.

Getting on top of the train, I see I've made a good choice. The man lying dead at about three feet in front of me is enough of a proof.

Looking past him, quite far in front of me, I something, in fact someone, moving in the distance.

I start walking towards that spot, and I need to move slow and be careful where I step as the train is moving pretty fast, making the wind blow faster than it really is, and I need to find my balance unless I want to end up flying off here and die.

I am advancing slow, but steady, and when I get closer, I see there are two persons, fighting on the ground.

Oh, please, please, please someone tell me that the one that's on top is Dimitri.

I pick up my pace, the risk of falling still present in my mind, but I need to see. I need to know if he's safe.

To my disappointment, getting close enough, I see that Dimitri is the one not having the advantage in this situation. Of course, unless he decides to dye his hair blonde and to cut it in the past fifteen minutes.

The Dimitri I know is the one pinned down and fuck it, he is being choked.

I forget about my own safety and jumping on the back of Dimitri's opponent, I wrap an arm around his neck and I put my other's palm over his face, obstructing his vision.

To my relief, his hands let go of Dimitri's neck, but hell, they get a hold of mine. Too good that I'm stubborn. I hold him tighter and pat my palm along his face, trying to stick my fingers into his eyes.

"Rose, don't." I hear Dimitri say as he is catching his breath. "Go! Let go of him and go. Run!"

But even if I wanted to, it's too late to listen to his advice.

The man gets a good grip of my hands and it doesn't take him much effort to get me off him and to push me towards the edge of the train.

And I fall.

I slip and I end up starting to fall off the train.

But maybe God loves me today because he sends my way a little handle that first hits my knee, but hey, at least I got announced of its presence there.

Before I end up somewhere under the train and cut in two, I get a hold of that handle, unfortunately with my bad hand.

This means that my life depends on three of my fingers. And I wrap these three fingers so tightly around the metal handle that they start hurting. But to hell if I am letting go. I won't die. I refuse to.

Getting a hold of my shit, I try not to panic.

I can do this. I know I can. I have to. And fast.

**DPOV**

He pushed Rose off the train.

He pushed Rose off the train!

No. This cannot be.

This anger I feel gives me a surge of energy, and despite the fact that I feel dizzy and that my liver hurts so badly, I push him off me and turn us around, getting on top of him.

And I start throwing punches at his face, trying to knock him out.

But in my anger, I didn't consider one thing. That his hands weren't up, trying to cover his face.

Instead, one of them took another hit at my liver. And it being already hit, this other punch does some more damage, robbing me from my breath and I start seeing black spots in front of my eyes.

But I can't afford to faint. Not now. Rose needs me. Unless…

In the time I was trying to regain control over my limbs, blondie here regained control over the situation and turning me on my back once more, when he presses the back of his palm onto my shoulder, this is what makes me react. The pain I resent seems unbearable now and all I manage to do is to attempt to hit him once again.

"Someone seems to be getting old, huh?" he gets cocky and presses his knee onto my side, again, aiming for my liver and damn it, succeeding.

"Do you have any idea how long I waited for this?"

He presses harder with his knee.

Fuck! I can't. I can't react. My body isn't listening. I can't do anything.

"I waited for the day you'd stray. And now the old man has given me the perfect chance to pay you back."

"You're… still…"

Enjoying to see me like this, he presses onto my bad shoulder too, but I do my best to not let out any sound of pain. I will not give him this satisfaction.

"Still… upset about… that?"

"Upset?! You made me look like a fool in that mission!"

"You… were a fool… long before…"

"Yeah? I was the fool? Then how come you were so stupid to take the train? And let me tell you one more thing."

He doesn't seem willing to kill me already. It seems we have a talker here. But what is the use of that if I can't do anything in the meantime?

I wish so badly to move, to fight back, but he has me pinned down and at each move, the pain I feel makes even harder to try to move again.

**RPOV**

Dragging my body up on the horizontal surface of the train comes as a blissful rest. It took me a lot to do it, but I am here now, getting up on my fours.

He didn't even bother to look to see if I was dead. Bad move. You never turn your back on someone until you're sure it is not a threat to you anymore.

But now, how can I take advantage of this and help Dimitri?

If I'd jump on him again, he would make sure that this time I die.

But shit! Neither Dimitri, neither I don't have much time. I don't know what they did as I was struggling to climb back on the train, but this motherfucker got back to trying to strangle Dimitri. Is this his way of killing? He seems to like approaching it.

But one good thing comes out of it.

As Dimitri still fights back, his foot hits something. Something very helpful for me and him, pushing it my way.

I crawl towards it, ignoring all the signals that my body transmits to me concerning a soon possibility of fainting. I am drained of energy, but I won't stop.

Getting a hold of the cold metal, after I check it and see that I have only one chance of getting this right, I start getting up to my feet.

When I do so, behind the blonde guy, Dimitri sees me and his eyes widen.

No. This can't be. We haven't gotten this far only to have gotten this far.

He is on top of Dimitri and it is a matter of choice. His life is on the line. It's either him, or Dimitri, the person I love so much.

I know what I have to do. I've known for a while.

Getting a good grip on the handle, it's time to use this gun.

I remember everything Dimitri taught me.

I pin my feet on the wobbly metal under me.

I put my hands around the gun, trying not to squeeze it too hard, but I am so afraid that I don't follow this indication and I am not even able to feel my fingers from the grip I have on the gun.

I put my index on the trigger.

I take in a deep breath.

_Don't close your eyes, Rose, don't close them. You need to see your target clearly._

I can't let Dimitri die.

And oh, even if they're moving, I take my chances and pull the trigger.

**DPOV**

I hear the gunshot first, then I feel its outcome.

It's all over my face and chest, thick and hot. Blood.

Blondie's head got blown away by the bullet and in the next second, his body goes limp over mine, the grip on my neck loosening enough to allow me again to breathe.

Rose. Rose is alive. And she shot him. She saved me.

Gaining my strengths, I push his body off me and greedily take fast breaths in, fighting my nausea.

Getting up to my butt, my eyes land on Rose.

She is sitting there, gun in her hand, looking at her hands, shaking from every joint.

"Oh my God. What have I done? Oh, no, what have I done? I've killed him!"

Getting up to my feet, I do my best to rush towards her.

I can only imagine what she is feeling. My first killing wasn't easy either. It wasn't at all. I was trained for that, but not even the best training couldn't prepare me for seeing a man dying of my hands.

"What have I done?!"

She begins to cry and getting close enough to her, I try to take the gun away from her hands.

"Get the hell away from me!" she points it at me and I raise my palms.

"Hey, Rose, it's me. It's me, Dimitri. I'm not going to do anything to you, alright? You're safe now."

She looks at me confused, and it takes her a little while to recognize me. When she does, she points the gun down and I dare take some steps even closer.

"Dimitri, I… you… I had to."

"I know, I know, love. But why don't you give that to me now, will you?"

I point to the gun and she looks her hands, and like getting scared of it, she lets go of it. It's fine either way, as long as she doesn't see it anymore. But she's still staring at her hands.

"What have I done? Dimitri, what I have done?" she keeps on asking me this as she starts shaking again.

"Roza." I get a hold of her hands, bringing her attention back to me. "It is alright. It will be alright. Everything will be, I promise."

She comes closer to me too, dissolving the remaining distance between us and rounds her arms on me and holds me tight, her cheek glued to mine.

"God… you… you were right... they were… they found us… and I- I killed him, Dimitri. I killed him. I couldn't… I had to."

Holding her tightly onto my chest, I soothe her hair and I move her slowly from left to right, trying to temper her sobs.

"Shh, it's alright. I know, love. God, I know. But…" how I hate myself for what I have to say next. "Love, we have to move. There might be more of them coming. They might be around the train and we need to get away from here."

"Why?" she sobs into the crook of my neck.

"We can't stay here. We're in danger. And we're close to reaching another town. Who knows, if they found us, there could be some more people coming for us."

"But how did they find us?"

"They have always been resourceful. This time, they just used the cameras. He did, anyway. Those were everywhere in town. And he saw the train we got onto. He didn't see us get off it. So, he knew where we'd be, which station to get on the train. And if he did, so could someone else. That's why we need to go now."

She takes in the information and lifting off me, she takes a hold of herself, nodding and wiping her tears away, leaving behind smudges of blood that she probably took from my neck and cheek. But even though, the tears still fall, leaving behind clean trails through the blood.

It must be so hard for her, all of this. All I want to do is to soothe her, to hold her and tell her it will all be alright, but we can't afford to do that now. I can't do it, knowing that she is still in danger.

"What… what do we do?"

"We'll need to jump off the train."

On a normal day, she would to argue me. But not now. She just nods.

"From up here?" is her only question.

"No. We'll descend and we'll jump from there."

I take her hand in mine and we head towards the ladder that will take us down.

I get down first and help her do the same.

I briefly tell her what she should do so that she won't get much damage to any parts of the body, and all she wants to know in return is if she could hold my hand, asking me that with a trembling voice that she tries very hard to hide.

I bring her closer to me and kiss her forehead.

Pulling away, I take her hand in mine and we jump.

Hitting the wet earth on this field comes as a little cushion to the impact. It didn't hurt as much as I expected, but it still did.

Opening my eyes, I still feel her hand holding mine, so, so tightly. And I am glad that we didn't get pulled apart and that I managed to land in such a way that she would be on top of me.

"You're alright, love?" I get her hair out of her face and look for any trace of a wound.

"Yeah, I am. What about you? Did I hit you? I-"

"Don't you worry about that."

We both get up and for one more second, I allow myself to think with my heart before I let my brain take over.

I embrace her once again and hold her tight for a little while.

"I'm sorry, Roza. For everything." for what already happened and for what will happen next.

As we make our way towards the city nearby, walking through the wet earth that's slowing us down and through the coldness of this December early morning, she is far gone in her mind, and even though all I want to do is to stop and hold her and soother her, I know I cannot, not now, and it is eating me alive. I need to make sure she's safe first.

In about ten minutes, ten long, painful minutes, we get to the suburbs. But not the fancy, rich ones. Which might be good. Around these areas, people don't tend to ask too many questions if you have the right amounts of money. Good thing I still have my wallet on me.

Still holding hands, in this unbearable silence, we walk these streets until I see a building that looks like and I hope is a motel.

To my luck, I even find someone to greet us at the front table.

I get ourselves a room and I dare ask for some extra blankets and towels, of course, for the right amount of money.

Getting inside the room, I still can't let go of my practical thoughts. I need to get her out of these wet, dirty clothes. She is freezing and shivering all over. Then, I'll take care of the other things.

I guide her towards the bathroom, and again, too lost into her thoughts, she doesn't say or ask anything.

"Roza?" I cup her cheeks and make her look at me.

"Huh?" she seems to acknowledge my presence just now.

"I'll undress you, okay? Is that okay?"

"Where are we?"

"We're… oh, love." I take her in my embrace and give in to my heart for a little as I hold her. "I took you somewhere safe." at least no one will know we're here for the next hours. "And now I am going to get you clean and warm, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, do whatever you want," she says and I swear to God that she sounds like she'd be high on some drug and her mind wandering to far places.

After I help her undress, I throw my clothes too over the pile of her clothes and turning on the water in the shower, I guide her in there.

She stares at nothing in particular as I wash the blood off her skin and mine, and I don't stop until I feel her ceasing to shiver and the water going down the drain gets clean and foamy.

We get out and wipe ourselves, this thing being something that she wanted to do by herself, but again, in complete silence.

Having no other clean clothes, I use the extra blankets I asked for to get us covered and to keep us warm.

Getting back into the room, she goes and sits down on the bed, her eyes staring at the ground as I impatiently start walking in front of her.

What should I do now? What should I say? How can I make it better? How can I make things right?

Now that I can finally deal with this, I have no idea how.

After another minute of fidgeting, I stop and crouch in front of her.

I take her hands in mine and as she looks at me, the tiniest smile appears on her lips at my sight.

"Roza, I want to tell you something."

"About?"

"About the man you… about him. He… he wasn't a good man. He was-"

"And this is supposed to make me feel better? The fact that he wasn't good is supposed to make me feel good about the fact that I killed him, Dimitri? What if he was so bad? He is- _was _a human being. He deserved to be punished, not murdered. By me! I killed him." and with these words, she breaks in tears again. "I killed him. I'm a murderer."

I try to wipe away her tears and tell her it will all be fine, that it doesn't matter, and so many other things, but nothing works. Nothing of what I do or say makes her stop hurting.

"Roza, I don't know what to do to make you feel better. I wish you didn't have to use that gun. I wish you would have let me there. I wish you wouldn't have had to do it. I'm so sorry. What can I do? Please, Rose, tell me. Please. Anything you say, I'll do it. What can I do to take this pain away?"

"Hold me and don't let go of me."

"Sure. I'll… I'll hold you." forever. I will hold her for as long as she needs it.

Getting in bed next to her, I move really slow and gentle because hell, I feel that if I move too fast, I'll break her in a million pieces that I'll have no idea how to put back together.

Spreading my arms, I wait for her to cuddle into me so that I wouldn't make a wrong move.

Letting go of her blanket, she puts her arms around my torso, bringing her warm, damp flesh over mine, then, with a small sigh, she rests her head on my shoulder. I lay us down and put the blankets on us, to keep us warm.

I don't say anything more, I just soothe her back and wait. I wait for her to stop crying, I wait for her to speak. We have to talk about this. We can't leave things like this, I know it so damn well.

Outside, the sun is already starting to rise and small, faint, orange dashes of light play one her puffy features. I'm glad that at least we got here before the sunrise. It's easier to hide into darkness.

Some minutes later, this silence gets too much for me. I can feel her pain radiate through her body onto mine and it's breaking my heart. She has been through so much. She shouldn't endure this burden too.

Walking my lips along her forehead for two kisses, I get her attention.

"I am sorry you had to do that. But I thank you, Roza. You saved my life."

"Tell me something."

"What?"

"Just something. It doesn't have to be important. I don't know, anything you want. Tell me your favorite song or anything like that, something you like. Something you love. Tell me your pet's name if you ever had one when you were little. A book you liked when you were fifteen or your favorite ice cream flavor. I need to know something like that. Just give me a part of you. Anything. Tell me a single word about you. About what makes you, _you_. Human. Just let me know that there is more to you than all of this, this _thing _that you do. More than all this death. Let me know that you are still a someone on your own, not just someone that they turned you into. That you are still human. Tell me anything. Just tell me something about you. It doesn't have to be something big. You know all these things about me. And I don't have a single clue about you. I know close to nothing about you. I began to fall in love with a complete stranger."

Her words take me by surprise and I need to pull my face a little away from hers so that I could watch her better.

"I _am _in love with a stranger. With you, Dimitri."


	35. You're my girl, Roza

**Hello there! I hope you all guys are safe and healthy!**

**I want to start by saying that I've made a little compromise with this chapter. Meaning that the original chapter was waaaay longer than this is (it was double the amount of words, or maybe a little more), but the thing is that I didn't manage to edit it all. It's written, but I didn't get to correct all the msitakes I usually make when I write too fast. So I decided to post half of the chapter now, and the other half tomorrow, as I wanted to keep on to my updating on Sundays. If something goes wrong tomorrow or I don't get the time to finish editing, I'll post it on Tuesday, but I doubt it :) Just wanted to let you know that there will be an extra post this week.**

** Dear Guest, I am glad I managed to make your day better. It makes me so happy to hear this**

**Caroline, here is more of the lovey dovey stuff. And stay tuned because soon, there will be some more :)**

**Tika86, I am sorry to hear you've had a shitty day at work. I hope it got better, as much as it is possible. Have a great week, be stong, and thank you for your support **

**GojGoj, hope you'll like this side of Dimitri too, and I hope this chapter gets to satisfy your need of knowing things about Dimitri. There will be more "confessions" of his as the time passes, more things from his past ;)**

**HonestPassion13, she'll use that word some more and so will Dimitri. And of couse Rose will get through that phase. After all, she has Dimitri by her side**

**Have a wonderful week y'all and I'm sending you lots of love. See you tomorrow!**

* * *

**You're my girl, Roza**

**DPOV**

"God, sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's okay if you… I am used to… I mean, I get it if you... I really do. Don't worry. If it's the job you have, what you do, or anything… I… I understand, but it's just that... God, _fuck_! Why do I have to ruin everything, _every single time_?"

Tears begin to stroll down her cheeks and in my surprise, I can't say anything, I can't respond in any way, I can't even tell her she shouldn't cry about that. All I can do is to lift us a little and wipe some of those tears away.

She sniffs her nose as she takes my hand off her face and holds it.

"Don't… Don't be mad with me. I should… I shouldn't have said that. I am sorry. I just- _No_. You know what? I am done with being sorry for everything I say or do, or don't say, or don't do, and I am definitely not sorry for this. Life's too short and I've realized this now, these past days, and I don't have the time to live with half measures. I am going to say it out loud without being sorry for it. I am falling... no." she smiles a little. "I am in love with you," she whispers, so softly, like the wind blowing on a summer day. "And I am not sorry for it, for what I feel. And I don't know if you are too, but I am, Dimitri. I love you and… and I'm not sorry about it. Not at all..."

"Roza... You shouldn't do that. I am not the one that you're supposed to love. I'm not..."

But seeing the way she looks at me, I stop speaking.

How can I tell her not to feel what she feels when I see it so clearly on her face, in her eyes?

The way she looks at me, God, it never ceases to surprise. All the love I see there. The warmness. The trust. The kindness. I've looked in so many eyes in my life. Brown and blue, and green, and all the variations in between. But this pair of dark brown eyes feels like home more than any place I've ever been to.

"I don't care what I'm supposed to do or not. I do and I won't stop. I love you and if you-"

I don't know what she wanted to say, but I am already pressing my lips on hers, not giving her the chance to voice her fear, I guess. How could she think I am not loving her back?

She responds to my kiss with a sigh, her fingers wrapping a little tighter on my palm.

Pulling away from her, she starts biting her lip and is nervously putting her hair behind her ears.

"Look. I understand if-"

I sigh, and making her stop speaking by tilting her head a little, I kiss her forehead.

"I love you too, Roza. Don't you ever think otherwise."

Lifting off me completely, she is looking at me, just as surprised as I did when she told me the same words.

"You _do_?"

Smiling at her question, I wipe the last tears on her cheeks and pass my fingers through her hair.

"How could I not?"

More tears from in her eyes and it doesn't take them much to start falling.

"Why you're crying now, love?"

She wipes them with the back of her palm and smiling, she shrugs.

"I don't know. I just do. I'm just crying."

I laugh a little more at her reaction, and she gets closer to my face, her lips close to mine, her breath brushing on my lips.

"Kiss me, Dimitri," she whispers.

And I do. Bringing my lips over hers once more, she parts hers, soon welcoming my tongue into the warmness of her mouth as I kiss her slowly, and pressed, through those tears that for whatever reason now, keep on falling.

**RPOV**

His kiss leaving me breathless, I pull away and I get back to resting my cheek on his chest.

He… he loves me too.

With fingers playing in my still damp hair, after a sigh that revealed some relief, he starts speaking.

"Tell me if I miss something, okay?"

"Miss what?"

"A question of yours." still not knowing for sure what he means, I nod. I'll get it, I'm sure. "I can't name you a favorite song of mine, but as you already heard, you know the genre I prefer."

I get it. He is telling me the little things I wanted to know about him.

Hearing his words, smiling mostly for myself, I nuzzle my nose onto his skin and I continue to listen to his soothing voice as he speaks further.

"Ever since forever I've wanted all to have a pet, but none of my fam-" he stops to exhale slowly and prolongedly, as his fingers slide down on my spine, stopping at my hip where he starts drawing little circles. "One home I lived in when I was six, the owner of the house had a dog. That was the time I learned I was allergic to dogs because until then I didn't get a really bad reaction to them. Its name was Laika."

I tilt my head and watch him with a little smile creeping on my lips.

"Yes love, I know, that was very creative from him. He considered himself a hell of a patriot. Now let me continue. The dog liked me a lot. It was always around me and wanted to play with me. But I couldn't be around it, no matter how badly I wanted it too. And with time, as I grew up, I convinced myself that I don't like animals, of any kind."

"Dimitri... You cannot possibly dislike animals." I know he doesn't, it's just that childhood thing. "I am sure that you'd love having Ash around. He's a sweetheart."

He smiles a little. "I have no doubt about that. But isn't he a troublemaker too?" I bet he heard me call Ash that a thousand of times around my apartment.

"Trust me, he is compensating it plentily with his cuteness. But now, please continue."

"What was another thing you asked?"

"I don't really remember what I babbled then."

"I remember. Favorite ice cream flavor."

"Yes. Tell me that."

"Peaches."

"Peaches?" it's a sweet, unhealthy thing and he's still choosing a fruit flavor? Always a _healthie._

"Yes, but the homemade ice cream. That's my favorite. Next… favorite book when I was fifteen, right?" I nod. How come he remembers them all? "I didn't have much time to read at fifteen. I was… let's say busy with other things. And I've read a lot of books I liked along the years, so I have a bunch of favorites." been there, done that. I have a long list too. "And as you again know, I enjoy westerns. I have always had. I like it how simple things were back then, and the honor people had, and the thoughts they had, how they acted."

"Oh, you just love the lawless times. You like how they broke the rules."

Smiling, he nods. "But do you remember the one book I recommended you?"

"'Lonesome dove'?"

"You remember it."

"Yeah, I liked what I managed to read from it."

"You should finish it one day." sighing, he kisses my forehead. "Is there something I missed?"

This one thing that I asked I still remember. "Something you love."

"That's simple to answer to."

"Is it?"

"Mhm. It's you," he whispers to me, his lips pressed on my temple. "It's you, Roza."

I don't need to hear any other words from him. I don't need him to answer any other questions.

I nuzzle my nose along his neck and nestle into his embrace.

But I remember. I might have a question.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes, love?"

"How _you're _feeling? How's your shoulder?" that… _man… _kinda took advantage of his wound.

"Don't you worry about me. I'm good."

"You're lying to me?"

"Not at all." he definitely is. "What about you? How are you?"

"I'm good," I respond promptly, but the thoughts of me holding that gun have already invaded my brain. Keeping my eyes closed tightly, I try to think about something else.

"You're lying to me?"

"Not at all."

He sighs and holds me tighter. "Oh, Roza. You… we..." he sighs once more. "You'd better sleep for now."

I sigh too, and feeling at peace enough in his embrace, I try to focus my mind on anything else but that train and let the sleep come to me.

* * *

After we woke up and had breakfast, that Dimitri almost shoved down my throat, we stole a couple of cars and went on our way, whichever that is.

All I know is that we're switching places. That shady motel was not safe enough.

And we drive for the entire day, making some stops from time to time to buy food and essentials for late.

Some time, an hour or two after the sun sat, he stops the car in front of an apartment building.

"What are we doing here?" I guess there won't be anything to buy from here. Could this be our final destination?

"We stay. It's safer here, in this place. I asked Ivan to find it for us. And I'll make sure we won't be found again."

"For how long?"

"I hope that you'd be safe for-"

"No, not that. I know we'll be safe. I meant, for how long do we stay here?"

"For a while. I don't know for sure for how long."

"Then, tell Ivan I said thank you."

"Speaking of Ivan, you know, your parents would-"

"_No_."

"No?"

"I can't… I can't speak to them. They… they'll know. And they can't know."

"But they're worried about you. They want to talk to you."

And he doesn't understand that they'll know the very second they hear my voice. They will know something is wrong, they always do, and I don't know how to tell them. I _can't _tell them.

"I can't talk to them. I don't know, tell them we're busy. Tell them we're on the run and I'm not allowed to speak to them. You're very convincing, I am sure you can come up with something believable."

"But-"

To avoid having the rest of this conversation, I get out of the car.

**DPOV**

We get upstairs and I let her there to change for the night as I bring inside the stuff we've bought along the way for our staying here.

But as I finish and want to get in our bedroom to change too, I stumble over Rose naked, fresh out of the shower.

Seeing me too, she hurries to pick up the robe that was resting on the bed, covering the front of her body.

"A little privacy, please?"

Hearing her, I smile. "Come on, love. It's not like there is something I haven't seen before."

But she doesn't smile back. She just covers herself a little more, putting the robe on, careful not to show anything in the process.

I don't move. Last night we went to bed naked. How come she got so prude all of a sudden?

"Comrade_… get out."_

_"_Roza…" I want to get further inside the room, to go to her, but I don't get the chance to.

"Fine," she says angrily as she ties her robe. "Then _I'll _go if you don't want to."

She picks up her pajamas and gets heading towards the bathroom.

"Rose, wait."

I walk the distance between us, but not fast enough. I get close enough to see the door of the bathroom closing in front of me.

For a second, I consider entering because there's no lock on the door, but I'm not that guy. I wouldn't barge in there. And if I]] insist, I'd surely get her angrier. And after all, she needs to get out of there at some point, so why hurry?

But what happened to her all of a sudden?

I need to figure it out before things get out of hand.

Five minutes later, she does get out of the bathroom.

In the meantime, I didn't know what else to do, so I changed too and I waited for her in bed, thinking of a way to approach this, of a way to bring up the subject of what is bothering her because I knew we'd get here sooner or later. After all, we didn't speak much on our way here and I thought it was a good idea to let her put her thoughts in order. But maybe it wasn't, after all.

But opening the door of the bathroom, it's like she started to feel like a stranger in our room. After a little stop into the doorway and looking at me, but not in my eyes, she starts walking slowly, and I'll dare say uneasy, getting closer to the bed, then stops, standing there weirdly, watching me, kneading her fingers.

"Dimitri… I…."

"It doesn't matter. Come here," I give her an impulse to move, patting the spot next to me.

Putting her hair behind her ears, she climbs in bed, moving slowly, like she'd be afraid I'll bite her.

Sitting on her calves, she extends her hand and touches mine.

"I'm sorry I acted like that earlier. I didn't mean to. I was… Sorry, Dimitri, I don't know what got over me."

I think I know. I know so damn well.

"It's alright. Come here."

Getting a hold of her hand, I pull her into my embrace.

**RPOV**

"How are you feeling?" he asks me, his fingers playing at the back of my head, like I love it so much.

What do I know about how I feel? I decide to tell him about the physical stuff because I don't think I can explain out loud the things that are happening on the inside.

"I am so tired. I feel like I haven't slept in months. My whole body hurts. I just want to cuddle under a mound of blankets and sleep for days. With you, please."

"Well, we're halfway there anyway, love. Shall I go bring some more blankets?"

"Do we have more blankets?" I won't say no to his offer because I feel such a coldness creeping into my bones.

"Yes," he says, already getting up and heading to one of the bags we've filled with all kinds of stuff along our way.

"Thank you, comrade."

Spreading the blanket on the bed, he gets lying next to me.

As he wants to welcome me back in his embrace, I move in such a way that I put too much weight on my hip, and it still hurts, despite the shot that Dimitri gave me a couple of hours ago. He was so fast and resourceful, getting his hands on other medical supplies, this being at the top of his list of things to do after we left that motel.

"It hurts?"

That's an understatement.

"I feel like I was hit by a car. By a fucking trunk. What about you? You don't even seem a little tired." even though he drove all day long.

"I am, love."

"You are?" I can't contain my surprise because he always seemed so stoic, just like he did last night.

"Yes. Of everything. And all I want to do is to hold you. To rest."

"I like that idea. Do it, please."

Putting his arm around my middle, he pulls me towards him gently, like he'd be afraid I'll break. But he still keeps a little distance between put bodies.

I prop my forehead against his chest and sigh.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hold me tighter?"

"But wasn't your body hurting?"

"So what? I don't care. I want you to hold me tighter."

So he does just as I asked. He dissolves the distance between our bodies and kisses my hair a couple of times.

I don't care if it hurts, what part of my body hurts. It's indifferent to me. All I know is that I want him to hold me. Forever. And to not let go. No matter what, I want to melt in his arms. It makes it all better, him holding me like this. It makes the darkness in my head diminish.

Just a little because, of course, my overthinking finally makes me speak.

"But this isn't over yet, isn't it?" will this ever be over?

"I am sorry, but not yet, love. It's not over."

"Why?"

"The word around is that Haynes is planning to sell the flash to the highest bidder, even though he hasn't made any move yet. No one has heard any word from him yet, but now that he has the flash, I am sure he will make a move. This is what he wanted all this time."

"And he won't stop, right?"

"He'll stop, one way or another," he says like a promise.

"Just be careful, Dimitri." I don't know what he has in mind and I don't know if I'll like it when I'll find out.

"Love?" I hear him just before drifting to sleep.

"What?"

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"How you feel."

"I already told you."

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me how you feel here." he slips a hand between us and places it over my heart.

"I'm fine."

"Roza…"

"I am _fine_, Dimitri. How many times do you need to hear this?"

He sighs and holds me a little tighter and I feel my heart beating faster against his palm.

"Don't shut me out, love."

"I'm not." I just don't know what to tell him.

"You promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

* * *

**DPOV**

For the past twenty hours or so, we've spent our time sleeping, cuddling, dozing off, looking at each other, sleeping some more, recovering, touching from time to time, dozing off again, leaving the bed only when it was absolutely necessary, neither of us wanting to leave the warmth of the bed and each other, not even to eat.

But there's only one thing we didn't do. We didn't talk about anything because each time I tried to bring up the subject, _any_ subject, she either pretended she was asleep, either pretended she didn't hear me, or better, she gave me bland answers like those "I'm fine" I began to hate hearing.

So, later the day, I know we need to do something, to move, to eat, to get back to living a little normal. I somehow feel that Rose would happily let this bed swallow her emotions, but I can't let it happen. She can't fall into that hole.

As I will go to make us some dinner, I think it would do her some good to get a relaxing bath. It will do good to her aching muscles, and maybe to her mind too.

I've left her still dozing off a little as I prepare the bath, letting the tub fill with water and bubbles, and the room with swirls of steam.

I wake her up with little kisses on her face, and wow, she wakes up with a smile on her lips. Maybe tonight will be a good night.

Telling her my plan, she likes the idea. She even rewards me with a sleepy kiss, the tiredness not going away, not even after so much time spent sleeping. So it must have another source, right?

And everything was fine. I was so sure of it.

Until I did the fatal decision of asking her if she needs any help with covering her cast so that it wouldn't get wet.

Watching me with a deep frown, her voice gets the same tone as it did yesterday.

"Dimitri, I am not invalid, you know that, right?"

I don't like these sudden mood changes. It's not something typical for her. Yes, she would get angry or sad at times before too, but the force of these moods, this I haven't seen before.

"Sure, love, I know." I get closer to her, and this time, unlike last night, she lets me. "Sorry about that." I kiss her forehead and caress her cheek. "Enjoy your bath."

The anger washing away from her features, she smiles a little, even if it's a little forced. "Thank you."

**RPOV**

Putting a cover over my cast and getting undressed, I immerse myself into the bubbly, hot as hell water fast and let it burn my skin, the physical pain being more distracting than everything that has happened to me lately, but still enjoyable, as my muscles get a chance to relax after what they've been through.

Resting my back onto the bathtub, I sit there, almost fully immersed into the water, feeling like I am running a fever and I listen to the faucet dripping slowly, one drop at a time, filling the silence in this room, as my eyes move on the ceiling, focusing my attention on looking for any cracks, trying to ignore everything else around me and inside me.

**DPOV**

She still hasn't come around here.

Yes, I got a little carried away in here with cooking and I lost track of time, but I told her where I'd be, and still, after so much time, she didn't come. Maybe she decided to go back to sleep?

Heading back inside the bedroom, I see that she didn't even get out of the bathroom.

I knock on the door a couple of times, but there's no response.

Getting more than worried that something might have happened to her, I decide to get inside, screw the manners.

I enter and I find her still in the water, knees pulled up under her chin and her cheek resting on them. She is looking at the water as she is making little waves, tapping her index onto the surface of the water.

"Roza?"

I don't manage to get her attention from the first try. I need to call her a couple more times and even to wiggle my hand in front of her eyes to get a reaction.

She lifts her head and looks at me surprised.

"Hey…" she frowns and puts her hair behind her ears. "What are you doing here? When did you even get in here?"

I crouch in front of her and she comes closer to the edge, letting me take her wrinkly hands in mine.

"I'm sorry I barged in here, but I knocked and you didn't answer."

"Oh…"

"And now, the question is what you're doing?"

"I am um… taking a bath, isn't that obvious?"

"It is. But you have been in here for the past… I think it's close to one hour and a half, love."

"Really? I did?"

"Yes. Are you okay? Are you feeling fine?"

"Of course I am." of course she's lying to me again. "I just didn't realize how fast the time has passed."

"Is that so?" I wonder what made her lose track of time.

"Aham. You see, I could always feel better when I am in or around water." so she was feeling bad to begin with, if she mentions water making her feel better. "The way it moves and forms little waves is mesmerizing for me." she even shows me, her fingers repeating the previous gesture, forming waves in the bathtub. "I'd be able to spend all my time watching the water moving. You know how weird I am."

"And you know I don't believe that."

She smiles a little. "You know, when I was little my mother used to tell me that I should have been born a fish. And who knows, maybe I would have had a simpler life as one," she ends with a sigh, and I get a glimpse of the sadness that made her lose track of time.

"Well, love, you can be my mermaid."

She chuckles. "Oh, comrade."

She lifts a little and reaches up to kiss me, and I, getting a hold of her cheeks, I deepen the kiss as much as I can from this position.

When we pull apart, I check on the water and I get a confirmation of what I already thought. It is cold.

I get a hold of her shoulders, and walking my palms across her skin, she is cold too, even shivering a little, despite the fact that, for whatever reason, her cheeks and palms were warm enough.

"Let's get you out of here. You must be freezing. Or better, I think I should get you warm first."

Getting rid of the water and replacing it with a hot one would take too much.

So using the shower would be faster. But I should pull the curtain. But that would leave me on the outside.

You know what? I'll get in there too.

As I get undressed and the bathtub is emptying, Rose watches me, but her mind is somewhere far away.

Getting her to her feet and getting inside the bathtub, I get the hot water running over us.

"Have you washed anything?"

She shakes her head at first, but then seems to remember something.

"My hair."

"Can I do the rest?" this time, she nods.

I reach for the shower gel, and spreading it on my palms, I start walking them on her body, moving slowly and gently, careful not to touch any purple spots on her skin.

Getting close to her hips, I crouch in front of her to get to properly clean the healing wound.

"How's this?"

"Better, she sighs."

"What do you feel about leaving it uncovered for the night? Lissa said it would help."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you think it's best."

When I get back up and reach her neck, walking my fingers past the bruises there, she turns her head to one side and sniffs my hand.

She smiles a little. "So this is where you smelled good from. That saltiness..."

"Sorry love. I reached for mine from habit. I brought one for you too. If you want I coul-"

"No, there's no biggie. I don't want another scent. I love smelling like you, so don't change it"

"As you wish."

Turning her around, I see the other damage on her body. She has lost a lot of weight in what? Two-three days? Passing my palms along her ribs, I can feel them perfectly, I can count them without much effort, as they're popping on the sides.

At a further inspection, there is no bad bruise, no cut, no scar, nothing to hurt badly here, on her back. But I can only imagine what is happening on the inside, in her heart.

Wrapping my arms on her from behind and kiss her shoulder, I rest my chin there, where I stay for a minute.

"How are you, love?" please, please, please answer. "Tell me." please.

She shrugs and her palms come resting over mine, so I get a hold of them, for her to know I'm here.

"I don't know anymore, Dimitri. I don't know." she turns around and looks at me, smiling weakly, then brings her hand up to walk her fingers along my cheek. "I don't think I feel anything but that right now. Besides hurting. Everything hurts." sighing, she props her forehead on my chest. "My whole body hurts. In, and out. That's all I can feel now. Hurting. And I am sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For being such a trouble. I'm such a bitch to you. I'm mean and I-"

"Hush, Roza. Don't say that. It's okay. I understand. Everything is alright now. Or… it will be."

"I know." she kisses my collarbone. "Just thanks to you. You make everything alright." she holds me tighter. "You always do."

We sit in here some more, in silence, the hot water running over us, as I'm waiting for her body to stop shivering for good.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"I am tired. Can we get out of here?"

"Sure, love."

I wrap a towel on her and I feel her still shivering under it. And her skin has goosebumps all over.

"You're still cold, love."

"Not really. It's just the change of temperature."

"Sure. Anything you say. But the way you are shaking is giving you away anyway."

Her only response is a shrug, knowing I caught her lying.

I start wiping her, brushing vigorously the towel on her skin, trying to heat her a little more.

"Can I take that?" she asks as I got a hold of my T-shirt, wanting to reach her clothes that were underneath.

"Sure, love." if it makes her better, she can take all of my clothes. "Now, let's get you to eat something."

"I am not hungry, Dimitri."

"The hell you're-"

"Please. I just want to sleep."

"Just a bite. I made you pasta. With lots of cheese. Like, a ton of it."

"I'd love to, and I appreciate that you spent so much time making them, but-"

"You don't even have to go to the kitchen. I'll bring you some to bed."

"You're not going to give up on that easily, won't you?"

"Not at all."

"Fine, Then I guess I coul-"

"Great." I can't contain the happiness in my voice at hearing her words. "Let's go."

In my excitement and not wanting her to change her mind, I guide her inside the room and sit her on the bed.

"Wait for me. I'll be back in a second."

In less than two minutes I am back with a plate of pasta and she even tries to smile at its sight.

But seeing her force each piece of pasta down her throat after she chews it for a thousand times, just for my sake, it feels like I am torturing her.

"Roza, stop."

"Huh? Why?"

"You don't want to eat that."

She smiles, but it's a sad one. "No, I do, I-"

"No. It's alright. I shouldn't force you." a little pushing, maybe, but not this.

"You're not, but I am just not hungry now. If I get hungry, you'll be the first to know."

"Promise?"

"I swear."

"Good."

Taking the plate from her, I take it back to the kitchen.

When I come back, she's already lying, cuddling under the blankets, eyes closed.

I lie too, facing her. I don't know if she already fell asleep or she's just faking it to avoid me and my questions again, but I need to try again.

"Love?"

"Huh?" she asks getting a little scared and a little up on her elbow. "What happened?" so she was close to sleeping. My bad.

"Nothing happened. Just… tell me, Roza."

She growls lightly and snuggles closer to me, her head finding comfort into the crook of my neck, hiding.

"Dimitri, please. I don't have what to tell you."

"Tell me how you feel."

"You know how I feel."

"I want you to tell me."

"I already told you."

"Then tell me again. But use more words this time, please." her only response is to not respond at all. "Rose?" still, no answer. She just starts breathing a little heavier. "Love, come on."

"I want to sleep." she tilts her head and looks at me, biting her lip. "Please."

I sigh, defeated again, and nod.

She sighs too. "Dimitri… I… look... I'm not trying to be difficult, but… I really don't know what to say and you keep on asking me this. You want me to tell you something, but I don't know what to tell you. I don't have an answer."

"Alright. I'll wait for when you'll have one."

* * *

For the next days, nothing changes, nothing gets better. On the contrary maybe. It seems to start getting worse.

She mostly- _always _sits in bed. She doesn't eat more than three bites of whatever I bring her. She doesn't want to talk.

When I asked her what she'd like to do, she told me that she'd like to read something. So I barged into the first bookshop I found and bought her a million books.

And since then, that's what she started to do all day long. She reads. She reads a lot and drinks tea because she likes how warm it feels. Just like my embrace, as she keeps on reminding me on the little times we speak.

That's all.

Oh, and she cuddles into my embrace a lot. Like, each time we are close, she drops anything she was doing and comes closer to me, not saying anything, but like silently asking me to hold her, which I instantly do. She needs to know I am here for her, no matter what.

But she has visibly shut down. From the bubbly, jolly, funny, open person she was, she got like this, dark, sad and quiet, and I have no idea how to make things better, even though I am trying everything that comes to my mind. But I'm afraid I'll run out of things to try.

* * *

**RPOV**

I wake up for God knows what day in a row with Dimitri not in bed. Again, he's probably in the kitchen cooking something for me that I will feel so bad for not being able to eat. I wish I could. But I don't feel like it. I never do. And he's trying so hard to come up with the best meals, and they're so tasty, he's such a good cook, but I can't bring myself to eat anything. I know I'm disappointing him, but I physically can't.

But maybe this morning I could stop him before he cooks anything. Yeah, I could go there and tell him not to bother, to spare him of this effort he took onto himself of keeping me to be a functional being. I love him for this, but I feel like the biggest burden on the earth.

Pushing the covers off me and leaving their warmth, I get up to my feet and head towards the kitchen.

But on my way, I hear no noise coming from that room.

Getting there, the kitchen is empty.

So, he was not in the bed with me, he's not in the living room as I just passed through there, he's not here, in the kitchen.

Could he be in the bathroom?

I'll go search there too. He must be there, where else could he be?

But turning the light on in the bathroom, it is empty.

He is nowhere to be found.

"Dimitri?"

No answer.

I call again, my voice getting a little louder as I am heading into the living room to look in there once more. I must have missed him, that's it.

But still, no one answers me.

He is not here.

Where is he?

What do I do now, alone?

Did he leave?

_Why wouldn't he? He got tired of you being like this. You're a trouble. A burden._

I'll get better, I promise.

God, I'm alone in here.

He… he left me here?

_You pushed him away so many times. What else did you expect? That he'd stay forever?_

I'll try harder, I promise. I'll get better.

But still, he doesn't come back, no matter how much I am asking for it in my head.

He left me.

I take a seat on the edge of the sofa as I feel my feet ready to be swept off from under me.

I'm alone.

All alone.

All by myself.

I don't remember for how long I've sat there and looked at nothing in particular, trying to feel something about this. But I couldn't. I tried to cry, tried to laugh in exasperation, tried to grab this mug on the table in front of me and throw it against the wall, but I couldn't move a muscle.

Until I heard the door unlock.

"Dimitri?" I ask, my voice full of hope.

"Rose? Yes, it's me."

Finally finding the power to move, I get off the sofa and rush towards the front door, calling his name the whole time, just to make sure it's him.

**DPOV**

Hearing her distressed voice calling my name over and over again, I get it there's something wrong going on.

Turning the corner of the little hallway, she almost bumps into me, as I was rushing to get to her.

"You're here," she says relieved. "You didn't leave me."

"What?"

But she doesn't get the time to answer me.

The next thing I know, her face is crumpling and she lets out a faint wail, letting herself fall to the floor.

As she wants to lift her hands to cover her face trying to suppress another wail, I kneel in front of her and take her hands in mine, bringing them up to my lips and kissing her trembling knuckles.

"Hey, hey, what happened, love? What's the matter?"

"Where were you?!"

"I was at the coffee shop nearby to get you waffles. I thought you'd like some, love."

"I thought that you left me!"

"Roza…" I drag her closer to me and place soft kisses on her face, as my thumbs are looking for tears to wipe, but there are none, even though she's sobbing hard.

"I woke up and you were gone and I… I was _alone…_" she hiccups each word. "You… I couldn't find you. You were gone and you were nowhere to be found in here and I-"

"I am sorry, love. I should have left you a note. But I thought that you won't wake up soon. You usually don't wake up this early."

"No, I am sorry." she pulls away shaking her head. "It's not your fault, it's mine."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I am an idiot. I am being like this for a stupid reason. I shouldn't have made such a big deal out of this. I'm acting stupid."

"Oh, love, don't say that."

I take her back in my embrace and soothe her back. She sighs and holds me tight.

"I thought you left. That you left me to be alone in here. All alone, by myself," she whispers each word like she's afraid of saying these things out loud, like the fact that she's saying them would make them true.

But how could she think that I'd leave?

"Never. I'd never do that, do you hear me? Never. Ever. Not in a million years."

"Do you promise?"

"I swear."

After a minute or so of peaceful silence in which she has calmed down her tearless sobs, she pulls away a little.

"Did… did you say you got waffles?" she even tries a smile.

"I did, love. You want some?"

"I'd love to," she lies, again, just for my sake. But I'll take it. Each bite feels like a little win.

"Some coffee too?"

"If it's warm, it doesn't matter."

Getting into the kitchen, instead of coffee, I prepare her something that has worked countless times on the seven-years-old me that wasn't hungry.

I put the steaming cup in front of her and she latches onto it like always, for warmth.

But taking a sip of it, she doesn't like the taste, I see it on her face as she scrunches her nose.

"What is this? This is not coffee. And it's so bitter."

"It's chicory."

"Why?"

"It will do you good? I hope it will at least make her hungry." even just a little. I'd like to get her to take a fourth bite of anything. "You've lost your appetite this past week. We should do something about it."

She didn't eat any proper meals in seven days. It's been seven hard days ever since we came to this apartment and maybe she doesn't see it, but she has lost some more weight that she already had, and I don't like seeing her be nothing but skin and bone.

It is consuming her, his death, and I am well aware of it, but she keeps on avoiding it by saying she is fine.

And I swear I get her. I've been there. But it is still killing me on the inside and I can't sit around and do nothing.

She shrugs. "I doubt that some warm, bitter beverage will make it all better, but if you think it will, in any way, I'll try it."

This is a change of attitude. I don't know, she sounded… hopeful? She said she'll try it. Until now, she didn't want to try anything.

"Dimitri?" she gets me out of my head.

"Yes?"

"Would it be okay if I go take a shower before we eat?"

"Sure." as long as she doesn't give up on the eating part, I'll wait for as long as it takes.

* * *

But ten minutes later, when she comes out of our room and gets in front of the sofa that I was waiting for her on, I don't see anymore that hope I saw earlier in her.

She stopped in front of me, just into the little daylight that was coming inside the room through the pulled drapes. She is still dressed in one of my T-shirts, but she's wearing a thick cardigan now, that she's keeping tightly wrapped on her. She must be cold, even though the weather is not that bad these days and anyway, the thermostat is set high in here. This cannot be good at all.

Her hair is put up in a bun from the shower and in this light that's falling only on her features, I can distinguish better her haggard face, the dark circles under her eyes. It's such a beautiful morning that would have made her so happy, but now, she looks like a ghost of the old her.

"Dimitri, can you do something for me?"

"Yes, sure. Anything. Name it."

"Can you… um... do you think you can hold me for a while?" she brushes on her arms and looks away. "Like, in your embrace?"

"Oh, Roza. Come to me. I'll hold you whenever you want, for as long as you need."

Moving a little uneasy, she places herself on my lap and makes herself little, getting her hands close to each other and on her chest, pulling her legs up too, turning into a little ball on me. She is so small, so fragile against my chest.

I put my arms around her and soothe her back as I keep her tight and hopefully warm.

"I'm sorry."

"Hush, don't say that."

"But I…"

At first sobbing lightly, as the minutes pass, she eventually starts crying. After a week, I see again tears in her eyes, and I know it shouldn't make me happy to see her like this, but she is letting it all out and I am happy about it.

She has been strong for far too long, she kept it in for just as much. She deserves her time to suffer, other than in silence. Let her break as bad as she wants. I won't stop her. I'll only be here to hold her.

I feel her press her cheek more strongly into my chest as she tries to suppress a wail.

"It's fine, Roza. Let it all out."

"You… you know that... each time you asked me how… how I'm feeling... I would always… tell you I'm fine?"

"I do." no matter how many times I asked, that was the only response I got.

"I… I think I am not... fine." her whole body shaking with sobs, she lifts a little, her teary eyes looking back in mine. "I know I said I was. But... I don't think I am. I think I need a little help." she starts crying harder. "Or more than a little? I feel awful, Dimitri. It's too much. And I can't make it stop. I thought I can forget it, make it stop coming to me, that moment, but I can't. I dream it at night," she is? I feared that she would have night terrors again, but I didn't see any sign of that. I spent countless hours at night watching for any distress, for any sign of a nightmare, but I didn't find any. "I see it even when I'm awake, I feel the gun in my hands, its weight, I sense the smell of the gunpowder, I hear that shot over and over again, I see his head… and- and all that blood on you… It's too much. Too much. I know now that I can't do this by myself and when I couldn't find you earlier today, God, it scared me so much the thought of being alone, of you leaving. You… you're the only one that makes this mess better. I'm a mess and I can't… I'm sorry."

"Oh, love. It's okay. You're alright. You'll be alright, I promise. I am here and I'm not leaving. Never. We'll deal with it, love, whatever it is, whatever it takes, no matter how long it takes us. Anything you need."

"You're so good to me and all I've been in return is a bitch," she says through hiccups and tears. "I'm horrible."

"You're not."

"I _am. _You're just too good to say it."

She'll soon remain breathless if she doesn't calm down or she'll choke on the sobs she's trying to suppress.

I pull her back to me and lay her head on my chest.

"Roza, do you hear my heartbeat? Do you feel it?" bringing her palm over my heart too, she nods. "Good. Just focus on that, love. Focus on that now, nothing else. Take it easy. Breathe for me. Steady. In, and out. We'll figure this out together."

A minute later, she calms down a little.

"Dimitri?" she gets up and wipes her tears and her runny nose with the sleeves of the cardigan. "Say something, please. About..."

"I don't know what to say, love."

None of my words seem to be able to resolve anything. I thought it was bad, I expected it to be. But not this bad. I didn't imagine she was going through so much, that she was suffering so much.

"You're upset."

"No. I am not."

"But all I have said… and done and-"

"I could never get upset with you for this. No, love. I'm not upset, I promise. I'm glad you told me."

"Then, you are disappointed with me. There is something about you. The way you look at me… I fucked up again, didn't I? I did. I always do. I am such-"

"Hey. No, it's not that. I just wish you told me all these things earlier. Before they got this bad for you. You've been bottling this up for all this time… You can tell me anything, anytime, about whatever you want, you know that, right?"

"I do. I really do. You're right. I should have told you. I'm sorry. I was an idiot to think I could get better in a flash. But I don't know… this time… maybe I was ashamed of it. I think I am ashamed of it. Of what I've done… I deserve to feel like this."

I feel the torment in her voice, and she is sitting here, broken, in front of me, only pain present in her eyes. She really believes she deserves this torture.

"No. There is nothing to be ashamed of and you don't deserve this."

"I don't know how to be better now. I can't. I'm sorry I am like this. I don't know what to do." she starts sobbing again.

"No. Don't be sorry for anything. It's normal to react like that, to feel that. You don't have to be better in any way. And I know you are upset and sad and you feel so many other things, and I don't know either what to do to make it better. I wish I would, God how I wish that, but… I don't. I don't know either, love."

"I am such a mess. I'm-"

"You are _not._"

"Look at me, Dimitri. Look at me and tell me that I don't look like a complete mess. Because let me tell you that that is how I feel. I am a mess. A complete disaster. I don't even think I can… I can't…"

"Roza, you are stronger than you think."

She laughs through the tears that are still falling on her cheeks, silently.

"Then why don't I feel like it?"

"Because everyone is allowed to break sometimes."

She smiles and pats my cheek. "Always so deep, comrade. Even you?"

"Even me what?"

"Break." I nod. "When do _you _break, Dimitri?"

I brush the tip of my nose against hers, then move upward, kissing her forehead.

"When I see you hurting, it breaks something in me." I drag her closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder and I start soothing her hair. "And when there is nothing I can do to make it better. To make it go away. I hate seeing you like this. So please, anything you need, just let me know. I would do anything in my powers to help you deal with this." she squeezes on me until it gets a little harder to breathe, but I don't stop her. "I can only tell you that whatever you need, I'm here. I'm not leaving."

"This helps," she whispers.

"It does?"

"Yes. So much."

"Would lying down make it better?" I guess this position is not that beneficial for her hip.

"Don't know. All I know is that I don't want you to let go of me."

"I am not, Roza. Never."

Getting us to lay on our sides, we face each other as I'm still keeping her close to me, as I've promised.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"Would you kiss me? On my forehead, as I love it?"

I laugh lightly. "Sure, love."

Putting some strands of hair behind her ear, I tilt her head and place my lips on her forehead, kissing her softly.

"Was this good?"

Smiling a little, she nods and turns into a little kitten, nudging her nose along my neck, the only thing missing being her starting to purr.

She soon finds my hand on her hip and bringing it up on the sofa in front of her, she starts contouring my fingers, studying it.

"I like it when you touch me like this. When you hold me. You make all the bad go away." she brings my hand up to her lips and kisses the inside of my palm, then lets it rest on her cheek.

"I wish you would have never had to go through this, Roza. I wish it never happened."

She shrugs. "But it happened. And the worst thing is that I don't think I can… I am so-"

My hand already close to her mouth, I stop her speaking.

"Whatever you wanted to say next, don't. It is not like that. You're not anything you wanted to say. And it is not happening, whatever you were thinking of. Nothing bad will happen. And no matter how much it takes, we'll get through it. Together, love. You'll be fine. I'll always be here for you."

Tilting her head, her eyes are again filled with tears.

"I love you, Dimitri."

"I love you too."

She smiles. "Bout time you said that, you know?"

The side of my mouth lifts in an amused smile. "Is that so?"

"Aham." she bites the inside of her cheek. "You know… I kinda started wondering if you… if I shoul-"

I kiss her on her temple as I hold her tighter in my arms.

"I am sorry I didn't say it earlier. I should have, but I never thought it would be right for you for me to say it. And I didn't know you wanted to hear it that badly before. I'm sorry if I left you wondering."

"Well, at least I felt it."

"You did?"

"Aren't you a man of action and not one of words?" I smile. I've always considered words to be useless, pointless, empty lies. Everybody can make promises. I like keeping them. "But even though… can you say it again?"

I laugh a little more and resting my lips on her forehead again, I tell her.

"I love you, Roza. So, so much."

Lowering myself so that I could reach her ear, I whisper a promise, once again.

"It will all be alright Roza. Everything will."

She passes a hand through my hair and her lips along my neck.

"As long as you are here, I know it will."

"But there's one more thing we need to do."

"What?"

Getting off the sofa, I urge her to climb on my back.

"Why?"

"Hop up and you'll find out."

Wrapping her arms on my neck and her legs around my waist, I start walking.

"Where are we going?"

"Always so impatient, huh?"

"You know I am."

"I am taking you to eat something."

"But I am not hungry," she protests just as I bend and let her sit on a chair in the kitchen.

I turn around and watch her with my arms crossed.

"Rose, do you remember the last time you ate?"

She thinks about it, her eyes deliberately avoiding mine, then she shakes her head.

"I do. And it was yesterday morning when I shoved some cereal down your throat. You can't keep on going like this for longer. I can't let you do it for longer. I can't watch you starve yourself. So you're going to eat something now, either if you get upset with me for it or not."

"You're right. I should eat…"

I bend and give her a peck. "Oh, how I like it when we're on the same page. Do you want some tea too?"

"That would be nice. If it's-"

"Warm, yes, I know, love. Sugar or honey?"

"Honey, please."

Getting the waffles I bought and some other goodies that I know she likes, I put them on a plate and I put it, along with a chamomile tea, in front of her.

"Now you have to eat everything," I start my speech while I sit down too. "We are not leaving this kitchen until you do so. I want an empty plate and I'll tie you to this chair if I have to."

She looks at me, and smiling, she leans over and gets her palm on my cheek.

"You are so good to me."

"Oh, Rose." I kiss the inside of her palm. "You deserve so much more than this."

It's the least I can do. After everything that has happened in her life, she deserves so much more and I can only do so little. She deserves someone who would treat her like a goddess. I don't know if I will be enough to make her feel like that, but to hell if I will not do my best to make her the happiest she has ever been.

"Why, Dimitri?"

I smile. "What a silly question. You're my girl, Roza. I'd do anything for you."

She smiles too and bites her lip. "You're so sweet, Dimitri. I like how that sounds."

"Then I'll make sure I'll say it more often. Now, come on, eat."

"You too."

"I am not hungry."

"When did _you_ eat last time, comrade?"

"I don't remember." I couldn't eat knowing that she didn't.

She smiles. "And you worry about me, huh?"

"Fine. If I eat, will you?"

"Sure."

* * *

As I wash the dishes, she wanted to remain in the kitchen and keep me company. But as I try to talk to her, to keep her mind busy for a little longer, I see that Rose is already far gone, looking at her palms which are extended in front of her, on the table.

But no matter what I say, she is way too lost in that action to hear me, thinking of God knows what while her features fill with anger- no, with rage, a deep violence that is making her chocolate eyes darker than ever. And even though her eyes are teary she is not crying anymore as she is watching her palms and she fists them so hard that I start thinking her nails have dug too deep into her skin and that some blood might start spilling soon.

I sit on the chair across the table in front of her and take her tense hands in mine. I want to unclench her fists, but she resists me for a second, probably taken by surprise.

She lifts her eyes and when she looks at me, she blinks twice, the rage washing away from her eyes, and she looks at me so full of love, her whole being seeming to get calmer at my sight.

But I know better than this. That rage isn't completely gone. She is only hiding it, and it will continue to grow until it will consume her completely.

"Were you telling me something?" she asks concerned. "I wasn't quite paying attention to you."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Sorry."

"I told you you don't have to apologize for such things."

She sighs deeply, a sigh that hides so much pain and then, she finds the power to smile at me. Faintly, but still.

I continue to soothe her hands and, as I'm inspecting her palms, there's no blood spilled, thank God.

"Comrade?"

"What happened?"

She bites her lip and I see her eyes filling with tears once more.

"Do you…" she clears her throat. "Do you think I am a bad person?"

"No, love. No. Definitely not." I squeeze on her hands. "Never. You could never be that."

"Then why can't I stop feeling like one?" her voice breaks with this question.

"No, don't do that to yourself. Come here. Come to me."

I drag her towards me and she lifts from her chair and comes to sit on my lap, wrapping herself on me with her legs around my hips and her arms around my neck, laying her head on my shoulder. I start soothing her back and she sighs so deeply that even I feel the hurting in that gesture.

"It's hard, I know. It happened to me too. I wish you would never have had to go through this, love."

She starts sobbing lightly and holds me tighter. "I am so sorry I did it. I'm so sorry I killed him."

"I know you are. And this is what makes you not be a bad person."

"But I am. I killed him."

"You are not. Look at me." I pull her away and make her look at me so that she knows I mean each word I say. "There isn't another soul on this planet that's more caring and understanding, and good, and loving than you. No one. You're not bad, nor evil or whatever you think. You're not that."

"I wanted... I wanted to kill him."

"No, love. You-"

"Yes, I _did_, that's the thing. I wanted him to die. Seeing you two... I wanted him to die. Because he could have killed you."

"Yes, maybe you wanted that, to see him dead. But you didn't _want _to kill him. You had to."

"It was either you or him and I couldn't… I couldn't let you die…"

"I know. And I wish you wouldn't ever have to make this choice. I am sorry. You did it for me."

"I couldn't let you die. Without you…"

"Sometimes I wish you wouldn't have done it." it's not worth the pain she's going through. Nothing's worth it.

"Don't you ever say that again," she says upset. "How can you say that?"

"But Roza, look how much you are suffering because of me."

"You didn't _make _me do it. _I _chose that. _I _pulled the trigger. _I _did that."

"But I have taught you to do it."

"I would have done it even if you didn't teach me. I have thought a lot about this. And I realized that I would have done it either way. I would do it again if I'd have to. I wouldn't choose differently. If it were for me to choose between your life or someone else's, it wouldn't have mattered, I would have made the same choice. I am glad I did it because that means I didn't lose you. I am glad I killed him. _That _makes me a bad person."

"Love..." I cup her cheeks and pull her closer, and she rests her forehead on mine.

"I'm _awful_."

"You're not. You had to. It's different. You… you're not a bad person." she didn't do what I've done.

"Can you tell me how… how it was for you? When it um.. happened to you for the first time? When…"

"When I first killed someone?"

She nods. "If you want to tell… If you feel like..." I never feel like it, but I feel like it would help her, hearing this.

"It was supposed to be simple. It always is. You only get a name and a place where to find that person. No one tells you anything about them. You don't have to know anything about them. No past, no actions, no nothing. You just get the face and the name of the one you have to find and kill. My first was no different. So I went to his house. And…"

I can still remember the giggles and the red, red hair she had. She was a perfect copy of her father. And so jolly. So little.

"And?"

"And I have seen, in the front yard, a kid playing. It was a little girl. Four or five years old. She was with some of her friends. And a couple of them saw me too." Rose's face crumbles with sadness, probably anticipating what I'm about to say. "You are told to never leave witnesses behind."

"Oh my God, I am so sorry."

"No. Don't be. I didn't kill any of them."

"But you said…"

"I couldn't. I had to, I was supposed to, I knew I had to, no matter what, but I just couldn't. They were so little. Some kids, playing outside. They had no fault. Even though they have taught me so many things there and I was listening to them blindly, without a single question, that day I learned I had my limits. And that day too I have promised myself to never hurt any innocent people. Never again, as much as it's possible."

"And what did you do?"

"I found him, her father. He was in the yard too, in the back of the house, being around to watch the girls, making sure they're safe. And when he saw me, he somehow knew why I was there."

"Did he fight you? Did he run?"

"No. He was no coward. He came to me and agreed to go on a walk with me. He proposed it, so that the girls wouldn't have to find him dead in the backyard. And we walked to a place nearby and I did it. He didn't protest, fought me and didn't even try to talk me out of it. He didn't ask me not to do it. Somehow, I was grateful that he didn't do any of those things because I don't think I would have been able to do it if he would have asked me not to do it. I was about to leave a little girl without a father and I loathed myself for doing it. Him fighting or begging would have only made it harder."

"When... Um... How old were you?"

"Does it matter?"

"I want to know."

"Fifteen."

"What? Oh my God, Dimitri, I am so sorry."

"Don't feel sorry for me, Rose. I don't deserve it. He was a good man. And I killed him."

"Didn't he do anything? Like… bad?"

"No. Out of all the people I have had to kill, out of all the people I've killed so many years, only my first didn't do anything to anyone, for all his life. He had unfortunately made the mistake to say no to the wrong people, that's all. He stood his ground in front of the wrong people. He was a good man, a man with a spine, a fair man, with a loving family that mourned him for days. Weeks."

"You've been there? When… they buried him?"

"Yes. I don't know why, but I went there. I know I shouldn't have shown my face there, I was his killer after all, but I went. I don't know what I was looking for, though." the look in his daughter's eyes when they put her father into the ground?

"But… couldn't you… I don't know, say no to it?"

"No. No one says no to the first contract. It's a little complicated."

"It's like, an initiation?"

"You can call it like that if you want to. It was my first contract and I wasn't the one who has chosen it and no one has informed me of anything. I have only found everything else later when it wasn't longer relevant. Not that I would try to find excuses for myself now because I am not. But after that, I was allowed to choose. That's how it works. And I continued to choose, as much as I ever had a choice."

"I have chosen too."

"I'm inclined to say that you were mostly obliged by the circumstances."

"But still. I've made a choice. And I've got to live with it now. To live with myself, knowing I've made that decision."

"Yes, love, we all are. That's part of living."


	36. his head is on my shoulder

**Heyyyy guys! Just as promised, here I am with the extra update.**

**HonestPassion13, they will have some more time and things get better and brighter this chapter. And oh, there's that llama thing happening ;)**

**Dear Guest, I am trying to keep my updating consistent, even though I don't succeed all the time. But you guys are patient with me. And I am staying safe, as much as I possibly can. But I think I might go insane someday, sitting imside for so long. But don't mind that, I have my writing. Now tell me, please, what made you think Rose is pregnant? Is there something that I have written that made you think that? I'm really curious**

**Dear other Guest, that is really a funny thing. It's fun to think of your cat acting like a squirrel. Does it collect nuts and all too? Or are there other things replacing the nuts?**

**GojGoj, there is no offence taken. I have always thought of feedback to be the best way of improving myself and my writing and that's why I like this site so much and all the reviews I get. I have just felt the need to write these moments between them, in these two chapters, because I mostly wanted the occasion to bring up Dimitri's past, and by some other things happening, to make their bond stronger, and well, it has gotten a little longer than I intended and it may have seemed like I was dragging it out, but I believe that thibgs are getting comoensating and all in all, I'm okay with it. But don't worry, the action will be right back in the next chapter **

**Tika86, I hope I updated just in time for you to read this chapter after work. I don't know about you, but for me now it is past midnight, so... Anyway. Things are getting a little more fun and playful in this chapter. **

**If you'd like, I'm dropping here the song I was thinking of as I was writing the last scene in the kitchen :) **Paul Anka - Put your head on my shoulder

**Enjoy, and until Sunday I hope, lots of love! **

* * *

**...his head _is_ on my shoulder**

**DPOV**

Later on, we sit down on the carpet in the living room, our back rested against the sofa. The drapes are pulled aside so we're both sitting into the full light of the day and we drink hot chocolate, sharing chocolate chips cookies, that, to my utter happiness, she asked for.

Her head on my shoulder, she lifts it at one point, and looking at me with those eyes again, she gets playing with my hair, passing her fingers through it. I guess she enjoys doing this as much as I enjoy doing it with hers.

She smiles at me.

"What?"

"Thank you, comrade."

"You don't have to thank me for anything."

"Oh, but I do." she comes closer and kisses my cheek. "I do. I know I do. For everything."

Reaching for the last cookie, I hand it to her.

"You're sure you don't want it?"

"Nah, too much sugar for me for today."

"Oh, sure, I forgot. You care about that stuff."

I do. And on a usual day, I wouldn't have let her eat so many sweets, I care too much about her health, but it's a different situation now. Whatever it is, sweet or not, at least she's eating. And I am glad it is happening.

Taking the last sip from her mug, she smiles at me once more.

"Your mother was right when she came up with the hot chocolate thing. It does make things better."

Putting the mug aside, she takes my hand in hers.

"But do you know what else makes everything better?"

"What?"

"You." she lays her head on my shoulder and her fingers play with mine. "With you next to me, I know that everything will be fine. Thank you. For everything. You make everything right in my world. Always. And I am very thankful for having you. You… either you want to admit it or not, you are my guardian angel, in some way, Dimitri. You have taken so much care of me and not even these days, and oh, I was such a pain in the ass," she says laughing lightly. "How did you even stand me?"

"Come on. You are not _that bad_."

"Oh, _really? _Not _that bad? _Have you ever met me? I'm loud, and I'm annoying, and I'm acting crazy almost all the time, and I have been crying half of the time we've been together, and I've pushed all your buttons, and… fuck, I'm… I'm like a brat."

"So?"

Getting a little away from me, she watches me with her hands on her hips.

"Are you the same man who has been around me for the past couple of weeks, or what did you do with that Dimitri?"

"It's still me."

"So?"

"I love you just the way you are. Loud, and jolly, and laughing, and annoying, and sad, and crying, and a smartypants, and all the things in between. You're my brat. You're my girl."

Biting her lip, her eyes fill with tears. "You're sweet, Dimitri." coming and sitting on my lap, she rests her forehead on mine. "So, so sweet."

Walking my palms up her thighs, I get a hold of her hips, and moving my legs under her, I pull her closer to me, her body rested against mine.

"I'm not _that_ sweet."

She giggles. "Don't you worry. I told you I'll keep your secret. Your bad-boyishness is safe with me."

I laugh and nuzzle her hair a little.

We sit embraced some more in silence, the only sounds I hear being her little sighs and the way she breathes, steadily and deeply, the little puffs of air tickling my neck each time she exhales.

"It's so peaceful here. I don't think I am used to it anymore. After so many days of chaos… I don't know… It feels weird to be this still, this silent."

"Well, you will have to get used to it again because this is how things are going to be from now on. Quiet. Peaceful. Safe. I will make sure of it."

"I know you will."

* * *

Spending the rest of the day on the same carpet in the living room, lying on our backs and holding hands while watching the ceiling-

Well, _she_ was mostly watching the ceiling, trying to find any little weird pattern in the cracks and bumps in the plaster. I was busy with getting a muscle pain in my eyes from how I was sneakily trying to watch her with the corner of my eye, but it was all worth it. I caught a couple of smiles blooming on her lips when she finally found any pattern, just before her hand would squeeze on mine excited and she'd show it to me.

Anyway. Now that the night has come, it's time for us to be lazy in bed.

I must say that I have come to enjoy these periods of stillness, of peace that we have. I haven't had any in a while and it feels good to just… be. With her.

But for whatever reason, Rose keeps on turning around in bed, fidgeting, sighing, pulling onto the blanket and getting it tightly around her body, moving her hair from one side to another, then to the other side, pushing the blanket away and lying still for just a second, sighing some more, putting her head under the pillow, growling a little, moving her head back over the pillow, sighing again and again, her breathing getting heavier.

What's wrong?

I was on my way to ask her that, but this time, as she turns again to face me, she stops mid-sigh when she sees I am awake too.

**RPOV**

Of course I woke him up. Not even a dead person would have been indifferent to my moving and the sounds I've made.

"Sorry, comrade."

"Don't worry. Is it another bad dream keeping you awake?" I shake my head. Not tonight. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I just can't sleep, that's all. Don't worry too much."

"Why is that? What happened?"

"You'll laugh if I tell you."

"You know I won't." he never does.

"It's a storm outside." it just started minutes ago.

"Okay. What about it?"

"I am a little afraid of big storms like these. Those sounds, they make it seem like there will be something bad going to happen. Like the world would be ending sometime soon."

Smiling warmly, he pulls me closer to him and holds me in his embrace.

"If there would be something to happen, I will be here to protect you."

I laugh a little. "You are just fueling my idiotic fear. You and I both know nothing could happen."

"Oh, but it would," he says, his voice grave.

"What?" hearing him so serious, a little panic creeps in my mind.

"The ceiling might get full of water and it might fall on us."

"We're not on the last floor."

"True that. But a bolt of lightning could hit something and it could catch on fire. The whole building might burn to ashes.."

"That pouring rain outside would definitely put it out before it even started."

"Again, true. Then, what are you afraid of?" oh, so this is where he was trying to get me in the first place.

"It's not that I'm afraid of something, to be honest. It's not nature I fear, even though sometimes the thunders sound really grotesque. It's more like…" I sigh. "It's more about what a storm like this reminds me of."

"Which is?" I sigh again, thinking if I can talk about this again, remember that night again. I've never talked about this. "Does it have something to do with Mason?"

How can he guess things like this so easily? I'm nothing but an open book in front of him. And I love it that he knows me so well. Hell, sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.

I nod and his first response is to hold me a little tighter, like knowing I'll need it. He always does. And now, this gesture of his makes my eyes fill with tears. Will there ever be a time when I won't react like this when it comes to him?

"I see. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I understand, love."

"No, I just... "

In fact, I like talking to him about this. He somehow makes me be at peace with it. He helps me put my thoughts in order. He… he really understands. He's not saying it just for the sake of it, I feel it. I wonder how come he understands me so well, what happened.

"The night after his funeral… there was a storm. A horrible one. It was so loud and the rain was pouring and the wind was blowing so hard. I could hear the drops banging so hard against my window. And it was that… he was gone… my parents were back home dealing with something… and I… I couldn't bear to remain in town. It was a little too much for me. So I ran away. I made the stupid decision of going back to my apartment, far away from that place. So, later the night, I was by myself in my room. And the storm that started was just so bad. And I was feeling so alone…" I end with a little whine and I bury my face into his chest. "Sorry… I just…"

"Shh, it's alright. You won't be alone from now on."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. Whether it is a storm, whether it is anything else."

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Don't you worry about that," he says before trying to suppress a yawn. "I'm glad you did, love."

"You know, your accent is always stronger at night." or it could be because he is tired as he's mostly awake, watching me, rather than sleeping? Of course it is.

He smiles. "I find it rather annoying."

"Why? Some girls find accents attractive." all those girls getting their knees weak when hearing a pretty boy having a British accent aren't enough proof to that?

"Do _you_?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it," I try to make it seem like I haven't spent countless minutes thinking about it and how good and sexy the words sound rolling out of his mouth.

I pretend I consider things for a second. "Tell me something."

"What?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want. I just want to assess if I find accents attractive. Tell me…" I smile. "Tell me you love me." I could never get tired of him saying these words.

And he tells me, full accent on, and he goes as far as to add some more Russian words.

I smile like an idiot. Like that, it sounded even more perfect, if that was possible, the sleepiness in his voice making everything sound a hundred times better.

"Yeah, it sounds nice. So nice," I say and can't contain the dreaminess from my voice. I'd listen to him all my life. "I love your accent."

"Good to know, love. I'll remember this," he sounds like he's going to use this little thing against me someday. "Now, to sleep with you." I frown a little. "I'll be here to hold you, so don't worry."

"Oh, Dimitri, you're a sweetheart." he chuckles a little. "What? You don't like it that I called you that? Shouldn't I-"

"No. It's fine, love. I think I like it."

* * *

**DPOV**

"I'm hungry."

"At this hour? In the middle of the night?"

"Mhm. Like really, really hungry. Watching that movie with a lot of food in it wasn't a great idea. And we didn't even get to finish it. Can you imagine how it would have been then? I think I'll go have a snack."

She wants to get out of bed, but I have to stop her.

"What?"

"We have a problem, love."

"Which is?"

"We have no food left."

"Oh, crap. Really?"

"I was planning to take you grocery shopping tomorrow." I was, in fact, looking for the opportunity to get her out of the house for once in a long time. "I didn't think you'd get hungry at this hour."

"I see. Comrade, are you tired? Sleepy? Like, right now?"

"To be honest, no." her face lights up with a smile at my answer. She has an idea. "What's passing through that beautiful mind of yours, huh?"

"We could… go grocery shopping now? Could we? I mean, it's night and it's empty outside and all… what do you say about that?"

"Go get dressed."

Her eyes get glowing with happiness. "Really? We're going?"

How can I say no when I see her like this? "Of course we're going."

* * *

"But I like this kind," she pouts when I shake my head no at her choice of cereal. "Corn Flakes are boring," she whines when she sees me taking a pack of those.

"Love, the ones you chose have like five spoons of sugar for a spoon of cereals."

"That's bullshit. That's not even possible."

"You know what I meant."

"Like, you exaggerated for the dramatic effect?"

"Yes."

"Nah, dramatic or not, I'm still taking these," she says taking the colorful box off the shelve, a daring smile playing on her lips.

"No, you're not."

"Watch me."

She brings the box of cereals over the cart, looking at me, teasing me, thinking if she should let it fall.

"Roza… I mean it." no, I don't. I just like playing this game.

Bending over the cart between us, I try to snatch the box from her, but squealing, she pulls it back and runs a little away from me.

"I'm taking them, comrade and there's nothing you can do about that," she says amused.

"Don't you rely on that," I threaten back.

"Oh, _really_? And what are you going to do about it?"

She keeps on playing with me, for her own sake, still keeping a safe distance from me. Because so help me God, if I'd be close enough to her, I'd pick her up and do her against these shelves. _Stop it, you won't! _But it's driving me mad when she gets this playful. I love it.

"See? You won't do anything," she says full of herself.

"We'll see about that, love. That box will never get inside this cart."

"Fine. It's fine with me."

She complies with my threat and carries the box through the entire store as we continue our groceries, holding it in her embrace, like it would be the most precious thing she owns at this moment.

And we spend the next half an hour with her asking "Can we get this too?" with that puppy eyes attitude, and me agreeing to everything she wants. If this makes her happy now, so be it. We will buy a bunch of unhealthy stuff.

At one point, she remembers she wants something and rushes to that rayon, saying that she'll be "Back in a jiff.", of course, still not letting go of the cereal box. She's a determined one, I'll give this to her.

But she doesn't come back in a _jiff, _so I get moving along the rayons, looking for her.

It takes us a few minutes to find each other. It seems that I was looking for her and she was doing the same, as I left my place.

I see her first through some empty shelves as she's passing the rayons close to the one I am on now, looking left and right, her eyes searching for me. I stop where I am and wait for her to finally reach this rayon.

When she gets at the end of the rows of shelves, her eyes land on me and she smiles widely and childishly and she starts hopping excited, heading my way, those cereals accompanying each hop of hers, making sounds each time she jumps up and down.

She is better now, at this very moment. I see it in her eyes. I'm not implying it all went away, I'm still expecting some little relapses, but at least she has a more positive view on this for now. We're taking it one day at a time. And this day was mostly good.

"Where did you disappear?" she scolds me when she gets close enough.

"Just went looking for you."

"Oh, comrade. I told you I'd come back quickly."

"But I've started missing you," I pretend to whine, which makes her laugh. "You said you'd come back fast and you didn't," I keep onto the same affected tone.

"Yeah," she lifts on her tippy toes to kiss my cheek. "Sorry 'bout that. It took me a little longer to find what I was looking for."

"What did you get?"

"These." she shows me two ice creams that she kept into the pocket of her hoodie until now.

I can't stifle my laugh. "Peaches, huh?"

She shrugs as she puts them in the cart. "I wanted to see what's the deal with it."

I hope one day she'll see what's the _real_ deal with it. As I said, the homemade one doesn't compare to these. And after all, all I need to do is to take her to Russia. It shouldn't be that hard.

"Is there anything else you want?"

"I don't think so," she says examining the full cart. "We can go if you took what you wanted too. I can't wait any longer to eat _these,_" she ends with shaking the cereal box in front of my eyes, teasing again.

At the checkout, as the bored cashier is scanning our products moving very slow, I make myself busy with looking at her, just as she is busy with looking through a little brochure about some io products, and what I see, oh, it makes me smile like an idiot.

Mismatched colorful socks visible through the too short pyjama pants that she insisted on buying just because she loved the kitten pattern on them. My hoodie put over my T-shirt to keep her warm. Oh, and for the smell, of course. The sleeves are too long for her, but she didn't bother to pull them up or roll them, so she's now holding that brochure through the material of the hoodie, struggling a little not to drop it. There are still two little wrinkles on her cheek from the sleep. Her eyes are still a little cloudy, but a little amused about whatever she is reading and alert enough and focused as her teeth are picking on her lip in the process. Her hair is disheveled and I like it so much like this. I'm glad that she didn't bother to brush it or decided to put it up. And of course, the box of cereals is still held against her chest. How can you not love her? She's so colorful, so-

"Hey, you." she ends my reverie by poking my chest with her index. "Whatcha starin' at?"

"At you. You're beautiful."

She giggles and it's high pitched, and heartfelt, and loud, and spontaneous, that sound warming me whole.

"_Am_ _not_. You've lost your mind? I look like a hobo."

"Like a very beautiful hobo."

Getting closer to her, I kiss her forehead as she laughs once more.

And being so close to her, why not take advantage of this?

I snatch the cereal box from her.

Her eyes widen and her jaw drops. "You little traitor. You distracted me. You don't play fair at all."

"I never said I am."

She pouts a little. "Give it back, please."

"After I pay for it, love."

She smiles. "So you're letting me take it?"

"Of course I am."

"What about my sugar coma?"

"I'll make sure you don't put yourself in one, love."

Dragging me a little down by my arm, she kisses my cheek. "You're _the _best."

* * *

When the morning comes, I wake up first and turn to one side, meeting her face, still asleep. I'm glad that despite the storm that kept on going last night, she managed to fall asleep after we got home from our little midnight trip.

Bringing my hand up, I move a strand of hair off her face. And I don't know if it's because she felt me, or maybe because she is having a nice dream, I am hoping for the latter, but she smiles a little in her sleep.

I spend a minute longer watching her. Theses past days, only in her sleep she was so serene, so calm, so happy. I wish for that smile to never leave her lips in the next days.

When I finally stop staring and get out of the bed, she sensed that.

"Where you're going?" she asks bothered as she's covering her eyes with her palm as they get adapted to the light in the room.

I bend to give her a good morning kiss. "I'm going to make breakfast."

"You're hungry?"

"No. But I thought you might be."

"I am not. I still have my belly full from last night."

It would be strange if she didn't. On our ride back here, she ate her ice cream, a pack of biscuits, some cereals, and to be honest, I quite lost track of the other things she's eaten. But it was a lot.

"So come back to bed, please," she says sleepy, getting a little up, reaching for my hand and pulling me down.

I slip back in bed and she wraps herself around me.

After a minute in which she plays with her fingers on my cheek, she sighs.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"No."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Not at all."

"You, know what? You should."

"And why would I?"

"Because I fucked up. A lot of times these days."

I laugh a little. She won't give up on this easily.

"You did nothing wrong. But I wish you would have spoken to me earlier, love. Maybe we could have done something about it earlier."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. About anything. Haven't I told you to stop apologizing for everything you do?"

"You did, but-"

"But nothing. I am not mad at you, for anything. Now tell me something. How do you feel?"

"I guess I'm okay... -ish? I'm better than yesterday. Talking about it… it made me feel better. I wish… I wish I've done it earlier. But it's not because I didn't trust you, Dimitri, I just-"

"I know. It's hard to talk about things at times."

She nods, smiling at me. "You're so understanding." how could I not? I've been there a thousand times and I'm still in that position, even to this day.

"Now tell me, how is it on the outside?"

"That's better too. But… can we take this off?" she brings the pink cast in front of my eyes. "It's bothering me."

"We'll have to ask Lissa first."

"Can't you decide? You are a pretty good nurse, comrade," she teases me again with this.

My hand resting on her hip, I move it down and pinch on her ass.

"Hey!" she squeals and gets up on her elbow, staring at me with eyes squinted, but her smile is giving her away.

I walk my fingers over the same spot, soothing it, and a few seconds later, she smiles wider and comes closer to my face, kissing me.

"I might have another idea, love."

"About what?"

"About your cast."

"Which is?"

"We could go to a doctor to take it off, to take a look at it."

I wouldn't want to bother Lissa with this too. Plus, we're pretty far from her too. I wouldn't make her come around only for this. And like this, I could get Rose out of the house too, during the day. I am sure I could make up a reason for a walk too. It will do her good, to get some air.

* * *

Getting out of the bathroom after a shower, the only thing I can see is the TV running. Rose said she wanted to watch the rest of the movie we didn't get to finish last night, but she is not here.

"Rose?"

No answer.

"Rose?" I ask louder as I'm heading out of the room.

The house is very quiet.

So where is she?

Not in the living room either.

So the kitchen it is.

Getting in there, I see her leaned against the counter, the handset of the landline in her hands, beeping as she's staring at it.

"Love?"

Snapping her head up, she gets a little scared and rushed to put the handset back.

"I um…"

"What were you doing here? What happened?"

"Nothing," she says, her voice on the brink of cracking.

Getting closer to her, she watches me distressed as she's biting her lip, trying to stop those tears in her eyes from falling.

"Are you okay?"

She shakes her head, and breaking in tears, she plants her face into my chest.

I start soothing her hair and try to calm her sobbing.

"I'm a coward."

"I'm not following, love. What's wrong? Why do you say that?"

"I can't even tell anyone what I've done."

"Who did you want to tell?"

"I wanted to… it's stupid. So, so stupid."

"I don't think so. Tell me."

Lifting, she tries to get a hold of her tears.

"I wanted to confess. To… get scolded… punished… jailed… _something_. I wanted to make things right. I wanted… I wanted to turn myself in. But I can't do that. I can't come out and say out loud what I've done. I'm a fucking coward."

"Oh, love. I'm sorry."

"Why the hell are you the one apologizing?!" she gets so, so mad all of a sudden. "You didn't do anything! I should be the one apologizing, but you keep on telling me I don't have what to apologize for. But I do. I'm the one who should apologize to you because I am treating you like this. Look at me, Dimitri, I'm yelling at you, goddamnit. And I'm sorry." taking a deep breath in, she calms her voice and walks her fingers along my cheek. "I'm doing this and all you do is help me and love me even though I'm a terrible person, and I- I did it! _I did, _not you. _I_ killed him. I..." her shoulders start shaking harder. "I'm the one who killed him. I deserve to be punished."

"More than you are already punishing yourself?"

"Yes," she says crumbling in my arms. "I deserve so much worse."

"No."

"Yes, I do."

"No."

After playing this game of yes and no for a couple more minutes, she finally stops crying and contradicting me too.

"Tell me one thing."

"What?"

"How do I live with it? How…"

My hand under her chin, I tilt her head.

"I have no special recipe. Not even after so many… you know."

"Do you still feel guilty about…"

"Yes. Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I forget about it. It just… goes away with time. Sometimes it comes back. You learn to live with it. Just give yourself time, love. It's been just a week. Nothing goes away in a couple of days. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"How can I not when-"

"I know, I know. And I know it must be hard for you now. But trust me. Turning yourself in wouldn't make it better. Any prison on this earth can't make it better. Any punishment either. You need to make peace with it here." I pass my fingers through her hair. "And especially here." I move my palm over her heart. "And it takes time, okay?" she nods, more tears forming in her eyes.

"And how- how do I do it?"

"You take it one day at a time."

"What if I can't?"

"I know you can." opening her mouth to protest, I stop her. "And when you feel like you can't, I'll be here."

Wrapping her arms on me, she squeezes me so, so tight.

"Thank you, Dimitri. You… oh, God, you keep me sane."

The same as you do, love. The same as you do for me.

* * *

"That doctor didn't know what he was talking about," she says annoyed as she closes the passenger door and crosses her arms, not before putting her seat belt on.

"I think he did. He was old enough to know what he was talking about."

"But I'm tired of this cast. It's itching me and I can't scratch."

"I can scratch you if you want, love."

Turning her head, she looks at me, eyes squinted.

"Don't push it, comrade, I'm already upset. It's been two weeks already. I'm wearing this shit for two weeks. I believe he could have taken it off, but that little bastard didn't want to."

"Is that what your medical expertise telling you?" she squints her eyes even harder, but she can't contain her smile. "When did you get your diploma, huh?"

"At the same time you got your nursing one, comrade," she replies smiling. Good one. She won this.

"Think about this, love. This time next week, we'll be doing some exercises for your fingers, to regain their flexibility. And this week will pass so fast. I am sure we can come up with something to get busy with." as we did this past week. We've filled our days with little things done together, to keep ourselves busy.

"Fine, fine. I like how that sounds. _But_ if he doesn't get this off next week, I am doing it and I won't give a damn," she gives the verdict, determined and still puffing a little from the previous angriness.

I can't help it but laugh. "Come here, my feisty one." I bend towards her and smiling, she does the same, coming to kiss me. "What do you say if we-"

My proposition gets interrupted by my phone ringing. Checking it, I see it's Ivan calling me.

"Be fast," I answer right away. "I was in the middle of something."

"Something hot?"

"That's why you called me for? I think you could live your sex life by yourself, don't you think that?"

"Ouch, someone bites. And who says I am not?"

"I honestly do _not_ want to hear about in which rooms you're leaving your briefs."

"Why not? You're afraid I might be having more fun than you do?"

I doubt it.

Turning my head, I look at Rose. She smiles at me, giving me the confirmation once again. Yeah, I doubt it.

Taking Rose's hand in mine and bringing it to my lips to kiss her knuckles, I get back to my conversation.

"Will you tell me already the reason you called?"

"It depends. Are you up for a drive?"

"I'm already in the car."

"Wow, brother. Kinky. In a _car_? In the middle of the day? Who would have-"

"Cut the crap already or I'll kick your ass the first time I see you. I've taken Rose to a doctor check-up for her cast."

"To Lissa?" he tries so hard to contain the eagerness in his voice, but I've known him since forever.

"No. She's too far. I didn't want to bother her."

"Oh, I see."

"But why don't you-"

"Yeah, so now I'll tell you the reason I called," he cuts me short and I let it pass. It's a sensitive subject for him. "I've found something."

"Did you find anything about him?"

"It depends on which him you're talking about."

"Don't dilly-dally. Tell me already."

"I have good news."

"You do?" so this cannot be about Haynes. He only brings bad news.

"Aha. I found that little trouble maker you asked me to look for. That so nice colleague of Rose shipped the dog to a shelter the first second she had the chance."

"Wow. Thank you." honestly, I didn't think he'd be able to find Ash. "I owe you one."

"Oho, you owe me plenty."

"Yeah, yeah, good thing I have you to always remind me of that. Now tell me, where is the shelter? And what about the other thing I asked you about concerning him? Did you find any pet shops that sell the exact same thing?"

"It took me a lot to find that shit. Do you know how hard it was?"

"But did you?"

"You bet I did. You know I'm the best. And to your luck, the shop is on your way."

As soon as he tells me, I end the call, and Rose gets curious about it.

"Was that your brother?"

"Aham," I respond fast and pull her to me, eager to finish what I started before being interrupted.

Kissing me, she gets a hold of my cheeks and when we stop for a little, she chuckles.

"Oh, comrade. You didn't forget where we left, huh?"

"Of course I didn't." I kiss her once more.

"Dimitri, did he…" she starts asking me, distress already showing on her features.

I hate it that we have to spend our days wondering when this bastard will finally do something. I want to put it past us already.

"No. It wasn't about Haynes, don't worry about that." for now, at least.

"Oh. I see."

"Really, don't you worry, it was about a good thing."

"What good thing?"

"Would you be okay with waiting about two hours to find out?"

"It depends." she gets smiling. "Will it be worth it?"

"Definitely. You'll love it."

Considering things for a second, she nods. "Deal."

* * *

**RPOV**

Two hours into this drive, we finally stop.

"So, you've brought me here to do what?"

"Well, technically, we're not there yet."

"And what you're waiting for?" two hours on the road have been more than enough for me. I want to know now what he wants to show me or whatever. I've waited long enough.

"Always so impatient, love. Come on, get out."

I do that before he gets to reach my side, and when he does, I watch him eagerly, questioning.

"Now close your eyes."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Fine. But you show me now."

"Sure. In a minute or two."

Putting his palms over my eyes too, just to be sure I don't cheat, he guides me somewhere, being careful with each step I take.

"Okay, love, we're here," he says taking his hands off my eyes. "You can open your eyes."

Listening to his instructions, I open my eyes and all I see is a rundown building that has a banner saying "ANIMAL SHELTER".

"What are we doing here, comrade?" I guess he is having an idea and I don't think I like it, despite his good intentions.

"What do you think we can do in here?"

"Look, Dimitri, I appreciate the gesture, but I can't… I don't want to replace Ash." God knows what Anna has done to him, but I still can't give up on him.

"Come on, let's just get inside and take a look. No pressure. I heard that they have some cute puppies."

"Comrade…"

"Please? For me?"

"What about your allergy?"

"I'll live. It's only for five minutes. And I'll take a pill," he assures me, and does that, swallowing it in front of my eyes, without any water.

"Okay," I give in. "We can get inside. But I'm not going to fall in love with another puppy, no matter how cute they are. I am not… I won't… I'm not getting another puppy." I'm not giving up on my fried.

"I have absolutely no expectations, love."

"Good."

Going inside, there are not many people around the building. Hell, seeing how happy the carer is, I guess we're the only ones visiting this shelter in weeks.

She takes us to see the animals, speaking a lot and excitedly and her eyes are begging us to adopt at least one little creature. And I wish I could. But there's only Ash that I can think of. I wonder where he is.

Getting inside the room with cages, all the dogs start fumbling and barking, but one of them is by far the loudest. Its barking overtopping all the others, from what this woman told us, its cage is in the back of the room.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what has gotten into it. Until now, ever since we received it last week, it didn't make a sound. Poor puppy, it was so sad. Maybe he likes you two. Go take a look at it, please," she says to us before leaving us there to look at the dogs.

My eyes scanning the cages fast, I see cuteness in all kinds of forms. But there is one cuteness I would recognize anywhere in this world.

"Ash!" my little troublemaker.

The loudest in the room. I didn't recognize his barking through all this noise, but his cute face, oh, that I could never mistaken.

Before breaking in tears, I turn and look at Dimitri.

"You knew he was here." smiling, he nods. Therefore the insisting to get inside and take a look. "You've found him. Oh, Dimitri, when did you even have the time to do this?"

I get to my knees on the floor and slip my hands through the bars of the cage so that I could give my little friend a good rub between his ears. As I do this, I search too for any things that might seem off about him. But despite being a little too dirty, my boy is just fine.

"I didn't personally take care of it, but I asked Ivan to look for him. He's good at finding stuff."

"Oh, please, thank him from the bottom of my heart. I thought I lost him. Yes, I did, buddy. But I'm here now. I… We're taking him home?"

"Of course we are, love. Why do you think I brought you here?"

"You heard that, buddy? We're taking you home."

Dimitri crouches too and brings his hand through the bars of the cage, letting Ash sniff it. After a few seconds, he starts nudging his nose on his palm, letting Dimitri pet him, and seeing them like this, I smile.

"He likes you, comrade."

"You think so?"

"I know he does."

"You know, Rose, why don't you say "Thank you" to Ivan personally? You know, you could talk to-"

"Oh!" I forget about Ash for a second as I remember the talk I had with Dimitri when we switched places. "My parents. How could I forget about them?"

"It's understandable. You-"

"No. I am a horrible daughter."

"I wouldn't go that far, love. After all, you've dealt with stuff and anyway, they know you're quite busy. And they know you're safe. Ivan is keeping them updated."

"Oh, Dimitri, you two are the very best, I don't know what I'd do without you. But I'll have to call them. I hope they won't get mad at me. First thing when we get back home, I'll call them."

* * *

On our way back, I decided it would be better for Dimitri's health if I'd sit on the backseat with Ash, even though he insisted it wasn't such a big deal. But I've seen that his eyes got watery despite taking that pill, and he was scratching his nose a lot too. He has done too much for me already, I can't let him suffer some more.

But we don't go straight home. We make one more stop along our way. He stopped in front of a mall.

"What do we do here too?"

"We go to buy something."

"What?"

"You'll see."

Walking inside the mall, we get inside a pet shop.

"Oh, of course, you have thought about everything. Ash needs food. But why this exact place? Couldn't we find one closer to home?"

"Because this place has something special."

"Like?"

"You'll see when I find it. You go search for Ash's food and I'll be right back."

He does nothing special as I choose treats for Ash because yes, curious as hell as I always am, I watched where he went. It's not like it's very hard to keep an eye on him anyway. He's the tallest man in the shop. And all he did was to pass from one stack of shelves to another, then came back to me.

"So? Now you'll tell me? Why is this place special?"

**DPOV**

"Because it has…" getting it out of my pocket, I show her the little llama that I took off a shelf full of toys. "...this."

Recognizing it, she smiles so warmly. "I can't believe you did this too for me."

"Well, considering that we had to leave Miss Pickle behind in the train, and even though I know that nothing could replace it, well, I thought we could replace it. Or if you want-"

"No, that's perfect." she laughs a little and comes hugging me. "You're amazing, Dimitri. Simply amazing. You… you think about so many little things. You remember them all and..." passing her fingers through my hair, she gives me a peck. "And I love you for that. Thank you for this."

"Don't mention it, love." anything to see her happy.

* * *

Getting back inside the car, she already starts playing with Ash, introducing him to Miss Pickle 2.0., and giving him all kinds of treats. And who could have guessed it? He likes snacks just as much as she does. No wonder they get along so well.

"But we can't keep him for too long, can't we?" I hear her ask me just before I rev the engine.

So she guessed it.

I turn in my seat and look at her, seeing the sadness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. But yes, we can't keep him. Not for now, love. I'm still not sure if we-" are safe enough to have Ash too, I'd like to say, but she doesn't let me say it all.

"I understand. It makes sense. Plus, there's your allergy and everything that's happening. I get it. I'm glad that we, at least, found him. But what can we do about him?"

"Do you think that your parents would like to have him? There, in their new house?" I wonder if they're still busy moving in. But considering how many things they had to replace from their last house...

"Oh, you're kidding? They'd love to. Each time I brought Ash to their house they were going bananas trying to get his attention. But how-"

"I will ask Ivan to come and pick up Ash and take him to them. Would that be okay?" us driving there would take us too long and I am not taking this risk.

"Yeah, sure. That would be…" she sighs, then smiles, trying to make it seem like it is not affecting her at all to have to give up on Ash so soon. "It would be amazing. When is he-"

"Not today. Some other day." I'll give them some time together.

"But you-"

"I won't die a day or two. I have my pills and I'll be careful."

Leaning forward, she caresses my cheek and kisses me, a smile on her lips as she pulls away.

"How come you're so amazing?"

"You know, one day, with you praising me like this, it might get to my head."

She laughs. "Sometimes, I think it already did, comrade. But I love you just like that." she kisses me again. "Thank you."

* * *

Getting back to our temporary home, after speaking for about an hour with her parents and leaving me to feed and befriend this little beast (I'm kidding, Ash is quite a nice dog to have around; I didn't think it would be so well trained either), the first thing Rose wants to do is to give Ash a proper cleaning, and I can't agree more. I don't know what he has been through these past weeks, but that dog deserves a warm bath.

Filling the bathtub with water and dog shampoo, we get rid of a lot of clothes before starting to wash and scrub everything off Ash's fur.

And just like all the dogs do, Ash gets playful, and barks, and shakes the water off him a couple of times, wetting us from head to toe, and splashes, and wiggles his tail happily, and most importantly, he makes Rose really happy. I swear that ever since we got him back, she keeps on smiling.

Now, as Rose wants to deal with the dirt on Ash's tail, he keeps on wiggling and she can't get a hold of it and it wets her even more.

"Oh, _dummy, _you never stay put,_" _she scolds him and he barks in response. "What? I'm telling the truth."

I just sit here, half wet myself after trying to bring my contribution to this bath, and watch them, smiling. I like how they're interacting, how well they understand each other.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" oh, she is speaking to me.

"No, love. I just find you two funny." I've always done, ever since I was listening to their conversations. Or should I say monologues?

"Ah, always a sweetheart," she says leaning closer to me and after she gets some of the wet hair out of my face, she kisses me.

Ash barks and with his paw, he taps Rose's shoulder.

"Someone's jealous, I guess."

"Oh, I see," she says laughing. "He just likes having all the attention in the room."

Like understanding perfectly her last words, now that he got back her attention, Ash sits now calm and put.

"Oh, so now you're a god boy huh? Now you behave, huh? You're such a player, yes you are," she scratches him behind his ears. "You deserve a little treat." Ash barks excitedly. "Yeah, I know you'd like that. I'll go get-"

"No, stay here. I'll go."

"Yeah, sure. You're anyway doing a better job than I am. Somehow, some of your clothes are still dry."

"Thanks, comrade." wanting to get up, she stops me by pulling me back down. "But hey, where's _my _treat?"

"Won't he get upset?" I point my head towards Ash, which is watching us observant.

Laughing a little, she puts her arms around my neck. "He'll get over it." and she presses her lips against mine.

Coming back with Ash's precious treat, I stop in the doorway, a smile creeping on my lips at this sight in front of me.

Rose is talking to Ash as she's wiping its fur and I don't think I should stop this little moment they have.

"And be nice around Dimitri, okay?" Ash barks. "Yeah, buddy, Dimitri. You like Dimitri?" he barks again.

Well, I like this dog too. I think I could get used to him around the house.

"I like him too." she bends and gets closer to his floppy ears. "I love him," she whispers. "So, so much. So I mean it, buddy, be nice around him and keep your paws off, or else, I will get very upset with you. He took some pills only so that I could have you back for a little while, okay? So don't make him regret it."

And call me crazy, but Ash nods at her, taking this role of behaving nicely very seriously. And in contrast with their seriousness, I smile so, so wide. These two are adorable together.

"And when Ivan comes to take you, be nice to him too. He's the one who has found you, so that's how I got you back. And know that when you leave, I'll miss you, buddy. I missed you all this time and I'm sorry I had to leave you with that bad, bad woman. But now, you'll go be with my parents. You like them a lot, don't you?" she chuckles as he starts wiggling his tail excited. "Of course you do. Just promise me you won't let my mother turn you fat. Or too fat. If so, I'll find myself obliged to put you on a diet." at this, Ash growls, being very displeased, and laughing, she embraces him. "I'll miss you a lot." he whines and licks her face. "I know, buddy. But for now, it's better this way. And now, let's go see what's taking Dimitri so long to get you that treat."

She gives Ash one last rub, ruffling his fur, and gets up, turning around.

Her eyes landing on me, they widen as her cheeks turn red.

"You heard that."

I nod and she starts walking towards me, Ash does too, but after he takes the treat from my hand, he goes to mind his business, leaving us alone in here.

Rose reaching me, I put my arms around her and pull her closer.

"Do you mind if I did?"

"No. I was just wondering when you'll want to check me into the nuthouse."

I laugh. "Oh, I think I'll need to gather more proof to do that, love."

Smiling, she raises an eyebrow. "You do, huh?"

"Yes."

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"You see, I've heard that crazy people…" I bend so that my lips could reach her ear. "...are incredibly good kissers."

Biting her lip, she chuckles. "Oh, but this means that you're the crazy one, comrade."

* * *

**RPOV**

Two days later, as the sun sets, we wait for Ivan outside, sitting on the stairs in front of the apartment building, letting Ash enjoy all the bushes around here and make friends with all the other dogs being walked by their owners.

I'm not sad. I know I'm doing this for Ash. For now, he is better where he's going. Until things get better. After this, we'll see what happens.

When a car pulls up in front of us, I get up on an instant, not being able to contain my excitement.

I don't even let Ivan close the car's door after he got out, I just wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, thanking him for everything he has done for me.

What I love most is that he doesn't hesitate at all to hug me back, just as tight.

Finally, both of us pulling away, he smiles and ruffles my hair.

"Don't mention it, kiddo." hearing him, I laugh a little as my eyes travel to Dimitri, who came close to us. "What?"

"You sound just like him." I hug him once more. "You're both so good. No wonder you two are brothers. I'd like to meet the woman who has raised such fine men someday."

"Sure, kiddo, we'll make it happen. Mama would be _soooo _glad to meet you," Ivan says looking at Dmitri smiling, and I sense a tease between them.

Not asking any of the questions forming in my mind, I look at Dimitri and see the scolding glare in his eyes.

But before I let them speak about whatever matter they want, I get a hold of Dimitri's arm and pull him down to me.

"Comrade, be nice."

"I sure will, love," he answers, his lips kissing my cheek.

But I don't think I want to be Ivan right now.

I get away from them and call Ash to me.

Carrying Miss Pickle between his teeth, he comes to me, tail wagging happily.

I crouch and give him some belly scratches, where he likes it most. I hope that these will be enough for him until I'll see him again.

"Buddy, get up. I want to talk something with you." ears lifted and alert, he gets back onto his paws. "Do you remember what we talked about during your bath? I um.." my eyes fill with tears at this another goodbye. With a whine, he comes resting his head on my shoulder, his wet nose nudging on my cheek. "I'm fine, buddy. I really am. And so will you. Mom and Dad will take good care of you. You… you just know I love you and I'll come for you. I promise."

With a bark, he gets licking my face, and wanting to get away from his drooling face, all I manage to do is to fall back on my ass.

"Ash, buddy, slow down."

But my position only gave him the opportunity to love me some more and to play too.

"Comrade! A little help, please?"

And thank God that my knight in a leather coat has come to save me, otherwise I would have gotten a lot dirtier and a lot more drool would have been on my face.

Mending what can be mended about my look, we go introduce Ash to Ivan. The chemistry between them is immediate. Of course, the treats Ivan had in his pocket helped a lot too. I swear that Ash would befriend anyone that carries a treat.

With that, they go. They leave. And I stay behind, with Dimitri holding me in his arms.

And I know I shouldn't be this emotional, I know this is not me saying goodbye for forever, but I can't stop some tears from gathering in my eyes.

"You know this is not permanent, don't you?"

"Of course I do, but…" tilting my head, I look at him, and instead of continuing my thought, I laugh a little.

"What?"

"If I wouldn't have known you're allergic to Ash, I'd say you're crying because of his leaving, just as I am." after all, his eyes are teary too.

He laughs a little too. "I'm not crying, love." yeah, I know. I'm the one mostly doing that. But I am sometimes wondering what would get him that point. "But I'll miss him too."

"You will?"

"Mhm. I think I like him."

These past days have been better than I thought. Dimitri kept his distance when his medicine was starting to lose its effect, but at times, he didn't say no to a round of playing with Ash and I. And God, what we had.

"He likes you too, comrade."

* * *

**DPOV**

The smell of breakfast rouses me from my slumber.

Wait. There is breakfast being made in this apartment and for once in three weeks, I'm not the one making it? I mean, Rose cooked a lot too these past two weeks since she started feeling better, but in the mornings, she usually slept in and I wasn't too often bringing myself to wake her up early.

Is that bacon I smell? Scrambled eggs?

The spot next to me is empty so this means… my Roza is making breakfast.

Listening more carefully, I hear some noise, but it's not pans or porcelain, or cutlery clacking, or anything like that.

It's… Is she... _Singing_?

I get up to my feet in an instant and rush out of the room. I can't miss this.

Stopping into the doorway of the kitchen, I see her.

She is dressed only in the T-shirt she was wearing last night, that white T-shirt of mine I absolutely adore seeing her wear, and I get to see those damned legs of hers, the warm tone of her bare skin.

And as she is moving her hands up and down, cutting something maybe, indeed, she is humming. It sounds so sweet.

I don't move from my spot. I want to hear more of this song. I love this humming of hers, the happy song she's singing. She seems so joyful. I would give anything to wake up every single morning to this, to finding her so happy. I could get used to it.

Half a minute later, she stops cutting. Lifting on her tippy toes, she reaches her hand up, opening the door of the cupboard in front of her, and the T-shirt is lifting a lot, giving me a wonderful view of the dark green panties she's wearing and the perfect rounding of her cheeks and hips.

When she took what she needed from the cupboard, a big bowl, she sets it on the counter, and gets back to chopping, changing the song to a slower one.

But oh, the hem of the T-shirt has remained lifted on one side, keeping on revealing much more than I think I am capable of seeing at this moment. I still need to keep my hands off, so I focus my eyes on the steady movement of her hands, even though it's quite hard to stick to that. She is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on.

And soon, I give into that temptation.

Without making any noise, I get behind her and wrap my arms around her middle. Bending a little, I rest my head next to hers, kissing her neck.

Her whole body tenses as she gasps lightly, her fingers clenching around the handle of the knife.

I don't want to have spoiled this moment by scaring her, but I couldn't help it to just sit there and watch.

"It's just me, Roza."

In the next second, she sighs and relaxes completely, letting the knife rest on the counter and placing her palms over mine.

"You scared me." bad move. Maybe she even thought I was some kind of intruder.

"Sorry, love."

"It's fine. It's just that I didn't hear you coming in here."

"Well, you were pretty busy humming."

"Oh. You heard that."

"I did. And I loved it."

She finally turns her head and looks at me surprised, even blushing a little.

"You _did_?"

"Mhm. It sounded so sweet."

"No, it _didn't_."

"Hey. You don't get to decide what I like and what I don't. If I said I like it, I like it."

She smiles wider and blushing a little harder, she turns her head away and goes back to cutting strawberries. Interesting. She's preparing something healthy. I did not expect this.

"So, what are you doing up so early?"

"I am trying to make breakfast. Or at least something close to that. I couldn't think of something more than bacon and scrambled eggs and a fruit salad. Oh, and I'm making cupcakes."

"The cupcakes would be enough. You know I like these," I say and take a strawberry from the cutting board and eat it.

"Hey. I was going to use that for my cupcakes," she says bothered and turns around in my arms. The way she looks at me is supposed to be fierce, but I see her being amused.

"So, what were you singing here?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just a thing passing through my mind, nothing important."

Trying to get away from my stare, slipping out from my embrace, she goes to the fridge and takes out the cupcake mixture and starts putting it into the molds. I bet they would turn out to be delicious.

Going again behind her, I put my arms back around her hips, kissing her neck a couple more times, thanks to the fact that her hair is put up into a bun.

She sighs a little annoyed as some mixture gets on her finger. When she wants to reach towards a napkin, I get a hold of her hand and bring it up to my mouth, licking the mix off her skin.

"It's delicious, love. Why won't you consider doing it on a larger scale? I bet you'd be a great baker."

"Nah, comrade. I am only trying to get you fat."

"Then you might succeed one day with this plan."

"I will surely do, with your six-pack and all," she says and we both laugh.

The cupcakes put into the oven, she goes back to cutting the fruits.

And of course, I can't help it but want to "help" her. Today, more than other days, it's impossible for me to keep my hands off, even though I'm trying so, so bad.

**RPOV**

"Hey…" I scold him once more as he slides his palms across my hips once more, his fingers lifting my T-shirt just enough for them to slide over the material of my panties. "You're being distracting." and arousing me so, so much, goddamnit. He started moving his hands down starting from under my breasts. And I'm feeling everything so intensely in this second.

"Fine, love, I'll stop," he says conceited, and if he wouldn't have been playing this teasing game with me for the past five minutes, mistakenly touching me _everywhere _while trying to _help _me, I would have felt sorry for him. But I am not. I've been the one tortured here.

And he keeps his word. For now, at least. He just sits there, with his head rested on my shoulder and his arms wrapped around my middle, for the first time ever since he entered this kitchen, his hands behaving.

"Why did you stop singing, love?"

I chuckle. "Um, because I don't want to do any noise pollution?"

He chuckles too, his breath tickling my neck and I instinctively tighten my shoulders, bringing them a little up and I giggle a little when he walks his lips across my neck, tickling me some more.

"Come on, love. Do it again."

"No. I am terrible at singing."

"No, you're not. Remember that I have heard you so many times before and I don't think that." oh, I keep on forgetting about the little stalking phase he was obliged to pass through.

I turn my head and throw him a look of 'I know better.'.

"Trust me, I am terrible. You haven't heard plenty of my singing yet."

Poor Ash has been the only audience I had in a while, and he didn't enjoy it much, my little diva shows.

"Come on," he insists. "I want to hear more of that. Your humming is so sweet."

"You think so?" no one has ever told me this.

"I do think so. And it was nice to wake up on it too."

"Oh my God, was I doing it that loud?"

He smiles. "No. I just woke up and heard you and I had to come here to hear you better. So come on, do it again. Sing a little, Roza."

"I don't know, comrade…"

"I want to hear you sing," he whines, sounding like a kid, the botherness in his voice making me chuckle.

"Fine, fine."

I focus my attention on cutting the last pieces of fruit, and I start humming again, but not as loud as before, and I hum the first thing that comes to my mind.

He starts rocking me left and right slowly, as he's walking the tip of his nose across my cheek, his lips kissing my cheek from time to time.

It feels so, so good. Just like, for even a second, everything is perfect and back to normal and I can even dare to think of a life where we do this every single day. Where we will be this happy all the time. I hope we have that.

He comes with his lips closer to my ear and whispers to me the words of the song I'm singing.

Oh, I remember this one!

It's the song that was playing on my parents' wedding anniversary. I was ten, and I loved how they danced on it. And what can I say? It works with this little moment we have here too. It's so… romantic. And after all, his head _is _on my shoulder.

**DPOV**

I look at her, still humming and blushing, and biting her lip, and smiling a little from time to time. And I look, and look, and look, thanking God I can be so close to her, and I would have done it forever if she wouldn't have spoken to me.

"Huh?"

"I asked you why are you looking at me like that?" she says, the redness in her cheeks getting more intense than earlier.

"Does there have to be a reason?"

"I don't know. I guess so."

"It doesn't." I bring my hand up and put some of her hair behind her ear, the urge to touch her being too big to resist, again. "Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

She chuckles, obviously amused, but I don't laugh in response. So her expression gets serious as she turns around, her body never leaving my arms.

"Wait. You are not joking." I shake my head. "Yes, of course you can kiss me, comrade. You don't need to ask permission for that."

"I didn't mean it in that way, love. I…"

Oh, good God, I want her so, so badly now. I've wanted it ever since I first stepped into the kitchen.

She tilts her head, a little confused.

My fingers rounding on the curves of her hips, I pull her closer to me, so that she could feel the hardness with which I want her, to feel the way my body aches for hers.

Her response is enough of a confirmation that she knows what I meant. She exhales slowly and licks her lips.

But I still tell her. "I don't want only to kiss you, Roza. But if you-"

"Shh, don't speak," she says and brings her hands up on my cheeks, pulling me to her. "I'm fine. You just kiss me. And more."

She brings her lips over mine, and she tastes like coffee and I guess some chocolate too and it makes her lips so sweet, and I just want to kiss her until I have no air left to breathe.

Pulling away, she chuckles shyly, and she tries to run away, but I catch her hand and pull her back, but I don't trap her back in between me and the counter.

"Hey, I wasn't done," I say, botherness filling my voice. And indeed, I am bothered. Because as I said, I wasn't done with it. I won't be done with it for a while. If it would be after me, I would never be done with it. I can never get enough of her.

She chuckles once more. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. What was that? Just a couple of seconds? Disappointing, love."

She shrugs and frees her hand from mine, another chuckle threatening to escape her lips. Oh, so we're playing, huh?

"And what are you going to do about that?"

I take a step closer to her, moving slowly, and she does the same, only that she takes that step away from me.

"Oh, Roza. I am going to finish it." Here, or in bed or wherever she wants it.

Chuckling, she gets running, and rushes out of the kitchen.

And I go after her.

**RPOV**

Getting inside the living room, I get behind the sofa, knowing I won't have the chance to reach the bedroom in time.

And I was right because he comes in here too, his lips turned into a playful smile, and he's so ready to catch me. But I am ready to run away too.

Moving slow, he comes in front of the sofa. Oh, he's going to play with me. If he wanted to get a hold of me, he would have lounged over the sofa and he would have been done with it. But we're playing. So let's play.

I try to dodge him a couple of times as I think of a way to be faster than him and get away from here, and when he decides to come around the sofa and be done with it, I don't bother to run around it too. I jump over the backseat, and luckily landing on my feet on the other side, I get running into the bedroom, where I hide behind the door.

Trying to keep my breathing steady, I wait.

He doesn't hurry. He knows where to find me after all.

When he gets inside the room, he doesn't bother to look where I'm hiding. He just heads towards the middle of the room, his back turned to me.

And why not take advantage of this?

Getting a little momentum, I jump on his back.

"Gotcha!"

"I should have guessed it," he says laughing.

Bending a little, he brings an arm behind him and over my middle, getting a hold of me, dragging me down and somehow managing to bring me in front of him, despite my struggling and squealing and trying to get away.

Taking some steps while holding me after I've given up on trying to get away, he lays me in bed on my back.

"Did I… hurt you... somehow?"

I shake my head no. "I'm just a little tired, comrade," I say still panting from our little chasing game and our air wrestling.

His hands moving up slowly on my neck, he gets one on my cheek, letting the other slide to the back of my head, through my hair, and he tilts my head as he lightly walks his lips over mine.

"It was… worth… the chase…" he says between kisses all over my face and small pants. "So… worth it… love..."

His palms beside my head, he rests his body in between my legs and I part them some more, making space for him, his weight feeling so familiar on me.

His tongue playing with mine, he starts walking his palm across my body, beginning at my knee, climbing slowly on my outer thigh, sliding it under my T-shirt, and reaching all the way up, cupping my breast.

Feeling him hold me in such way, firm, but at the same time gentle as his thumb is walking past my peak, making it pointy with anticipation and desire, I sigh in his mouth.

"Is this okay, love?" he stops his kiss, just to make sure. He's so sweet.

"Yes, yes it is. I want you to…" gulping and probably blushing a little, I let my hand slide down on his body, walking it past his bare chest. I reach the hem of his pants and I drag them a little down, from one side.

Smiling playful, he gest kissing me again.

But everything gets interrupted by a call. And no one calls on that phone, except Ivan.

With a "Sorry" in his eyes, he gives me a little peck and gets up.

Watching his face as he responds and listens to what he is being told, I know that that call won't bring us any good. This was it. Just three weeks of having a quiet life. Three weeks of rest, of normality. Everything is about to get fucked up again.

He doesn't say much, he mostly listens to what he's being told, so I have no idea what it is about. But he doesn't like what he's hearing. And I guess that neither will I. This call is definitely about Xavier.

Ending the call, he comes back in bed, sitting down next to me.

Sighing, he puts an arm around me and pulls me closer.

"What happened?"

"Xavier is selling the flash."

"To whom?"

"To a man willing to pay him all the money he wants. They'll be meeting in a day or two. It's all set."

"And… what can we do about this?"

"Take it back."

"How?"

"I'll come up with an idea."

"If I can help, with anything, tell me. I want to help."

Nodding, he kisses my temple. "I know you do. But now, love, I think you should hurry to the kitchen."

"Why?"

"I think your cupcakes will burn if you leave them in the oven for longer."

"Oh! Shit! You're right!" I was too busy smelling him to feel the faint burning smell coming from the kitchen.

Slipping out of his embrace, I rush to the oven and I was about to forget to put my mittens on before opening the oven. I so do not need other burns on my body. The one on my hip is doing so much better thanks to the magical stuff Lissa has given Dimitri and I am not willing to experience that kind of pain anytime soon. And I've just gotten rid of my cast. I don't want my fingers bandaged again.

The cupcakes saved just in time, I let them cool on the counter and go back to our room. I don't feel like cupcakes anymore anyway, with news like that.

I find him still in bed, but lying down and staring at the ceiling, his face sombre from whatever is passing through his head.

Mounting on his thighs, I look him in the eyes and try a smile.

"What's passing through your mind? Tell me your plan." I know he already has one.

"I'll need you to do something for me," he says sighing.

"Sure. Whatever you need. Tell me what to do."

Getting to a sitting position too, still holding me on him, he tells me his plan. And the more he speaks, the more my jaw drops.

"So? What do you say about that, love?"

_"_Wait. You want me to _what_?"

"What I've just said."

"Dimitri, sweetheart, are you out of your _mind_?"

* * *

**And have you seen that? I've left one thing unfinished *wink*. Poor Ivan that interrupt it unknowingly :) **


	37. I've just kissed a woman

**Howdy guys! I hope you're all safe and healthy :)**

**Hey, Tina, I'm glad to see you've been there for a long time. The thing is that I'm already using Grammarly as someone has suggested it to me on my last fanfic,but I don't have the premium stuff so the help I'm getting from there is quite limited. I'm currently looking for some books that would help me get a better grip of the grammar stuff and well, if I find some good one, wish me luck, but I know that the process will still take a while**

**Tika86, I hope you're alright. Take care of yourself and you're amazing for what you do! ****You'll see more of that playfulness in this chapter, and this time, no one will interrupt them ;)**

**HonestPAssion13, there will be more parts involving the puppy, I only have to find the moment to introduce them**

**Until next week, lots of love!**

* * *

**I've just kissed a woman**

**RPOV**

He explained his plan to me. Again, and again, and again, no matter how many explanations I asked for or how many times, he told me, in big lines.

But again, as he finishes telling me, I can't believe that he thinks I can do this thing. Because I can't.

So my question remains the same.

"Are you out of your mind, Dimitri?"

"You keep on asking me that. Why would be out of my mind?"

"Because I don't know how to do things like these. I can't _seduce _anyone. I've never had. Hell, I haven't even flirted, like, in my entire life. How can I then speak about seducing a guy? I have the sexiness of... I don't know, a math book."

He smiles and puts my hair behind my shoulders.

"Well, I have never seen anyone to look at a math book and don't say "Oh, fuck me."."

His comment makes me laugh. "You always say the most romantic things, comrade."

He comes closer and kisses me, and we're both still smiling as we pull apart.

But still, the matter is a serious one. A very serious one.

"Dimitri, come on. I am being serious after all. I'm having really bad thoughts about this scam. About me doing this."

"No, you will not worry for that. You shouldn't worry. You have so much power and you are not even aware of it. You could drive a man insane in seconds if you would want to. You drive _me _insane. Every single day."

"And this is a bad thing. I mean-"

He bites my lip as he kisses me again, stopping me from speaking further.

"No. I love it. Trust me. You have no idea how good…" he sighs. "I know you can do that. No man could resist you."

I sigh, giving in. If he trusts me so much, I wouldn't want to disappoint him, right?

"So, what do we do? Like, the full thing. Step by step."

"You're saying yes?"

"I'm not saying no. I still haven't made up my mind. But I want to know what I am getting myself into."

"Okay. So, here is how things should unfold. Haynes will sell the flash to this man I told you about. Or at least I think he is selling it to him, I not one hundred percent sure now. But anyway. He has been in town for the past two days, along with others, at some hotel, bidding for the flash, like anyone else. And he is the most likely to win. He seems to not hold back from giving Haynes all the money he wants, outbidding anyone who dares to even try to get their hands on the flash."

"When is the bidding going to end?"

"Most likely tomorrow."

"So, we need to get there by then?"

He nods. Great. I will have so little time to digest this information.

"But don't worry. We can reach the hotel in a couple of hours. That will not be a problem for us." oh, that was the least of my worries.

"But who is he? Why would he want this?"

He shrugs. "He has his reasons, like anyone else. Even though only God knows what a Mob would do with that."

"_A_ _Mob_? We're messing with The Mafia now?"

I hope someone else wins. I pray it does. But somehow, Dimitri is so sure about this, about this guy winning. After all, he knows what he knows. I mean, Ivan infirmed him and he's so good at finding stuff. So he must be right.

He nods. "He's the boss."

"_A fucking Mob boss_, Dimitri? Do you even hear how calm you are when you're saying this out loud?" I asked him with my voice pitched, contrasting so much with the steady attitude he has.

"You wanted to know all the details, love," he reminds me.

"I still do. But how can I fool that? He's like, the master of deceiving and you want me to fool him?"

"Trust me, when he'll see you give him any attention, he won't pay any attention to anything else around him. He won't suspect a thing."

"Oh, for our sakes, I pray you're right. But wait. Can't we just go there and take it before Xavier sells it to him? Why get involved with that guy?" with a _Mafia _guy.

"Do you think Haynes would be that stupid, to let us take it from him?"

"Honestly, I hoped he would." he would make our lives much simpler.

"I know. It would have been simpler that way. But for what it matters now, we have to let him sell the flash, to whoever he sells it to. We won't even be there when he does it. We won't even get near that place. We'll get a room at a hotel nearby." oh, so the plan is all already set, all the details. All he needs me to do is to agree. "He'll search the place thoroughly and he can't find us. We'll go there after he leaves."

"But won't Xavier get away like that?"

He smiles. "He thinks he'll get away. And so, he'll let his guard down soon."

Why do I have the feeling that Dimitri has thought of a way bigger plan than he's telling me now? I bet there's so much more to this in his mind, besides us getting the flash back. And I wonder if I want to find out what he plans to do after this. I have a bad feeling I won't like it at all. But I need to focus on the most pressing things now.

"Okay. We let that bastard leave. But the Mob won't leave after getting the flash too?"

"That's the deal. He won't. He likes to celebrate his wins. He'll want to flash his success there, rub his win in the face of the other bidders." oh, thank God for cocky bastards, right? "And he usually does that by spending money, drinking, drugs, spending time with beautiful women."

"I see. And that's where I make my entrance."

"Right."

"But why don't we just, I don't know, find the room he is in and go there, kick his ass and take the flash?"

"We don't know which room is his."

"How come? Don't all the people get a room at a hotel? Why is he special?"

"He is always doing the same thing at the hotels he is staying at. He has like three or four storeys rented, and every night, he chooses another room. Aleatory, no special pattern."

"It's that a little too much?" I mean, I understand the paranoia, but still, it's a little too much.

He shrugs. "People and their eccentricities, right? But that's what he does. And it works."

"And the rest of the rooms he rented? Are those like, empty?" can you imagine the waste of money there? Damn you, rich as hell people.

"That would be too simple. They're never empty. They're filled with "friends" and men that work for him."

"Meaning other mobsters."

"Yes. And going from room to room, it would take us so much to find him and it would get us in a lot of trouble too. We need to do things silently. So we need access to his room. To his real room."

"Through me."

"Yes, love. I wouldn't ask you to do such a thing if it weren't completely necessary."

"Okay, I'll do it. But... I think I need a second."

I get up and go to the bathroom to wash my face with some cold water. I am going to mess with a Mob boss. Oh, God help me.

"You're feeling fine, love?"

I wipe my face with a towel and look at him, standing in the doorway, watching me concerned.

"Yes. Yes, I am. And I'll do it." I want very much to help him. "But… how do we do the thing?

"What thing?"

"Seduce that man."

"Well, _we _can't do the thing. You'll have to do it."

"I know. But how?" I'm not really afraid of putting myself in danger. I am rather afraid of fucking up that seducing thing and getting to mess Dimitri's plan and efforts.

He smiles. "That's simple. Just be yourself."

"Sure. Can you give me some more details though? Like, practical ones?"

He comes closer to me, his body trapping mine against the sink, and he starts touching my hair, his fingers passing through my strands.

"Comrade… you're… really close to me right now."

His fingers start teasing me, walking now across my lower lip, over the thinnest patches of skin on my neck, on my collarbones, his eyes intensely looking in mine.

"Dimitri," I sigh as I relax under his touch. "What you're doing?

He smiles. "I'm showing you."

"What?" I almost moan as his fingers wrap on my middle and he pulls my body pressed against his.

"How to seduce someone. Is it working?"

I didn't even hear his words, all I know is that he sounded so sexy with that low voice of his whispering in my ear. And oh, I was too preoccupied with the way his fingers were tracing their way down towards my navel. How could I listen to him when he does stuff like these?

But he takes a little step back, spoiling the magic he created.

"I guess it was working because you're very red right now, love," he says amused.

Realizing what was happening, I get embarrassed and blush even harder.

I clear my throat, trying to regain control over my body, and pull away a little more.

"So that's all? Touch him all over and um… speak that way to him?"

He laughs, taking me into his embrace and kissing the top of my head.

"Basically, love. But don't you worry. I'll be there all the time if you need me."

* * *

"Roza, have you been to a sex shop?" he asks me amused as he snatches from me the bag which I came inside the hotel room with.

Shit. I hoped that he wouldn't observe the logo on it, but I forgot that nothing gets past him. Ever.

"Give it back."

Lifting it so that I wouldn't be able to reach it when I extend my hand for it, a playful smile spreads on his lips.

"Why? Did you buy something indecent?"

He opens the bag and wants to look through it as I try to take it back from him again, but I have no chance. He's too fast for me.

"Comrade…" I scold him. "_Dimitri_?"

"Yes, my blushy one?" he asks reaching his hand inside the bag. Oh, if he sees those I'm screwed. My little plan will go to hell.

"Don't be mean, comrade. Give it back."

Closing the bag, he comes closer to me and places a little kiss on the top of my head.

"You know I love teasing you."

"I know. But that shop was the closest place I could find that was selling sexy lingerie and that _blonde _thing. You told me not to get too far and to be careful. And I managed things the best as I could."

"I see," he says nodding, then his fingers trace a line up on my arm. "And what have you seen there?"

Oh, I saw a lot of things. Weird things I didn't think people actually use in bed or whatever. Things you couldn't even think of. Like really now, who would like to have some metal balls in their vagina or God forbid, anywhere else? Anyway. It's not like I am going to give him any details about it.

"See what?" I ask him playing the fool, praying I'll get away with this.

That smile comes on his lips again, only wider.

"Was there something…" he starts as he puts a palm on my body, the tips of his fingers starting to crawl under my blouse. He didn't stop teasing me, this little… I'll pay him back somehow. "...you _liked_, love?"

On a usual day I would shy away or even blush at speaking about this thing I'm about to do, but not now. Today, I decide to tease him back.

For whatever reason, it feels natural to act this way when I am around him, when he gets like this. I love being this playful around him. Hell, when I am around him all I get are some bad intentions. And I can't resist them when he starts things like these.

I bite my lip, considering what I could say or do, in a way that would taunt the hell of him.

"I did see some things, comrade."

I get myself closer to him, so close, but still, far enough so that our bodies don't touch.

"All kinds of things."

I put my left hand on his chest and trace a line down on his body.

"But I wasn't impressed. Not at all."

He watches me curious, eyebrows lifted, lips parted and his breath getting out in long, still steady puffs. Let's see how long will that last.

I get my mouth next to his ear and as my hand reaches the hem of his jeans, I get the tips of my fingers under the waistline, dragging him a little closer to me, just enough so that my breasts would touch his chest. I wonder if he feels I forgot to put a bra on earlier. Of course he does. My nipples are pointy as hell.

"Because…"

I move my hand down and walk it across his zipper, hearing him gulp hard as his fingers clench on the paper bag he's still holding and onto the hem of my blouse.

"Nothing I've seen there could satisfy me well as you do, comrade."

I round my palm on the bulge in his pants, already feeling him hard under my touch. I can't suppress a proud smile. My tease worked.

He growls, and dropping the bag on the floor, he gets his hands on my body and glues me completely to him, fingers digging into my skin.

"Goddamnit, Roza. You know I love it when you get like this." yeah, he mentioned that a couple of times. Good thing I kept that in mind.

Holding me tight, he kisses me and his tongue invades my mouth, moving frantically, playing with mine hungrily as his palms squeeze on my ass and thighs, and I get the feeling he might want to pick me up.

But I have other plans.

I let him enjoy himself a little, then I pull away.

He looks at me confused, a deep frown between his brows, and oh, I see the disappointment in his eyes following my gesture.

A devilishly smile appears on my lips. Oh, I kinda feel sorry for him, just a little, but I swear I can't help myself not to do this. He teased me for so many times. I won't let my chance go.

"Not now, comrade. I need to get ready," I say as seriously as I possibly can, trying so hard to keep a straight face.

"Roza," he growls bothered and the frown on his forehead deepens. "Come on, love."

But I don't have the time to sit and look at him being upset, enjoying my little pulling.

I have already picked the bag off the floor and I've started making my way towards the bedroom, taking advantage of his startlement. And I try to move fast because I know he's usually faster than me, so I need to hurry if I want to have a chance at getting away.

As I predicted, he tries to catch me by my hand and I feel his fingers almost grabbing mine, but I snatch it out of his reach just in time.

To my utter luck, I manage to be one step ahead, and so, I get inside the bedroom before he gets a hold of me.

I lock the door just as he gets a hold of the doorknob. Phew. That was so close.

Shaking the doorknob, I hear him laugh.

"Really, love?"

"Yup. I told you. I want to get ready."

But this is not my reason. I want to get dressed, but not for later. Well yes, it's for later, but for a later later. For him. I have bought a dress especially for him to take off after we're done with it, and I am almost sure he'll like taking it off too.

Yesterday, we didn't get to finish something as we got interrupted, and I'm planning for us to finish it. There's quite some tension left between us that we need to get rid of. And we will have a lot of time at our disposal to do this after we'll be done with this job. So, I can make myself look hot for him.

"What will you be wearing?" he still kept that playfulness into his voice. I bet he thinks I will open this door soon. But I'll have to disappoint him.

"A dress."

"Is it a short one?"

"A v_ery short _one." and I'm glad too that he didn't get to see it. I want to see his face as I get out of here.

I hear a little bump into the door, and I am guessing it's his head propping against the door.

"Can I see it?"

"Of course. Later."

He growls. "Tell me one thing."

"What?"

"Is it short enough to cause anyone to faint? Or start a riot?"

"Well, I guess that's for you to decide, comrade. But would you rather faint or start a riot?"

"Oh, Roza. For you, I would start a war."

I love it that I know he means those words. All of them.

* * *

But the thing is that I can't get dressed. At least not all by myself. There's not even the slightest chance of me putting my dress on. Because I can't even put my fancy, lacy corset on by myself in the first place. I didn't think things through as I bought this corset. I'll need help. From him.

So, there goes my little plan. Out the window.

I unlock the door and get my head out, finding Dimitri sitting on the little sofa, his back turned to me as he works on something. Maybe some spy device or shit.

"Comrade, can you come in here and help me? I can't get in this thing."

"Sure, I'm coming right away."

I already feel a little awkward, standing here dressed only in this half tied lacy corset threatening to fall off me, and well, in my nakedness, I think it would be better to wait for him with my back turned to the door. It feels more comfortable to do so, I don't know, avoid his eyes? Hell, I'm already blushing anyway. Looking in his eyes would only make it worse.

And like this, I'll be giving him access to tighten my corset. So, it's a win-win, right?

"What can I help you with?" I hear his voice getting louder with each step he takes towards the room, and I soon hear the door screeching as he gets inside.

"I need to pull these strings tighter on my back, and I can't reach them. And if I'd get the corset off, I wouldn't know how tight to pull them. You do it for me, please."

But I don't get any response from him. Not even a single word.

I only hear his steps moving slowly on the floor as he comes behind me.

I feel his shirt touching my back as he gets so close to me, and I hear his heavy breathing as his head comes resting next to mine.

His palms find their way on my hips, his fingers half touching my panties, half my bare skin, his touch already burning me.

He brushes his nose along my cheek, taking a deep breath in.

"God Roza. You are so, so beautiful."

His lips kissing my shoulder, he starts moving his hands up on my back, soon reaching the upper end of my corset. And instead of pulling the strings to tighten it on me, he starts loosening them one by one. With each move, as the tips of his fingers touch my spine, that sends little electricity waves throughout my whole body.

I know that by him untying the laces on me should make me breathe normally again, but feeling his lips and fingers roam on my skin is only making it harder to breathe.

Loosening the material on me, he pushes it a little down, my breasts starting to spill over its edges.

Starting on my back, his hands slip inside the confines on my corset and as he reaches lower and lower, I feel liquid heat pooling in between my legs and I pull my thighs together, pressing them hard onto each other. Oh, Lord. And he's just touching me.

Getting to the front part of my body, he cups my breasts and his lips start to pick and kiss on my neck.

"Dimitri…" I almost moan, tilting my head to give him more space to explore with his lips.

He squeezes a little on my flesh, on one of my peaks too, as he growls.

"Say that again."

Turning my head, I get closer to his ear and whisper his name.

He growls again and takes my mouth into a kiss.

"What… what are you... doing… comrade?" I whisper in his mouth, already breathless as he continues to pinch on my peak, his thumb caressing my other. "I mean, oh… I mean… I know what… oh… but… oh, Dimitri…"

Exhaling prolongedly, he stops and moves his hands down, past my ribs, loosening my corset some more.

"If you want me to, I'll stop. I'll behave, love." he stops for good, pulls his hands away and turns me around, kissing me lightly on the forehead. "If you don't feel ready, I und-"

"I don't want you to." I didn't want it yesterday, I don't want it now.

He smiles naughtily. "You don't want me to behave?"

I clear my throat and look down a little.

"To stop, I mean. Meant. But…"

"But what?"

"Do we have the time?"

Smiling, he tilts my head and bends to kiss me again. "Yes, Roza. Plenty."

"Good." then why should it matter if we finish things now or later?

Getting a hold of the collar of his shirt, I pull him to me and I start unbuttoning it as I take two steps back, soon reaching the wall with my back.

One of his hands roaming down on my body, lifting my leg on his hip as his other clenches in my hair, he presses his body against mine, his lips continuing the kissing from before. Only that it's harder and more intense this time, his body pressing mine against the wall as he is kissing me like there would be no tomorrow. Oh, I love it when he's so passionate.

In the meantime of a breather, he picks me up and I round my legs around his middle as we start to kiss again.

Our hands roam all over each other, more eagerly than they were yesterday, mine wanting to push his shirt down, but he is too busy exploring my naked body, so I don't succeed to do that.

When he reaches my panties, he has no will to take it slow. Hell, me neither. He slides his hand in them and passes one finger along my slit.

I moan in his mouth and press my heels into his hips, pulling him closer and so do his fingers in between my legs. No one ever did that to me, and the way he does it is simply mind-blowing. And I especially love it when he traces little circles on my nub. Like now.

"Dimitri…" I moan shamelessly and feel my cheeks starting to burn.

With a chuckle, he pulls away from our kiss.

"Why do you shy away? It's not the first time we do this, love."

I shrug, and smiling, he shakes his head.

"You'll be a mystery to me until I die, love," he says brushing his lips on mine. "And I'll love each second of figuring you out."

Pulling away and putting me down, he starts unhooking the little hooks from the front on my corset, and after every hook and eye undone, he kisses the skin left bare behind.

He's touching me in all the possible ways, his lips and tongue walking in between my breasts and heading towards my abdomen, the fingers of his other hand teasing me behind my thighs, so close to my soaking center, and there is this tension that is building in me and I just can't wait to break free of it. To let it all out. And if possible, very fast. Now.

The corset dropping off my body to the floor, he kisses me two more times over my plexus, then picks me up and takes me to bed, sitting me on its edge, my legs still wrapped around his middle as he lays me on my back.

He starts sucking hungrily on my nipples until he leaves me luscious and wanting him like crazy, my mouth being the one voicing the desire he arises in me.

When he gets what he wished for, me moaning his name like begging him to do more, he lifts and comes up, closer to my face, looking me in the eyes. A smile spreads across his lips and I am sure that something passed through his head.

"Wha-aah!" I arch my back towards him as he got his finger past my panties and slipped it inside me.

That smile becomes a smug one as he sees my reaction. He pushes another finger deeper inside me and I dig my nails into his back. God, this man!

He draws circles in me slowly, like he would want to torture me and I must admit that I like it. I love it.

He growls as I moan once more. "Oh, Roza. You are so wet. Your panties are soaking."

I have been like this ever since he placed the first kiss on my back a few minutes ago, but who really keeps track of that, right?

"How do you expect me to be when you do all these things to me?"

He smiles and kisses me lightly, his hand moving faster. "And don't you like it?"

"Mmm, Dimitri." I arch my back some more, wanting to get more of it. "I love it."

Satisfied with my response he moves his kisses back to my breasts.

When he gets his fingers out of me, I sight disappointed. I like it a lot when he does that. He's amazing with his hands. And lips. And all else.

Getting my legs off from around his hips, he drops to his knees on the floor, and I get up on my elbows, watching him.

His fingers getting around the hem of my panties, he looks at me. He wants a confirmation from me, a question present in his eyes. I nod eagerly. Oh, if only he'd do it faster.

It takes him a second to take them off, but he doesn't get back up. He doesn't come back to me. He just looks at me, a smile creeping again on his lips.

"What are you doing?" I chuckle. "Come up here." don't make me wait some more, goddamnit. He shakes his head. "Why?"

Maybe because he still needs to get undressed? I mean, I am completely bare and he's still wearing his shirt, yes, unbuttoned, but still on him, and his jeans are still on.

"I want to…" he places a little kiss on my inner thigh. "...taste a piece of you."

"You _what_?" I could have not heard that right.

"You'll see," he says smiling as he parts my legs a little more.

His hands go down on my body and he is working them on the flesh of my thighs and hips, while his mouth starts at my knee and reaches closer and closer in between my legs.

"Dimitri… you…" I think I know what he wants to do. "Oh, Lord… Dimitri!" I squeal as his lips reached their destination and kissed on me.

He moves his eyes on me and of course, he sees my cheeks burning up like hell.

"You don't have to be shy about it. I just want to please you, love."

"How would it be like?" this question escapes my lips before I have the time to actually put some thought into it.

An amused smile on his lips (yeah, yeah, I know, that was kind of a stupid question for me to ask), he comes back on top of me and kisses me as his fingers head slowly in between my legs and he plays with my wetness, just like he did before, slow and in circles.

He smiles smugly as I puff and squeeze on his shoulders.

"Well, you'll enjoy it."

"Oh… you're so… shit… so sure... about it, huh?"

"I hope you do. But if you won't like it, tell me and I'll stop. We can do that any time you want. We can do whatever you want too. But just let me taste you, love, even for a second," he says sexily and mesmerizing me with his words, I give in in a second, my head nodding vigorously. It's really hard not to want to do bad things when he's speaking this way to me.

Hell, ever since I have done it with him for the first time, I have found that I enjoy doing this more than I ever thought it would be possible. And having him as a partner, how can you say no? I want to try them all with him. I want him to show me and make me feel the pleasures he's willing to offer.

I sigh as he presses a finger on my bundle of nerves and relax my legs, parting them some more.

"Is this a yes?" I only moan. But he stops his movement and watched me, his face serious. "Love, when I ask you if you want to do something, you know it's always okay to say no, right? You're allowed to say no. If you-"

I stop him when I wrap my arms on his neck and pull him to me for a kiss, then I part my legs some more.

_"_Yes, Dimitri."

"Yes to what question?"

"Both."

He smiles and licks his lips before they kiss mine again.

"I promise I'll behave, love. I'll take it slow. And you…" he brings his hands up and puts them in my hair, tilting my head and starting to kiss on my jaw. Oh, I love how the heat of his chest pressing against mine feels and the ways his lips bite lightly on my neck. "Close your eyes."

"What?"

Getting his lips on my collarbones, he repeats his words. "Come on, do it. Just see how it feels."

I do it, trusting him with this too, whatever it that he's planning to do.

Climbing with his lips towards my peak, he spends some seconds there, sucking and nibbling, surely leaving behind little red spots that I'll love discovering later.

Continuing his path in between my breasts, he kisses his way down on my abdomen, with each kiss getting closer to my groin area, his hair tickling me too, adding to all the sensations I'm already feeling, and with each second of anticipation that passes, the more I start thinking I'll go crazy with desire.

And oh, he stops before pressing his lips again on my skin. Not knowing why he stopped, I lift my head to see what's going on.

When his eyes meet mine, his little cocky smile gets back on his lips. I'll kick his ass if he keeps on teasing me like this.

I frown in displeasure at him, and laughing a little, he nudges his nose under my belly button.

"We don't play if you don't keep your eyes closed, love."

Sighing, I rest my head back onto the bed and close my eyes. Fine. I'll play by his rules.

As his lips resume their path, my toes flex hard, my heels push into the matters as my knees start getting weaker and weaker with each touch of his on my body and I only feel myself getting wetter and wetter at the thought of him finally touching me there with his lips again and oh-

He went up again. He enjoys this too much.

"Comrade…" I can't prevent myself from whining.

"Easy, love. I said I'll take it easy." yeah, but he didn't mention anything about too easy.

He didn't give up on his idea of coming back up on my body and now he makes love with my belly button, his skilled tongue giving me a little teaser about what he can do with it and making me realize I have another erogenous zone in my body. Hell, each part of my body feels erogenous under his touches.

And finally, my little torture comes to an end when he gets with his lips just above my navel, but just to fuck with me some more, he decides not to kiss my skin, but to pass his hot tongue on me. The change in texture and me having my eyes closed intensifies everything and it makes me sigh in pleasure and relax even more under him.

I feel a cold sensation passing through my whole body as he blows air onto the same spot and goosebumps appear all over my body and my muscles contract, my mouth whispering his name.

"So, you're okay with this?"

"Mhm, _yes_. Yes, Dimitri." just do it already or I'll scream. And not in pleasure.

But he lets me wait for a little more, I don't know, probably anting to make sure I won't change my mind. I feel him hovering over my abdomen, his breath coming out in long puffs, but he doesn't act further. Damn you, Dimitri!

"Comrade, I'm not changing my mind." if he wanted to hear this, here it is, I'm saying it.

But still, he doesn't react. And I don't dare open my eyes because he said that we won't play if I do. And I believe him with that.

Oh, where is he going to touch me now? What will he do next? How does he plan to tease me further? This not knowing is only making me more impatient and needy for his touch. His touch that doesn't seem to be coming, even when I squirm under him.

That's it. I've had enough of this.

Keeping my eyes closed, I lift my hand slowly, trying to feel where he is and maybe, if I find him, smack him for torturing me like this.

Chuckling, he takes my hand in his and kisses the tips of my fingers as he speaks.

"Someone's impatient, huh?"

I smile too. Oh, he has no idea how impatient I am. If he lets me hang like this for longer, I might do this crazy thing of finishing it myself. Even if I have no idea how, I'm sure I'll figure something in the end.

Letting go of my hand, he starts stroking my leg as he puts it over his shoulder, spreading me to one side as his lips move down my inner thigh, heading again towards my swollen slit.

My hands clutch onto the sheet as he starts stroking me with his tongue and my eyes snap open at this pleasure he brings me.

"Comrade!" I squeal, my breath coming out hardly and shortly as my hips flex up towards his mouth.

"What happened? You don't like it?"

"Oh, don't stop, please."

I wrap my leg tighter around his shoulder and try to pull him even closer, only parting my legs a little more in the process.

And as he keeps on moving on me, I guess that my loud cries of delight are enough of an answer for him wherever I like it or not. He had his reasons to be sure about it after all.

I was a little anxious about all this, I won't lie. That was until he touched me with his tongue. That's all it took for me to relax under him and start purring his name. I've always found it pleasing how he can tame my body in such ways.

The wonders this man can do only with his tongue.

Oh! With his fingers too.

In a swift movement, without letting me predict it, he dives two fingers deep inside me, making my hips bring themselves up to welcome his touch.

"Mmm, fuck!" I cry, and not knowing what to get a hold of, I find my steadiness in his hair.

"Was that good? Should I stop?"

"God, no. Just keep going, comrade," I whine at his unexpected stop.

"Anything you wish, love." he places a kiss on my inner thigh. "And if you want something, just tell me how you like it and I'll make it come true."

His fingers moving faster and my moans getting louder, I hear him growl as his teeth bite a little onto my thigh.

"Love, you are so wet and so, _so_ tight. You feel wonderful."

"Oh, Dimitri..."

"Tell me, love, do you like this?" he asks me just before he gives me a suck.

_"Yes_!" it's short and anything I can manage to say, my brain completely clouded.

In response to that, he starts moving faster with his mouth, only eliciting more excited murmurs of ecstasy from me.

"God, _yes_!" I clench my fingers in his hair and pull him a little closer.

The pace of his finger slowing down, his lips are still on my nub.

"Oh, Roza," he licks. "You're," he sucks. "So," he sucks again, harder and for longer, getting a whimper in response from me. "Tasty." my hands clasp harder in his hair when he moves a little faster on me.

But to my utter surprise, he stops and pulls his mouth away. I want to scream in frustration. How can he do this? Why?

I snap my head up and stare at him, a killing glare in my eyes.

"You're _fucking _with me."

"I think that there is a preposition too much into the sentence you've said."

"Dimitri," I growl and moan at the same time as he started to move his fingers in me again.

He smiles devilishly.

"I swear to God-"

"Shhh, love." he moves his hand faster, already making me forget I was mad at him for something. "Easy. Be patient."

"I can't," I say swaying my hips and tilting my head back. "I was so close." just like I am now.

"I know," he answers and pulls his hand away, making me growl once more.

"Come _on_!"

"You'll like it more later, trust me."

He puts my other leg on his shoulder too, his hands sliding on my sides and pulling me a little closer to the edge of the bed, tilting my hips a little.

**DPOV**

When I pass my fingers along her slit again, she yelps and tightens her legs on me, her heels digging into my back, bringing my face closer to the heat between her legs. And if I'm already here...

I give her a long lick, getting to taste her sweet essence again and when I reach her weakest spot, I suck on it.

While her lips say my name, her hips shot upward and I get a good hold of them, pinning her down.

I suck on her once more. And if lifting her hips is not allowed to her, she arches her back and digs her heels into my ribcage as her mouth lets out a long moan.

Continuing to try to push her hips up, I finally let her do that and I get more of her in my mouth, her joyous cries getting louder and louder with each stroke of my tongue.

These sounds are music to my ears. I love being the reason she gets like this.

Eager to hear more of her, I start licking on her more strongly, and she clasps her hands in my hair and purrs my name, her whole body shaking under me.

"Oh, goddamnit, comrade. You're driving me crazy. You're a! -mazing."

She sways her hips up and down more eagerly, her body greedily trying to get everything of what I'm offering. And I won't disappoint.

Little squeal after squeal in ecstasy, the tightness in her thighs breaks and her legs spread some more as she is consumed by pleasure, starting to scream my name shamelessly, and goddamnit, I am so close to popping the zipper of my jeans.

The position she is in now only gives me more access to her core and I don't waste the chance of bringing her some more pleasure.

I slip on, two, three fingers in her and I feel her walls contracting on them in the same rhythm her lower abdomen twitches violently up and down.

She only gets screaming louder as I move my fingers in and out of her and I think my boxers are going to get ripped soon, that turned on I am. Fuck, if I go like this for longer, I might even be done without much effort.

So I grit my teeth and try to regain control over myself. And, for both of our sakes, I stop and resume to kissing on her thigh as I watch her shaking, pleasure surging through all her body, one of her hands clutching on the sheet and her other walking through my hair, and soon on my cheek.

**RPOV**

I lay there with him still in between my legs, my lips still purring his name as his walk gently over my thigh, that little thing still making my overwhelmed body shiver.

Gaining a little power in my elbows, I lift on them and watch him, a stupid grin spreading on my lips. He's amazing.

With one last kiss on my skin, he gets my legs off his shoulders and I get up to my butt, wanting to get closer to him.

Watching me with a grin on his face, he wipes his bottom lip with his thumb and then licks it clean before he does the same to his lips and pulls me closer to him to kiss me.

Feeling myself on his tongue, it's so… I don't know… arousing. Enticing. Kinky.

In the process of kissing, I don't know how, but I've gotten to slide off the bed and mounted on his thighs, my brain too cloudy to realize what's happening and my legs feeling too exhausted to bring me back up, my knees still too weak from the ecstasy filling my body.

We finally pull away, finally taking a break to try and breathe normally.

"Wow, comrade. Just… _wow_." he deserves all my praising, even if I can't come up with the proper words to say it now. And he was kinda right. That thing with bringing me on the edge, it was really enjoyable.

But sitting on him, I can feel how hard he is for me, so thick, long and wanting, his virility always striking me. And I want to feel more of him, my body still so hungry for his. And I want to give something back to him too.

Getting a hold of the collar of his unbuttoned shirt, I pull him to me, our lips crushing as I begin to sway my hips up and down on him, eliciting thick moans from him.

As he's busy stroking my skin and we continue to kiss, neither of us stopping for even a second to breathe, my hands move on him and I try to unfasten his pants and drag his belt out and finally reach to his boxers all at the same time. But trying to do that without looking, I don't manage to do a great job and I am mostly dragging it angrily, trying to get it all out of the way.

When that doesn't work I get a hold of his shirt, trying to push it off him, but I am not doing a great job with this either because well, his hands are on me, just like earlier.

Understanding my displeased growls, with a little laugh, he decides to give me a hand. Leaving me on the floor for a little, he gets naked in no time, getting rid of his clothes at top speed, but not before getting a condom out of his pants.

I raise an eyebrow. "Always ready, comrade?"

And as he is putting the condom on, he smiles at me. "For you, Roza? Always."

After he pulls a sheet off the bed and puts it down on the plushy carpet, lying me on my back, he gets on top of me.

"Comfy?"

"Mhm. Very."

His hands on my thighs, tilting my hips, he teases me a little, slowly penetrating, until I feel all of him filling me.

_"Aaaah_, Dimitri. _Good God_…"

He comes closer to my ear, biting on my earlobe.

"Say that again, love." he thrusts me again.

Oh, him and me saying my name. Once I started saying it, he doesn't seem to get enough of hearing me saying it. And to think that until some time ago, he didn't even want to tell it to me.

I turn my head and brush my nose over the edge of his jaw and get up to his ear. When my lips are close enough, I whisper his name.

"Dimitri," I say remaining breathless as he caresses my peak.

And I keep on repeating his name as a prayer as he keeps on pleasing me, and soon, he starts murmuring something too, half in English and half in Russian, the words rolling so sexily out of his mouth.

"Can _you _say that again?" I don't know what he said, but it aroused me so, so much, and I'm thinking he's talking dirty, from the words I still manage to understand. I love it when he speaks like that.

And he tells me more, his forehead on mine, both of us panting and moaning, our hands still wandering on each other, only that we're moving now in a more steady, slow, rhythm, taking the time to get more of this than the immediate pleasure.

"Oh, comrade, can you go deeper?" I don't even know where the question has come from, maybe because I want to feel more of him, but saying it out loud, it makes me blush a little.

He chuckles as he kisses the tip of my nose.

"Would you like that?" I nod. "I'm glad you asked for it. Can I try something? I think you'll like it." it's not like until now I was having a bad time either.

"Fuck yeah," I respond right away. "Try anything the hell you want."

Pulling away and turning me a little on my side, parting my legs, he mounts on one, and the other, he brings up and puts it to rest on his shoulder, bending forward to test how far it can reach as he comes to kiss me.

"You…" kiss. "Keep on amazing me…" another kiss. "With your bendiness, love."

Getting up, he gets a hold of my hips and pushes himself in me, moving slow, testing again the parting of my legs and the deepness he can reach like this. And God, doesn't he get deep as my leg swings almost past my head.

Seeing my leg that high up, he smiles and raises an eyebrow. Hell, he's not the only one impressed. Thank you learning to do the splits. Who would have thought this would get handy someday?

As he makes that movement once more, I relax my muscles, letting him part me more, my leg wrapping on his shoulder, and he gets in even deeper.

"God! Dimitri…" I moan his name and clutch onto his shoulders.

But he doesn't stop there. He gives me a little push, his hips grinding against mine.

I feel some pressure on a spot I didn't know existed in me before. I moan hard as it brings me so much pleasure.

"Mmm, God, comrade I think that you just reached my…" I don't even know what he reached, but it felt so damned good. I have never felt anything like this before. But that thing is like, really deep. And really fucking pleasurable.

He smiles smugly. It seems that this was his goal. It seems weird to me that he knows more about my body than I do, at least in this domain. But hell, he knows how to use that information really well.

"Does it feel okay, love? Any discomfort?"

"Are you kidding? It feels- oh... You're so good. Just keep going, Dimitri."

I praise him some more and he as he thrusts me again I contract my pelvic floor and my whole body as he reaches that spot again, and he grips on my hips harder, his fingers digging in my skin.

Well, I can make myself useful too, can't I? Why should he do all the work? He seemed to enjoy this.

"Fuck, Roza," he says through gritted teeth, a grunt forming in his throat as he rests his head into the crook of my neck. "Tell me I didn't hurt you, Roza," he says so lovingly as his fingers unclutch from my flesh. "Did I touch your wound? I didn't pay enough attention to where I touched you now." oh, he's always so careful.

"No, no, don't you worry." his hands gripped way lower than that. "And I told you it's not that bad anymore. It doesn't hurt."

"I know, but-"

"Don't. I'm fine."

He smiles and kisses my forehead. "Good. That's good"

Him starting to move again, I keep on contracting my muscles every time he gets deep inside me, bringing my contribution to his pleasure.

And feeling the way he clutches the sheet under us in his palms every time I clench my walls around him, knowing I am giving him this pleasure, it only adds to mine.

"Oh, Dimitri, go faster, please."

"Anything your heart desires, love."

His eyes looking where he puts his hands now (he's such a sweetheart), he gets a better hold of my hips and picks up the pace, and I sway my hips to match his, both eager to end our longing.

Soon, with a few ragged pants of his, I feel his warmness inside me as he digs his fingers into my skin, gripping it hard.

And I expect him to stop or something like that, but gritting his teeth, he pushes himself, beginning to move even faster and in short movements, keeping my spot in continuous tension, and soon I come too clutching that damn sheet so hard and pulling it the other way, and I think we might rip it, the carpet under us too.

As I release myself from all that tension built in my body, it's so different from the other times it happened. My whole body is feeling sore, but good, it is shaking wholly, but not like earlier, my extremities feel tingly, just like they would have been asleep, and I am struggling to keep my breath steady as Dimitri slips out of me and comes lying next to me, breathing heavily too.

This was… I don't even have the words to describe this. Otherworldly? Unbelievably blissful? Hell, I'm still shaking and there's this wave of pleasure still spreading through my body, starting from above my navel. What did he do to me?

Oh, who cares? If he'd do it again, I won't say no to it. It feels like heaven.

Putting his hand around me and pulling me closer to him, I am still moaning lightly, each touch of his still managing to make me react like this.

"Comrade…" it's all I manage to say.

"What?"

"I'm sore," I say pouting.

Chucking, he pulls me even closer to him and glues my chest to his as he walks his fingers along my back.

"Does this make it better?"

I kiss his skin, over his heart beating like crazy, just like mine.

"Much better, comrade."

* * *

With each passing minute that has passed, my mind getting clearer from those clouds of pleasure, I've gotten to lay on him and I am now playing with the fluffy carpet under the sheet.

And soon, I say the first thought that forms in my mind, leaving aside all the thoughts about what has already happened.

"I like this carpet." and what happened on it.

**DPOV**

I can't stifle my laugh. I love these silly questions and things she keeps on saying.

"Roza, do you always say funny things after sex?"

She chuckles and tilts her head to look at me.

"Well, maybe you'll need to find out the next time if that's a thing I always do."

"The next time, huh?" if we'd have the time, I wouldn't let her get up from here. Or maybe I would. But just to get her in bed. It's more comfortable there.

She raises an eyebrow, that playfulness again present in her eyes. "Maybe a little later, comrade. I am a little tired now. I don't know what you did to me, but…" she sighs.

"But what? Was it bad?" exhausting? Did anything hurt? Wasn't she fully ready for this? Did I push things too far?

She gets up and watches me weirdly.

"_Bad_? No. Hell no. How did you come up with that idea? It was… it felt good, and sweet, and..." she bites her lip. "You were sweet." she looks at me dreamily for a second more then bends and kisses my cheek. "Do they teach you that in spy school?"

"What? To be sweet?" for what matters, they have always taught me the opposite.

"No, not that. _You _are that, you didn't need to be taught. I mean… did they teach you to be this amazing lover?"

Hearing her ask this, I laugh a little, and putting my arm back around her, I pull her to me and kiss her shoulder. Here it is, a little silly question.

"Only the theory, love."

"Oh, so the practice was up to you, huh?" she asks amused.

"Yes. Something like that."

"Then I bet there were many-"

"Roza…" I sigh in her hair.

Yes, there were many women before her that have passed through my bed. But none of them compares to her. For starters, I've never wanted to wake up in the same bed with any of those women. But her? I'd love to find her next to me each morning for the rest of my days.

Tilting her head and watching me, she hurries to speak.

"No. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't trying to insinuate anything. I don't care about that, about the women before. I won't judge you for your past, no matter what that is." she shrugs a little, and her fingers, she walks them across my cheek. "I don't think that that defines you, not even a bit. I see the one that you are now, and that's what I love." she smiles now, a glint of playfulness blooming in her smile. "And let's be honest now. It would have been a pity to let all this go to waste." she walks her fingers down on my body, reaching my abs. "I bet women hover around you all the time."

I shrug. Maybe they do. They did. But not her. She was different. She _is _different. And _that's _what I love in her.

Laughing a little, she punches my chest playfully.

"Don't be so modest, comrade. Looking like you do, you could have any woman you desire."

"Maybe. But I don't care about that. Because I only want you."

She watches me, biting her lip and puts her hair behind her ear as she looks down, shying away a little.

"You do?"

"What kind of question is this, love? Of course I do."

"Well, then I am privileged, right?"

"Why is that?"

"Because you've chosen me."

"No, Roza. _I _am the privileged one."

She chuckles. "How come? Why is that?"

"Because out of all the men you could have had, out of all the men you could have been with, you have trusted me with this," I say and point to her heart. She puffs a little and is so close to rolling her eyes. "What?" have I been too cheesy? I'm not usually saying things like these, but it seemed like the right thing to say now.

"Out of all the men I could have had," she repeats my words and this time, she rolls her eyes. "Again, you give me too much credit. I am not some kind of heartbreaker, nor a femme fatale."

"Oh, Roza, but you are." she just isn't aware of it. She is not the one affected by it. Not like I am.

"_Am not_," she continues to argue.

"You don't even realize, but you could have any man you desire. They would all fall right to your feet in a flash."

She chuckles. "No, they wouldn't."

"They would," I continue to argue.

"Oh, stop it. I am not a charmer. I didn't even… you know…" she turns her head away and nuzzles her nose on my neck. "Until you," she whispers.

I kiss her. "Love, call me selfish for being glad about it, but I _am _glad that you've only been mine."

"Me too."

* * *

**RPOV**

Minutes later, I'm still lying on him, my head rested on his chest. I swear this has gotten to be my favorite place on the entire earth. His fingers are playing with my hair and sometimes they go up and down my spine, lifting a little the sheet that has ended on us and letting in some of the coldish air in the room.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Tonight… it is all going to be alright, right?"

"Yes, love. I will never leave your side. I will be there even if you won't see me. I promise. You are going to be completely safe. I won't let anything happen to you."

I believe him with all my heart. "But…" I don't think I will be good enough for this. I've never been _undercover, _or whatever like that.

Lifting me off him, he watches me.

"Hey. What's the matter?"

"I am a little scared, Dimitri."

"Maybe we shouldn't-"

"No. I didn't say I don't want to do it anymore. I can't help to worry that I will fuck it up big time, but I still want to do it and I _will _do it. Whatever it takes to… make things right. To get to have a normal life with you. I am tired of hiding and running from men like them. I want to live peacefully. With you."

"We will, love. We will. I promise."

Lying me on my back, he turns on his belly so that he could come closer to me and kiss me, that promise still lingering on his lips, into the depth of his kiss.

Pulling away, still focusing on me, he starts walking his fingers along my collarbones, stopping them in the rounding notch at the end of my neck.

He's watching me with that gaze again, with those warm eyes, and it's still weird how only that gaze of his is making me feel so... I don't know, special and loved and so much more.

I smile. "What?"

"Nothing."

He leans closer and kisses that little spot in between my collarbones.

"This spot," he says kissing it again. "Is mine." he kisses it once more. "And only mine," he proclaims once more.

His affirmation doesn't mind me at all. Hell, I am his in so many ways anyway. I have given myself to him in so many ways so, why would I mind about this little spot?

"Why this spot?"

He shrugs. "Just like that. I like it. How it feels…" he swirls his fingers on it again. "How it tastes…" he kisses it now. "And no one's allowed to touch it. It's mine," he says like threatening as he is contouring it with his fingers.

"Not even me?" I ask pretending to be offended.

He nudges his nose on my lips and then up past the tip of my nose.

"I'll think about it."

I want to play a little and I bring my hand up, wanting to reach that spot, and he eyes my hand threateningly.

"I didn't say if you are allowed yet."

"Oh, but it's my body. That spot was mine before you claimed it as yours."

"Yes. But it's _my spot_ now," he argues a little bothered, and I love it when he sounds like such a kid.

"So?"

Wanting to play some more, I still reach my hand up and I am so close to touching my collarbone, but he takes me by surprise when he stops me. By _how _he stops me. Not wanting to let me reach it, he bites on my finger and I squeal, pulling it away. He didn't bite hard, but I was mostly surprised by his gesture. I didn't think he could be this protective of this.

"Comrade!" I punch him a little. "What was that?"

He chuckles as he nudges his nose on my jaw.

"I told you it's mine. You've been warned."

"Fine, fine, you can have it. It's all yours."

"Good," he says satisfied with his win and kisses me.

"Can I pick one on you too?"

He smiles. "Sure. Why not?"

**DPOV**

Smiling too, she props her head on the backs of her hands and watches me.

But soon, her lips turn into a pout.

"What happened?"

"I don't know what to pick," she says bothered, and her eyes continue to watch me as she thinks. Until she sighs, like giving up.

"So? What is it?"

"I don't know. I guess I just like too many things about you."

"Is that so?"

"Mhm." she lays her head on my forearm and I kiss her forehead.

"I do too, love."

"Really? What else do you like about me?"

"All of you."

"All of me?"

"Yes. From your head, and everything that's inside your brain..." I say moving my hand in her hair to tilt her head and kiss her forehead again. Then, trailing a line across her spine, I bring my palm past her ribcage and let it rest under her breast, where I can feel her heart starting to beat faster. "To this, and everything you keep in there, all the little things you feel," continuing my way across her body, I stop for a second on her hip just to pull her closer to me, then slide my palm down on her thigh and bring her leg over mine. "To all the ways you make me feel with every piece of you."

Her eyes staring back in mine the whole time I touched her body, now she gulps hard and shies away, turning her head and looking down towards where my palm is resting, on the upper part of her thigh, my fingers playing on her skin.

I can feel her cheeks heating more and more on my skin as her lips let out a small whimper when my fingers get even more daring and climb further up.

"Oh, Roza. You'll never stop doing that, won't you?"

She shrugs and pushes her nose into my shoulder.

"Don't think so."

"Don't worry." hardly ripping my hand away, I move it to a safer place. I wouldn't want to start something we don't have the time to finish. "I love seeing you like that."

She lifts her head and looks at me, then shyly and fast, she kisses me.

"I know. For whatever reason I still don't understand, I know you do. And you like starting it."

"No. I _love _doing it, Roza."

Sighing lightly, she gets drawing little circles with the tip of her index and middle finger on my skin, starting at my shoulder, moving past the line of my shoulder blade, her fingers gently touching my skin and finally finding their way into the dip in between my shoulders.

She lingers there, swirling her fingers in a slow, circular motion, then starts tracing a line upward, towards the back of my neck and how she touches me feels so damn good. It somehow tickles, but there's something else to it too, sending little waves of electricity in my whole body.

"Roza," I sigh.

She giggles. "What? Didn't you like that?"

"I did, love." I liked it very much. It still surprises me that with a little touch like this, she can make me feel so much else.

She does it again, and this time the sensation is more intense and she manages to make my body shiver. God, this woman!

She giggles some more and watches me, a little proudness present in her eyes.

"What, love?"

Shrugging, she leans closer to my back and I feel her lips brush on my skin. In response to that, all my muscles contract under her gentle touch. She kisses me and then speaks, her lips not getting too far from my skin, her breath warming me.

"I love you, Dimitri."

"You do, huh?"

"Mhm. So much." she kisses that spot again. Damn, she'll drive me insane if she'll do it again.

I turn to one side and drag her into my embrace, my lips resting over hers.

"I love you too, Roza."

* * *

**RPOV**

Twenty minutes later I'm all dressed up, with my makeup on point (thank God for my mother who has insisted I'd need to do this by myself one day), and thanks to my lovely Dimitri, with my confidence boosted somewhere up to the roof's level, I am making my way out of the room.

It feels a little weird that, as I'm walking in these very high heels, I still feel my extremities a little tingly, and the only reason I find to that is what we did sometime earlier. That sensation radiating from under my navel is still there. It's oddly satisfying.

Dimitri's shirt was a little too wrinkled from our playing, thank God that he didn't manage to get fully dressed into his suit before I called him to help me, so he's now somewhere into the hotel, sweet-talking one of the workers into fixing his shirt.

So, as I wait for him to come back, I stop in front of the mirror close to the room's exit door and look at the stranger looking back at me.

This is not me. The woman looking at me look so… easy. Hell, I look like a hooker with my too red, too revealing dress. This color is so bright and it will attract so much attention to me. And one wrong move and the little red spots that Dimitri left on my breasts might be seen by everyone through the deep cut this dress has. Oh, and let's not talk about my ass. I'm afraid that if I lift my leg too much, people would get to see everything that's underneath.

And this makeup it's too much. Mostly quantitatively. And it's vulgar. My lips bloody red, my eyes dark smokey, all this transmitting a clear message: I'm desperately asking for attention. The only good thing about this image of me is that I don't look at all like the usual Rose. Which comes to my advantage.

But it seems that Dimitri got the problem fixed way faster than I thought because as I am busy feeling so shallow, he gets out of the bathroom, looking so handsome in his black tie suit. That's not fair. Why does he get to look like _that_? I mean, not that he wouldn't look handsome on an everyday basis, but now? Wow.

There's not even a patch of fabric on his suit that isn't black, and it is not bothering me at all. It suits him so well, this darkness. It goes perfectly with the one seeming to surround him at times when I catch him thinking about stuff that he keeps on insisting it's nothing. But let's not open this subject now.

I absolutely love the shirt he wears because even if I forgot to mention it earlier, it suits him so, so well, and even through it you can see his perfectly sculpted abs. Oh, and that coat on him. It brings out his broad shoulders and all I can think of is how badly I want to touch him now. Everywhere.

I can't unglue my eyes off him as he comes my way. Not even in my wildest dreams I thought he'd look so damn hot in a suit. I expected it, but the real image of him is way hotter.

When he encircles his arms around me from behind, I snap out of my reverie and realize how hard my heart is beating. Does he feel that too? And I hope he didn't tell me anything because if he did, his words have passed by my ears, totally unheard.

"Close your mouth, love," he whispers to me amused as he rests his head into the crook of my neck. Oh, shit. Was I drooling too?

Clearing my throat, I try not to blush too much.

"I um… I like your suit."

He smiles. "Thank you, blondie."

Oh, yeah, I forgot to criticize this. But well, the wig is not that bad, even though I don't think I'll ever cut my hair this short. The mid-neck length cut, wavy bleached blonde style is not as unbearable as I thought.

"I like your dress too," he says sliding his palms up past my ribs and stopping just where my cleavage starts, which is, again, too low.

I mean, if it were only for him to see me dressed in it, that would have been okay. But going out there, to let a lot of other people stare at my almost bare ass isn't something I'll be comfortable with. But I'll need to be a big girl and deal with it. I have a job to do.

"I feel like I'm not wearing anything."

"Yeah, you're not far from that. But you're still looking amazing dressed in it. You're gorgeous, love. I feel like I might start a riot, you know? Hell, a whole war."

"No fainting?"

Chuckling, he kisses my neck and stops for a second to take a deep breath in.

"With this scent on you, I might faint too. It's amazing."

Well, I thought, why not try something new if I was onto the task of changing my look. I guess this perfume would be the only thing I want to keep from this experience, though. And the corset. And the dress maybe. I like it too much the way Dimitri looks at me. He would be able to eat me up, that intensely he's staring at my reflection.

I take a look at us into the mirror too, and I love what I see. Well, I would have liked it more if I wouldn't have looked like a whore, but I'll deal with what I get. The two of us here, embraced, smiling, it feels amazing.

Our eyes meet into our reflections and we both smile wider.

"A small pep talk before we go?"

I laugh and turn around to face him.

"You know, sometimes I forget how many weird things you know about me, comrade."

His fingers brush the skin of my cheek, then they put a small strand of my wig behind my ear.

"Can I do it?"

"Do what?"

"The pep talk."

I laugh some more. "It is not necessary, you know that, right?" I wasn't even intending to do it.

"But I want to. Let me do it, please."

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead, have fun."

But he is not as amused by this as I am. His expression changes and is replaced by that one he always has when he's studying me, that deepness of his brown eyes getting warm.

He takes my hands into his as he speaks.

"You are so kind and you have such a big heart. You are smart and you say some of the funniest things I ever heard."

"Or the most stupid, I may add."

He frowns. "Hey, I thought we agreed that I do this."

"Can't I bring my contribution to it?"

"Not with those kinds of comments." I nod and encourage him to continue. "But most of all, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on."

A smile spreads on my lips and I shy away a little, looking down at our hands.

"And you look so sweet when you blush like this."

This is it, people, I can't react differently to a compliment. I'll die blushing, I'm sure of it.

"Do you really think that? I mean the… the previous thing you said."

He lifts my chin and I look into his deep brown eyes once more.

"No, Roza. I don't think that. I know it. You are so beautiful it hurts me sometimes." he leans over to kiss my cheek. "I would have kissed your lips, but I don't want to spoil your lipstick."

"It's fine. But do you think that even though…"

"Even though what?"

"Even though I am a blonde? And I-"

He chuckles. "Oh, Roza. You would look amazing even if your hair was green or you were dressed in a sack."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"Well, then maybe I should go grab a sack and dye my hair green to test this assumption."

"I'd prefer you with your natural hair, long and wavy, and all over the place, but if you want to, I'll help you dye it."

Smiling like an idiot at his words, I lift just a little on my tippy toes thanks to my high heels, and kiss his cheek, leaving a little red mark behind, that I wipe away as soon as I pull away.

"Always so helpful, comrade. But… do you think he'll like me? You said he likes blondes, but will he like this?" I point to myself and shrug. In response, he lifts an eyebrow, watching me weirdly. "What?"

"Love, looking like this, you can mess with every man's mind from there, not only with his."

"Yeah, we'll see about that." he keeps on telling me I am some kind of a femme fatale, but I've never played this role.

He kisses me again, on the safe area of my cheek.

"Trust me, you will. Don't worry. He'll be a dog on your leash. Now, shall we? Are you ready to go in there?"

"Yeah. I guess I am." as ready as I can be anyway, with my vast experience in undercover missions and all.

"And you know that I will be with you all the time, even if you won't see me all the time, right? I'll see you and hear you all the time after we'll be apart. Well, at least until you take him to his room."

"Yeah, I know." but it will still feel weird to be all by myself with all those dangerous men.

"Good," he says handing me the littlest earpiece I have ever seen and helps me put it on.

Getting out of our room, holding hands, we enter the elevator.

"Pick a word," he says to me as I was busy counting the storeys we're descending.

"Why?"

"To be our safe word. If something happens and you need me to come, if something, even the littlest thing seems off or wrong to you, trust your gut and say that word. I'll ditch everything and come."

"We can't ditch our plan."

"We can. I'm not putting you in more danger than you're already having to expose yourself to."

"I don't know. What about imbroglio?"

He smiles. "That's not even a word."

"It is, in fact. It means some kind of complicated situation. I thought that if I would be in one, I should use a word that describes it, right?" he continues to watch me amused. "What?"

"You're such a smarty pants, love. My little smarty pants." he doesn't need now to bend to kiss my forehead. "Then, imbroglio it is. Just be careful how you use it around them. You won't want to make the suspicious about anything."

Oh, I hope I won't have to use this safe word. I hope it will all go smoothly and I'll do my job the way I'm supposed to.

Before we get out of the elevator, I pull him back inside.

"One more question, Dimitri. What do I do when I don't know what to do?"

He shrugs. "Improvise."

"That's it?" he nods. "But what if I have no idea what to do? What if I can't improvise?"

"I'll be here." he taps his earpiece. "And I'll see you too, so don't worry. I'll help you if you need it. Now, let's go put up a show."

* * *

A couple of minutes later, we're making our entrance into the bar from the hotel across of us, the only thing keeping my rising anxiety in normal, healthy limits being Dimitri's hand not letting go of mine.

Taking a seat at the bar to assess our surroundings and find our target, Dimitri orders me a big, fancy non-alcoholic cocktail that I make a big fuss of receiving because hey, I need to act like a silly, attention-seeking woman.

And it doesn't take us much to do find the man we're here for. After all, he's the cockiest one in the casino close to the bar and you can see on his face the proudness of his earlier win.

As Dimitri's fingers creep on my knee, he gets his lips closer to my ear, pretending we're flirting big time. After all, this is what I'm supposedly here for. To keep him happy.

"Are you ready, love?" his hand climbs further up, reaching my mid bare thigh and I smile widely, not having at all to fake my excitement at his touch. Even though I would have liked for it not to be so public.

I bend closer to him, parading my cleavage to everyone in this room.

"Yeah, I am. But how do I get to him?"

"Leave that to me. You just play along."

"Okay."

"You're doing great so far, Roza."

"Don't call me like that, comrade," I hiss at him.

He laughs a little. "Sure. My bad. I thought I could do it one last time. But now, do you feel like playing some poker, my dear Lola?" he asks me as he gets up and extends a hand for mine.

Hearing him call me that, I can't stifle a laugh. I know I'm the one who has chosen this name, but hearing him say it out loud, it makes it a lot funnier than it was in my head.

I put my palm in his and he squeezes on it.

"Sure, let's go spend your shitload of money, _Anton_. This girl is in for a lot of fun tonight." and hopefully not any death. Or not much anyway.

Reaching the poker table our victim so proudly dominates, Dimitri takes the last empty seat and I remain by his side, like the perfect, shallow trophy I'm supposed to be.

And the second his eyes stop over me, I get sick. Hello, Victor Dashkov. A man in his late forties, dark hair with obvious sign of aging, on his face too, the only thing reminiscing the liveliness in him being his jade-green eyes that are now shamelessly undressing me. Not that there would be anything much to take off me anyway.

He started at my calves, and I'm waiting for the second his eyes will pass past my spilling cleavage so that I could start transmitting to him that I acknowledged his hungry stares and that I actually loved it and it didn't make me want to barf.

But my first chance to get more of his attention gets interrupted by the dealer who starts giving cards. No biggie. I'll have other chances. The night is still young.

Two hands into the game, someone remains broke. And Dimitri already starts to become a threat, winning hand after hand. Have I mentioned what a good player is he? He's unreadable. But after all, he's good at everything so I shouldn't have been this surprised.

But soon, the game comes to a break and all we've got is a lot more money, and some more curious, may I dare jealous, or envious glances from this Victor guy, thrown our way each time Dimitri would win and he would get an extra prize from me in form of a kiss and a palm slid across my ass or something close to that.

But at least our efforts are paying off.

In the meantime of the brake, Dimitri and I keep on playing our roles, somewhere close enough to him.

"But babe, I'm bored," I whine and pout. To hell if I'm ever calling him this except now. It sounds so unnatural. I'll stick to "comrade".

"You weren't that bored when we were upstairs earlier."

I giggle loud enough to get someone's attention and when I'm sure he's watching, I touch Dimitri's chest, my hand sliding down, so close to the waistband of his pants.

"That's because you were paying more attention to me, babe."

"I thought you were tired."

"I was. Not anymore. All I am now is bored."

"Would the lady be less bored if she'd have a drink?"

Yes! Fuck yes! He couldn't keep his distance.

Flashing him the flirtiest smile I am capable of, I get my hands off Dimitri, pretending to completely forget about his existence.

"She sure would."

With a snap of his fingers, a waiter comes.

"What does the lady desire?"

"A Savory Affair," I say and lick my lips, mostly paying attention Victor rather than to the waiter, my eyes never leaving his. Thank God for Mason and one of his summertime jobs as a bartender.

"Put it in my account," he instructs the waiter and with another gesture, he sends him away.

"Anton Volkov," I hear Dimitri's annoyed voice interrupting our little flirt. Yes, yes, comrade, play the jealous lover. Men love some competition. His cocky ass would too.

Hardly ripping his eyes off me, our victim turns his attention to Dimitri.

"Victor Dashkov."

I see them shaking hands and there is an obvious, but silent testosterone contest in that handshake.

"And your beautiful companion is?"

His attention comes back to me again, and I bat my eyelashes at him before extending my hand, reaching out for his.

"I'm Lola."

An eyebrow lifting, he takes my hand in his and kisses it. And I don't know how to interpret his reaction. Is he now sure I am a hooker or what? But after all, doesn't that make me a lot more accessible? If he doesn't like this kind of women we're fucked.

"And thank you for that drink. You are very kind."

"Oh, do not mention it. It was my pleasure."

"The game will start soon. Please take your places," I hear the dealer say. Oh, this fucker. He has a thing for ruining our plans.

"Shall we go back, D- darling?" shit! _You have one job. Don't fuck up._

"You're not bored anymore?" Dimitri keeps onto the jealous approach.

"Not at all," I say smiling at Victor, and hearing my response, I see him smile, proud of himself. That is a good thing, right?

Getting back to our places, sipping from my too hard cocktail, trying to not get too drunk, I am the one throwing glances his way, only when Dimitri is too busy with his cards, and I make sure Victor even "catches" me at times, and even when that happens, I don't look away, I just maintain eye contact. A thing he enjoys very much.

Hand after hand, the people around us lose, either to the detriment of Dimitri, either to Victor's.

And soon, we're the only persons left at the table. And I think I understand what Dimitri's plan is. He seems to be having it all. The youth, the skill, the money, the girl. Victor does too, but he misses one thing. Me. And he wishes me, that I can see clearly. I only wonder what Dimitri plans to do next.

From what I see, Dimitri tries to act cockily, to act like he knows he has them all, to take his revenge for the audacious act that Victor has done, of paying attention to me.

And it's working. I see Victor's eyes clouding a little more with each touch of Dimitri's on my body, him touching more than earlier.

But everything seems balanced. The men know their game and they're winning quite equally, no one remaining broke.

Until I see Dimitri getting the worst hand anyone could get in the history of poker. He's crazy not to fold. Which he does. He doesn't fold. So this means he's planning to do something.

Bluffing like hell, he gets to finally bet all his money on this crappy hand. But why? Is he trying to defeat Victor? Victor, who is not giving up, who goes all in too? What will happen next?

Of course, the obvious. Dimitri loses everything when the cards are shown, thanks to his fake cockiness.

The fake look in Dimitri's eyes as he loses everything is bliss for Victor's ego.

Okay. Now what?

Smiling and being so proud of defeating him, Victor gets up to his feet, and across the table, he extends a hand towards Dimitri.

"Good game, Mister Volkov."

"I want another hand," Dimitri replies, a dark tone in his voice.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. You've lost all your money, Mister Volkov. What else could you bet?"

"Lola. Against everything you have."

Oh, he's talking about me. What the hell is he doing? He's going to lose me to him?

And oh! I need to pretend I don't like the idea, right? After all, I'm not his possession. Or am I? I don't know. I'll just follow my instinct and act displeased by his gesture. I might be a loose woman, but I like to think I have some dignity too.

And well, I am not really pretending to be like that because I don't like the idea of me officially being Victor's soon. But it's the best chance we've got.

I lean closer to Dimitri's ear and want to protest, but he cuts me off, not even bothering to turn his head, not even looking at me.

"You're mine. I do whatever the hell I want with you," he says through gritted teeth and cold and loud enough for Victor to hear. Wow, he's really good at playing this role.

"What kind of man do you think I am, Mister Volkov?" a stupid enough one to take this deal?

"One that doesn't think about money when it comes to a beautiful woman."

Victor's eyes undressing me for the thousandth time tonight, I do my best not to turn as red as the dress I'm wearing and I'm thankful for that cocktail that has loosened up my nerves, even just a little.

"We have a deal," Victor's response comes as he smiles at me, like I don't know, a promise to me? A promise that he'd save me from this bad man's trap? Does he think he'll be my prince charming? Does he think I have daddy issues? Oh, good Lord.

Knowing how the game is going to unfold, I patiently wait for Dimitri to lose. But only God knows that with a hand like the one he has gotten, he could have left Victor broke tonight.

So, after a tense game, when Victor wins again, all Dimitri does is to put his cards down, facing them down, gets up angrily and turns around to leave. Very polite, comrade.

"So, Lola, your companion doesn't know how to take lose like a man, huh?" Victor asks me, the cockiness in him reaching the roof's level.

Oh, how I wish Dimitri left him broke, to have taken from him the last cent he has. Dimitri is more of a man than he'll ever be in his fucking life.

"I… I… excuse me for a second," I tell to Victor and run after Dimitri.

I guess it's the right thing to do. I need to at least fight a little for my dignity. And maybe I can even make Dimitri do this thing I've thought about.

"Hey you, you bastard, wait!" I even yell after Dimitri, for the dramatic effect.

Stopping and turning around, his face is dark and angry. But not his words.

"I'm really glad you came."

"Me too. But I don't want to fight you in here."

"We're not really fighting, love."

But still, we pretend we are, just for the sake of it. We're pretending to hiss at each other and I'm even poking my finger into his chest, taking advantage of the fact that we're too far away from Victor for him to hear us.

"I know. But still, I don't like it when I am arguing with you."

"Well, we did it a lot of times before."

"Yeah, we did." and for a lot of stupid reasons.

"Here. I have a deal for you. We pretend we fight now, and later, when everything is over, we make up just like we have had a real fight."

"I really like this idea."

"And I'm sorry, Roza. I feel like I have just sold you to slavery. But I-"

"It's okay. But before you leave, do one more thing."

"What?"

"Slap me."

"_What_? No. We didn't agree to this. I'm not doing this. I won't hit you. Never."

"I know you wouldn't do that, but he likes damsels in distress. You treating me badly before, it worked. And now, it would make him want more to soothe my pains away. In bed. So put up this show, please."

He growls. "I don't like it that you're right now, love."

Seeing that our talk takes too much, Victor gets impatient. I see two of the men that were almost always around his ass, coming around our asses now. So someone isn't willing to let go of his prize. Good to know.

"Do it. Now. Before they reach us. And I don't know, say something to make it believable," I rush him.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to me just before his palm makes contact with my cheek, but he didn't hit me, he mostly touched my face and turned my head to one side. Who would have thought you can fake a hit so easily?

"And now you're calling me to an account?" he raises his voice at me. "After you flirt with him and I'm there? You have the cheek to ask me why I let you to him?"

"Well, at least he knows how to treat a woman, you brute!" I fight back. "He is-"

"Shut up or I swear to God that-" he lifts his hand, threatening to hit me again, and I see it in his eyes that's he's sorry for this, even though we both know it's just a game.

But his hand gets stopped, and instead of being angry about it, he doesn't even try to conceal the relief that he was stopped from yelling at me some more.

One of Victor's men took a hold of his wrist and stopped his threat, then, with a grave tone, he asks Dimitri to leave and not continue this scene.

Dimitri laughs. "You can have her!" he yells at Victor. "You can _all _have her," he tells the two men with us now. "She's nothing more than a whore. So, you guys, you can all have fun with her. She's not even asking for too much."

An apologetic look present in his eyes, Dimitri finally turns around and leaves.

With a hold of my elbow, the same man that "saved" me, he now guides me towards the place I just left. Let the fun begin, right?

As we walk, I do my best to bring some tears in my eyes, to seem as broken as possible. He'd so like to mend that, wouldn't he?

Getting back to Victor, he has that "I'll save you" glance in his eyes. Ugh. I kinda hate it that I'm so right about him.

Putting an arm around my middle, he pulls me closer to him and I feel his unsteady breath on my neck and I do my best to not pull away.

"You're alright, sugar?" he whispers in my ear.

Oh, so now I have a pet name too. Awesome.

"Yes." I sniff my nose just a little, then spread a charming smile across my lips, making sure he sees me fake it. "I'm perfect. Thanks to you."

_"Hey, love, do you hear me?"_ oh, Dimitri! _"Touch your nose if you can. I can see you." _and that's what I do. _"Be careful, okay? And if anything happens, give me the signal."_

Now that I know he's there to keep an eye on me, I feel more at ease.

To distract me from my pretended sadness, Victor invites me to play some more poker with him, to be his lucky charm and to forget about Dimitri. Wow, this was easier than I imagined.

But heading back to the table, his arm still around me (quite possessive this old man, huh?), I pout.

"What's the matter, sugar?"

"My feet hurt from these heels." I show him and in the process, I make sure to bend enough to give him a nice view of my cleavage. "I'd so love to sit down. But there are no chairs around here. They're all taken."

"No worries. I can get you a chair."

"Or…" I get my mouth closer to his ear, so only that he could hear my proposition. "I could sit on your lap," I do my best to sound seductive, and it actually works.

He doesn't wait for me to say that a second time. With a grin on his lips, he sits down and drags me to sit on his thigh, his palms resting on my hips and pulling me in such a way that my side is glued to his chest.

Ew, gross. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can only pray he doesn't get hard under me or tries to touch me under my dress. I'll move as little as possible and I'll try to pretend I like his touches.

_"Do you play poker, love?"_ I hear Dimitri speaking to me and I welcome the distraction his voice brings me. I touch my nose once again as I lounge a little forward to rest my elbows on the table, taking the little chance to show Victor the roundness of my ass. I must admit that in this dress, it looks good.

_"Hm, impressive. Maybe I could get you one day to play strip poker with me. Would I manage to get you naked?"_

I shake my head, pretending I am looking left and right around the room.

_"You're sure about that?"_ I confirm it to him. My father is great at poker and once when I was little, I've been sick for a month, and he has made me a little expert in this game. _"I'll keep this talk in mind and I'll test it."_ I can't wait.

We play a little and I decide to act like the silly, excited girl each time we win, giggling and being obnoxiously annoying to others, but not to him because he enjoys it each time I touch him and I'm getting more and more friendly with him and his body.

"Can I order you some other cocktail, sugar?" oh, no, no more alcohol.

"Would you do that for me?" I squeal excited.

"Anything to make you happy," he says caressing my cheek. Yup, he definitely thinks I have daddy issues. I can only hope that he won't want to spank me later.

Not being able to refuse his offer, I order myself another cocktail, this time a Sex on the beach, another inciting name for a sweet drink. My second alcoholic one tonight.

_"I still think you're too young to be drinking that stuff, love,"_ Dimitri says playful, but soon, his amused tone gets serious. _"Just make sure you remain sober enough."_ yeah, we both know I'm not dealing too well around alcohol.

But seeing me get drunker, he'd only want more to take advantage of me. Win-win. I'm numbing a little my nervousness and he gets a catch for tonight. I think I can take the dizziness if it is what it takes for me to get him in his room.

When he gets bored with poker and too impatient to touch me some more, he soon drops the game.

"Would you join me in a more private place?" oh, here we go. He goes straight to the subject. But the faster this ends, the better.

I give him a cheeky smile and walk my fingers across his chest, doing my best to flirt.

"Gladly."

Walking along a little hallway out of the casino, the two gorillas following us at a safe distance, I pretend to trip a little, just for the sake of seeming way drunker than I am and more easily to be taken advantage of. But, in fact, I don't feel dizzy at all, despite those cocktails. Maybe it's all this fear of fucking in me that keeps me sober.

Getting a hold of my arm, he pulls my body onto his as he steadies me back on my feet.

I giggle like an idiot and bat my eyelashes some more. I hope I won't pull a muscle from how many times I've done it tonight.

"Sorry, Victor. I'm a little bit clumsy. But wow. You're _so strong_," I praise him and take my chance to touch him some more, my fingers roaming across his bicep, tickling his already inflated ego.

In my mind, I'm already imagining Dimitri kicking his ass later as I feel his palm wrap on my ass and squeezing it.

I even hear Dimitri's growl in the earpiece. I know, comrade. Me too.

But to make my life a little bit harder, we don't get into an elevator. We're not even heading that way. So, we're not going to his room? And we're not getting rid of the gorillas? No! The plan was supposed to go our way!

Dimitri voices my further annoyment in a succession of Russian words, and even though I have just a little idea of what he said, he couldn't have said it more perfectly.

As soon as I enter a little fancy, very expensive-looking and dark lounge, I see that it is full of dangerously-looking men, all of them wearing expensive suits.

They're probably some mobs (just perfect, I've thrown myself to the wolves), and they're all entertained by some women looking just like me. Oh, I think I'm a little fucked. If he'll make me swing my ass at one of those poles, I'll kill myself by breaking my neck.

As Victor guides me towards a table, a brightly red-headed woman (hell, my dress doesn't feel that flashy compared to that color) comes to me, carrying a tray with two shots, a salt shaker and a couple of lime slices. Call me crazy, but she looks like she'd be high. And maybe I'm not wrong. The only thing that worries me is what do I do not to end like her?

"Sexy tequila shot?" she asks. Oh, shit. What the hell is that? I've heard of tequila shots. But what does it make it sexy? Just the fact that we're slutty?

"Sure," I say excitedly, after I clear my throat. I should be a fun girl, right? Fun girls end up in bed with rich men like Victor.

Sensing the insecurity in my voice, Dimitri proceeds to explain to me what to do.

_"Okay, love, don't pull away when she'll put salt on your collarbone."_ oh, so this is what it makes it sexy. We're using our bodies.

"Me first, me first," she says impatiently as she hands the tray to one of the too serious men that supervise this room and takes the shaker off it.

So, not wanting to look like a novice, I move my hair out of the way, even though it's short _(you dummy) _and let her do exactly what Dimitri has said.

Now what? We just do the usual shot?

As she takes her shot off the tray, I find out that that's not all.

_"Now, take a slice of lime and hold it in between your lips," _Dimitri instructs me further.

You have got to be kidding me!

I do it. What other choice do I have anyway?

This must be very arousing for Victor here because he doesn't try to say anything, he doesn't try to stop us or to act jealous some more. He wants to see us lick each other's collarbones. And he's not the only one. His men have the same look in their eyes. So, let's give them a little show then.

Giggling a little (yeah, she's definitely high or too drunk), she brings her lips closer to my neck, and with her tongue, she traces a line across my collarbone, but she's not rushing at all, turning this little thing into a more erotic process than it should be. Hell, she even kisses my collarbone two times as she moans a little, then her tongue slides across my skin, almost like Dimitri usually does.

Finally pulling away, I rip my eyes off her just for a second, my eyes meeting Victor's and oh, he'd eat both of us up. I force my lips to smile at him, despite the fact that I'm holding that stupid slice of lime.

And talking about that, when it comes for her to come and take the lime off my mouth, she doesn't do just that. Taking the little slice from between my lips in her mouth, she doesn't pull away. She only comes closer. And kisses me!

I so don't think this is part of the sexy tequila shot process.

But I can't pull away. I even need to kiss her back. The kinkier things get, the faster he'll take me to his room, I pray.

So, playing this game all the way, I put my hands on her hips and respond to her kiss, the other people around us starting to cheer at us as her tongue slips inside my mouth and lets me feel the sourness of that lime.

_"Wow, love. I don't even know if I am supposed to be jealous or really, really turned on right now." _oh, comrade.

Breaking the kiss, she laughs a little more, and I hope that no one has read the startlement that was present on my face for only a couple of seconds.

And now, it's my turn.

"Hey, gorgeous, would you mind if you let _him_," she says pointing to the one that has stopped the conflict between Dimitri and I earlier. "Take your shot?"

Not at fucking all. "No, of course not. You two enjoy yourselves." thank God I don't have to drink anything from this room.

Focusing my attention on Victor now, I try to regain that femme fatale attitude, or hell, find it in me and seem more charming than I feel in this second.

"Shall we go where you wanted to take me in the first place?"

Nodding, he leaves his men to entertain the eccentric redhead, and shows me the way.

Still a little unsettled by that woman's gesture, I try to focus my eyes on the floor under me, hoping that my cheeks are not blushing too hard. Maybe he'll just think it's because of the alcohol. But I still can't believe this. I've just kissed a woman.

"So? What do we do here?" I can't contain my curiosity.

"You'll see in a second. I thought that you'd find it exciting."

"Oh, great! I love exciting," I try to fake that excitement as I'm latching myself to his arm, and responding to my gesture, he again enjoys my ass. Just a little bit longer. Then, Dimitri will kick his ass I hope. If not, I will.

We pass through a big, heavy velvet curtain and end up in a room clouded by thick, cigar smoke that makes my eyes sting. Oh, if I'll start crying, I'll end up looking like a racoon.

_"Rose? Where did you go? I can't see you anymore in that room."_ oh, I'm fucked. _"Goddamnit!"_ he mumbles some more swears. _"Did you go through that curtain?" _I can't respond to him. _"Yeah, sure, I'm an idiot for asking, you can't answer me. I can't see you. Okay. Listen to me. Don't panic, okay?" _a little too late for that advice._ "I'm still here, I can still hear you. Just promise me you won't take any risk. You just say the word, and I'll barge in there."_

As I try to contain my panic, I see what's happening here.

People are taking a seat at a table in the middle of the room, and there's a gun in the middle of the table. What do we do here? Someone tell me, please, that it's not what I think it is.

"Do you wanna play some?" he asks me as he guides me closer to the table.

Wow. Okay. So I wasn't wrong. Time for a bit more improvisation.

But I can't come up with a proper excuse. I have to say yes. Fuck!

"You're asking me if I want to play Russian roulette? Do you even have to ask?"

_"What?! No. Rose don't do it. No. It's out of the discussion. Lie. Tell him no." _Dimitri's response comes right away, and I swear I feel in his voice the same panic I feel in my chest.

"Of course I wanna play. All my life I've wanted to." I can't run away, not now. I didn't come this far just to give up.

_"Rose, I want you out of there. Now. Pretend you're feeling sick. Drunk. Faint. Cry. Do something. Do anything. But don't do that. It's too risky. I'm not letting you do it."_

"Shall we sit?" I ask Victor as I do my best to ignore Dimitri's impulses. He'll understand. I hope he won't get too mad, though.

Nodding, Victor again lets me sit on his lap.

And as soon as the boss came, the room gets pretty silent and the game begins. Someone takes the gun and puts a single bullet in it, then does the rolling thing and sets it back on the table.

"Who is going to be first?"

_"Rose, if you don't get out of there now, I'm coming for you. I'm on my way right now."_ no, no, no! _"Get out of there, goddamnit!"_ oh, he's so angry.

"You want to, sugar?" Victor's hands get a hold of my middle as his head close closer to mine.

Oh, shit!

_"Rose! Do not do this! I swear to God, leave that goddamn place!"_ I hear his angry words as I think he's on the move. He is coming here. So I need to be faster than him.

I get up and reach for the gun, its weight in my hand bringing up so many horrible memories that I push at the back of my mind. I'll deal with that later. Now I need to play with my life.

"Why not? Any girl likes some danger, doesn't she? It keeps things interesting."

_"Rose please, just get out of there."_ Dimitri switches from angry to begging. _"It's not worth it. I am not letting you take this chance. Don't do anything stupid. Please, Roza. Please."_

But I try to ignore him as best as I can. I don't know either how close he is, but I know he's coming and if he barges in here, we won't ever get our hands on the flash.

Lightly grinding on Victor's crotch as I sit back down, I turn to face him.

"Will you do it with me?"

Not resisting the dare, he puts his hand over mine, and taking the gun to my head, I place my head close enough to his. Hell, if I die, I'll take this bastard with me. Of course, if the bullet would be nice enough to exit my head and enter his.

I take a deep breath in, and I pretend as best as I can that I am overexcited.

I am scared of him finding out I am a fraud. I am scared of killing myself. I am afraid of so, so many things. But the thing is that somehow, I'm not that scared.

I am almost sure there is a little catch to it. After all, the big, Mob boss Victor Dashkov wouldn't let a loose woman put a gun almost to his head with so much confidence if he wouldn't be sure he won't die.

It's either that or he's very stupid or he's an adrenaline junkie, which means that I'm fucked.

Let's find out which answer is the right one before Dimitri barges in here.

"You do it." I push him because I know I won't be able to press a trigger ever again in my life.

_"Roza, please."_

Smiling, his finger press on mine as he helps me shoot.


	38. I will always come back to you

**Helloooo!**

**Sorry, guys, that I'm updating so late, but I've got a little bit of that wonderful thing called writer's block, yay! Besides that, I had 2 projects to get done for my uni and this week too, it has been Easter for me :) for anyone celebrating or who has celebrated it already, Happy Easter!**

**selairalynn, wait to see how this chapter ends ;) I bet you'll want to kick my ass**

**Tika86, thanks! I'm so glad to hear you're safe.**

**Tina, thanks then for your reccomandation back then. Grammarly has helped me a lot. Well, I have never even imagined it myself getting to write this much. I mean, considering where I started, I'm a little surprised myself. And OMG, you know Russian! I'm trying too to learn it, well, as much as it's possible with Duolingo**

**GojGoj, I love writing that side of Dimitri too. And here it is, your need fulfilled. Someone is making his entrance (I have no idea for how long, though) in this chapter. Yeah, that Russian roulette is a bit much, but hey, Rose has to, let's say "evolve" (I don't know if I'm transmitting exactly what I wanted to say), and adapt to what her life has become. She needs to become a little less fearful. Especially for what it is to come**

**Hey there, new fan! Ims86, I am glad to see you're enjoying my story! **

** , of course I won't kill Rose. Or am I? (nah, just kidding). Thanks, and be safe too!**

**And yes, dear Guest, I'm okay. It was just a little longer than usual delay :) I hope you're alright too!**

**What I wanted to add more: I don't know how the writing is going to unfold this week either (I am hoping I will get back on track), but there might be a possibility I won't be updating on Sunday**

* * *

**I will always come back to you**

**RPOV**

I couldn't close my eyes, not even for a second. I intended to, but I didn't. I am terrified that blackness is everything I will see as I die, so I'll rely on this view in front of me.

A bunch of rich fuckers that were playing their life on a gamble just for fun.

There's what? A chance in six I die? With the luck I have, I'll drive that bullet straight through my head. Fuck, I'll die here, with these people I don't know. Just me, sitting on the lap of this man I loathe, one of his palms between my thighs.

Searching for something else, I'm now staring into the eyes of this stranger that's smiling at me from across the table. Jet-black messy hair, a smirk on his lips, jade green eyes watching me curious. Can he sense how afraid I am? After all, isn't fear radiating through all my pores?

Wait. His eyes seem familiar.

_Of course, they do. The Mob is about family. Everyone is related in here._

_"Roza, God, don't do this to me."_

All I can hear, besides the galloping beating of my heart pumping into my eardrums, is Dimitri speaking to me, all the other words around me muffled by his, that are begging me over and over again not to do this.

But it's too late.

I've already done it. Or more correctly, Victor already did it.

The gun clicked. The second after it expanded for a little eternity.

Doesn't the time expand when we die?

This is what's happening to me now? I'm dying?

But I've already been close to death and this is not what happened. Back then, in my mind, I was with Dimitri. Now, as I've already said, I'm alone.

Am I or am I not dead?

I exhale as my lungs got hurting from trying to keep the air in for so long. If it hurts, it means I can still feel. And if I can feel, I am still alive.

I'm not dead.

I dare move my head and I find no brain spilled around the room, not mine, nor Victor's.

Turning my head some more, meeting his eyes, he smiles at me.

"How was that, sugar?"

Horrible. I was so scared I almost puked.

"This was _so _exciting!" I try to transform my fear into excitement.

"_Roza?" _the relief in Dimitri's voice matches the one in my chest. "_You did it. I can't believe it. You _never _listen, love. You could have gotten yourself _killed_." _hearing the hurting in his voice, I feel awful for having had to do it, but I had no other choice. _"We'll talk about this later," _he ends scoldingly and after this, I hear no further words from him. He's mad. And who can blame him?

"Thank you, Victor. This was fun."

_"The hell it was fun! You almost gave me a heart attack."_ so, he still speaks to me, even if he continues to scold me. It's still better than not at all.

"I'm glad you brought me here."

"_I'm not. Oh, Rose, you… you'll end me one day."_

I'm sorry, comrade. Really sorry. I'll try to mend things with him later. I hope he'll forgive me, though.

I pass the gun to the next person willing to spill their brains, thankful I don't have to hold it for longer.

The game continuing, I ignore it and I focus on my mission. I get closer to Victor's ear and whisper, so only he could hear me. It's like we're now in a bubble and no one dares interrupt us. No wonder he's the boss.

"I am glad you won me too."

_"Again, I'm not."_ hell, someone is snappy today. "If I would have known you'd do that, I would have come up with another plan."

"You are, huh?"

"Of course. Back in the casino, I've spent all the game waiting, wanting you to notice me. But when you didn't give me any sign, I thought I needed to settle for less eventually," I try to charm him some more and I slide my fingers under his coat, starting to head down. I stop above the waistline of his pants and hear him exhale prolongedly. "But not anymore, right?" I lick my lips and start biting on my bottom one.

He nods as his palm squeezers my thigh. I would cut it off, I swear. I hate it touching me like this.

"Sure. Not anymore, sugar." if he calls me that name one more time, I'll punch him. It reminds me of Xavier and it makes hate him more.

"But you know? I'm a little mad at you."

_"I'm mad at him too. And not just a little."_ Oh, Dimitri. Victor is going to get his ass kicked big time. And so will I.

"Why is that, sugar?" I fist my palm behind his neck, fighting the urge to kick his ass.

"I saw the way you were looking at me."

"So?"

"Why didn't you act on it faster? If you wouldn't have won me, you would have let me go?"

"I'm sure I would have found a way to steal you from him."

"I see. That's good."

I repay him with a better view of my breasts, filling my lungs with air and letting him stare at them all the way he wants. But his hand is still shamelessly holding my thigh.

Moving a little in the hopes he'll move it off me, he only advances, his fingers creeping under my dress. Shit!

I'm happy that Dimitri can't see this, Victor handling my body in such a way. He'd hate it. Just as I do.

"But what if…" his mouth coming closer to my neck, he kisses me. "...I make it up to you?"

"Hm…" I pout for a little, pretending I'm thinking about it, then smile playfully, trying to fake the fact that I already like what he has to say next. "I love how that sounds."

"But you know, I've seen the way you were looking at me too," he needs to remind me. Of course, you did, you idiot. I was so damn obvious even a brainless jellyfish would have figured it out.

"You did? Oh, and me who was thinking I was sneaky."

"I don't care about pleasantries. I am a straightforward man." yeah, I can _feel _it. His palm is roaming upward on my thigh, making things worse. I swear that if it reaches somewhere close to my panties, I'll scream.

In order not to get to that point, I press my thighs together and trap his hand there, pretending I'm teasing him.

Bending, I get my breasts closer to his face and with my index playing under the hem of his pants, I speak.

"Wouldn't you like to go further with that hand somewhere _more _private than this place?"

"That sounds like a great idea, sugar."

Now, he's the one who hurries and I can't be happier about it. Getting up, he puts an arm around my middle and rushes me back towards the lounge, where I'll get the chance to breathe something else rather than that thick smoke.

The bad thing is that, as we head to that place, like on cue, the gorillas leave the spirited redhead unentertained, and start following us. I'll never get rid of these bastards, won't I? I don't want them to become a problem for us. They smell like trouble.

As the curtain falls behind us, I hear a gunshot and damn me, instead of starting to scream, people start laughing.

Shit. I _could_ have gotten myself killed. Victor too. Is he fucking _crazy_?!

Dimitri heard it too. I know he did because he doesn't let the incident pass.

_"What if that bullet was-"_ he stops and sighs deeply.

I pretend to trip again so I could say these words out loud, for Dimitri to hear them and to know how awful I feel about what I've done.

"I'm so, _so _sorry."

"Don't be, sugar. With your heels, I would trip too."

_"Oh, Rose. You don't have to apologize, but… just don't do anything else like this tonight. Try getting him inside his room without endangering yourself some more, will you?"_

Knowing that he can see me now, I rub my nose.

_"Thank you."_

Victor helps me steady myself but, of course, touching me some more.

"You're such a gentleman." My ass. He is a libidinous jerk.

I latch onto him, pretending I need the support and he gladly offered.

Furthermore, I pretend to be way drunker than I'm supposed to and, in my drunkenness, I take every chance I get to touch him clumsily, trying to manifest my non-existent interest in him.

Finally getting into the elevator, of course, those two brainless monkeys still on our tracks, he takes me to a room on the sixth floor.

It would take a while for Dimitri to get here from the other hotel. I wonder how long, though. Would the elevator be fast enough?

Oh, shit. He said he can't take the elevator. It has cameras and he can't be seen, and neither should I later. He said he'll take the stairs. He's fast. But how fast?

Victor lets me rest my back onto the wall next to the door (he thinks I'm _that _drunk?) as he gets the key from one of his men and opens it.

I giggle like an idiot as I pretend I can't keep my hands off him. But if I could, I'd keep my hands miles away from him.

"Wow, look. Room 318. You know, my Maths class used to have this number back when I was in high school."

_"I'm on my way, love." _Dimitri's response comes right away. And wow, he still called me love. Could it be out of habit or isn't he that mad with me?

"And I sucked at math."

I get a hold of his coat and pull him to me, now trying to stall entering in there for as long as possible. If I do, I'm screwed. If I don't get rid of these two men too. They can't be here when Dimitri comes.

Victor's hands get a hold of my dress and lift it a little as my hands roan under his coat.

"Maybe… you could help me learn some multiplying, huh?" shit, this sounded disastrous. It was a horrible pickup line. This was not sexy at all.

I hear Dimitri laugh a little in my ear, as he pants a little too. I knew it it sounded like shit. He has some mocking material for later, I'm sure.

"Love, please use these pick up lines on me sometime. I'd love to be your math teacher."

I can picture that cheeky smile I love spreading on his lips. So he's not upset with me anymore? He's joking after all. This is a good sign, I hope.

As Victor puts his lips over mine, I do my best not to pull away, even though it's hard to contain my startlement and first instinct.

But I do it anyway. I can't afford to fuck things up now. Instead of pushing him away, I latch myself onto him and let him kiss me.

Kissing that woman? It didn't seem that bad. But kissing him? Oh, so help me God if I'll have to do it again. Thank the heavens that he didn't try to use his tongue.

But, Dimitri, please hurry. He doesn't seem to want to keep his hands off.

Letting go of me, Victor opens the door and taking a step back, he pretends to be that gentleman again, letting me get inside first.

To show him I'm grateful, I turn my lips into what I hope is a smile, and caress his cheek, taking every chance I get to stall some more.

"Thank you."

But as he enters too, before closing the door, I see that the two threatening suited men remained outside. Damn them, faithful dogs! Can't they go away already?! I don't want Dimitri to have to deal with them too.

Before I manage to think of something to send them away, Victor wastes no time. Getting a hold of my hand, he doesn't even give me the chance to react, to say a single word.

I wanted to say something about his suite and maybe look around some more and awe at the luxury in here, but the next thing I know is that he threw me in bed.

"No foreplay?" is the only thing that comes to my mind in my desperate attempt to make him slow down.

But we're not on the same page. Who the hell would have thought he'd be this agile?

Getting rid of his coat, he pushes my dress up and parts my legs, his fingers already wrapping on my panties.

Oh, shit!

"You looking like this is the only foreplay I need."

Yeah, of course, he's thinking only about himself and his pleasure.

But did he think, just for a second, that I'm dry as hell? That nothing that he does turns me on? Of course not. I hope, though, that he won't get to find out.

Getting a hold of my hands and spreading me onto the bed as he pins them above my head, he lets himself be heavy on me and wow, he's already hard, pressing on my thigh.

Who would have thought an old man could still get this aroused? Okay, he's not _that _old, but still.

As his lips come looking for mine again, I decide I can't kiss him a second time. I pull my head away.

"I have a question," I add fast, as I see him frown.

"What?"

"Are your friends still out there?"

Letting go of me, he gets up to his knees, but not off me.

"Why you're asking?" his voice gets curious about my curiosity. Not good. He can't suspect anything. But I wasn't wrong. They're keeping an eye on the suite.

I get up on too and try to act as loving as before.

"You know... " I start unbuttoning his shirt, moving as slow as possible. "I didn't intend to offend you with that question, but I tend to get a little… you know…" I get closer to him and whisper to him. "_Loud_. And I like a little intimacy, if you don't mind. Just you and me."

Considering things as his fingers lift my dress some more, I can't believe it my eyes when he agrees to it.

It's heavenly when he gets off me and heads toward the door.

As he's away, I cover myself a little as I consider if I should do something to knock him out. But if I do it, Dimitri will have to wait for him to wake up to find where the flash is. We can't afford that. And hitting him with something in the head would be a pain in the ass too. I don't know how much force to put into it. I could either knock him out, God forbid kill him, or hell, the worst scenario possible, I could annoy him and that will be the end of us. He'll know we were trying to play him.

"Comrade? You're close?"

"Close enough." this sounds good. It means I need to resist Victor hitting on me just a little longer.

But coming back, now that there's no one to hear me scream, even in horror, Victor, without any regards of politeness, rips my dress in the front and gets it off me, leaving me into that damned corset and my panties. Holy shit!

His hands gripping my flesh, he pushes me back in bed, and there's not even a bit of gentleness in his gestures.

"Lace, sugar. Nice. Very nice. I like it." I don't. "You look gorgeous."

Starting to kiss me between my breasts, his fingers try to rip the lacy material off me too, and I do my best to stop myself from pulling away and I even pretend I enjoy it, try some moans too, but hell, I sound fake and forced. Too good he's too preoccupied to notice that.

"Hurry up," I say to Dimitri. Things will go off the rails soon, I can feel it.

"Someone's impatient." on the contrary. For once in my life, I am not impatient. Not at all.

I smile weakly at him and walk my thumb across his lips.

"Yeah, _very _impatient." to get rid of you.

Listening to my request, he unbuckles his pants. What was I thinking?! Why did I make him rush? Come on comrade, please hurry. I'm about to use our word.

"Hey baby, but, after all, where _is _the rush? Let's take it slow." very slow. Snail-slow. I desperately look around the room for a little escape. "Do you have a drink? I am quite…" I lick my lips, trying to seem sexy. "…thirsty."

"You've changed your mind?" he asks offended, sensing that something's wrong with me. Shit! He can't begin to suspect me of anything.

"No, not at all, baby. I was thinking that we could... do things thoroughly." I walk my finger on his chest, sliding it down, stop when I reach around his navel, and teasingly, I move it back up. "Why rush things when we could enjoy this all night long? _Over _and _over _again?" I pray to God that these words will convince him.

His eyes pinned on my body, he considers things for a second. Even though he doesn't want to stop again, he does. Maybe he thinks it will be worth it if he does as I please now. He hopes I'll do whatever he pleases later.

"Then let's get the lady a drink." the annoyed tone of his voice makes the hairs at the back of my head stand. He is not content with this. "Would some whiskey be alright?"

"Sure. The harder, the better. I love _hard _stuff." I should continue to pretend I'm playing, to show him I'm still interested, right?

"Then whiskey it is."

Going to the little bar with all sorts of fancy beverages, I let him pour me that whiskey as I pin my eyes to the door, praying for Dimitri to come faster. Where is he? He said he was close. Could he have problems?

"You plan on running away?" Victor's words stop my worrying about Dimitri.

Of course I am.

I giggle. "Of course not." taking the glass from him, I smile.

And again, I wanted to take my time drinking it, but I'm not allowed to.

"Come on, sugar. Drink up," he urges me and without other choices, I do it, gulping it down like a shot. And hell, it burns!

Taking the glass from me and setting it away, he comes in front of me. His fingers clasping in my hair, he tilts my head.

"Get to your knees."

Shit! He wants me to do him. Here is him wanting me to repay his spoiling.

"I um…" I need to find a way to make things go slower. Or to stop him. But _how_? I can't come up with an idea.

Why is my brain clouded so suddenly? Am I that scared he'll rape me? No. Dimitri will come for me. I know he will. He can't leave me here.

"What about…" I start unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and-

What did I want to say? I've lost my thought.

And who's this man I'm touching all over?

Oh, sure, Dashkov! I remember.

That was weird. I felt… dizzy. Off. My head feels heavy.

But I'm better now. I think the whiskey was some alcohol too much for me.

"Shut up." his fingers grip me harder by my hair, this time even getting a grip of my real one a little, and he pushes me back in bed, shaking me whole.

What the hell is happening?

I didn't even have the time to react. The presence of mind either. My limbs are heavy and tingly and my body doesn't seem to want to react to anything he's doing to me. But it should! He's undressing me!

_Come on, dummy, move! Do something! Fight back! Punch him! Scream._

Getting the corset off me, he turns me around and pushes me into the bed, his palm pressing between my shoulder blades to pin me down when I try to resist him.

His filthy hands get on my hips, pulling them up and parting my legs, then they wrap on my panties, pulling them aside, but not down. Oh, good Lord! Why can't I do anything?!

"Dimitri?" I whisper as I hear Victor unzip his pants and I want to move, to rip him off me, to hit him, to scream, but it's close to impossible for me to do anything. I can't coordinate my actions!

I try to do it anyway, to get away somehow, but it's sloppy and useless now that I'm in this position. He's too powerful for me. I only manage to annoy him.

"Wait a minute longer, sugar. You'll love it. You'll want more."

I don't want it at all!

That hand pressing harder between my shoulder blades, he uses more force to keep me pinned down, and the fingers of his other hand dig into the flesh of my hip, and it hurts.

"Imbroglio?" I cry and try to stifle a sob. "Please, hurry," I beg Dimitri. Where is he? "Please, stop."

I prepare myself for the worst, if this is even possible to prepare for such a thing.

I fist the sheet in my palms and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to suppress the sobs shaking my body.

I prefer that bullet now. I can't bear the thought of him doing this to me. I'd rather die.

But that worst part doesn't come.

I don't feel pain, I don't feel anything of him, not in me. Or on me. Not anymore.

I'm free. It took my brain a second more to realize what's happening because, for whatever reason, I'm dizzy as hell.

I strive to gain enough strength in my elbows to get up, and I finally do, managing to turn too, face up.

I hear some noises around me, but that's all. I can't distinguish more. Because duh, I'm facing the ceiling.

But what's going on?

Oh, who cares? I'm sleepy now.

The sounds ceasing for a second, some hands (the same hands?), get a hold of me and start pulling me up.

No, they're not the same hands. These are gentler.

When I feel some material covering my body, I am one hundred percent sure they're not the same hands. They're not Victo… Victor? That was his name? Maybe… I can't remember for sure. Anyway. He wouldn't get me dressed. He wanted to…

"Roza, look at me." the same hands, placed now on my shoulders, shake me.

Opening my eyes, I see him. Dimitri! He's here. He came. He saved me.

"Hey…"

I want to bring my hands up and cp his cheeks, but one, I can't move them properly, and two, he moves faster than me.

"Yeah, hey." his hand comes up to my ear and he takes out my earpiece. "You need to go, love," he says not even looking at me now, his hands busy with buttoning this black coat on me. I'm thankful for that. I was stripped.

But where is Victor? Where is the one who has undressed me?

Like responding to my question, I hear a growl and I point my glance towards the body lying on the ground.

Oh, that's not good. He's moving. He wants to get up.

"Rose, go. Now. You need to get out of here."

"But-" I don't even know why I'm protesting. My brain is confused. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do.

_"_You need to leave." he shakes me a little more, somehow managing to put my thoughts in order and I think straight only for a second. A second in which I nod and start walking towards the door, doing my best to keep my balance.

Stopping into the doorway to gain some steadiness on my feet, I turn my head and take a look back as I hear a low grunt. Thank God that wasn't Dimitri's voice.

I turned in time to see that bad man get a hit to his stomach and- when did that piece of material get into his mouth? He was pretty vocal when he wanted to-

Oh, I really dodged a bullet there, didn't I?

"_Go_, now!" Dimitri turns his head too and looks at me, and I see his eyes black with fury. His whole face is dark and again, man, his eyes. I can't find any warmness in them. Or am I imagining it? Am I seeing things because of my dizzy brain?

Anyway, it would be the best idea not to upset him some more. From what I remember, I did something to get him mad today, but only if I could think of what I did. I can't pinpoint exactly what I did. I'll think about it later. Now I have a more pressing thing to do.

Dragging my bare feet onto the thick carpet under me, it feels nice and fluffy and-

_Focus! Just move your damned legs and get out of here!_

Taking two more steps, I almost stumble onto the body laying now at my feet.

Hello there, dead body.

_Dead body?!_

Wait a second. I know this man. He's… come on, brain, think, goddamnit!

Oh, I know! He's the one the redheaded wanted to entertain her.

But where is the other one then? What if he…?

_Danger! Get out of here! Now!_

I move my ass to the end of the hallway and press the button close to the elevator about a thousand times before the two metallic doors open in front of me.

And what a view there. Not a good one. This woman in front of me looks awful.

She's almost naked, her hair is disheveled, and her makeup is smeared under her eyes and-

_That's you, Rose! The hell is wrong with you?_

I have no idea! Everything feels heavy and oh, I'm feeling so… so _hot_? It's like it's a hundred degrees here. And hell, I might say I'm feeling aroused too. Which is stupid.

_Of course it's stupid! How the hell can you say that when moments ago Victor's hands were on you and he was so close to having you?!_

Good Lord, I'm right. Or my mind is. I'm crazy to feel such things, to be like this, to look like this.

I can't end up in the hallway downstairs looking like this. No, of course not. No one should see me. I'm supposed to get out of here unnoticed.

_The stairs, dummy! The stairs. Do as Dimitri has instructed you and stop speaking shit! Don't think for yourself. Remember what he told you, and do that!_

Right. I should do only what Dimitri has told me to do because, in this second, my brain isn't reliable.

I rush towards the service stairs at the end of the hallway and do my best not to rip my neck as I descend these a hundred storeys. My feet hurt from so many stairs, and they feel like jello as I reach the backdoor of the hotel.

This was oddly easy. But I won't complain. Dealing with anyone dangerous would be impossible for me now.

Pushing the door open, I make my way outside into the cold, cold air. It feels wonderful. It even brings some clarity to my mind and it becomes a little easier for me to find my way on the streets and to our hotel.

"Miss, excuse me, but are you alright?"

"What?" I stupidly stare at the doorman of the hotel as he didn't open the door for me. No biggie, I can do it myself. But after all, it would be rude to ignore him. "What did you say? I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry."

"I may seem nosy for asking, but Miss, you are crying and-"

"I _am_?" I bring my hand up to my face and indeed, I'm crying. Still crying maybe?

"Did something happen to you? Can I help you with something? Do you want me to call the police?"

"_What_? _No_! No, I don't. No, I just need to get back to my room, that's all. That's all I need to do."

I reach for the door as he doesn't seem willing to want to do his job, but he stops me.

"I might take it a little too far, but do you want everyone in there to see you looking like this?"

Knowing how bad I look, I shake my head.

"Come with me."

"Where?" even though I'm not thinking straight, I can't help but be suspicious.

"I'll take you inside through the back door."

"Why?"

"I have a sister, Miss. I wouldn't want anyone to treat her like this, whatever happened to you. And if I can help you somehow, I'll like to do it, if, of course, you'll let me."

I nod. "Thank you."

I let him take me inside through the backdoor and I thank him a couple more times as I assure him I can manage to get back to my room without more help and that I definitely don't need him to call the police.

Finally getting inside our room, my lungs are ready to crumble from climbing all those stairs and from the fact that along the way, I started crying again. I feel too many things now, and I can't even name them all. Everything for overwhelming out of nowhere.

Wanting it all to go away, I lay in bed and try to breathe.

* * *

But my rest doesn't last for too long. Five minutes tops. Or even less.

I hear the door of the bedroom opening and slamming onto the wall with a little thud, which wakes me up.

I instantly, or well, as fast as the heaviness in my entire body allows me to, get up to my feet.

My eyes meeting Dimitri's, I have to face the harsh expression he wears.

Oh, shit. He's still mad at me for that thing I think I did but I still can't remember. Hell, I can't even remember when I entered the bedroom and why I didn't stumble onto the couch. Something is wrong, but if I only could figure out what.

The single good thing is that I can still articulate words,

"Dimitri, I am sorry, but-" but what? What excuse do I have? I can't even remember why I am apologizing for. But the air getting cold in the room tells me I have to. Urgently.

Opening my mouth to come up with an excuse, he doesn't let me voice any more words. He covers the distance between us fast and gets me into his embrace keeping me tight against his chest.

Daring to look up at him, I see that the darkness in his eyes washes away as his fingers caress my features.

"Goddamnit, Roza. Don't you, ever, ever, ever, _ever, ever, ever, _in your whole life, ever, ever, _ever _do that to me again. Never again_,_ Roza, please. Promise me you won't ever do such a thing again."

"But-"

_"I don't care. _Promise me, Roza, that you won't endanger yourself like that ever again. I can't..." he comes closer to me and kisses my forehead, his arms around me not loosening, not even a bit.

"I am sorry. I wanted to help." that's what I was trying to do, right?

He sighs. "You did, love, but, oh, I was worried sick for you. And seeing you like that when I came…" his jaw clenches as he tries to keep himself composed and his eyes focus on my face, his thumbs walking on my cheeks. "I'm sorry it took me that long to come. I should have been faster."

"But nothing happened to me."

"You call that _nothing_? How… Are you okay? You're feeling fine? God, what did he do to you? Did he hurt you? Did he…?"

"I um... no... he…" I shrug. "You came and he… I am fine. I guess."

But even though I assured him I'm alright, he holds me some more, his body warm and like a rock against mine, keeping me steady, his arms around me still holding me tight and moving me a little from side to side.

A minute later, he sighs, relieved. "You scared me, Roza. Terribly. When I couldn't hear anything else, I thought… I thought the worst happened. I thought again that I lost you." he sighs once more as his hands take mine and brings them up, kissing them. "Don't ever do that again. No one is worth it, do you hear me? No one."

"Is this yours?" I hope that this blood on his knuckles is not his. But whose else could it be? Who was that man again? Why do I keep on forgetting him? Hell, even Dimitri's features seem unfamiliar to me at times.

"Don't worry about me, love. I'm fine. But you… let's get rid of all this and get you clean, shall we? I want to see the real you, love."

Not letting go of me, he guides me into the bathroom and sits me on the edge of the bathtub. I am grateful to him for this. By myself, I wouldn't have made it into the bathroom. I would have already been spread on the floor.

Washing away the blood on his hands, he comes to deal with me next.

Getting rid of my wig first, he spends a whole minute passing his fingers through my hair, like combing it.

"How are you feeling, love?" he asks me as he wiped the last bit of makeup off my face and dumped the last dirty cotton disk into the sink. "And don't lie to me,"

"I'm fine." and I am not lying.

"Don't serve me that line. For crying out loud, you almost- Roza, you almost- I am so sorry."

Crouching in front of me, he gets a hold of my hands and soothes them.

"You've been crying, love. Tell me how you feel," he insists on that.

And what can I tell him? How do I feel?

Well, first, I feel another wave of numbness washing over me, my extremities starting little by little to get weird and mushy, and tingly where his flesh touches mine. I feel hot and cold, and funny things happen in my brain too.

How can it not when the only thing I see and feel is him?

His eyes warm. His strong jaw and cheekbones, perfectly sculpted. His bitten with worry lip. The deep crease between his eyebrows.

"Stop frowning like that, Dimitri. It doesn't suit your handsome face."

Hearing me say this, he smiles at me as his fingers wrap tighter on mine, making me feel more than what I did a second ago. Making me feel...

_Fuck_. I wanted to ignore it earlier, but now, being here, with him, I can't do it anymore. I _am _aroused. This is what I've been feeling for a while and I couldn't pinpoint it, but hell, I'm so fucking horny. I feel it now within each molecule of my body, just like someone has injected liquid horniness in me. And I need a piece of him. Hell, each piece of him.

**DPOV**

Getting her hands out of mine, she cups my cheeks and pulls me closer to her, our lips touching.

Longing to kiss her too, I part my lips when her tongue comes out exploring my mouth and I enjoy this feeling of closeness with her.

But when her hands start unbuttoning my shirt, my brain signals to me to get up to my feet and take a step back. Something feels off.

"Rose, what are you doing?"

A bothered look in her eyes, she gets up and touches me some more, her fingers still trying to undress me. To stop her, I get a hold of her wrists.

"Rose?"

"Oh, Dimitri, don't you get it? I want you to fuck me."

"_What_? Rose, what is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." but the glossy look in her eyes says something else. "It's just that I am really, _really _horny right now." wow. She has never been this straightforward before.

"Okay, there surely is something wrong with you."

I thought that this off-ness of hers and that absent look in her eyes were there because of what happened to her earlier, from the invisible scars this experience will leave imprinted on her. But wasn't I wrong? There's more to it than the obvious. And I bet that this request isn't just a coping mechanism she's using to try to get over that experience.

"No there's not. There is something wrong with _you." _

Getting a hold of the collar of my shirt and pulling me down to her, her lips get busy with kissing my jaw.

"What's wrong with me?"

"You are so fucking hot right now dresses in this suit that it made me wet. Soaking wet." she traces little circles on my chest, her fingers slipping inside my shirt. "Fuck… Take me, Dimitri. Please, don't let me wait."

To rush things, as I watch her stupidly, not knowing how to do to respond to this side of Rose, her hands get down on my body and she reaches for my pants, starting to unbuckle my belt.

_This is wrong. Something is wrong!_

"Roza, no."

"What? Come on," she says bothered when I stop her again.

"I am not going to make love with you. Not like this."

"Fine. Don't make love to me. You don't have to be tender or something. Fuck my brains out then, I don't care, but just take me already," she demands and instead of taking care of my belt again, she starts pulling my shirt out and she even pops some buttons as she drags it. "Will you, Dimitri?" she roams her hands on my abdomen and her mouth looks for mine as she keeps on murmuring that question.

No. I need to keep myself together. I have to resist her. Something going on. This is all too sudden, and even though I appreciate the enthusiasm, it still feels off. I can't have sex with her.

"Rose, I am not going to take advantage of you."

"Of course you are not," she gets giggling. "How silly are you? I am _letting _you do to me everything you want to. Anything your heart desires. How do you say about that?"

Her offer sounds tempting, but only if she'd be… _sober_? Could it be because of all the drinks she had? After all, we both know what happened the first time she got drunk.

"No, love."

"Don't be mean, comrade. I want you to fuck my brains out. Now," she commands.

I stop her hands before they get to touch me again. The less she does that, the easier it is for me to keep on saying no.

"I'm still not going to do it."

"I can ask you nicely too," her tone gets playful as she flashes me a smile. Please, love, don't play with me like this. "I'll do whatever you want me to do. But just do me already. I am so hot and…" she smiles devilishly, biting her lip. "I am really, _really _horny." yeah, she keeps on telling me that. "And so, _so _wet. I am going to explode if you don't do me now."

Hearing her, I stare at her, again, startled. I've never heard her speak like this and I have no idea how to react.

"I want you so bad, Dimitri." her fingers creep back on my chest as that question persists in her eyes. "Will you do it, Dimitri?"

With the last piece of self-control, I shake my head no.

"Not even now?"

In a split of a second, I swear that's all it took her, she dropped my coat off her body, remaining in her panties.

Taking advantage of my further startlement, she starts pushing my shirt off my shoulders as we, well, mostly her, kisses me.

"Roza…" I growl as she glues her chest to mine.

"Yes?" she's amused and playful, but things have gotten way too far.

Helping her get the shirt off me, I take it and put in on her, covering her.

She pulls away and looks at me confused.

"What are you doing? We're supposed to get naked, not the other way around, comrade."

She wants to get the shirt off her shoulders, but I resist her, doing my best to keep it on, to keep her covered.

"No, love. Please. Stop. _No_."

"No? Why?" she frowns, getting even more confused. "You…" she laughs bitterly. "You don't want me anymore, Dimitri? That's it?"

She seems hurt as she pulls the shirt tighter around her middle. This isn't heading in a good direction. But would it be better to hurt her like this now and apologize to her later when her mind settles, when her thoughts become clearer? It might be an idea.

"What? Don't you like me anymore? I didn't do anything with that man you know that, don't you? I um… he… Don't you want me anymore because of that? You did earlier. You seemed excited seeing me kiss with that woman. Hell, it even aroused you. All the comments you've made… wanting to be my math teacher and all? And now? Is it because you think Victor touched me? He didn't, Dimitri, I swear. He didn't do anything to me."

I know, and I'm glad he didn't get to. I couldn't have born her to go through this because of me.

"You're the only man who ever touched me. And God, you do it like no one else, Dimitri." her eyes get again glossy and she comes closer, her fingers playing along my jaw. "Trust me. I would never want another man but you. And I want you so bad now. I want to feel you in me."

Not knowing how to respond but to keep my hands off her, I keep on shaking my head.

She takes a step back. "You don't want me," she started again, hurt, her eyes filling with tears.

"God, Roza. Don't say that." this time I am the one getting closer, and I put some strands of her rebellious hair behind her ear, then bend to kiss her forehead. "It's just that you-"

"Just _what_?" she pushes me away from her. "I am not good enough for you anymore, that's it? Fine then."

She crosses her arms over her chest and turns around.

"Roza…" I encircle her from behind and she tries to get free, but I don't let go of her.

"No. Let go of me. Now _I_ don't want you. You're a little douche."

"Just a little one?" I know I've been one by keeping on refusing her and I get it that it might have hurt her, but what other choices did I have? She need to understand my reasons after all. She needs to understand my reasons after all.

And now, I can't help it but be amused by her tone. This whole situation seems hilarious. I have not a single clue about what's happening.

I turn her around and make her look at me.

"What do you want now?" she pouts and watches me with squinted eyes.

"I would never _not_ want you, okay? I want you all the time, Roza, but now-"

She looks past me and flickers her lashes. Did she even hear what I told her? Again, she seems off.

"Rose? What's wrong with you?"

"I am sleepy."

"How much did you drink?"

"Some beverages. I don't know. I had to. I had to make the time pass in his room so that he wouldn't... I had some whiskey in there. But it was weird. It tasted like… I don't know. But not only alcohol. It tasted like something salty? Sweet? I don't remember, but it wasn't normal."

It all makes sense now, every little thing she keeps on doing.

How _dare _he drug her? I can only imagine the things he wanted to do to her. After all, didn't I see how close he was to-

No, I can't even think about that. I can't imagine such things. I'm glad it didn't happen, that I got there just in time.

"Okay. Let's get you to sleep, alright?"

_"No_." her eyes get glossy again. "I still want you to take me, remember?"

She still didn't give up on that? What roofie gets you acting you like this?

She tries to kiss me again and I give her at least this, but nothing more.

But she is hungry and grips on my hair as she walks her tongue all over mine, obviously asking for more.

"Rose, do you know what happened to you?" maybe making her realize it will make her stop.

"Nothing happened to me."

"It did. You've been roofied."

"The hell I've been." there goes my rational talking to her. "It's just that, as I told you goddamnit, I am so, so, _so _horny right now. And is it me or it's hot here? Oh, Dimitri, feel me. I am so fucking wet."

She takes my hand in hers, and although I try to resist her, she drags it down and slides it in between her legs, then presses it on her hot, soaking center. She is indeed wet, but God, I need to keep my brain thinking straight. I need to keep it in my pants. We _can't _do this.

She moans as our skins make contact through the lacy material, then arches her back towards me, grinding herself on our hands and moans again, a little louder this time.

"Take me to bed, comrade."

"Roza, goddamnit." I take the chance to pull away from her and decide to fulfill her wish. I pick her up and head towards the bedroom.

"Yay!" she gets kissing my face frantically. If she'd only know I intend to put her to sleep and nothing else.

I lay her down as she hardly unlatches herself off me.

"Wait for me for a second."

"Get more than one condom please!" she yells after me. I'm taking none.

I go after a hoodie or something to get her covered properly.

In the time that I've been away, in the little time it took me to bend and open my bag and get that hoodie out, she already took my shirt off and now she reaches for her panties. I missed for half a minute, damn it!

"No!" I stop her as fast as possible.

"Why? You wanna do it?"

I would. But with a whole different occasion.

"No, love. We're not getting undressed."

"We're not?"

"No." starting to unzip the hoodie, as I do it, she pouts, getting again upset.

"Why did you bring that? Didn't we agree we were going to.. you know, _play?"_

"No, I don't remember saying that."

"Then why did you bring me to bed?"

"You'll see."

"Secretive as always. I like how that sounds, though. But will I like the rest of it?" she will surely not.

"I guess you'll have to find out by yourself." tricking her into this, pretending I will be giving her what she wants, maybe it will make her more cooperating.

Getting up to her knees, she claps her hands as she's biting her lip. "Let's see then."

I feel kinda bad for having to ruin her excitement, but I have no other choice.

Finishing to unzip the hoodie, I get a hold of her hand and want to dress her with it.

But of course, she pulls it away.

Why do I have the feeling that she will be harder to dress than a kid would be?

"Why you're putting this on me?"

"Because I want to have the chance to take it off." is the only response I have, and even though it's a stupid one, it seems to work on her.

But even though, she won't stay put as I try to do it. She is walking her hands all over me and she's biting on my jaw and it takes every ounce of self-control I have not to give in and take things further. I know it would be wrong and I would never do such a thing to her, despite her obvious eagerness.

Finally, a little sweatier and a little tired than before (damn the energy she has now), I manage to pull the zipper up, covering her. Phew. That was way harder than I initially thought.

"Now take it off. Oh! Or maybe…" licking her lips, she touches her neck and parts her legs a little. "I'll do it while you watch. What about that?" it sounds heavenly. But no! _No_.

"Roza, please, stop it." stop torturing me like this.

"Or what?" she asks playfully, her fingers walking along her thighs, lifting the hoodie, teasing the shit out of me. She knows how bad I'd like to be the one doing that. But in these conditions, it will never happen.

"Or you are not going to like it," I hope she senses the threat in my voice. And I mean it. I'll tie her down if I have to. Seeing the way she behaves, I'll be obliged to.

"But what if I'll like it? What will you do to me if I don't behave?" she asks seductively as her fingers move further up in between her thighs and she even moans a little as she's close to touching herself over her panties.

_God, Roza. Stop it_. She's driving me insane.

Not being able to watch her like that for longer, I rip her hands off her thighs and pull the hoodie back down, covering her skin. It's such a curse that I find it almost impossible to keep myself composed around her. And she's not making my life easier in any fucking way.

"C'mon Dimitri, tell me. What are you going to do to me?"

She gets closer to me, our bodies not touching, but it is too much anyway. Her mouth gets close to my ear and the warmness of her breath on my shoulder is further torture. It's not easy to be half-naked myself next to her either.

"Will you tie me?"

Well, that still sounds like a great idea. Where the hell do I find some rope?

She takes one step further towards me, our front bodies now touching lightly. Her hand gets a hold of my opposite forearm and she runs her fingers across my skin.

"_Spank me_?" she asks in a sensual voice. "I'd like trying that with you. I love trying all kinds of kinky stuff with you."

With the last piece of self-control, I pull away from her. I can't sit around and play this game with her. She'll end up winning. I've never imagined her to be this daring, even if it's the drug speaking for her.

"Rose, I would like for you to keep your distance."

"Why? Am I being distracting?" she smiles, being proud of herself.

That is the understatement of the century. She is much more than distracting and goddamnit, she is aware of it. She knows that with one more gesture she will have me wrapped around her finger.

"Come on Dimitri. I know you want me." she pulls down the zipper, revealing her collarbones, then a little more. "See? I am not wearing any bra. I am not wearing anything. _Almost _anything."

I don't dare to take a look. Don't I know so well that there's nothing much underneath?

"Okay, this is enough."

Things have gotten too far. I'll use force as nothing else seems to work.

First, I take her hands out of the way and cover her back, pulling the zipper up. I bring it up till it reaches the base of her neck, doing my best to ignore her sounds in displeasure and attempts to stop me.

Next, I get a hold of her, turning her to face my chest and trapping her hands between us. Laying us down, I entangle our legs, wanting to keep her from moving further.

"What are you doing?"

"I am putting you to sleep."

"No," she growls, but after some seconds of trying to escape, panting lightly, she gives up and relaxes, finally understanding that struggling won't get her out. Nothing will. I can't afford to let her loose again. God only knows what she'll do next.

"Hey, you."

"What?

"Kiss me."

"No."

She pouts. "Dimitri..."

"Yes?"

"Aren't I your girl?"

"Yes, you are, love."

"So, doesn't this mean that you're my man? Aren't you my _boyfriend_?"

Her last question startles me for a second. Yes, we are all that, but none of us said it out loud. I thought we didn't have to name it, but I'm glad she did. I like how it sounds too.

"Are you going to respond to me or keep on smiling like that?"

I smile even wider. "Yes, love, I am. We are that." and hopefully, something more. One day. I'll make her mine forever.

"Then why won't you kiss me? I can ask you to kiss me if you're my boyfriend, can't I?"

She has a point. I could do that. A kiss won't hurt anybody, right?

Picking a safe zone, I kiss her on her forehead.

She smiles. "Lower, please."

I kiss her nose.

She chuckles now. "Lower."

She turned this into another game. I should have seen it coming.

I give her left cheek a little peck.

She squints her eyes at me. Yeah, I can play this game too.

"More to the left," she instructs me further.

"Here?"

I get my mouth closer to her ear and I lose myself for a second as I take in the maddening scent of her perfume. Oh, how I love it on her. It's like it has been invented especially to capture her essence. It's flowery and soft and those little sweet, strong accents drive me insane.

In this little madness my brain is in, I get her earlobe in between my teeth and greet it lightly. In response, she moans a little, her fingers spreading on my chest.

I am doing this to myself! I shouldn't have lost control over my senses like that. It's all her fault. She shouldn't be this irresistible. And really now. I should keep it in my pants. Why do I keep on provoking her?

"Go to sleep now," I whisper in her ear as I rip my teeth off her flesh.

"No. And I was meaning _your _left comrade, not mine."

I smile. "If I do it, will you go to sleep?"

"Maybe."

"That's not how it works."

"Fine, fine. Just kiss me, Dimitri."

I get my lips over hers and give her a little peck there too, pulling away before she comes seeking for more.

"Okay, that is all you get for tonight. Now, to sleep with you."

"Fine, comrade. You like to be bossy. It's your luck that it suits you well," she mumbles as she buries her head into the crook of my neck, her comment making me laugh a little.

But despite her verbal capitulation, she doesn't seem willing to give up on this too easily, physically speaking. That drug must be powerful. I wonder how much of it he used on her. And what kind of drug makes its effect this strong and this fast?

After all, I can only be glad I'm not seeing any signs of OD. But who the hell knows?

If I could, knowing this, I'd kill him once again, and I'd take my time with him, making him pay for doing this to her. She has been through too many already.

But back to her insisting, she is now kissing on my neck and when she runs her tongue up on my skin, I am seconds away from losing my shit completely. It's amazing the effect this woman has on me. Each second, she seems to find something to make me want her like crazy.

"Roza," I groan and hold her tighter, knowing I can't let go of her or pull her away from me.

"Yeah?" she is smiling satisfied with herself as she tilts her head to look at me.

"Stop it, or you'll regret it," I say determined, and I hope she senses that I mean it, even though I have no idea how I could make her regret it.

_"Come on, _Dimitri. Doesn't this turn you on?"

She makes some room between us and moves her hand down on my chest and fuck, it is heading towards dangerous territory.

I pull her back closer to me and thank God, I stop her hand under my belly button.

"Not even a little bit?"

"Love, you have no idea how turned on I am right now." I bet she can even feel it press on her thigh, so I don't know why she needed a verbal confirmation from me.

"So? I am turned on, you are too. What is the problem here?" she asks, botherness filling both her voice and expression.

"Look. I'll make you a deal."

"What deal?"

"When you wake up I will give you everything you want." if of course, she will remember this to begin with.

She seems to like this idea better. Her tone gets excited at the idea of waiting, and I didn't expect it to work right away. I was already preparing a persuasive speech inside my head.

"We'll try new stuff again?"

"Sure." if she'll still want it when she'll be sober, why not? I'd try them all with her. I'd please her in a million ways.

"You promise?"

"Pinkie promise, love." my answer makes her giggle. " Anything you want. But when you wake up."

"Fine, comrade. You win," she says sounding a little defeated.

Giving me a little peck, she snuggles to my chest.

"Rose?"

"What?"

She tilts her head and struggles now a little to focus on me. Could that be another effect? I mean, it is, as she seems to be shifting between arousal and sleepiness, but should I get more concerned?

"What did you want to say, comrade?"

"I love you." I promised myself I'll tell it more often to her.

She smiles wide and silly.

"I love you too. So much. Even though you have refused to fuck my brains out, comrade." kissing my chest, she sighs. "I'll always love you, Dimitri."

Walking my fingertips on the back of her head, I hold her and whisper to her a silly story in Russian until she falls asleep.

When she starts purring, deep into the world of dreams, I dare move a little to drag the covers on us.

Resting back down next to her, I play with her hair for a second and rest my lips against her forehead, thanking God that I can still hold her in my arms after everything that happened today, after being again close to losing her.

"Oh, Roza. One day, I'll die from worrying about you."

And keeping on being afraid that something else might happen to her, not knowing if that drug was too much for her body to deal with, I stay up for the rest of the night, watching over her. On the littlest sign of danger, I'm rushing to the hospital.

* * *

**RPOV**

I wake up with the weird sensation of moving. Or rather, with the feeling of being carried away.

Opening my eyes, I see that I _am _moving. I'm in a car.

Where the hell am I? And more importantly, how the fuck did I end up here? The last thing I remember is… Is what? What was I doing and how did I fall asleep?

I'm so confused right now. My brain is heavy and a thick cloud is covering all my rational thoughts. Last night is such a blur.

Processing the fact that I am laying down in the backseat of this car, my eyes now pinned on the driver's seat, I can suppose that it's Dimitri the one that occupies it. Or at least I can pray it's him and I didn't end up in a fucked up situation.

But then, whose lap am I resting my head onto?

Turning my head up, I see Dimitri, who is sleeping too, his head rested on the window.

Who the fuck…? is driving I want to ask myself but someone speaks before I finish my thought.

"Hey there, kiddo!" I hear a jolly voice that, in this second, scares me a little.

Getting a hold of the first thing that's lying on the floor of the car, a little umbrella (that will do just fine to hit someone), I get up to my butt and prepare to hit the driver.

"Who the fuck are you?! And what do you want from us?"

I lift the umbrella ready to attack him, but some fingers wrap on it before I manage to strike.

Dimitri woke up. Good. He'll help me deal with this fucker that has kidnapped us.

But something doesn't make sense. Why did he stop me? Does he want to hit him?

"No, love." he takes the umbrella from my hand and makes me look at him as the car stops.

"What's happening?"

"It's okay. You're safe, okay? He's with us, remember? Don't you remember Ivan?"

"Of course I do, but he- he's not-" here.

Looking at the driver again, I recognize Ivan's features. The same lagoon-sea-like eyes, the short dark blonde, messy hair, the familiar amused smile plastered on his lips. How could I not recognize him earlier?

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. My brain didn't recognize you for a second, and I was so close to hurting you. I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry, little warrior. That's understandable."

"Understandable? Why? What are you talking about? Dimitri, what is he talking about?" I turn my attention to my previous interlocutor and watch him confused. "What's happening? How… How did I- _we _get here? Didn't our plan work out?"

He smiles a little. "You don't remember anything, don't you?"

"Remember what?"

Taking a second to think about what he's talking about, trying to send away the cloud in my brain, I realize I can't recall anything that happened after a particular moment last night. No event that could fill the blanks comes to my mind.

"No, I don't. Not really. I remember being in bed with Victor, then you came and I…" this is where blanks start to pile up. "Back in our room… how did I get there? And when you came, I thought you were mad at me and you weren't and then… then, I can't recall what happened. I don't remember much after getting out of that man's suite. It's kind of a haze.

"Ss there's nothing else, not even a little memory about last night in your mind?"

"Should I remember something?"

He nods. "In some way. Or at least, I think you should know what happened."

"What should I know? What happened? Did we get caught? Did they kick me in the head and I'm having amnesia? Did we even get the flash back? Did I mess things up?"

"No, it's not that. We have the flash. And you did nothing wrong. You did a great job."

"Then?"

"Ivan, will you get back to driving? I have something to talk to Rose about."

"And miss her roofie adventures?" still turned in his seat and watching us, he pouts. "Come on, brother, don't keep the fun only for yourself."

"I mean it," Dimitri threatens. "Get driving or I'll forget how tired I am and I'll kick your ass."

"You're such a party pooper, do you know that?" Ivan turns around and revs the engine. "Go ahead, lovebirds, talk."

Being a little too preoccupied to follow their teasing, I didn't process Ivan's words right away. But now, staring back at Dimitri and waiting for him to fill me in, it hits me.

"Wait a second. What did he say? _Roofied_? I've been roofied?" he nods. "No, it can't be. Victor..." feeling suddenly dizzy, I bend and put my head between my knees, trying to make my temples stop pounding that hard.

That bastard! He put it in the whiskey.

"Love? Here, drink some water."

Lifting and taking the bottle from him, I gulp it down almost completely, then rest my head against the seat.

I am tired of being drugged. It's what? The _third_ time in the same month? I hope I'll never get through that again.

"Comrade, please tell me I didn't do some crazy shit."

He gestures me to come a little closer to him, which I do right away, and he starts filling me in.

"You are fucking with me, Dimitri!"

I punch him as I hear Ivan laughing his ass off in the front seat. Even though Dimitri whispered to me all the things I've supposedly done last night, he heard some bits and now he's almost hysterical. Hell, why did Dimitri even bother to whisper if they both planned to fuck with me? That must be it because not even in my wildest dreams I wouldn't have done such a thing. Such _things_.

"You both are getting a laugh at my expense, aren't you?"

I repay Ivan with the same treatment, my fisted palm hitting his shoulder.

"Hey! Why you're hitting me too? I didn't do anything. It was all you," our driver protests.

"No. I did _not _do that."

"I wasn't kidding, love," Dimitri says with a straight face, the previous amusement washing away from his expression.

"Comrade… What? _No_. I… I wouldn't…"

"What? You wouldn't usually do something like that?"

"Well, yes." I would never be that daring, nor shameless.

"Well, you did. Last night."

His confirmation makes even the tips of my ears burn. Taking a fast look into the front mirror, I see my whole face flushed.

Laughing a little, Dimitri puts an arm around me and pulls me back to him, his lips finding their rest close to my ear.

"You know, it wouldn't mind me if you'd do it again, love. But only if you'd be sober so that I could at least fulfill your wishes. All of them, Roza."

"Dimitri…" I shy away some more and hide my face into the crook of his neck, praying that Ivan didn't hear his words. And I guess I've been lucky this time because he didn't react. He didn't laugh some more at my embarrassment. "Stop that."

"Why?"

"Because of him," I scold him. How can he be this shameless in front of his brother? I had a reason last night. What is his?

"Hey, kiddo, don't mind me," Ivan responds, his tone still amused. "My hearing is very selective." yeah, I bet. Highly-sensed too.

Wanting to switch the attention from my reckless, kinky behavior, I start doing what I know best. Ask questions.

"Where are we going?"

"I am taking you somewhere safe."

"Meaning that you and I will have a lot of time on our hands to bond, kiddo," Ivan adds, sounding, I might say, excited. Thinking about it, I'd like to know more about him too.

"Wait. Only me? You won't stay?"

He shakes his head. "I still have some things to take care of."

"Like?"

"Like, a lot, love."

Understanding that I won't get more words out from him, I cease my questions about that subject. After all, I knew this is what will happen. And I feel that I won't be able to stop him from his mission, Then why try in the first place? It only bothers me that he still thinks he is protecting me by keeping me in the dark.

"How long till we arrive there?"

How long till I'll have to say goodbye, in fact.

"An hour. Two, tops," Ivan informs us.

That's not enough. It's too little.

Sighing, I try to make peace with it and I lay my head on Dimitri's shoulder, taking advantage of these last moments I get to feel him close to me.

He takes my hand in his and soothing my knuckles, he rests his lips on my forehead.

"It will be fine, Roza."

"I trust you you know what you're doing." even though you still don't want to tell me what danger you're throwing yourself into. If like this he thinks I'll worry less, he's mistaken.

"Thank you, love."

* * *

One hour and thirty-seven minutes (and just a few seconds from the thirty-eighth minute, not that I was counting) pass quickly, and hard at the same time, as my brain never stops from thinking of what Dimitri isn't willing to tell me about his plan.

We stopped in front of a house, somewhere far away from civilization.

"Is this your hideout?" I ask as I get out of the car.

"More like permanent establishment," Ivan explains.

"You're kidding, aren't you?"

"Why would I?"

"Dunno. Doesn't this get… lonely?" why is this the first word I thought of? It has been the one I found for Dimitri, and now, for his brother too. Is this a family trait? Are the- wow. I've just realized I have no idea what their last name is.

A forced smile appears on his face. "You get used to it, kiddo."

"But-" why? I don't have the chance to ask that too because he definitely wants to avoid the subject and rushes Dimitri and me inside, to "not be seen" out here. Right. Because there are other people rather than us, here, in the middle of nowhere.

**IPOV**

Picking up some to-go lunch on our way, we sit now in the little gazebo I have here and eat outside because it's such a beautiful afternoon, and it would be a pity not to enjoy it, after so many days of cold and snow.

But I think that each of us is acknowledging the tension that is starting to fill the air as Dimitri and I keep on looking at each other, knowing that the time is not in our favor. Maybe we unconsciously wanted to fake some normality with this lunch, but it's not doing its trick.

"You two want to talk, don't you? About that… _thing _you're going to do, aren't you?" this woman is not stupid at all. I like her.

I look at Dimitri to see what he's planning to do, and he nods at her. Okay, so we're being honest. I prefer these approaches.

"Then why didn't you say so?" she says a little upset and gets up.

"Kiddo, no, just-"

"No, it's okay," she stops me with a little forced smile. "Really. It seems to me like you two don't have much time and by me hanging around, I am messing with your plans. And you _obviously _don't want me to know what you're planning to do, so… I'll let you talk."

She wants to turn around and leave, but Dimitri gets a hold of her hand and pulls her back to him, an apologetic look in his eyes.

This image is so damn familiar to me. How many times have I done the same thing to her? Countless. The answer is countless. What an idiot I was. I still am. But she's no saint either. God only knows how stubborn that blonde is.

The single difference I see now is the reaction Dimitri gets in response to this. Rose seems... understanding. Or could that be a sign of resignation?

Either one it is, she caresses his cheek and bends to kiss his other one.

"It's okay, Dimitri. I told you I trust you. I know you have your reasons, even if I can't understand them." and what a reason he has, kiddo. I almost choked when I heard what he wants to do.

Starting again to walk away, she passes by my side. But she doesn't get past me. She stops, places her hand on my shoulder and bends to whisper in my ear.

"Please convince him not to do anything that will get him killed. Maybe he'll listen to you." but here's the trick. He _never _listens to me. Or not usually.

As she heads towards the house, I keep on looking at Dimitri, his gaze still following her, that apology present in his eyes all the time.

After she gets inside, his eyes come meet mine.

"Please don't you look at me like that too. What do you want me to do? Tell her? You know that if I tell her what I want to do she'll never let me leave. How much harder it will be to leave."

"I know. And knowing myself what idiocy you plan to do, I don't want either to let you leave." but this one is a stubborn one too. How come I stumble over the most stubborn of them all?

"But if I don't do that, we'll never have a second of peace," he argues, like exasperated. "They'll follow us _everywhere_. She'll never be safe like this. And I can't risk it."

"I know, Dimitri."

"I have to go. I have to do it."

"I know."

His palms fist on the table. "You keep on telling me you know, that you understand, but you keep on watching me like that."

"I'm not judging you, Dimitri." I understand him better than anyone. God knows what lengths I've gone to keep Lissa out of this mess our lives are. Too bad it didn't work out and now she hates me. "Just… don't do anything stupid. Don't get yourself killed. hell, don't break her heart, Dimitri. And… talk to her goddamnit. Tell her something. Something more than… this shit you're doing. You know I fucked up with Lissa." I thought I was doing the best thing by keeping her out of my life. Who would have thought it would make me miserable in all the possible ways? "Don't do to Rose the same things I've done to her." or else, I'll be the one to make him pay for losing such a woman.

"That's what I'm trying to do."

"Yes, of course, I've seen it." I swear I can't stop myself from being sarcastic. He didn't tell her a single word and she clearly suffers because of that!

Of course, my reaction annoys him. But I don't blame him. We're both a little on the edge lately. Because of the shit he wants to do. He's crazy.

"Listen to me. I am not going to tell Rose I am going into an almost suicidal mission, okay? So stop it already!"

"Fine. Whatever you think it's best." too bad that he wouldn't be the one having to repair his mess if he doesn't get out of there alive.

"Now, will you do something for me?"

"Not tell her?" I understand, in some way, the reason he doesn't want her to know. From the way he described her to me, the second she'd find out what he plans to do, she'd do anything to go with him.

"Yes. That too."

"Sure." it will be my most pleasure to lie to her in the face. I hope it will be worth it in the end. "What else?"

"I have something for her."

"Then why won't you give it to her?"

"Because it's something for later. If…"

"I don't like this, Dimitri. Not at all."

"Yeah, I know. Me either. But I have no other choice."

**RPOV**

Trying not to burst in tears in front of Ivan too (really now, Dimitri has seen enough of me crying, I don't think his brother should too), I rushed inside the house.

I don't even remember when I entered the kitchen and opened all the drawers and cupboards here and with whatever I've found around here, I started mixing things and finally, fifteen minutes later, here I am, baking cookies instead crying my lungs out.

Wiping my hands, in my frustration, I throw the towel as far away as possible from me. It's not fucking fair! I thought we were past that point where he wasn't telling me stuff.

"Did that towel upset you?" Ivan asks me out of nowhere, taking me by surprise. Of course, I squeal a little, which makes him smile. "Should I deal with him? Just give me a sign and I will beat the shit out of him."

This time, I smile. Why do I feel he is not talking about the towel anymore?

"No, it's fine, Ivan. I just…" I gesture around the kitchen not knowing what to say about anything.

"It smells amazing in here. Were you compulsively baking?"

"Kind of. I hope you don't mind if-" taking another look around, I see the mess I've made here.

"You're kidding? There hasn't been a woman cooking in this house since Li-" he stops, biting his lip like he was about to say an unpermitted thing, the name of the antichrist or something. "In a long while, kiddo. Cook all the way you want. Feel like home here.

"Thank you for having me."

"Don't mention it. Now, I think you should get going out of here."

"Where?"

"Dimitri's looking for you."

"Is he?"

"Aham." he takes the apron off me and puts it on him instead. Getting a hold of a big spoon and looking at his reflection, he makes a goofy face. "I'm such a hot cook, don't you think?"

I laugh a little. He's nice. He managed to make me forget about my tears for a second. "You sure are, no doubt there."

"Good. I can take it from here. I'll make sure I won't burn your hard-worked cookies. Now, you go. Dimitri went looking for you upstairs."

Nodding, I let him tend the cookies and head upstairs.

Hearing the stairs squeak as I climb them, Dimitri's head pops out from one of the rooms.

Getting out of there, he waits for me to get closer to him.

"So? How is it going to be?"

"I'll be gone for a couple of days."

"Define a couple."

"A week? Two? I don't know. I can't tell for sure."

"I'll wait for you." no matter how long it takes. "I'll… I'll be here." not knowing what else to do or say, feeling unnatural standing in front of him now, I try to keep a stupid conversation. "When are you leaving?"

A fucking boring conversation. Why didn't I ask him about the weather?

"Soon."

"How soon?"

"The sooner the better."

"Oh. Then… you should go." I shouldn't make things harder for him with useless questions or I don't know, tears and soapy shit. He should leave with an easy heart.

He nods, bends, pecks my cheek. That's all.

As he turns around, I remain there with my fingers over the spot he just kissed, trying desperately not to let him hear I'm crying. I try my best to wipe away the tears that didn't get to fall from my eyes, but it only makes me cry harder.

I swear I am not willingly doing things hard. I thought that if we were both pretending it's not hard, it won't be. But I was wrong. It's breaking my heart to see him leave like this. And this bad feeling in my chest is not helping at all.

But after taking three steps away, he stops and turns around.

"I can't leave like this, Roza."

When he reaches me, he puts an arm around me and his other one's fingers clutch in my hair as he holds me tight for a couple of minutes. Minutes in which I finally allow myself to cry freely, sobbing and sniffing my nose and remaining without too much air to breathe from my wailing. As he rocks me left and right, he doesn't cease to tell me he's sorry, between little shushes and soothing gestures.

And even with the knowledge that I'll probably ruin this moment, with the fear of asking him this, I still need to do it because he didn't say it. And I need to be sure.

"You'll come back to me, won't you?"

He doesn't say anything in response, he just hugs me tighter, and such a deep sigh shakes his body. He doesn't want to leave either. It must be something vital if he's still doing it. Oh, what is he up to?

"Dimitri?" again, no response. I pull away and make him look me in the eyes. "Promise me that when you come back, not _if _you do... it won't be in a body bag. Or… or not at all," I almost beg him with tears burning my eyes. "Dimitri, please."

He caresses my cheek and catches the tears that started falling again.

"I'll be as careful as I can be. This is all I can tell you."

I nod. I'll take whatever assurance he can give me, even if it's not enough. I have such a bad feeling about this.

"You promise?"

"I promise, love," he responds, but he's more preoccupied with walking his fingers across my face than to give me more details.

Following his example, I spend the next two minutes or so trying to memorize each little crease on his face, the pointy parts of his jaw and cheekbones, the curve of his lips, the warmness of his eyes, the softness of his hair, the familiarity of his scent, the home he feels like. I want to have more time to do this, to paint his image in my head and to keep it for the times when I'll miss him.

"Kiss me one last time, Dimitri."

First, taking my hand off his cheek, he kisses the inside of my palm.

"I'm sorry I even thought of leaving without doing this." yeah, well, we both thought we could do it.

Getting a hold of my cheeks, his lips come to press on mine into a breathtaking kiss, and soon, his tongue comes nesting into the warmness of my mouth, his fingers moving up and clutching in my hair as he explores, tastes, devours each little spot inside my mouth.

"I love you, Roza," he whispers next to my ear, his breath coming out in little warm puffs, just as mine.

My breath catches as I hear him say these words to me and in the next second, I pull away from him.

I haven't pushed him to say these words to me, not even once. Confessing my feelings to him, I never expected anything in return, and hearing him tell these three words to me was heavenly. He is always showing me too, instead of telling it at times, and it is enough for me to know that he loves me in his own way. But as he is saying them to me right now, they get a different meaning too.

"No, Dimitri. Don't do this." tears begin to fall on my cheeks once more. Hell, once I've left them fall, they're unstoppable. "Don't you _fucking dare _do this. I am _not _letting you."

"Do what?"

"Don't you say goodbye to me. I am not letting you. Not like this. Don't." I get a hold of his hands and hold them tight to my chest. "Don't say goodbye. Please, promise me that you will come back to me." Latching my hands around his neck, I put all my love into probably, the last hug in a while to come, "I love you so much, Dimitri. If you… Promise me or I won't let you go."

"I will always come back to you."

Hearing his words, my heart feels a little less heavy.

And I still don't let go of him. I am still not ready to let go of him. If it were after me, I wouldn't let him leave.

"Hey Dim-" on a cue, we pull apart as we hear Ivan speak. "Fuck, sorry, guys. I didn't mean to interrupt you two. I'll let you talk some more."

Turning around, I see him wanting to go back down the stairs.

"No. Stay. It's okay. It's... it's already time for you to go anyway, right?" I turn back to Dimitri.

Nodding, he gets a hold of my cheeks. "Take care of yourself, love."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine here, with Ivan."

Coming closer to us, he nods vigorously. "Of course she will, brother. I'll keep an eye on her each second of the day and night. _You _are the one who should stay safe, okay?"

"Definitely," I hurry to agree with him. "Promise me you'll take care." again. "I want you back in one piece."

Smiling, Dimitri kisses my forehead. "I promise."

Looking at his brother a little weird (that's the effect of the apron, I'm sure) they hug too and he leaves fast, for good this time.

God, why does this feel like it's the last time we see each other?

Please, someone, tell me I am goddamn wrong. I want to be wrong so bad.

"Kiddo, you're alright?" I feel Ivan's fingers wrap on my shoulder. Oh, he's just as careful as his brother.

"I am not _that _young, you know?"

He shrugs. "I'm older than you, so it does the trick, _kiddo." _I smile, but still, he looks me concerned. "But really, now. Are you feeling fine?"

"I am. Or I'll be."

Putting that arm over my shoulder, he ruffles my hair.

"Let's get you a cookie. How does that sound?"

"Good." considering I've put chocolate in them, it sounds kinda great.

"But…" he starts saying as we get down the stairs.

"Don't you tell me. You've burned them."

"No, of course not. They're just… _very _well done."

I laugh. "Let's see what trouble you've done there."

Getting inside the kitchen, mending the little overcooked parts of the cookies with some ice cream, we dig it big time. Here's one thing I've found different in the brothers.

"So, healthiness is not a family trait, huh?"

He laughs as he bites a new cookie. "Nah. Dimitri, out of all the children I've known, has always been the healthy one."

"Can I... " nah, I wouldn't want to be nosey.

"Come on, shoot. Ask me."

"Is Ivan your cover name?"

"No. It's the one my mother has given me."

"How is she?"

"Who?"

"Your mother."

"My mother or _our _mother?"

"Sorry, I am not following. What do you mean? Don't you have the same mother? Aren't you brothers?"

"Yeah, sure, our genes are identical," he jokes. "The resemblance between us is striking." Now I hope he's joking. I don't get him, to be honest.

"You're messing with me, aren't you?"

He gets serious, then, for whatever reason, a little sad.

"Oh, kiddo. He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"That we're not related?"

"I never asked. I took it for granted when I heard you call him brother. Until three seconds ago, I _believed _you two were brothers. I never doubted you two..."

"Fair point. But look at us. Do we seem brothers?"

"What do I know how genetics works?"

"Yeah, we definitely look like two peas in a pod," he says laughing. "But no, we're not related. We've known each other for a long time. Since forever, I might say."

"Oh, so you're like, blood brothers?"

"Yeah, you can say that too."

"Where did you two meet? And when? I've always liked childhood friends stories."

Finishing munching on his cookie, hardly swallowing that piece, he looks me straight in the eyes.

"We met at a social assistant's house, Rose."

Hearing his words, I drop my little spoon, and it makes so much noise as it reaches the floor. Just as does the realization of what he has said.

"Wait. You mean… Oh God, he and you… you two..."

"We're orphans? Yes."

"Oh my God, I am so sorry. I didn't… I didn't know…"

"Don't be sorry. At least not for me. I'm glad that bitch I was calling mother gave up on me and went to _find herself _with that douchebag she referred to as my father."

He takes a second to reach for another cookie, seeming too unaffected by the picture he has just described. But seeing my expression, he drops the cookie and places his palm over mine.

"I mean it, kiddo. Don't worry about me. Leaving me, it was the best thing she has ever done for me. I've been well since then. Things have been good- or _usually _good in my life."

"I… I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. You don't have to."

"But… this means that he… he has been there too, right? Why? Did his parents... leave him too?"

"Rose, I am sorry if he hasn't told you about this, but I think it is not my place to make any comments on that, or say things. Maybe he should be the one telling you about this. When… you know, he feels like it?"

"I understand."

"Don't get me wrong, kiddo. His past isn't something he speaks about freely, and I know better than to go around gossiping about it."

Oh, don't _I _know? We've been through so much together, and only today I've found out his family is not his family? Wow.

But after all, I can't blame him. It's a sensitive subject. Ivan is right. He should tell me when he feels ready to do so.

"But at least… can you tell me one thing? In fact, there would be two. Or maybe three."

He laughs. "Shoot. Let's see what I can help you with."

"What are your last names?"

He lifts an eyebrow, looking more than surprised. "He didn't tell you that either?"

I shrug. "It didn't seem important at that time." considering in which circumstances I found what his name is. I wonder, how amazed would he be if I'd tell him how long it took me to get him to tell me that?

"Mine is Zeklos. His is Belikov."

Hm. Dimitri Belikov. That sounds… dunno, like a strong, manly combination? There's something about it that has a pleasant sonority.

_Yeah? What about Rosemarie Belikov? What sonority does _that _have?_

To be honest, it doesn't sound too bad. Rose- Roza Belikov. Hm. I could get used to that.

"What you're dreaming about?"

"Nothing." I hurry to hide my cheeks that started to burn now that I've been caught fantasizing like this. I put my elbows on the table and rest my cheeks in my palms. "I have two more questions."

"Sure, subject-changer. Go ahead, ask."

"Do you have any photos of him, of you two, from when you were little?"

"I've never thought about this. But I guess not. Our mother surely has some. We're not usually holding onto things. It's better not to. You never know when you'll lose them, you know?"

"Yeah. I've experimented that lately."

"But yeah. If you ever go to Russia, feel free to pay our mother a visit. I am sure she'll be more than glad to meet you."

"You think so?" I'd love to know that part of Dimitri. I'd love to know each part of him. Only if he'd let me.

"I bet she will."

"How is she?"

"She's a phenomenal woman. After all, she deals with brats on a daily basis."

I laugh a little. "That's what you two were? Brats?"

"Worse. But she set us straight."

"Yeah, I've seen." whoever this woman is, she raised a hell of a man. Men. Both of them.

"You have one last question. What is that?"

"First, don't you mind me interrogating you?"

"Not at all, kiddo. I haven't spoken this much with someone in quite a while. It's nice having your company."

"Thanks. You're not bad yourself, _old man_."

He laughs. "I kind of asked for that nickname, didn't I?"

"Yup, you did. Now, getting back to my interrogatory. Do you, you know, do the same _job _as Dimitri?"

"Nah, I could have never done such a thing. I'm not really into rules and obeying." apparently, lately, neither Dimitri is. "I'm just helping him, and others, do… some stuff to, let's say, bend the law."

"And is that dangerous?"

"It has its risks. For others around you, mostly. And especially when you're young and stupid and you think you know them all."

I would have asked him more about what he meant with that, but our conversation got interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

Knowing that we were supposed to be alone here, hearing that, I jump from my seat.

"Who could that be?"

"A friend of ours. Why won't you come to meet him? I'm sure he's excited to meet you." is he? Why? What did the boys plan this time? Why didn't Dimitri tell me about this?

Still having no idea about what's happening, I follow Ivan to the door and stay aside as he opens it.

Damn. Why does every man I meet lately has to look like they've been sculpted by gods? Not that he compares to Dimitri, no one does, but still. He is a fine specimen of his species.

Tall, but again, he's short-ish compared to Dimitri. He has this look that makes it seem like he has just rolled out of bed, but hell, he looks too good to have just done that. His hair is not long, but not short either. It's a controlled mess and its bronzeness enframes a pair of so, so deep green eyes I think I'm looking straight into a forest. And not only his face looks like that. I mean, a woman should be stupid not to acknowledge the muscles that hide under his shirt.

It's a stupid thought passing through my mind now, but hearing that he is a friend of the boys, I need to know. He's a killer too?

"Rose, I present to you, Adrian Ivashkov," Ivan fools around a little, pretending to be introducing me a Lord or shit. I really like him being this funny. I only wonder if he's always like this or he's trying a little extra today, just to keep my mind off Dimitri.

Adrian's bottomless eyes meeting mine, a devilish smile spreads on his lips as he takes my hand in his. Bringing it up to his mouth, he kisses it. Wow, such chivalry.

"Ivan, you never told me she's this beautiful," his roguish voice scolds with an accent I can't decipher.

"I um… thank you?" of course he's playing the charmer card. Didn't I experience this with Dimitri too?

"It would be such a pity to kill such a creature, Ivan," he says next, sounding more upset.

Pulling my hand out of his, my blood turns cold. To fucking ice. I freeze in place at his words.

"K- Ki- Kill? Kill me?"

Daring to turn my head and look back at Ivan, I see him smiling.

What the fuck is going on?

**DPOV, later, in Russia**

Xavier? Unfortunately for me, he got himself killed by one of the men that have lost the flash to the detriment of Victor. Too bad I didn't get my hands on him first. He was my first target right after I've left Ivan's house, but on my way, I've been informed by this.

I must admit that I would have enjoyed every second of it if it would have been me the one killing him. I wanted to do it, for everything he has done to Rose, for every little suffering she has felt because of him.

But somehow, I'm a little glad it wasn't me who killed him. It's weird. But I have the feeling that Rose would have seen me differently if I would have done it, the way I was planning to. That by doing it, I would have been nothing like the man she believes I am. Hell, ever since I am with her, I want to be more than that brute she saw in me when we first met. Because she deserves it. She deserves the world.

Another thing I've found? Tasha already got taken by the agency so I won't have to bother finding her. I'm anyway going that way to "surrender and apologize" and, of course, make my mistakes right. But not in the way he'll expect me to.

It was easy letting myself get taken. After all, I made things stupid-easy for them. I've delivered myself to their front porch, with the "flash" (that I've long destroyed) and all, a penitent look in my eyes and that was all.

They took me inside, tied me (a crappy job, I might add), I pretended that I couldn't escape at any second my heart desired, and I let them take me to meet him and get myself a speech.

Now, the only thing I need to do is to figure out a way to get out of here and destroy everything I leave behind me in the process, of course, without getting myself killed. How hard could it be?

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here." I hear these full of sarcasm words as soon as the door of the room I am into closes.

It was about damned time he came. My back started to hurt from sitting into this uncomfortable chair. But after all, he needs to feel he's in control, that he's still the master of it all. Let him believe that. It will hurt him more in the end when he'll realize he never was. Not anymore.

Untying the blindfold off my eyes, I see that superior smirk on his lips. I can't wait to watch it fade away.

"How are you doing, son?" I've never realized how much I hate it when he calls me that. I guess I've always loathed it. These days, more than ever.

"I've been better, old man."

"You know I have a name."

"Don't we all, Robert?"


	39. You're like your father, Dimitri

**Heyyyy guys! I am back. Sorry for being MIA these past weeks, but I hope that this chapter will make it up for my missing, Plus, I appreciate your patience and I am hoping that I'll be finding my momentum and get to a normal posting schedule**

**Before answering to your reviews, I want to make some additions to what you'll find in this chapter:**

**1\. Mia is not the Mia you knew in the original story, I just used her name here**

**2\. I've realized, again, that Adrian has Romanian origins, and I've used a thing. In Romanian, we use "pisi" as a substitute for kitty, especially when people are flirting**

**3\. There will be a phrase in Russian, I have no idea if it's written right, but i've seen it on an article and I thought I could use it. It basically has a couple of meanings, but the one I went for is "save me from judgement"**

**Okay, I'm done. Now...**

**selairalynn, Ivan will make it up for it :)**

**Tika86, yes, I am working on that writers block and I am getting things moving. And thanks! The projects went fine :) I still haven't thought of Christian being present in this story, but he definitely isn't Pyro. And you guessed it right about Adrian! Yay! **

**Rose2399, no, I couldn't have made Adrian that wicked, my heart didn't let me do that. **

**peggy, of course Dimitri will get away from Robert. He's a badass after all**

**GojGoj, reading that phrase again, yes, you're right. I'll make sure I'll never use it again :)) oh, I'll die too if I even think about killing Dimitri. I don't think I'll ever be able writing such a scene (but who knows?). Yes, I couldn't resist the temptation of adding another funny, charming character like Adrian. And thanks for your encouragements! **

**Dear Guest, stay tuned, I might have some other cliffies, in the next chapters ;) As in series I would recommend, I don't know if they're for VA fans, but I will share some series that I liked:**

**1\. of course, The Bloodline Series with Adrian's story**

**2\. Darkest Powers Series from Kelley Armstrong; **

**3\. Perfect Chemistry Series from Simone Elkeles; **

**4\. Bully from Penelope Douglas (this is a series as I have recently found out, but I only read the first book); **

**5\. The Shadow and Bone Trilogy from Leigh Bardugo; **

**6\. The Saga of Darren Shan by Darren Shan (this series doesn't have much romance in it, but it has a quite unique approach to the vampire race); **

**7\. Starcrossed Series by Josephine Angelini (this has something to do with gods and I loved it); **

**8\. Lux Series by Jennifer Armentrout (this has some aliens in it); **

**9\. I started reading the Shatter Me series by Tahereh Mafi, but didn't get to finish it so I don't know if I should recommend it, but give it a try if you want; **

**10\. lastly, I have to tell someone about this book that I read this past summer - it is called The Secret Wife by Gill Paul, and it has nothing to do with the fantasy world, it has something to do with the Romanov family, but there are some characters named Dimitri and Rose in it and they share a love story that made me fucking cry. I hope you'll find some reading material here :)**

**HonestPassion13, yes, that is Robert Doru. And I'm glad that you likes chapter 37 so much!**

**Now, I'll end my talking.**

**Enjoy! **

**And until next week, lots of love and keep it safe guys!**

* * *

**You're like your father, Dimitri**

Still staring at Ivan, cold fear creeps in me.

"What's... what's happening?" I try to contain the shakiness in my voice, but it is close to impossible. I am almost, _almost_ freaking out on the outside too.

Could Ivan be capable of this? _Of course not!_ He's nice and kind and goddamnit, he wouldn't backstab Dimitri in such way! I mean, he doesn't seem to need any money and besides the bounty on my head, what else could he get from this?

Probably seeing the horror on my face, when I am close to taking a step back and run God knows where to hide, someone finally speaks.

"No one's going to kill you, kiddo."

"Oh, _really_?" I still take a step back because even though I trust Ivan, when it comes to Adrian, not so much. And considering that he took some more steps inside the house and closed the door behind him, I find myself obliged to keep that distance for now.

"Of course. And you, Adrian, don't be such an idiot. Stop scaring her. Don't mind him, Rose, he just enjoys making these bad jokes."

"So, no one's going to kill me?" it might sound idiotic to ask this, but I still need the confirmation.

Hearing me, Adrian has the nerve to snigger.

I give him an ugly look and he smiles wider. "I do kill for a living, so who knows?" he says amused. I don't think I like this guy too much now. He's too cocky. Like Dimitri in the old days. It's annoying.

"Why does _everyone_ that I meet lately has to have two Y chromosomes?"

"_What_?" they both ask in unison.

"You know, guys, the supposedly killing gene and all?"

Ivan laughs. "He bragged about you to me that you were a smarty-pants, but I didn't think you'd take it this far, kiddo."

I wonder how many other things Dimitri _bragged_ about to him about me.

"Anyway. Tell me, will this guy kill me?"

"Of course I will," Adrian's prompt, sarcastic comment comes first.

"_Hell no_. No one will kill anyone. Do you think I want him to fucking kill_ me_? Because he will if I even think of such things. I won't touch a single hair of you." He lunges a little, and catching Adrian unprepared as he was too busy to annoy me further with his cockiness, Ivan smacks the back of his head. "And neither is this idiot. And I might be called crazy at times, but I am not _that _crazy, Rose. Now, let's sit down and fill you in, okay?"

"No. It's not okay." I am still too angry at this Ivashkov guy.

I forget about my previous fear and instead of getting further away from him, I get closer to him and pound my index at his chest.

"Fuck you!"

He smiles again, then his eyes shamelessly start descending, lingering over some parts of my body, which doesn't make me comfortable. His words don't help either.

"I really wouldn't mind, _pisi_."

My mouth opening and closing a couple of times, my cheeks start to burn too.

"That... that I... I didn't," and what the hell did he call me? What language did he use? "I didn't mean-" I want to sound outraged, but I can't find my words. All I can manage to transmit is that I'm startled by his behavior. And embarrassed.

"She blushes too! You're so cute, Rosemarie." I can't believe he called me that and I can't believe it when he puts his palm on the top of my head and ruffles my hair a little. "Now it will be a thousand times harder to-"

The way he's acting with me, it's making me even angrier. Why does everyone treat me like I'd be three? I am _not _a kid!

I push his hand off me and signal to Ivan to stay put into his place when he wants to come closer.

"You shut the hell up! How the hell can you make jokes about that shit? Do you have any _idea_ how many people tried to kill me these past days?!"

"Yes, that's the reason I am here."

"Why? To end the matter?" I snap at him even though I already have my confirmation that nothing will happen to me.

"Kind of, Rose, but not the way you think," Ivan intervenes to calm the spirits. Mostly mine. Because I'm on the edge from the first second Dimitri left and one day I'll end up doing something stupid.

"Then? Why is he here?"

"Let's go take a seat, shall we?"

Throwing Adrian one last ugly stare and him replying to me with a teasing smile, I agree to go with them and hear what they have to say.

Going inside the kitchen, when I want to take a seat at the table, I can't believe it, this Adrian guy comes and tries to play the gentleman card on me. He wants to pull my chair and help me sit, but I throw him the ugliest glare I am capable of. He's serious right now?

Lifting his hands in a defensive pose, he smiles again. Am I _that _amusing? He's the one acting crazy after all.

"Just don't scratch, kitty."

Oh, but I might use my nails soon to scoop his eyes out if he doesn't stop.

After this, luckily, he takes a seat across the table, and I am glad that I am still at a considerable distance from him. Of course, I make sure to keep giving him an ugly stare.

_Well, isn't this a little childish?_ No. I'm suspicious. And pissed off. Until I find out more about him and what the hell he wants, I've decided that I don't like him. Not at all.

Taking a relaxed pose on his chair, acting like he'd own the place, he doesn't look away. For what matters, he stares straight back at me, and well, turning this into a staring contest that I want to win, I don't back down. But the more I stare into his green, green eyes, I start getting a little uneasy.

Thankfully for me, when I wanted to look away, not bearing the intensity of his stare and not knowing how else to respond to it, Ivan puts a bottle of grape juice (isn't he nice, that's my favorite) in front of me and thank God, interrupts our silly game.

Our attentions distracted, Adrian now reaches his hand for the plate where previously were a bunch of cookies.

Surprisingly enough, his hand gets slapped away and he drops the cookie back on the plate. Of course, by none other than Ivan.

"I made those. And because you've been an ogling ass, you're not getting any."

With an amused smile appearing on his lips, Adrian lifts an eyebrow.

"Since when did you become a housewife?" he asks eyeing the apron left on the counter. Nothing gets past him either? "I thought you had other… _preoccupations_."

"Well, I do. In fact, Rose made the cookies. But I bet she shares the same opinion as I do." eyeing me, he incites me to play his game and I nod. "See? She said no too. So you're not getting any cookie. And especially not the last cookie."

"Not even if I say I'm sorry for the way I behaved?" he asks looking at me now, his tricky voice covered in honey. Damn, he's such a charmer. But I am not falling for this. He shall suffer. "I shouldn't have tried to be this… _friendly._" Oh, he was indeed more than friendly. Close to flirting. No, not close. The flirting was fucking obvious. "I shouldn't have hit on you. Please accept my apologies. I've been a bumpkin."

I almost laugh. He wasn't a bumpkin. For what it matters, he's sophisticated and mannered, but only if he'd used that in a good way. I would have liked him more for that.

Ivan, being now behind him, he's begging me to say no, gesturing the begging with his hands put together and he's mouthing the words "no way" while shaking his head too. Then, dropping the funny acting, casually, he heads for the chair in between us. It's funny. This looks like he wants to play the mediator between us. And who knows, maybe Adrian and I aren't too far from a little fight. It all depends on him.

Continuing to look at me with questioning eyes, in return, despite Ivan's impulse, I say yes. I have some more dough anyway. Plus, I can show him I am the bigger person in the room and that I am not three after all.

Proud of himself, Adrian victoriously heads again towards the cookie. But before he reaches it, I snatch the plate away from him.

"_But_, before you go ahead and treat yourself, I want to know what the hell is happening, or I swear to God I'll find some poison or laxatives and put it into the next cookies or hell, your drink. I'm tired of games, so don't any of you play with me. I want to know all of it."

"I like you, Rosema-"

"Ah! Don't call me that. Rose is fine."

"It's such a pity to waste such a beautiful name."

"Will you cut it with the charming already? Tell me how the hell you're going to kill me. Or why."

"Don't worry," Ivan feels the need to intervene and it was a good idea. Adrian starting with the sweet-talking again, it won't do him any good. "And as I said, there will be no killing. Or at least not a real one. And he won't do anything to you. I'll be here to kick his ass if he tries anything else." Now he turns his gaze and points his index at our guest. "She's taken so stop hitting on her, Mister raunchy."

"Ouch." it's his only response, accompanied by the dramatic act of placing his palm over his heart.

"Stop pretending it hurt," Ivan scolds him.

"Fine, fine. Then, ask me whatever you want to know, kitty. I'll answer," he ends this game, and reaching across the table, he finally gets the cookie he so much desired.

"Will you kill me?"

"This is delicious. What did you use? Espresso?"

Wow. He could feel that. The taste buds he has must be pretty amazing. I bet that he's used to a refined lifestyle.

"Why you're asking? You're planning to become a housewife yourself?" I decide to be the one teasing now.

My answer makes Ivan smile. He even stifles a laugh. Apparently, he's not the only one funny in the room.

Adrian nods, smiling too. "I'll kill you, Rose. But only on paper."

"Why?"

"We need to get the bounty off your head. I thought that this was self-explanatory." Well, it was. But it's better to be sure.

"Do you work with Dimitri?"

"Who is this Dimitri?"

"What do you mean who is Dimitri?"

"You mean 3-0-5?"

"What's the deal with those numbers? People have names, you know?"

He shrugs. "I never knew his name and he wasn't too keen about sharing it either." Yeah, don't _I_ know? "And to be honest, I never cared. Not the name is what's important in someone."

"Right. But anyway. Do you work with him?"

"Aham."

"And isn't that like… if you fool them too, isn't that disobeying?"

"It is." Isn't he sharing with the details? Whoever trains them there in their spy school, he or she has done a hell of a job. You need to ask a million questions to get a simple answer from these men.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Why you're doing this?"

"For you, of course. It's a privilege to serve such beauty."

I eye him again He's still playing this charming game, but I am so not doing this. Maybe it's in his blood and he can't help it after all.

"Fine, fine. Sorry. Let's say that I owe him a lot."

"Like?"

"You're really insistent, aren't you?" and he's really secretive.

"Rather curious. You're so selfless?"

"You don't think I could be?"

I shrug. "I barely know you, remember?"

"Fair point. I owe him my life."

Wow. I didn't expect this. After all, maybe, just maybe, I misjudged him. He seems to be using some kind of chivalry code after all. I'll seek further evidence, though. I'm still not sure if I like him or not.

"But are you willing to fool your boss for this? For him? I mean… wouldn't that affect your job?" Considering the job they have, the persecutions for doing this might get brutal. Deadly. And if Dimitri didn't ask him to do this, why did he say yes?

He lounges back in the chair and puts his hands behind his head, and somehow, he manages to do this with the littlest of effort and manages to look graceful.

"Trust me, kitty, when Ivan called me, hearing what your sweetheart wants to do, I couldn't say no to his proposition."

A hundred questions pop in my head and I don't know with which one to start.

"Wait. What does he want to do?"

Adrian opens his mouth, but Ivan speaks first, his palms already spread on the table and he's a second away from getting up to his feet.

"Nothing that you should worry about, Rose." Yeah, sure. I bet Dimitri made him vow not to tell me. And why insist? I already see that Adrian picked the message too and his expression became more serious than earlier. He'll never tell me either, I am sure.

"So, this was your idea?"

Ivan smiles, maybe grateful that I dropped the subject, maybe because he's proud of himself, I can't tell.

"Aren't I a genius?"

"So Dimitri knows nothing about this?" he nods. "He'll think I'm _dead_? What… what were you _thinking_?" I get mad at him and get up just enough to punch his shoulder. "You're _crazy_?"

"Hey, listen to this. I know how this sounds, but I've thought of this a little later than I should have and I didn't have the time to inform Dimitri, as I knew it would have set him back. You know how he is. He would have wanted to remain here and deal with this too." Yeah, that's right. Dimitri wants to make sure everything is perfect and safe when it comes to me. "Let me take care of it. But don't worry. Adrian will fill him in there as soon as he delivers your dead body to the agency."

"He'll deliver my dead body?"

"Well, technically, it won't be yours."

I am starting to sense that this plan they have is a little twisted, but what other choice do I have? I need to get rid of the bounty on my head after all if I want to live a peaceful life.

"Fine. Let's say that I'm okay with whatever you two planned. Let's… do what it needs to be done and hell, be done with it. I'm sick of these games. Let's get rid of the bounty on my head. What do I have to do?"

"Besides dying? Nothing much, kitty."

**DPOV, Russia**

"I've heard that you've been playing with the mafia lately." Robert finally gives me a break to breathe normally and he starts doing the other thing he loves doing, besides beating the shit out of me. Talking. Why not entertain him?

I do my best not to hang too much from the ceiling and to keep myself steady on my feet, but fuck, everything hurts. But he won't know this.

"So what? Why do you care about that?"

"Because you have stuck your nose where it didn't belong!"

"Like?"

He hits me again, the knuckles of his left hand pounding against my ribs, and hell, I think I hear a little pop. It wouldn't surprise me if he broke something. I'm sure that if he did, I will feel it plenty later. In this very second, other parts of my body hurt worse than that hit.

"You have the guts to ask me that?!"

"Well, yes." It's oddly satisfying to see him burn with anger. It makes the anger pile up in me too. And when I'll find a way out of this chain that's keeping me tied in this uncomfortable sitting position, I will make sure I pay him back. My arms hurt from being extended up for so long but I bet they'll be functional enough to beat the shit out of him.

"After you do a crappy job and lose the flash, you go ahead and mingle with that woman…" mingle. What a funny word he used. Maybe he should open an English book once in a while. "…you disobey all my orders and you go recklessly do whatever the hell you want? And on top of that, on top of that, when someone tries to make things right and take the flash back after you lose it, when he was willing to pay so much money to Haynes after you've been that incompetent and worthless, when he goes and does the job you were supposed to do for him, what the hell do you do?!"

"Do you mean Victor was our client in the first place?" Now that's what I call a turn of events.

"Wasn't I obvious enough?" well, considering how cloudy my brain is now, I kinda needed the confirmation.

Now, getting the confirmation from him, I laugh.

"So you do the mafia's dirty job? Since when?" how many of our other clients were from the mafia too?

"Let's say I owed him something."

"I thought you would never be anyone's bitch."

The anger in him reaches new heights when he hits me again, and I can feel my liver ready to pop as his fist makes contact with the side of my body.

"I am no one's bitch!"

"It sounds to me like you were." For whatever reason, I can't stop asking for it.

"I was not! I was doing him a favor! And you, you waste of meat, you were supposed to accomplish it! But what do you do? You go ahead and ruin everything? You kill him?" He goes into furiously hitting me, and with each punch he lays on me, I feel myself getting closer and closer to fainting. I struggle not to, I try to keep my muscles contracted as much as possible and to even dodge him at times, but my hands tied up and my torso unprotected, I don't have many chances. "How much of an idiot can you be?!"

I'm working on this question myself right now. Why did I ask for it so badly? I already see dark and sparkly little spots forming in front of my eyes.

"You go ahead and kill my brother when he wanted to repair your mess and buy the flash back from the man you lost it to?!"

Wow. I did not expect this either. I might be in much deeper shit than I initially thought.

**A few days later**

**RPOV**

The plan was simple and as they've told me, I didn't have much to do to help them either, besides keeping my ass inside and hidden from people's eyes, and it's not like Ivan would let me wander loose anyway, so I had a pretty simple life. And I understand why we have to do it while Dimitri is not around. It needs to seem veritable. Without him here, I appear more vulnerable.

About the boys? Well, they have been away almost every single day ever since Adrian entered this house, doing God knows what because, of course, they enjoy to keep me in the dark too, telling me little things now and then.

The only thing I know for sure is that I will soon be officially dead, them both going far lengths and pulling a lot of strings so that this trick of theirs with a woman that looks almost like me to work.

Of course, Adrian will go back there, to Russia, to Dimitri's boss, to take the credit for it. And if he doesn't let Dimitri know right away that I'm safe, the next time I see him, I'll strangle him.

Well, maybe not strangle. These days when he has been around Ivan's house, he has shown me he's more than that man full of cockiness I've first seen, and that you can actually have a normal conversation with him. A lot of conversations, in fact. I might dare say we've become some kind of friends and I absolutely love his crazy stories about the jobs he had and he absolutely loves the way I cook. It's funny how all three of them praise my cooking.

But even though I know all these things, even if I know what it's supposed to happen, it's still unsettling to watch your own death on TV in such a horrible accident. It's unsettling to know my parents have watched this, even though they've been informed of it.

As I said, they managed to find a body that looks kind of like mine. I mean, someone already dead, as they've told me, and I pray they didn't lie to me. And I am quite glad for that because I wouldn't bear the thought of knowing that there would have been someone who had to die for me to continue living.

As they have told me too, without too many details, the woman died into an accident, different than the car crash that supposedly killed me while I was chased by none other than Adrian. That's all I know about her. For now.

The boys have put much effort into making things as veritable as possible, thinking about all the details and as I am watching the TV reruns of the surveillance cameras recordings of that car chase, I get chills and sick to my stomach. The crash was brutal and the car caught on fire and people are still talking about this, two days later after it happened. They couldn't catch Adrian, of course, but the tragedy of my/her death still lingers in people's minds.

It's weird to see my photo on TV, to see that burning car and for me to be here, safe, alive, and looking at the photo of this woman whose dead body is now accompanying Adrian to Russia.

She looks like me. Kind of. There are still some differences, but if no one would pay much attention, we could pass as twins. But all I can think of now is that the tumefied, burnt flesh made her now unrecognizable. Made me unrecognizable. I wonder what Dimitri would feel when he'll see that. Would he know? I hope that Adrian has the chance to let him know soon.

"When will you get tired of watching that?" Ivan comes behind the sofa I am sitting on and eyes me, his arms crossed.

I shrug as I turn around as he takes a seat on the sofa too, his eyes falling on the photo I am holding.

"Where did you get that from?"

"I um… you left it on the kitchen table."

"Oh."

"This is her?" he nods. "Tell me more about her."

"Rose…"

"No. But really now. I want to know who she was. I want to know more. And how she died. Didn't Adrian kill her, right?"

He laughs a little. "No, of course not. He might be acting a little crazy, but no."

**DPOV**

Even now, a few days later, days in which they've held me hostage, they still want to know where Roza is. The reason for my disobedience. He could never stand it, me not listening to him because of her. But I am not going to tell them anything, no matter what they try.

I'll never sell her, not even for my freedom as Robert has promised me (I can't believe he was stupid enough to think I'll fall for that), because hell, this situation I'm into has proved to be a little harder than I initially thought.

Someone has finally learned how to do a proper knot and someone has thought I would need more guarding than I did when they first brought me in here. After all, who knows me best rather than the man who trained me? But does he still know me that well?

The answer is no. He doesn't know what I am capable of for her. But he is soon to find out. They all are.

But still, I kind of brought it onto myself too. Before them getting to such drastic measures, I was once close to getting out, and it went south in the next second I thought I had it all under control. It wasn't a matter of bad technique though, just a little miscalculation. And that has brought me this punishment. But it doesn't matter. A few more fists, a few more words, who sits to count?

He hasn't attempted to kill me yet because first, he still wants stuff from me. He wants to flash, that I don't have anymore and when he has seen the fake one I had on me, well, that brought me some more torture. Of course, as I mentioned, he wants Rose, who I will never tell him where is. Second, he wants to punish me. I can feel it. I can see it in his eyes. He wants to make an example out of me for others who would even dare think to misbehave.

I'll have to see how I can deal with all this before he decides which would be my punishment. Of course, I am assuming it is death because I would never accept to get back to living that life, but I am wondering how long it will take him to get that task to completion.

The punishment he found is none other than hurting me because nothing else worked so far, and he has come up with perfect textbook torture methods. Water, fire, electricity, air, no air, you name it and he has probably used it on me. But I won't say a thing. My body has been through worse all these past years. And by thinking about the second I would be able to hold Rose again in my arms, it gives me so much power to not give in, to not break. The thought of her, of her love, that's what keeps me alive. After all, I have a good reason to keep going.

Or do I? Hearing what Robert has told me now, I cannot believe it.

"I mean, your girl is dead, Dimitri."

No. I didn't leave just so that they would kill her. It can't be. Ivan would know better than that. She is safe, with Ivan. He's bluffing.

"You don't believe me, don't you?"

"Not at all. Who would have thought you'd be this desperate?"

"After you see what I have to show to you, I don't think you'll have the same opinion about me."

"Let's see." Again, how stupid does he think I am?

"Tell him to come," Robert instructs the man outside the room I'm kept in.

"Tell who to come?"

"Her killer, of course." He won't give up on this, won't he?

The man entering the room, I cannot believe my eyes. It's him. Out of all the people I know, him? And why is he smiling at me like that? There's something fishy going on.

I won't lie, I start getting uneasy. Because out of all the people I know in this agency, Adrian would be capable of finding Rose. He was always a smart one. I thought I could trust his promise. But me being in this position, why wouldn't he take advantage of it, right?

"I still don't believe you. Him being here proves nothing." I try to still keep to my composure. I can't show Robert that this troubled me.

"Fair point. But what about this?"

There's more?

Opening the door, Robert signals to someone to enter. And that someone doesn't come alone. The man comes dragging along a metal rolling table, and there's a body underneath a shining white sheet. That's supposed to be her body?

"There could be anyone under that sheet," I continue to call out his bluff.

"Oh, really? What about now?" he asks smiling, sensing the uncertainty in my voice and pulls the sheet off the dead body lying there.

At first sight, it seems to be her, at least from this distance. The woman has the same height as Rose, the same built, similar hair, only a little straighter. That's all I focus on, too afraid to look at more, afraid of what I might find out.

No. No, this cannot be. I refuse to believe it's her.

"So? What's the verdict? Do you believe us now?" Adrian is the one who speaks this time.

I'll kill him! I'll fucking kill him! Him and Adrian and everyone! How could they?! Look at what they've done! What did they do to her face, to her body?

"Yeah, that was a little unfortunate accident, it seems," Robert responds to the questions in my head. A _little accident_?

"Yeah, but she definitely knows how to drive a car," Adrian mocks. "Did you teach her?" but I am not even listening to him anymore.

No. I can't be sure if it's her, not with… _that, _not with all the bruises and burns and swells. It _cannot_ be her. My Roza was beautiful. She still is. Because she is not dead.

"Wanna take a better look?" Adrian pushes things too far and I swear I'd give anything to break free of this chain and beat him to death. "Come, take a look. Make sure we're not lying to you."

Taking hold of a corner of the table, he drags the table closer to me and I can't look at it. I look away as I hear the little wheels screeching the floor. With the corner of my eye, I still see her hair, or anyway, what's left of it, hanging over the table and it physically hurts me to even think about the possibility that's Rose.

I don't want to look. But I have to. I have to be sure it's her.

So I turn my head and confront the reality in front of me.

The curls of her hair are not the same. The color either. This woman has lighter and straighter hair. Something else is off too. First, Rose would never wear such a crop top, with such a deep cleavage. Not that I wouldn't love to see her dressed in one, but she wouldn't parade on the outside in that. Hell, Ivan wouldn't even have let her get out of the house. He promised me.

Second, I can't see any signs of the healing hickeys I left on her breasts some days ago. I don't see the three little moles that from a perfect triangle on the side of her neck. And most obviously, there's no scar on her hip.

It's not her. It is not her. Thank God, it's not her!

"Well, isn't this an _imbroglios_ situation?" Adrian asks me, his eyebrow lifting and lowering into an amused way.

Wait, what? What did he say?

I rip my eyes off the dead body and stare at him. He winks at me.

"What kind of word is that?" Robert's features scrunch with inquiry as he rests against the desk filled with all kinds of torture devices.

"Oh, it's a little something a woman I've met taught me, nothing important," Adrian brushes it off, but he makes sure to wink again at me, free to do so because Robert is quite far from us and not seeing his face.

But it _is _important. I get it now.

And why do I think this has something to do with Ivan and his usually crazy ideas? Because making me think Rose is dead? Awesomely crazy (and stupid) idea. I was a second away from going crazy. But at the same time, his idea is effective. It will get the bounty off her head. I am a little upset I didn't come up with it.

"I will fucking kill you, you bastard." Nodding at me, he smiles again. "You will pay for this. You will both pay. I'll fucking rip your guts out and give it to dogs!" I still need to fake it so that Robert would think he won this time. I continue my parade of threats and insults towards them.

This time, Adrian comes closer to me. "Oh, come on, don't be so harsh on me. No offence, buddy, but it wasn't anything personal." His palm patting on my shoulder, he smiles wider and fuck, this role he is playing is veritable. Even though I know he is helping me now, I still want to kick his ass. "Let's just say that what I've received from him was more rewarding than having to be indebted to you." He bends and as Robert is too busy glowing in his supposed superiority, still too far away from us to see what Adrian really does next. He slips a little key in my palm and whispers to me: "I hope we're a little even now."

As Robert gets up and heads towards us, I hold the key so tight in my fist I'm afraid I'll rip a finger.

"Now, if you won't mind, 3-0-8, I'd like some time alone with him." Yeah, he surely wants to rub this in my face.

"Sure. I'm glad I could be at your service," Adrian responds full of respect and all that missed form his acting was to kiss Robert's ass.

As he heads towards the door, I make sure to add some more threats and invectives, wanting to seem veritable.

After the door closes, I pin my eyes on this woman that's dead in front of me and even though I have no idea who she is, I am thankful to her. However she died, I'm sorry it happened, but hell, I might sound like the most selfish human on earth, but at least it's not that's Rose here.

"Why did you insist to do that stupidity?" Robert pushes the metallic table out from my view and comes facing me, demanding my attention. "Why did you insist to leave it all for her? You're a legend. _Were_ one. My best student. Everybody here was looking up to you. You were my best agent, son. Why did you have to ruin it all?"

"I am _not_ your son."

"But I raised you."

"Yes. To be a monster."

"A survivor," He corrects, his eyebrows coming together and forming a deep frown. "Like me."

"No. Not anymore. I _was _like you. You raised me to be that, to be a copy of you. But not anymore. I'll be myself from now on."

"You're weak, Dimitri. After all this time, I realize that I have failed to teach you the most important lesson. What did Rose do to you?"

"Don't you even _dare_ say her name, not after you did what you did! You'll pay for it!"

Please by my reaction, he drags a chair and sits in front of me.

"I could have killed her earlier, you know? When you were with her. I _should_ have, but I wanted to let you do it. I still thought that you'd listen to me and that you'd eventually do it. Bad idea from me."

"I wouldn't consider it to be that."

"You know, what I did now was nothing but to help you, _again_, like I did the first time when you were too young and dumb to do it yourself, when you were too young to know what's best for you."

"Do it myself? So what? You really thought that I would kill her even after-"

"Even after you _fell in love with her_?" you can sense the disgust in his voice and hell, it's all over his face too. "I hoped you would see the mistake you were doing again and make it right this time. I waited for you to open your eyes, but I fooled myself. Again. I trusted you too much, son. But you keep on doing the same mistake over and over again. You made me do this now, and the first time too."

"First time?" he nods. What first time? What is he talking about?

Wait. The realization of his words hits me like a shot in the plexus and I remain breathless for a couple of seconds as this thought settles in.

"_You_ killed Zoey?"

"Well, I realized that you wouldn't have done it. Obviously, you wanted to have them all and you were ready to give up at all the potential you had. I thought you'd figure it out that she was no good for you, but you were too _in love _with her to realize that. Now too. I couldn't let you be distracted by that useless thing. You were way too in love with her and that would have set you back from your potential. I couldn't have let that happen. I had to get rid of her."

"You sick bastard!"

Driven by the anger piled in me, I lift my foot off the ground and take a shot at his knee as hard as I possibly can from my unadvantageous position.

But I still managed to hit a good spot. It's just my luck that he has sat down too close to me.

As he gets up from the chair and places it at a safer distance away from me, I see him limping a little, but he does his best to keep the pain hidden. But I still see his features flinch when he sits down, having to bend that knee again.

"Love makes you weak, Dimitri. You have to see it now. It drives you to do crazy, thoughtless things, as you did now. I have taught you to be more cerebral than this."

I smile, but this smile is trying so hard to contain everything breaking in me, every piece of me turning into millions of them. Hell, I even laugh, but for once in a long time, I am trying so bad not to break.

I should have seen it. I should have known it was his doing. I was so deep into resenting myself for Zoey's death that I didn't see the truth in front of my eyes. And it has been here for so many years!

"I trusted you once with that." I did trust him when he told me that. Growing up, each time he told me those words, I trusted him. Until I met Zoey and his words ceased to make sense. Until I realized that love does just the opposite.

But he made sure to make me pay for it. And remembering how much he cared about my loss, this fake fucker, I hate him more. So much more.

I should have seen it in his words too, after her death. That's all he continued to say. That love makes you weak. That it's better that way. That I didn't need her. That I should focus on the more important things.

"I won't trust you ever again. Because you're wrong. So wrong." What I've felt with Zoey then, with Rose now, that could never be a weakness.

He starts laughing. "Like father, like son," he mumbles and passes his hands through his fading hair, like I'd be exasperating him with my resistance. And I will continue to do so until I manage to open the lock on my chain.

But I decide to postpone this for a little, as I want to know more.

"What did you say?" He couldn't have possibly known my father. That's impossible.

But after all, what do I know about him? He has lied to me in so many ways.

"You're just like your father, Dimitri," he says louder this time and that previous disgust is again present in his voice.

_"What_?" The hollow in my plexus gets bigger and bigger and shit, I think I'm feeling sick. The nausea in me is strong as I try to wrap my mind around this too. He knew my family?

He gets up and starts pacing left and right in front of me.

"You're a _dreamer_. A _romantic. _A fucking idiot! You went and fell in love with the first woman available, not once, but fucking twice! That's _pathetic_! I'm amazed that you didn't go ahead and made a fuckload of kids with her or with the other bitch. That would have been poetic, don't you think? You would have shared the same fate as your father. You would have died like your father, thinking you could have gotten a family and all. The perfect family life. Well, you don't!"

I understand. There was no accident, no drunk driver crashing in our car, no nothing. It was him. Again. He killed them too.

"Pathetic, huh?" I keep him busy as I undo the lock. Nice. It didn't make a sound.

"Yes. Pathetic! It seems it is running through your genes to be this stupid around women. It cannot be mended, no matter how much work you put into it! God knows I tried. But you're just like him!"

"Say that one more time. Say one more thing about my family. I dare you."

"I don't' have anything to say about that whore you called mother. But your father? Your father was as good as you. Maybe not. You exceeded my expectations. All of them. You were driven by anger, by the anger of losing them. See? I've done you another favor in this life by killing them, but you never appreciated the things I do for you! But all in all, he was a good agent. Like you are. But then what?" Coming closer to me, he bends and stares me straight in the eyes. "You met that first bitch, _Zoey," _getting back to a straight position, he goes closer to the body lying on the table. "Then, there comes _Rosemarie_. There always has to be a woman. You were like him. You still are, Dimitri, in many ways. Because he met _that woman_ too, all of a sudden, he wanted out. He _went_ out, for seven years." That's the age Sonja and Karolina had. "He didn't want to come back, no matter how many jobs and money I offered him. You wanted to do the same."

"And why was that wrong? Why is it wrong even now? Is it wrong to want a life? A normal one?"

He storms in front of me again.

"You don't get to choose to get out! You don't get to leave at will! _I_ say when you get out. _I_ dictate things around here! No one dares disobey me! No one dares to not listen to me! I owned him! _I_ _own_ _you_!"

"Not anymore. Never again."

I let the chain fall to the floor and get up.

Taking advantage of the element of surprise, I pin him against the wall and my fingers wrap on his throat.

"You'll pay for this, for everything I ever lost because of you, for everything you took from me. You'll regret it. Your brother's death will be nothing compared to yours."

**RPOV**

Ivan tells me the answer to all my questions about her. Well, he tells me all the answers he knows himself. Which is not much.

I've found out her name, that she was working into the pleasure industry, and that some client killed her.

"But you told me it was an accident."

"It was, somehow, an accident. He didn't mean to kill her. He was into some rough shit and she agreed to it for some extra money, a lot of money, in fact, but he took it too far and ended up killing her."

"That's horrible." People are so… terrible. Brutal. "So, that's all you know about her? How she died?"

"Kinda. I didn't ask questions that didn't interest me. All I needed to know was that she had no family. And rarely, women that do this kind of stuff do. That's a good thing for us because no one will come looking for her." Or maybe her parents think they've lost her a long time ago. But still, to have no one to miss you, no one to remember you, that's sad.

"You're sure? Were there no friends? No kids? No boyfriend? Something? No one?"

"Maybe a friend, but I am not sure. There was a woman there when we pretended to be good citizens who would gladly dispose of the body so that the pimp wouldn't have troubles with the police and she was crying badly. We even got some money out of it, but yeah… it didn't… you know, seem right to keep them. We left them on the street a couple of blocks away." Wow, these people have a conscience after all. A good one.

"Oh, Ivan. But this is still weird. That… you use dead people in this way."

"I know. I didn't like the experience either, but sometimes it is necessary. This world asks you to do some things at times."

Yeah, like killing people.

"I know. Especially when I am the one who has benefitted from it. But can you… can I ask you to find her friend?"

"What for?"

"I want to meet her."

His eyebrow lifts. "Are you sure about that?"

"I guess." I want to know more about this woman that has given her life in exchange for mine.

"Okay, Rose. If you want it, I can pull some strings and find her."

"Thank you. You're the best. Or… you know, the second-best."

He laughs. "Ah, I can do just fine with the second place too, kiddo."

* * *

It didn't take Ivan more than an hour to find this woman. Damn, his skills are incredible. And after another hour in which I did my best to convince him to take me to her, he agreed, surprisingly, without asking me why.

As Ivan can't show his face around there, risking for the pimp to recognize him, I convince him that I should be the one going to talk to her, even though I have no idea what I want to tell her.

"I don't like this and I don't want you to do this, but we're already here and Dimitri told me you're stubborn as hell, so fine, go. But please, be careful. I don't want Dimitri to fucking kill me."

"Don't you worry. I won't do anything stupid, I promise. And thank you for this." I hug him before putting on my sunglasses, a silky scarf too, and looking like a redo of a 50's woman, I get out of the car.

Walking down the street, she is easy to spot, even if it's quite dark outside. After all, she's the only woman with bright pink hair on this street. And she is on her job. Well, I'll see how I'll deal with that.

I try to act like I am part of the décor, and I head straight to her, not wanting to miss her in the advantage of some client.

But arriving in front of her, I still haven't thought of what words I should say.

"You're seeing something you like?" she asks me as she detaches from the wall she was resting against and comes closer to me, with a not so friendly look on her face.

"I um… you see… I-"

"Hey, you!" I see a tattooed guy approaching us and shit, I think I am close to being in trouble. "Haven't I told you you're not here to socialize?" shit, this must be her pimp. "And you?" he now directs his attention towards me. "You're here to look for some threesome material? You want to make you man a happy man?" he mocks me.

Okay, time for a little improvisation.

"In fact, no. I am here for her services, but not for my man. I want her for myself."

"You? You want her for yourself?"

"Yeah? Why not? Can't a girl have fun too?" I try to look as confident as possible and adopt a defying stance in front of him. "Of course, if she wants too."

A wicked smile spreads on his lips, probably already thinking of what we both could do in bed together.

"She won't complain, don't you worry. Won't you, Pixie?" Yeah, like she even has a choice. I swear that if I could, I would smack this guy so hard he'd be sleeping till next week. But I can't.

She nods, trying to act like she enjoys the idea.

"Shall we, Pixie?" I wonder if she chose this name because of the hair or that was a later adding.

Not wasting another second, she takes a hold of my hand and guides me inside the building, we walk past a lot of, let's say _noisy _rooms, and we finally get to an empty one.

Letting go of my hand and closing the door, she puts her hands across her chest.

"So, how can I please you tonight?" she already starts unzipping her leather jacket, and I see that there's nothing but a lacy bra underneath. "You like it with the tongue or-"

"No, no, nothing like that," I stop her before she starts listing me all the other possibilities and God forbid, get down to business.

"No? You're one of those people that need someone to talk to? You know, this is why psychologists were invented."

I can't help but laugh.

"Well, yes, I am here to talk, but not about my problems."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. Wait a second."

I take off my glasses and the scarf, and the second she sees me, well, she looks like she would have seen a ghost.

"Are you… is it you, Mia?"

"No, my name is Rose."

"Sure, silly me. I am sorry, then. You… you look like a friend of mine."

"I know."

"You _do_?"

"Yes. This is what I wanted us to talk about. Tell me about her, about Mia."

"What? Why?"

"Please me and tell me something about her."

My request disturbs her more than I thought it would. Zipping back up her jacket, she passes her fingers through her hair and pins the door with her eyes.

"I… I can't. Look, Rose, or whatever, I have to work. He'll kill me if-"

"I'll pay you for your time. Whatever it takes. I have cash." And to prove it to her, I open my purse and show her one little stack of money.

Seeing them, she's a little obliged to remain, and I am taking advantage of that.

After a few minutes in which she cries silently and I give her all the time she needs, she starts speaking.

Smoking to probably calm herself, she tells me briefly how they became friends, best friends really, in this chaotic world they're part of. They were in this together and Mia has always had her back. She was her support, as she has told me through new tears.

But there's one thing that doesn't correspond to what I knew. The man that killed Mia, he wanted to hurt her instead, and, as always, Mia wanted to protect her and that's how she ended up dead.

"So, no client of hers killed her?"

"Why does that matter?" she pulls her knees up to her chest and rounds her hands on them. "Again, why are you so curious about her? Are you with the police?"

"No. God, no. I am not here to play that role."

"Then why?"

"Let's say that after her death, your friend has helped me a lot."

"I see." She doesn't ask any questions, like already knowing it has something to do with freaky, illegal shit. I wonder how many other things don't seem weird to her because, for me, everything is still weird about this world I've suddenly entered. "Then, what are you looking for here? Care to take her place? Hell, if muscles on legs would have seen your face, I swear that he would have been able to call Mia's usual clients and put you to work."

"Oh, hell no. Not here for the job." But then I realize how offending thins might have sounded. "Sorry about that."

"Nah, don't you worry. I am used to people judging me."

"I'm not here to do that. I just wanted to know some stuff about her. If, I don't know, she had someone? Some family?"

"No. She was all alone. Like me. Like all of us here. I don't think I remember how my mother looks. But we had each other. And a dream." This thought finally brings a little smile on her lips.

"What dream?"

She puffs and wiggles her hand around, brushing it off.

"A stupid dream. But it was the only thing that was keeping us going."

"Tell me about it," I encourage her. "I want to know about it."

Lighting up another cigarette, she breathes in deeply two times before speaking again.

"We dreamt that one day we would get out of here and have an art studio together. She was so talented. A genius. And she… she inspired me too. Because of her I dyed my hair pink, goddamnit," she laughs.

"Like a muse?" My instinct is telling me that they were close, maybe closer than best friends, and that this loss I can understand. I'm kinda feeling it now, even though I know he'll come back.

"No. Maybe. Not really. But her passion drove me too. She was so… driven."

"That is a nice dream to have."

"Yeah, but this is all it will ever be, especially now that she's gone."

"I have a proposal for you."

Before even hearing it, she laughs. "What? You save me from here?" Her tone gets sarcastic and I understand her. I am a complete stranger coming up with crazy ideas.

"Kind of."

"Wait, what? You're serious."

"One hundred percent. I might be able to get you out of here."

"No." she puts her cigarette out onto the bed's frame and throws the cigar end onto the floor. "Some other people tried. With both of us. And we trusted them. But he always finds me. He always found us. It's like he has put a fucking chip into our necks or something. So unless you're God or something like that, you can't do anything for me, Rose."

"Well, let me contradict you. The people I know are not really God, but if they, _he_ takes care of it," now I can only pray that Ivan will agree with this other crazy idea of mine too. "You'll be alright."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Let's say that I wanted to thank Mia for what she did for me and because I didn't find her alive, I am thanking you instead."

"I don't know what to say about that."

"Just one thing."

"What?"

"Besides yes, of course, tell me when your shift or whatever you call this usually ends. I know it's maybe a crazy thing to trust me, but… what can you lose?"

"Besides my life? Nothing much, sweetheart."

"But is _this_ life?"

* * *

Surprisingly enough, I don't have to ask Ivan twice for his help. Hearing me, he smiles, shakes his head, and says this: "To hell with it. Why the fuck not? Let's get that girl some freedom kiddo."

This is how, twenty-four hours after our talk, all three of us, Pixie, Ivan, and me, we're into a busy airport into a town three hours away, ready to embark her on, I hope, the trip of her life.

Before leaving, I give her a little pouch and my best wishes.

"It's not much, but I hope it might be a startup for your dream."

**IPOV**

Seeing what's inside that pink pouch Rose has given her, this Pixie (hell, she does look like one with that hair of hers and her personality even matches that name), she starts crying and thanks Rose for whatever she saw there.

As she leaves, I come by Rose's side and we start walking towards the exiting doors.

"What was in that pouch?"

"Something to help her start her dream."

"How many digits does that something have?" because unless it was filled with one-dollar bills, there must be a little fortune.

"Six?" six digits? Wow.

"That was a nice thing to do, kiddo. Where did you get the money from? Robbed a store? I thought I hid all the guns around the house." No, really. I did that, no bullshit.

She laughs a little. It's nice to see her smiling these days. Ever since Dimitri left, about a week ago, well, she's quite sad. Melancholic. She's missing him like crazy.

"I didn't rob anything, old man. Those were my savings. When you told me I'll be dead soon, I thought I could get them-"

I get a hold of her forearm and stop her.

"Waaaait a second. Do you mean that-"

Her expression gets apologetic. "That I got out of the house while you and Adrian were away? Well, yes. Please don't get mad at me for it."

I can't be mad at her for this. This Pixie chick, I hope she'll be happy wherever she goes because Rose took so much care of her.

"Oh, kiddo." I put an arm around her neck and ruffle her hair. It's oddly satisfying to do this, I won't lie. Maybe the way she tries to pull away and how she squeals and tries to punch me might motivate me too, who knows?

"I'm not mad. How can I be when it was for such a great cause?" I like this woman. She's caring and loving and selfless. She's what Dimitri needs in his life, I am one hundred percent sure. "You are one in a million. Who would do such a gesture these days?"

Her cheeks get pinkier. "I'm not _that _special. I didn't do much." Modest too? I should have seen it coming.

"Rose, I don't know how come Dimitri stumbled over you, but hell, I don't want you to leave him." The way he talks about her and how passionate he is about her and how well he seems to be doing ever since he met her, I like that. He deserves some peace after so many years of beating himself up. She is his peace, no doubt here.

Looking at me, she frowns. "I won't. You know I love him."

"I do, kiddo, I know." But hell, she hasn't seen the worst of him yet, she doesn't know it all because he is such a fucking idiot! I'll kill him if he ruins things with her, I swear.

**RPOV**

He smiles, a little sad, and I still don't know what he meant with that.

"Don't get me wrong. But I really hope you won't, kiddo." He sighs. "Can you promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"That… hell, it might seem off for me to ask you this, but… try to be patient with him, will you? He's not usually the man to open up too easily. Give him time, will you? He's a good guy. It's a little hard for him to be… _open_." He smiles again that sad smile. "Even though, I haven't seen him like that, like he used to be, in a long while. You do him good and I would be sad too if you'd leave."

Dimitri has been more than patient with me all these times, so how could I not be the same with him?

But before that, I can't miss my chance to tease him a little.

"Was that your way of telling me you like me, old man?"

This time he laughs, and unfortunately for me, he rewards my tease with another hair ruffle. I swear that he's crazy about doing this.

"Always a smarty-pants." Pulling away, his face gets serious again. "But yes, Rose. I like you. And I like that you're around him. You do him good."

"Then, I promise. I promise I'll be patient." I'll be whatever he needs me to be.

* * *

**IPOV**

"No! Hell no. Definitely no. Not even when the hell freezes no. And I mean it, Rose. I've encouraged your little ideas, but this one? This one is a bit too much. _It is _too much, kiddo." And a three-hour ride back to my place is all it took her to come up with another idea.

"But why?" she tries to keep up with my pace as I head towards the entrance.

Why. She's asking me why. I'll tell her why.

"Because it's crazy." This woman is full of crazy ideas. It's more than Dimitri told me to expect to. "And I won't spend a second more talking to you about this." Thank God she mentioned it about five minutes before arriving, otherwise, I would have had to listen to her, I bet well-prepared speech on our way back.

"But it's just some acid, right?"

"Just some acid. Right, of course. You've researched this already?"

"Well, not really. Dimitri told me about how his fingertips got wiped and-"

"And what did you think? That you could get it too, right? What do you want, to be twins?"

She stops in place, ceasing to try to follow me, and hell, I do too.

Turning around, I see her watching me with a deep frown between her brows. Yes, what I said offended her and yes, I've been offending by saying that, yes, I spoke shit, but she is asking me to do something crazy for her, and this limit I won't pass. Dimitri would kill me in horrible ways and hell, if I don't know him better than anyone, who else does?

I get closer to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry about that. But where do all these crazy ideas come from, kiddo? Dimitri told me to be careful with you, but this is not what I expected. Excuse me for saying this, I am not saying it to offend you in any way, but you're fucking crazy if you think I will agree with that."

She nods. "No offence taken. But I am still doing it," she gives the verdict and gets past me.

"Come one! He will kill me if he sees that! He'll know I didn't stop you. He'll rip my balls off!"

She stops and turns around to give me an answer. "It's my choice. And when he'll want to do that, I'll make him understand."

"And it's _my_ choice to say no!" I yell after her, feeling the need to have the last word to this. "I won't participate in this, kiddo, get that into your head."

Let's see how she'll do it if I refuse to help her. It's not like she has the proper connections and she's not that crazy to do it herself. Or is she?

Nah. She isn't. I hope she isn't. And if God forbid she is, she won't be able to get her hands on the acid, so I'm safe.

Yeah, this is the best idea. If I don't do it, she won't find anyone who could do it. Problem solved. She may be upset with me for now, but it will pass.

**RPOV**

I didn't expect him to say yes right away. I had a whole speech prepared for him, but hell, hearing what I'm asking, he just said no and rushed out of the car, like avoiding talking to me on purpose. Was he afraid I might actually convince him?

But after all, brothers or not, they both have that crazy protectiveness in them. But again, it's my choice and I'll be damned if I don't find someone who could help me with this.

But what about…? Hm, that's a good idea.

Yeah, she might know how to do it. After all, she can even mend the pain and all.

This is a great idea!

Getting to my room, in my mind I thank Dimitri for giving me her number. Now, all I need to pray for is for her to answer and second, to agree with it.

When I was ready to give up and press the red button, she answers.

* * *

I know it's quite unfair from me to do this in these circumstances, but hell, I had to. So, one day, when Ivan left with some business of his, leaving me alone, I called Lissa and told her to come by.

Of course, being the professional she is, she gives me all the information I needed and, at last, she asks me the question I dreaded.

"Did, by any chance, Ivan say something about this?" I sense the bitterness in her voice as she says his name out loud, but I decide not to get inquiring, even though I could use that to change the subject, but I decide I won't strike under the belt.

"This is none of his business. It's my choice."

She seems proud of my answer. Maybe us two being, let's say, against him, this having the probability of pissing him off, she doesn't ask further questions and does the procedure right away.

Finally bandaging my fingers, she asks me something else. Damn, her questions hit right where it hurts.

"But what would Dimitri say about this?"

I have thought about the moment he'll see this and the scolding I am going to get. But I am doing it for the right cause.

"He will understand. I am sure he will. Plus, I am mature enough to make this decision. And I am making it. I've done it. It will be better this way. I shouldn't exist anymore. At least I've made it more real." Another part of my existence has been wiped and I don't feel anything about it. If this pain is what it takes for me to have a normal-ish, safer life, then I'll pay it.

**IPOV**

Coming back, I see a car parked in front of the house. And fuck, I know this car so well. After all, two years ago, I am the one who told her she'd love it.

But seeing it here now, knowing that Rose is inside too, knowing what she wanted to do, what she insisted so bad to do the other day and how easily she didn't mention another thing about it after the little fight we had that night, I should have, I fucking should have seen this shit coming.

Can I at least hope it's not too late?

Entering the living room, I see them both chilling on the sofa, watching TV, acting like the most innocent two creatures on earth. But the evidence is there. Lissa's medical stuff still on the coffee table, Rose's gloved hands, Rose's droopy eyes from the anesthetic. It _is_ too late.

"What the hell is this?!"

Rose didn't even see me until I spoke, that out she was and from the moment Lissa has seen me, she has already roller her eyes in discontent, but hey, I am not the guilty one here.

"Ivan, you see…" Rose starts but a yawn stops her.

"Oh, come on, cut it with the speech, will you?" Lissa takes over from where Rose left. And of course, like all the times when she sees me, she starts packing up her stuff and wants to leave.

But I've had enough for today and I am not willing to let things go easily. So, getting her stuff out of her hands, I oblige her to look at me, in my eyes, for once in a very long time.

"Yeah? I should cut it with the speech? I fucking won't. You two are insane?! What the hell were you thinking? I mean, Rose I understand. But you? What about you? I thought you were more in your minds than she is."

"Spare me that shit, will you? Are you serious now? Like you wouldn't know better what this life asks from you! The sacrifices you have to do! Like you-"

"And just because, God-fucking-damnit, Liss!" I point to Rose who is watching us quarrel, and she looks like a kid watching her parents have a fight, her eyes teary and she's trying to say something to mend this, but Liss and I have had this fight going since forever. "She is no-"

"You don't know shit about it!"

"Don't I? _Don't I?_" don't I know what she would have had to endure if she would have continued to be with me? I know them all and some more. She cannot blame me for this.

"No! Not at all! You were raised into it! You've been used to it all your fucking life! You haven't been dragged into this! You have no idea how it is to be alone in it in these conditions, and especially when you have no idea how to deal with it all by yourself! You have _no idea_. I do! Because of you!" she ends with her voice cracking and pushing me away from her.

Fuck, what have I done? I'm a moron. It's like I have a single functioning brain cell left in my brain and even it is sleeping.

I try to reach my hand for hers. "Liss…"

"Don't you _dare _call me that ever again! Just because you think you've done the best choice, let me tell you that you didn't! You…" she tries to speak some more, but the tears threatening to spill prevent her.

If I didn't hate myself enough until now, now I surely do.

"Don't you ever pretend you know how it feels like," she says lastly and leaving everything behind, she leaves.

I want to follow her, but calling my name, Rose stops me.

"Rose, I don't have the time for this now."

"Hey." She wants to get up to her feet while trying not to touch anything around her too much with her hands, but she's too droopy, and I know that those fingertips must hurt, so I get closer and sit her back on the sofa.

If I think better about it, I should lie her down, to get some sleep.

After I drag the afghan on her, she still stops me, still having something to tell me.

"It's not her fault, old man. It's mine and I am sorry I lied. Well, that I didn't tell you. But I called her because you didn't want me to do it. And I wanted it. It's not her fault. You should be mad at me."

"Goddamnit, Rose. You… she… fuck. It's more to it than this, okay? You… you go to sleep now, okay? We'll talk in the morning about this." And I'll make sure she knows my opinion about the shit she has done.

Now I have something else to do. I need to find Lissa and talk to her. Us fighting now, it's the most words she told me in years. She even looked me in the eyes, even if I obliged her to. And oh, how I missed that. But the words she told me too, shit, I've never seen things from that perspective.

But when I get outside, her car is already gone.

* * *

**DPOV**

Seeing my little piece of art as I head back towards the only room into where someone is breathing, I see everything around destructed, broken, smashed, and I love it. Bringing this place down piece by piece is what I've been looking for in so long.

Entering the room where I've been tortured into and putting down what I've been carrying along, I turn Robert's body to face up, then pour some cold water on his face to wake him up from his slumber.

The trick working, he gets scared and maybe confused, I am not sure if I gave him a concussion too, and tries to get up onto his arms, but it's not working. After all, he's hurt and bleeding from various areas. Good. I hope it hurts him like hell.

"Come on, do it already. Kill me. This is why you're still here, aren't you? This is why you've left me last."

"Aren't you the smartest cookie in the jar?"

"Nice idiom, Dimitri. Did Rose teach you that?"

His sarcastic comment brings him another hit into his stomach. With my foot.

"Yes, yes. Go ahead. Do it. I appreciate that you have let me last, to see everything that you've accomplished," he says watching my bloody, dirty, ripped clothing.

I shrug. "I don't know what to say about that. I want to let you see everything that you created burn some more. Tell me, do you like it?"

I let him get up on his fours. After all, he's harmless to me.

"Yes, sure. Good job, son. You have, for once, made me proud of you."

"I never needed you to be proud of me. And stop calling me that. You never could be like my father." He was a good man.

"Trust me, I am glad I'm not that. He was weak, even though he was a good killer. Weakness doesn't get you anywhere in life. It wouldn't have taken him either."

"You're insane! He was getting on the right track, he was having a normal life and you killed him for it!"

"So dramatic, Dimitri. But will you cut it already? I don't want to hear your speech about love and how good can it do to the world. I am not interested. I've heard it once from your father and it didn't impress me much. Your efforts won't either. Because sure, all you ever needed was love, right? The little hurt boy who has always wanted to be loved. Boohoo. You never needed love. You needed power. And you had so much more than that in you and you never knew how to appreciate it." He starts laughing. "What do you think you accomplished anyway? You may kill me, but someone will get this going again. There are many willing to take my legacy further."

"Like these people I have on this drive here? All your little brainwashed leeches ready to serve you even after you die?"

Seeing me hold that, his face goes expressionless. That's the expression I was aiming to get. If he thinks he hid it well, he's wrong.

"As I thought. You see, I never said I was _done_ with burning up and destroying everything you ever created, _anyone_ you ever created. I won't stop until I erase every bit of the things you did on this planet. When I am done with you, no one will ever remember you or anything that you ever did but me." and well, Adrian too, but he doesn't need to know.

"Why? Because I killed your newest girl too? Why was she that special?"

"No, it's more than that. It's because you took everything away from me. Every single thing I ever loved, except one. And you'll die knowing no one is going to remember you, that no one is going to continue anything you stared because I will make sure that doesn't happen. I will erase every little trace of your agency. Each man, one by one. Even if it is the last thing I do in my life."

"What is the one exception?" it's good to know he pays attention to my words after all.

"You see, you were so fast to make me suffer, to gloom in your proudness, that you didn't even start to think it wasn't Rose you saw dead."

"What?"

"Just as you heard."

He laughs again, but this time not for long as some blood needs to make its way out of his lungs.

"Good playing, Dimitri. You were, and still are, my best student."

"Yeah, but not for longer."

"You'll always have this darkness in you. I didn't put it there, I mostly exploited it. You're not the good man you think you are. And I'll always be there, in you. You want to admit it or not, we're alike. And even if I die now, even if you erase every trace of me, there will still be some of me left in you.

"I never affirmed to be a good man." I am aware of my flaws. "I'm just trying to be one and you've never let me try all the way."

"Sure, if that is what will help you sleep better at night, go ahead and lie to yourself, thinking I was the one stopping you. But you liked it, all of it. But then again, what do I know, right? It seems that I've never truly understood you. Come on, go ahead. Try to be this good man you want to be for your sweetest Rosemarie and tell me how it goes, when we meet in hell. And be a man and kill me and be done with it! Stop with the preaching and do what you have to!"

"I won't kill you. At least not easily. You don't deserve it and if I am a monster for doing this, if I am the monster that you are too, then be it, I'll be one some more."

Grabbing the chain that was previously keeping me tied, I put it around his wrists and pin him onto the radiator here. When I am done with that, I get the canister I carried all around the building and pour the liquid all around him. Directly on him, that would be too easy.

When that task is over too, I head towards the door, still carrying the canister, letting it drip behind me.

"See you in hell, Robert. At least I know I would have lived a good life here, on earth. What do you have here? Nothing. You've lived your life creating this and now you'll watch it burn to ashes."

"You're a fool! You'll never be happy with her!" he keeps on mumbling things because he's quite incapable of yelling them thanks to the blood piling up again in his lungs.

Before getting out of the room, I remember one thing.

"Hey, spasite ot syda, right?" I love it how much irony can there be in this fucking life.

I get out of the building and right at the entrance, I light up a match and let the flames swallow the building little by little as I get farther away from it, sensing the clear, cold air invading my lungs. I am free. Easy. After years and years, I'm free of it all.

Wanting to make sure it will all burn down, wanting to see it all turn to ashes, I sit down on the ground and watch it burn, watch the blue sky fill with smoke and fire.

* * *

And now that everything has burned down and I'm a complete pyromaniac, it's time to get on the tracks of the one that has the same preoccupations, especially the one who likes branding. And everyone that's left, of course. I still have a list in my pocket I need to take care of.

But I'll remain here, alone, for a second longer, to enjoy this freedom, then I'll go and be done with it. The faster it ends, the better. But I'll waste another second, just for the sake of it. Everything hurts, but God, it hurts so good. I feel more alive than ever. And free. So, so free. Who said that burning things is cathartic, knew his shit.

But when I feel a hand lay on my shoulder, that loneliness disappears. Turning around slowly, I see this little bastard.

This is perfect. I didn't even have to bother to find him. Even though I didn't think of starting with him, the universe is still conspiring in my favor.

* * *

**A week later, RPOV**

The scolding I got from Ivan? That was easy compared to him refusing to talk to me for a whole day. Hell, this man knew so well where it would hurt me most and even though I knew I deserved it, it felt like hell. But we're back to being friends now and things have gone back to the way they were. At least some good things are still happening around here. Because in my head? There are a lot of bad things going on.

But I am not willing to let myself lose hope. Dimitri said that he would come back to me. Always. And he will. I know it. I will wait for him a hundred years if I have to, I don't care.

Now, almost two weeks have passed since he left and he still hasn't come back. I know he said it might take longer than this, but the waiting is driving me insane. I thought I could do it, but the unknowing and Ivan's refusal to tell me, that's harder than anything.

All I do every single day is to hope he would find his way back to me, but the days continue to pass and unfortunately, my hope begins to fade away at times and bad thoughts and worries started to fill my mind. Don't get me wrong here, I am not ready to give up on him that easily, I just have my moments of darkness. But even on my worst days, I still know he'll come, I still pray he's safe as I lay in bed with his T-shirt on me, covered by his smell and imagining his warmth as he holds me. Oh, I miss him so much.

All the days were the same. I kinda started some training in Ivan's immense training room, and to my advantage, he found me there one day and decided to teach me a thing or two. After that in the mornings, I would find all kinds of ways to keep myself busy if Ivan isn't around to keep me company. Trust me, I tried them all. From ogling out the window for hours to binge-watching on Netflix, to cooking sprees, extensive yoga sessions and all bunch of shit, anything to keep my mind busy.

But this morning, things are different and not in a way I'll like, I can feel it.

For starters, Ivan is not wearing any comfortable clothes. He has on some jeans and well, that's pretty uncomfortable to fight into. Of course, this could mean that he needs to go away for the day, but still, my intuition tells me it's not that. The weighty expression on his face kinda gives him away.

As he comes closer to me, I stop my stretching and wait for the worst to come.

"Hey, kiddo." The way he tries to seem jolly is another sign. I already don't like this.

"Ivan, what's… what's the matter?"

"I… I wanted to- I have to give you something."

"What?"

"This." From the back pocket of his jeans, he gets out something that I haven't seen in a while.

Touching the old cover of the book with my still painful fingertips, I remember the day I read it. Hell, I can even remember its smell.

"Ivan, what is this? I mean, I know what it is, it's Dimitri's book, but… why are you giving it to me?"

He seems to not know how or what to say. He scratches the back of his neck and sighs a couple of times.

"Look, kiddo. He asked me to give you this if… if he doesn't come back for a while. Look inside."

Opening the book, where's the part I laughed copiously at, I can't believe he remembered it, there's an envelope. It's white, pretty thick with paper, but there's nothing written on it.

At its sight, the ground seems to be running away from under me. No. If this is what I think it is…

"Ivan? What the hell _is_ this?" I'm asking him, but I know so damn well what this is.

"Sorry, Rose. I'll… I'll let you read it, okay?" and without saying anything else, he gets out of the training room, leaving me there with the envelope weighting a tone in my hand.

Before I fall off my feet, I do what's best and sit on the floor, and I start turning that envelope on all sides, but I don't open it.

I cannot do it. I refuse to do it. I know what I will find inside, and I am not ready to face that. If I do it, if I open it and read what Dimitri has written on those papers, it will make it all real. And it cannot be real. It _isn't_ real. He did not die. I would have known it if he... I would have felt it.

He's not dead. He can't be. He promised me. And he never breaks his promises. He won't break this one either, I am sure. I won't read this fucking letter!

Instead, I start rereading that children's book, remembering that day and all the days in which we had those friendly moments, when the feelings I had for him started to pile up.

And surprisingly enough, I didn't shed a tear. But why would I? I don't have a reason to. I won't cry. Because he is not dead. And how dare he think of this?

Now I am angry. How dare he write to me this? How dare he make me think of such things? When he comes back, I will kick his ass! But until he does, I'll pour my anger on this punch bag. I need to release these feelings somehow.

And hitting this punching bag until my arms hurt and then some more, it's fucking great.

**IPOV**

Some time has passed and maybe it's time to go back in there and see how things are going for her. Well, I already suppose it's not going great, but I feel I should be there for her now, and not only because I promised Dimitri I would.

Entering the training room, it's surprising to see her going on with the training, the book on the floor and the envelope unopened.

But getting closer, I see she's furious and hell, I am too. If she wouldn't be this close to hurting herself, I'd join her and we'd turn this punching bag to little pieces.

Getting a hold of her fists, I stop her angry punches.

"Hey, hey, Rose, kiddo, stop." She watches me, panting and trying to quiet her tearless sobs. I put my arms around her and soothe her back, feeling each little shake of her body. Shit, I have no idea how to deal with this. "Rose, I am sorry."

"No. Don't say that." She mumbles into my T-shirt. "He is not-" she pulls away from me and pokes her index into my chest, some renewed anger igniting in her eyes. "Listen to me. He is _not_ dead. I refuse to believe this, do you get me? He said that he will come back to me. And he will. He will."

With those words, she begins to cry and between tears she keeps on telling me that Dimitri will come back because he's not dead. Don't I wish it was true too? But I'm afraid things are not that simple.

I take her back in my embrace. "Oh, kiddo. I am truly sorry. I wish things would have been different. But they aren't."

"It can't be. No, please. Don't say that."

Seeing her now bloody knuckles clutch on my T-shirt, I wonder for how long she has been hitting this punching bag. And wearing no gloves didn't help either.

"Hey, what do you say about a tea, huh?"

* * *

Well, putting her to sleep at such an early hour wasn't hard at all. Just an hour later, she looked like she didn't sleep for days. And from that second on, she kept on sleeping. Or well, she didn't leave her room.

And thinking of a way to get her out of there, I come up with the best idea. Seeing these familiar faces will surely make her feel better. They'll know how to support her better.

To her, of course, I didn't tell anything. I call her to breakfast the next day, when her best friend arrives.

**RPOV**

Not really feeling like eating, I still drag my ass out of the room because I wouldn't want to disappoint Ivan. He's nice to me and does his best to try to help me "deal with this", even though he doesn't understand that there's nothing that I need to deal with because nothing happened.

But I'll still please him so that he wouldn't start any intervention on me. So now I'm heading to breakfast.

As I walk past the living room, something stops me on my way.

And it is none other than Ash running towards me, hopping and barking and jumping on me, almost sweeping me off my feet as he starts licking my palms and wiggles his tail jolly.

Playing a little with my old buddy, I let him take me to the kitchen, and I already know who I will meet there.

My dearest parents. Well, not in their physical form as I fully expected, but on a laptop, and Ivan is sitting at the table facing them. When he sees me, he smiles, probably proud of himself. Ivan, what did you do?

And not that I didn't miss them like crazy, but that look in their eyes, that I didn't miss at all. They haven't looked at me like that since Mason died and them being sorry for me now, it brings me on the edge of despair. I am sure Ivan filled them in already with that stupid news.

We try to pretend we're having a normal conversation, we talk about useless stuff and we smile, we joke, we don't mention anything concerning Dimitri, them acting like he never even existed, but I am waiting for the bomb to drop. I am waiting to see what they've have thought of.

And soon, it comes.

They want me to go "visit" them, to go to their new house. Ivan tries to convince me too that I'd be better with them, all three of them do, but I am determined to do otherwise.

"Look. If you don't want me here, tell me, and I'll leave."

"It's not about that kiddo. I told you I enjoy your company. Just… you know…"

"Goddamnit! Will everyone stop pretending he is dead? None of you even mentioned his name for the past half an hour! He is not dead and we're not at a funeral here, okay? He will come back here and I will wait for him here. I'm sorry mum and dad, but I'm not coming."

I get up and with Ash on my tracks, I get back to my room.

Hell, I am angry at Ivan. How can he not know his brother? How can he be sure Dimitri died? That damned letter proves nothing!

* * *

But later the day, I start questioning my behavior. I've been a bitch and Ivan only tried to be nice again. My parents too.

First, I try to mend things with my parents. I call them and we have a half an hour conversation, in which we talk only about Dimitri this time, me being the one trying to convince them of my belief, but I don't know if I succeeded.

After that, I barge again into the kitchen, my favorite place in this house lately, and not really knowing what to do, I make Ivan a little feast. I know that food wouldn't get me forgiven, but maybe it will help.

Around dinner, I wait for him to come out of his little cave where he does his illegal stuff, so that we would spend the evening together doing useless stuff, but I guess he's pretty mad at me for my idiotic reaction this morning.

When I was close to giving up and go back to my room like the punished kid I feel I am, he eventually comes, stops in the doorway and eyes the cake on the table, along the other things I cooked.

"This is what was smelling so well in this house." I shrug. "Sorry I came later today, but I had a thing to take care of." so he wasn't doing it on purpose?

"No biggie. You know, I thought I… I wanted to say sorry for this morning. You were trying to be nice and I- I fucked up." My eyes get teary and fuck it, I'm tired of being like this. I shouldn't act like I am mourning Dimitri because I am not.

"Hey, it's okay. I understand." He comes and takes me in his embrace. "It will all be okay, kiddo. We'll see the end of this."

* * *

**IPOV**

But the end of it doesn't come soon. We've gotten back to the previous routine and we both have stopped mentioning that letter and the reality she refuses to accept, but I'm hoping that with time, she will come to terms with that.

When I'm not around, she sits with Ash, cuddling him and lying in bed, reading westerns, asking me to buy her book after book. She is trying to move on in her own way, but she is sad all the time and I am getting crazy about not knowing what else to do to cheer her up. Not even my stupid jokes don't work at times and hell, they've always worked. Do you see my problem here?

When I am not busy, she is training with me every single day, two or three times sometimes. She is keeping herself busy in all the possible ways.

She cooks the best dishes I have ever eaten, I swear. The only person who could make such foods is Mama. I'm afraid I'll get fat soon with her around. But she's taking these domestic things a little too far. She started cleaning a lot. I mean, she is frantically cleaning everything she finds around the house. In just a couple of days, this place has become spotless, but still, she finds some things to clean.

This morning too. It's not even seven a.m. and she's already wiping some windows.

"Wow, kiddo. This place hasn't ever looked this clean."

Climbing off the little ladder (since when do I even have a ladder in here and how did she find it? What other things did she find around the house?), she catches her hair in a new bun.

"Well, I've seen the dust piling up and- you… you don't mind, don't you? I mean-"

"Hey. It's your house too. For whatever it matters, you can go ahead and demolish an entire wall, I wouldn't mind."

She smiles. "You're too nice."

"But, Rose, you know, you are not here to be my maid."

"Oh… but that's not the case. I like doing it. Plus, I feel kinda useless. You know, I am living in your house and I am a little leech and refuse to leave and I know that…" what surprises me is that she starts crying. It should have been the case already, too many days passed now. "I am sorry. And I'm sorry I'm a nuisance."

"Hey, it's okay. I like your company, don't you ever doubt that. And about the other thing…" what can I tell her, after one more week? "We'll get through it, kiddo. But it doesn't mean that you have to bury yourself in chores."

"I just… just want to be busy…"

Don't I know how that is? These days, I'm looking for all kinds of activities to keep myself busy too.

"Why don't you go outside a little? Go out, around the house."

"And do what?"

"Run. Dimitri told me you love it."

"That's a good idea."

Yeah, I'm a fucking genius. "Take Ash with you too. I bet he'd like the woods around." And maybe the nature will bring some clarity to her mind too.

She goes change, and following my advice, taking Ash with her, she goes outside.

After she leaves, not knowing what else to do, I resume to the last of my options. I call Lissa.

Calling from an unknown number, of course, she answers.

"Who am I speaking to?"

"It's Ivan."

"Wow. You have the fucking guts to call me." I already hear her voice getting fainter as she pulls the phone away.

"Wait, please! Before you end this call, I want to tell you I'm worried about Rose and I think I need your help."

"What happened?"

"Well, that's a fun story."

**RPOV**

When I come back, some hours later, I see Lissa's car in the parking lot. Did she come to check on my hands? Nah, I highly doubt it. She told me it wouldn't need much medical care.

Could this be Ivan again? Did he feel the need for another intervention? After all, I thought I was doing a good job these days. Maybe I shouldn't have cried.

"Then let's get inside and find out what Ivan planned, shall we, Ash? You'll meet Lissa too."

Entering, I expected to find them both ready to talk me into finally "accepting" that Dimitri is gone, but that's not the case. I find Lissa, sitting on the sofa, probably waiting for me, and yes, Ivan is here too, but he's making himself busy with repairing a little drawer Ash broke while looking for the snacks I hid.

Why did I think this thing will get them to at least talk to each other, huh? Maybe by collaborating, they could have solved their problems. But apparently, this is not the case. They're not talking to each other and the air here is heavy.

Seeing me, she goes straight to business. She tells me that she felt like having a girl to girl time and that she needed to get out of the house, and the best companion she could think of was me. Yeah, suuuuure. I bet this wasn't Ivan's idea.

And even though I wasn't feeling like going out and do girly things, I wasn't allowed to say no. Lissa would have been able to insist for an eternity.

So, half an hour later, I am ready and we head outside, all three of us. Because I forgot to mention, but Ivan is taking his bodyguard role seriously and he is coming with us. I know that he feels responsible for me, but, at the end of the day, he owes me nothing. I bet it's some promise he made to Dimitri or something like that to keep an eye on me.

"We're taking my car, you can take yours," Lissa tells Ivan not even bothering to look at him, and he doesn't argue. I've seen that she didn't like the idea of him coming with us, but it amazes me that she's going as far as keeping him out of her car, that hell, has two empty seats after all.

Taking a seat into the passenger's seat next to Lissa, I see her boiling with anger.

"Hey, you're… you're okay?"

"How dare he?!" she hits the steering wheel. "Do I look like I'd be a defenseless five-year-old?"

"No, of course, but he-"

"Don't you dare defend him!"

Not wanting to attract her wrath onto me, I decide it would be better to let her calm down.

But fifteen minutes into our ride, bored to death by staring into the mirror at Ivan's car following ours, I decide to try my chances.

"What is the thing between you two after all?"

"Long story." She ends things fast and presses her lips together. Okay, I get the message. She doesn't want to talk about this. But it wouldn't be a bad idea to change the subject.

"How did you and Dimitri meet?"

"That's another long story."

"Would you mind sharing it?"

"Yeah, sure, why not? The thing is, Dimitri met me at a very, let's say, dark period in my life. I started doing some reckless things a while ago." She laughs a little. "I'm saying it like it happened a decade ago. It was about one year and a half ago, just so you know. And the fate has made it that he was there and he kinda- he _saved_ me from some guys that I owed money to and that were close to killing me when I couldn't give it back to them. I was, let's say, a collateral part of one of his missions."

"Yeah, I know how that feels."

"Rose…" she gets one hand off the steering wheel and turns her head a little, to look at me. "Talking about Dimitri… I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be. Dimitri is not dead, okay?"

Watching me with sad eyes, hell, she probably thinks I am crazy, she finally nods and gets her eyes back on the road.

* * *

The second we sit down into food court at the mall, Lissa sends Ivan away to get us some food, and hell, I feel sorry for him. He doesn't like the idea, but still, he leaves and does what she told him to do. He lets her boss him around, he doesn't say a thing, he didn't say anything ever since we left the house, and shit, he seems apologetic each time he looks at her. And she doesn't even see it because she refuses to look at him! Whatever happened between them, he is more than sorry.

"I feel so much better now that he left." That was a mean thing to say. I am sure she doesn't mean it. These things she does, says, they come from some kind of hurting inside.

I can't sit around and do nothing. They need to see it and I need to find a way to make them see how idiots they are by acting this way.

"Lissa, tell me, what happened between you two?"

Okay, here is how things are: Lissa "hates" Ivan because because of him she got dragged in this dangerous life. Or, at least, this is the reason she served me, which is, in my opinion, total bullshit. If they love each other like I see they do, that wouldn't matter.

It all started two years ago. And oh, another thing I've found: Lissa was so damn surprised when she has seen that Dimitri and Ivan are "related". Can you see the sarcasm of life? The irony? But hell, maybe it was all meant to happen this way, so that their paths would intersect once more. And even me. Maybe I can do something to repay them both for their kindness.

Anyway, going back to their love story. He came to her clinic one night, asking her to help him with a bullet wound that he acquired in one of his shady things, and since that night, he continued to come along, to see her, he continued to be charming, he continued to be funny, he brought her flowers, he went all the possible lengths to show her he likes her.

She smiles and her eyes mindlessly head to where he is waiting in line. If that still isn't love, then don't call me Rose, okay?

"He was sweet. He never told me what he was doing and I didn't really care, to be honest. And it all was milk and honey between us. We were happy. Until one day, when some bad people that wanted him came after me, and I was close to dying. And after this, I had no other choice than live this life, being a doctor for "spies" or whatever. And I don't mind, honestly. I didn't enjoy my job back at the clinic and now, I work whenever I want, or well, whenever _they _want, but that doesn't matter to me. I like it. I've travelled a lot too lately."

"Then what? What ripped you apart?"

"He did it. He thought that if no one can connect me to him, I'll be safe. He wanted me to be safe, so he left me. He said that he couldn't risk it." this sounds like Dimitri's behavior, I swear. I'm amazed he didn't think of this too, to be honest.

But it's not like I don't understand him either. I do. I wouldn't want to be the reason someone I love gets hurt. And she must see it too.

"But, are you safe?"

She almost slams her fist against the table.

"I don't want to be _safe_, Rose. I…" she stops speaking and lifts her eyes, looking behind me.

Oh, Ivan came back.

And the rest of our trip outside I do my best to try to get them to talk to each other, I try to find common ground, a common subject, I make jokes, I tell stories, but hell, at the end our meal, I've ended up with my mouth hurting from how much I've talked.

Hell, I am turning the resolving of their little feud into a little project of mine and I'm not willing to give up easily.

And this idea comes to fruition when, on our way towards the parking lot of the mall, this idea comes to me.

Before saying goodbye to Lissa, I ask her to come back with us to Ivan's place and have a girl's night.

"I don't know about that…" she tries to get away from this, but hey, I've been dragged out of the house against my will, so they'll have to endure my attempts of getting them back together.

"Oh, come on. Ivan wouldn't mind. Won't you?"

Surprised that Lissa is looking at him too, and hell, it's like she's begging him to say that he doesn't want her around, he still agrees with me. He wanted it too. He wants it bad. She's the only one who isn't capable of seeing it.

"It will do me good, your company," I add, just so that I could turn things in my favor.

"Fine. Yeah, sure," she says still a little reticent, but without any chance of getting away. I know this is called manipulation, but I'm determined to make them see how blind they are.

Closing the passenger door and turning to look at Lissa, I see her eyeing me with eyes squinted.

"I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work."

"What am I doing?" I play the innocent.

"Let it be, Rose. I know what you're doing. My parents divorced when I was little and I tried so bad to make them get back together. One thing I learnt from that experience. Some things are just not meant to be, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, I understand. I'll stop." But I am still not giving up.

Getting back home, it's already evening and I come with the idea of watching a bunch of movies and eat a lot of unhealthy stuff, idea that Lissa approves.

I go as far as to ask Ivan to sit with us, sure that this will be the start of something, but Lissa eyes him subtly and he refused on an instant, saying that he needs to work on something urgent. Not wanting him to feel too bad, I send Ash to keep him company. I won't lie, I am sorry for Ivan. He might deserve it, I don't know the whole thing, but isn't two years a long period to suffer?

Anyway. This was a little setback. I'll need to improvise something else. I'll just need to get the chance to get them into the same room, alone, and hell, to get them talking a little. I would like for them to realize what they still feel for each other, but each attempt I make, it's pointless. They are so set on fakely hating each other that no efforts of mine succeed. But I am not the one to give up.

For the next hours, Lissa and I watch a bunch of comedies and I come to realize this wasn't a bad idea after all. I'm having a good time with her and I'll dare say she's becoming more than an acquaintance to me. It's nice to have more friends lately, I won't lie.

But along the night, we run out of popcorn and I offer myself to go fetch ourselves some more.

Going into the kitchen, I find Ivan there scurrying for some snacks too, and he kindly offers himself to supervise the microwave so that I wouldn't miss any part of the movie.

Hearing him, I see the perfect opportunity to make one more try.

I go back to the living room and to cover for the lack of the bowl I was supposed to bring back, I tell Lissa we're out of popcorn. Okay, first step accomplished.

The movie we've been watching it's too romantic for me and after ten more seconds of watching the main characters kiss, here comes step two, where I pretend I can't watch that anymore, and somehow, I am not pretending. I wish I could do those things with Dimitri. I miss him so bad.

Having this excuse and Lissa's understanding, I tell her goodnight and proceed to accomplish my last step, getting out of the living room before Ivan comes around bringing the popcorn and they get the chance to kick my ass for playing them.

**LPOV**

Ivan comes into the room bringing a bowl of popcorn.

Rose, I'll strangle you, I swear!

I should have seen this coming. All evening she tried to bring Ivan up and she tried so hard to make him stay with us, but thank God he got my message. But now what do I do? We're alone here, like Rose wanted all along.

Seeing only me in here, call me crazy, I see disappointment in his eyes. Two years ago, he used to smile each time he saw me. It's funny how radically things can change.

"Sorry to um… disturb you. But where is Rose? She came looking for some more popcorn and I told her I'll make some for you two."

"Went to sleep. She said she couldn't watch this movie." And I show him the two lovers getting married on the screen.

"I see." He comes closer and puts the popcorn on the table.

"And she told me you were out of popcorn."

He smiles, understanding too what she's trying, and succeeded, to do.

"I see." That's everything he can say about this? Isn't he mad too that she tries to do this? But then again, am I mad too? Oh, I don't know. I don't think I am.

The one thing I am wondering now is, is it working? Damn it, maybe I do want or need to talk to him. It's been too long and if I'll keep on seeing him too often as it has happened lately, I don't know how long it will take me until I go insane.

Maybe he feels the same? After all, he lingers around. Could this mean that he wants to talk to me too?

"How… how do you think she's hanging in there?" He finally says something, nothing that I wanted to hear, but I appreciate his concern.

What I don't appreciate is that he takes a seat on the table, right in front of me. Which is quite close. Too close. We haven't been this close since the last fight we had, last week. And these are the first words we say to each other face to face since those idiotic confessions I kinda made to him.

And it's weird. I would like him to get closer, me to get closer, but instead of that, I pull away a little, pretending I am changing my position and I sink myself deeper into the sofa.

"Not really good, to be honest. She is keeping a lot of things inside. And she's in the negation phase, that's for sure."

Nodding, he bends and places his elbows on his knees, resting his chin against his knuckles, and my instant reaction is to pull away some more from this closeness of his. I'm afraid that if he gets too close I'll end up doing something I'll regret.

I see his expression changing.

"Will you stop that?"

"Stop what?"

"Hate me, Liss, goddamnit. I told you so many times I am sorry for that thing."

"I don't hate you."

"Yeah, sure." He sighs and straightening his back, he passes his hand through his hair. He let it grow a little and I'd love to pass my fingers through it too. It suits him too. It makes him younger, childish, as his spirit is. _God, brain, shut the hell up!_ "What else do you want me to do?"

Okay, you know what? If Rose managed to get us here, why not take the chance? It's now or never.

"Kiss me, you idiot."

"What?"

"To fuck with it all. I don't hate you, idiot. For what it matters, I care about you so damn much, Ivan. I…" I still love him. So much.

His eyes widening some more, his jaw drops a little too.

"And all this time... why… why didn't you say anything? Why did you continue to act this way with me?"

I can't back down now. I'll tell him everything I've feared to say.

"I was scared. I was scared that if I say something to you, maybe things will be alright. And that we'd go back to what we had. I would have liked that. But… what if you would have done it again? What if you would have left again? I didn't know... I _don't know _if you..."

I don't get to voice my fear because he gets a hold of my cheeks and pulling me to him a little, he bends too and presses his lips onto mine. Like on a cue, they open and welcome his tongue inside, the strong, skilled muscle swaying inside my mouth managing to bring goosebumps all over my body.

When he pulls away because I had no intent to do that, I am still nothing but surprised. He just kissed me.

His thumb walking past my bottom lip, I see him looking at me like he used to do, a long time ago. Oh, how I missed that.

"I do, Liss. I still do."

Without even thinking this, I pound my fist into his chest.

"And why didn't _you _say anything these past two years?"

"I thought you hated me, Liss."

I laugh. "We're both idiots, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I just figured it out. But I guess we can work it out, huh?"

Smiling that boyish smile of his, he pulls me closer to him again, this time getting off the table and onto his knees, just to get closer to me, his lips kissing mine again and his hands clutching in my hair. And why not fulfill my wish too? Daring to touch him too, he sighs when I get my hands in his hair too and touch him for the first time, finding that silkiness I loved.

As his lips and tongue get more and more daring, his hands too, I am already burning with desire. I've longed for his touch, for his love, every single day.

"Ivan."

He pulls away, both of us panting. "Huh?"

"Take me to your bedroom."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"You…?" he seems to be having some kind of brain-lag now.

"I think I was explicit enough, wasn't I?"

He gulps as his eyes examine me and he licks his lips, his breath already starting to pick up as he speaks. "You… wow… you… you were, Liss. I mean, I… I…" Seeing him uncomposed now, it's funny.

"What you're still waiting for? Shut up and move."

He kisses me again as he picks me up and carries me up the stairs, his hands creeping under my blouse now. Yeah, I am just as impatient as him.

He sighs as his lips play along my neck and his thumbs past my nipples.

"You're still gorgeous, Liss. Just as I remember."

Getting me inside his room and laying me on my back on his bed, which is smelling strongly like him, I already feel at home. It's like nothing changed.

In between touches and kisses, I can't remember when I remained bare. Him neither. I just know that he's now kissing the inside of my thigh, his lips making me shiver and his hands eliciting moans from me.

But I feel the need to stop him and pull him up so that I could kiss him once more.

"Tell me."

Smiling, he takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles.

"Liss, my dearest, I fucking love you. I adore you. And hell, I'll never, ever, _ever,_ leave you again, I swear. I love you so much and God, I'll marry you and I want you to be the mother of my children. Of all one hundred of them."

Looking at him startled, my heart fills with warmth, my eyes get a little teary, and I caress his cheek, then kiss him slowly, sensing all his love.

"You do?"

"I do, Liss, I do. I want it all with you. I love you."


	40. My little Nancy Drew

**Heeyyy! I hope you guys are safe and healthy!**

**peggy, he'll be back this chapter :), stay safe too dear!**

**Dear guest, unexpectedly, my life in quarantine has been good, so far. I had time for a lot of things, even though the uni life is quite hectic. But I hope it has been alright for you too. From Friday we'll be allowed to move more freely and I just can't wait! And I'll give that series a try :)**

**Tika86, yeah, I felt the need for a little change of perspective. Glad you enjoyed it! And there will definitely be more of Rose and Dimitri this chapter.**

**HonestPassion13, I don't really know if Adrian will be around for longer, but if I get the chance, I will bring him back :)**

**Thank you guys for your support and patience. You are amazing!**

**Until next time, lots of love!**

* * *

**My little Nancy Drew**

**RPOV**

Each morning when I go running (my new routine thanks to Ivan's idea), on my way back, I like playing this game of imagining that Dimitri came back. Silly, right? I would imagine a strange car in the parking lot. A familiar feeling as I get closer and closer. A figure waiting in front of the house. Him.

But that would never happen. Each time I get back from the little forest, I see none of those signs of his presence.

Until today.

Because today, as I am making my way back to the house, I do spot a car in front of the house. I instantly feel it's him, I feel his presence all around and call me crazy, even his smell.

Running faster and getting closer, I get my confirmation.

He is actually here, it's not my imagination. Trusting my eyes, I see that in front of the house are two men. One of them is Ivan. And the other, the other is him. I knew it! He is here. Thank you, whoever listened to my prayers.

Entering the huge yard, as I run towards the house as fast as I can, I feel my legs ready to collapse, but I keep on pushing my limits. I need to get to him. Now, if possible.

About halfway I begin to cry. I am so happy!

This burst of happiness gives me some more strength to pick up my pace and get there faster than ever. I think it took me less than a minute to get across the yard.

Ash is excited too and being a little traitor, he runs faster than me, getting there first. He got to greet Dimitri and I didn't. That's not fair!

But as he gets up after petting Ash, Dimitri's eyes land on me and on his lips appears a warm smile. Getting off the porch, his arms open on the sides, waiting for me.

I reach him soon and throw myself into his arm and round mine around his neck and my legs around his hips, holding him as tight as I can, not willing to let go of him soon. I will never let go of him. Never again.

"Hey, Roza," he greets me with another smile and putting his palms on my middle, he lifts me a little, adjusting my position on and around him.

"Oh, Dimitri. You're here. You came back," I sob and whine as tears uncontrollably fall on my cheeks. "I knew it. No one wanted to believe me, but I knew it. I knew you would never leave me."

He reciprocates the tightness of my embrace and we sit there for a second, nothing else around us mattering anymore. He's everything that matters to me now. How I missed him. I feel complete again.

After a second longer of looking at him, of touching his face, of remembering him, I start covering his face with kisses and I hug him so, so tight, then I kiss him again and I cry some more because I can't believe that, after so long, he is here. I can't even believe he is here! I think I'll ask him to pinch me.

"I missed you so much."

"Me too, love, me too."

He kisses me back, starting with my cheeks, my nose, my lips, and soon, he starts licking my face.

_Licking my face?!_

The dream fading, Dimitri fading away too as I wake up, I find myself in bed, holding a pillow tight in my embrace instead of Dimitri, and with Ash's warmth on me, licking my teary face.

Realizing that nothing of that was true, I start crying harder.

Ash whines, and poking his nose against my tight arms, he offers to let me hold him instead, which I do. This creature is a blessing.

"I'm sorry I woke you up, buddy." I soothe his fur and kiss the top of his head. "It's just that I miss him so much…"

I don't know how much time later, with a decision in my mind, it's an act of bravery to drag myself out of the bed. Putting the covers aside, with the coldish air in here greeting my heated skin, I get my numb, cold feet on the floor, and gather my courage to go to the bookcase and pull Dimitri's book out.

Resting against the wooden shelves, I get the envelope out and taking a deep breath in, I open it in one swift movement. It's now or never. Either I read it, either I go burn it.

But I want to know what he wrote…

_My dearest Roza,_

_I am sorry. I am sorry for I wasn't able to keep the promise that I made to you. I am sorry I couldn't come back. I am sorry you have to read these words now. But life, you see, it doesn't always go the way we want it to go. This time either. And I'm sorry._

_First, I want you to have this book. And I'll be asking you to care of it for me. It's the last thing I have that connects me with my family. I have it since I was five and it's the last Christmas gift I received from my parents before the accident in which they were killed happened._

This is already too much. My legs not being able to support my weight, I let myself slide down to the floor. Ash comes to me again, to soothe my pain and lays on my thighs, his nose nuzzling on my arm.

This is what he meant when he said that he remembers a lot from when he was five? Good God. How could it not be hard to open up about this? I get it now what Ivan meant. And how much he must suffer… or… suffered? Could he be dead? Could he really be?

Wiping my tears to get a clearer vision of the paper in my hands, I tilt it towards the moonlight.

_And I know I never told you much about me, and I am sorry for that too, but I want you to have this piece of me. To know this one thing. Because this is the most important thing in the whole world that I own. And I want you to have it, the most important person on this earth for me._

_I haven't always been good with words, and I wish I would know what to say, I wish I knew the right words to say to you now, but nothing seems right or enough. You were always the one who has known how to express her feelings, not me. And with the risk of sounding cheesy or corny or overly-sentimental now, I still want you to know that I love you and that there will never be enough time and words in this world for me to have told you that. I only hope I proved it to you, even when I was acting like a perfect idiot. Because you and I both know I've been one. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Roza, and I refused to see it for a while. But I am well aware of it now. I've learnt my lesson._

_You made me remember how it is to love and how it feels to be loved again. You made me rediscover a part of myself I thought it was long gone, years ago. I haven't felt like this with anyone, and about anyone else in a very long time. I never thought I could care about someone this much after so little time, but you were there to prove me wrong. Somehow, without me noticing, you managed to make your way into my heart and you changed everything. I don't want you to ever leave this place, Roza. You never will. Until my last breath, know that you will be there, I promise. This is a promise I can keep._

_I want you to know too that I don't regret anything that happened between us. Good or bad, either we fought or we had fun, and I had so much fun with you, love, it only made me love you more. I love each and every little piece of you. You're a wonderful being. All I wish to change is to have met you some other time, under other circumstances. Who knows, maybe things would have been different. Maybe you wouldn't have had to suffer this much because of me. Maybe we could have been together for longer. Maybe I could have been the one to make you happy._

_Again, forgive me, Roza, and don't forget, please, that no matter how, I loved you, even if I wasn't always the best at showing it. I will always love you. And I'm sorry. I hope you'll have a happy life because you deserve it so much. _

_Yours always, Dimitri._

I continue to stare at the rounds and edges of the letters Dimitri wrote to me, these perfect, calligraphic words, their beautiful meaning. As I unroll his words over and over again in my head, I experience this weird sensation of falling, and my fingers clutch onto the edge of the letter, like trying to hold onto it for some support.

God, I can't stop crying and I'm afraid I'll spoil these beautiful letters on the paper. His words… what he said… it hurts so much to think of that.

Fisting my other palm too, I tighten my fingers hard, pressing my nails into my flesh until they start to hurt, but hell, the physical hurting feels way better than all the other things I'm feeling.

"I can't. I can't, Dimitri. I can't believe this. I can't believe you're dead. I won't."

And I can't go on like this anymore. It's going to kill me if I don't do something about it.

I can't sit around and pray he'll come back while everyone is telling me he is dead, even him goddamnit! I can't convince anyone that I am right. At times, not even myself.

I can't mourn him, I don't want to.

But I can go look for him.

I am scared about the uncertainty and I'm sick of it. I have to deal with this. This is my life now and I have to get the best of it, right? I can't keep on being afraid either. If he is indeed dead, I'll have to see it with my eyes to actually believe it. Until then, no one will be able to convince me otherwise.

Yeah, this is what I'll do. In this very second, if possible.

I can only hope that Ivan is still awake at this hour. If not, I'll talk to him in the morning. It's not like I have to wait for too long either.

He'll know what to do and I pray he'll help me rather than tie me and hide me into a barn or something for having this idea. I hope he'll understand. If not, I'm ready to go out there by myself and deal with whatever this brings. Any option works for me.

Letting Ash get some rest after the sleepless night I've put him through, I head towards Ivan's room. I know he doesn't sleep much at night either. These past days, this house hasn't seen much sleep and either he wants to admit it or not, the supposed death of his brother affected him too.

Before knocking, thank God I didn't do it (it would have been one of the most embarrassing moments of my life), I hear someone speaking in there. Of course, none other than Lissa and Ivan. I can't hear what they're saying, but I am picking onto the jolly, relaxed tone of their voice.

Wow. So, maybe they're not _that _upset with each other after all. All it took was losing a perfect serving of salty, caramel popcorn. Yeah, it was worth it.

I'm happy they have gotten on better terms. They were obviously miserable without each other and that grudge they had was doing them no good. I'm glad they're seeing things more clearly now.

"_Good Lord_, _Ivan_," Lissa's moaned words bring me back to reality.

Shit. I got too lost in my thoughts right next to the door. They might think I'm some voyeur if by any chance I make my presence felt here, so I'll… I'll better not disturb them. I'll go drink a cup of tea and put my thoughts in order, anything but to give them the privacy they need. Maybe I'll even come up with a start point.

My cheeks still red, but now from the coldness outside, three cups of tea later, I still haven't come up with an idea. And now, with the sun rising and finally warming my body, I realize I missed another night's sleep. I didn't really try to sleep, to be honest. I oscillated between being outside and sitting on the sofa in the living room, munching on the popcorn that didn't get spilled on the coffee table, and I think about stuff. But it was all for nothing.

Going up towards my room to take a shower, things align and I meet Lissa as she's sneaking out of Ivan's room.

A stupid smile spreads on my lips as I see her dressed in his T-shirt, carrying her clothes like a little treasure into her arms, her hair disheveled, and her eyes sleepy. I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't sleep tonight. I'm so happy for them!

The one thing that doesn't add up is why is she leaving?

Noticing me too, she looks up like cursing the gods.

"Shit. Rose, I…"

She starts pulling the T-shirt down, trying to cover herself and arrange her hair and in her hurry, some of her clothes fall on the floor, making her curse some more.

"You should stay in there."

"No, I shouldn't. I mean… this was… I should say it was a mistake."

"But was it a mistake? Do you feel that way, like you've done a mistake?"

"Oh, I don't know. He and I... for so long... I don't know, Rose." She finally bends to pick her pants off the floor, all of a sudden preoccupied with folding them.

"Maybe you should give him a second chance. Who knows, he might surprise you, more than you think." I'm not trying to be the devil's advocate, but Ivan is a good man and deserves this.

"You think that?"

"If he is just a little as Dimitri is, I can guarantee it to you. Plus, what could you lose? At least he's here... close to you..."

"Rose..." she comes closer and puts her palm on my shoulder, again, trying to comfort me for my loss.

"No, it's okay. I'm okay, Lissa. Don't miss this chance because you are afraid. Don't be afraid or uncertain of his love for you. I could see it, and it's… huge, his love for you. And if you love him too, go ahead and love him. He loves you too, so where is the bad in that?"

She smiles. "You sounded so much like Dimitri in this second."

Well, maybe I picked a thing or two from his zen-ness.

She hugs me and thanks me a couple of times before going back to Ivan's room.

* * *

Hours later, after I resisted the urge to clean the whole house again from the stress in me (after all, I promised Ivan that I wouldn't act like Cinderella, as he called me), I meet them when they come downstairs, holding hands, whispering and smiling to each other. They're so cute together. And even though I'm happy for them, I can't help but feel miserable, especially now, after reading that letter.

I wait for them to sit, to pour some coffee, I watch them look at each other so full of love, and I wish I wouldn't have to ruin this morning for them. But I swear that I can't wait for a second longer. I need to go. Now.

Sitting down in front of me, Ivan pins me with his eyes.

"What new idea passed through your mind now, kiddo?" how come he reads me so well?

He's amused, but the second I open my mouth and tell them, each piece of amusement fades from their eyes. Yeah, I am a party pooper.

After I finish, he tells me that it is a bad idea (he mentions it about a thousand times), he tells me that so many bad things could happen, that I could get into so many people that I don't want to deal with, that danger could be all around and some more things, expressing the same idea, but with other words – I shouldn't do it.

Lissa, of course, supports him. Wonderful. I helped them bet back together just so that they could ally against me. But I won't give up on my cause.

"Don't you think that I don't know that, that I didn't think about all the things I don't know and that I would blindly go out there? I did. That's what I did all night long. But what else can I do? Sit on my ass all day long? Wait? I swear that I want to do something. _Anything_. I hate having to sit around here and do nothing all day long, waiting for him to come while you try to convince me he's gone. But what if he is somewhere out there and he needs help? What if he is not dead?"

"But Rose, he-" Lissa wants to open that subject again, but I swear I can't stand someone saying this ever again to me.

_"No_. He is not dead. Because I would know. I would know if he would be… And he is not. Please, believe me with this. And hell, if you'll be against me, I'm still going."

"Do you think he would have wanted you to do this?" he's playing this card too, huh?

"Of course not." If it were him here now, I would have already been tied and told I am not going anywhere. "But he is not here to tell me not to do it. So I am doing it. When I'll find him, I'll bear the consequences, whatever those would be."

"You won't give up on this easily, won't you?"

"Nope. I've already made my mind."

"No matter what I do or say?"

"Nope."

"Aren't you a stubborn one?"

"Definitely."

He smiles and shakes his head. "Okay. I understand why you need to do this. I get it."

"Thanks." At least I'm getting some understanding. Some support.

"And I will go with you."

"Ivan… no, you don't have to."

"Nope." He mimics my previous determination. "If he is alive and he finds out I let you go out there by yourself, I will be the dead one."

Lissa and I chuckle, and when our eyes meet, she nods at me.

"Thank you both for this."

"No worries, kiddo. I'm having your…" he looks at Lissa as she put her hand on his shoulder and smiles at her. "_We're_ having your back, no matter what."

"So, where exactly do we start? I don't really have a plan."

At this, he laughs. "So you were determined to go, but you had no idea where?"

"I would have figured out something." After a while, at least. I'm quite resourceful at times.

"Good thing I have an idea."

"You do?" Lissa and I both say in unison.

"Of course. What other place would be best rather than the agency he went to, right?"

"Wait. He went back to _them_?" Yeah, sure, why the hell not do that? I should have seen it coming. "He went out of his mind? You too? You let him go there?" and I am not the only one stunned. Lissa eyes him too, a thousand questions in her head too, I am sure.

"Hey, you know I couldn't have stopped him." Yeah. Just like he can't stop me from going there. Now, knowing this, I want it more badly.

* * *

The flight to Russia was terrible. And not because it was my second flight ever, but because I was so anxious about arriving there already. Twelve hours in the air were complete torture and when we landed, not being able to close my eyes not even for a second during the flight, I can barely see clearly at two feet in front of me.

But at least we're here now. This is what matters. I am finally on step closer to knowing, whatever it is to know.

Seeing me so out of it, Ivan tells me to go wait for him as he gets our luggage. So, getting myself a huge coffee, thank God this word is universal in most of the languages, I find myself a chair and wait.

A minute later, out of all the empty chairs around here at this inhumanly hour of the night, some guy comes to sit next to me. The audacity there. If I would have had more energy, I would have considered picking on him. But I resume to ignoring him. If I don't pay attention to him, he'll leave.

"You're not gonna say hello, kitty?"

Finally looking at the man to my right, of course, I knew it was him, I recognized his voice, I am still surprised to see him here.

"Adrian?"

"In the flesh, kitty." As usual, I would protest to him calling me that, but I don't have the energy now.

"What you're doing here?"

"The obvious."

"The obvious? It's been a long flight, Adrian, I don't get it."

"I came here to ask you if you're out of your mind."

I laugh. "I see. Ivan filled you in?" he nods. I should have expected it. After all, being part of the agency, he should have a better insight and he's the best man who could help us. "Well, the answer to your question is no. I am as normal as I've always been."

"But we all know you're a little crazy."

Yeah, I've been called that a lot lately. "Well, I can live with that."

"Not for long."

"Will you stop that? I am not giving up on it. Ivan tried it too," even before we left for the airport. "So you're not special."

"Am I not? I thought I had a special place in your heart, kitty." He turns in his chair and pouts, trying to hide his amusement.

"In what world, huh?"

"Can I hug you?"

"Huh? What did you say?"

He shrugs. "I just missed you, Rose. And maybe I am overanalyzing this, but you seem to need a hug."

Hell, I do. I'm scared and I'm doing my best not to give myself away. But maybe with him, it's not working that well. Maybe with Ivan either, but he's nice enough not to mention it.

Putting my coffee cup away, I inch a little closer to him.

Smiling, he puts an arm around me and takes me in his warm embrace, one of his palms patting my back.

"How are you hanging in there, Rose?"

"I don't know…" I'm crying out of nowhere and starting to soother my back, he shushes me.

"It will be alight. We'll find him."

"You… you think he's not…" I thought I was the only one thinking that.

"If there's one person on this earth who could have gotten out of there, it's that lucky bastard."

"Hey…"

He laughs a little. "What? He's lucky to have someone like you, to care so much about him."

I think I am the lucky one, after all. He going so far to make things right, putting himself through this danger…

"I thought I already told you she's taken, Mister Heartbreaker." I hear Ivan's voice and I want to pull away, but Adrian insists on keeping me close for a second longer, and I take advantage of that to wipe my tears away before looking up.

"It was consensual, if you want to know that, okay?"

"I highly doubt it, but if Rose didn't smack you already, then fine."

"Did you tell him to come and try to convince me?" I scold Ivan right away.

"No, that was all me. I have my own brain, thank you, and with it, I've thought that you wouldn't want to get involved in this shit."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have had to if you wouldn't have left him there, alone." I forgot I had to scold him too for this. I even punch his arm for it.

"I couldn't blow my thing, Rose, you know that. And if anything would have gone wrong, I couldn't be around. I'm not as lucky as he is when it comes to stuff like that."

"I know. I'm sorry for being mean. I know it's not your fault. But you could have kept an eye on him or- or… or… shit." my eyes fill again with tears. "Why did he have to go back to them?"

"I'm sorry, kitty. Can I redeem myself by helping you out?"

"So, you want to help us?" Ivan voices the question before I do.

"Why else would I be here?"

"Talk me out of it?"

"Nah, I already knew you wouldn't give up on it. You're too stubborn and I would waste my breath. So, shall we?"

"Sure. Where is the agency?"

"The agency? Kiddo, we're taking you somewhere to sleep."

"But-"

"No. No buts. You're both coming to my place to rest and I don't want to see you especially wandering around at least until is noon, capeesh?"

So, knowing I won't be able to resist both their wills, I agree and hell, maybe some sleep will clear my mind.

* * *

At 12:01 exactly, I get out of my temporary room. I knew Adrian meant his subtle threat and anyway, I've slept until eleven, so things unfolded well.

But seeing them in the living room, I don't like the mood they're in. Their faces are dark and I'm wondering who is going to break the bad news to me.

As I take a seat in front of an already steaming cup of coffee waiting for me, I wait to hear the worst. But all they do is to stare back at me.

"Will you stop it? I won't die if you tell me."

"Kiddo, the agency is in ruins."

"What do you mean?"

"It burned to the ground the day I gave you the letter."

I start feeling the room spinning. "And?"

"And Dimitri was in there," Adrian breaks it to me.

"I want to see it."

"See what?"

"It. Whatever is there. And if he… I want to see it." I get up and head back towards my room. "I'll be ready in five."

* * *

**IPOV**

Rose almost lost it when she heard that. She still didn't want to believe it, even though we kinda showed her the proof. I started wondering for how long she can deny it.

But it seems that we were the ones being wrong, not her. Only her determination and belief that Dimitri is not dead is what made us get this far. Because even when all the facts were against it, she still pushed things further and damn, she was right.

After Adrian and I played the cops and searched through the victims found inside the agency, we found out that there is no one resembling Dimitri through the corpses. But only God knows there were a lot of agents in there that day. About forty people are dead and we (just Adrian and me because I won't ever let Rose look at that) watched the burned bodies there. None was Dimitri's.

After that news, we had no other lead. All we had were a bunch of tapes showing the same thing. The building burning. No person exiting. And Rose watched the footage of that damned building burning at least a thousand times now. But if Dimitri wasn't in there when the building burned, I have no idea where he disappeared.

But now, it's 2 a.m. and someone is pounding at my door. What did she come up with now? Because I am sure it's Rose. Adrian is either spending his night with someone or he's sound asleep. After all, we spent all day and a long part of the night trying to come up with ideas of where to look, but none had taken us into a practical direction.

Dragging my ass out of the bed and opening the door of my room, I find her excited face staring back at me. Did she even go to sleep? She's wearing the same clothes, so I'll bet my money on the negative answer.

"I know it's the middle of the night, I know, and I'm so sorry, but you have to see this like, right now."

"Yeah, sure. Let's see."

She is one second away from taking my hand and dragging me into the living room fast, but seeing how sleepy I am, she drops the thought and matches my pace while she explains to me what she has done for the past three hours. Which is to re-watch the tapes we managed to take from the buildings around the agency. Which, in my opinion, it's futile.

"Rose, there's nothing there."

"Just watch this, okay? I know you think I am crazy but… just watch this."

Making me sit in front of the laptop, she presses play and, as earlier, I only see that damned building, but no Dimitri around. There's nothing around.

"Kiddo, I think it's late and you're missing some sleep and-"

"No. Come on, Ivan. Watch this again, please. Watch it closely. There's something wrong about it."

I give this thing one more chance. Maybe I am the one who is lacking the sleep. So I rub my eyes and pay more attention to what she shows me, my eyes pinned on the spot close to her index.

And there it is something wrong. On the tree she is showing me, there is a bird in one second, and in the next, the bird is gone, but it didn't fly away. It disappeared. We have been focusing on the building and on nothing else, so that's how we missed everything else.

How come she saw such a little unrecognizable glitch in the recording? How many times did she watch it?

"You're right, Rose. There's something there. The video has been cut." She sighs relieved. Maybe she needed the confirmation to know she didn't go insane. "You're a determined one, you know that?"

She shrugs. "I just want to know."

"Now, why don't you go sleep a little while I search through the other tapes?"

"But I've drunk some coffee and-"

"And nothing else. You've done enough, okay? So, you either go to sleep willingly, or I'm tying you to the bed."

"Fine," she sighs. "But-"

"If I find something, I will tell you in the morning, I promise. You'll be the first to know."

She comes and hugs me, a deep sigh filling her lungs. "Thank you, Ivan. This means the world to me." and with this, she says "Goodnight" and goes.

Searching for the same thing on the other tapes, knowing what to look for, I find out other teeny tiny inconsistencies. A second bird here, a cloud there, a little frame cut somewhere else, a shadow, another glitch. She's a genius, I swear! She is the pure definition of perseverance.

All of the inconsistencies start at the same second in the video, so this means that someone has cut them, to erase a part of the day and has messed with the timestamps too, so that we wouldn't find a mismatch there. I wonder what happened in those minutes. Could it be Dimitri the one who has done it?

* * *

On the next day, still playing the cops, we go to all the buildings around and ask them for their security footage and we continue to watch hours and hours of them, trying to find something else, but all others have the same part erased.

So this is something big. The only questions that remain are who did it and why?

We took about all the footages around, but only one of them we didn't get our hands on, and this task falls on Rose's shoulders, despite my and Adrian's protests.

But after all, she is right. We can't barge in there and get it by force as this guy is rich and spoiled and full of bodyguards, and hell, he has a soft spot for prostitutes. So we've made sure that the next time he orders one, Rose goes there and takes the video from him.

I don't like this idea at all. Neither Adrian. But our skills are not handy now. Hers are and I hope it will be worth it for her to put herself through this danger, otherwise Dimitri will never forgive me for it.

**RPOV**

Before letting me off on the corner of the street, Adrian looks at me and smiles.

"You really love him, don't you?"

"Of course not. I am doing all these crazy stuff for the thrill of it. Don't you see how excited I am?" and by excited I mean terrified. But it's not like it would be the first time I get myself in such a situation.

"So, imbroglio?" he asks me handing me a little microphone.

"Yeah, sure. But I won't need it."

"Of course not, kitty. Just in case things go for the worst for them, let us know. We wouldn't want you to scratch someone too bad."

"Oh, you." I punch his arm as I put the microphone on.

I take a last look at my little disguise in the mirror, thank God I thought about keeping the blonde wig, and I get little flashes from the first time I wore it. I hope I won't get myself in such a situation again.

"Don't you worry, you're looking great."

"I um…" thank God I am wearing a lot of makeup and he can't see me blushing. "Thanks." I smile silly and want to get out of the car, but Adrian's fingers get a hold of my wrist. "What?"

"Be careful in there, will you? If Dimitri _might _be dead, that doesn't mean that you should be looking for your death too."

"I am not. I just want to… we need that tape and I am going to get it."

"Of course you will. But one way or another, we've all been there, and I know how it feels, okay? Make sure you don't do anything too crazy."

"Can it be a little crazy then?"

"Oh, kitty. Do whatever feels okay, but stay alive, will you?"

"I promise."

And with that, I finally get out of the car and I keep on wiping my palms on my short dress, trying to dissipate my anxiety. It's all going to be okay. It has to.

Knocking at the door of the fancy mansion, the enormity of what I am doing strikes me. I need to be extremely careful if I don't want to end up dead.

But there's no turning back now. The door has been opened by a suited guy and as I lock eyes with him, my eyes almost fill with tears.

Mase. He reminds me so much of Mase. He's tall and red-headed and freckled, and well, the only difference I see is that this man in front of me has a lot more defined muscles on him. I bet he hits the gym every single day, no exception.

But what makes me want to cry the most is his boyish face, the warm-hearted expression on his face. If he gives these vibes, what the hell does he do here, playing the bodyguard? Mason would have never done such a thing.

But as I need to remind myself, this man is not Mason.

He now watches me with his arms crossed, and if he asked me something, I am afraid I was too out of it to hear it. So I need to explain my presence here before he decides to kick my ass.

"I… I am here for Mister Volkov. I'm from the… you know… the agency." I bat my eyelashes at him and take a look at myself too as he does it, his eyes examining me thoroughly.

Finally nodding and ending my rising anxiety, he moves out of the doorframe and gestures me to enter. He's not chatty, I suppose.

I mean, he doesn't speak at all, all the way as we go upstairs. No biggie. I make myself busy with staring at the expensive stuff around, at the paintings, chandeliers, golden frames, huge vases. The whole shebang. This guy is indeed rich as fuck.

I forgot to mention the lots of other bodyguards I've seen too around the house. It makes me realize that if I fuck up one thing, I won't have a great life after that.

Opening another door for me, the red-headed bodyguard lets me enter this place alone. Okay, so let the show begin.

It's not hard to spot my victim. After all, he's lying in bed, dressed only in his underpants, waiting for me.

I get closer to the end of the bed and I see this pleased smile spreading on his lips.

"Come on, honey, don't be shy. I am not paying you to sit there. Get undressed."

"I don't think so."

"What? Look, sugar. You're here to please me. So you'd better do as I say."

Or else what? It's funny. A couple of days ago I was telling Mia that I would never want to be in that position, but still, look at me now.

"I am not here to serve you," I inform him as I take my coat off. It will help me move better.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, indeed."

And in the second he wants to get up from the bed and lash at me, I have already gotten out my little knife and in the next second, I have already planted it into his thigh. I swear I have no idea where that thing came from.

"You bitch!" He wants to call for help but I've put my knife to his throat before he opened his mouth again.

"Do you think they would get here that fast? I'm already close enough to your jugular. They're what? In the other room? Around the house?"

"What do you want?"

I press the back of my palm against the cut I previously made. He struggles not to let out too loud sounds. Good boy.

"Are you okay?" I play with him because he didn't take me seriously. For the other women before me that he treated the way he wanted to treat me.

"Does it look like I am okay? I am gushing blood from a major artery."

"Poor baby. Trust me, if I would have had a band-aid, I would have given it to you." I press harder on his thigh and press the knife's edge too on his neck when he wants to get loud. If he screams I'm half screwed. And I didn't finish my job.

Am I being crazy now for doing this? Yes, sure. But he reminds me so much of Victor and this little twisted part in me wants me to take my revenge on him for drugging me.

But I've had enough fun. I need to focus on the more important things.

"Look what we're going to do. You give me what I want and I won't let you die. I will call for an ambulance for you, that nice I'll be."

"How will I know you're not trying to fool me?"

"I guess you'll have to trust me. After all, I am not the one not having a lot of time on my hands. I am not the one bleeding to death. It's up to you."

"Fine. What the fuck did you say you want?" yeah, he was too preoccupied with staring at my cleavage to pay attention to my words.

* * *

I made sure to tie him with a thousand knots and to cover his mouth so that I could get out of there before he could manage to announce his gorillas to come and kick my ass. Of course, I used a handy thing I got from Lissa and took care of his thigh wound before he could actually bleed to death. I don't want to have his life on my consciousness too.

And now that I have gotten to the end of the street and I see Adrian's car coming to get me, I take out my phone and call at the man's house.

I bet that the redheaded guy responded, I have this feeling. His voice, which he didn't bother to use as I was there, matches his childish face and I feel again that nostalgia as Mason's freckled face pops into my mind.

But I need to do my job. I need to be practical.

"Go into your boss's room and see what surprise awaits for you. Call for an ambulance on your way there. If not, he'll bleed to death."

Ending the warning call, I throw the phone onto the street, right where Adrian can smash it under the tire of the car, then, as he opens the door for me, I enter and sit.

"Yup, you're crazy, Rose, you know that?" I sense admiration in Adrian's voice, even though he says that. But hey, I didn't even know I was going to stab him. It seemed the right thing to do given the situation in which he didn't want to believe me.

"I have been called worse, you know? But I did the job, didn't I?" I don't wait for his answer, so I urge him to drive back to his apartment by showing him the CD I've just gotten my hands on. "We need to look at this now."

* * *

I would recognize him anywhere. It's him. It's Dimitri. Alive, getting out of that building, setting it on fire and sitting down watching it burn. It's him. He has been alive all along. Thank God that Volkov kept a copy of the recordings from that day and that no one got to erase that part from it. At least he did one good thing in his life.

I don't know why Adrian keeps this armchair around, maybe he's emotionally attached to it, but it comes in handy now. It's old and almost rotting and the material on it scratches your skin, but, at this moment, it's the most comfortable thing in this entire apartment, I swear. I take a seat, plopping myself on it, my feet close to giving up on me, and I lean my back on it, looking up. The room is slowly spinning and I concentrate on a little crack in the ceiling, trying to regain my balance.

He is alive. I knew it. Or at least, he was alive when this shit was recorded.

Because, of course, things can't go right. They never do go right all the way.

As the building starts falling to pieces, as Dimitri is still enjoying the view, some people come from behind him and hell, he is not aware of it. I even feel the need to say "Behind you!" but I know it would be useless. That happened a while ago.

Getting close enough, that mysterious guy pats Dimitri's shoulder and he? He does nothing to fight back. They seem to be speaking a little, then, obedient, Dimitri gets up with his hands lifted and lets another guy tie his hands.

"Who is that? And why is he there? Why is he taking him? Do you know that guy?"

"I do," Adrian says the magical words and in an instant, I start bombarding him with questions. "Whoa there, kitty. Take a seat, will you? Don't get too excited because I don't know much about him."

"I don't care. We need to find him fast." I will be damned if we don't. "So start with what you know."

"I only know one thing."

"Which is?"

"That he's Robert's first kiss-ass."

"Who the hell is Robert?"

**IPOV**

We need to find that guy. Agent 4-0-9. That's everything I know. That's all that Rose keeps on telling us, each day. But what I don't know is where the hell he is. Because no matter how hard we look for him, he doesn't want to be found. After all, I'm guessing he is the one who has erased all the footage and if he went all those lengths, he must have a good reason.

Nonetheless, we continue to ask the right question to the right people and one day, someone gives us a lead. From there, we continued to follow the breadcrumbs, the so little breadcrumbs, and found that guy dead. His men too.

Since that day, we started to get lucky. It was a hard-earned luck, consisting of a lot of sleepless nights and Rose putting herself out there a lot, but as the days went by, the links in the chain started to make more and more sense.

What surprises me most is that she doesn't hold back from anything. She has met a lot of dangerous people, went in there with not much knowledge of the places and people she would see, but she didn't back down from anything. And she was our best option. In this world, Adrian and I don't pass as trustful people and a lot of people already know us. With her, we had the striking element of surprise and this woman knew how to use it in her favor.

And seeing her transformation is something incredible in itself. She seduces, she manipulates, she hurts, she stabs, she hits, she gives money, and does anything that needs to be done. She doesn't seem to care. She keeps on pushing it, day after day, searching for him. She would do anything, now that she knows he is, or was alive at that time. She needs to know what happened to him after that, why he didn't say anything for so long, and hell, I do too.

But one thing I clearly understood from her. It's her fight and she won't back down, no matter what. I'm only helping her the best as I can, Adrian too, being her back men, always looking for possible threats and dangers. But she's doing it all. And it all has worked so well it's unbelievable.

Dimitri wasn't joking when he told me she was a smartie. Hell, she's more than that. She puts things together so fast and her intuition about him is almost always right. Who knows, maybe she mistook her career. She would have been a great spy. The only limit she has is killing, which is reasonable enough. She is a badass, but after all, she has a pure soul.

**RPOV**

I followed all the trails, all the deaths, all the teeny tiny clues, my intuition, my heart. And even if I might still be a hundred steps behind, I won't stop. I can't. I feel I'm so close and I am already in too deep to give up. I won't ever give up on him.

So here I am, continuing to follow the death trail Dimitri seems to have left behind. I only hope that when I reach its end I won't find him like that too.

Taking one last deep breath before I get inside this store on a backstreet of Novosibirsk, as always, I pray that I will reach the end of my searches soon.

As I close the door behind me, I flip the sign on the door on closed and lock the door (yay to me it has an accessible lock), just to make sure no one will disturb us. And good thing he was too busy cleaning a gun to observe me do that.

I keep on smiling at him as I get in front of the counter.

"Do you speak English?"

"да." He now eyes me curious. I bet the V-necked blouse I am wearing is distracting too. Good. The less he expects me to threaten him, the better it usually works.

I inch close to him, still smiling, and hell, his eyes start glowing like this would be the start of a porn movie.

He lays the gun back on the counter (Bad move. Not that it would have helped him much as it is unloaded, but it helps me that the soon won't have anything to hit me with) and watches me with pure interest.

I keep the mystery going as I empty the counter in between us and get a hold of his collar, pulling him closer to me. His smile gets wider. He thinks I am flirting, but I am so far from that.

And I am about to show him my true intentions.

From the pocket of my coat I get out my reliable knife and point it to his crotch. One thing I've learnt these past days is that men would do and say a lot of stuff to keep their heirs intact.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to know something from you."

"I don't know who you are and I surely don't know what you are talking about, lady. Are you sure you didn't mistake the person?"

"I'm sure, Konstantin."

He almost gives himself away. "Who is that?"

"Don't you play with me. I know what you're doing, behind this _business _of yours."

"I only have automatic rifles, knives and all this kind of stuff you might want. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I will need that too. I was thinking about getting myself a new knife, you know? But later. Now we need to talk business. I want to know something about a man that has been here and needed your services."

"I don't talk about my clients."

"Your fidelity is heartwarming." I press the tip of the knife against his jeans, as a warning. "But you don't have a choice."

"Don't I?" I hate it when people underestimate me.

I grab his collar and pull him up and closer to me, the tip of the knife pressing it further against his jeans, close to his crotch. I am so not playing.

"I want you to tell me about this man I am going to show you. And don't disappoint me."

I get a hold of a gun I made sure to slide my way, and dropping the knife on the table, I pretend to play with it with the intention to shoot if I don't like what I hear. Of course, I will never shoot a gun again, but he doesn't need to know I am bluffing.

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't agree, he doesn't tell me to go to hell. I get no reaction but disbelief.

"Okay, you asked for it." I point the gun towards his precious jewelry and pretend to start pulling the trigger.

"Wait! Fine. Fine. Show him to me."

* * *

After I get what I wanted, a new free knife too (it's small and handy and hell, cute too, even though I don't think I should be saying this a weapon), I head towards my next victim. And I need to hurry. I cannot lose him.

"It was nice making business with you, Konstantin!" I blow him a kiss before exiting. I swear that each time I am wearing this wig and do crazy stuff like this, I feel like a badass. I don't even know how come I got to act like this. At times, I am enjoying it, even though I could never see myself do this for the rest of my life.

"Me too, you crazy bitch!"

Oh, and just when I thought we have become friends. Maybe a gift will make him change his mind.

Before getting out of his shady store, I throw the old knife at him (of course, thanks to the awesome skills of Adrian that couldn't resist my puppy eyes when I asked him to teach me a thing or two), making sure it lands far enough from him not to hurt him, but close enough to scare him a little.

* * *

After I get far enough from that place, I decide to find myself a taxi, and as I get on one, of course, Ivan calls me to fill him in. I hope he'll be as excited as I am for being now one step closer to finding Dimitri. Konstantin directed me towards the one Dimitri was looking for when he came into this town, and if I am lucky enough, I might still find him at the hotel he has been staying at.

**DPOV**

Getting off the taxi, it would be hard not to recognize her undercover character making her entrance. The boulevard is wet from the heavy raining from last night, the air is thick with wetness and fog, and it's so cold here, but she's the only one around not wearing a hat nor a scarf, just a long unbuttoned black overcoat waves behind her as her high heels attract the attention of anyone around with their clacking as she heads towards the hotel's entrance.

Or could it be that everyone is staring at her because of the way she looks?

Of course it's that. Goddamnit, she is so beautiful. The way each perfect curve of hers is emphasized by those tight jeans, the way she walks like she owns this world around her, the little things about her face that I love so much seeing. I would give anything to see her now without that wig on. But I'll take whatever I'm given. I already feel my fingers tingly, wanting to touch her, to feel her again, and this time, I won't sit aside and watch. I'm going closer.

Seeing her earlier, getting that information from Konstantin, I couldn't help but stop and watch her. I could have intervened, maybe I should have, but I love it when my woman is like this. That confidence. That courage. That fierceness. That hotness she emanates. That foolishness by getting in this situation! I am so killing Ivan when I get my hands on him. But first, I need to get my hands on her.

**RPOV**

Rushing into the hotel, the only thing I have in mind is that if I don't get my hands on this man, everything I've done so far will be for nothing. So I can't afford to not find him there.

Thank God Ivan could easily crack the hotel's system. Like this, I could find out that this mysterious guy Konstantin mentioned is checking out today. I had crazy luck to still find him here.

And if I don't hurry, I will miss my last connection with Dimitri.

Room 45. That's my destination.

But nothing goes as easily as planned. It never does. Why the hell would it?

As I pass along the hallway leading towards the elevator, someone grabs me by my elbow and pulls me aside, into a darkened place that I didn't even notice. I should work some more on my observation skills. I wonder ever since when I've been followed. Anyway, it's too late now. I need to deal with the danger I am facing.

I have already gotten out my new knife (I knew it would be easier to handle thanks to its size) and I have already brought it up to my attacker's neck.

But his words make me pull it away enough not to anything.

"Easy, love," He says amused and I even see that cheeky smile on his lips, the one I love so much. "Put that down, will you?"

I gasp and take the knife away.

His familiar scent finally pierces through the little space between us and reaches my nostrils. It's him! Everything is as I remember it. That faint saltiness. The old leather of his duster. His woody cologne.

His face too! The warm eyes, the sharp edges and soft lines and creases of his face. He's as I remember him. Well, almost. He grew his beard and he's wearing a hat and well, he looks kinda unkempt, and sleepless.

He's not part of this fancy hotel, that's sure. But who cares? He's here.

Or have I started having hallucinations now?

"Dimitri?" I dare whisper and bring my hand up to touch his chest. I can't believe it's him! In the flesh!

"Yes, Roza. It's me."

He doesn't waste another second. Getting a hold of the edges of my coat, he pulls me a little closer to him and up, his lips pressing against mine. My whole body relaxes and I lose myself in this kiss. It has been so long. Too long.

With each second passing, the kiss intensifies, my hands grip on the back of his duster, his palms are pressed up and under my coat already, pulling me to him and pushing himself into my body, against the wall, neither of us getting enough closeness.

As we kiss, the world seems to fade out around me. Nothing matters anymore but him. His palms on my cheeks, his thumbs wiping my tears away and his tongue sloppily and hungrily playing with mine is all I can feel. All I want to ever feel. I can't get enough, my fingers clasp in his hair in my attempt to, I don't know, fuse our bodies, and neither does he.

But at some point, out of breath, we need to pull away. Even though, we don't move, not even an inch away from each other.

I start at his elbows, walking my fingers on the leather of his coat, wishing I could feel it once more, but I don't let such a little thing stop me. Moving my hands up on his shoulders, I try to remember how his now longer hair felt in between my fingers, and soon, with trembling hands, I meet the warmness of his neck, that I can feel even through my gloves. But I don't stop there. I get even further, getting a hold of his cheeks too. Oh, how I missed staring into his eyes.

As I respond to his next kiss, pressing my lips back harder on his, I don't know for how long we kiss, but it is slower, and softer and it's sweet and it brings up a million memories. A million feelings.

When we pull away once more, I dare open my eyes and I still see and feel him here, in front of me. So this is not a dream. No one pinched me, but I feel it is real. Because I have no words to describe the emptiness in my chest from the time I have been away from him, but now, that hole gets filled with warmness. With the warmness is find in his smile.

I wrap my arms around him and I hold him tight, him wrapping his arms around me too and sheltering me from everything around, holding me tight.

"My Roza." He buries his nose into the crook of my neck and kissed my cheek a of couple times. "My love," he tells me when we look at each other again, but I am not a little too angry to respond to him.

I am busy with punching his chest too.

"You could have let us know."

"I wanted to, I swear. But I couldn't risk it. It was better if I didn't contact you. If you thought… you know…"

"Oh, comrade. You're going to kill me with worry one day. You have no idea what has passed through my brain all this time. The worst things." All the ways in which he could have been tortured, killed. My mind is so damned creative.

"I'm sorry."

"I was worried sick, Dimitri. With your letter and then seeing those men take you, and everything that followed. Each time I went somewhere you've already been, I always thought I would find you… I would find you de-" I need to stop speaking because I start crying again.

Taking me back in his embrace, he soothes my back.

"I am sorry. But I was letting them take me, love."

"Why?"

"I needed to get where they were taking me."

I put my arms around his neck again and squeeze the shit out of him.

"You and your plans comrade… all these crazy ideas, you being away for so long and now… now… what are you doing here? Is this the last point of your crazy journey?" did I follow all the bits right? Was I that close to finding him?

"No. I left this place a long time ago. I only came here now to ask you to do something for me."

"What?"

"Love, I need you to stop."

"Stop what?"

He smiles as his lips press onto my forehead.

"My little Nancy Drew, I need you to stop looking for me. Stop asking questions. Stop telling people you're looking for me. It is not helping my cause. I need you to go back home and drop it all. Could you do that?"

"Well, now that I know you're fine..." my eyes fill with tears and I hurry to wipe them away before they fall. "I missed you so, so much and I didn't know..." I try to speak further but my voice cracks.

"Me too, love." taking my hand off my cheek and interlocking our fingers, he kisses away one of my falling tears. "And I 'm sorry for what you had to go through."

When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on mine, and staring in my eyes, he sighs. I get it.

"Go." He frowns at me. "You need to go, don't you?" He nods. "So go." I caress his cheek one last time. "It's okay. At least I know you're safe." And alive.

"I need to take care of some more things, love," he feels the need to explain.

"Like?"

"I don't think you want to know." I frown. The hell I do! I want to know what crazy thing he had in mind. "Just some loose ends I need to take care of." With that grave tone he used, I get it that he needs to do some bad things. "Paying some debts and stuff like that." Well, at least I got some explanation this time.

"Will it all be done after this?"

"I swear it will. And you'll be safe."

"Okay. And I won't ask more questions. Just... just be safe, will you?"

He nods and cups my cheeks. "I will. I promise I am coming back to you. This time, no taking it back, okay?"

"Sure. Because if you don't you know I can find your ass and kick it."

Smiling widely, he kisses me once more, hastily. "I love you, Roza, and I'm sorry for what I've done, for not giving any sign, but I had no other choice."

Taking his hat off, I walk my hands through his hair and I wish I could enjoy it as much as I usually do, but these goddamn gloves are preventing me. Thank God I have to have them for a little longer.

"I love you too. And don't you worry about that. I've forgiven you a long time ago for what you've dare write there. For what it matters, I always knew you were alive. So, continue to be alive, okay?"

He promises me that one more time, but still, he doesn't leave. He doesn't want it either.

Taking one of my hands off his cheek where I was resting it, he goes on and takes the glove off and I know I cannot stop him. Why should I have tried it in the first place? I am sure he sensed something a while ago.

When he sees the bandages on my fingertips, he frowns deeply.

"Rose?" He looks at me, still frowning and I know he knows what that is about, but still, he asks me. "What is this?"

"It's nothing." I pull my hand away and taking the glove from him, I put it back on.

He shakes his head and takes my hand back in his.

"We'll need to talk about this because I don't like it at all," he leaves the subject open, well, seeming upset. Nothing new under the sun. I am impressed that he dropped it that fast though.

_Duh, because he doesn't have the time._

"Come on. Go. You'll scold me later. You can't be here for too long, right? You need to go back to whatever place you came from."

He nods, then kisses my forehead. "Go home, Roza, and be safe. And tell Ivan I am killing him first thing when I see him," it's all he says lastly to me and not giving me the chance to protest, he leaves.

I should go too, but still, I remain here a few seconds more, my back against the wall, and I finally allow myself to cry. All that not knowing was too much these days and finally seeing him, I feel such relief.

But I know I can't stay here forever. Someone would eventually come and it would be a funny thing to explain them why I'm here.

So, pulling myself together, wiping my tears and straightening my coat, I get out of there.

When I get to the end of the street, my head still clouded by that surprising encounter, I wasn't looking where I was going and inevitably, someone bumps into me. Or more correctly, I bump into them.

They pass past me so fast that I don't manage to say I'm sorry.

But when I turn around and want to at least voice my apology to them, into the little crowd, I see his face again.

I smile on an instant and he gives me a flirty smile too.

Who knows if this is the last time I see him? I mean, not for forever, but for how long this time?

We're busy looking at each other as people continue to pass by, but I don't care how weird this may look like. All that matters is that I can see him for a second longer.

But that wasn't a very long second. He gestures towards the pocket of the coat I'm wearing, and as I search through it, I find a piece of paper.

I shrug, asking him what it is about, but all he does is to smile once more, wink, and go on his way. Oh, Dimitri. He's always full of mysteries.

Continuing my path, I unfold the piece of paper and find his words written on it. I swear that if he says something like he did in the letter, I'm going for him and smack him.

_I forgot about everything when I saw you, love. You always manage to bewilder me. I intended to give you this number, but I forgot. Sorry about that. Call me tomorrow at midnight after you get back home. I'll be waiting to hear your sweet voice._

_I love you. _

_Yours, D._

And there's a phone number after his message.

He's so sweet. I wonder in which ways I bewilder him. I don't remember doing anything special though.

With a silly smile on my face and keeping that piece of paper tightly in my hand, I continue walking.

* * *

When I see Ivan again, I still haven't stopped smiling. I don't think I will for the next couple of days.

"What happened? Did you meet him? What did he tell you? Where do we go now?"

"No. I dint meet him."

"What? Why? Did you lose him, Rose?" he's disappointed. I would be too if I wouldn't have known the whole thing. "He was our last chance to-"

"Because there is no point to it. We don't need to see that man anymore. I don't need him to tell me anything."

"What? Kiddo, you just said that-"

"Yes, I said that we don't need to know anything from him."

"Please do tell me why." I wonder if he thinks again that I'm crazy. "Why wouldn't we need him to tell us where Dimitri could be?"

"Because we're leaving this place. We're going away."

"To where? Rose, will you tell me already what's going on?"

"We're going back home. We need to stop all this right here and right now."

Understanding, he smiles. "You met him, didn't you?"

"Yes. I did."

"The bastard! He was alive all this time?"

"Well, unless he's some kind of strigoi now that has come back from the dead, yes."

"If he doesn't kill me when he sees me, I'll surely kill him for what he made us go through." Yeah, about that. Should I tell him Dimitri's message? Maybe later.

* * *

Into the airplane, I try not to be that excited about arriving and for midnight to come too so that I could talk to Dimitri again.

Good thing I have Ivan being curious to distract me.

"What did Adrian ask you before leaving?"

Remembering our little conversation, I laugh.

_"Thanks for your help."_

_"It was my pleasure, kitty."_

_"You know, one day, if you keep on calling me that, I might actually act like one."_

_"Will you scratch me?"_

_"Maybe I will." And so help me God if he'll dare not trust me, I'll show him right away what I am capable of._

_"Will it be on my back?" he asks me winking._

_The audacity! _

_My mouth opening and closing a couple of times, I don't know what comeback to come up with. He still manages to leave me speechless with these kinds of insinuations. _

_So, instead of using my words to pay him for this, I use my fist. Repeatedly and as hard as I can. He laughs, of course. They all do._

_"Will you stop that? You know that-"_

_"That you're taken?"_

_"Well, that too. But I was mostly going for being uncomfortable."_

_"Yeah, blushing too."_

_I squint my eyes at him. Yeah, he, like Dimitri, enjoys seeing me shy away and tease me. But in a friendly way. He understood the boundaries and besides these jokes, he keeps it casual. _

_"I'm serious, Adrian."_

_"I know."_

_We spend the next seconds in silence, not knowing what else to say. We're supposed to say goodbye, again, but this time it's a little harder than I thought it will be. He has come to be such a good friend of mine and with the life we're having, I don't know when I'll see him again._

_But he's as insightful as always. _

_"Come here, kitty. Let me give you a hug for later."_

_I don't say no to him. I smile and as he puts his arms around me, I do the same. Who would have thought we'd get to be like this? And who would have thought he'd be such a hugger? He wants to pass on like a badass (and he is one) and detached guy, but when you get to know him, he turns into a softie._

_"You don't have a twin sister, by any chance?"_

_"I have to disappoint you, buddy."_

_"Too bad. But, you know, do you know someone who looks like you at least?" he insists, a hit of amusement in his voice._

_"Besides my mother? Not really."_

_"Is she free?"_

_Laughing, I pull away. "Take your mind off her. She's taken for a long time and that's the way it will remain."_

_He sighs. "Oh, it's just that I am out of luck, I see." he's such a drama queen. And I let him know this too._

_"I am sure you'll find someone right for you." Someone who will repay his cockiness the way it needs to be paid back. _

_He smiles. "You're a fine woman, Rosemarie." He still keeps on calling me this, not too often, but on the times he's serious. "And if Belikov doesn't take care good care of you, you tell me and I'll deal with him."_

_I laugh again. Him in this protective role now, it's amusing._

_"Be on peace, big brother. I think I can kick his ass myself just fine."_

_"I never insinuated you can't. I was just thinking that if you need a break, you can give me a call."_

_"Yeah, I will. And… don't be a stranger, will you?"_

As I told this to Ivan, of course, with fewer details, he kept on rolling his eyes at the dramas Adrian played, but hey, if he wouldn't be dramatic, he wouldn't be himself.

"I didn't see him suffer much, though."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think he's going back home to an empty bed."

"Oh, come on, don't be mean."

"No, I didn't try to be. Or at least not too mean maybe. But as we were checking in, I saw him trying to sweep one of the stewardesses off her feet. I think I even remember her name. It's Sydney, I think."

"Well, then good for him."

"But I don't think she'll be his consolation prize."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she didn't seem to be falling for his charms."

* * *

Despite the jetlag and the change of hour, I feel no tiredness. All day long I've been full of energy and I tried to keep my mind off the so far away moment that was to come when I will get to talk to him. I tried all kinds of little activities, but each time I found my thoughts going towards him.

And now that it's finally midnight, the moment I waited for so long, when I get my phone to call him, I feel anxious. It's like I am fifteen and I'm calling this boy I like and I'm somehow afraid I'll say a stupid thing, or it's like I am going to a first date and I'm afraid I'll fuck something up.

But after all, isn't Dimitri used to the stupid things I say? Didn't he say he loves it?

To hell with it all. I have no reason to be this anxious. I'm acting silly without a good reason. It's Dimitri we're talking about. He's a sweetheart.

So, dismissing my idiotic concerns, I press call.

And I wait, listening to the… well, to the silence around me, my heart pounding with excitement.

He finally responds, after many rings.

"Um, is this a bad moment?"

"It is never a bad moment for you, love."

_See? You're already smiling and you've been speaking for less than ten seconds._

Finally relaxing, I lay on my side in bed and I put my phone on speaker close to me, listening to him breathing faintly. This little thing is calming some more the previous tempest in me and I can't wait to hear him again so close to me, in reality.

"Hey, love, are you still there?"

"Yes, I am. Sorry. I zoned out for a second."

"What were you thinking of?"

"Of how much I wish you were here, with me."

"Me too, Roza. I want to be there too. But it will take a little more time."

"I know. I'll wait."

"How are you?"

"I am fine now. Really fine. Great, knowing that, at least, you're alive."

"I am sorry, love. I didn't have any other choice. I just-"

"I got it. I am not mad at you." Not anymore.

There comes a little pause in which I pull the phone even closer. I don't want to miss a single word of his.

"You know? I am quite impressed by you, love."

I chuckle. "You are?"

The thing is that I am surprised too. I don't have the slightest idea of how I did all those crazy things. I guess I was driven by something and I put aside all my fears. But I don't know if I could do it again.

"How could I not?"

"Well, I wanted to know if you are alive. Safe." I know I keep on repeating it like a broken record, but I am so happy it's true.

"I am, Rose. And I'll be."

"Good." Taking a deep breath in, I gather my courage and ask him what I feared ever since this conversation has begun. Long before it even started, I realize. Maybe this is why I was so anxious in the first place. "This thing you are doing… With the loose ends... How long will it take?" how much is it going to take its toll on him too?

"I can't tell you anything for sure because I don't know myself. I need to take care of some…"

"People?"

He sighs. "Yes. Look, love. If I… If I want to get out of this for good, I need to do this. I can't let anyone know-"

"That you are alive."

"Yes. The same about you."

"And whoever knows needs to go."

"They're not innocent people, love."

"I know." After all, they are part of the ones who have made him have this life in the first place. It's some kind of a personal vendetta too, I guess.

"I'm not saying I'm a saint either. You know I'm not. But I have to do this. In that way."

"And I understand. Just... Be safe, please." When people are chased down and killed, they might fight back. They surely will.

"I will. I promise. But now, love…" shit! Of course he won't give up on it.

"Yes?" maybe if I play the fool he'll let it pass.

"What happened to your hands?" straightforward as always.

"Nothing. I just… you know I'm clumsy. And I've been cooking a lot lately and-"

"And you know I know when you lie to me."

"Even on the phone?"

"Yes." Yeah, he always knows how I feel, even if I don't say a thing. He has this weird way of understanding me, of knowing when something's off. But still, I don't say anything. "So?" he insists.

"I had to disappear. I am some kind dead now, aren't I?"

He sighs. "I don't like it that you've gone so deep in this, either if you're good at it or not. All I ever wanted was to keep you away from this for as long as I could. This life, Roza…"

"And you did." Hell, he's going all the possible lengths to end it.

"But still, you went out there and-"

"And I was careful. Ivan and Adrian had my back all the time."

"I know they would but-" A little silence comes and I may be crazy, but I'm imagining him smiling at the other end of the phone. But I guess it's the opposite. I think he's pretty upset about this. "Even though I didn't like it, I still don't that you've put yourself out to that danger, it was quite intriguing to find out that a mysterious beautiful woman was so bravely going around being badass and asking-"

I stop him with my chuckling. "That is the word on the streets about me?"

He chuckles too. "Yes, love. You were quite a fascination for others. A mystery too."

"For others only?"

He laughs again. "You know you have always fascinated me, Roza." Yes, he mentioned it a couple of times. He looks at me in a certain way too that I can't help but love.

But at this second, my ego has been awakened. Have I been that badass?

"What other things did they say about me?"

"Well, I don't know what they've said word by word, but I can tell you mine."

"Please do tell."

"You know I like it when you get feisty. It makes you so fucking hot, love. And you know I love it when you wear those jeans." Well, that was sheer luck that I was wearing them that day when we met. "I like it how passionate you get. I liked it how you played with them. I liked it when threw that knife at Konstantin too."

"You've been following me? And you didn't think to-"

"Only that day," he rushes to add. "I was looking for the perfect occasion to come to you. And seeing you like that, all I could do was stop and watch. As I said, you fascinate me, love. I had to see what you were doing. And you were so hot I could have barged into that shop and do you on the counter."

"And what else did you hear about me?" I need to change the subject or else I'll find myself doing some kinky stuff here by myself.

"Of course, I have heard you have gotten into a fight," he ends up scolding me a little.

"Oh…" that fight.

"Why?"

"You already know."

"You tell me anyway."

"He didn't want to tell me what I needed to know. What else could I have done?"

My answer makes him laugh. "I like how you broke his nose, love."

"Did I?" good Lord, I didn't mean to hit that hard.

He laughs again. "You did, love, or anyway, that's what I heard." After all, I used the thing he taught me, so he shouldn't be that surprised. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"Not really. No." my pinkie hurt for a day or two, but it's not relevant.

"But… have you been hurt these days?" he already told me he knows when I lie so…

"Nothing that could have stopped me to look for you, comrade." It was a bunch of bruises after all. Nothing that a bag of peas and some of Lissa's magical stuff couldn't handle.

He growls. "I don't like this."

"Well, it's over, so you don't have to worry about it now."

"Neither from now on, I hope," he says like wanting me to promise it to him, and waits for me to actually do it.

"Yes. Neither from now on. I'll… behave."

"Good. I don't want you out there again. It's messy and you... you're not that person to... you shouldn't be in that world."

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me something."

"Something like?"

"Something nice. I want to hear your voice." I want to hear him speak because I have no idea when it will be the next time I might hear him and I want to take advantage of this moment to the fullest.

"A story?" He asks me amused.

"Why not? Too bad you're not here to rub my tummy too." I smile reminiscing that moment.

"Soon, love. Soon."

He starts telling me a silly improvised story about a rabbit that decided to become a cowboy (I should have seen that coming, didn't I?), and in his words, I find my peace.

Eventually, the thing keeping me wide awake begins to fade away and I fall asleep while he speaks so softly to me, even though I didn't want to. I wanted to spend some more time with him, talk to him some more, but after so many sleepless nights, after so much concern, I am finally calm and his voice compels me to sleep.

* * *

After our call, I knew I wouldn't see or hear for him for a while. But I didn't expect it to take a month, give or take. He must have had a lot of things (people?) to take care of.

Wanting to keep myself busy, I've spent a lot of time helping Lissa, as she has moved in here at Ivan's request and her _clients_ followed. So, I tried to make myself useful.

It's better to work and to be in this silence the work provides. You can put your thoughts in order and it's harder to make any mistake this way.

Of course, that silence is now disrupted by the cries of this poor man that came around now, but I guess that Lissa has already filled his bloodstream with some spirituous liquid and painkillers because soon, he starts just moaning in pain.

After washing my hands thoroughly, I enter the main room, but she is way too preoccupied with getting rid of all that blood flowing out of that man's leg to bother to give me any attention. God, it's so much of it. There are a lot of pieces of cloth and gauze around her that are already soaked in blood and I need to look on the walls, to follow the cracks in the plaster on them in order not to throw up already. I still haven't gotten used to that and I don't think I ever will.

But I need to get my shit together. She needs my help and I need to keep myself busy. That's what I kept on doing these days. I did all I could not to think again of the worst-case scenarios.

"What should I do for you?" I offer my humble services as I am already collecting the crimson cloths at her feet into a metal bucket, trying to touch as little of them as possible. But ugh, the pieces of material are still warm and this makes my intestines twirl in displeasure.

"Go fetch me some bandages and some more alcohol, please. I need to disinfect this well." Thank God she is sending me away from this place. There is way too much blood around now and having a copious breakfast isn't helping.

"Got it. I'll be right back."

I snatch the last piece of cloth she used and throwing it into the bucket, I get up and head out before she changes her mind and makes me ''practice'' a little.

Don't get me wrong. She's a great and patient teacher, but I am the worst student when it comes to surgical stuff. I'd rather be the assistant than the awesome doctor doing the procedure.

A couple of hours later, when he is sutured, clean and stable, we have a breather and go get ourselves clean. I don't know what gun has been used on his leg, but the bleeding he had, God, that was messy.

"Hey, Rose, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Could you keep an eye on him for the night? I should... I should leave a little to take care of… someone else."

"Is that someone Ivan?"

If she'd be me, she'd blush. But she's not. But still, I know it's about him. Ever since she moved in, they have been together almost every second of the day.

"Well, I kinda promised him this morning that I'll let him take me on a date and-"

"Do you think I can do it? Take care of him, I mean."

"I am sure you can. You don't have to do much either, he's still out and he will be pretty out for the most of the night too. He will mostly be sleeping. Just change his bandages if they get bloody and give him some more painkillers if he wants some."

"Then, go ahead, make yourself beautiful for Ivan. I'll manage this guy."

"Thank you!" She hugs me and rushes out of the improvised clinic.

Wiping my hands clean, I go next to my patient's bed and watch him sleep for a second.

"Hey, buddy. It seems that you're stuck with me. I'll come to check on you later, okay?"

Realizing that I am speaking with a drugged, sleeping man, I laugh a little to myself and get out of there.

**DPOV**

I've parked the car outside the yard and decided to get inside on foot, thinking that I could use the element of surprise to my advantage.

But the one surprised is me. Ivan's car is not here and I guess that wherever he is, Rose might be with him too. Or not. If she'd be around here, maybe sleeping, _probably_ sleeping at this late hour, I would give anything to see her happy to see me.

As I get closer to the house, I see Ash running towards me, coming from the woods around. What is he doing here? What a stupid question. Of course she needed her best buddy around.

I don't restrain from petting him, letting him lick my hands too. In the little time we've kept him around, I have gotten to like this puppy's presence. And he's doing Rose well.

He continues to follow me into all the rooms in the house in my search for Rose, but she's nowhere to be found. I've found her room, but no other trace of her physically being here.

After finding myself asking Ash where she is (I have started acting like Rose, I see), I leave him inside the house before I start sneezing to death, and I go out to look for her, my instincts telling me that things aren't right. After all, I found some lights left turned on around the house. So, I wonder where is everyone. I pray there's nothing bad going on.

As the door closes behind me, I see Rose getting out of the little forest surrounding the house. And if I am guessing it correctly, she's wearing sports clothes? Did she go running in the middle of the night?

And weird enough, she doesn't come towards the entrance of the house. She goes towards one of the garages of the house.

Curious, I follow. What is she doing out and especially at that place at this hour?

Getting close enough, I see her entering one of the garages and peeking through a window, I see that there is an improvised hospital.

Since when is Ivan doing such charitable acts? Not that I wouldn't see him capable of this, but since when is he having the medical skills? Did Rose come up with this idea? It wouldn't surprise me if she did. She has always been helping and caring and nurturing.

Inspecting things further, I see that she has come here to take a look at her patient. So, I would better wait for her inside and not disturb her work.

But getting inside, I am way too eager to see her form up close so I find myself acting like a little creepo, going closer to the room her patient is in and spying on her. It's not the first time I do this anyway.

I find a spot from which I can't be seen but from which I can see them perfectly. She is changing the bandages on this guy and while she is preoccupied with wrapping the gauze around his thigh, he is preoccupied with checking on her and I am a second away from going in there and tell him to stop.

Behaving myself and having the chance to examine her further, I like what I'm seeing. It's not like I don't understand the guy, but I don't appreciate his gesture and I still want him to fucking stop staring at her ass like that.

She is wearing a wonderful pair of black, tight tights, rounding perfectly on the curves of her ass and hips, on her toned calves too, her hair is made into a messy bun, some little curly strands falling on the sides of her face, there's a red tight thermic blouse hugging the roundness of her breasts, her cheeks are flushed and now she bends to pick up the scissors she dropped, and goddamnit, she is so beautiful and so hot. I could never get tired of looking at her. And now that I'm here, I'll have all the time in the world not to get tired of her.

But of course, the guy doesn't waste the chance to hit on her. I know I wouldn't either if I were him.

He tries to flirt with her and her? She cuts him off nicely. Just as always. Too bad that he cannot get it.

"Did you take care of me? I would like to know who to thank."

"No, I didn't. It was Lissa who mended your wound. The blonde one." Lissa? What is she doing here?

"I think I would have liked for you to sew me up."

She laughs, the cheerfulness in her voice making my skin goosebump a little. Oh, how I missed this. Here's one more thing I won't get tired of. Her sweet laughter.

"I don't think so. I did that sewing thing once and I practically butchered the guy." I wouldn't say butcher. My shoulder healed well and she held herself composed so bravely that night. She's too humble. "So, no thank you. I am going to stick to taking care of the after parts. Do you need some painkillers?"

"With you here? No thanks. I have enough endorphins in my body to keep me going."

She laughs again. "That's not how endorphins work, buddy." Of course she knows how endorphins work. But unfortunately, he doesn't get it that she's a smarty-pants and he doesn't appreciate her interrupting his flirting.

Nonetheless, he persists. "It would have been a pleasure to be butchered by you…"

It was indeed. And how she took care of me afterward was amazing. I still remember each (or most) second of that night, the way she held me, how good it felt to be in her arms, how sweet she smelled and how warm she was, the tears she cried for me too, how much she cared.

The guy waves his hand around, waiting for her to fill in the blank, but she's not paying much attention to him. She's more concerned with ignoring him and praying that he gets the message.

But he doesn't get it, this insistent fucker. But after all, who could not want her? Didn't I feel the same in her presence at first?

"What's your name? I didn't get to know that."

"I'm Rose."

"A beautiful for a beautiful face," he flatters her some more, and if I know her well enough, which I do, she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"I um… thanks." She gets more uneasy than earlier, but still, doesn't cut him off. I swear I would, but if I barge in there, she'll have more things to bandage than his leg. Maybe some casts to put on too.

"I bet you love roses too."

Ouch. Bad move. She doesn't. Peonies are her favorite. Maybe I should have stopped pick some of those for her. I miss for almost a month and now I come around empty-handed? What kind of a prick am I?

"Maybe you'll let me bring you some one day, to thank you for taking such good care of me."

That's it. I can't listen to him anymore.

So, before I burst inside and kick the guy's ass, I decide to let her finish and I go wait for her in the other room.

But as the next two minutes pass, I am way too impatient to meet her again, I don't even know what to say, and I start pacing around the room, thinking of what I could tell her, of what I should do. I bet she'll be upset with me and who could blame her after all the things I've done? After going missing again for so long?

**RPOV**

Dean doesn't want to get it. How obvious does he want me to be? I even told him I have someone, but he keeps on insisting. Could it be the drugs Lissa pumped into his blood?

"What was that sound?"

"What sound?" I ask before considering if I should have. I swear that if this is a cheap pickup line he tries to use on me, I'll pretend to cut him with the scalpel I have on hand.

But as I listen, paying more attention to the sounds around me, I hear it too. It sounds like… like someone would be walking around?

No, it can't be. If Ivan and Lissa would have come back, they surely wouldn't have bothered to come around here unless they wanted to try out the beds around this place too.

"It could be mice," I try to come up with an explanation. After all, a couple of days ago I have seen one (that almost gave me a heart attack) and hell, we're in the middle of nature. "I'll go take a look."

Just to be sure, I take that scalpel I mentioned earlier with me.

Entering the other room of the improvised hospital, I don't find any mouse. I find Dimitri.

My hands start trembling and I can't prevent that scalpel from dropping from my hand. Am I going crazy already? Have I started imagining things?

But he doesn't seem to be an illusion. He moves. He turns around to face me and smiles at me.

"Hey, love." My eyes widen and I can't open my mouth to say anything. I am way too shocked. "Rose?"

I approach him slowly, afraid that if I get too close too fast, he will disappear.

But he doesn't. And when I reach him, when I lift my hand and dare touch him, he still doesn't disappear.

"You're real." My voice is full of disbelief.

He chuckles as he gets a hold of my hands, bringing them up to kiss them. "As real as you can get, love."

I jump on him, my arms around his neck in an instant and hold him tight, not planning to let go of him too soon.

"Oh my God! You're here! You're real."

I cover his face with kisses, not letting him say anything, not giving him any chance to react either. I think I've gotten to a hundred kisses before I stop and look at him some more.

"You're really here. You're here, now. You're back."

"I promised, didn't I?"

"I missed you so, so much."

"You did miss me? I didn't hear it like that earlier."

"Do you mean that guy?"

"Aham."

"Then, if you would have really listened, you would have heard that I cut him off."

"The nice way?"

I shrug. "I tried, at least. I couldn't hurt his feelings. I even hinted it to him I have someone, but he didn't want to get it."

"Yeah, you might have said that, but I've probably been distracted in that second."

"By what?" he's not the kind of guy who would get distracted by anything around. I mean, don't I know how focused he can be? Especially on me?

"By you of course." He picks me up and hops me on a counter around, coming in between her legs. "Like he did."

"He _did not."_ He may have flirted, yes, but he was the type to do it with anyone that has a vagina.

"But you didn't see the way he was looking at you."

"And you did?"

"Aham." He grits his teeth on my earlobe before whispering to me. "I didn't like it."

"You're jealous?"

"No."

"No?"

He chuckles. "You seem disappointed." Maybe a little.

"I am not. You just sounded jealous and now you're not admitting it."

"I'm not jealous, love. And you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I trust you. And because I know you love me."

I smile. "I do, Dimitri."

Wanting to kiss me again, I let him do it, but until I remember I needed to do something.

First, I pull away. Then, I punch his chest as hard as I can.

He is startled by my gesture, but should he? He should have seen it coming.

"Wh- what?"

_"This_ is for that goddamn letter! Do you have any idea what I went through when I read it? It broke me to pieces."

"Roza, I-"

I punch him a couple more.

"_This_ is for letting me think you're dead. God, Dimitri, so much time passed and you gave me no fucking sign. Nothing. I knew nothing about you. Then I finally find you and you go away again and I hear nothing from you for four weeks. It was torture. Each day. God…" I cup his cheeks and pull him closer. "You have no idea how much I prayed you'd be safe." I drag him to me so that his head rests into the crook of my neck and I nuzzle my nose into his hair. And finally, I start crying. "And this…" I kiss his temple as I try to contain my sobs. "This is because you're alive and you came back to me. You kept your promise." Continuing to cry, I start shaking lightly. "I missed you so much, Dimitri. Every single day. So, so much. Don't you do me something like this again. Don't you ever leave again."

I kiss him again, my lips wet with tears, and as our tongues swirl across each other, our hands desperately clinging to each other's hair, shoulders, hips, shirt, I keep on crying.

"Don't you ever do this to me again," I insist. "I don't think I could-'

He gets a hold of my hands and kisses my knuckles. "Never again, Roza."

"Good. Because it was torture not knowing if you were okay. And I missed you so bad." I lay my cheek on his shoulder and sigh relieved. After so long, I can find comfort in his embrace and it feels wonderful. "You'll stay now, won't you?" I need one more confirmation.

"I am, love. I am. I'm not going anywhere from now on."

"Good. Because I haven't finished beating the shit out of you for what you've made me believe so I'll need you around."

"I see. So, shall I rush and get myself some padding, or cover my nose first?"

I chuckle through the tears. "No. You shall kiss me again now."

"I like how that sounds." He comes closer and nuzzles his nose on mine before he kisses it. "I am sorry, Roza."

"I know. And it's okay. It doesn't matter anymore now. You're here now and that is all I care about."

And when he kisses me again, well, things get a little more passionate than with the other kisses. Getting a hold of my thigh, he tilts me backward on the counter, and by doing this, we stumble over something, and that something ends up on the floor. But who cares about that? The way he possesses my mouth is more distracting than the mess we're making around.

"And what was distracting you in particular, comrade?" I ask during a breather.

"This."

He digs his fingers into my ass, lifting me a little off the counter and gluing my softness against the so obvious sign of his arousal and this makes me giggle like an idiot. We've been just kissing after all.

But when his fingers reach so close to my core, even though the material of my pants, I start feeling it too, my fingers clutching in his hair as he repeats the gesture.

"And definitely by what's hiding under this." He gets rid of my blouse before I even begin to realize what he's doing and now I'm only in my sports bra in front of him, and not that I'd be starting to get shy, but... but there is definitely something I feel that prevents me enjoy his touches to the fullest. It's like… it's like I feel I don't deserve them.

"Dimitri…" I try mouth my feelings, but he is already heading with his mouth down on my neck and his hand has already slipped under my sports bra and he has made himself busy with arousing my nipple. Things have gotten way too heated way too fast. Maybe we should-

"Dimitri, I…" I gasp as he squeezes on my peak and I drop any intention of speaking and try to ignore whatever feels wrong in my head. I am sure it's something stupid, a stray thought.

His fingers finally pulling my sports bra down, he reveals my breast and it takes him less than a second to put his lips on my flesh and I tilt some more backward, trying to push my chest farther into his mouth. He knows how to keep my mind busy.

"Shit," I hear someone mumble and the haze that Dimitri's mouth has brought me into fades away in an instant. I hear some more noise too, as if someone was rushing and got into something. Or maybe I am just-

Dean! Oh my God, Dean! How could I forget about him?

Pushing Dimitri off me, I desperately try to cover my nakedness and I thank the gods that Dimitri let my blouse lay around on the counter, at a reachable distance, so I can cover myself further.

But the damage is already done and the damage is huge. Dean is staring down at his feet, his cheeks are flushed and I am sure it's not from the effort he has made to come here with his wounded leg. It's because he saw everything. He saw me like… like that! With Dimitri!

But Dimitri? He doesn't seem affected at all. He didn't even let go of me completely. Yes, he pulled a little away, but even if he turned around a little to eye Dean with eyes squinted, his hands haven't let go of my body, and even when I try to push them away, he insists on keeping them there, this stubborn one.

Me, in comparison to him, I am one second away from burning to ashes, that's how hot my cheeks are.

The even weirder thing is that no one is saying anything. Dimitri is eyeing Dean, Dean finally dares look up and his eyes meet mine first. So I feel obliged to speak.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, Dean. We…" well, he saw what we were doing so what the heck am I trying to explain to him?

So, before I make things worse, I look down, and hell, I realize that I look like an idiot too because in my hurry, I have put my blouse on backwards.

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize. I heard things falling around here and I called for you and you didn't answer." he did? How deep emerged into Dimitri's touches was I? "And I thought you were in danger as you left because we've heard something." he looks away, obviously being as embarrassed as I am.

"She is not," Dimitri says, his tone cold and sharp. He _is_ jealous! This is why he doesn't want to let go of me either! Little liar.

Dean senses Dimitri's attitude too. He even takes a step back.

"Sure. Obviously. My bad." One more step backward. "I'm sorry I spoiled you… um… thing." He scratches the back of his head and leaves.

"Love." Dimitri tries to take my hands off my face because I felt the need to hide, even after Dean left.

"This was embarrassing. Mortifying." I finally give in and let him take my hands in his, but I still look down and hell, seeing the bulge in his pants, smaller, but still there, I blush even harder.

"So what?"

I snap my head up. "_So what_? Ugh, I want to dig a hole and go hide in it."

"Will I join you there?"

"Comrade…" I growl. "I'm serious."

"Me too." I squint my eyes at him. He is not! "What? A hole I in the ground sounds dark and lonely. I wouldn't want you to be lonely in there. I am sure I can make your time spent there more enjoyable."

His fingers already start creeping under my blouse, but I slap it away and to avoid his playful gaze, I make myself busy with putting my blouse on the normal way.

"Leave it taken off." He tries to stop me when I want to dress up again. But I don't listen to him and I cover the temptation.

"Dimitri… He is still here. I am not doing anything with anyone hearing me. In fact, I am not doing anything, period," I cut off his running start and he pouts for a second.

"Well, you're pretty loud indeed, love."

My jaw drops and getting his hands completely off me, I cross mine over my chest and eye him.

"That never stopped you from anything from what I remember."

"You're right. It didn't. It won't stop me now either. I love it when you're loud." he's still playful and he still wants to pick up from where we left, but I stop him again. Isn't he a little too excited?

"No. I mean it. Not here, Dimitri."

He pouts again and it's funny to see him this bothered. But even though, he still doesn't take his hands off me, he still continues to stroke my hips slowly and thoroughly, making some more tension gather in between my legs.

"Let's go out of here then. Somewhere more… private," he proposes as he takes a little time to walk his tongue on my neck, making me giggle.

"It tickles, Dimitri!" he goes as far as to make me squeal.

"Fine, fine. Let's go then, love."

Finally letting me get off the counter, we head inside holding hands. And I am planning to never let go of his hand. It feels so safe to hold it, so… like home.

But getting back inside, entering through the back door into the kitchen, we bump into Ivan. Of course, he came back from his date with Lissa. She must be around too.

After greeting and hugging, the brothers eye each other, and I feel that there's a silent conversation going on.

"Yeah… I think that we'll be going to go for a walk," Ivan comes to a conclusion.

"We?"

"Yeah, Liss and I."

"Liss? Like in, Lissa?"

"Aham."

"How?"

"Rose." Ivan looks at me smiling.

"I see." Wow, what a micro conversation. But they seemed to transmit anything that needed to be transmitted. "So, you've turned into a matchmaker as I've been away, love?"

We all laugh at his remark.

"Well, I didn't do much…" they're the ones who have sorted things out.

"Yeah, she's as humble as you remember, Dimitri. But let's cut the talking. I need to take my lady on a walk."

"But you've just arrived, didn't you?" I mean, aren't they tired or something?

"Make it a long one, will you?" Dimitri cuts me off and I finally realize what's going on here. Oh, good Lord! They're talking about… about _that thing_, between Dimitri and I. "Like a really long one," he continues to speak with a specific tone and now that everyone in this room knows what the hell he means, I feel even more embarrassed than earlier, with Dean. After all, Ivan is his brother and my friend! I am going to see him around for a long time after this, and he'll know.

So, trying to make him stop, I stare at him, my eyes widened, trying not to punch him. He's so shameless. But he is smiling back at me, not a single sign of regret on his face.

Ivan chuckles and I look down as my whole face flushes some more. Goddamnit, Dimitri. Did he have to make everything that obvious?

"Sure, I'll take my time walking. Do you guys want something from the supermarket? I, anyway, have to do some groceries and in the middle of the night the stores will be empty, so it's a win-win. Liss is driving me insane about you doing those lemon cookies again, you know?" if he's trying to diminish my awkwardness, well, he's a nice guy for trying, but it's not working.

Doing the math, we'll have at least, I don't know, four hours or so on our hands, depending on how slow they intend to take that walk. The store is pretty far, like all humanity and it takes some time to reach it. And this is way more than enough for whatever Dimitri has in mind. I guess, at least. Seeing him so impatient… I don't know what to expect.

"I don't need anything," Dimitri says and interrupts my calculations.

"Rose?" Ivan asks for my attention.

That's me. I look up and clear my throat.

"Um, I, um, some popcorn would be nice?"

"Noted, kiddo." with this, he grabs his car keys. "And just so I know for sure, you still want to kill me, right?"

"Of course." Dimitri reciprocates his brother's smile

"No, you will _not_, Dimitri."

"Don't worry, kiddo, I had it coming anyway." And he heads towards the door. "Tell Lissa I am waiting for her outside, and please, for the love of God, behave at least until we make it out of the garage, will you?" he says amused by my further shying away and leaves.

"_Really_, comrade?" I am aware of my heavily blushing, but I still try to sound fierce.

"Your face is heating up," he plays the innocent, but the devilish smile on his face is giving him away. "Is it something I said or done?"

"It is! God, you always make me blush so damn much with everything you say and now, in front of your brother too, Dimitri?" I blurt all the words at him and punch him a couple of times, but nothing that I do doesn't make him get serious. He's still amused and it annoys me further. "Stop smiling at me like that! I am starting to think you're doing it on purpose."

"That's because I am, love." He puts his palm on my neck and his fingers walking slowly on the back of my head, it calms my irritation. "I missed that."

"What?"

"Your shyness." He passes his fingers through my hair and bends to kiss my forehead.

I chuckle. "You did?"

"Oh, Roza." He puts his hands around my middle and drags me closer to him. "I missed everything about you. Every little thing. Especially this." he bends over again, to kiss my lips this time, and it's like out of nowhere that fire ignites in both of us again.

He pushes me into the nearest wall and gets his hands under my blouse.

"Comrade..." I scold him, still conscious about Ivan's request.

"What?" He asks hardly pulling his lips away, gritting his teeth on my lower lip.

"Lissa…" I moan as his fingers stroke on my breast. "Dimitri, she… oh…"

"You're right." He gets serious and pulls away without any further protest this time.

Resting against the counter, away from me, he continues to watch me, intensely.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason. I'm just admiring how beautiful you are, love."

I blush once more and put my hair behind my ears a couple of times.

"Dimitri… stop that."

"Never," he teases and continues to look at me, the intensity of his gaze making my whole body burn.

"Aren't you like… tired?" I try to distract his attention with a silly conversation.

"Of looking at you? Never."

"I… _Dimitri_… I meant like, physically. Did you even sleep lately?" because I know I didn't sleep well in a long time, hence the midnight run.

"Not at all. I slept for two hours on my way here."

Lissa comes and stops our courtesy talk, and she's so excited to see him. After she hugs him and welcomes him back, when she finds out where Ivan disappeared, she throws me a devilish smile. Not her too, please!

"I'll let you guys enjoy yourselves, then."

She winks at me before exiting. Will anyone in this house stop teasing me?

The second the door closes behind her, I feel Dimitri's hands creep on my middle, from behind, him pulling me closer to him.

I put my palms over his, that weird sensation again present in my plexus. Why can't I stop feeling that way when he touches me?

"Dimitri…"

"What? They'll be out of the garage in a second. They can't see us anyway, and if you can be quiet for a minute-"

"Well, we'll have plenty of time to do anything you want to, but I would like to take a shower right now. I am all sweaty."

"But you'll get sweaty again," he whines as he places little kisses on my neck. "So what's the point of bothering to shower, huh?" He doesn't stop his movements on my body either, his fingers now playing under the waistband of my tights.

"Come on, give me five minutes."

"You have no idea what I want to do you in those five minutes, Roza." His hand advances and he now plays with the edges of my undies, pulling them a little up and making the material rub against my nub.

"Dimitri, I am full of sweat all over. Please…"

His tongue and lips playing on my neck and jaw now, he still tries to convince me.

"But it's tasty. Salty. You are delicious, love."

"Wouldn't you say anything now to get into my panties comrade?"

He smiles. "Maybe. But…" but yeah, he's already close to getting there.

But still, he pulls his hand away and turns me around, his lips coming over mine and as he kisses me, once more, I don't remember how come I let him take my blouse off. He's impossible to say no to.

"I missed you so much, Roza," He says between kisses down on my breasts and stops for a second to take his T-shirt off too, ready to take things further.

But what I see under that, it shocks me. His whole torso is covered with bruises of all colors. He has all the shades of yellow and purple there.

"Oh God!" I pull away from him, my eyes already filling with tears. "What have they done to you?" I pass my fingers over the blackest bruise on him, past his rib cage. "Does it hurt you? Is it broken?"

"It started to heal some time ago, so don't you worry, love."

"God, Dimitri. You…" what has he been through? All of it, for me. "I… what have they done to you?" I run my fingers over all the spots on him, searching, crying.

"Hey." He takes my hands in his and stops my little growing hysteria. "Don't worry, Roza." He hurries to stop my tears from falling some more. "It was all worth it."

And he hurries to pick things up from where he left them, his lips hungry for mine, his hands too for my body.

**DPOV**

"What if… we take a bath together?"

I laugh at her idea. "You won't let go of that, won't you?" She bites her lip and looking at me, she shakes her head. "Let's go then."

Guiding her to where her room is, we get into the bathroom and I respect her wish, even though the bed looked more tempting to me.

She gives me the privilege of undressing her and I take my time with it as we wait for the bathtub to fill, taking my time to remember all her perfect curves, the weight of her breasts, the little puffs she lets out as I touch her all over.

When I was ready to explode from the torture I've put myself through, I strip down too and get into the bathtub first.

But when her turn comes, she just sits next to the bathtub and looks at me, biting her lips distressed.

"What happened?"

"Won't I… um... hurt you?"

"Never, love. Now come on. Let me hold you." I am close to getting desperate to feel her in my arms, to feel her body against mine, her flesh touching mine. I want her so bad I am close to screaming.

She smiles a little and gets into the bathtub, moving so gently as she sits on my thighs, touching me like a feather and I still see that distress of possibly hurting me on her face.

Reaching for the shower gel, she spreads it on her palms, and moving just as gently, she walks them on my abdomen, chest, getting up to my collarbones, and around shoulders, past my neck, her hands moving so slowly bringing that feeling of pleasurable torture back. She is paying so much attention to each of my bruises, careful not to press too hard on my skin and I can see how much it hurts her to see them.

"Rose."

"Huh?"

I take her palms in mine and stroke them through the foam.

"They don't hurt as bad as you think."

"Comrade, will you for once stop playing the brave? I can see them. They're blue, and green, and yellow and black and..." tears start piling up in her eyes. "They hurt, Dimitri. I can practically feel them hurt and I am not the one having them. And I'm so-"

I pull her on me and hold her in my embrace as she starts shaking lightly, crying, and I soothe her back and hair, trying to calm her.

"Good thing I have a nurse in training to care for me, right?"

She chuckles and sniffs her nose a couple of times.

"I am not good for anything, Dimitri and you know that. I am a crappy nurse."

"You are not, love."

* * *

Getting out of the bathtub, I swear I can't wait for long.

So giving in to my impulses, I get a hold of her hips and pull her towards me, crushing our lips together.

"Let me have you, Roza. Let me make love to you. I've missed you so badly. I want to-" God, I want to love her all night long.

"No."

"So you want to tell me you don't want it?" it's confusing. She responded to all my doings and now… well, if she means it, I'll stop, but she didn't do anything to stop me until now.

"No. I mean… you don't seem to be able to do this your whole body might hurt. We don't have to, really. I… we shouldn't. You should rest."

I get closer to her ear and whisper as I stroke on her hipbones with my thumbs, my other fingers playing along the fullness of her ass.

"Yeah, but you know? My hands can do all the work, and it wouldn't be that tiring." And to show her too, I head up with my hands and cup her breasts, playing with them.

She bites her lower lip, her breath becoming harsher and I can see that she is considering things in her head.

"I… Dimitri… we'd- we'd better not. You… And I… I feel tired too after the run and I think that it would be better if we would go to sleep."

So getting my answer, I let go of her. It's not like I am going to push her to do something she doesn't feel like doing.

"Sure, love." I grab a towel and start ruffling her hair.

"You're not mad, aren't you?"

"Why would I be?"

She shrugs and looks down. "Well, I-"

I stop her before finishing her idea by tilting her head back up.

"Love, you don't have to always say yes, you get that, right?"

"I do, but-"

"No buts. And if I think better about it, you'll need to be well-rested for when I'll be done with you."

"Comrade…" she punches my arm so lightly, still thinking it hurts me. They did hurt, but a long time ago, when it all started. "You are irrecoverable."

"Yeah. And it's all because of you." I try to brighten up her mood a little with my joke. Call me crazy, but there's something off about her and I am almost sure it has nothing to do with tiredness.

"Hey," she protests and pouts. "Why is it my fault?"

"Because you're so irresistible, of course."

Without any other cue, I pick her up and get heading towards the bedroom.

"Hey, what about my jammies? And put me down, your ribs must hurt." But I won't hear it. "Dimitri, come on. Don't be stubborn."

Arriving and laying her in bed, I get on top of her for a kiss's time, then lay next to her.

"First, you won't need your jammies, and no," I rush to add when I see her frown a little. "We won't be doing anything, but I just want to hold you like that. Second, I already told you, it doesn't hurt, so stop worrying, love. You'll get wrinkles and I want you beautiful like this even at seventy, okay?"

She bites her lower lip, smiling. "Seventy, huh?"

"And eighty, and ninety, and one hundred years too, love."

Cupping my cheeks, she comes closer to kiss me. "You're sweet. Very stubborn, but sweet. It's just your luck, comrade."

"Well, I have learnt from the best, didn't I?"

"Is that so?" she laughs and without insisting for an answer, already knowing it, she comes laying halfway on me, starting to draw circles on my chest. "I missed you," she sighs as she kisses my chest.

"Me too, love." I start caressing her hair and she nuzzles her nose against my skin. "Tell me one thing, love."

"What?"

"How has been your sleeping?" it's been so long I've been away and all I thought at times is how she dealt with those horrible things at night.

She shrugs. "Fine. It was fine."

"You're not lying to me?" because she is.

"Yeah." I eye her until she gives in. "I mean… I guess."

"You guess? What do you guess? That it was fine? You guess that you're lying to me?" even if she doesn't remember what happened, she still must have woken up frightened and I don't know if there was someone to soother her, rather than Ash. She shrugs again. "Tell me. Tell me how you've dealt with it."

"I might have avoided going to sleep until I couldn't keep my eyes open… and do a lot of things to exhaust me so that I won't…" her eyes fill with tears just by talking about it.

"Oh, Roza..." I pull her closer to me and hold her as tight as possible. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're here now and I know I'll be fine." Yes, I'll make sure she will.

"So tell me. How tired are you now, really?"

"Very?"

"And why didn't you tell me that in the first place? You should have told me that immediately." it makes a lot of sense, with the night run and all. I should have put things together but I was too preoccupied with other wishes. "To sleep with you."

"But I still want to spend time with you," she pouts.

"Love, from now, we have time for everything."

"Promise?"

"I swear. We have time for whatever you want. But we'll do them all later. Now, to sleep with you." She snuggles into me, her head resting into the crook of my neck and as I soothe her back, her breath steadies.

"Let's hope you are not going to snore."

She lifts her head and looks at me with jaw dropped. "I don't _snore."_

"How would you know? You're not the one hearing it."

She looks down. "Do I snore?"

"No, love. I was messing with you." I lay her head back down. "And even when you do, it's sweet."

"How come? There's nothing sweet about snoring."

"When it comes to you it is. Because you purr like a kitten."

"Don't you remind me of kittens."

"Why?"

She laughs a little, mostly to herself. "It's just that Adrian calls me that."

"He does, huh? And what else did he do?" after all, why did I expect more from him?

"Comrade." She lifts and caresses my cheek after giving me a peck. "You know there's space only for you in my heart, don't you?" But still, no matter how aware I am of it, I can't stop not liking it when people get like that around her.

"I know, love. You're right. I'm sorry. It's not that I doubt you, but I don't trust him around you, that's the problem."

"Don't worry. I can handle him. He got my boundaries." I bet he did. I would have liked to be there to see her tame him.

We spend the next minute in silence, my fingers drawing her curves. It feels great to feel her skin against mine, to feel her warmth on me. I could spend whole days here, like this.

"Dimitri?"

"What happened?"

"Nothing." She snuggles to my chest and sighs like relieved. "Just… I love you."

"I love you too." I go ahead and slap her ass lightly over the sheet. "Now go to sleep. I won't be able to tire you later if you don't have enough energy to consume."

"Comrade!" She punches my arm, but then gasps and gets up. "Did that hurt? Oh, did I touc-"

"Shh. You didn't do anything."

"Are you sure? Don't you lie to me to make me feel better."

"I promise it didn't hurt. Now come on, stop it and come to me." I pull her back on me and she sets herself down slowly, careful where she places herself.

After a little more silence, she tilts her head and watches me.

"Comrade?"

"What happened now?"

"Tell me a story," I saw this coming. She has a thing for this, and I like doing it.

"About what?"

"Um… I don't know. Anything you wish. But… I want to ask you something first."

"Go ahead."

"Now what?" She asks me her signature question. I must say I missed it. I missed like crazy a lot of things about her.

"Anything you wish Roza. We can do anything you wish."

"Can we take a break?"

I laugh. I was thinking about this too. "Yeah, I would like that too. In fact, why don't we get away? Just you and me somewhere far away from everything."

"I love how that sounds."

"Good. It's set then."

"But…"

"What?

"Do you think we could pay my parents a visit first?"

"So you want me to meet them?"

"You already charmed them, comrade, so don't you worry."

"Did I?"

"Like you don't already know it. My mother can't stop talking about you. It's like she secretly wants to marry you."

I laugh. "Is that so?"

"Not really," She mumbles.

"Then?"

"Nothing."

"Come on. Tell me."

She shies away some more, hiding into the crook of my neck while growling a little. I love it when she acts this way.

"Do you remember that grandma thing?"

"Yes."

"Well, she keeps on bringing it up."

I laugh once more. If she'd knew she's not the only one teased with this thing.

"Don't you worry. I'll talk to her and-"

"No. You won't bring that up. Especially not there. You'll be by my side, on my team when we get there. God forbid you team up with them and you all tease and nag me. I'll get mad with you."

"But you know I love it when you act coy."

"Well, you'll need to promise me that you'll restrain from that, at least there, okay?"

Not really liking the idea, I still agree with it. I'll have other chances to tease her.

"You need to promise me."

"Fine, fine. I promise, love."

* * *

But she cannot sleep, despite saying she is tired. She keeps on twisting and turning and fidgeting, as careful as she can, thinking I am sleeping.

"Love, what's the matter?"

"Oh. You're awake."

"The question is why you are not."

"I'm… excited."

"You know, I have recently read a study."

"About?"

"About what helps people sleep better."

"And what would that be?"

"There are a lot of things. But one in particular caught my attention."

"Which one?"

"Orgasms." I have given up on the idea, but I still can joke about it.

She laughs. "No, really?"

"Really. It's scientifically proven."

"You keep on saying I'm a smarty-pants, but you're one too."

"Eh, I just like knowing my facts."

"And we can't argue with scientists, can't we?"

"Of course not."

She puffs. "You're not giving up on that, aren't you?"

"I have, love. I was only offering myself to make you sleep better."

"So you're sacrificing yourself, huh?"

"I am."

"Oh, comrade. I appreciate it, but let's go to sleep." She moves under my arm and even pulls away a little. It's weird. It's like she feels uneasy with me doing it, with me touching and kissing her, or maybe I am imagining it and she's just a little concerned about me asking again for more. But I know when no means no.

"Fine," I sigh, faking disappointment. But still, I don't give up on my wish of keeping her close. So, putting my arm back around her middle, I pull her back to me, gluing her back to my front, burying my nose into the softness of her hair. I missed even her smell.

"But really now, Dimitri. With those bruises, how can we…"

"Remember the wrinkles, love. I can feel one appearing already."

"Trust me, I'm done with worrying too much now that you're here."

* * *

**RPOV**

In the morning, I wake up once with him caressing my hair and looking at me with those dreamy eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm watching Sleeping beauty."

I chuckle. He's such a charmer. "But isn't that weird? Watching me sleep?"

"Not at all."

"What time is it?"

"It's still early. Go back to sleep, love."

Which I don't hesitate to do. In the comfort his arms provide, all I want to do is lay down and enjoy it.

* * *

Later, after I've paid an uncomfortable and embarrassing visit to Dean, in which none of us said more than three words, I am in the kitchen, cooking breakfast.

Ivan and Lissa didn't bother to come back last night and I've found a message on my phone that they will be away until late in the afternoon. "So have fun" were Lissa's last words and yes, even though there was no one to see me, I still blushed.

Again, as sneaky as always, Dimitri comes out of nowhere and I feel his palms on my hips.

"Good morning, love."

Exhaling, I turn my head and meet his lips already wanting to kiss me. "Hey," I respond to his greeting as his lips kiss on my jaw. "I didn't hear you coming."

"Well, you were a little too caught up in your thoughts." Of course he could sense that. "What were you thinking of, huh?" I don't know myself. I feel… I don't know how I feel. But it's pressing and he can feel it too.

"I was thinking that I don't have enough flour to make these pancakes. They're not consistent enough." I continue to bat the mixture, and somehow, I am not lying to him. This thing bothers me.

"You worry too much." he dips a finger into the bowl I'm holding and tastes it. "It's delicious, love. We could even eat it like this, no cooking needed."

"Yeah, sure. Let's not do that."

Slipping out of his embrace, I reach for a pan into the cupboard, but the one I want is a little too high. And of course, wearing only one of his T-shirts, it lifts a little too much.

"Here, let me give you a hand." Dimitri is already by my side, one of his hands reaching for the pan I wanted and his other wrapping on my middle, his fingers trying to lift my T-shirt some more.

"Dimitri…" I try to pull it back down to cover myself.

And surprisingly enough, he pulls away completely, putting the pan down on the counter and taking a step back.

"What's going on here, love?" I feel such botherness in his voice that it startles me for a second.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"About this. About whatever's happening here. Why do you torture me like this? You've been cold to me. You barely let me do anything and I am not referring to sex here, Rose. I didn't say anything last night because I thought I was imagining it, but you don't let me touch you much, you pull away, you shriek when I try that and you pull away when I want to kiss you, even if it's just for a split of a second. I still feel that. It's like you're responding to it, being forced to do it. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to if you don't feel like it. So tell me, please, what's going on? Did I do something? You're mad at me?"


	41. I am Liam Neeson-ing your ass

**Sheesh, guys, I missed you too so much! But my program has been so hectic these past two weeks, my teachers have started to act crazy and as my exams are getting closer, you would think that with the actual situation, they would be more understanding. Well, no. I feel it that June will be a _wonderful _month for me. I hope that you guys will get to enjoy it to the fullest, though**

**Now, I am sorry for letting you wait for my update for so long, and I am sorry to announce you too that I think I will resume to posting once at every two weeks for a while, as it is working better with my life now. I can't keep on writing as much as I usually did now, and I'm managing the situation as best as I can. I hope you don't mind, but I don't want to give up on this story either. It's my baby and to hell if I don't finish this story**

**But now, please don't hate me for the way this chapter ends guys. I just felt the need to add that because I wanted to yes, bring some drama, but at the same time, to make it more relatable maybe and more veritable. I mean, things can't always go right in a relationship, right?**

**I will keep it short with the talking this time as I know it took me a lot to update and you guys want to see what's happening next.**

**I am glad that you guys liked the badass part of Rose and the letter too! I almost shed a tear when I was writing it too :)**

**HoenstPassion13, thanks for your book recommendation and I promise that the first time when I find a free second, I'll search that series and get reading**

**And dear Guest, yes, things are getting a little better here, we're allowed to move more freely and I have finally seen my friends and family! I hope that things are going for the better for you all guys!**

**So, I guess I'll see you in two weeks guys! **

**Love you lots and be safe!**

**PS, I may have put a M scene to make it up for my missing ;)**

* * *

**I am Liam Neeson-ing your ass**

**RPOV**

"Did I offend you in any way with what I've been doing? With touching you? Did I get too far? Don't you feel comfortable with me doing it? Tell me, and I'll stop. I'll give you time, space, whatever you need, but tell me what's wrong, love. Please don't keep me in the dark."

"No, Dimitri, no, it's not any of that. I just…" I shrug, not knowing what response to give to him.

Another idea comes to his mind and his features crease with concern.

"I know we didn't have much time to talk about what happened that night, but… is this about Victor, about what he was about to-?"

"_No_," I stop him right away, not wanting to be remembered by that night. But is it? Is he the reason? "No. It's not Victor."

I felt uneasy around men for a little while after what that bastard did, and somehow, I tried to punish all the men I've met lately in my little adventures, like trying to pay it back to the projection of Victor I was seeing in them, but Dimitri? No. Around him, I've always felt safe. He's sweet and careful and loving and I could never imagine his touches as Victor's were.

"Then what's wrong, love? Tell me, please."

I shrug and look down, my eyes filling with tears.

He comes back closer to me, and getting a hold of my chin, tilting my head, he makes me look him in the eyes.

"It's about me, about something I've done," he comes to a conclusion. I shake my head, but he goes on. "Tell me at least what it's about."

"I don't know what's wrong, Dimitri… you…" he keeps on asking for a reason but I can't come to a conclusion myself.

He wipes away one of my tears. "Hey, it's okay. Don't be afraid to tell me. I know I've done a lot of things wrong lately, but at least tell me which one bothers you now."

"Dimitri… I am not. It's not about you and I am not punishing you with anything, I swear."

"Then you're punishing yourself?"

"What? No. How did you come to this conclusion? I am not punishing anyone. I just… I thought that you… it doesn't matter, really."

"It matters, love, that's the thing. It matters. So come on, talk to me. Something is wrong and I want to make it right."

"There's nothing wrong, I swear. And I am not pushing you away either. If you say it's okay with you, then…"

I take one of his hands in mine and drag it down past my thigh, then a little under my T-shirt, but as I want to advance, he stops my movement and walking his thumb across my skin, he pulls me a little closer to him, giving me the chance to hide my face into the warmness of his chest.

"Roza, don't do this. Don't force yourself into this if you don't feel like it." Taking his hand off my body, he tilts my head once more. "Tell me what's wrong instead."

I bite my lip and look away. "Comrade…"

"Tell me, please. Talk to me."

He insisting so badly makes me snap a little, and the answer comes out of nowhere. "I feel guilty, okay?" Do I feel guilty? Yes, that's what was bothering me. "And I feel like you shouldn't touch me like that, but not because I don't want it, but because I don't deserve it." the words flow out of my mouth before closing it and I feel the need to hide my face into his chest again. What have I just said? I messed up everything.

"Love…" he cups my cheeks and walks his thumbs across my skin. "What are you feeling guilty about? What happened?"

Thinking more about it, the answer to his questions come to me.

"I um… I felt you so far away from me for so long and I- God, I hated you for it, for that letter too, Dimitri. I would have never forgiven you if you… if you would have never come back. And I even started thinking you'll never come back. I doubted you. Even this past month, not only when I thought you were dead. It was the only way I could cope with it, with your absence. I was mad at you. I hated you for it. But I was wrong. I thought the worst of you and you-"

I see the glint of a smile on his lips. "That's all?"

"What do you mean that's all?"

He smiles fully this time and puts my hair behind my ears. "I thought that you ended up in bed with Adrian or something like that."

Hearing him, I frown. "How could you think of something like that? How could you think I'd do something like that with him?"

He shrugs. "Don't get me wrong, but you said you were feeling guilty."

"And that translated in your head with me cheating on you?"

"Not really. I had other thoughts too. But you seemed so affected by it and I didn't know what to think."

"Well, I _am_ affected by it. I feel awful about it."

"Can I tell you something, but do you promise me not to get mad at me for saying it?" I nod. He smiles once more and caresses my cheek. "Sometimes, you're being so silly, love." I frown once more, and I am a second away from getting mad at him. Until he speaks again. "Do you think you didn't have the right to think, to feel all those things?"

"No, I didn't. I doubted you and-"

"You had all the rights to feel that. You had all the rights to doubt me, to hate me, to be mad at me. You still do. I never expected you _not_ to be mad at me, love. I never expected us to miraculously get back to how things were, to act like nothing happened. Because a lot happened. And you had hundreds of reasons to be mad at me all this time. And again, you still do."

"But I am not mad anymore."

His lips rest on my forehead. "I don't think you should forgive me that early or easily, love, but I'm glad. Thankful too."

"But… do _you_ forgive me?"

Pulling away, he watches me kinda confused. "What for?"

"For hating you all that time."

"Love, why are you so hard on yourself? I already told you you had all the reasons to hate me. I broke my promise. I've written that letter to you. I didn't give you any sign. There's nothing for me to forgive." He takes my hand in his and kisses the inside of my wrist. "Now will you stop punishing yourself for that?"

But I can't stop arguing against myself. "You didn't, that's the thing. You didn't break your promise and I…"

"But that's what you thought. I made you think that. The letter I've written and all I've done…"

"Yeah, the letter. Can we… talk about… what you've written in it?"

In a split of a second, his expression shifts to dark and sad and he tries to hide it by blinking a couple of times and playing a little with my hair, trying to distract my attention from his face. But I can clearly see it that something is bothering him. But what? Of course, besides the obvious thing. Is there something more or is it just the thought of his loss making him this sad? Could it be because I opened the subject?

_Be patient with him, kiddo._

Did I approach things too fast? Did I fuck things up?

"Later?" I try to make things right. "I mean… I'm sorry for…"

"It's okay. It happened a long time ago, love."

He keeps on looking at me, his fingers still in my hair, rubbing against the back of my neck, and I get it that I won't be getting an answer now. But I want him to know one more thing.

I cup his cheeks and kiss him on the cheek.

"You know I love you, don't you?" He nods. "And that… you can tell me anything too, right? It doesn't have to go only in one direction, this… talking thing. You don't have to always listen to me, okay? I know how to listen too."

"I know, Roza, I know." He wants to add a but, I feel it. So I do it before he does.

"But you can't do it now."

"It's just that-"

"No, it's alright. I understand. I really do. Just know that I'll be here to listen when… when you feel like it."

He kisses my lips so gently as his arms wrap around me and he pulls me closer.

"Is it okay if I do this?"

"Perfect."

"You're amazing, Roza, did you know that?" he buries his face into the crook of my neck and nudges the tip of his nose onto my skin. "But… you don't hate me, don't you?"

He asks me that like, not for before, but for whatever just happened, for him not being able to talk about whatever bothers him. But don't I know how hard it is to speak about stuff like that? Only my therapist knows how many hours I spent in her office staring out the window, waiting for the minutes to pass, refusing to open my mouth and tell her about my pain.

"Comrade, don't be silly." I lift him off me and look at his sad eyes as I pass my fingers through the softness of his hair. "I told you I am not mad at you anymore and I definitely don't hate you for anything."

* * *

"Can I kiss you, love?" he asks me before his fingers creep slowly on my waist from behind me, like he would be testing the waters.

Leaving aside the tea I was making as he was away for a shower, I turn around and drag his face closer to mine.

"Of course you can. You don't need to ask me. That earlier thing…" I am the one who does the first move and bring my lips closer to his. "We're fine." I brush my lips against his. "Aren't we?"

He puts his fingers through my hair and tilting my head a little more, he smiles at me.

"Of course we are, love."

When his lips touch mine, I open my mouth to welcome his tongue, kissing him without any other restraint or containment.

Things get a little heated as we continue to kiss, he touches me more and more, he starts exploring my skin under the T-shirt, he strokes and kisses and licks and bites and caresses my body, and I do the same, nothing making me hold back anymore.

But he pulls away, both of us breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't push-"

"No, don't be sorry for anything." I pull him back to me and put his hands back to where they were. "And don't stop. I don't want you to stop."

"Are you sure? About that Victor th-"

"Victor is in the past. He's gone. Dead. And he can't do anything to me. Never again. So don't you worry about that."

Still, he moves slowly as he kisses me once again and his hands advance under my T-shirt, his eyes looking for any sign from me. But all the signs he gets from me are telling him not to stop. Each moan and puff I let out as he plays with my peaks are encouraging him to get further.

"But… you know… you're… you're still hurt." I can't help but worry about him and even though I am grinding my hips against his, I try to be rational for a second longer.

I hear him chuckle as his teeth grit on my earlobe and his fingers wrap on my ass and he picks me up to sit me on the counter.

"When I am with you, nothing hurts, love. Nothing at all."

"You're persistent, comrade, that's what I love about you."

He shrugs. "I just want to feel you, love. All of you. Every little piece of you." His hand leaves my breast and starts heading down, advancing with each word he says, making tension build into the spot he heads towards. "I missed feeling you close, I missed feeling you shiver," and like on command, my whole skin gets goosebumps as she swirls his fingers over my belly button. "I missed hearing you moan," he gets that reaction from me too when his palm gets over my panties. "And scream and-" and I was so close to doing that too with the anticipation of him going further, but he stops with a little growl at the back of his throat as he tames his touches and puts his hand on a safe place, on the counter, too far from me. "But if you still don't feel ready-"

"No. I'm fine. You just make love to me, Dimitri. And don't stop…" I pull his mouth back to mine.

Or…

I start touching him back, my hands shamelessly feeling each indent of his chest and abs and I slowly explore my way down on his body.

Out of nowhere, in this kinky haze I find myself into, I do a thing I never thought I could be capable of doing, but I can't help myself around him now.

As we kiss and he's got his hand on my ribs and he's walking his thumb left and right, playing slowly with my needy, sensitive nipple, I get my fingers under the waistband of his pants, and well, I am so goddamn surprised to find no underpants and only his bare skin there that I gasp.

He stops kissing me and gives me a look saying "So what are you going to do about it?", a cheeky smile on his lips too.

I stop to think about it, my hand resting still almost immersed in his pants. He doesn't say anything, he just goes back to kissing me, letting me do whatever I feel like doing, not pressing me in any way, not asking for anything more. But this time, I want to offer more, not only to receive.

So I reach my hand further and finding the hard pulse of his arousal, I take it in my hand and move up and down on his still growing erection.

"Fuck, Roza," he grunts into the crook of my neck. He sounds like he didn't expect that. And honestly, I didn't either, but here I am, doing it.

He pulls away a little and watches me with his eyebrows lifted, and I can't help it but smile like an idiot, my fingers still wrapped around him.

"Call me… impressed… love."

"Yeah, me too." We both laugh and he looks down in between us, still questioningly. Now what, right?

I don't really know the answer to that, but I continue my movements into the confines of his pants and I have no idea if I am doing anything right, but the sounds he starts making assure me that I am heading the right way.

His fingers digging into my thighs, him moaning thickly at each move of mine, it's all making something deep and carnal clench in my lower belly. I wish him to do me on spot, I swear.

"Goddamnit, Roza." I hear him saying with a growl as his fingers grip onto the counter under me and he squeezes hard on it.

But I am a little afraid that I have messed things up, so I stop and slowly get my hand back.

"Did I-? Didn't I do well?"

"No, no. You didn't do anything wrong, love. You did great, don't worry."

He pulls me towards him and wants to kiss me once more, but I stop him as another crazy idea comes to my mind. Okay, it comes _again_ to my mind, but today I feel courageous enough to try it.

"Can I try something?"

"Try what?"

"Ever since you, you know… you did…"

"I did what?"

"You um… Went um... Down…" I whisper. Maybe this wasn't _such_ a good idea. Maybe I rushed a little too much.

He smiles. I am sure he got what I wanted to say, but he takes so much pleasure in seeing my cheeks flush.

"Go on, love, I am listening. What did I do?" Oh, damn you.

But I won't stop now that I started it.

"Like… down on… on me?" He chuckles seeing me babble. "You enjoy that quite much don't you think that?"

"More than you'll ever know, love. But do tell me, what happened ever since?"

"Ever since you did that thing, there has been one thing on my mind."

"What thing?"

Here we go. My mind wanting to avoid his eyes for a little, I start playing with my fingers along his chest.

"I kinda… wanted to return you the favor."

When he doesn't say anything, I don't know what else to do but to look at him. Doesn't he like the idea?

Surprised is an understatement of what I find on his face.

"Really?" he voices after about a minute of staring at me.

"Mhm. And well, as you know, this is the first time I… you know… so… I don't know… I…"

"Take your time love," I hear his voice thick and full of desire. "Take all the time you need."

**DPOV**

I have always loved this innocence in her when it comes to things like these, but her proposing this to me now? Completely unexpected. Not even in my wildest dreams I imagined this happening, but here she is, watching me while she bites her lips, telling me that she wants to go down on me.

And God, I am willing to do all kinds of things with her. It's like I want to pervert her in all the ways possible, and she doesn't seem to mind. She even starts coming up with ideas herself.

Sliding her body off the counter, she switches our places.

"But love, what about Ivan and…?" I feel the need to act rationally one last second.

"Don't you worry about that. They'll come back later in the day. We have the whole place for ourselves."

Putting her hair behind her ears, she gets to her knees on the floor and looks at me.

And seeing her in this position, God, it messes with my head so bad.

Her fingers start to brush the back of my thighs, walking up and down over my pants, making the blood in me flow some more and I didn't think I could get even harder than this, but a single touch of hers was enough to prove me wrong.

And it is right there, in front of her, trying to get out of my pants, pulsing hard at each of her touches, but God, she decides to ignore it and she continues to do whatever but the thing she made me think of so bad.

Like kissing and passing her fingers along my V area, her fingers teasing to slip under the waistband of my pants.

When she decides to use her tongue and lick my skin, I can feel my member pulsing hard at the thought of that tongue and lips on me and I let out some swears, but she wants to tease and torture me some more, and goddamnit, I love it. I'll let her do to me whatever she wants, in all the ways she wants.

Going painfully slow, I come to realize that she deliberately ignores my need now, and starts pulling my pants down, little by little, her fingers wrapped tightly on the waistband. But I get her need to go slow and I respect it. Hell, I even enjoy it. I feel like she will make it worth the waiting. She always does.

Smiling with obvious appreciation at my sight, she looks at me once more before she resumes her sweet torture, which is to touch my inner thigh, right above my shaft. But at that, I grab the counter under me and express my little frustration. I can't go on like this, I swear. I tried, but I want her to-

"God, don't do that. Stop teasing me, Roza. I can't endure this for longer, I swear."

She looks at me and smiles devilishly. She's for sure paying me back for my teases and I know I deserve it. Without doing much, she got me to a point I would even ask her nicely to go further, to not stop.

But I don't have to because after he licks her lips, she finally gives me what I so badly want.

She doesn't take me in her mouth at first, though. She gets a hold of my cock with her hand, moving it slowly up and down with firm movements that I anticipated for so long, but didn't even come close to imagine how good they feel.

Then, she goes with her mouth at the bottom of my erection, and with her hot, pointy tongue, she traces a line upwards on me, each little fiber of mine tensing under the pressure of her tongue.

Reaching my tip, still moving slowly, she flicks her tongue around it for a little before she creeps her lips around it, kissing it, and God, how I like it. She's taking her time with it all and it's driving me insane in the best possible way. The heat of her mouth and her breath on my skin it's making me throb with anticipation of what she'll do next and I just can't wait to see what she's up to. Not that I am not enjoying it to the fullest already.

When she circles me with her tongue again, covering my tip with her saliva and mixing it with my precum, that's when I lose it completely. The way she flickers her tongue up and down, back and forth, it's too much for me now.

"Fuck, Roza," I grunt and resist the need to push my hips forward.

She pulls away and her eyebrows frown with concern. "Was that good? Did I…?"

"Mhm, yeah, just keep going, love. Don't stop." I pass my fingers through her hair and caress her cheek. "You're doing great, Roza. Don't you stop."

So, with my impulse and encouragement, she gets further and puts her lips around me again, this time taking more of me in her mouth. And she doesn't stop there. She tilts her head in a such way that my tip walks past the skin of her inner cheek and what a sensation there!

"God, love, how do you do that?" I grunt a little louder than I intended, but I opened my mouth as she decided to do that once more.

And this time my whole body reacts to it, wanting to move forward, but I do my best not to. I press myself back onto the counter and let out a long, hard sigh of her name. It is her first time and she needs to take it slow. I need it too because I am close to begging her to get further.

But then again, she seems to be reading my mind because she takes me further into her mouth, her tongue skillfully still touching everything that makes my brain cloud. I can soon feel myself reaching the back of her throat, my tip brushing the wet skin of the back of her neck and I have to wrap my fingers on the counter under me for getting some steadiness. She's amazing. She feels amazing.

While she moves up and down on me, her hand and tongue moving relentlessly, she decides to try another thing (where do these ideas come to her mind anyway?), and pulling her cheeks in, the space inside her mouth tightens and it feels the same way it feels when her walls wrap around me when she's ready to come, and this thought makes me groan hard.

Her eyes widening, she stops and pulls away once more.

"Did I-"

"God, no, Roza. Just keep going. Fuck, don't you stop, please." That's it, she has brought me to the point of begging, but I swear that if she stops again I'll scream.

She smiles satisfied with my answer and after she wipes her bottom lip with her thumb, before doing anything else, she rests her hand on my hip, which I take in mine and caress.

She takes me into her mouth again, starting to move a little faster this time, in a short while the grip of her other hand around me starting to match the pace of her mouth.

This is her returning the favor and hell, she's more than I've ever imagined. I'll make sure I'll show her how grateful I am later. Hell, I'll make her scream till her throat gets sore.

But, to my complete despair, she slows down again. Pulling her mouth away with another smile, I wonder what she is up to now. I look down between us as she continues the slow movement of her hand and my breathing starts to harshen again after that little break.

A satisfied grin lightens her expression when she hears the praising coming out of my mouth as she circles my tip with her thumb. And my grunts only get louder as she gets back to moving faster.

Her lips follow again, to complete this pleasure. A twirl around me with her tongue is all I needed to get pushed closer to the edge. When she moves her mouth in rhythm with each of my throbs, that's when I can't resist it anymore.

I squeeze on her hand to get her attention. "Love I am going to… finish… shit… soon," I grit my teeth holding back, wanting to announce her. "You might want to-" Pull away is what I intended to say but didn't get the chance because instead of doing that her eyes move up, meet mine, and she begins to move her hand even faster on me and tightens her grip just enough to push me over the edge.

"Oh, Roza." I clasp my hand into her hair, my other still holding onto hers tightly as I release myself into her mouth and she swallows me whole, her mouth slowing down but her hand never stopping, not even for a second.

At last, she pulls away and with her eyes still pinned on me from earlier, and as she licks her lips, she watches me for some more seconds, letting me catch my breath.

I look at her and shake my head when she smiles at me smugly. Well, she can be proud of herself. Very proud. If I wouldn't have known her, I would have bet my money this wasn't the first time she did this.

"God, Roza. Come up here." is all I manage to say, catching my breath some more and waiting for the little haze she brought me into to settle.

Getting up, again, she can't help but still smile smugly. I must say I love it seeing her like this. It makes her so sexy to be so powerful, so in control, and even though she was the one who has gotten down on her knees, I was the one subdued to her will all this time.

I put my arm around her and pull her to me, making her giggle when I kiss on her neck.

"How did you even do that, huh? You said-"

"It was my first time?" I nod. "It was… but… I… I read it on the… internet?"

I laugh. She doesn't.

"Wait. You're serious."

"I am. I have been… let's say… documenting myself." She shrugs. "I didn't want to do something wrong, something you wouldn't like."

"You're unbelievable, love, did you know that?" she comes up with the craziest things and ideas.

That's why I love her.

I get a hold of her cheeks and bring her lips close to mine, kissing her thoroughly, moving my body against hers, feeling hers melt under my touches, under the pressing of my tongue.

Pulling away a little, I get a hold of her T-shirt. She has been wearing it for far too long now.

"And now, it's my turn to practice."

Her hands placed over mine, she gets that little wrinkle between her brows.

"Only… only if it's okay for you. I wouldn't want you to…"

I place my palm on her cheek and caressing it, I try to stop her concerns.

"Yes, Roza, it's more than okay."

Eager, she takes my hand and I let her guide it from her cheek to her neck, down to her breast, where she lets my hand rest. I stroke her skin through the T-shirt and she sighs, her body becoming more fluid against mine.

By myself, I go further and reach her abdomen, stopping above her center. She looks at me and nods, giving me free rein to do anything I wish. Which I won't hesitate to do.

With my palm glued to her skin I reach my hand down, getting it into her panties and get between her dripping folds.

"Shit, Dimitri…" she wraps her fingers on my shoulders and cries, the neediness in her words making me want to take her on spot. But I don't. I have been waiting for this moment for far too long to end it that fast.

I hop her on the counter to get better access and even though I want to take things slow, I can't move _that _slow. So, after I get her naked, I reach for her core again and play along her slippery lips until she sounds ready to come just by me doing that. But I have so many other things in plan for her, so it's a not yet, love.

I curl my palm and slip two fingers in her, playing in her wetness now, reaching deeper and deeper with each flicker of my fingers. She moans and her hands get a hold of my hips, careful not to touch any of the purple spots on me. Still, she's so caring.

She moves forward, gluing our bodies completely as she begins to sway her hips back and forth, continuing to moan in my mouth now that we're kissing.

She puts her head on my chest, pressing her forehead against me while I've switched to slowly drawing circles inside her.

"God, Dimitri, faster, _please_."

How can I say no to her now? I can't, so I gladly comply and begin to move faster, pressing on the walls of her insides and I can feel her teeth digging into my skin as she muffles her loud moan in my chest.

"No, Roza. Let it out. I want to hear you. I want to hear your screams." I have always loved hearing her like this and now I don't want it in any other way than that.

She exaggerates her hips movements, trying to get my fingers as deep as possible in her and thank God I have long enough fingers to make this possible from this position.

"Dimitri, mmm… please…" she pushes her hips forward as she desires more and I don't make her wait for too long. She has been good enough to me to not let me wait and so I will. For now, at least.

Tilting her body backward on the counter, changing the position of my hand too, I delve deeper with my fingers, patting the walls on her insides while my thumb gets busy with caressing her swollen nub, which brings another wave of moans out of her mouth, this time louder.

As I reach a different texture in her, a smug smile appears on my face as I know I've found that exact spot that brings her the most pleasure. To confirm it, I press my finger on it once more and she gasps again, more surprised this time, her nails digging into my shoulder too.

"Oh, God, yes, right… right there. That felt… " she moans loudly. "Fuck…" her body trembles from each joint as I circle her slowly. "Dimitri…"

I press my finger on it a third time. "Here?" she squeezes my hips with her legs, opening herself some more for me and lets out a small yelp.

"Yes, _yes_!" I press harder, just to be sure, if there was even a doubt about it. She digs her nails deeper into my skin. "Dimitri!"

This is all I need to hear.

I stimulate that spot continuously by tapping my finger on it, my thumb contributing too on the outside, and I do that until her walls begin to contract around my fingers and she moans uncontrollably, her hands gripping onto my shoulders like on dear life. How I love bringing her such pleasure.

Her knees that were wrapped around me give in at some point and her whole body liquefies onto mine as she releases, and I round my free hand around her, keeping her steady and onto the counter, but I continue the movement inside her.

"God Dimitri just-" a long moan comes that stops her speaking. "Please… I just…" she takes my hand and pulls it out of her, squeezing it hard and pressing it against the counter. I guess this was a little too much for her to take and I should have predicted it from the way her walls were crushing on my fingers.

Finally letting go of my hand, I support her for a little longer as she's still leaned back onto the counter, until she finishes shaking and moaning my name.

Still breathing heavily she gets up and leans over me, letting me support her wholly while her forehead comes resting on my shoulder.

"What if we… go to bed?"

"I thought you'd never ask, love."

She giggles. "But would you mind-"

I don't let her finish, I just pick her up.

"Did that hurt, comrade?"

"Not at all, love."

I carry her to bed, her fingers not stopping playing on my back the whole way there.

Lying next to her, I take her in my embrace and kiss her a couple of times before we remain still.

"Thanks, comrade. My legs feel like complete mush right now and I don't think I would have been able to walk here."

I lean over and place another kiss on her neck.

"How much did you run yesterday?"

"Why is that important?"

"Entertain me and tell me."

"I don't know. A lot, I guess."

"For how long then?"

"Half- no. An hour? An… an hour and a half maybe?"

"Why so much?"

She shrugs. "Just like that. I felt like running a lot."

"Really? And ever since do you run that much?"

"Well, I started to run that much a while ago."

"Could it be in the past month?"

"Maybe."

"Tell me why."

She sighs. "I did it to… distract myself, I don't know. To do something rather than nothing... or to think that you…" her eyes already fill with tears.

I cuddle her to my chest and bury my face into her hair before any of them spills.

"I am sorry, Roza."

"No, don't be. You are here now and this is all that matters." Tilting her head up, she takes a deep breath in and sighs, her hands coming around me and pulling me closer. "I love you, Dimitri."

"Me too, Roza." I tighten my embrace in response to hers. "Me too."

Then, she looks down like avoiding my eyes and sighs once more.

"Something else is wrong?"

"No. I don't know, I just… I feel relieved, that's all."

"About what?"

Looking up at me once more, she gulps and her eyes get tearier. She moves her hands up on my cheeks, then in my hair and drags me closer to her and rests her lips on my forehead into a soft kiss. Pulling the rest of her body closer to mine, I start walking my fingers up and down on her back.

After she sighs deeply once more, she moves her head and puts her forehead over mine, looking me now in the eyes.

"Until yesterday… I thought I'd never see you again. That I lost you and-" and the tears she was holding back now stroll down her cheeks. "I'm an idiot for crying now, I know it, but I am so relieved that you're here with me."

"Oh, Roza…" she moves her head on my shoulder and breaks completely, crying. "I am alright, love. I am here."

"I know, but I-"

"Yes, I know. I understand. And I'm sorry. But I am here now, love, and I am not going anywhere."

* * *

Laying on our sides, facing each other, her leg spread upward on my ribs making more room for me, our hips locked and our bodies moving in sync, after the fastness of the previous rounds, being lazy and taking things slow now, it feels heavenly. We touch and kiss and look into each other's eyes and we feel each little bit of each other and I can't get enough of it.

"How can you…?" She puffs and pulls my hair a little. "_God_, Dimitri. How can you… uff…"

"What? How can I what?" I am curious about what she has to say now.

"Oh, good _God_," she moans. "How can you be hard for so long?" She blurts it out before her mouth starts letting out louder moans and hearing herself too, we both chuckle. As I said, she always says funny things after sex. The only difference is that now she says them during it.

"It's all thanks to you, love."

"Then… fuck… yay… ummmm… to me, then." Yes, and to me as I get to enjoy her for so long.

I feel her walls starting to tense around me and her getting closer and closer to her release, and so do I, but I slow things down instead of picking up the pace.

"Easy, love. Relax."

"But- but…" still, besides her little protest, she slows down the rhythm of her hips and lets me set the pace.

Putting my palm over the area under her navel, I bring her a little closer to me, inching myself so that I would get deeper in her.

"Relax here, love."

Her fingers tensing on my shoulders, with each slow movement of mine, I feel her walls beginning to relax around me and with her moans getting harsher, I know it feels better for her this way.

That's when I get things further, and reaching my hand down, I start stroking her nub.

"Dimitri…" she groans. "How can I relax when you-"

"I know, but take it easy, love. Easy. See how that feels."

**RPOV**

Oh, that feels amazing, I must agree.

His name is all I manage to say once more before my moans take over, my brain already clouded with ecstasy.

What feels more amazing is that when I feel my muscles relaxed enough, he starts moving faster and shit, when that bubble of ecstasy that has been piling up for the past minutes pops inside my body, I feel my muscles starting to spasm harder than before and my body reacting in different ways than before, my walls gripping on him as he releases too, our hands clinging onto each other, our mouths one too, our kisses spiced with our moans and my little screams.

Our bodies stopping moving, resting his forehead against mine, he smiles. But I have to yawn, which makes him laugh a little.

Slipping out of me and getting rid of another condom, when he comes back and puts an arm around me to pull me into his embrace, I grow a little. Everything hurts.

"Are you tired, my love?" he kisses my face a couple of times before watching me with a smile creeping on his lips.

Little smug bastard. Does he even have to ask? He knows my answer too well. I feel like I have run for hours. And this thing he just did to me? I still don't know how come he knows so many things about this, but wow. Each time we make love, he manages to make me feel new things and he takes this intimacy to new levels. Is there a book or something? And hell, if there is, maybe he's the one who has written it.

"I am exhausted, comrade. But really, really happy."

My stomach growls, interrupting me.

"And hungry, I see." Well, we've been quite busy after all. I even lost track of how many times we've made love in this bed now.

* * *

"Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice, huh? I am hungry for over a minute."

Dimitri's eyes lift from the boiling pot and he looks at me smiling. Yeah, I know I am complaining, but I am so, so hungry. I even pout as my stomach growls again. And he's the one responsible for this. He didn't let me have a treat before eating _proper food_. Since when isn't chocolate food, huh? You eat it after all. It gets into your stomach, so it is qualified as food, right?

Getting in front of me, as I sit on the counter, he gets in between my legs and he puts my hair behind my ears as his thumbs caress my cheeks.

"What happened? Why are you still smiling at me like that?"

"I missed hearing your silly little things."

I take my tongue out at him. "You're jealous you can't come up with these yourself."

"Yes, indeed, love." He kisses the tip of my nose and continues to stare at me, but the amusement is gone now. He seems way too serious all of a sudden.

"What's with that face now, Dimitri?"

Sighing, he looks away for a second, a second in which he takes my hands in his, his thumbs walking past my knuckles.

"You said that later we should…" he scratches the back of his head.

"I think you'll have to be more specific, comrade. I said I wanted us to do a lot of things later."

At this, he smiles, but that seriousness doesn't go away.

"You know, talk about…"

"Yes?" I react a little too eagerly.

Wow. Surprised is not a good enough word to describe what I feel now. He wants to talk about it, even though it seems so hard for him to do it. So, to encourage him, I hold his hands tight and smile at him. I appreciate that he wants to try. If he will tell me a single word about it, I will be happy, I swear.

"Look, about it, I… they haven't- there wasn't-"

"Get dressed! We're in the hallway and if any of you is indecent, now it's the time for you to get dressed, lovebirds!" I hear Ivan's amused voice from the hallway, and I am a second away from getting off the counter and go kick his ass.

Damn you! Damn you, damn, damn you, Ivan! I love you like a brother but I swear to God that you picked the worst moment to interrupt us!

"They're back." Dimitri tries to smile at me.

"Yeah…" and to hell goes our conversation.

"I hope you won't blush too much when he comes here and nags you." Of course he dropped the subject and it's not the place for me to insist to continue it.

"You know I will."

"But it will be making it hard for me not to want to take you again."

Hearing him and feeling his fingers wrapping on my thigh, I already blush. He's a little daredevil. He likes too much putting me in situations like these. After all, his brother and Lissa are so close to entering the kitchen.

"Stop that."

I try to slap his hand away and to get off the counter.

"Not until you kiss me."

"Dimitri, come on, don't play now." He shrugs, not giving up on his request. "Fine."

I kiss him hastily and after he tells me he'll want more than that later, he pulls away and lets me get off the counter, in the exact second Ivan and Lissa enter.

"How are you, huh? Stocking up on energy, I see," he jokes eyeing the goods we were cooking.

Lissa elbows him and I am grateful for that. "Cut it, Ivan. It's enough already. You'll make Rose blush to death."

* * *

I put the cup of tea in front of Dimitri and he thanks me with a small smile, which I reciprocate.

"How can you even drink that?" Ivan asks eyeing the warm liquid. Oh, this man hates tea. He made it clear from the first second I started buying any in this house and his adversity won't stop, I see. "You didn't use to touch tea." Didn't he?

Dimitri smiles wider. "I'll even drink poison if she'll be the one giving it to me," he says and pulls me to sit on his lap and when I want to pull away, he doesn't let me. "Easy, love," he whispers to me and to my luck, he doesn't try anything to make things embarrassing for me. He just keeps me close and holds my hand, all in an innocent way. I'm glad he understood that I like our intimacy to be private.

"But… don't Russian people usually drink tea?" I try to make it seem like nothing is happening and indeed, nothing is happening. Dimitri is just holding me. I should chill a little, I think. Ivan and Lissa don't even care about that. They just seem happy to see us this way. And I am happy too.

"Stereotyping too much, kiddo. Not all of us do. And neither did this traitor." He points towards Dimitri. In response, he shrugs and takes another sip.

"It's not that bad after all."

"And? What are your plans now?" Lissa contributes to the conversation, ending the brother's little tease and changing the subject.

* * *

Our plans go like this. We'll go take some time away, someplace he still didn't tell me about.

But before that, we're going to visit my parents and we've brought Ash with us, as we've supposed that Ivan and Lissa will be too _busy_ to take care of him.

"I was thinking about something, love."

"Is that about where we're going? Are you finally going to tell me?"

He smiles. "No, I am still not telling you that. It's about Ash."

"What's about him?"

"What if, when we come back from our trip, we take him with us?"

"With us where?"

"Wherever we settle."

"But you are allergic."

"So what?"

"It will do you bad with Ash around you."

"It won't."

"How come? Won't you sneeze, won't your eyes water and all? In those days when he was around, that happened, and no matter how bravely you acted, I know it wasn't easy for you, comrade, and I appreciate your willingness now but-"

"_But_," he puts his thumb over my lips to stop my little rant and kisses me before he continues to speak. "My concerned Roza, I will be taking some pills. I talked to Lissa about this and she recommended me someone to talk to about this and I'll take some new pills and it will be alright."

I smile. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? So that we could take Ash with us. Don't you want that?"

"I do, but you…"

"I've always wanted a dog when I was a boy, remember?"

"Yes, I remember that, but..."

"And to be completely honest, that little brat," I squint my eyes at him as he smiles at my reaction. "Before you punch me, let me finish. I've come to like him quite much. It's fun to have him around. And I like it that he makes you happy too."

"Just like you. You are the best, comrade, do you know that?"

"Yeah, you mentioned that a couple of times."

"And I will continue to do it." I bend over the space between us and press my lips against his. "Because that's the truth."

And we might have continued to snuggle and kiss a little more unless my mother wouldn't have seen the car in front of the house and wouldn't have come out to greet us.

Getting out of the car, Dimitri doesn't forget about the flowers he has picked for her, and her whole face lightens with a wide smile at their sight.

"Aren't you a cutie?" she goes as far as to pinch his cheek. Good Lord, Mom. Did she have to do this? He's not five after all. But he didn't seem to mind though.

"Look, Abe! He got me purple tulips!"

Yeah, my mistake that I've told him, I guess. And sure, with this gesture, he charmed her completely. I have practically made him her favorite, if there was even a doubt.

She kisses his cheeks and hugs him. More than she hugs me, I swear! I counted six Mississippis.

"Hands off, Romeo. That woman is mine," my father makes his entrance too, with one of his usual jokes. Them both will not miss a single chance to embarrass me this weekend, I am sure of it.

So here we go. Bring it on, guys.

"Come on, let's get inside, shall we?" I rush them before they even start to think about saying something else. They'll have plenty of time to say silly stuff this weekend.

I want to take my luggage, but of course, Dimitri doesn't let me and this gives my mother another reason to look at him with so much admiration. But after all, she has all the reasons to do that. He's a sweetheart. My sweetheart.

So I resume to guiding him into our room for these two next days.

"Keep the door open!" my father yells after us as we go upstairs to leave our luggage.

"Daaaad!"

Of course he had to use this line. He used it with all the other guys I brought home, so why would it be different with Dimitri?

"Come on, love. It's funny."

"They so waited to do this to me. They enjoy so much to embarrass me in front of you."

Dimitri chuckles and comes to me, caressing my cheek and playing with my hair.

"So what? They're funny. You should laugh too."

"Yeah, it's funny when it's not happening to you, comrade."

"Hey. Remember. I promised I'd be on your side."

"Of course you will. Or else…"

"Or else what?" I see that devilish smile on his lips and that gives me the impulse to say what I say next. He still underestimates me at times and I need to teach him a lesson.

"Or else you won't be getting any for a week."

"I won't be getting any? Like what?"

"You know so damn well what. So wipe that smug smile off your face, _Romeo_."

He smiles wider. "Then, I will do my best to keep on to my promise," he mocks me a little more.

"You know what? I've changed my mind. Make that a whole month."

Now he's taking me seriously. His expression turns serious in a split of a second.

"Come on, love. Don't be mean to me. I didn't do anything."

"Yeah. You didn't do anything yet. But now, when you will think about doing it, you'll think about it twice."

"Trust me, I will think about it a thousand times."

"Good." I give him a hasty peck on the lips. "Let's get out of here before they decide to barge in here and make another joke."

"Sure, but wait a second. What's this?" he asks me while he takes the material laying on my new bed.

"A blanket. Isn't it obvious?"

"With sleeves?"

"Yes. You can wear it like this." I take it from him and put it on him, even though he fights it a little.

Taking a step back, I look at him as he watches me back unamused, but I laugh. He looks so funny with this on. Did I mention it's pink and fluffy too?

"You look cute."

"Oh, _do I_?"

"Aham. You look like a bear." He smiles at me and next, he pins me with his eyes, making me suspicious. I don't think I'll like it. "Dimitri? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I don't get to take a step back because in less than a second, he puts his arms around me and putting the blanket over my head too, blinding me, he starts tickling me.

And as usual, I start squealing as I try to get away too. "Dimitri," I hiss at him through giggles. "My parents-"

"Hey, did you start the bustle already?" I hear my father's amused voice from downstairs before I manage to even voice my concern.

I stop moving in Dimitri's arms and he stops holding me too, so I can get the blanket off my head.

"Daaaad! I can't fucking believe it!"

"One dollar to your cookie jar, kiz!" it's the only response I get from him.

"And you? Stop smiling at me like that. Go change your clothes and let's go downstairs before I add another month to your soon punishment."

"Come on, please don't get mad at me, love. I just couldn't resist it. But I promise that from now on, I'll behave."

"Good. Because if you don't, you know what you get."

"More exactly, what I _don't _get." He comes and kisses me before he takes some clothes and goes change into the bathroom.

And indeed, it was a wise idea because in less than a minute, my mother comes into the room and well, she was too curious a while ago to see what was hiding under Dimitri's clothes.

"Hey, sunshine."

"Hey there. What's the matter?"

"Nothing in particular. I came to see how you're liking it in here."

"It's nice." At least, they managed to take a few things from the previous house, some of the ones that didn't turn to ash, and well, my room looks nicer than it did when I left home. They did a good job and managed well in the situation I brought them into.

"And you know…"

"What do I know?"

"About what your father has mentioned…" I can't believe that she came here to tell me that. What does she want to tell me, that it's okay? I know we've been pretty open about this subject before, but I didn't expect her to take it this far now.

"Mom, _no_."

"But it's perfectly normal and you two are young and-"

"Good Lord, _Mom_," I get closer to her and whisper to her, praying that Dimitri didn't hear anything of what she said. "I am not going to do anything with him in your house, okay?" I might like doing it with Dimitri in all kinds of places, but in my parents' house with them here? No. I have my limits.

"Why not? The walls are pretty thi-"

"Mom, goddamnit, please stop. He's a few feet away and I wouldn't want him to have heard you."

She chuckles and kisses my cheek. "Fine, I will be getting out of here and let you two lovebirds accommodate. But still, if you-"

"I swear to God, Mom…"

"Oh, Rose. You're so shy. This is not a monks' house."

"Good to know, Mom. Now I will never get that image out of my head. But no, thanks. You can do whatever you want, I won't." I keep on eyeing her as she laughs once more at my _silliness_, and goes away, but not before telling me that dinner's ready.

Dimitri comes out of his hiding place just in time to see me be a little angry as I get some clothes out of my luggage.

Looking at him, I see him smiling and I know that he surely will say something that will make me blush.

"Keep that mouth shut, comrade, or you are so not getting some for two months. And trust me, I can rise it to a whole year too. I have been playing this abstinence game for longer than you, so don't you test me."

* * *

At dinner, well, things go okay until my father starts mentioning some of the bad-choice-guys I used to date back in my experience as a teenager, and that I had the courage to bring home too and how they all fucked up. Each and every one of them, with no exception.

"A guy got her to an expensive and exquisite restaurant, a five stars one, and he made her pay for everything."

"Hey, he didn't have his wallet with him." I don't even know why I am trying to defend that little jerk. After all, he doesn't deserve it. Maybe I am trying to defend the little pride that I have left.

"But he didn't give your money back either. Plus, you didn't even hear from him from that day on." Well, yes, because he was in fact interested in one of my friends and brought me there to find out more about her. At a fucking five-star restaurant. He was indeed an idiot.

"Oh! And that one guy kept on calling Rose the wrong name and she didn't say anything the whole night," my mother decides to pitch into the parade of my lame boyfriends with Jared, another bad date of mine. I forgot about him.

"Why didn't you tell him anything?" Dimitri wants to know what everybody else has asked me when it comes to that night.

"I don't know, he seemed so convinced that my name was Ruby. I didn't want to disappoint him."

"Oh, love." They all laugh at my idiotic response and I do too. But hey, I was fifteen, okay?

"One time, she didn't go with Mason to the school dance and it was a complete disaster."

"Not that, please, Dad."

But he doesn't stop. "He was so not her date. He acted the whole night like Rose was one of his bros." why did I even bother to tell them about this? I should have known it would come back to bite me.

"Can you two stop embarrassing me now? Especially you, Dad. I think he heard enough."

"But he didn't even hear half of it." That's true. I have a long history of idiots behind me.

"It seems that you are a little heartbreaker, huh?" Dimitri smiles at me that cheeky smile of his.

"Yeah, sure. All the poor guys that dated me, their heart must still be broken and they surely want me back."

"I bet they do," he says and under the table, his hand finds mine, saying something else now. Too bad for them because you're mine. And I don't want to be another's either.

And I decide to let them laugh about my disastrous love life. I laugh too, remembering all my idiotic dates. But at least, now I have someone worth the effort, don't I?

"If you can believe it, a guy once picked on her for the way she laughs. At dinner. _With_ _us_. On Thanksgiving day." Yeah, my father is still annoyed by that, I see. Maybe more than I was.

Dimitri looks at me and seems disappointed. "But your laughter is so hearty."

"Yeah, that's not what he said, and unfortunately, not with that tone, Dimitri." My mother gives him all the details. "But don't worry, sunshine, we love the way you laugh," she assures me before she and my father go to the kitchen to bring the desert.

"You're okay?"

"Huh? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because of the conversation we were having here."

I smile at his concern. "Those guys don't matter to me anymore."

"And who matters now, huh?" okay, I'll play this game.

"I don't think you know him. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met."

"Is he?"

"Aham. And compared to him, all the guys before don't matter at all."

Smiling, he takes my hand in his again and kisses my knuckles.

"You know, love, every time I hear you giggling, laughing, snorting adorably, I fall in love with you a little more."

"No you don't."

"How do you know that?"

"Because it sounds weird. You couldn't possibly like that."

"You are right. I don't like that. I love it."

He leans over into the space between our chairs and kisses my temple.

"Don't you ever doubt this. I love your laughter. And I especially love it when I am the reason you laugh. It is making my days better, just by hearing you laugh and giggle. That guy didn't even know what he was losing. He was an idiot."

And now I am the one smiling like an idiot, so wide that my cheeks hurt. I put my palm on his thigh and hold it there even when my parents come back. As I said, he's the sweetest.

* * *

My father asks him a lot of questions. He got to the millionth one about his past missions. I think he always wanted to know how it is to be a spy or he always wanted to know one, even though Dimitri tried to explain to him he's not that while trying to not give too many details too.

I want to stop him, but Dimitri puts his palm on my thigh and stops me before I get to open my mouth. Then, he looks at me and smiles reassuringly. But I can't stop my mouth from speaking.

"Dad, if I knew you have these interrogatory skills I would have encouraged you to become a detective like that Law and Order stuff you're watching. It seems that all those seasons are paying off."

"Hey, don't you laugh about that," he threatens me with his dessert spoon, then turns his attention back to Dimitri. "Now, one more thing. An important one. Essential. Are you married to a goat?" he asks him with the most serious face.

My mother and I laugh as Dimitri turns his head and looks at me smiling. "I get it now."

"What?"

"Now I see from whom you have inherited the questions thing."

"So you see it too! They didn't want to believe me with that when I told them!" yeah, yeah, it seems that she was always right about my father and me and our quirk with weird silly questions.

* * *

Sooner than I thought he will do this, my father tells Dimitri he needs some _help_ into the kitchen, even though we all know it is not that hard to pick a bottle of wine, but when the time comes, my mother and I don't say anything as the men go into the kitchen.

Of course, I know that he wants them to talk in private, that he wants to ask him some serious question now, but I am wondering what else he has to tell him that he hasn't already said the first time they met.

"Rose?"

"What?" I lift my eyes from my second serving of the chocolate cake she has prepared and meet her smiling face and eyes shining with an idea.

"Wanna eavesdrop?"

That question is all it takes for me to get up from my chair. She's a little ringleader and I am way too intrigued by what is happening there to say no.

"I know I asked you a lot of questions, but you know which one concerns me the most, don't you?"

"Yes, Sir. You're worried about Rose being safe with me."

"And? Will you keep my Rose safe?"

"Yes. In the best ways I can."

"Good because, you see, she is all we have in the world and I would like to know she is in good hands, even though I know she can take care of herself as well. But in your world, I don't know about that." I think I have done a pretty good job so far in that world. Not that I would like to repeat the experience though. "That's why I want you to do it out there, to keep her safe. She has been through enough already because of that bastard, I can see it in her. She seemed different after that breakup, and I knew she was hurting."

I look at my mother with a question in my eyes. Did they know?

She nods as her fingers wrap on my palm and squeezes it. Of course they knew how miserable I was. After all, no one comes to their parents' house all of a sudden and doesn't leave their room for days and eats industrial quantities of ice cream and cookies.

"And now, she has changed too. In a lot of good ways, I see. But in the past months, things haven't been easy for her. I am her father after all, and even though she didn't tell us much back then, we could see it how Mason's death affected her. She has changed a lot. But I don't want it to be for the worst in the end. And I surely don't want you to follow that same path as that bastard. Because, don't get me wrong here, but I don't care how badass you are, what spy resources you have, if she will suffer in any way because of you, in the littlest way, I am Liam Neeson-ing your ass like he did in Taken with those bastards and I won't wait for an explanation before I kick your ass, capeesh? I don't want to see a single frown on her face because of you, understood?"

"I understand that, Sir and you would have all the reasons to want to hurt me if Rose would suffer because of me. I know I would do that too if I were you, if anyone would hurt her. As I said to you the last time, I care about Rose. I care about her more than anything. I love her, Sir, and I would never want to hurt her, in any way, not in a million years. And again, I want to tell you that I have the purest intentions with her." Unless we're in bed, of course, but my father doesn't need to know that. And even then, he's still sweet. "I'll do my best to keep her happy because I love seeing her happy. I'll keep her safe, I promise. No matter what. I hope you believe me, Sir. I only intend to make her happy."

Listening to him, my eyes have filled with tears and my heart with warmth.

Looking at my mother, I find her happy to hear that too. "He's so sweet," she whispers.

Now, if there even was a doubt about it, he has won her heart. Mine too. For forever.

My father assured, they end up choosing a bottle of wine and my mother and I pretend we were too busy with gathering the plates around the table to have eavesdropped.

And like the sweet men they are, they come to help us.

Dimitri being by my side, looking at him, I can't help it but to look at him and smile widely, so wide I think all my teeth are visible.

"Comrade?" he leans closer to me and watches me expectantly. "I love you. You are the best."

"How come?"

"Just like that. Can't I say it?"

"You eavesdropped on us, didn't you?" of course he realized it, but I don't care. It meant a lot for me to hear him say those words.

"On my defense, it was my mother's idea. Plus, you did that too on that conversation with my mother. So I would say we are even now."

* * *

"Would you give me the other bottle, sunshine? This wine is simply amazing."

Yeah, and she's giggling like a teenager from it. But let her enjoy herself. I know I do. The hours passed as we were talking about everything and nothing in particular and it feels so good to be around the people I love. And Ash! Oh, how could I forget about him? He just barked at a curtain I guess, probably sensing I almost forgot about him.

But the night has been passing well for too long I guess. There always has to be something that spoils things.

And now it's me lounging over the table to reach for that new bottle.

"What's that on your hip?" shit, I didn't realize my blouse rose that much.

I grab the bottle fast and putting it in front of her, I sit down covering my hip and pray that she will get busy with the bottle instead of me.

"Rose?" shit! "Let me see that."

"_No." _

I pull my blouse some more and tame my voice. I need to act like there's nothing wrong going on. So I'll try to brush it off.

"Oh, you know me. You know I am always clumsy. I just…" what lie should I use? It's a pretty ugly scar, goddamnit. "I was baking something and the tray was ready to fall and in my silliness I tried to catch it with my hip," I try not to babble the lie and I pray that she'll believe this. If she's tipsy enough…

"That's not what happened," Dimitri intervenes. I can't believe he said this!

"Comrade…" I scold him. Goddamnit! I think I was doing a good job until he said that. My mother was so close to believing me.

"You shouldn't lie to them, Rose."

"Yeah, that's right. You never lied to us until this day, kiz, so what's the deal with that scar? How did she get it?" My father inquires Dimitri now, his eyes set on him and the look in them? It's like he's already imagining ways in which to kill him.

"It was an acc-" I still try to mend things, but Dimitri interrupts me.

"She got it because of me."

"Dimitri… no, Dad, he-"

But my father doesn't let me finish. He gets furious and watches me with so much disappointment.

"What else happened to you because of him? What other things you didn't tell us? Did he hurt you? Is he hurting you?"

"_What_? No, Dad, he- Dad, it's not like that. Dimitri-"

But I don't get the chance to say anything more because my father gets up and in a split of a second, he punches Dimitri.

And he lets him do it! He didn't even flinch, he didn't try to protect himself in any way, he didn't move a single muscle, even though I have seen his instincts in action on so many times and they work so damned well. He knew it was coming and he did nothing to stop it. Fuck it, Dimitri!

"You promised me _one thing_! _One single thing_! The first time we met, you promised me you'd keep her safe! And you didn't do it! And you lied to me to my face, in my house, earlier! How dare you?!"

I realize that I am already crying. Things have gone down too fast and looking at my mother, I see the tipsiness in her has washed away and she's watching this scene unfolding in front of her eyes shocked, just as I am.

She's too shocked to do something, but I know I have to.

"Dad... he-"

"No! You won't defend him, Rose. I am not letting you. He doesn't deserve it. He lied to me. And you?" he gets back to looking at Dimitri and points his index at him like some kind of a weapon. "You'd better get out of my house before I hit you again. I don't want to get to your level. And I won't let Rose be around you ever again. Get out, now! Get up and go!"

And he does it! Dimitri gets up and nodding, he wants to go, but I stop him.

_"What_? What are you both doing? Dad, you don't understand."

"Oh, I _do_ understand. I understand things crystal clear. We have talked something and he didn't keep his word, so he doesn't deserve to be here, with you. So, he'll get out!"

"You can't do that!"

"Why can't I do that? Are you afraid of him? Did he do something to you?"

"_God, no_! Come on, Dad. Don't start some unnecessary drama. It wasn't what you think. It _isn't_ what you think."

"You know what _I_ _think_? I think he is a selfish bastard! She got hurt because of you!" He pokes his index into Dimitri's chest now and he doesn't say a thing to contradict him. "Who knows for how many times? How many things don't we know about, huh? How many scars is Rose carrying because of you, huh? Come on, tell me. Or better, you tell me, Rose."

No one answers. Those three seconds of silence are filled with so much tension and I have no idea how to make things right.

"Mum?" I look for some help, but she's as confused as I am. She can't say a word.

Too bad my father has so many of them to say.

"You're a bastard and a liar. Get out of my house."

My father wants to take another shot at him but I get in between them, managing to dodge his fist too.

"Rose, get out of his face. Don't defend him."

"Stop it! Come on, Dad. It happened long befo-"

But this time, Dimitri stops me. He gets a light hold of my upper arms and moves me out of his face. He speaks too, finally. But all to my detriment.

"No, Rose. It's ok."

"It's definitely _not_ ok! Are you out of your mind?"

"Your father is right."

"Of course I am!" comes my father's answer too.

I don't bother to turn to him because if I would argue with him, I won't have any chance to get away. So I need to convince Dimitri to be on my side.

"Dimitri…" I make him look at me, to look in my desperate eyes. I feel everything going down around me and I can't deal with this alone. "You know he is not right. What happened then-"

"He is, Rose, and you know it too."

He gets past me, back in front of my father, and even closer to him, like asking for another hit. A hit that my father won't wait for too long to deliver.

"I am sorry, Sir. You are right. I failed to keep the promise I made to you then and what I have promised to you tonight, it may fail to have any relevance, but I still mean it and I will do anything in my powers to keep my promise from now on."

What does that mean? And why do I feel that it isn't something good?

Turning around to look at me again, he caresses my cheek, wiping some of the tears that are still falling, and smiles weakly as his lips mouth a so faint "I am sorry."

Then, without any warning, he goes out of the house and I feel like I am losing my mind.

"Mom, please_, do something. _Tell Dad that he's wrong."

"I am sorry, honey. I don't think I can do anything about this. I guess your father is kind of right this time."

"But…" Shit! She isn't going to help me either? "Dad? Come on. Don't do this." I swear I am on the verge of breaking. I feel something worse than this coming and I don't want it to happen. It cannot happen! "You can't let him leave, Dad." I crumble onto my chair and try to put my thoughts in order. How can I convince them? Did everyone go crazy?

"Kiz…" he comes closer and crouches in front of me, takes my face into his palms and tries to wipe my tears away, but there are too many of them. "How many things have you gone through ever since you are with this man that we don't know about?"

"You don't get it. He is not the reason all that happened."

"No? Isn't he the one who dragged you in this mess in the first place?"

"No. He... I was not in that situation because of him. He is the reason I am still breathing today. He has done _so much_ for me, you wouldn't even get it. All the things he has done- all the things he went through for me…"

"I don't care about that. I only care about what you had to endure. He promised he would keep you safe. He promised that to me, and not only once. And he didn't keep you safe."

"How can you know that!?" I snap and I don't even know how I dared to react this way. I never had a fight with my parents, in my entire life.

"Let's calm down here, okay? We won't…" my mother tries to bring peace into the discussion, but I won't have it. I am way too upset already, it is too late anyway for trying to make peace, it is too late for trying to be reasonable, and my father, the one who has always been rational, is today acting irrational and it is driving me insane!

"You don't understand. He didn't do this to me. And he kept me safe for so long. If it weren't for him I'd be dead and gone a long time ago."

"But he didn't prevent it either. You still got that scar on you and God knows what else! In how many other ways did you get hurt ever since you met him, Rose?"

"He _couldn't_ prevent it! He wasn't there!"

"And where was he?!" see? Unreasonable! "Because he didn't keep his promise you…" he goes as far as lifting my blouse, revealing that goddamned scar and he and my mother see it and gasp at its sight before I react and cover it back down. "You got that scar because of him."

"Dad…" I say completely defeated. "Don't be like this. He did his best. He wasn't there. He is…"

"His best wasn't enough. Look at you!"

"You don't know what happened! You don't know the whole thing! You don't want to listen!"

"Guys… Let's… let's take a moment, okay?" but none of us listens to the conscience that my mother wants to bring.

My father gets again angry, seeing me so stubborn. But he's the one stubborn. He got Dimitri wrong, not me.

He gets up to his feet and starts pacing in front of me.

"Maybe I don't understand. But the truth won't change. He has put you in danger. God knows for how many times that happened and for how many times it will if you stick around him. What life could you possibly have with a man like this?"

"A happy one!" I get up too to confront him. I won't sit around to listen to him scolding me for something that I know it's not right.

He laughs to my face. "Rose, you are fooling yourself if you actually believe that."

"Wow, dad. _Amazing_." I let my tears fall once again. "I can't believe you said that." I look at my mother. "Do you think that too?" She looks at me, distress on her face. "Wow. A minute ago you both adored him and now? He's the same man, you know?"

"Honey… I don't… I just want you to be happy, but-"

"And she won't be happy with that man, you both listen to me! You are not thinking straight, Rose!"

"Maybe I am not thinking straight. Maybe I am fucking crazy! But I like it that way!"

I can't listen to them anymore so I head towards the door. I am going to go talk with someone reasonable. Dimitri will know how to deal with this situation, I am sure of it.

"Where are you going?"

"To repair your mess. I am going to talk to him and I am taking him back inside."

"You are not. That man will never get inside this place ever again."

That hit under the belt. But I am not giving up on his that easily.

"Then I will get out and be out there with him. If he doesn't stay, I don't stay either."

"Rose, honey, don't rush in this. You-"

"I am _not_. I am not rushing into anything. But if Dimitri is not allowed in this house, I won't leave him alone. I will go too."

"You are not," my father tries to impose his will on me, he even gets a hold of my arm in his attempt to stop me, but I won't have it.

"Just try and stop me, Dad." My voice comes out as a growl and maybe I have taken things too far in my anger, but I don't stop. "Please try and stop me and see where that leads to."

I never reacted like this in front of my parents and him seeing me like this now, he doesn't take his chances with upsetting me further. So he lets go of me.

Free to move, I head outside, but not before taking a little trip to the fridge.

Thanks to Ash, that followed me outside, it doesn't take me much to find Dimitri. He didn't get far either, he stopped somewhere at the end of the street and he's sitting down on the curb, watching me approach now.

I don't know what to do or say, I just take a seat next to him and hand him the frozen pack of peas that I took from inside.

"It's all I could find for your eye."

Nodding, he takes it from me, but doesn't put it over his eye. He just holds it in his hand. "Thank you, Rose."

The silence between us being a little too heavy, I reach my hand for his, and entangle my fingers along his.

"Comrade, I am sorry th-"

"No. Don't be. Don't apologize. You shouldn't be sorry. Not at all and for anything had that happened in there."

"But he-"

"He was right. Your father _is_ right. And you shouldn't fight with your father because of me, Rose. You shouldn't argue with your parents because of me."

"You heard that, huh?" I guess the whole neighborhood did. We were kinda loud.

"A little," he sighs. "Roza, look, I don't want to come in between you and your family. I don't want to spoil your relationship. You-"

"He will get over it. He needs to see that he is not right and that he is acting like an idiot. Just like you are. Why did you say he was right and got out? You should have stayed, help me a little in there while I was proving him wrong."

"No, Rose. Your father... I heard what he said and he-"

"Nope. I won't hear that again from you. He is _not_ right and you know it so damn well. Now, we are going to go inside and make this right." I get up and extend my hand for his. "Come on, let's go."

"I am not coming."

"Dimitri, come on. It's not the time nor the place for you to be stubborn."

He shakes his head. "I am not subborn. It's just that… what he said..."

"What he _said_ wasn't fair because he doesn't _know,_ not even a little bit from what happened all this time. He doesn't know what _we_ know."

"Maybe. But, Roza, you have been through so much because of me and he doesn't need to know everything to be right about it."

"Nah. Not because of _you_. Because of _him, _of Xavier. You were there to make things better."

"And how did that work, huh? How many times did that work? You... you got hurt so many times and I-"

"Dimitri, come on." I crouch in front of him and cup his cheeks, making him look at me. "You're not serious, aren't you? You know what happened and-"

"Rose, it doesn't matter. Your father is right. And maybe…"

"And maybe what?" seeing his expression change, a thought comes to my mind and I don't want to think about that. If he wants to do what I think he does, I swear I am going to smack him. "No! Don't you fucking dare say that."

"Say what?"

"Whatever you are thinking of."

"But Roza…"

"No. I don't want to hear it."

"Love, come on."

I get up and look at him shocked. How can he even start to think of such things?

"_No_. And I am not going to be reasonable. I won't let you do it, whatever you are thinking of. I won't let you say it. Don't you even _dare_ _think_ about it, Dimitri."

"But, Rose…" he gets up too and before telling me anything, he looks down. He knows too it's a shit and he can't even look me in the eyes, so why does he want to do it in the first place?

"I know what you want to do. And I know that you think you are doing the right thing by…" shit, it's hard for me to say it too. "By giving up on me now… but you _are not. _This is _not_ the right thing, Dimitri_. _

"Ever since you met me, your life-"

Hearing him start with such things, I start crying. "How can you think of that? My life has been good. _So good._ You have made it like that. You have made me so happy."

He wraps an arm around me and rests his lips on my forehead.

"Please, don't cry, love." He tries to wipe my tears, but they keep on falling.

"How can I not cry when you're being like this? When you say all these things? When I know what you want to do..."

"But love, the thing is that I am indeed selfish."

"Don't say that." I clutch my fingers onto his finger as my body shakes with sobs. "You are not. You are not, Dimitri."

"Yes. I am. I am selfish in the worst ways. I should have let you go a long time ago. I shouldn't even have had to-"

"_Stop_. Stop that, please. We're… we're all selfish at times. We're all giving something at times. We're never one thing. Sometimes we give, sometimes we take. But you-"

"Maybe. But one thing I can't overlook. I have been selfish for too long when it comes to you and that brought you pain. I shouldn't have even thought about you being mine. Not even for a second, love. The life I have-"

"Stop. _Please_. I don't care about all that."

He smiles and I see how much it hurts him to look me in the eyes, but he wouldn't have had to do it if he would have stopped.

"I know you don't. And I didn't care either, which was a mistake I made towards you. But you _should_ care about it. It _should_ matter. You have been through so much. And with me... Who knows how much of that would follow?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't ca-"

"It _does_. Rose, for God's sake, it _does matter_ so much. You have been torn away from everything. _I _tore you away from everything you knew, I almost ruined your life, and I dragged you into this damned kind of life."

"But… no… please don't say this..." but no matter how hard I cry, no matter what I say, he seems unwavering. "Di… Dimitri?"

He keeps talking, my words getting unheard.

"And for what? So that I would get you from one place to another for the rest of your life? All that danger? For what, Roza? Is it worth it?"

"It is. Because I was with you. Because I am with you. You kept me safe. All this time. You continue to do it."

He smiles once more and his thumbs caress my cheeks.

"I tried. But I didn't succeed all the time, Rose. All the thighs that you endured because you…" he passes his finger through my hair as his others walk lightly over the spot on my skin that has brought us so much trouble today. "Because I couldn't find you in time, because you wouldn't tell anything... not even about me, even if it was with the cost of your life."

"That was_ my choice. I _chose not to say anything."

He smiles again. "Rose, you killed someone because of me_. For me_." He sighs and looks away as his arms pull me closer to him, my head resting into the crook of his neck. "I wish so bad that you wouldn't have done it."

"You're not serious."

"I am, love. I am serious. And I can't do this anymore. Not to you. Maybe it would have been for the better for you if-"

I pull away and put my hand over his lips, preventing him from finishing that thought.

"No. Don't you _dare_." I cup his cheeks and make him look me right in the eyes. "_Don't you dare_." I walk my fingers on his face, my mind desperate to come up with a reasonable enough response, something that would change his mind. "All that, it doesn't matter. You matter, Dimitri, and I lo-"

"Don't say you love me."

"And what if I say it? I already said it a million times before and I mean it. What saying it again would change? You know how I feel."

"I told you you shouldn't fall in love with me."

"Yeah. You told me. I tried not to. But it didn't work. I love you and that will never change."

"You shouldn't love me, Roza. I am not the man for you."

"It doesn't work that way. You can't decide that."

"You would be better off without me."

"Says who? Who decides that?"

"Rose, all I have ever brought to you is hurting."

"You're wrong."

"No, I am not. And you will end up hurting more if you continue to be around me. People that come close to me always get hurt. You _have _been hurt so many times before. And I don't want you to continue being one of those people who get hurt because of me. I can't take it to see you hurting. It rips my heart into pieces…"

"Then why are you doing it to me now? Why are you breaking my heart?"

"It's different."

"Is it? Aren't you hurting me now with this shit you're telling me?"

"This is not about me now. It's about-"

"I don't care who this is about! If you worry about me hurting, be by my side when I do. That will be enough for me." He doesn't say anything in response, he just takes my hands off his face. "Dimitri? What are you doing?"

"Who knows when our lives would get to be tranquil? They may never be. I am almost sure they will never be. I could never offer you that. I can't offer you a normal life. I can't offer you what you want. There will always be something missing and there will always be too much danger. I don't want this life to make you harsh. You're so gentle and soft and loving. I don't want this life to change you. Death is the only constant in my life and that is the only normality you'll ever get, Rose."

"Good. Because I don't want a normal life. I don't care about anything else. I want you. Fuck normality. I don't want normality. I want you. You're my normality. I don't need anything else but you."

"You shouldn't wish that."

"Dimitri…"

"I am sorry." He takes one step back, away from me.

"No. Don't do this, please." I get a hold of his arms, stopping him from pulling away some more. "Please. Don't… don't you love me? Didn't you say that before? Even today?"

He gives in to my word and comes closer, and I start believing that he has given up on his thought. I pray he did.

"I know you deserve to be happy, Rose. Out of all people I know, you deserve that the most, not all the stuff you have been through and all the hurting I have put you through."

"No. Dimitri, please." I put my arms around him and hold him as tight as I can. "Don't do this," I beg him when he doesn't respond.

"I… I can't offer you a good life. All you would have with me would be a life full of danger and hurting and-" he sighs as he pulls away a little and tilts my head. "And you don't deserve that. You deserve so much and I can't… You deserve the world, Rose. You deserve the moon and the stars and… And all I am able to offer you is _this_." I see the angst in his eyes because he believes it! He believes he is not offering me that, but God, I don't need that! "I will never be able to offer you that life you deserve."

"You know for a fucking fact that I don't care about that."

He wants to take my hands off from around him, but I wrap them tighter on his torso.

"I won't let go of you. Never, do you hear me? Never."

"Roza, please, don't make things harder for you." He pulls me off him even though I resist him as best as I can. "You deserve better than me."

"Can you please stop? Stop saying these things about yourself. They're not true."

"There is no happy ending to this, Rose. This was never going to work anyway, so why prolong it uselessly?"

"What you said really hurt, Dimitri. You see this as useless? You see us… as nothing?" of course he doesn't! He is saying it so that I would push him away. Which I won't do! "I don't believe you with that. And I don't want a fairytale, Dimitri. I don't dream of that. I only want a life with you, the real thing, with the good and the bad included."

"But you're not safe with me. You'll never be. Everyone I love always ends up getting hurt. Killed. You will end up like that too."

"Good thing that you don't love me back, right?"

"What?"

"You were going to get to this subject sooner or later so why not approach it now? That's what you would have served me with eventually, as a last resort, right? You would have told me that you don't love me, that you don't care about me and all that bullshit I am not going to believe."

"No. I didn't think to do that."

He sighs and comes one step closer to me. His closeness is a little win for me, but it feels like the biggest of them all. If I make him see what an idiot he is, he will drop this, I am sure.

He kisses my forehead and smiles faintly as he walks his fingers on my cheek.

"I do love you, Roza. I love you a lot more than you think."

"Good. Then stop this nonsense."

"And just because I love you I can't be the one-"

"You are doing that thing again, Dimitri. You are again pushing me away. Please, don't. I know the drill. You say something that hurts me, I hate you for it and you hope I will be pulling away from you. But not another time. Stop thinking you're protecting me by hurting me like this. Please don't hurt me like this. If you think I'll believe you with that, you are fooling yourself." He doesn't say anything. "Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that everything I have been saying is wrong. Tell me that we… that what we have… is wrong."

"It's..." he can't say it! I knew it. "I am just doing what is right for you. I want you to be happy."

"I _am_ happy. With you. Why don't you understand that?"

"I can't-"

"Why are _you_ afraid to be happy with me?"

"Maybe I don't deserve it."

"Why would you say that?"

"How could I deserve it after all the bad I have done, Rose?"

"But what about the good? There is so much more to you than the bad things you've done." He doesn't use words to respond to me, he just shrugs. "Why do you think that you deserve what's the worst?"

"Because maybe I deserve it. And some more."

"When we first met, you once asked me why I insist on making my life hard. Why do you? Why do you insist to do this now? Why are you making things hard? What are you afraid of?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"I do. What happened with the fearless Dimitri I know?"

"I can't be that Dimitri when it comes to you."

"Why not?"

"Because with you… with you it's different. You… You make me want things I cannot have, Roza."

"Who says you cannot have them? Who says you cannot have whatever you want?"

"Because what I want is _you_. And I can't risk you. I can't risk losing you."

"You won't lose me." if he's afraid of me ever leaving, he's worrying for nothing.

"You cannot know that. So many things could happen and you could be taken away from me."

"But you can't know that either."

"I already know it."

"So what? You choose to be lonely?"

"Yes."

"You don't have to be alone forever, you don't have to be a recluse, and you know that."

"Maybe I'm meant to be alone," he accepts his self-imposed punishment and once more, he turns around to leave.

"Dimitri?"

**DPOV**

Hearing her voice ready to break once more, my feet stop against my will. I know I am hurting her in so many ways and it is so hard for me to do this, but I know I have to. She will get over this eventually.

"What… what about me?" She asks the question I dreaded, the question I was most afraid of, the question I have no answer for. "Where does that leave me? What if I don't want you to go?"

"You will be better off without me."

"Dimitri, please. You know what? Leave me. What about _us_?" Her words come out through tears and pierce right through my heart. It takes so much from me not to get back to holding her in my arms. If I do that, I'll be one step closer to giving up on this and I can't. I can't be that selfish ever again. I need to go, to leave her be.

"Rose, please, don't cry." I am so close to breaking and if she doesn't stop, I might die right here, in front of her. "Please, stop. Understand that I have to-"

"You don't have to leave. _You_ should understand that."

"I do. I really do." I am leaving for her wellbeing. I have been acting like I was twenty years old all over again. And I can't let her play Zoey's part in this story. I know how it ends and I don't want this story to get to that point.

"But I could-"

"You can't. No one can do anything." Not even I can and I was a fool to even begin to think I have some kind of control over this situation. "No one is safe around me and I will not promise you what I can't keep again. I can't afford for you to be taken away from me too. I can't be with you expecting every single day for you to be taken away from me that way. I am sorry, but you have to understand this, love. Everyone that ever gets close to me ends up bad. Dead. I can't afford that to happen to you too. I wouldn't be able to take it. Not with you. I could lose everything I have on this planet. But God, not you, Roza."

"And you choose to be unhappy for the rest of your life? To make me miserable too? To hurt me like this?"

"If this is what it takes for you to not get hurt again, then yes. That's what I will do."

"That's the biggest bullshit I have ever heard from you Dimitri. You promised me you won't leave me again. You promised you'd be there for me, that you would never leave my side. What happened with all those promises?"

"It's different now. I didn't think about it all when I said that." I didn't think about anything else but myself when I promised her that.

"So, you are leaving? Just like that? You take it back, you take back all the promises you made to me, and you leave?"

"I have to. I have no other choice."

"There is always a choice."

"Maybe for others. But not for me, Rose. Never for me." I never even should have thought I have a choice. Robert was, after all, right.

"This is what Ivan was talking about when he told me to be patient with you?"

"What?"

**RPOV**

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned this to him, but I am a little desperate now. Maybe a little too desperate. But he is the one making me this way with this stubbornness.

"He told me to be patient with you and give you time... Is this why? He knew you'd do this? He knew you'd try to do to me the same shit he did to Lissa?" He doesn't respond, but the uneasiness I see in him is enough of a response. "So what? You want us to be miserable for the next two years like they were? Three years? Five? Ten? For the rest of our lives before you realize what shit you've done? Stop running away when things are good and-"

"But what if they get messed up? What if-" he never talked about what-ifs to me. He was never afraid of the uncertainty. Until today, nothing seemed impossible to him, but now, loving me seems so.

"So, it's better to leave before everything gets messy, right?" He nods. "And you go ahead and mess things up now, not knowing if they would get messy in the first place? Where is the logic to that, Dimitri?"

"I won't be there to see them falling apart because they won't, Rose, don't you get it?"

"But what if they don't fall apart? What if this is in your mind? What if nothing bad happens?"

"They always fall apart, Rose. Those bad things will happen, guaranteed."

"Okay, let's say it your way. Bad things will happen. They happen all the fucking time! So what if they do? I don't care about that."

"I can't-"

"What if we pick up the pieces and repair everything?" He fights the idea in his head, so I see my chance to push things further. I have to convince him somehow. "Just give it a try. For once, stop running away. Let me-"

"_No_. I am bad for you," he comes to a conclusion and I see again determination filling his eyes.

I can't let him leave. I go closer to him and resorting to this again, I put my arms around him and hold him tight, squeezing him so hard my hands hurt.

For a second, he responds to me and puts his arms around me too and reciprocates the harness of my embrace, and I think that somehow, everything will be alright, that he changed his mind, and that he dropped those crazy ideas, that he-

But then it isn't. Nothing was alright, not even for a second. I was just fooling myself.

He moves his hands up on mine and starts pulling me off him. I fight him, but he overpowers me and manages to get me off him completely.

"So that's it? It's over?"

"Are you going to hate me if I do this?"

As my last resort, I put all my frustration into this response.

"Yes. I will hate you forever. I will never forgive you. Because you're cruel. You're unfair."

"I know I am all that, love." He bends and kisses my forehead. "Goodbye, Roza. I'm sorry, but it's for the better this way and you'll see it too one day."

And with this, he turns around and starts walking away.

"Dimitri, _please." _I start crying harder and harder as my heart crumbles more with each step he takes away from me. "Please, don't do this. I will never forgive you for this, if you break that promise. If you leave now, I will never forgive you!"

He stops for a couple of seconds and my heart fills with hope once again. I knew he wouldn't do it. I knew he would keep his promises.

But he resumes to walking away.

I open my mouth to call him but I can't speak. The words stop at the back of my throat and all I can get out are whines.

He…

He left me.

* * *

**JPOV**

Seeing Rose coming back inside the house, face flushed, eyes bloodshot and her whole body shaking with sobs, I know things have gone for the worst.

I rush to her as her legs don't seem steady enough to support her for longer and putting my arms around her, I guide her towards the sofa and make her sit.

The second she crumbles onto the sofa, she lets out a wail and putting her arms around me too, she starts crying even harder.

"Honey, what happened?" I ask the obvious, I know, but I don't know what else to do or say. Ever since the Mason thing, I haven't seen her like this.

"Why are you crying, kiz?" I bet he is as startled of this as I am. Maybe not startled. I sensed that things will end with Rose being in tears from the first second that Abe smacked Dimitri, but I didn't expect them to be this bad.

"Why the hell do you think I am crying?!" she almost lashes at her father, but to his luck, I was there to keep her on the sofa.

Crumbling back into my arms, she mumbles something.

"What did you say, sunshine?" I ask with the risk of annoying her further, but through all those hard sobs, it is hard to understand her.

"He left!" she gets up again and looks at her father once more. "All because of you!"

**RPOV**

It's the first time in my entire life when I yell at my parents and they indeed look surprised. Seeing their shocked expressions, I almost stop. Almost. I wanted to, but I am too angry and I can't stop the words overflowing out of my mouth.

"He left me because you told him all those things and they got into his head and he left! He said he wasn't good enough for me and he left! He left because of you! You made him… you ruined everything!" I watch my father and seeing no response from him except his mouth opening and closing a couple of times, it just makes me angrier. "I have never, ever, in my entire life have been mad at you. For nothing. Not even a little upset, I swear. I knew you were doing what you thought it was best for me. But now, dad, now? Now you fucked it up! You fucked everything up! And if you don't go out there and find him and repair the mess you've made, I swear that I will never forgive you for it. I swear-"

Another wave of sobs shakes my body and stops the words in my throat. The previous anger being replaced by the empty hole in my chest, I look for comfort into my mother's embrace, who holds me tight against her chest and soothes my hair.

"You don't understand how much I love him… and he… he left me… you made him leave."

"Oh, honey…"

After a minute or so of complete silence in which my mother has managed somehow to make me calm down a little, she gets up and takes my father away, leaving me laying on my side on the sofa, alone, with only that pain I feel to keep me company. I think I could have used Ash's company now, but I can't even open my mouth to call him.

They don't get too far, my mother eyeing me often, like being afraid I'll do something reckless, but I don't feel capable to move a single muscle.

Despite being into the same room as I am, I can't hear what they are talking about as they are talking under their breath, but from their tone, or mostly hers, call me crazy, it sounds like they would be arguing.

I have never heard my parents fight and this scene looks so alien to me. But hell, I have never yelled at them before, right?

**JPOV**

"Come on, haven't you been in their situation? You are making your daughter suffer."

"But it's not the same." He keeps on to his stubbornness. And he still wonders at times who did Rose get that from.

"Indeed. It's not the same thing. I wasn't coming from that environment, and neither were you. But the principle is the same, right? And we both know how that feels, to be refused that. Do you want to be like your parents?"

Seeing his eyes widening with surprise, I realize that I have taken things too far, that that was a low punch.

I sigh and take a second to rub my eyes, the sleepiness induced by the alcohol catching up with me. Maybe all that wine wasn't a great idea. I thought I would have a nice evening and go to sleep happy. Who would have known that my little concern would start all this mess?

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You know that-"

He smiles a little and takes my hand in his. "I know. It's fine. I understood what you wanted to say."

"Thank you. What I wanted to say too is that… you should at least try and talk things through with him. Don't end them like this. Listen to him too before you make a decision. It will affect our daughter's life after all."

His eyes drifting towards Rose laying on the sofa, the tears not falling anymore but still sobbing, I see the regret of his actions in his eyes.

"Fine. You're right. I will go try to do something about this."

"Thank you, honey."

"I don't think I deserve any praising for this," he says and gets out the house.

Now, I pray he finds Dimitri and works things out.

**RPOV**

I don't think that my mother went as far as to kick my father out, but still, I see him getting out of the house. I wonder where he is going. Could he go do what I asked him? Or anyway, yelled at him to do?

Oh, I acted like such a brat.

As my mother lifts me to my butt and takes me back in her embrace, I cuddle into her and steal some of her warmth.

"I am sorry I yelled at you."

"It's fine, honey. I understand." She continues to soothe my back and remembering the way Dimitri used to calm my darkest thoughts with this gesture too, I start crying again.

"Hey, Rose. Take it easy, sunshine."

When my sobs have calmed once more, she makes me look at her and with the hem of her so fluffy cardigan, she wipes my tears away.

"Did you know that my in-laws hated me?"

"Nine and Dede?"

"Aham."

"But how?" how could someone not like her? She has always been the life of the party, a sweetheart. "Were they crazy?"

"No, nothing like that. It's just that… they didn't think I was good enough for your father."

"And what happened?"

"I believed them too. And I was close to doing the biggest mistake of my life. In fact, I did it. I gave up on your father because I knew how much his parents meant to him and I didn't want him to fight with his parents. I didn't want to ruin that for him. So I left him. I came up with a bunch of stupid reasons and I broke up with him. I even dropped my studies for a while and left Turkey."

"And what did he do?"

She smiles. "He fought for me. He came for me here, to the States and told me that I am an idiot if I can't see that he would move mountains to be with me. He told me that he didn't care about anyone's opinion as long as he knew I loved him."

I smile too. "I didn't expect any less from him, Mum. But now… Dimitri… he's so determined and I can't… I can't lose him. I can't…"

She puts her arms around me again and tries to prevent me from crying some more.

"I know, honey, I know. And you won't lose him, I am sure. He just... he needs to figure it out if he wants to fight for you."

"But shouldn't I be the one doing that? Didn't Dad come for you?"

"Yes. But now things are a little different and I believe you already showed him you want to be with him."

"I did. I told him, but he didn't want to listen. He kept on saying that he's bad to me and-" I need to stop speaking if I don't want to get dehydrated from all these tears I am shedding.

My mother, wanting to take my mind off this, even for a minute, drags me to the kitchen and makes me keep her company as she prepares us some tea, that eventually comes in handy because all this sadness got me feeling cold on the inside.

Finally sitting in front of me, she takes one of my hands in hers from across the table.

"Rose?"

"What?"

"Do you think you can tell me what happened?"

"When? Earlier?" I don't think I'll be able to reproduce that without crying again.

"No. I mean… any time before today. With both of you, all this time you were away. You know, we still worried for you when you were away and seeing that scar on you earlier..."

"I am sorry about that, Mum, but things have been so hectic for so-"

"Hey, I didn't want you to feel bad about it. It's just that you are our child and we worried for you. We always do." She smiles a little and gets her other hand to hold mine too, her thumbs playing across my skin. "In fact, after we met him, we were a little relieved that you had him with you. From the first time I have seen you two together, I felt that there was something more than a fling between you two. The way you looked at each other and how you two seemed to understand each other, which was different from what I have seen before with the other guys you dated. And that day, you seemed so happy. You know, ever since…" She doesn't finish that but I know. Ever since Mase.

I try to smile too. "I am. I really am. Or was… But he…"

"You know that your father and I want what's best for you, right?"

"I do, mum, but…"

"I know. You want him."

"I do. Because I love him so much. And trust me, he didn't touch a hair of mine. He never hurt me. He's so calm and loving and caring. He could never do that. And he tried to keep me safe, no matter what."

After I filled my mother in with almost everything that has happened all the time I have been on this crazy survival journey, assuring her once more that Dimitri was the only one that would have went to the ends of the earth to keep me alive, I excuse myself and get up to my bedroom.

As I enter in that empty room, I feel again that hollow in my chest. Dimitri should have been here too, with me. This was supposed to be a happy weekend. How come things went for the worst so fast?

Searching through Dimitri's luggage, I get out one of his hoodies and put it on, just to feel him close to me again, just to get some more warmth to keep me company in this loneliness surrounding me.

And the second I lay in bed, I start crying again. I cuddle one of the many pillows on the bed in my embrace and break in tears once more.

I can't believe he did this to me. I can't believe it he left. He promised me he would never leave. _But this time it's different, right?_ Yeah, it is. This time he's an idiot.

Ash finally finds his way into my room and poking his nose into my upper arm and whining, accompanying my muffled sobs, he soon takes the place of the pillow I was holding and he lets me hold him as I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

**JPOV**

Abe came back and he didn't find Dimitri, I don't need him to tell it to me, I can see it on his face already.

"Of course you didn't find him. Rose told me that no one can find him if he doesn't want to be found and we should have expected that. After all he is who he is." I don't know what else to say to make him feel a little better, so I take a seat next to him on the sofa.

Propping his head into his palms, I can hear the regret in his voice.

"What have I done?"

"Don't be so harsh on yourself. You were being a good father."

"But look at her. The way she spoke to me…"

"You can't really blame her for that. I mean…"

"I know. I remember how I spoke to my parents back then too. But I fucked up big time, didn't I? I made him go and- and now I can't find him to make things right."

"Well, for now, there's nothing much to do. It's late. Let's think of a way to talk to him, okay? Rose will understand, I am sure of it. You'll see, she will come around to it." She has already done it. She apologized to me a couple of times before I sent her to sleep. "We will figure things out, even though I know for a fact that he's a stubborn fella." Rose kept on talking about his determination and that's what worries her most, that he will go with his choice till the end. Because after all, he thinks it is for a good cause, right?

"Do you think that if I go talk to her, she'll kick my ass?"

He seems so concerned about this and seeing Rose earlier, I even saw her capable of throwing a fist or two. But after all, our daughter is a peaceful person and she loves her father.

"No, honey, no. She told me she is sorry about it. Just go to her and if she's still awake, which I bet she is, try to make things right. At least with her, for now."

* * *

**APOV**

Rose fell asleep. Or this is what it looks like from the doorway.

Sitting in bed next to her, I still see tears on her cheeks and I can't help it but to want to wipe them away. She has been crying because of me.

When I touch her cheek with my fingers, her eyes snap open and she gets halfway up.

"Dimitri?" her eyes scan the room, but all she sees it's me, and the disappointment in her eyes is visible. Can I blame her?

"I am sorry, kiz. It's me."

She hastily wipes her tears and wants to hide her face, but I stop her.

"There's no point. I know you have been crying."

Looking at me and nodding, she opens her mouth to say something, but instead she starts crying, and with the risk of her pushing me away, I take her in my embrace. To my luck, she lets me hold her.

"I am sorry, kiz. I know you must hate me now, but-"

"No." She puts her arms around me too and holds me tight. "I don't hate you, Dad, I swear. I was really angry earlier. I said some things I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I know you only want what's best for me, but please understand that I love him."

"I know, kiz, I know. And I am sorry too. I reacted too hastily. I just couldn't even begin to imagine what you went through. You are my child and I wish you would never suffer and he-"

"But Dad, things are not like you think they are."

"I know that now. Your mother has told me about your little talk."

She can't stop crying no matter how hard I try to soothe her.

"You really love him, don't you?"

She laughs a little through the sobs. "Of course I do. What did you think?"

"I don't know... maybe that he felt exciting for you. New. And that maybe you will get bored of him, get over him some day if you won't be together. But I see I was wrong."

Getting up and getting her hair out of her face, she shakes her head at me.

"I don't think I would ever be able to get over him." And after this, she chuckles.

"What happened?"

"Do you remember that time when I was ten and you were talking with mum about something and I thought you two were fighting and I started thinking that you two were getting a divorce?" she now combines the tears with a jolly voice.

I laugh too. "I do. You got so scared then even though we tried to explain to you that we weren't even fighting."

"I got so scared of that and all because I have always admired the way you two love each other. And growing up, I think I have always wanted that. What you two still have. And dad, you know I have dated _a lot."_

That's an understatement. "I know, kiz. And you didn't get the greatest guys."

She laughs a little. "Yes, that's true. And you know… no one felt like he did. When I met him, after I fell for him, I started to feel that I have that, what you and mum have. That happiness you two always had." She smiles and takes my hand in hers. "And it felt so good."

"Is he?"

"Is he what?"

"Making you happy."

"So happy. I don't know, but with him, it feels like nothing is impossible. I mean, not like it all used to seem…" ever since Mase. She doesn't need to say it out loud.

"That's good. I am glad to hear that. But still, I took it away from you."

"It was his decision to leave, after all."

"But I pushed him to do it."

"I bet he would have come to this conclusion by himself too, one day. The way he was speaking earlier, those thoughts didn't appear so suddenly in his head."

"But you know, sometimes people need an impulse to stay."

"What? You want him to stay now?" ouch. But I guess I deserved this.

"I want you to be happy, kiz. And if you are happy with him, who am I to be against it? I don't want you to get to hate me for pushing him away."

She smiles and resting her head on my shoulder, she kisses my cheek hastily.

"Thanks, Dad."

"But… do you know how I would be able to get to him?"

"Oh, I don't know. If one man can disappear without a trace, he is the best at it and no one would find him."

"Especially by some peasants like us, right?"

She chuckles. "Right."

"I am sorry."

"It's fine, really."

"No, it's not. But I will make things right."

"How?"

"Somehow. I'll use my father superpowers or something." When she was little she used to see me as superman when I was picking her up and played with her. It's funny to see how fast she grew up.

She hugs me and thanks me. "And I am sorry for what I said. I was mean."

"You were right, end of story. And now, you should get some sleep."

I tuck her in as I used to when she was little, leaving aside telling her a bedtime story.

"Dad?" she calls for me when I reach the doorway.

"What's the matter?"

"I want you to know that Dimitri never hurt me, not even in the beginning, when he was supposed to kill me. All he did was to protect me. Even from myself at times. He was always kind to me, even when I was a pain in the ass to him. He's not a bad man and I am not saying it because I love him."

"I understand, kiz." And I will make things right somehow.

* * *

**RPOV**

A day passed and nothing happened. In fact, it's been more than twenty-four hours ever since he left and it is past midnight now and I am sitting in bed, again, alone.

He was determined to leave me and look, he's doing it.

I hoped he would come back, I wanted him to, but no. He is keeping on to his decision and it is breaking my heart. I know for sure that he feels as miserable as I do, but still, he continues to keep his distance. Who knows how far he is anyway? Did he leave the town? The country? The continent? I see him capable of anything to keep that stupid promise.

And this idea has popped into my mind but I didn't dare act on it yet. I fear that his silence will meet me if I call him and I am not ready to face that yet. But I need to try my chances at least, right?

Taking the phone that I mostly used to stay in contact with my parents, I type his number that I still know by heart, and call.

* * *

**DPOV**

And my phone starts ringing. I knew she will remember this and I dreaded this moment. I even hoped she forgot that number. But obviously, she didn't.

Too well that I anticipated it and I have already downed a bottle of hard liquor.

After the screen goes dark, I listen to the voicemail she left.

So you made me memorize this number for nothing? You said you would always pick up, Dimitri.

A pause comes in which I hear her sniff her nose and I down that hurt in her voice with another glass of booze, the burning sensation not even comparing to the hurting I am bringing her, I am sure.

Have you seen it is pouring rain outside?

Fuck!

I got… scared. Like a five year old. It's such a big storm outside and I am all alone in my room.

This is not fair. She is using this against me. And I deserve it, goddamnit.

No. I don't care. She can deal with this. She has Ash, she has her parents to be there for her. She doesn't need me. She'll get used to it.

I wish you would have been here to hold me. Like you promised you would. Or… doesn't that promise mean anything anymore too? Come on, Dimitri, don't make me act like a desperate girlfriend. You know I hate to be annoying to others. Just… pick up the damned phone and talk to me. Let's work this out, okay?

I am sorry, Roza, but there's nothing to work out.

I get the bartender's attention.

"Pour me another one, please. And leave this bottle too."

And even though I know I would never gather enough courage to do this, when she calls me once more, I finally go for the green button instead of watching the screen.

**RPOV**

He answered. He answered me.

"Dimitri?" I can't contain the surprise in my voice.

But it's not surprise that I hear in his voice when he responds to me.

"Stop calling me and leaving me all these messages. You are becoming tiring, Rose. It's annoying. Stop it already, okay? Don't be so clingy."


	42. Her name was Zoey

**Ah, guys, it's so good to be back. I don't know about you, but my exams have just started and I am doing this online thing and it is exhausting. Good thing I have the writing to make my evenings better :)**

**I hope you are all safe and well**

**Well, I expected those reviews guys, but I don't know, it's just what I felt to do for the moment, and I hope that this chapter will make it all better **

**RoseSarev, I hope you didn't give up on the story though **

**Tika86, of course it will all be fine for them in the end, I just need to sprinkle some more things in this story, that's all. And thanks, I hope that things are working well for you too at your workplace :)**

**Dear Guest, sorry to have disappointed you that bad. Hope you'll enjoy this new chapter. And the next ones**

**HonestPassion13, yes, she had already had that scar, but well, Abe didn't know, and in that moment, for Dimitri it didn't really matter when Rose got it, I hope it makes sense. Plus, it was a pleasure too to write that scene ;)**

* * *

**Her name was Zoey**

**RPOV**

"Well then, I don't _care_ if I am annoying. You don't underst-"

"Well, _I do_," he cuts me short. "And _you_ don't understand that we-"

"That we _what_, Dimitri? We what?" Silence meets me. Whatever he wants to say, he can't do it. "Come on. Say it. Tell me. What happened to us? What is happening to us?"

"I have nothing more to tell you about that." His voice seems unsteady and for whatever reason, he's babbling, but just a little. It sounds like it is hard for him to find his words.

"In… in… fact, I don't want to talk to you."

Or could I be wrong about that babbling? Maybe he's thinking too much of what shit to deliver to me, what lies to tell me, and I am imaging things. It's either that, or I swear that he sounds like he has been drinking. Not that I would know how that is, how he is when he's drunk, I am just guessing. But if he is indeed drinking, isn't he doing it because he is miserable too? Then why is he continuing to act this way?

"I know what you're doing and I am telling you, it's not working."

"And what am I doing, exactly?"

"This. This us thing. What-"

"There is- there never _was_ a you and me. An _us_. And there… there will _never,_ _ever_ be one, okay?"

"I know you don't mean that."

"Oh, but I do mean it."

I want to know how far he can take this, I swear. How many shitty words can he throw my way until he realizes what an idiot he is? So, for whatever reason, I push it.

"Then what was I to you?"

"Just a fun game, to be completely honest." And I can even see him shrug, trying to act indifferent.

"Oh, _really_?"

"Yes. It was fun while it lasted, but now I have to get back to reality. So should you, Rosie." He's doing this on purpose. He knows I hate being called that! "Stop dreaming about rainbows and unicorns and stop expecting me to give those to you. And let's be honest now. We could have never ever been together. We would have never lasted."

"Why is that?"

"For starters, I don't want someone like you."

"Yeah? Someone like me? How am I, Dimitri, if I may ask?"

It takes him a minute to respond and I hear him breathing heavily at the other end of the line.

"Basic. Shallow. Nothing that I haven't seen a hundred- thousand times now. You're not special to me." ouch. That would have hurt if I would have believed him. Too bad for him that I don't believe him.

"What about you saying you find me fascinating? Where did that go?"

I am doing this to myself by pushing him to say these things, but God, even though I know that what he's saying is not true, by him saying these things, I think it should be easier for me to hate him, it should make me hate him, but it only makes me love him more. He's trying his best to push me away and I can feel it in his voice how much it hurts him to say these words. But he needs to see he's wrong and I have no other idea on how to make him realize that.

"What about you saying you love me? Each piece of me?"

"What love are you talking about, Rose? There was no love between us. It was a little haze that I got over. That's all. You should get over it too. You never meant anything for me."

"Stop _doing_ that," I hiss at him, even though I want to scream at him, but I don't want to alarm my parents.

He puffs, like exasperated. "Get over it, Rose. Nothing meaningful happened between you and me. It was all just a big mistake. A game. A foolishness. A stupid decision. Me taking advantage of you. Call it whatever the hell you want, I don't care at all. But it wasn't love. I must admit that you were a great fuck, but it got not even close to being love, Rose. So get over it. This is what I am doing. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find myself another chick."

"Don't play like this with me. It is not funny. Stop it with the bullshit already, Dimitri."

"I remember you liked being a smarty-pants. But your thinking is not that great at the moment. You need me to spell it out for you? Are you _that_ stupid? I don't feel anything for you." I imagine him gritting his teeth and hell, I do that too because his words make me so angry!

"Why are you doing this Dimitri?"

"Because it has gone on for too long and I got bored with you and you don't want to get it!"

"What about everything that happened between us?"

"I had to keep you calm and distracted somehow. Do you know how much you've been annoying me?"

"_What_? Distracted? You _distracted_ me?"

"Yes. Like that, we both got what we wanted."

I laugh. I can't do anything at this moment but laugh. He's on fire with the lies tonight.

"And what did I want from you if all you wanted from me was sex?"

"Attention, of course."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I am not doing anything. I am telling you the truth that you always denied. I am telling you what you didn't want to see. What you still don't want to see."

"So, that's all? I wanted attention and you wanted sex? That was our exchange?"

"Yes. That's all. You thought that this was anything more than sex?"

Tears gloss my eyes, but I do my best not to let them fall. I know that he's talking shit, but hell, this sounds and feels so real in this second.

"No. Of course not. I didn't think it was anything more than sex. We were just humans that have given in to their animal instinct, I get it."

"Hallelujah. You finally got it."

I laugh again, mostly trying to cover my voice breaking.

"Is this a game to you, Dimitri? What do you think you're accomplishing by telling me all this? What makes you think I believe you?"

"I told you that if I would ever want you, I wouldn't have to force you in any way, didn't I?" he gets that cockiness I hated in the beginning and him saying this now, like this, God, if I knew where he is, I would go there and hit him. Repeatedly and with a chair maybe. "You almost begged me to do it anyway, no pressure coming from me, so-"

"So what? I was your toy? A fun thing to do to keep yourself busy?"

"I have always liked how you put things together, Rose. Too bad you get them when it doesn't matter anymore."

"So, what? You lied to me all this time, that's it?"

"I didn't _lie_ to you. I just… told you what you wanted to hear in order to get what I wanted from you." Well, at least he got more control over his voice now. I don't find a single ounce of shame or regret in his voice and hell, he almost fooled me with his acting. Whoever taught him to do this, was a good teacher. "It's not my fault that you would fall for the littlest attention someone gives you."

"You're unfair. And you're an idiot! You're acting like the biggest idiot on earth!"

"You knew who you were getting involved with."

"Yeah, with a fucking idiot! And all this time I believed I was the one messed up, but wasn't I fucking wrong? Where do I even begin with you? Shall we go find a therapist? Two? Three? I bet you need a dozen!"

I have let my frustration speak for me and I took things too far, and if I continue this way, he'll end up ending the call. I have been unfair by saying that. After all, I know how fucked up his life has been, or well, I am at least guessing it, but God, he managed to get out the worst of me.

I take a second to walk my palm across my face and wipe my tears, the exhaustion from the sleepless night making its presence felt too.

"Why? Why you…"

"Don't call me again. Goodbye, Rose."

"Let the past be the past, Dimitri," I blurt the words before he gets the chance to hang up. "Try your chances with me. I won't ask you for forever to stay. I won't beg you to stay if you've made your mind. Call it pride or whatever, but if you want to go, to leave me, do it, but... God, just… Things change, Dimitri. Circumstances change. _People_ change. You-"

"No, they _don't_. I didn't. And I probably won't. I am who I am and to be honest now, I will always be that man. I liked my life the way it was, without you in it. It has way less drama in it if you ask me. And if you think that a stupid little crush of yours will get me to change, then you think too much of me. And of yourself."

"You are telling me all these things now, but when you were facing me yesterday why didn't you tell me the same things? Why didn't you tell me these things all these months? I want you to come here and tell me to my face that you don't love me. I want you to let me know that you actually mean those fucking words. I want you to look me in the eyes and repeat to me every word you just said."

**DPOV**

That's the worst part. I can't. If I ever see her again, I'll give in and...

"I _do_ mean it. Look, Rosie. You were a fun game for me. Nothing more. You don't interest me in any way. I realized that it was all just a thing induced by the situation we were into. You were exciting to me, but only because of the danger you were bringing along. Now that there's nothing around, I don't want you anymore."

I hear her sniff her nose and laughing once more.

"I should say that I hate you, but I can't. Because I don't. I know why you are doing this and it's not working. You are speaking to me like that just so that I will hate you, but I don't. Please, don't do this. It won't work. I won't believe it."

Having to continue this charade, it makes me angry with myself. But the best thing I can do is to put that anger into my words.

"Can you be even more _stupid_? I am telling it to your face that I don't want a fucking thing from you and you still keep to your bullshit. Listen to me. All I did was to take advantage of your foolishness. Because you were so easy to fool and you would have done so many things for me. And you did." She killed a man. She has sacrificed everything, her entire life for me. And I am not worth it.

"You're an idiot, Dimitri."

I am. The biggest of them all.

"Yes, I am. But not in the way you say I am. I am an idiot because I didn't end this sooner. You have become too clingy, too attached, too annoying. It's no surprise that Xavier picked you. He was right to do so. You were easy prey. Easy to fool. Easy to get what you want from."

"You won't manage to hurt me." I already think I did. After all, she's talking to me now through tears. But she won't back down. I've always loved this determination of hers.

"Come on, Rose. At least face it now. You didn't fall in love with me. You fell for the idea of it, for the bad guy loving you, for me giving you attention, for you thinking you could change me. But one, you can't change me." I'll always be this bastard that broke her heart. "Second, you are not made for this life. You are made for boring, usual stuff. So stay there. It's safer for someone like you."

"You know what, Dimitri? You are a coward. A _fucking_ coward! Do you think that if you say all this it will make me let go of you? It won't," she fights back once more. "Come and face me and tell me all those things. Look me in the eyes and lie me to my face that you don't want me. That you don't love me. Come and tell me. Look me in the eyes. Be man enough and look me in the eyes and repeat all that to me. Tell me that all those I love you's didn't mean shit! Tell me that all you wanted from me was to get me laid. Come here and tell me! And if you do, _then_ I will believe you. If not, stop this shit and fight for me, goddamnit! Just like you did for so long! We have been through _so, so much_ together and now you decide to quit? To simply walk away? You chicken out just because I love you?"

Yes. Yes, I do. Because everyone that gets close to me gets killed.

"You will get over it eventually."

"Don't you dare hang up. You don't get to quit on me! You're afraid to be happy, goddamnit!"

"I don't deserve to be happy." I will never deserve that. "I'm sorry, Roza."

With those hasty words added at the end, I finally hang up. I can't do this to her for longer. Hearing her cry for longer it would make me die.

But the next second I ended the call, my phone gets ringing again. It's another number, and I am wondering if it's Rose again.

I consider not answering, but something gives me the impulse to do the opposite.

Another bad choice of mine. I seem to do too many of them lately.

"Are you a _fucking_ _moron_?! Do you even have a brain in that thing you call your head? Of course you don't! It is full of bran! It's full of shit!" Ivan's angry rant meets me and I don't get the chance to say anything to him. "Rose called Lissa, and she was in tears, Dimitri, _in tears_, and she asked her how she dealt with me when I was as stupid as you are being now! I told you that I will cut your balls off if you hurt her, and that I will fucking kill you if you make her cry, if you push her away, and what do you do?! You go ahead and do just that! What the hell is wrong with you? Did you hit your fucking head? If so, do you need someone to hit you again to bring you back to normality because if that is the case, I will gladly come there and hit you so badly that-"

"Are you done?"

"Of course I am not done! Because you are not done with being a fucking idiot! How could you do this to her? Have you even thought about everything that this implies? All the dangers you are putting her through by leaving? Obviously not because if you would have thought about this, even for a second, you would have seen that what you are doing is wrong!"

"But that's the thing. She'll be safer without me. At least she'll be alive."

"Dimitri, if this is about Zo-"

"Don't say her name. _Please_."

"Dimitri, be reason-"

I end this call too and close my phone and why not, I take the battery out too and put it into my glass. God knows that if I get drunk enough tonight I won't hesitate to call Rose and beg her to forgive me. And God forbid if Ivan calls me again. I bet he would be able to find a way to beat me through the phone.

The way the bartender looks at me, it makes me hate myself even more.

"You wouldn't get it, buddy."

"That you're a bastard? I think I got that pretty well. After all, your eye must be black for a reason. Now, will you get out of my bar? I don't like serving pieces of shit like you."

"Fair enough."

**RPOV**

I can't believe it that he hang up on me! In my frustration, I throw my phone against the wall. He has been such a bastard!

And what was with that answer of his? He doesn't deserve to be happy? He doesn't _deserve_ it? God, who made him think that? How deep are those shit that hurt him anyway? Oh, if he would have only told me one thing about him…

My parents burst into my bedroom with concerned faces. Shit. I forgot about their presence for a second. Ash came too and jumped into my bed, his nose searching for anything that could have upset me.

As I calm him, I try to wipe my tears too. Even though it's pretty dark in here, they still shine a little on my face.

"Honey, what is the matter?"

"Nothing. I am sorry for making noise, I didn't mean to. I just… I am fine."

"Rose..."

"Really. I am good." I cannot tell them what he has told me. I bet that my father will change his mind about Dimitri after hearing that. If there was any little chance of him accepting this relationship, after hearing those words, he will never want to see Dimitri's face.

Not wanting to not push it, they wish me goodnight and decide to leave me alone some more.

As they head to the door, I find myself calling for my mother, my voice coming out like a little kid's.

"Yes?"

"Could you…?" Should I ask? Hell, I am going to do it. I need someone to hold me and she has always known how to give the best advice. "Could you stay here a little longer?"

Her face softens as she nods. "Of course I will stay, sunshine. I will stay for as long as you need me to."

She comes and sits on the bed next to me and from the way she looks at me, I am almost sure that my face looks like shit. No wonders there though. I don't even know how come I haven't become dehydrated from how many tears I've shredded.

My father comes closer too and kisses my forehead.

"Kiz, you know we love you, don't you?"

"I do, Dad. And I love you two too."

He smiles lightly and ruffles my hair a little.

"Okay, then. I will let you ladies have a moment."

**JPOV**

Rose comes and lays her head on my lap.

"Can I stay like this?"

"Of course, sunshine. Whatever feels comfortable for you."

I start soothing her hair and I decide not to say anything until she feels ready to talk about it.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

I can feel her tears piercing through the material of my pants, but I don't say anything. I continue to soothe her hair.

"He'll come back, won't he?"

"I… I don't know, sweetheart. Did you… speak to him?" it's either that or she was arguing with the walls in her room and I am not ready to believe that.

"I did… and he… he said that he won't come back. He said that…" She bursts in tears and presses her face against my thighs.

**APOV**

Things can't go on like this for longer.

I get my coat and go around town to try my chances once more. Maybe it's not too late to find him around. Maybe he wasn't that much of a fool to leave.

It's a pretty small town and only by describing him to some people around, _again_, tonight, he didn't get by unremarked. Lucky me.

I now enter one bar that some tipsy guys told me he got inside of.

But I am not so lucky in here. The bartender tells me that he told Dimitri to get out of his bar.

"Why is that?"

"He was drunk out of his minds and he was talking to a chick and the things he told her?" he puts the glass he was wiping on the counter and looks at me once more while shaking his head. "That's not the way you talk to someone. Especially not to a woman."

So, they did speak. Janine wasn't crazy after all when she told me Rose was talking to someone. But after all, that didn't surprise me. She always talks to Ash or by herself. But not this time.

"Did he say her name?"

"Yeah, I think I heard it at the end of their call, and it sounded like some Russian shit, but I don't really remember it. Sorry, but I was too baffled by the things he told her."

"Could that name be Roza?"

"Yes, yes, that's the one. Wait. This is why you're looking for him? Is she your daughter or something like that?" he seems a little excited at the thought of me kicking his ass and I must say that I am a little angry at him again, but I promised Rose something else.

"Do you know where he might have gone?"

"There are only two possibilities if he wanted to drink some more, which he looked like."

And to my luck, I didn't have to visit the second bar to find Dimitri.

I spotted him right away, from the first second I entered the bar. He is sitting at the bar, half wet from the heavy raining outside, as I am, nursing a half-empty bottle of hard liquor.

Does he want to drive himself into a coma? That guy earlier told me that he had already drunken a lot of whiskey and he has now turned to vodka? He must be some other kind of idiot.

I need to put some sense into him.

But he doesn't really let me talk. From the first second he sees me, he keeps on telling me that I am right and that he is the worst thing that could have happened to Rose and that he hopes that she will one day find it in her to forgive him for everything that he has done to her, for this night too, and I swear that he looks miserable. He regrets it all, but he still thinks he's doing the best thing for her. But seeing him and her, I keep on asking myself, is them being apart the best thing?

When he finally gets it all off his chest, he looks at me with clouded eyes and it's like he waits for me to kick his ass some more, and I won't lie, I came here with this thought too in my mind, from hearing some of the things he has told Rose. But seeing him now, he has beaten himself down enough.

"Let's take you out of here."

"No. I-" he reaches for his glass, but I move it out of his reach.

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

"I can still feel it all, so I don't think so."

"What can you still feel?"

"Everything, Sir. Every. Little. Thing."

Okay, he is talking in tongues.

"Let's go. And don't make me ask you a third time, okay?"

Taking this firm attitude, it works on him. He nods and does what I asked him to do, no more protesting.

I can't take him back to our place, that's a truth. I don't want Rose to see him in such a condition and only God knows what he would do or say if he'd see Rose while being in this state.

So, supporting his weight against me, his height not helping me much, I get him to the motel around the corner and the first place I head towards with him, is the bathroom because obviously, the cold rain outside and the not so nice weather didn't do much on his drunkenness.

Getting him into the shower (funny, he still didn't ask me a single question; he didn't try to say anything at all) I turn on the cold water and in the second that that ice touches his body, I see some more consciousness creeping into him. Good. That's everything I wanted.

"Are you sober?"

"A little."

"Good." Not that good, but I will have to deal with whatever I have. "Now get out of there." I throw him a towel and turn off the water.

"Sir-"

"I think you have spoken enough. Now let me tell you what I came to tell you." He closes his mouth and nods. "I was mad at you at that moment when I found about it all. But Rose… she really loves you and I can't let you break her heart like that. I don't want to be the reason for that either."

"But you are right. I am not the man for her."

"So what? Are you going to give up on her?"

"What else can I do? She deserves better than me. I am no good for her."

"Then _be _better. For her. Be the man she deserves. Be that better man for her. Don't give up so easily. What kind of man are you? This is what they teach you there, in spy school? When things get hard just quit? Run away?"

"Not… really. No, Sir."

"Yeah, as I thought. Look, Dimitri. I may have hurried to judge you. I didn't know the whole story. I didn't know all the things you kept her safe from and all the other things that happened and all the other things you did for her and I still probably don't know it all. But I know one thing for sure. I would do anything for my daughter."

"I would too, Sir. I would. Rose means the world to me. That's why-"

"No, that's not why you're breaking her heart now. That one's because of me. But that's a good thing, that you would do so many for her. At least we can start from here. That will be our common point."

"You mean that… you don't hate me anymore?"

"Maybe not. I don't know. After all, who am I to decide Rose's life? She is free to love whoever she wants and if that one person is you… I can't tell her not to do it. But for now, go get sober. Get some sleep and think things through. When you've made your mind, either go away forever or come back. Anyway, I have a daughter that hadn't stopped crying for the past days and it kills me inside to know I have contributed to that. I need to deal with that in some way and I need to know what stand you're going to take. Come, or leave for good. I am giving you until tomorrow. After that, if you leave, don't dare come back."

I leave him there hoping that my ultimatum will make him make his mind in the right way.

* * *

**DPOV**

The remnants of the alcohol from last night linger with me the whole day. And no matter how many pills I took, no matter what I tried, that throb between my temples is still there. But I guess I deserve it for the shit I've said when I was drunk. I deserve so much more.

Spending almost all day in bed and staring at the ceiling of this crappy room, I thought and thought over and over again, only about Rose. About what I should and should not do. About what feels right and about what should be right.

Maybe Rose's father is right. He is. She is too. That past shouldn't define everything and I am an idiot for not fighting for her. A coward too, as she said. I am all that. And worse.

And I still don't know if what I am doing now is right or fair, but here I am, knocking at their door, shamelessly I may say.

I will do my best to be better, that's all I have in mind. If she ever forgives me.

But how am I going to look into her eyes after all I said? After the way I treated her? I was a bastard. If she would tell me to go away and never come back, if she'd tell me she hates me, I would deserve it. I do deserve it and I don't really have many expectations. I can't force her either to forgive me.

The one that opens the door is her mother, but they look so much alike and seeing her, I already get scared. They both carry that intensity in their brown eyes and only by imagining Rose looking at me, I don't know what to expect later.

"Hey, Dimitri. Come inside."

I analyze her for a second longer. She doesn't look at me with hate or resentment, even though I deserve it. She smiles at me instead. This little gesture of hers gives me some kind of courage.

"I knew you'd make the right choice." At least someone believed in me. And I hope too this is the right choice. I wish so bad it is. I never wanted to see myself without Rose, but-

She pats my shoulder and distracts me from my worrying.

"Now go up there and make her stop crying. Repair this, together. I know you two can do it. She…" she smiles again. "She loves you very much, but for now, she might be mad at you. So understand her, okay?"

I nod at her and before I get to climb up the stairs to her room, I meet her father too.

He doesn't bother with any words, he just looks at me like trying to remind me of the talk we had last night. And no matter how drunk I was, I swear I remember it word by word, everything he said to me. I repeated those words of his in my head the whole day today. Rose's words too.

**RPOV**

I am either hallucinating, either Dimitri is standing in my doorway.

But I don't know which one of those situations I want to be real at this very moment.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Of course, I wish for him to be here for real.

But how can I figure it out?

I mean, I am staring straight into his eyes, but...

Sitting in this armchair in the dark, like a crazy lady, wrapped in about three blankets to keep me warm, a cup of tea that I finished a long time ago in my hands, constantly thinking about him, worrying sick for him (after all, last night he was drunk; and if my supposition was right, what if something had happened to him?), seeing him here by my pure imagination, it wouldn't surprise me.

Or maybe I am dreaming. After all, it's been about 48 hours since I haven't slept.

With the risk of worrying my parents again, I get a better hold of the cup in my lap and decide to throw it at him. Silly, I know. But if he is after all real, I could hit him and this thought gives me some kind of satisfaction.

Without a second thought, I send the cup flying his way.

It catches him unprepared, I see his eyes widening as it hits him and falls on the floor, turning into pieces.

So, he's real. He's here.

But still, he doesn't move a muscle, he doesn't say a word. He continues to watch me like a whipped dog, standing there in the doorway.

Relief fills me first of all. He has no idea what he has put me through playing this stupid game, and remembering all his words, I get so, so mad at him.

And I know it might not be the time to make a scene, but God, I want him to know how he made me feel, how much he made me suffer.

Taking the blankets off me, I move so slowly, like being afraid of something, of him deciding to leave again maybe, and I approach him with little, slow steps.

When I get in front of him, the first thing I do is to pound my fist against his chest. He's real, I am one hundred percent sure now.

"That black eye my father gave you, Dimitri? He should have given you two! God, how hard I want to give it to you now!"

"If you feel the need to do it, I won't stop you."

"Ugh! Don't dare be so penitently!"

"But I know I deserve it. You are- were right and I will take anything you need to do or say. I am sorry."

"Goddamnit! By being like this you are only making it harder for me to be upset with you!"

But I am still mad. What he made me feel and what he said, that won't leave my brain so easily. I continue to pound my fists into his chest some more and he doesn't react, just like he did with my father the other day. He takes sit all, just like he said he would.

"Don't be like this! Try to stop me! Fight me! Tell me to stop! _Do_ something!"

"No."

I stop hitting him and clench my fists on his T-shirt, trying to find some steadiness from the sobs shaking me whole.

"You're an idiot, Dimitri. An idiot, do you hear me?" I shake him a little. "Such an idiot!" I whine a little more. "The biggest of them all. And what if something would have happened to you last night?! You… I would have… you're a bastard! I should tell you to leave and never come back!"

He nods. "I understand. And I… I respect your wish. I didn't expect… You're right. And I'm sorry, Roza. That's all I wanted you to know. I'll always be." He takes a step back, but I prevent him from taking another one away from me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"What you asked me to do."

"I didn't ask you to do anything." He frowns. "I didn't tell you to leave. I just said that I should tell you to do that."

"So… you… you want me to…"

"_God_, Dimitri, I don't know. I want you to leave, I want you to stay, I want to smack you, I want to hug you, I want to…" instead of all those things, I cry some more. "I don't know…" and seeing his face like this makes it so hard for me to decide. I maybe should be harsh with him, but I can't find it in me to be that when I see how miserable he feels.

"Anything you decide, I will do it. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. If you want me to leave, I will leave and if you want me to stay, I will stay. I don't want to push you in any way. I just wanted you to know I am sorry. It may be too late, I know it but… I have no excuse. I'm sorry I said all those things and... I'm sorry for everything."

He doesn't try to touch me yet and I must say it is a wise idea from him. I still don't know what I want.

"I just… I need a second."

I run from him now, hurrying into the bathroom.

If he's concerned about me, he doesn't push it, as he doesn't try to get in. Good.

I take a minute to splash some cold water on my face and breathe in deeply.

I have thought of a million ways in which this moment would unfold, I even thought of a million things that would happen if he wouldn't come back, and I thought I was prepared for it all, but this happening now, I don't know how to react.

All I know is that I don't want to go back there and do or say something I might regret later, just because I am angry. I don't want to throw harsh words at him again. Maybe some more objects, but not words. That would be unfair from me.

When I am calm enough, I get out and find him by the door, resting against a wall, eyeing the door. I turn off the light as fast as I can, but even if the room is dark, I know he knows my face looks awful and it's red and puffy. But he should have expected that.

Not knowing what to do and feeling uneasy standing in front of him, I go crawl in bed. And I wait for an idea to come to my mind.

He seems to be waiting too. He didn't try to do or say anything and it's a relief to know that he keeps on to his word. He doesn't try to influence me in any way. He just waits for my verdict.

I only know one thing. I don't want him to leave. But something in me doesn't want me to speak to him yet. Maybe my silence is some kind of punishment for him and if I am a horrible person for wanting him to hurt a little, then hell, I am a horrible person.

I don't know how I could tell him without any words that he doesn't have to maybe sleep on the couch downstairs, that I don't want to push him away, that I want him to stay, that I want him to come here and well… hold me because I am sad and I missed him and if that is stupid from me, then hell, I don't fucking care. I don't know why, but I can't hate him. I tried, I swear.

But still, I can't find my words. I keep on looking at him and at the empty side of the bed.

Eventually, he gets a bit of my message and unattaches himself from the wall.

"Can I…?" he points his finger towards the bed.

I nod.

He comes closer and gets a hold of a pillow and wants to… to put it on the floor?

"Dimitri…" He stops and looks at me. "What are you doing?"

He shrugs. "I thought you wanted to go to sleep, I don't know. And I…"

"No. Stay. Here. In bed. With me."

"You want me to stay?" I nod. "Are you sure? I mean-"

"Yes. You can stay. I want you to stay here for the night. In this bed. With me."

He nods and putting the pillow back to its place, he sits in bed, his posture tense and there is still some distance between us.

"You're an idiot, did you know that?" the sobs take over again and I cry again as I keep on repeating the word idiot.

"I have no idea what to do, what to say, Rose. All I know is that I have messed everything so bad, I know it so well, and Roza, I- "

"Shut up. Don't you say anything more." And he shuts up.

I sigh and get my palm on his cheek, walking my thumb up and down on his skin, this little gesture making me cry a little harder.

"I am mad at you. You're not getting away with this easily."

He turns his head and kisses the inside of my palm

"I know. I deserve it. And you should be mad. You have all the rights to be. I am mad at myself too."

"Oh, Dimitri." He seems to resent himself more than I do for what happened.

I walk my fingers some more past his features, past the sharpness of his jaw, past the purple swelling under his eye.

"Have I…"

"What?"

"Have I hit you with the cup I threw your way?" He nods before he gets to shake his head.

"Don't worry about that."

"Where?" I panic a little and getting up to my knees, trying to get some better light on his features, I walk my eyes on him.

He extends his hands and touching me for the first time since he came in here, he stops my concerns.

"I deserved it anyway."

"Yeah, you did, no doubt there, but… I didn't really want to hurt you."

"Well, it's pretty hard to miss with a shot like yours."

I smile a little. That is thanks to Ivan and his patience, but it's not the time for that now.

"But really now, did I hurt you?"

"Don't worry. I am unharmed."

"What about this?" I walk my thumb gently over the warm spot under his eye. Or am I too cold? "Does this hurt?" of course it does. It's a big bruise.

"Don't you worry about that either."

Nodding, I get back to my place and we continue to look at each other. It's strange. It's like we're strangers and I hate it feeling him so far away from me. All I that I want now is to melt in his arms.

**DPOV**

She is upset. I can't blame her for that and I can't expect it to go away like it never happened. I just wish there would be something I could do now to make it a little better, to make those tears stop falling on her cheeks, but no idea passes through my mind. I have thought the whole day about this, but all the things I wanted to say to her seem meaningless. I made her suffer so much and no apology could make it up for that.

Wanting to touch her but not knowing if I am permitted that, I reach my hand into the space on the bed between us. I don't know if she will respond to it, but the best thing I can do is wait and see what happens.

One minute later, after staring at my hand, she places hers on top of mine.

"I don't know why, but I swear I can't be mad at you, no matter how many times I tell it to you. I simply can't be mad, I can't hate you for it, Dimitri."

She comes closer to me and wraps her body on mine, and I go as far as putting my arms around her too, which she lets me do.

Between renewed sobs and tears, she holds me tight and speaks.

**RPOV**

"We'll talk about this in… in the morning. Or a little later, when I'll feel better because now I feel awful. When I will be up for this conversation, you won't get away. But now, I am not feeling able to argue, I don't feel able to even speak. I am so tired." I want some relief from this pain and the only relief I find is in his arms.

I pull away and look at him, expecting an answer to what I'll say next.

"We'll figure things out one way or another. Together, okay?"

He nods and wants to pull away again. Maybe he got it wrong, thinking that I want him to go for now and maybe he's ready to go sleep on the floor again, but I am not. I get a hold of his T-shirt and pull him closer to me.

"But until then, I want you to hold me."

**DPOV**

"Just hold me in your arms." Her voice breaking, she tries to wipe her tears with the sleeves of my hoodie but there are too many of them. "Don't say anything more and just hold me, please."

I do as I have been told and I wrap my arms around her. She cuddles to my chest, still crying, and I soothe her back and her hair and I kiss her forehead, wishing to make her pain disappear. The pain I caused. I would do anything to take it on me.

"You're an idiot."

"I know lo- I know."

"The biggest of them all."

"I am."

"Aren't you… aren't you going to try to tell me to stop being mad at you? Talk me out of it?"

"You have every right to be mad at me and I deserve it, so take your time to yell at me, hit me, hate me. Do whatever you feel like because I know I can't earn your forgiveness. I don't deserve it."

"Oh, comrade. Why are you making it so hard for me to even be a little mad at you? You should fight me, try to stop me, tell me I am wrong or something, argue with me, and tell me not to make a big deal out of this, _something_, not to take it all like this."

"I won't. Because you are right to be mad."

"I am mad. So, so mad at you. Or at least… I was when you-"

"I know. I said all those things. But I wanted to…"

She tilts her head and looks at me, her eyes filled with tears. "You wanted to what?"

I caress her cheek and how could I ever think that I can live without this? Without holding her, without feeling her close to me, without being here to love her and for her to love me too? I'll never forgive myself for this stupidity.

"It would have been safer if you would have hated me."

"I understood that but… but don't you dare do this to me. Never again, Dimitri."

"I won't."

"The second time you will do this to me… the second time you even _think_ about such things, I won't…" she cries harder again, her fingers clutching onto my T-shirt and she buries her face into the crook of my neck. "Just don't do it again, okay? I don't know how many times I can take this. Don't you do this again. Never again."

"Yes, love. I won't."

"This is… the first and the last time I let you do this to me, do you understand?"

"I know. I do, I understand."

"Promise me."

"I promise. I swear."

"Good. And don't you ever take this promise back."

"I won't."

Into the peaceful silence that follows, she is sitting cuddled into my arms, her cheek resting on my shoulder, and she is drawing little circles on my chest. Thank God that she stopped crying too.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me a story."

"About what?"

"About anything you want. I just… I missed hearing your voice."

**RPOV**

"There was once a man. He was twenty years old and he was, well, let's say that he was hired by many people to do all kinds of stuff for them."

"What was his name?"

"Dimitri."

I straighten my back and pull away, looking at him surprised. Shocked.

"Dimitri... I didn't mean... Not about you… I didn't…"

"I know." Taking my hand in his, he brings it up to his lips and kisses it, then sighing, he puts it over his cheek, with his on top of mine, soothing my skin. "But I want you to know something. I know you told me not to say anything more now and that we'll talk later, but I want you to know-" he shrugs. "I want you to know this, period."

"Why you did it?"

"I guess so. It's one of the reasons I… Look. You once asked me if I have ever been in love before." He smiles faintly and brings my hand down, holding it between both his hands now. "I did. I have been in love before. Just like I met you, I met her too in one of my missions and we… clicked. I liked her right away. But she didn't have the slightest idea what she was getting into at first, I didn't know either what danger I was putting her into. And even after I told her who I am and what I do, she didn't leave. And I was foolish and young enough to believe there was no danger waiting for her. But it did. And she died. She got killed. Because of me. I was young, an idiot and foolish enough to believe I could keep her safe from everything and everyone, even from the people that were supposedly on my side. I was prideful and cocky and I thought that nothing could touch me. But most of all, I was selfish. I wanted her and nothing else mattered, even though, deep down, I knew things weren't that easy and I should, I _should_ have seen it coming. I should have predicted all those bad things. I should have seen all the signs around me, but I didn't want to face it. I didn't even want to think about it. I ran from those thoughts. I thought that it couldn't happen to me. I thought that I was above it all. Until the moment of truth came and she was… dead in my arms. And that day I swore to myself that I won't let it happen, to anyone, ever again." He sighs and pulling me closer, he kisses my forehead. "Shhh, don't cry, Roza."

"I'm sorry, but…" he has been carrying this burden with him for so long?

"It's okay. It happened a long time ago." But it still affects him to this day.

"And then what?"

He laughs so lightly. "Then I met you, Roza. And I have again become selfish. I wanted you and nothing else mattered again. And when I realized that I was doing to you the same thing I did to her… I couldn't… I'm sorry."

"Why did you come back then?"

"I want to make it better with you. I want to leave the past be the past. If you give me the chance, I... I want to be the man for you. I want to be the man who loves you, the man you love, the man you deserve."

"I want that too, Dimitri and... you already are that man." I lean in closer and kiss his cheek, then rest my forehead on his. But I still see a little glimpse of something in his eyes. "What?"

"You didn't choose this life, Rose. You shouldn't have to… you don't deserve it. Why do you want to-"

"Hey," I stop him before he says something that would throw me into a little rant. "You don't deserve this life either, Dimitri. Just as you don't deserve that recluse life."

"But I have to pay for my mistakes somehow."

"And by not having me, by not being with me, did you think that might do the trick?" he shrugs a little. "Let me tell you then. No. It wouldn't. I don't think you did anything wrong and anyway, all these years that passed, don't you think it has been enough of a punishment for you?" he shrugs once more. "And if I remember it right, I brought all this mess in your life. I fucked everything. Your life before this, I bet it was-"

"No," He interrupts me this time. "It was without any sense. All these past years, I had no direction in life. All I had was my work, and nothing more. I didn't want more because…" because he was afraid of the history repeating itself. "I needed that."

"Needed what?"

"For you to come in my life and turn everything around. I didn't realize it, but I needed you."

"Well, things could have gone a little better if you ask me."

"God, no. I don't want it in any other way. The only thing that I would change is what I've done now, but with everything that came along since I met you, I like that it happened that way. Because it is all worth it. Because it brought me you, because you're you and… and you can say anything you want, but I love every piece of it, no matter how bad it was when it happened. All our fights, all our little moments, I love them all because those have brought me closer to you, in some way. But..." but again, he gets back to his fatful thoughts.

"What now?"

"What if it is going to get worse?"

"Between me and you?"

"You know what I mean."

"I do. And as I said last time, you cannot know that. The future isn't supposed to get worse. You're supposed to be hopeful about it."

He sighs and he still has that air he carries lately, the one that transmits a subtle message. This is how things are, they have always been like this and they will surely be in the future, and I have made peace with that. I can't do anything to change that, and I am tired of trying and a lot of other things involving me getting hurt because of him and him already feeling guilty for that.

"I will be here no matter what."

"But I don't want to risk you getting hurt, more than you have already been, Roza. You have already been through so much…"

"And what? Just because you were afraid of losing me you decided to leave me?"

"Yes, I… I don't know. It's not that simple."

"It is. And you know what? Someone once told me that fear kills you. It paralyzes you. It stops you from living."

"This is different."

"It's not. Not at all. And you don't think I live with the constant fear of losing you one day? That month when you were God knows where, do you even know how many times a day I thought you were dead? And every single day I prayed that you would come back to me safe and sound, in one piece. I was afraid that I would never get to see you again. But as you have taught me, I made the best of it. I didn't let that fear take over me. I kept on to my hope. And you did come back. And yes, I still fear losing you because no one can know what will happen tomorrow, but I don't let that fear stop me from wanting to be with you, do you understand that?"

"But Roza, you-"

"No. Listen to me now. If, I don't know, this life is so cruel and one day something happens to me earlier than it should, if those dark thoughts of yours come true… what did you think? That if you leave me and I would be safe? I could die anytime. That could happen too, Dimitri. You know, I think I've upset a lot of people on my little crazy quest of looking for you so-"

"You shouldn't worry about that." I see. He took care of them too?

"Anyway. No matter what happens, when it happens, I don't want to die knowing that I could have been loved by you, that you and I could have been happy, and we didn't have that just because you wanted me to be safe. If I die someday, I want it to happen with me to have had you. To have had my time with you. To have been happy with you. Why let fear lead my thoughts and live a life without you? What is the point of being safe if I can't have you? I have spent so much time of my life being afraid of things, trying to keep myself away from things that could have hurt me, not trying anything new, and living a shitty, sterile life. And for what? Just to get to miss being and feeling alive, good, happy? Not anymore. I am done with being afraid of everything. I know what I want for once in my life and I am not going to give up on it. I want you and I am not afraid of what might come, good or bad. As long as I am with you, that doesn't matter to me. No one knows what might come, not even you, but I am not going to let the fear of not knowing take you away from me."

He looks at me smiling lightly and leans a little closer to me, and it would have been so sweet if he would have had kissed my forehead, but I feel some new reticence in him that I decide not to point out for the moment. Maybe he's afraid I won't let him.

"When did you get so wise, huh, love?"

"Well, I had a zen guy to teach me a lot of good stuff." I rest my forehead on his chest and take his hand in mine. If he doesn't initiate anything, I will. "And like you always say, we'll figure this out. Whatever comes our way, we'll deal with it together, won't we?"

"Yes, Roza. We will."

"Good."

"But… I am sorry."

I tilt my head and smile at him. "You mentioned this a couple of times already, comrade."

"And I will say it again."

"Well, you have a good reason," I tease him a little as I get up and walk my fingers through his hair.

"Will you ever forgive me?" he's dead serious.

I tried lightning up the mood in the room a little, but he is in for the serious talk. The talk I am a little not ready for yet. So yes, I try joking again.

"I'll surely think about it," I make sure to smile, so that he knows I don't really mean that.

He nods and smiles a little too.

"Can we go to sleep now?" I am exhausted.

He nods again, so I pull away some more and lie down, but he is a little reticent.

"What happened?"

"Do you want me to…"

"Yes. What came over you with this question? I already told you I want you to stay."

He sighs. "I don't know. After what I did, I know I wouldn't want myself around me."

"Dimitri… don't be silly. Come here."

I grab his hand and pull him down to me, and after he lies down too, I cuddle into the warmness of his body.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"What…" I don't know if he would answer me if I ask him.

"Ask, love."

"What was her name?"

He smiles a little. "Zoey. Her name was Zoey."

"Was she pretty?"

"Yes, she was."

"What did she love? Besides you, of course."

"Stars. She loved the stars."

"So, she taught you all those interesting things you know about constellations?"

"Yes."

Seeing that he still didn't put his arm around me, I take initiative and put it around my middle. After a little moment of stiffness, his fingers relax on me and he starts soothing my ribs, and like that, I fall asleep.

* * *

I don't know how much time has passed, but when I wake up it's still dark outside. The only thing that feels bad is my guts revolting.

I thank God that Dimitri's hand has slipped off from around me and that I don't have to wake him up by moving it.

The second I get out of bed, I rush into the bathroom to spill my guts.

I spend the next minute of my life sitting there on the floor, finding the courage to get up. My ovaries feel like they're on the verge of exploding. I fucking hate periods!

When I finally get back into the bedroom, of course, Dimitri is already up.

"Hey, what happened? Are you okay?"

"I am." I go to my luggage and search for some clothes. "I am just… I need to go to the store."

I try to be brave for a little longer, but I feel a jolt of pain on the left side of my body, and I do my best to conceal it as I need to bend a little to suppress it. And either he is too sleepy to have seen it, or it is too dark in the room, but he didn't ask me anything about it. Which is good.

"What do you need?"

"Something." I am not telling him that.

"But what do you need in the middle of the night?"

"I need some pads, okay?" I even turn around so that I won't have to look him into his eyes. "I ran out of them and I'll need them pretty soon I think, I am getting all the symptoms, and I need to go get some, okay? So I am going to buy myself- shit." This time I bend for goods, the pain being a little too bad for me to be able to hide it. I press my fist under my navel and take some deep breaths in. What the hell is happening to me? I feel like I'm sixteen again.

"Love…" he comes to me and gets me to take a seat on the edge of the bed. "I'll go buy them for you."

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Because… the obvious… I mean, you're a… a _man_… and you…"

"So what?" he sounds amused by my response. "Can't I buy pads for you?"

"I don't know… isn't that… embarrassing?"

"Why would it be?"

Because it's under a man's dignity to go to the pads aisle. And I have quoted these words from the big wisdom of my beloved ex. And speaking of the devil, I wonder what happened to him. With Tasha too.

"Rose?"

Oh, yeah, I got carried away a little.

"You don't…" I grit my teeth at the next wave of pain. Goddamnit, it hasn't been this bad in a long time. "You don't have to, Dimitri."

"I want to. And besides that, you… you don't really look like a walk to the store would be the best thing for you."

"You don't mind?"

"Not at all. Now come, lie down."

Doing as he instructed me, he sits next to me.

"Can I hold you?"

He won't give up on this thing easily, I see.

"Yes, please do."

He smiles faintly and drags me closer and I snuggle into him, bending from the middle so that the pain wouldn't be that bad.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"How you feel."

I feel vengeful all of a sudden and I don't even know why. I wouldn't blame it on the moodiness the periods bring, though. It's just that I feel the idiotic need to treat him with silence.

I don't tell him anything. I act upset with him, but I still don't pull away from him.

He puts my hair behind my ear and smiles, like encouraging me to speak. Which I don't do. Smiling a little wider, he nods.

"I get it. You're still upset, aren't you?"

"I don't know."

"It's okay. I know I deserve it. Even more. But tell me how you feel so that I would know how to be able to help you now. After that, you can go back to being mad at me."

I am such an idiot. I have no reason to be mad.

"I feel… I'm not mad, I just… I feel fatigued. And even though, I don't think I can fall asleep again."

"Would some tea help?"

"I don't want you to leave."

"I won't then."

"And… my breasts hurt like hell so please don't try anything."

He smiles. "I won't, I promise." He pulls me a little closer, and even though my breasts crush a little in between us, I'll take that, just because we're so close now.

"And I am feeling bloated. It's like I've gotten ten pounds fatter."

"That is not true, love."

"But I feel so heavy. And I am feeling sick. And it hurts really bad. And I'm an idiot. I'm sorry," I start crying all of a sudden. "I was an idiot earlier. I am not mad at you."

"Hey, it's okay, love. It's okay." he kisses my temple and brings his hand down on my abdomen to soothe it.

And he continues to tell me that, his lips rested on my forehead, his palm soothing my navel area, until I fall asleep.

* * *

My eyes snap open when I feel the bed dip on the spot next to me, and I see Dimitri with an apologetic face. I know he didn't want to wake me up, but I wasn't sleeping anyway.

"Hey. Are you feeling better?"

"A little. It still hurts a little."

"Then maybe this will help." He shows me a little redeeming flask of painkillers.

"Yes, that very much will." I pop a pill out of the flask and swallow it without any water.

"I've got you something else too."

"Yeah, I know. It's the main reason you left."

"No, not that. I took you this too." He shows me a tablet of chocolate, and it's my favorite. I can already feel that salty caramel melt on my tongue.

"Oh, Dimitri. Thanks. You're the sweetest." I get closer to him and snuggle into his embrace as I rip the package of the chocolate and start munching on it. "You know how to make all the pains go away."

"I might know one more way in which to spare you of that pain."

"You do?" He nods. "Is it some kind of Russian secret? It doesn't matter. Then tell me already. I hate feeling this shit every month. Help me get rid of it forever."

"I didn't say forever."

"What do you mean not forever?"

"Maybe for about nine months, that's the best I can do."

I get what he is trying to say and I chuckle. We both laugh.

Then I punch him.

"Hey, no!"

"What?"

"You shouldn't make me laugh. I should be upset with you. I won't… I am not forgiving you that easily for that… for that shit. You…" I get crying once again. I hate this! I punch his thigh three more times. "Don't you think you're getting away that easy. Buying me some pads and some chocolate and making me feel better and telling me a joke won't appease me. I shouldn't laugh. I should be mad at you." Even though I am not.

"I know, Roza."

"But still…" I slump against him. "Don't… don't let go of me." I am starting to think I am getting bipolar.

"Sure, love. I won't."

* * *

"What are you doing, love?"

Nothing much, I was sitting here, on my ass, at the break of dawn, watching you, studying your features, holding your hand. A little creepy, I know, but I missed him, and with all these thoughts in my head, I needed a little moment to feel him close. Maybe some of his wisdom would have transferred to me through our little bond.

His hand squeezing on mine, I shrug and bend to kiss his cheek.

"Just making sure you are… real. That you are… still with me."

"Roza..." he gets up too and caresses my cheek. "I am not… I know I said this already and didn't stick to… I am not going anywhere."

"You promise that, aren't you?"

"Yes. I promise."

"No takebacks?"

"No. No takebacks. I'll… I'll fight for you, against everything. I am here to stay, I swear."

"Forever?"

He smiles and pulls me closer to him, and I rest my face into the crook of his neck.

"Forever and a day more."

"Deal." And now, feeling a little better, my mood brightened up by his promise, I kiss his cheek once more. "I'll go fetch us some coffee. What do you say about that?"

"I'd love that."

"Sweet."

Getting downstairs, it's weirdly quiet. My parents use to get up early, even though it's a Sunday, always finding new stuff to do around the house, but apparently, not this morning. The house is…

Empty. I mean, half empty. They're not even in their room.

Going for that coffee anyway, I find a note. And it's from them. They've left, saying they have something to do, nothing specific though, and I guess it is so that they would give us some space to sort things out. This is so nice of them.

"So... We're alone in here," I inform Dimitri too. "And there's no breakfast, so I guess we could manage to cook something to fill our bellies."

"Sure." Wow, so many words from him. He is so chatty. I mean, I get him, but this silence feels pressing. And after all, shouldn't I be the one being quiet?

A little tension is still felt between us as we cook, as we don't say much to each other more than the essential questions, and even though I scratch my brain for some joke to loosen up the mood, none comes to my mind.

We put everything to its place on the table and we fuss a little more around the kitchen, making fresh coffee as my parents didn't bother to make some, and all this time, he hasn't even touched me, not even by mistake. He kept his distance. It's like he'd be afraid of me. Is he?

Sitting on our chairs, looking at each other from across the table, I realize that I don't feel like eating. The only thing I feel is unease. He feels it too.

"I feel like drinking some tea, instead of this coffee. It's too strong for me," I say this just to have had said something to have had broken the silence. I feel anxious and I needed to say something and I need something to do rather than look at him.

"Would you like some too?"

"Yes, please."

"You're sure? Are you betraying Ivan again?"

He smiles a little. Yes! This is a little victory! I managed to lighten up the mood a little, at least.

"I am sure."

The tea steaming in our cups, I propose to him that we go out on the back porch to drink it, and again, his not too wordy responses tell me that he enjoys the idea.

But now, sitting on these stairs, the hot porcelain warming my palms, this silence is way too much.

I put my cup down and look at him.

He looks back at me.

Okay, so let's have that talk already.

"I am still mad at you, Dimitri."

"I know. You have all the rights to be."

"I am not forgiving you that easily. I mean… I did forgive you, I am not even mad at you, to hell with it, what's the point of pretending I am, but all the things you said… those things… I can't forget them that easily. You…"

"I am sorry for saying all those things to and about you. I didn't-"

"I know you didn't mean them, Dimitri."

"Not a single word, I swear. I just thought that-"

"That if you act like him, I would hate you." He nods. Of course that's what he tried. He even called me Rosie. "Look. I knew you didn't mean them, but... they still hurt."

"I understand. I know. I'm sorry."

"Would you for a second stop being like this?"

"How? What did I do?"

"You're sorry. Contrite. Understanding. Penitent. Should I go on? I know some more synonyms."

"But what else can I do? I know I did you wrong."

"I don't know! But it is only making it harder for me to even try to be upset with you when I see the way you look."

"How do I look?"

"Awful. It's like this is eating you on the inside."

"It is. The things I said were awful."

"Oh, Dimitri..."

"I have hurt you, Roza, I know that. Nothing can change this. I wanted to protect you and I ended up doing you more wrong than good. I didn't know what else to do. I thought that that would be the best way to keep you safe, to push you away, and by saying all those things I wanted..."

"I know what you tried to do."

"It was heartless. Ruthless. I didn't think about anything."

"Plus… were you drunk?" it may have been a little suspicion of mine, but he didn't sound like the Dimitri I always knew.

"Did your father tell you?"

"Did you meet my father?" and my father didn't tell me?

"Yes, he came to speak to me and he got some sense in my head."

"I see. Good thing that he could do it, right?" so, he came back not because he thought about it after we spoke. He came back because my father convinced him.

"Roza…"

"No, it's fine. Completely fine."

"God, Rose, I am sorry. I didn't mean it to come out like that."

"Would you have come back even if you two wouldn't have spoken?"

"Honestly?" and even though I fear his answer, I nod. After all, he was so determined to leave me… "I would have."

"You would have?"

"Eventually, yes. I would have realized how stupid I was acting. Your father only made me understand a little faster what you've already told me on the phone." He sighs. "I wanted to leave for goods. To let you live the life you deserve. But I couldn't even leave the town. I couldn't gather enough courage to do it. I'm glad I didn't do it. I'm just sorry I didn't realize what I was doing earlier."

"It's fine. I know why you did it."

"No. It's not fine at all. What I did would never be categorized as fine." And for the first time ever since we left the room, he touches me. He takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles. "But I promise I will spend my whole like making up to you for this mistake." I burst into tears. "Rose, what happened?" He wants to touch my cheek, but somehow decides not to. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No. No, you didn't. It's nothing. Really. It's nothing." I end his move and take his hand in mine and place it on my cheek, his thumb starting to soothe my skin. "It was some tension in me and I needed to get rid of it somehow, that's all."

"So, is that a good thing?"

"Yes, yes it is."

I scoot closer to him and rest my body into his embrace.

"I forgive you, Dimitri."

His chest that was filled with air, I feel it relaxing under my cheek as he lets out a short sigh and he holds me a little tighter.

"Thank you, love."

"So… we're… we're alright, aren't we?"

He laughs, but just a little. "Shouldn't I be the one asking that?"

"Then go ahead, ask it."

"Are we? Alright?"

"Yes. We are, Dimitri."

* * *

When I get chilly, after all, the spring hasn't come yet, we get back to my- our room.

He sits on the bed and I lean against the wall across the room. We stupidly stare at each other, none of us not knowing what else to do, what else to say.

All I know is that he is still acting weird, like he'd be out of place. I have never seen him like this. He always knew what to say, what to do, he always felt at ease in every environment he found himself into.

But now? Now he seems lost. It's like he is expecting me to burst sometime soon and I don't know, he looks like he is afraid of me or my reactions. Maybe he is expecting me to change my mind, to tell him that I have in fact not forgiven him and that I want him to go.

But I won't. And I don't want him to act around me like I'd be made of porcelain. I don't want him to think he's walking on thin ice.

So taking this matter in my own hands, I travel the distance between the wall and the bed, and getting in front of him, I take his hands off his lap where he was kneading them, and I sit there.

Looking into his eyes as I pass my fingers through his hair, I smile at him, and I wait until he responds. Okay, this one thing was easy. Let's see how the next one will be.

**DPOV**

All I can see in her eyes is that love I've always found there. No hatred, no bitterness, no discontent, no angst towards me, nothing. She even smiles at me, her expression full of love and warmness, inviting me to reciprocate. This makes me hate myself more for what I have done. I don't deserve for her to look at me like this. I don't even deserve her forgiveness. She said it doesn't matter, but to me it does. I've been the cruelest man on earth.

She takes my hand and places it on her cheek, and nuzzling her nose onto my palm, she sighs.

"It's fine. You can do it."

"Do what?"

"Touch me. Maybe you didn't realize it, but you're acting just like I did when you came back. The only time you touched me today without me initiating it, it was back on the porch, Dimitri."

She's right, I guess. I have been punishing myself by not touching her and I didn't realize it. But hell, I still don't think I deserve to do it.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for that, Dimitri. I know you... it's fine. I mean it."

She starts touching my jaw, my cheeks, she passes her fingers through my hair, rests her fingers at the back of my head, drawing little circles, then bends to kiss my forehead.

"Come on. It's fine, I promise. I won't get mad or anything. And I won't change my mind about it, okay?"

With her impulse, I dare touch her back. I bring my fingers on her face, caressing her cheeks, walking my thumb on her bottom lip, feel her soft hair, the warmth of her skin.

She smiles and soon leans closer to kiss me I guess, but she stops before our lips meet, her nose nudging against mine.

"It's fine, okay? We're fine. I understand why you did it, all of it. And I have forgiven you, Dimitri. In fact, I couldn't even be upset with you, all these days." She laughs a little. "I would have done the same thing if I were you, I swear. And crazy or not, it made me love you more, in some little weird way."

"I love you, Roza."

"Me too." her lips touching mine, I let my hands travel freely and getting a hold of her middle, I pull her closer to me. "I love you too." She rests her forehead on mine and smiles.

Some minutes later, in which she has rested her head on my shoulder and I held her, soothing her back, she tilts her head and watches me.

"So, what do we do now?"

I shrug. "What do you want to do?"

She shrugs too. "Dunno. I have no idea. We…" we have been acting a little like some strangers, I know. And I am not expecting this to go away fast, but I will do my best to mend things up.

I look around and finally observe what's around. I guess I was too preoccupied with other things until now.

"So, this is your room. Does it resemble the one you had?"

"Somehow."

"Can I?"

"Can you what?"

"Look around."

"Yes, sure. Go ahead."

She gets off from me and sits on the bed, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on her knees, as I get up and explore her room.

There's an entire wall full of racks, that I've observed from the first time that I entered this room, but I didn't stop to think why it is so empty. The poor thing almost cries to be filled with books. There are still some of them here and there, but the amount doesn't compare to the one she had in her apartment. I guess that anyway, the majority of them got burned.

There's a nice flowery pattern on one of the walls, with big bright colors that contrast with the whiteness of the other walls. I wonder if this was here before this house was bought, or if Rose's parents got it painted to resemble her old room.

There are a lot of pillows on the bed, ranging in shape and size and color. But there's no wonder here. Back in her apartment, if the books and the mugs weren't enough to occupy the little space she lived into, those pillows she had on her bed were definitely something that took about two thirds of her sleeping space.

In rest, the room is pretty empty, probably most of the things having gotten burnt, but there are still some little things reminding you of her earlier years. Some photos of her and her peers, some photos ever since she was little, some toys too, some silly stuffed animals that look like she didn't even play with them. Or maybe she took so much care of them.

On the desk, I see a book that surely has been already read a couple of times.

"What's this? You've been reading this?" has this book keep her company these nights?

Her cheeks flush a little. "Ye- Yes. It's a book I used to read a lot when I was…" she chuckles. "Younger let's say. I liked it when I was a teenager and I found it yesterday and I've read a page or two."

Curious, after I explore the cover with a big V and an A intertwined, I start looking through it.

In a second, Rose is by my side, snatching the book away.

"You don't want to read this. It's kinda stupid. It has vampires and all that silly teenage stuff. _Really_ boring stuff."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I've told you why." She closes the book and hides it behind her.

"So what? You used to like it for a reason."

"Maybe…"

"Why do you feel embarrasses by it?"

"I am not, I just…" she shrugs.

I smile. "What was it?"

She sighs and sets the book back on the desk, then finally looks at me.

"You will think it's stupid."

"You know I won't." when she wants to look down again, I tilt her head back up. "How many times did I think anything about you was stupid?" besides the time I was spitting lies, of course.

"Never?"

"Yes, love. Because I see nothing about you that is stupid."

"You're sweet." Taking one step closer to me, she rests her cheek on my chest. "I have always liked the way the protagonists… the way they love each other. Like, the way they connect and stuff."

"And why would you think that's stupid?"

"Oh, I don't know. I was fourteen when I've read it the first time and I guess that ever since I've always wanted what they have. Isn't that kinda stupid?"

"I don't think it is." And now, I am really curious about that book. "When was the last time you read it?"

"Pff...Years ago."

"Let's read it now."

She pulls away and looks at me shocked. "_No._"

"Why not? It's a part of you. And I want to know it."

"It has like six volumes, comrade. And then six more," she tries to make me change my mind. Like that would stop me.

"So what?"

"You won't give up on it, huh?"

"How did you figure it out?"

"Fine. But with one condition."

"What?"

"If I let you read this now, you tell me one thing too that you liked a lot when you were a teenager."

"I didn't have the time to do much back then."

"Oh... shit. Sorry I-"

"It's fine, don't worry."

"Then, I don't know, tell me a random thing you like, _besides_ the cowboy stuff," she says and taking the book too, she drags me towards the bed.

**RPOV**

He gets in bed and after I lay halfway on him between his legs, I wait.

For a second there, I don't know why, I fear that he won't tell me anything, that he will not respond to my little request of sharing something about him, and that he will find a reason or a tricky response to make me not insist anymore on knowing his past.

After all, he hardly speaks about himself, and I get it, I swear I do, but I asked for a little thing his time. Maybe the fact that he shared that Zoey thing with me last night gave me some courage to want to know more. And maybe he will tell me. Maybe he's just thinking abo-

"I had a thing for wood when I was little. Not that I have gotten the hang of it, I was about four, but I liked it."

"Like what? In what way? Did you know all kinds of wood on the planet and stuff? Were you knocking on trees and-"

His laughter stops me. "No, not that, love. It's just that…" he sighs and bites the inside of his cheek before continuing. "My father…" oh, I brought up a sensitive subject. "He used to do all kinds of stuff from wood, like little figurines and stuff around the house, and I liked watching him."

"Were you like his little helper?" imagining him as a little boy with sparkly eyes watching his father work on wood, I don't know, it warms my heart. He seemed to have had a happy childhood. Well, at least until…

"You can say that too. I learnt a thing or two from him." I can't stifle my laughter. "What?" he sounds a little offended.

"No, don't get me wrong, I am not laughing at you. It's just that… _of course_ you are a handyman too. Is there something you cannot do?"

He smiles a little sad. "I think there are a lot of things I can't do, love." Whatever we do, we end up on this subject. I guess it will take us a while to get over this.

"Well, I know you can do it." I lift a little and kiss his cheek. "I trust you, Dimitri, with everything." Even with my life.

I take the book from the bed and lie back on him.

"Now let's read, comrade."

I let him hold the book as it is more comfortable that way, but I didn't even get to read half of the first page and he turns it.

"Hey, you! You are reading too fast."

He chuckles. "What if I read?"

"Like, out loud? To me?"

"Mhm."

The last time someone has read me, I think I was still believing in Santa. But why not? I've always loved hearing him speak. I could listen to him for days. Only if he'd say more things at times…

_Give him time._

Yes, yes, I remember.

"Deal, comrade."

**JPOV **

Opening the door of our house, it is way too silent in here, and they're not around the living room. So, either they're still sleeping, which I hope it's the case, either the things haven't unfolded as we all wished.

As Abe is walking Ash outside, I go upstairs to check how things are going.

Getting closer to their room, I hear him speaking, but none of his words make sense to me. What is he talking about? Is he talking by himself?

But when I reach the doorway, he stopped speaking.

Taking a peek inside, I see him putting a book down on the bed, next to him, then pulling the covers on Rose as she is lying asleep on him. Aw, and the way he looks at her is melting my heart.

He arranges some strands of her hair and stops to look at her some more. I wonder what he is thinking about. I bet it's something nice as I see him smiling, then leaning to kiss her forehead.

I know this was an intimate moment, but I am happy I saw it. I'm glad I've seen how much he loves her. You can see it in his eyes. And for whatever he has done, he is still sorry too. It's crazy, but I can see that too.

And it's good to finally see Rose sleeping. She must have been exhausted after all these sleepless nights.

I'll better leave, but I don't really want to. I want to watch them a little more.

He takes a couple more seconds to play with her hair, caressing it and rounding a little strand on his finger. She moves, snuggling better to his chest and finally, she looks so happy, even in her sleep. I am more than glad to see this. I knew they could work it out.

From here, I smile and he smiles too at her reaction, then, putting an arm around her shoulders, he turns his attention back to the book next to him, but something catches his attention. Me. He has spotted me.

Whoopsies. I got busted.

But he doesn't get upset. He smiles and nods, greeting me.

I smile back at him and nod too.

"Are you two okay?" I mouth. I need to know for sure, even though the evidence is quite obvious.

He nods.

Good. That stone has been lifted off my chest.

I leave them alone, closing the door behind me to give them some more privacy.

**DPOV**

Soothing and playing with her hair, I sweep through the pages of the book and I soon finish the first volume. If this first one unfolded this way, I wonder how the others eleven will. I have never been so curious about a teenage-vampire-love book. But this one? I kinda understand why Rose likes it.

Putting the book away, I see that it's already late in the night. And Rose is still sleeping. No wonder here. After all, her mother told me she didn't sleep for the past nights.

Pulling her a little up, I bring her closer to my face and I kiss her forehead, her nose scrunching a little as I do this. Even in her sleep she's cute. She has always been.

I kiss her once more, holding her a little tighter in my embrace.

"Oh, Roza…" I pass my fingers through her hair and when I reach them on the back of her head, I swirl them there, her lips curling into a little smile. Yeah, she always likes it when I do this.

But there's still one thing pressing me. One more thing that I have to tell her, besides all the I am sorries.

"I know that maybe I am not saying it to you enough… and maybe I should say it more often, love… but no matter how many times I did it before… I want you to know that I love you, Roza." I kiss her temple and caress her cheek. "And I promise to you that I will never leave. I will do anything in my power to keep you safe. Even if it is the last thing I do, I swear. I won't risk losing you. I can't… I can't lose you."

She wraps herself on me, her arms around my neck, holding me tight.

"You will never lose me, Dimitri."

"Oh… You… you were awake."

**RPOV**

I nuzzle my nose onto his cheek.

"Only for a little while, comrade," I apologize a little. But I am glad I was awake for long enough to hear his words.

He kisses my hair, then his lips reach my ear.

"I love you, Roza."

I pull away a little, to look at him, and a smile creeps on my lips.

"You know, you don't even have to say it sometimes. I don't mind not hearing it."

"How come?"

"Because you show me and that means to me more than those three words."

This time, we leave aside the little kisses here and there and we kiss for goods, our mouths becoming one and the space between our bodies becoming non-existing. This is good. I came to hate a little all those concerns between us. I am glad that he is not afraid of me anymore.

"Can I ask you one thing?"

"Go ahead."

It may be an uncomfortable question, but I want to know. We've never got to talk about anything ever since he came back.

"I want to… what… where… where were you that month?"

He knew this question would come one day, I can see it on his face.

"I've been around a lot of places. Mostly around Russia."

"And…"

"What have I been doing all that time, right?" I nod. "You know." I nod again. "But you still want me to say it."

This time, I don't move. Do I? After all, I already know what he has been doing.

"I've been… I've been killing people, Rose," he responds before I get the chance to answer his question. "I hunted down all the people I knew about in the Agency. All the people who knew me. And all the people who could have put the Agency back on its feet."

"Adri-"

"No, not Adrian." Phew. That's a relief.

"So, there will be no Agency from now on?"

"No. That chapter is over. They won't…" he sighs. I know. They won't take anyone's life from now on. No other kids will have to have the life he had.

"And… and those men that I pissed off? You said-"

"Yes. Those too. I told you you shouldn't worry about them, and I mean it. I didn't kill all of them, some of them didn't seem to be worth the bother."

"I see."

"You're mad."

"No. I am not. I just…"

"You don't really like the idea of what I did."

"I know why you did it. I get that." It's not like he would always go on a killing spree like that one. This was a one-time event. "I am not mad, I promise."

"But there's still one thing bothering you."

I smile. He always knows.

"Well, yes."

"Then ask."

"What about Xa-"

"I didn't kill him."

"So he-"

"No. He is dead. But I wasn't the one who killed him." He caresses my cheek. "But I wanted to, love."

His little confession, for whatever reason, startles me a little. After all, I should have seen it coming.

"Sure, of course, after all, he did you so much trouble." He smiles. "What?"

"Do you think that's the reason?"

"What other could it be?"

"I don't give a damn about that. I couldn't care less about what he did to mess with my business. I wanted to do it because of what he did to you."

"I see. But…" I rest my forehead on his and walk my fingers on his cheek. "I am glad you didn't do it."

He smiles once more. "Me too, Roza. Me too."

* * *

The sun shining on my face wakes me up to Dimitri's arms still wrapped around me, his head resting into the crook of my neck.

But it seems that I wasn't the first one waking up. He was enjoying our snuggling long before I did.

"Hey there."

"Mornin', love." He kisses my neck and wraps his leg around mine, pulling me closer to him if possible. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better."

"And are-"

"If you want to ask what I think you want to ask, I will kick your ass. I already told you."

"But-"

"No buts. And if you will once again say you're sorry, I will kick your ass twice. Deal?"

He smiles. "Deal. So… what shall we do today then?"

Realizing that it's now Monday, I know we should pack our things and go back to... well, leave this place. After all, my parents have a life and a job they have to go back to. Dimitri and I too. We have to… I don't know, go and live our lives somewhere. To put this past month and all this mess behind us.

"Can we go somewhere before we go back?"

"Sure. We'll go wherever you want."

"Great. Now I only have to find a way in which not to make my mother cry when we leave."

* * *

"This flower shop doesn't have sunflowers either, love."

"Oh… no biggie. I guess we'll take some others, after all." Only if he'd have listened to me at the other four or five flower shops we went to.

I want to take my seatbelt off and go inside and pick some other flowers, but Dimitri stops me.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. You don't need to take that off now."

He gets back inside the car and gets driving, his eyes looking for another flower shop, even though I don't know where else we could go. We already searched the whole town and this thing is minuscule.

"Comrade, why are you doing this?"

"Do what?"

"Insist on getting those flowers. I have already told you a couple of times that it would be alright to take some others too."

At the stop, he takes my hand in his and walks his thumb past my knuckles.

"Because it seemed important for you to get those flowers exactly, and even though you haven't told me where we are going, I have a wild guess. So, I want you to have those flowers."

"You're sweet, comrade."

"So I have been told lately."

I playfully punch his upper arm. "Hey, don't push it."

He chuckles and brings my hand up to his mouth to kiss it.

* * *

Some beautiful sunflowers in my hand, we walk now in silence, the seriousness of this place making us act this way. We've been smiling and talking all the way here, but now, as my intestines start to knot, I don't feel like talking and smiling anymore.

Like on some cue, we both stop at the same time when we see Mason's name engraved on the stone.

Dimitri's hand hasn't let go of mine ever since we entered the graveyard, and now, he holds it tighter than before. I am so grateful that he's here with me now.

He doesn't try to rush anything, he doesn't say anything, and he lets me do things when I feel ready to. I mostly come here alone, and sharing this little moment of vulnerability with him and him supporting me, it makes me love him more.

My heart pounding against my ribcage, I lay the flowers next to the stone, and resting my knees on the ground, I start brushing away all the little useless things that crowd Mason's gravestone.

Without any question, Dimitri helps me. But I know that if I were him, I'd like to know why this place looks so deserted, so like no one cares about it, like no one ever comes around.

"I usually come here to um, look after things and… it's been a while, with everything going on. It's a pity that none of our high school friends remained in town and there are not many people who visit. No one comes around here too often."

"What about…"

"His family?" he nods and I puff in discontent. "His parents never cared."

I am already trying too hard not to cry. I promised myself I wouldn't, but here I am, my eyes filled with tears.

"He didn't have the happiest childhood," I start telling him as I make myself busy with picking up some leaves that strayed around, pretending that everything's alright with me. It's nice of him that he doesn't point it out too.

"His parents divorced when he was six and this is how come he has moved into this town. With his father. Who was an absolute drunk and a bastard."

"But why-" he stops before ending that question. "I don't want to ask too much. If you don't…"

I look at him and smile. He's nice to consider my feelings about me talking about this.

"It's fine, comrade." It anyways feels better when I talk about it. Especially with him. "You wanted to know why he wasn't with his mother, right?" He nods. "Because, well, she didn't care enough about him and she went and made herself a new, better life, you know?" this is the second the tears I tried to contain start falling.

"I am sorry, Rose."

"Yeah." I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "Me too. Mase didn't deserve this shit. But you know, despite everything he has been through, he was so good and so fun and all the good stuff." just like him. "He had such a kind, good heart, despite all the things he has been through."

Again, just like Dimitri. I bet they would have been good friends if… yeah…

"And even though he had a short temper and often got into fights, it was always for the right reasons. I think that sometimes those were the times he was finally letting out all that bad stuff that was piling up in him. He needed a way to let it out, I guess. He did that ever since we were little. He had reasons to…"

I sigh and lean closer to Dimitri, resting my cheek on his shoulder, and he puts an arm around me, his fingers soothing my arm.

"He was such a good kid and after we have become friends, when his father would get so drunk that he wanted to pour his anger on him, he used to sneak up to my window, climbing up onto the tree in front of it, and ask me if I wanted to hang out. He even came around in the middle of the night one time. And I have never asked him why, but I had my guesses because well, his father wasn't a quiet man all the time. I never told him no. I couldn't. I always let him stay in my room and we used to talk about all kinds of silly things until we fell asleep. And in my stupidity, at that age, I even traded with my parents if they could like, adopt Mase or something." I chuckle remembering the face they made when they heard me. "Of course, they wanted to know why. And I told them. But all they were able to do at that time, because the police knew it all and they couldn't do anything about it either, was to tell him that he could come by at any time of the day and night and to give him one of our spare keys so that at least he wouldn't break his neck while climbing up the tree in front of my window."

"Your parents must have liked him a lot."

"No. Thy _adored_ him. They loved him like he was their own son. He _was_ the son they never had. We were always together, all day long. We were inseparable. And when he died, it felt for them like they have lost a son. It hurts them to come here and… I don't blame them for not doing it."

"Just as it hurts you, Roza."

"But what can I do? I can't leave this place neglected, untamed. He was my best friend. I can't just forget him."

**DPOV**

I look at her, smiling as I wipe her tears away.

"What? Why are you smiling like that?"

"You are so brave, love."

"Me? Brave? For what?"

"For coming here, all this time."

She puffs and almost rolls her eyes.

"No. I am not brave. Not even a bit. For what it matters, I am shameless. I shouldn't even have the guts to show my face around here anymore, now that I know that he... that he died because… No. I am not brave. That's the last thing I am."

"Oh, Roza." I pull her to me and hold her in my embrace as she starts sobbing and letting her tears fall freely. "You are, love. Trust me. After... after she died... I couldn't do it." She tilts her head and watches me, a question in her eyes. "Not till this day, Rose, I couldn't go to her grave. I can't. I didn't even go to her funeral. I felt... _Feel_ so guilty bout what happened. And I know she wouldn't want me there. She probably hat-"

"Hey." She puts her palm over my mouth before I finish that. "Dimitri… that's not true. She doesn't. She didn't hate you, I am sure of it."

I see love and empathy in her eyes as she tries to smile and passes her fingers through my hair.

"I am sorry about that. I'm sorry that she… and that you feel that way…"

She indeed feels sorry. But not pitiful. I love that about her. She always understands how or what I feel even though sometimes I avoid saying it. Okay, most of the times, I know. She is so damn patient with me and I don't deserve her. Considering everything she has been though because of me, considering the way I still act like, she should have been long gone, leaving me. But still, here she is, continuing to love me. But I swear I am trying.

"But... You were not the one who killed her. She has been taken away from you."

"It's just like I did. It is the same thing as if I would have been the one holding the gun. I was the one who has brought that on her."

"No."

"But Rose, she was with _me_. I should have… And because of that she..."

"Hey. She has chosen that. Not to die, of course, but to be with you. A choice that is worth it, if you ask me." she smiles. "She knew it all, didn't she? About you? She knew who you were and what you were doing?" I nod. "And she decided to stay, didn't she?" I nod once more.

"But if she-"

"No. It's not her fault."

"I didn't mean to-"

"I know. But she didn't bring that to herself, just as you didn't bring that to her either. Some bad people did that to you two. They are the ones to blame."

I smile. "You know what, love?"

"What?"

"You tell me that, that I am not the one to blame for her death, but still, you feel guilty for Mason's death and you keep torturing yourself with that."

She looks away, her eyes scanning the engraved letters.

"Yeah, but you see..."

"But what? With you it's different, is that it?"

"Well, yes. I was the one who has brought Xavier into our lives. And that day when Mase found out about him… _I_ gave him the key to my apartment. He was there because of _me_. I told him to go there. And if he wouldn't have been there, he wouldn't have heard Xavier and he wouldn't have... He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve this, for life to be so cruelly taken away from him. He, most of all people I know, deserved to be happy. And instead of that, he is laying there, six feet under."

She breaks into tears once more and her fingers clutch onto my coat as she presses her cheek against my chest.

"Because of me. He died because of me. Because I-"

"It wasn't your fault, Roza. You didn't know." She tilts her head, and with her eyes still full of tears, she chuckles. "What?"

"We are not getting anywhere with this talk, comrade. I will keep on telling you this and you will keep on telling it to me, that we are not to blame, and in the end none of us will be convinced about it no matter what arguments the other brings because no matter what anyone will tell us, we won't stop feeling it, right?"

"You're right." She is goddamn right. So many people have told me this and I never believed it. I still feel the guilt, after all this time, after all these years. And I know that with her it's no different. She still feels responsible for his death, no matter how hard I try to convince her it's not like that.

She shrugs. "I guess we'll have to learn to live with that. Along with our stubbornness when it comes to it." I nod and we both smile.

"Yes, we do." I have been struggling with it ever since Zoey died and some days are better than others. Some days, like these past ones, I can't get that thing that happened out of my head.

"Tell me one thing though."

"What?"

"Does it ever go away? Like… completely?"

"The guilt?" she nods. "Some days you forget about it. Some days it gets better. Some days not." Why lie to her? I can't promise her that it will all miraculously go away because I know so damn well that it doesn't. It's like their death lives inside you and sometimes, it surfaces.

She nods. "But we'll deal with it."

"We'll do that." I bend a little and place a little kiss on the tip of her runny nose. "Together."

She smiles. "Yeah. Together." She rests her cheek back on my chest and nuzzles her nose against me a couple of times.

"He… he loved me," she says as her voice is shaken by new sobs.

"Of course he did. Just like you did love him. You two-"

"No. Not like that. He was..." she pulls away and resting her knees back on the ground, she arranges the flowers a little. "He was in love with me. He has told me that before… when he was… in my arms… And I have never seen it before. I was so blind…"

"Hey." I take her hands in mine and make her look at me. "I hope you are not blaming yourself for that too."

"I am, Dimitri. How could I not? How could I not see it? He made it so obvious and I have never seen it. He must have suffered so badly about it. I made him suffer."

"I don't think that."

"I do."

"You shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because it was his choice not to tell you."

"But I should have seen it."

"You can't know them all, Roza. No one can. Don't ask the impossible from yourself, okay? You couldn't have read his mind. Maybe he had his reasons not to tell you and the fact that you didn't see it, that's not something you did wrong. Maybe he hid it well."

"I don't know…"

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

**RPOV**

I nod and continue to watch the stone in front of me, until I feel Dimitri's lips pressing against my temple.

"I'll give you a second, okay?"

I look at him and smile. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

He picks up all the little things we gathered from around here that weren't supposed to be here and goes to throw it away.

"I am sorry, Mase. I will always be. And I don't know for how many times it will take for me to say it for you to forgive me, but I won't stop saying it. I am sorry. For everything that happened. I wish things would have been different. I wish that I would have known that you... I wish you would have told me. I wish... For things to be different. For everything to have been different. And I am sorry that you are not here, that you... You deserved so much more and I feel like I have let you down even though you have always been there for me. I've maybe been the worst best friend on the planet, and I am sorry. It may not matter, but I never wanted you to die. I didn't know and… and I know this is not an excuse, and maybe Dimitri is right, but I can't stop feeling guilty. I sent you there and I… I'm sorry. But if you don't mind, I will still be coming by. See? I've brought you sunflowers. It took Dimitri ages to find them. But that doesn't matter. I just came around to say that… I miss you buddy. I miss you, Mase. Every single day. I will be missing you too, every single day. And I hope that wherever you are now, you've found peace. And if I am not too daring to ask this, maybe one day you can forgive me."

Getting up and looking around, I see Dimitri some meters away, far enough to not hear me, but close enough to keep an eye on me. Not that there would be any dangers for me, but I bet he'll be overly protective over me at least for the next while. Well, with that I can deal.

I smile warmly at him and responding to me, he starts coming closer.

Patting the edge of the stone, I read that date once more. Too early.

"Until I see you next time, Red."

Dimitri reaching me, I have the time to wipe my tears away.

"How are you feeling, love?"

"I'm fine." He tilts his head. "I… I'll be."

He bends and kisses my forehead. "That's a start." He takes my hand in his once more, and we walk towards the exit.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"What do we do now?"

* * *

This is what we've done. For the past week, we have been taking our time to get back to how things were before he left. We've rented an apartment and we've lived our days dealing with whatever little thing that happened.

Of course, I made sure to threaten him that if such crazy thoughts as leaving me pass through his mind again, I would make sure to cut something of his off. And it's best that he understood my position.

As well, some moments were filled with tears and some more apologies, but most of them were filled with us cuddling and smiling and kissing and with Ash too (as he never wants to be forgotten) and now, now I feel like we're one hundred percent fine. We've gotten over it.

And now, as I am munching on my pancakes, Dimitri reaches his hand for mine from across the table.

"You know, love, I promised you something a while ago."

"What?"

"Well, if you want… If you feel ready for it, I would lik- I would love to take you out on that date."

"You're kidding, aren't you?" well, count this as an unexpected thing. I thought he forgot about it. I know I did.

"Do I look like I am kidding?"

"No..."

"Then I am not. I would like to take you out."

"Wow, this is unexpected." And not in a bad way. Not at all. Maybe this is a thing we needed.

But of course, he cannot read my thoughts. And obviously, he misinterpreted my reaction because he frowns.

"So… you don't want to? I understand if you-"

I pull his hand a little towards me, just to make him stop speaking.

"If you don't stop with that, I swear I'll cut your hair in your sleep or something like that." He still didn't get over it, he still expects me to be mad at him sometimes, he still thinks he should be punished for what he has done, and I am having a little hard time with making him understand my position. But I'll bring him around.

I get up from my place and go sit on his lap.

"I would love that too." I kiss him and when I pull away, a big smile brightens his face.

"You would?"

"Of course I would. I would love to go on a million dates with you. And now, tell me, where are we going?"

"That's a secret."

I pout. "Come on." But he shakes his head. "At least tell me when."

"I was thinking of tonight."

"That's great. The less I have to wait to find out, the better."

He smiles wider. "Then it's set."

"Aham. It's set." I put my arms around his neck and kiss him once more. "You're the best, Dimitri."

* * *

I so haven't thought things through when I said yes to this date, when I agreed to go out tonight especially.

With Dimitri not telling me where we're going and with him not helping me much when I asked him what I should wear, now I am finding myself into a little trouble.

_Whatever you wear, you look amazing, love. Wear something a little fancy._ Oh, Dimitri. I appreciate the comment, but it surely doesn't help me much now. And what does a little fancy mean? Of course, not a gala dress. But I need to know exactly.

And there's only one person that could help me now. After all, she has had a lot of dates.

I don't think twice before calling her. She has been there for me giving me advice on how to deal with what Dimitri and I have been trying to solve these past days, and both of us sharing the same experience, it has brought us closer. I can say that we've become some kind of best friends.

The second she picks up, I start ranting

"Thank God you answered, Liss. I am in such a crisis now. Dimitri has asked me on a date this morning and I haven't been on a date in ages and he told me to dress into something nice, but not too fancy. What the hell does that even mean? He doesn't want to tell me where we're going and the only help I got was him telling me that no matter what I dress up with, he'll like it. Does Ivan leave you that clueless too when he takes you on dates? And why the hell did I even say yes? I mean, I am glad I did, but I should have thought about the fact that I don't have any fucking fancy dresses! God knows I have a maiden's wardrobe and most of my fancy clothes have burned not in one, but two houses. What do I do now, Lissa? What am I going to wear?"

"Kiddo, breathe." I hear Ivan talking to me into an amused tone.

Shit! Shit, shit, shit, this hasn't happened! Please tell me…

I get the phone off my ear and I see that instead of Lissa, I called him. Damn them and damn me that their contacts are consecutive in my phone.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Ivan, I wanted-"

"You wanted to call Liss, I figured that one out. But just so you know, I am disappointed you didn't call me first."

"Why would that be?"

"Because you know I am a fashion expert, duh."

I burst into laughter. Ah, he always knows how to turn something embarrassing into something funny.

"Well, whoever can help me now, I'll take it. I am in a little rush here."

"You know, he's right."

"About what?"

"That whatever you wear, he'll like it. Even if it were to be coming from a maiden's wardrobe." shit, I can't believe I've told that to him.

"Yeah, but… I don't know. I don't have too many things to pick from."

"Don't try too much, Rose. Just be you, I am sure that's all he wants. He'll like that."

"Hey, who are you talking to?" I hear Lissa's voice too.

"With Rose."

"What happened?" she gets a little panicked. Yeah, they both have been a little fearful of Dimitri trying to do that thing again. And only God knows what lecture Dimitri got from his brother when things have settled. He was even angrier than I've been and I didn't get to hear all of his rant. He spoke for about half an hour before he let Dimitri say a word.

"Nothing bad. She's going on a date."

"And she called _you_?" now disappointment takes the place of her panic.

"Don't you worry, she meant to call you first to ask you for some advice. So I'll let you two ladies talk. But anyway, don't try too much, kiddo. He's anyway smitten for you. I don't want you to drive him crazy too, okay?"

Laughing, I thank him for his words. He managed to make me loosen up a little.

* * *

With Lissa's impulse, over the facetime, I adventure myself into searching through the clothes that I took from my parents' house and that I never bothered to search through. After all, there weren't too many clothes, and all of them were old, so why bother. But there it was, my emerald-green salvation.

I have never worn this dress, my mother gave it to me one Christmas when I was in highs cool, telling to that outraged Rose that she should one day gather the confidence to wear it, and well, not that I am feeling extra confident now, but I kinda have the feeling Dimitri would appreciate it. Hell, I didn't even expect it to fit me after all these years, but….

Now, when I am looking at my reflection, I must admit that I look kinda hot in it. The dress is long enough to reach past my knees, it is made from a silky-satin-something material, and the fact that it is green, just like Dimitri's favorite color, that's the best thing.

The only thing that bothers me a little is that the only things that keep this dress on my shoulders are two very thing straps that if I don't pay enough attention to, might slip and reveal more than my cleavage already does, even though it is not too sharing. But all in all, I kinda like the way the material lays on my curves and I bet that Dimitri would like that too.

He has been nice enough not to rush me in any way, letting me get ready for tonight. But he didn't even come to tell me it's five minutes past the time we have had to leave!

I have seen the clock when I opened the door of our room and in my surprise, I almost stumbled over the heels that I am wearing. Hell, I'll need to be careful with these tonight unless I want to make a fool out of myself. Who would have thought that taking a break from wearing them would make me forget how to hold my balance?

"Dimitri, are you still there?"

Shit, I need to go back into the room to get my little purse. I'll need that to hold my pride in it as I am flashing my boobs out in the world. But Lissa was right. This dress wasn't made for a bra.

"Yes, love. I'm here."

"I am sorry it took me so long to get ready. I didn't know what to wear and-"

"It's fine, love. I was close to starting to think you'll leave me here to starve to death," he jokes as he's preoccupied with rolling up a sleeve of his shirt.

"Ah, and you're hungry too. I'm sorry. Now I feel even worse for letting you wait for me for so long."

"No worries lo-" he finally lifts his eyes and his lips remain in that O shape as he sees me.

Next, he takes a lot of time to analyze me, his eyes studying each little part of my body, making each little particle of me start to burn under the intensity of his glare, and when he ends with his eyes on my burning cheeks, all I can do is to look down as I rub the tips of my golden sandals together.

"Comrade… Stop looking at me like that."

It doesn't take him much to walk the space between us, and getting a hold of my chin, he tilts my head up.

"How am I looking at you, huh?"

"Like you'd be ready to eat me up."

"Oh, but I am. And not only in one way or only once," he says as he slides his fingers up on my arm, making my whole body shiver.

"Dimitri..." I shy away some more and look away. We haven't done anything um… about what he's talking about, neither of us initiated that, and now he's so blunt about it…

"So um..." I clear my throat and feel the need to change the subject. I knew that we'd get there too tonight and I even excitedly anticipate the moment, but I didn't think it would come that soon.

"How do I look?" I put my wavy hair past my shoulders as I lift my eyes back up to meet his, and for whatever reason, his first response is a growl forming at the back of his neck.

"Do you even have to ask, love?"

I shrug. "Don't you think it's a little too much?"

"Too much? No. I think it's perfect. I think you're perfect."

"I didn't know where we're going and you said fancy, but not too fancy so... Yeah. Is this okay?"

"Let _me_ ask you something."

"Okay, go ahead."

"Do you plan to kill me or what?"

_"What_? No. How… why would you think of that?"

"I bet one day when you'll come out on me looking like this, I'll get so surprised I'll get a heart attack, love. You're _so_ beautiful."

"Comrade…" I scold him. For a second there I thought he was serious.

"And to answer your question, you look like…" he exhales as he puts an arm around my middle and pulls me closer to him. "You look like it has been worth all my waiting." His soft lips pressed against my temple and he kisses me, then rests them there as he speaks further. "You look so beautiful, Roza. How do you manage to look so gorgeous?"

"I did nothing much. Stop praising me like that or I'll blush all night."

"Oh, love…" his fingers play along the little dip above my tailbone, his touch against the silkiness of my dress sending little waves of pleasure throughout my whole body. "I don't know what you've done or not, but you look so hot right now and I am trying so hard not to take you to bed and fuck you senseless." His voice comes out in pants and I can practically feel his restraint, his whole body rigid against mine.

Him nudging his nose against my neck, my breath catches when his fingers swirl over my tailbone again and I see his lips turning into a smile.

"And you smell amazing too."

"It's that…" I gulp as he kisses on my cheek. "That new perfume. Do… do you like it?"

"I love it. It suits you so goddamn well." His palms get a hold of my hips and he pulls me a little closer to him, enough for me to feel his arousal. You cannot, no matter how hard you try, to be indifferent to that.

"Dimitri…"

"Did I take it too far?"

"No, no. I like it."

"Good. Because I like it too. And you know what I like about this dress you're wearing?"

"Wh… what?"

He walks his finger on my bare collarbones now, then heads across the neckline of my dress, dipping his finger in between my breasts. My braless breasts.

"That it shows enough to keep me guessing."

I chuckle. "But you know so well what's underneath."

He has a great admiration for my breasts that he always expresses it with his mouth and touches when he gets me naked, and hell, tonight it's no different.

He smiles too.

"Yes, but it's always a pleasure to find out what's under your clothes. And I surely can't wait to see what color is your bra tonight."

"What bra are you talking about, comrade?"

He growls. "You're not wearing any?" I swear that that sounds like a whine. If this is torture for him, he didn't hesitate to express it. "I thought that-" he stops to exhale slow and he's trying to do it steadily. I won't lie, it tickles my ego to see him so on edge around me, just because I am wearing such a dress.

"Nope. There's nothing underneath." I thought that he already observed that, his eyes usually not missing a thing, but it seems that tonight he got a little distracted.

"Fuck, Roza. You'll drive me crazy one day." His palm spreading on my back, he lifts me on my tippy toes as he wants to dissolve all the space between us.

"Comrade?"

"Huh?" He asks while kissing my neck, his fingers now heading up on my ribs. "Too much?" he still worries about that?

"No, no. But… weren't you starving?"

"Ah, I could eat you out for dinner and I will be completely fine with that, love. I'd be the happiest man on earth."

I gasp as his palm comes over my breast, my nipple getting hard like on command as his thumb caresses it.

"I hope you won't get cold as we're out, or I swear I am ditching this dinner, fuck the reservation, I am taking you back here and straight to bed and rip this dress off you." His voice is full of passion, and oh, how much I missed this. I didn't even realize it. This past week, he still seemed afraid that if he'll touch me I'll pull away, and now that that fear of his has dissipated, I am so, so grateful.

"Dimitri..." I sigh as he plays with my nipple, squeezing it through the silky material, his tongue playing with mine, taking control over my mouth. "We could... um… Have a… shit… quickie..." I propose and hell, I even long for it.

Pulling his lips away, he watches me for a second, then pulls away for good.

"No, love. If I am getting you in bed, we won't be leaving it anytime soon, and I have a dinner to take you to. I promised. So I'll find a way to keep myself together around you. Even though…" he leans closer again for another kiss. "It will be so damned hard."


	43. Je vais te rendre fou ce soir

**Hiiii, guys! I must say I had so much fun writing this chapter. It surely made my breaks from learning a lot better**

**Dear peggy, well, she did get her period. But you know... you never know what happens and when it happens :) I'll take care of that later, I promise**

**HonestPassion13, yes, maybe he did give in too fast after his determined decision, but well, he has been given an ultimatum and I swear I couldn't let them be apart for too long :))**

**Tika86, hope you'll find hot too what happens in this chapter ;) And thanks! My exams have been going well so far, and I only have two left, then, I can't wait to be free for the summer! I am glad to hear that there is no danger there. I hope things didn't change these past weeks. For us too things have been relaxing lately, we are supposed to keep the social distancing and wear a mask into closed spaces such as stores and stuff, but people aren't really respecting that, they think that things have gotten back to how they used to be, and I honestly don't know where that will lead us. I guess I'll see :)**

**Stay safe guys! ****Love you lots!**

**And oh, if I butchered the French in this chapter (I only used a phrase or two), I'm sorry, but it has been too long since high school**

* * *

**Je vais te rendre fou ce soir**

Well, it is not that hard for him to keep his hands off. Of course, I gave him a hand too. And by that, of course, I mean I kept on slapping his hand off me.

Even though, our little trip with the elevator, just the two of us in that tiny room, yeah, that was a little tricky.

Everything is fine now, though. After we have been so close, or mostly, I have been so close to publically showing my panties to that neighbor that neither Dimitri nor I like (really now, who listens to hardcore rock music at 3 a.m.? At times, I can feel the bed vibrating under me, and it has been so hard to keep Dimitri from smashing his door down one day), we're now in the car and Dimitri's hands aren't preoccupied with lifting my dress anymore. They're safely placed on the wheel.

But considering that he is now behaving, after what he has done to me in the elevator, bringing me to the edge of despair with his teasing touches, all I can think of is him touching me some more. And how could I forget to mention how hot he is looking?

He has dressed up fancy too, as always, all in black, but that doesn't matter much. What matters to me is the soft material of his shirt rounding on his bicep each time he turns the wheel, the way that those two unbuttoned buttons at his neck show too little of his chest, the way his cologne has me intoxicated, the way his fingers that were playing with my nipple about ten minutes ago are now tapping onto the wheel and not on my skin, the way that his jeans round on his thigh when he presses the speed pedal, and not only on his thigh. Good Lord, what has he done to me? Since when am I eyeing men's crotches this shamelessly?

He has me hooked on to him and I swear all I want is for him to stop this car into some private place and-

"What happened, love?"

Ouch. He caught me staring. Not that I was trying to be sneaky though.

I blink like an idiot for a couple of times and, of course, I avoid his inquiring eyes. Has he seen the area I was eyeing too? If so, I am in for some serious teasing, and it could last all night long.

"Nothing." I clear my throat, my mouth being desert-dry now. "I was…" I shrug. I was drooling over you, nothing much.

"You what?" he sounds rather concerned than amused.

"I um…" I gulp, trying to come up with a lie. Or maybe not a lie. A half-truth will do. "I was wondering if I can do this."

I place my palm over his thigh, my fingers curling onto the inside of his leg. And indeed, I wanted to do this, but not this low. But I'd better start small, right? I have all night on my hands to advance.

He takes his eyes off the road for a second more, to watch me, a little surprised, and finally, he smiles.

"Yes, love. It's perfectly fine."

He puts his palm over mine and caresses it, and there it remains for the rest of the road.

* * *

Where did he take me? To the fanciest restaurant in town. La Bohème. Even the name is suggestive of what I see here. It's a wonder that not everything is made of gold or what do I know, some platinum. All the things around here scream expensive and I don't think I want to know how much money he will be spending on this date.

There are fancy flower arrangements everywhere, shiny decorations, painting, crystal chandeliers, and there's even a quartet! The waiters are all wearing shiny white starched shirts and the people at the table, they must all be rich as hell. I'm the only one feeling like a peasant here.

"Comrade…" I lean closer to him as some nice waiter is guiding us to our table.

"Yes, love?"

"What are we doing here?"

He smiles. "We're having our date, of course."

"Yes, but-"

I can't protest further as we reach our table, and Dimitri, being the perfect gentleman he always is, he drags my chair. Of course, he makes sure to turn me on a little more as he passes his fingers across my spine, sending shivers all over my body.

He's going to kill me tonight, I swear!

After he takes a seat too, I take a look into the menu that is in front of me on the table, and I bend a little over the table so that no one around me would hear me.

"Dimitri, I can't even pronounce the name of the stuff we could eat here. They're all in French and I don't even know what this stuff means. Help me pick something, please."

"What makes you think I know what these things mean?"

"Dunno, didn't they teach you a hundred languages in spy school?"

He smiles. "Yes, they did."

"So, you know French."

"Oui, mon amour." He swirls his fingers across the inside of my wrist as those words leave his mouth, and hearing his perfect accent, some more tingles in my body make me so needy of his touch.

"Comrade, remind me to ask you to speak some more in French for me later, will you?"

"It will be my pleasure."

"Good. But till then, help me order something." I have to change the subject, otherwise we'll end up doing in the bathroom or something. "I sucked at French in high school."

He mimics shock. "I can't believe this. You, my smarty pants, you sucked at French?"

"If I could bend enough over this table, know that I would punch you." He only laughs in response. "But yeah, that language has always given me a hard time."

"Here, what if we do this? I pick a thing for you, you pick something for me, randomly, and we see what we get."

"Deal."

Not looking into the menu and walking our fingers onto its pages, we order whatever we stop over. And as funny as it may seem, out of all the fancy things they had, he picked for me some Ratatouille. In exchange, I picked for him some Hachis Parmentier, whatever the hell that might be. But at least we have had fun with our game.

I let him choose some wine for tonight, and I swear that he has chosen the best wine I have ever drunken. It's red wine and the fruity flavors are amazing. What's amazing too is the little haze it wraps my brain into, and I have only taken a sip.

As we wait for our dishes, we talk about this and that, but the alcohol kicks in a little too strong and too fast, or I am a little too turned on now to pay attention to anything else around me but him. Hell, I didn't even realize that the waiter came around and brought our plates. I just found mine in front of me.

I am talking to him, but I am way too preoccupied to be eating him up with my glances, my mind bringing up the moments from before we left, and I feel the space between my legs liquefy some more. Damn him! Even his memory is turning me on.

"What happened, love?" He stops my reverie as he gets a hold of my hand.

"What?" I am busted a second time tonight, goddamnit! "Nothing." I look down as I blush. "I was um... I was looking at your food. It looks delicious." Even though I still have no idea what it contains, what I have said it's not a lie.

"You want some? You picked it after all."

"Would you share your plate with me?"

He smiles. "I would share anything I have with you, love."

I smile too. "You're sweet, comrade."

And following his impulse, I take a bite of that little thing on his plate. Really now, who eats so little? The empty space on the plate is bigger than the food itself! But the second that little piece of heaven touches my taste buds, I forget all my complaints.

"Oh, it's _delicious_."

"Wanna trade?"

"No. I ordered my thing. Well, you did, but anyway. I will eat that." After all, I always wanted to try some Ratatouille.

"If you like this, I don't mind at all."

Taking one more sip of that delicious wine, we start eating.

"Really now, what are you looking at, love? Do I have something on my face?" yeah, because even though we traded our plates, I still look at him like I'd be insane and I know don't have another excuse to tell him now. But I can't seem to control my eyes, I swear.

"No, nothing like that. You just…" okay, I'll say it this time, fuck it. "You look like such a bad boy, comrade." He's dressed so fancily and the remnant of that bruise under his eye gives him that vibe and I've always loved this about him. There's always something about bad boys that has been enticing to me, and don't I know how much of a bad boy he is and how enticing he is?

A cocky smile on his lips, he gestures me to come a little closer.

"Oh, Roza," he starts whispering as his thumb caresses the base of my fingers. "Wait and see how bad I can be," he promises, his voice full of passion, and even though I know my cheeks are already flushed from the alcohol, I think they get redder as I look down into my lap.

"Now your cheeks match your lipstick, love."

I pull my hand away, squint my eyes at him and pout my red lips as he chuckles.

"I love it here." I change the subject, otherwise, if we continue this conversation, we might end up doing something reckless. After all, doing it in the bathroom is still a big part of my thoughts.

"You do?"

"Yes. It is great. This place looks amazing. Thank you for bringing me here."

* * *

Too tipsy after three glasses of wine that he advised me not to exceed (okay, he told me to try not to pass two, but of course I didn't listen to him), I find myself getting playful. But this is all his fault, it must be noted. It's not that I am drunk, but that I am so aroused and I need to do this.

Not knowing exactly where that thought came into my mind, I still go on with it and I tap my foot onto the floor under the fancy, long cloth on the table. When I reach Dimitri's leg, I slide the side of my foot along his ankle. Too bad I can't take my sandal off.

But does that stop me? Of course not.

At first, he doesn't pay attention to me, or well, at least tries to as the waiter is here to take our empty plates. But even if he is here, I don't stop teasing him. He is doing his best to keep a straight face as he takes another sip of the wine. But I want to play.

Finally, when the waiter is gone and my foot has reached a little too far up on his leg, his fingers wrap on the edges of the table and he exhales prolongedly.

"Roza, I swear to God, you'll make me forget about common sense and do you on this table."

I shrug and smile like an idiot. I love it when he gets so out of control because of me.

But still. "You wouldn't do that."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to provoke me, huh?"

Chuckling, I pull my leg and decide to behave. I have learnt on my skin not to provoke him, so if he says he'd do me on the table in front of everybody, well, I believe him.

But he frowns.

"What? I am behaving."

"Why did you stop?"

"But you said..."

"I know what I said. But I don't remember ever telling you to stop."

"You're a twisted guy, you know that?"

"You make me like that, love."

I smile and extend my leg back under the table, meeting his halfway, and instead of playing footsie, we sit with them entangled.

Our fingers entangled too on the table, looking at each other and smiling, being here, now, like this, it is all so romantic.

And I can't believe it, this song comes up and it lines up perfectly.

"Oh, I love this song so much." I already get dreamy and swirl my finders along his. "It's so beautiful, isn't it? It really makes you feel like life is pink." Whit him, how else could it be anyway?

He gets up, takes my hand in his, and after kissing it, he asks me to go and dance with him.

"Wait. You want to dance with me?"

"That's what I said, love."

"Why?"

"Why not? We are on a date. We can dance, can't we?"

"I don't know... There are so many people who would be watching..." after all, all the seats are taken.

"And you're afraid of them? At my last check, no one bites."

"Of course not, but… we will be kinda the center of attention if we go there and dance. I mean, there's no one dancing."

"So far. After all, there is a dancefloor there for a reason, love. Some more will dance too, eventually."

"But what if I stumble?"

He smiles. "If that's what you're afraid of, don't worry. I will be there to support you."

"You know you don't have to do all these things for me, right? I mean, I am totally fine with what we already have. This date is wonderful as it already is."

"But you deserve so much more."

Aw, he's so sweet.

"You know I don't want anything more than you and whatever is happening now."

"And still. Are you sure you don't want that dance? You never know when I will be offering it to you again. It's a one-time offer, love." As I consider things, he pulls my hand a little, urging me to get up. "Come on, don't leave me standing up here. People might start thinking you're dumping me or something. Come dance with me, love."

I chuckle as I get up. "You know what? Let's do it."

**DPOV**

Guiding her onto the little dancefloor, when I turn her to face me and pull her closer to me, I see her wide, silly smile, and I can't help it but smile too. I wonder how much those wine glasses have made their effect on her. Considering her playing footsie under the table, I am going to say a lot.

She rests her cheek onto my chest, and putting her arms around my neck, we start dancing, swinging from one side to the other onto this slow song, and it is so good to feel her close to me.

We don't say anything. What more could there be said anyway? We enjoy the music and even though some other couples have followed us onto the dancefloor, it still feels like it's only the two of us here. She's everything I feel, with all my senses.

She's playing with her fingers at the back of my head and I swirl mine across the space where the locking of her bra should be, trying not to think too much about it, and I focus on the way she's humming lightly onto the lyrics of the song, which is so sweet.

When the song finishes, she wraps her arms around my neck a little tighter.

"One more song, Dimitri. I love this. I want to dance with you forever," she says dreamily.

I hold her tighter too. "Don't worry, love, I wasn't planning to go anywhere."

Tilting her head, she smiles. "Good, because I think I might not let you leave this dancefloor soon."

And God, her smile is like sunshine on a rainy day. She is so, so happy and it makes me so happy too.

"You know what, comrade?"

"What?"

"I love you," she says biting her lip now.

Her jolly smile hypnotizes me to lean in and capture that with a kiss, our lips pressed against each other, the warmness of her breath brushing along my neck, the sweetness of her lips lingering on mine even as I pull away to respond to her.

"I love you too, Roza."

"I don't even know why I didn't want to dance in the first place. This is wonderful, Dimitri. This night is wonderful. You're wonderful too."

"So, you like it here?"

"I already told you I love it. This is…" she looks around the place for a second. "This is the best date I have ever been to."

"That's flattering."

She laughs a little. "It depends."

"On what?"

"Considering how many crappy dates I have been on, all it would have taken from you to make this night perfect would have been to order some food and find a bench in a park for us to sit on."

"I see. So, the bar wasn't set too high, huh?"

"Not really. But you raised it. Like, astronomically."

"And the night isn't over yet."

"What? Do you have other things in plan?"

No, not really, but you never know what opportunity might arise.

"Maybe I do."

"Oh, comrade. You…" her eyes get a little teary.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, it's just that… No one has gotten so out of their way for me and you... you're so sweet. Promise me one thing though."

"What?"

"That you won't make me pay the check at the end of this." We both laugh by remembering her father's indignation. "I swear I'll have to sell one of my kidneys if you make me do that. This place is expensive as hell."

"Nah, nothing that you deserve is too expensive."

* * *

Three songs later, we're still embraced, still dancing, thanks to the slow songs the quartet is playing.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes, love?"

"I know I may be ruining the mood here, but do you think we could go back to our table? My feet kinda hurt.

Knowing the height of the heels she's wearing, I don't argue, even though I could have spent days like that with her, I swear. But there will be other chances, I'm sure of it.

"Of course. Let's go."

I extend my elbow for her to take a hold of, and thanking me, she does that and we head to our table.

"What about some dessert?"

"Nah. I don't know how, but even after that small serving, I am full."

"You? Too full for dessert? This is new."

"Hey!" she gets to punch my arm before we take a seat.

"What if we share one? I've heard that they have some dish that is to die for."

"Deal."

* * *

When the dessert is gone and Rose is again smiling happily after this dose of sugar, we leave the restaurant.

Not wanting to go back home and end this date, we walk a little along the empty streets, holding hands and I am supporting some of her weight as I am trying to keep her warm too because I think that my coat on her shoulders is not helping too much with the weather outside and the thin dress she's wearing.

Maybe the alcohol in her blood is helping, but I still think that, after all, despite her protests, those three glasses of wine were a little over her limit. Not that I mind though. She's pointing out to me the littlest things she sees on the street and it's funny to see how those make her smile and be so jolly.

But now, for whatever reason, she stopped in the middle of the street and she keeps on watching me with those big eyes of hers.

"What happened?" I pull away from her enough to look at her better.

She gets her palms on my cheeks, pulling me down as a smile spreads on her lips.

"I… I simply love you, Dimitri."

"Oh, Roza." I put an arm around her a pull her into my embrace. "I love you too."

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that," she whispers into the crook of my neck.

"Then I won't stop saying it."

Getting a hold of the collar of my shirt, she drags me down a little as she lifts on her tippy toes and she crushes her lips against mine, her mouth taking control over this kiss as she's running her fingers through my hair.

Pulling away from me, she smiles once more, that playfulness never leaving her eyes.

"Thank you, Dimitri. Tonight, it was wonderful. I enjoyed our date. That place was amazing."

"Not as amazing as you are tonight."

She chuckles. "Oh, you little charmer." She kisses my cheek now. "Let's get moving, shall we? I want to walk some more."

And getting a hold of my hand, entangling her fingers with mine once more, I let her lead the way.

A couple of streets down the road, we stumble over the bright lights and jolly sounds of a fair. Stopping in the middle of the road, I see Rose's eyes sparkling with interest.

"Do you want to go there?"

"Would you want that?"

"I asked first."

"Fair enough. Well, I guess I would. It looks and sounds fun and I don't think I have been to a fair ever since I was in elementary school. Could we get some cotton candy too?"

"Sure. Let's get you some cotton candy. Maybe I'll win you a teddy bear too."

Her eyes widen. "Would you?"

"Why wouldn't I? I would win you a hundred teddy bears."

She puts her arms around me and squeezes me until I remain breathless. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I laugh. "And then, you'll squeeze that to death in your embrace."

"Nah, you'll always be my favorite, comrade." She smiles once more as she pulls away. "Hey… was this part of your plan?" she inquires, with eyes squinted.

"If I'd say it was would you believe me?" Even though I had no idea that this fair would take place today.

"Honestly? I would. You with your spy stuff, you always come up with the craziest things I didn't know of or expect."

"Then consider it was part of my plan."

"Then, consider that I love your plan."

* * *

Having laughed a lot and trying almost all the games and carousels into the fair, we now make our way to the car, which is a pretty long one, and with me still trying to keep my balance on these heels, I am thankful for Dimitri's arm around my waist, keeping me steady.

Of course, as he promised, he has won me a teddy bear. Two, in fact, as he managed to beat a high score and the owner gave us a double reward, but we both agreed that one Captain Squishy is enough, so we have made a little girl that was trying to win herself one happy.

Looking at him carrying that huge bear under his arm, I smile. His badass-ness looks funny in combination with that huge fluffy thing.

"What?"

"Nothing. I was still wondering how come you still manage to look like such a bad boy even while carrying that."

"Roza, I told you, wait till we get home," he reminds me of his promise.

"Really? And what should I expect, huh?"

Stopping, still holding me, he brings his lips closer to my ear and whispers.

"Je vais te rendre fou ce soir, Roza."

"Wha- what did you say?" who the hell cares what he said? It sounded so hot and his voice was husky and full of desire and God, so is every atom in my body now.

Pulling away, smiling, he shrugs. "I guess you'll have to wait and find out."

"But that's not fair!" I whine and pout.

"I know, love." he kisses my forehead. "But I promise I'll make it up to you later."

"We have a deal then."

As we continue our little promenade, both of us silently agreeing to speed up our pace, this happens.

It starts raining. And it's not a nice, calm one. It is pouring.

With a little squeal from me, we start rushing towards the car, into an attempt to get away, but still, the car is a little too far from us.

And now this happens.

Dimitri stops and his hand holding mine, he stops me too, and already being unsteady on my heels, I almost slip, but he is here to support me as he pulls me onto him and puts his arm around my middle.

"Comrade, what happened? Why did we stop? We're going to get wet." _Wetter_.

"We're already soaking wet, love," he says smiling and I don't know where he's heading with that, but I guess I'll like it.

"And… what do we do here then?"

He pulls me a little closer to him, gluing my front to his, my breasts pressing onto his chest and threatening to spill out of the cleavage of my dress. Thank God I have his coat on me to keep me some kind covered.

"Comrade?" I look at him suspiciously. "What are you…?"

Still smiling, he cups my cheek, dragging me a little up, and I instantly get up on my tippy toes as he bends slowly towards me. But he stops close to my lips and watches me, the droplets of water rolling from the tip of his nose onto my lips, of course, leaving aside all the rain around us.

I frown at him for that delay and he chuckles.

"Always so impatient, love."

"I don't remember you not liking it."

"I never pretended I am not."

But still, he doesn't give me what I want. He brings his hand up to take my hair out of the way. I can now thank God that I only used some waterproof mascara and lipstick to make myself pretty tonight, otherwise Dimitri would have been kissing a raccoon now.

I am breathing faster from the running and for his teasing and my breath comes out in white puffs into this cold air, but I swear that I don't feel a single bit of coldness. With his body against mine, how could I?

He gets that hand now on my lower back, pressing my lower abdomen onto him, the softness of my navel meeting the coldness of his belt buckle, and I tilt my head even more, burning with anticipation.

"Dimitri…" I almost moan as I feel so much more than that belt buckle press onto my flesh.

He smiles wider and finally brings his lips over mine, kissing me gently at first, but increasing the depth with each passing second, his tongue making me lose my mind once more. It's crazy, but each time I kiss him, it's like it's the first time I kiss him all over again.

And I don't care that we are soaking wet. I don't care about anything but him now. Him kissing me feels like summer. He is warming me whole. His tongue is working wonders and I can't keep my fingers from roaming over his chest, exploring each indent of his body through his wet shirt as I sway my body against his into the rhythm of his tongue.

But this bliss doesn't last too long.

Unfortunately, a car comes and shines its lights on us and I forgot, we stopped into the middle of the road!

The driver honks at us and we have to pull away and get out of its way.

When it gets in front of us, the car stops and a man slides the window down.

"What do you think, that you are in some kind of a movie? Get out of the way, you idiots! Go shoot a romcom somewhere else!" he speaks his mind and not waiting for an answer from us, he revs the engine and leaves.

We look at each other and laugh accomplice.

Well, that kiss felt movie-like.

* * *

**DPOV**

Finally getting back to our apartment, as I am closing the door behind me and I make sure that Captain Squishy doesn't wet the floor too much until we get to deal with it, I see that Rose starts undressing. And by undressing, I don't mean that she's taking off the blanket I gave her from the trunk to keep her warm. I mean everything that was on her, which wasn't much anyway.

In less than five seconds, she has gotten rid of her dress and well, that's all it was. She's completely naked now

"Love, what are you doing?"

"I'm undressing, isn't it obvious? And so will you. We are soaking wet and we'll get the floors wet too and that is a mess I don't want to deal with."

She bends and gets the dress off the floor and places it close to the teddy bear, then looks at me expectantly.

"Now it's your turn, comrade." A playful smile spreads on her lips. "Strip down, will you?"

I start unbuttoning my shirt, the look in her eyes making me more than eager to do so.

Seeing me do that, she smiles and starts walking towards our bedroom.

"I'm waiting for you in the shower," she says when she reaches the doorway with that playful smile still on her lips. "I want to get warmer and…" she bites her lower lip. "I'm thinking that maybe we could continue what we started… you know… in the car..." she winks and goes away.

Her words take me by surprise but I don't protest, not at all. I only strip down faster.

I love how uninhibited she has become. When we have started becoming closer, she wouldn't even have been naked around me for too long and now... wow. Even earlier, in the car… yeah. I am attributing this to the alcohol too, but anyway, I love seeing her playful and teasing and owning her sexiness.

My clothes except my boxers having the same fate as hers, I don't waste another second. It wouldn't be nice to keep her waiting after all.

Getting inside the bathroom, I find her washing away some foam off her hair.

"Hey, you." The door of the cabin already open, she gets a hand out and taking a hold of mine, she pulls me inside. "I thought I told you to strip down," she complains before pulling me down to kiss me.

Yeah, she said that, but this piece of material is the only thing still keeping me from losing it. By seeing her undress, it's not hard to imagine what she has already done to me.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"You know..."

She puts some shower gel on her palms and starts rubbing them together, then she places them on my chest, as I make myself busy with caressing her hips. Well, caressing is a too behaved word. I am mostly trying not to dig my fingers into her flesh.

"You always ask me what I like, and you always do that, and I was wondering… What if... tonight..." her hands sliding past my abs and resting on my hips, she comes closer to me and her pointy nipples brush on my chest, which is too much of a sweet torture.

Seeing me look at her breasts, she chuckles, making them deliciously bounce.

"Comrade, do you even pay attention to what I'm saying?"

"Huh?" I look back up at her amused face.

She smiles even wider. "I was trying to tell you something, remember?"

"Mhm. Yes. Sure. I am listening." Or at least I am trying to. I swear I am doing my best.

"Yeah, you obviously were," she says looking down to the previous spot I was exploring with my eyes. I do the same, and again, I get a tingle into the tips of my fingers. I can even imagine the way she'd shiver if I'd squeeze her peak.

She laughs once more and this time, her fingers getting under my chin, she tilts my head back up.

I clear my throat and try to act more composed than I actually am.

"You have all my uninterrupted attention now, love. What were you saying?"

"I wanted to make you a proposition," she says playfully as she walks her fingers across my collarbones.

"I'm listening." I am quite curious what that proposition consists of.

One of her hands still keeping my head tilted, her other slides down in between us and rounds onto the bulge in my boxers, that were already ready to pop.

Seeing that I am already hard, she smiles proudly. She has reasons to. How could a man not react to her?

And talking about reacting, she strokes me, and not seeing it coming, I hear my groan echoing into the little space of the shower. Now, I don't know for how long the material could hang in there.

It's good that she takes care of that too, sliding them off and I step out of them, getting back to that closeness between us.

"Back to what I was saying," she tries to play it cool too, but I know I am not the only one close to losing it. We just have to wait and see who gives in first. "I was thinking that tonight..." her fingers wrapping on me and moving up and down, slowly and unmercifully, I guess I already know who would give in first. "I could do..."

She moves a little faster, making me grunt some more, and I have to rest a hand on the wall behind her, getting to trap her in between me and the wall in the process. But this stream of hot water washing over my back now, it comes as a little relief to the teasing she's doing.

"You were saying? What could you... oh, Roza... do?"

"That's the thing. I could do..." her lips kissing their way up to my ear, she whispers. "I could do whatever you please."

"Whatever I... oh, fuck, love... I please… huh?"

"Yes," She says so determined and her fingers get a better grip around me as my hips get matching the rhythm of her pace. "Whatever you want, Dimitri."

"Then, I want you to..."

She speeds up and trapping my leg in between hers, she starts grinding her hips on me, her other hand wrapped around my shoulders for some support.

"Yeah?" she moans.

"_God_, don't stop for now, love. Don't stop."

"I wasn't even intending to."

"Good. Me either."

"Huh? What won't you stop?"

"This."

I slide my free hand down on her body and after lifting one of her legs on my hip, I pat my way in between her legs and I don't wait for any cue to slip my fingers in her. Why not repay her? She doesn't need to do everything by herself after all.

"Oh, comrade." She pushes her hips forward and I soon get her moaning like crazy, her sounds matching mine as none of us stop our movements. "God, Dimitri, I… take me now."

* * *

Her legs are still wrapped around my hips, I am still in her and she is still moaning as she places little kisses on the side of my neck.

"Oh, Dimitri. I liked our date tonight. I loved everything tonight."

"I am glad to hear that." I kiss her back a couple of times, her lips being now sweeter than ever.

"It was amazing and fun and... Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, love. Just wait for the others. I'm sure I can do better than this."

"Others?" her eyes widen. "Will there be other times? Dates?"

"Of course there will. What? Didn't you say you would go on a million dates with me?"

"I… I did…"

"But what?" I sensed a but coming there. "Don't you think we could have that?"

"No. I do." She smiles, and the surprise washes away from her features. "I do think that. And I want it too."

"Good. Because I want that too." Normality. With her. That's all I want. A whole life of that.

* * *

We're lying in bed now, two more glasses of wine shared, some more playing, some more talking, some more kissing, some more loving later and I simply hold her. That's all I needed for this night to end perfectly.

"Roza?"

"Yes?" she tilts her head to watch me, and I see the sleepiness in her eyes. Yeah, I think I'm guilty of wearing her out tonight. And it's late too.

"You know, I still have those plane tickets."

"Shoot. I forgot about them. For when?"

"We should leave a week from now. If you still want to, of course."

"So soon?"

"Yes."

"And why the hell wouldn't I want to go?" I shrug instead of reminding her of all the reasons I apologized for these past days. "Where we're going?"

"I know where, I already told you."

"Yeah, but I don't."

"That's what I was aiming for, love."

"Yeah, I forgot you don't want to tell me." she sticks her tongue out and lifting her head off my chest, she comes on top of me to kiss me. "Then yes. We have a deal, comrade. Let's get away next week. Hell, I'd get away with you at this very moment."

* * *

**RPOV**

"So, you have a beach house after all."

"I told you I do. All I did was to change its location."

"Yeah, because Cancun is so much worse than Barbados. I never expected you to have a beach house in the first place. Not to talk about it being in fucking Barbados! Seeing the tickets, I thought that you were bringing me here to, I don't know, stay at a fancy hotel, but you bring me to your house?"

It looks amazing. First, it's a beach house. Is there more to say about it? Besides that, it's modern and stuff, with big windows, a perfect view, a nice porch, and wow, it has a little swing too! I think I am already in love with this house and I haven't even seen what's on the inside.

"So, you don't like it?" you can see the disappointment on his face as he asks me this.

"You're crazy? Who wouldn't love this place? It's amazing here! It's Barbados and it's _your_ house. It out passes all the fancy, expensive hotels here." Plus, I love it because it's a little part of him, so how could I prefer a hotel? "For how long are we staying?"

"For how long you want."

"You're serious?"

"Very, love."

"Oh, Dimitri." I wrap my arms around his neck and I hold him tight. "This is wonderful. Thank you for bringing me here." pulling away from him, a thought comes to my mind. "But do tell me, how many women did you bring here on a romantic escapade, huh?"

His features get serious and he moves his eyes from one side to another, counting in his mind, and I can't believe it, he has a long goddamn list. And it is still unwrapping in his mind. It takes him about a minute to respond!

"None. Just you."

"I beg your pardon? And what was the thing with the counting? And why don't I believe you?"

He smiles. "Okay, I did that counting thing because it was fun to see your face while I was doing it. You should have seen how surprised you were that I was still counting, love."

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I was."

I don't mind knowing that he had other women before me, but I didn't expect so many of them to have come here. Call me crazy, but I somehow wanted to be privileged to have been brought here.

"I am not lying to you. I don't see the point of not being honest with you about this thing."

I smile and kiss him once more. "So, I am the only woman who has ever come here."

"Yes. You're the only person rather than me who has come here, in fact."

"Not even Ivan?"

"He doesn't even know this house exists."

"So, you mean, no one has ever come here but you?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

He shrugs. "I liked coming here alone." So this is like a little refuge of his.

"And why bring me here then?"

"Because I wanted you here, with me. It's that simple, Roza."

"Thanks." He has no idea how much this little gesture means to me.

* * *

**DPOV**

After exploring the house together and showing her all that is to be seen around here, now, as I am putting some of the groceries we've bought into their place, Rose comes into the kitchen too, carrying a little chair with her.

"What are you doing with that?"

"What does it seem like I want to do with it?"

"Get something off the last shelve?" I can't help but tease.

She squints her eyes at me as she places the little chair in front of me.

"Maybe I'll change my mind about what I wanted to do, and decide to punch you. How about that?"

I laugh. "I think I'll want to know what your first intention was before deciding."

"This."

Getting up the little chair, she is now at the same height as me, and putting her arms around my neck, she kisses me.

I smile at her. "You know, you could have asked me to bend."

"And where would have been the fun in that, huh?"

I pick her up and sitting her on the counter, I kiss her once more.

"Do you have any other fun ways to kiss me? Should I expect some more things like these?" I tease her a little more, and she sticks her tongue out at me.

"Sure. I have plenty of ideas down my sleeve. What do you say that the next time I want to kiss you, I punch you in the stomach and when you bend down in pain I'll kiss you, huh?"

At this, I laugh. "It sounds tempting, but what if you just ask me to bend? Or drag me down? It's simple, love, you don't have to try too much."

"Maybe I don't. And yeah, it's simple. But not fun. Practical…" She grabs me by the collar of my shirt and pulls me to her. "But not fun," She says before kissing me once more.

* * *

At lunch, she plays me once more. I love it when she comes up with all these fun ideas.

"Hey, comrade, there's something on your lips." That wouldn't surprise me. With the way she cooks, it's a miracle I don't have food all over my face, that fast I am eating.

"What is it?" I wipe my lips with my thumb. "Is it gone?"

"No. Here, let me wipe it."

She lifts a little from her chair and I do too, bending over the table. But what does she do? She kisses me.

"Got you," she giggles.

I smile and kiss her once more.

"Is it gone now?"

"Definitely, comrade."

Sitting back down, we share the cupcakes we've gotten out of the oven, and, after that, as we head to our room, an idea comes to my mind.

"So, now that everything has been taken care of, and that you've taken your dose of sugar, what do you think about going out tonight?"

"Like, explore the surroundings?" I nod. "I'd love that."

Getting up on two stairs, getting to be a little taller than me, she cups my cheeks and kisses my forehead.

"I want you to show me everything. And we'd better go get ready for later. Or even better! We could go out now. I bet there are so many things to see." Her eyes get glowing with excitement, and even her voice high-pitches a little.

"There are. But you know, we have all these days to go see everything."

"Yeah, you're right. So, how do you propose we spend this time we have, huh?" she asks me smiling, our minds already thinking of the same thing.

"I think I can come up with a thing or two."

"You do, huh?" she bites her lip and wiggles her eyebrows playfully. "Care to share?"

"Well, first of all…" I get a hold of her hand and pull her closer to me. "You know that no one has ever seen my room, don't you?"

Her smile widens. "Yeah, that's true. And how do you plan to remedy that?"

"I'll better show you."

"Yeah, if you can catch me."

"What?"

"You heard me."

Ripping away from me, she starts running, giggling all the way up the stairs.

It doesn't take me much to find her. After all, even though she's hiding into one of the rooms upstairs, she still can't contain her harsh breath.

And she didn't choose her spot too well either. She's now trapped in between a dresser and the wall, and, of course, I am here too.

As I pull the drape away, I find her smiling at me, biting her lip.

"Hey there, comrade."

"Hey there, love. Is there a prize I get for finding you?"

"Sure."

Leaving her spot, she comes closer to me and starts to kiss me as she's pushing me little by little backward. That, until my legs reach the bed and she pushes me in bed, a playful smile spreading on her lips.

Mounting on my thighs, she gets rid of her tank top in no time, remaining bare from the waist up.

"Would you like this prize, comrade?"

* * *

**RPOV**

Later on, after we hardly even wanted to leave the bed, we finally got some clothes on and got to a long walk along the beach.

And now, on our way back, we've stopped into a bar close to the house, one that I think I'll love coming back to. It is full of jolly people and the vibe in here is amazing and the drinks that the bartender prepares, they're heavenly.

Being on my second cocktail, my body full of a new surge of sugar from all the syrup, I finally need to go visit the restroom.

Coming out of there, I find myself being dragged back to some months ago and I start feeling sick, just by remembering that night.

I see a woman sitting on a chair close to Dimitri (and by close, I mean, there's not much space left in between their chairs), and she's there to flirt with him, that I immediately pick onto. She's already parading her cleavage as she's sipping from a cocktail, and I can see it on her face that she wants a piece of him.

Who knows, maybe they have already spoken about some shit. After all, I've been away for long enough.

My nerves already stretched to the maximum, I go behind them, and I swear, if I could have, I would have slipped in between their chairs, but the space was too little.

I am boiling with anger and I have to keep my arms crossed so that I wouldn't rip someone's neck.

How dare she? How dare _he_?

The first one that looks at me is Dimitri, of course, but I repay him with a killing glare.

She looks at me too, eventually, her eyes scanning me head to toe, and she thinks she is superior to me, I can see it in her eyes. And I mean, she has all the reasons to be because she looks gorgeous and she knows it and I know it and everybody here knows it! I guess that even Dimitri is aware of that!

She waves her hand around, like dismissing me.

"Go away, honey. He's already taken."

I look at Dimitri and raise my eyebrows. So, they have already set things for the night?

_"Is he_?" He smiles at me and he looks so amused by this. But I am not. Not even a little bit.

"Yes," the woman's response comes.

"Yeah? And who says that?"

"I do. Now, piss off."

"In fact, she's with me," Dimitri finally speaks and the woman's jaw drops.

"My bad. Is she like, your sister or something?"

Her answer makes me lose my mind. She thinks she's so good. She thinks she's better than me. And maybe she is. But Dimitri is _mine_.

I turn to face him and even though he's still amused and I am still pissed off, I do this thing.

"Would siblings do this?"

I cup his cheeks and pulling him to me, I kiss him hard, pressing my lips onto his and I soon bring my tongue into the game too, kissing him like never before, and I take him and her and even myself by surprise because I don't know where this impulse came from. After all, wasn't I the adept of keeping things private?

Soon, he places his palms on my hips and drags me closer and responds to my kiss, his tongue playing this game too.

I hear her chair scraping on the floor as she gets up and now I pull away from Dimitri too. I meet her surprised face. Apologetic too.

"Okay, this was obviously a misunderstanding. I'll leave. I didn't want to spoil anything that you guys have."

Yeah because I would have scooped her eyes out if she would have tried anything.

The woman leaving, I remain alone with Dimitri. He is watching me and smiles playfully as he licks his lips.

"Such a kiss, love," he says putting his hands again on my body and pulling me closer to him, spreading his legs so that I would have enough space to fit. "I liked seeing you like this."

"Like this how?"

"Fiery, love." he nudges his nose along my cheek.

"You did, huh?" I ask, but he doesn't notice the sarcasm in my voice. He thinks I am playing too.

"Oh, yeah. You were so feisty." His fingers swirl past my tailbone. "I like it when you get like this. I like your eyes when you get mad. And I especially liked this."

He wants to kiss me again but I pull my lips away.

"That's good. Keep that kiss in mind, comrade, because you're not getting any other soon."

He frowns, confused and displeased.

"What? Why?"

"Because you…" I take his hands off me and let them hang in the air as I take a step back. "Because you were doing what you were doing, that's why," I whisper to him and turn around to leave, but he catches me by my hand and pulls me back.

"Roza…" he says still amused, thinking that I am playing, but I am so not playing. I am angry and I don't even know why! I just know that I lost it when I've seen them at the bar.

I turn to face him and speak angrily, still keeping my voice down so that I wouldn't make a fool of myself in here. Or more than I have already had.

"Don't you _Roza_ me. Don't call me that after you go ahead and do what you do."

"But I wasn't doing anything. I _did_ nothing. Why would I even- _ever_ do such a thing?"

"Yeah, maybe that's the thing. You didn't do shit. You let her come and flirt with you."

He chuckles and it makes me angrier. He is taking it all like it would be a game. But I am not playing! I am dead serious!

"Love, she came here and sat and ordered herself a drink. I haven't paid any attention to her, besides hearing what she ordered. She took a seat here not long before you came back. She didn't even start to speak to me, I swear. And even if she would have, she would have been speaking by herself because I wouldn't have been listening. I wasn't even looking at her, Rose. You know I was watching that match."

"Yeah, I bet that that match was more interesting than her cleavage."

"Roza, what is all this?"

"Well…"

I don't know why I don't listen to him, why I don't give him the reason of doubt, why I don't trust him, but I am too angry to think straight. He indeed wasn't looking at her. But what if he did before I came back? What if he is lying me to my face about it? It happened to me before.

"Well, I don't care."

I turn around once more and before he catches me, I get out of the bar and I walk as fast as I can on the now cold sand outside, and that is hard as hell to do as my feet are sinking into the sand, but I don't stop.

Look at him! He had the audacity to be amused by my reaction. Was I funny? No! I was serious! I am taking all this seriously. He is the one looking for fun with slutty women!

"Rose." I hear him calling for me, but I decide to ignore him further.

But soon enough, he reaches me and this time, when he gets a hold of me, he doesn't seem willing to let go. Despite my struggling and wiggling and squirming, he is holding me tight against his body, his arms around me.

"Let _go_ of me."

"No."

He holds me until I calm down. Well, calm down is an overstatement. I just stop struggling along the minutes that pass.

"I am not letting go of you if you are still upset with me."

"Well, then we'll stay here forever."

"Fine. We'll stay here forever."

"Dimitri... let go of me. I can't stand to be you around now."

"Rose…" he brings his hand up and puts my hair behind my ear. "Wha-"

But him holding me with only one arm now, I manage to wiggle my way out of his grasp and he even lets go of me.

As I walk further, I hear him following me. Would he follow me wherever I go? And after all, where I am going?

Anywhere. Anyway away from him.

"Roza, _stop_." But I don't. "Come on, don't be so stubborn."

But I don't listen to him. I just walk. I want to be away from him.

And he doesn't let me be. _He's_ the stubborn one!

He tries to get a hold of my hand again.

"Go away! Let me be." I pull away from him some more. "I am angry with you."

"Well, good thing that you have nothing to throw at me now."

"What?"

"Each time when you are angry with me, you start throwing things at me, love."

"Really?"

He gets amused again as he responds. "Well, yes. You do."

"Good. Then let me show you how angry I am."

Looking around for something to throw at him, I find only sand around me. So I resume to my slippers. I take them both out and throw them at him. Of course, it was all for nothing. That didn't hurt. It only made him smile a little wider!

"And now what are you going to do? You had two of them."

"Damn you!"

I turn around and leave. Why is he taking this as a joke?

"Rose! Rose… come on."

"What, Dimitri? _What?!" _I stop and turn to face him, and he almost crashes into me, but to my luck, he stops just in time.

Getting a hold of my middle, he pulls me towards him once more and smiles.

"You're jealous, love."

"_What_?"

"You've always been timid, but impulsive when angry. Feisty at times too. I've always loved that about you, but now? Now, you're jealous."

I frown so deep that my forehead hurts.

"_What? _No."

Am I jealous? Hell, of course I am! But I can't let him be right. It's not about me being jealous. It's about him doing the wrong thing.

"I am not jealous," I try to brush it off.

"You are."

_"Am not_. You are _delirious_ if you think that, Dimitri."

"You look beautiful when you are angry and so, so jealous."

"I am _not_ jealous, goddamnit!"

"Then give me a kiss." He bends a little, bringing his lips closer to mine.

"Get away from me." I place my palm over his mouth, the only gesture of resistance I can do now.

"Come on. Just a kiss. Show me you aren't jealous."

"I don't need to show you anything because I am not jealous."

"Fine. Then give me a kiss. Show me. And after all, I am entitled to have one. Considering our little agreement, I still have nine left and I can ask for one whenever I want. And I want one now, love."

_"No. _You're not getting any kiss, screw that agreement."

"You are definitely jealous. Angry too."

"Well, maybe I am. I am angry!"

"Well, _now_ we're talking."

"No, we are _not_. Because I am not going to talk to you."

I try to wiggle my way out of his embrace, but he holds me tighter.

"Come on, Roza."

"Don't you Roza me, and not with that tone. You won't appease me."

"Look, love." he caresses my cheek and tilts my head, obliging me to look into his eyes. "I hate that you are mad at me, but God, you look so hot. You're always so beautiful when you're angry."

"So I look good when I am angry?" that's his approach to this?

"Yes. And hot. So, so hot. I'd put you down and take you right here on the beach, love, to hell with common sense." Why is he flirting with me instead of apologizing or something?!

_Maybe because he knows he's innocent and you're acting crazy?_

"Well, too bad for you. You're not getting any. You're not getting a kiss, and you're definitely not getting any sex. And get ready because I am slowly turning to gorgeous if you don't stop talking shit."

"Talk to me, love." his voice softens and the amusement washed away from his features.

"I would if you would stop treating me as a joke!"

Now is the moment he starts taking things seriously.

"Hey, no. You're… no, no. You're not a joke to me, love. Never." He lays my cheek onto his chest and even though I should pull away, I don't. I love how his fingers play onto the back of my head. It has a soothing effect on me. "Oh, Roza. I'm sorry if that's what you thought. I didn't mean it to come out like that. I am sorry I laughed. I didn't take things seriously enough, it seems. I'm sorry about that." For a minute, we sit like that, his head resting on top of mine and him playing with my hair. "But…"

"But what?"

"Talk to me, love."

"Don't call me that either. I am mad at you."

"And how long will it take you to calm down and tell me why you're mad at me?"

"A while."

"A long one?"

"A _very long_ one. I am boiling with anger."

"I think I might have a solution to that."

The next thing I know is that he picks me up and puts me on his shoulder.

I start punching and kicking with my legs too, trying to escape.

"Let go of me! Put me down in this very second! I mean it! I am not a sack of potatoes! Put me down. Now!"

"Or what?" He asks as he's casually walking with me on his shoulder on the empty beach, heading for the water. I don't like where things are heading. I don't like where _we're_ heading.

"Or I'll… I'll…"

"You'll what?" he isn't amused anymore, but his approach still seems like a lighthearted one, which annoys me further.

But what _can I do_? He always could handle me like this and it has always been hard for me to make him stop. All I could do was to protest. Which I do this time too.

"I am not yours to handle at will, Dimitri. _Put. Me. Down_. _Now_! Put me down. I mean it!"

"No."

"Where are you taking me?" like I don't already know. But maybe he is having other plans.

"Somewhere to get you cooled off faster, so that then we could talk after. So that you'll talk to me in the first place. I think the water is cold enough, don't you think so?"

"No! I don't want that. Put me down, Dimitri, now!"

I start pounding my fists against his back again, but he doesn't care. He picks up his pace before I slip out of his grasp, and heads towards the water.

Getting there, he plunges into the ocean with me still attached to him and as the cold water prickles my skin, I squeal quite loudly, but he has finally let go of me, or maybe I became a little too slippery into the water.

When I get to the surface to get a gulp of air, I find myself in front of him and he's again smiling, this little bastard.

"Feeling better? Cooler?"

"Yeah, _much_ better, thank you very much."

I splash some water at him and after I punch him too, I try to swim away from him, but he catches me once more and pulls me to him. Gluing our front bodies, I know for sure that he won't let go of me again.

But do I stop trying to get away? Of course not.

I try to wiggle my way out, but without any escape.

"Dimitri." I growl. "Let me go."

"Come on, Roza." his voice becomes soothing and he cups my cheek, making me watch him once more. "What's the matter? You don't trust me? Do you think that I would-"

"I do trust you, but… It's more that I didn't trust her around you than vice versa."

"So why am I the one being scolded?"

"Ugh, I don't know! But you weren't saying no either!"

"I didn't say anything because she didn't say anything, and even if she would have said, I swear, I would have turned her down. I didn't even think that she took a seat there wanting to flirt to me. I didn't care about that."

"Fine," I say grumpily, agreeing to it, even though I think the whole bar was thinking that she was there to flirt with him. It was so damned obvious. So how could he not see it?

"Love…" he passes his thumb past my cheek, like knowing that there are tears falling down my cheeks and not droplets of water. "It's not fine. Tell me what's really wrong. Let me know what's bothering you."

"Nothing. It's nothing more than..."

He tilts his head.

"Roza… you didn't just get jealous and did all this without a bigger reason. I mean, I get it, but… What's the matter here? What's really bothering you?"

"And why not wouldn't it be just that? Why wouldn't I just get jealous? I had a reason, didn't I? You two seemed pretty interested in each other."

I say that even though I didn't see that happening, even though I have seen it so clearly that he wasn't paying any attention to her, and I know I am acting like the biggest idiot, but I can't stop the words flowing out of my mouth.

"And I kind of spoiled your thing, didn't I? Two's a company, three's a crowd."

This was a hit under the belt, I know it. And I don't even know why I am acting this moody. Why am I acting this way? It's not like me. Hell, I can't even blame my period for my moodiness. But this... This is not me. And I know I am acting like an idiot being this jealous for no good reason.

But in my stupidity, I don't stop.

"And I was obviously not a part of your party. Unless you were aiming for a threesome, of course."

His face darkens and I completely realize the shit I have just spoken, and I am so sorry for it, but it's a little too late to take it back. I now can't even look him in the eyes.

"Look at me."

With one arm holding me tighter, like knowing I'd want to flee again, he tilts my head, obliging me to look up, to face the indignation in his eyes.

"That is _not true_ and you know it. You know I would never, _ever_, look at any other woman except you, Roza." He sighs, and next, his voice softens as he passes his fingers through my hair. "What's the matter? What got you so upset? What happened? What got you saying that thing?"

"Because… I…" now my reasons seem so fucking stupid and they _are_ stupid and _I_ am stupid too for reacting like this and I don't know what to say now to mend things.

"It's nothing. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was cruel."

"No. We're not leaving things unresolved like this. I don't want you to continue to be upset with me or to not have solved this. So talk to me. Tell me."

"It's stupid."

"I bet it's not, but even if you think that, tell me anyway."

"Seeing you two… seeing her there, around you… I got reminded of… of one thing… and I… I'm sorry. I was acting like an idiot."

"Is it about him? About Xavier? About something he did?" He picks onto what's wrong without me even saying it.

I nod. "I'm sorry I am bringing him up."

"No, it's perfectly fine, love. You can bring him up how many times you want. If you want to talk about it…" he sighs. "He… I get it that he hurt you, but… I don't know what he did, but I would never do what he..." he shakes his head. "Never."

"I am not trying to compare you to him because you are nothing like him. But sometimes I… I'm sorry."

"Stop this, love. Don't be sorry about anything. Just tell me, what are you afraid of?"

"That you..." I shrug. "I don't know... That you… you will leave me one day."

He frowns and I continue with my idiotic explanation, and hell, I didn't even know I was afraid of this until I started voicing it.

"But not in that way it... it already happened. I fear that you... that you would want someone else. That you would get bored of me. That you…" I start crying again, this time more obvious, the sobs shaking my chest. "And I know it's stupid because you have shown me so many times that you won't and you have been there for me on so many occasions and- and I am so stupid for thinking all these things because I know you Dimitri, and I know that you would never do such a thing to me but…"

**DPOV**

After trying to wipe her tears and contain her sobs, she walks her fingers on my jaw, sighing.

"It has happened before to me, so many times, and until you, no one… no one has wanted me like this and-" another surge of sobs stops her.

"Hey." I get her hands in mine and hold them tight. "It's fine."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought so wrongly about you." She bursts in tears and I take her in my embrace, trying to make it all go away.

"Tell me what he did. I want to understand."

Through some more sobs and tears, she tells me about one particular night when she went with him to a party. And on top of it all, it was the party with which all this mess started.

"And what were you thinking, love? That I would-"

_"No_. I mean... I don't know. But come on. Have you even looked at her?"

"For a second, yes. I won't lie that I didn't. I looked at her when you came and she told you to go away."

"And?"

"And what? What is it about her? Did she have two heads or something?"

"_And_ _what_?" she looks at me transmitting a strong 'are fucking kidding me?' "Have you _really_ looked at her?"

"Not really. I didn't care about her, I told you. But anyway, why would I be looking at her in the first place?"

"Because she was so fucking hot!" she continues to protest. "She was flawless. She was fucking gorgeous! That blonde hair and that body, those were perfect! She looked like she has come out of a runway. And her face! She was so beautiful. And so hot!" I shrug. I don't think that, to be honest. "Come on! Don't shrug like that. Half the bar was drooling over her, and I bet that even some of the women in there were too!" She sighs and looks down at the water around us. "I mean… her… she was… and you… and I…" she gulps and new tears fall from her eyes.

I think I get it now.

"Oh, Roza. That was it? That's what was bothering you? That she was hot?"

She makes little waves with her fingers patting the water.

"I can't compare myself to her," she mumbles.

"Good. Because I don't even want you to. Because _she_ doesn't compare to you."

"Yeah, sure."

"Love…" I cup her cheeks and make her look at me. "You don't even _have_ to compare yourself to her. How good did she look anyway?" she throws me a glance, being on the verge of starting to protest once more and reminding me of how perfect that woman looked. "Fine, fine, maybe she was fucking gorgeous. So what if half the bar was drooling over her and some of the women too? You know that I wasn't. And do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I am too busy drooling over you, love." she wants to look down once more, but I don't let her. "Look at me."

"But I feel so stupid."

"No, Roza. Don't. Look at me." she moves her eyes up, the moonlight reflecting in her tears, and I hurry to wipe them. "_She_ doesn't even compare to you, not the other way around."

"Yeah, sure," she puffs.

"Yes. In my eyes, that's how it is. You don't have the slightest idea how beautiful you are to me, love. Sometimes I forget that you can't see yourself through my eyes and see how beautiful you are to me. For me, no woman compares to you. Trust me, Roza. You're so beautiful to me and… how can I look at other women when I can barely get my eyes off you? Stop comparing yourself to others. They don't matter to me. You do. I care about you, not them." She starts crying once again, harder this time. "Roza? What's the matter now?"

"Nothing. Just... what you said… you're so sweet and understanding and I… oh, how could I doubt you? How could I think that… I'm an idiot."

She puts her arms around me and holds me so, so tight, and I hold her too and wait until she stops crying, holding her hand in mine the whole time and kissing her knuckles from time to time.

She sniffs her nose one last time and props her forehead on my chest.

"I am sorry, Dimitri. I am an idiot."

"You are not, love. I understand your reasons, but now, look at me and listen to me well, okay?" She nods conscientiously. "There is no one, and I mean, _no one_ else I see except you. It's just you. Only you. Every single day. You got me hooked up on you like no one before, with all this. With you. By you, being _you. _That is more than enough for me. I love you for you and I wouldn't change anything about you. You are simply perfect to me."

"Now I feel even more stupid for thinking that."

"Oh, Roza. You don't have to. I am the one sorry for I took it all as something amusing. I didn't know how important this was for you. I thought that it was a little game and... I was an idiot in the first place. _I'm_ sorry, Roza."

She smiles at me. "It' fine. I was acting crazy too. I don't know what came over me. I lost it a little, I guess." Yeah, I know how that's like. It happened to me way too many times.

"It's fine. But promise me one thing."

"What?"

"That you will never, ever, ever, _ever, _torture yourself with these kinds of thoughts. I don't need another woman and I am not going anywhere. Not now, not ever, and especially not to anyone else either. I promised you that and I am saying it again now. You are not going to lose me. I'm never leaving. Never again. I promised you I will try my best to be the man you deserve."

Her smile widens and she caresses my cheek. "But you already are the man I want. You are great."

"Don't praise me that much. It might get to my head, love."

She chuckles. "But… but why?"

"Why what?"

"Why me?"

"Love, you will need to use more words than those two because I am afraid I am not following."

"Dimitri," she sighs. "I know I am not anywhere close to any of the women you have been with before. I know I am different from them..."

"I don't think I like where you are heading, but I will entertain you and ask. What is your point?"

"My question is why."

"Why what?"

"Why or how come you are still with me. After being with those women, why me?"

I shake my head in disbelief as I laugh a little. She's unbelievable.

"Love, I can't believe that you're asking me that."

"Well, I am. I want to know."

"Fine, then I'll answer. Just because."

"Just because of what?"

"Just because you are so different. You're more beau-" she wants to stop me once more, but I put my index on her lips, stopping her protests. "Na-ah. I am speaking now and you won't contradict me." she nods, even though she doesn't like the idea too much. "Good. Now, getting back to what I was saying. You are more beautiful to me than any other woman I have ever been with. You have this… this _something _that drives me insane, and I swear I can't pinpoint it, but oh, how I love it. And besides that, you have substance."

"Like, physically?"

She frowns and her eyes already look down as she's ready to find something wrong about her, I am sure of that. So I make sure not to let her search.

"That too, of course." She frowns some more and I can't help it but laugh. "You got it wrong. I was intending it to be a compliment, love."

Sliding my palms past her wet dress, I cup her butt cheeks, squeezing them as I pull her towards me, then I move them up on her back, until I reach the fullness of her breast, and I can't resist the temptation to pass my thumb past her pointy nipple. Closing her eyes, she sighs and presses her forehead against my chest.

"I love this too about you. And I love what your body does to mine each time you touch me." moving my finger past her cheeks, I am glad to find out that she's not crying anymore. "But that's not what I meant in the first place. What I meant with substance, was like, the grey one."

"Oh! Like, in my head."

"Yes, love. In your head. You're smart and funny and silly at times and you say the most-"

"_Stupid_?"

I am the one frowning this time. "I think I said no contradicting."

"I wasn't contradicting you. I was filling up the blanks."

"Well, you filled this one wrong. I wanted to say interesting and funny. And Roza, for all the things happening here," I touch her temple. "And here, especially." I bring my palm over the place where I can feel her heartbeat. "Because of _that_, I love you. That's why. Those are my reasons. You're beautiful, on the outside, but mostly, on the inside. You're not superficial. You're kind and caring and you couldn't care less about yourself when it comes to the ones you love, a thing that makes me want to smack my head against a wall, with all the ways you're ready to put yourself in danger, but you still do it, you love the people around you to death, and this is what makes you amazing and makes me want to be with you. That is what makes me love you."

"Comrade... you'll make me cry again." But it's a little too late. Her eyes are already teary.

I take her hand in mine and join our fingers, and continue speaking, even with the risk of making her cry a little more.

"I love your body too. But mostly, I love what's inside you."

"My organs?" She says smiling.

I laugh heartily at this. "See? This is what I love about you. And you know what I meant."

"I do." She sighs and lays her cheek on my chest.

"You're not just a nice wrapping to me, like the many women I have met. You're a whole. And why would I waste my time on a nickel when… when… how is that idiom?"

"When you have a dime."

"Nah, I don't have a dime. I have a whole lingo here."

"You're a sweetheart, you know that?"

She wraps herself on me, holding me tight and kissing me all over my face.

"I am sorry for acting like such a bitch. I don't know what came over me. I was an idiot to be that moody. After all, I've seen that you didn't do anything but I got reminded of that and... and I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand. But…"

"But what?"

"You know, he can't hurt you anymore."

"Yeah, I know. But…" she shrugs.

"But the things he has done to you still linger." I don't even ask because I know it's true.

She nods. "I promised myself that I wouldn't let it happen, that he would never, _ever_ get to me again, but… but this happened tonight and it all came back."

"It's okay. We'll deal with it."

She smiles. "Together."

"Yes. Together. And… to be completely honest, if I would have seen you around other men, it would have driven me mad."

She chuckles. "It would?"

"Yes. You have no idea how hard it is not to want to go and smack every single man we come across."

"But why would you want to smack them?"

"Roza, you don't have the slightest idea about the way they look at you."

"Because they are _not."_

"But they do. I see them."

"Come on. That's not true. Don't lie just to make me feel better about my silly jealousy."

"But I am not. That's totally true. And I can't stand it. But don't get me wrong here, I am not saying this in a possessive way. But still, I want you to be only mine."

She smiles. "But I am. I'll always be yours. And only yours."

"Good. Because you're the only one I want."

"I am?"

"All the time."

* * *

**RPOV**

After our little altercation is mended, I come to find that I enjoy being in the water in the middle of the night. I love floating out here, in almost the middle of nowhere, with Dimitri close to me, as we're counting the stars in the sky, talking about everything and nothing in particular.

"You know, sea otters hold hands while they sleep so they won't drift away from each other. Just like we do now."

He laughs as he pulls me closer to him, and we get back to a straight position.

"My smarty pants." He ruffles my hair before kissing me.

* * *

"How many other bedrooms are in this house, huh?"

With the corner of my eye, I see a cheeky smile spread on his lips. Yeah, another funny thing I said after sex. Is he keeping a list, I wonder.

"Why? Do you have something on your mind, love?"

I turn on my side under the sheet that's the single thing keeping my sweaty body covered, it's softness against my body not comparing to Dimitri's fingers caressing my hip.

"Well, we already inaugurated two of them today."

His smile widens. "I think I like where you're heading with that thought."

I pull my sore muscles a little more and make the effort to lay myself on him.

"You do, huh?"

"You have no idea how much. But do you think it's fair that only the bedrooms get our attention?"

I laugh. "Is that so? And what room do you suggest we try next?"

"Whichever you want, love."

Kissing my forehead, he starts playing with a strand of my hair.

"You have a thing for that, comrade."

"For what?"

"For my hair. You always play with it."

"No, that is not true."

"Isn't it?" I lift my eyebrows to emphasize my disbelief. "Then why are you doing this as we're speaking?" I look at the strand he is currently playing with, rounded on his finger. "Here is the proof, isn't it?"

He smiles. "No. I mean yes. But I was trying to say that I don't have a thing for your hair only. In fact, I have a thing for you, Roza." His palm spreading on my lower back, he pulls me a little up so that our lips could meet. "For all of you, if you haven't realized until now."

I nuzzle my nose against his and smile.

"Don't you worry. I think I am starting to get it." How could I not after all the words he has said to me today?

"Considering our talk in the ocean?"

"Mhm."

"Good."

I rest my forehead on his as I get up and mount on his hips, then kiss him, my lips playing along his smiling ones.

"What?"

"Someone's a little insatiable tonight, huh?"

"Don't you pretend that you don't like it."

"I never did, love. Never did."

Getting a hold of my hips, he turns me on my back, his lips managing to never leave mine in the process.

* * *

**DPOV**

She cannot contain her giggles as she reads the menu at the bar.

"What's that funny?"

"What in the hell is a blowjob shot?"

Explaining to her what's the deal with that, I see her interest awakened.

"Oh…" she spends a second thinking, then she smiles. "Even though it's the middle of the day, I want to try that thing."

And now, when she releases the little shot glass from her lips, she smiles happily.

"Are you sure you have never tried a blowjob before?"

Bringing her hands up from her back, with her thumb, she wipes away the sweet sticky whipped cream and eyes me playful as she licks her finger.

"To be honest, it happened a couple of times before," she says and looks down on me, and when she sees the twitch my leg makes at her words, she smiles pleased with herself.

Goddamnit. I am already hardly holding it together with the way she looks in all these summery clothes that are keeping too little to my imagination and if she doesn't stop teasing me like she did all morning, I might end up doing something reckless. Because only God knows I cannot seem to get tired of her these days.

"Wanna try a booth?"

"Sure, love, let's go somewhere more private."

"Hm, I think I like how that sounds. But maybe later." Here it is, another tease.

The bar is pretty empty at this hour, the majority of the party animals are still on the beach and we can enjoy the silence in here.

Her sitting down first, when I sit down too, she lounges her legs past my thighs, making sure to tease me a little more in the process.

"Can I sit like that?" she approaches an innocent tone now.

I nod and start walking my fingers past her calves.

She starts reading the menu again, probably looking for something sweet to eat now, or looking to make some new weird food combination. I still can't understand how come she could eat ice cream with saltines.

Propping my chin onto my palm, I watch her as she is thoroughly reading the menu, her eyes examining all the corners of the pages.

She's so beautiful. The little tan she got from walking in the sun all day yesterday and today, it has enhanced every little thing I loved about her. And now, with the way these beams of the sun fall on her face, the way they brighten up her hair, how it makes her lips look fuller than ever, I think I could look at her for days.

When she decides onto something, she lifts her eyes, and looking at me, she smiles amused.

"What? What happened?"

I want to respond, but I lose my words for a second when I see those strands of hair falling off her shoulders and framing her face. Her sun-kissed skin, the rosiness in her cheeks, the glowing of her happy face, it all makes me want to kiss her all over, not even in a sexual way, and I swear I can't come up with any words now.

"Comrade? The cat got your tongue?"

"N- no." in fact, yes.

"And why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you are so beautiful, love."

She blushes a little as she giggles.

"Oh, you. Stop it."

Sliding her legs off my lap, she comes closer to me and lays her cheek on my shoulder.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?"

"I like this song."

"You do?" I like it too. After all, it's a classic.

"Aham. And it made me think of something."

"Of what?"

"Dance with me, will you?"

"Huh?" damn it, I didn't hear that. I was too preoccupied with her fingers playing on my neck.

"I said, let's go there and dance."

"Um… Here?" I look around the place and mimic distress, but maybe I wasn't obvious enough.

She nods and smiles. "Yeah, I wanna dance with you."

"Now?" I continue with the same tone and she nods again. "But love, there is no one dancing there," I play the same card she played at the restaurant last week.

Finally getting my game, she smiles. "Yet. But there's a dancefloor there for a reason, isn't it?"

"But you know… I am not such a good dancer, love."

She giggles as she punches my arm.

"You're the best dancer I have ever seen, so shut your mouth, Mister. I am the one mostly letting myself guided by you if I remember it well."

"Then, I promise I will guide you well."

I get up and extend my hand for hers. Smiling, she takes it and gets up too.

"You like that, huh?"

"Dancing with you? Yes, how could I not? I love it."

**RPOV**

The little people that are around here start watching us as we go into the middle of the room, and even though my knees feel a little like jello, I decide not to care. But considering that this here is not such a slow dance as we tried the last time, I am still a little afraid I'll make a fool of myself.

But Dimitri gets a hold of my waist, puts an arm around me and takes my hand in his, and letting my body guided by his, we sway our bodies onto this Latino music.

What brings me some more ease is seeing some other couples coming to dance along.

"Love?"

"Huh?"

He nudges the tip of my nose past my cheek, and his voice comes out husky and rough.

"You know what I have been thinking about a lot lately? All day long, to be honest?"

I know it's a dangerous thing to do, but I still ask him. "About what?"

"How would it be…" in our dance, he pulls me towards a darkened area of the dancefloor and he walks his palm on my thigh, in between us. Oh, how daring he has become. I love it. It's inciting. I only hope that no one else saw this. "To lift the dress you are wearing and…" he buries his head into the crook of my neck, and hidden by my hair, his teeth grit on my earlobe. "Take you on the bar at this very moment."

"Comrade." It's all I manage to hiss, or mostly to squeal as my voice pitches.

My face is burning like crazy and I want to pull away from him to watch him shocked, but he won't let that happen. He pulls me even closer, and even though his hands have been placed back onto a safe spot on my back, feeling his fingers on my bare skin, it's not helping me much.

"You still owe me this dance," he acts like he didn't even say anything kinky.

"You're a little brat," I scold him.

He laughs. "That's because of you."

"Hey, this is _not_ my fault."

"It sure is, love. You've been the one teasing me all this morning. Would you expect me not to react in any way to that?"

"But… but we can't. Here… now… we can't."

"Don't you think I know that?" damn, that some real botherness I hear in his voice.

"You know, there's a little bar in your house and-"

"Our."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Our house."

Finally pulling away a little, I blink at him a couple of times. "Our house?"

"Aham. Our house."

I smile and lift on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek. "You're sweet." I rest my head on his shoulder, and still being on my tippy toes, he slows down our dance a little. "And you know…"

"What?"

"I like it there. It… it kinda feels like… home."

"It does?"

"Yes." Being with him, it always did feel like that.

"I'm very happy to hear that, Roza."

* * *

**DPOV**

"I told you you'd get a sunburn," she scolds me first thing in the morning when she sees the red skin on my back and shoulders.

"It's not such a big deal, love."

"The hell it's not. Look at this." She pokes her index onto my skin, and when she pulls it away, it leaves behind a white spot. "I told you. But did you listen to me? Of course not. Because you're too badass to put on sunscreen."

She goes on with her little rant and she continues to poke my shoulder, but I can only smile. Her scolding me like this, it gives her this motherly aura and it makes me think of how much of a mama bear she would be. It makes me think of how much I would love for her to be the mother of my children. Imagining a little Rose running around the house, calling me "dad" with a big smile on her face, it makes my heart melt.

"Hey, Mister. Are you even listening to me?" she wiggles her hand in front of my eyes. "How far were you anyway?" so far away. Or maybe not that far. I can see this happening in the near future. I want it.

"Sorry, love. It's just that… you know I love it when you get this fiery." I pull her down to me and kiss her. "You're always so passionate."

She chuckles. "I think I can say the same about you." She kisses me back. "But you know, we don't have any food left in the house."

"Then, let's go get some."

"Na-ah, mister. Not you. You- we're staying inside today," she decides.

"Well, I don't see the problem there. I bet we can find plenty of things to fill our day with."

I creep my fingers under her tank top and she giggles as she puts her hand over mine.

"Of course you don't. I don't either, but if I let you do this now, we both know we won't be eating anything till lunch."

"And we don't want that, don't we?"

She smiles. "You know I get grumpy when I don't eat."

"I do. Let me get dressed."

"Nope. You stay inside. I'll go."

"Love, I told you-"

"And I told you that you're staying inside. I'm gonna go out, and I'll buy you some lotion too. You just… stay here and I don't know, take a nap."

"You like being bossy, you know that?"

"Just like you do, comrade." She kisses me. "But I promise that if you behave, I'll give you a special treat."

"I hope that that doesn't involve food, love."

"It can involve whatever you want, lover."

* * *

Making a little fuss into the kitchen, she comes back into our room, carrying a little bag with her, and there's a little distress on her face, but she's amused at the same time.

"What happened?"

"I think I have just bought some drugs," she bursts in laughter.

"What?"

"I mean, I don't think that. I know. There was this guy at the corner of the street, next to that little place selling all kinds of greens, and he stopped me and he asked me if I want to buy some good stuff from him. I told him no, but he kept on asking me and I didn't know what to do. He was insistent too. I walked away but he kept on following me and I didn't know how else to get rid of him but by buying what he was selling. So I bought some drugs," she ends up laughing again.

"You're kidding me."

"Am not!" from the pocket of her dress, she gets out a little package containing some white powder. "I told you, there was this guy and he was so insistent and I couldn't say no to him."

"You are unbelievable, love. I knew I shouldn't have let you leave the house by yourself." We both start laughing. "You should learn to say no."

"I know!" She is laughing so hard she is crying. "One day, that will get me in trouble."

Still laughing she comes and lays in bed next to me.

**RPOV**

Turning on his side, looking at me, he chuckles once more.

"What?"

"Well, for what's worth, you have always had a bad time saying no to people."

"I do, don't I?" after all, that's how I always ended in all kinds of situations and doing stupid stuff I didn't want to do.

"But…" he continues smiling playfully. "I can't say that I don't like it," his tone gets cocky and I squint my eyes at him.

"What? You think I can't say no to you?"

"I am not saying that, but the facts don't lie."

"You forget something."

"What?"

"That I did it once to you. I told you no."

Remembering that little moment, none of don't smile, but we don't let that ruin our game.

"True that. But as you have said, that happened only once."

He comes closer and starts kissing me and even though I should have pulled away to prove him I can say no, I didn't. I didn't even protest when he undid the knot at the base of my skull and slid the dress off me. He has always been so skillful at getting me naked.

"You're so full of yourself, you know that?"

He shrugs. Ah, he so knows I can't resist him. And to be honest, I don't even want to.

He is now kissing his way down on my body, moving slow enough to tease me and make me want some more. He so knows how to control me and my body. But no matter how much he teases, I won't ask for more. In fact, I think I'll do just the opposite.

"So, you think you are irresistible, huh, comrade?"

He doesn't respond, he continues to kiss and slowly bite on my hip, his lips soon reaching the hem of my panties. Catching it with his teeth, he drags them down a little.

The audacity!

I pull them back up.

"You still think I am not going to say no." this little bastard. He is so cocky!

As I said, not that he wouldn't have all the reasons to be, but still. I usually don't like it when people think I can't do stuff, and he did that now. And usually, I tend to do the opposite, just to prove them wrong.

But he doesn't stop. Spreading my legs apart, his fingers passing past my fast rising and sinking breasts, over the material of my bra, he starts playing with my nipple as his mouth reaches in between my legs, over my panties. Thank God he didn't take them off, otherwise I wouldn't have had resisted him for longer.

"You're not playing fair, comrade," I whine as he slides the cup of my bra out of the way and pinches on my peak unmercifully.

"I never pretended I am, love."

With the last piece of my conscious brain, when he wants to get a hold of my panties, I pull my hips away from him.

"No," I say full of confidence, but I am chuckling so I don't even believe myself.

His hands not touching my body anymore, he looks at me, still smiling.

"No?"

I am done with chuckling now and I try to keep my ground better this time and even though I don't voice a confident "No", I shrug in response.

"Not even now?" He gets over me once more and walks his lips on my navel area, making my lower abdomen clench with desire and I start puffing when he gets further and brings his tongue into action, drawing hot, wet lines on my skin. Damn you and your tongue, Dimitri!

But I want to be strong for once, to prove him wrong. He has provoked me and I want to prove it to him that I can say no. It's for the sake of my ego.

"Dimitri, _no_," I moan shamelessly and push my hips down into the mattress, trying to get away from him.

And he stops. Just like that, he stops.

He pulls his tongue away and still hovering over me, he watches me, and I expect him to try to persuade me again. And I know that if he'll try one more time, I won't say no a third time. My will doesn't go to those extents.

But he doesn't. He places one last kiss on my abdomen and comes lying next to me, sitting on his side. He even goes as far as dragging my bra back over my breast, covering the temptation he so much likes.

I turn to and face him, a surprised expression on my face.

"What?" He asks when he sees me looking like that at him.

"You stopped."

"Of course I stopped. You said no."

"Yeah, but I was just…"

"Playing a little?" I nod. "I know that you were." He comes closer and kisses me softly. "But it doesn't matter. A no means a no, and I will respect that."

"But-"

He shakes his head. "If you say no, I will comply. The first time you said no, I continued, because we were playing, but you've said no again, so, that's it, love. I stop. I'll never push you to do anything, and I think I've made that clear a couple of times before this, didn't I?"

Dealing with so many pushy bastards all my life, hearing him say this, it makes me love him so much more. God knows how hard it has been to keep on saying no over and over again to Xavier, but him...

"You are such a gentleman, comrade."

He laughs. "Not in my head, love. In here?" he pats his temple with his index. "Uh-oh, the things I am doing to you in my head, love, they would make you change your mind about me."

I laugh and I get myself over him and kiss him as he wraps me in his embrace and kisses me back. Watching me with a smile on his lips now, he walks his fingers through my hair, putting it behind my ears.

"And, what do you want to do today, love?"

"Don't know. I am not taking you outside, that's sure. At least not until the sun starts to be a little softer." He chuckles at my bossy attitude surfacing again. "I don't want you to get toasted, comrade. What if... what if we are lazy today? Let's do nothing. I vote today to be a pajama day." but he pouts at my proposition. "What? You don't like that?"

"I do. But what if we call it a naked day?"

I laugh. "Well, I'm already halfway there anyway, so why the hell not? But you…" I eye his pants that are still resting on his hips. "Oh! I have forgotten!" I punch his abs before he manages to do something about that previous matter.

"What was that for?"

"For distracting me, Mister irresistible. I came back carrying that bag for a reason and because of you, I forgot. You'll never believe what I have found."

"Let me guess. Something to eat?"

I laugh. "Of course!"

* * *

**DPOV**

She insists on putting sunscreen on me before we go out, even though the sun is long gone. Of course, I still enjoyed this, I always love it when she gets so protective over me. Anyway, most of the sunscreen ended up on her too, as the temptation to play a little with her was too strong.

Because she couldn't bear seeing him cry, Rose is now helping a little boy rebuild his sandcastle that got ruined by a wave and I am here, watching them play, and I am, again, imagining her being a mother, playing with our children. Yeah, I definitely want more than one. I only wonder what she thinks of this. Would she think I am thinking too far too soon?

But I know how loving and caring she was with the children from the kindergarten and how much she loves kids and one day, I swear I'll have a baby with this woman. More than one. I've never felt this desire to settle and have a family, but ever since she came in my life, God, I want that more than ever.

"Comrade?"

"Yes, love?" when did she even get up and came here?

"Where were you again? What were you dreaming of, huh?" she asks me amused as she takes a seat on the sand next to me.

"Nowhere." But I was so, so far away.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Keep it for yourself, Mister Secrecy."

She first punches my arm, then kisses my cheek and I put my arm around her and I turn in such a way that I can hold her in my embrace.

"Did you have fun?"

"I did. That kid was so nice. He was a sweetheart."

She snuggles closer to me and her head finds rest in the crook of my neck, where it fits perfectly.

"This view is amazing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is." Even though I don't think that this sunset compares to her.

* * *

**RPOV**

Later on, as we were busy exploring the sky some more because I want to learn all the constellations he knows, some party-people come pretty close to us and they start a bonfire.

And somehow, we have gotten to be part of it. Some chicks came and asked us if we want something to drink and soon, we joined them. We've made some new acquaintances and we play some of their games and we dance and well, someone gets pretty drunk. And by someone, I mean both of us. I am the drunken one mostly, as Dimitri has a pretty good resistance to alcohol, but I'll get him there. Even though I bet he isn't even tipsy yet.

"Comrade, I'm thirsty," I whine as I am still attached to his neck, dancing. I so love doing this and I love it that he doesn't say no to it.

"I'll go get you something then. Is there something you'd like?"

"Nah. But if you're not coming back with something alcoholic, at least for you, I am getting mad at you. Loosen up a little more, okay? We're fine, aren't we?"

"Yeah, love, we're fine," he gets again amused and after giving me a peck, he leaves me alone for a minute.

A minute in which this shit happens.

As I wasn't dancing anymore and I was waiting for Dimitri to come back, this guy passes in front of me, and when his eyes land on me, he stops.

Oh, please walk away.

But of course, he doesn't. He comes closer.

"Hey there."

"Hi." I hope that the lack of excitement in my voice transmits to him that I don't want him so close to me.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?" ah, such a shitty pickup line.

"Yes, please, do that. But this time, don't stop walking."

"Ouch." He places his palm over his heart. "That hurt, honey." I didn't like him, but now I kinda hate him.

"It's not my fault you're using crappy pickup lines."

"Can I buy you a drink to make it up for it then?"

"Sure. But make sure you buy one for my boyfriend too."

"You're lying about that."

"How did you figure _that_ out?"

He gets cocky and even pushes his chest forward, really looking like a cock now.

"Call it intuition." Yeah, the crappiest of them all.

"Well, your intuition sucks." I know I am acting like a little bitch, but I tried telling him no. He didn't get it, so I got a little annoyed. And I'm drunk too, so my mouth is harder to be kept shut.

"You know, I am not a bad guy."

"Yeah, and you need to say that to people, so I one hundred percent believe you. But still, I am not interested, Mister Good-guy."

He doesn't back down. On the contrary, he gets more daring. He touches my elbow. There went his goodness.

"Don't _touch me_."

"Come on. I can tell you want me." his grip gets a little stronger.

"I do want something, but it's not that. I want you to leave me alone. And if you don't get your hand off me, I swear to you I am breaking your bones." I shake my arm off his grasp and to his luck, he lets go of me.

"I think I could make you very happy, baby."

"Why, are you leaving, _douchebag_?"

**DPOV**

"Fight, fight, fight!"

I don't like how this sounds. I'd better get back to Rose, screw the line for drinks.

When I get to where I left her, I find out that the fight is taking place there. And even though I didn't expect it, Rose is part of it.

But I got a little too late. She already broke the nose of one guy, and I see his blood dripping onto the sand. Impressive.

"And next time when someone tells you to keep your fucking hands off, you keep your fucking hands off, you _fucker_!"

Okay, he got her upset, this is all I know for now, but I'd better intervene before things get worse. Before she hits him some more or some of his friends try and get a hold of her.

I get closer to her and when she sees me, she smiles at me.

"See, you fucker? _He's_ my boyfriend. I told you I already have one."

"Yeah, yeah, you both go and fuck yourselves," the guy says as he gets up, with his hand over his nose.

Rose reacts before I do.

"What the hell did you say?" she wants to head towards him, her palm already fisted, but it's good that I am here to stop her from, I don't know, smashing his face some more.

"Let's get away from here, shall we, love?"

"But why? I was having fun."

"Yeah, I know, but I think we kinda have spoiled the mood here."

"I didn't do such a thing. I was fine until this guy came and spoiled my mood. _He_ should leave. And _he_ should learn how to listen when someone talks to him." getting angry again, she wants to break free from the grasp of my hands.

"Rose, let's get you cooled down a little, okay?" I don't want any of us to start sharing fists left and right around here. We came to this place to have a good vacation, not to get into fights.

"We'll just go, okay?" I inform the ones around us that eye us displeased.

I don't know if they eye us like that because I stopped the fight, or because this fight started in the first place. Anyway, I still hope no one will step out to protect this guy's honor. From what Rose said, he doesn't seem to deserve it.

Finally agreeing with me, she lets me get her out of there and to the place where we've left our thighs.

"I'm sorry for that," Rose says to the chick that came to invite us to the party.

She laughs. "You're kidding, girl? That there was the most entertaining thing I've seen all night. Plus, he deserved it. He had it coming for a long time, trust me. All the girls here hate him. He always comes around and nags us these days. But leave that. I've never seen anyone throw a fist like that! You rock, Rose."

"Thanks. He taught me that." Proudness fills Rose's voice as she points towards me.

"Shall we, love?"

They high-five and with a smile still on her lips, I take Rose out of there.

"I don't think I should have taught you to fight, Roza."

"Well, I don't think that. I like it very much that you did. But…" she stops me. "I'm sorry for that outburst. I don't know what came over me. He… he got me so annoyed."

"It's fine, love. But what did he do, more exactly?"

"He came there to hit on me and he wanted to grope me and…" she sighs. "Shortly, he was a bastard."

Good thing that we left. Otherwise, I would have broken at least ten bones in him. How dare he grope her?

"But it's fine now. Everything is fine now. I guess I should thank you for getting me away from there. If he would have said something more stupid than what he already did, I swear to God…"

"And everything is fine unless I do or say something stupid too, right?"

She laughs, and putting her arms around my neck, she pulls me down and kisses me.

"Consider yourself a special situation, comrade."

"Is that so?"

"Aham." She gets my lower lip in between her teeth as she pulls it playfully.

"How come?"

"Because I love you, of course."

* * *

Leaving that place behind us and taking a walk along an empty side of the beachside, wanting to erase that moment out of our minds, she gets excited when she finds some cute seashells in the sand, and that's what we have done for the past fifteen minutes or so. We have been collecting seashells.

I don't remember exactly when looking for seashells turned into us playing, into me tickling her, into us laying on the sand, into us kissing and ripping the clothes off each other.

Not that I am complaining, though. I love it when she gets this playful and I thank God that it's late enough for anyone to come and find us here.

She takes my hand in hers and gets up.

"Come."

"Come where?"

"Where else? In the water."

"You want to skinny dip?"

"Yeah. Why not? I've never done it. Come on. Do it for me. I have always wanted to do this. And if you do this with me, I might give you something later. What do you say about that?" she didn't even let me agree. But I don't mind that she brought that reward into the discussion.

"You should not use that with me, love."

"Why not?"

"Because you know I cannot resist you."

She chuckles. "Well, that's the main reason I am using it. But is it working?"

I pick her up and she squeals as I head towards the water.

"Of course it's working love."

* * *

"That was fun."

She still chuckles, as she did all the time we've been in the water, playing, chasing each other, splashing water at one another, kissing, touching and, of course, laughing.

"Thanks, comrade."

"What for?"

"For everything." Lifting on her tippy toes, she gives me a peck, then her lips drift towards my ear. "And what would you say about that prize, huh?"

"Hm, that sounds tempting, love."

"Good."

Bending and picking up her clothes, she urges me to do the same, and after I get the rest of our things too, she takes my hand in hers and drags me behind some little heels of sand and stones, that, I won't lie, look perfect to keep us covered by the eyes of other people passing.

Wrapping herself on me, she starts kissing me as she pulls me down. Someone is impatient, as always.

* * *

Finally getting off the blanket and getting dressed, I see her a little too sleepy. After what we've done, I don't think I could blame her. And it's late too. But the way her hair is ruffled and the way she smiles at me now, God, she's so, so cute. And the way she yawns? That melts me completely.

"Piggyback ride, love?"

She smiles wider as she nods.

Hopping onto my back, she wraps her arms around my neck and rests her head onto my shoulder.

"But what if_ I_ wanted to pick you up?"

"Do you really think that you could pick me up?"

"Of course not. You are one pound too heavy than what I effortlessly lift. And I am a little tired too now, but on a usual day, I would have effortlessly lifted you." Here it is, her silly, drunk talking.

I laugh and I can't help myself from ruffling her hair, even from this weird position.

"Oh, Roza. You're adorable." Especially when she's drunk.

Nuzzling the tip of her nose against my cheek, she sighs happily.

"You know what I love most about you, comrade?"

"What?"

"What if I don't tell you?"

"You started telling me after all."

"I did. But what if I don't tell you?"

"Then don't."

She pouts. "You're no fun. You should be wanting me to tell you."

"I do want you to tell me."

"Then why did you give up on it so easily?"

"Fine, then. Tell me, please."

"_Now_ we're talking," she giggles. "But you know, there is an entire list of things I love about you."

"Well, we have a pretty long way back to the house, love."

"But what if I _still_ don't tell you?" She teases some more. "You know, I always tell you stuff. _A lot_ of stuff. And I have to put so much work to get two words from you about you. Sometimes it's not fair, comrade."

"Roza, I-" But I guess she's right, right? "I'm sor-"

"Oh, God, _no_." she rushes to put her palm over my mouth "I'm sorry. I didn't say that so that you'd feel bad about it. I just…" She kisses my cheek as she sighs. "I want you to know I love you no matter what, and that I will love every piece of you when you'll decide to share it with me, okay? So don't feel pressured to say anything. I still love you. And anyway, you give me so many reasons to love you every single day so how could I not?"

"Like?" I am still curious.

She chuckles and immediately forgets about her botherness.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you, comrade. I should get started cause I think I dragged it off quite much already."

"Only if you want to, love."

"Well, as you said, we have a long way until we get home.

"And unless you feel like sharing something, I'll let my relentless mouth speak."

Home. I love it that she calls this place home. I even wonder, what if we'd leave everything behind and remain here? No, I couldn't rip her away from her life back there.

"Please do, love." because I don't even know what she would want me to share.

"Fine, fine. Now, let's see. I love about you that… that there is never a matter of you and me."

"What do you mean with that?" isn't this a matter of me and her?

She kisses me again and her fingers didn't stop playing along my neck.

"I mean, with you, it's always _we_ when it comes to us. Does it make sense? You always say that w_e'll _do this, and _we'll _do that, and _we'll _find a way out, _we'll _deal with that, and _we'll _figure this out. Do you get what I mean?"

"I think I do."

"Let me be more explicit though. When something happens to me, or if it is something that happened because of me or because of someone else, you have always said that _we'll _deal with it. Not _you'll have to deal with it_, meaning _I have to deal with it_, even though we both know I was the source of a lot of trouble and I should have cleaned up my messes." She walks her fingers on my jaw now and I reciprocate her touches, playing with her toes as her legs are wrapped around my waist. "You have always had my back and made me feel that I was never alone."

"You know I'll always be there for you, don't you?"

"I do, Dimitri. I really do. And I totally love that about you."

She goes back to walking her fingertips on the edges of my tattoo.

"I love _this_ too. And this. Oh, how I love this." She places her palm over my heart. "You know what I like too about you?"

"What?"

Her palm on my cheek now, she turns my head a little so that she would look me in the eyes.

"That I can be myself with you. That I know who I am when I am with you." she smiles. "That I like who I am when I am with you. That you make me feel safe enough to be my silly self around you, Dimitri. You're my safe haven, and I love you for that. I thank you for that. For everything you do. I simply love that…" she kisses my cheek, and sighs happily. "That you are so good to me. And that you're so, so, _so _calm with me. Sometimes I don't even know why you're not snapping at me. I mean, look, that night-"

I stop and put her down.

"What are you doing? We didn't get home yet."

"I know."

Caressing her cheeks, I look into her sleepy eyes.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong? Are you mad? You are mad, aren't you?"

"Why on earth would I be mad?"

"Don't know. You know I sometimes talk shit, and now… well, I am a little drunk now, and I don't really remember all the things I said, but bringing the other night into the disc-"

"Hush, love. I remember everything you said, and I can assure you that you didn't talk any shit. And I am not mad. I just wanted to do two things."

"Like?"

"First, to tell you that what happened that night, it wasn't you acting crazy, okay? We've talked about it and it's fine. I will never be mad at you for that, are we clear?"

She nods. "What about the other reason you stopped?"

"That's more enjoyable. I stopped because I wanted to kiss you."

She smiles. "I think I like how that sounds."

* * *

"Comrade?" she whispers in my ear.

"Yes, love?"

"Is there something you love about me?"

"Plenty of things."

"What? I mean… if you-"

"I do. I'll tell you."

She tilts her head over my shoulder and looks at me surprised.

"You _would_?" the excitement in her voice is so big. Maybe I am in fact keeping too many things to myself. I think I should work on that. But… I haven't talked about many things in so long, I don't even know how that feels like.

"Yes, I would, Roza."

"Then tell me already."

"I love that… that you always smell good even if it's just shampoo. You always smell so sweet. I love it when you sneeze too."

She laughs. "You can't like that."

"But I do. I love how your nose scrunches and I swear that you look like a little bunny. Adorable."

Her arms wrapping over my chest a little tighter, she giggles. "Tell me more."

"I love the way you look good no matter what you wear. And… I love how cute you are when you argue or get mad."

"Yeah, I've seen you have a thing for that."

"I can't help it, love, I swear. I love your feistiness."

"Go ahead. Do you have something else?"

"Plenty. I love the way that you kiss me after we've have had a fight or an argument, no matter how little, and… and all of a sudden everything is right in the world again." God only knows how I hate it to get her mad at me. "And the way you kiss me in all your funny ways, I love that too."

"Well, then beware cause I might be coming with more of those."

"I just can't wait, love."

"Do you have other things to say?"

"Aham. I love the way you smile. It's like you could brighten up an entire room with your smile. I think you could actually do that, love. And on the opposite, I love the way you cry over something silly too."

"_That_ happens a lot."

"I still love it, Roza. And I love the way you hit me and expect it to hurt. Then, the way you apologize when you think it hurt. And how cute you look when you're asleep. And when I come to bed and you already fell asleep, I love it how your body always finds mine and you wrap yourself on me and you trap my leg in between yours and oh, the sounds you make when you are half asleep, those are adorable. Plus, I love the way your head always finds this perfect spot on my shoulder. Like now."

"You're so sweet, Dimitri." She kisses on my neck as she finds my hand and entangles her fingers with mine.

"And I love one more thing."

"What is that?"

"I love it that, a little before you come, you let out this little squeal and-"

Her jaw drops. "I do not _squeal."_

"You do. And I love hearing that."

"No." she punches my chest. "That's so _not_ happening."

"It happened. Right there on the beach, earlier."

"It did _not_, comrade. I do _not_ squeal. I mean, yes, I do, plenty of times, but not before… you know…"

"Fine, deny it all the way you want. But know that I still love it. It's adorable."

"I am quite adorable, aren't I?" she fondles a little more. "You mentioned that a lot tonight."

I laugh once more. "Especially when you're tipsy, love."

"I am _not_ tipsy."

"Of course you are not, love."

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. Now, tell me something else."

"Hm… I love it how touchy you get when you get drunk."

"I _do not_."

"Again, you do."

"No."

"You surely do. Didn't you get touchy on the beach? Didn't you when you got drunk the first time, at that motel?"

She sighs. "I guess I'm guilty, after all, comrade. But it's all your fault, Mister Sexiness." She giggles as she kisses on the back of my shoulder, then rests her cheek there.

A minute of silence later, I want to say something more.

"I love the way you love me, Roza. You… no one ever loved me like that before."

But only her little purring comes as an answer.

* * *

**RPOV**

I know that he told me that his back doesn't hurt, but carrying me for so long, he must have gotten at least a little tired.

And we're already close to our home, so I can walk by myself for a little.

But it seems that he has other plans for now.

We don't head towards our first destination. Instead of that, he takes a hold of my hand and starts dragging me towards the bar we're usually hanging by.

"Why are we going there?"

"Would you like another drink? Maybe something softer?"

"What? You have bartender skills too?"

He smiles. "I guess you'll have to figure that out for yourself."

"Let's go then." I am the one rushing him now.

* * *

"But it's closed."

"So?"

"So, we can't have a drink."

"I think we can," he says bending and opening the front door in no time with his amazing skills.

I puff at his proud smile.

"Yeah, what I was thinking? My boyfriend went to spy school, after all."

His smile widens and he gets a hold of my middle, pulling me to him and crushing his lips against mine.

"What was that for?"

"I like how that sounds."

"What?"

"You calling me that, love."

"Me calling you what?"

"Your boyfriend."

"Is that so?"

"Mhm. I like the way you say it."

"Well, my dearest _boyfriend,_ you still owe me a drink."

Entering the bar, he locks the door behind us.

"Why did you do that?"

"So that we won't be bothered.

I see. _Bothered_.

And in the next couple of minutes, I wait and wait for him to make the next step, but he doesn't. He still behaves. He made me a cocktail, non-alcoholic as he said that he was afraid I might pick up another fight, and now, as I am sipping on it, I see him eyeing me playfully from the other side of the bar.

I laugh. "So, you won't give up on your fantasy, huh?"

"What fantasy?" he asks coming closer to me.

"Don't you play the innocent, Mister. You want to do me here, on this bar." I pat the hard wood that I am sitting on.

"How did you come up with that idea?" he continues to play that card.

"Well, to be honest, I have no idea. Oh! I know. Maybe because _someone_ told me about it one afternoon and I have constantly thought of that ever since?"

His eyebrows lift. "You did, huh? And who did come to you with this audacious proposition? I think I'll have to have a talk with him. How dare he come up with such shameless ideas, huh?"

I get a hold of his T-shirt and pull him in between my legs, wrapping them on his waist.

"Don't waste our time, comrade. You can talk as much as you want, but after."

"Aye, aye, love."

His tongue getting control over my mouth, his fingers find their way under my dress, getting rid of my panties in no time.

After that has been taken care of, he pulls away and gets down to his knees.

"Comrade?"

"Yes?" he asks, too preoccupied with kissing the inside of my thigh to even watch me.

"Whatcha doing?"

"What does it look like, huh?"

I know so well what that looks like.

Pushing my dress up as he advances with his lips on my skin, I rest a little backward onto the bar, and I am already trembling with anticipation at the thought of his lips-

"Good Lord, _Dimitri_…" I clench my fingers into his hair and sway my hips against his mouth.

"Hush, love. Someone might hear you."

Fuck, how can I be silent when he is-

"Shit… Dimitri…"

I try to remain as silent as possible, but it's not as easy as I thought, and as I try to get a hold of the counter under me, I stumble over a glass.

Dimitri's head snaps up and we both watch the glass falling on the floor, where it turns into little pieces. At least I didn't spill my cocktail, not that this would matter.

"Oh, _fuck_!" I ruined everything.

He gets up and smiles at me. "We should-"

"But maybe-"

But there is no place for maybes. We both hear some steps coming from the stairs and hell, if that isn't the owner coming down from the apartment upstairs with a metal bat to kick our asses, then I don't know.

"Come."

He takes hold of my hand and urges me to get under the bar.

A second later, he fits his body down here too, the two glasses we've been drinking from in his hand, and it's a little funny to see him struggle to fit into such a little space. But I do my best not to laugh.

"Shush, love."

"I'm trying."

"Try harder."

I hear the steps finally entering the bar and some mumbled curses accompany the hurried steps.

Remembering something, my eyes widen and I lean closer towards Dimitri's ear.

"Shit, comrade, my panties. He'll see them."

"You mean these?"

He gets them out of his pocket and flares them in front of me like a little prize.

"When on earth did you even take them?"

He shrugs. I swear that sometimes, he's acting like a superhuman. He missed just a second and he got a hold of so many things?

I hear the door of the bar being shaken, and I am grateful that Dimitri thought to lock it back after we entered. Maybe we have a chance after all.

"Damned rats!" I hear our usual bartender's voice as he starts picking up the pieces of glass.

Rats? Are there rats around here? We're under the bar, what if there is a rat here?

Probably sensing my concern, Dimitri shakes his head at me and gestures me to be silent a little longer. But I hate rats! I mean, I don't hate them, but they sure scare me to death.

The shards being thrown into the garbage, we get so close to being caught as the man decides to come onto the other side of the bar. On _our_ side.

We both hold our breaths as the bartender looks for a new glass into one of the cupboards and sets it on the bar. Remaining there for a sigh more, he takes his bat (I knew it he would bring one!) and goes back up the stairs.

"I'm sorry I ruined your bar fantasy, comrade," I speak when things are again safe and we've gotten out from under the bar. "Care to try again? I promise to be more silent this time."

"No worries, love. But do you still want us to hang around here?"

"Honestly? I kinda do. The possibility of being caught… that's really inciting."

* * *

**DPOV**

Finally getting back home, the first thing Rose does is to plop in bed, of course, not before making sure to get rid of her dress, and now she wraps herself into the sheet, the one thing missing being for her to start purring.

"Comrade?"

"Yes? What happened?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that…" she gives me a big, glowing smile. "That I am so happy right now."

I stop undressing and go her way. Getting in bed over her, I meet her sweet, sweet lips.

"Me too, love. Me too."

Her smile only widens, even though I didn't think that was possible.

"You mean that?"

"I do." for once in a very long while, I am so happy and I feel at such ease. And all thanks to her.

Lying next to her, she mounts on my hips and as always, her fingers start contouring my tattoo.

"You should get one yourself if you like this so much."

She puffs. "Yeah, like I could even make my mind about what I want. Plus, doesn't it hurt?"

"I will be there to hold your hand."

She kisses me. "That is sweet, comrade. But I don't know… Maybe another time. But till then, I'll keep on ogling at yours."

She looks down, her mood switching to a not so happy one, she got a little sad I may say, and she walks her fingers on my chest once more.

"You know… I just…" she bites her lip and looks me in the eyes. "I wish I would know what this means," she sighs but dismisses the subject fast, coming to kiss me. "I hope you'll tell me one day," she gets back to her jolly tone and pulls away, smiling, but soon, a yawn breaks that beautiful smile. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll go drink some water, comrade." And just as the subject came, it went, and I didn't get to catch her before leaving the room.

* * *

"Comrade? Hey, comrade, are you sleeping?"

"Huh? What?" She turns in my embrace and faces me. "What happened, love?"

"How would you name the breeding between a husky and a corgi? Would it be a husgi or a corsky?"

"Roza, it's…" I lift my head off the pillow so that I could eye the clock. "It's 4 a.m."

"I know, but it is important for me to know your opinion. Plus, Mister, you woke me up."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you pulled the sheet away."

"We have no sheet, love. You complained you were too hot so I took it off, remember?"

"Well, then, um… You… you pulled your arm from under me."

I laugh. "You mean this hand? The one that is still resting under your head?"

She pouts when she sees that she won't win this.

"Leave that already. Now tell me. What would you name of the new breed?"

"You know what? I have a question for you too. Tell me this. If you and I have a baby, who do you think he or she will resemble more? Would it get my face and your crazy midnight thoughts, or your beauty and my late-night murder thoughts, huh?"

Her eyes widen and her mouth opens.

"If we… if we what?"


	44. I am tired of not knowing

**Hi lovelies! I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday!**

**peggy, well, I can't spoil things, right? ;) maybe she is, maybe she is not**

**Ims86, thankssss!**

**And dear Tika86 and dear Guest, don't worry, I am not taking any offence in what you said. I always appreciate the criticism. I know I cannot do everything perfectly, but hey, there's always place for some improvement and I'd love making the reading more facile for you guys. **

**You guys are right. I guess I just didn't realize how much the last chapter was, quantitatively speaking, because I wrote that chapter in two weeks and for me it didn't seem as _that_ much, but scrolling through it, yeah, it was _a lot_ to take in**

**As you suggester, dear Guest, I'll try not to lose myself in too many words and descriptions, I promise I'll work on that, but I guess it will take some time :)**

**And I'll take your suggestion too, Tika86, and for the rest of the story, I'll be writing shorter chapters and I'll get back to posting them once a week, as I have now some more free time on my hands**

**I hope that that it will be okay with all of you too, guys!**

**Have a nice week, and I love you lots, and I thank you so, so much for all your support! **

* * *

**I am tired of not knowing**

**DPOV**

"Um… Baby?" She whispers. "_Our_, um... baby? You mean… Dimitri…" I am sure she blushed from the way she hides her face into my chest.

Dragging her closer and kissing her forehead, I laugh at her startlement.

"Yes, love. Our baby." I have been thinking too much about it today, and I wanted to let her know.

Looking back into my eyes, I see her even more surprised by my answer as she opens and closes her mouth a couple of times.

I chuckle once more and entangle her legs with mine, trapping her in my embrace, because God forbid for her to run away. She looks like she might.

"It's funny to see you speechless, love. Don't you have any smarty-pants answers to this?"

"I… Um… No, I don't… I… but I… I… oh, Dimitri… you… you want…"

"I do. Does it seem so surprising to you that I want you to be the mother of my children?"

"I um... No... I mean, it _is_, a little, but I… I don't know... I don't know what to say," she whispers, her face buried into the crook of my neck now, and I can feel her cheeks burning.

Okay, maybe I was a little to blunt about it.

I kiss her once more. "You don't have to say anything, love. Unless you have some other dog curiosities. And for whatever it matters, I'd call that breed corsky."

She dares smile. "I would too. And I… no. I don't have other curiosities."

"Good. Then get some sleep. It's late."

She kisses my chest and cuddles some more into me.

"I love you, comrade, you know that, don't you?"

"I know, Roza. And I love you too."

* * *

When the morning comes, she is already awake when I open my eyes, and she's playing with my hair, a serious expression on her face. There's even a frown between her brows.

"Mornin' beautiful. What's the matter? What is upsetting you so early?"

"Dimitri… About last night…" she sighs and looks more distressed than earlier.

"What about that?"

"You know, about your question, about what you said, and me, not saying anything in return. I didn't want to seem-"

"Hey." I get up and stop her by pulling her to me. "You didn't seem in any way to me. Except surprised that I was talking about it, which is understandable. So don't worry about it."

"No, but... I mean… ugh! I had my words a minute ago, I swear. What I want to say is that… I want a family with you too." I am as speechless as she was last night, but hell, isn't this what I wanted to hear? "You just took me by surprise last night. I didn't expect you to say all those things, it came out of nowhere, and… and I didn't know how to react or what to say, and maybe that made it seem like I wouldn't want the same. But…" she smiles so, so wide. "But I do. I would love to have babies with you. I'd make you a thousand babies, Dimitri."

"You have no idea how happy this makes me, love." I crush my lips with hers and I kiss her until we both remain breathless. "But what if I want a thousand and one, huh?"

She laughs. "I guess we'll have to negotiate for that."

"I think you must know that I am a great negotiator."

"Why am I not surprised? And I'm guessing you're especially good at persuading for things to come out in your favor, am I right?" She bites her lip and starts lifting my T-shirt.

"You know me too well, love."

"So, do you plan to persuade me?" but taking my T-shirt off now, I don't know who is doing the persuading in this second.

"Of course."

I start undressing her too, starting with her panties, my fingers crept under her nightgown, and she gets laughing.

"Are we practicing here, or do you plan to start early on that thousand, huh?" She jokes, but I am planning to be serious about my answer.

"It wouldn't bother me, Roza." Hell, I can even see her pregnant and all that would follow. I would love it, I am sure of it.

"It wouldn't?" Her voice pitched, even though she did her best to keep it neutral.

"Not even a bit. Would it mind you?"

She gulps and her eyes widen a little.

Okay, okay, I'm taking it too fast again.

I kiss her once more and reach for a condom, to dissipate all her current worries.

"But let's take things slow, shall we? We'll resume to practicing for now, okay?"

She nods, and I see a glint of gratefulness.

"But…"

"But what, love?"

"Would you care to talk about this… about this baby thing, some more?"

"I would love that. We could do it now if you want."

She pouts. "But I thought we were going to practice a little." She walks her index along the waistband of my pants.

* * *

**RPOV**

Later the day, we go to the beach, as we've done almost every single day. We're madly in love with this place and I would never leave it.

But today, something is not as it was in the other days.

Now, a couple of guys keep on looking at me, they have been for a long while, and well, someone doesn't like it.

"Someone is jealous today," I dare tease him a little.

He rips his eyes off those guys and meets my amused face.

"I guess I am, love. _I am_. I can't stand how they're looking at you. They're shameless. And they have been ogling at you ever since we came here."

"I know, comrade."

I lay on my towel next to him, hiding behind him from those guys' stares, and he takes my hand in his.

"They kinda… one of them tried to pick me up too, at the bar." No wonder here, he frowns. "And they don't make me comfortable." They eye me like they'd want to kidnap me, I swear. "Do you wanna go somewhere else?"

"Why leave because of them? I thought you were having a good time here."

"I was. Until they came." I get a little up and put my dress back on. "Care to take me for a walk, comrade? It's too hot anyway and the alcohol I drank last night didn't do any good to my stomach. I've felt nauseous all morning."

"And you tell me _now_? It's almost four and you didn't tell me about it till now?"

"The way you reacted is the main reason I didn't tell you. I didn't want to concern you. Because there's nothing to get concerned about."

"Let me decide that, okay? Tell me, are you still nauseous? Did you throw up?"

I smile at the frowns those questions bring on his forehead.

"You're already worrying too much. I'm not dying, Dimitri. I am fine."

"Fine, fine. But still, you didn't drink _that_ _much_ last night, love." yeah, we both know it doesn't take me much to get drunk. "What do you think happened?"

"Don't know. I guess my body developed some allergy to it overnight." I get up to my feet and urge him to do the same. "Now, come on, stop worrying and take me for a walk."

We walk until I see some books being on sale at a bookstore around here. And everyone knows I cannot resist that.

But seeing the stack of books that I collected and that Dimitri has so gentlemanly carried for me all around this place, I stop and wonder.

"Do we even have the money for all these?" he just nods. "But these must be at least-" I grab a book, to check its price.

"Trust me, money would never be one of our problems, love," he says, putting the stack of books onto the counter for the girl at the checkout point to deal with them.

"So what? You're like my sugar daddy?"

I put down the book I was examining and dare look at him. Of course, he is more than surprised by the stupidity I have said. I am too, trust me.

"Wow. Jesus. I can't believe I said that out loud." Looking around, I know that the cashier heard this shit too, as she struggles to suppress her smile. "Please excuse me while I go die of embarrassment."

My cheeks burning like crazy, I want to get outside the store before I say something else equally stupid, but he smiles and pulls me back to him, not giving a damn about the girl eyeing us amused, and he kisses my forehead.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, Roza," he whispers.

"Just… just be you." Oh, how I'd love for him to show me all of him.

* * *

After a late evening of reading our new books on the beach, in the morning, when the sun starts to rise, I am making my way back into our bedroom after fighting the need to puke for the past fifteen minutes. I swear I am never touching alcohol again. It fucked up my stomach, bug time.

He is awake too and watches me smiling as I lay in bed next to him.

Bending over him, I kiss him a couple of times.

"Mornin', scratchy," I joke about his little stubble and kiss him some more.

"I'll take it off later."

"No, you don't have to. It doesn't bother me. It actually makes you…"

"How? How does it make me?"

"It gives you this bad boy aura."

"You seem to like that quite much."

"You have no idea how much. This unkempt air you have… it makes you look really hot."

"Are you sure it's not because of the weather?"

I laugh. I am sure that the weather has nothing to do with what Mother Nature has blessed him with.

"Maybe. But talking about that, can you believe it that it's the 17th of February, and it's so hot here?"

"The _17th_? Of February?" he sounds more surprised than I thought he'd be.

"Yeah, can you believe that? I guess it's still freezing back in the States."

"So… yesterday, it was the 16th."

"If the days pass as they have always had, the 17th always comes after the 16th, so yes. Is there a problem with that?"

He doesn't respond to my question as he zoned out for a little, seeming too deeply dived into his thoughts, whatever those would be.

Trying to catch his attention with my words, it doesn't work.

I try once more, and after wiggling my hand in front of his eyes, he finally looks at me.

"Hey there, comrade. Did something happen?"

Because I don't know what this was, but it wasn't anything close to normal.

"Huh? What? No. No, of course not. No, no, nothing happened." He insists a little too much on that for it to be nothing, right? "I was just thinking of what you said about the weather and all. It's crazy, yeah. Maybe it is still snowing there."

"Yeah... When we go back, maybe we would be making a snowman or something."

Putting an arm around me, he pulls me on him, but doesn't smile or anything. His expression remains troubled.

"Do you have something in mind for what we should do today, love?"

"What if we stay inside? I am a little tired." And nauseous as fuck, but to hell if I am mentioning this to him again. Yesterday, he asked me about a thousand times if anything feels wrong again.

"Is that so? We've been sleeping for over ten hours, love."

"Yeah, but, I don't know, maybe it's from the sun yesterday, getting me drowsy and queasy. But don't worry. I am sure it will go away." I hope it does.

"Okay. Let's stay inside today."

And we go back to sleep for a couple more hours.

* * *

The next time when I wake up, he is the one who is not in bed.

Following the noise, I get into the bathroom and find him shaving.

"Hey there," I greet him, and his head snaps in my direction like he didn't even hear me enter. Since when isn't he super attentive to his surroundings?

I approach him and want to kiss his already shaven cheek, but he pulls away.

"You'll get dirty."

"Fine, comrade," I pout and go ahead and brush my teeth, my eyes pinned on him all the time, trying to figure out why the air in here seems so heavy.

When I am done, I don't want to leave, so I wrap my arms around his middle, holding him as he always does with me. I linger with my lips on his shoulder as I watch his serious expression into the mirror.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

Walking my fingers across his back, for whatever reason, he still seems off to me. There's something wrong about him. I am not sure what, though.

Could I think this only because I am looking too much into what happened earlier? Possibly.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Are you… are you okay?" I try my chances.

He stops, and this time, he turns completely to look at me.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Dunno. I was making sure, I guess."

"Then be sure that I _am_ fine," he says kinda harsh and goes back to shaving, ignoring me and my stupid worries.

Could he be mad at me? No, it can't be. He doesn't have any reason, I am sure. Yesterday, we had such a nice evening together, out on the beach, after our scurry into the bookstore, talking about our future together, and everything was perfect.

Brushing it off as my imagination being hyperactive, I wrap my arms back around him.

"What do you want to eat for breakfast? Or should I say almost lunch?"

"It doesn't matter. Cook whatever you please, you know I'll like it."

"Fine, fine. But I don't want to go to the kitchen yet," I whine a little, nuzzling my nose against his back.

"Then don't go," he responds mechanically.

Eh, maybe he's too preoccupied with this shaving. I won't hold this against him.

"Can I help?"

I reach for the razor and acting like a kitten, I try to snatch it from him, thinking that a little playfulness will make things better.

But he takes it out of my reach, no playfulness in his gestures.

"I don't think you could."

"But I did once."

"Yeah, but I was quite invalid at that time."

"Still, I don't see a problem there."

I play a little more, insisting, and goddamnit, I make him cut himself on his jaw.

He hisses as I pull away, and of course, freak out a little.

"Oh, _God_, Dimitri, I'm so, so sorry."

I rush and get the first aid kit, but as I am scurrying through it, his hands stop mine, and as he wants to take the case from me, I resist it.

"But you-"

"I am _fine_."

Once again, the tone of his voice is harsh, making me cease my protest.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't me-"

"Don't you worry about that," he cuts me off this time, turning around to put the case back to its place. "I won't die. It's a little blood, nothing to get freaked out about."

"Yeah, silly me, right? I um… I think I'll go now before I… yeah."

I leave the bathroom before he might see the tears gathered in my eyes, and even though he calls for me, I don't go back.

God, I am such a fuck up sometimes.

Using my compulsive cooking as a way to dissipate the emotions in me, twenty minutes later, I place a plate of steaming blini on the kitchen table, a silly smile spread on my lips too.

"I think I'll pass," he says, not even looking at the plate.

"Are you sure?" After all, I made them for him, as a little 'I'm sorry for almost cutting your jugular.' Plus, he said he loves these.

"Yes. I am not that hungry."

"Oh, okay."

I sit down and drown my sorrows with the pancakes, making sure to add way too much chocolate cream on them. If it makes me sicker, who the fuck cares? Chocolate is good for the soul, right?

And look at him! He isn't even drinking his coffee. He is not doing anything! He's looking out the window, thinking of God knows what!

Okay, I cannot deny it now. Something _is_ wrong, and it's not my imagination. And I can't let things go on like this.

With the risk of him getting madder at me, I get up and go sit on his lap.

He looks at me questioningly, even a little surprised.

I wrap my arms on his neck and kiss his cheek, glad to see that that cut isn't as bad as I thought.

"What?"

"What is the matter with you, Dimitri?"

"What's the matter with me?"

"You're off."

"Am I?" how come he is so surprised to hear this? I nod. "Well, you're wrong. I am not."

"Really?" He nods his time. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I do, but there is nothing for me to tell you." I fucking hate that but he always adds!

"Come on, comrade. Tell me," I insist a little more, and to make things more light-hearted, I try to tickle an answer out of him.

But the only thing I accomplish is to get him annoyed rather than smiling.

"Rose..." He growls, his eyes staring back in mine, his fingers wrapping on my wrists to stop me.

My breath catches, my heart starts beating faster, sending cold blood through my body, and I stare back at him, blinking stupidly a couple of times.

When I remember to breathe again I gasp and get off him. In my rush, I stumble with my elbow onto his cup of coffee, sending it onto the floor.

"I am sorry, Dimitri, I shouldn't have... I am sorry. I didn't mean to... I am sorry..." my voice trembles, just as my whole body.

I get on the floor on my knees, and start picking up the pieces.

"Roza," he says faintly, but I don't dare look at him.

"I'm sorry," I keep on saying as I pick up my mess, the shards piling up in my hand, and I am afraid I'll drop them.

Getting onto his knees too, he mumbles something under his breath and looking up at him, I see him pass a hand through his hair and sighing. Fuck, I screwed up so bad.

I should leave. I'd better let him be. I got him angry enough. It already happened twice this morning.

"I'm really, _really_ sorry."

When I want to get up and get out of his sight as fast as possible, he catches me by my wrist.

"Roza, wait. I-"

"No. It's okay. It's my fault. I'll… I'll just go. I'm sorry. I am so clumsy, all the fucking time. With the cut you got because of me and now breaking the cup and-" my voice breaks and I finally let my tears fall. "I'm sorry."

"Give me these." he points to the shards.

"No, I-"

"Love, give them to me, please. You've already cut yourself. I don't want you to get another cut."

"I did not-" I did. I did get a cut. And I didn't even feel it, but now the blood is pooled a little into the dip of my palm.

I extend my hand and let him take the porcelain pieces.

Coming back after he got rid of those, he puts his palms on my shoulders and pulls me up, sitting me on a chair. Wiping some of my tears away, he now tells me, with a soft, calm voice, to sit there as he goes get something to get my cut cleaned.

I try to stop crying as he's away, but when he comes back, I still haven't contained my tears.

He crouches in front of me, and none of us says anything as he takes care of my cut, made right in the middle of my still trembling palm and which now stings like hell. The blood has dripped a lot and has stained my yellow, bubbly pajama.

When he finishes, he takes a seat on the chair in front of me, his hands still holding mine, then sighs.

"Look, love. I don't want…" He brings my hands up to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. "I don't want you to fear me. I am sorry I reacted like that, I was acting like an idiot. But you know I'll never treat you like that. _Never_. I'd rather die before doing that to you, before touching you in that way, do you hear me?"

"I don't fear you."

"But you're trembling all over, Roza."

"No, it's just that… It's from the blood. But I'm fine now. And I understand why you... I obviously stepped out of line there. I saw you being upset and I thought... I am sorry. I shouldn't have pushed it. I'll let you…"

I want to pull my hands out of his as I get up, but he doesn't let go of me.

"No, Roza. Stop it. It's not your fault, so don't apologize." He pulls me closer to him, between his legs, and walks his fingers across my back. "You did nothing wrong, love. Not a single thing. I am the one who has to apologize. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"Well, you had, after all, all the rights to be mad at me. I upset you thi-"

"_No_. I am not mad at you. I am not upset. Not at all."

"But you-"

"I was being an idiot. Look, I didn't sleep quite well last night and I'm a little irascible this morning, that's all. But that gives me no excuse to have acted like a bastard. I'm sorry."

I place my hands on his shoulders and consider if to believe him or not because I know for a fact that I slept like shit last night, and I woke up about a million times, but I never saw him awake.

"Are you sure?"

He nods and turns his head to kiss my forearm, then walks the tip of his nose across my skin.

"I am sure, love."

"Fine then." Be it his way.

He pulls me down to sit on his leg and passes his fingers through my hair.

"I am sorry, love."

"It's fine. I get grumpy too when I don't get enough sleep."

A shadow of a smile passes on his lips.

"You think I'm grumpy?" He lifts an eyebrow, trying to seem amused.

"Well, not Grinch-grumpy, but a little bit grumpy."

"I am turning into Grinch, huh?"

"A teeny-tiny one. But I bet that that green would suit you well."

His smile widens at my joke, but just a little. And I swear it seems a forced one.

"And what do you propose we do about it?"

"Usually something sweet helps me. It gives me some more energy. What about you? What works for you?"

"I think that might work too."

"I still have some blini mixture if you want. I'll make you some warms ones."

"Yes, please."

I get up excitedly, hoping that it would help.

"Coming right away."

I kiss his cheek before I leave.

* * *

Getting back, I pour him another cup of coffee too as he makes sure to strive to not get lost into his thoughts again.

"Anything else, your grumpiness?"

He smiles and again, I pretend I didn't see it's a forced one.

"No. Thank you."

"You are very welcome."

I lean over and rest my forehead on his.

I want to say so many things, but I don't. Instead, I say this idiotic thing, stupidly thinking that sex would miraculously make things better. But I swear I have run out of ideas.

"I have a little suggestion, comrade."

"I am listening."

"I am going to take a shower. If you, after you finish here, feel like taking one too, know you're free to join me."

He lifts his eyebrows as his lips turn into a veritable smile this time.

"Your proposal is duly noted, love."

"Good."

I kiss his forehead this time before I go on my way.

* * *

I waited for him. He didn't come, but honestly, I didn't expect him to.

After all, when I got back to the kitchen, I found him in the same place, his coffee untouched, the food too, and I didn't say anything else about it.

For the whole day, he continues to be off, but I don't dare insist on him telling me why. I know he wouldn't tell me and I would only manage to annoy him further, which I hate doing.

I wonder what happened all of a sudden. We were okay last night. We have been okay for so long. Did I do something and I am unaware of it?

That thought doesn't stop me from thinking of a reason, for a flaw of mine getting him so upset, as we've been mostly lying in bed and talked about little, useless stuff as we pretended that everything is fine and we've ignored the elephant in the room.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I ask him when the heaviness of this mess in my head is too much to bear.

"Yes, sure. You pick once."

"Are you sure about that? The last time I picked something, you ended up with your sugar level to the roof," I try a joke, but he didn't even hear it.

"Pick whatever you want."

"Fine," I don't even try to cover my botherness, not that he had sensed it anyway.

Carrying our asses into the living room, I pick the cheesiest movie I find, but I don't pay enough attention to it. I am looking at him, who is not paying attention to the movie either, probably thinking that if I am laying on him I am not seeing it. But I do. He is looking past the TV, at nothing. And unless there's something interesting on that empty wall, he has zoned out again.

I call for him a couple of times before wiggling my hand in front of his eyes, making him look at me.

"What's the matter with you? What's going on?"

"I already told you that nothing's going on," He sounds tired of me and my insistences, and hell, so am I of him brushing this off.

"I know I am tiring to you and annoying, and I know that I keep on asking you if you're alright, and you keep on telling me that you are, but call me crazy or something, but you're not _you_ today. And I want to know if there is something upsetting you. I don't want to upset you further with insisting, I swear, but... Are you mad at me? Did I do something?"

Even though I swear, I can't find a reason for him acting this way. Yesterday he was fine. We were fine. And now, even though we are together physically, he is ten thousand miles away from me.

He sighs and gets us up, lifting me off him too.

"Love, why would you think I am upset with you?"

I shrug, avoiding his eyes. "I don't know… you… maybe I-"

"Hey." He takes my hands in his and urges me to look at him. "You did nothing wrong."

"Then why are you off?" this time, he's the one avoiding my eyes, and I squeeze on his hands. "Talk to me, please."

I can see it in him that he is struggling whether to tell me or not. I pray he does.

"I am thinking about some things, that's all, love."

"About what?"

"It's… it's nothing. Nothing you should worry about."

I hate it when he does this. I want it so bad for him to tell me, no matter what it is, no matter how small or unimportant.

"Fine." I bite my tongue instead of saying something, and I let it pass, _again_. "Shall we go to sleep? It's kinda late and you said you didn't sleep much last night and I… I'm tired too."

"Sure. Let's go." he takes the opportunity to put this subject aside, and we get upstairs.

We lay in bed and he is soothing my back as I latch myself on his body and hold him tight. I don't know what else to do, but by holding him tight, I hope he knows I'm here for him.

What makes me angry with him is his lack of trust in me. I want him to feel safe to tell me the things that bother him. I want to be there for him because he has been there for me so many times. But no. Instead, he does this shit.

He has told me a while back that he is not used to not being by himself anymore and that he would sometimes get like this and I understand, I swear I do. But I am still struggling to be okay with it, with the fact that he is not giving me parts of him. Sometimes it's so hard not to burst out, and he is not making my life any easier now.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me anyway, no matter how unimportant?" I try my chances one last time.

I expect him to say something, _anything_, but it doesn't come. He doesn't even try to brush it off again.

This time, I get angry.

"Fine. Goodnight, then," I snap at him and turning away from him, I get closer to the edge of the bed, and curl my body into a little ball.

"Roza…"

He comes close to me for a couple of seconds, kisses my shoulder, rests his lips there for some seconds, then sighs.

"I am sorry, love."

"That doesn't help me much, Dimitri."

"I know, Roza," he whispers as he pulls the cover up on me. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well, it's kind of hard when you act like this."

I promised Ivan I will give him time, but it is killing me now, with the way he's acting.

"I'm sorry."

I get up and watch him.

"If I would do this, you would be all over me, Dimitri. You always want to know what's wrong with me, and you never let me not tell you, no matter how small are any of the things that bother me. But you? You never tell me. Please, don't this anymore, Dimitri. You can't keep it all to yourself. You don't have to. I want you to talk to me. I want to know."

"I know. And I am sorry, but-"

I lift my hand and stop him.

"I don't want to hear what comes after that but, Dimitri."

I am sure he is going to come with an excuse and, for once, I would like for him to tell me, without runarounds.

"I just… I want to be here for you, whatever happens to you. But you don't let me." he keeps on pushing me away in times like these, and I have no idea why. "It's not fair."

I put my feet on the wooden floor, wanting to get out of the bed, wanting to go yell my frustration to anyone who would listen to me.

But I don't get the chance to take a step out of the bed because he gets a hold of my hand and pulls me back, and I sit on the edge of the bed, with my back turned to him.

He lifts some more and comes behind me, as I can already feel the heat his body is radiating on me. I tremble lightly as his fingers brush over my skin, taking my hair out of the way, and he places a little kiss on my shoulder.

"Roza..."

I turn my head away, looking out the window, and I spot the moon high on the sky, shining gracefully. It would have been a wonderful night if… yeah.

"Look at me, please." he starts walking his thumb over my knuckles, as my hand rests on the bed.

I slowly turn my head and watch his beautiful features in this dim, silver light.

"What?" I ask trying to seem pissed off, but the truth is that I calmed down the second I met his eyes. I can't help it. I can't be angry with him for too long, and it's driving me insane!

"I-" he starts, but I rudely interrupt him.

"This is _not fair_, and you know it too, but you don't seem willing to… whatever. It doesn't matter. Let's go to sleep. It's been a long day."

"No."

He gets closer to me and traces his fingers past my cheek, trying to get rid of the tears that are now falling from my eyes.

"I am sorry, Roza. I didn't mean things to be like this, I swear."

"Well, it is what it is. And the fact is that each time I ask you something about you, you tell me some stuff to change the subject, and I've always let it pass, but it has gotten to the point where I can't stand it anymore. I know it's the way you have got used to, not to trust anyone, but why don't you… why don't you trust _me_ enough to tell me what upsets you, trust me enough to let me in? You're loving and good to me, but at the same time, you keep me at distance. I don't get this hot and cold thing. I can't figure you out."

"Roza, but I do trust you."

"Yeah, but maybe not enough. You know me so well, and I want to know you too. I have told you every little thing about me, the stupidest of them and you-"

"There's nothing stupid about you."

"_That_ doesn't matter now. What I am trying to say is that I have told you things about me no one ever knew, things I never told anyone else, things that I hardly knew about myself or that I didn't want to admit out loud. I did that because I trusted you with them. And I swear I am not trying to get you out as the bad guy here because telling you all those things was my decision. But I did that because I wanted you to know me. Still, I can't say the same when it comes to you. I mean, you _do_ tell me stuff, but it's only at fucked up times. When you've told me something important about you, you thought you would die, and you left me that letter. And that time when I killed someone and I was a wreck, you told me something about you to make me feel better. Or after we almost ended it all. Is this what it takes for you to tell me something important? Because if that is the case, I don't think I want it. I don't want it to be only when you think you have no way out when you tell me stuff."

"No, that's not it. I… I don't- Roza…" he looks down at our entangled fingers and says nothing more as he squeezes on my hand.

Okay. If he won't talk, I will.

"When it comes to you, I am mostly guessing. You still are some kind of a stranger to me, in some ways, you know that?" I tilt his head up so that we look at each other again, and even though it hurts to see that look in his eyes, I have to let him know. "I am tired of that, Dimitri. I am tired of _not knowing_, of always guessing. I am tired of assuming things about you. I want to be sure, just for once. And I am sorry that maybe I am asking for too much from you, but when you asked me to trust you, I said yes to that. I trust you with everything. But now I am here, asking you to do the same thing. I am asking you to trust me, no matter how bad what's bothering you is. Know that I'll be here. I want to be there for you, but you don't let me."

He nods. "I'll tell you."

"No, Dimitri. No. I don't want you to tell me because I pushed you. God, that's the thing. You don't feel ready to do stuff, and I get it, I am pushing you to- oh, Dimitri, I don't know. Look. I know it must be a hard thing for you to do. I don't, in fact, but I suppose it is. But I need to know that… I need to be sure that you trust me as much as I trust you. Because I can't keep going on like this. And I want you to tell me, but only if you truly want it. I don't want you to tell me because I push you, and I know it's kinda twisted because I am pushing you in some way, but no. Don't tell me if you don't feel like it. It would mean that I am making you do something you don't want to, and I don't want that. But I can't do this thing any longer either. I can't keep on loving a stranger. Because God, I love you so, _so_ much, it would kill me to…" I can't even say it out loud. "I um… I think I'll go… I don't know, get some air." Give him some space. Take some space too?

He lets me go, he doesn't come for me, and I don't know what to think about that. I guess it's good that he didn't come because maybe we would have ended up fighting. Or is it a good thing? Could this be a little rupture in our relationship?

I pray it isn't.

Should I have even left? Maybe I shouldn't have left things like that.

I regret leaving, but the damage is already done

I get out on the porch to think about it, to cool my mind.

But not even outside, I don't get a moment of peace.

Out here are those guys that were ogling at me yesterday. And by out here, I don't mean that they're somewhere into the vicinity of the house. I mean that they're on the porch, right in front of me!

Something feels off too.

I open my mouth to shout for help, but I don't get the chance to voice any syllable.

The tallest of them, who was closest to me, puts his palm over my mouth and even wraps his arm on my neck, preventing the air from reaching my lungs.

Funny thing, he thinks he can scare me by parading a little knife in front of my eyes.

"If you don't want to die, shut up and be a good girl." So original. I think I have heard this phrase about a million times now. Do all the bad guys learn the same textbook?

But they're messing with the wrong person here.

I forget about asking for help, and I start defending myself.

I plant my elbow into the guy's ribs, and I can breathe normally again when he lets go of me. But damn, that lack of oxygen didn't do much good to my head. I'm dizzy and that's a big disadvantage now.

Being free, I know I have to get a hold of the knife that tallie has dropped, otherwise, I don't have a chance against these three guys with my fists only.

I drop to my knees and reach for the red handle, but my freedom doesn't last for too long as I am not fast enough to outrun the two other guys on the chase for the knife.

I manage to pound a fist into one's jaw before they pick me up and get a hold of me, shaking me a little too when I still try to escape.

I still struggle to break free from their clasp, my mouth letting out some curses too. But when their fingers dig into the flesh of my upper arms, I know I don't have a way out. I could have dealt with them one by one, but with their forces combined, I am kinda fucked.

I wonder what Dimitri's doing. Did he hear any of this?

_Wouldn't he be here if he did? And what do you expect? You said you wanted to be alone. So be alone. Deal with it._

Why didn't I scream earlier, though?

But it's kinda late for that now as, getting a hold of his precious knife, tallie again puts it to my neck, threatening me to cut me if I try to scream.

"Now, you've got me upset, doll."

"Bo-ho. Cut it with the whining, princess, and tell me what the fuck you want from me."

"Personally, I don't want anything. Maybe except the things I've already proposed to you." He plays with his eyebrows up and down, making his companions grin.

And yeah, I forgot to mention that he's the one who has hit on me at the bar.

"Not even if you'd be the last man on earth. I am not that desperate. I'd rather die than let you touch me."

His cockiness fades and now he eyes me with a squinted glare.

"Now, will you get back to the more important subject rather than your horniness and tell me who wants something from me?"

"My boss wants to have a talk with you." Hm, there are so many possibilities of who would be on our track, right?

"And he is?"

"Don't you worry, you'll soon find out."

Putting his fingers through my hair, at the back of my head, he tilts my head and examines my face.

Here it comes, another cocky phrase, I bet all my money on it.

"Wouldn't it have been so much easier if you would have said yes to me?"

"Honestly? No. I prefer it this way. As I've told you yesterday, I wasn't impressed, and now I am even less impressed."

"Your loss."

"Nah, I doubt it. I've seen kindergarten kids more interesting than you."

My comment makes his companions stifle some laughs, which gets him annoyed. But to my joy, he finally drops the subject linked to his irresistibility.

They take me to their car, still making sure I stay quiet enough and that I don't struggle anymore.

"If you want to scream, I suggest you do it now. Let your lover-boy we're taking you."

"Why hurt my throat? Better leave him a note. And you know a fun fact? It's said that intelligent people have bad writing, but I bet your calligraphy is perfect. So it wouldn't be hard for him to read your note, come find me, and kick your ass."

I know that making all these comments is not the best approach, but why not fuck with him some more? I've got the vibe that he cannot harm me, otherwise, he would have already done it when I bruised his ego, twice.

"Do you think you are a badass bitch? We'll see how much of that you will be when there is no one to keep you safe. Your boy will be dead till morning."

"Yeah, I wouldn't bet my money on that."

"I swear I never thought you'd be so annoying," he declares as he wants to tie my mouth, but I insist on wanting to say something more, pretending it's important, and tallie lets me.

Such a bad decision of his.

"I have this little curiosity. You're like, the leader of this group, right?"

"Did you figure that out all by yourself, huh?" he wants to make me look stupid with his superior air, but I am planning for him to be the fool.

I turn and look at the other two men in the car.

"Between me and you, guys, who picked him to be the one in charge? Both of you have bigger IQs than him and I can tell that even if you two didn't say a thing."

All three of us smile to each other accomplice, and if tallie here was a dragon, he would have already spat fire out of his nostrils.

"How I wish I'd make you shut up forever."

He finally covers my mouth and puts a cloth over my eyes too.

Shit, now I regret even more leaving that room.

* * *

When the blindfold comes off, at about twenty minutes of driving, I find myself into a club. Well, I kinda knew I was in one, as the music here is quite loud. Crappy too. Really. Whoever is a DJ here, has a terrible taste.

And in front of me is this guy, dressed in a fancy light grey suit, sitting in an expensive armchair, acting like he's the ruler of everything.

But… I know these eyes. How could I forget them? How could I ever forget anything that happened that night?

I recognize the jet-black hair too, again styled messily, that make the green of his eyes come out like nothing else. That color always struck me and now it brings back awful memories that make the hairs at the back of my head stand.

If I seemed surprised to him, he was nice enough not to mention it.

"You're his…? Victor's..."

Shit, I thought we were done with that man and whatever involves him, but it seems that the past is always there to come to bite you in the ass.

"How do you know my father's name?" so he is his son.

"I um…" how do I lie to him now? I shouldn't have let my mouth speak so fast.

"Wait a second. You're the blonde bitch?" shit, he figured things by himself. "Wow. You look so different now. But I must admit that that dress was looking great on you."

"Gee, thanks. Now that you finished complimenting me, would you tell me why I am here?"

"Why do you think you're here?"

"Maybe because-"

"Because your boy killed my father!"

"Yeah, _exactly_ what I meant to say, but not with that tone."

Damn, I don't even know why I continue to be snappy. I should be afraid for my life, but I am not. Not at all. I am mostly upset, and this guy is making things worse.

"And now what? What is your master-plan to get revenge?"

"Straight to the point, right?"

"Well, I hate wasting time and the night is still young. I am sure that I could manage to get home and catch some hours of sleep."

He laughs. "What makes you think you're ever getting out of here? Or alive?"

"Yeah, I figured it out you might say that too."

* * *

I still haven't found out what this guy's plan is with us, but the main reason he got me here was for having the upper hand on Dimitri.

Nothing new under the sun. Everybody uses me against him. I'm his weak spot, and I have begun to loathe this happening over and over again. I hate it when people get to him through me.

But twenty more minutes after I told him Dimitri's phone number, Dimitri makes his entrance into the club, alone, and being guarded carefully by some bouncers, he comes up to the room I am being kept into.

"Nathan," Dimitri says the second he enters, of course, after his eyes examine every inch of me, making sure I'm still in one piece.

"I see that someone has done their homework."

"Yeah, I did. I wonder if you did yours."

"I did. I know everything about you."

Dimitri smiles. "I highly doubt it." Yeah, I doubt it too. No one knows everything about him. "But do tell me, what are we doing here?" damn, he sounds as tired as I was when I was approaching this subject.

"I bet you know."

"Yes, I do. You want revenge and all that shit for me killing your father and uncle." Uncle? Was he part of his killing spree or something? "Now tell me what you have in mind, and let's be done with it. It's been a long night already." Yeah, you tell me?

"Shouldn't I be the snappy one here?" Nathan whines like a little kid, and I almost laugh, even though there is nothing funny here.

"Be however you want, but just tell us what the hell you want from us and how the hell we can kick your ass and get out of here!" I am the one snapping this time.

I swear that this guy is the worst bad guy I have ever met. Even his men are smirking now that I have yelled at him. He has no real control over him, they don't seem to respect him, and I bet that he thinks he's a badass just because his father was someone and he kinda won the lottery after his death.

"Fine! But after I am done with you, the only way you're getting out of here is in body bags."

Sure, sure. The usual threatening I am used to.

"Go ahead," Dimitri encourages him.

"Well, as you both have seen, I have this club."

"Congratulations! But get to the point, god-fucking-dammit! It's taking forever to get the important stuff from you!"

Dimitri eyes me and okay, I should cease being this moody, even though I swear I cannot help it. It's his luck that I am tied to a chair and that two bouncers are by my side, otherwise, I would have already scooped Nathan's eyes off, that pissed I am now.

"And?" Dimitri takes care of the conversation.

Nathan smiles, as being proud of what he's going to say.

"Maybe your girl could dance down there to entertain my guests tonight."

Dimitri's features flinch for a second, and I can bet he's way angrier than he lets out.

"Not in your wildest dreams. You have your beef with me, leave her out of this."

"Then _you'll_ have to entertain them." which is what he wanted from the first second, but he had to make a big deal of it, of course.

"How?"

"You could fight here tonight. I have a… let's say side business in entertaining my clients," he says, again, so proud of himself. "And for each man you put down, I will consider if I'll let your girl go."

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"How many men do you have available?" you idiot, I may add to that.

"Twenty men are supposed to fight tonight. It's kind of a tournament. And if you win enough roun-."

"Forget about the tournament. I'll fight them all."

"Interesting."

I bet he didn't think of that possibility. I wonder why Dimitri did. By winning that tournament, he would have had to fight fewer men. Why did he choose to fight them all?

"But I do have a question." Oh, I do have plenty of them too, Dimitri. But addressed to you.

_Damn, isn't someone snappy as hell today?_

"Which is?"

"Why?"

"Why I am doing this? Do you even have to ask?" Nathan almost yells. "I want my respect back. My father's respect! You killed him so despicably! My uncle too!"

"Yeah, too bad I didn't think of your existence, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation now."

"How dare you threaten me in my club? Do I need to remind you that you're both my hostages?"

Eh, I don't know about that. I don't really feel like being a hostage, even though I am the one tied to a chair. I'm a little too relaxed about this, and it's either because I know that things will be alright, or it's because we have been in this situation way too many times.

"Damn you two are-"

"That wasn't my question," Dimitri interrupts him, and I swear that Nathan is the only one in the room that doesn't smile. He's so not mafia boss material.

"Then which was?!" aw, little boy, he's so close to breaking in tears.

"Why don't _you_ fight me, if you want to get your _respect_ back?" yeah, Nathan, be a fucking man! Prove to us all that you're more than this whiny boy.

"I don't like having blood on my suit." He takes a superior air and arranges the sleeve of his impeccably white shirt.

Yeah, sure. He's a fucking coward. I bet he always was daddy's protégée and was always preoccupied with partying rather than being a mafia guy.

Dimitri almost rolls his eyes. "Okay. Whatever. Do we have a deal? I fight tonight and all?"

"Let's see. You win, you get the girl. You lose the fights, _any of them_, I get the girl, and well, with a body like hers, she will bring me much more money than any of the fights you will be making tonight."

But thinking about it now, there is surely something about it. He agreed to fast with it, and either he really thinks that Dimitri cannot do this (which is impossible because he said himself that he knows everything about him, and even if he doesn't know everything, he must know what a good fighter he is), or he has something down his sleeve.

"Don't do it," I hear myself speaking.

But Dimitri looks at me and smiles warmly, then gets his eyes back on Nathan and extends a hand towards him to seal the deal.

"Under those terms, I'll do it."

"No, _please_." I've got this bad, bad feeling all of a sudden and I even start crying.

This deal involves me, but what about him? What happens to him, even if he wins or loses any fight?

_Like you wouldn't know, idiot. Isn't it already clear what Nathan has in plan for him?_

"Aw, someone is emotional? Someone isn't a badass anymore?" tallie dares play with fire, thinking that no one is paying any attention to us, and he bent over my shoulder so that he could glow in my face.

But he has just pushed my last button.

I swing my shoulder up and make him choke on his next words, and I pray he bit on his tongue. Or better. I hope he bit it off so that he would never speak so much shit ever again.

And before he manages to pull away and call me a bitch, I hit him once more, slamming the back of my head into his nose, hearing a satisfying crack.

I am proud to see that, when he pulls away, blood flows out of his nose.

"Then, let's get moving," Nathan takes over the conversation once more, not even caring about his little injured employee. Well, everyone in the rooms knows that he fucking asked for it. "The fights start in half an hour. And until you finish, your lady will be staying with us. But remember. You have to win _every_ fight if you want her out of here."

Dimitri grins. "Don't you worry, I will."

Why don't I like this? Not at all.

* * *

I get one moment alone with Dimitri before the fights begin, and he lets me wrap some straps on his hands, even though he could have done it himself. I appreciate it, though. It gives me some sense of doing something useful.

"Why are all these people here?" I mean, the room is full. And it's a fucking big room, leaving aside the space occupied by the arena.

He smiles and answers anyway to my rhetoric question, as his fingers pass through my hair, trying to soothe my worries.

"They came here for the show."

"What kind of sick people enjoy this? Look at them! They're all fancily dressed, and don't they have better things to do with their stacks of money?"

"They enjoy the fights, it seems."

"Yeah, a stupid fight you shouldn't have accepted."

"Well, I am going to give them a great show," he plays the cockiness card and I don't know if it's because he worries too, or because I worry too much.

But then again, to fight twenty men all by himself? That's a lot, even if it's one by one!

I take him in my embrace, and after a second of reticence, he puts his arms around me too.

"Oh, Dimitri. I don't know what you were thinking of when you came up with that proposition."

Even though, his response was firm, determined, grim, but not without a spark of pure determination. I know that no matter how many people he will have to fight, be it twenty, be it one hundred, he would end them all. But at what cost?

"Please, don't do this. Isn't there another way out of this?"

"I don't think so, Roza. But don't you worry." He pulls away, puts his palms on my cheeks, and tilting my head, he kisses my forehead. "Until daylight, we will be back home."

"Promise me you'll be safe. That you'll get out of this rink in one piece."

"I promise. Now go. The faster this ends, the faster I can get you out of here."

"Aren't you going to scold me for getting into this trouble?"

He smiles. "No. Not even a bit. And if I think better, I am the one who started it when I killed Victor. But I'll take care of it."

Doing my part of the deal, I go back to Nathan and wait by his side like a faithful puppy as Dimitri is going to fight.

Twenty rounds, goddammit! He's insane and I am too for letting him do this!

I pray that he knew what he was getting himself into when he came up with this fucked up idea.

The fighting starts with Nathan in the middle of the rink presenting Dimitri and telling the audience that the rules have been changed a little tonight. Ha! This fucker is taking credit for Dimitri's idea. Nothing surprising here, though.

The first six guys that he fights, that's easy stuff. He puts them down without much effort, and none of them even gets a chance to touch him before he gets them out of the game.

And little by little, the interest of the audience is being stimulated. Men and women start whispering and wondering if they did the best choice to bet against him. Of course they didn't.

Fight after fight, the number of wins continues to grow, the number of losses continues to remain zero, the crowd starts getting more and more ecstatic and equally fast, Nathan starts getting more and more stressed.

People start betting now on Dimitri winning all the matches, none of them believing anymore that he cannot do it. Still, I hear Nathan's men whispering and shaking their heads, like knowing better. Well, none of them knows what they're talking about.

But as the number of wins comes to twelve, at about an hour or so since this shitshow has begun, this crap happens.

The 13th opponent that will go into the rink, I cannot believe it, he has brought with him a knuckle metal shit or however that thing is called!

That will hurt like hell if it hits Dimitri!

"Hey!"

I almost lash at Nathan when I see the big grin on his face. It's lucky of him that someone got a hold of my T-shirt and dragged me back to my place before I wrapped my fingers on his neck.

"That is not fair! That is against the rules!"

"Will you let me enjoy the show, kitty? We have the best places here." he waves his hand at me, or mostly at his employee, that drags me away from him.

And I have seen that shit put on his knuckles because he passed right in front of me, but when he enters the rink, the new opponent, he keeps his hand in his pocket.

Like I'll let things like this!

"Hey, Dimitri, he-"

A palm comes over my mouth, preventing me from warning him.

All I get in return from him is a confused face and an ugly glare thrown at the guy keeping me quiet.

"Fight!" the referee starts the fight and his eyes turn away from me.

All I can do now is to hope that Dimitri won't take a hit somewhere vital with that.

But my hope is not enough to spare him of that pain.

Because, catching him somehow unprepared or taking him by surprise or _fuck_, I don't know how it happened, this guy doesn't back down when Dimitri throws the first punch. He just takes this closeness as the chance to pound that metal into his ribs.

I hate it that it was a good punch. It made Dimitri bend in pain and just as him, as I see him like that, I remain breathless.

Good lord, did any rib break?

Into the loud booing that his opponent has gotten onto himself, Dimitri, who seems to have won the hearts of the audience, gets back to a straight position, a fierce look on his face.

In his furry, it takes him three punches to knock out this bastard.

Along with the thud that this guy makes when he touches the ground, you can hear the clink of the metal that has been dropped from his hand, the knuckle punch getting to Dimitri's feet.

He gets it off the ground and throws it away, out of the stage, and surprisingly enough, the crowd doesn't get disappointed. Who would have thought that this bunch of people appreciates a good, fair fight, huh?

"See? That's fucking dignity and you would never know how that feels, you coward! _That's_ playing fairly, not your mischievous ways!" I yell at Nathan, knowing for sure that this shit was his idea. I'd so like using that knuckle punch on him now.

He gets off his _throne_ and comes to face me, his fingers getting a hold of my chin.

"I'll enjoy you being my pet. You're a feisty one."

"Not in a million years! And even if that happens, I'll cut your throat the first time I get the chance, I promise this to you!"

He laughs to my face.

"Let's see where that dignity takes him tonight, doll," He says and goes back to his place.

Yeah, let's see. With a broken rib and seven opponents left, I worry, well, I worry _more_, for Dimitri.

Should he have not thrown it away?

The following fights start getting longer and longer, and the more minutes pass, the more worried I get. For how long can he go like this? He has his limits after all and all his opponents are well rested.

In my worry, I lost count of the number of fights, and I started counting the number of hits he gets because he kinda started getting some, and hell, almost all of his opponents aim for his right side, towards his damaged rib.

When his current adversary tries to take a swing under the belt, I lose it once more, just like the crowd. I am happy though that Dimitri managed to dodge that.

"Hey! The _rules_, goddamnit! That was not fair!" I yell once more at Nathan, but he decided not to pay attention to me again.

But being behind me, tallie dares laugh this time. I guess he wants his nose broken all the way.

"You are so innocent. Where do you think you are? There are no rules there, honey."

"_Not at all_?"

"No one mentioned any, right?" right, but where's the honor in that?

"Did he know about this when he got into the rink?"

"Of course he did. Or at least, I guess he expected it."

Of course he fucking did! God-fucking-dammit, Dimitri! Why did you say yes to this? Why did you come up with this idea in the first place?

"So there could be death possible? If none of them forfeits, or if any of them refuses to remain down, could it go as far as getting to kill one another?"

"Of course it could." He sounds so excited about it and I eye him hateful for that comment. "I hope it _does_ come up to that. Because then, you'll be ours, sweet cheeks."

Tense minute after tense minute, I can't believe it my eyes when the last fight finally comes.

But seeing this last guy making his entrance, he looks like being taken out of a failed experiments laboratory. He scares me.

He's about as tall as Dimitri and he is packed with muscles, like everywhere. And not that Dimitri isn't toned too, but this guy's muscles look like they have been inflated with air.

I'll bet all my money that he's taking some illegal shit for that, and I would bother to say that it's not fair, but it would be a waste of breath.

My heart is beating into my throat the whole time the fight takes place.

And now, rather than attacking first, Dimitri has changed his strategy and is mostly playing in defense.

It's his longest round so far too, and with all this back and forth, I think my heart is going to explode from so much tension. I can only imagine the tension he feels too. After all, everybody here probably knows that this guy won't hesitate to kill if he sees the chance to do it.

With what he's doing, I might say that Dimitri is trying to tire him down before trying any offensive moves, but hell, he is so tired too. I see that because he starts slipping, he is quite unfocused, and his punches have become sloppier a while ago.

The worst part is that this guy knows how to take advantage of that.

Speaking of that, now, feinting Dimitri, he gets a hold of him and plants a fist into his ribs.

The world stops around me as I hear his groan and I don't even remember when I ran closer to the rink's boundaries.

Nathan follows me closely, making sure to glow in my face, but I pay no attention to him. Nothing exists for me now except Dimitri.

This hit made his knees go weak and he's now on the ground, propped on all fours, trying to catch his breath.

"Get up, get up, please!" I say through tears and pound my fists against the wire fence keeping us apart, trying to break it to pieces.

I don't even know if he heard me, but that's what he tries to do.

And he would do it if this guy would stop hitting him and putting him down over and over again!

The third time he hits the floor, his elbows give in a little too, but his eyes meet mine, and something breaks in me.

I can't sit here and watch this going on for any longer.

Without a single rational thought in my head, I run into the rink and jump on this guy's back, pounding my fists into his figure, my legs tightly wrapped around his ribs, making sure that he won't put me down soon.

All I know is that I took him by surprise, and his startlement comes to my aid, as it takes him more than one second to think about what to do. Time in which I don't cease to hit him, the cheering of the people around me pushing me to hit harder and harder, fucking his eyes a lot because he keeps on yelling "My eyes, my eyes!"

I swear I'll scoop them out if I have to.

But when he finally makes his mind and wants to get rid of me, he doesn't manage to touch me because I have already been ripped off him by Nathan's men.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!

I can't do anything to get out of their hands as they carry me out of there, but one last thing I saw before I left the rink - Dimitri got back to his feet.

"What the fuck was that?" Nathan spits at me and slaps me, but to hell if I care.

It's already too late. Dimitri has gotten his chance to get up and he has taken advantage of what I've done to that man, and I don't have any idea how he did it as I was busy with struggling to get away, but he has put him down.

Oh, I am so, so glad that he did win this last battle. So relieved.

"He won."

"No! He wasn't supposed to win!" he sounds close to desperate. With the bets that people have done, now Nathan is in a biiig loss, so no wonder he sounds like this. "He shouldn't have won! He couldn't have won!"

Yeah, I know he wanted that, considering the abomination of a man that he brought to fight against Dimitri.

"There are no rules, right? And no rules means that I can help him. It means I can do whatever the fuck I want! So I did. I went down there. So fuck you!"

"You fucking bitch!" for once he doesn't need his gorillas as he gets a hold of my hair and tilts my head.

He wants to hit me too, his fingers molding into a fist, but I speak before he does.

"Dare hit me and Dimitri will kick your ass! Or better! I will fucking kill you!" I hit his chest a couple of times, struggling too until he lets go of me, or well, until his faithful dogs decide he made a fool of himself for long enough and come save his ass from my anger.

"The kitty scratches, huh?" he continues to think he is in control, can you believe this guy?

"You didn't even see everything I am capable of! Now let go of me." I rip myself free from the grasps on my arms. "He won. I am free. Of course, unless you have no honor and you never planned to keep your word of letting me go."

"We the Dashkovs always have honor!"

"Yeah, my ass. Your father was the most honorable man I have ever met, lie to yourself with that," I say as I turn around and walk towards the arena, the cheering of the people who have just won the lottery filling my ears more and more.

But as I am going that way, I see a lot of people heading the opposite direction too, towards Nathan, and they don't look so kind.

Looking behind me, I already see Nathan starting to get stressed and trying to calm everyone around him that's asking for their money, fairly won. Well, if there is anything fair about betting on some people fighting.

But that will keep him busy for a while, wouldn't it?

Maybe enough for us to leave this place.

With that thought in mind, I hurry to Dimitri.

And damn, someone is so happy to see me. He gives me the goofiest smile I have ever seen from him.

"Hey, love." he stops for a second to probably look for his words. "Thanks for earlier. I wouldn't have made it without you."

When he wants to put an arm around me, a man comes and lifts his hand, proclaiming him a winner, officially, and the sounds in the room get louder.

He looks at me confused and bends a little so that he could reach my ear.

"Is it all done, Roza? Did I… did it end?"

I bet that he is dizzy as this last guy mostly aimed for his head and he even succeeded to touch Dimitri a couple of times. Plus, he got some other hits from the previous fights.

I hug him, starting to cry.

"Yes, yes. It's over. You did it."

"Hey, don't cry. It's all good, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is. And I… I am crying from how happy I am." Even though I am lying. How could I be happy when he's in this state?

"Good, love. That's very good. Now, can we get out of here?" He asks barely keeping his eyes focused on me, breathing shallow, and resting his weight on me.

"Yes, yes we can. We should, as Nathan is still busy." His men too, with keeping him from getting lynched.

"Awesome. Let's take you home, love. You'll be safe there."

I take his hand in mine and mostly drag him towards the nearest exit.

But at one moment, he insists on us stopping.

"What's the matter?"

"Are you hurt? Did he do anything to you? If so, I am goin-"

"No, no. I am fine. He didn't touch me, I swear. I didn't take any hit." Which is quite a miracle, considering how much trouble I caused. "Now let's get out of here, okay? We'll talk later."

"Okay, but…"

"But what?"

He blinks a couple of times and I swear he zones out for a second or two.

"I don't remember what I wanted to say."

That is not good. Not at all!

"Let's get out of here, okay?" and let's see how we can deal with whatever he has going on.

How does a concussion manifest, huh? I know that Lissa told me that countless times, but now I can't seem to remember.

Making sure to snatch a purse from a wealthy but unobservant woman, we get outside and into the first cab I find.

Our destination is anywhere but home. Nathan will surely look for us there when he sees we've disappeared.

So I tell the cab driver to take us to a motel around, and thanks to the cash I found in the purse, we've got ourselves a rest of a night of peace.

Entering our room, the first thing Dimitri does is to plop himself in bed, lying on it on his back with a long sigh.

"Comrade, how are you?" I bend over him and check his face. "How are you feeling?" and please don't say you're good.

"Good. I am _so_ good." He places a palm on my cheek, caressing it. "I am good, Roza."

He says that but he barely keeps himself from falling asleep or what do I know, from entering a coma! I bet he is exhausted too, and who could blame him? Fighting for so long, that takes its toll on people.

At a quick, further examination, nothing looks good about his condition.

I know for a fact that he has a broken rib, as it is hard for him to bend on the right side, where he has got that hit. I can only pray that it didn't perforate his lung and his previous heavy breathing was from the effort because now his breath is kinda steady. But what the hell do I know?! What if it perforated another organ and he is internally bleeding? How fast can you die from that?

Besides that, his face is swollen and red in some spots, and I am sure that I will soon find black bruises all over his body.

He even has a broken vein in his left eye and it is all bloody and oh…

God, he got so many hits it hurts me to even think about how he must feel.

"Love?" his voice gets me out of my head.

"What's the matter?"

"Could you do something for me?"

"Sure. Anything you need."

"Could you go to the supermarket and buy some ice?"

"And leave you here? _Alone_?"

"Yes."

"No!" I was planning for such a different scenario.

"Please. And not _some_ ice. I will need a lot of it."

"But-"

"Please." It almost comes out like begging, and knowing that he needs the ice for his pains, I cannot say no. he must hurt all over.

"Yeah, sure, I'll go. I'll go now. I'll buy you all the ice you need." All the ice on the planet. "But for now, would you stay awake for a minute? I need to do something and I need you to stay awake for me. Can you do that?"

He nods and as I rush out of the room, I pray he won't fall asleep. I still have no idea how bad are things with him, but one thing I know. Concussion equals don't let them fall asleep.

Less than one minute later, after bribing the receptionist's teenage kid to come and sit in our room after I leave and keep an eye on Dimitri, I come back.

Okay, after I gave her half of the big amount of money that I promised her, I might have threatened her too that if Dimitri falls asleep or she leaves, I will hunt her down and kill her. But I am a little desperate here, okay? You get me, don't you?

I kept myself composed till we got here, but as I was running on the hallway of our floor, heading towards our room, the tears started falling down my face and I couldn't do anything to stop them.

Because I am scared, because I am afraid, because I am angry. I am angry on everyone who is always coming and fucking shit up and God, I am so afraid because I have no idea what's going on with Dimitri now and I don't want to lose-

No, I won't even think of that.

At least he is still awake. That's a good thing, right?

But the second he sees me trying to avoid his eyes and keeping my distance as I pace left and right, making a little plan in my head, of course, he catches on something.

"Roza?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here." He pats the spot next to him.

"I can't right now. I need to go to the market and-"

"Roza," He says faintly and calm. "You've been crying. Come here, please."

"No." I want to stay strong because I know he needs it. He shouldn't be the one comforting me. "I have to go, I can't waste time and-"

"Then at least turn around and look at me."

"No. I can't." I take some more steps towards the door. "I need to go."

"Please, love. Come sit with me for a second."

I can't say no once again. I never seem to be able to say it a third time.

So I go lay in bed next to him, sitting on my side so that when he turns his head, we look into each other's eyes.

"Hold my hand, will you?"

I take his hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing it countless times while I try to contain my tears.

"I am fine, love. It's not the first time something like this happens to me, you know that, right? It's okay."

"No, it's not okay. I wish it would never happen again."

"I wish it too. And I thought that by bringing you here we'll have a moment of peace, but… sorry, love."

"I don't care about that. All I care about is you getting better now, okay? Don't you dare do anything stupid, okay?"

"I promise."

He doesn't let me leave, he keeps on soothing my cheek and we look at each other until he makes sure I won't cry once again.

When I finally leave, switching places with Ashley and threatening her a little more, just to make sure she gets the message, the first thing I do when I get outside is to call Lissa. Only then I allow myself to freak out a little more as I tell her everything that doesn't seem right about Dimitri's condition.


	45. Because I'm afraid

**Heyy! I know I said I'll be updating once a week, but my summer practice intervened and it is taking some of my time and energy :)**

**I only hope it has been worth the waiting **

**I am glad you like the length better, and I promise I am still working on not letting myself get lost in too many words. I hope it's working though.**

**And Tika86, you guessed it right!**

**Enjoy, and I _hope_ I'll see you next week. **

**Lots of love and thanks for your support guys. It means a lot, all your reviews and just reading my stories in general**

* * *

**Because I'm afraid**

**RPOV**

"Come on, _open_ already."

I have been knocking at this door for the last two minutes, my knuckles already hurt, but to hell if I am giving up. This guy's car is in the parking lot and I am, well, pretty desperate.

I switch my hand and knock some more and harder, with renewed force.

"If you didn't want to answer your damned phone, here I am, wasting fucking time on the stupid road, time in which Dimitri is alone. Well, he's not _alone_, but I am not there, and if he starts feeling worse, I'll be kicking your medical ass. And I still haven't bought that ice, goddammit!"

And here I am, speaking to myself. I should stop before the neighbors decide to call the police. I wonder what the taxi driver is thinking of me too. Does he think I'm an angry girlfriend?

I was so in my mind and so enthusiastically knocking at the door that even after the door has gotten opened, I continued to wave my hand, hitting the air.

But thank God, the doctor is now facing me, a sleepy expression on his face, his eyes squinting at me because of the light on the porch. It's a wonder I don't see annoyance on his face too.

I open my mouth to apologize, but he stops me.

"How bad is it?"

"How bad is what?"

"Aren't you here because you need me to help you with someone that has been hurt?"

"I… I am, but how-"

"How do I know? That's kinda what I do for a living, and you're here in the middle of the night, so…"

"Sure. Of course, silly me."

* * *

When I return, I am much better prepared than I was when I left. I have everything. Lots of ice (which is heavier than I thought it would be), a doctor that Lissa put me in contact with after I explained to her all my concerns (good thing that she has many connections, too bad that he was so far away from us and didn't answer his stupid phone), and a bag full of pills, gels and bandages that he brought along, God bless him for sparing me of the chore of having to go all town to look for them.

I am more than glad to see that Ashley has done an amazing job too, Dimitri's eyes being open when I get into the room. I repay her with more money than promised and send her away. Good thing that that lady was having a lot of cash in her purse, otherwise, I wouldn't have had how to bribe my way around here.

Of course, the second he sees me coming back bringing company, Dimitri wants to scold me, but I keep my ground.

"No. I won't hear it. You'll let him take a look at you, take care of you, and you'll take all the pills and shots he says you need to take. You'll do anything he tells you to do, without saying a single word of objection. And if you'll still protest, know that I am getting upset with you."

Thomas, the doctor, the _so nice_ man that woke up in the dead of the night to come and help us without a second question, laughs as he's unwinding his stethoscope.

"I think you should listen to her, buddy. She was ready to break down my door. I bet she's a pretty determined one."

Dimitri pouts a little, even though the smile on his lips is wide.

"I know she is." his fingers play on my thigh as I sit next to him. "And I don't want to upset you more than I have already done, love."

As Thomas is assessing the state of his fractured rib, Dimitri is more concerned about me rather than how he's doing.

"Where were you for so long, love? What if Natha-"

"I was careful." All the time I was away, I acted like I was being hunted, I swear. I kept looking behind me at any little sound. "And I'm sorry for missing for so long, but I had to take care of all this. Plus, you had Ashley to keep you company."

He rolls his eyes. "That girl has no idea how to shut up."

I laugh at his annoyance. "Well, she kept you awake, which is what I paid her for. And hey, I never shut up either so-"

"Na-ah. With you it's different. To you, I'd listen all day long."

"Not even when you're close to fainting, you cannot help yourself from being sweet, huh?"

He shrugs like saying there's nothing he can do about it.

"The charm never dies, love."

I look at Thomas, who watches us now with a smile on his lips.

"Tell us, those hits he got to his head messed him up, is that so?" he dares pinch me! "Hey!" I squint my eyes at him as Thomas laughs some more.

"Let's see about those hits, Romeo."

* * *

Relieved is nothing compared to what I feel when Thomas tells me that no, Dimitri has no perforated organs, no, he has no bad concussion, and no, I shouldn't worry about anything concerning him. Except for him trying to court me some more. But I have been advised to keep an eye on him for a day or so, in case anything gets worse.

After our flirty patient has been given some shots and pills, Dimitri is now dived into the filled with ice-cold water bathtub, and I am resting against a wall, my eyes never leaving him, searching for the signs I've been told to look for.

"I would ask you to join me in here, but you're always cold anyway, and all this ice wouldn't help much. Even though is more comfortable in here than that place you're sitting into."

"Don't you worry about me, okay?"

I get closer to him, and sitting on the ground next to the bathtub, his hand comes out of the water to caress my cheek.

"How are you?" I take his hand in mine and soothe his knuckles, that despite the cloth that has been on them, still got damaged. After fighting twenty men, it would have been a miracle if his hands were intact.

"For the hundredth time, I am fine, Roza."

"And for the hundredth time too, I am asking you not to lie to me. Don't say that to make me feel better because it's not working. I can see the way you look, I'm not blind. And I've seen everything that happened to you, so I want you to tell me."

"You know, I think it would have been nice if I would have had a teeny tiny rubber duck to play with, don't you think so?"

"How can you joke about this?" I get pissed at his carefreeness and if he wouldn't have been already hurt, I would have punched him. "I am being serious here. Tell me what… what hurts?" I bet that the shots Thomas gave him didn't get to make their effect fully either, so he must still be in pain.

He sighs. "Fine then. I feel… tired. I could sleep for three days straight and no one would be able to wake me up. And the answer to your other question is everything," He says and tries to laugh, but stops because his rib hurts. "Everything hurts now, love."

"Oh, comrade. You shouldn't push yourself in such a way. How many other hits will you be able to take until one is a hit too much?"

"I don't know. But I didn't really care back there. Not if-"

"I know you didn't." that's what's bothering me, besides his crazy proposition. "But one day-"

"Don't you fill your pretty head of yours with thoughts like that, okay, love? Don't think of what-ifs. Nothing happened."

"Yeah, nothing happened now. But with you putting yourself in danger all the time, I don't think I can. You'll kill me with worry one day."

* * *

Now, there's a little water still dripping from his hair and it's drawing lines over the spots on his body that have gotten red, but I am almost sure that those will not be the only bruises he'll have.

His clothes were all bloody, luckily not with much of his blood, and as I didn't think to buy him some other clothes, I kinda have to get him back in bed naked. But it's not like I haven't seen that before. Plus, we have plenty of sheets in the room.

As we pass the bathroom door, he doesn't pay enough attention to where he moves his feet, so he ends up stumbling his toe against the door frame.

"God, did that hurt, comrade?"

"Not even a bit."

The more I interact with him, the more I notice that the muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories made their effect on him.

Because first, he started getting mushy and drowsy. His body is much heavier on mine as I now help him get out of the bathroom.

And he is speaking funny. He's babbling and all that shit, his tongue not seeming to want to cooperate much.

And I think that those shots have messed with his brain too because he cracks joke after joke. Bad jokes.

"Love, what do you call a man with a rubber toe?" I bet it's inspired by his recent toe-hitting.

"What?"

"Rober_to_."

Okay, this one was actually funny. It makes me giggle like an idiot.

And now he stops moving, making me stop too. I wonder what he's up to.

"What's the matter, funny guy? We were close to getting to the bed."

His face serious now, he walks his thumbs past my cheeks.

"Your laughter is sweet. You're like a little ray of sunshine when you laugh. _My_ little ray of sunshine." A silly smile accompanies his words, and I smile like an idiot too. "You make me feel warm all over when you giggle like that."

"Hm, so your sweetness grows when you're drugged, huh?"

"I guess so." He bends and his lips place sloppy little kisses on my lips. "But that doesn't mean I don't mean my words."

"I know you do. But now, to bed with you, Mister, before you charm the shit out of me."

To my amazement, he complies without any pout or protest.

But before I let him rest, I still need to do one last thing, which is to apply some gel all over him, a gel that promises to make things better in an instant. Let's see how much bullshit that is.

And by doing that, I find one more thing about the drugged, sleepy, and injured Dimitri. He being manhandled is stubborn and playful as hell, and I find myself having to keep him in bed against his will because now that nothing hurts him anymore, he thinks he can move mountains.

Okay, not real mountains. But he sure as hell can move me. A lot, and at his will.

There's now more gel on me and my pajamas than it is on his bruises because he seems more interested in lifting and coming to kiss me, rather than letting me do my job.

"Dimitri, come on. Stop it."

"Why? Don't you like it?" his teeth grit on my earlobe and I trap his hand in between my legs as it got a little too daring.

"I do, but… you're taking too much advantage that I cannot manhandle you properly," I whine as hand advances a little more.

"Oh, but I'd love for you to manhandle me."

"You would, huh?"

"Very much."

"Fine then."

The only way I find it efficient to keep him from moving is to mount on his hips and use all my force to keep him lying down, even though it's not such a favorable position we're in now. I hope he won't try to take advantage of it though.

"Don't move again or I'll kick your ass. I mean it."

"I love it when you're this bossy, love."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Now stop playing and let me deal with this." And he finally lets me, after all these efforts.

"See? It wasn't that hard for you to stay put for a minute. Now turn around."

He listens to me once more, and I start applying some gel on his back too, massaging his sore muscles.

And everything goes well until he decides to let his hands play. Under my T-shirt.

"Dimitri, stop it." I slap it away once. "I mean it." Twice. "I said stop distracting me." a third time.

"But _you're_ the distracting one," he says turning on his back with me still on him, doing that before I managed to finish. And again, his fingers start creeping under my T-shirt.

"You're a little brat, do you know that?"

"You love it." His hands advance on my ribs, reaching too close to my boobs, and I need to pull away from him before he gets a little too heated.

"It's going to be a long night. I think I should ask someone to bring me some coffee too." Otherwise, watching him will be a hell of a job and I'll run out of energy in less than fifteen minutes.

"Hey, do you know how people feel when there's no coffee?" that was it? He already forgot the previous subject?

"Amaze me. How do they feel?"

"Depresso," He says and bops his index onto the tip of my nose.

"Oh, Dimitri, you're killing me."

Still laughing, I bend and place a little kiss on his lips.

Bad move.

He takes the chance to put his arms around me and his fingers resume the task of walking under my T-shirt. So he _didn't_ forget.

"Your lips are so sweet. I could kiss them all night long."

"Dimitri, I don't think it's quite appropriate for us to get there now, don't you think that too?"

"I know, but if I wouldn't be this exhausted _and_ drugged, I would have you right now, Roza."

"After a night like this?"

_"Especially_ after a night like this. Do you know how much adrenaline is pumping in me now? I'd take you over and over again."

"Your whole body hurts. Or it would hurt at that effort, so how would you plan to do that over and over again thing?"

"Hm… I could use my mouth. My jaw doesn't hurt." He moves it left and right, testing things. "That much. It doesn't hurt _that much_ now." he wiggles his eyebrows up and down, trying to convince me to give in.

But I pull away from him a little more.

"I think we should leave this for another time, comrade."

"But you look irresistible," he whines. Wow. This is a new side of him I've never seen. He seems childish, and I kinda like it how playful he is.

"You must be kidding. I am wearing my pajamas. And I've been running all over town and so many things have happened tonight. Irresistible is the last thing I am now."

He pulls me down to him and kisses my face a little more.

"I care to contradict you about that. And I think we could do something about the first part, don't you think so?"

Chuckling at his insistences, I pull away again.

"We're not doing anything, and if you think we are, you're crazy, comrade."

"Aham. About you."

"Oh, Dimitri."

With a sigh, I finally lay in bed too, sitting on my side and watching him. It's amazing to rest for a second. I am close to exhaustion.

He pulls me to him and rests his lips on my forehead.

"You're so beautiful, love, I can't help it. You must understand me. You're other-worldly beautiful."

"Thomas drugged you big time, huh?"

"_Hey_, I always tell you you're beautiful," He argues and even pouts.

I smile and caress his cheek, apologizing.

"You do. You always do." He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman on earth. He looks at me like I'd be that. Now too. He's amazed by me, I swear.

He starts touching my face too, but he's tracing my features like looking for something rather than caressing them.

"What are you doing?"

"I am making sure you're the real one."

"Because I am outer-worldly?" he sighs in response, his fingers never stopping exploring my face. "The medicine is kicking in quite hard, isn't it?"

"I don't know for sure. It may be and my brain is all hazy. But if you are my Roza, tell me a silly fact." I like how that sounds. His Roza.

"Hm… let's see. Sunsets are blue on Mars." he smiles sillily at my fact. "So? What's the verdict?"

"Tell me one more thing. I need to be sure about it."

"Starfish can grow a whole new body from a severed limb."

"You're fucking with me now," his laughter fills the entire room, echoing against the walls, and filling my heart with warmth.

"Not even a bit. There's a case at an aquarium." He smiles once more and continues to watch me like I am the most interesting person on the planet. "So? Am I real enough?"

"You are so real it terrifies me, Roza."

"What? What do you mean with that?"

"Nothing, love. Nothing. I'm… I'm glad you're here, with me."

"I am too." But for whatever reason, he continues to stare at me. "What?"

"Do you still hate me?"

"_Hate you_? What on earth would I hate you for?" and how did he get from that flirtiness to this low mood?

"For earlier this day. For…"

"No, Dimitri, no. I could never hate you. I just… I think we have some things to work out, that's all, okay? But that will never mean I hate you." My eyes fill with tears as I put my arms around him and hold him tight. "Never. Not even for that."

"Hey, don't cry, please. I hate it when you cry." He hurries to wipe my tears.

"I'm sorry. But I … I don't hate you. I never could."

"Maybe you should."

"Stop saying that or else you'll make me cry harder."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Just… don't say that again."

We sit embraced for some silent minutes, his fingers caressing my hair as his lips rest on my forehead. The steadiness of his heartbeat is the only normal thing that happened today. I find comfort in its familiarity.

"Roza?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me something."

I chuckle. Is he doing that thing I always do? It's either that or he'll want again to know if I hate him.

"What do you want me to tell you?

"Ah, I don't know. Sing something to me maybe. Yeah, that's better. Sing something to me, love."

"Sing? You know I don't have the voi-"

"Shush. I don't want to hear it. You sound like an angel and I want to hear you sing something."

"Comrade…"

"Hum at least? Please?"

He tries a puppy face and I swear I can't resist that.

Scooting up a little, I pass my fingers through his hair as I get humming a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me when I couldn't sleep.

"I love it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"That. Everything. I love everything you do. I love _you_. And I love you for…" he sighs and he seems to have gone back to that dark place he visited earlier. "For thinking I'm worth it. For not leaving…" he sighs once more and walks his fingers on my face, the sleepiness in him making his gestures sloppy, but not less loving. "I'm a bastard and I don't deserve you."

Outraged by his words, I get up to my butt.

"_What did you say_? No, Dimitri. No, don't say that. What are you talking about? Of course you are worth it. You do. How could you- don't say that, or I'll kick your ass, damn your bruises. You're sweet, and loving, and good, and caring, and where the hell do I stop? You-"

He stops my rant by pulling me back down.

"You always see just the good in people?"

"What if I do? I see so much goodness in you. I know it's in there." I place my hand over his heart. "I know it."

"But what about the other parts? The…" he shrugs.

"The ones that you see as bad?" I dare say what he avoids, and he nods in response. "I love those too."

"But you don't know any of them."

"I know. But I will love those too, when you'll share them with me."

"You shouldn't."

"I don't care. I'll love all of you." To prove it to him somehow, I hold him tighter in my arms. "Only if you'd show me."

"I'm sorry. I-"

"It's fine. Let's deal with one thing at a time, shall we? Let's get you well first, okay?"

I have the feeling that him being drugged might make him more sharing than he'd be when he's sober, and I don't want him to tell me something that he didn't plan to say.

He holds me equally tight and kisses my neck.

"I love you, Roza."

"I love you too."

"Very much."

"I know. I always feel it."

* * *

As I was keeping an eye on him and I was making sure to wake him up every passing hour, I closed my eyes for a second, I swear. But I guess it was a second too much because I fell asleep.

Now I feel Dimitri's fingers brushing on my knee, waking me from my slumber.

"Hey, are you okay? Do you need anything? Are you okay?" I already panic a little and my brain starts thinking of all the bad things Thomas warned me about. "How long did I sleep? Why the hell did I even fall asleep?"

I want to look at the clock, but he stops me.

"Hey. I don't need anything. And I am fine, I promise. You should stop worrying."

"How can I not worry for you? You…" I sigh, remembering what happened. "You got-"

"Stop thinking about that and come here."

"No. I have to-"

"No. There's nothing you have to do. You fell asleep because you're tired. You've been up for so long." Yeah, the sun has been up for a while now. "You should get some sleep, love. And definitely not on that chair."

But how else could I have remained awake if not in an uncomfortable position? Not that I did a good job anyway.

"Come here. Lay next to me." he shows me the empty space on the bed.

"No. I can't. I will hurt you. Your whole body must be hurting again, right?" I guess that the shots' effect must have diminished as he seems less drowsy too. "Does it hurt badly?"

"No. It doesn't hurt at all," he says continuing to pat the place next to him, still inviting me to lay.

"Don't you play the tough one again. I can see all these bruises on you now and…" and they look even worse than they did before. That gel didn't help at fucking all! Those bruises are black and-

"Come here anyway."

He turns to one side, making more space for me, but moving with difficulty. He shouldn't move much! Thomas would kill me if he'd known. He could hurt himself if he is not careful with that rib and the last thing I need is for him to get internal bleeding.

"I will hurt you."

He smiles. "You could never hurt me, Roza. Now stop worrying and come here. I want to hold you close to me."

Listening to his will, I go lay next to him, facing him. He takes me into his embrace, and I decide not to point out his breath picking up a little from the pain that he must be feeling from all this moving.

"Can I hold you too?"

He smiles warmly. "Please do. I'd love you to do that."

I slip my hand up under his arm and get it around his torso, moving as carefully as I can.

I hug him lightly, not wanting to hurt him further. And the more I sit in his embrace, as everything that happened these past hours comes in waves over me, and I start crying.

"Hey, what's the matter?" His hand passes through my hair as he tilts my head.

"I am sorry, Dimitri."

"What for?"

"For this. For what happened today. You had to endure all these hits for me. And I... I couldn't do anything about it."

"Love, but you did-"

"I didn't do shit. I never do anything. I am your weakness. Always. People get to you through me. And you-"

"Hey. Stop it. And look at me. I would do it all over again without a second thought."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true. You know I'd die for you, don't you?"

"Is that the drugs speaking for you now?"

"Not even a bit. Or maybe. I don't know for sure. But I mean that one hundred percent."

"And does that seem like a thing I would ever let you do?"

"I don't know if you'd let me do it. I know you wouldn't, but I'd do it anyway, without a second thought. I'd blow up the whole world if it meant keeping you safe, morals and ethics be damned. I wouldn't care. I want you to be safe."

I know it's true, each word he said, and it hurts me as I remember him fighting, taking hit after hit, being close to even dying. Which makes me cry even harder.

"Please don't, Dimitri. I don't want you to- I don't want to lose-"

"Hey, take it easy, okay? Nothing bad is going to happen. I am fine and I am right here, and you'll be safe. Don't be afraid, okay? Of anything. And Nathan won't get to you ever again, I promise."

But I am not afraid of that man. I am afraid of many other things, and most of them I can't even name. I don't even know what I am afraid of, but there's this bad feeling at the back of my head, nagging me.

He brings his lips over mine, kissing me lightly but determinedly, like trying to keep my tears at bay with that kiss, and I taste his blood on my tongue from his split lip.

"Everything is fine, love."

But is it?

I have this bad feeling and I can't tell where it's coming from. All I know is that I don't want to see him like that ever again. And by _that_, I don't even know what the hell I mean.

* * *

"Come on, all I am asking for is a walk around here, but _out there_. Please, love." he has been asking me this for the past days, and I kept on saying no. But today, he has asked me this about a thousand times.

"You could walk in here too, inside the room."

"Hell no. I think I'll go insane if I spend a second more lying in this bed, between these walls."

"But you-"

"I am fine, love, I promise. And some fresh air would do good to you too, don't you think so? You haven't been feeling best these days and your head has been hurting yesterday an-"

"Hey, don't make this about me." his health is what is important now. "But… are you sure you're okay enough to go out? To walk?"

"The second I there's something not alright with me, you'll be the first to know, I promise."

"Okay, fine. But we're doing this after the sun sets."

Hell, and he keeps on saying I am the stubborn one.

* * *

Fuck it, I felt it that things won't go well on our walk!

I mean, Dimitri didn't start feeling bad or something, but even though I thought that the darkness outside will be our friend and keep us hidden from any danger, the gods weren't on our side today.

We were having a nice, long walk when Nathan and his men approached us on the street. And they're not here for any courtesy meeting.

The second they got close to us, they got aggressive. His men put their fierce faces on, having guns threateningly held in their hands, and he got a hold of me, his arm wrapping on my neck and keeping me away from Dimitri.

"Let her go. This is between you and me. She has nothing to do with this. I'm the one who killed your father."

Instead of listening to Dimitri, Nathan gets out a gun and points it to my head.

Okay, _now _I'm freaking out. Well, more than I already was.

"But she has! She has been there too. She helped you! And you both have publically humiliated me in front of everyone! Do you have the slightest idea how much money I lost because of you?"

How dare he blame us He asked for it and it wasn't humiliation. It was a fair fight. As much as twenty people against one could be called a fair fight. But he agreed to those terms, and he lost. It's not on us.

"And now, I am going to set things right. You'll watch your sweetheart die by my hand and there's nothing you can do about it. I honestly want to see how you'll get out of this situation now, genius. Do you have any ingenious ideas? Oh! Maybe asking me not to do it would help."

"I am telling you not to do it, but don't take it as begging. Take it as a warning."

"Ha! The guts you have! I have the upper hand here and you dare be the cocky one?"

Despite the way I am, angry and outraged, Dimitri is exactly the opposite. He has always been like this, even in the most dangerous situations, all to his advantage, of course.

Now things are no different. He doesn't show any emotion, he just catches my eye and nods imperceptibly for others.

If I am getting his message right, I am the one who should start the shit.

So I'll start it. The faster it starts, the faster it ends.

I hope it doesn't end up with any of us shot or dead. I hope he knows what he's doing.

I nod too, so slightly as to not give us away, and not waiting a second longer, I pound my elbow into Nathan's ribs. I hit with so much force that I hope I got it broken, so that he'd get a taste of the pain Dimitri has been into for these past days.

Things being set in motion, Dimitri says a single word, "Down", to which I comply as he moves fast, despite all his injuries. First, he takes the gun from Nathan, points it to his head, then, his arm wrapping around me, he drags me closer to him and away from the reach of Nathan's men, who didn't even have a chance to react to all that. I bet they didn't dare shoot as to not hurt Nathan. Good for us, right?

The second things get still again, the tables have gotten turned and now Nathan is the one trembling from all his joints, being at gunpoint. Of course, we are too at gunpoint, as Nathan's men have finally pointed their guns at us.

"Dimitri…"

I don't think I like where this situation is heading, even though we're kinda having the upper hand here. His index is twitching on the trigger and his breath is now making his ribcage extend more than usual, anger seeming to be the one driving him now, despite the apparent earlier calmness.

"Beg," Dimitri commands.

"What?" Nathan voices my confusion too, of course, his voice trembling more than mine did earlier.

"Ask me not to do this. I am in charge now. How does that feel, huh? Do you feel again humiliated? And what are you going to do about this? What do you plan to do about this, huh, genius? Because obviously, your men have no chance of helping you. You know it you'll be dead long before any of them gets to shoot or even touch us. Maybe asking me not to do it would help."

"Hey…"

I wrap my fingers on his upper arm, but it goes unnoticed. It's like I don't even exist for him anymore. It's only him and Nathan now, and what's happening doesn't feel right at all.

"Come on," Dimitri encourages him. "Impress me," his tone mimics the mocking that Nathan had earlier, but I don't like at all the role Dimitri is playing. He's not the one to do such things.

But he means it, and without any other way out, Nathan starts beginning. He even promises to leave us alone, to never come near us. Hell, he starts apologizing too, for every little thing he did to us.

"You and I both know I can't trust you with that, don't you, Nathan?"

Distress doesn't even begin to describe what Nathan feels now. Hell, I can even sense his death coming, and I am somehow sorry for his bastard.

Tears gather in his eyes as he opens his mouth one last time. "Ple-"

But Dimitri shoots him in the middle of his forehead before he gets to finish that word.

I scream as his blood splashes on me. His hot, hot blood, those droplets of blood are making their way down my neck, and I try to not freak out more than I have already done.

The men around us keep on pointing their guns at us and I start thinking that that was it, we'll die here. What was even the point of Dimitri killing him?

"Are you going to kill us for him?" Dimitri speaks before anyone shoots. "He's dead. And so will be anyone who wants to stop us from getting out of here." he makes sure to drag me behind him now, protecting me with his body as he points the gun back at them. "Really now. If I were you, I would consider my options. I am way faster than you. And is it worth it to die for a dead man? Go ahead and find yourself another master and be his faithful dogs, what about that?"

And surprisingly enough, one by one, after looking at each other for a mutual confirmation, they drop their guns.

"I didn't even like him, man. I am not risking my life for that guy," one of them declares as another waves his hand around, sending us away.

I cannot believe it that they're letting us go! I cannot believe that they're not killing us!

Dimitri takes my hand in his and wants to drag me along, but he remembers something and stops.

"And I think you would take care of the mess, don't you guys? After all, you started it. Oh, and before I forget. If anyone from your little mafia thing comes near us again, I will make sure to kill each and any of you, from the top to the last of you, understood?"

"Who would be there to come? You already killed all their bloodline," the same man that commented earlier responds as he prepares to get down to business.

"Good." Dimitri's attention turns back to me. "Let's go home now, love."

I let him take me away as my brain is still not able to process everything that has happened. But at some point, when my thoughts are too much to handle and what happened still doesn't seem right, I stop, pulling my hand away too.

"What's the matter?"

"Dimitri… you… you killed that man…"

"Yes, I did. But love…"

He wants to bring his hand up to my cheek, but I pull away. I know I am hurting him with this rejection, but I can't let him touch me at this moment.

"Roza… Come on. He wanted to hurt you. What was I supposed to do? Let him kill you? Let him shoot you? It was either him or you."

"Yeah, but... He… he died because of me."

"No, he did not. He got himself killed. He shouldn't have touched you, ever again. He should have gotten the message that he'll end up killed if he comes near us once again. He should have known that. He didn't think about it thoroughly. So he ended up dead. That's on him."

All the words he said sounded so, so cold and I never thought I'd hear Dimitri speak in such way. Hell, I didn't even think I'd hear him tell someone to beg him not to kill them, but it happened, just minutes ago.

"No, I don't think I can do this."

"Do what?"

"_I don't know_." I now got the same feeling I got a few days before, only it's worse. "This. God, Dimitri. I don't mean the killing and all. I knew it would be part of our life at times, but… I understand why you did it, I do get it why you killed Nathan, he couldn't be trusted, but you… this time… it was different."

"What do you mean? Different in which way?"

"You _enjoyed_ doing it. You enjoyed killing him. And you… you sounded so cold. You _were_ so cold. Even now. I don't, but you made him beg you. You made him _beg_, Dimitri?" I shake my head. In what world would my Dimitri do such a thing? "I killed someone too, and I- I can't-"

"But, Roza, I-"

"Let me finish, please. The thing is that I can't stop thinking about it sometimes. And you told me you think about this stuff too, at times, that it is some kind of a thing you have to carry with you, and that you regret having to have done it. I get that. But now? It seemed… God, _you _seemed to be different this time. Even at the club a few days ago. Why did you want to fight all those men?" I finally voice my confusion. "It was like… you were looking for those fights."

"Maybe I was, goddamnit," he finally shows some emotion, voicing those words through his gritted teeth. But the weird thing is that that doesn't seem as anger. It sounded more like angst.

"You were?"

"I don't know, Rose. I don't know. I think I was," His voice now turns to resignation, which is followed by a deep sigh.

"Is it because… you were angry from the day before?"

"Yes, I was. I was angry."

"Oh. I see."

"No. It's not what you think. I was angry. But not on you. At myself. For hurting you. I know it well, and I hated myself for that."

"Then, today… you-"

"I had to do it."

"I understand. But when you did it, when you killed Nathan, you were not yourself anymore. And this is not the first time it happened. You… I don't know how to explain it. But you're not… _you _anymore. Not the Dimitri I know. It's like there's this thing driving you and I don't know how to make sense of it. Look. When you were teaching me how to fight, you told me that I should control my fear, otherwise it will take control over me. You told me I should control my emotions. But there is something, at times, that you can't control and I see it taking control over you. It changes you in some way. I don't know how to properly say it, and I know it doesn't make much sense. But I can see it, even though maybe you don't. There is one thing inside you that's driving you sometimes and I can't figure it out. Like that day when you punched that guy to death. And I…"

"You what?"

"I am afraid that-"

"You're afraid that I would _hurt_ you?" disappointed and hurting are too little words to describe the expression on his face. "Roza, come on. I would never do such a thing. I'd never touch you in that way. Look, I know I have been harsh with you at the beginning of this, you know how sorry I am for that, but I'd never lay a finger on you. Never. I would never, _ever_ do it. And yes. I would do anything to keep you safe, even if that involves killing someone. If that makes me a bad guy, okay, so be it, I am the bad guy. I know I can't play the role of the good one here. But I would never hurt you."

He reaches his hand towards mine, wanting to re-establish contact with me, but I don't take it, not having the courage to do it, I guess. Something in me is telling me to keep away for a second longer, and I can see the further hurting in his eyes at my coldness. Hell, I don't even know why I am acting this way.

"I can't… I'm sorry, Dimitri. I _want_ to be with you."

"There's a but coming."

"Yes. Because that thing…"

"What? What thing? Do you think I am some kind of monster? Do you really fear I would hurt you? Is that it? You fear me?"

"No, Dimitri. It's not that. I would never think something like that about you." He always seemed to find his calmness near me, so I don't worry about such things, but… "It's just that… I am afraid I would lose you to _that_ Dimitri. The one who likes to kill, to… be like that. You made Nathan beg you not to kill him, and the Dimitri that said those words, that wasn't the Dimitri I know. It would kill me to lose that, to lose _you_, the Dimitri I know. Because for a couple of seconds, maybe you can't see it, but you lose control. And I am afraid that maybe one day you won't be able to take it back. I hate to say it, but… I don't know, I am afraid that that little thing would take you away from me."

"I see. So now what? What are we doing here?"

"I don't know. I just… I need to think about it."

"You need time."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. I… I understand. I'll…" he stops and gulps, his eyes never leaving my face. "I'll give you all the time you need."

I get closer to him and he doesn't move at all as I kiss his cheek. It's like he'd be afraid I'll pull away once more, and from the way I reacted earlier, I can't blame him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know-"

"No," his hand gets a hold of mine, then he dares caress my cheek. "_I_ am sorry, Roza. But know that I never meant to hurt you, not in any way."

* * *

**DPOV**

She makes her way back home after she has spent a few hours sitting on the beach. I know what she has done because yes, as much as a stalker's attitude that sounds like, I kept an eye on her. I've been around, watching her. But maybe there were still some of Nathan's men that decided they won't leave things like that, and I couldn't risk leaving her all alone. Plus, it is pretty late at night too.

So, when she makes her way towards the house, I am already inside, pretending I've been there all along as I don't know how she'd like to know I've been around all this time.

Not having a better idea, I lay on the couch and pretend I fell asleep. I don't know what else to do. I don't know if she is still upset with me or afraid or however she feels, but I don't think I can look in her eyes again and face that look once more. I've let her down, again. I keep on doing that a lot lately.

She comes inside the house quietly, closing the door imperceptibly, then I hear her taking her shoes off. Her feet slowly tap on the floor as she comes inside the living room, and her steps come closer to the sofa. She's getting closer to me, moving unsure.

I want so badly to open my eyes, but I don't do it because she would know I am pretending. I don't know how she'll react to that either. Hell, why did I even start pretending I'm asleep in the first place?

Getting close enough, she stops, sighs, sniffs her nose a little, then goes into the closest bedroom.

She comes back in less than a minute and puts a blanket on me.

I feel her hair brushing over my neck as she bends, then she rests her cold, wet with tears lips on my cheek. She's crying. Of course she is.

"I love you," She whispers so faintly that I barely hear her. "All of you. Very much." her tears fall on my neck as she sniffs her nose some more. "And I'm sorry for hurting you earlier." You know what? I can't stay like this anymore. "I was an-"

I open my eyes and she pulls away with a little gasp.

"Rose..."

"I um... I'm sorry I woke you up. I didn't mean to," she babbles and rushes back into the bedroom.

I call after her, but she closes the door behind her.

What do I do? What am I doing now?

I don't know what to do to make things better. Go in there? Stay here?

Goddammit!

I said I'll give her space. I'll keep on to that promise, mainly because I don't know what else to do. I mean, she closed the door for a reason, right? And the last thing I want to do is to push her into hating me more.

**RPOV**

I don't know when I fell asleep, but hell, I was lying in bed and things happen when you're tired as hell. And now that I've woken up, after so much crying, I am sick to my stomach and I desperately need a glass of water.

Getting out of the bedroom, I find Dimitri sleeping on the floor, his back leaned on the wall next to the door.

What is he doing here? How did he end up here? And why?

I sit into the doorframe for a second longer and watching him, that position must be uncomfortable. It is definitely not good at all for his rib.

I get back into the room to bring him another blanket to keep him warm. That's the least I can do. These past days have been pretty chilly and he getting sick is the last thing we need.

I crouch in front of him, and after I get him covered, I walk my fingers along his cheek, careful not to press on any bruise there.

He looks so peaceful now. No dark thing, no anger, no loss of control, no nothing. It's just the Dimitri I know and love so much. He _always_ is, in fact, that Dimitri.

How can I not trust this goodness in him? How could I doubt it? I know who he is. I know him. I trust him. I don't even know why I needed time to think, why I needed time to think, and why it took me so much time to realize this. I should have known it, in my heart, but I was too eager to think with my brain.

"Oh, Dimitri. I am such an idiot."

Hearing me, he wakes up in an instant, his eyes alert, and looking ready to fight.

"Shit. It's me. I'm sorry I woke you up." _Again_.

I pull away, mostly taken by surprise, but he catches my hand before I get to get up, and I fall to my butt.

"No, please." He watches our hands for a second, then lets go of me. "Don't be afraid. It's okay. I won't hur-"

"I'm not afraid, I promise."

To prove it to him, I take his hand. He nods, and we remain like that, on the floor, watching each other for a minute as his hand holds tightly onto mine.

"What are you doing here, on the floor?"

"I heard you crying, Roza."

He did? And me who was thinking I was silent.

"No, I wasn't-"

"Hey. Don't you lie to me. I know what I heard. And I wished so bad to come inside and hold you, but I didn't know if I should. You said you needed time to think about this, and I thought that that involved space too. I didn't want to push you in any way, so I remained here. But it kills me to hear you cry, to see you crying. To see you suffering, in general. And I hate being the reason you feel that way, Roza. I hate that the most."

"Could… could you hold me?" I can't be away from him anymore. I don't even know why I wanted it in the first place.

"I'd love to."

Extending his arms, he welcomes me in his embrace, putting the blanket on me, and the second I feel his warmth on my body, I start crying once again.

"I would never hurt you, Roza. Never. I would rather die than do that."

"I know. I really do."

"And look, I know I am not a good guy when it comes to... all those things. I know that so damn well. I'm not a saint. I'll never be. But I can live with that if I know you're safe. I want to be the right man for you, to-"

Putting my palm over his mouth, I stop him.

"I don't want you to change in any way. I don't want you to. Not at all."

He lifts an eyebrow. "But-"

"I know you want to remind me about the earlier thing and about how things may have gotten out, and I'm sorry about that. I was an idiot. I love you for who you are. Who you are now, that's the man I fell in love with. I've seen and knew it all when I fell for you and I am not going to try to change you. I love you just the way you are. And that little thing I am a little afraid of... I trust you with it." I sigh as I am again going to approach a sensitive subject, but I know we cannot let is pass, pretend it never happened. "All I want from you is to let me see you. All of you. Allow me to." He doesn't respond, he just caresses my cheek. "Please, at least, tell me why you do it."

"Why I do what?"

"Lose control. What makes you get to that point?"

"I lose it when I see someone trying to hurt you."

"No, not that." He always gets protective over me, I know that. But I want to know more than that. "I want you to tell me the main reason why. The main reason. Not only when it concerns me. In general. I want to know that. Because, after all, you didn't lose it because of me that first time when… you know."

"Actually, I did."

"You _did_?"

"Yes. He threatened to kill you and I couldn't… I couldn't let him."

"I see. So, it means that this… it never happened before?"

"No. It did happen before. Several times. But-"

"Hey." I am not going to hear another but. "You always listened to me. You've always been there for me when I felt down, vulnerable, and all the bad shit I felt. Let me be there for you too. Tell me why it happened before." Because I see it's something that is hurting him when it comes to it and I want more than anything to know.

"I don't know what to say."

"Come on, Dimitri. I swear I don't want to push you. I really don't, even though I know I am kinda doing it now. But I am trying to figure you out. And you are not letting me do it. You are making it hard for me. You push me away when it comes to these things. You hardly tell me stuff. And I thought that with time you would let me in, that you would let me know you. But it's not really happening. And I wish you would tell me one word… All I want is a little hole, the smallest of all, in this, this _thing_ you're trying to keep up that's preventing me from knowing you. I would be happy with that too, a hole through which I can reach you." He doesn't say anything again, so with the risk of pushing too hard, I still do it. "Why don't you trust me?"

He rounds his arms on me and pulls me closer to him, holding me tight.

"I don't want to lose you, Roza. You're so important to me."

His words make me cry harder.

Sobbing, I hold his T-shirt clenched into my fists as I hold on to him for dear life.

"I don't want that either." I don't want to lose him either. "But I can't wait forever for you to trust me. I don't want to beg for your trust if you can't do it. I need you to work with me, not against me, Dimitri. I would like for you to let me love you the way you need to. To let me in. To not push me away anymore. That's all I want. I want to be there for you, like you have been there for me. I want you to let me love you wholly…" my voice cracks and I need to stop speaking, but I don't. "Why won't you let me be there for you too? Why don't you tell me what's hurting you? Why don't you let me love you like you love me?"

"Because I'm afraid," he finally says something, not daring to look me in the eyes.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I am afraid that if you know, you won't see me with the same eyes."

His words come as a hard blow to my heart, but I understand. I won't hold this against him. It was hard enough for him to say it out loud, I am sure. But at least we're heading somewhere.

"You know I would never judge you for it. No matter how bad it is."

"I know you wouldn't."

I make him look at me. "But _do you_? Because still… you think I would never see you the same. I am not afraid of what I might find if that is what's bothering you. You have seen the worst of me and here you are, still with me."

"That's…" he looks away once more as he says the rest of it. "That's what I am afraid of."

"What? That I'll leave?"

"Yes. That…"

Once more, I need to make him look me in the eyes.

"You know it in here," I point to his heart. "That I won't leave. Never. But you can't know for sure, you won't get yourself to believe it unless you show it to me, unless you tell me, and trust me with it, do you understand that? Look. When I killed that man… I was broken into a thousand little pieces. You were there to put them together. You were there for me, and you put up with all my moods, with all the nights I cried, with all the nights I woke up screaming with yet another nightmare, you fed me, and you took care of me like you would do to a little kid. You didn't say a single word about it. You never complained. You never told me to get over it. You never judged me, even though I was afraid that you'd get tired of it all and leave. But you didn't."

"I would have never left, not even to mention judging you for that. Not even once. And I didn't mind at all doing it all."

I smile. "I know you didn't mind. I know you did it out of love. And out of love too, you never judged me for my other mistakes, for all the things that I am missing or that I do wrong. But now, I want to see those parts of you too. I want to know you. The real, raw you. The whole you, not the little controlled parts. I want everything. All the good, all the bad. I want _you_. Show me the scary parts. I won't run away. I promise I'll love those too. I _want_ to love all of you, not just bits and pieces that I don't know how to put together. I want you to finally be whole to me. I want to see the big picture. It's important to me because I can't be with you if you don't let me in. I want to love that dark thing that you are holding away from me. And you're a fool if you think I will be that person that leaves. I am not. I won't. I am not going anywhere. I want my forever with you, and I'll never run away."

"Never?"

"Never. But… I want to know. Everything. I want to know everything. I don't want you to tell me all at once, though. Yes, I want to know everything about you and if that takes time I am completely fine with that. But I can't be okay with you _never_ telling me anything. One word, that's all I am asking for now. Because if you let me, I promise I will love you endlessly. But stop fighting me. Let me in."

He nods. "Okay." He sighs and it sounds heavy. "I will tell you why." He laughs a little. "But would you believe me that I didn't even think about it until you pointed it out? That I never thought about it, about there actually being a reason for why I lose it like that?"

"Yes, I believe you."

"And I don't know if that's the real one, but that's the only reason I could think of, and I want to tell it to you. Maybe… maybe you'll make me understand it better." his voice sounds hopeful, and so is my chest. It's filled with hope.

I nod, ready to listen. "I'd love to."

He takes my hands in his, and playing with my fingers, it works on calming his trembling voice.

"It's because I'm… I'm angry. I'm furious. I'm _enraged_. God, there's so much of it in me it's driving me crazy at times."

"Furious on what? On who?"

"On myself? On everyone and everything around me? On it all." He smiles a little as he kisses my knuckles. "But not you. Never on you. I swear I can't."

"But… Why?"

He sighs deeply and it takes him some time to speak again, but I'll wait whatever time he needs.

"Because, all my life, _every single time_ when I had something, _someone_… it has been taken away from me. Every time I got attached to something, to someone, someone else came and took that away from me. I may be playing the victim here, but I feel like everything that ever mattered to me, it has been taken away from me. My family? Robert killed them. And after they died, it seemed like no one wanted me. My _families _never wanted me, none that I ever gotten sent to. Well, except one, and for that woman, I'd always be grateful for. But besides her? I've always lost everything. My home too. Ever since the Agency came and took me away, I didn't have a place to feel at home. I couldn't risk getting back there and all the places I found, those were empty places. Building. And it has been such a long time since I felt I belonged somewhere."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Because… I felt that until I met you. You make everything feel like home, love." He sighs once more, the anguish in that gesture breaking my heart. "But yeah… my entire life, ever since I was a little kid, it has been taken away from me and it has been dedicated to others against my will. To _them_. Robert has taken _everything_ away from me and I've never seen it. I first thought that he was the good guy because he was some of the first people who seemed to want me around. But lately, I realized… I _found out_ that that wasn't the case. He has taken so much from me."

"Zoey… too?"

"Yes. Her too. He has gotten her killed. He had…" he laughs bitterly. "He maybe still has, in some fucked up way, control over everything in my life. It's like he's still in here," he pats his temple. "It's like I could never really get away from him. It feels like I never will. And all my life, all I have tried to get away from there. From him."

"But he doesn't control you anymore. He's dead. He can't do it anymore."

"I know. But I'm still angry about it. On myself. And mostly because I never acted on it. I was okay in that situation, on most days. The truth is that I never brought myself to care enough to do something about it. And I never realized how bad I wanted out until I met you. I wanted to get out of there for a while, but _God_, when I met you? You changed everything, Roza. You made that wish _burn_ inside me. It became so urging it started to keep me up at night. I wanted something else. And I wanted it with you. And yesterday, when Nathan wanted to take you away from me, I couldn't let that happen. No matter what, that couldn't have happened. And yes, you are right. I wasn't myself when I was fighting those men, when I came up with the idea. I wasn't myself when I shot him either. I liked doing that, doing it all. And you know why?"

I shake my head. "Not really."

"Because it made me feel like I was taking control of everything. Like I finally was able to do something to keep someone that mattered to me from being taken away from me. From keeping _you_ from being taken away from me. Because you... you matter _so much_ to me that I wouldn't know what to do if I would lose you, Roza. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to push you away, I never meant that, I swear. I don't want to hurt you. You're everything I have and... But even though, I am being a jackass and I don't know how to do things the right way. All my life, I have been on my own. Until I met you, and I knew I never wanted you to leave my side. You are the only thing in the world that matters to me. And I'm so afraid of losing you that I'm pushing you away."

"You're not."

He looks at me crookedly. "I'm not? You're telling me I wasn't?"

"Just…" I sigh. This is really complicated. "I wouldn't have left that easily, you know? I'd never leave, in fact. But… talk to me from now on. Don't shut me out. Tell me. You don't have to tell it all to me, but let me know something is off, at least. Don't brush it away."

"Yes, yes I promise I'll tell you everything. Everything, I swear. But…"

"But what?"

"Love… I don't… I don't know how to be different than this… this guy, losing it."

"Good. Because I don't want you to. All I want from you is to _be you_. I don't want you to be any different than who you are. I love who you are. All that I already know so far, I love it. I love all of you, the good and the bad. And I'll still love you, even on your worst days, I promise." Nodding, he sighs, but I don't know if he believes me. "Look at me. Look me in the eyes. I want to tell you something and I want you to never forget it, okay?"

"What?"

"You are a good man. Stop questioning that just because you sometimes give in to human emotions, no matter how bad they are. It's okay to feel that anger. All these other things you think are bad too. You know, maybe the only bad thing you do is that you try to control every emotion to the point it's too much to handle. When you do that, you suppress them. You pile them up, and when it becomes too much, something snaps."

"Yeah. That's how it feels like. You described it quite accurately."

"You know I always tell you that you're way too calm. But maybe it's time to be angry. To be mad. Go off the rails for a while. Know that it's okay to do so. You can scream, you can hit the walls, you can do whatever feels right to let that out. Any way you want to address that situation, I am here to support you. We'll scream together in a forest, or, I don't know, smash a car to pieces. I'll be there."

He smiles as he bends a little to kiss my cheek. "You're sweet, love."

"I am not done, though."

"Go ahead, then."

"I won't pretend I know all the circumstances, because I don't. But if you need someone to listen, I am here, like you have always been for me. You have no idea how much means to have someone to listen. How much it meant to me that you were there. So, I'll be there too."

"Thank you, Roza." He wants to take me back into his embrace, but I don't let him.

"Na-ah, I am still not done." He laughs and lets me continue. "I love- _adore_ you and I know that you are a good human being. And just because you are human, you shouldn't try to suppress all the other humanly emotions you have. Feel them. But… you know, don't let them take over you, like you taught me. And because you once think bad things, that doesn't define you. You don't always do that. You're loving, and kind, and good, and amazing, and sweet. So, so sweet. Think about the other things you do each day. The good things. All the loving things. _That_ is who you are to me." I pass my hand through his hair and pull his mouth closer for a kiss. "Now I'm done."

We make eye contact for the whole time that we kiss as our breaths start picking up, even though we're taking things slow, and he's touching my face, his fingers and tongue moving in a steady rhythm that makes this all loving and passionate.

The connection between our bodies now, his heartbeat against my chest, him walking his fingers all over my skin now, his nose nudging against mine each time we pull away to breathe, I swear I've never felt more closer to him than now.

He gave me a little piece of him tonight, and I am grateful for that. He let himself, for the very first time, to be completely vulnerable in front of me, and it was the most uplifting moment.

"Thank you, Dimitri. For-"

"Oh, Roza, I should be the one thanking you."

"Why? I didn't do anything."

"But you did. So, _so_ many things that no one ever has."

"Like?"

"I don't know, being you, for starters. I've never met anyone like you. And you… loving me the way you do, Roza..."

I kiss him once again. "I always will."

"Me too, love."

We sit like that, embraced, for a while longer, but at one point, I need to move my leg a little, as it has gotten numb.

"What if we go to bed? It's been a long while since we're sitting here, love."

But he stops me the second we reach the bed, as I want to lie.

"What happened?"

"I want to remedy one more thing."

"What thing?"

"What I did and got you thinking I don't trust you."

"Are you sure you want to talk about that? I think I pushed you a little too much for tonight. You don't have to say anything you don't feel like. We have time, and if you want to say something, know I am here to listen, but if you don't… I'll try to find a way to… be okay with it until you'll share it with me. But now… how about you just hold me?"

Or for him to let me hold him. I think he needs it more than I do.

I put my arms around him and pull him close to me, trying to merge our skins through our clothes.

"But I want to tell you."

"Okay. If you want to, sure."

He nods, and getting to his knees, he first turns on the lamp, then takes off his T-shirt.

"You told me you wish to know what this means."

"So it means something after all."

"It does."

He takes my hand and guides it on his ribs, stopping over one spot of the tattoo, and taps our entangled fingers on it.

I frown. "I don't get it."

He sighs and presses our hands harder onto that spot.

"This purple bird," he sighs. But I still don't get it. Yet. "Zoey. She…" He tries to smile a little, but I can see it's hurting him to talk about this. "She loved purple. And after ten years… oh, love. On the 16th, it's been ten years since she died, and I cannot… I couldn't…"

"I am sorry. I didn't-"

"Yeah. You didn't know. Because I was a bastard and I didn't tell you. I am sorry. I should have told you. But I was so..."

"So what?"

"So angry with myself."

"Why?"

"Because I forgot. You reminded me what day it was and I realized that I have forgotten about her. I have allowed myself to... I don't know, be…"

"To what? Be happy? Forget for a while?"

He nods. "Yes. All that. I was there, on the beach, talking about a happy future with you and… and she?"

"You know you are allowed to, don't you? You don't have to be miserable for that, to punish yourself for forgetting sometimes, for living, for being happy. You taught me that. Why don't you follow your lesson too?"

"It's easier said than done."

"I know. But it's okay to do so."

"I know, love. But sometimes…"

He sighs and rests his head onto my shoulder, our fingers still entangled, and his lips planting little kisses on my neck.

But now that he started, I kinda want to know more.

"What about the other birds? Do they mean something too?"

"Yes."

"Would you…"

"Yes," he responds lifting off me. "I'll tell you. The two ones on my back…"

"The ones that are sitting together on a branch." I know that tattoo inside out after all.

"Yes. These are… for my parents."

"What… what were their names?"

"Olena and Randall. And my sisters." His hand moves on his sternum now. "Karolina." Under his collarbone. "Sonja." A little down, above his heart. "And Viktoria." He smiles a little. "I bet that if she'd have grown up, she would have been just like you. She has always been lively, and jolly. She was a happy kid, always. She was younger than me, but me and her, we always had lots of fun. I bet you would have liked her a lot."

"I'm so sorry."

He makes himself smile a little more. "It's fine. It happened a long time ago."

"It doesn't matter." It was his family and it must hurt like hell to not have them around anymore. I don't know what I'd do without my family.

I take him in my embrace and I don't pull away until he initiates that. For what it matters, I would have held him all night long if he needed it.

"But… I don't get one thing. You said, in your letter, that it was an accident, but earlier, you said that Robert…"

"Yes. I have thought that too, all my life, that it was an accident. And it was, in some way, but Robert, the Agency's founder, he… planned it all."

"But why? Why would he do such a thing?"

He shrugs. "My father… he… he was in the Agency too."

"Oh…" so things are way deeper and complicated than I thought.

"And one day, he wanted out. Robert couldn't bear that."

"So he replaced him with you?"

"I guess so. It was some kind of revenge, I don't know, but all that I know is that he did it. He got them killed and he took me."

"What a monster."

How could someone destroy someone else's life in such a way? He took away everything from him. And he was just a child, for the love of God!

"I'm sorry, Dimitri." The tears start falling on my cheeks once more as everything he told me seems too much for a single man to bear. "I didn't know you've been carrying such a heaviness with you, for so long. You didn't deserve that."

I look at his tattoo for a little longer, seeing it differently now.

"This is a symbol of loss."

But I promise myself that I will never, _ever_ be one of those birds. He will never lose me. No matter what. I'll never leave.

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, just looks down at the bird that I'm now contouring with my fingers. Viktoria's.

"Maybe. Or… I don't know, love. I didn't think too much about its meaning when I got it. I wanted something to remind me of them, that's all."

Walking my fingers along the branches now, I start counting them.

"Those signify the number of families I had before the agency took me," he explains.

"So many?" in such a short time?

"Yeah. None of them wanted me around. I was… too much of a trouble," He tries to be amused of it, but it's not working. "I was a big pain in their ass. Or that's what most of them told me when they took me back, so…"

"What horrible people."

"I don't blame them. I had my part of the guilt too. I really was a pain in the ass. A lot more than that, at times."

But who wouldn't be a trouble when they have lost everything and they've been thrown in such an unknown world that young? How else could a kid cope with all that?

"It doesn't matter. You needed someone to be there for you, to love you and-"

"Hey. I had that. I really did." But for such a short time. "And most importantly, I _have_ that. Now. Okay?"

I nod and reciprocate his smile.

"What about this?" I walk my fingers along the figure of the skeleton. "What does this signify?" He shrugs in response, but I make an assumption as I bend and place little kisses on his shoulder. "This is you, isn't it?"

He looks at me, not uttering a word, but I don't need an answer. I can see it in his eyes.

Sorrow fills me whole as I realize that the skeleton is empty on the inside. And being done in black and white, it doesn't make me feel better.

"This is how you feel?" I don't even realize it until he starts wiping my tears that I have started crying once more. "Tell me. This is how you…"

"Love," He says getting a little panicked while trying to make me stop crying.

Hell, I don't even know why I am being this emotional, but I am. I've been emotional these past days, and I started crying out of nowhere countless times.

"Is that how you feel like? Like he is depicted? Tell me. Please. I need to know."

Can you imagine he is this sad and, I don't know, empty, and I was too stupid to see it? It was always in front of my eyes, and even if I didn't know all that he told me now, all I had to do was just to look a little harder.

"Dimitri, do you–" I burst in tears once more and I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. "Do you feel-" my sobs suppress my words, and even Dimitri stops me.

"No. No, love. Never." He wipes my tears and gets his hands in my hair, holding my head as to make me look him in the eyes, then he smiles at me. "Not when you are here with me. How can I feel like that when I have you? How can I feel like that when you fill me whole with so much love?"

I cup his cheeks and rest my forehead on his.

"I want you to know that… no matter what… you will always have me. I will always be here for you, I will always be your pain in the ass." He laughs a little as I do too, through the tears. "I will never, _ever _leave your side. I promise, Dimitri. You're not going to lose me. Ever. I swear."

He takes me into his embrace, holding me tight and soothing my hair, his head resting into the crook of my neck.

He sighs, but this sigh of his is full of relief, and I relax completely in his arms, just as he does in mine.

He takes my hand in his, brings it up to his mouth, and lightly places a kiss on the tip of my fingers, then he walks the tip of his nose across my cheek, heading towards my jaw, and moving up on it, reaching my ear.

"I love you, Roza."

"I love you too, Dimitri. So, so much."

* * *

In the morning, at a nice, tranquil breakfast on the back porch, he proposes this.

"What if we end our vacation here?"

"Yeah, I think it's a good idea." Nathan kinda spoiled everything. But at least something good got out of that. Something very good.

"But I want to take you somewhere else before we… I don't know, settle somewhere."

"You wanna settle with me?"

"Wasn't I obvious enough about it? Or serious enough?"

"No, no, you were."

He sure as hell was serious and obvious about wanting to have it all with me. I don't even know why I act this surprised. We talked about it all on the beach a few days ago, even though it feels like ages since we had that conversation. And it was amazing. I look forward to that future with him with so much excitement.

"I just… never mind about that. You were clear enough about everything. Tell me where we're going instead."

"You'll see." He almost smirks.

"Another surprise, huh?"

"You can call it that."

At the airport, I see that it's Russia we're heading to. I wonder what he has in plan for these days we'll spend there.

* * *

**DPOV**

Rose comes back from the bathroom, as she has been feeling sick again. Since we took off, she became pale and nauseous, and I don't know what to do to help.

"How are you, love?" I make space for her to take a seat in her place, and she smiles at me, reassuringly.

"Better now, after I spilled my guts."

"You did? But what happened? You... nothing happened to you the other times we flew. Did you get some bacteria back there? Did you eat something weird?" not that most of the things she ate lately could have been categorized otherwise, but maybe one of them messed with her stomach. "You felt sick a lot lately."

"I don't think it's the food. I don't know. But I don't think you should worry about it," she ends with a sigh and rests her head on my shoulder. But it's quite late. I'm already worried. "I'm sorry, though."

"What for?"

"Ruining our trip."

"You could never ruin anything. I bet that you will get better. It will pass, I am sure of it." And if not, I bet that mama will come up with something to make her feel better. She always was good at that. "Now, come, rest a little, huh? It will help."

"No. I wanted to ask you stuff, remember?" she pouts.

"Can't it wait an hour or two?"

"Not at all." It surely could, but if she insists…

"Okay, okay. Shoot then. Ask me."

I can't wait to hear a bunch of silly, quirky questions from her, I am sure. She's good at that chapter.

"Well, Russia is cold, isn't it? It must be freezing there now. It's still winter, technically. And what I want to know is, why didn't we get thicker clothes? I don't know about you, you may be used to it, but won't I turn into a human Popsicle? I'm only wearing a T-shirt now, comrade."

"I'll make sure you'll stay warm."

She giggles, then turns a little in her seat and wiggles her eyebrows up and down.

"Do those methods involve clothes, comrade?"

This time, I laugh. "Some do," after all, don't I know how much she enjoys wandering the stores? "But some don't."

"Hm. I like how that sounds." me too. The latter part, mostly.

"Other questions?"

"Sure. Will you get me an ushanka hat?"

"Do you want one?"

"Hell no. But I thought that everyone wears one there."

"It's not a must, if that is what concerns you. We have other hats too."

"Thank God, because those things are ugly. Oh! Before I forget. Russian Babushkas – are they a thing?"

"Wow, love. You're hitting all the clichés?"

She smiles sillily. "Kinda. But some are true, right?"

"Right."

"And? Is this one true?"

"It is. But maybe not in the way you think. And I think it's better to see and experience that for yourself, love." I hope that mama won't scare her too much, though. She has that effect on people.

"Okay, okay. One more thing. What about Russian nicknames? Are those a thing? I mean, you have that way of making them up that is alien to me. And, of course, do you have one?"

"Yes, they are a thing."

"Aaaand?" she gets overly excited, her eyes already glowing.

"You won't give up on it until I tell you, won't you?"

"You know me so well, comrade."

"If I tell you, you go to sleep."

"You're not playing fair. I have other questions."

"Either we play on my terms, or we don't play at all."

"Fine, fine. I'll go to sleep. But tell m already."

"It's Dimka."

She giggles." Dimka." It sounds sweet when she says it, and how she says it, the letters rolling out of her mouth in that amused, loving tone, I love it. "That is so freaking cute. You know, I think I've found a new, favorite way to call you."

"You did, huh?"

"You can bet I did, _Dimka_." She tilts her head and kisses my cheek.

* * *

**RPOV**

"Did you know, there are ten time zones in the country?"

He stops from putting our luggage into the car we rented, and looks at me with an eyebrow lifted.

"You're serious?"

"Very." Shaking his head, he laughs. "What? What's that funny?"

"Nothing. I just keep on wondering, where do you come up with these things, love?"

"Like any conscientious tourist, as you were dozing off, I have read the brochures that the stewardess was handing. I want to know stuff about this country."

"What do you need a brochure for when you have me?"

"Mainly because you don't want to tell me where we're going or what we're doing here."

He laughs once more. "That doesn't make much sense, love."

"In my head it does." Even though it doesn't. But the curiosity is itching me and I'm looking for any reason for him to tell me what the reason we're here is. "Why do you refuse to do it anyway?"

"Okay. Look. I didn't want to tell you because I know you would freak out a little and you'll be anxious if you'd know where we're going."

"Now you can be _sure_ I am going to freak out and be anxious if you think I'll be. And now you _have_ to tell me, otherwise, I'll have a panic attack or something."

"Love," he ruffles my hair and pulls me into his embrace. "No one is going to eat you alive, okay? I'll be there if such things happen, anyway. And calm down, please, otherwise I am sure you'll get sick again."

"Okay, but please tell me. It's already too late for me to flee, so at least let me know."

"I want you to meet someone."

"Who?"

"Her name is Yeva. But I mostly call her mama."

If he saw the surprise on my face, he decided to ignore it.

"So she's… your family?"

"Somehow. Yes, she is, in fact. Do you remember when I told you that none of the families I've been to wanted me, or couldn't handle me?"

"Yes."

"Well, she could. She put up with me, for two whole years, before Robert came and ruined everything. She is the only one I had to call mother, in that period. The only one I have left from before. The only one that… wanted me, let's say. She's important to me, just as you are. And I want you to meet her. I want her to meet you too."

"So, this is like me, meeting my in-laws?" My voice is already trembling at that thought.

"See? I knew you'd panic."

"You know I can't be as easygoing as you have been around my folks."

"Why not?"

"Because they've been charmed by you from the first second they've seen you."

"I bet she'll be charmed by you too."

I puff. "Yeah, in my dreams."

"Why not? You already know you've charmed me. Helplessly. "

"You always know how to get away with everything with your sweet-talking."

"And you love it." He bends, asking for a kiss.

* * *

"Shit, Dimitri, I think I am going to faint."

"Why is that?"

"What if she doesn't like me?"

"I thought we've already talked about that."

"We did, but-"

"Trust me, there is no way in hell she won't like you."

"You promise?"

"Yes. She'll love you, I am sure of it."

"Okay. I believe you. But I am still going to kick your ass for not telling me who we're meeting until a few hours ago." The longest hours of my life, I may say. "I could have made myself more presentable than… _this_."

"Why? This dress is completely adorable, trust me." Yeah, because only God knows how long it took me to find a proper dress. I think I tried on a thousand of them until Dimitri decided I'm worrying too much and made me choose. "And you're perfect, just the way you are."

"Oh, cut it with the sweet-talking, comrade. You're not getting away this time. The first second I catch you alone, I am kicking your ass."

"Please do," he says winking and leans over the gearshift to kiss me.

"I think that your idea of kicking ass is way different than mine, comrade."

"You know I strive to make the best of any situation."

Yeah, I hope he'll do this too now, if I don't know, God forbid, I fuck up somehow.

"Now let's go, love."

Just walking towards the door of the house rises my anxiety level. Anyway, Dimitri holding my hand helps.

He knocks on the door and here we are, there's no way back. I am going to meet his mother. And even though I am exhilarated that he's sharing this part of his life with me, I am scared as hell too.

But when the door opens, I think I have been worrying for nothing.

In front of me is a woman, quite old, maybe in her sixties, with silver hair braided into a bun at the back of her head, and despite her old appearance, she exudes vitality and health. If she has a secret for looking this good at this age, I want her to teach me.

Her light brown eyes examine us for a couple of seconds, curiously lingering on me at first, then switching to Dimitri, to whom she smiles.

"Здрасте мама."

"Прошло много времени," her tone sounds scolding now, and I guess she is indeed scolding him, as Dimitri looks quite apologetic.

"Я знаю. Извини."

She nods, and her eyes drift to me once more.

"Oh, yeah. She is Rose."

Shit, this is my name.

"I'm glad to meet you, ma'am."

I extend my hand for hers, but shit, she doesn't move a muscle. She just watches my hand, then scrunches her nose, along with her lips curling in displeasure. Did I do something wrong?

Pulling my hand away, I turn my head and look at Dimitri for some help, some explanations.

As much as I am anxious, he is equally relaxed and I want to hit him for that.

He smiles. "We don't really do that. It's believed to bring bad luck to shake hands across a doorway."

"I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't mean to..."

I don't even get to finish my apology as she says something, and Dimitri guides me inside.

Okay, I think I may have spoken too soon about the good vibes she gives because those don't sync with what's happening here. It took me less than a minute to fuck shit up. Yay to me!

When we reach the living room, I remember I am carrying a bouquet, so I extend it towards her.

"I um… these are for you." Should I ask Dimitri to translate this for me or is it self-explanatory?

After a second of being suspicious, she takes the flowers and thanks me, that being the only word in Russian that I recognize. But she said something more, which I didn't understand, then turned around.

"What happened?" I whisper to Dimitri.

"She said she'll be bringing a vase for the flowers."

But she stops, three steps away, turns to face us again, her eyes pinned me. And that glare isn't what I would usually call friendly.

"I may be old, but do you think I am dead?" damn, that was some perfect English.

Instinctively, I look at Dimitri for some help, but I want to punch him at the same time, for not giving me a heads up about this. What if I would have said something stupid? Not that I haven't already done something stupid, even though I have no idea in hell what that is.


	46. Beware of the past, Dimka

**Hey guys! I hope you're all doing well and you're safe!**

**I won't bother much with words, as it has been two weeks.**

**Just, enjoy :)**

**Lots of loooove!**

* * *

**Beware of the past, Dimka**

**RPOV**

"What happened?" I dare whisper before Dimitri takes the bouquet from her and starts counting the flowers.

He then laughs a little and confuses me further.

"Mama, come on. It's not her fault. One of the flowers must have fallen because I swear I counted and the bouquet was alright."

But she doesn't seem pleased with his answer. That bouquet, or mostly _I_ offended her. Exactly what I dreaded happening, happened.

He takes one flower out. "Is this better?"

She repays him with a smirk and leaves.

When he turns to me, he's amused, but I am more anxious now.

"This was a bad idea," I whisper to him.

"It wasn't, love. Let me tell you a secret." he bends closer to me, like fearing she'd hear him tell me this. "She's not that strict as she tries to pose, believe me. Plus, she might be a little upset with me, so she's taking it on you."

"Why is she upset?"

"I didn't come around here in a while."

"And how long is that while?"

"About two years…"

Damn. I'd be upset too if my children wouldn't visit me in so long, even though I bet he had good reasons not to.

"At least it's your time to get embarrassed," I try to brighten his mood. "Be sure that I'm asking her to show me some photos from when you were little. And I hope they're embarrassing."

He forces a smile.

"You won's find any of those, love."

"Why not?"

"All the things in my old house… I don't know what happened to them after my family's death. I don't have any of that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I wasn't photogenic anyway."

"Yeah, sure. Even then, I bet you were a little heartbreaker."

He shrugs, and finally smiles veritably. "So I've been told, love."

His hand guiding me, we enter into the living room, and sitting on a sofa, we wait for Dimitri's mother to be done with the flowers. None of us dares say anything that might disrupt her.

When the flowers are on the coffee table, she takes a seat on the armchair in front of us, and pins her eyes on us.

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm going to be scolded. It's like I am in second grade and I've forgotten my homework home. I have that feeling now, and hell, it's stronger than ever.

And it happens. But thankfully, I am not the one scolded. Her eyes are pinned on Dimitri, and it takes her a whole minute to say something, enough to make him get uncomfortable next to me.

"You got into a fight." I appreciate her speaking so that I can understand too.

He cannot look her in the eyes, so his head tilts down, and hell, he got this apologetic behavior.

"I did," his voice comes out as one of a kid.

"Was it worth it?"

He looks at me with the corner of his eye and smiles, just a little.

"Yes. It was worth it."

"Did _she_ kick your ass like that?"

I can't stifle a laugh, and neither does Dimitri.

"No, she didn't." he smiles a little wider. "Even though I deserve it at times."

"Well, when he deserves it, Rose, know that I have nothing against you kicking his ass."

I dare laugh a little more, along with Dimitri. Maybe she doesn't hate me that much. after all, she let me kick his ass when necessary.

"So you two are already allying against me, huh?" he says and looks at me like saying, see, you two already have something in common.

I wouldn't hurry, though. I hope we could get there, but the suspicion she still watches me with at times, it makes me feel like we have a long way to go.

"It's nice to finally see you visiting," she changes the subject, her tone getting again scolding.

"I know I didn't come in a while, but-"

"You didn't call much either."

Even though her tone is harsh, you can see that she does it out of love. She has been worrying a lot about him.

"I know, mama."

"But I guess you've been busy," she says eyeing me.

Uh-oh. That's not good. She thinks I am the reason for that?

"Anyway. It's good to know that at least you're not dead. How is your brother?"

Damn, she changes the subject so fast that Dimitri doesn't even have the time to come up with an explanation. But he sounds relieved for that.

"He's well."

"Well, that I knew. Because he _calls_."

"I um-"

"Are you two hungry?" she cuts him short and already gets up.

"Yes. We're starving. It's been a long flight."

"Then come help me bring you two something before dinner is ready."

Letting her go first, Dimitri stops and looks at me, mimicking distress.

"If we don't come back in five minutes, know that I love you."

I laugh at his seriousness. Who would have thought that he could be so scared of her? But not as much as me.

**DPOV**

The second I enter the kitchen, I see that she wants to scold me some more, but I won't hear it now. She can scold me all the way she wants, but later.

I stop her first word when I put my arms around her, and hold her tight.

"I missed you, child," her voice gets soft and she reciprocates my hug.

"Me too, mama. And I'm sorry."

"Oh, Dimka." She drags me down to her, kissing my cheeks and forehead. "I'll be the one kicking your ass if you do this again."

"I promise I won't. I'm done with that life."

"Very good. But now tell me, why is Rose here with you?" Just by her bringing Rose up, I smile. Seeing me, she smiles too. "From that, should I understand that it's something serious between you two?"

"Very serious."

"It was about damned time."

"Did you just swore?" only I know how many scolds I got from her for that.

"Oh, shush. I think it was appropriate for the situation."

* * *

It doesn't take us long to come back, even though it was longer than five minutes. And that's because I cannot talk about Rose in only five minutes. It would take me a lifetime to only to decipher her.

I thought that she would get bored there, all by herself, but that's not the case. Because she has company.

It's a boy, nothing special about him. He reminds me of Ivan, in his teens, though. All that I don't like is that his eyes are curiously pinned on Rose.

Seeing him there, my mother gets that scolding tone again as she gets talking to him, whoever he is.

I am quite sorry for him, but hey, at least she's not talking to me in that tone anymore.

I go sit next to Rose, and she immediately scoots closer to me, and gets whispering.

"He hit on me."

"He did, huh?" well, then he's deserving his scolding and I'm not sorry for him anymore.

"Yeah. But how old is he anyway?"

"Seventeen? If he's still here, he must be underage. But with the way hormones rave in you at that age, it's understandable that he hit on you."

"Oh, _really_? I can't picture a you completely driven by those hormones."

Her remark makes me laugh. Well, back then, I was busy with other things than to pay attention to my hormones.

"You never know, love. And not that I agree with it," it kinda annoys me, to be honest. "But I know myself how hard it is to behave around you." Maybe I'm living that period of my life now, around her.

"Find out that you'll have to. To behave, I mean."

"Why is that?" I let my botherness be obvious.

"Because I don't want to give your mother another reason to dislike me."

"So, I need to behave for her to like you?"

"Aham."

"And how is that working to my advantage, huh?"

"I guess I could do something about it later."

"Now we're talking, love. What do you have in mind?"

She blushes in an instant. "I am so not talking about that when your mother's in the same room."

* * *

Talking about our vacation and finding a little more about Mikhail, the blond messy-haired, blue-eyed pain in the ass he must be to my mother now, the time passes, and soon enough, dinner time comes.

My mother thinks it would be a nice idea to serve some wine.

I don't think it's a bad idea either, except, when she wants to pour some to Rose, I place my palm over her glass. She was concerned about refusing a drink because she read somewhere that it's rude to say no, and she was scared of doing it. So here I am, refusing for her.

"She's not drinking."

"Why? Is she pregnant?" her tone is amused, and I am glad that she asked me this in Russian, otherwise, Rose's cheeks would have been burning more than they already are. She has been anxious all evening and hardly spoke.

"No. She just doesn't…"

_Or is she?_

"She felt sick on the plane and she doesn't drink much anyway, that's all."

But… what if…

A little dumbfounded by this possibility, I analyze Rose for a second, and I think about all the little things that happened these past days. All the times she felt sick and fatigued. Her little moods and her starting to cry out of nowhere. I swear I once got so scared when she started to cry only because she couldn't open a package of chocolates. Besides that, this morning, it's her telling me her breasts hurt and hell, I even felt how full and tender they are and-

Nah, she would tell me, right? If she'd be pregnant, she'd tell me.

Even though, I don't remember us not being careful.

Unless it somehow happened and she's keeping it a secret, wanting it to be a surprise.

But still, we didn't try anything.

I swear I don't know what to think.

**RPOV**

Yeva leaves to bring the first course and the second I know she cannot hear me, I turn to Dimitri.

"Did she get upset?" considering I didn't understand a word from their conversation, I need explanations.

"No, love. Don't you worry about that."

"Then why did you get so serious all of a sudden?" the way he was watching me, it must have been something bad.

"It's nothing, I promise."

He smiles at me and places his palm over my thigh, patting me reassuringly.

Until it isn't a reassuring gesture anymore.

Because his fingers found their way under my dress.

Concerned about his mother coming back, I pinch him a couple of times, but he doesn't give up. It's like it doesn't even hurt him.

And he isn't taking his hand back either, no matter how ugly my stare is.

Well, he's going to have a big surprise when he finds out that I am not wearing any underpants. In my stupidity, I put them at the bottom of my luggage and I didn't have the time to find them in that mess. And being in a hurry to get here, I didn't put on any.

But worse is going to be his disappointment when he gets his confirmation that he won't get anything later, if this here is him trying to do some foreplay.

I'll let him enjoy this as much as he can now because I don't dare have sex with him in his mother's house, no matter how arousing his gestures are.

As he gets close enough, a devilish smile spreads on his lips.

I smile back at him. Come on, reach a little higher.

When he discovers my secret, surprise takes over his features as he takes a deep breath in, and I smile wider.

"What's so funny?" Mikhail spoils our moment, and scares me a little too, as I didn't see him coming. Thank God it wasn't Yeva, though.

"No_-o_-thing." God, his finger went further and he is now pressing on my bundle of nerves.

Damn him. I thought that he'd stop, but no. He has the courage to do this in his mother's house? In front of Mikhail too? He just took a seat at the table and he could easily pick up on what's happening.

"You're a brat," I whisper to him, enough for Mikhail not to hear me.

But I won't lie. It's kind of enticing. Hell, it's so fucking arousing.

Instead of moaning, I mimic coughing as he doesn't seem willing to stop playing, and I press my thighs together, squeezing his hand between my legs. After all, Mikhail is not stupid.

Trying to keep things quiet, I pinch his arm a little more, but nothing works.

Until his mother comes back. Because then, he resumes to being the perfect guy, his palm still resting on my thigh, but not doing anything daring.

It's quite amazing the effects this woman has on his behavior.

**DPOV**

As usual, she made a three-course meal. And despite me saying that I was starving, I couldn't finish everything that was on my plate.

And of course, I've gotten myself an upset glance from my mother as she was taking the plates off the table.

"Why you two can't you be like Rose? She has eaten everything," she even voices her discontent towards Mikhail and me, but at least Rose got some praising, which is good.

When my mother goes away, dragging Mikhail along into the kitchen, I feel Rose's fingers tugging on my shirt. When I look at her, her face is full of distress, again.

"Did I do something wrong?"

She should stop worrying so much.

_Why? Because it's bad for the baby for her to be stressed?_

_Dimitri, stop thinking about that. Really now. You have no idea if that is true._

_But what if it is?_

I couldn't stop thinking about this, all dinner long.

"No. What she said, it's more like a compliment, trust me."

"I hope it is. This woman cooks amazing meals. Hell, I'd even go for seconds."

"Oh, don't I know?" too bad I'm too full. But only God knows that we're in for some dessert too.

When they come back, carrying the previously mentioned dessert, Mikhail is babbling something about a homework. He throws in some bad words too, addressed to my mother.

I try telling myself that he's just another troubled child that acts out, and that I get it why he's acting like this. I wonder what his story is.

Seeing that I am listening to what they're talking, she tries to brush it off, but I swear that if he continues to talk to her in that way, I might kick his ass, no matter how troubled he is. I'll be his bigger trouble. No one uses those words when addressing to her.

"You'll do it in the morning then. Both things I already asked you to do. And you'll go to the market too."

"But it's weekend," he whines. He should have thought about getting a punishment before snapping at her like that.

"And do I look like I care? What was our deal? You do your chores, you have your free time." So the deal hasn't changed at all.

"Fine, crazy woman. I'll go chop that fucking wood now."

"I'll help you," I say already getting up.

"No, thanks," he snaps at me too.

"I wasn't asking."

I am going, even though Rose looks at me quite distressed, hearing that I am leaving. She must be even more confused as my words were the only ones in English so far.

My mother's glance is not encouraging either.

"I'll be back fast, okay?" I bend a little and whisper into Rose's ear. "I am taking the chance to get away from food, otherwise I swear I'll explode, love." And now that I've gotten her smiling, I say something more. "And you being alone with my mother, you two will have a chance to talk about… stuff."

"Yeah, sure," she tries to cover her anxiety with excitement.

I kiss her cheek. "It will be fine. She doesn't bite."

Before I follow Mikhail outside, my mother feels the need to tell me something.

"You know I can deal with him by myself, don't you?"

"Of course I do." I know I was way worse than he is and she dealt with me well. "But maybe I can make things easier for you."

"Promise me at least-"

"I promise I won't lay a finger on him."

**RPOV**

"Would you like some tea with that?"

"Oh, no, you shouldn't bother-"

"Come."

I shut up and follow her. God knows where, but I don't dare ask.

All I know is that we're not going to the kitchen, and hell, isn't that the place where you usually make tea?

So where is she taking me?

_Probably to get rid of you_.

And if her plan was to turn me into human compost for her little greenhouse outside the house, then I'm in the right spot to be killed.

But we end up picking some fresh mint leaves, as she explains to me, she likes the taste better.

All I respond is that I've never tried some and that I'm excited to see how that tastes. Even though my excitement was real, I don't think she thought I was.

We don't seem to bother with many words, and I must admit that this silence of hers is killing me.

When I try to ask her stuff (and I swear that I am genuinely interested in her beautiful flowers and plants and how she managed to keep them through the winter), all I get from her are short, disyllabic responses.

Okay, she definitely hates me.

Dimitri will end up hating me too for not being able to bond with his mother. And he'll leave me.

And even Ivan will hate me too for breaking things with Dimitri.

And Lissa, oh, the sweet Lissa will hate me too.

Hell, I'll die alone. I'll-

Oh, a dog!

There's this big ball of fierce fluffiness that I have no idea how I missed when we came.

I forget about why I was out there in the first place and hurry to bend and show that drooling creature my love. Oh, how I miss Ash.

"Dogs are not to play with, but to guard the house," Yeva's tone reminds me of reality. "If you are friendly with them, they'll be friendly with everyone else, and forget about guarding the house."

"Oh." I pull away from the dog and get up to my feet as he whines for my love, his paw patting on my foot, demanding more. "Sorry about that."

She doesn't say anything, just turns around and leads the way back inside. And I follow.

But no matter how hard I wish not to fuck up more, the gods are not with me today. Not at fucking all!

Because as we're getting into the kitchen, I don't know how it happens, but my hand stumbles over a photo frame on the wall unit. I guess it was too close to the edge or something.

As the little shards of glass spread on the floor, she throws me a glance, and that is more than enough to make me feel bad.

This was _such_ a bad start, from the second I entered this house. I'm a walking disaster.

Apologizing about a thousand times, I want to pick them up, but she stops me.

"I think you've helped enough. Maybe you need to rest after your flight. You must be tired. I'll take you to your room. Come."

* * *

She sent me away. She sent me to my room. It's worse than being put to the corner in school, I swear.

And when Dimitri comes back, after a quite long time of missing (God knows what he has been doing all this time with Mikhail), I am sitting in our room, like the punished kid I feel like now.

"What's with the long face?" he's smiling, but I am not.

To him this situation is funny, but Yeva scolded me and I am more than disappointed in myself for screwing things this bad.

"Why did you bring me here in the first place?"

"Love..."

Coming closer, he drags me towards the edge of the bed and crouches in front of me, his hands holding mine.

"No, really. And not to sound offending, but your mother scares the shit out of me."

He chuckles. "She does?"

"Yes. _A lot_. But I don't mean that she would be a bad person. Just… intimidating. _Really_ intimidating."

"What happened while I was away?"

"We did stuff around the greenhouse."

"That's all?"

"Yeah. We didn't talk much, and besides me helping her with little stuff, we didn't do much. But I fucked it up. I broke something. And she got upset. She sent me to my room."

"Oh, love. Don't worry. She is always acting a little harshly with people she doesn't know. But she'll be coming around to it. She needs a little time. You'll charm her soon, I am sure of that."

"I don't know what to think about that."

I melt into his embrace as his arms wrap around me, and he assures me a little more of things being alright.

"But love?"

"What?"

"I might have some bad news, though."

"Which is?"

* * *

She made us sleep in separate rooms! She made us, grown-up adults that have a relationship, sleep in separate rooms. And the rooms are on the opposite corners of the house. Can you believe that?

I can't. But still, here I am, in _my_ room, and Dimitri is in _his_ room.

He promised that he'd come around later, which is nice of him. I know we'll be breaking the rules, but I hope we won't be caught in the middle of the night.

Unless Yeva decides to come to inspect on us, which again, I hope won't happen.

But it's already past two, and there's no Dimitri entering my room.

Well, if he didn't come, I'll go there myself. And maybe I'll take the chance to smack him too, for making me wait for him for so long. Since when he chickens out like this?

After a look into the mirror, I sneak out of my room and I hope that Mikhail, the relentless teenager, won't be awake too, to see me walking so naked around the house.

I run across the hallway unspotted. Phew. I dodged one bullet.

As I close the door of Dimitri's room, in the pitch blackness of his room, I hear him snoring.

Aw, he's so sweet when he's sleeping. He must have been tired, so I'll give him a pass on those punches.

I make my way towards the bed and lean over to kiss his cheek.

That's all I wanted to do before lying next to him, but my hair fell from behind my shoulders onto his chest. And that was it, all he needed to wake up.

The next thing I know is that he "attacks" me.

Getting a hold of my wrists, he throws me in bed next to him and pins me down with his body.

I can distinguish his features thanks to the moonlight, and he looks so fierce it makes me chuckle.

He tilts his head and finally exhales.

"_Roza_?"

I chuckle once more. "Hey there. Were you expecting someone else?"

He lets go of my wrists in an instant, and his weight leaves my body.

"What are you doing here?" he asks me as he turns on the lamp on the nightstand.

"I wanted to see you, and as you weren't coming… but I've seen you fell asleep."

He smiles, shaking his head as he pulls me up to him. "Oh, love."

"Shouldn't I have come?"

"What? No. I'm glad you did. It's just that you took me by surprise and I could…" his features shift to concern. "I could have hurt the- Did I hurt you?" He takes my hands in his, soothing my wrists.

"You just surprised me back with your reaction."

"The power of habit…" yeah, I guessed that. "Sorry."

Some silence follows, in which he watches me, and I spot some wonderment creeping on his face.

"What?"

"You came to see me," He says and puts some strands of hair behind my ear. Damn, he sounds so proud.

"You didn't come, so I thought I should take matters in my own hands."

I rest some of my weight on his thigh as I lean forward, starting to kiss his neck, moving up towards his jaw. Soon, I meet his open lips, ready to welcome mine.

His hands get a hold of my hips, he pulls me closer to him and I round my arms on his neck, our tongues playing with each other. I kinda missed kissing him this evening. Around his mother, I didn't dare do anything.

When we pull away, we're both a little more breathless.

"What did I do to deserve this, huh? Not that I didn't love it."

"Nothing much. I was just missing you. That's why I came here in the first place."

"You see?"

"See what?"

"I am a bad influence on you."

"How come?"

"How come? I corrupted you. You've never broken any rules, and now you're in my room, kissing me, even tho-"

"That's the only rule I am breaking, comrade."

"So, you came here at…" he tilts so that he could look at the clock on the nightstand, then watches me again, more amused as before. "At _2 a.m_. only to kiss me?"

"Maybe to cuddle a little too."

"So, only to kiss and cuddle?"

"Of course. But speaking of that… won't she get upset?"

"What she doesn't know…" he leans closer for another kiss. "Won't hurt her. Plus, we're not doing anything bad, right? Unless…" he starts touching my thigh, his fingers creeping under my nightgown. "You want us to do something more." he kisses me once more, his tongue like trying to compel me to give in.

I break the kiss before I want more.

"We'd better not. Let's not. I don't want her to dislike me even more."

"She doesn't dislike you, love."

"I still wouldn't bet my money on it."

He kisses my forehead. "Trust me. If she wouldn't have liked you, she would have said it out loud. You would have known it. She is not the kind of person to kick it around the bush."

"Well, she wasn't far from that anyway." The look she gave me earlier… that spoke millions of words.

"I am sure you two will work things out. Give her a little time. Plus, she didn't tell me anything bad about you."

"You two talked about me?"

"A little bit, earlier. Nothing you should bother about."

"I hope so. And I hope you boasted about me a little."

He laughs. "You don't need any boasting, love. You're already great enough."

He lies us down and starts walking his fingers on my body, heading up on my ribs. Added to the silkiness of my nightgown, his touch is so damned arousing.

But I can't stand here doing nothing in response.

I take charge of the situation, and lifting and mounting on his hips, I start kissing him back. I bite a little too. His earlobe first, his jaw, his bottom lip as we kiss. His thumb as he wants to part my lips some more. As I get a little too heated, I start making my way down on his body, now giving attention to his collarbones.

"You have a thing for biting me, love."

"Maybe I am a vampire."

"Oh really?"

I shrug, continuing to bite him here and there, switching to being playful instead of passionate.

"You never know."

"Then let me show you what a vampire does."

Switching our position again, he starts biting and kissing and sucking on my neck, and thank God that he didn't resume only to that, otherwise we would have ended up doing something forbidden.

The bad thing is that he started being playful too, and he's now tickling me. To that, I can't suppress my squeals.

I try to stop him instead, but he doesn't give up.

"Dimitri... She might hear us." He shrugs carelessly, making me blush only at the thought of his mother seeing us in such a position. "Mikhail too." Remembering him, I blush even harder. "His room is-"

"She won't. Him either."

"But-" I don't manage to say anything because I have to squeal once more.

"Shush, love."

He continues to kiss on my neck, and I squirm under him, trying to get away from this sweet torture.

"You know it I can't help it but giggle when you kiss my neck like that, comrade."

"I know. You squeal a lot too. And we both know other situations when you squeal."

"I told you I do _not _squeal_."_

Getting a hold of a little pillow close to me, I pound it against his chest.

His eyes widen in amused surprise.

"This is how you're going to play?"

"Maybe I am."

"Okay. But just know that you asked for it."

Uh-oh. That usually brings trouble.

"What I asked for?"

"This," he says taking the pillow from me and hits my arm.

Pillow fight!

I take another pillow and pay him back, while trying to keep my giggles as silent as possible.

And I was winning. I've gotten him under me, he has lost his pillow, and I was mercilessly hitting him with the fluffy weapon.

But he decided to play dirty.

He started tickling me once more!

"Stop it, please," I am crying for help, and hell, I am literally crying too, from the laughter that I try to contain. "Please, comrade. Stop. You are killing me."

Trying to get away from him, I crawl towards the edge of the bed, but he followed me. Squirming even harder, I end up on the floor. He accompanies me as I wrapped my arms on his neck as I was falling, and the two thuds we made were pretty loud.

We sit in complete silence for the next two minutes, and I am praying that his mother won't come around to investigate that sound.

Still catching our breaths from the fight, we sigh relieved when no one bursts into the room, and, as we're already here, we decide to continue lying on the floor.

"I like it here, comrade." My hand finds his, and his thumb starts caressing my skin. "It's… Quiet. Pleasant. Warm. Call me crazy, but it feels like..." despite his mother's glances… "Like home." It's like this house has a spirit of itself and I can feel it.

I turn my head and meet his smile. "For me too, love. It always has."

We sit like that for a while, enjoying the silence, enjoying feeling one another.

"I have something for you."

"You do?" he nods. "Is there some event I missed?"

"Does there have to be something going on for me to give you something?"

"I guess."

"It doesn't."

Getting up, he crawls to his luggage and gets out a little box.

I try not to freak out as he gives it to me, as a million thoughts about what could be in there gather in my brain. But only one thought makes my intestines knot with excitement.

Is he going to…

When my eyes land on a golden necklace, I don't know if I feel relief or if I am sad. Hell, I am still not sure about the pace at which we should advance.

"What do you think?"

"I think this is very beautiful."

I get the necklace out and analyze some more the little round pendant it has. It's more like a coin, and it has engraved on it, towards the edge, a tiny butterfly.

"It belonged to my mother. And I want you to have it."

"Oh, Dimitri... I can't take this."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I do. I think it's lovely. But…"

"But why? Why not?"

"Because it is so valuable to you and... I can't take it."

"Just like you."

"What?"

"This is valuable to me. But you are valuable to me too."

"But this was your mother's and she-"

"Yes. But she's not here anymore. You are. And I want you to have it. It has been sitting around here for ages, and it deserves a proper owner. I know you would take good care of it."

"Are you sure?"

"More than sure."

"Then… will you help me put it on?"

A big smile on his lips, he gets up and comes behind me. Putting my hair to one side, he kisses my shoulder before I feel the cold metal rest on my skin.

"Thank you, Dimitri. I love it." And to hell if I am ever taking it off. He entrusted me with this, and it made me love him even more.

"There's one more thing."

"What thing?"

"Do you remember the photo talk we had earlier?"

"I do. And I'm still-"

"Don't worry about that. I just wanted to tell you that I remembered one thing."

"What thing?"

"That I have a photo. I talked to my mother and she remembered she had one, but I forgot about it. Wait a second."

He comes back with an old-looking photo, which he hands to me.

His family. It's a photo of his family. And it's made at Christmas.

God, could I guess it's the Christmas when he was five?

And my guessing is right. The little boy in the picture, the sweet, sweet boy with a big smile on his face, has a book in his hands. _That_ children's book.

"Your mother was so beautiful." I can see who he got his eyes from. That smile too.

"She was a wonderful woman." I bet she was. Hell, even from this photo, I can sense the warmth she must have exuded.

"What about your father?"

"Unfortunately, he was taking the photo."

His index points to a little girl, sitting next to him, and I get it that, for whatever reason, he doesn't want to talk about him too much.

"That's Viktoria, right?"

"Yes."

So she's the little troublemaker. His partner in crime. It's a girl who has a big smile plastered to her face and some purple strands in her hair. And I may say that it's the perfect copy of Dimitri. Of course, in a feminine version.

"I helped her get those. With markers."

We both laugh, then he tells me about his other sisters.

Karolina, the oldest one, who dreamt of becoming a great chef and spent all her time tangling between her mother's legs, trying to "help" her in the kitchen. And after she learnt something new, she always made her little siblings come and assist at an imaginary dinner made by her.

And then there's Sonja, the one who was dancing around the house all day long, thinking she was a ballerina.

When he's done talking in that loving tone about his family and about that specific Christmas day, I am already in tears.

"What happened, love?"

"Nothing I just…" I bend a little, to kiss him. "Thank you, Dimitri."

"What for?"

"For sharing this with me."

"I loved doing it." I did too. "But don't you have something to tell me too?"

Do I have something to tell him?

"I um… I love you?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "I love you too, Roza." He ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead. "Now, let's get you to bed. You shouldn't miss on your sleep."

* * *

Shit! I hear steps outside the room!

And I am still having Dimitri wrapped around me, his arm over my middle, keeping me tight against his body.

What if it's Yeva and she's coming in here?

The only thing I can think of doing without waking Dimitri, is to drag the blanket over my head and pray for her not to come inside.

Which works! I am safe for a couple more minutes. Or hours. It depends on whether she decides to enter this room or not.

Meaning that I should get out of here before that happens.

And as the sounds on the hallway have cased, I see my moment to flee.

I manage to get out of bed without troubling Dimitri, and after I give him one last kiss on the cheek, I make my way out of the room.

And I swear that I would have loved to bump into that hormone-driven teenager.

But no. I bumped into Yeva, goddamnit! She was climbing up the stairs as I was making my run towards my room, and I curse the gods for not hearing her.

With her eyes pinned on me, I stop and try not to blush too much remembering what I am wearing. Too bad that new pajamas weren't on our shop list before coming here. I have remained with my short, silky nightgowns.

And oh, the scolding I am going to get for this shit.

Why did I even leave my room?

Why did I leave his?

"Couldn't sleep?" damn, she sounds oddly concerned. Or annoyed. I can't tell.

"No, I um… I slept well."

"But you didn't like your bed too much."

"I um…" there it goes, the scolding is starting soon. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"For me to see you?"

Hell, I'll be honest because I have no idea what excuse to come up with.

"Well, yes."

Instead of frowning, she smiles, which catches me off guard.

"For what it matters, I expected it to happen the other way around."

"You _expected_ it?"

"Yes. I would be stupid to think you two would listen to that request of mine."

"I see." So what? She was testing us? And if so, what for? Why?

"Anyway. I have chores to do, so..." She delivers me the message and passing past me, she gets into Mikhail's room.

Okay, that encounter was a little weird.

But as I am wide awake and I can't stop thinking of Dimitri's mother being bothered by our little encounter, the second I've changed into some decent clothes, I make my way downstairs, following the noise, nowhere else but into the kitchen.

The second she sees me, her eyes lay on the necklace. And she seems not to like the idea of me wearing this. Hell, she doesn't seem to like anything when it comes to me.

Okay, it's now or never. I'm either going to make her hate me forever, or mend things once and for all.

"Look, ma'am, I am going to ask you something with the risk of seeming shameless." She doesn't even bother to look at me. Okay, no biggie. She'll look at me when I finish my question. "But… you don't like me much, don't you?"

She drops the knife and as I suspected, she looks at me, quite surprised.

"It's not that, Rose."

"Is there a but following that?" because now I am more confused than before. All the signals she gave me were clearly indicating that.

She sighs, and getting a hold of my hand, she drags me closer to her, her eyes looking straight into mine.

"No, there is not any but coming. Look, Rose, I don't _not_ like you. I have no problem with you, especially after Dimitri told me all about you, yesterday."

"What did he say?"

She smiles once more. Wow. Twice in less than an hour. I must have done something right, after all.

"I think you already know what he said."

I nod. I know. He told me countless times what he feels.

"He only said good things about you, Rose. But even though…"

I knew it there was a fucking but coming! She is going to tell me that even though Dimitri loves me, she doesn't want me near him.

"I want to ask you one thing."

She puts her palm over mine on the counter, and if I wasn't surprised enough, now I am fucking astonished.

"Don't break his heart."

"Oh… I… I won't. I promise."

"He... I could never understand him completely. But I guess it wasn't necessary. All he needed was someone to be there for him, and I was, for a while. Until the agency took him. And if you do that for him now, I am fine with that. If you're good to him, I am fine with it. And _he_ chose you. My opinion doesn't matter."

"For me it does. I wouldn't like to know you're thinking wrongly of me."

"Fine. Then know that…" it's like she's pausing on purpose, for some dramatic effect, and I think she has a good idea about what that does to me. "I like you, Rose. You seem to be a good woman, with a kind heart. And trust me, I've seen a lot of people in my life."

Her words? They mean so much to me.

"Can I hug you?" The words leave my mouth before I get to think them, and I realize the stupidity of what I asked when I see how weirdly she looks at me.

"Oh… no… I didn't mean to- I only wanted to say thank you and it-"

My words stop at the back of my throat when she puts her arms around me.

I don't hesitate much to hug her back. And damn, she radiates so much warmth that I melt in her embrace.

"Thank you, Rose."

"What did I do?"

"Oh, child." She pulls away from me and smiles. "Don't be modest. You did so much I would never be able to thank you, not for as long as I live."

"No, really. What did I do?"

"You've made him happy."

"You think so?"

"I know so. I've seen it, in the way he looks at you, in the way he talks about you. He's the happiest he has ever been."

"He makes me happy too."

"He'd better do that. He treats you well, isn't he?"

"Yes. Yes, he is. He's a wonderful man."

"Good. Because if he is not, you tell me, and I'll be ripping his ears off."

Could you imagine that? Such a big man as Dimitri being at her mercy. It's funny as hell to think of that, considering that he'd have to bend like hell for her to reach his ears. But I bet he'd do it without a second thought.

"I don't think it would be necessary." She raised a good man.

"Be patient with him, will you?" Will everyone give me this advice when it comes to him? Not that it's not a good one. It has worked plenty of times. "This is what has worked for me back when... I guess you know." I nod. He told me a little about all the trouble he got into as she was taking care of him, all the fights he got into, even at that young age, and how angry he used to be. "I don't know what you did, but it worked too."

"It has worked, in which way?"

"For starters, he has never brought any woman here."

"Not even-" I bite my tongue to shut up. I don't know if she knows about her and if Dimitri didn't tell her about-

"Zoey?"

"Yes."

"Don't feel bad about bringing her up. I know about her. It took him a lot to tell me about what happened to her, but he eventually did. He used to talk to me a lot about her when he met her, but he never got to bring her here. He never talked about anyone after her. And even though I suspected something, he never mentioned you, so you must understand my surprise when I've seen you here."

So that coldness she showed was her acting surprised?

But you know what? Knowing that she can be other than silently criticizing me is nice. At least now I am hopeful that we could get along well.

* * *

About half an hour later, I crawl back in Dimitri's bed, and this time, when he feels the movement, he wakes up.

He puts his arms around me and stars scratching my back as I nuzzle my nose across his neck. I _love_ back scratches in the morning.

"You're like a little kitten, Roza."

I take my role seriously and meow, which makes him laugh.

"Would you care for some breakfast, Mister?"

"I would. I am starving."

"Good. Because I, you may believe it or not, bonded a little with your mother this morning."

"You did?"

"Aham. After she caught me sneaking out of your room."

His eyes widen as he gets us up. "She did? Did she say something? Are we in trouble?"

"No. She didn't get upset. On the contrary. We talked afterward, and she even invited me to cook with her."

"Then, let me tell you, you are privileged. More than privileged."

"I am?"

"Sure. She never lets anyone touch things around her kitchen when it comes to cooking."

"Well, then I guess I am double privileged."

"Why is that?"

"Because she asked me if I want to join her later at the marketplace." Even though that was Mikhail's job, I am taking the chance to spend some more time with her.

"Did she?" He sounds sincerely surprised by this. Maybe not even he expected us to get from where we were yesterday to being this friendly.

I nod, proud of this advancement. I was afraid that we wouldn't have enough time for her to like me, as we're here only for a couple of days, but my worries from yesterday went away after our talk.

He smiles. "See? I told you you'd win her over."

"Funny thing, I still don't know exactly what I did."

"You were you, that's what happened."

"You're sweet, comrade. But now, come, get dressed and come downstairs, otherwise we'll get scolded for being late for breakfast, and I don't want to spoil my privilege because of your laziness."

* * *

"How did you two meet?"

I laugh, remembering the bumpy ride our meeting consisted of.

And even though I think Dimitri already told her that, I'll entertain her with answers to her questions.

"It's quite a funny thing." And it's even funnier that, considering the lack of words from her from yesterday, today she asks me a thousand little things.

"Why?"

"Because he was supposed to kill me."

"Good thing that for once, he didn't do his job right."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"What do you do for a living?" she alternates her questions to the ones addressed to the sellers around here, switching from Russian to English too. "Or did."

"I was a kindergarten teacher."

"Good. That's good. It's good to know how to take care of children."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"Do you plan to have children, don't you?" she asks me before starting to pick some carrots, and it's surprising for me how she got to such personal questions in such a short time.

"I um… we…"

"Don't be shy about it." She turns to look at me, her light brown eyes trying to bring me assurance. "You want children, right?"

"We… we do. We talked about it."

"Good. I'm glad to hear that. Because only God knows that his brother won't do anything about it. It's good to know that you two are."

We're _currently_ not doing anything about it. We're not moving that fast.

But I don't dare spoil her excitement. It's not like she'll make us make any baby as we're here, so I think we're safe.

Walking around the marketplace some more, with her picking up all kinds of fresh goodies, we pass in front of one particular stand a couple of times. And all I can keep my eyes on are some quinces I've seen there.

"You want some of these?"

"I um… yes. They do look delicious."

I haven't eaten any in years, since I was little, but these here are big and golden and their sight is making my mouth water like nothing before. Not even a piece of chocolate would do the trick now.

"We could buy some, but trust me, they're not good. It's too late for them in this period. They've been ripe a while ago. These here must be stale and tasteless."

"Oh…" too bad. I really wanted some. Hell, I never wanted some with such fervor. It's weird because I know they have that astringent taste, but God, don't I crave it now?

"But I have some quinces compote at home."

"What is that?"

"No worries. I bet you'll like it. Dimitri used to eat a lot of that too when he was little." Well, if Dimitri liked it, I trust his taste.

And now, despite the groceries being done and us leaving the marketplace, we're not going towards home.

I don't ask anything about where we're heading, I let her lead the way. Maybe we need to buy something else.

But no. We enter a weird-looking apartment building, and even though I don't like the vibe that this place emanates, I follow her.

And now, being in front of a wooden door, before she knocks, I open my mouth.

"Um… ma'am, what are we doing here?"

"Visiting a friend of mine."

"Okay…"

She knocks and when the door opens, I am shocked. An old, spooky woman came to greet us, and behind her, I shit you not, the apartment looks like a witches' den. Even she looks like a witch. She has one of those long skirts, a loose blouse and even a fancy headscarf. Not to mention all her jewelry and dark make-up, that adds to her spookiness.

They start talking, of course, in Russian, and the fact that I understand nothing only rises my anxiety about our presence here.

The woman guides us inside, and even though I express my worries about entering, Yeva drags me inside and tells me to sit on a chair, at a table, in the middle of the room.

Okay, what the hell we're doing here?

It's dark in here and I expect at any time for someone to jump out from behind the many curtains hanged by the walls. The only thing I like about this place is the smell. It smells like sage and something sweet, but it's a little too strong for me, and it makes me dizzy and sick to my stomach.

Taking a seat at the table too, in front of us, the woman gets out a pack of cards. Some crystals too.

Waaait. Is that a _tarot deck_? Are we getting a reading?

And are they talking about me? Because I swear that Yeva has just said my name.

Nodding, the woman in front of us starts chanting something and shuffling the deck.

I don't dare say anything now, as I know it's already too late, so I sit and wait for whatever should happen happen.

The first card she lies on the table depicts a beautiful woman with blonde hair. Her robe is patterned with pomegranates and there are an emerald-green lush forest and a winding stream behind her.

The next card has a man on it, and he's wearing a blue tunic with a floral print. There's a beret on his head, and a long, flowing scarf around his neck. He's holding a cup in his right hand, and in there, I shit you not, there's a fish!

What the hell does that even mean?

The witch seems to like these cards, as, looking at me, she smiles. Yeva smiles too, when the woman in front of us starts talking, probably explaining to her what that meant.

But I don't like this next card. Yeva either.

It depicts a man, lying face down, dead, with ten swords in his back.

Hell, the mood of this reading changed big time, as the cards have gotten darker. The fourth one she gets is self-explanatory that it signifies a bad thing. It has dark clouds in the background, and the main visual is a heart stabbed by three swords.

"Кто?" Yeva finally speaks, after a whole minute of silence, and I understand this word. It means who.

The woman nods and drags another card.

On this one, I count six cups.

And hearing the explanation for this card, Yeva's expression darkens.

"Get up, Rose." she does just as she asked me. "We're going back home."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing happened. We're leaving. Now."

I swear that she sounds scared. Whatever that woman told her about those cards, it's not good news.

But after all, could you trust some cards?

It's just some trickery that these people do and Dimitri kinda warned me that his mother is superstitious. So, I don't think I'll worry about this. Too much. I won't worry about this too much. Because, after all, Yeva got pretty sacred about this.

* * *

**DPOV**

Despite my mother freaking Rose out by taking her to a tarot reader, things have been alright these three days as we've been here.

The two of them have spent a lot of time together and I couldn't be happier about it.

And now, before we leave, once more, my mother comes to me having that concerned face. Since that day with the tarot incident, she has been having this frown between her brows and she kept on telling me stuff I don't quite get.

"Don't you dare not bring her more often around here, understood?"

"So, you like Rose?" I tease her a little, remembering her reticence on the day we arrived.

"Why should I like her? She's yours. You have to like her. My opinion doesn't matter. If she makes you happy, I'm happy for you. For both- the _three_ of you."

Yeah, the three of us. I'm still waiting on Rose to finally tell me that, as I am finally sure about it now, having the confirmation from my mother too. I wouldn't like to spoil her surprise. I bet that considering how emotional she is these days, she'll end up in tears, and I don't want to do that.

"I am happy with her. And I don't just _like_ her."

Hearing that, she smiles. "Good." Getting a little box out of the pocket of her dress, she puts it in my hand.

"What is this?"

"You know… for when the time is right. And I hope it will be the right time soon because I don't want that child to get born-"

"I will," I stop the rant I have heard at least a hundred times these days. "And thank you for this."

Her smile fades and she gets dead-serious in less than a second.

"But beware."

"Of what?"

"Of the past, Dimka. Of the past." Here we go, having that other talk again.

"There is no past left."

"There is. There is something left."

"But I took care of everything, mama."

"Not true. There is something left. Promise me you'll take care. Promise me you'll keep them safe. Yourself too. There is something lurking in the dark, from your past. Beware of the past, Dimka."

"Don't worry." I take her in my embrace. "Things will be fine. I took care of everything."

"Promise me you'll take care. And call more often. You know I worry for you kids every day."

"I know. And you worry too much. I promise we're fine."

"Good. You're a good man, Dimka, and you deserve good things." She cups my cheeks and drags me down, making me look into her eyes. "And when the baby comes, don't you _dare_ not bring her around."

I laugh. I forgot to mention that she thinks that our baby will be a girl. Which I wouldn't mind at all. I'd love it.

"I promise we will come."

"Good. Now I can worry less. Or more for Ivan. Because only God knows that your brother is a lost cause."

"You know, he may not be such a lost cause. He got himself someone too."

"Yeah, but I am still putting my trust in you two."

We both laugh, just as Rose comes from upstairs, and she asks what's that funny.

"Oh, nothing's funny. In fact, things are very serious," my mother responds before I get to.

"Are they?"

"Yes. Of course. Grandchildren are serious business."

Rose's cheeks turn red in an instant.

"Grand... _grandchildren_?" so, not even now she won't say anything?

Okay, I get it that maybe she's a little ashamed by my mother's presence.

So I put an arm around her and pull her to me, sheltering her burning cheeks.

"Mama..."

* * *

**A few days later**

**RPOV**

"What's that funny, love?"

"This. Look what I found."

He comes in bed and takes a look at the title of the article I'm reading, and raises an eyebrow.

"Wanna play?"

"_What_? No… I…"

"Why not?"

"I don't know... I just found this magazine in the living room and I thought this article was funny, but…" but playing 60 Sexy Truth or Dare Questions? Well, I don't know.

"Come on, love." he hands me the magazine and makes himself comfortable. "You start. I'll answer first."

"How many of them should we do?"

He shrugs. "I would do them all for what it matters."

"Dimitri…" I am already blushing because I have read some of them and uh-oh, that's some kinky shit in here.

He smiles at me shying away.

"Fine. Three of each for each of us? Sounds good?"

"Okay…"

"And we'll keep the others for some other time." He winks at me and comes to kiss me, but I dodge his lips.

"Pick a number before I change my mind."

"Fifteen."

"If I were handcuffed to the bed, what…" damn. "What would you do to me?"

"I have a long list, Roza."

I shrug, trying to keep myself composed. We just started playing and I'm already acting like a teenager that never heard of sex.

"Resume to one thing."

"You know I'd please you."

Of course he would.

"How?" my tongue itches to ask him.

He smiles playfully. "I'm glad you asked."

Coming on top of me as I lay on my back when he approaches me, his arms get on my sides, trapping me there, and he brings his lips closer to my ear.

"I'd undress you. Slow. Very slow, and I'd touch you all over in the process. And I'd kiss you. I'd start at the tip of your breasts and I wouldn't stop loving that little spot, not until I'd make you squirm in pleasure."

He continues to explain to me what he'd do to me, in a low, sexy voice, but switching to Russian along the way.

"I didn't get what you say."

"Well, maybe one day you'll experiment it," he says nonchalantly and takes the magazine from me. "Now it's your turn. I'll pick number nine for you, okay?" against my better judgement, I nod.

As he reads it for himself, a wide smile appears on his lips.

"What is it?"

"I'll love hearing the answer to this." Oh crap. "What's something dirty you've always been too shy to say to me in bed?"

I look at him stupidly and blink.

"I don't know."

"It doesn't work like this. You have to say something."

I do have an answer to that, but at the same time, I feel my cheeks starting to burn. I can't tell him that.

He chuckles. "I love it when you do that."

"Yeah, I know you do."

"You have no idea how much you turn me on when you get this shy."

"And I still don't get it why. How can that be turning you on?"

"Because I know that dirty stuff passes through that mind of yours, and I have always wondered what you're thinking of. But now, you _have_ to tell me." Isn't he proud of that?

"It's not something dirty..."

"Doesn't matter. Tell me anyway."

"I've been thinking of…"

"Of?" I swear he's eating up each of my words.

"Of how… perfectly you fit inside of me," I end up whispering.

"Hm… interesting. Is there something else passing through your mind that you'd like telling me?"

"I think it is." Hell, if I started, why not tell it all?

"Then? What are you waiting for? Spill it out."

"I love the feeling of um… coming with your head between my legs."

The way he watches me, he looks like he'd make that happen right now.

So I get the magazine and read the first thing I see.

"What item of clothing do you think I look sexiest in?"

Still watching me with those eyes, he drops the previous subject.

"Can I pick more?"

"Why not?"

"First, you know I don't mind when you're not wearing anything. That's my favorite thing. But there's that black pair of thongs you have." Yeah, one of the little pairs I own that he didn't get to rip. "And that bloody-red lacy bra." He growls. "And my shirts. My T-shirts. Especially that white one you like and…"

"And what?"

"I would love to see you dressed in that in the shower."

Enjoying the idea too, a little too much maybe, I start biting my lip, smiling.

"Well, I'll see what I can do about that."

"Oh, Roza, don't you tease me with that."

"But I am not teasing you at all," I play the innocent now.

"You very much are."

"Am not."

Squinting his eyes at me, he snatches the magazine from me.

"I won't forget that, love." his eyes scan the page and he smiles devilishly. "Oh, this is a good one." Shit! I shouldn't have provoked him, didn't I? "What kind of foreplay would you like to try the next time we're in bed?"

If the truths are like this, I wonder how the dares would be.

"You usually do things I enjoy without me asking you to."

"There must be something you want to try. Just tell me and I'll gladly do it, love," he compels me, his voice already thick with desire.

"Maybe… tease me?"

"_Tease_ you?" He asks smiling, already enjoying the idea, I guess.

"Aham. I think I'd like to try that sometimes."

"You mean that I should keep you wanting?"

"Maybe more than that."

"Like how? Be more explicit." He seems very interested and hell, if he wants me to, I'll be very explicit.

"Like… make me want it so bad that I'm dripping wet, and don't give it to me until I beg you."

Of course, I didn't look at him as I told him this, but now, when I lift my eyes, I see his eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"Of course, love. I can do that. But you know I'll love doing that, right?"

"Well, maybe I will too."

Smiling, he comes closer to me, his lips pecking on my cheek.

He gets kissing my mouth, his tongue exploring in deep, along with his hands stroking my hips, turning me on so much.

"I'd love you to, Roza."

Letting me catch my breath, he moves his mouth on my neck and his fingers play along my inner thigh. He sucks on my flesh and I feel his teeth gritting lightly on me, and I expect him to bite on me.

But no.

When I mostly expected it, he pulls away and looks at me. I frown at him as he licks his lips, and I wish that that tongue would have been playing on my skin.

Why did he stop?

"How did I do?"

I chuckle. "I asked for it, didn't I?"

"Oh, Roza. This is not even a quarter of the things I have in mind to make you beg for it."

Trying to conceal the dirty thoughts that are creeping in my head at his words, I start reading another truth for Dimitri.

"What were you thinking when you first saw me naked?"

"This is the easiest of them all."

"Is it?"

"Yes. I was thinking that you're way too beautiful to be real. That you are perfect."

I roll my eyes. "I am definitely _not_ perfect." And considering that I have put on some weight from our trip too… damned be that compote Yeva gave me tons of to eat.

"But to me, Roza, you are way beyond perfect. I know there is no comparison version to that word, but if it would be, to me, you are the perfectest."

I laugh. "The perfectest, huh?" he nods. "And what do you like most about me?"

"Everything. I love every single piece of you. Every curve," his fingers caress the curve of my hip. "Every dip," he now found his way in between my legs and his fingers press on my wetness. "Every patch of skin," he ends up whispering, his breath hot against my neck.

"Oh, comrade. That sweet-talking of yours will get you far in life." The things he said are the only things keeping me from punching him for pulling away again and leaving me wanting more.

"Well, whether you believe me or not, I still mean it."

"I know you do."

"You know what? I got bored with the truths. Let's do a dare." He scans the page, and, of course, he smiles once more, proud of what he found there. "In your most sultry voice, tell me what you loved about the last time we had sex," He ends up laughing. "Oh, how I'll love hearing this from you, Roza."

Well, why not take advantage of this and pay him back for the previous teasing?

My eyes pinned on him, I mount on his thighs and I make sure to kiss his neck and bite his earlobe before I speak, of course, in a slutty voice.

"Besides the way you fit perfectly in me, I love it how wet you can get me with so little effort." As I grind my body against his, I moan at the thought of the last time we had sex. Meaning, the first second we entered this apartment. "And I _adored_ how the bed started squeaking. Oh, how I loved that."

But instead of finding him incited, when I pull away, he's concerned.

"Was that too rough? Did it hurt, me being-"

"Not at all." I continue speaking sultrily as I bring my fingers under his T-shirt. "I loved the hell out of it. You fucked my brains out and I can't stop thinking of what you did to me that night."

This time, I find him being cocky.

"Why don't we finish this game faster?" his words come out with some difficulty.

Complying, I take the magazine.

"Take off my underwear." Damn, won't _I _like this now? "With your mouth."

"Oh, Roza. You get the best ones."

He lies me down on my back and wants to get my pants down, but I stop him, confusing him.

"Is this a no?" He wants to pull away, but I wrap my fingers on his upper arms and pull him back.

"No. I am not changing my mind. But…"

"What happened then?"

"Do you think you can promise me something?"

"What?"

"Promise me you won't laugh."

"Laugh about what?"

"Let's say that I am not wearing anything fancy under these pants."

He chuckles. "This is what's bothering you?"

"Well, this little game of ours caught me unprepared."

"It doesn't matter for me. You'd look beautiful dressed in anything, love."

"Thanks, comrade. But still. Can you promise me?"

"You made me quite curious now. What are you wearing underneath?"

"Well, maybe you should take a look."

"My pleasure."

Lifting my blouse a little, he kisses his way down across my abdomen, his eyes fixated on mine as his hands are unbuttoning the three buttons keeping my pajama pants on.

But before he moves his attention down on my body, I cup his cheeks.

"Promise me first."

He chuckles once more, shaking his head.

"You are unbelievable, love." I frown. "Fine. I promise."

I let go of his cheeks, but he still doesn't look. He drags my pants off and starts kissing his way even further down, making me shiver with each gentle touch of his lips.

When he reaches the hem of my panties, he gets the material in between his teeth and drags it a little up, making the material brush over my groin area.

When he gets me moaning, he stops and looks down.

"So you like Adventure Time?" He asks me with a smile creeping on his lips.

"Hey! I was getting really bored in high school, okay?" I punch his shoulder. "And you _promised_."

"I did." His face gets serious again. "And I am not laughing. In fact, I like it too."

"You do _not_. You are just saying it so that I won't feel bad about it."

"Maybe I am. But you shouldn't feel bad about it. Because what difference does it make what underwear you're wearing?"

"It does. If I would be wearing some fancy, lacy shit, I'd be hot."

He puffs. "Do you think you need a pair of lacy panties for me to consider you hot?"

"I don't?"

"Not in a million years. You could wear a sack and I would still know that you are the most beautiful woman on earth."

"Stop it, comrade. You're making me blush."

He smiles. "This," He says slipping a finger under the hem of my panties and making his way down, towards that needy part of my body. "Is a part of you." His teeth get a hold of them too, and he starts dragging them down, just a little. "And I love every single part of you." He now gets his hand under the material, and squeezes on my ass. "But now... They are preventing me from accomplishing my dare."

"You know what you can do about it."

"My pleasure."

Having him breathe his hot breath through my underwear, that's already too much to bear. When his fingers dig into my skin and he starts sucking on me through the fabric, oh, that feels amazing.

"Comrade... that's not part of your dare," I moan as my heels sink into the mattress, my hips lifting.

"Party pooper," he complains. He even pouts as he lifts his head to look at me.

His hands lifting my hips, he gets the material between his teeth and effortlessly drags my panties down. I wonder if he has ever done this before. He seemed way too handy with this task.

"There you go." he wiggles my panties in front of my eyes, hanging them on his index.

"Oh, stop being so proud. You did defuse a bomb. Now, go ahead, it's your turn."

"You have to…" his eyebrows lift. "Tie me to the bed and do to me whatever you please."

"Are you sure of that?"

"The dare says so." He even shows it to me, he didn't make that up.

Great. I don't wait for him to change his mind, I get off the bed and go search for some scarves.

I find some thin ones, but they'll do the trick.

Getting back, I make him get rid of his T-shirt and he's patient as I bind his wrists together. With a second scarf, I tie him to the bedpost.

But that's as far as his patience goes. Because as I had to mount on him to tie him, he's playing with mine. Well, he's mostly playing with my nipples, his lips nipping on me through my too thin T-shirt, which, considering my previous arousal, it's enough to make me a little more crazy with desire.

"Wasn't I supposed to do things to you?"

"Don't worry, you'll have your chance soon." And oh, won't I make it count?

I have brought a third scarf, and now an idea comes to my mind. I guess he thought of it too because he's now eyeing me suspiciously.

"Can I?"

To my surprise, he nods.

When the fasting at the back of his head is done, I pull away and seeing him in such a position, it's hot as fuck.

"Enjoying the view, love?"

"Why do I have the impression that this is not the first time you've been tied like this?"

He smiles that cheeky smile of his. "Tied? Yes. Like this? No."

"Never to a bed?"

I trace the line of his jaw with my fingers and he turns his head to kiss my wrist.

"Never, love. You are the first one to tie me and I'm not trying to escape."

"This means you'll behave?"

"I can only promise I'll try."

To repay him, I bend and give him a peck, my hair cascading on him, making him sigh pleasurably.

"I can live with that, comrade."

Now, what should I do? There is so much I could do. And he is laying there, expecting, waiting.

"I enjoy seeing you like this."

"Tied up?"

"Not really." even though this is a view indeed. "I mean you, being so eager. Like, who knows where I might touch you first? What I might do next?"

And why not take the chance to tease him before he does?

I start by naming parts of his body, but not touching any of them. Sometimes I touch others, getting myself little grunts and moans in response.

"Or I could touch you somewhere lower. What about that?"

His breath gets harsher as I voice my intention.

But I can't leave him like this. He looks so disappointed by my lack of action.

When my index touches so lightly the area under his navel, his whole body tightens and he pulls the scarf. It's amazing I didn't hear it rip already.

"Roza..." He growls.

"Just a little longer, lover."

He sighs prolonged, but it mostly sounded like a whine.

"Fuck, you're killing me, Roza."

"You know what I always admired at you?"

"What?"

"Your patience," I whisper, getting closer to his ear, and only my hair and my breath touch him, but it's enough to make his hands clutch onto the scarf once more. "I like your self-composure. I am sure you could have ripped that scarf a hundred times now."

"I could. But I won't. For now," he warns.

"Good."

I start kissing his chest, making sure to touch him so lightly with my lips, which makes him growl once more.

"But I want to, Roza. I _really_ do."

"But you won't." I get even closer to him and nuzzle my nose against his.

"I am trying," he whines once more and turns his head, trying to reach for my lips, but I pull away.

"Na-ah, comrade. Not yet."

I touch him under the navel again, slowly tracing a line towards the hem of his pants. He growls and mumbles something in Russian. He swore, I know he did.

"Hey, no bad language, or I might…"

"Might what?" he seems rather excited by that than afraid of what I might do.

"Don't test me, comrade. I may punish you."

I see him grinning and decide to repay his cockiness.

I extend my palm on his abs and slide it upward towards his neck, his body trembling under my touch. When I reach his cheek, he turns his head towards me and starts biting on my fingers.

"That was all? Or will I receive the real punishment soon?"

I take my T-shirt off, remaining bare.

"Yes, comrade. _Really_ soon."

I mount on his hips and press my soft wetness on his pulsing hardness, eliciting a loud growl and another round of swearing from him as I slowly grind in him.

"Oh, Roza. I won't forget this."

"No threatening either. Remember, you asked for it. And what did you say, huh? Something bad? _Again_?"

My fingers playing on abs, touching lightly, make his muscles contract and his jaw tighten.

"Tell me, you're talking dirty again?"

"You know I can't help it around you."

"Then feel free not to stop." Because I'll give him a reason not to.

I slip my fingers under the waistband of his pants, just for a second, to make him crave that. Then I pull away and start touching his chest more freely, his jaw and lips too, and he takes my thumb in his mouth, sucking and biting on it.

That's when I decide to lean over and put my flesh against his chest.

"Roza…" He exhales hard. "You're not wearing any T-shirt."

"Aren't I?" I ask innocently. "How can you tell?" I push my breasts on his chest, my pointy nipples on his skin.

"Mmm, _goddamnit, _love_." _

He pushes his chest up, and I hear one of the scarves starting to rip.

I start kissing him and grind my hips against his, and when I move my lips on his neck, leaving love bites behind, that's when he capitulates.

"Fuck this."

He rips the scarf and starts touching me, his fingers digging deep into my ass, pulling me closer against him.

"You didn't do the dare, comrade."

"I promised to try, love."

When he wants to get the cover on his eyes off too, I ask him to keep it on for a little longer.

"As long as I can touch you, there's no problem for me."

We spend a minute kissing and touching, with me slowing down the fast pace he started.

"Shall we go back to our dares?"

He growls as he takes the scarf off his eyes.

"Do we have to?" damn, he is so bothered.

No, we don't, but I'd like for us to lengthen this game.

"Yes."

"Fine," he mumbles. "Pick a dare."

"Pop an ice cube in your mouth and… oh, wow." I can't believe these dares! "And go down on me for fifteen seconds."

This dare makes the botherness leave his features.

"Be right back, love," he lies me in bed and almost runs out the bedroom.

When he comes back, he wastes no second.

He climbs in bed and spreads my legs, gets an ice cube in his mouth and bends between my legs.

I squeal when his pointy tongue starts playing with my clit, licking it gently. He then slowly inches his way down, licking my lips and oh, that's some cold awesome sensation I feel.

"I love that, Dimitri." I grasp onto his hair and move my hips in sync with his tongue.

He stops licking me altogether and now he uses his tongue to lick my inner thighs.

"Um, comrade, I think the time is over."

"Fuck that," he says and gets another ice cube, this time placing it in between his teeth.

"What you're doing?"

Instead of telling me, he shows me.

With another squeal of mine, he places the ice cube on my navel, and he's using only his lips to keep it in place.

It gets a lot harder when it starts to melt and when I start shivering a little more.

But I like this very much. I keep on chuckling and moaning his name at the same time because his fingers make sure to walk in and out of me too, as his lips are busy with that ice cube.

"I have another dare for you, love." he lets the cube slide down towards my ribs as my hips were lifted, making my mouth let out another parade of squeals.

"Which is?"

"Try not to scream."

He doesn't wait for anything and goes down on me again, giving me a long suck, making my whole body tremble. With the back of his tongue, he goes down past my nub and when he reaches my opening, his tongue hardens and he begins making love to me.

His hands extend to my sides and he's massaging my breasts, and I am already in heaven, my head clouded and my mouth full of praise for him.

One of my legs sliding in between his, I feel him popping through his pants.

He stops and watches me as I keep on moving my foot up and down on him, along with my hips, my eyes asking for more from him.

"Fuck, Roza," he growls and presses his erection harder on my foot.

"Why did you stop, comrade? Don't stop."

But he doesn't listen to me. He goes, then stops. He kisses, then licks, and when things get heated and my moans loud, he stops.

He's teasing the fuck out of me and I asked for it so many times tonight.

Moaning, groaning, pulling onto his hair, saying "oh yes" and "faster," it doesn't bring me anything. He doesn't comply with any of my requests, he just keeps his own pace, slow and gently, then hard and fast. And I love it!

Finally, he starts moving faster for longer and I am grinding hard on him and I'm so close.

But he pulls away once more and his lips only kiss my pulsing core.

"Easy there, love."

I let my botherness out with a growl, to which he chuckles.

"Not to be rude here comrade, but um… _what the fuck _are you doing?"

He comes up and starts kissing my lips, leaving my others wanting.

"Nothing much."

"Dimitri," I sigh when he penetrates me with his fingers, moving so fucking slowly, and my mouth keeps responding to that.

"I am glad you are enjoying it, love."

"Yeah, But..."

"But what?"

"I need you to move faster. I feel like I am going to pop, goddamnit."

He is deliberately making me lose my mind.

And just when I was about to let him know this, he takes my nipple in between his lips and starts playing with it, his tongue not going any faster than his fingers.

"Dimitri," this time I whine.

"What?"

"I know I asked you to, but _fuck_… stop teasing me."

A smug smile spreads on his lips. "Who says that I'm teasing you?"

"You aren't?"

He bites on my tender peak, making me moan harder.

"I am, love."

"And can't you stop it?" I try to trade with him, while with my hips I try to get more of him in me.

"I could," he whispers, his hot breath on my breast making my body feel tingly all over.

"But? There's a but coming."

"You see, love, I don't really want to. I've found out that I enjoy it _very much_, seeing you like this."

But his words don't match his actions because his fingers start moving faster, and the bulge in my lower abdomen gets again so close to popping.

"Fuck yeah, comrade. Fuck, don't stop."

I prepare myself for that wave of pleasure, getting a good grip of his broad shoulders, holding on to him for dear life, but no bliss follows. Because he stops. _Again_. And I let out another loud, frustrated growl.

"Dimitri... _Come on_."

"Not yet, love. How could I stop teasing you? I want to hear you like this for as long as possible."

He smiles, but I continue to look at him with an ugly glare.

"And now _what_?" for how long is he going to keep me hanging?

As he starts making his way down on my body, kissing and sucking on my skin, leaving reddish spots behind, he doesn't seem to be getting back to moving his fingers. He even pulls them out.

"Fuck!" I punch the bed. "Come on, Dimitri." I want it so bad. I want to break free of the tension he built in me. How come he is holding on so damn well?

But to hell if I am letting him tease me again. He got me on the brick of this cliff and all I need is the tiniest push.

I get up after him and wrap my arms on his neck, crushing my lips on his as I pull him down over me, and he doesn't resist me.

He pulls away for a breath and his hands start roaming on my body, eliciting moans from me with each stroke of his on my too filled with tension skin.

"What do you want, love?"

"I want you to..." I can't suppress a moan as he walks the tip of his fingers on my navel area.

"What? You want me to what?"

"I want you to make me come so hard I scream," I respond as he moves his hand in between my legs and spreads them. I eagerly comply, spreading myself even more for him.

"And when do you want it?"

"_Now_. I want it now." I lift my head to meet him halfway for a kiss and I part my lips to let his tongue play with mine. "Now, comrade."

Getting matters in my own hands, or well, legs, I start pushing his pants down. To my advantage, I managed to push his boxers too.

He pulls away to get rid of those and to get himself a condom, thank God!

As soon as I feel the tip of his hardness brush over my folds, reaching my swollen nub, I whimper and clasp my hands in his hair.

Moving my leg up on his torso, I let him know that I am ready. More than ready.

But he still doesn't give me more. He continues to tease me, nudging his tip at my entrance, and I promise myself once more that I won't break, that I won't give him the satisfaction.

"You're being mean, comrade," I whine accompanied by a little moan.

"Am not," he says smiling.

"You are."

"I am just pleasing you, love."

"No. That's not it."

"You said you wanted to try-"

"I did. But this is no teasing. This is has gotten to be torture. Stop it."

I push my hips up, trying to get more of him, but he pulls away just in time. But I will be damned if I break first. With a growl I set myself back on the bed.

"See? You're torturing me."

"I just want to hear you like this a little longer. You have no idea how it makes me feel. Hearing you." And he does that again, this time pushing his tip inside me. "Let me hear you."

"Fuck! Come on, get further," I don't add any begging, and to my bliss, he does that, but just a little bit. Then he starts pulling away.

This is when my will fades.

"Dimitri. _Please_," I finally beg for it and he breaks our kiss to take a look at me. "Please. Just... Do it." I dig my nails in his back. "Please. I can't go like this for longer. I'll go insane."

He doesn't let me wait for longer and slides inside me without any warning. My hips shot up on instinct and he gets even deeper inside me, making me let out a very, very loud moan, which he hurries to suppress by kissing me.

"Roza..." He looks at me amused and a little worried.

Yeah, I should be worried that someone might have heard that, but in this second I don't give a damn about our neighbors. They don't even know us, we rented this apartment a few days ago.

"It's your fault," I almost scream as he pushes himself in me again.

"Still, hush, love. Someone might hear you and who knows? They might think I am hurting you."

"I don't care. You just keep going."

"As you please."

"And don't you _dare_ stop again."

He chuckles against my lips. "Not this time."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Then go faster, for God's sake."

This time I don't have to beg. He starts pounding in me faster and harder and it doesn't take me much to reach my peak.

I bury my forehead into the crook of his neck and press my mouth into his chest, trying to be as quiet possible. But breaking free from that tension is bliss, and I can't help but be loud. I clutch my fists into his hair and I scream in pleasure as my whole body trembles. Coming in waves, short and high pitched sounds accompany his low moans at each spasm of my lower abdomen.

"You didn't accomplish your dare," he informs me when we've calmed down.

"And what's my punishment?" I ask him still moaning, my body still reminiscing the pleasure it has been through.

"I am glad you asked." Lifting my leg on his ribs, he spreads my legs some more as he comes kissing me. "I'm going to wear you out tonight, Roza."

I chuckle. "Does that even count as punishment?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"On how you behave."

"You always say I am way too good."

I tighten my leg on his ribs and pull him deeper in me, and I end up screaming some more as he reaches a good spot in me.

"Mmm, the sounds you make Roza…" he gets his mouth down on me and rounds his tongue on my nipple, making me moan once again. "Yeah, I love those."

* * *

**DPOV**

Her hips still moving up and down on mine, I love the way her fingers clutch onto my shoulders as her walls contract around me as she rides this wave of pleasure.

With a long sigh, she gets off me and lies on her back, not before kissing me shortly.

"My whole body is sore, comrade," she whines, as her hand extends for mine. I bet it is. After all, didn't I keep to my promise? "But I got too far away from you," she chuckles as she tries to drag me closer to her.

Wrapping an arm on her middle and pulling her to my chest, each spots that she touches now send little electricity waves in my body, and I think it's the same for her, as she moans lightly whenever I touch her.

"You know what, Dimitri?" she tilts her head on my shoulder.

"What?" I get some of her hair out of her face, so that I could see those warm eyes better.

"I might sound cheesy as hell, but…" she smiles so, so wide. "I think you're the love of my life."

Hearing these words from her? I can only smile like an idiot.

"You think that, huh?"

"I do. I love you, really, _really_ much. I love you like I have never done before."

"I do too, Roza. I love you very much."

In the next second, her eyes fill with tears, and she sniffs her nose, trying to make it go away.

"Love, what's the matter?"

"I don't know. I just… I don't know why I got so emotional all of a sudden." I know what's going on and I know she knows too. But back in Russia, I promised myself I'll wait a week for her to tell me, to not spoil her surprise. "I'm just… really happy."

"Me too, love. Me too."

And why not make this for forever? After all, what am I waiting for?

I think I have to make a call. Or a few.

* * *

I hear Rose babbling, even though I'm in the living room.

I wonder what's going on.

Entering into our room, I see her still sleeping.

But she's crying and shaking and God, I hoped I'd never see her like this ever again.

Will she ever get rid of these dreams?

"Shush, love, it's alright." I am now by her side, passing my hand through her hair, feeling the droplets of sweat on her forehead. "I'm here, love. Come on, wake up. Get out of that place, please."

It takes me a minute or so to wake her up, time in which her sobs break my heart and I wish I could do more about this, but all the research I've done about this is useless.

"Don't be afraid, love. I'm here."

When her eyes snap open, she's still terrified and her breath comes out in short puffs, like she has been running for forever.

"Don't leave," She cries and puts her arms around me, dragging me halfway in bed, holding me so tight I think her arms must hurt. "Don't leave me alone. Stay here, please."

"It's okay." I climb in bed, taking her in my arms, her making herself little against my chest. "I'm not leaving anywhere." My other call can wait until the morning.

She growls as her head finds rest into the crook of my neck.

"I don't know why this happened. I… I was good."

"I know. But it's fine, love. We'll deal with this."

"I'm-"

"Don't apologize. You're fine. Everything is fine. I'm here."

"But… Dimitri…"

"What?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. I just… I have this bad feeling."

"You're still thinking of that?"

"I just… what if… what if that was true?" she's already worrying too much about that tarot reading that she didn't understand much from. I am thankful that my mother didn't have with her the same talk we had. But what was she thinking in the first place when she took Rose there?

I rest my lips on her forehead and soothe her back.

"It's fine. Nothing bad is happening. We're fine, love. That was just a silly little thing. A little superstition, okay?"

She tilts her head and smiles lightly.

"You're right. I'm worrying about nothing."

Yeah. Because what is there to worry about?

* * *

In the morning, while she's taking a shower, I make my way through the kitchen after I finally make the most important call of the day.

"It smells nice in here, comrade."

"Of course it does." I turn and show her my apron. "I am making you breakfast, missy." I ruffle her hair and smirking, she pokes me with her index.

"And what are you making there?"

"Your favorites. Waffles."

Leaning against the counter, she looks at me questioning, hands crossed too.

"What?"

"You're making me breakfast because?"

"Because I want to. Does there have to be a reason?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe because you disappeared last night? In the living room, for some hours?" It wasn't some hours, just one, but it's not important.

I nod. "I did that." I should be stupid to think she didn't observe that. After all, she asked me not to leave again after her nightmare. "But that's not why I am making you breakfast."

"And would you care to tell me why you… why?"

I don't respond, I just resume to my waffles. I don't know what to tell her rather than the truth, which I can't do. I'd spoil everything.

"Come on, Dimitri. Don't start with this thing again, please."

Looking at her, I see that her eyes are filled with tears and she started biting her lip.

I drop everything and go take her in my arms.

"Hey. It's not what you think. Don't get mad. I am not starting anything. I am not doing that anymore. I promised, okay?"

"Then what is it? You know I dislike so much having to be this way. I don't want to be nagging."

"I had to take care of a little thing."

"Of what thing? A dangerous thing? After all…" after all, I was speaking in Russian and it's understandable she's thinking it's something bad.

"Nothing bad, trust me."

"Then why aren't' you telling me?"

"Because it will all make sense later, okay?"

"How much later?"

"Not too much. Today. I promise. Just don't be upset with me, okay?"

Sighing, she rests her cheek on my shoulder. "Fine. I trust you with that."

"Love?"

"What?" she pulls away and watches me curious.

"Give me a kiss?" I ask for it and even use a puppy face to my aid.

"Since when do you make puppy faces?"

I smile as she lifts on her tippy toes, bringing her lips closer to mine.

"Is it working?"

"Always." She presses her lips on mine, her fingers playing at the back of my head.

"You're not upset with me, aren't you?"

"I'm not. I said I trust you. I mean that."

I kiss her forehead and hold her tight.

"Thank you, love. I promise you won't regret it."

Now I just have to come up with a good reason to get her out of the house.

* * *

**RPOV**

Later the day, he tells me to get dressed because we're going somewhere. Just like that, with no context.

"Where are we going?"

Once again, just like this morning, he doesn't respond. Instead, he goes to my wardrobe, and swapping through the hangers, he gets out a dress.

"Not that I'm imposing it on you, but I'd love it if you'd wear this."

He hands me a white, lacy dress. It has long sleeves, it's long past my knees, and what I love most about it is that it has angel sleeves and a nice lace pattern, all covered on flowers. But I never had the chance to wear it since I bought it, all the way from Russia. It seems that now's the time, even though only God knows where we're going.

"Is it part of your thing?"

"It is."

"So, it means that I'll find out soon?" did he plan some kind of surprise?

"Very soon, I swear." He comes and kisses me shortly. "Now come on, go dress up. We have to be there in an hour."

"There where?"

He throws me a look, meaning 'Why did you even ask?'

"Yeah. I forgot."

* * *

"What are we doing here?" I guess it's a good enough question to ask, considering we're inside of a city hall.

"I am making you my wife."

**DPOV**

Her eyes widen and she is looking at me shocked.

"No…"

"No? You don't-"

"No!"

Along with babbling some things that I don't understand, she lifts her hands and starts wiggling them in front of me. It seems like she's freaking out. I never thought of getting this reaction, to be honest.

"Oh, Dimitri. It was more like a no, I can't believe you are asking me this," she finally calms down enough to make a proper sentence.

"Well, I am asking you that."

She looks at me and tilts her head, smiling, as her eyes fill with tears.

"You really want to-" her voice comes out strangled and she takes a second to wipe her tears. "You want to marry me?" I nod. "But I am dead, aren't I? You too."

"That won't be a problem when someone I know comes around. That is the least of our worry. The question is, do you want to be my wife?"

Smiling playfully, she shrugs.

"Don't know, comrade. You brought me here first, _then_ asked me to marry you?"

"Well, looking on things now, I didn't think things in the right order." But to my excuse, it was late when this idea came to me and all day today I was too excited to finally do it. "But yes. That's what I've done."

"You were so sure of yourself, huh?"

"Well…" I take her hands in mine and walk my thumbs across the insides of her palms. "I'll take whatever answer you give me."

"Even if it's a no?"

**RPOV**

If he was surprised by my question, he didn't show it. He just nodded and kisses the inside of my wrist.

"Of course. I will wait until you feel ready."

He wants to pull away, but I get a hold of his shoulders to keep him there.

"Hey, what are you doing?" he looks at me confused. "Where are you going when I didn't give you an answer?"

"But… you just did."

"I did not. It was just a theoretical conversation."

He smiles.

"And aren't you going to tell me the real answer?"

I pout. "Oh, comrade. Maybe if you would have asked me properly…"

He chuckles and slaps his forehead.

"Properly, sure. Of course. I'm such a klutz. Let's see. Proper…" and he sounds nervous, I swear.

I even feel his hand trembling a little as he pulls me to one side, aside from people's view.

But when he kneels in front of me, that's when I start trembling.

He even gets out of his coat a little box, for the whole time watching me with a smile on his face.

"You got me a ring too?"

"Well, isn't it how it's properly done?"

Who cares how it's properly done? I only care about the fact that he's asking me that, screw the ring.

He clears his throat and opens the box.

"Rosemarie Hathaway – Mazur… My Roza, will you be my wife and make me the happiest man for the rest of my life?"

Another wave of tears threatens to spill out of my eyes.

"Dimitri, my love," I cup his cheeks and make him get up to his feet. "There would be nothing, and I mean _nothing_ in this world that would have made me say no. Not the first time you asked me, not now, and not ever. So yes. I do. I will marry you."

The second Dimitri's arms wrap around me and he lifts me off the ground swirling me in our little world, I hear some squeals. I would recognize these sounds anywhere.

"Comrade, what's my mother doing here?"

"I asked your parents for their blessing this morning and well, I thought you'd want them to be here for you."

"Oh, how I love you, comrade. You always think about everything."

He pulls away from me enough so that he would put my ring on.

"Where did you find this? It's so beautiful." And kinda antique. It's a slim, old golden ring that has little clear stones dipped along the two engraved lines that spiral around, forming a nice pattern all over the ring.

"I didn't find it. I mostly received it."

"From whom?"

"From my mother."

"Oh. I love it. But Dimitri… then I guess can't have it."

"Why not?"

"It was your Yeva's. And I can't… you already-"

"Trust me, she wanted you to have it. She gave it to me before we left."

"She _did_?" Wow. I so did not expect this from her. It seems that she likes me more than I thought.

"Yes. She gave it to me, I swear."

"Then…" I take another look at it on my finger, and see how perfectly it fits. "I will cherish it my whole life. And you." I cup his cheeks and drag him to me for a kiss. "I will love you all my life."

He smiles. "That's what I was planning to do too."

* * *

Along with my so excited parents that can't help but remind me every three seconds that I am getting married, we wait in the hallway, for our turn to come.

But the second that they go away to look for some water, I turn to Dimitri.

"What?"

"I know what we're doing here, but… I want to know one thing."

"Why I was away at night if I spoke to your parents in the morning?"

"Yes."

"I talked to this guy, to get me some IDs for today, as Ivan is out of town."

"Oh, okay. It kinda makes sense. So, they won't be coming here today?"

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. I'm glad that you're here."

We both chuckle and after he kisses me, his features get serious.

"And speaking about knowing things. If you opened this subject, don't you have something to tell me too?"

"Like?"

"Come on, you know what. I waited for you to tell me, thinking you want it to be a surprise, but I think I waited long enough."

"To tell you what?" did I do something and forgot to inform him?

He smiles, and his palm spreading on my abdomen, he pulls me closer to him, his head buried into the crook of my neck.

"Come on, Roza. Stop playing. I know what you're trying to hide and I've been waiting long enough for you to tell me that you are-"

His phone starts ringing, interrupting him just when I was about to find out.

What he hears from his interlocutor, he doesn't like it.

He needs to go take the ID's himself as the guy got paranoid about a police car around the corner of his house, and he decided he doesn't want to risk it coming here, to the city hall.

The last thing I told him is that I will be waiting for him, even though my brain was so damned curious to find the rest of what he had to say.

But I can wait. The second he comes, we'll figure that out and we'll get married.

God, I can't believe this is happening.

* * *

But he doesn't come back as fast as he promised he would. I got it that it was a ten minutes drive to where they had to meet, but now half an hour has passed and he's not here.

And he doesn't even answer my phone when I call him. Not the first, nor the second, nor even the third time.

And God, how angry this makes me. When he comes back, the universe should better be by his side.

I'm already close to starting to cry when he finally calls back.

I go to a more private place, just so that I can scold him without my parents hearing.

"Where are you? You said you would come back fast. But no, instead of that, you've left me here. My parents keep on asking about you, I don't know what to tell them, our turn has come and it went too, and I start feeling like I've been abandoned at the altar."

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you _don't know_?"

"I don't know." I swear he sounds like he would be drunk.

What, did he get cold feet and decided to gather some courage? But, after all, _he_ asked me, so if anyone should get cold feet, that should be me.

"Stop playing with my nerves and tell me where the hell you are."

"On a highway? On the road? I don't know, love, I swear. But I see the sky. It's really beautiful. It's so blue. You'd like it too." I feel something bad happened. The way he's talking? There's something off. My heart starts aching with worry and I feel the floor starting to spin under me. "And I am sorry I called. But I wanted to hear your voice once more. I didn't want to be alone."

"Alone? Dimitri, what are you talking about? Where are you?"

"I don't care where I am. It doesn't matter. Just talk to me, love. Let me hear your sweet voice one last time."

I have long started crying, but now I can't suppress my sobs anymore.

"One last time? Dimitri, please. What happened to you?"


	47. He doesn't remember me

**Hey, hey, hey! Here I am, earlier than usual. I honestly don't know how this little miracle happened. selairalynn, I guess your wish not to wait for 2 weeks came true.**** But I had a lot of free time this past week too :)**

**I want to start by saying, please don't get murderous thoughts about me for what I've done in this chapter .**

**Tika86, it wasn't Olena the one Dimitri talked to on the phone, in the earlier chapters. I don't think I mentioned Olena, and if I did, I'm sorry to have confused you. **

**Maybe it was that person, maybe not ;) and if it is, I'd like to see if you could guess who that is**

**Well, this is the chapter when they find out. I've kept them in the dark for a little too long, didn't I?**

**I am glad to hear you're still doing fine. I'm fine too, finally enjoying my holiday to the fullest, and finally having more time to write**

**Sissi1789, the marriage will happen too, but a little later. They have other things to deal with now. But I am planning a wedding. Maybe two ;)**

**Dear Guest, thanks for the wishes. Stay safe too!**

**peggy, Yeva doesn't have that many supernatural powers, Ivan and Lissa are well, let's say still far away for a while but Dimitri and Rose can figure things out on their own :) and well, Rose couldn't figure it out that she's pregnant because she wasn't expecting it. You know, when you don't necessarily look for something, you don't notice it. Plus, she was kinda concerned with other things to observe it. But she'll now. Really soon.**

** , yasss, I know how that feels, to finally be free of uni stuff. Everything is fine here, I'm doing well. I hope you're staying safe too!**

**Rosie Jo, it's so nice to get new readers and I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far. **

**As always, lots of love guys and thank you for your support!**

**Stay safe!**

* * *

**He doesn't remember me**

**RPOV**

"Dimitri, answer me, please. What happened?"

"Nothing much. Don't worry. I am fine, love."

"But you don't sound well. Not at all. You scare me, Dimitri. Please, tell me what is going on."

"I don't know, love. I was in the car, on the highway, then… it doesn't matter. You don't have to worry."

Not to worry? All I can do now is to worry. I've been here before. I know that tone. And I've got the same feeling I had when Mase...

"Dimitri…" I am crying so hard that everyone in here is looking at me weirdly, and when my mother approaches me, I crumble in her arms. "Please, for the love of God, tell me where you are. I am calling for an ambulance."

"I think it's too late for that."

"Don't you dare say that! Mum, call the emergency. Something happened to Dimitri and I don't know where he is. But I think… I think he's… he's dying." My whole chest hurts even to say these words.

"Where is he, kiz?" my father's already fumbling around us, his phone out.

"I don't know. He doesn't know either."

"I'll be fine. I _am_ fine, Roza."

"Please, tell me where you are. Now, Dimitri!"

He laughs a little. "I have always loved when you get bossy."

"This is serious! Please, try and see where you are. Tell me." what if he's alone? What if there is no one there with him? He can't die alone. He won't die. He can't.

"Okay. I'll tell you. Wait a second." I hear some muffles and him speaking once more. "Hey, you. Where are we?"

_"_This guy with me said that he… he already called the ambulance. It's coming, so don't worry about that."

Bless that man. But I can't stop worrying.

"And is he helping you? Are you hurt?"

"He's just a teen, Roza. He can't help me."

Fuck! And only God knows how long the ambulance will take to get there.

"I wish you were here to hold me… I am cold, love."

Hearing him, my knees go weak and I fall to the floor. Thanks to my mother, I didn't get hurt.

"No! You are not leaving me too, do you hear me? You are not… you can't."

"Roza…"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember that day on our vacation when we went on the beach to watch the sunset?"

"I do. I do, Dimitri. How could I forget it?"

"That's all I have in mind now. And how beautiful you looked that day. You were so happy."

"Dimitri…" why do all his words sound like him saying goodbye? "Don't do this."

"Do you remember what we talked about?"

"We talked about us. About how would it be to have a family together. A baby."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For taking that away from you. For…" he stops a little to take a breath in, and when he exhales, I can sense the pain in that. "I wish we have had a family together. I would've loved to be there, to see you become the mother of my child. To be there when that happens. When our baby gets-"

"No! Listen to me. You are _not_ going to die. Goddamnit, if you do, if you leave me, I am going to find you and kill you!"

He chuckles. "You're funny. I've always loved that about you. You always say funny things. You've always been so jolly. And you deserve to be happy, Roza."

"I am. With you."

"I've always made you suffer. But I hope you'll find someone to make you as happy as you have made me, love. Even happier."

"I _am_ happy. I am happy with you, Dimitri."

"Even now?"

"Yes. Even now."

"But love, I've been selfish again. I shouldn't have called. You are hurting because of me. You're crying."

"I am glad you called me."

"Me too, even if this is hurting you. I love hearing your voice. It's so… soothing. All I wanted was to hear it one last time."

"Don't you dare tell me goodbye." But silence meets me. "Dimitri?" I panic some more. He _cannot_ die! "Talk to me. _Please_."

"I'm still here."

"Good. Hang on. Please. The ambulance will be there soon, right? And you'll be fine. Hang on."

"I'm trying."

"Don't you leave me, please."

"I want to tell you something."

"Sure. Tell me anything." If speaking to me keeps him awake, I'll talk to him forever.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything you wish. Anything."

"Will you… would you go tell her I'm sorry?"

"Dimitri…"

"Please? Go to Zoey and-"

"No. I am not going alone. We'll go together. Nothing is going to happen to you, do you hear me? We'll go to her together."

"I think it would be better if you wouldn't lie to yourself, Roza."

"Shut the hell up. Don't say that! You'll make it. You can't die. Please."

"Tell the little one I'm sorry too."

He has gotten delirious too? I wonder where he's hurt. Did he lose any blood? I pray it's not bad, whatever it is.

"Listen to me. You will not… you won't die! I won't let you. You'll be fine. No matter what happened to you, you'll get better and you'll marry me. You're not getting away from that, understood? You're mine, just as I'm yours. We'll be a family. A happy family. And we'll have a baby. A thousand and one. And I'll make you a beautiful baby girl, like you said you wanted. A little me, okay? Promise me, Dimitri. Promise me we'll have that."

He doesn't respond for a second and I panic once again.

"Dimitri? Please tell me you're still there."

Where is that guy? Shouldn't he take care that he remains awake?! That's the least he can do!

"Hey, buddy, don't close your eyes. Talk to your girl, okay?"

"Yeah… I'm here. I'm awake. I'm here."

"Thank God. Oh, Dimitri…"

"You know, love, I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life. Stuff I'm not proud of. But the one thing I never have, and never will regret, is loving you."

"Don't do this, Dimitri."

"Let me say it, please. I may never get the chance."

"You will. Please don't say goodbye. I won't let you."

"I loved the way it felt to be loved by you, Roza. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. _You_ are the best thing that ever happened to me."

"If you leave me too, I won't be able to take it, comrade. If you die… You _promised_ me. You promised me you'll never leave. And you never break your promises, remember?"

"I wish I could keep on to that promise."

"You can. Just-"

"I hope you'll be happy, no matter what happens to me. Promise me that," his voice gets fainter and I hear again that guy trying to keep him awake.

I think he even pats his cheeks now, but his voice gets quite panicked as he doesn't get any answer.

"No, no, no! You can't leave me like this! Please, please, don't... Dimitri! Come on. Hang on a little longer."

I can't hear them clearly anymore, but I get a glimpse of hope. There's the ambulance's siren I hear in the background. Please someone, make them move faster. And please, Dimitri, don't leave me or I'll die too.

"Is someone there?" It's that guy!

"Tell me he didn't… _please_."

"No. He didn't die. He passed out. And fortunately, the ambulance is here now, they're starting to take care of him. But…"

"But _what_?"

"I'm sorry, but there's so much blood around. My clothes are soaked. He hit his head pretty bad and his right leg... I barely got him out of the car, and no one else was coming and…" He sighs. "I'm sorry."

He hit his head? Oh my God! No wonder he was talking about silly stuff.

"Look, I don't want to be the guy giving you bad news, but the paramedics don't look satisfied with his condition. They don't know if he'll make it to the hospital."

"Of course he will. He has to!"

He has pissed me out with his negativity, making me end the call.

Who he thinks he is? A doctor? He wasn't able to help him in any way and now he's telling me he won't make it to the hospital?

With each frustration of mine, I pound my fists into my thigs, the pain I inflict on myself being more bearable than the one breaking my chest.

Until my father wraps his arms around me and pulls me to my feet, stopping my rage.

"What's going on, sweetheart? How is he?" my mother asks me as she tries to wipe some of my tears now that I've calmed down.

"I have to go."

Without any other word, I rush out the building with one thought in my head. I need to get to the hospital and see if he's- no. No ifs. To see him alive. To see him being well. Because he won't die!

But in my rush, I remember one thing, which makes me break in tears once more.

Not seeing anything clearly because of the tears, I stop and sit on the stairs in front of the city hall.

"Kiz, are you feeling alright? Are you sick? What happened?"

"I don't even know the hospital they're taking him to! I don't know where they're taking him. I don't know where he is."

"Don't you worry, beautiful."

Looking in front of me, I see two guys climbing the stairs, and as I am crying my lungs out in my father's embrace, one of them looks at me with a cheeky smile. And he dares speak some more.

"There are plenty of other men who would go till the ends of the earth to have you, who would know how to appreciate a fine woman as you. That bastard had no idea what he has lost if he left you. He's an idiot."

How dare he talk like this about Dimitri?

I get up, and in the next second my fists are holding onto his collar, and I swear I want to pound my forehead into his nose, but I am still controlling myself. Unless he decides to say something more.

"You have no fucking idea about what the fuck you're talking about! And get the fuck away from me before I rip your fucking head off, you fucker!"

I even want to smash my fist into his jaw, but my father is there to keep me away from him.

Pulling away from me some more, that guy almost stumbles on the stairs. But he remains steady on his feet. Too bad. I would have loved for him to have broken his neck.

"Chill, bridezilla," his friend mocks me. "Damn, no good deed remains unpunished." He starts dragging his friend away from me. "Crazy woman. With an attitude like that, you'll die alone. No wonder that guy left you."

* * *

Thanks to the calmness my father shows, we have a solution to my previous problem. And thank God that the guy I talked to has thought to keep Dimitri's phone, and that he answered when I called back.

After I apologized for my outburst, he told me the hospital they currently are at.

And there I am too, half an hour later, and I'm almost jumping over the receptionist's counter and do her job. How hard is it to find where Dimitri is? She's so fucking slow and if I wait for a second longer, I might turn to little pieces.

When she finally opens her mouth to tell us where he is, I have already taken off, my steps hurrying on the too white hallways.

"But they won't let you in!" she yells after me.

The hell they won't. I _have_ to see him and I'll fight my way in there if I have to.

But to my further anger, she was right. No one lets me enter the ER and I even get threatened to be kicked out of the hospital if I don't stop my ranting.

All the information I get is from a nurse entering the ER, and she told me that he's under surgery.

"Surgery," I say as I let my body fall onto a chair into the waiting room. "This means that it's bad, right? The hit to his head… he could…"

"It means that he's being taken care of," my mother tries to assure me. "Maybe your father will manage to learn more things about this, okay?"

"But-"

"Excuse me, are you Roza?"

In front of me, there's this guy, and I'm guessing that he's not older than eighteen. Poor guy, he's full of blood and pale and looks scared. I feel even worse now for yelling at him.

"Yes, that's me."

"I'm sorry for what happened and… I wish I could have done more."

I wrap my arms around him and of course, I start crying once more, as I've been trying not to do it for too long.

"You did enough. Thank you. You saved him. You were there for him."

Thinking that I've been too bold with my gesture, I pull away from him and try to smile, but it comes out as a weird grimace.

"One of the nurses gave me these. They thought I was with him and… I think you should have them."

He hands me Dimitri's phone and wallet, along with a stained piece of paper.

After that, the guy leaves with the police, to be questioned. I got questioned too, and I couldn't tell them anything about our lives, about our past ones. About the fake ones, as Dimitri had our new fake IDs in his wallet, I didn't know what to say either.

I don't even know if it was an accident or something else. The police incline to believe it was the first and that the culprit fled, but don't I know better that things are never as they seem, especially in Dimitri's life?

But seeing that I was on the verge of tears all the time they spoke to me, I've been given the free pass, so I now get back to my seat in the waiting room.

As I have shown our IDs to the police, I got remembered by the third thing I received.

It's Dimitri's vows. He wrote me something.

I start reading the couple words that still linger on the ripped bloody paper, and it doesn't take me much to burst in tears.

_ Here I am, trying once again to use words. And I still stick to my opinion – you're better at this than me. _

_ But I love you, Roza. I don't know other words to use to express that._

_ \- best thi - happened to me -_

_ -loving me - like I was worth it - once, in my life -_

_ \- best part of my day, it's you -_

_ \- changed me - thought it would be possible -_

_ I thank you for that - you forever._

* * *

I've fallen asleep along our long waiting, but now, my father is calling my name and shakes me lightly.

"Is he okay? Is he alive? Can I see him?"

My eyes land on a new face in front of me, and I see that this man is as tired as I am. Maybe more. Surgeries are challenging stuff.

I see that it's now dark outside too, so it was a long surgery too.

"Is he…"

"He's stable." These words make me burst in tears again, from the relief I experience. "But…" why does there always have to be a but?! "I'm sorry to inform you, but he's in a coma now. We did all we could about his head and leg, and thankfully, his broken ribs didn't perforate anything. But now, it's up to him to get better. To heal and wake up."

* * *

People are not allowed in the ICU, not at this hour. Hospital's rules. Stupid fucking rule!

But when I followed the doctor all over the hospital, asking him over and over again to let me see him, even for a minute, even for a damned second, he finally gave in and sneaked me inside Dimitri's room.

"I'm coming back in five, okay?"

I thank him a thousand times before he leaves me alone in there.

An empty howl forms in my stomach as I get closer to his bed, and I fight this nauseous feeling and the weakness in my knees. I don't have the time to be weak. I need to be here for him. To be strong. Because he's alive. And things will get better. I know it.

I see that his pulse is steady, I see the starched white sheets covering his body, his previously dislocated leg now propped up, some cannulas in his veins, and-

His beautiful, beautiful hair. They cut it. All of it. His head is now wrapped with bandages, he's intubated and there are some scratches and bruises on his face, chest and arms. The rest are hidden under the sheet.

It breaks my heart in a million pieces to see him like this.

I take a seat on the edge of the bed and with trembling hands, I take his hand in mine and kiss it.

"Please, don't leave me. Make it through the night, Dimitri, please."

Hearing that these next hours are the most crucial ones for him, I know that this hell is not over yet. It's only the beginning of a painful waiting. It could last some days, weeks, months, or even years, and I don't even want to start to think of the worst-case scenarios.

"I'll be here, always. Whatever time you need, I'll never leave your side. You just come back to me. Don't leave me."

* * *

I don't even remember the last time I've been out of this hospital, as the days that followed Dimitri's accident turned into a routine.

Sit in the waiting room until the visiting hours start. Check.

Spend time in Dimitri's room, either with my mother or my father, glued to his bed, holding his hand, talking to him about all kinds of silly stuff, sometimes reading him his favorite books, so that he'd hear my voice and know I never left. Check.

Not let anything and no one make me leave his room, not until the last second of the visiting hours, when the nurses come and kick me out. Checked, a couple of times a day because people still try to make me go home. But what if he wakes up along the night? I can't not be here.

Go to the cafeteria to eat something besides the little things that my parents keep on bringing me, and get back to my place in the waiting room. Check.

It's been six days already. And I've turned into a robot, with a strict program that I follow to the letter. This routine brings me comfort because thinking too much about the uncertainty of Dimitri's condition, I'd go insane in less than an hour.

My neck keeps on hurting from not sleeping in my bed, all the nurses here know my name, and I don't think I properly washed all these days, I am wearing one of Dimitri's sweaters for so long, but who cares about all that now? I'm keeping to my promise and that's what matters.

And now, on my seventh day of "guarding" Dimitri's bed, my mother comes and wakes me up when the visiting hours are done.

"Sweetie, you can't go on like this for longer. You'll get sick."

"Do I look like I care?"

She smiles. "I know you don't. But what if you go home for the night? Only tonight."

I open my mouth to say no, to protest, but she stops me.

"I know what you want to say. But I'll be staying here, all the time. I'm not going to work tomorrow, and I won't leave the waiting room, no matter what. You go home with your father and get some rest, okay? It will do you good to get proper rest, and real food. See Ash too, I bet he misses you."

And seeing the concern on her face, I give in. I've realized that besides worrying for Dimitri, they have to worry for me too, and I don't want that.

So I've gotten home. I showered while I cried, I've eaten a bite or two from the dinner that my father cooked, and I cried some more until my father found me hiding into the garden, so I had to pretend I've gotten my shit together for a little longer. Later, I took Ash out for a walk and I cried in the park with him by my side, trying to soothe me. When the time came for me to go to sleep, I couldn't fall asleep, despite the tiredness in my bones.

Therefore, here I am, in the kitchen, at 2 a.m., baking lots of treats for the nurses that have been taking care of me all these days when my parents had to go deal with their jobs. They've been bringing me tea and some vitamins and they've been nice to me, without expecting anything in return. They even let me use one of their beds that they use for the night shifts, which is a blessing in comparison to those chairs in the waiting room.

And first thing in the morning, as I am entering the hospital, I see the nicest of the nurses, Angeline, being on her way out, as she ended her shift. Hell, I even learnt their schedule. I know too that she'll come back for the night, and I can't wait for us to spend some time together.

She's in her late fifties and she reminds me of Yeva. She has the same air she exudes, not the critical, cold one, but the sweet, loving one, and considering how unfair I am to Yeva these days, having Angeline here helps a lot.

"When was the last time _you _ate something, dear? You take care of us, making us cookies and cupcakes, but what about you?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, sure. What if you let me run some tests on you?"

"But shouldn't you get home? Aren't you tired?"

"When you look like that? No. You seem exhausted. And you're so pale. I'm afraid you'd get to be only skin and bones if you spend another week the way you did."

I let her take me to the nurses' room and take some blood from me, and even though I would usually run away from needles, at this second, I don't care at all. I don't even feel it puncturing my skin.

"It will take about a week to get the results. The labs are busy these days and the guys there are cranky if you try to rush them. And if you do, in spite of you, they'd slow it even more."

"It doesn't matter. I can wait."

I've let her do this because she promised me some chocolate that she always carries around and that I've become addicted to lately.

* * *

"Hey, Dimitri. It's me, Rose. _Again_." I take his hand in mine, as usual, and hold it tight, soothing his skin. "I know it's the middle of the night, but Angeline managed to sneak me in here after the doctor took your intubation out. She was too excited about it and risked it, letting me see you. She's a sweetheart, as always."

I stopped feeling like an idiot for talking by myself a long time ago. I wish he'd respond. I'd give anything for a word from him. A little gesture too.

"I didn't do much after I've left, earlier the day. After grabbing a bite with my folks, I've been around here, you know, annoying the nurses with silly questions." I dare laugh a little. "One of them even told me I'm way too curious." I bring my other hand up, to caress his cheek. "The doctor said it's a great thing that you're breathing on your own effortlessly now. That means you're getting better. And he said that your body is healing properly and way faster than he thought it would." I kiss his knuckles, tasting the saltiness of my tears on his skin. "I'm proud of you. For keeping on resisting, for fighting to come back to me. I'll be here. I'll wait, I promise. And don't forget… I love you so, so much."

As I'm alone now with him, I rest my head on his chest, wanting to be closer to him, my hand not letting go of his, not even for a second.

"You know, Angeline told me that some patients react to music and perfume and familiar stuff. And I remember you always telling me you love how I sing that lullaby. And I… I thought I should give that a shot too." As talking to him every single day didn't work. Tomorrow I'll be bringing that perfume of mine that he loves too. I'm willing to try them all.

But getting to the half of the song, my tears start falling harder and my voice cracks.

"Come back to me, Dimitri. Don't you leave me too. I know you can get better. You've made it so far. Make it back to me."

I dare go as far as to lay in bed next to him, making myself little against his body. Tonight I miss him like crazy and all I want is to be close to him. I miss his soothing gestures, his lips on my forehead, his soft voice whispering my name.

I rest my lips on his cheek, and caress his other.

"Squeeze my hand if you can hear me. Do something, please. Anything. Let me know you're in there."

He didn't do that. Not when I asked him to.

But later, as I fell asleep next to him, I felt someone caressing my hand. Or rather squeezing on it.

I snap my head up and look around the room for someone else's presence, but it's just me and Dimitri in here. And I realize that it's him the one squeezing my hand!

It took me less than ten seconds to jump out of the bed and get to the nurses' room. My hands already on Angeline's shoulders, shaking her as excitement filled me whole, I start babbling.

"He moved! His hand was- and he- squeeze- awake- and I- here- come see."

I don't give her any chance to speak, I drag her into Dimitri's room.

But when we enter, I don't see the miracle that I hoped would happen.

"I… I don't understand. He… wasn't he waking up?"

"Sweetheart…" Angeline sits me on a chair. "You know, coma patients often do that. It usually doesn't mean much and he…"

"He's not waking up tonight."

"I'm sorry." She holds me in her embrace for a minute or so. "But he could. He could wake up in an hour, later tonight or tomorrow or-"

"Or ten years from now."

"No. Don't lose hope, Rose. He's coming back to you."

"How can you be sure?" I'm always trying to have a positive view on this and I am not letting anyone say pessimistic stuff about him, but now, all my hope has left me. It's all a little too much for me at this hour.

She cups my cheeks and makes me look in her blue eyes.

"I just know it. I've been in this hospital for a long time and I've seen my share of comas happen. And yes, some patients never woke up. But he'd be a fool to not come back to a girl like you."

I hope she's right.

I hold her tight as I thank her for encouraging me.

But our moment doesn't last too much because she needs to get back to her responsibilities, leaving me alone. At least she didn't ask me to leave his room.

Despite being with him, I want to talk to someone. I feel alone and talking by myself won't do the trick now.

I'd call someone but my parents are asleep, and I am not waking them up for this.

Ivan and Lissa, they're on their holiday and it's hard to reach them as they're God knows where. But that place has the shittiest phone signal ever and I never manage to catch them.

And I know, I swear I know I should call Yeva, but I can't find the courage to do it, to tell her what happened. I've been avoiding doing it these past days, but I know that one day I should.

* * *

Another evening, because I promised my parents, I leave the hospital and get home. Getting there, they must be out buying groceries, but this little troublemaker of mine is home, wiggling his tail excitedly when he sees me.

"Hey there, buddy." I greet Ash and hold him in my embrace for a minute. "Let's get you something to eat, what do you say about that?"

Even though his bowl is now full, he ignores the treats and comes to nuzzle his nose against my hand, whining.

"I'm sorry you haven't seen much of me for so long, buddy. But know that I missed you, all these days, as I've been in the hospital. You know, Dimitri missed you too, on our trip. And I'd take you to the hospital to see him, but dogs aren't allowed there. Hell, even I am not allowed in there all the time."

He frowns and growls.

"Yeah, I know, it's unfair. But there's nothing we can do about it. Now, will you join me for a nap?" I think I might faint if I don't lay my head on a pillow soon.

Enjoying the idea, he follows me to my room and patiently waits for me to get my clothes changed. I put on some pajamas and one of Dimitri's sweaters to keep me warm for the night, even though the weather is getting warm lately.

Ash comes in bed with me as I lie, and again, lets me hold him.

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day, buddy. I'll see him again, and this time, he'll see me too. He has to. I can't go like this for longer." These thirteen days, it has been a continuous nightmare for me. And I desperately want to wake up. Or rather for him to wake up.

I keep on telling myself that every night. That tomorrow it's the day. But it hasn't worked out so far.

* * *

The first person I meet when I enter the hospital is none other than Angeline, again, ending her night shift. Her face gets brightened by a big smile when she sees me, working perfectly with her rosy, full cheeks.

Rushing towards me, she wraps me into a tight embrace.

"Congratulations!"

"What for?" my face lights up as hers did a couple of seconds ago. "Did Dimitri-"

"I'm sorry dear, it's not that. And I know I should let you see for yourself, but I had my doubts about you, and I did an additional test and I was right. You-"

"Miss Hathaway!" the doctor that has been taking care of Dimitri comes from around the corner and I instantly stop listening to the woman in front of me.

He approaches us and I see him carrying Dimitri's file.

"What happened?"

"I have good news for you today."

"_You do?_"

He nods. "It just happened. He woke up a minute ago. Come with me, let's pay him a visit."

Before leaving, I thank Angeline for worrying for me, I thank her for everything she did for me, I put the envelope with the test results in my purse and if I could, I'd sprint my way towards Dimitri's room. I don't want to miss another second of this. I can't believe it! He is finally awake.

"How is he?"

"I don't know. A nurse announced me that he opened his eyes, and I was on my way to check on him. But I think he'll be happy to see you too, don't you think?"

"I know _I'll_ be happy to see him."

But when we're close to his room, he gets an emergency call, and he has to go. He imperatively has to leave and he tells me to wait for him.

But I can't do that. I am way too excited to wait. He can check on Dimitri when he comes back, but I have to see him now.

Getting there, I see a nurse getting out of his room and I see my chance to sneak inside. I'll be able to have some time alone with him too? What else could I ask for?

When the door closes behind me, I see that all my prayers have been answered. A gigantic stone lifts off my chest when I see his head turning and his eyes landing on me.

In less than a second, I have reached the bed and rounded my arms on him.

Of course, I've started crying too, but for once these past two weeks, they're tears of joy.

"Thank God you are alright. Who did this to you? No. You know what? It doesn't matter. You're fine, Dimitri. That's all that matters. You're awake. You're fine. You're… you didn't leave me. You've come back to me."

I shake his body with my sobs, but I don't think he'll mind.

Or he does?

His palms grip on my upper arms and holding me tight, he rips me off him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"What? I'm… I'm Rose."

"I don't know any Rose."

"Your Roza? It's me. Dimitri, what are you talking about? Don't play with me. This is _not_ funny. Do you have any idea what I've been through these past weeks? Don't play with me, Dimitri."

"Stop calling me that." His features darken and he shakes me too.

I try to get out of his grip, but he is holding me too tight, his fingers digging way too deep into my flesh.

"Please, let go of me. You are hurting me."

But he doesn't seem to care about it.

"Who sent you?" he finally lets go of me, but just because he pushed me away from him.

"What? I… no one. Look, Dimitri-"

When I see his jaw clenching with anger, I lift my arms in defense.

His expression gets suspicious as he starts examining my palms, of which he again got a hold of.

"What does this mean?" He shows me my fingertips. "You're one of them?"

"One of who?"

"I don't know! You tell me! Who sent you?"

"What are you talking about? I don't understand. Dimitri, you're scaring me."

"Stop calling me that!"

Him yelling at me, I take a step away from him.

What got him acting this way?

His eyes examining me further, they stop on my collarbones. And he stares, and stares, and stares.

The necklace. He saw it, and now he's halfway out of the bed, his hand reaching for mine again, but I keep on taking steps away from him until my back reaches the wall and I have nowhere else to run.

"Where do you have that from?"

"From… from you. You gave it to me when we-"

Despite his fucked up leg obviously hurting, it doesn't take him much to walk the little space between us, having all these things around him to keep him steady on his feet.

His fingers wrap on my neck and he tilts my head, obliging me to stare back into the darkness of his eyes.

"Don't you play with me. You're the one who got me in the hospital? And how do you know my name?"

"Dimitri," I hiccup from the crying and his hand around my neck doesn't help either. "Stop. It hurts. _Please_." My voice cracks as I beg, and not even my hands trembling on his don't appease him. "Please. It's me, Rose. Roza. Please…"

"I don't know any Rose. How many times do I have to tell you this?!"

My salvation is the doctor. He entered and made Dimitri let go of me. How he convinced him to do that, I have no idea. I was too shocked by what he has done to listen to what they spoke.

All I know is that I am now outside his room, my whole body shaking and a nurse is keeping me steady on my feet.

"I told you not to get in there by yourself," the doctor scolds me.

"I know, but- but he- he's not… he's not himself."

"Stay here, okay? I'll take a look at him." He shakes his head again, disproving my stubbornness once more. "Make sure she's alright," she lastly speaks to the nurse and enters the room.

* * *

"He doesn't remember me," I finally say these words out loud, after endless questions from my parents about what happened to me and why I can't stop crying. "That hit to his head… he doesn't…"

**DPOV**

There is a knock on the door that disrupts my thoughts about all this mess that happened.

A nurse gets her head inside the room and smiles at me.

"Can I take care of your sheets now or should I come later?"

"Sorry, Angeline. Could you come later?"

"I'm not Angeline. She should have been here, yes, but she had to go out of town as her sister got sick. You'll have to do with me from now on."

"Okay, sure. Whatever."

"I'll come in half an hour." She makes her way out.

But wait. How come I remember that name if she is the only nurse I see around here?

Anyway. I have more important things to worry about now.

* * *

"I have a question," I tell my brother when he finally answers his damned phone.

"Hello to you too. How are you? I am fine, thanks for asking."

"I don't have the time for your snappiness. It's serious."

"Then go ahead. What's so important?"

"Who is Rose?"

He laughs. "This was the serious stuff? You mocking me, huh? Fine. I'll entertain you with an answer, even though the wedding was over two weeks ago." What wedding? His? _Mine_? "She's your wife, you lucky bastard. And I told you multiple times I'm sorry we couldn't be there, and that I've been hard to reach these days, but it's not my fault that you decided to marry her in the middle of the night and it couldn't wait."

I didn't listen to anything he said after a specific word. A word that stops in my throat when I want to pronounce it.

"Hey, you're still there?"

"My wi- wif- wife?"

"Come on, Dimitri. Isn't this why you called me? To rub it in my face for missing it?"

"No. That's not why. I've called because I honestly don't know who Rose is."

"Don't you fuck with me, Dimitri."

"I'm not. I don't remember her."

"Sure. Have you hit your head too?" his tone is mocking, but mine is as serious as it was at the beginning of the conversation.

"As a matter of fact, I _did_ hit my head. I've been in an accident, from what the doctor told me. And apparently, I can't remember anything from a while ago."

"How long ago?" his tone is now concerned.

"I don't know for sure. I thought maybe you could help me with that."

"What is the last thing you remember?

"That I was in Vancouver, doing… well, you know what."

He whistles. "This is bad. Like really fucking bad."

"Why?"

"Dimitri, this happened nine months ago."

"What?" I'm missing nine months of my life? And I know Rose for less than that? And I was _marrying_ her?

"Yes. Those are nine fucking months erased from your brain."

And what do I do now, goddamnit?!

"Who is this Rose? Is she my wife? For real? Was I actually getting married or is this some undercover thing?" but if it was, why would I have told her my real name? Was I this idiot for these past nine months?

"No. _Hell n_o. She's _not_ your cover. Rose is… she is fine. You trust- _trusted_ her. I trust her too. Listen to her, man. Maybe it will help you remember. Talk to her, okay? And don't you try to push her away."

"Who says I will?"

"Who knows you best, huh?"

"Whatever. But why don't _you_ tell me what happened these past months?" like this I won't need Rose. I'll cut the middleman.

"I can't tell you everything. I mean, I know things about what you did concerning your job, but I don't know what happened between the two of you. Only she knows that."

"Fine."

I don't like it at all that he's right. I mean, this Rose woman, from the first second I saw her, this unease took over me and I don't know… He's telling me I should trust her, some parts of me tell me I should too, but… it's too much to wrap my head around it. But she had my mother's necklace, for God's sake!

"Listen to me. I swear that if you mess things with that woman in any way, I'm coming there and I am cutting your dick off, then I'm beating you with it, capiche? You might have no idea how many things she has been through, but she did, and that doesn't give you any right to treat her less than great. Because if you don't treat her right, I'll hold you accountable for that. Biiiiiig time. I'll kick your ass like never before. She loves you, Dimitri. Really, really much. So please. No, not please. Be good to her and don't break her heart. I am ordering it to you."

"But-"

"I am not done. And you'd better take care of Rose, or else I'm ripping your lungs out. Make sure you don't break her heart, that's the first thing you need to keep in mind. Or I'll break your face. Okay, I think I'm done now. If I come up with better threats, I'll give you a call."

"But isn't that a little easier said than done? Because-" because I don't even know her!

"You can pull it through, I'm sure of that. And I'll see what I can do to end this shit I have to take care of here because some things have gotten complicated. I'll talk to Liss and we'll see what we can do about what's happening to you, okay?"

"Liss? Lissa? _That_ Lissa?"

He laughs. "Yeah, that Lissa."

"How?"

"Long story. But thanks to Rose, we're fine now. Now go ahead, go do your thing. Ask Rose about anything that bothers you concerning these past couple of months. I'll fill you in on the rest of them. Hope to see you soon."

"Wait."

"What?"

"Let's not tell mama about this. You know how she worries about everything."

"Good idea. You know what? I know she'll get so damned mad at us, but let's not call her for a while, not until things settle."

"Yeah, good idea." Because that woman has a talent at knowing when things happen and you have no other way of getting away from her inquiries. "And…"

"And what?"

"Could you tell me a thing or two about Rose?" I don't enjoy being this unprepared for whatever happens next.

* * *

**RPOV**

The doctor told me to go home yesterday, as seeing me disturbed Dimitri more than it should have. I didn't want to leave, but I knew I couldn't have done anything more to make it better. And after Ivan's call, him assuring me the whole time, I even managed to sleep last night.

But the doctor asked me to come back today. In fact, he told me that Dimitri asked me to come. He said he wants to talk to me.

I won't lie, I'm still a little afraid of how he'll react to whatever I tell him about… us. Despite Ivan assuring him that we were a thing, what if he doesn't…

No. I won't think of such things. I'll go in there hopeful. We'll make things right. Together. We'll deal with it.

But now, when it comes to entering his room, I don't have the courage to get past the doorframe. I even get little chills as I look to my right and remember the incident that happened against that wall.

"Come closer, please," he tells me, his eyes not landing on my face, not even for a second.

Well, he's in his bed and looks pretty harmless for now.

I do as I've been asked to, moving slow, and my hands start to tremble for whatever stupid reason. It takes me a little to pull the chair properly and sit on it.

But as he is finally looking at me, I now lack that courage. We're too close and I don't dare do it. What if I see again that darkness?

I didn't see his hand extending for mine either, and I flinch when I feel his touch.

He pulls his hand away too, in sync with mine.

"I did that?"

"Did… did what?"

"Your wrist."

I look at my arm and hell, I made sure to put on a long enough blouse today, but I did a shitty job at keeping my sleeves pulled down.

I shake my head. "No, you-"

"I _did_," he stops me, and daring once more to touch me, I don't pull away when he takes my hand in his and starts soothing my wrist. "Show me your neck, please."

"Dimitri…"

"Please do it." I still don't look at him, but I hear the anguish in his voice. If he reacts this way at the sight of my wrist, he won't like the purple spots on my neck either.

I pull the collar of my turtleneck down, and a few seconds later, his warm fingers are on my neck, gently wiping the thick layer of foundation that I carefully put on this morning.

"I'm sorry about that. Yesterday I… I didn't know what was happening. I still don't," He sighs. "But that's not an excuse. Not at all. I did a horrible thing."

"It's okay. I understand why…"

**DPOV**

"Hey. No. I have no excuse. And I'm sorry." Terribly sorry.

She finally tilts her head and her big brown eyes stare back in mine. She smiles a little and that's all it took to mesmerize me.

"I forgive you." Ivan told me she'd be like this. Understanding. Forgiving. Too good.

But how come I don't remember this face? She… she's so beautiful. How could I forget this? The warm color of her eyes, the fullness of her now bloody lips, the messiness of her hair. How could someone ever forget such beauty?

"I um…" her hand slips out of mine as she puts her hair behind her ears, and her voice still trembles a little as she looks for her words. I hate it that I made her feel this way around me. "Ivan called me yesterday."

"He did, huh?" She nods. "So you know why I asked you to come around." She nods once more.

"Where should I start?"

* * *

"So… nothing rings a bell?" she asks me, biting her lip, hope filling her big eyes.

"I don't remember a thing."

And she didn't even get to tell me all the details. I can't remember a single fucking thing! It all sounds to me like someone else's life. A fucking movie.

"Oh…" she fakes a smile, trying to seem more hopeful than she is. It's quite weird how I can read all her little emotions. Even the little curls of her lips are familiar to me. Only for a second because then they don't. And that's frustrating. It's like I know her, then I don't. It's like I keep on forgetting her over and over again.

"It's okay. The doctor said-"

"The doctor has no idea what he's talking about."

"No, that's not true… he said… he said that you'll be fine."

"And how do you know that? No one knows that." I don't know that.

But when I see tears gathering in her eyes and her lower lip trembling, I remember Ivan's words. And I realize I am a bastard. I am taking it all on her and she doesn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I guess that I…"

She gets up to her feet.

"You need some time. I understand. I'll… I'll let you rest or whatever you need."

She doesn't even give me the chance to call after her. She hurries out of the room.

* * *

The doctor recommended me that I should see more of Rose for now, as she has been next to me all these months. He suggested not to fill my head with too many "new" old people and focus on her. But the only thing I can say to his proposition is no.

It's physically hurting me to see her, but I have no idea why. Looking at her, seeing the hope in her eyes, it's so damned frustrating. I'm annoyed that I don't remember shit. I'm annoyed that I can't be the man she knows. The man that doesn't make her eyes fill with tears. The man that doesn't make her suffer.

But no matter how stubborn I was in my decision, I have come to find that she is more stubborn than me.

She kept on coming. She kept on smiling to me, she kept on telling me all these stories about us, and she kept on believing in me. She still does, even though I already feel I'm a lost cause and she shouldn't bother.

And of course, even though I know her concern is real, I avoid telling her anything about the way my body feels. She's already worrying too much and I deeply dislike seeing that frown between her brows.

Three days went like that and I may say that I started to get used to her.

But now, when she asks me this, I am about to get another piece of her hopeful stubbornness.

"I am coming."

"No, Rose, you're not. I don't want you there."

Ever since I woke up from my coma, the doctor suggested I should try and work on my leg too, along with my memory, as it needs some therapy to get back to its previous functioning. And I agreed to that. But I won't agree to Rose coming and watching me do it.

She crosses her arms over her chest. Did I forget to mention that every time she does that it's hard for me not to want to get rid of her blouse and see what's hiding in her bra? Because it is. I am attracted to this woman and I'll get insane one day from trying to keep my hands away from her.

"I don't care. I want to be there for you. You can get mad at me. I don't care. But I am coming."

And I guess that that was it. She doesn't let me come up with an answer. She turns her back to me, tells me she's waiting for me in the training room, and leaves.

I hate it, her seeing me struggle to keep myself steady on my feet without the aid of a bar.

But the time has passed and we're gotten to a pause, which I won't admit out loud, but I very much needed.

The doctor leaves, and I again remain alone with Rose.

"This was good, right?"

I turn and look at her. Stare, in fact. And I get angry. How can she say that it was good? It was fucking far from that.

"Rose, you're delirious."

"About what? What happened?"

"About me. Do you think I can be a useful man to you? With this?" I point to my leg that now throbs from overworking it.

"So what? You need some time to get back to normal. Why is that important?"

"Because I can't be the man you want. I can't be the same-"

"What?" she has gotten off her chair at the first sign of indignation, but now she comes closer to me, and watches me again with that look in her eyes that I know I don't deserve. "You _are _the man I want. Dimitri, what the hell is going on with you?"

"You don't get it. I am useless to you like this. I can't do anything for you in this state. Hell, I don't even remember you."

"I swear that if you don't stop this I am smacking you and I don't care how much it hurts."

"But-"

"But shut the hell up and listen to me. I am telling you this once, and that is all. We'll talk about this _once_, then we will never, _ever_ speak about this subject again. Understood? Never again."

She puts her palms on my cheeks and obliges me to keep staring into those pits of warmness she calls eyes. The cold sensation that her skin brings is welcomed by my heated one. And not only that. Her touch, the first touch she initiates ever since I apologized for my barbarous behavior, it sends tingles throughout my whole body and I need to fist my palms in order not to want to touch her back.

"You will make this too. I know you will. And no matter how much that takes, I will be here. I'll support you. Period. End of subject."

"But-"

"What did I say?"

Since when did she get like this? The first day she didn't even dare look at me and now she bosses me around?

**RPOV**

He shuts up and grunts. That was the response I got, and he started walking towards the door.

"I'm done for today," he announces me.

"Dimitri?"

He stops and turns, but his eyes don't look in mine.

"What happened?"

"I um… I didn't mean to be that harsh. I just… don't push me away, okay?"

He nods and leaves the room.

* * *

The next day, I keep on to my stubbornness and show up again at his recovery session.

I know that he hates the idea, but he doesn't say a word. He just nods when he sees me in the room, then ignores my eyes the whole time.

His leg is fucked up, I have to admit that too, but the doctor said that it's not unrecoverable, and Dimitri doesn't want to sit around and do nothing either. He is not going for any less than perfect and it hurts me to see him struggle.

But even though I know that he shouldn't take things this hard, that he shouldn't push himself, no one in here says anything. No one stops him. He swore to leave this hospital if they don't let him try to do things as he wants, and it's a miracle even to me that he's still here, that he agreed to stay.

"What about a break?" the doctor finally says and I want to get up from my chair and kiss her. He needed that from over ten minutes, goddamnit.

Dimitri agrees and she leaves us alone in here. Again.

But all around us, the air is filled with silence. A silence that is too much for me to bear as I know how troubled he is, of what he may be thinking now, sitting in his chair, forehead in hands.

And with the risk of him telling me once more I'm delirious, I open my mouth.

"You did well, comrade."

But he is not as happy about it as I am. Hell, I was happy seeing his first step yesterday. But he? He doesn't even respond to me. He doesn't bother to contradict me. Nothing. He sits with his head in his hands and stares at the floor.

"Hey, comrade."

"What?"

**DPOV**

She won't give up. She just won't.

I lift my head and watch her sit in her chair, across the room.

"What happened, Rose?"

"Do you want a kiss?"

If I want a _what_? Did she ask me if I want a kiss?

Hell yeah, I do. I wondered countless times how that would feel, how her lips would be like pressed against mine. We've been close a lot these days, and sometimes I found myself fascinated by her lips when she was speaking, smiling, biting them. I'm getting fascinated by all of her and I love the hell out of it.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"What's the catch?"

"There is no catch." She shrugs and tries to smile. "It's just that… sometimes I forget you don't remember me, comrade." Did I mention that I love it when she calls me that? It brings a sense of familiarity to me.

She gets up and walks to the end of the pathway, her fingers playing along the metal bars on the sides.

"And you may not remember it, but you and I… we enjoyed doing that. And I…" she shrugs once more and shakes her head. "It's silly."

But she misses that. Hell, I do too.

She smiles. "Leave that. I'm talking silly stuff." She looks down at the pathway. "Meet me halfway?"

"Is that a challenge?"

She chuckles. "Call it what you want."

**RPOV**

He gets up too, and gets a hold of the metal handles.

"I guess you already know I don't say no to a challenge," he says with a smirk and starts walking towards me.

With his first step, I take one too. I want to get closer to him, to keep to our deal of meeting halfway, but he stops me.

"Stay there. I'll come to you."

"Are you sure?" he didn't walk the whole path until now, and him wanting to do it now, he'd push himself too much.

"Yes. Absolutely."

I start worrying. I am way too far than he ever reached, and I don't want him to get discouraged if he won't make it.

But he doesn't seem easy to give up. After all, he's still that stubborn, determined man I know.

Step by step, he pushes through the pain and gets closer to me.

My smile is so wide when he reaches me.

"Hey," He says hovering above me, his palms resting over mine on the bars, his thumbs soothing my skin.

"You did it. You've come so far."

He doesn't say anything else, he just looks at me, and looks, and looks, and looks, and it reminds me of the countless times we stared at each other.

But his stare is too intense for me now, and I want to take a step back, but he catches me and pulls me back to him, my chest now pressed against his.

"Hey. Where are you running away?" he says bothered and frowns. "What about my reward?"

"Your um… reward?"

"Aham. My reward. My kiss." His hand travels up to the back of my head, tilting it. "Is that still our deal, right? I come to you, I get a kiss?"

I don't even know when we got to that deal, but I can't say I would mind. So I nod.

"So, can I claim my prize?"

I gulp as my whole body fills with excitement at the thought of him kissing me.

"Yes, um…" I need to lick my lips because his stare on them makes them burn. "If you-"

He doesn't let me finish. His hands cup my cheeks and I lift on my tippy toes, meeting him halfway.

When our lips crush, I let out a sigh, releasing all the longing I didn't know I felt all these days. And things intensify fast. He slips his tongue in my mouth and deepens the kiss as his hands start stroking on my hips.

Latching my arms on his neck, I gasp and want to pull away. I forgot about his bandage!

"Don't worry, Rose. You didn't hurt me," he says and pulls me back to him, holding me tighter, his lips coming to look for more.

But when the kiss was the sweetest, he pulls away without any warning. He's breathing harsh and fast and looks at me startled.

"Dimitri…" I want to touch him, but he pulls away from me a little more.

Biting the inside of my cheek until I feel the coppery taste of blood in my mouth, I look down so that he wouldn't see my eyes fill with tears.

"I'm um… sorry. I'm sorry, Dimitri. I shouldn't have- we shouldn't-"

What did I expect? That a kiss will solve it all? That if we kiss he'd remember? It's not a fucking Disney movie! I am no princess and he's not cursed.

And what if this made things worse for him? Why did I start this in the first place? What was I thinking?

"I'm sorry, Dimitri."

I turn, and going back to my chair, I grab my things and head towards the exit.

"Could you run away from me a little slower?"

Stopping before getting a hold of the doorknob, I turn to look at him.

"What?"

Sighing, he props a hand on the banister.

"I'd like to come after you, to stop you, but you are moving quite fast for me to keep up with you. I can't reach you and stop you in meantime, before getting out that door. So I would appreciate it if you'd at least give me a chance."

"I'm sorry," my voice trembles and some tears escape my eyes.

"Don't be." And when I want to go back to him, he stops me once more.

"What?"

"Don't come to me."

I watch him confused as hell. "But you said…"

He smiles. "Don't get me wrong here. I don't want you to come because I want another reward from you, and I want to deserve it, love."

He… he called me love?

I drop my purse and wait as he struggles to come to me, with no support now, not giving up even when it seems to hurt him worse.

When he reaches me once more, he supports his weight on me just a little, and cupping my cheeks, he wipes my tears away.

**DPOV**

"Don't cry. Please, don't cry, love." I am deeply affected by this sight. Seeing her cry, I don't know, it always makes my chest hurt.

She plants her head into my chest and sobs. "I'm sorry."

"No. _I _am sorry." Putting her hair behind her ears, I tilt her face up. "I didn't mean to hurt you earlier. I was acting like an idiot. But this is quite new for me, Rose. _You _are new for me and I…" wrapping my arm on her middle, I hold her closer against my body and I get our lips to brush, feeling the saltiness of her tears on my tongue. "I don't want you to get me wrong for pulling away. It's not that I didn't like it. In fact, it felt good. So good I don't know how I could forget that. And it was crazy how familiar it felt to kiss you." I kiss her once more, this time moving slower and gentler, but her lips respond to me the same, parting and inviting me to do more. "You feel so good it's unreal."

Kissing her a third time, I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. And again, besides my tongue getting daring, so do my hands, and God, I missed that. I wish I'd be able to touch her all over, for hours. I wish I'd make her mine.

But forgetting where we were, when the doctor comes back to resume our recovery session, we have to pull away and pretend that nothing was happening.

"Are you ready for another round?"

She acts as she didn't see anything, but Rose blushes like hell as she fumbles to gather her purse off the floor and rushes back to her chair.

From that bossiness, she got to being this shy? Who would have thought? What other things get her blushing like that? I think I'll enjoy discovering them.

**RPOV**

I try to ignore how he smiles amused each time he looks at me during the rest of the session, but it's quite hard remembering what his hands were doing a few minutes ago. But at least his cockiness remained the same. He remained the same, but he's different at the same time. I cannot describe that feeling.

Getting back to his room, I don't know what I should do, how I should act.

"I um… I should go. My father is waiting for me to grab lunch. I guess I'll see you."

With a nod from him, I start heading towards the door.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could come by tomorrow too?"

"I'd love that." It's the first time he asks me to come, even though I've been here every single day since the accident. "I'll come."

"At the same hour as today?"

I am more than surprised. Speechless. He is asking me to come to one more of his recovery sessions?

An eyebrow lifted, he looks at me for an answer.

"Yes. Sure. Yes. I'll definitely come. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

He smiles. "And before leaving, could you come closer to me for a little?"

Not knowing why, I go closer to his bed.

But I soon find out. Getting a hold of my hand, he pulls me down to sit on his lap and kisses me. Not with the previous intensity, but still, it's a sweet kiss.

"Thank you for letting me be there for you, comrade."

He shakes his head. "I should be thanking you for not leaving. I have realized what I was missing all along."

"And what is that?"

His teeth gritting on my lip, he whispers. "Proper motivation."

"I see. Then count on me to be here to give you some more."

* * *

**DPOV**

Damned idiot!

Why make promises to release me if he doesn't intend to do it?

Damned fucking idiot!

I didn't do enough progress, that's what he said. But what does he know about that? He was barely around! Comparing to last week, I can walk much better now and I am not getting that many headaches a day as I used to. So I got better.

Whatever. Screw him, I am getting out of here today. Now.

But as I was planning my way out of here, none other than Rose enters my room.

Here she is, coming again to visit me, a smile on her lips at my sight. But today I can't stand it. Today, it makes me angrier.

"Why Rose?" I ask her the second the door closes behind her.

"Why what? What happened?" I hate even more seeing her being sorry for me. "Is it about what-"

"It's about you! Why are you here? Why do you keep on coming, why do you keep on asking me if I'm fine, why do you keep on bringing me cupcakes and all kinds of silly stuff, why do you keep on caring about me and- and why do you keep on coming here day after day, after day?! And what are those?" I see that today she has brought me some books, and I even spot my favorite book there. And instead of being grateful for what she does, all I do is to get even angrier. "Just go and take these with you. I don't want anything from you. Leave."

Holding tighter the books against her chest, laughing a little, it contrasts with the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Why the hell do you think I keep on coming here?"

"Why don't _you_ tell me?!"

"Because I care about you!"

She slams the books into my chest, letting them spread on the floor when I don't catch them. This gesture of hers finally makes me realize what stupidity I'm doing by pouring my anger on her.

"Rose-"

"Because I've been worrying sick about you since that damned accident! Because I can't lose you. Because I fucking love you, goddamnit!" She wipes her tears with the back of her sleeves, hard sobs shaking her chest. "And don't you think I _know_ how annoying it must be for you to see me around here all the time and have no idea who I am?! I know I'm annoying and nagging and clingy for always coming to see you, but _God_, I don't know what else to do. I want to be here for you, and I know so damned well that you don't know me, that you don't remember me, and that it must be frustrating for you to be remembered of that each day. But I do know you, Dimitri, and I want to know you're safe, that you're fine. I couldn't give up on you. I can't. And I'm sorry for always sticking around, but… I am not asking you for anything in return, you know? I never will, even if you don't... if you won't… But I love you," her voice breaks with a new wave of tears. "I still do, even if you don't remember it. I love you, Dimitri. So much. And I can't change that. I don't want to change it. I think I'll love you all my life…" she laughs a little. "But you're right. I shouldn't be here all the time. I am starting to get annoying and this is the last thing you need now, with your recovery. I'll… I'll let you be. I won't bother you again. I'm sorry and I hope you would at least listen to your doctor if not to me. Please… don't leave the hospital. And if… if you need something, if I can do anything, call me."

She turns around and leaves, and even though I called for her, she didn't stop.

What the hell was I thinking? What did I do?

Ivan threatened to kill me if I do something like this, but hell, I want to smack myself too for doing this shit.

* * *

She keeps on to her word and she didn't come from that day on.

And one week without her cheerfulness, without her smile, without her presence, without the privilege of kissing her, of feeling her close, hell, didn't I get to regret how I acted.

I thought every single day of calling her and telling her something, anything, but I couldn't find the courage to do it. She must be hating me for it and I deserve it.

The only good thing, if I can call it that, is that Ivan didn't kick my ass senseless when he heard the shit I've done. But the looks he and Lissa gave me, those were good enough hits into the plexus.

And now, finally being released out of the hospital, I go to the single place that I've been told is my apartment. Rose gave Ivan my key, and here I am now, entering this unknown place.

But the apartment isn't empty.

I hear movement and it doesn't take me much to find the source.

But seconds later, looking at the person I am pinning against the wall, I see it's Rose the one who was breaking in. She's scared, with tears gathering in her eyes.

"I was… I came for something of mine," she explains as I pull away from her.

"Your things?"

"Yes. We… we were living together in here and I moved out yesterday and I forgot-"

"We were that serious, huh?"

"Yeah…" she looks away as she brushes her upper arms, like trying to defend herself in some way.

How I hate it that I get her to be afraid of me. I always end up doing something that hurts her.

"Sorry. I mean, I know we were… that day, we were supposed to… I'm sorry I am bringing that up."

"It's fine." She fakes a smile and rushes towards the door after she picks some clothes and toys. "I um… I'll let you be," she adds as she makes her way out the room.

But she comes back, after a minute.

"Sorry, but I thought I should let you know that I moved across the hallway. At number 25. It was the only apartment I found in such a short time. And if you need something, if you have something to ask… you know where to find me."

"Thank you, Rose."

She smiles. "Sure. I um… I won't bother you anymore then. These were some things I forgot so..."

Like the idiot I am, I let her go once again. I wanted to say so many things, but I didn't. And I don't even know why.

Trying to get my mind off her, I explore the apartment, but her perfume still lingers in every room. Not seeing her at the hospital was one thing, but here, I don't know if I can stand it.

And I'm right. I've been thinking about her a lot for the past week, and I came to realize that I miss her more than I should. Knowing she is close to me now, all I want is to go meet her, feel her close to me once more, touch her, and kiss her again. But mostly, I want to tell her I'm sorry.

But now, when I finally met her again, what did I do? I hurt her again.

The rest of the day, I keep on looking for a reasonable enough reason to go see her, but all the ones I think of are stupid. So fucking stupid.

Because what should I do? Go ask her something about the past? _If so, what?_ If I'd tell her I had a thing that came to my mind and I need her to help me make sense of it. _And what thing do you think of mentioning?_ _Because you don't remember anything!_ Go ask her something about herself? _Again, what?_ Maybe go ask her if she wants to go somewhere? _No, idiot. She could go there herself, alone, because she fucking hates you now, for the bastard you've been! And why would you need her company after all? You already told her you don't need anything from her._ What about waiting for her to go out and pretend to bump into her? _And play the stalker? _

But as the sun is setting, I've had enough of being in my head, trying to come up with reasons to see her.

I go out, get some takeaway, and without any reason in mind, I go to her door.

So here I am, knocking at her door.

I hear a dog starting to bark (do we have a dog?) and some muffled words from her, oddly resembling the word "Shit."

I knock at her door once more.

"Rose, I know you're in there. Answer me, please."

"Wait a minute. I'm coming."

Some seconds later, I hear her hurried steps on the floor, and she opens the door, cheeks flushed.

"Sorry about the delay. I was…" she eyes her toes for a couple of seconds before tilting her head and looking at me. "Busy. Yeah. I was busy."

She has been crying? Her eyes are red and I'm starting to think that her cheeks are not flushed from any heat.

"Are you fine?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Your eyes."

"Oh, that. They're red, aren't they?" I nod. "Allergies season, don't worry."

"But what you're allergic to, it doesn't make your eyes water, right? That rather kills you."

"What?"

"You're allergic to nuts. If you'd eat some, you'd die rather than it making your eyes red."

"I… I am, but… how do you know that?"

"You told me that."

"I didn't," she says with a smile. "You… you remembered that."

Wow. Did I? So, maybe there's some hope left for me.

"I guess I did."

She watches me, still smiling. "So… what happened?"

I show her the food I'm carrying.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for being a bastard a week ago. Today too. And I'm sorry for not saying anything all these days. I didn't know what to say."

"And you got me food?" she asks me amused.

"I… yeah, I did. It may look stupid, I know, but I didn't know anything you'd like."

"It isn't stupid. You have no idea how it isn't." and out of nowhere, from her amusement, her mood shifts and her eyes fill with tears.

"Why? What happened?"

"Why don't you get inside? Let's talk inside."

She takes me to the living room, where a dog starts wandering around me and sniffing my hand.

"That's Ash."

"Our dog."

"Yeah. You can say that. He was mine first and you insisted on us taking him, and as my parents couldn't take care of him for so long, I brought him here. But you… you came to like dogs, you know?"

"I can see why."

Her chuckles are music to my ears. I missed hearing that.

"He's a troublemaker. He's pretending now, trying to win you over."

"Well, he's succeeding." I crouch and spend a minute playing with him, being thankful that I took one of the pills I earlier found in the bathroom cupboard. I now know why Lissa prescribed them to me.

Rose takes a seat on the sofa and watches us dreamily, and I'm glad to see no sadness in her eyes.

After Ash loses interest in me, I take a seat too, not knowing for sure if I should listen to my instinct and get close to her or keep my distance. I do the latter for now.

"So, what's the deal with me buying you food?"

"You see, when we first met, whenever I got mad at you, you used to buy me food."

"A peace offer?"

"Yeah."

I take a look at the food on the table, then at her red eyes. Could that be from earlier today? Did she cry after she left our apartment?

_What do you think, idiot?_

Not resisting the urge to touch her, she doesn't pull away when I take her hand in mine.

"I'm sorry, love."

"Don't you worry about it."

* * *

We stick to something safe, which is to watch a movie. It could have been anything by what concerns me, because all I wanted was to be around her. I want to be in her presence. This desire is burning in me.

When the movie is over, my head started to pound a little while ago, and I don't want to worry her, so I go to the bathroom to calm that ache. I hope that now the pills I've been given will work.

But I don't have the time to deal with my migraine as I see a pink piece of a package, with the word "TEST" on it.

Getting out of there, sitting in the doorframe, I look at her, and all I can do is smile like an idiot, not knowing exactly what to feel about it.

"What? What happened?"

"It's mine, right?"

"What?"

"Love… it's okay. You can tell me."

"What are you talking about? I don't get it. What is yours?"

"You don't have to pretend. I've seen the package."

"What package?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Shit," she mumbles under her breath and eyes the floor. "What? You have the habit of snooping around people's things?" She gets a little angry, and even fists her palms.

"I saw a piece of the package in the bathtub. You probably missed it, so… yeah. I snooped around. I'm not proud of it, but I became curious and I'm sorry. I opened the drawers and I found the pregnancy test and the envelope with your blood tests too." I sigh, and I don't even know what to ask her, I have so many things I want to know. "You've known for so long? All this time?"

She looks away, not daring to say anything.

"You didn't answer my question. Is the baby mine, Rose?"


	48. We've been here before

**Heyyyy! Sorry to have been missing for two weeks and keeping you hanging, but I've been out of town and away from my laptop, so I updated as soon as I could :)**

**I will try not to take too long to update the next chapter, I'll do my best, but I can't promise you guys anything**

**Love you lots and thank you for sticking around so far and supporting me!**

**Stay safe and healthy!**

**P.S.: again, don't hate me for the ending . I'll make it right the next chapter, I promise**

* * *

**We've been here before**

**DPOV**

"Rose, talk to me."

When she doesn't respond, I get closer to her, and crouching, I take her hands in mine, hoping I could get her attention.

"Love…" but she keeps on eyeing the floor. "Look at me."

"I can't. I'm sorry," her words come out muffled by sobs and it breaks my heart to see her like this. Not knowing what to do about it makes it even worse.

"Don't cry, love. Come on. Please, do this for me. Look at me." She finally gives in and eyes me, biting the inside of her cheek the whole time. "Why didn't you tell me? It's been so many weeks since you knew and-"

"I didn't know until today. Until a few hours ago. I didn't open that damned envelope until earlier today and when I saw what it said, I rushed to the pharmacy to get a stupid pregnancy test, to, I don't know, be sure about it and…"

"And why didn't you come to tell me?"

"How could I break the news to you, huh? Hey, Dimitri, I know you don't even remember the last time you and I have made love, but, you see, even though we have always been careful, who the hell knows how it happened or when, but I'm pregnant and- and now I-" she rests her face in her palms and sighs. "Good God…"

"So it's mine. The baby is mine."

Her head snapping up, she frowns. "Of course it is yours. You know so well that you…" but she realizes that no, I don't know. I don't know anything.

"I what?" She starts biting her lip and her eyes avoid mine once again. "You're blushing?"

"Oh, God, Dimitri, yes. I do blush because you see, you're the only man I…" she shies away some more, deciding to hide her face in her palms.

"Do you mean that when we met you were…?" she nods. "Wait a second." She didn't mention this before. "You're telling me that you were-"

"Yes, goddamnit!" her outburst catches me a little unprepared. "You are the first and only man who has ever touched me. Now can we get over it?" passing a hand through her hair, she sighs. "I don't mean to be a bitch. Sorry. I just think there are some more important matters here than whether I was a virgin or not when we met."

"Sure. Will you tell me why you're crying?"

"Don't you get it? I don't… And we… Look, I swear I don't know how that happened," her voice breaks and she tries to keep her tears at bay for a little longer. "And I didn't know until today, I swear. I opened the envelope today. I didn't hide it from you, but…"

Her head finding rest on my shoulder, she lets her tears fall and I drop to my knees, wrapping my arms around her.

I can hardly say that I know this woman, but seeing her cry and hurting now, one thing I know. I don't want to see her crying ever again, and I'd do anything to see her happy. Deep down, I know this is a promise I've made myself a long time ago, and I won't break it.

"Oh, Dimitri. I don't know how this happened. Maybe the condom broke or something. We weren't trying and… I am sorry, I have no idea how this happened, but please, please don't be mad at me. I didn't expect it either and I first thought that my period was late. It happens at times so I didn't worry about it. And to be honest, I didn't have the time to bother about my period with everything going on with you and... But today I stumbled over those tests and as I didn't feel well lately, I took a look at them. But it doesn't make sense because we have…"

She starts babbling about it some more and I try to stop her a couple of times, but she is a little too freaked out to listen to me. Her fingers are keeping my T-shirt clutched and it's a little hard for me to pull away too.

"Please, don't be mad at me. I didn't know and I didn't want to bother you with it. You have so many things going on now and… I didn't even know how to tell you about it. I don't want you to get me wrong, I just freaked out. Please, please don't be mad at me because-"

I put a hand over her mouth, stopping the overflow of words.

"Oh, Rose." I wipe her tears and caress her cheeks until she calms down some more.

"Why the hell are you so calm? You should be angry. Freaked out. Be mad or something. But not like this."

"I am not freaked out, or mad or whatever." I can't find a single reason to feel that way. "Plus, you are freaking out enough for the both of us, and I must say I don't think it is doing you nor the baby any good, love."

I pull her in my embrace and soothe her back, my lips rested on her forehead the whole time. I don't know why, but something at the back of my head is telling me that she loves this, and that it always works when she's not feeling well.

"Are these happy tears, love? Because to me, they don't seem to be."

"I don't know…"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because… How could I raise this baby?"

"You?"

"Yes, I-"

Pulling away from her, I look at her quite confused by her previous words. Maybe I got them wrong.

"You mean us. How _we'll_ raise this baby."

"Dimitri… no, you… you don't owe me anything. You don't even-"

"I don't even remember you?"

"Yes. I don't know. Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Because I am not."

"You're not?"

"I could never be."

"But I-"

"You did nothing wrong."

"But-"

"Stop. Why on earth would I be mad? This is why you're crying? You think I am mad at you for being pregnant?" She nods. "I'm not, I told you."

"Why?"

**RPOV**

"Rose…" his tone gets scolding and so do his eyes. "What do you mean why? You are pregnant with our little baby. How could I be mad at you for that?"

My heart flutters with a spring of joy. He said our little baby. And it is. I am carrying our little baby. But he…

He takes a seat on the edge of the sofa, next to me, his arm wrapping over my shoulders and pulling me to his side, covering me with the sheltering warmness of his body.

"Why did you think I'd be mad at you?"

"Because I'm an idiot."

"Oh, Rose…"

"I don't know, Dimitri. I thought you'd be mad. I'll never stop believing you'd remember everything, but even though, all these things happening now? With everything that's going on now, it's a little too much for me to wrap my head around it."

Still, what if he never remembers and decides to leave one day? What if it's too much for him? What if he falls in love with someone else? How could I ask him not to leave? If Dimitri would never be in love with me again, how could I bind him to me for the rest of his life just because of this baby? He'll hate me for it. I'll hate me for it.

"Tell me one thing, love."

"What?"

"How could I be angry with you when you've made me so happy today?"

I almost jump off the sofa as I hear him speak. Thankfully, he's there to keep me sitting down.

"I did?"

"Yes, you did." shaking his head, he laughs a little as he takes my hands in his. "Rose, I only want you to be the mother of my children. Call me the craziest man on earth for saying this, but I know it in my heart I want it that way. I know that I want you. And this right here," he says placing his palms on my belly and caressing it lightly. "Along with you, is one of the best things that has ever happened to me."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I know it. I feel it."

"But-"

"I am one hundred percent sure of it, damned be the memory loss and everything else. I know it. I feel it."

"You're sweet to say that, comrade."

**DPOV**

"Come here, love."

Giving up on saying all the 'buts' and all the concerns that are in her head, she sighs and cuddles next to me. Nuzzling her nose on my T-shirt, she takes deep breaths as she's holding her fingers tightly wrapped around mine, and I realize that this is the first time since I've left the hospital when we touch, for real, no holdbacks.

I decide to let her get as much as she wants from it. I can't complain either. Feeling her body against mine, fitting perfectly, her warmth, everything about her being close to me, it's amazing. It's like she is a part of me that I've been missing all these days and now I'm complete. I feel that restlessness in me finally settling.

"What's still bothering you, love?" I ask her, seeing that her tears didn't stop falling.

"I don't know what to do."

"That's it? Why you're still sad?"

"What do you mean that's it? This is no little thing, Dimitri. What happens now? This is… it's huge."

"Yes, love, it's huge. But it's not tragic, you know? For what matters, you should be happy. I know I am."

"You really are…" she says, but I bet she doesn't believe me.

"You thought I wouldn't be?"

"I don't know, Dimitri. I really don't know…"

"Well, I am. Don't doubt that, ever. Can I…" I don't even know what I want to do, but I turn her way and see that she agrees to it.

She gets her hands out of the way as I get a hold of the hem of her blouse. Pushing it up, I don't find much. After all, if any of this would've been visible, I'd known long enough she's pregnant.

Still, placing my palms on her abdomen, you can feel the littlest of roundness there, and it's quite amazing to know that she's carrying our baby. A teeny tiny living proof of our love.

"Hey there, little thing. Are you comfy in there?"

This makes her chuckle. "I am too," she says as she places her hand over mine.

"Huh?"

"Happy. I'm happy too. It's your baby and I love the two of you so much, but… But what do I do?" her voice gets again trembling and before she starts crying again, I wrap her in my embrace.

"What do _we _do?" I correct her once more

"What?"

"You said what do you do. It's what do _we _do. And I'll tell you. We'll deal with it. Together."

"Together?" She dares smile.

"Yes, love."

"But-"

"No buts. It will be alright. I'll be here. Always. No matter what."

"You're so sweet." She props her forehead on my chest. "I don't think I deserve you."

"Don't be silly, love. I have the feeling it's the other way around." By picking her up, I stop her before having the chance to protest. "Now let's get you some sleep. It's late and you've been crying enough today."

Not muttering a word against it, she lets me take her to her room and lie her in bed.

"One more thing, love. I want you to promise me you won't be crying again. It's not good for any of you."

She wipes the remnants of her tears with the sleeves of the blouse and nods.

"I promise."

"Good."

**RPOV**

He pulls the covers on me and tucks me in, not before caressing my inexistent belly once again. I love it, seeing him do that. When he did it earlier, I felt that he meant each word he said about us doing this together. He's such a good man. But I can't take advantage of that. I can't expect anything from him.

He watches me for a second, then smiles as he bends to kiss my forehead.

"Is it okay if I stay over?" I nod. "Okay. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

"Thank you."

"Sweet dreams, Rose," he wishes me before walking out of the room.

I wanted him to stay. I wanted it with each fiber in my body. I wanted to feel him close tonight and for all the nights.

But I didn't tell him. I don't want to force anything on him. Not myself, nor this baby. I don't want him to feel obliged to be by my side, and I don't want him to resent me for it later if things go bad.

* * *

**DPOV**

"How are things going for you? You're remembering shit?"

"Good. Rose told me I recalled a thing or two, but it's nothing too important. It's just little things."

"But that's still good."

"Compared to nothing, it is. But don't mind me. I mainly called to speak to Lissa."

"Why is that? Why are you interested in speaking to my girl at such a late hour, Mister?" he mimics jealousy before bursting in laughter.

"I need to find a good OG."

"Why? Are you pregnant?" he mocks me, as usual, and if I'd be close to him, I'd smack him behind his head.

"Don't be stupid. Rose is."

His laughter and amusement disappear in a flash. "I should really stop making jokes that you end up telling me are true. It's not fun."

"Yeah, maybe you should. You're not funny anyway."

"Hey, I am the master of fun!" he gets fakely revolted and we both laugh. "So, you're having a baby, huh?"

"I am."

"You goddamn lucky bastard. Well, congratulations I guess. I mean, you're happy about it, aren't you?" from his tone, I guess he'd kick my ass if I wouldn't be. I wonder why everybody expects me not to be happy about it. After all, I always wanted a family.

"I am. Very. I've never felt happier, to be honest. Rose is having my baby." It still seems unreal to me, but hell, it is happening.

"You know what? I think it's time you call mama. I bet she'd be happy to hear that too."

"Yeah. I'll do that." She always teased us about grandchildren.

"Good. Then I'll pray for you and hope she doesn't kick your ass through the phone when you tell her about the accident."

* * *

"Rose, love, come on, wake up."

Getting up to her butt, she tries to get Ash off her too, as he's busy licking her face.

"Why? What happened? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I am just taking you to the doctor's office."

We don't speak much on our way there as she's still sleepy, but I am happy when she lies her head on my shoulder in the taxi. That means we're okay, doesn't it?

When we finally enter the room Rose is going to be examined into, I see that she's trembling all over. It's either from excitement or anxiety, I don't know for sure. But I know that I want to see that baby more than anything. I want to make sure everything is alright with both of them.

So to comfort her, I hold her hand the whole time. I want her to know I mean what I told her last night. Each and every word.

And now, seeing the wide smile that appears on her face when the doctor shows us the baby on the screen, I know I'd do anything for this woman.

"How old is she? Or him? Is it-"

"If you'd want to know the sex of the baby, you'll have to come for an exam later on. You can't tell that this early."

Rose looks at me and shakes her head. And I think it's a good idea.

"No, we want it to be a surprise."

"Good choice. But getting back to your previous question. You, Miss, are in your seventh, eighth-ish week of pregnancy."

"So… when we were in Barbados…" Rose's eyebrows knit and soon she comes to some realization. "I guess I never took that pill when we… oh, Dimitri, I was pretty drunk, but I counted them and-"

But I don't care about any pill or any circumstance. It's not important.

I kiss her knuckles and take another look at that little creature on the screen. "I'm glad I took you there. And I'm glad it happened."

"Me too. Considering what happened there…" she gets dreamy just for a second, before smiling. "I'll never forget that trip."

Yeah, I guess she won't. I only wish I'd remember it.

* * *

Coming back to the apartment building, she is still a little sad. And I have a wild guess why.

In front of the door of my apartment, I stop her and cup her cheeks, making her look at me.

"Hey, listen to me. I won't let you deal with this alone. It's _our_ baby and that will never change."

"But how? How are we going to deal with this?"

"The best way we can. I promise."

"But Dimitri, you don't owe me anything. You really don't."

"I think I do. I have a wild guess I owe you very much."

"No, you don't."

"I do." I owe her the world, and I don't need anyone to tell it to me to be sure of it. It's funny how come I just know it deep in my bones.

"_Definitely not_. You don't owe me a single thing, Dimitri. See? This is why I didn't want to tell you."

"You thought of that? Of not telling me?"

She sighs defeated. "I did. I'm not proud of it, but I did. Because I knew what you'd want to do. I knew that you'd want to do the right thing for me. You always do that no matter what that meant to you, no matter what that brought to you, no matter what you had to give up on. But I don't want to force you to be with me. I will never do such a thing to you and I'm not going to use this baby to keep you close to me, do you understand? I don't want you to be with me in these conditions, not if you don't want it. You don't have to feel obliged to do any of this. You owe me nothing."

"But I want it."

"No, Dimitri. You don't. You don't know what you want. You don't know anything about me and I can't ask you to love a stranger. I can't do that to you. I don't want you to stay because you have to. If you want it... okay, but… not in any other way. I don't want you to feel obliged to want me."

"I do want it, I told you. I know for sure I do. And…" maybe this will convince her I'm serious about it. "I'd like for you to move back into the apartment with me. Or I could move into yours. It doesn't really matter to me."

Instead of this making things better, I see her getting a little upset.

"This I won't do. I don't want you to be with me because this baby thing happened. I don't want to force you. I don't want to push you. Last week you said that… and now you ask me this? We can't do this, Dimitri."

"I know I said I don't want anything from you back at the hospital, but I was an idiot and-"

"Can you please let me be alone for a little? I need a little time..."

Her voice breaks and she wants to leave, but I drag her to me and kiss her forehead.

"I am promising you this, Rose. No matter what will happen, I will be here for you. If you need me, you know where to find me. Anytime, no matter what happens. And I do want it, please don't doubt that. Not out of any obligation. I just want it. I want you. Both of you, with every piece of my heart."

She nods, and with tears in her eyes, she rushes to her apartment.

* * *

I didn't know that her saying she needs a little time meant this long.

She avoided me at all costs around the building. She didn't even get out that often to walk Ash. But at least she wasn't all alone this past week. Her parents came around and I had the chance to meet them too, at last. We didn't speak much considering I didn't know anything about them, but I'm happy for her having their support.

I didn't dare go to her door, but I hoped each day she'll come around. Even to say hello or anything. But it didn't happen. I could have gone to her, yes, but I didn't want things to get worse. I didn't want to push her. So I have kept my distance, making myself busy with looking for the ones who are responsible for the accident and trying each night to remember something about these past months, but I had no success in neither matter.

When I finally gave up on the thought of her coming back to me, here she is, finally knocking at my door.

"You brought me cookies?"

She shrugs and tries a smile. "I made too much mixture and I thought you'd like some too."

"I like these, don't I?"

"I don't know. I'm trying this recipe the first time."

"Then I bet I'll like them."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You're an amazing cook, that's why."

"You remember that?"

"I guess I do." It is becoming frustrating to remember the little things, but never the ones that matter. But I'll take what I get. "And thank you for these."

With a nod and a smile, she wants to leave, and it takes so much from me to let her.

But with a growl, she stops and turns to face me.

"The cookies aren't the reason I came around."

"I hoped it wouldn't. Would you come inside and talk to me?"

But entering the apartment, she still keeps her distance, and doesn't even look me in the eyes.

"So? What's the reason you're here?"

"I came to ask you something."

"Sure. Anything."

"Can we take this easy? I mean… us. Can we be… _friends_ for starters? See how things go?"

I already know I love her and that I'd never leave, either I remember it all or not. But she would never believe me and I don't blame her for it. So I can only take what I'm offered.

"I'd love to." With my response, I see the unease in her disappear and getting replaced by a genuine smile. "Let's celebrate that with a cookie, shall we?"

She laughs. "I'd like that. And to be completely honest with you, I only made one tray and it took so much from me not to eat them all on my way here."

"Oh, love. You're unbelievable."

* * *

As friends, we watched a movie. Yes, we suck at coming up with ideas of what to do together, but at least she's still here, which is more than okay for me. We brought Ash to keep us company and we laughed at silly jokes she came up with, and she told me some more little stories of which I have no recollection of, but it felt nice. If taking things slow is what it takes for me to have her, I'll do that.

She fell asleep along the movie and I now carry her to my bed. Like things from last week repeating, I tuck her in and I kiss her forehead, wishing her sweet dreams. I only hope that tomorrow she won't run away from me again.

But this time, when I turn around to leave, I hear her call my name.

"Yes?"

"Stay. Here." She pats the empty space next to her. "It's your bed after all and it's big enough for both of us."

* * *

So I slept next to her, at first keeping my distance. After all, friends don't cuddle in bed, despite my longing to hold her in my arms.

But when she fell asleep again, her body came looking for mine, and I couldn't keep away from her. I held her and I'm not sorry about it.

And now, as the sun starts to rise, her arm is still wrapped around my middle, her head has found shelter in the crook of my neck and her warm breath is brushing over my neck.

She's so cute. Her lips are slightly parted and pouted, the features of her face relaxed at last. She looks so peaceful, dived into her dreams.

I cannot stop myself from caressing the soft skin of her cheek, or from playing with the big curls of her hair. She is so beautiful it hurts me. I'd love to wake up each morning to this. I know I'd die a happy man only by having that.

I kiss her forehead, which wakes her up. But it doesn't seem to bother her. She smiles sillily as her eyes meet mine.

"Mornin', comrade." Lifting and tilting her head, she kisses my lips.

But a second later, she pulls away with a gasp.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry," she rushes to say as she gets up to her butt and pulls away from me some more, panic filling her whole. "Oh my God. I forgot. We said that… we're friends and I… I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry. I fucked it all up."

She gets out of bed and rushes to the door.

The startlement in me washing away, I get up too and go after her. Luckily, I manage to close the door that she opened, managing to keep her from walking away. But in the process, I got her trapped in the space between me and the door.

Not uttering a word, she remains there, facing the door and looking down. She even flinches a little when I touch her arm and I cannot stop wondering why she is so scared. What she is so scared of. Why is she afraid of me.

"Rose…"

"I'm sorry," she whispers and pulls away from me a little more, but she doesn't really have where to go.

With the risk of her running away, I touch her again as I turn her around.

"Look at me, love."

She shakes her head. "I shouldn't-"

"You said we should be friends."

"Yes, and I forgot and I'm sorry."

"I'm not upset you did it."

"You're not?"

"I know I agreed to us being friends. But I don't think I'm okay with it."

"You're not?" Her voice is shaking and her eyes are filled with tears. "So you don't-"

I get a hold of her chin and make her look at me.

"No. Don't think that. It's not because I don't want you. It's the opposite. I want you too much. And so much more, Rose."

"More?"

"Yes. You keep on telling me that we shouldn't be together in that way because I don't remember you, but God, there's something about you, something pulling me towards you. I know I don't remember anything, but…" I touch her some more, putting her hair behind her ears. "How do I put it? Even though my brain doesn't remember you, my body does. Each touch…" I caress her cheek. "Mine, or yours…" taking her hand I place it over my cheek. "That's familiar to me. I know I have felt like this before." I kiss the inside of her palm. "I don't remember doing it before, but I feel like I've done it a thousand times. And I feel like I've known you for my entire life, and that you know me for just as long. It's crazy, I know. But that's the truth. It's so confusing, but so good at the same time. And there's this something in me making me want to do this, whenever I am around you."

Taking another risk, I lean closer to her and kiss her. When our lips touch, she gasps.

"Is it too much?" I need to know if her fingers squeezing on my upper arm and her whole body trembling is because of that. She shakes her head, not letting me break the kiss.

With her assuring me, I kiss her once more, but cautiously. I wouldn't want to scare her once again. But simply feeling the sweet taste of her lips on mine is enough to make my day better.

"I missed this," she confesses as her thumbs play along my hairline, her nose nuzzling against mine.

"Me too, love." Maybe I don't know her, but I so badly wish I would. Missing her is like missing something you never had. "And you know what, Rose? I don't want to stop," I tell her as I pull away before I actually do more. "I don't know how crazy this will sound to you, but I want so bad to make love to you now." I can't seem to resist her. I've been fighting it for too long and this morning it's harder than ever not to want to feel each fiber of her.

She licks her lips and extending her arms, she latches them around my neck, pulling me back to her.

"Then don't stop."

I pick her up and wrap her legs around my waist as I kiss her once more.

"But is it okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Won't I hurt," bringing my hand on her abdomen, I caress it. I don't think I'll ever stop being surprised by the fact that she's carrying my baby. "The little one? Won't this-"

She puts her hand over mine and smiles. "No, Dimitri. It won't hurt anybody. Don't worry. We'll be fine."

"I'll be gentle."

She smiles and resting her forehead on mine, she kisses my nose. "I know you will. You always are."

"Can I take you to bed?"

"I'd love you to."

Lying her on her back, I try not to hurry too much as I get her undressed, but it's not really working out too well for me. I'm too eager that I don't even remember when I got rid of my clothes, nonetheless of hers.

But once we're naked, I surely take my time to kiss her all over, enjoying her hot flesh trembling at each touch of my lips.

"You're so beautiful, Rose. Gorgeous."

Her fingers caressing my cheek, her smiling, and my body pressed against hers, it all feels so right. So familiar.

"Tell me what you like." She chuckles in response. "What's so funny?"

"It's just that, when we… you know…" she blushes and her trying to hide it by burying her head into my chest, I love it. "When we did it the first time, you asked me the same thing," she whispers.

"Well, I guess you'll have to tell me again."

"No worries. Do whatever feels right to you. You never disappointed me."

I pull away, enough for her to see the surprise on my face.

"Never?"

Biting her lip playfully, she shakes her head. "Never."

Kissing her while my hands happily roam all over her body, exploring her delicious curves, I enjoy the little breathy sounds she makes at each of my strokes and how good it feels when she touches me back.

And that's not all. Discovering all the sounds she makes and how excited she can get when I touch her more greedily, when I'm in her, when I love each little spot of her breasts, I love it all. I could listen to her all day, not just for the past hours.

"I like how loudly you express yourself, love." after all, Ash barged in here all concerned for his owner. God knows he thought I was killing her, poor little thing.

She mimics indignation and lifting off me, she punches my chest.

"Stop that or I'll blush again."

Turning on my back, I get a hold of her middle and pull her on me, enjoying to the fullest the view of her breasts almost spilling from between our bodies.

"You know, I find it funny that you're still blushing after all this time. We're together for a while, aren't we?"

"It's not my fault you always say things that make me blush."

"And what do you say then?"

She chuckles. "You always tell me I say funny stuff. Especially after, you know… this."

"Sex?"

"Aham. And oh! You always say that I'm a smartass and that I know a bunch of silly interesting stuff."

"That last part I figured out by myself."

"You did, huh? How come?"

"I have one word for you. Aglet."

She laughs loudly and heartily and I think I'm falling even more in love with her.

"That's not smartass-ness, comrade. That's because I've watched too much Phineas and Ferb with the kids at the kindergarten. Plus, I didn't know what to talk about with you that day. It was one of our first days after you woke up and it was way too silent and this thought came to my mind."

"What about the other thing?"

"What other thing?"

"What funny thing do you have to say now? Or should I make it four things?"

Squinting her eyes at me, she gets off me. "You're a little too cocky, Mister."

"Still, I think you like it." I turn on my belly, not before kissing on her thigh, then I pull her down too. "What do you feel like eating for breakfast?"

"It doesn't matter as long as it has chocolate in it."

"What about some vegetables or fruits instead?"

"Good thing that you remember my unhealthy habits, comrade." she pouts, even though her smile is more visible. "I love it that you remember stuff, no matter how important, you know that?" yeah, I can see the hope growing in her.

She starts walking her fingers in a zig-zag across my back, moving up. Getting to the back of my head, she plays with her fingers there, drawing little circles that make me shiver all over.

I turn my head to one side and look at her as she's biting her lip.

"Do you still like that?"

I nod and get playing with her hair, spinning her curls on my fingers. I love this moment. The morning sun is shining bright on her face, on her smile.

"You're feeling alright, love?"

"Mhm. I'm fine. We both are."

I study her some more, touching her face, walking my fingers across her features. Her little nose that scrunches when she's about to sneeze, the plump lips, those two deep pools that her eyes are, always full of love.

Goddamnit, Dimitri. How could you forget this woman? How did you dare do such a thing?

She smiles and lifts to kiss me.

"It's fine."

"What's fine?"

"That you still don't remember me" so I am that easy to read to her?

"I'm sorry. I wish I would. I really would."

"It's alright. You just need time."

"What if I don't-"

"Don't be so harsh on yourself. Please. We'll figure it out."

"But what if I learn you all over again?"

My words bewilder her. Her jaw even drops. "You would want that?"

"Why and how the hell wouldn't I? You… you're amazing. You are an amazing woman, Rose. And…"

"And what?"

"I think I understand why I liked you the first time we met."

She laughs heartily. "Oh, no. Trust me when I say that back then, when we met, I was nothing like the one I am now."

"You weren't?"

"No. I was a little- a _big_ pain in your ass considering the circumstances in which we met."

"I find it hard to believe. Could it be because of your stubbornness?" because God knows how much of that I've seen and experienced and still do.

"Yeah. That too."

"Well, I still want to see more. I am not backing away."

Her smile widens. "Then I guess you'll still find out how much of a pain in the ass I can be."

"Yeah. I guess I'll see."

I am the one getting up now, starting to kiss her all over her face, my hands exploring her body too.

But when my hand reaches her hip, I find that scar again.

"What's this? I wanted to ask you earlier too but… you know, we've been busy."

"Oh, it's nothing."

"But you didn't mention this before."

"Because it's not important," she tries to brush it off.

"Maybe I could remember it if you tell me." for whatever reason she tends to keep away details that involve her getting hurt, and I know that she may want to protect me, but I still want to know it all.

"You little blackmailer." She sighs. "It's about Xavier." I know this name. She mentioned it a lot. This guy made a lot of mess, for me and her equally. But at least, thanks to him I've met her. "One of his men did it to me."

Fire. Something about fire keeps on ringing in my head. Pyromaniac? Probably. After all, it looks like a burning scar.

"Why?"

"I didn't want to tell them some things."

"Like?"

"Like where is that flash drive I told you about."

There is still something else. I can see it on her face that she didn't tell me everything.

"What else you didn't tell them?"

"It doesn't matter, Dimitri."

"Tell me. Maybe-" I wanted to use the same excuse, but she stops me.

"I didn't tell them who you are. Not that I knew back then, but I didn't tell them where they could find you or your name or anything about you."

"And they did this to you. They tortured you." It must have hurt her so bad. Kissing it, I feel the rough skin there. "I'm sorry."

"It passed. It happened a long time ago and it doesn't hurt anymore. So don't worry about it."

"Maybe I said it before, but I am sorry you had to go through this because of me."

"Hey, you got shot for me. So we can say we're even," she says walking her fingers across the scar on my shoulder. "We're even-ish. Because you almost got killed by that. And not only once." Her eyes get teary, but she fights the tears with a smile. "For me. You've put yourself in danger so many times for me."

"I'd do it again."

"Yeah, I know. You always say that. And that's what I usually fear. But let's not talk about that now. We're fine now, aren't we?"

"Yes, sure. We are." I hate lying to her, but I wouldn't want her to worry about anything. I want her to know she's safe, even though I still have no idea who wanted to kill me in that accident.

"Good," She yawns and puts her arms around me. "Can we stay in bed some more? It's quite early and I'm a little tired." It would have been a miracle if she wouldn't have been tired.

* * *

Later on, when I wake up, she is not next to me.

I let myself be guided by the smell of coffee, and I find her in the kitchen, making breakfast, wearing a robe, and she's distracted by whatever she's doing, and doesn't hear me coming.

"I think I could get used to this view," I whisper in her ear as I wrap my arms around her middle.

She gasps and turns her head away from me.

"Oh, Dimitri. You scared me." she brings her hands over mine and shies away some more when I get a hold of the ribbon holding her robe together.

Hell, I'm still feeling playful from earlier and she smells like fresh coffee and some perfume I absolutely adore, and how could I keep my hands off around her?

"What is hiding underneath this, love?"

"Would the word nothing satisfy your curiosity?"

"Is that so?"

"Aham. You'll be happy to know I am not wearing anything underneath."

"Quite much. I am glad to hear that."

What I'm not glad is to hear her trying to keep her tears at bay and pretend she's alright.

I move her hair out of the way, uncovering her shoulder, then start placing little kisses on her skin. With a sigh, she brings her hand up to walk her fingers on my neck while tilting her head to give me more space.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Rose, come on." I may have suspected it, but now I know she has been crying, as I taste a stray tear on her neck.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about."

I turn her to face me. "But you're crying." She can't deny her red eyes. "And there's no onion around to justify that, so there's something bothering you."

"It's nothing, really."

"I don't know what this is, but it doesn't seem like nothing. So stop telling me you're okay and get to what's wrong." Looking down, she denies it once more. "You can tell me. Is it again about the baby?"

"No. And you'll think I am an idiot for thinking this thing."

"I won't. I promise."

"I feel like I am cheating on you… with…" she finally looks back in my eyes and shrugs. "Well… _you_."

"I see."

I never wondered how this thing between us feels for her. I always thought it's annoying for me not to remember, but still, she was bottling this feeling of not being faithful to me all along. And probably many other fears.

"Fuck, it sounds even more stupid when I say it out loud." She starts crying and hides her face in my chest.

"It's not stupid, you know?"

"It is. I'm such an idiot. It doesn't make any sense."

"No, love. I know that being with me, it must be weirder for you than it is for me. With both of me if I can say that. Do we act differently?"

"No. I mean… sometimes, but it's in the little things. Sometimes, it's like your accident never even happened. And that's a little confusing."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She shrugs. "It's not _such_ a big deal. After all, it's not like you're not you anymore."

"It is a big deal, love, if it affects you this much."

"But it's stupid. Because you're you and it makes no sense to believe that I'm cheating on you with someone else when you're the one I'm with."

"Look. I don't want things to be harder for you than they already are. You have been nothing but patient and loving to me, and you must know you don't have to keep these kinds of things away from me. I know you may want to protect me from stuff, but you're more important. You both are."

"Oh, comrade. I love you so much right now."

I would have held her in my embrace all day long, but unfortunately, my phone started ringing.

**RPOV**

Ending the call, his face already got all serious.

"I have to go."

"Where?"

"To take care of something."

"Something like?"

He comes to kiss me quickly. "Don't worry about it."

I nod, already knowing he won't tell me about it.

"Will you at least stay for breakfast?"

"I'm sorry. I need to go now," he says, already heading for the bedroom.

"Sure. Just… be safe."

Well, one thing changed about him.

* * *

He didn't come back, not until close to midnight.

But I was long in dreamland, having fallen asleep on the couch, despite my worrying for him keeping my brain alert.

I wake up as Ash starts getting excited and barking.

"Hey, love. Why aren't you in bed?"

Oh, no biggie. I was too busy worrying for you, praying nothing will happen to you again because I had absolutely no idea where you were.

"I was watching a movie and I fell asleep, that's all."

I see it on his face that he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't say it out loud. After all, the TV is off and he has always known when I lie.

"Well, if you're awake now…" from behind his back, he reveals a big bouquet. "I didn't know which ones you like so I got you more kinds of flowers."

I smile widely and forget about being upset with him for what happened this morning. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight.

"As long as they're from you, I love them all." I reward him with a kiss on the cheek before examining each colorful flower.

**DPOV**

"You're sweet to bring me flowers. Thank you," she says, her eyes filled with tears.

"What's the matter? You hate them?"

She looks at me smiling and puts her hand over mine. "No. I love them. They're really beautiful. They're perfect, honestly. But…"

"But what?"

She moves her hand up on my cheek and sobs.

"You don't have to… Do stuff like this, you know? I mean, you don't have to force anything if you don't... feel like it. I am not having any expectations from you, so don't think that you have to come back with flowers and all this. You don't have to do stuff like this for me. It's um… It's okay. It really is."

She says it's okay but the tears in her eyes tell me otherwise and I don't know whether I did a bad thing by bringing her flowers or it's something else.

"Rose..." I cup her cheeks and make her look at me. "Love, I hate seeing you crying like this. I think I've always had. And I thought that these flowers, maybe by bringing you these, I would, I don't know, make you a little happier, considering that I got you upset when I left this morning."

"No, no. You didn't." a second lie. She's again trying to go easy on me, but I think I recognized better the look in her eyes this morning.

"I wasn't trying to force anything, I promise. I just saw this lady that was selling them and they were so bright and colorful and it made me think of you. I thought you'd like them."

She smiles. "I do like them. And it does make me happy. Very. Thank you. It was very nice of you to think about me."

She continues to look at me, obviously wanting to say something more.

"What?"

"Can I hug you?"

"Do you even have to ask me, considering what happened this morning?"

Blushing, she looks down and I take initiative. I wrap my arms around her middle, and she does the same.

"I remember you promising me you won't cry anymore, love."

She gets up and wipes some tears from her eyes.

"Right. Sorry."

With a squeal from her, I pick her up

"Now, let's get you to sleep, missy. You shouldn't be wasting nights like this."

* * *

**RPOV**

I wake up as I hear something break in the kitchen.

Checking the other side of the bed, Dimitri is not here.

Oh, please, not again. Please don't let someone be in here and attack us. Please let Dimitri be safe too.

Of course, I can't find out what's happening there unless I go there. So I gather some courage and go.

But in there, I only find Dimitri and Ash, and my goofy dog is acting excited to see me while Dimitri is picking up broken pieces of a mug off the floor.

He gets up and is a little surprised to see me there, holding a bat in my hands, ready to fight.

"What are you doing with that?"

"Oh." I let the bat on the counter and stop Ash from his jumping around. "I thought that you… You scared me to death. I thought that there was somebody who broke in."

"Sorry, love. But it was just me. I dropped this mug and..." he sounds oddly angry about such little thing.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure". he presses his eyes shut for a second and sighs. "I'm fine."

But he's not. I get closer to him and I can feel him tense as I take his hand in mine.

"It's a migraine, right?"

He sighs and fists his palms while doing that thing with his eyes again.

"I'm sick of them. That goddamn doctor said they'll go away with time."

"And didn't they?"

"They did. It's not as worse as before, but sometimes it comes out of nowhere and… and it's annoying as hell. I can't even coordinate my movements right, goddamnit."

He clenches his jaw and I lift to my tippy toes to try and kiss it away.

"It's gonna be fine. Just…" an idea comes to my mind, but I have no idea if it will work. It usually works when he does it on me, but I never tried the other way around. "Breathe with me."

He laughs. "You'll make me do yoga with you next?"

Again these days, he surprises me. "Do you remember that?"

"Remember what?"

"That I do yoga. Or did as I had more time on my hands, back when you were supervising me."

He shrugs. "I don't remember it. I just… knew."

I would have told him I'm the happiest to hear that, but he growls a little, as another surge of pain must be passing between his temples.

And I don't know what to do!

Getting a hold of his cheeks, I pull him down to me and talk to him in a soft voice, telling him to focus on me and not on the pain, until I feel his relax a little more.

"Come with me." I take his hand in mine and guide him back in the bedroom. "Wait for me here, will you?" I let him lie in bed as I go into the bathroom, and I make sure to take Ash with me because God forbid him to be in a playful mood.

I've done my research on migraines and I'm a little walking encyclopedia when it comes to this subject. So I put my best intentions in this and pray it works.

When I bring him inside, the room is dark because the light makes it worse, so I didn't turn on any. I got any strong scent out of the way because that triggers the pain too, and I try not to make too much noise either. The bathtub is halfway full and warm water awaits for him to soak in it.

"I'll let you be."

"Join me, will you?" he asks me as he sinks into the water.

I get next to the bathtub, but some renewed shyness comes to me.

He laughs. "Come on, it's not like I haven't already seen you naked on so many occasions. And not just today, right?"

"I know, but…" I start undressing, getting rid of my pants.

"But what?"

"Sometimes it still feels weird, you know?"

"I know, love." yeah, we just had a talk about it this morning.

So I get in the bathtub as I am. In my T-shirt.

"It feels even weirder like this," I realize as my T-shirt gets soaked.

"Then, let's do something about it." His fingers get a hold of the hem of the T-shirt. "Can I?"

"Yeah, please do."

He gets rid of it, and with his gentle touches on my ribs afterward, my skin gets goosebumps all over.

"One more thing." he reaches up and unclasps my bun, letting my hair cascade down on my back, and starts playing with it. "It's better like this."

He pulls me closer onto him and holds me in his arms.

It feels nice just to feel him, everything about his body pressed against his. And if we're silent enough, it even starts feeling like before. One more second and I would've forgotten everything bad that happened.

But he sighs and I feel his heartbeat increasing against my chest.

"How are you? How are you feeling?"

"Tired. And funny or not… a little confused. This pain in my head… I don't know. It makes everything feel funny."

"Let me try something."

I start massaging his head, using a lot of pressure as I walk my fingers across his scalp.

"Does this make it better?" I apply now pressure on his temples as I rest my lips on his forehead.

"A lot."

"Good."

* * *

**DPOV**

"Love, we'll turn into dried plums if we sit here for longer."

She laughs. "You're right. What if we get back in bed?"

After we get dry, we go back to the bedroom and she makes me rest my head on her lap. Then, she starts soothing the remnants of my pain away by massaging my head some more, and speaking softly with me, trying to take my mind off the pain. And she's succeeding. I could listen to her all night long.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Can I sing to you?"

"Please do." I always wondered how that would sound like.

As she sings to me, my hand is roaming on her knee, and I think I'll never get tired of hearing her sing. She even got Ash to sit in one place and fall asleep and the throbbing in my head ameliorated too.

She bends and kisses my forehead. "Feeling a little better?"

"A hundred times better. I love it when you do that."

She smiles and kisses me again.

I turn to the other side, now facing her belly and kiss it through her blouse.

"You know, our daughter will love it when you'll sing this lullaby to her."

"Our daughter, huh?"

"Yes. Our little you."

She laughs. "You're not giving up on that, huh?"

"On what?"

"We talked about having a baby once. And you… you said those exact words back then."

"Tell me something more. About us."

She chuckles. "Well, there's a lot to say. What do you want to know? Something from when I was a pain in the ass and I didn't like you at all, or the sweet things? What exactly do you want to know?"

"Everything, love. Tell me everything."

* * *

**RPOV**

"Do we have a date night?"

The piece of pancake that I was munching on stops in my throat at his question and it takes me a sip of water to calm my coughing.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Nothing?" His eyebrow lifts when I nod. "Then why do I have it on my phone, as a reminder? In fact, I have five reminders, set all day long. If I have this many, it must be important, right?"

"It's just a thing we used to do. But nothing important about it."

"I think it is. And it's tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know."

"Then let's do it."

"We don't have to."

His hand reaching for mine across my table, he brings it up to his mouth and kisses my knuckles.

"I want us to. Let's go on a date. Will you go?"

"If you insist…"

"Great." A smile lights up his face and either he's a great actor, or he's really happy about it. I am betting my money on the latter, and it makes me happy too that he wants so much to offer me a tiny bit of normality. "Now tell me, what have we done so far? I wouldn't want us to repeat any of it."

And it takes me a while to tell him, along with the things we've done on our holiday. We had a lot of dates then.

"Wow, so we were quite busy."

"Mhm, we were."

"Well, then I'll have to put in some work to get up to the expectations, right?"

"No, Dimitri. You don't. A nice walk will do. You don't even have to do this."

"Why not? It's our tradition. And I've promised I'll take you out on a date at least once a month. And I don't like breaking my promises."

"And you're telling me I'm the stubborn one, huh?"

"Details, love." he gets up and before taking my plate, he bends to kiss me. "Details."

* * *

**DPOV**

I go to our room to make sure Rose got her vitamins, but when I get inside, I don't see what I expected.

She's not ready, she's just sitting on the bed, a dress clutched in her fists, and she's crying.

"Rose? What happened?"

She doesn't even try to hide. She just wipes her tears, smudging the mascara all over her cheeks.

I go sit next to her and put an arm around her shoulders, her body shaking with little sobs.

"What's wrong?"

"I am not going to this date."

"Why? What happened? Do you feel sick? Is the baby alright? Are you?"

"No. I'm not fine. Not at all."

This is not good. Not good at all. The OG told us to be careful considering the weakness she felt in the first weeks, but I didn't expect anything bad to happen.

"Does something hurt you?"

"No."

"Then what's wrong? Give me a little hint here." I am trying my best to keep my shit together, but she's not helping me either.

"I am too fat," she whines and plants her forehead into my shoulder.

"That's it?"

I can't contain a little laugh from escaping my lips, a thing that gets me an ugly look from her. Okay, I should better get back to being serious, or else she'll smack me, I'm sure of it.

"Sorry. I'm sorry, love, but… what are you talking about?"

"I can't wear this." She shows me the emerald green dress she's holding.

"So what? Wear another dress. I'm sure you'll still look great."

"No. You don't get it. I want to wear _this one."_

"What's so special about this one that the other dresses don't have?"

"I um… it's um… I just want to wear this." she starts crying harder. "I want to be pretty for you. In _this_ dress."

"Oh, love. You're unbelievable." I hold her cuddled onto my chest until she calms her crying. "Tell me, love. Why is this dress so important?"

"You… I thought you'd like it."

"I see."

Taking the dress from her, I examine it, and yes, I do like it, especially that V-cut cleavage.

"You know it doesn't matter to me what you're wearing, right? You could wear what you're wearing now for what I care and you'd still be beautiful."

She sighs. "You don't get it. I want to wear this dress. But I can't. Because I've gotten fat."

"Where?"

"Everywhere!"

Indignation filling her voice, she gets up and unties the robe she is wearing, and she shows me. She's not wearing anything under that. And I can only smile to that, to her reacting like that.

"Why are you smiling like that? Don't you smile like that at me!"

And here it is, the smack I had coming. She's kind enough to hit my shoulder rather than my face. She then covers her body and sighs, a sad look in her eyes.

"Love, I don't see anything that I don't like."

"Oh, you don't get it. It's pointless."

"What's pointless?"

"Everything"

I pull her to sit on my lap.

"I think I know why this dress is important to you. But I don't remember it." She looks down at her hands, nodding. "I'm sorry, Rose."

"Don't be. I just needed to try, you know? And I thought that if you'd see me in it… but I'm too fat."

Tears threaten to spill out again, and I hurry to wipe them.

"Love, don't be silly. You're not fat. Nowhere. You look perfect." I urge her to get up. "Now, let's go get you something to dress up with."

"What if we don't go? Let's stay at home."

"But you were excited about tonight."

"I was…"

"Come on, love. Just because of the dress? Fuck it. We can have fun without it. Here, let me pick something for you."

Searching through her clothes, I pick a pair of mom jeans and a loose, plushy blouse.

"Here. These should be comfy. Let's have a nice, cozy night, without having to worry about fancy dresses and heels. You're beautiful without all that."

She laughs. "Yeah, sure. I look like a fucking raccoon."

"A very beautiful raccoon."

* * *

**RPOV**

We first hit the cinema. He's as sweet as to let me pick.

"You know I like- _adore_ cheesy movies, right?"

"So what? I'll buy you the biggest serving of popcorn and we can watch the cheesy movies for what I care."

"You don't have to do stuff to please me, you know that, right? We can pick a movie together."

"But I want you to pick it."

"Fine. When you'll dread it, remember you asked for it."

"Sure, love."

But he didn't dread it. We both did. It was a horrible movie and halfway through it, we decided to ditch it.

But when we were on our way out, he got a hold of my hand and dragged me into another cinema hall.

"Comrade, what if they catch us?"

"That's what's fun about it," he says winking.

"Hm, we're breaking the rules. I love it."

He laughs. "You love it when I make you misbehave, don't you?"

"You have no idea how much."

We stumbled over a horror movie and found some seats on the last row.

But not even this movie is to my liking.

Dimitri's arm pulling me closer to him, he whispers into my ear.

"Are you taking the chance to cuddle me or are you really afraid of that?"

"Of course I wanted to cuddle."

He chuckles. "You're not really into horror movies, huh?"

"How did you guess?"

"Too much blood?"

"Yeah. This movie is sick. And it's making me sick."

"Well, I must say I don't like this movie either."

"So what are we doing here?"

"I didn't really come for the movies."

"You didn't?"

"No. I brought you here mostly because I wanted to make out with you."

"Like teenagers, huh?"

He shrugs. "I never lived that experience, so yeah. You can say that."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Smiling, he tilts his head and starts kissing me. When his fingers start creeping under my blouse, I throw him a look.

"Comrade…"

"Oh, love. Seeing you open that robe in front of me earlier, looking like you did, it's hard not to want to do so many other things with you rather than making out."

"Well, if you're patient enough, you might get a surprise when we get back."

"Do I?"

"Aham. You may not know it, but I'm wearing your favorite lingerie."

* * *

Getting out of the cinema before we do something unpermitted, we have a nice walk in the park and I convince him to buy me some ice cream, of course, after I promise him I'll eat some greens tomorrow.

And that's not all. He kept to his little promise, of maintaining high the standards of our dates.

So we went bowling too, where he obviously let me win because I totally suck at this game, but I'll make it up to him later the night.

And now we're in an aquarium, with me wondering and aweing like a kid at all the beautiful creatures the aquatic world reveals.

"Come on, say it."

"Say what?"

"Your smartass comment, what else?"

I laugh. "Was I that obvious?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

Laughing some more, I place my palm over the glass and see that the octopus inside does the same with a tentacle.

"Octopuses are very smart.

"Are they? How come?"

"Well, they-"

But he gets a phone call and with an apologetic face, he tells me he has to answer. So there goes my funny story.

Of course, when he gets back five minutes later, he doesn't bother to tell me what it was about. And I don't ask. What would be the point of that?

Some silence between us, we continue our trip into the aquarium, and about ten minutes later, a phone rings again. This time, it's mine. And it's Lissa calling me.

Answering, I hear her crying. Right away, my eyes get teary too. And I swear I won't be able to take if something bad happened to them too.

"You won't believe what happened."

"What happened?" in the next few seconds, I pray to all the gods that it's something good.

"Ivan proposed to me!"

* * *

**DPOV**

Getting back home after a pretty full night, Rose gets up from her little nap as I'm taking her blouse off.

"Sorry, I just thought you wouldn't like to sleep in these clothes."

She smiles sleepily. "It's okay. Don't stop. I like where we're heading." She even winks at me.

"Oh, love."

I get her up to her feet and get rid of her jeans too.

When I reach for something to cover her, she stops me.

"Comrade?"

"What?"

"I am going to ask you something pretty strange."

"What?"

"Would you dance with me? Just a little bit, please,"

"But there's no music, love."

"I could hum that song." She says sleepily, but if she'd get singing that lullaby, she'll fall asleep.

"Sure. But first, let me…" I reach again for her pajama.

"I won't be cold, comrade."

"No, but you'll be distracting."

"Oh, yeah, the robe thing from earlier," she chuckles as she lets herself be dressed in one T-shirt of mine. "Good thing I'm wearing underwear now, right?"

"Damn right."

Putting her arms around my neck, I round mine on her middle and we dance on no music, but we both seem to have the same rhythm.

"I liked today."

"Me too, love."

"Thank you. It was wonderful."

She rests her cheek on my chest and we dance for a minute longer, but soon she yawns.

"What about some sleep?"

"Aham. That would be nice. But shouldn't you get undressed first?"

"Sure, sure, I'll do that too."

"Can I do it?" she asks biting her lip.

"You're not that sleepy, aren't you?"

"Not really."

* * *

She wakes up before I leave the room.

"Comrade?"

I stop in the doorway and watch her. Cloudy eyes, disheveled hair, a small wrinkle on her cheek and a warm smile on her lips. God, how can she be so beautiful?

"You're leaving? So early?" She stopped asking where and I'm feeling quite guilty about that. But I wouldn't like her to worry about the people I'm meeting.

"It is quite late, in fact."

"Is it?"

"Yes. You were so tired, love."

"Well, no wonder I was."

"You even snorted."

"No, I didn't." I smile and nod. "Did I? Shit!"

I smile warmly as I kneel in bed and kiss her cheek.

"It was barely a purr. You're like a kitten."

I kiss her once more and want to get off the bed, but she crawls on my back, wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling her nose against my cheek.

"Five more minutes?"

She even pouts her lip, approaching the puppy face technique. And how can I say no to her? I lay back in bed and she places her head on my chest, cuddling to my side and looking at me, smiling.

I don't want to go either. I don't want to leave her alone in here, but I really have to go. In so long, I finally got a track of the car that hit mine and I can't afford not to go.

**RPOV**

So, after five more minutes, not more not less, he gets out of bed.

"Sorry love."

I smile. "It's fine. I… I understand."

But I don't think I can go through this phase again.

My best guess is that he is spending his time searching for the one who wanted to kill him. I came to this conclusion after I spoke with one day Lissa, but we're not so sure about it. Not even Ivan is.

Of course, I'll never believe that he has found someone else. After all, he wouldn't be so loving towards me and he wouldn't go such lengths to make me happy. But it's still upsetting with the way he acts at times, cold and distant, not telling me stuff and always being gone somewhere I don't know. His distrust in me is hurting me and I don't know how to deal with this again.

What warns me is that lately, I started finding his clothes stained with blood. Not much, but still. I'm at least grateful he's not the one who got hurt.

And even today, he comes home at night, way later than last time.

I am not sleeping, as usual. I always wait for him, to make sure he comes back in one piece.

Coming into our room, he undresses, slowly, sighing from time to time, and he even stops for a second to look in the mirror.

There is something off with him. I can feel it in the air. It's thick with something heavy.

He crawls in bed, and wrapping an arm around me, he pulls me to him.

He sighs once more and buries his face into the crook of my neck, taking deep breaths in, and I feel him relaxing next to me.

But I can't let things like these.

"Hey, comrade, what's wrong?"

"Huh?" He pulls away surprised. "Nothing. I'm sorry I woke you up." He kisses my forehead and rests his lips there.

"It's fine. I wasn't sleeping anyway."

"Then let's get you sleeping. You must be tired. It's so late."

He takes my hands in his, and presses little kisses on the inside of my wrists.

"What did you do today, love?"

I don't know, Dimitri, what did _you_ do today? But of course I don't have the guts to ask him this. I sigh and place my cheek on his chest.

"Not much. I mostly laid in bed." And cried for an hour or two.

"Tired?"

"Very."

"What… what did you do today?"

He shrugs. "I took care of something."

"What thing?" I tilt my head to look into his eyes. Who knows, maybe he'll finally tell me something.

He comes closer and nuzzles his nose on my cheek. "Just a thing, Rose," he uses that cold tone again and I can't stand it.

He wants to kiss me but pull away, getting halfway up.

"Tell me what happened to you. You can trust me."

"Not much, I told you. I just took care of something and it's been a tiring day."

No, there is so much more to it. I know him well enough, even if he isn't saying it out loud. Something happened.

"Wait for me." I get up and go to the kitchen.

When I get back, I'm carrying quite a lot of things in my arms, and thankfully, I didn't drop anything.

"What is that?"

"You look like you might need a drink, comrade. And I would've brought you hot chocolate, but that would have taken too much to prepare. Plus, it didn't seem to fit the situation."

"What situation?"

"Join me outside, will you? Let's get some air on the balcony."

Probably thinking I'm a little crazy, he still gets off the bed and takes our pillows with him as I lead the way out on the balcony.

Not questioning his delay, I hear him search for something in the closet, and I wait for him to come.

He eventually comes and puts the pillows on the ground, and after we sit, he extends me a hoodie, and I see that he's wearing more clothes too.

"So that you won't be cold out here."

"Always so thoughtful. Thank you."

I get dressed, welcoming the warmness the fluffy material brings, and then I make myself busy with filling the glass I brought with me.

"What are you pouring there?"

"Vodka." He chuckles and so do I. "I know, cliché, right? But it was the strongest drink I found around. It was this or some fancy wine."

"But Rose, you-"

"Don't mind me. This is all yours." I hand him a glass almost full of the spirituous liquid. "I brought grape juice for me. This little fella loves it."

He smiles and takes the drink from me, and without a flinch, he downs it completely, without stopping to take a breath.

That must burn. But I don't say anything. Instead, I pour him another one and I pop my carton box with a straw, and start drinking.

I do nothing to push him. It's not like it would work anyway. And if he is okay with us sitting here like this, so am I.

This time he doesn't down the glass, he mostly looks at it, letting the smell of the liquid fill the air between us.

After a while, I finish my box of juice, and finally, so does he with his second glass.

"Want some more?"

"No. I think I am good."

"What about one of these?" I extend a box to him.

He shrugs. "Why not? I always wondered why you love them so much."

"You know it's all about the sugar, comrade."

After we laugh, we share this kid's drink too, again, in silence. All I can feel is the torment inside him, but still, I don't push him to tell me what happened. I wait.

He sighs prolonged and slides down, so that his head reaches my shoulder. He turns his head and kisses my cheek as his hand comes looking for mine.

I wrap my fingers tight around his and soothe his knuckles, feeling the ripped skin on them. So it got physical again today. I think I understand what happened.

I bring his hand up to my mouth and kiss that area, feeling it hot against my lips, and a faint coppery taste creeps on my tongue. I bet it hurts him. I then bring it into the crook of my neck and hold it there, sheltering it.

"You know, Dimitri... People lose it sometimes."

"What?"

"You don't always have to be in control. You're human."

He pulls away from me a little, and the confusion in his eyes is genuine. "I don't know what you're talking about."

But I know better. We've been here before. Not only with one thing. Things are starting to repeat themselves and I don't know how to make him trust me once more.

And today, he has snapped.

"It's okay. I know you don't, but… we talked about this once. And it's fine."

Biting the inside of his cheek, he nods and tilting his head, he kinda hides it in the crook of my neck.

"Thank you, Rose."

**DPOV**

She always looks for the scar on my head when I'm sleeping in her embrace, thinking that I'm not aware of it. She does it now too, walking the tips of her fingers across it.

She leans over and places her lips on my forehead, then sighs deeply.

"I wish you'd remember me," She whispers so lightly that I barely hear her. "I wish… You'd remember how much I love you."

But don't I always feel it? It's always radiating from her when she's around me. What I wish is to remember how much I loved her. It's the weirdest sensation of them all. I know loved her. I still do. But it all feels like I am playing a game at times, pretending that I am the one I used to be. It's confusing. I know I love her, there's not the slightest doubt in my heart. I don't know how else to describe that warmness that starts in my chest each time I look at her. But it seems that it can't be the same as it was before.

"Shit," she whispers and pulls her lips away as I feel a little hot droplet making its way on my cheek.

I can feel her heartbeat increasing and she doesn't move for the next minute, to see if I am waking up. I decide to move, fuck it, I don't care if she knows I was awake. She needs me.

I drag her a little down and I wrap myself around her better, holding her tighter than she held me.

"I know it, Rose. I know how much you love me."

She buries her forehead into my chest and sighs once more, a light and short sigh, but still, full of sadness.

"I'll remember. I promise."

And I'd tell her I love her too. But I feel like she wouldn't believe me.

Instead of that, I place my lips on her forehead, mimicking her previous gesture and I don't leave that place as I soothe her naked body, tracing little lines on her spine.

"We'll be fine, love."

* * *

But three days later, I come to find out that we're not that fine.

After all, if we'd be, she wouldn't be leaving now.

Or maybe I'm imaging things and she's not carrying a little luggage with her, she's not having Ash with her on a leash and she's not closing the front door behind her.

"What are you doing, love?"

Seeing me, her eyes widen and then she eyes the floor when I get closer to her. I guess she didn't expect to see me coming back so early.

"I am… Um… I am… leaving." Her voice gets so faint I barely hear her.

"Where?"

"You know, Ivan and Lissa are getting married, and they asked me to come by and help them with… stuff. I couldn't say no to them. Not to Lissa. She was so panicked about everything and she said she needed me there."

"So, why you're sneaking?" after all, if I wouldn't have been coming back home now, she would have been long gone later.

"I… I wasn't-" she sighs. "I was. Hell, I even left you a note. Yes. I was sneaking. I'm sorry."

"So, you weren't even going to say goodbye?"

She bites her lip and looks away. "I am sorry but I… I can't… I couldn't…"

"It's fine. I think I understand."

"No, it's not. It's not fine at all. I know I'm not being fair. But… you know what? Maybe it's more than their wedding going on, making me leave. Maybe I'm only using their wedding as an excuse."

"An excuse to leave?"

"I don't want to leave. But I feel like I have to."

"It doesn't make much sense to me."

"I know. But I'll be honest with you. I can't play this game of having you and not having you at the same time. Not for long. I'm sorry. Before that accident took you from me, we... You have finally let me in and it was amazing. But now, you're again out of my reach. You leave and you never tell me anything and… and I can't deal with this again. Without you…"

She comes closer to me, wrapping her arms around me and placing her cheek on my chest. I already feel hot spots piercing through my shirt.

"I'm not being fair to you, I know it and I'm sorry. I could have said no to them. But I eventually said yes. I hate myself for that, but I can't do this now. With everything going on... I can't do it. I know I'm being a coward for doing this now, but I don't feel capable of doing this. It's breaking my heart to have you and not really having you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to say that. You did nothing wrong. I just… I need a little time, Dimitri. But I'll never leave, okay? Not forever. I made you a promise once and I want you to know that this here is not me breaking it. I won't be one of your birds. I just... I need to… I don't know… deal with this? Get used to it? With you being…" she gets crying harder. "Forgive me for leaving."

"Oh, Rose. It's alright." I start soothing her back and she holds me tighter. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to."

"I do, Dimitri. I think I do have to go."

"What did I do wrong?"

"I just want you to trust me. Every day that I see you, I feel like I'm losing you all over again." She places a palm on my cheek, and brushes her nose on my other, taking a deep breath in. "And I don't want this to hurt anymore." She lets that breath out and I feel one of her tears passing on my neck.

We pull apart and she's crying even harder.

"You don't have to go, Rose." I am almost begging her not to.

"I do. I really do. I'm sorry, but I can't go through this all over again. I know you don't get it, but it's really hard for me. I'm sorry that I'm being selfish, but I can't fight with you about that. Not again."

"What are you talking about?"

She comes back in my embrace and talks through the tears.

"I know you don't remember, but we have been here before with me asking you to trust me and…" she shrugs. "I can't do it again."

I think I get it now.

Not asking for anything more, I hold her in my embrace for as long as she needs.

"Dimitri? Can you do something for me?"

"Yes. Anything."

"You promise?"

"I do. I promise."

"Pull away from me. Push me away."

"What?"

"Please." But still, she doesn't seem ready to let go. On the contrary. She holds me even tighter. "I need you to do it because I can't. If you don't do it, I'm afraid I'll never leave."

I don't want to let go either. "Rose…"

"Just do it. Please. Pull away from me."

And I know that for as long as I don't do it, she won't do it. We could be staying here, embraced, all day long. Entire days. She wouldn't pull away, even though it's hurting her so bad. And I can't stand to see her like this.

So, with heavy arms, I take my hands from around her and when I get a hold of her forearms, she tightens her embrace on me, but I keep my ground and do what she asked me. I wrap my fingers tighter on her and outpowering her, I unclasp her hands from around me.

Hearing her sobs, I was a second away from giving up and going back to holding her, but I shove my thoughts aside and push her away from me.

Seeing her face breaks my heart. She looks at me and a ghost of a smile appears on her lips as she nods. She wipes her tears and turns to leave.

"Rose?"

She stops mid-step, and a sob shakes her body.

"Yes?" Her voice trembles too, and maybe she's afraid I'd stop her. But no. I'll respect her wish. I just wanted her to know something before leaving.

"I honestly care about you. Goddamnit, Rose, I love you. And if I hurt you, I am sorry. I really am."

She turns slightly, enough to look me in the eyes.

"I love you too. And this is not goodbye. I promise."

"I know." I get closer to her, just for a second, just to kiss her forehead. "Now go."

Nodding, she wants to leave, but this time, Ash started pulling her back. Until now he has been silent, but now he's acting out.

"Ash, please." Her voice breaks and she doesn't dare look at me again. "Please, let's go, Ash.|"

While trying to wipe her tears, the leash slips out of her hand and Ash runs to me.

I crouch and stop him. "Hey you, go back to her. _Now_," I scold him. "Don't you dare upset her more."

But he does the opposite. He sits at my feet and he's determined not to leave.

"Ash, go!"

Still, he remains unmoveable.

"No, it's okay, Dimitri. He… he wants to stay. Could you keep him?"

"Sure."

"Thank you."

Before leaving, she gives me one last look.

"This is not goodbye, okay? It's an… an 'I'll see you soon'."

"Yeah. I'll see you soon. Take care, Rose. Of both of you."

And with that, she leaves.


	49. He called me Roza

**Sorry guys that I keep on making you wait for two weeks for an update, but lately, I have no idea why, creativity is going a little slow for me. I love you for sticking around always and reviewing and supporting me!**

**I guess that I should announce you that I'm intending to wrap up the story (I'm running out of ideas and they finally deserve their happy ending, right?) and that it will happen in about two to max three chapters :) **

**Love you lots guys and stay safe!**

* * *

**He called me Roza**

**DPOV**

Entering the apartment, the first thing I spot is the note Rose left for me. It says she's sorry at least ten times, but I don't find there the reason for her departure, so I'm glad that at least I got that explanation from her.

Sitting for some minutes watching Ash sniff the letter, my phone ringing finally makes me move.

It's Ivan.

**IPOV**

"Rose left," he tells me right away, and damn, he sounds helpless.

"I know."

"I know you know." His tone sounds accusing now and yes, I feel guilty about it, but I know I'm right.

"Look, I may be the worse brother for doing what I did, but I asked her to come because I knew she wouldn't leave on her own. Talking to her on the phone, Liss told me she felt Rose is miserable. She needs a break from all that, man."

"I know. You're right. I'm not holding it against you. But I thought… I was such a fucking idiot! How could I not see she felt that way?"

He says nothing for the next minute and I wonder if he'll start yelling at me or something. It feels like the calm before the storm.

"Dimitri?"

"Just… take care of her, will you? Please. She… I believe she's in quite a fragile state. And I'm the one responsible for that."

"I will. I promise. And for what it matters, it took me so much to convince her to come. She didn't want to, and she kept refusing me for the past three days." It took me by surprise when she called me earlier and told me she'll come.

"It's better for her this way. I know it. But I… God, Ivan, I can't lose her."

"What do you mean? She'll only be here, but she'll still be waiting for you."

"Until when? Until fucking when, huh?"

"Until you… remember?"

"What if I never remember?"

"Look, she's not giving up on you. She could have done it a long time ago, considering the stuff you two went through. But she didn't. She won't flee this time either. She's a stubborn one. So don't lose hope. Things will settle." Eventually. I hope.

**RPOV**

It's already late when I get to Ivan's, and after driving for so long, my back hurts like hell.

The second he sees me, he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight.

"I'm an awful person."

"Oh, kiddo. You're not. It will be alright."

"You can't know that."

"I do. I know that if anyone could make things right, it's him. He'll find a way. That bastard always does."

"Thank you for… giving me hope. Because I don't think I have much left."

"That's why you're here. I'm full of hope and optimism."

"Do you think he hates me?"

"He could never hate you."

I didn't hear her coming, but I feel a second pair of arms around us, and Lissa whispering in my ear.

"It will all be alright, sweetie. We're here for you. For both of you. We'll have a slumber party these days, just us the girls, and we'll talk it all out."

She winks at me before leaving, then starts speaking to someone on the phone.

"Who is she speaking to at such a late hour?"

"Some of our guests." He shrugs. "Lots of friends, different time zones, what can you do?"

"Can I help?"

"Kiddo, we didn't really ask you to come here for any help, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I knew, but-"

"Come with me."

He takes me to the training room at the basement.

"What are we doing here?"

"Take these and put them on." He gives me a pair of boxing gloves.

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Okay. Now what?"

He puts on a pair of focus mitts and smiles at me. "Now hit me."

"What? No!"

"Hit me, Rose. You won't hurt me. Just let it all out. I know you've gathered enough in here." He points to my heart. "It will do you good."

So I do as he said. Punch after punch, I feel the tension gathered in me all these days leaving my body.

And even though I promised myself I won't cry anymore, here I am, bursting in tears.

"It's not fair!"

"I know. Hit harder!"

I hit harder and harder, until I consume the last drop of energy in my body and my knees fall from under me.

"I lost him! I'm losing him!"

Getting to the floor too, Ivan tries to soothe my sobs away.

"Give him time, kiddo. Yourself too. It will be alright. You both will be."

**DPOV**

All evening, I tried to keep myself busy with looking for more clues about the person responsible for the accident, asking questions left and right and talking to all kinds of people, bribing some, threatening others, but all the leads I found so far took me nowhere. Here's one more reason to be frustrated at night.

What's the point of it all? What's the point of everything?

Coming back to an empty apartment in the middle of the night, it makes it all ten times- a hundred times worse. At least I knew I could come back to Rose, I knew that I lie in bed next to her, hold her. But now, that's gone too.

Lying in bed, feeling her scent all over the pillows and sheets, everything that happened gets more real. I miss her like crazy.

But when I close my eyes, preparing for a night filled with thoughts and blame, Ash comes to me, his wet nose nudging on my hand.

He has his leash in his teeth, his eyes begging.

"No one took you out today, huh?"

He drops the leash on the bed and barks.

"Yeah, let's go, why not?" I'll have something to keep my mind busy for a while.

* * *

When we come back from a walk on what seemed to be half a town, I'm exhausted. At least I'll fall asleep fast.

But all I can do now is to stare at the ceiling, despite the tiredness I feel.

Come on, Dimitri, you idiot! Remember something. Anything! So many things happened between you two. Remember just one. A fucking thing! One, please.

Hearing some paws pat on the floor, I see Ash coming by the bed, looking at me with begging eyes.

"What now? You're fed, I walked you too, so what's missing?"

His paw patting the bed, he whines.

"Come here, buddy. Get up."

With a bark, he hops in bed and turns himself into a ball next to me, his head rested on Rose's pillow.

He sniffs it a couple of times and whines. I soothe his fur, but it doesn't seem to help him much.

"I know, buddy. I miss her too."

**RPOV**

I couldn't sleep. It's not like I didn't expect it to happen. What I found unexpected was that hour I took a nap into. Maybe the long drive got me tired in some way.

But now I'm sitting at the table in the kitchen, with a tea that has started to get cold, and it's only 4 in the morning. I'm seeing a looooong day ahead.

What I didn't see was Ivan coming downstairs. I thought I was silent enough when I left my room and down here too, but I guess I wasn't.

"Hey, kiddo. What's the matter?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Thinking too much?" oh, he knows me so well. I nod. "You didn't start cooking yet, didn't you?"

"I would have done too much noise and I didn't want you two to know I'm not sleeping."

With a smile on his lips, he takes a seat across the table.

"But I thought we settled things earlier."

"I thought that too. But honestly? I don't know anymore. Am I really doing the right thing? I mean, leaving him there was the right thing to do?"

"Maybe it was."

"Do you mean that or are you just saying it so I won't feel bad about it?"

"Both?"

"That's not helping, old man. Not at all."

"Look, kiddo. He's a big boy. I'm sure he can manage it and that he understands why you needed to do this."

"Maybe you're right. But I still feel bad. Maybe it's not, after all, the best thing for him."

"But maybe it is the best thing for you."

"Isn't that selfish?"

"Maybe you need to be selfish now."

"What? How can you say that?"

"I know you feel horrible for leaving. But I know too that you didn't leave for the wrong reasons. And listen to everything I have to say before you get up and kick my ass."

"Fine. I'm listening."

"When I said the best thing for you, I meant the best thing to do for you and the baby, in case you forgot you're not the only one you should look after. And Dimitri has already told me- _threatened_ me to make sure you lack nothing while you're here. So he understands it's for the both of you. That it's better for you and the baby to be away from that situation for a while. To let him figure out his shit. All the stress you put yourself through, it's not good. All this worrying for him…"

"But I can't-"

"I know you can't stop worrying about him. I can't either. But it is not bringing you any good. Plus, all these sleepless nights. I know this isn't your first one. And yes, you feel responsible for this shit, but you shouldn't. This is how things are and you have to deal with them in a way that is good for you. You need to take care of yourself too, kiddo. If not for you, you owe it, at least, to the little guy to be tranquil. Dimitri… well, Dimitri needs some time now, and that's all you and I can do, to give him time."

"Maybe you're right. But I wish I'd be there to support him more."

"You are supporting him enough, even if you're here. And he knows that. Don't doubt that. You two are not parting ways. You're just taking some time to figure this out. You may think it's selfish, but I don't. He doesn't think that either."

"He doesn't?"

"No. Because, for what's worth it, one thing I know for sure, despite this mess - even if he doesn't remember things, he still cares for you, Rose. It's in the way he speaks to me about you, in the way he cares for you. He hasn't changed in that matter. He's still the same, even with the memory loss. He'd do anything for you. You just… be patient with him. He's doing his best given the circumstances."

"I know. And I will. I promise."

"Good. I'm glad we came to the same conclusion. Again. And you'll see, two weeks will pass in no time. You can talk on the phone and shit too, so it won't be that hard. We're not in the Stone Age goddamnit."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am. I always am. I'm the old, wise guy, aren't I?" Nodding, I smile. "Is that a smile I got from you? Wow, I am not only wise, I'm awesome too." This time, I laugh a little and he extends his hands across the table to hold mine. "It's good to see you like this, Rose. It will be okay, you'll see. Now, you'd better get some sleep."

"But I'm not tired."

"The hell you're not. I am not letting you lose one more night of sleep. In this house, we sleep. A lot at times. Plus, if Dimitri would know I let you skip this night, being here and nurturing that cold tea instead of sleeping, he would kick my ass and I don't want that. At all. I want to be handsome for my wife to be, okay? And I can't do that with broken bones in my body or bruises all over my face." We laugh some more. "Now, kiddo, to bed with you. And if I see you awake before at least twelve, I'm tying you to bed, and to hell if I'm kidding. I bet I'll have Dimitri's approval on that too."

**DPOV**

Excited about our morning walk, Ash is jumping all around the living room, and his tail stumbles over some things on the coffee table.

As I gather them off the floor, from an agenda falls something.

It's a set of photos. Of us, in a photo booth. We kiss on the lips. We make silly faces. I kiss her forehead. She's laughing. We laugh. She's looking at me with those eyes and I'd bet my money that she told me she loves me seconds before that photo has been taken.

When did this happen?

The dress she's wearing is familiar. The date. Our first date. It must be that. And yeah, she looked gorgeous in that dress.

I continue to look at her wide smile and it all comes to me, the memories overflowing in my brain so fast that I need to take a seat on the floor.

_The carnival is a bright, bubbly place, filled with screaming kids and laughing families. But all I can see and think about at this moment is how beautiful Rose is with that smile lighting up her face, amazement filling her voice as she's telling me all the games she wants to try. God, how I love seeing her happy._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_There is a firework show that started and she urges me to get out of the photo booth, tickling me more than pushing me out._

_"I don't want to miss that! Let's hurry!"_

_After a brief run to the perfect spot, she's still holding my hand while her eyes are looking up. Me, I prefer to look at her face rather than at the lights in the sky. _

_"It's so beautiful, isn't it?"_

_"Yeah, it is." She is._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_We're in the Ferris wheel and she squeals when we get to the highest point, the excitement in her being nothing but contagious._

_"I fucking love this date, comrade. It's perfect!"_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_"You still suck at shooting, love."_

_"Well, that's why I have you to win me a teddy bear."_

_"How are you going to name it?"_

_"I'm thinking about Captain Squishy."_

_"You're not serious, aren't you?"_

_"Of course I am."_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_She stumbles and I catch her before she loses her balance._

_"Love, did you get that drunk?"_

_"I did not."_

_"But you are at least tipsy. How many drinks did you have?"_

_"If we're stating facts here, you're so hot right now. Let's go."_

_She takes my hand back in hers and wants to lead the way, but I don't move. I throw her a look instead._

_"Fine. Maybe I'm tipsy. But juuuust a little. A teeny tiny bit."_

_"What about getting those heels off?" _

_"Why would I?"_

_"So you wouldn't break your neck? Plus, I can see that your feet hurt."_

_"How the hell do you even know that?"_

_"I just do. Your legs must be tired."_

_"You're so careful." She kisses my cheek. "This is what I love about you. Amongst many other things, of course. But I'd rather not walk barefoot, you know?"_

_"Fair point."_

_"We're close to the car too, so my legs won't break or something."_

_Speaking of legs breaking, she steps into a little hole in the ground and stumbles again. Thank God nothing happened._

_"Okay. From now on, I'm carrying you."_

_"But-"_

_"No buts." _

_After I hand her the teddy bear, I pick her up._

_"Am I not heavy?"_

_"Never."_

_"You're just being polite. I am wet, so is Captain Squishy, and I ate a ton too."_

_"Call me impressed about that, love. How does so much food gets into someone so-" I seal my lips when she lifts her head and squints her eyes at me._

_"You were going to say little."_

_"No, I wasn't."_

_"You were."_

_"Sorry."_

_She chuckles as she gets some wet strands of hair out of my face. _

_"It's fine. I may sound silly to say this now, but I like being little with you."_

_"What do you mean?" _

_"Maybe I am more than tipsy. I should stop talking."_

_"No. Come on, love. Tell me."_

_"You know I am little. Not _that_ little, but compared to you… You know what I mean. But you never treated me like that. You never even tried to change that. You never told me to wear heels or other bullshit like that. You helped me find the good in that. Like, use it to my advantage. In a fight and all. It sounds stupid, doesn't it?"_

_"Not at all."_

_After kissing my cheek, she rests her head on my shoulder._

_"I like being short around you. It's like I'm Tinkerbell and hell, I think I love it." She chuckles. "Too bad I don't have the magical powers and stuff."_

_"But you have magic powers. Over me."_

_Laughing, she punches my chest. "You're such a charmer, comrade."_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_"Dimitri?"_

_"Yeah?" I ask, preoccupied with taking my coat off, but she stops me from doing it. "Why?" _

_She rests her back against the car and watches me with her head tilted._

_"You know what this coldness outside brings?"_

_"What?"_

_"Give me your hand."_

_"Why?"_

_"Will you just do that? And…" she looks around, smiling playfully. "Close your eyes too." _

_"Okay, fine."_

_I close my eyes and she takes my hand. I don't know what for, but she's up to something. She always is, especially when tipsy. _

_Giggling, she places it somewhere on her body. And how could I ever not recognize the roundness of her breast? Plus, I feel everything through the thin, wet material of her dress._

_"You're not wearing any bra," I tell her again. _

_"Am not," she says amused. "But I don't think you forgot that."_

_"I didn't." How could I have? I tried to ignore it all night too, but now, with her doing this…_

_I open my eyes and see her smiling, biting her lower lip as she's watching me._

_"The question is… whatcha gonna do about it?"_

_"I think I'll better show you."_

_Just to be sure, I look around for someone and thankfully, I find nobody. It's good that it's late. _

_I hop her onto the car while I kiss her. Starting to play with her piercing nipple, her hips get swaying against mine and I think I'll take her against the car if she doesn't stop._

_And after all, why not? It wouldn't be the first reckless thing I've done with her. So without thinking too much, I round her legs on my waist and walk my hands under her dress._

_"Dimitri," she scolds me while slapping my hand away. "We can't do it here."_

_"Well, then you shouldn't have provoked me. You know I can't say no to a challenge."_

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_"You always make me break rules, comrade," she whispers to me as I push the thin strips of her dress off her shoulders. _

_"Don't you pretend you don't like it."_

_"I love it," she moans as I capture her nipple with my lips, sucking hungrily. "I fucking love it."_

_She pulls her dress even further up and starts grinding her hips on me._

_"Oh, comrade. You're so hard. So ready."_

_"Does that surprise you? I thought of you like this all night long."_

_Her teeth biting my earlobe, she moans once more when I pull her down, the heat between her legs making me lose it a little bit more._

_"Then let's not make you wait. Are they in the glovebox?"_

_"Mhm. In there."_

_"Then wait a sec."_

_She pulls away from me and smiling, she wipes some smudges of lipstick from around my lips. The way she traces her thumb over the edges of my mouth, it gives a tingly, ticklish sensation, and I make her squeal when I pretend I want to bite on her finger._

_Before lifting off me, she pulls her dress a little up, covering her chest, then she gives me a peck._

_Turning around she bends over the front chairs to reach for the glovebox._

_And how could I not take advantage of this sight? I would be crazy not to._

_Caressing her hips, I slip my fingers under her dress, lifting it some more._

_She chuckles. "Comrade… You're impatient."_

_"Damn right I am."_

_Running my hands up on her thighs, I reach the hem of her panties. I first try to pull them down, but then decide not to bother too much with that. So I rip them and let them fall to the floor. Hearing the lace rip is music to my ears. And that isn't the only thing I'd rip off her, to be honest. _

_"Hey!" She protests. "I'll end up pantyless if you continue to do that."_

_"I don't see any problem there."_

_"Of course you don't, you little brat."_

_"Watch your words, love." I make her squeal as I pinch on her ass._

_"See? I told you you're a brat."_

_But I continue to stroke her damp skin, trying to keep myself composed. And if she won't find that condom faster, I might lose it._

_"I can't seem to find them. Are you sure they're here?"_

_"Yes. I'm sure. Take your time, love, I don't mind." _

_I know I'll take my time enjoying her. Not resisting the temptation of tasting her flesh, I bite on her ass now, making her squeal in surprise once more, while she half scolds me._

_"What, love?"_

_"If you continue like that, I won't be able to find the condoms."_

_"I don't mind."_

_Getting my hand in between her knees, I make my way up, and she responds to me, parting her legs to welcome my touch._

_"Dimitri, just…" she sighs as I reach her wetness, and even lets out a moan when I tease her entrance. "Oh, I think I- oh!" She tightens her muscles around my fingers when I penetrate. "Oh, comrade, you... God." She sways her hips and moans some more. "I have- oh, _God_!" I reach deeper in her, just to hear her some more. "I found- ah!" I do it again. "I found them," She says fast and relaxes, her body bending over the chair some more and letting me get her even wetter, reach even deeper, lets me reach new spots in her with my fingers. I don't stop my movements until I feel her so close to coming, her juices dripping around my fingers._

_When I pull my fingers out of her, she still moans, but it's a displeased, unsatisfied sound._

_"Oh, comrade, don't do that," she whines._

_She gets up and faces me again, a killing glare in her eyes as she looks at the eagerness of my body for her._

_"I should pay you back," she threatens._

_"But you won't do it."_

_"Why wouldn't I?"_

_"Because you're as ready to finish as I am."_

_"Sometimes it annoys me so much that you're right," she says starting to unbutton my shirt._

_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _

_Kissing her neck, I taste the sweetness of her flesh, as the heat we created in the car made the windows foggy and got us sweaty._

_Getting to a sitting position, she looks at me smiling and putting her hair behind her ears._

_"Oh, Dimitri. I'm not saying this only because you fucked my brains out." She chuckles. "For this too, of course. But tonight, it has been wonderful and oh…" she comes closer and kisses me lightly, then rests her forehead on mine, biting her bottom lip. "You know I love you, right?" She kisses me once more._

_"You already mentioned it on the street and a couple of times before."_

_"So what? Am I not allowed to say it more than once?" She repeats it, then gets a hold of my cheeks and kisses my nose. "I fucking love you."_

_"You seem to enjoy using that word a lot ever since I met you, love. What happened to your swear jar policy, huh?"_

_She pouts. "From all I've said, that's all you heard? Me saying fuck?"_

_"Of course, not, love. You know that no word of yours gets past my ears."_

_"It doesn't, huh?"_

_"Never. And it was a good night for me too. You made it like that. And I love you too. More than anything."_

_"Oh, Dimitri…"_

_"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, love."_

_"I wouldn't go that far. I brought a lot of mess with me."_

_"It was all worth it. _You_ are worth it."_

_Smiling, she looks at me like that again. Full of love._

_"I love you, Dimitri. So much. You make my heart go all silly. All the fucking time." _

I guess Ash was trying to get my attention for a while now, but I was so caught up in trying to remember more, to bring back another piece of what happened that night that I didn't hear or feel him nudging his nose against my cheek until now.

"Hey, buddy. It's okay. I'm fine."

He looks at me for a second with his head tilted, then decides to believe me, so he sits next to me, waiting.

But maybe I'm not that fine.

Why can't I remember more?

Why were we wet?

Why don't I remember the rest of the night? What did we do before?

Why none of the other things she said we did doesn't come to my mind?

I don't think I'm okay with this slow progress.

_You could call her. You have a reason now._

But I don't get the chance to call first. I didn't really find the courage to do so, but that's how, three days after she left, Ivan calls me. And he sounds freaked out.

"Wait. Can you repeat that?"

"Focus, Dimitri. Rose. Last night. Something is happening to her in her sleep."

"Maybe it was a bad dream."

"Oh, no. It wasn't _just_ a nightmare. It was worse. It was terrible. She woke up crying and screaming. She was terrified and we couldn't find it ourselves to let her sleep all by herself. Liss spent the night in her room, even though she told us she's fine. We didn't buy that shit."

It sounds oddly familiar to me, but I can't remember a time when it happened these past days when I was with her. I only have an image in my mind with me holding her at night, but it goes away as fast as it came.

"What happened to her? She doesn't want to tell me and insists it's nothing. But I know what I saw. And that is not nothing."

"I don't know," I say, and even though I tried to hide my frustration about it, he still felt it in my voice.

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't want to sound like that. But I thought that she-"

"She didn't tell me about it. I wonder why."

"Because all she does is to try to protect you, that's why. But this? It's not something normal. We're worried about her. For the baby too. That kind of stress…"

"Pass her to me on the phone."

I wait as he hands her the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Ivan told me about last night."

She laughs a little. "He's snitching everything to you?"

"Kind of. But to his defense, I threatened him to kick his ass if he wouldn't let me know when something's wrong with you."

"But it's not. I ju-"

"Tell me, please. Let me know."

* * *

"You're feeling better now?"

Sniffing her nose a little, she says she does. But I don't know if I'm sure about it. What she told me about Mason and how she was crying earlier, I don't think it could get better that fast.

"Talking to you helped. A lot."

"Promise me you'll call me next time it happens."

"But-"

"Promise me."

"Okay, I promise. But don't mind me now. It passed. What about you? How have you been these days?"

Miserable without you.

"I remembered something today."

"You did? That's amazing!" there it is again, the unconditional hope she puts in me. "What was it?"

I tell her the little bits I remembered, taking my time talking to her, enjoying hearing her as she adds more details to my story, enjoying hearing her voice after all this time.

When I tell her the last thing that came to my mind, she gasps a little.

"Oh… that… you remembered that too? Not that I'm not glad… but _that_?"

"Why do I get the feeling you are blushing?"

"Because I am?"

"Oh, Rose."

* * *

Some nights later, like every other night, I try to remember something, the littlest of things. But it's like the more I try, the harder is to get a grip of anything.

Tonight too, Ash makes his way into the room, stopping next to the bed again. Using his pleading eyes, he whines and keeps on moving his gaze from me to the empty spot next to me.

"She let you sleep in bed a lot, huh?"

He now taps the bed with a paw, making me laugh.

"Come up, buddy. Don't ask for permission a third night. Hop up."

He tries to jump in bed, and I have to give him a hand with his heavy ass.

"Rose used to spoil you big time too, right?" And I swear he shakes his head in response. "Oh, but I have the feeling you've gotten a little fat lately, buddy." With a little growl, he dismisses the idea. "What if we make another trip to the park a usual thing, huh?" He hides under Rose's pillow, making me laugh further. "But you'll see your girlfriend again." His head snapping out from under the pillow, he now seems interested. "You're fun to be around, you know that?"

And I am starting to get crazy. I am speaking to a dog almost all day long.

"But she used to speak to you a lot, didn't she?"

Of course, Ash cannot confirm that, but I swear I'm right. I'm either remembering or I'm imagining her singing and dancing around a kitchen, putting up a little show for her dog.

Maybe I should ask her.

On impulse, I get my phone out.

But something doesn't feel right.

In the silence that follows, Ash makes himself little and rests his head into the crook of my neck, then starts whining.

"What? You think I should do it? Should I call her?"

He whines some more and starts sniffing the phone.

"You won't find her there, buddy. She's not there."

Disappointed, he sets his head on my chest, over his paws. He looks so sad.

"You miss Rose a lot, don't you?" Hearing her name, he turns his head to one side. "Yeah, me too. I miss her too."

And I don't think I can fall asleep with this thought in my head.

"What about that extra walk now?"

He instantly gets up and hops out of the bed, rushing on the hallway, probably looking for his leash.

* * *

When I come back, it doesn't take me much to fall asleep.

But my phone ringing interrupts my few hours of sleep a night.

I don't bother to look, I just answer.

"Hey, um…" it's Rose. I instantly snap up to a sitting position, scaring Ash a little with my reaction.

"Hey, love."

"I woke you up, didn't I? I did. Shit. It's 3 am, of course you were sleeping," She babbles something more. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay. I wasn't sleeping anyway."

"You say that so that I won't feel bad about it."

"And is it working?"

"Not really. I still woke you up."

"It's nothing, trust me. Ash was keeping me awake anyway." And this is how I get myself a skeptical look from the one I lately share the bed with. I swear that this dog gets a lot of things.

"Was he? Is he being a trouble?"

"Not at all. He's a good companion. What about you? What happened?"

"You don't mind I called? It's so late."

"Don't be silly." I'd rather stay up with her than all by myself. "How are you? Did you dream something?"

"I did. And I promised…"

"I'm glad you called me. Tell me."

"Do you remember that thing with Mason I told you the other day? Well, tonight it was kinda the same."

**RPOV**

But it wasn't, in fact, the same. As usual, I dreamt Mason's death and all the other stuff before he got shot. But there was a twist this time. This time, as I hold him while he's bleeding to death, I hear a sound that makes me look away for a second.

When I look back, the person that is lying dead in my arms, is Dimitri. And if things weren't bad enough already, I see that I am the one who is holding the gun.

And whatever this dream would mean, it scares me to death.

"I don't know why these came back, I really don't. I thought I was good."

"It's okay. I'm here for you. At least to listen…"

"Thank you."

"Aren't you tired, love?"

Looking at the time, I see it's been over an hour since we're talking.

"I am, a little. But…" But I'm afraid to go back to sleep.

"Once upon a time-"

At his unexpected words, I laugh a little. "What are you doing?"

"I'm telling you a story. It seemed right to do that. I had the feeling we did this a lot."

"We did."

"So, is that okay?"

"Yes. I'd love to hear it."

* * *

When I wake up, I see that the call didn't end. He's still at the other end, sleeping and snoring lightly. I guess. It's either him or Ash, I can't tell through the phone.

"I love you, Dimitri," I whisper into the phone. "I miss you so much and I was an idiot to leave. The biggest of them all. I made that shit again. I left. But I just couldn't bear the thought of you not trusting me again. I know I'm a coward for not being able to tell you this when you're awake. But I can't take it back anyway. I only hope you don't hate me for it. Or too much."

* * *

Some calls here and there, Dimitri not remembering anything more, me doing nothing much to help the soon to be newlyweds, two weeks pass as fast as Ivan predicted, and the day of the wedding comes.

I've been up all night thinking only about the fact that Dimitri will be here today. I even started counting the minutes until he'll be here. It would be such a disaster for me if he'd be late and I'd have to wait for him for longer. I'd go insane if I don't see him sooner.

But what if he doesn't come? No, this can't be. It's his brother's wedding. He'll be here, no matter what.

But what if he doesn't want to see my face ever again? What if he'll refuse to speak to me? What if the worst things I imagined come true?

Well, I couldn't blame him for starters.

Anyway, I need to go see if Lissa needs my help with any last-minute thing. At least I'll keep my mind busy somehow.

But when I get into the big hallway downstairs, I see him entering the hotel. He must have arrived some time ago because I don't see any luggage around him and he's already dressed in his suit.

Looking at him some more, my heart starts beating like crazy and I think it was on the verge of exploding when he saw me too. Not that I am too hard to spot. I'm the only idiot sitting in the way of everyone.

And oh my God, he's coming my way!

But Ash reaches me first, running and dodging through the people keeping us apart. Oh, I missed this goofball too.

After I give him a little suffocating hug and I stop him from licking the make-up off my face, I finally get back up. Seeing Dimitri in front of me, being so close to me, it seems unreal.

"Hey." So stupid of me! I see him in so long and this is what I say? What am I, a schoolgirl? I bet I even had a stupid silly smile plastered on my lips too.

"Hello, Rose." oh, God, his voice. I missed him so much it's sickening.

But the silence between us is terrible. He definitely hates me. And oh, the way he looks at me…

"You um… you look very handsome."

He indeed is very handsome today. His hair has grown some more and I'd give the world to pass my fingers through it, to feel its silkiness. Plus, he's wearing a dark blue suit, no tie, two buttons are undone on his white shirt and that's enough to make me dream of him taking his clothes off. Wow. I don't know why I'm thinking of that now.

But, for whatever reason, he doesn't say anything back. He looks like he'd be thinking of completely something else. Well, maybe he's thinking of ways to tell me how much he hates me.

"Dimitri?" I wave my hand in front of his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say? I got a little distracted."

Looking behind me, I find nothing that could have distracted him.

"By what?"

"By you. You look so beautiful and this dress… wow. You're gorgeous, Rose."

"Thanks. Lissa made me buy it. She said that red and velvet would look amazing on me, so-"

"It does. And I think I'll have to thank her for making you buy this," he says as his eyes shamelessly drift down towards my cleavage, that I must say, thanks to this pregnancy, only got fuller.

I try not to blush too hard, but my hands are fidgeting, pulling onto the lap of my dress.

"It was nice of you to bring Ash."

"Okay, I don't think I can do this for longer."

"Do what?"

"This small talk, Rose. I can't do it."

"Okay. Yeah, I get it. Maybe I should…"

I want to take a step back, but he stops me, his hand letting go of mine pretty fast.

"I want to know something."

"What?"

Looking around us, he doesn't like the place we're sitting into, so he pulls me to one less circulated side of the hallway.

"Where are we standing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… separate rooms, Rose? We have separate rooms? What does that mean?"

"Oh, yeah. I did that. I asked Lissa to get us separate rooms in the hotel. Yes. Don't get mad at them, I asked for that."

"Why? You don't-"

"No. I did it because I thought you'd hate me and you'd be mad at me, and sitting in the same room for the night, it wouldn't have made things better."

"You think I hate you?"

"For leaving? Yes. You should. You don't?"

"No. I couldn't."

"You're nice to say that, but I think I deserve it."

"You don't. God, all I want is to… Can I…"

"What?"

"Can I touch you?"

I nod. It's not like I've missed his touch every single day.

Smiling for the first time since we met again, he puts his arms around me and pulls me closer for a hug. But something doesn't feel like it used to do. My belly is getting in the way a little.

We both laugh as his palms move to the front of my body, rounding on my belly.

"Hey there, my little one. How's it going, baby girl? You're being nice to mommy?"

"Yes, she is. And she's fine. She's growing and I'm starting to feel like a little whale."

"That's not true. You look so beautiful."

"Thank you."

**DPOV**

But she looks different. And I don't know if in a good way. She said she started to feel heavy, but it's her smallness that warns me the most when I look at her. Size-wise, she has always been smaller than me. But today, it's different. She looks like she has lost weight, not gained any.

"Love, do you feel alright? Health-wise?"

"Yes. I've felt nauseous here and there, but it's nothing to worry about. And I swear Ivan and Lissa took good care of me. Why you're asking?"

"No particular reason. I just wanted to make sure you two are fine."

"We are," she says and rests her cheek on my chest. "We are good now."

But holding her in my arms doesn't feel enough.

Cupping her cheeks, I kiss my way up on her cheek, reaching her ear.

"If you'd knew how much I longed for this, love."

"For what?"

"This," I respond, my lips brushing across hers. "God, how I longed for you."

I don't wait for any other cue to kiss her. After all, her lips parting seem enough to me. My tongue entwining with hers, my fingers clutched in her hair, her on the sides of my coat, our mouths moving in sync, it all feels so good, so right. At this very moment, I decide I won't let her go ever again, no matter what reasons she brings.

But when I pull away I see that she's sad about something. I can feel it.

"Did I do something wrong? Was it too much? Shouldn't I have-"

I want to take a step back, but she stops me, holding me even tighter.

"No, you did nothing wrong. I did."

"Rose-"

"I do everything wrong. With you, with your mother and- and I'm so sorry."

"She scolded you, didn't she?" wiping the little tears that fell from her eyes, she nods. "I asked her not to." And not only once. I have spoken to her so many times about the accident and everything going on now.

"But she's right. I had no right not to let her know about what happened to you. But I couldn't find it in me to tell her that you… that you were so close to-"

"Hey, it's alright. I'll talk to her and-"

"She forgave me," she whines. "She told me that she's not holding it against me."

"Then why are you crying?"

"I don't know. Because you two have been so nice to me, and I-"

"Oh, Rose. Stop that. It's fine. Everything is fine now, right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Good. That's all that matters. Now, let's sit for a second, shall we?"

* * *

Someone bursts in my room. I don't even know who this woman is, but considering the look in her eyes, she knows who we are.

"You've been in here all along?"

"Yes."

Rose and I needed a little time away from all that noise and chaos in the hotel. We wanted to catch up with what has been going on lately and with all the people coming, it was impossible to remain on that hallway.

"Good God, guys. Did you even see the time? You have three minutes to come to the ceremony downstairs and take your places, otherwise…" she sighs and pretends everything is fine by smiling crookedly. "If I have to come for you once more, you won't like it."

She slams the door behind her and leaves Rose and me staring at each other.

"Why is she so stressed about?"

"Well, comrade, you have just met Hannah, the MC. She's a little in too deep with this wedding, but she helped Lissa a lot, with basically everything."

"Is she dangerous?"

She laughs. "I honestly don't want to find out."

"So I guess we should get going. We already wasted a minute."

Considering that the elevator is taking too long to come, it will take us more than two minutes to get downstairs. Still, we try to hurry, taking the stairs.

But Rose soon remains breathless and we have to stop.

"I have short legs, comrade, and I'm pregnant. I don't think I can dodge the punishment from Hannah."

"Not if I have a solution to that."

"Which is?"

I pick her up, and with her giggling all the way there, I don't listen to her little complaints about people staring at us, and I don't stop carrying her until I get her to her place. With a kiss on my cheek from her, I head to my place. But not before hugging my brother.

"For a moment there I thought you two ran away to your honeymoon before we would."

"And miss the chance to be your best man? Not a chance."

"And silly me, who I thought you came only to see mama's face as she sees me get married first."

"Who said I didn't? But jokes aside now, I'm really happy to be here."

"Thank you. But enough about me. Tell me, are you two alright?"

"Yes. We are."

And maybe Ivan wanted to tell me something more, but I feel a pat on my back, and when I turn around, I see Hannah, a questioning look in her eyes.

"Why aren't you in your place? The bride will come any second now."

**RPOV**

Before going to his place, he makes sure to smile at me that boyish smile of his that I love so much, which is enough to make my knees feel weak. And he doesn't seem to want to stop. Almost all ceremony long he kept on looking at me, and I swear I couldn't pay any attention to anything that was happening around me.

Anyway, for me this wedding has already taken place yesterday at the rehearsals and I have helped both Ivan and Lissa write a bit of their vows, so I don't think I missed anything. What I missed all these days was him and the feeling is definitely mutual.

What's funny is that as he kept on staring at me, Dimitri forgot when it was his time to intervene and give the ring to Ivan. A thing which made all the people in the room laugh, thanks to Ivan's comment.

"I knew it I should have organized a double wedding, guys. Stay tuned because I may not be the only one getting married today."

But there was no second wedding. There was just a little more attention paid by both of us to the rest of the ceremony.

Until we hit the after party and, of course, we've been seated at the same table.

And as we're sitting next to each other and all the people at our table are currently dancing, my hands somehow found their way all over Dimitri's body. Sometimes it's intentional, but mostly not. I'm taking all my opportunities with touching him. And he notices it.

"Rose, what are you doing? You're drunk or something?" okay, I did not expect this answer from him. Maybe something like touching me back, but definitely not these words. "Sorry. I don't even know why I asked you that. I know you wouldn't drink-"

Oh! It makes sense! "I know why you said that."

"Why?"

"You see, each time I get drunk I get a little too touchy with you." Just to be sure our conversation remains private, I lean closer to him. "But this time it's different."

**DPOV**

"How?"

"It's the hormones now. These little invisible bastards, they've been kicking in big time these past days and it's like I have a thousand little troops marching in me in at this very moment. It's a whole fucking army, Dimitri. And they are marching as hell. They have been doing it aaaaaall day long." To exemplify it too, she drums her fingers onto the table, mimicking an army marching. "And that is…" she growls with displeasure.

"And what about that? What is wrong about that? You feel sad or something?"

"Sad? No." her palm stroking on my thigh once more, she squeezes her thighs together and sighs. "Dimitri sweetheart, don't get me too wrong with these touches, but I am horny as fuck."

Her answer makes me laugh. "Really?" With her looking like she does in this dress and trying to touch me all over, I must admit that it's hard for me not to feel that way too.

"Oh, you have no idea. And it is all your fault." She gets upset out of nowhere and even punches my shoulder.

"What did I do?"

"What did you do? I'll tell you what you've done. You looked so hot all day today and ever since I saw you in that hallway… I swear I can't keep myself together for long. It's itching me to…" she squeezes her eyes shut and putting her hand on my thigh again, as she squeezes on it, she sighs prolonged.

This sight of her, so incredibly aroused, I can't keep myself from teasing.

Under the table, my fingers tracing their way up on her thigh, it makes her shiver.

"Do you need a scratch, my love?"

Her head turns my way and her eyes snap open.

"Don't you dare play with me."

"Who says I am playing? Maybe I can do something about it. Make it better."

"Mmmm. Yes please." She presses the back of her palm between her legs and at the back of her throat, a moan forms as I move my palm towards the inside of her thigh.

Okay, I need to stop this before we end up doing something inappropriate in plain sight.

"Wait for me for a second."

I get up and go speak to Ivan, then come back and I'm now almost rushing her out on the big hallway leading to the elevator.

"Wouldn't people miss us?"

"I asked Ivan to tell anyone who asks that you got a little sick and I took you to lie down for a little."

"That will give us plenty of time, right?"

"Yes, love. All the time in the world."

The second the doors of the elevator close behind us, I waste no second and kissing her, I let my hands roam on her body, finding my way under her dress.

"Dimitri, someone might enter and see us." She makes sure to temper my movements.

"Since when did you become so concerned about that? Minutes earlier you were shamelessly touching me all over."

"Well, sometimes the hormones chill a bit and I get rational thoughts, okay?"

"Fine, okay. I'll wait."

She chuckles and gives me a peck. "Your room or mine?"

"Yours. I don't want to scare Ash again."

As soon as the elevator stops and we exit, we pick up our pace in the hallway, both of us way too eager to wait for longer.

Entering her room, I don't bother with the light or anything, but I take the task of getting all the stuff piled on the bed out of the way.

And when I'm done with that, turning around towards the place I left Rose, well, I have a nice surprise.

I never understood how women got so affected by hormones during pregnancy, but I guess that they're kicking in big time now. Even more than earlier, at the table because Rose has already unzipped her dress and let it fall on the floor. And all of a sudden it's way too hot in here and I need to get rid of everything I'm wearing too.

Starting with my coat that I throw God knows where, and unbuttoning my shirt, I get closer to her.

But as I get closer, some panic appears on her face and she bends for the dress, covering her front.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I just…" She gets biting her lip as she looks down, all of a sudden seeming too self-conscious. About what, I can't figure out.

My arms wrapping on her middle, I pull her closer to me.

"What's wrong, love?"

"I have this thing…"

"What thing?"

"On my belly… you see, it appeared um…"

"A stretch mark?" She nods, her forehead now planting in my chest.

"And you're afraid of me seeing it?" She shrugs. "Why?"

"Don't know…" she mumbles, trying to hide her face some more, but I make her look at me.

"Do you think it would make you less beautiful to me?"

"Would it?"

"No. Nothing ever could."

"Even thou-"

"You're carrying our baby, Rose. That is perfectly normal to happen." Bringing my hands in between us, I round them on her belly. "Don't be ashamed to wear it. I don't care about that, about any scar or imperfection."

I get a hold of the dress, asking for permission, and taking a breath in, when she exhales, she releases the material from her clutch.

"These will never mean anything different than how much you would do for us, love." caressing her belly once more, I reach her hip and walk my thumb over the scar there. "How much you already did too."

I take a step back and hell, how could I not love what I see?

She's sitting in front of me biting her lip, with her wavy hair cascading on her back, and I bet her cheeks are red with shyness. She's wearing white lacy lingerie, her breasts are fuller than ever and threaten to spill out of her bra, her belly is now rounder and more visible, and her hips wider. She changed so much in two weeks

"I swear to God that I've never seen anything more beautiful than you."

Shying away some more, she gets a hold of the edges of my collar and pulls me to her, crushing her lips against mine.

"If you keep on looking at me like that, I'll blush to death."

"I promise not to kill you."

Picking her up, she rounds her arms on my neck and we kiss as I take her to bed. I get one knee on the bed and want to lay her down.

"Um… my doctor kind of told me that I shouldn't..."

"I know."

"You know what?"

"That you shouldn't be laying on your back for too long."

"Oh." She smiles, surprise in her eyes. "Someone did their homework." Well, I had a lot of time on my hands these past days.

I turn around and sit on the edge of the bed, with her mounted on me.

**RPOV**

In this position, we'll be closer to each other.

I like it how eager he is to get me naked, but he's still dressed. That doesn't prevent me from letting him get rid of my bra.

Getting a hold of my breasts and playing with them, he kisses my collarbone.

"Do they hurt you?"

Aw, my man is so thoughtful. "Not lately."

"Good."

One of his hands goes down my ass and the other remains on my breast, rounding his thumb on the now extra sensitive skin of my nipple.

God, if I've only known that being pregnant makes everything more intense, I would have taken all the chances I could with him. But I don't complain. I'm getting to enjoy this now too.

With his hand moving down and reaching in between my legs, just by thinking of what he wants to do, I get wetter. I can feel him close to my spot and I'm already breathless.

"Please, just go-"

"Slow, love. I know. You must be very sensitive these days," He says as he presses slowly on my bundle of nerves, sending shivers down my spine.

He really took this pregnancy thing seriously.

When he proceeds to circle two fingers on me, my whole body tenses and I get him closer to me, gripping on his hair.

"Is this good?"

"Yeah," I moan. "It's perfect."

Pulling onto my nipple, he gets me moaning louder. But he may have gotten that wrong because he breaks contact with my flesh.

"Did that hurt?"

"No, no. It felt so good."

**DPOV**

Taking my hand, she puts it back on her breast and she starts grinding on me, creating friction on my erection and it takes so much from me not to…

God, if she doesn't take it easier, I might end too soon. I must admit that I'm having a hard time keeping myself together. I'm closer to the edge faster than I've ever been and it's all her.

"Easy, love. Easy."

I slow down the movement of her hips and when I pinch on her nipple, she digs her nails into my back, squeezing my thighs with hers and her back arches.

"_Fuck_, Dimitri."

"What about this?" I ask as I slip two fingers under the material of her panties and feel the wetness between her folds as I play with her weak spot.

She impatiently starts dragging on my shirt that has some buttons left unbuttoned.

"Fuck yeah. Fuck… this. Fuck this shirt. I can't wait."

Her hands move further down on my body, getting to my pants and unzipping them in no time.

Looking down, she giggles.

"You were the one teasing me all night, love. What did you expect?"

"You know I didn't mean it. I just couldn't stop myself. But I can make it up for that."

"Can you?"

"Oh, you know I can."

* * *

Steadying her breath, her forehead rested on mine, she looks at me smiling. I reciprocate it and kiss her lightly.

When I want to get her up so that we would lay in bed, she doesn't let me.

"No. Don't," she rounds her arms tighter around me and her voice breaks. "Don't."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just… I want to sit like this. To feel you close to me."

She walks her fingers on my now bare back and I feel a little hot droplet making its way down my spine.

I lift her off me and look at her.

"What's the matter, love? Didn't you like-"

"No. It's not that." She wipes the next tear that falls. "It's nothing, I just… I don't want you to let go of me. I missed you. So, so much."

"My love, I'll never let go of you."

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

Dissolving the distance between our lips, she kisses me hard, her arms holding me so tight she starts shaking. Or it could be her trying not to cry.

"I missed you, Dimitri. So much."

"We did too."

"We?"

"Ash and I."

She laughs a little and kisses me once more. "I'm sorry I left."

"Don't think of that now. Don't think of it at all."

"But I was cruel. I was selfish to do it. I'm sorry."

"I am not mad at you, not even a bit."

"You're so good," she burst in tears. "God, I love you so much."

"I love you too."

My words make her freeze for a second.

Lifting her head, she looks at me, eyes widened. I bet she's wondering if she heard that right.

"Yes, Rose. I said that I love you."

"But… Wha- why?"

This is like the only reaction she has. To ask me why.

I can only smile at her silly question

"What do you mean why? There doesn't have to be a reason. I love you and everything about you and that is it."

Her eyebrows knit. "But…"

"But what? This is not the first time I am telling you this."

"Yeah, but…"

"But it's only the second time you hear it since the accident."

"Well, yeah."

"It won't be the last time I'm saying it, love. I promise you it won't be the last time you hear it."

Turning her head, her lips looking for mine, I meet her halfway and I kiss her once again, tasting her so sweet lips.

"Why do you want me? Why do you want this? All of this? You…"

"I don't owe you anything?"

"Yes. I mean that. You don't have to feel obliged to do anything for me. You shouldn't feel obliged to… want me."

This time, I'm the one frowning. "Did you use to say silly stuff like this before I forgot you?"

"Yeah, I kinda always say these things. You used to like it."

"And I still like your silly things. But not when you say stuff like that."

"But this isn't nonsense. It's true. You-"

"No. It is. Because I…" touching her cheek, I sigh, trying to find the best words to describe it. "I just… I feel you, Rose. And not only physically. I feel you in here." I take her hand and place it over my heart. "And every day, it gets stronger. It's crazy and I don't understand it, but God, how I love it. I love feeling you here. I don't feel obliged to feel anything. I just feel it. And I want you in all the possible ways. I want you because… because I've never had this."

"Have what?"

"Someone to love me as you do. You feel like everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever needed. You are that."

"I am?"

"Yes, God, yes. So, when I'm saying I love you, I'm not doing it out of some obligation or duty or because I feel I owe you something. I do it because I want you in my life. I don't want to give up on you. I want both of you, love. And if you're willing to work with this, with me not remembering you, I... Are you willing to try this with me? To work things out? Give me a chance to show you I mean what I say."

"Yes." Laughing a little through the tears, she nods. "Yes, I do. I want to be with you. I want to keep on being with you. Yes." She buries her face into the crook of my neck and holds me tight. "I will. I always will. I'll never give up on you."

Pulling away, she looks at me smiling and with all that love in her eyes.

I round my palms on her belly and kiss her. "I love you, Rose. Both of you."

Looking down between us, she chuckles.

"So, you did your research, huh?"

"Of course I did."

"It's like that time when I-" her eyes widening, she stops, biting her tongue.

"When you what?"

"Nothing."

"Come on. Say it."

"I um… Searched something on the internet a while ago."

"Like?"

"Like something um…"

"Something involving me?" She nods. "Like?"

She comes closer to whisper in my ear. "Like, your pleasure."

"What else?"

Her nose nudging on my cheek, she gulps. "My mouth."

"Are you sure you were a virgin when I met you?"

"Hey, it's not my fault that you mister have taught me all kinds of kinky stuff."

"Did I?" I play the innocent as I get my hands up on her body.

She smiles, biting his lip. "Oh don't be so proud of yourself."

"But I have reasons to be, don't I?"

"I guess you do."

"One more thing. Was I grateful?"

She chuckles. "Very. A couple of times."

"Well, as I don't remember it, let me express my gratefulness now too."

"I'd love that, comrade."

* * *

**RPOV**

After my knees get their strength back we both lay down.

"Comfy, love?"

"Mhm." I pull his face closer to mine and kiss him. "Always so careful." Brushing my nose against his chest next, I kiss the spot over his heart. "That was a good thank you, comrade."

"I'm glad you liked it."

He gets his hand on my belly and makes soothing circles on it while I lift my hand and follow his features with my fingers. I can never get tired of them.

But looking at him for longer, a thought passes through my mind, thought that makes me smile once again.

"What?"

"Can we do it again?"

He chuckles as his fingers spread on my knee and start moving up between my legs. Reaching close to my core, it reflexively makes my pelvic floor to spasm.

"You want something, love?"

"You know what I want."

Pushing my legs open a little more, a smug smile spreads on his lips. "This?"

"_Yes_. Yes, that." It's crazy how I'm still so incredibly turned on.

"So insatiable, love?"

"I could never get tired of you."

"Is that so?" Without any warning, he penetrates with two fingers, making me moan the positive answer.

"You're a little nymphomaniac, aren't you?"

"Hey!" I close my legs, trapping his hand there. "I'm full of hormones and I missed you for two weeks. Not that any of that would've been your fault, but… I missed feeling you close."

"This close?"

He pulls me closer to him and makes me spread my legs once more, his hand resuming the slow pace in and out.

"Yes. But I'm not a little nymphomaniac." I move my hips in such a way that his fingers leave my body. "I can do without sex more than you, mister. I did, for all these years."

"Wanna bet?"

His lack of trust in that makes my jaw drop, but a second later I put the confidence mask on.

"Sure. Let's bet. I'll win this without any effort."

"Good. Let's see. We're starting tomorrow?"

But I feel the need to be bad, to tease him. "No." walking my foot up and down on his leg, I feel him starting to hard. "We're starting now."

I want to pull away, but he growls and takes a hold of my back, pulling me even closer than earlier, our naked, sweaty skins merging.

"I asked for it, didn't I?"

"You bet you did."

His fingers get in between us and reach even deeper than before.

"But you don't want me to stop."

I tried resisting him, but when he brought his thumb to massage my nub, I lose it.

"No. Please, don't stop."

* * *

Getting back to the party, if anyone noticed our absence, no one mentioned it. So we just mingle our way back to our table, where we don't sit for too long.

"You like this song, don't you?"

I shit you not, it's the same song we danced on on our first date.

"It's funny how you remember the little things, comrade."

"Well, maybe dancing with you on this song would help." He gets up and extends a hand for mine. "Shall we?"

"I'd love to."

As he guides me to the little dancefloor in the middle of the room, Ivan sees us, and of course he has to wink at Dimitri as we pass past him.

"He so knows I didn't feel sick."

"So?" his hands around my middle, he pulls me close to him and kisses my temple. "Maybe half the hotel knows."

"What?"

"Well, you're not what's called silent, love."

"Oh, good Lord." I hide my face in his chest and pray that he's not right.

"I love saying stuff that makes you react like that."

"How's your leg?" I change the subject before he says something that would make my cheeks burn harder.

"Good. It's better."

"Really? Or are you lying to me?"

"No lying. I've been taking long walks with Ash lately, and that helped a lot."

"At night maybe?"

"Yes."

"Cannot sleep much?" he shrugs. "Migraines?"

"Not that many lately."

"So… me?"

"All the time. You've been in my head all the time these past weeks, love."

"I'm sorry I kept you up at night."

"I regret nothing."

But we don't get to enjoy too many dances together because Thomas comes and wants to dance with me. It's nice to see that he came from so far away to attend the wedding.

"I don't want to share you," Dimitri pouts.

"Come on, be nice, comrade. He's a friendly guy and we need to be nice to the other guests."

"Why? He's not my guest."

"Oh, you. He saved your life, didn't he? So at least be grateful for that."

"I think I could have dealt with things by myself just fine."

Him insisting on not letting me go is hilarious.

"It's only a dance, I promise. And you should go find your mother too. From what I remember, you promised her a dance earlier."

"Fine. But when the dance is gone, I come after you."

* * *

**DPOV**

She is sitting on a bench out in the garden, all by herself. I rush to her, ready to scold her for running away.

"Rose? Where did you disappear like that? I looked everywhere for you."

"I needed some air."

"What's the matter, love?"

She looks so pale to me, and when I want to make sure of it, tilting her head, I feel her clammy, cold skin. This is not good.

She tries to bend at the middle, but the belly prevents her from going too far.

"Rose, talk to me."

"I just puked and I don't know why, but it hurts." her rapid breathing isn't bringing me much assurance either. She's starting to panic.

"What hurts?"

She wraps her hands over her belly and tries to bend once again.

"It hurts," she cries. "And I don't know why. I'm a little scared, Dimitri. It never happened before. I'm having cramps and I don't think I should."

"I'm going to get Lissa."

"No. It's her wedding. I don't want to ruin it."

"Then I'm taking you to a hospital."

**RPOV**

And I get crying as I feel the panic creeping up in his voice too. I have such a bad feeling about this.

"It will be alright, love. Don't cry."

He picks me up and rushes towards the exit of the hotel.

I close my eyes for a second and when I open them I'm lying in the backseat of a car and I see Dimitri's face leaning over me. He's calling my name, but I hear him like being far away.

"Roza. Roza, stay with me. Everything will be alright. Stay with me."

I want to lift my hand to caress his cheek, but I don't have enough energy to do that. I want to tell him something too, but all I manage to get out is some babbling. Hell, I don't even know what I want to tell him. I can't have a rational thought now.

"What's… happening to me?"

"It's going to be alright."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. I won't let it happen."

"Hey, you two, are you leaving already?" it's a woman speaking, but I can't attribute a face to that voice.

"I need your help, mama. Now, please. It's Rose."

Soon, I feel some hands lifting my head and lying it on a softer surface. Oh, and that smell. It smells like home.

"Hey, Rose." It's Yeva! And she's now caressing my hair, a warm smile on her lips. "Stay with me, will you?"

"It hurts."

"I know, child. We'll take care of it. You'll be alright. Just stay with me. We are going to the hospital."

But with the car moving, my nausea gets worse. On top of that, everything gets blurry and I try so hard to stay awake, but the numbness that's so close to capture me is so comforting, so painless, and so good to me that I let my eyes close for more than a second.

"Rose?" someone pats on my cheeks. "Come on, stay awake. Don't faint."

Snapping my eyes open, I see Yeva standing over me.

"I'm sorry... for what I did…"

"Don't think of any of that, child. I told you I'm not mad at you. Not at all."

"I'm so scared. I don't want to lose our baby."

"You won't. That won't happen. Dimka, go faster," she moves her attention from me for a second.

And hell, doesn't he go faster. Only thanks to Yeva holding me in place I don't fall off the chair at the curves he takes on the road.

Yeva starts soothing my belly too. "You'll be alright, you hear me? Or else, I'll… how do you say it? I'll kick your ass."

We both smile at each other.

"He… he called me Roza. He remembered that…"

* * *

**DPOV**

Rose fainted a minute ago so when we arrive, I pick her up and get running like crazy across the parking lot. She is moaning lightly and this is the only reassurance I get that she got conscious.

When I finally make it into the hospital, I stop the first person I see and ask for help.

Doctors and nurses come with a stretcher and after I inform them briefly of what happened, they take her away from me and rush into the ER.

I want to follow, but no one allows me to get in there, so all I can do is wait. So I wait.

* * *

"Did you two have sex?"

"I um…" damn this doctor is straightforward. And my mother is here hearing our conversation, but to hell with it. "Yes. Is that why… did we…"

"No. She may have gotten some cramps after an orgasm, and that paired with her feeling sick. But don't worry, it wasn't related. Still, we'll run some tests."

"Can I be there? Please?"

"Sure, why not? We'll do an ultrasound to check on the baby."

Following the doctor into the room, I see that Rose's eyes are open. And thank God, she doesn't look as pale as earlier. Still, she has an IV in her left arm, which makes me question the gravity of what happened.

"Hey, love. How's it going?"

She gives me a little smile and squeezes on my hand as I take hers in mine.

"Good. Better."

As the doctor has a serious face, none of us dares talk as she checks on our baby. But when we hear that tiny heart beating, Rose cannot suppress an excited squeal.

"She's so small, Dimitri."

Smiling back at her, I kiss her forehead.

"We'll be fine, won't we?" she whispers to me.

"Sure. You will."

Wiping Rose's belly, the doctor checks on the IV.

"Take a minute to rest, okay?" she instructs Rose then turns to me. "Can we have a talk outside?"

I don't like at all the tone she has, but not to alarm Rose, I agree to her proposition and follow her outside.

"Is our baby alright?"

"Yes, the baby is fine. But for the mother, the prognosis is not that good. It's a case of hyperemesis, the reason she's losing weight. Plus, she's a little dehydrated now, and that caused the fainting. I must tell you that if you're not careful, you might risk-"

"What can we do? We'll do anything. It's solvable, isn't it?"

"Sure. You only need to be careful."

* * *

Going back to the hotel, the party is almost over and the majority of the guests have left.

"We should give her some time now," Lissa insists when she hears what happened. "Let her be alone for a little while. She'll need to rest. I'll take her to her room."

And considering how upset she got with us for not letting them know right away about what happened to Rose, I don't dare get over her word.

But now someone knocks at my door, despite being close to five in the morning.

Finishing wiping my hair, I get out of the bathroom and open the door.

It's Rose. She's dressed in a hoodie and a pair of loose pants, her face is flushed, and with the sleeves of the hoodie pulled down past her hands, she is putting her hair behind her ears.

"Um... Hey... Are you um... Busy?"

"No. Of course not. Come in."

"Are you sure I am not bothering you? You..."

"Hey. You are not. Come inside." I do that myself when I see her unwilling to move.

Guiding her towards the bed, she sits on its edge of the bed and keeps on staring at her hands. She looks so sad.

Taking a seat next to her, she turns her head and looks at me, biting her lower lip. From the way she looks at me, I know she's on the verge of crying.

I round and arm on her and pull her closer to me. She sighs and wraps her arms around my middle, putting her head on my shoulder.

"Oh, Roza. You scared us. All of us." She pulls away a little and stares at me like I've said something weird. "What?"

"Call me that again."

"What?"

"Roza."

"I didn't call you that."

She smiles a little. "You just did. And you called me that so many times. But not lately…"

"Then I may make it up for it, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah, you could. I'd love you to."

Resting her head back on me, her fingers clutch onto my pants.

"What's the matter, love?"

"I'm so afraid of losing her," her voice breaks.

I soothe her back as she starts crying. "Nothing bad will happen."

"I don't want to lose our baby."

"It won't happen, love. I promise."

"Thank you. For… being strong for me. For not freaking out too." She smiles. "You're anyway more rational than I am in these situations."

"That's why I'm here, love. And now, what if we get you some sleep? It's late, and you'll need the rest. Lissa will kick our asses if she'd knew you're awake."

"Can I ask you for something?"

"Sure. Anything."

"Can I… I don't want to be alone."

"Love, you can stay as much as you want. You can sleep here if you want to."

"Would that be alright with you?"

"Yes, love. It is more than alright."

She smiles. "Thank you."

We lay together in bed and I hold her snuggled to my chest as I soothe her back.

"Tell me something, comrade."

"What?"

"Anything. I don't know…. I just want to hear your voice. It calms me."

"A story?"

"That would be perfect."

* * *

In the morning, he brings me breakfast in bed and as I'm busy munching, his hand goes down on my belly.

"How are you, Roza?"

"Good. I'm really good. No nausea, no nothing."

"What about my other girl?"

I raise an eyebrow, suspiciously. "What other girl?"

He lifts my hoodie and kisses on my belly. "This girl, of course."

I chuckle. "I'm curious. Shouldn't you wish for a male descendant?"

"Oh, love, we have plenty of time to have boys too. I want a house full of kids."

I chuckle again. "A thousand kids, right?"

Shaking his head, he kisses me lightly. "A thousand and one, even if we have to negotiate."

"You remembered that?"

"I guess I did, even though I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's fine. I'm here to fill you in." him remembering little things here and there is better than nothing.

* * *

He didn't even have to ask me to go back with him, it was self-understood.

But on our way home, he takes another route than the one I know.

"Where we're going?"

"You'll see."

A few minutes later, he pulls the car in front of a house. And what a house there. It looks pretty old, but well kept. It has two stories, wooden windows, red brick walls, and a big wooden door at the entrance that looks heavy to pull, the front porch has a little swing, and there's a huge garden surrounding the house.

"Dimitri, what is this?"

"Do you like it?"

"I love it! It's so beautiful."

"Would you like to see the interior too?"

"I really would, but… but how? When did you-"

"Remember my long walks? I saw it one night and I just knew you'd love it."

"I do. I really do."

"Well, it's for sale."

"You're kidding me. It is?"

He nods. "If you want, it can be ours. It can be our home."

My eyes get teary as I embrace him. "Yes, yes, Dimitri. I'd love to. I love this house. It's perfect and you're the sweetest."

* * *

As all the papers are being taken care of, we go around the town and buy a lot of things we would need to fill the house and pack the ones we already have in the apartments.

Of course, as the doctor advised Dimitri not to let me move too much for at least a couple of days, after a little bit of bickering and me being stubborn but him being more stubborn, I am lying in bed as he's putting our stuff in boxes.

And now he enters our room, a book in his hand. Stopping in the doorway, he shows it to me. It's his cowboy book from when he was a kid.

Coming closer and sitting on the edge of the bed, he shows me what's inside too.

"You wrote this letter to me when you-"

"I know."

"You do? You remembered that too?"

His hand on my cheek, he caresses it as he smiles. "I do, Roza. I remember it all."

"It all? But maybe there is something missing, just like the last time."

"No. There's nothing missing. There's nothing missing anymore."

"You mean that…"

He nods. "And oh, God, I'm so sorry for all the things you had to go through."


	50. Will you be my penguin?

**Hello guys! I hope you are all safe and healthy and are having a great week**

** , it's not Galinda, it's someone more familiar ;)**

* * *

**Will you be my penguin?**

**RPOV**

"Can I carry this?"

"No."

But he didn't even look at the box I have shown him!

"This one?"

"Definitely not." Again, he didn't look. He's too busy getting the boxes out the truck, not to mention giving me any attention.

"What about this?"

"Again, no."

"Come on. Let me do something. What about this?"

"Nope."

"Dimitri, darling, I know you're concerned, but it's been a week since I got out of the hospital. And this box has two grams for crying out loud! It's empty!"

Smiling, he finally looks at me. "That box is two grams too heavy."

"You're kidding me."

"Not at all."

"Then what am I supposed to do to help you?"

"That's the thing, love. You don't have to do anything to help me. I told you I got this."

"But I want to help you."

"I'm not letting you."

"You're not the boss of me. You can't prevent me from helping you."

I pick up that empty box, a thing that makes him squint his eyes at me.

"Put. That. Down. _Now_."

With the box cuddled to my chest, I take a step back when he takes one towards me.

"Why don't you come and make me?"

"Say that again and I might make you not walk properly for a while."

My interest peaked, I lift an eyebrow. It would be a premiere for us to do something sexual, considering his concern with anything that could hurt me in the littlest way possible.

"And I'll be doing it here, in plain sight," he adds, just to make things more interesting.

Hell, if he won't follow up to his threat, I'll be more than disappointed.

He then smiles, like already expecting me to dare him. Which I do. I can't resist the temptation.

"You don't have the guts to do that."

"Just try me, love, and see where that takes you." Hopefully to bed.

"For how long won't I be able to walk properly? A few days? A week? Because I must admit it sounds tempting."

"Roza, I swear to God, don't make me-"

"Don't make you what?" I switch to playing the innocent one, smiling at him as he comes closer to me.

"Do you really want to know?"

"I would."

Dissolving the remaining distance between us, his hand sliding down my abdomen, towards my navel, his teeth grit on my earlobe, he makes my whole body tremble with desire.

"Forget about common sense, love. Don't make me do that."

"How?"

"What if I show you instead?

"You know I love the practical part of things."

"Then let me show you."

"Here?" he's actually going to do it?

I mean, it's very early in the morning and no one's around, but hell, I didn't think he'd get this daring. And what our new neighbors would think if anyone sees?

"I told you not to dare me, love."

Smiling at me, he kisses me and kinda charms me because, silly me, I let him take the box from my hands, thinking he has bigger plans with me. But when I expect him to something more, he does nothing. He pulls away.

"Later. Now you're not getting any because you didn't listen to me."

"That's not fair!"

"Oh, that is more than fair, love."

Pouting, I cross my arms under my chest, trying to bring his soft spot for my breasts to my advantage, but it doesn't work. He doesn't move a muscle, even though they threaten to spill out of my blouse.

"Fine. I won't help you carry these boxes. But I'll get bored to death by watching you do it. I want to do something. What am I supposed to do? What am I _allowed_ to do?"

"Out here? Nothing."

"Comrade," I whine. "Come on. Be reasonable."

He thinks for a second, and when he comes up with an idea, he gets a box from the truck and puts it on an armchair.

"Follow me," he instructs me and gets walking, carrying the armchair.

Not knowing what he's planning to do with that, I go after him.

When we reach the living room, Ash has decided to accompany us, as I'm sure he got a little tired from running all around the garden for the past half an hour.

Dimitri places the armchair in front of the chimney, close enough to the big window that gives the most beautiful view out here, and after taking the box off it, he turns to me.

"Sit."

He proceeds to drag me down when he sees that I don't move, and when I sit, he opens the box. It's full of books.

"You won't get bored with these."

"But I've been reading all week last week, when you confined me to bed!" I was his little prisoner these past days.

I still am, I see.

"No buts, love. You asked me what you can do to help me, and this is it. You can sit here and enjoy a book and a nice view. Maybe some tea too. But this would rid me of worrying about thinking you're doing something that could harm you."

"You worry too much."

"I don't think so."

I roll my eyes. "Of course you don't."

He crouches in front of me and after he strokes my belly, he gives me a peck on the lips.

"Please, love? For me?"

"Fine. Anything for you not to use those puppy eyes of yours on me."

"Why not?"

"Because it's always working, that's why!" I punch his arm when he smiles satisfied.

He kisses me once more. "Good to know." Like he didn't already know. "And if you get up from here, I'm…" he thinks about it for a second, then smiles. "I'm spanking you."

"Oh, _really_?"

"Aham. And not in a nice way."

Just to play some more with him, I smile devilishly and walk my fingers across his neck, knowing how much he enjoys it.

"But what if I like it anyway?"

"We'll see."

"I'd like to see you try that, comrade."

"You know I can't resist a challenge, but still, you keep on challenging me."

Chuckling, I pull him by his shirt to kiss him.

"I'll do my best not to misbehave. Even though I can't promise you anything."

"Well, I don't mind. That leaves the spanking on the table," he says winking.

"Comrade!" I punch his arm once more. "You are irrecoverable."

"No, love. You're irresistible and naughty."

With one last kiss, he leaves me there to get bored to death as he does all the work.

* * *

**DPOV**

Finding a footstool into the trunk, I think Rose would enjoy its comfort while reading.

But when I get into the living room, guess what. She's not here.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes is all it took her to get off that armchair and go do God knows what she's doing now.

"Roza, where are you and what are you doing?"

I hear her laughter, but I am not amused right now. I know she thinks I'm worrying too much, but the doctor was clear enough. No stress, no strenuous chores, and beware of what she eats. And to hell if I won't follow these instructions to the letter.

"Kitchen!"

Going there and stopping into the doorway, with arms crossed, I throw her a half-amused, half-scolding look.

"I was only making some lemonade, I swear." She flashes me a grin and I forget about being upset with her. "I wasn't doing anything bad or too tiring."

"Do you feel sick?" we always have lemons on hand to help with her nausea and she always turns to lemonade when feeling so.

"No, I promise. I was just craving something sour. Do you want some too? It's pretty warm outside for this hour and you're carrying all those boxes, _by_ _yourself_." She bats her eyelashes at me when I frown and soon drops the subject. Like I'd let her carry anything, no matter how much she complains about it. "But I still haven't found the glasses."

"They should be in here."

Searching in a box, I get the glasses out and I let her help me with getting some more useful things from the other boxes.

"Comrade?"

"Huh?"

I turn to her throwing some packing peanuts at me.

"Oh, is that how you want to play?"

"Maybe," she shrugs and throws some more peanuts my way.

"It works for me, love."

Like that, we start fooling around the kitchen, throwing little harmless things at each other and laughing. It's mostly her trying to run away from me, and of course, I let her.

We do that until she decides that throwing some peanuts isn't enough. She goes as far as getting a box and emptying it on me.

"Oh, what I'm gonna do to you for that."

"Yeah, sure. If you can find me."

Smiling, she gets some more packing peanuts off the floor and throws them at me, then turns and runs away.

"Please, be careful, love!" I yell after her. "I'll give you time to hide, but just don't rush on the stairs." she's the one to be a little clumsy when hurrying and the last thing I want is for her to trip.

"You worry too much!" is the last thing I hear from her. Yeah, like that could ever possible.

"Okay, I'm coming for you," I let her know, about three minutes later.

Getting upstairs, I know right away where she's hiding as Ash gives her away. After all, it would be weird if there would be no one behind the curtain, moving and trying to make him leave the room.

"Oh, buddy, Dimitri will-" getting out from her hiding spot, she stops when her eyes meet mine. "That's not fair," she pouts, trying to hide the smile creeping on her lips. "I had the perfect hiding and I was planning to scare you."

"Is that so?" I approach her and get her in my arms.

"Yes. My plan was perfect."

"What if I make it up for it later?"

She puts her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek.

"Of course you will. I'll remember it, don't you worry. You already promised me twice today."

"What do you plan to do now?"

"You need to know everything I do?"

"Of course I do."

Rolling her eyes, she puffs too. "I'll go take a shower. I feel sticky all over from the long ride here. You can go back to your stuff without worry. I won't do anything reckless, scout's honor."

No more than five minutes later, I hear her yelling.

Not anything reckless, she promised. But only God knows what happened now.

Running up to the place I left her in and where I hope she still is, I find her perched on a chair, looking terrified.

"What happened?"

"There's… there's…. something inside the bathroom."

"What?"

I'm ready to fight. Until she tells me.

"A… a mouse."

My jaw drops and I am hardly containing my laughter. "A _mouse_?"

"Yes. A huge one." she's serious about it, one hundred percent. I thought she was trying to make fun of me, but it's not the case. She's terrified of that little creature.

"You yelled like that because of a mouse?"

"Yes. I told you, it's a big one."

"Let me get this right. Months ago you were putting knives at the neck of some of the most dangerous people in Russia, and now you yell like that because you saw a little mouse. Is that it?"

"I don't like mice, comrade. And I'm starting to think it was a fucking rat, in fact. Plus, mice don't get afraid of knives. Oh, and they bite. And they have rabies. And they're fast as fuck, those little things. So yes, I was yelling because of a little thing."

At this, I laugh for a minute straight as she looks at me with squinted eyes.

"Are you done?"

"Yeah, I am. Now, let's get you off that chair before you fall and harm yourself."

Cuddling her to my chest, I get her off the chair and hold her in my arms.

"You're unbelievable, love."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she mumbles into my chest. "And now… can you go in the bathroom and see if it's still there?"

"My princess needs saving?" I can't help but tease.

"I actually do. I guess I'm not Cinderella to play with mice. So get your ass in there and get rid of it, otherwise I'll be following you around all day long. I am not staying in here with that mouse."

"Sure then. I'm going."

I kiss her forehead before I put her down.

"Don't get rabies, please."

Smiling and shaking my head, I enter the bathroom.

But inspecting every corner, I find nothing.

When I come back, I find her sitting on the bed, legs pulled up and watching me curious.

"It's safe, my princess. The intruder is gone."

"Is it?"

"Well, he's not in there anymore. So you're safe." But still, she doesn't get up. "What's the matter now?"

"You know, you look like you could use a shower too."

"You don't want to get back in there alone, huh?"

She shakes her head. "Not until I know the intruder is out for good from this house. Or I don't know, a cat finds it. He could come back at any time. And I don't want it to see me naked."

"Oh, I'll kill him for that."

We both laugh at that and she comes to kiss me.

I take my T-shirt off. "Then let's take a shower, love."

During the shower we do nothing, we just kiss and touch each other here and there, but when we get out, as she is wiping herself, I keep on staring at her, and all the little teasing talks we had earlier come to my mind. Plus, I'd be a liar if I'd say that her earlier little touches left me indifferent.

"What happened?"

"Fuck this."

Dragging her to me, I kiss her hard, until we remain breathless.

"Wow, comrade." She pulls away smiling. "Are you going to finish that or you'll let me boil a little more?"

"I'd let you boil, but I can't keep away for longer."

Picking her, I get us to the bed, our lips not breaking the next kiss until we lie down.

With her on top of me, as she explores my chest with her fingers, she smiles proudly.

"Does this mean I won our bet?"

"Yes, love. You won the bet. I can't help myself around you anymore."

"And what do I win?"

"Whatever you want. Just name it."

"I think I'll hold on my prize for later."

"Wise decision. Because for now, we are going to get busy. Really busy."

She chuckles. "I so waited for this. I even started to think you'll never touch me again, not until I give birth." I won't lie, this thought crossed my mind a couple of times, but I swear I can't keep myself composed around her.

"I'll be careful."

She smiles as she passes her fingers through my hair. "I know. You always are."

* * *

"I was thinking about cooking something," she now holds me in her arms and walks her fingertips along the nape of my neck. "Can I do that?" she asks me grinning.

"As long as you're feeling alright, sure."

"I am, really. I am not even nauseous. But screw that. Do you want something special to eat?"

"Anything you cook is special."

"Cut it with the sweet-talking. Tell me what you want to fill your belly with, and I'll make it happen."

"You still plan on getting me fat, don't you?"

"Of course I am. Why should I be the only one getting fat?" God help us with that. She's close enough to being skin and bone. "Plus, I never want to see this six-pack of yours ever again." she walks her fingers now there, heading slowly towards my navel, a grin on her lips. "But before that…"

* * *

She's getting dressed as I'm in the kitchen, unboxing the rest of the stuff.

"It's a pity that no one would play that piano in the living room."

"Who says no one can?"

"_You_ can?"

I shrug. "I used to play once. A long time ago."

"Show me already." She gets excited and taking the dishes from me, she directs me towards the piano. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about it. Get your ass there and play me something."

I sit and touch some keys.

"Can you play something longer? Like, I don't know… who composed piano stuff? Chopin?"

To my surprise too, I remember more than some notes. It's more like my hands move by themselves, driven by the habit of playing.

When I finish, she puffs and comes to me, kissing my cheek from behind.

"Show off," she whispers, then kisses me once more. "It was beautiful. But you know I'll make you play for me like every single day from now on, don't you?"

* * *

**RPOV**

After a long talk about who should go buy some groceries for dinner, I win. I am the one going, of course, with the promise not to carry too heavy stuff and other shit like that. But at least I'm allowed to go and do something.

On my way back, I meet a nice old lady living at the end of the street, and as we talk, I decide to invite her over for a lemonade and to meet my life partner, as she keeps on calling Dimitri.

She's a nice woman, in her eighties (I swear I thought she was around sixty, that's how well she's maintaining her appearance), with kind blue eyes, light pink hair (I guess she aimed for red, but in my opinion, it worked out way better with pink) and probably a lot of cats at home, as she keeps on naming some. Besides that, she's funny as hell and friendly, even though a little quirky. But that's what makes me like her even more. Hell, I've been laughing since I started walking along her.

We're in the living room now, drinking some of the lemonade I previously prepared and we're watching Dimitri bring some boxes and outside furniture into the garden.

"He doesn't let you carry anything?"

"Not a single thing. Not even an empty box."

"Is that so?"

"Trust me, I tried."

I can see her falling in love with him a little more. He just said hello to her minutes ago, and ever since, he swooped her off her feet. That's it, people, women have a hard time resisting him, even when he does the bare minimum. From time to time, I even catch myself acting all girlie and like a teenager with a new crush on him, so I completely understand.

"That's sweet of him. He's so careful with you. It reminds me of the time when my Mikhail…" she stops and I thought it was a dramatic pause, but no.

She's now looking out the window, past Dimitri, like being in another dimension, and a tear rolls down her cheek.

Shit.

"Ma'am, did something happen?"

Coming back to this reality, she looks at me and smiles, waving her hand and dismissing her sadness.

"I told you, you can call me Sonya."

"Yeah, sure, my bad. But-"

"I'm just an old woman, sweetie. I remember stuff sometimes."

"Sad stuff?"

"On the contrary. I get nostalgic about the good stuff. Those are the things you want to remember when you're this old. Don't hold on to the bad. Hold on to that."

She tilts her head towards the window, and I see Dimitri playing with Ash. Or rather, only Ash is playing as Dimitri is running after him all around the garden, trying to recover a pillow from his drooling jaws.

The more I look at them, the more I realize how lucky I am and that I love them both to death.

"How far long are you?"

"I've just entered my fifteenth week. This girl is growing fast."

"It's a she?" she gets so excited about this possibility, and hell, so do I. I'd love to make Dimitri's wish come true.

"We'd love to."

She's sweet enough to help me cook dinner, even though all I wanted was her company. But she said that if she'd fill my head with her silly old woman stories, the least she could do was to give me a hand.

Of course, finding out that her husband is dead and that she's all alone in her home, I insisted she'd join us for dinner.

We spent a nice time together and when she leaves, we see her out, of course, after Dimitri charmed her a little more. After all, she pulled him down and whispered something to him before heading back home.

When she gets far enough, I'm already eyeing him curious.

"What?"

"What do you mean what? What did she tell you?"

"If she wanted you to know, do you think she would have whispered it to me?"

"Come on, tell me, please. You know I'm curious."

"Do you remember what curiosity has done to the cat, love?"

"I'm not a cat."

"You purr pretty often though."

"I'm taking my chances."

Smiling, he puts a hand around my middle and pulls me to him.

"She told me that…" he kisses my temple. "I'd be a fool to ever let you go."

"Is that so?"

"Aham. And I totally agree with her."

"So, she's clean?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Cut the crap. I know you worked your spy stuff on her. On the whole neighborhood, I bet. That's one of your paranoid quirks and I don't blame you for that. I'll let you surround this house with a moat with crocodiles if you want. But now I want to know if I should expect her to stab me in the neck some night or if we can exchange cookie recipes."

He laughs. "Oh, Roza. She's okay. The whole neighborhood is."

"So you _did_ look up everybody."

"What do you think?"

"Why did I even ask?" I think about it for a second. "Are there any shady things about any of our neighbors?"

"Lots."

"Is that so?"

"It depends on what you find normal."

"Then I guess we'll have to see."

* * *

**DPOV**

After taking her pills, she walks back into our room and comes toward the bed. I was long in bed and my eyes are now closed.

"You're awake, comrade?"

I make no noise and wait.

"Of course you're asleep. You tired yourself out doing everything by yourself. Oh, you stubborn man," She whispers mostly to herself, thinking I'm asleep.

After I feel a dip in the bed as she gets in, I wait some more seconds as I know she'll come kiss me, like she always does before going to sleep.

This is when I act. I lunge for her and make a scary noise.

"Got you!"

She screams in response and starts punching me.

"You brat! You almost gave me a heart attack." She punches me one more time and pouts, trying to look upset, but soon starts laughing too.

"Dimitri?" she says as we lie down, nudging her nose against my cheek.

"Yes, love?"

"I adore this house. Our… home." She smiles widely. "I absolutely love everything about it. And you. I love you."

* * *

It's the middle of the night and Rose is not in bed. From our recent experience, it's one of these three – she's sick and she's throwing up, she's sick and she's somewhere worrying about our baby (despite always insisting nothing would happen when I'm the one worrying), or she's gotten some late night craving and she's fulfilling it.

Hearing some noise from the kitchen, following it in there, I'm relieved to see it's the third scenario.

"What are you doing there?"

With a gasp, she turns around and hides something behind her, and I pretend for now that I didn't see the big carton of ice cream she holds.

"Nothing."

"Give me some too."

"Some what?" she now sets the carton on the counter behind her and shows me her empty hands.

"You know what."

"I don't. What are you talking about?"

"Ice cream."

"I wasn't eating any."

"Innocent until proven guilty?"

She takes a step back, trying to hide the proof some more. "Kind of. Maybe you imagined me eating ice cream."

"Well, the chocolate at the corners of your mouth gives you away."

"Dang it."

"Now you have to give me some too."

"Since when do you like ice cream in the middle of the night?"

"Since it looks delicious on your lips."

"Oh, I see."

Trying to tease, she wants to lick her lips but I pull her to me fast.

"Don't you dare. These are mine to taste," I declare as I bend to kiss her.

**RPOV**

On our way back to our room, Dimitri stops and bends a little, propping an arm on the wall and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah, love. I am. I'm fine."

"You're not. Let's get you to lie down."

He hasn't had a migraine in quite a while and I thought we got rid of those, but it seems that we didn't. Though, I'm grateful that those haven't been too often lately.

An hour later, I'm still awake, watching him dozing off on my lap, his arms wrapped around my legs and his breath warming my thigh. I love this heaviness of him on me. It is giving me the most wonderful sense of belonging, of familiarity. And he has finally has come back to me. Well, he has for a while now, but all I can think of is how grateful I am that he is back. That he remembers me. That he remembered he loves me. And God, how much I love him.

I start playing with his hair once again and I pray to God that nothing would take him away from me, ever again. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't bear for something else to go wrong now. Not now, when we're finally happy and safe.

Of course, as safe as we can be knowing that the person responsible for the attempt on Dimitri's life is still out there. But we're dealing with that as best as we can.

I sigh and do my best to bend and kiss his temple without waking him up and squishing my baby either. Then I lay back in my spot and watch him sleep. Oh, my beloved man. He's so peaceful. So am I, here, with him.

A couple of minutes later, he lifts and goes to his side of the bed.

"Why did you get up?"

"Your legs must have gone numb, love."

He lies next to me and as he faces me, I start walking my fingers on his tattoo.

For whatever reason, I always count the colorful spots imprinted on his skin. Six. Always six, no matter how many times I count them. And I pray that that number would never grow.

"I was thinking of adding something to it."

"To the tattoo?" he nods. "What?"

"You."

"Dimitri…" I get up to my butt in no time and my eyes are already filled with tears. "Look, I know what this tattoo means for you, and I'm sorry that I left. I really am. I felt miserable each day. But you need to know that you've never lost me. You would never, ever lose me. I'll always be here, no matter what. I didn't mean to hurt you back-"

He got up too, and he now cups my cheeks, his thumb over my lips preventing me from speaking further.

"I know that. I know that I'll always have you. You have proved me that so many times."

"Then why do you want to make me one of your birds?"

"Who said I do?"

"You did."

"I didn't. Because in this case, something changed."

"What changed?"

"In this case, it's not about loss. It's rather about finding."

"Finding what?"

"Do you remember how you used to tell me, back when we met, that I didn't have a heart?"

"Yeah." I look down, avoiding his eyes in embarrassment. "I was being mean. You don't-"

"You were right."

"No, I wasn't. You have one." I place my palm over his heart. "It's here. And it is beating so hard and it's so full of love. I know that now."

"You know what I meant, love. Metaphorically, you were right. But something changed. And odd enough, it took me a while to figure that out."

Smiling, I lift my eyes and meet his. "You found your heart."

He shakes his head. "I found you."

"What do you mean?"

"You came in my life." he takes my hand and places it again over his heart. "And you filled the emptiness in here with your love. You changed everything. This is all your doing, love. After so long…" he gives my hand a squeeze, then brings it up to his mouth, kissing the inside of my wrist. "You have come and sheltered in here without the slightest notice. You have become it."

"It?"

"My heart, Roza."

My eyes were long filled with tears and now one escapes and travels down my cheek. Smiling, I wipe it and I bend so that my lips would taste his.

"Love, I want to ask you something."

"Anything. Ask me anything."

"Would you go with me somewhere?"

"Anywhere."

* * *

Before getting out of the car, he keeps on staring down at the steering wheel as I study the two immense metal gates in front of us.

With a sigh, his hand comes on my thigh, searching for mine. I squeeze on it in response.

"Hey, it's fine."

"But, Roza…" I feel the anguish in his voice and I never thought it would be that hard for me to do this. I can only imagine how things are for him.

"It's okay. You made it this far this time. We can-"

"No. I want to do it. It's about time. It's been so long. Too long, love."

"Anything you wish. Whenever you feel ready… we'll go."

A few minutes later, when he gathers enough courage, we get outside the car. Looking at me he smiles, makes a step closer and takes my hand as we enter the cemetery.

"I'm proud of you, comrade." I lift on my tippy toes and kiss his temple after we got past the gates.

All the way there, we walk slowly, holding hands, not speaking, but he is tensing with each step we take towards our final destination, I can feel him. It's all around him. He must be ripping on the inside. So am I, but we keep going.

Soon, we stop at the end of the parcel we were searching for.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"Do you-"

"Yes. Yes, Rose, I do. I want to get there. Because I feel that if I don't do it now, I'll never get around to do it."

When we get to her grave, I see her photo and the smile of this woman is quite contagious. Dimitri told me she was so lively and her smile surely proves that.

"She was so beautiful. No doubt she stole your heart."

Taking his eyes off her, he smiles at me.

"Now I guess I shoul-"

I intend to leave, but when I take a step back, he takes my hand again and squeezes on it, pulling me back.

"No. Please, stay."

"If this is what you want…"

"More than anything. Stay."

Kneeling, his eyes dull with loss, he starts talking to her, in Russian. I don't mind. It's their conversation. I'm glad to be here for him.

Crouching too, I place the flowers we got for her on her grave, then lay my head on his shoulder.

When he stops speaking, he turns and takes me in his embrace, his lips pressed against my temple.

I'm usually the one shedding tears, but the little droplet making its way down my cheek now, that's not mine.

"Oh, Dimitri…"

Into an attempt to keep my heart from breaking, I hold him tighter in my arms. Does he feel like this each time I cry? If so, God, I must have put him through hell so many times. I would do anything for him not to hurt like this, I swear.

"I'm sorry, love."

Pulling away, he looks down and wants to wipe his eyes, but I stop him. I cup his cheeks and make him look at me.

"It's okay. You're fin-"

He shakes his head. "I'm not," he says almost angry, but I'm sure that's a cover-up for the hurting those words contain. "I don't think I am, Roza," he whispers now and turns his head to brush his cheek against my palm.

For the first time, I see him completely vulnerable, and even though my heart is breaking, it gets filled with so much love for him at the thought that he is willing to let me see all this. That he trusts me with this.

"Oh, Dimitri… I know…" I know how he feels, or at least a part of that. All that sadness, all that guilt he's carrying around. I live with it too. We both do.

I don't find any other suitable way to comfort him than to hold him, just like he has done for me, countless times. Without any protest, he accepts that and with a deep sigh, he lays his head on my shoulder.

I play with my fingers through the short hair at the back of his head and rest my lips on his temple, to whisper to him.

"It's okay. You're going to be okay. I'm here for you. I'll always be."

His palms clasp on my jacket as he tries to pull me even closer. He's holding me so tight it gets hard for me to breathe, but I don't even think to complain. He needs me to be strong for him and that's what I'll be. He has been strong for me so many times.

"We'll get through this. Together. I'm here, I promise."

He turns his head and presses his wet lips on my neck as his hands move up on my back, one of them reaching my hair and soothing it.

"I know, Roza. I know. And I thank you for that," he says and kisses me again.

I don't do anything that might indicate yo him that I want to pull away. I'm ready to hold him for forever if he needs it.

Some minutes pass like that, with us holding tight onto each other, and eventually, when his breath goes from harsh and heavy to calm and steady, he pulls away, but not completely. It's just enough to reestablish the height difference and to prop his chin on the top of my head. Like this, I can listen to the sound of his heartbeat.

"I love you," he whispers.

"Me too. I love you too."

"And I'll keep you safe."

"I know you will."

"Both of you." His palm over my belly, he soothes it. "I promise. I swear I won't make the same mistake twice."

"I know. I trust you. Completely."

"You're amazing, Roza."

"Am not. I didn't do anyt-"

"You have no idea what and how many things you do." He pulls me to him and kisses my cheek gently. "Thank you."

"But what did I do?"

"So much you don't even realize, love."

"You don't have to thank me for anything. I just love you."

He smiles. "Yeah, that's the thing."

* * *

In the morning, I wake up as he's playing with my hair, watching me with sleepy eyes and a smile on his lips.

"Mornin' comrade." I kiss him hastily then get out of the bed. "Excuse me for a sec. I have to… you know."

I rush to the bathroom. I swear that I visit the bathroom a million times a day. This fella is pressing on my bladder like hell.

Coming back into our bedroom, I start looking for some clothes to change into after my shower.

"Love?"

"What?" He gestures me to come closer, and I do that, bending over him. "What happened?"

His hand getting a hold of mine, he pulls me further in bed, on top of him.

"Come back to bed," he murmurs before his teeth grit on my earlobe.

"Are you feeling lazy?"

"Not really."

"Then?"

"I want to make love to you."

My eyebrow lifts instinctively. "And since when you're asking, Mister?"

His lips pout. "I'm always asking." He takes a second to think, then smiles. "Well, one way or another."

I smile too. "And I always say yes, right?"

"Well, _almost_ always."

"Well, let's say that now it's not one of those exceptions."

* * *

"What about a walk?"

"Where to?"

"Dunno. I came with the idea, comrade. Do I have to think about everything now?" my answer makes him laugh. "You know I get bored easily and the doctor finally said I'm allowed to move more, so…"

"So I can't keep you in bed anymore, huh?"

"Thank God you don't."

"Fine, fine, I get it. And I think I have an idea of where we could go."

* * *

He took me close to the seaside. I don't know where he knows this place from, but I like it. It's peaceful and it's pretty empty considering the hour, and I hope this won't be the last time we visit it.

Sitting on a blanket, snuggled against each other, I see that from his jacket, he gets out a little rock, then puts it in my palm.

"What is this?"

"A pebble."

"I've seen that." I continue to look at him confused. "But what's the reason you're giving it to me?"

He comes closer and kisses me.

"Roza?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you be my penguin?"

"What?"

He takes the pebble from me and shows it to me, lifting an eyebrow. "Doesn't this ring a bell?"

I soon realize what he's talking about.

"Oh, Dimitri… you…" I'd say more, but my tears spilled and I start making unrecognizable sounds.

"I wasn't planning on asking you now or like this, but I've come to realize that life is short and I don't want to wait any longer to do this. So, will you marry me?"

"I do. I already have. I mean, you're aware I already agreed to it, aren't you?"

He laughs. "I am. But I want to do this the right way."

"The right way?"

"Aham. I want to get the chance to show you off."

"Oh, so this is why you marry me? To show me off?"

"Well, yes, besides a whole lot of other things."

"Like?"

"Like this." He kisses me.

"What more?"

"This." He touches my belly.

"Is there something else?"

"Yes. A lot. But most of all, for this." he places his palm over my heart. "I love you, Roza."

"I love you too."

Moving my eyes to the whitish pebble he gave me, when I look at him again, I'm smiling like an idiot.

"What happened, love?"

"Let's go now."

"Go where?"

"Get married."

"Now?"

"Now."

He smiles too. "Why the hell not?"

That's how in the next half an hour we've gotten me a white, pretty dress and him a nice shirt and we paid a guy on the hallways of the city hall to be our witness.

The officer looked at us weirdly when she saw us this excited to say I do and to sign those papers, but the look the priest has when we exchange pebbles instead of rings, that's priceless.

Of course, I still have Yeva's ring at home, but unlike Dimitri's mother's necklace, I didn't know if I should put that on too when things have come to normal. I just can't wait to put it on when we get back home, though.

"Don't worry, dears. I've seen quirkier things than that. You just kiss your bride, son."

Smiling, Dimitri takes one last look at the bluish pebble I chose for him before putting it in his pocket, then lifts his eyes to look at me.

"I wouldn't miss that moment for the world, Sir."

His palms on my cheeks, he pulls me a little up as his lips come down to meet mine into a sweet kiss.

But when we make our way towards the car, I feel the need to stop him.

"I know that our wedding wasn't a regular one and I don't even wish it to be otherwise. I really don't. I loved each second of what happened today. But I want to tell you something. I want you to know some things."

"What things?"

"You know, you were prepared the last time we tried this and I read it. Back then, I never got to tell you anything, but now…"

"Go ahead, love, I'm listening."

"I want to start by saying thank you. You've taught me to be who I am. You gave me the courage to be myself, you never made fun of those little quirks of mine and you have taught me so many things about myself that I wasn't even aware of. Ever since I met you, my life has changed. It has become extraordinary. Because of you. And I wish I'd know more of what to say, I have so many things in my head, but I can't find the words now."

With the biggest smile on his lips, he pulls me in his embrace.

"It's more than enough, Roza."

"I'll say this thing too. I promise to never be one of your birds. I'll love you endlessly, for the rest of my life."

He kisses me and only when I'm close to remaining breathless, he pulls away.

"God, Roza, doesn't it feel amazing to be loved by you."

* * *

**DPOV**

The pregnancy is draining her. Five months into the pregnancy and she's again feeling sick for the most of the day and she's losing weight instead of gaining, again. Not that much weight, nothing to worry too much for as our doctor said, but still. I can only worry for her, even though she assures me she's alright.

Now too. She woke up around three in the morning and ever since we've been looking for ways to make her nausea go away and not escalate.

"Let's get you back to sleep."

She shakes her head. "Would you sing something to me? On the piano?"

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Don't know. Do I look like someone who knows this kind of stuff?" we both chuckle. "Play anything you want. You know I'll like it anyway."

She stands with her back leaned over a wall and watches me smiling, sipping from her tea as I play the piano.

"That was lovely," she says with a smile when I finish. "Can you play it again? I liked it very much."

"Come here."

Approaching me, I pull her down and she sits on my lap. I round my arms on her middle and soothe her belly.

"How do you feel now?"

"Thanks to you, much better." getting a hold of my hand, she brings it up and kisses my knuckles. "So much better." she kisses my cheek as I rest my head into the crook of her neck.

"Would you like to play the piano too?"

She laughs. "I'd be a disaster and you know it."

Taking her hands, I guide them on the tiles. "Nah, I doubt it."

"What? You'll make a professional piano player out of me?"

"I'll die trying."

Her laughter filling the room, she kisses me once more.

* * *

One day, while shaving, Rose comes and stops in the doorway of the bathroom, and with her hands kneading the lap of her cardigan, she says this thing. "Dimitri, do you think I'm not attractive anymore?"

I snap my head her way so fast that I cut myself.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. I… never mind. Let me help you with that."

Taking a towel she comes to me. Avoiding my eyes the whole time, she wipes the blood from my jaw, putting little pressure over it until it doesn't bleed anymore.

"It's not a bad cut. I guess you won't bleed to death, but sorry for it, though. I um…"

When she wants to leave, I make sure I stop her. I'm not leaving things like this.

"Can you repeat that thing you said earlier?"

"It's nothing."

"Love…"

"Don't… you don't find me attractive anymore?"

"Why on earth would you even believe that?"

"Well, you know... We used to... _Do it_, you know? And now it's been like, what? Three weeks? Four? Don't I attract you anymore? Is it because I've gained some weight? I mean, I know I'm close to seven months but-"

My laughter stops her. "You are unbelievable, love. Do you think I find you unattractive?"

"You don't?"

"Of course not. For how long does this thought bother you?"

"A couple of days…"

"Oh, Roza." I put her hair behind her ears and kiss the tip of her nose. "You're so silly at times, love. I would make love to you every single day if you want me to. But you've been exhausted and sick and I didn't want to get you feeling worse. And the fact that you have put on weight? That's the best thing that has happened lately, I swear. I can't be happier about it."

I get a hold of a towel and wipe the little remnants of the shaving foam off my jaw, then kiss her lips this time.

"Is it alright if I take you to bed now?"

Smiling and biting her lip eagerly, she nods.

* * *

**RPOV**

"Dimitri?"

I caress his cheek and whisper his name a couple more times until he wakes up.

"What's the matter?"

"I wouldn't have woken you up and I know it's the middle of the night, but I really want some quinces." And a trip to the kitchen won't solve that.

"You want what?" he asks getting halfway up and wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"Quinces. I'm carving for some right now. Big time."

"How did you even think about quinces? Out of all the fruits out there, you want quinces?" He gets amused.

"They came to my mind out of nowhere. I can only think of golden and ripe and succulent quinces. And oh, that compote I ate at your mother's place. I'd kill for some of that now. But I think some quinces would do too. I want some so, so bad." I get a shiver down my spine just at the thought of their juice on my tongue. I'd kill for even a slice.

"And where should I get some from?"

Well, he's right. "I don't know. I know that it is not their season yet. Maybe we should leave that. Let's go back to sleep. It was a silly thought. I woke you up for nothing." The craving should go away, eventually.

But he gets up and goes to the dresser, getting a hold of a hoodie.

"Dimitri, no. Don't bother. Come back to sleep. It's the middle of the night."

He leans over and kisses my forehead. "No. Anything for my loves."

"You know I love you like, to the mood- to Pluto. I love you to Pluto and back."

He throws me a boyish smile as he ruffles his hair back to normal after outing the hoodie on.

"So I heard, my smarty-pants." He comes to kiss me once more. "I'll be back soon, love."

* * *

When he comes back I am dozing off, but I hear the door of our room opening and in an instant I'm up and excited.

Taking a glance at the clock I realize that two hours have passed.

"Oh, Dimitri… you shouldn't-" when I see he's carrying a plate with cut quinces, I squeal. "You found some!" I say and throw myself at the plate.

"Of course I did. I told you that I'd do anything for you two."

After proclaiming him the best husband in the entire galaxy, I take a bite of a slice and my taste buds go to heaven.

"Oh, _God_. This is so good."

As I feast on the other slices, I look at the smile on his face. God, how much I love him.

"Now tell me, where did you find these?"

"That's my secret."

"I bet you had to walk all over town to find these."

His smile only widens. "It was worth it."

I lean over and kiss him. But my reward makes him grimace a little.

"What?"

"You had some juice left on your lips." Just by mentioning it, he grimaces again. "I can't understand how you can eat those. Aren't they sour?"

"Yes they are and this is what I love about them."

He laughs. "Who am I to argue with what the little one wants?" his lips tracing a line up on my neck, his fingers draw circles on my belly. "Maybe we should call her that."

"Who? I don't think I paid enough attention." I was a little busy with filling my mouth.

"Our girl."

"Like, when? When she's born?"

"Maybe. Or before?"

"Like, when I feel she's coming?"

"Aham."

I chuckle. "That would be fun. Like our own secret spy code."

"Yes. Like our secret code."

"Deal."

I want to lean over for another kiss but before that I wipe my lips, making him laugh.

* * *

**DPOV**

In the morning, coming out of the shower, I find Rose sitting on the edge of the bed, breathing heavily and her face is pale.

"Rose? Love, are you okay? You look like you might faint."

I shake her a little when I see she doesn't respond, and when I take her hands in mine, I see blood on them.

"Rose, are you bleeding? Where?" her dress is stained, but way too little, making me think the blood is not hers. "Rose, is the baby okay? Are you?"

She shakes her head and if I wasn't panicked enough, now I panic more.

"What happened? Talk to me, please."

But even though she opens her mouth, no word comes out. She is shocked or something and I shake her a little more to get her attention.

"Roza, talk to me, please. I need you to talk to me."

Looking down at her hands, they start to shake. "I- I killed it."

"What? You killed what? What happened?"

"God, I killed it. But I had to." The panic in her voice only adds to mine.

"What?"

"I had to, I swear."

Forcing her to look into my eyes, I smear the blood on her cheeks, but I'll deal with that later.

"Rose, goddamnit, talk to me. What did you kill? Are you hurt?"

"There's something dead in the kitchen," she cries, and putting her arms around my neck, she holds me tight as I soothe her hair. "And I killed it."

"Love, I don't understand. I need you to calm down and tell me. Can you do that for me, please?"

Pulling away, she wipes some tears away and nods, then starts speaking through little sobs.

"Someone must have broken in and left it there. It's dead. It wasn't when I found it. It was still breathing when I got to the kitchen, and it was dying, and it was struggling, and I needed to help it! And I killed it! A little bunny, Dimitri. I killed a little helpless bunny!"

She starts crying even harder and this time I take a seat on the bed too, to keep her in my embrace.

"Shh, love. It's alright."

"No, it's not. I'm a bunny killer. It was so small, and white and oh, Dimitri, I killed it."

Spending the next minutes calming her, I know I need to go downstairs to investigate. But I don't leave until she lets me.

"Wait for me, okay, love? Everything is alright. Or it will be. I'll make sure of it."

I lie her in bed and put Ash guard her and bark if she gets out of bed or something threats her as I'm away.

Entering the kitchen, I see the little massacre that happened there, on the table in the middle of the room. I find too the bloody knife that Rose must have dropped on her way out of the kitchen.

Approaching the lifeless body, I find something else. It's a note. It's soaked in blood, but the black letters are still visible, and their sight make the hairs at the back of my head stand.

_SPASITE OT SYDA_

I can't believe this. This cannot be possible.

My head starting to spin, I take a seat on a chair, staring at the note.

I don't get it. How could this happen?

It can't be. I took care of everything that day. Of everyone. I burnt that place to the ground, goddamnit! Everyone was dead!

Despite my advice, I hear Rose coming downstairs and I hurry to get out of the kitchen so that she won't enter it once more and see once again the bunny.

"Love-" but she stops me before I get to scold her.

"I'm fine. I'll be, or whatever. But now… What does that mean? What's written on the note?"

"It means… save us from judgement."

"And does that mean something for you?"

"It does."

"What?"

"It means that I didn't kill someone."

"What? When? And why did you have to kill that person?"

"Because it's someone from the Agency. Someone I left behind."

"But you-"

"I know. I thought that too. But who knows now? I don't know who that could be. It could be anyone."

"Do you think…"

"That it could be linked to the accident? Yes. I'm almost sure of it."

"But why now? So much time has passed."

"I don't have the slightest idea, love."

She starts crying once again and wraps the cardigan that she put on tighter around her middle.

"Roza…"

Pulling her to me, she crumbles in my arms.

"Why don't people want to let us... Be happy? That's all we want. To live far from all that mess and just live our lives… peacefully. With our baby…"

"I'm sorry. That's my fault." My past is the reason all these things keep on happening.

"Why aren't we allowed to be happy? Each time, every single time we have been good, someone wanted to take our happiness away from us."

"Oh, love. I'm so sorry."

"Why can't we live our lives in peace? That is all I ever wanted. To be with you and to be happy because you make me happy in so many ways and all I ever wanted was to be yours and to live by your side and to be happy with you and our baby and... But now someone is threatening to take it all away from us. Again. Everything is always close to being taken away from us. It's not fair."

"No. Look at me." cupping her cheeks, I lift her off me. "I promise. No. I _swear_ this to you. Even if it's the last thing I do in my damned life, you two will be safe. Whoever this is who does this, I won't let them hurt you."

She nods and cuddles back to my chest. "I know. I trust you with that. And I'm sorry I overreacted. But I'm… I'm so scared."

"Don't, please. I'll deal with it, I promise." Tilting her head, through the tears, she nods and smiles, just a little. "Let's get you to bed now. It's been a full morning already."

But before lying down and before I leave, she wraps her fingers on my arm and pulls me back.

"Dimitri, I don't want you to even think about it."

"Think about what?"

"That for me to be safe… don't you even fucking think of pushing me away. Don't do that thing again."

Her eyes get teary again and I hurry to wipe them away and to soother her pain.

"I never will. I won't do that mistake once again, I promise."

"Good. Because otherwise, I'll… I'll kick your ass." All we do is smile at each other. "And take care, please, whatever you want to do next. I know you won't leave things like this and that you'll go out there to look for the one who's doing this, but… this baby needs a father, Dimitri. I need you too. So please, be safe."

* * *

**RPOV**

Dimitri comes home later the day. Late at night, in fact, just as I was close to having a major panic attack and call him.

I've been waiting for him, my heart clenched with worry, each minute. I never liked when he left, I don't think I'll ever like it, not when he's out there searching for the one wanting to mess with us. And after seeing that the one who did this is quite a pro, messing with our security system, I don't have much hope. This bastard is good at not being seen, I'll give him or her that.

"You're awake," He says when I go greet him. He doesn't have a great face.

I fear asking him anything, and he doesn't say anything. For now. Because I'll eventually ask. I need to know, no matter how bad it is.

When I reach him, he wraps his arms on my waist and pulls me to him, holding me tight and kissing me gently.

"It's going to be alright, love." so he has no good news.

"How?"

"I'll find a way. No matter what."

My palms clutch on his clothes and with a sigh I rest my forehead on his chest.

"It's not fair, goddamnit!"

"I know, love. I know. And I'm sorry."

"How can you be so calm? You should be boiling with anger."

"I did. I was angry. For the whole day. But now… I have to be calm, love."

"For me." shrugging, he soothes my hair. "I don't want you to."

"What?"

"I don't want you to keep it all inside because of me. I don't want you to stray away from me now. I want you to… I don't know. Shatter something around here. Scream if you want. Punch a wall. Do something. Don't be so composed. You're supposed to be angry."

"It won't help with anything for me to be angry."

"It would help me to know you are. It would help you too."

"It won't."

"Then talk to me. Tell me how you feel, even if it's not anger."

"You want to know how I feel?"

"More than anything. If you… feel like sharing it."

He buries his head into the crook of my neck, and sighs as his fingers play on my back.

"Useless. I feel useless. Like I can't do anything, no single thing, to find whoever did this. Like I can't do anything to stop this. I couldn't do anything before. I can't do anything to stop you from suffering now either. I would-" he growls as his palms clutch on my pajama and he holds me tighter. "I would do anything. _Anything_. But I found nothing. I have no clue who it was. And it's killing me."

"Come with me."

I guide him into the living room and sit him on the sofa, where I sit too, next to him. I kiss his face a couple of times, then make him look at me.

"I want to tell you something and I never want you to forget it. You could never be useless. Without you doing so many things, without you sacrificing so much, we wouldn't have gotten this far. We wouldn't have been here, in our home, and we wouldn't have been safe for so long. I know we'll be alright. You, me, and her."

I guide his hands on my belly and like on cue, like a little confirmation of what I've said, the little one starts moving, making both of us smile.

"I know it because I trust you. With everything. And I am not only saying this because I love you to death. It's because I've seen what you're capable of, especially if you care about someone. And if there is one person on this earth who can find whoever did this, I know it's you. And maybe I cannot do much to help you with it. Like this I can barely do anything physical, but I'll be here to trust you and to support you in any way you need me to. Just like you have done for me so, so many times. I will be always waiting for you to come back and I'll be there to soothe you when things go bad. We'll get through this thing too. Together."

He looks at me and the warmness I find in his eyes says to me more than any words of his could have.

"Thank you, Roza. Now, let's…" he sighs and takes my hands in his, and kisses them. "Let's get some sleep for now. It's late and I'm sure you haven't been sleeping until now."

"How could I have?"

With a little smile, he shakes his head. "Always so worried."

"You leave me no choice."

He smiles wider and kisses my hands once more. "We'll be alright, love."

* * *

Some days after that, after assuring Dimitri I will be the most careful person on earth, one morning, I go out for groceries. After all, I am not going to let this rotten individual mess with our life more than he or she already has.

But who would have thought that refusing to let this person intimidate me, it would bring it to me? I surely didn't.

Anyway, here I am, getting out of the market, carrying my bags of goodies, when I hear her voice. I'd recognize it anywhere.

"Hey, Rosie. Did you miss me?"

Damn. I haven't been called that name in so long.

Stopping dead in my tracks, it takes my brain a second to process the information and to make my body move, to make me turn around.

When I see her grin, I'm again shocked. It's like seeing a ghost.

But how is it possible?

She should have been dead.

Is she dead and is my brain fucking with me?

Rather than her being here, I'd prefer being crazy and the image of her to be a hallucination.

* * *

**Also, I have decided that the next chapter will be the last one, and I'll say it once more here, like I will always be saying it - thank you guys for your support, even though I had my hard times at writing this story, but your kind words have kept me going. Love you to Pluto and back! **


	51. Sorry guys

Hello there!

I just wanted to let you know guys that updating the last chapter will take longer than I thought it would.

But I will deliver it, I promise. I am just waiting for the weekend so that I can get the chance to write, as I have no time during the week to put two words together. I have started uni and it has hit me like a train

I am so sorry to be delaying the ending, but I promise I am doing my best

I hope you won't get (too) mad :)

Love you lots guys!


	52. Our little dumpling

**Our little dumpling**

**RPOV**

She looks different. Way different than the Tasha I knew.

She has dark red hair now and it's longer, maybe extensions or a great wig. She is wearing contact lens, making her eyes light green, and the scar on her cheek is gone now. Well, it's faded and it's covered with makeup. Her lips are plumper and I am starting to believe that she has a good friend who is a plastic surgeon.

But no matter the looks, her voice is the same.

Her eyebrows lift when I didn't respond to her question.

"So, Rosie? Tell me, did you miss me?"

I wonder if I ever crossed by her and didn't realize it's her. Maybe it's not the first time she is this close to me. And if that is true, why did she choose to talk to me now?

Of course, it can only mean one thing. Trouble. And the things that happened so far that didn't have someone to blame, now they surely do.

"Tasha…"

A wicked smile spreads on her lips. "In the flesh, Rosie." Does she really have to call me that with each sentence? "It's good to see you again."

I can't say the same thing.

"How? How are you-"

"Still alive?"

I nod and my eyes already drift past her, looking for a way out. It's good that at least we're not alone out here and she's not that stupid to try to hurt me. I hope.

"You will have to thank your husband for that."

"I don't understand. He…" Dimitri told me she got killed before he got into the hands of the Agency. He was so sure of it.

"When he decided to burn the Agency to the ground, he did me a great favor."

"You were in there?"

"Yes. I was being tortured by the people I devoted my life to. But I guess you don't want to know all the details. But thanks to him setting that fire, everybody ran away and I was left there to die. Too bad I had a good reason to live. Could you guess it?"

"Revenge."

"Always so smart."

"But why?"

_"Why_? Because after all he has done to me he goes and lives a happy life? After he ruined mine, he dares have a wonderful life?"

"You are the one who ruined yourself. Dimitri-"

"He took everything from me! Xavier too!"

"That bastard got himself killed. Dimitri had nothing to do with it. He didn't lay a finger on him." Unless, by any means, he lied to me. Which I don't believe. He would have told me.

"It doesn't matter who killed who! If he wouldn't have gotten involved in our plan, it all would have worked out well for us! Xavier would have been alive! We would have been together and rich, drinking mimosas somewhere far away from here."

"I would have been dead."

"And do I look like I give a damn about your insignificant life? I don't. But Dimitri did. He wanted you and he did anything in his powers to have you." I open my mouth to protest a little more, but she talks over me. "But if you expect me to give up on my intentions that easily, you're wrong. I will not let you have a second of peace from now on. I will haunt you. I will break you apart."

"You can't."

"Oh, I surely can."

"Whatever plan you have, you won't succeed anything." No matter what she'll try, Dimitri and I will never let her win. She won't break us apart. We've been through enough and we know better than that. "Now, if you excuse me, I have more important things to do."

I need to get away from her as fast as possible. God knows what she's hiding in her purse. What if it's a gun? What if she plans to kidnap me? The possibilities of what she could do to me are endless. And I am defenseless.

"Not that fast, Rosie."

Her fingers dig into my arm and I threaten her with making a scene if she doesn't let go of me, which she does.

"Take a look at these."

She gets a little stack of pictures from her purse, and when I look at them, my blood turns cold. They depict my parents at home, at their jobs, and all around my town.

"How… you didn't. No, you can't."

"I can and I did."

So Dimitri and I weren't the only ones targeted. Looking through the rest of the photos, I even see Yeva and Ivan and Lissa. All the people that we care about.

This is when I start losing my shit. I tried to be calm until now, but at her subtle threat I start trembling and I drop to the ground the bags I was carrying.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, so now you're interested?"

"Just speak, goddamnit!"

"Well, for starters, if you don't do as I say, I guess you know what will happen to everyone you have ever cared about."

Nothing I didn't expect for her to say.

"And what now? What do you want me to do?" or rather, what will she do to me? And more important, what can I do to get away from it?

"Leave him."

"Leave him?"

"Yes. It's either that, or everyone dies."

"That's it? I leave him and nothing happens? You kill no one?" this sounds fishy. There must be something more about this.

"Yes."

"Let's say I do it. How will I know you won't hurt anybody after I do it?"

"I don't care about anyone else but him, don't you get it? I want _him_ to suffer. And if you leave him, you'll suffer too. That's enough for me." I'm sure she forgot to add a "for now".

"How will I know you won't get him killed the first second I leave?" How will I know she won't kill me or anyone else?

How could I trust her with anything?

But do I afford not to do what she tells me to?

"Oh, Rose. Don't you get it? Death will hurt him way less than living without you. Without both of you," She says eyeing my belly and smiling wickedly, a thing that sends shivers down my spine. But to hell if I'd ever let her do anything to my baby. I'd die for the little one.

"Why now? Why are you doing this now? You could have done so much bad ever since the accident." Long before that too. "Why did you wait until now?"

"And not let him have it all and take it away from him once again? Oh, no, no, Rosie. I never expected him to lose his memory, but that, I must tell you, was an extra I enjoyed so much to watch. And after he got better, after he got everything back, it's the perfect time to act. I've been waiting for this for so long. It's the perfect timing to take it all away from him. At this moment, he has everything. He has you as his wife. Congrats on that. I have some nice photos of you if you want to look at them." She laughs as I squint my eyes at her, hoping that I could make her drop dead. "He has his baby coming. He has it all. The perfect life. And soon, without any notice, he'll lose everything. Isn't that tragic? Despite all his efforts, he loses everything. I will bring him to despair."

I hate this woman with every fiber in my body, I swear.

"So now… it's up to you."

I have no other choice than to agree, don't I? If I don't agree, all I've got is to lose.

"Fine. I'll… I'll do it."

"Oh, you've always been such an obedient girl, Rosie."

"Please, let me say goodbye to him." If I could get the chance to get back to Dimitri I'll let him know what happened and he will be able to solve this mess, I'm sure.

At this, she ponders things for a minute. After all, she's not stupid not to think of what I want to do. But I'll find a way.

To my utter surprise, she nods.

"You have three days." Isn't that plenty of mercy coming from her?

"Thank you." Thank you for giving me the chance to ruin your plans.

"Wait a second." She gets another set of photos. These are of us. At the market, in our little garden, in our home too. She has cameras all over our place? Even in the fucking bathroom?!

"I'll know if you try something." She smiles. "Don't think, not even for a second, that I'm not a hundred- a thousand steps ahead of you."

To hell with her!

But what if I just whisper it to him? Maybe she won't hear that on the recordings.

"Here. If you want to go back, for now, you have to wear this all the time."

She hands me a teeny tiny microphone. She indeed is a thousand steps ahead of me.

"Just so I know for sure you won't try to tell him about our encounter. Of course, if you need some convincing, I could give a call and… which part of your mother's body would you like to see cut off?"

"I fucking hate you!"

"Oh, Rosie. Not to make it a contest, but my hate for you two is bigger."

I am finally allowed to leave, but she calls for me once more.

"What now?"

"Same place, same hour, three days from now."

* * *

**TPOV**

As soon as Rose leaves and I get the confirmation that the microphone is working, I go to the one who has followed each of Rose's steps as she was out of the house, of course, keeping a safe distance.

"He put you follow her, didn't he?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's cut the crap. I know why you're here for, so don't play dumb. I have a business proposition for you."

"Which is?"

"How does a shitload of money sound?"

* * *

**RPOV**

Finally getting home, my anxiety is high to the roof and I jump a little when Dimitri embraces me as I was unpacking the groceries.

"Hey, love. Have you made any friends today?"

"Huh? What? What do you mean?"

How the hell does he know?

Good Lord, I pray that Tasha doesn't start thinking I did something. I didn't even talk to him until now! I swear I didn't plan to play her. I know she'd win against my sneakiest tricks.

"You know, you always befriend a neighbor when you get out of the house."

"Oh, that was it." thank God. "No. Not really. I mean, I met someone in front of the store, but I didn't like this woman at all. She was batshit crazy."

I know it's childish, but now, it's the least I can do to get some revenge on her. Of course, it's not like calling her crazy would solve my problems.

"I talked to Ivan."

On a usual day, this thing would make me happy. But now, knowing what they have talked about, I'm filled with worry.

"And? Did you two find something?"

If he says the word Tasha, I'm going to faint, I swear.

"Nothing. He found nothing either."

I know I shouldn't be relieved, but I am.

"I'm sorry." I turn and take him in my embrace.

"Well, I didn't have many expectations. But we'll find a way."

"I know we would."

* * *

**DPOV**

As I wake up, turning around, I don't find Rose in bed next to me.

Searching for her some more, I see her sitting in front of the big window of our room. There's something off about her, and only God knows she has many reasons to feel that way. She seems tense, and sighing, she plants her face in her palms.

I get up and head her way.

"Love? What you're doing here this early?" The sun hasn't even risen.

Her head snaps up and the look in her eyes… she looks desolate. She has been this way since the threat, but mostly since the other day. She was so off I hardly managed to cheer her up. I only wish I could have told her I know.

"Oh, I um... I just... don't know... I tried to um..."

"You were trying to what?"

"Nothing important."

Mimicking her position, I sit cross-legged in front of her and take her hands in mine.

"Come on, talk to me."

"I'm... I'm scared, Dimitri. I..." her hands guide mine over her belly as she bites her trembling lip. "And I don't know... I was trying to calm down. My therapist told me once I could use meditation when I feel anxious about... you know… and that's why I'm here. This morning things got a little out of hand and I thought I could give it a try and I came here, but my thoughts are driving me insane and nothing works and I can't calm down because I am so afraid and- and I can't. I'm so scared, Dimitri and I can't- I wish-" she shrugs and her eyes already spill the tears that have gathered in them.

I hold her hands tighter and soothe away their shakiness.

God, when I'm getting my hands on Tasha I'm not going to give her an easy time.

"I'm sorry, Dimitri, but I-"

"Shh, love. You don't have to apologize for anything you feel." I wipe her tears and scoot closer to her. "Close your eyes."

"Dimitri... no, you don't have to..."

"Come on. Do it for me. Close your eyes."

Sighing, she does as I asked.

"Now I want you to breathe, love. Slowly and steadily. In, and out, okay? Try it with me."

"You're good at everything, aren't you?"

"To be honest, I've never done this meditation thing before."

She giggles. "I think you're doing a pretty good job so far."

Letting one of her hands rest on her knee, I place the other one on my chest, over my heart.

"You feel that?"

Smiling, she nods. "I do." Her fingers play along my skin. "I do." It's nice to hear her voice calmer.

"Good. Focus on that. And breathe. In..." she inhales deeply. "And out..." she parts her lips and exhales.

"You should become an instructo-"

"Hey, shush. You're supposed to focus."

She laughs a little, but still, she doesn't open her eyes.

"Fine, fine. Sorry, comrade. I'm messing with your chakras."

As I laugh too, I bring her hand up to my mouth and kiss her knuckles, then bring it back on my chest.

"In..." I continue to guide her breathing. "And out... Relax and focus on this." I press her palm over my heart. "Just continue to breathe, love. You're safe. Here and now, with me."

And why not, I close my eyes too and start following the same rhythm as her, following the rising and sinking of my chest.

I feel her hand patting on my thigh for mine, so I extend it, meeting hers. She takes it and puts it over her heart.

"Dimitri?" She whispers.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Roza."

We spend the next five, ten, fifteen, I don't know how many minutes there, just feeling each other's heartbeat and breathing in the air of this warm, soon to be a sunny morning.

Until some pats on the wooden floor disrupt the silence we were dived into, and a wet, curious nose comes in between us, looking for morning scratches, and I'm sure, a snack.

Opening my eyes, I hear Rose's laughter.

"Oh, buddy. You should try this too at times. Be still for a second, you know? Maybe then you wouldn't be such a troublemaker."

Of course, her comment makes Ash growl, and us to laugh some more.

She ruffles his fur. "Go, buddy. Wait for us in the kitchen. I'll come give you a treat if you're a good boy for the next minute, okay?"

With this promise, he goes away, not before he gets his beloved chew toy.

Alone again, she looks at me, smiling.

"You're the best, comrade, you know that?"

I smile too. "You keep on saying that, love."

"And I will continue saying it. You're so sweet to do this for and with me."

"Don't mention it."

She comes and hugs me, her lips placing soft little kisses on my cheek.

But our silence is again disturbed, this time by her growling stomach.

"Oh, someone's hungry," she chuckles.

"What about some waffles at your favorite place?"

Her eyes get glowing with happiness as she pulls away to look at me. "Really?"

"Yes. Why not?" I'd do anything to brighten up her mood. "You know that bakery opens early. You go get dressed and I'll take care of that little rascal. I'll wait for you in the kitchen."

She jumps on me once again and kisses me about one hundred times.

"You. Are. The. Very. Best. Comrade. I. Love. You. So. So. So. Soooooo. Much. So much."

With a smile still on her lips, she rests her forehead over mine and kisses me once more, lightly.

"Comrade?"

"What?"

"I may have a suggestion about what we could do... after breakfast."

"And what would that be, huh?"

"You know," her fingers playing on my neck, I am slowly starting to forget about breakfast. "That thing we enjoy doing in the mornings."

"Watching that TV show of yours?"

She laughs. "Don't you play the fool. You know so damn well what that thing is."

"Nah, I don't think I'm getting this right. You're not talking about walking Ash out either? What else do we like doing in the mornings?"

"Comrade…"

"What? I want more details. Care to share some?"

"What if, after we get back, I show you exactly what I'm talking about, huh?"

Her hands move past my chest and she stops them over my navel area, but I take them off me and kiss her knuckles.

"Deal. Now go change before I decide to leave you starving."

"I wouldn't mind."

"I know, but the little one will." Rose and food have been a tricky thing all these months and I'm not taking any risks.

"Yeah, you're right." She smiles. "Someone is a little too picky and strict about her eating hours."

* * *

On our way back, she growls a little as she stops.

"What happened?"

"I shouldn't have eaten that extra pie."

"You're feeling sick?"

"A little. But oh, it tasted so good, I couldn't stop myself from eating it."

"Do you want to sit down a little?"

"Yeah, I think that would help."

We sit and she lays her head on my shoulder, then sighs.

"I shouldn't have eaten that. I'm nauseous and I feel like shit."

"Let me carry you home."

"But I'm heavy."

"Love, you're delusional," I declare as I pick her up.

She laughs. "I'd argue with you," like always, "But I don't think I can stand on my feet for too long." And after a second of silence, she whispers my name.

"Yes?"

"I know the doctor said it is not a bad thing, but..."

"If you want, I can call her again and tell her about this."

"You don't think she'll get upset with us?"

"Because we're concerned about our baby? Because we're just like all the other parents? Of course not."

"Good."

* * *

"What if I make you some tea?" I ask her when she wakes up again, late in the evening.

"You're an angel, Dimitri, do you know that?" her fingers playing in my hair, she smiles at me. "I love you to death." And with that, she starts crying.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, I just… I'm sorry I slept all day long."

"You're not serious."

"I am. I really am. I wanted to spend time with you, but-"

"Love, I'm not going anywhere. We have plenty of days to spend together, you know?" I'll make sure of that.

Taking her hand in mine, I kiss the spot where the ring rests on her finger.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I know. And I love you so, so much."

"Then why are you crying?"

"I just… You know I'm silly at times."

Yeah, that happens, but now… things are different and she thinks she has to leave me.

"Oh, Roza."

I keep her in my arms until she stops crying, trying to soothe this pain of hers, the guilt too. It's so hard to not be able to tell her.

After that, I leave her on the front porch while I go make that tea I promised her.

**RPOV**

When he comes back, it's pouring rain and I am in the middle of the garden, letting the water fall on me.

"Love, what are you doing there? Why didn't you get inside?"

"Why would I? I'm enjoying the rain. Isn't it wonderful outside?"

"What if we go back inside? I don't want you to catch a cold. I bet you're already wet to the bone."

"So what? It's just clothes. They'll dry, don't worry."

"Still, let's take you inside. You might get sick."

Getting closer to him, I take his hands in mine, trying to pull him outside, but he out powers me and he's the one pulling me, getting me out of the rain.

"Oh, comrade, please don't spoil my fun."

"You're having fun in the pouring rain?"

"Aham. Plus, it's not cold at all outside. And… It may be the last time I get to have it. So come with me."

He lets himself dragged out in the rain, and I guide him into the middle of the garden where our flowers didn't get to bloom yet.

"That sounds a little fatidic, don't you think?"

"Well, maybe I'm feeling a little fatidic tonight."

"Why is that? What's bothering you?"

If he'd only knew. Instead of telling him the things that weight my consciousness, I shrug.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking that life is short, Dimitri. Let's just enjoy it." one last night, together, before I break his heart.

"And what should we do?"

"For now, dance with me."

"Then… My lady..."

He extends a hand for mine, and taking it, he pulls me to him. I lay my cheek on his chest while his arms go around my middle, and we start moving from side to side.

"But didn't you fear storms?"

"I do. I usually do. But… not today. Plus, you're here with me. When I am with you, I fear nothing."

He kisses my temple and laughs a little.

"What?"

"We look like crazy people."

"And do you care about that?"

"Not at all. I could stay here and dance in the rain with you all night long."

"Me too." Placing my palm over his heart, I smile. "Me too, comrade."

When the already inexistent music ends, we get back inside, of course, soaking wet.

Dimitri starts making the fire as I go fetch some towels and dry clothes.

Getting back downstairs, I put his towel over his head, obscuring his view and getting a heartfelt laugh from him.

Leaving his clothes on an armchair, I go a little away and turn around when I start to undress.

But soon he comes from behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder, making me gasp in surprise and I hurriedly cover myself with the towel.

"Why you're shying away now?" he asks me amused.

"Power of habit I guess."

He kisses my shoulder and gets a hold of a corner of the towel.

"Why don't you let me do it?"

He moves his other hand and grabs the towel when I let go of it, then I slowly turn to face him. He rewards me with a kiss on the forehead and a smile as his eyes explore my now bare body.

He brings the towel up to my hair and slowly dries it, massaging my head, like trying to calm me, which works like a charm. Letting the now wet towel drop to the floor, he takes his and starts wiping the rest of my body, getting down to his knees to take care of my thighs and calves.

Of course, his touches are not deliberately enticing, but I'm already feeling warm all over. So, when he gets back up and his lips come looking for mine, I give in completely to that kiss, our tongues playing with each other as my fingers clutch onto his wet clothes like I'll never let go. God, how I wish I could.

He is the first one to pull away, breathing heavily, and watching me with a question in his eyes.

I waste no second, and my lips brush over his as I lift on my tippy toes for another little kiss. I try to forget the fact that she can hear and see everything and focus on the man in front of me. She doesn't matter, he does.

"Make love to me, Dimitri."

Running his fingers through my hair, he pulls me close again, and his hands start roaming on my body. I follow his lead and do the same, creeping my fingers under his T-shirt, pushing it up, with the intention to get rid of it, which soon happens.

He then picks me up and holds on to me as he takes the blanket off the sofa and throws it on the floor, then lies me there, in front of the fire.

He starts undressing and I welcome his wet, cold body over mine as we kiss once more.

The more skin of ours touches, the more intense everything gets. I wrap my arms on his shoulders and pull him closer, wanting to feel him all. One last time.

* * *

Sitting in front of the fire now, a blanket around my shoulders, as Dimitri is away, everything I can think of is how could I leave him? What would it do to him? He'd be devastated. I'll break his heart. I promised him I'd never leave, but here I am, less than twelve hours away from doing what I told Tasha I'd do.

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't realize he came back until I felt his arm wrapping around me and pulling me closer to his side.

"What were you thinking about?"

Oh, if you'd only knew…

"About how much I love you."

"And why is that making you sad?"

Trying to conceal the tears that gather in my eyes, I hide my face into his shoulder.

"It isn't, I swear it isn't."

I feel him wanting to argue, but instead of that he kisses my forehead and whispers those three words back to me.

"I always will."

"That is a lot of time, comrade."

"Is it?"

"Aham."

"I think it's not enough. Not at all, love."

"I will always love you too. Don't you ever forget that."

"How could I? You'll be here every single day to remind me."

Oh, God, it's like he knows and is trying to make me confess what I'm about to do. But no matter how big the guilt is, I can't utter a single word. She'd hear me.

"Yeah… something like that."

* * *

In the morning, as Dimitri's taking a shower, as the inevitability of my future actions gets more pressing and pressing, I start making my luggage.

"Love, what are you doing?"

Yes, indeed. What the fuck am I doing?

Continuing to tell myself that I have no other choice, I keep on folding my clothes.

"Are we going somewhere?" I can't answer him. I don't even think I can look in his eyes. "Rose, talk to me. What's happening here? Why are you packing your things?"

When his hands get a hold of my hips, him embracing me from behind, that's when I lose it.

"I'm sorry, but… I can't do this." I allow myself to feel his warm embrace one last time before I pull away to wipe my tears. "I can't… I can't raise my baby in this constant danger. Your life… your past will always come after us. We'll never be truly safe. And I can't risk our baby's life. This time I'm… I'm not taking any break. I'm leaving. For good, this time."

With a nod, he starts helping me fill my bag with clothes.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm helping you."

"Why?"

He smiles at me, but there's no happiness in that gesture. It is breaking my heart into a million pieces to see him like this and I hate myself for having to do it.

"I thought this day would come."

"You did?"

"Yes, love. I feared it would happen, but I didn't know it would be so soon. Even though, I should have seen it coming."

"How come?"

"You have taken this decision a while ago. And these past days you were trying to say goodbye, weren't you?" I nod. So he suspected something. "Plus, all that anguish you were feeling… you were acting unusual. I should have seen it coming."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand, Rose." He again forces a smile. "I really do. And it's alright."

His words make me cry even harder. I never thought things to be like this. I expected him to be mad at me, to accuse me of breaking my promises, of being a liar and for not trusting him enough. These past three days, I imagined all the possible scenarios. But not this one.

"Shh. It's alright."

I crumble in his arms and he doesn't hesitate to soothe my pain away, even though he must be breaking on the inside.

"Hate me."

"You know I could never do that."

"You should."

"I know this isn't easy for you either, Roza. But maybe it's the best thing to do."

And God, he actually believes what he says.

He kisses me chastely, then holds me tight for a minute longer.

"Take care, will you? Promise me you'll be safe. Both of you. And if you ever need something… you know I'll always answer my phone."

* * *

**DPOV**

Of course, I go after her. I promised her I won't follow her, but I lied. After all, Tasha is after us and Rose being all alone with her isn't something that brings me joy.

All I have to wait for now is the perfect occasion to get my hands on her.

**RPOV**

"Emotional," Tasha says the second she sees me, her hand going over her heart. "That's all I can say. I almost shed a tear when I heard you two say goodbye, I swear."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Give me your bag."

"Why?"

"I want to take a look inside. Do you think I'm that stupid to think you didn't come here with other intentions?"

Like killing her? I must admit it crossed my mind, but I was so troubled this morning I didn't even remember to get a gun from the house. Besides, what would have been the point? She would have seen it and would have made sure to kill someone in return, maybe everyone, and I can't afford that. I can't risk anyone's life.

After she leaves my stuff into some bush on the side of the road, we get in her car to go God knows where.

But for whatever reason, she keeps on looking into the mirror and she's hurrying a little too much to get away.

I mean, yeah, there was a black car I saw behind us, but is she that paranoid?

Anyway, we got rid of it, but her acting that way put a police car on our tracks, that urges us to pull over.

To my surprise, she stops.

"Follow my lead or kiss everyone goodbye."

When the police officer gets to Tasha's window, she unwinds it and with a concerned voice, she starts apologizing.

"You see, officer, my friend here is pregnant and we think there's something wrong with her because she's in pain and that's why we were in such a rush."

But looking at me, he doesn't see me wailing in pain. Hell, if she would have told me about it, I would have pretended a little.

"Is that so Ma'am?"

"Yes," I hurry to mimic the pain, at which I fail lamentably, but I go on with it. "It's my fault. I slipped and I hurt myself and now my um…" shit, think of something! "My tummy! My tummy hurts."

With a suspicious look in his eyes, he examines me further. I wonder if he sees my distress. I try to use it to my advantage though and bring some tears in my eyes too, trying to make my story more believable.

For a second, I think we'll get away with it.

"Please get out of the car."

Fuck! Shit! Fucking shit!

"I don't think so."

From under her coat, Tasha gets out a gun and before the poor guy gets the chance to reach for his, she shoots him right between his brows.

"What the fuck did you do?!"

I rush out of the car and kneeling, I want to help the poor guy, but before I get to touch him, she gets out too and jerks me up to my feet.

"Touch him and let the whole police know who to blame for this."

"But I didn't-"

"His blood is on your hands! You're the one to blame! You couldn't just play pretend a fucking thing. Now everything has gone to shit! If the police are going to be on our tracks… Goddamnit! Get in the car! Now!" she digs her nails into my flesh as she pushes me towards the other side of the car.

Not arguing with her, I continue to be the perfect prisoner and get back to my place.

She gets driving again, this time pushing the speed pedal even more, her fingers turning white on the steering wheel and her cheeks turning red with anger.

"I'll kill both of you! I'll take everything from him! Every last thing. I'll make him pay! I'll make you pay too!"

"But we didn't-"

"We didn't convene to that?" she laughs copiously at my confusion. "Oh, Rosie, hasn't he taught you to trust no one? Plus, it wouldn't be fair for only Dimitri to lose everything, wouldn't it?"

"What… what are you talking about?" I know the answer already, but I am hoping for another.

"Come on. You're not stupid. I was planning to let everyone else be, but now that you pissed me off, before I kill you, I'll take everything away from you too. You'll watch it. And when the show is done, I'll kill you. Then I'll make him watch."

She next gets her phone out and makes a call.

But no one answers on any of her five attempts, a thing which angers her further.

"What did you do?!"

"Nothing, I-"

"Shut up! Don't you play with me! He knows, doesn't he? You told him!"

"No, I swear, I-"

I stop midway as I see a car I know getting closer to ours. It's the same car she got rid of earlier.

"Fuck that. That car is after us because of you! And if I am to die, I'm taking you with me! I'll get my revenge one way or another."

She pushes the speed pedal once more, and even though I try to stop her, all I manage to do is to jerk the car left and right on the highway, which isn't helping much. I wouldn't like to get off road and spin like crazy and then die.

The black car behind us speeds up too.

So is it true? Was that car following us?

If so, could that be Dimitri?

I pray the gods it's him.

And I hope he won't get to us too late.

But then again, I think it's already too late.

I can't stop her.

**DPOV**

Full speed, they crash into a pillar at the end of the road.

I can't believe it.

They crashed.

Rose is in the car, and it crashed.

Oh, God!

I don't even know when I got there and left the car I was into, but I am now running like crazy trying to reach their car.

The only thing that stops me is the gunshot I hear.

Only for a second before I get running faster.

This cannot happen. Nothing bad can happen to Rose. It isn't how it was supposed to happen!

Getting to the car and jerking open the passenger's seat door, I see Rose holding a gun with shaking hands and a pool of blood forming on Tasha's chest.

She's alive. Rose is fine.

"Roza…"

Dropping the gun, she turns my way and her eyes fill with tears.

"I didn't mean to, but- but- but she- she wanted to-"

"It's okay. You're okay. Let's get you out of here."

* * *

**RPOV**

"I'm sorry, love," Dimitri tells me for the thousandth time ever since we arrived at the hospital, where I've been declared the luckiest woman alive. Our baby and I are safe and sound and I will be grateful for this miracle all my life.

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I promised you I'd never leave, but I- I couldn't tell you. She threatened me that-"

"It's alright. I know. I knew… I only wish… it shouldn't have gotten this far. I should have moved faster. But if I'd acted sooner than you leaving, she would've known."

"And besides her hurting everyone we care about, we would have lost her."

"Yes. Maybe that would have happened, or worse. Plus, I needed a little time to put things in order with your parents and Ivan. To make sure she doesn't find out and that they'll be safe in any circumstance."

"But how did you know? Whose ass did you kick to find out about her?"

"No one's."

"Then?"

"I put a man follow you when I couldn't be around. She tried to bribe him into being on her side. But he told me about her and we tried to play her. All I needed was for you to get me to her." He kisses my hand and shelters it into the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry for putting you both in danger. I never thought things would go this far. I never- I lost her the first time and-"

"I don't care that I was the bait. I don't care about what happened either. It passed. I'm fine now. _We're_ fine now and she's gone. That's all that matters."

"About that… how…"

"How do I feel about what I did?" he nods. "I may sound like a horrible person by saying this, but I'm relieved. I didn't want to kill her, but it was either her or me and I couldn't let her… I wouldn't have let her hurt our baby. I didn't like doing it, but I'm glad she's out of our lives. I'll live with it."

"I'm sorry." He slowly kisses my forehead, moving like afraid I'd break any moment now. But for once, I don't think I will.

"Tell me one thing."

"What?"

"Did you mean what you said when I left? Or was that only for the dramatic effect?"

He smiles, but there's a glint of sadness in that.

"Love, if you ever-"

"You'd let me go?"

"Yes. I want you to be happy and safe. And if that means you being away from me, then yes. If you'd want to leave, I'd let you go."

"I won't. I won't go. I swore it to you once and I'm not breaking my promise."

* * *

In the evening, we're allowed to leave the hospital.

Of course, despite the fact that the doctor assured Dimitri I'm out of any danger, he doesn't cease to be careful at each step I take and his hand doesn't let go of mine all the way to the car.

"You know, I am not going to trip. I am barely even walking. I'm taking a step a minute, comrade."

"I don't care. When we're getting home, I'm wrapping you in bubble wrap until you're due."

"Why do I feel like you mean that?"

"Because I do."

* * *

"Excuse me, my love, but I thought we established you wouldn't do stuff like that. Especially now-"

"Especially now that I am so close to giving birth, I know."

I make half a pirouette on the chair I am perched on and find him sitting in the doorframe, arms crossed, and with what I think is supposed to be a mad look in his eyes. Which is not working out as he thinks it is.

"I am very aware I'm a few days away from popping and that we agreed- well, _you_ agreed that I will not be doing anything around the house, but we have never established what I should do when I have a hell of a craving for cheese sandwiches. What protocol should I follow?"

"For starters, you wake me up and tell me. Doesn't that sound simple?"

"But you were sleeping so soundly and peacefully. I didn't dare wake you up. Plus, it's three a.m., comrade."

"So?" he argues as he comes to me and wraps his arms around me. "Come on, down with you. And sit there until I make you your sandwiches."

He shows me the table, and after I give him a peck I head that way.

"You're lucky my feet hurt, otherwise I would have argued with you."

* * *

"Did you find him, comrade?"

I swear that Ash always finds new spots to hide into when he hears we're going to give him a bath.

"No! What about you?"

"No! He's not hiding in the kitchen cupboard again. I'm going- oh, shit."

A stinging pain stops me mid-sentence. A contraction. Just a simple contraction, as I've been told it's normal to happen.

Or is it more?

Fuck. It's more than one.

And this one is so strong I feel my feet turning to jelly.

I take a seat on the first chair I find and I feel my bum wet.

Oh, good lord, it's happening!

"Dimitri! Peaches!"

I get up and want to go to him, but I only manage to reach the living room, where I need to stop and prop myself onto the wall, the pain I feel making me dizzy.

"You want peaches?" He gets to the top of the stairs and nonchalantly descends them, like he isn't even seeing me squirming in pain! "I can go get you some. I could go-"

"No, Dimitri, I don't want fucking peaches!"

Fuck, I know I shouldn't be such a bitch. It's not his fault. But what was our cue? I can't remember it.

"_Apples_," I growl as another burst of pain shots through me and I rush to go take a seat on the sofa. "Or pears, or pineapples or _goddamnit_, a fucking fruit!"

Entering the living room and coming in front of me, he looks at me with a smile on his lips.

"You want a salad fruit?"

"Goddamnit, Dimitri, no! I'm- fuck! I'm in pain and I'm wet, don't fuck with me!"

His eyes widen when he finally gets it.

"Oh, God. Is it happening?" I nod fast. "Now?"

"No, tomorrow."

"Oh, wow. Sorry, stupid question." Taking my hands in his, as he crouches, a big smile lights his face. "It's okay, love. I'm here."

But no matter how much I love the look in his eyes, the way he's so happy about this, well, I'm kinda having horrible cramps.

"Well, not to spoil your fun comrade, but I don't think we should be here."

He snaps out of it and turns into that Dimitri ready for action.

"Sure. So stupid of me to sit around while you're on labor. I am taking you to the hospital."

Helping me get up, I want to walk on my own to the car, but he stops me and picks me up.

"Dimitri, you can't carry me."

"Of course I can. You see? I'm already doing it."

"Again, I would fight you in that decision, but I don't think I would be able to make it to the car by myself with these cramps."

"No worries, Roza. I'm here."

"You're the best, comr-" a wince escapes my lips with another constriction of my muscles.

"Are you okay?"

I shake my head. "It hurts," I cry as I clutch my fingers onto his T-shirt. "Why does it hurt so bad? No one told me it would hurt like this."

"It is going to be fine. We'll get to the hospital soon. We'll be there in no time, I promise."

He gets moving faster and takes me to the car, then sits me in the passenger seat and kisses my forehead.

"You'll be fine, Roza. I'm here, okay? Anything you need, name it."

"For now, I need you to push the speed pedal."

In less than a minute we're on the street and rushing to the hospital.

"Quinces!" finally!

"What? You want some now?"

"No, I only remembered our signal."

He chuckles. "It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess."

I try to keep my breathing steady. But it hurts so goddamn much!

"Here, love. Hold my hand." grateful for that, I take it and squeeze on it at each contraction, "We'll be there in a moment."

"Not fast enough!"

"I know. But I'm doing my best here."

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean."

"I know, love. Now, tell me something."

"What?"

"Anything. Tell me something happy." Oh, he wants to distract my attention from the pain.

Okay. I can do that.

But thinking of it, nothing comes to my mind. All I can think of is that this is only the beginning. I'm even starting to question my option for a natural birth.

"I don't know what to say."

"It's okay. I'll be telling you something. Close your eyes."

Doing as I've been instructed, Dimitri starts telling me of all the future moments we'll have together, of how we'll see our little girl grow, along with our other million kids, and picturing those images in my head, I lose track of time and the pain.

"Love, why are you crying? Does it hurt that much?"

"No, I just… I'm so happy she's coming."

Kissing my cheek, he can't keep himself from smiling. "Me too. Me too, Roza. Now let's go. We're here."

* * *

Medical stuff - the start of labor is called the latent phase. This can take hours or, for some women, when it's their first pregnancy, days.

This piece of news hit me like a train and all the way back home, where our doctor recommended us to be, I kept on ranting about it.

"Days? _Days_?! I can't do this for days, Dimitri. You've got to be kidding me. It's been half an hour since this started and I'm already feeling like I'm dying," I repeat to him as he helps me get past the entering door of our house.

"You'll see, it will pass in no time, love. It won't last for days."

"But it hurts, Dimitri."

"I know, I know, love." He sits me on the sofa and pushes my hair out of my sweaty face. "How are you feeling now?"

"A little better, but it starts and stops and the pain comes and goes and it's annoying as fuck."

* * *

"How does this feel like, love?" his fingers massage my lower back and only this little gesture of his brings me comfort.

"Like nothing works, goddamnit! This doesn't work either."

I am now sitting on all my fours and I'm trying, once more, to relax.

So far we've been trying breathing exercises, we've been counting my contractions, we've been walking all around the house, I've been rocking back and forth and all those shitty ideas, but it feels like it's all pointless. Because it is! Nothing fucking helps relieve my pain. And damn, I never thought it would be this painful at times. It even leaves me breathless.

"What about that warm bath?"

We've scurried the internet for all possible ideas of helping me, and until something starts working, I am going to try them all.

"Yes, please."

Leaving me with Ash to look after me, he rushes to the bathroom.

This little fella is so sweet to move carefully around me, nudging his nose against my shoulder and trying to help in any way he can.

When everything is prepared, Dimitri accompanies me to the bathroom.

"Come in with me, please. Hold me."

He gets in too and with his arms wrapped around me, it finally feels better.

"How does this feel? Does this work?"

"It does. But… I'm a little scared."

"Why? I'm here, aren't I? Didn't I promise you everything will be alright?" I nod. "So? Did I ever break my promises?"

Turning my head and resting it on his shoulder, I kiss his cheek.

"Thank you for trying all this stuff with me."

"It's the least I can do. You're doing the hard part. I can only do my best to help."

"Well, you're doing a great job."

"And so are you. But what about getting some sleep when we get out of here? It's pretty late."

I nod. I don't know for how long this will last anyway and the pain has drained me of my power.

Following the plan, after I change into some fluffy pajamas, we lie in bed.

"Dimitri?" I call for him when I remain breathless once more and he pulls away enough to look in my eyes. "I'm still scared." This time, I get crying a little too. "I am really, really scared."

"Oh, Roza." He kisses my forehead. "You don't have to be scared. I know it hurts, but will be here the whole time. I'm not leaving your side."

"You promise?"

"I swear."

"But it hurts really bad right now."

"What can I do?"

"Just hold me, please."

"This I can do. All night long, love."

He keeps me calm. His steady heartbeat against my cheek brings me comfort and as he holds me, he starts rubbing the end of my spine and I relax a little more.

But he soon stops.

"Dimitri," I whisper, hoping he didn't fall asleep, but oh, it has been a long day for him too.

"What, love? Is something wrong?"

"No. But can you please keep on doing that? It felt really good. It was relieving some of my back pain."

He kisses my forehead as he starts rubbing my back again.

"Anything you need, Roza. Anything you need."

* * *

Towards the morning, the contractions get unbearable and he takes me back to the hospital, where we spend some more hours, waiting for me to get dilated enough.

**DPOV**

She didn't sleep much, she has been in pain all day yesterday and now she's and pale as hell and I worry for her.

It's been too long, in my opinion. But then again, what do I know? I can only keep my mouth shut as I've already annoyed half the staff here with my concerned questions.

When they finally get her in a room and the doctor gives the green light, Rose is exhausted and no one can make her be calm.

"I can't do it anymore. I can't push, goddamnit!"

"You can do it, love. You-"

"You're not helping, Dimitri!"

"I am sorry, love. I just… here, hold my hand." I am out of ideas of what I could do.

She takes it and lets me feel a little of her pain too, with each push squeezing harder and harder.

With the encouragement of the nurse and the doctor, along with mine, she breaks in tears when it's over.

She's shaking all over and I take her in my embrace, resting my lips on her sweaty forehead.

"It's done, love. It's okay. It's over."

She starts crying harder, and bringing my hand to her mouth, she kisses it.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I didn't mean to."

"It's fine, love. I know."

**RPOV**

The look in his eyes, God, it warms me whole. He cannot help but smile at me, and being contagious, I smile back at him.

I wonder if we look like idiots for this. But who the fuck cares? I'm so, so happy to hear our little baby cry its lungs out.

The nurse asks Dimitri if he wants to cut the umbilical cord, but he's still preoccupied with me and didn't hear her.

"Hey, she's talking to you," the words hardly roll out of my mouth, my tongue dry and my head feeling weird for a second.

I think I'll sleep for a week, that tired I am. I can't even keep my eyes open now.

He turns to her. "What happened?" with an amused face, she asks him again. "Yes. Yes, I would."

He takes the scissors from her and I can see his hand trembling a little.

"Won't it hurt?"

"No, Sir. Not at all."

After he does it, the nurse comes to me and puts this tiny warm creature to rest on my chest.

"Congratulations. It's a girl."

Hearing her, I burst in tears once more.

And if my cheeks didn't hurt enough from how hard I tightened my jaw earlier, now they do because I can't stop smiling widely.

"Oh, Dimitri… she… Dimitri?" I can't see him clear enough as he comes closer. My vision is blurry and it's not because of the tears.

"Yes, love?"

"I don't think I feel too well."

"Rose? What's the matter?"

"I don't know…"

**DPOV**

Not that it would help with anything, but I panic. Too many things have happened and her fainting now doesn't bring any good news.

Plus, the machines start beeping and the baby starts crying once again.

"What's happening to her?"

Someone pushes me away from the bed and someone else takes the baby.

"Sir, we need you to get out of the room." I am being pushed towards the door, but I resist it. "_Now_, Sir. Don't make things more complicated for your wife."

* * *

**RPOV**

When I wake up, my whole body feels sore and my head is heavy. I have an I.V. into my arm and the room is spinning with me.

But when I see Dimitri next to me, I forget about it all.

Seeing me open my eyes, he takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing my knuckles.

"You scared the hell out of me, love."

"Did I?"

"Of course you did. I thought I'd lose you." He kisses my hand once more. "You lost blood and the doctor said you could have…" he shakes his head, refusing to say it out loud. "You scared me, Roza."

"Hey, come on. You're not getting rid of me that easily. Plus, I'm fine now, aren't I?"

He helps me get up to my butt, making sure to bring me a hundred pillows so that I would be comfortable.

"What happened to your hand?"

"Nothing much. I… I was clumsy."

My headache gets a little worse when I laugh, but I can't help it.

"You? Clumsy? In what world, comrade? Couldn't you find a better excuse? Tell me what happened. Did you kick someone's ass to let you stay here for the night?"

"No. It's just that someone squeezed too hard on it."

"You're kidding me. _I_ did that?" he nods and I take his hand, inspecting it, then shelter it into the crook of my neck. "God, I feel horrible. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt."

"I broke your finger and you tell me it doesn't hurt?"

He shrugs. "Compared to the pain you were into, mine is insignificant."

I laugh once more. "To be honest, I don't even remember the pain. I just… I remember your smile and that little ball of warm mushiness so close to me." all I know is that she has his eyes. "I want to hold our baby. Is she here?"

"Sure. In a second."

From her little crib, he takes her in his arms, and brings her close to me.

"She's..._he? _ Didn't we have a girl?"

"We do. But they have run out of pink blankets."

"Or who knows, maybe they misplaced her."

We both chuckle, but not too loud, as the little one is sleeping.

But we weren't that silent as he thought we were.

The little one whimpers and I see instant worry on his face.

"Oh, no, baby girl. Don't cry."

But she does. She starts crying.

Shushing her, he cuddles her to his chest, resting his lips on her forehead and starts moving her up and down lightly as he speaks soothing words to her.

I love this view. I'd never get tired of it, I'm sure of it.

"Shh… it's okay. It's alright. It's all alright. Daddy's here."

And I swear that in less than thirty seconds, she stops fidgeting and crying.

"Wow, comrade. You're like, the baby whisperer."

Laughing, he gives her to me and takes a seat on the bed next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders and warming me with his embrace.

"She's so small," he says in awe as he caresses her plump cheek.

Indeed, in his arms earlier, she looked so small.

We spend the next seconds watching her look at us with curious eyes.

"And so beautiful," he says kissing my jaw. "Just like her mother."

"It wasn't only my contribution. You don't look bad yourself, comrade. We both made this little human. She's ours."

"How should we name her? After all, we never got to choose a name from that endless list of ours."

"I have an idea. You know, that doctor that didn't let me die… what if we'd name her after her?"

"I like that idea."

"Of course, unless she has a name we hate."

We both laugh and the little one's curiosity peaks.

"I could watch her all day long. She's so sweet and squishy. Like a little dumpling. Our little dumpling."

"I love you, Roza."

"I love you too."

"How are you feeling, love?"

"You'll laugh."

"Why?"

"You'll laugh about what I'm going to say."

"What do you want to say? I just asked you how you feel."

"I feel hungry. I'm famished." He chuckles. "See? I told you you'll laugh."

He kisses my forehead. "That's good, love. Very good. After what happened, you need the energy."

A nurse comes around and spoils our little moment, but at least we get the chance to find out that the doctor's first name is…

Zoey.

Hearing that, I laugh. "I guess it was fate, comrade."

Before giving her away to the nurse for a bath, I cuddle her to my chest once more.

"Hey there, Zoey." She babbles. "You like that?"

But she's too preoccupied to grip on my blouse, asking to be fed.

"I know I do, love."

"Me too."

* * *

**DPOV**

Coming back from home, I brought her the things she needed for her extended stay in the hospital. She didn't like the idea, but I agreed with the doctor when she said she wants to keep her under observation for a few days.

I stop in the doorway and watch them, Rose playing peekaboo with Zoey. A smile on her lips the whole time, thing that makes me smile too.

This here is a view I can't take my eyes off. Such a beautiful sight. The two loves of my life.

Now cuddling little Zoey to her chest, Rose kisses her little fingers, whispering to her something I can't hear.

But the little one has seen me and extends her hands towards me.

"Hey, you're back."

Closing the door behind me, I enter the room and reaching them, I kiss Rose's forehead, and as I sit down on the chair next to the bed, I let little Zoey wrap her teeny tiny fingers on my index.

She pulls it to her mouth, wanting to suck on it.

Rose chuckles. "I guess someone's hungry."

She then looks at me insistently, but I don't get it why.

"What? You want me to do it?"

This time she laughs. "No. But I… you know…"

"I know what?"

She shrugs. "Some privacy?"

At this, I laugh heartily, making little Zoey's eyes widen as she stares at me.

"I'm not leaving anywhere, love. I have seen you naked what? A billion times now and you still shy away?"

"I um… I just… fine. Can you hold her for a second as I… um… you know…"

"I'd love to."

Ever since I held her the first time, all I wanted was to never let go, but one of the nurses snatched her away from me to run some tests of theirs.

So now, every chance I get, I keep little Zoey close to me.

I take her from Rose and God, she is still the smallest thing I ever held, and she's so fragile, and soft, and warm, and she smells like baby powder and milk, and she's so sweet smiling like this at me, and I think I might get into a sugar coma if I keep on looking at her.

Our little baby. This little Rose keeps on amazing me every single day. She's the perfect copy of her mother. The same smile, the same deep brown, loving, happy eyes (even though she says she got mine, I'll keep on arguing with her about it), and only God knows, the same strong lungs. The same little nose too, that I can't help but want to touch, and when I do, she scrunches it a little, an inborn gesture she again took from her mother.

My hand close to her face, her hands reach for my finger once more, this time being more determined to bring it into her mouth. She's indeed hungry.

But when I pull it away, she gets her chance to test her lungs again, her expression turning from happy to upset in a split of a second.

"Oh, no, don't cry, my love."

I bring her closer to me and cuddle her little body into the crook of my neck, starting to soothe her back.

"Mama's gonna feed you soon, alright?"

I watch Rose and she has gotten her shirt unbuttoned and I can see a glimpse of her full breasts.

She extends her hands and I give Zoey back to her.

Revealing her right breast, she lets Zoey cuddle into her and get a hold of her breast, digging her fingers into her soft flesh. Her lips get around the rosy nipple and she starts sucking hungrily, stopping her whimpering in a second.

"What are you smiling at like that?" she asks me a few minutes later.

"Like what?"

"With that silly grin on your face."

I get a hold of her hand and bring it up to my mouth, kissing each of her fingers.

"Oh, love. I could look at you for hours."

"Hey,_ stop that."_

She punches me as her cheeks turn pink and she looks down, reaction of hers that makes me laugh.

I swear I wasn't thinking of anything kinky. But now that she mentioned it…

I lean closer to her and rest my forehead on her temple, my mouth reaching next to her ear.

"You're the first one who had a dirty thought, love."

"Yeah, I bet I did, Mister Innocence."

"You did. And now that you brought it up…"

"Dimitri…"

I trace my way up on her arm, walking my fingers in circles on her skin.

"I'd like to be the one doing that, love…"

She sighs and closes her eyes, her palm clutching on the blanket as I bite on her earlobe.

"Di…_mitri…"_ she starts a little louder at first, but ends up whispering.

I look towards Zoey to see if she got disturbed in any way, but she didn't. She stopped sucking and she's now busy with playing with the edge of her blue blanket, exploring all the newness of this world.

Not having what to worry about, I reach my hand further up, and as soon as it reaches the soft skin of her breast, she sighs again.

I start kissing her cheek, heading towards her jaw.

"You're so full, love."

I go as far as to cup her breast, half naked to the touch, half feeling it through the shirt, and her nipple responds to my touch, getting hard and pointy and pressing onto my palm.

She turns her head, her lips finding mine and she moans lightly as I squeeze on her peak.

Growling, she pulls her mouth away. "Comrade, the baby," her tone gets scolding. "Zoey…" I circle my thumb on her. "Oh…" I do it again. "Dimitri… damn you…"

I look away once again and see that Zoey has already happily dozed off after her meal.

"Don't you worry, love. She's asleep."

I go back to caressing her peak, this time removing the shirt out of the way and go flesh on flesh.

"But what if she wakes up and sees us?"

"Don't you worry about her. We won't wake her up. Plus, she won't find out what sex is until she is fifty. I'll make sure of it."

She laughs in my mouth as we kiss again. "Oh, comrade. You are such a brat."

"Oh, love. Don't you worry. I don't plan to do much to you now." Even though I must admit I'm having a hard time keeping my hands away.

I squeeze on her tender flesh and her next moan gets a little louder.

"Oh, but… uh… you do… you are…"

I squeeze even harder than before on her peak, making her gasp and her fingers clutch onto my upper arm.

"Don't you act like you don't like it."

I hear some steps on the hallway and with the probability of someone entering this room, I know I need to pull away.

But not before I make her a promise.

I bend and kiss her peak.

"Oh, love." I can't resist the urge to suck on her sweet flesh either. "You're not getting away this easily. The second I get you home and we're alone, you're mine."

I feel her shiver as I pull away and cover her chest, just in time for the nurse to come in here and see us playing innocent.

* * *

"Dimitri?"

"What happened, love?"

"Would you lay next to me and hold me? I'm really tired and I'd wish you to hold me, at least until I fall asleep. I kinda miss that."

"I'd love that."

Cuddled into me, her head buried into the crook of my neck, her fingers play on my chest.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes?"

"I'm a little scared."

Pulling away, I look at her confused.

"Of what? Why? What happened?" She only sighs in response. "Roza, what's the matter? What's bothering you?"

"I um… I'm afraid of the uncertainty."

"The uncertainty of what?"

She sighs. "Look. Having Zoey… there's not only the two of us now."

"And is there something bad about it?"

"No. Not at all. I love that little dumpling more than anything."

I smile and she reciprocates. "Me too. But?"

"But having her… it means we need to offer her some stability. Like… a home, meetings with her grandparents, a daycare, a school, friends and all that stuff. When she grows… We'll need to settle somewhere for whole years. Isn't that…"

"Dangerous?"

She nods. "If we sit in one place for too long, doesn't that make us… detectable? What if Tasha isn't the only one… I don't know… you messed with a lot of bad guys, didn't you?"

"I understand your concerns. I'm thinking about those things too. But you know that you won't have to worry about this, right? You know I'll take care of stuff like this, no matter what. I will not let anything bad happen. To any of you. I'll fight the whole world for you two."

She gets a little up and kisses me, her palms holding onto my cheks.

"I love you, you know that?" she pulls away and smiles. "I fucking love you, Dimitri," she says with tears in her eyes now.

"I love you too, Roza."

"But… I'm tired of lying in this bed. All this medicine they're giving me makes me feel so out of it. I just want to go home. Would you break some rules and take me out of here?"

"It's just a few more days, love, then I'm taking you both home. You know I don't want to risk anything when it comes to you."

She puffs. "Since when did you become so responsible?"

* * *

**RPOV**

Waking up along the night, I see Dimitri on the chair next to me, like always, but this time, he is holding little Zoey cuddled onto his chest, and they're both sleeping. She is like a little spider extended on his chest and his palms are protectively wrapped around her.

I feel tears gathering in my eyes and I try to blink them away.

They look lovely. God, I love them both to death.

The little one whimpers, and in the next second, Dimitri wakes up and is alert.

But it was just a false alarm. She just snuggled better to his chest.

Looking at her, he smiles and taking her little hand in his, he kisses it.

He is completely charmed by her. Hell, I am too, all the time.

When he gets sure Zoey is alright, his eyes wander on me, and he gets surprised to see me awake.

Busted!

I smile. "You two are so cute, comrade."

"It's all her, love."

* * *

As we're finally going home, he tells me he has a surprise for me.

Of course, he didn't tell me what the surprise is. I had to find it on my own, when I opened the front door.

"Oh, everybody is here."

My parents, Ivan and Lissa, hell, even Yeva.

"Of course we're here," I hear none other than Adrian speaking from behind me.

Turning around, I see him carrying about ten pink gift bags.

"How… you, here?"

He shrugs. "I was in the area and I couldn't miss on seeing you, couldn't I?"

Like this, all the sadness I felt when I was told it would be better for only Dimitri to come around and visit, it disappears.

Soon enough, Zoey becomes the main attraction of the house and odd enough, she enjoys to the fullest this attention she's given. She didn't shed a single tear, not to speak of wanting to get away. She's a little diva, flashing a toothless grin at everyone she meets and clapping her chubby hands and wanting to play all the time. What can I say, she's a charmer, just like her father.

Everything is going perfectly, but Yeva doesn't like something about what's happening here, I think I know her well enough to read it on her face, and when I go ask her what's wrong, she is as straightforward as usual.

"He should have married you before you gave birth. It's not how it's usually done. I'm mad at him and he's going to know it soon enough."

"Well… he did."

"He did what?"

"We got married a while ago," I mumble as she pins me with her glare.

"When? And why weren't we there?"

"We… eloped?"

"You _what_?" this is my mother and Lissa getting upset about it in unison.

"We just did it, guys. One day, we went to the city hall and got married."

"To hell with it. I didn't see it happen. I didn't see my daughter get married and I want to see that."

"Yeah, we were thinking about having a little gathering and all, but-"

"But what? When will you do it? How soon?"

"Soon, I guess." Way sooner than planned, I think.

"Good. I'm waiting for news from you, otherwise I'll start organizing that wedding myself," my mother settles things.

* * *

After a day with our house full of people, when we finally get alone, it's a little blessing. I loved them all being here, but I must admit I missed a lot of sleep lately and the pills they gave me still have their effect on me.

Entering our room, I find Dimitri playing with Zoey, telling her God knows what. I swear I need to learn Russian ASAP, otherwise these two will have a lot of secrets together.

When he nuzzles his nose against hers, she puts her fingers in Dimitri's nostril and I don't know why, I find myself laughing so hard about that. Seeing them like this, I can't stop. Tears gather in the corner of my eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Is that funny to you?"

"Of course it is," I answer, still laughing, as I take Zoey from him.

"Okay. Fine. When you come back, I'm gonna show you what I think about it."

"Sure, I can't wait, comrade."

I wink at him before taking Zoey to her room.

Leaving Ash to keep her company, when I come back, Dimitri is already dozing off. Well, I wasn't the only one missing sleep lately.

He is laying on his belly and I get in bed next to him, on my shins.

"Hey, lover," I whisper in his ear.

He turns his head and looks at me, a smile on his face.

"What happened with comrade?"

"Oh, don't you worry about that. That is still my favorite. But I was just testing other options." He chuckles. "Now, come on. Up with you, Mister lazy pants. I think you promised me something."

"I never thought I would live the day when you'll tell me to get up."

"Hey!"

I punch him into his shoulder blade and he unconsciously makes a face.

I lay next to him, my face close to his.

"It still bothers you? After all this time?"

"What?"

"Don't you pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Your shoulder. Does it still bother you?"

"As I have told you on so many other occasions," and that happened at least once a week for a very long time now. "I am fine."

"And well, as I'm telling you every single time when you say that, I don't believe you. What if-"

"There is nothing wrong." He shushes my protest by placing his thumb over my lips.

I frown at him. He is lying me to my face.

"Fine. Maybe just a little soreness someti-"

"So there _is_ something wrong." Finally, he admits it.

He smiles, shaking his head. "Nothing you should worry about."

I get up back on my shins and kiss his shoulder, then head towards his shoulder blade.

"Promise me you will go to the doctor."

He sighs, turning his head so that he could look at me.

"You worry too much for something unimportant."

"Maybe." He wants to lift, but I push him back into the mattress. "No. Stay there."

I walk my palms up on his bare back, reaching the back of his neck, and I start massaging his flesh. He is tight for a second, but relaxes and lets me do it. I go harder and softer on his shoulders, heading slowly down.

The arm that he has extended along his body is moving its fingers up and down my thigh, sending ticklish waves across my leg.

"You know, love? I could get used to this. Why go to a doctor when I have you to take so much care of me? "

I laugh. "Yeah, don't get used to it. This sweet talking won't get you far this time, comrade. You are still going. I am taking you if I have to. But for now, let's say I am going to try to ease it for you."

I mount on him for better access and start doing my thing. I don't know if I am doing things well enough, but he doesn't protest.

"Roza, I have a question." He says, interrupting my focus on the massage.

"What?"

"What are you wearing?"

"My robe. Why is that important right now?"

"And is that all you're wearing?"

I look down and well, yes, this robe is all I am wearing. I soon realize the position I am into too. And the fact that I dragged myself a little up on his back, well, I ended sitting on his lower back instead of his ass.

I give his back a little grind, making sure to part my legs a little more, just like that, because I can.

"Maybe I am not wearing anything underneath."

At my answer he growls and in a swift movement he turns under me so that now I am sitting on his abs.

"Hey, what are you doing? How am I supposed to give you a back massage when your back is down there?" I ask as innocently as I can.

"Fuck the massage," He says and gets his hands on the knot keeping my robe together, but I place my hands over his, stopping him.

"Wait a second, comrade. Did you just say fuck?"

He brings his hands up on the collar of my robe and pulls by it, dragging me down to him.

"Maybe I did." He says and kisses me. "You know I can't help myself around you."

"Well, it's your luck that I adore hearing you talk dirty, lover."

He smiles and gets his palms inside my robe, starting to push it down my shoulders as we kiss again.

"Do you want to hear more?"

"Yes, please."

His hands sliding down on my hips, as he is stroking my skin, he is pushing my robe up, revealing my thighs too.

He pulls away from the kiss and lets go of my hips, getting his hands in my hair and his mouth travels down on my neck.

"I'm glad you are wearing this robe."

"Why?"

"Because I have dreamt so many times to take it off you."

"You did?"

"Oh, you have no idea how many times. It makes you look so damn hot."

"But it has gingerbread men on it."

"So what? You look delicious in it."

"Well, then what are you waiting for? Make your wish become true."

"Easy love. We don't have to rush anywhere. Not today. It's too early. The only thing I'm doing to you after I get you naked is to put you to sleep."

* * *

**DPOV**

Hearing Zoey cry, Rose wakes up in an instant, and moving fast, she reaches for her robe and wants to get out of bed, but I stop her.

She looks at me with a sleepy confused expression.

"What?"

"I'll go."

"No, it is my turn. You went last time. You took care of her last time."

"So what? You go back to sleep. I'll take care of her."

"But-"

"No buts, love. You'd better get some rest." I kiss her cheek and ruffle her already disheveled hair. "You deserve it."

She gives me a wide, silly smile. "You're the sweetest, Dimitri."

As I get up, she lays back down and cuddles with the covers.

**RPOV**

He takes some time to get back. I take a look at the clock on the nightstand and see it's been half an hour since he left.

What happened? The baby isn't crying anymore, so where is he?

Crawling out of the bed, I go look for him.

Going to the baby's room first, I find him sitting on the floor, his back propped on the crib, and he is holding little Zoey cuddled on his chest.

Again, this image is so pure and so sweet. I stop in the doorway and watch them a little longer.

He is watching her with so, so much love and he is soothing her back slowly. The little one is still awake and she is babbling lightly as Dimitri is running his fingers across his back.

Oh, my dears.

I sniff my nose before I start to cry, a thing that makes Dimitri lift his head and look in my direction. When our eyes meet, I smile at him because I just love him so much in this second that I would be able to fill whole buildings with my love.

He smiles back at me and I move from my place and get next to him on the floor. Our shoulders touching, he turns his head and kisses my cheek.

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Well, you weren't coming back."

"Yeah, this little cutie didn't want to let go of me. She was starting to cry each time I tried to put her back in the crib."

"Oh, so she's already trying to steal you from me, huh?"

We both laugh a little and I bring my hand over his on the baby's back.

"Roza? You're fine?" he asks me when he sees me wiping my tears.

"I'm great. I am just so happy. I'm happy to be here, with you and her."

He smiles and embraces me, resting his forehead on mine and cuddling little Zoey in between us.

"It feels good, doesn't it?"

"It does."

**THE END**

* * *

**So this is it guys! I can't believe I have finished this fanfic. It's been a little tricky at times, but I am so, so grateful for your support and your kind words!**

**I want to thank each and every one of you, so, so much for all the times you have been patient with my crazy schedule, and I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! **

**One last time, lots of love!**

**Of course, I'll see you next time an idea crosses my mind ;)**


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